{"collection":"shi","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/browse/shi/npj/mstknoh.htm","path":"shi/npj/mstknoh.htm","source_url":"https://sacred-texts.com/shi/npj/mstknoh.htm","text":"Mystery Science Theater 3000, sketch during Invasion of the Neptune Men (MSTK #819).\nDRAMATIS PERSON\u00c6\nMIKE NELSON\nCROW T. ROBOT, A 'BOT\nTOM SERVO, A 'BOT\nGYPSY, A 'BOT\nLocation: Bridge of the Satellite of Love.\nCROW\nHello and....\nBOTS\nKonnichi wa!\nSERVO\nTonight we present a traditional Japanese Kabuki play. Translated to English, this ancient work is entitled Neil Simon's The Sunshine Boys.\nNow, how many of you are familiar with Japanese theater?\n(NELSON looks around. He's the only one in an audience of folding chairs).\nAnybody field this one... Anyone at all...(NELSON tentatively raises his hand) Ah yes, you sir; and you enjoy Kabuki theater?\nNELSON\nUh, actually I prefer Noh theater.\nWell, then, why did you raise your hand?\nBecause I like Noh theater. Noh plays are my favorite.\nSo you don't like any theater at all?\nNo, let me explain. Noh theater is classic Japanese drama. Noh plays have been produced since the 13th century, and Noh actors are revered even today.\nWhy are you dissing Japanese theater? What's your deal, man?\nNo, wait a minute! Noh theater started in Japan...\nOh, so now you tell us Japan doesn't have any theater whatsoever?\nThey have lots of theater, including Noh theater!\nSo they have lots of theater and they have no theater?\nExactly!\nNo theater?\nWhat?\nYes!\nWHAT?!\nNoh theater!!!! N...O....H!!!!\nN-O-H, huh? There you just go and show what an idiot you are!\nI'll handle this, Tom, calm down! Mike: I'm going to ask you a series of simple questions which even a cretin like you could answer yes or no.\nNow, is there theater in Japan?\nYes.\nGood, and do you have a particular favorite type of Japanese theater?\nWell, good, now we're getting somewhere! Mike: will you tell me the name of your favorite form of Japanese theater?\nNoh!\nWhy not?\nWhy not what?!\nWhy won't you tell me your favorite Japanese theater?\nI just did.\nDid what?!\nNELSON (spits out each word)\nTold you my favorite form of Japanese theater!\nYou did?\nYes!!!\nWell, will you tell me again?\nYes! NOH!\nOh, come on!\nMike, I'm going to grab a step ladder so you can jump up my butt!\nMay we do our little Kabuki play now?\nYes, but just remember I like Noh theater better than I like Kabuki theater.\nI thought you didn't like Kabuki!\nI do!!!\nBOTS (Sobbing)\nNELSON (Aside to fourth wall)\nYou got to mess with them every now and then...(Commercial sign flashes) We'll be right back.\nGYPSY\nI get it, Mike...","title":"Mystery Science Theater #819: No Theater","type":"page"}