{"collection":"myth-cosmogony","full_text_available":true,"graph_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/api/page/gutenberg_23749/graph","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/page/gutenberg_23749","id":"gutenberg_23749","license":"Public Domain (US)","rights_basis":"gutenberg_metadata_copyright_false","source":"gutenberg","source_url":"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/23749","summary":null,"tags":["Animals, Mythical -- Poetry","Category: Humour","Category: Mythology, Legends & Folklore","Category: Poetry","Children's Picture Books","Humorous poetry","Mythology, Classical -- Poetry"],"text":"Produced by Geetu Melwani and the Online Distributed\nProofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was\nproduced from images generously made available by The\nInternet Archive/American Libraries.)\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nThe Mythological Zoo\n\nBy\n\nOliver Herford\n\n[Illustration]\n\nNew York - Charles Scribner's Sons\n1912\n\n\nCopyright, 1912, by Oliver Herford\n\nPublished September, 1912\n\n\n\n\nTo\n\nElwyn Barron\n\nWith Affectionate Regard\n\n\n\n\nContents\n\n                   Page\n\nMedusa                2\nThe Siren             4\nThe Dolphin           6\nThe Cockatrice        8\nCerberus             10\nThe Sphinx           12\nThe Sea Serpent      14\nThe Salamander       16\nThe Jinn             18\nThe Mermaid          20\nThe Unicorn          22\nThe Satyr            24\nThe Gargoyle         26\nThe Chimera          28\nThe Ph[oe]nix        30\nThe Gryphon          32\nThe Harpy            34\nThe Centaur          36\nPegasus              38\nThe Hydra            40\nThe Hyppogriff       42\nThe Minotaur         44\n\n\n\n\nThe Mythological Zoo\n\n\n\n\nMedusa\n\n\nHow did Medusa do her hair?\nThe question fills me with despair.\nIt must have caused her sore distress\nThat head of curling snakes to dress.\nWhenever after endless toil\nShe coaxed it finally to coil,\nThe music of a Passing Band\nWould cause each separate hair to stand\nOn end and sway and writhe and spit,--\nShe couldn't \"do a thing with it.\"\nAnd, being woman and aware\nOf such disaster to her hair,\nWhat _could_ she do but petrify\nAll whom she met, with freezing eye?\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Siren\n\n\nThe Siren may be said to be\nThe Chorus-Lady of the Sea;\nTho' Mermaids claim her as their kin,\nInstead of fishy tail and fin\nTwo shapely feet rejoice the view\n(With all that appertains thereto).\nWhen to these other charms we add\nA voice that drives the hearer mad,\nWho will dispute her claim to be\nThe Chorus-Lady of the Sea?\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Dolphin\n\n\nThe Dolphin was, if you should wish\nTo call him so,--the King of Fish.\nThough having neither gills nor scales,\nHis title _should be_ Prince of Whales.\nWhile too small waisted to provide\nA Jonah with a Berth Inside,\nThe Dolphin has been known to pack\nA Drowning Sailor on his back\nAnd bear him safely into port,--\nHe was a Taxi-whale, in short.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Cockatrice\n\n\nIf you will listen to advice\nYou will avoid the Cockatrice--\nA caution I need hardly say\nWholly superfluous to-day.\nYet had you lived when they were rife\nSuch warning might have saved your life.\nTo meet the Cockatrice's eye\nMeans certain death--and that is why\nWhen I its features here portray\nI make it look the other way.\nO Cockatrice! were you so mean\nWhat must the _Hen_atrice have been!\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nCerberus\n\n\nDear Reader, should you chance to go\nTo Hades, do not fail to throw\nA \"Sop to Cerberus\" at the gate,\nHis anger to propitiate.\nDon't say \"Good dog!\" and hope thereby\nHis three fierce Heads to pacify.\nWhat though he try to be polite\nAnd wag his Tail with all his might,\nHow shall one amiable Tail\nAgainst three angry Heads prevail?\nThe Heads _must_ win.--What puzzles me\nIs why in Hades there should be\nA Watch dog; 'tis, I should surmise,\nThe _last_ place one would burglarize.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Sphinx\n\n\nShe was half Lady and half cat--\nWhat is so wonderful in that?\nHalf of our lady friends (so say\nThe other half) are _Cats_ to-day.\nIn Egypt she made quite a stir,\nThey carved huge Images of her.\nRiddles she asked of all she met\nAnd all who answered wrong, she ate.\nWhen Oedipus her riddle solved\nThe minx--I mean the Sphinx--dissolved\nIn tears. What is there, when one thinks,\nSo wonderful about the Sphinx?\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Sea Serpent\n\n\nO wondrous worm that won the Height\nOf Fame by keeping out of sight!\nNever was known on Land or Sea\nSuch a Colossal Modesty;\nNever such arrogant pretence\nOf Ostentatious Diffidence.\nCelebrity whom none has seen,\nSave some Post Prandial Marine,\nNo magazine can reproduce\nYour Photograph.--Oh, what's the use\nOf doing things when one may be\nSo Famous a Nonentity!\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Salamander\n\n\nThe Salamander made his bed\nAmong the glowing embers red.\nA Fiery Furnace, to his mind,\nHygiene and Luxury combined.\nHe was, if I may put it so,\nA Saurian Abednigo.\nHe loved to climb with nimble ease\nThe branches of the Gas-log Trees\nWhere oft on chilly winter nights\nHe rose to dizzy Fahrenheits.\nBelievers in Soul Transmigration\nSee in him the Re-incarnation\nOf those Sad Plagues of summer, who\nAsk, \"Is it hot enough for you?\"\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Jinn\n\n\nTo call a Jinn the only thing\nOne needed was a magic ring.\nYou rubbed the ring and forth there came\nA monster born of smoke and flame,\nA thing of Vapor, Fume and Glare\nReady to waft you anywhere.\nThe magic Jinns of yesterday\nThe wand of Science now obey.\nYou ring, and lo! with rush and roar\nThe panting monster's at the door,\nA thing of Vapor, Fume and Glare\nReady to take you anywhere.\nWhat's in a name? What choice between\nThe Giants, Jinn and Gasolene?\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Mermaid\n\n\nAlthough a Fishwife in a sense,\nShe does not barter Fish for Pence.\nFisher of Men, her Golden Nets\nFor foolish Sailormen she sets.\nAll day she combs her hair and longs\nFor Dimpled Feet and Curling-tongs.\nAll night she dreams in ocean caves\nOf Low tide Shoes and Marcel Waves.\nAnd while the Fishwife, making sales,\nMay sell her wares upon her scales,\nThe Mermaid, wonderful to tell,\nMust wear her scales upon hersel'.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Unicorn\n\n\nThe Unicorn 's a first-rate sort.\nHe helps the Lion to support\nThe royal arms of England's King\nAnd keep the Throne from tottering.\nI wonder what the King would do\nIf his supporters all withdrew?\nPerhaps he'd try the Stage; a Throne\nShould be an easy stepping-stone\nTo histrionic Heights, and who\nKnows till he tries what he can do?\nThe King, with diligence and care,\n_Might_ rise to be a Manager.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Satyr\n\n\nThe Satyr lived in times remote,\nA shape half-human and half-goat,\nWho, having all Man's faults combined\nWith a Goat's nature unrefined,\nWas not what you would call a bright\nExample or a shining light.\nFar be it from me to condone\nThe Satyr's sins, yet I must own\nI like to think there were a few\nYoung Satyrs who to Heaven flew,\nAnd when Saint Peter, thunder browed,\nSeeing them, cried, \"No goats allowed!\"\nAlthough the gate slammed quickly to,\nSomehow their human halves got through;\nWhereat the kindly saint relented,\nAnd that's how Cherubs were invented.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Gargoyle\n\n\nThe Gargoyle often makes its perch\nOn a cathedral or a church,\nWhere, mid ecclesiastic style,\nIt smiles an early-Gothic smile.\nAnd while the parson, dignified,\nSpouts at his weary flock inside,\nThe Gargoyle, from its lofty seat,\nSpouts at the people in the street,\nAnd, like the parson, seems to say\nTo those beneath him, \"Let us spray.\"\nI like the Gargoyle best; it plays\nSo cheerfully on rainy days,\nWhile parsons (no one can deny)\nAre awful dampers--when they're dry.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Chimera\n\n\nYou'd think a lion or a snake\nWere quite enough one's nerves to shake;\nBut in this classic beast we find\nA lion and a snake combined,\nAnd, just as if that weren't enough,\nA goat thrown in to make it tough.\nLet scientists the breed pooh! pooh!\nCome with me to some Social Zoo\nAnd hear the bearded Lion bleat\nGoat-like on patent-kidded feet,\nWhose \"Civil leer and damning praise\"\nThe serpent's cloven tongue betrays.\nLo! lion, goat, and snake combined!\nThus Nature doth repeat her kind.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Ph[oe]nix\n\n\nThe Ph[oe]nix was, as you might say,\nThe burning question of his day:\nThe more he burned, the more he grew\nSplendiferous in feathers new.\nAnd from his ashes rising bland,\nDid business at the same old stand.\nBut though good people went about\nAnd talked, they could not put him out.\nA wond'rous bird--indeed, they say\nHe is not quite extinct to-day.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Gryphon\n\n\nIt chanced that Allah, looking round,\nWhen he had made his creatures, found\nHalf of an Eagle and a pair\nOf extra Lion legs to spare.\nSo, hating waste, he took some glue\nAnd made a Gryphon of the two.\nBut when his handiwork he eyed,\nHe frowned--and it was petrified,\nDoomed for all time to represent\nImpatience on a monument.\nSometimes upon our path to-day\nIts living counterpart will stray--\nColumbia's Eagle strutting in\nAn awf'ly English Lion's skin,\nWith glass in eye and swagg'ring gait:\nBehold the Gryphon up to date.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Harpy\n\n\nThey certainly contrived to raise\nQueer ladies in the olden days.\nEither the type had not been fixed,\nOr else Zoology got mixed.\nI envy not primeval man\nThis female on the feathered plan.\nWe only have, I'm glad to say,\nTwo kinds of human bird to-day--\nWomen and warriors, who still\nWear feathers when dressed up to kill.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Centaur\n\n\nThe Centaur led a double life:\nTwo natures in perpetual strife\nHe had, that never could agree\nOn what the bill-of-fare should be;\nFor when the man-half set his heart\nOn taking dinner _a la carte_,\nThe horse was sure to cast his vote\nUnswervingly for _table d'OAT_.\nA pretty sort of life to lead;\nThe horse in time went off his feed,\nThe hungry man was nigh demented,\nWhen one day--OATMEAL was invented!\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nPegasus\n\n\nThe ancients made no end of fuss\nAbout a horse named Pegasus,\nA famous flyer of his time,\nWho often soared to heights sublime,\nWhen backed by some poetic chap\nFor the Parnassus Handicap.\nAlas for fame! The other day\nI saw an ancient \"one-hoss shay\"\nStop at the Mont de Piete,\nAnd, lo! alighting from the same,\nA bard, whom I forbear to name.\nNoting the poor beast's rusty hide\n(The horse, I mean), methought I spied\nWhat once were wings. Incredulous,\nI cried, \"Can _this_ be Pegasus!\"\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Hydra\n\n\nThe Hydra Hercules defied,\nIts nine diminished heads must hide\nBefore the baneful modern beast\nWho has a thousand heads at least.\nSee how in horrid tiers they rise,\nWith straining ears and bulging eyes,\nWhile, blinded by fierce calcium rays,\nThe trembling victim tribute pays\nOf song or measure, mime or jest,\nTo soothe the savage Hydra's breast.\nIf she please not the monster's whim,\nWild scribes will tear her limb from limb;\nEven if charmed, he rend the air\nWith hideous joy, let her beware;\nFor she must surely, soon or late,\nFall 'neath the hissing Hydra's hate.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Hyppogriff\n\n\nBiologists are prone to sniff\nAt hybrids like the Hyppogriff.\nIn evolution's plan, they say,\nThere is no place for such as they.\nA horse with wings could not have more\nThan two legs, and this beast had four.\nWell, I for one am glad to waive\nTwo of his legs, his wings to save.\nI'd even sell my auto--if\nI had one--for a Hyppogriff.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\n\n\nThe Minotaur\n\n\nNo book of monsters is complete\nWithout the Minotaur of Crete.\nYet should I draw him you would quail,\nSo in his place I draw a veil.\nO stars, that from Creation's birth\nHave winked at everything on earth,\nWho shine where poets fear to tread,\n  Relate the story in my stead!\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nAlthough it's comforting to know\nThat Theseus slew him long ago,\n_We_ need not boast, we too could do\nWith--well, a Theseus or two.\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\nThe End.\n\n\n\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\n  BOOKS BY OLIVER HERFORD\n\n_WITH PICTURES BY THE AUTHOR_\n\nPUBLISHED BY CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS\n\n\nTHE BASHFUL EARTHQUAKE                                $1.25\n\nA CHILD'S PRIMER OF NATURAL HISTORY                   $1.25\n\nOVERHEARD IN A GARDEN                                 $1.25\n\nMORE ANIMALS                                   _net_, $1.00\n\nTHE RUBAIYAT OF A PERSIAN KITTEN               _net_, $1.00\n\nTHE FAIRY GODMOTHER-IN-LAW                     _net_, $1.00\n\nA LITTLE BOOK OF BORES                         _net_, $1.00\n\nTHE PETER PAN ALPHABE                          _net_, $1.00\n\nTHE ASTONISHING TALE OF A PEN-AND-INK PUPPET   _net_, $1.00\n\nA KITTEN'S GARDEN OF VERSES                    _net_, $1.00\n\nTHE MYTHOLOGICAL ZOO                           _net_,   .75\n\n\n_WITH JOHN CECIL CLAY_\n\nCUPID'S CYCLOPEDIA                             _net_, $1.00\n\nCUPID'S FAIR-WEATHER BOOKE                     _net_, $1.00\n\n\n       *       *       *       *       *","title":"The Mythological Zoo","tradition":"myth-cosmogony","translated_text":null,"word_count":2012}