{"collection":"scripture-revelation","full_text_available":true,"graph_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/api/page/gutenberg_36476/graph","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/page/gutenberg_36476","id":"gutenberg_36476","license":"Public Domain (US)","rights_basis":"gutenberg_metadata_copyright_false","source":"gutenberg","source_url":"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/36476","summary":null,"tags":["Category: Religion/Spirituality","Christian life"],"text":"By grace are ye saved through faith.--Eph 2:8.\n\n\n    Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may\n    obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.--Heb. 4:16.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n  GOSPEL TRUMPET COMPANY\n  Anderson, Indiana, U. S. A.\n\n\n  Copyright, 1918\n  BY\n  E. E. Byrum\n\n\n  Riches of Grace                                            (Cloth) $1.00\n\n  OTHER BOOKS BY THE SAME AUTHOR\n\n  Startling Incidents and Experiences in the Christian Life  (Cloth) $1.00\n  The Ordinances of the Bible                                (Cloth)   .40\n  How We Got Our Bible                                       (Paper)   .10\n  What Shall I Do To Be Saved?                               (Cloth)   .35\n  The Secret of Salvation: How to Get It and How to Keep It  (Cloth)   .60\n\n\n\n\nCONTENTS\n\n\n                                                                Page\n\n   1. The Joy and Blessings of a Christian Life                   13\n   2. Experience of a Minister                                    21\n   3. The Testimony of a Prisoner                                 55\n   4. A Little Chinese Girl                                       59\n   5. Persecutions and Victories of an Evangelist                 69\n   6. The Secret of a Perfect Life                                89\n   7. Conversion of a Young Jewish Rabbi                          99\n   8. Among Mohammedans in Egypt                                 129\n   9. A Daughter's Faith Rewarded                                141\n  10. Missionary Experiences in British West Indies              145\n  11. The Rescue of an Australian Lad                            155\n  12. Heathen Customs in China                                   159\n  13. Deliverance from Discouragements and Extremism             167\n  14. Liberated from Faultfinding                                199\n  15. Help from God in Fiery Trials                              205\n  16. Experience of a School-Teacher in India                    235\n  17. Unconquered Will Won by Love                               237\n  18. An Experience of a Hundred Years Ago                       245\n  19. An Indian Mother's Submission                              253\n  20. The Conversion of My Father                                257\n  21. My Spiritual Struggles and Victories                       271\n  22. Thought He had Sinned away His Day of Grace                283\n  23. Spiritual Tests                                            293\n  24. The Confession of a Murderer                               301\n  25. Making a Complete Surrender                                307\n  26. Interesting Narratives and Helpful Instruction             313\n      _a._ Failed to Forgive Those Who Wronged Him               315\n      _b._ Despondency and Discouragement                        316\n      _c._ Unnecessary Self-Accusations                          318\n      _d._ Troubled about Making Confessions                     319\n      _e._ Accused God of Not Being Just                         323\n      _f._ When the Tempter Comes Oftenest                       324\n      _g._ Trials Made Stepping-Stones to Greater Victories      325\n  27. Zion's Bank (A Poem)                                       331\n\n\n\n\nAuthor's Preface\n\n\nTo be right with God and to have a constant knowledge of his approval is\nthe desire of every Christian. Many people deep in sin and others honest\nat heart have a longing to live a righteous life, but they have always\nfound obstacles in their pathway and have been defeated in every\nattempt.\n\nIn the preparation of this volume the author has aimed to refer to such\nobstacles and hindrances in the lives of others, so that any one passing\nthrough a trial or laboring under a heavy burden or oppression may, by\nreading these narratives, learn how to find relief.\n\nA lady who was victor over many trials and impositions of the enemy, and\nwho knew that I had been passing through some severe ordeals, said to\nme: \"It does me good, and is a source of great encouragement, even to\nknow that you and others who are supposed to be strong in faith have\ntrials and severe testings occasionally.\" It is hoped that the trials\nand the victories mentioned herein will be not only a source of\nencouragement to others but such an inspiration to their faith that they\nwill be enabled to understand and do the will of God.\n\nThis book is a compilation of experiences from people in various parts\nof the world who have written by special request of the author. The fact\nthat they were written by people in China, India, Australia, Egypt, West\nIndies, and other countries, is evidence that although the environment\nand circumstances may differ, yet God is everywhere the same to fulfil\nthe promises given in his Word, in all countries and among the people\nof every nation. Although the names and addresses are not given, the\nexperiences are genuine, and the author will take pleasure in furnishing\ninformation concerning any of them.\n\nThe \"Experience of a Hundred Years Ago,\" given on page 245 was taken\nfrom an old book that in my early childhood days I often saw my mother\nread. The book was old and worn long before I was born, and I have only\na few pages as a relic of early remembrances. It was entitled \"The\nRiches of Grace.\"\n\nNo doubt the title of this old book, together with a knowledge of the\ncomfort and consolation that my mother received from reading the many\nChristian experiences it contained, contributed to my inspiration in\npresenting these pages for the benefit of others.\n\nI hereby acknowledge my indebtedness and heartfelt thanks to those who\nhave so kindly contributed to this compilation of experiences, and I\ntrust that every burdened soul that reads these experiences may take\ncourage and may henceforth abound in the riches of the grace of God.\n\nYours for a victorious life,\n\n  E. E. BYRUM.\n\n  Anderson, Indiana, January 16, 1918.\n\n\n\n\nRICHES OF GRACE\n\n\n\n\nThe Joy and Blessings of a Christian Life\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 1\n\n\nThe pathway of life has its shadows and sunshine, its pleasures and\nsorrows; and in the Christian life, I am convinced, many people live in\nthe shadow more than in the sunshine, when they could very well have it\notherwise.\n\nWhen I was about thirteen years of age, I yielded myself to the Lord and\nmade a decision to spend my life in his service. Since that time, like\nChristian in Bunyan's \"Pilgrim's Progress,\" I have met with many and\nvaried experiences; but one beautiful encouraging thought has been that,\nno matter how hard my trials, how near my strength was gone, nor how\nlittle my courage lacked of failing, just at that time, when I was the\nmost helpless, God was always present to help either by his Spirit or by\nsending one of his servants to encourage and strengthen me.\n\nI have, indeed, found the Christian life to be a warfare. Every\nindividual who enlists in the service of the Lord will have the forces\nof evil to battle against, but God has made provision whereby every\nchild of God can be an overcomer in every conflict. The one who has a\nfirm decision to be true at any cost will receive such power and help\nthat Satan can not prevent him from serving the Lord. The enemy may\ntry to hinder by causing trials, difficulties, and perplexities, and\nat times the way may seem dark, with no apparent hope of day; but our\nGod, who is mighty, will turn all these seeming hindrances into real\nblessings and make them stepping-stones to glory.\n\nIn my youthful days I felt a deep desire to work for God and longed to\nfill some place in life where I could feel that I not only was living a\nlife of salvation, but was really engaged in my Master's service. As I\nknelt in earnest prayer and consecrated myself fully to the Lord for him\nto direct me as seemed best, a dark sorrow filled my heart; for Satan\nwhispered: \"You are too young. You can not stand against the powers of\nevil that all young people must meet. Your covenant with the Lord is too\ngreat for you to keep.\" But with tears I cried unto the Lord to know if\nthese suggestions were true. At that moment the Lord gave me the\nassurance that if I decided to serve him he would teach me how to do so.\nHe would give me grace in every time of need.\n\nSome time after this I became very ill and knew unless God came to\nmy aid I should soon have to leave this world. As I thought of my\ncondition, a joy filled my soul that I might soon be with the Lord.\nWith this joy came also a sadness, as I realized that I had done nothing\nin the vineyard of the Lord. It seemed that I could not bear to go\nempty-handed. I prayed God to spare my life that I might work for him.\nHe graciously and instantly touched my body with his healing power, and\nin a few days I was able to attend school.\n\nOnce I was about to make a decision and take a step that would have\nhindered me from filling the place the Lord designed I should fill. At\nthat moment the Lord made known to me by his Holy Spirit in such a way\nthat I could not question his leadings that he had called me to his\nservice, and also made known to me the place that I was chosen to fill.\nImmediately I was reminded of my covenant with the Lord, although I had\nto stand against the pleadings and earnest entreaties of some of my very\ndear friends.\n\nBefore this I had decided not to leave my mother, but to work near\nmy home so that I could readily respond in case of sickness. After\nconsiderable meditation about the matter of leaving my father and\nmother, brothers and sisters, in order to take up my work for the Lord,\nthe matter became very serious. Finally I went to the Lord one morning\nin earnest prayer. I shall never forget that season of prayer, when I\nseemed to be in the direct presence of the Lord. My consecration was\nput to a test as one question after another was presented, as to whether\nor not I should be willing to die, to really give my life, if God so\ndesigned, that my unsaved loved ones might be saved, or to do the same\nfor lost souls who were not dear to me according to the ties of nature.\nAnd again, should I be willing to give my life for lost sinners and\nhave them scoff and spurn me? These were hard questions, but my heart\nsaid: \"Lord, thy will be done. Where thou leadest I will follow.\" I was\nsolemnly impressed with the thought: Jesus came to save a lost world,\nbut they crucified him; instead of accepting his love, they rejected it.\n\nWithin a short time I had the matter settled beyond a doubt that the\ntime had come for me to enter upon the mission whereunto the Lord had\ncalled me. The way began to open before me, and as I bid loved ones\nfarewell, a sweet assurance filled my soul that my decision and action\nwas in accordance with His will. It gave me much sorrow to leave home,\nbut God so blessed and directed me that I have never been sorry that I\nobeyed his voice. Over and over I have proved that God's way is best.\nHis way may cause pain and sorrow at times, which we may not be able to\nunderstand, but in the end we can know of a truth that God has caused\nall things to work together for our good and for his glory.\n\nAt one time I was very much tested, and discouragements presented\nthemselves. I was trying hard to be an overcomer and to cast every\nburden upon the Lord. The enemy would suggest that it was of no use for\nme to try to stand against the things that were oppressing me and that\nit would be better to surrender, and even give place to discouragements,\nand that even though I should come out a conqueror later, no one would\never know anything about it. At first this suggestion seemed plausible,\nbut upon further consideration I said: \"No, I will not surrender. If no\none else ever knows, I will know, God will know, and the devil will\nknow, that I stood true and came out victorious.\" This experience has\nsince that time often been a real encouragement to me.\n\nAt another time I had for weeks been passing through real testing times.\nOccasionally the trials would lift and God would bless my soul, but\nagain the darkness of depressions would settle over me. I began to weary\nand to long for deliverance. The suggestion came that it would be better\nfor me to cease serving God and never to try again. Over and over\nsomething whispered that there was no use to continue; that if others\nwho were older and better qualified fell by the wayside and could not\nstand, there was positively no use in my trying. Finally the enemy\ninsisted that there was nothing else for me to do than to give up, and\nthat, after all, I was in a deplorable spiritual condition; that there\nwas no hope for me. At this point I discerned that it was the enemy,\nand, kneeling before God, I promised him that if he could get more glory\nout of my life by my being in such a trial all the rest of my days,\nI was willing to submit to the trial. When I came to this decision my\ntrial vanished suddenly, and God poured the glory into my soul and\nthe victory was far sweeter than the trial had been bitter.\n\nSometimes I have had trials in which I could see no good nor from which\nI could not perceive how any good could possibly result; but later I\nwould be enabled to know that those very trials were worth more to me\nthan any treasure this earth could afford.\n\nAs I look upon my past life and see how mercifully God has dealt with\nme, how he has guided and protected, and how he has shielded me from the\npower of the tempter, my heart cries out, \"What a mighty God! What a\ngreat and loving Father!\" Counting my blessings, I find they so far\noutnumber my trials that it brings me real courage to press on, knowing,\nas I do, that grace will be given me to meet whatever may yet lie in my\npathway. \"For there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common\nto man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above\nthat ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to\nescape, that ye may be able to bear it\" (1 Cor. 10:13).\n\n\n\n\nExperiences of a Minister\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 2\n\n\nA careworn woman once asked a philosopher how she might obtain relief\nfrom and victory over the trials and sorrows of life. He said to her,\n\"Fetch me a cup of salt from some home where sorrow and care has never\nentered, and I will then tell you the secret of victory.\" After a long\nand weary journey, she returned to him saying that she had given up the\nsearch in despair; for in all her travels she found no home entirely\nfree from care and sorrow. Like this poor woman, I once longed and\nsought for some state or condition in life where I might be free from\nthe cares and perplexities that distressed me, but my search too seemed\nfruitless. At last, after many disappointments, I found the more\nexcellent way of victory over my trials through simple, trusting faith\nin Him who notes even the sparrow's fall.\n\nBefore I fully learned this lesson, there were times in my life when it\nseemed I was on the verge of despair, so severe were my trials. As I now\nlook back to those scenes and experiences, there come to my mind the\npathetic lines of Longfellow's poem \"The Bridge.\"\n\n\n  For my heart was hot and restless,\n    And my life was full of care,\n  And the burden laid upon me\n    Seemed greater than I could bear.\n\n  But now it has fallen from me,\n    It is buried in the sea;\n  And only the sorrow of others\n    Throws its shadow over me.\n\n  And I think how many thousands\n    Of care-encumbered men,\n  Each bearing his burden of sorrow,\n    Have crossed the bridge since then.\n\n\nFor the sake of the many thousands who are still trying to bear their\nown burdens, I send forth the following account of some of my life's\nexperiences. I trust the Lord may use it to help some on their way to\nthe feet of Him who said, \"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are\nheavy-laden, and I will give you rest\" (Matt. 11:28).\n\nThere are doubtless thousands whose sins have been forgiven, but\nwho have not yet learned by actual experience the precious privilege\nexpressed in these words: \"Casting all your care upon him, for he careth\nfor you\" (1 Pet. 5:7). An old lady was once trudging along a hot and\ndusty highway carrying a heavy basket. She was soon overtaken by a kind\nman, who invited her to take a seat in the rear of his carriage. After\nsome time had passed, he looked back to see how his passenger was\ngetting along, when he was astonished to see her holding that heavy\nbasket on her lap. \"Grandma,\" said he, \"there is plenty of room; why do\nyou not set your basket down?\" \"Oh,\" she replied, \"you are so kind to\ntake me in that I thought I would make the load as light as possible for\nyour horses, so I concluded to carry the basket myself.\" We may smile at\nher reply, yet many who have trusted the Lord to forgive their sins, are\nnevertheless trying still to carry their own burdens.\n\n\nMY CONVERSION\n\nIn early childhood I was taught to pray and to reverence God's Word.\nI was deeply impressed with the truths that I learned at Sunday-school.\nEven as a child I loved the preaching-service, and the Word of God made\na strong and lasting impression upon my mind.\n\nWhen I was about ten years old, a revival was held in my home community.\nAt an afternoon service, held especially for the children, I responded\nto the altar-call, and there I was completely broken up, the tears\nrunning in profusion down my face. My dear mother knelt by my side:\n\"My boy,\" she said, \"if you should desire anything good that I could\nbestow upon you, would you ask me for it?\" I promptly replied in the\naffirmative. \"Then,\" she continued, \"would you believe that your request\nwould be granted?\" Again I answered in the affirmative. \"That is the way\nto receive God's blessings,\" she said. \"Now, when you ask the Lord to\nforgive your sins, believe that he hears and answers your prayer.\"\nIn simple, child-like faith I believed the promise, and the peace of\nGod gently flooded my soul. One of the most prominent features of my\nchildhood experience was the peculiar love I felt for every one.\nI longed to see my companions saved.\n\n\nEARLY TRIALS\n\nSoon after my conversion and before that special series of meetings\nclosed, I heard the pastor relate the experience of a certain boy who\nhad sought and found the Lord. He said that after a period of earnest\nseeking, all the darkness was instantly dispelled and the boy was\nwonderfully saved. Judging from this vivid description, I decided\nthat the boy must have witnessed some sudden manifestation of light.\nImmediately I began to doubt my experience. I was still more disturbed\nwhen I saw older persons struggling night after night at the altar and\nthen finally experiencing some powerful emotions which seemed to be far\nmore wonderful than anything that I had experienced. Sometimes I wished\nthat I too might go to the altar again and pray and struggle until some\nwonderful demonstration should be given to me; but I was naturally\nbackward and timid, and could scarcely make up my mind to go through\nsuch an ordeal of struggling as I had witnessed in some of more mature\nyears.\n\n\nENCOURAGEMENTS\n\nAlthough at times I was greatly distressed, yet often when I was in\nsecret prayer, my heart was greatly comforted and I experienced seasons\nof quiet, peaceful blessings. I noticed, too, that some who had\nwonderful outward demonstrations at the time they were converted, did\nnot hold out very long, but soon drifted back into sin, while in my own\nheart the desire still remained to be true to the Lord.\n\n\nCONFLICTS\n\nI did not, however, enjoy constant victory. At times I gave way to\nill-temper or selfish motives. My conscience being tender, I often felt\ninstant condemnation after yielding to these things, and then I would\npour out my heart in secret prayer for forgiveness and for grace and\nstrength to resist the temptation more successfully the next time. I\nremember, also, occasions when, upon the approach of temptation, I would\nsteal away to the secret place of prayer and ask for strength to keep me\nsweet in my soul. I could then go forth to meet my trials with the\nutmost calmness and serenity, and victory then seemed easy.\n\nAlthough I had a Christian home, yet sorrows and trials came into my\nyoung life, very painful ones at times. How often I would seek the place\nof prayer and there in simple, child-like faith unburden my heart to the\nLord. Whenever I called upon him, he always gave me relief and never\nfailed to provide a way of escape from every temptation and difficulty.\n\n  \"In seasons of distress and grief,\n  My soul has often found relief,\n  And oft escaped the tempter's snare,\n  By thy return, sweet hour of prayer.\"\n\n\nHEALING\n\nAlthough I had never received any definite teaching on the subject of\ndivine healing, yet almost intuitively, it seems, I would call upon the\nLord for help when afflicted, and would receive the needed help. Several\ntimes my mother seemed to be at the point of death. With troubled heart,\nI sought the place of prayer to tell the Lord all about it. My heart was\ncomforted, my prayers were answered, and Mother was spared.\n\n\nCALL TO THE MINISTRY\n\nEven in childhood I learned to pray and to testify in public. At first\nthese things were very hard for me, owing to my timid disposition.\nHowever, I was always blessed in the effort. The impression came to me\nearly in life that some day I should preach the gospel; in fact, I would\noccasionally find myself mentally addressing an imaginary audience. Many\nof my acquaintances also were impressed that the ministry would be my\nlife-work.\n\n\nDRIFTING\n\nAs time went on, formality again found its way into our meetings, and I\nalso imbibed its spirit. My conscience was no longer as tender as it had\nbeen, and I actually indulged in things that were sinful. Still I kept\nup my profession, attended the services, testified and prayed in public,\nand was generally counted a good Christian.\n\n\nCONVICTION\n\nAt last a humble man of God became our pastor. Without fear, and yet in\ngentleness and meekness, he preached the Word of God as far as he had\nlight. As I sat under his preaching, the truth went straight to my\nheart, and I began to see my lack. The revival meeting had now begun,\nand I saw that I must either serve God in earnest, obeying him in all\nthings, or quit professing.\n\n\nRECLAIMED\n\nOne night after services, while on the way to my room, I resolved to get\nwhere the Lord would have me to be even if I should have to pray all\nnight. I began; but the more I prayed the worse I felt. I was shown one\nthing after another that I should have to give up or make right if I\nwould enjoy God's favor. About the midnight hour, I had said the last\nyes to God, and then came the test of faith. That very evening I had\nheard the minister instructing seekers to give up all sin, to ask God's\nforgiveness, and then to believe his promise that he forgives and\nsaves, whether any change was noticed in the feelings or not; and\nalthough I had always longed for the great emotions I thought others had\nexperienced, yet in the absence of any particular feeling, I was willing\nto believe God's promise.\n\nWhen I first began to pray, I was conscious of a great deal of fear,\nwhich deepened until it seemed I was almost in despair; but as I yielded\nmy will to God's will, all fears subsided, and just before I grasped the\npromise, I was void of any particular emotion. It seemed to please the\nLord to take this plan to teach me that, after all, salvation does not\ncome by feeling. Then calmly and quietly I laid hold upon the promise,\n\"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,\nand to cleanse us from all unrighteousness\" (1 John 1:9). I said to the\nLord, \"Now I am willing to forsake all sin and do all thou wouldst have\nme to do; and although I do not feel any great change, yet I believe\nthat, according to thy Word, thou dost save me now.\" Quietly but\nearnestly I said from the depths of my heart, \"Jesus saves me now.\"\nIn a short time the peace of God gently flooded my soul, and I knew\nthat my sins were forgiven.\n\nAfter spending some time in peaceful communion with God, I went to\nsleep, knowing beyond a doubt that if I should never awaken, my spirit\nwould immediately take its flight to the realms of the blest. In my\ngratitude, the tears streamed down my face, and I wondered how I had\never been content to live at such a distance from God as I had lived\nduring the past few years.\n\n\nCONFLICT WITH DOUBTS\n\nWhen I awoke the next morning, the peace of God was still in my soul;\nbut Satan faintly whispered, \"Perhaps, after all, you were mistaken last\nnight; you may not have a genuine experience of salvation.\" He suggested\nalso, \"You do not feel quite so joyful as you did.\" In spite of all\nthis, I knew that a great change had taken place in me. Some whom I had\npreviously hated, I now most tenderly loved. Life had a new charm for\nme, and I remarked to my mother that it seemed that I had just begun\nto live. So in spite of all the doubts suggested by the evil one,\nI testified publicly how God had most wonderfully blessed me. While\ntestifying, I was blessed again.\n\n\nFEELINGS\n\nI now turned my attention toward my feelings and decided that the normal\nexperience of the Christian was to be happy and joyful constantly. My\njoy soon settled down into a deep, calm peace. Soon the enemy began to\nsuggest, \"Where is your joy? You must be losing out.\" At these times\nI tried to stir my emotions again by meditation and earnest prayer.\nHowever, I was not always successful; and often great distress settled\nover my spirit. Sometimes I would almost decide that I must be unsaved,\nalthough I also had victory over the sins that formerly held me in\nbondage, and my supreme desire was to do God's will in all things. Yet\nmy feelings were so variable that perhaps one day I would feel glad and\njoyful and would conclude that I was truly saved. At such times I would\ndecide never to doubt my experience again; then probably the next day,\nif not the very same day, my feelings would change, and the old doubts\nwould come back again.\n\n\nSEVERE TEMPTATIONS\n\nI was also surprized in another respect. The old temptations that had\nseemingly left me never to return, as I had hoped, came back with\nrenewed force. By earnest prayer, however, I obtained complete\ndeliverance. This taught me the necessity of watching and praying.\n\n\nRESTITUTION\n\nAfter some time I received light on the subject of restitution. Although\nI had never committed any grave or serious wrongs against any one, yet\nI need to confess some things and to make proper restitution to certain\nindividuals. This was very humbling to me, as I was generally considered\na good boy and a model young man in the community where I was born and\nreared and where I still resided at the time of my restoration to the\nfavor of God. In fact, many seemed to believe that I was a pretty good\nChristian at the very time I was in my backslidden condition. It,\ntherefore, took a great deal of grace to humble myself sufficiently to\nmake these wrongs right. However, I was always blessed in making the\nrequired restitution.\n\n\nGOING TO EXTREMES\n\nAt first Satan tried to keep me from making any restitution. Then, after\nI had started, and he saw he could not prevent me, he pushed me to the\nother extreme. One little neglect or forgetfulness after another came to\nmind until it seemed to me there would be no end of making reparation.\nThese little shortcomings were so trivial in their nature that, as I now\nreview them, I am convinced that they were either no wrongs at all or\nelse merely mistakes resulting from a lack of wisdom or knowledge, and\nthat they had been readily overlooked at the time or soon forgotten by\nall parties concerned until my own mind began to search for them.\n\nThe following will suffice as a fair sample: I had by oversight\nforgotten to return a borrowed lead pencil, which had been about\nthree-fourths used up. Months afterwards I happened to think of it, and\nI became so worried and accused that I finally attempted restitution,\nas I had already done in perhaps dozens of other just such trivial\ninstances.\n\nI was also driven to the consideration of my past conduct in the light\nof my present experience. I then made apologies one after another for my\npast failures. In some instances this was perfectly proper; but again I\nwas driven to such extremes that I scarcely had any peace. The natural\nresult was that I watched every word and act so carefully that often\nI was afraid to smile, for fear I might laugh at the wrong time. I was\nso busy watching myself that I did not get much enjoyment out of my\nreligious experience. Indeed, the standard I set for myself was so rigid\nthat I speedily came into bondage. I was unhappy myself and made others\nunhappy about me. However, I had no intention of going back into sin.\n\n\nBECOMING ASCETIC\n\nI took a great interest in reading religious books and papers. Although\ndoubtless the motives of those who wrote these were high and noble, and\ntheir sole aim and purpose was to further the interests of God's kingdom\non earth, yet some of these productions were written in such a manner as\nto cause a conscientious soul to feel that it is almost impossible for\nan ordinary person to reach a standard of experience and life such as\nthey set up. My natural tendency, however, impelled me to try in my weak\nway to pattern after the most rigid examples. I noticed that some of the\ncharacters mentioned were given to much fasting and to abstinence from\nall except the very plainest of foods. My tendency toward extremes again\nasserted itself, and sometimes I felt condemned for enjoying even a\nwholesome meal. I remember one occasion when I worried because I had\nindulged in eating a reasonable amount of meat which was pleasing to\nmy taste.\n\nThe last year I was in school these morbid tendencies reached their\nclimax. I had read of devoted men in the ministry who had labored so\nzealously that they allowed themselves only six hours sleep. Besides\ntheir daily tasks, which were enormous, some of these men had spent as\nlong as two hours each day in private devotions. I tried to force myself\nto this rigid routine, besides keeping up with my classes in the\nuniversity. Almost every night religious services were held either in\nthe chapel or in some cottage. On Sunday there were four and sometimes\nfive services. Of course, I felt duty bound to attend all of these,\nbesides keeping up daily my two hours of private devotions. Sometimes\nI was obliged to lose a part of the six hours allotted for sleep, in\norder to carry out this rigid program I had set for myself. Not only did\nI suffer from exhaustion induced by the constant and heavy strain; but\nif I happened to fail in spending the full two hours in prayer or in\nreading the Scriptures, I would sometimes be so terribly accused that\nI would resort to a public confession of my \"neglect,\" and once I went\nto the public altar under accusation that was largely due to this very\ncause.\n\nI had heard a great deal, also, concerning our obligation to do personal\nwork and threw myself into this phase of Christian activity. Of course,\nI soon went to extremes. If I happened to be in the company of some one\nfor a short time and failed to speak to him about his soul's welfare,\nI was likely to be dreadfully accused for gross neglect of duty. Under\nsuch circumstances it was hard for me to testify, because the accuser\ncould always find some \"neglect\" or \"oversight\" with which to trouble\nme. On the other hand, I was afraid not to testify lest I should soon be\nhopelessly backslidden if I neglected this duty. So I finally drifted\ninto the habit of silently asking God's forgiveness for any possible\n\"neglect\" in any way, just before rising to testify, so as to make sure\nthat I was in a proper condition to witness for the Lord. All this was\nexceedingly wearing on my whole being.\n\n\nA MORBID CONSCIENCE\n\nAt last my conscience became so morbid that every sermon I heard and\nevery religious book or tract I read was at once compared with my\nexperience to see if I lacked in even the lightest details. I happened\nto read of one devoted man who literally gave all his possessions to\nthe Lord's work. Immediately I thought of the small amount of money that\nI had with which to pay my winter's tuition in the university. It was\nnot quite enough to pay all my expenses, and yet when I would decide\nthat I could not give my \"all\" to the Lord's work, terrible accusations\nwould crush me down until it seemed that my reason itself would become\nunbalanced. In my despair, I opened up my heart to a trusted friend, and\nhe showed me that this was clearly an accusation from Satan and should\nbe entirely ignored. All these things told sadly on my mental and\nphysical condition, so that when the school year ended and I returned\nhome to my friends, they were very much disappointed in me. Finally they\nbecame alarmed at my morbid condition.\n\n\nOBTAINING RELIEF\n\nSatan at last overdid himself; and by the help of kind friends, I\ndiscerned his devices and the extremes to which I had been driven. Once\nthe following lines were quoted to me: \"If you want to be distracted,\nlook about you; if you would be miserable, look within; but if you would\nbe happy, look to Jesus.\" These I shall never forget. A friend also\npointed out the fact that I was constantly feeling my spiritual pulse.\nHe said that this was just as detrimental to my spiritual condition as\nthe constant counting of heart-beats would be to my physical health.\nJust as a patient would be likely to imagine himself afflicted with\nheart-trouble, so the same habit in the spiritual realm would, if\ncontinually indulged, prove disastrous to constant peace and victory.\n\nIt took some time to throw off entirely the \"straight jacket\" which had\nbeen imposed upon me; but by patient persistence, with God's grace, I\nwas made an overcomer. I was taught to discern the difference between\naccusations and the workings of the Spirit of God. The voice of the\naccuser is harsh, cruel, nagging, or exacting; God's Spirit is mild,\ngentle, and encouraging. When God's Spirit reveals anything, it is made\nclear and plain. The accuser bewilders, confuses, and discourages. I\nalso learned that our kind heavenly Father is not watching for an\nopportunity to cast us off, but rather he is seeking by the wooings of\nhis gentle Spirit to lead us into green pastures and beside the still\nwaters, where we may nourish our souls and become strong to meet the\nbattles and trials of life. He will show us our shortcomings, but not\nin a way that will discourage or crush us.\n\nOftentimes while I was under such crushing accusations, the tempter\nwould say, \"How can you ever hope to preach the gospel, when you are so\nunsettled in your own experience?\" One day there came to my mind the\nscripture in Eph. 3:20, which says that he is able to do exceeding\nabundantly above all that we can ask or think. I decided that in some\nway God would work out his purpose concerning my life if I would\npatiently serve him to the best of my knowledge and ability.\n\n\nINHERITED DISPOSITION TO WORRY\n\nAnother lesson I needed to learn was to trust God with the future. I was\nnaturally inclined to worry. For several generations back my ancestors\non one side of my family tree had been given to excessive worry, their\ncondition at times bordering on utter despondency. I was painfully\nconscious of this inheritance in my constitutional make-up. In my morbid\nimagination, nearly every threatening trouble was magnified to the\nproportion of a dreadful disaster. Many an hour, and even days, I wasted\nin useless worry. Perhaps not one tenth of my gloomy forebodings ever\nmaterialized.\n\n\nFACING A NERVOUS COLLAPSE\n\nIn order to teach me more thoroughly the lesson of trust, the Lord\npermitted me to pass through a peculiar and severe trial. As I looked\nforward to the time when I hoped to take up the active work of the\nministry, I had a great desire to be at my best in every way. I had\nhoped to be in good health so that I might be able to bear the strain of\nthe work and to meet every emergency that might arise. But just as I was\nabout ready to enter upon my life's mission, I found my health breaking\nand myself on the verge of a nervous breakdown. This was indeed a keen\ndisappointment to me. My sufferings at times seemed almost intolerable.\nI could not understand it: I longed so much to be of real service to God\nand to accomplish what I regarded as my life-work--the ministry.\n\nAlthough the prospects seemed gloomy and my friends expected a complete\nbreakdown in my health, yet I determined to go forward in the name of\nthe Lord and to do the best I could. I even began to fear that my reason\nwould be dethroned. However, I said nothing about my condition to my\ncongregation, but sought to be a blessing to them in every way. I\nfinally tried to form the habit of beginning each day with a season of\nthanksgiving for all the blessings I could think of. This proved to be\nvery helpful.\n\n\nRELIEVED BY HELPING OTHERS\n\nSome days were more trying than others. While passing through the\nseverest tests I learned that it was very helpful to look for some other\ntried or tempted ones and do my best to cheer and comfort them. Just a\nfew doors from where I roomed was a lady past middle age, who had been a\nsufferer for eleven years. She had been helpless during the greater part\nof that time. I went to see her often and did what I could to lighten\nher burdens. She knew nothing of my sufferings, however. She was so\ngrateful for everything I did for her, and the Lord's presence was so\nreal every time I talked or prayed with her that invariably I was\nabundantly helped in the very efforts put forth to cheer and comfort\nher. Sometimes my heart carried an almost intolerable burden; but after\na call in this home of affliction, my burden would grow light and I\nwould sometimes wonder which had been helped the more, she or I. Also,\nwhen I considered what she had endured for so long, I was ashamed to\ntolerate anything like discontent concerning my own lot, which, though\nseemingly so hard at times, was so much better and easier, in some\nrespects at least, than hers.\n\nThere were times when, to add to my sufferings, Satan would bring\nagainst me accusations that I could not have borne without special help\nfrom God. Often the old temptations to doubt my experience of salvation\nwould return with tremendous force, and if I had listened to the enemy's\nsuggestions, I should have cast aside my experience in spite of all\nthat God had ever done for me. The accuser would sometimes begin by\nsuggesting that I had never been truly sanctified. (I obtained the\nexperience of entire sanctification soon after entering the work of\nthe ministry.) Then the enemy would become more bold and would suggest,\n\"You know that you have often had serious doubts concerning your\nexperience of justification, and after all, perhaps you have never been\ntruly converted.\"\n\nAfter annoying and distressing me in this manner, Satan would fling at\nme such taunts as these: \"You are a pretty example of a minister who is\nsupposed to be truly called and qualified of God to preach his Word.\"\nMany times I would have a conflict like this just before rising to\npreach. If I had given way to feelings, I would rather have sought some\nplace of quiet seclusion than to have faced the waiting congregation\nbefore me. But then the thought would come, \"Perhaps in the congregation\nthere are tempted and tried souls who need special help\"; and so I would\ndecide to preach, not according to how I felt, but according to actual\nknowledge of God's Word, which is ever unchanging. It seemed that\nwhenever I was most severely tried in this manner, I would get the\ngreatest victory and blessing by moving out in the performance of\nwhatever duty confronted me. Indeed, I do not remember a single instance\nwhen I failed to preach at the appointed hour on account of the state of\nmy feelings.\n\nI sometimes wondered why the conflict was so long, for I suffered thus\nmonth after month. Sometimes I comforted myself with the thought that\nsome day death would bring relief; but I learned at last that God was\nonly permitting these sufferings in order to refine the gold. My best\nand most helpful sermons were preached while I was in the very midst of\nthe deepest suffering.\n\n\nBECOMING RECONCILED\n\nAt last I came to realize that it mattered not so much, after all,\nhow much I suffered, just so the people whom I served were helped and\nblessed; that true blessedness in life does not consist in freedom from\nsuffering, but in accomplishing one's mission in the world according to\nthe divine plan.\n\n\nCHRIST MORE REAL\n\nSome of my most precious seasons of fellowship with Christ were\nexperienced, when, in the absence of all feeling, except that of severe\nsuffering, I would say by faith alone, \"Thou, O Christ, art by my side.\nThou wilt never leave me nor forsake me.\" At last I accustomed myself to\nbelieve his presence was real in spite of my feelings, so that by faith\nI could almost imagine him at my side. As I walked, it seemed that we\nkept step together; as I faced my congregations, he stood by my side,\nunseen of course by physical eyes, but under such circumstances the\nnatural eyes can not be compared with the spiritual sight for clearness\nof vision. I then learned what Paul meant to express when he said,\n\"While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which\nare not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things\nwhich are not seen are eternal\" (2 Cor. 4:18). \"Whom having not seen, ye\nlove; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with\njoy unspeakable and full of glory\" (1 Pet. 1:8).\n\n\nSOME LESSONS LEARNED\n\nThus my trials and hardships taught me that a genuine experience of\nsalvation is obtained, as well as maintained, not by working up some\ngreat feeling or emotion, but by simple, trusting faith in God, and\nimplicit obedience to his Word.\n\nI found that our God is a loving Father and not a hard taskmaster.\n\"Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that\nfear him\" (Psa. 103:13). Neither does he require us to do anything that\nis unreasonable. \"I beseech you, therefore, brethren, by the mercies of\nGod, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable\nunto God, which is your reasonable service\" (Rom. 12:1).\n\nI also learned that the true test of our Christian experience is not the\nstate of our feelings, but the power to resist temptation, to keep sweet\nunder severe trials, and to manifest the meek and gentle spirit of the\nMaster. I learned, moreover, that the Lord is not anxious to cast us off\nfor every little failure, but is long-suffering and patient with us as\nlong as we have a sincere aim and purpose to please him in all things.\nI learned more fully the secret of \"casting all my care upon him,\"\nknowing that \"all things work together for good to them that love God\"\n(Rom. 8:28).\n\nThe last few years of my life have been marked by great victory in my\nexperience. The former trials through which I passed have increased\nmy usefulness by helping me to be more unselfish. I wondered at the\ntime why God permitted such trials and sufferings; but now as I look\nback upon the past, I see that I could not afford to be without the\ndiscipline and training which those severe trials brought to me. In\nmy work as a pastor I am all the more qualified to sympathize with and\nto help those who are meeting with similar trials and difficulties.\nAs I remember my own conflicts and trials, I can be more charitable\nfor others.\n\n\nCONCLUSION\n\nAs the Lord turned again the captivity of Job and restored to him his\nformer blessings, so he restored my health in due time, together with\ngreat victory along every line. Though I still meet with hard trials\nand perplexing problems, yet I have learned to take them all to him\nin  simple, trusting faith, fully assured that he will direct in all\nthings. As already explained, my natural tendency was to worry;\nyet  through God's grace I have been able to meet some of the most\nperplexing problems with calmness and even in the face of these things\nto enjoy refreshing sleep, knowing that \"he is able to do exceeding\nabundantly above all that we ask or think\" (Eph. 3:20).\n\nI have ceased to long for an experience like that of some one else,\nknowing that God has given me one that is best for me. Peter and John\nwere both true disciples of our Lord, yet how differently did they\nmanifest outwardly the workings of God's Spirit within, which is ever\nthe same!\n\nSome years ago I discerned the oneness of God's people and became\nfully convinced that the Word of God should be our guide in all things\npertaining to our spiritual welfare; that none of it should be omitted\nor cast aside. Since that time the light has been constantly increasing,\nand each succeeding year becomes more blessed in his service. I am\nlearning more and more, as Paul expresses it, that \"in whatsoever state\nI am, therewith to be content\" (Phil. 4:11). With the past all under the\nblood, I have no gloomy forebodings concerning the future; \"for I know\nwhom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that\nwhich I have committed unto him against that day\" (2 Tim. 1:12).\n\n\n\n\nThe Testimony of a Prisoner\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 3\n\n\n\"The heart is deceitful above all things, and is desperately wicked\"\n(Jer. 17:9). The truthfulness of this scripture has been verified in my\nlife. For more than twenty years I lived a most shameful life to satisfy\nthe desires of my wicked heart. I have learned that the more a person\nyields to the sinful desires of the heart, the more wicked he becomes.\n\nMany times during my early school days I yielded to the tempter and\nplayed truant and ofttimes concluded that it was too hot to study and\nyielded to the suggestion to go for a swim in the pond, regardless of\nconsequences. After playing truant the first time, I found a repetition\nof the act much easier, until finally my parents became disgusted with\nme and sent me away to work, and I have worked ever since that time.\nWhile in the coal-mines, I received many hard knocks and bumps, and my\neducation neglected; whereas, had I not yielded to my wilfulness and\nthe deceitful desires of my heart in the beginning, I might have had a\nsplendid education and today be the possessor of a responsible position.\n\nOn my fifteenth birthday I took my first drink, yielding to the\ntemptation of taking my dinner-pail and getting ten cents' worth of beer\nto drink beneath a shady tree. Oh, that God would have taken me before\nit ever touched my lips! I am unable to relate all my experiences since\nI took my first drink, but would say that I have suffered beyond measure\nand have paid a great price for my folly. It has robbed me of my\ncharacter, reputation, friends, a beloved wife, and four beautiful\nchildren--three boys and a girl--whom I loved more than my own life.\n\nAfter drink had robbed me of all that was dear to my heart, then the\nsuggestion came for still further destruction by committing suicide. The\nevil one suggested that as there was nothing left worthy a continuation\nof my life, it were better to end it all and find sweet rest in the\ngrave. I was cast into prison, and the way before me truly seemed dark.\n\nWhile I was serving a prison sentence I learned there was help for me\nthrough the salvation of Jesus Christ. It was in the Bible that I\nlearned that the Lord would create within me a new heart if I would only\nlet him in, and \"old things are passed away; behold, all things are\nbecome new.\" I thought that I was too far gone to be forgiven, but the\nwords found in Isa. 1:18 gave me assurance: \"Though your sins be as\nscarlet, they shall be white as snow: though they be red like crimson,\nthey shall be as wool.\" These words were to me what a life-preserver is\nto a drowning person. I grasped them with a trembling heart and found\npeace to my soul.\n\nNow, instead of destroying my own life by committing suicide and seeking\nrest in the grave, as Satan had often suggested, I found sweet rest to\nmy soul in turning to Jesus, and the most earnest desire of my heart is\nto serve him and do that which is pleasing in his sight. Now it is a\npleasant pastime, a joy and pleasure, to read the Bible and religious\nbooks, tracts, and papers, whereby I can learn more of the beauties of a\nlife of salvation. May God help sinners everywhere to seek him while he\nmay be found.\n\n\n\n\nA Little Chinese Girl\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 4\n\n\nShe was only a little Chinese girl, like ten thousand of others in the\ngreat heathen land of which she was a native. She was the youngest of\nthree children, and her father died while she was but a babe. The\nmother, being left a poor widow, was unable to support her little\nfamily. Therefore, according to Chinese custom, the son (who was the\noldest of the three) was to receive the mother's attention, but the two\ndaughters were to be sold into other homes, to become wives as soon as\nthey were of marriageable age.\n\nIt is about the baby girl, Baulin, of whom I wish to tell you in this\nstory. The case was put into her grandfather's hands for management, who\narranged for her to go into her uncle's home, and to finally become the\nwife of her cousin, who was a little younger than herself. As soon as\nshe was a few years old she was trained to help wash the clothes, cook\nthe family rice, and clean the bowls; and at an early age she had to work\nmany long hours in a silk-factory for only a few cents a day. These few\ncents helped to buy her own rice, and as her uncle was a poor man, he\ncould not afford to support his \"si-fu\" (daughter-in-law) without\nreceiving something for it. Never a day was this dear child sent to\nschool. It was not customary to educate Chinese girls, except it should\nbe those of greater wealth or rank.\n\nTime went on until Baulin was about fourteen years old. In the meantime\nher uncle had come in contact with missionaries representing the\nfull gospel of Jesus Christ. As he became better acquainted with the\ndoctrine, and obtained an experience of salvation, he saw that it would\nnot be right to enforce the marriage of Baulin to his son; the matter\nwas to be left to their own choice, when they grew old enough to decide.\nStill the responsibility was upon him to continue supporting her to the\nsame extent that he previously had.\n\nIn the course of another year or two, Baulin not only had shown an\ninterest in the gospel, but had a desire to take up her abode in the\nmission compound to assist with the cooking for the other natives who\nlived there. In this capacity she faithfully labored a few months,\nduring which time she came for prayer for salvation. The missionaries\nin charge had found difficulty in obtaining native help for their own\nkitchen. One day it suddenly dawned upon the mistress of the house that\nBaulin might be trained for the culinary department. When the idea\nwas suggested, this dear young girl was delighted at the thought of\npromotion in usefulness. Arrangements were immediately made, and the new\nplan proved successful. Though she did not so much as know how to pare\npotatoes, fry eggs, nor set the table for foreign food, yet her eager\nwillingness to learn made her easy to teach. Her natural inability to\ntake responsibility, to manage, and to exercise her own judgment, were\npoints greatly against her becoming a competent cook. However, by\nthe mistress continuing to plan the meals and to bear the general\nresponsibility, Baulin soon developed into a very reliable and useful\nworker.\n\nTwo years later when the missionaries moved to another station, she\nwas pleased to accompany them and to continue as their cook. In the\nmeantime, however, a serious change came over her uncle, which made\nBaulin entertain fears concerning her former engagement for marriage.\nThis man, who was so dependable before, gradually became entangled in\nbusiness matters, swindled others out of a considerable amount of money,\nresulting in his utter spiritual downfall. Instead of making efforts\nto rise again, he seemed to sink deeper and deeper into sin, until all\nhope was given up for his return. Baulin was exceedingly fond of her\nown people, and her relatives were not a few. But after her uncle had\nbackslidden, she began to receive more or less persecution from her\npeople. It so happened that the new station to which she accompanied\nthe new missionaries was the city in which her mother lived. She was\nemployed there as servant for a high-class family. The mother, though\nhaving been in contact with the Christian religion for many years, still\nremained a rank heathen, having great faith in the worship of idols. The\ntime came when the missionaries were about to depart on furlough to the\nhomeland, and now a serious question confronted Baulin: \"What shall I\ndo, or what can I do?\"\n\nBut before continuing this narrative, let me say here that during the\nthree years that she was employed as cook, she made a perfect record of\nhonesty and uprightness--something which probably can not be said of one\nout of a hundred of Chinese cooks. Not once was she even suspected of\ntaking without permission, so much as a crust of bread or a spoonful of\nanything belonging to the foreign kitchen. When other natives of the\ncompound would ask her for a bit of food which happened to be left in\nthe dishes, she would never give it without first asking permission to\ndo so. She seldom broke dishes, but when she did, she lost no time in\nmaking acknowledgment. Thus her honesty, conscientiousness, and modesty\nwon a warm place in the hearts of those whom she served, and when she\nappealed to them for help in solving the problem which so perplexed her\nmind about the time that she must be separated from them, they gladly\nshared her burden. It was by seeing her stedfastness through this trial\nthat her real worth could be appreciated more than ever before.\n\nFrom a Chinese point of view, she was still under age, though she was\nnow about eighteen. Her mother had never given up the idea that she\nshould be married to her cousin when they both became old enough. At\nthis time her uncle was in a backslidden state, and in all probability\nwould insist on the marriage. The boy himself, her cousin, was growing\nup rather a worthless young man. He had been in school more or less,\nbut was not extra bright. Recently his father had placed him as an\napprentice in a shoeshop. He had shown no inclination whatsoever toward\nspiritual things, though he had had many advantages of hearing the\ngospel. Baulin knew that she would soon be out of employment, and this\nmeant much to the young girl; for she was now fully self-supporting and,\nbesides, had helped her uncle more than once in his financial straits.\nTo return to the former mission station, at which city most of her\npeople lived, seemed the only open door before her. Yet this meant more\npersecution, and should she have to return to the silk-factory to work,\nshe would be deprived of attending meeting, for the girls and women\nemployed there must toil on from early morn till late at night, seven\ndays a week.\n\nIt was when she heard that her uncle was making a business trip to the\ncity where she was now living and where her mother also lived, that\nshe became more anxious concerning a quick settlement of that marriage\nquestion, and it was in this that she earnestly begged the missionary to\nhelp. A meeting was called at which Baulin, her mother, her uncle, the\nmissionary, and a few others were present. Baulin requested a written\nagreement signed by her mother and uncle, that the engagement to her\ncousin was broken, and that they should have no power to compel her\nengagement to any one else, but that she should have the right herself\nto make choice of her life companion. The question was discussed, but\nmet with extreme opposition at first by the mother, insomuch that the\ngirl finally declared that because she was a Christian and desired to\ndo the right she would die rather than be compelled to marry a man who\nwas not a Christian and one whom she did not love. The uncle's greatest\nobjection was that he had no money to buy another girl for his son, and\nthe son would blame his father for not having a wife ready for him,\naccording to Chinese custom.\n\nAfter several meetings, hours of discussion, and much prayer on the part\nof the Christians, a paper and a duplicate were finally signed, which\nset this dear young Christian free from her childhood engagement, and\noh, what a beaming countenance she wore! Keenly did she realize it would\nnot be easy to return to her home city and face her heathen relatives,\nwho would all be against her on account of the step she had taken, but\nshe was very happy in knowing that her persecution was for righteousness'\nsake. Well able did she feel, through the grace of God, to meet the\nworst that might come.\n\nHer joy was increased some days later, when word was received that the\nmission station in the same city where her people lived would be glad to\nuse her as cook and general helper in the house. Thus she would not need\nto go back to the factory to earn a living, but could be employed more\ndirectly in the service of God and be under the care of the church.\n\nI hope all who read this true story will not forget to breathe a prayer\nfor this dear young girl, who so boldly took her stand for the truth and\nright, in the midst of opposition from heathen relatives. We can not but\nhope that she may some day be as reliable a spiritual worker as she is\ntoday a temporal worker.\n\n\n\n\nPersecutions and Victories of an Evangelist\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 5\n\n\nIt is with pleasure and gratitude that I take advantage of this\nopportunity of telling of God's wonderful dealings with me. It is now\na little over ten years since I was converted. I had the advantage of\nbeing reared in a Christian home. My parents having been saved for a\ngood many years.\n\nWhen I first heard of people who believed the entire Word of God as\nit was preached in the days of the apostles, I wondered what kind of\npeople they were. Some of the ministers were conducting some meetings\nnot far from where we lived, and, hearing of these people, I asked my\nfather if it would not be possible for them to come to our community.\nBeing surprized at my question and glad to hear that I was interested\nin hearing those people, he suggested that I should speak to them\npersonally and ask them to come. These meetings were conducted about\neight miles from our home.\n\nIt was a cold October day when I drove to the place with horse and\nbuggy and asked the people to come to our town. They were glad for\nthe invitation, and we returned to my home the same day. There was\nespecially one thing about them which surprized me, and that was how\nhappy and contented they seemed to be; but I was a little unwilling to\nbelieve that it was really possible for a person to enjoy religion, for\nmy association with so-called Christian people had made the impression\nupon my mind that Christianity, or salvation, was only for those who\ncould not enjoy themselves in the world.\n\nWhen the company that were to hold the meeting came to our home,\nI decided to study and examine their lives to find out whether they\nreally possessed the joy and satisfaction that I was longing for. Their\nquiet, devoted lives convinced me of the fact that I ought to become\na Christian. Deep conviction settled down upon me in the meetings.\nMy mother and father, whose lives had made a deep impression upon me,\npleaded with me to yield to God, but I was still unwilling to surrender.\n\nAfter the meetings closed I tried to quench the Spirit by indulging in\nworldly pleasures and associating with my old friends, but it seemed\nthat the Spirit of God was working so powerfully upon me that it was\nimpossible to resist him. I remember especially an experience one\nafternoon. I was brought face to face with the supreme question, Are you\nready to meet God? I decided that I would not yield, but that I would\nenjoy the pleasure of sin and the world for some years and later become\na Christian.\n\nNot being able to quench the convictions that the Spirit of God had\nwrought upon me, I deliberately indulged in blasphemy, determined\nto make the Holy Spirit leave me, but I am glad to say that God was\nmerciful to me in not permitting my soul to be lost. For a moment I felt\nas though I had committed the unpardonable sin, that heaven was closed,\nand that my soul was lost forever. But I turned to God with tears\nand a broken heart, the Spirit of God again strove with me, and my\nsins were mercifully forgiven. The joy of heaven filled my soul, and\nI received the assurance that my name was written in the Book of Life.\nThis was November 5, 1905.\n\n\nSANCTIFICATION\n\nMy soul was perfectly satisfied, and for some time I felt as though all\nthat heaven could give to a human being in this world had been given to\nme. But later I began to realize the need of something more. I heard\nteaching on the doctrine of entire sanctification and began to study\nabout it in the Bible. The knowledge thus obtained caused me to seek\nfor the experience, but I did not receive it as soon as I had expected.\nAfter some very hard struggles and much disappointment I finally\nconcluded that the teaching was wrong in regard to this matter and that\nit was impossible to obtain the experience as it had been presented to\nme. Trying to comfort myself with this thought, I let the matter rest\nfor a while, but I was not satisfied.\n\nAbout two years after my conversion I decided that this matter should be\nsettled between God and my soul. Going to the Lord in earnest prayer, I\nmade a perfect consecration of all to God. The Lord began talking to my\nsoul, and he made it clear to me that the reason why I had not obtained\nthe experience sooner was not because the doctrine I had heard was\nwrong, but because I had an exaggerated idea of what sanctification\nreally would do. I was under the impression that everything in my human\nnature which had caused me trouble would be removed in sanctification.\nI had failed to see that in sanctification human desires are not taken\naway but sanctified. I saw clearly that the cause for the most of my\ntroubles was that I had failed to discriminate between carnality and\nhumanity.\n\nWhile I was consecrating, the Lord spoke to me, not audibly but by his\nSpirit, and asked me if I was willing to go to Denmark with the gospel.\nI was able to surrender on all points but this one, seeing that going\nto a foreign country would conflict with all my plans for the future.\nI felt very much like Abraham when he went to Mount Moriah with his only\nson to offer him there upon God's altar. But seeing that this was the\nonly way and desiring to obtain the experience, I surrendered, placed\nall on the altar, and immediately I was sanctified and baptized with the\nHoly Ghost. Praise the Lord!\n\nThere were no outward demonstrations, no special manifestations of the\npower of God; but the Holy Ghost, being enthroned in my heart, gave me\na power over the world and self which I had not experienced heretofore.\nThis glorious experience I have now enjoyed for several years, and\nit never was more precious to me than it is at the present time.\nHalleluiah!\n\n\nGOING TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY\n\nFor a while I did not think more about my call to the work of God in\nEurope, but there was a deep longing in my soul to see people saved,\nand whenever time permitted I would do all the personal work I could,\ndistributing literature, visiting people in their homes, helping in\nmeetings, etc.\n\nMy parents being Danish, they naturally made me think more of the\nScandinavian people than I otherwise would have thought, and my heart\nwas often burdened that this glorious truth might be brought to them.\nThese thoughts I kept to myself, speaking only to God about the matter.\nAt last the burden became so heavy that I opened my heart to a minister\nin whom I had very much confidence, and he told me that a year before\nthat time the Lord had clearly shown that I should go to Denmark with\nthe gospel.\n\nNext I opened my heart to my parents. Naturally they felt sorry that I\nshould leave them, but in another sense they were glad to see me enter\nthe work of the Lord. The Lord had revealed to my mother the evening of\nmy conversion that I should preach the gospel, but she did not think\nthat my field of labor would be in a foreign country.\n\nAn older minister, who had for some time been thinking of going to\nScandinavia, asked me if it would not be possible for me to accompany\nhim; and when the matter was brought before the church, it was finally\ndecided that I should go. We sailed from New York Dec. 18, 1909, and\narrived in Denmark, Jan. 3, 1910. This brother and his wife stayed with\nrelatives, while I made my home with different people, some of them\nunsaved; and the most disagreeable thing that I met at the beginning\nwas that I was often obliged to stay in homes where I knew I was not\nwelcome. But in all the trials and disappointments there was one thing\nthat especially encouraged and comforted me, and that was that I knew\nGod had sent me to Scandinavia.\n\nI shall never forget the first time God gave me a little favor among\nthe people. An old gentleman expressed his desire to have me give my\ntestimony after the sermon. I was at that time unable to express my\nthoughts in the Danish language, but in my heart I carried a very heavy\nburden for the people. With this burden on my soul I arose, and the\nfeelings I could not express in words I expressed in tears. That evening\nfour souls came to the altar and were gloriously saved. From that time\non my services were in demand, and it was not long until a goodly number\nsought the Lord in the meetings.\n\nAbout a year from this time a Baptist minister asked me to come to his\ntown and hold a four days' meeting. After earnestly praying over the\nmatter I decided to break my engagement at another place (something I\ndo not do unless specially directed of the Lord) and to hold these\nmeetings. Instead of holding four meetings, I held one hundred and\nthirty meetings, and about one hundred souls were gloriously saved.\nThere were a number of young men in the town who determined that they\nwould break up the meetings, but we asked them to come and take part in\nthe song-service, which generally commenced about a half hour before the\npreaching-service. Often the stores would be closed early in order that\nthe people might be able to attend the meetings, and it was not long\nuntil nearly all the young men of the town were sitting on the front\nseats listening to the word with tears in their eyes.\n\nAn intoxicated man, who was sent out by a saloon-keeper to make\ndisturbance, attacked me in front of the congregation. A young man who\nalso was under the influence of liquor but who was in sympathy with the\nwork I was doing, stepped to my side and offered to defend me with his\nfist. In anger he said to the other man, \"I want to tell you that we are\nnot going to let you disturb =our= meetings.\" I tried to calm them, but\nin spite of all I did, the man was unmercifully treated as soon as he\ngot outside by the people whose sympathies had been won by the gospel.\n\n\nPERSECUTED FOR THE GOSPEL'S SAKE\n\nThe saloon-keeper mentioned above, who almost failed in business because\nof the revival, tried to work out a plot against me. He had a friend\nwho lived in the State of Michigan, to whom he wrote for information\nconcerning my life. This man wrote back: \"The minister who is preaching\nin your town is a professional white-slave trader, and has escaped the\nauthorities here in America and fled to Europe.\" This letter was taken\nto the officials in Denmark, and immediately I was arrested. One of the\nbest detectives in the kingdom and several state officials were working\non the case. A number of impressions were taken of my fingers and my\npicture was hung up in police stations among those of professional\nthieves and criminals.\n\nA very bitter persecution also broke out in the Scandinavian press.\nAmong the people I was generally known as \"The Prophet.\" My aunt and\ncousin in Copenhagen were nearly dumbfounded one day, when, as they\npassed one of the large printing-houses in the city, they saw on the\nnews bulletin of a prominent daily in large bold type, which could be\nread at a long distance, the following:\n\n    \"The Prophet Morris Johnson--White-Slave Trader--Baptized\n    Naked Women--Stole Church's Money-Box--Went to America\n    with Fifty Young Girls and Sold Them to the Houses of\n    Ill-Fame--Escaped the Hands of the Authorities.\"\n\nNone of these things were true, however; but wherever I went I was\ncarefully watched by the authorities. My name was associated with the\nmost ignoble, immoral, and dishonorable things, and the matter was given\nsuch publicity that I could not board a train or a steamer without its\nbeing made known to those around me.\n\nFinally the people of God to whom I had been preaching considered it\ntheir duty to encourage me to appeal to the law for protection, one\nbrother offering to spend five thousand crowns on the case. This I could\nnot do, for it would have conflicted with my Christian principles; but\nat last I saw that the only way I could satisfy them was to do something\nto prove that I was not guilty of the accusations.\n\nAccordingly I went to Copenhagen, spoke to the United States Minister\nand to a prominent lawyer about the matter. They encouraged me to take\nup a law suit against the parties who had so inhumanly treated me, but\nfeeling that I should grieve God by doing so, I decided to patiently\nsuffer, knowing that God would stand by me and that in the end his name\nwould be glorified. I must admit that had it not been for the fact that\nthe people of God were praying for me and that God in a special way\ncomforted and strengthened me, I should not have been able to stand\nthrough this trial.\n\nAbout three months after the time I had been in Copenhagen, a state\nofficial published in the paper an article in which he made known to the\npublic that after a thorough examination of my case they were satisfied\nthat I was innocent and was worthy of the moral support of the people.\n\n\nREVIVALS\n\nI am glad to say that this persecution resulted in a wonderful outbreak\nof spiritual life in Scandinavia. Hundreds of people came out to the\nmeetings and a large number of souls were saved. The State Bishop, a\nvery influential man, was called upon to oppose the meetings. In a\npublic discourse he mentioned my name twenty times, but this only\naroused a greater curiosity in the hearts of the people to hear the\nword, and in this way people were brought under the influence of the\ngospel who would never have been reached any other way.\n\nI shall never forget an experience I had in a revival in Hjorring,\nDenmark. We had rented a large hall, and the first evening there were\nabout five hundred people present. I had been passing through some very\nhard trials just before this meeting, but the trial reached its climax\nas I stood before that audience. I did not feel the help of the Holy\nSpirit at all as I was preaching. I went to my room that evening with\na heavy heart and spent some time on my knees in earnest prayer.\n\nLater it was made clear to me why God permitted me to pass through this\ntrial. The following Sunday evening the power of the Holy Spirit was\npoured out upon that audience in such a measure that it was almost\nimpossible for the people to resist it. There were about 750 people\npresent, and most of them stayed for the altar-service. There was not\nroom at the altar for those who wanted to seek God, so the people fell\non their knees and began to pray, and all over the hall one could hear\nsinners crying to God for mercy. Many of them were saved. The meeting\ndid not close until after midnight. I then saw that the reason why God\nhad permitted me to pass through that test was that he might prepare me\nfor the great blessing presently to be poured out upon the meeting.\n\n\nALL-NIGHT MEETING\n\nIn Lokken, Denmark, the people of God gathered one evening for a\nspecial meeting. The word of God became so precious to us that we\ncould not leave the place. A large number testified and after midnight\nwe had an ordinance-meeting, which was followed by a sermon, and\nthat by an altar-call. Several came forward and sought the Lord for\nsanctification, and a few who were so much interested that they could\nnot leave, came and were saved. The altar-service was broken up when a\nbrother came in and exclaimed, \"Hurry up, or you'll miss the train.\"\nThis was the morning train, which left at five o'clock. The good work\ncontinued at this place, and there were open doors for me to preach the\ngospel in all parts of the kingdom where before warnings had been\npublished against me.\n\n\nMEETING A PHILOSOPHER\n\nDuring my stay in Copenhagen it was my privilege to become acquainted\nwith an educated young man, a doctor of philosophy, who had been\ninfluenced by higher critics, such as have doubted the miraculous\naccounts given in the Holy Scriptures. When I was introduced to him, I\nnoticed that he thought it would not be very difficult for him to weaken\nmy faith and confidence in regard to religious matters. He immediately\nexpressed his desire to have some private talks on religious questions,\nto which I gladly consented, but greatly feeling my need of special\nwisdom and grace from God. We would often sit up until after midnight,\nbut I enjoyed these conversations and discussions, for they gave me an\nunderstanding of the position that such persons generally take in regard\nto religion.\n\nOne evening he accompanied me to the country, where I held a meeting in\na private home. About fifteen minutes after I had entered the pulpit, I\nnoticed that a deep conviction settled down upon him. Tears filled his\neyes, and he was unable to hide his emotions. One night at one-thirty\nin the morning he said to me: \"I have a question I want to ask you. I\nhave had your life under my microscope for a while and have come to the\nconclusion that you are one of the happiest and most contented young men\nI have ever met. Still I have noticed that you have no interest whatever\nin the enjoyments and pleasures that other young men of your age seem to\nbe so taken up with. Tell me, what is the source of your happiness?\" My\nreply was, \"The source of my joy and happiness is the Christ that you\nare trying to deny.\" Tears filled his eyes, and he said to me, \"In my\npublic lectures and discourses and with my pen I have tried to influence\npeople against Christianity, but now I have found that Christianity can\nsatisfy and make happy; so I will never use my influence in that way any\nmore.\" I did not have the privilege of seeing this young man converted,\nbut I am sure that some day I shall meet him in heaven.\n\n\nTRUSTING THE LORD\n\nWhen I entered the gospel field, I decided that I should trust God to\nsupply all my needs. My father upon bidding me good-by said, \"Now, my\nson, if you ever need help financially, you must let me know, and I\nshall be glad to help you.\" I thanked my father, but told him that he\nshould not feel under obligations to me more than to any other\nmissionary and that it was my intention to trust God.\n\nI paid my own fare to Europe with the exception of one dollar, which\nwas given me by a kind brother. For a while I got along well, for I\nhad a little personal money; but the time came when I needed help. I\nespecially remember one occasion when I needed some means. I prayed\nand wept before the Lord as a child before its father, asking the Lord\nwhat he was going to do with me now. After I had prayed a while, the\nLord assured me that my prayer was heard. Two days later I received a\nmoney-order from a brother in South Dakota and was able to meet all my\nobligations and even had some to spare. Praise the Lord!\n\nAnother time during my stay in Norway I needed a certain amount of money\nand began to pray to God concerning the matter. The amount needed was\nabout twenty dollars. A few days from that time I received a money-order\nfor eleven dollars from some one in Copenhagen from whom it would have\nbeen altogether unreasonable for me to expect financial help. But this\nperson wrote that God had made it clear that this money should be sent\nto me. I also received a letter from a man in America with a money-order\nfor ten dollars. He wrote: \"I am sending you ten dollars, and feel that\nI must send it off immediately. Hope you will receive it in time.\" My\nneeds were supplied, and you can be sure I was a happy man. I have\nlearned by experience that there is no life happier or nobler than the\nlife that is fully surrendered and consecrated to God.\n\n\n\n\nThe Secret of a Perfect Life\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 6\n\n\nA little more than half a century ago I drew my first breath of life. It\nwas a day in early May, so I have been told: the sun was shining, the\nbirds were singing, and the early flowers were in bloom. It is not to be\nsupposed that my environment in life's early hour had any influence upon\nthe passions of my soul; nevertheless, from my earliest recollection I\nhave been an ardent lover of the esthetical in nature. Many of the days\nof my childhood were spent wandering through the fields in the bright\nsunshine, admiring and culling the flowers; rambling through the leafy\nwood, listening with glad heart to the songs of birds; or sitting on the\nmossy bank of the rippling brooklet delighted by the music made by its\ncrystal waters as they played among the rocks.\n\nBut the happy, innocent days of childhood do not last always: the sun\ndoes not always shine, nor the birds sing; neither do the flowers always\nbloom along our way. Oh, if we could only have been overlooked--many of\nus have thought in the dreary days of after-life--by Father Time and\nbeen left behind to be always in the green, sun-lit fields of childhood,\nhow happy we should have been! But it was not so; and now, since I have\nfound the riches of grace, I am glad it was not so. No one can escape\nthe onward-leading hand of Time. He will lead us, despite our protests,\ninto days where the sun has ceased shining, where the birds have flown\nto a more genial clime, and where the flowers have faded. As our\nmuch-loved poet has said,\n\n  \"Into each life some rain must fall--\n  Some days must be dark and dreary.\"\n\nMy life has been a confirmation of these words.\n\n\nMY FIRST SIN\n\nAmong the recollections of my early childhood, one is more deeply\nimpressed on my mind than any other, so deeply and firmly stamped that\nthe many and varied experiences of fifty years have failed to make it\nless clear and distinct to the vision of memory than it was the day it\noccurred. It was the committing of a sin. It may have been my first\nwilful transgression, but, however that may be, it was one that caused\nan awful sense of guilt to come into my heart, and I trembled, as it\nwere, in an unseen presence. No one had ever spoken to me of God, of\nshunning the wrong, or of doing the right, except my mother (sweet\ntoday is my memory of her); so I carried my trouble to her, and in her\npresence the tempter led me into falsehood, so that I was made more\nwretched than before.\n\n\nGETTING DEEPER INTO SIN\n\nThe days sped on; and after a few years, I had won the title of \"Bad\nBoy.\" Though the sins of those youthful days (over which I prefer to\nthrow the relieving mantle of forgetfulness) were dark and deep, I did\nnot altogether lose my love for the beautiful and the good. In those\nshadowy days, a ray of sunlight would now and then break through, a\nbird-note would be heard, and a fragrant flower would raise its drooping\nhead. In such hours, I would get a glimpse of a better life. An unseen\nhand would set before me a picture of a pure life, and in my fancy I\nwould see myself a good man. Oh, that the dreams of those youthful days\nwere more perfectly fulfilled! but I must give praise to God for what he\nhas wrought in me.\n\nMany a time at the midnight hour in those youthful days, after I had\nleft some den of vice, there would be whisperings in my soul of a\nhigher, nobler life. As I, in my fancy, gazed down through the years,\nthe angel of goodness would shift before me bright pictures of the\ndifferent characteristics of a holy life. At this distant day, on\nlooking back, I am surprized to note in what trueness the Holy Spirit\nset before me the ideal godly life.\n\nBut I must be brief, as only a few pages of this work are allotted to me\nin which to tell you how I found--or, rather, what I found to be--the\nsecret of a perfect life.\n\n\nMY CONVERSION\n\nI was converted at the age of twenty-eight. A few months later,\nrealizing the need of a deeper spiritual life, I yielded myself a living\nsacrifice to God, and he gave me the desire of my heart. Bless his name!\nTo tell you the joy of my soul in these experiences, is immeasurably\nbeyond the power of my pen. The happiness of a pure life fancied in\nthe day-dreams of my youth were more than realized. Although I was of\na highly imaginative mind, the joy my heart found in the riches of\nredeeming grace was numberless times greater than the fancied joys\npictured to my mind in my boyhood hours.\n\nMy heart now flowed out in a gushing stream of love to God, and my mind\nglowed with thoughts of him. It was the poet Milton who said: \"As to\nother points, what God may have determined for me, I know now; but this\nI know--that if he ever instilled an intense love of moral beauty into\nthe breast of any man, he has instilled it into mine. Ceres, in the\nfable, pursued not her daughter with a greater keenness of inquiry than\nI, day and night, the idea of perfection.\" And I think the same was true\nof me.\n\nEarly in my religious life I became conscious that the law of\ndevelopment is written in the Christian heart, and that this law, if\ngiven full scope, will raise us year after year into higher degrees of\nperfection. The Holy Spirit revealed to me also at this time the secret\nof attaining to this perfect life by a natural growth in grace day after\nday. In love and humility lies the secret of a perfect and successful\nChristian life. The earnestness with which we seek God is in proportion\nto our love for him. Just as truly as the seven colors are woven\ntogether in one white ray of sunlight, so truly are the laws of a\nperfect life gathered up and fulfilled in the life of those who love\nGod. \"Love is the fulfilling of the law.\" No man can escape the effect\nof breaking a law of love. What fragrance is to the flower, obedience is\nto love. Any act of unfaithfulness to God or man sounds a false note on\nthe golden harp of love. He who loves truth intensely will dwell with\ntruth; he who loves purity of thought will think only on things that\nare pure. Vain thoughts will he hate. He who loves learning will seek\nafter learning and just to that intensity of his love for it. He who\nloves home will dwell at home as much as possible, and home will become\nsweeter home. He who loves God will dwell with God, will seek after God,\nthereby strengthening his affection for God and daily growing into his\nperfection.\n\n\nHUMILITY NEEDED\n\nBut love alone will not suffice; humility is needed that love may be\nrightly directed. If humility be lacking, love unconsciously begins to\ncenter in self. With a feeling of shame I confess that twice in my life\nsince becoming a Christian, I have lost the ballast of humility so that\nlove went astray. I thought to love God and be faithful; I thought that\nI was attaining to greater love; but to my surprize, when the Holy\nSpirit set my heart before me in the clear light of pure love, I found\nwithin that awful, ghastly, defiling principle of self-love.\n\nIf your soul loves the perfect life, \"humble yourself under the hand of\nGod\" and \"keep yourself in his love.\" After years of experiences and\nsome sad failures, I have found, with a greater certainty than ever,\nthat love ballasted by humility is the secret of a happy, holy life. I\ntrust that during the remaining days of my life my soul shall flourish\nlike the palm-tree, and grow strong like the cedars of Lebanon, and that\nI shall develop into that greater fulness of God--into a more perfect\nimage of him.\n\nToday I know that \"God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth\nin God, and God in him.\" As my inner man is renewed day by day, to my\nspiritual eyes the ideal perfect life grows in loveliness. As I journey\non toward the setting of life's sun, I can see farther into the beyond,\ncatch clearer glimpses of unseen things, hear more distinctly the songs\nof angels, scent in greater sweetness the fragrance from the flowers\nthat grow in that celestial land, and feel the beauty of the Lord\ngrowing upon me. I have passed through the furnace flames; but God has\nbrought me through, and he will bring you through.\n\n\nA PERFECT IDEAL\n\nHave there been times in your life when a glowing feeling crept into\nyour heart and you beheld a vision of ideal perfection? Oh, be \"obedient\nto the heavenly vision,\" remembering this, that the secret of approach\nto your ideal is love and humility. Humility will keep you in the right\npath as love hurries you on after your ideal. Neither the rocks, the\nthorns, the waves, nor the furnace flames, retard the lover in his race\nfor a perfect life when the vision is kept clear before his soul. Have\nyou made failures? So have I--greater failures, perhaps, than any you\nhave made or ever will make; but the God who transforms the caterpillar\ninto the butterfly will transform you into his perfect image if you only\nlove him intently and be submissive to all his will.\n\n\n\n\nConversion of a Young Jewish Rabbi\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 7\n\n\nI was born in an orthodox Jewish family. When I was but four years of\nage, my parents took me to England and put me in charge of the late\nRabbi Horowitz of London to fully teach me the basis of rabbinical life.\nAt the age of seventeen years I completed my course of instruction as a\nfully legalized rabbi, but was too young to take the responsibilities of\na district or synagog. At that time I returned to the United States and\nsoon drifted into socialism and became a socialist orator, traveling\nfrom city to city and State to State, until I left the first principles\nof my rabbinical teaching.\n\nWhile traveling through Canada I became acquainted with an anarchist and\npartly accepted his belief. I strayed so far away from my early teaching\nthat from time to time while speaking, I would hold up my Hebrew Bible\nand tear it to pieces, cursing God and denying that there was a God.\nI really became so hardened that I almost believed in my heart that\nthere was no God.\n\nOn the twenty-sixth day of October, 1907, I came to Chicago, and while\nI was speaking that night on the platform, holding the Hebrew Bible,\ntearing it, and ready to curse God, there came a sudden strong voice,\nas it were, and, to my surprize, repeated to me the following words:\n\"They shall look upon me whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn\nafter him as one mourneth for its only begotten, and they shall be in\nbitterness after him as one is in bitterness after his first-born.\"\n\nWhile I listened to this, I thought that some one was behind the\nplatform speaking these words. I looked behind the platform, but could\nfind no one. When I resumed my speech, the voice came again speaking the\nsame verse, and I became almost paralyzed for a while. After the meeting\nwas over, as I walked toward my apartments, I heard the voice for the\nthird time, speaking to me in stronger terms than ever. The miserable\nfeelings came stronger and stronger. In fact, I began to look for peace\nto my conscience, but did not know how to find it. In this trouble of\nsoul, no one among all the orators, Jewish rabbis, or religious people\nof different denominations came up to tell me how to do better nor to\ngive me advice.\n\nI left Chicago for New York, but could not find rest. The words of\nthat voice never left me day or night. One night, while walking the\nstreets of New York looking for something to comfort me, I saw a sign\nreading, \"Men Wanted for the United States Army.\" At nine o'clock\nthe next morning I went to the recruiting-station and asked for an\napplication-blank. The man at the station thought it strange that a Jew\nwould come to enlist, but he gave me an application-blank. I filled it\nout and was examined and sent to Ft. Slocum, New York, where I was sworn\nin for three years' faithful service for the United States Army. After I\nenlisted I began to look for peace; but the more I looked, the worse and\nmore trouble came to me. In fact, persecutions from different soldiers\nwere very bitter because I was a Jew and did not do what they were doing.\n\nWhile in Ft. Slocum I contracted fever and was taken to a hospital. From\nFt. Slocum I was sent to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma, where I was assigned to\nBattery B, First Field Artillery. There was only one Jewish man besides\nme amongst over three hundred Roman Catholics, and they believed in\nmaking things hot for us, so the more I looked for peace the worse\nmisery and persecutions I found.\n\nOn Decoration Day, 1908, they were playing football, and after the game\nthey went into the kitchen, procured large butcher knives, and came out\nto cut the \"sheenies\" up. When we saw them coming with the knives, we\nran into the tailor-shop and locked ourselves in, hiding underneath\nmattresses between the covers. They broke the door, but through\nProvidence they could not find us. Then for the first time since I had\nembraced socialism I began to think there was a God, since our lives\nwere so spared.\n\nOn the sixth of June we went bathing in the Red River on the\nreservation, and the boys came and turned us head down and feet up in\nthe water and wanted to drown us, but it seemed that through Providence\nI was once more saved from being destroyed by these blood-thirsty men.\nUpon our return, we found the tailor-shop flooded. This was reported to\nthe commander, but no action was taken in regard to this or any other\ncase of persecution.\n\nWe decided to desert the army after pay-day. When pay-day came, I had\ncoming to me about $200 from the tailor-shop and $13 as pay for the\nmonth from the army, but out of the $200 I collected only about $70.\nThat afternoon we walked to Lawton, Oklahoma, to get the train from\nthere to St. Louis. Upon our arrival at St. Louis, the other man got a\njob, and I wrote to my uncle in Chicago, who sent me a ticket to come\nto Chicago. When I arrived there, he advised me to go to Canada and\nsaid that he would support me all the time that I was there, as they\nwould apprehend me in the United States for a deserter.\n\nI went to Canada, but was still in much distress. Some time later I\nhad a desire to leave Vancouver, British Columbia, and go over the\nborder into the State of Washington, but went under the assumed name of\nFriedman. While under that name I looked for a position, but could not\nfind one; so I cabled to my parents for money and two weeks afterward I\nreceived enough money to open up a little store. I took for my next name\nFeldman. I opened a book-store, but within three months I lost almost\n$3,000. Then I left Seattle, Washington, for Tacoma under the name Gray.\n\nThree weeks later I left Tacoma for Portland, Oregon, under the name of\nGrayson, where I looked up a friend of mine. He was at that time manager\nof the Oregon Hotel. The next morning I was more miserable than ever\nbefore and thought that I was sick. The night preceding I related to my\nfriend all my troubles, with the exception of my being a deserter from\nthe army.\n\nWhile I was looking for a charity physician who could give me something\nto relieve my distress and trouble, I found a Salvation Army man and\nasked him if he knew of any physician who worked for charity and would\ngive me treatment. He told me that he had a friend who was a physician\nand who was a lover of Jewish people. This was the first time that I\never heard that a Christian loved a Jew.\n\nI went to the office of the doctor, whose name was Estock, and he gave\nme a cordial welcome. Putting his right hand on my right wrist and his\nleft hand around my neck, he said that he loved the Jews because his\nSavior was a Jew and that he was glad God had sent me to his office in\nanswer to his prayers. I was dumbfounded and unable to answer. The\ndoctor said, \"You do not need a physician for your body, but you need\nthe Lord Jesus to heal your soul, for your trouble is with your soul,\nand the Lord Jesus is able to save you from your distress and troubles.\"\nHe gave me a little bottle and said: \"Here is a little medicine, but you\ndo not need it. The only thing that will help you is prayer, and I will\n'phone to my wife and ask her to pray for you, and I will also pray for\nyou. This will be the only way you will get peace.\"\n\nThe next morning as I was offering my thanks to him he said, \"Do not\nthank me, but thank God that he sent his only begotten Son, that through\nhim such poor unworthy people as we should be saved through his love.\"\n\n\"What can this mean?\" I answered. \"Is there a God that will love such a\nman as I am?--a man who curses him? a man that stamped his Bible under\nhis feet and fought against him? Is it true that he will love me so?\"\n\nThe doctor answered, \"He died for such men as you, that he might\nsave you.\" He further said: \"My house belongs to the Lord, and I owe\neverything to him. The God of Abraham and Isaac is my God, and the\nGod of David and also the Prophets. He is my God, and he is your God,\nwhether you want him or not; and I beg you to come with me to my house.\"\n\n\"It is impossible for me to go into your house,\" I answered, \"because I\ndo not believe that there is a God, and if there is one, I am unworthy\nto go into such a house.\"\n\nHe pleaded with me further to go, and I went with him. I lived at the\ndoctor's house for thirty days. We had the strongest arguments on\nScriptures, he trying to prove to me that Jesus is the Messiah that came\nto save his people from sin. I contradicted every word of his with the\nOld Testament Scriptures.\n\nOn the thirtieth day in the doctor's house I was more vile than ever\nbefore. I got up in the morning looking for the first chance to get\neven with the doctor because of his persistence in mentioning the Lord\nJesus on every occasion. When I came down-stairs, they were ready for\nbreakfast. I sat at the table brewing within myself, full of hatred,\nmalice, and bitterness against them because of their holding up to\nme the Lord Jesus as my only Savior. While at the table I could not\nwithhold my bitterness, and when they read the Scriptures after the\nmeal, I began to laugh, mock, and curse, calling them all kinds of\nvile names.\n\nWhile I was doing this they went down on their knees to pray as they did\nevery morning. Looking up to me, the doctor said, \"My friend, if you\nwill not respect God nor respect me as your only and personal friend\nin the city, for the Lord's sake respect this house, for this house is\nconsecrated unto God.\"\n\nThese words sank deep into my heart, and I kneeled down still with\nbitterness in my heart against Jesus and the doctor. While I was down\non my knees, I was cursing, mocking at them and their Lord. The doctor\nprayed first, then his wife, and then his little boy, who said, \"Lord\nJesus, you have promised to save him; won't you save him?\"\n\nThese words broke my heart, and I began crying, \"If there is a God, come\nand prove yourself.\" The carpet around me was wet with the tears which\nI had shed in crying for God to come and prove himself. I felt within\nmyself a love for the Lord Jesus and soon had a living faith that the\nLord Jesus died for me and that through his death I was saved. After I\nrose from my knees, the doctor, his wife, and the little boy stood with\neyes full of tears, rejoicing with me that there was power in the blood\nof Jesus Christ to save such a vile sinner as I was.\n\nOne hour later I left the house of the doctor to tell my friend, the\nmanager of the hotel, that the Lord Jesus was now my Savior and that he\nhad saved me from my sins. He took a heavy chunk of wood and hit me on\nmy right side, nearly breaking my ribs.\n\nI said, \"May God forgive you for this and not hold it against you,\"\nwhile the tears were streaming down my face. This is the first time in\nmy life that I ever said to any one, \"May God bless you!\" Then I said to\nhim, \"If it were only yesterday that you had done this to me, I would\nhave killed you; but now the Lord Jesus has taken anger out of my heart,\nand I will endeavor to pray for you that God may have mercy upon you.\"\nWalking out of his hotel crippled as I was and holding my side with my\nhand, I said again, \"God bless you!\"\n\nWhile walking down the street, I saw a company of mission workers on the\ncorner of Jefferson and Washington Avenues. I pushed myself through the\ncrowd, seeing that there were some Jews there, and I began to preach\nto my own people for the first time that the only way of salvation is\nthrough the Lord Jesus Christ. In answer, there came rotten eggs and\nrotten tomatoes at my head and body until I was covered from head to\nfoot.\n\nAfter the meeting I walked on singing a song and rejoicing that the Lord\nJesus had seen fit to save such a poor sinner as I was. Thus ended my\nfirst day as a convert. I thank God for the first pay I ever received in\nthe gospel--a crippled side and rotten eggs. I continued to preach the\ngospel to my people in Portland for several days.\n\nThree days after my conversion, while I was on my knees praying, it\noccurred to me that I had better write to my relatives and tell them\nwhat love the Lord Jesus had for me, and that he had died to save them\nas well as me, and that he was the only true Messiah. I reasoned for\nseveral days against this; but at last I had to write, because I saw\nthat the Lord was on one side and my relatives on the other side, and\nthat I had to choose between them. So I wrote to them, sending to each a\nseparate letter telling them that Jesus was my Savior and that he is the\nonly and true Messiah.\n\nSometime after this, answer came from my relatives that they could not\nbelieve that there was any power to save me, because, if I could leave\nmy first principles and leave my own people, the teaching which I was\nbrought up under and drift so far away as to curse God, they did not\nbelieve there was any power to save me. I kept sending them Testaments\nand Gospels, but still they could not believe.\n\nOne day I went to see my sister and told her the truth. She at first did\nnot believe me, but I asked her to attend a street-meeting which I was\nto hold, and she heard me preach Christ. She then wrote to my mother,\nwho began to grieve herself to death because I had accepted the Lord\nJesus for my Savior. Then they wrote me different letters and were\npatient with me, thinking that they would win me back to Judaism. When\nthey saw there was no hope of getting me back, they were done with me.\n\nOn one occasion while standing in the street and preaching, there came\na thought to me with great force, \"If the authorities get you for a\ndeserter, what will you do?\" This question troubled me so that I could\nnot continue my meetings. I went to the doctor's office and said to him,\n\"Dr. Estock, do you know what they do to a person that has deserted the\nUnited States Army?\"\n\n\"They give him three or four years in the military penitentiary,\" he\nanswered.\n\n\"Do you know that I am a deserter from the United States Army?\"\n\nHe looked at me puzzled and said, \"How can this be?\"\n\n\"It is true, and I must give myself up to the army authorities before\nthey get me and disgrace my belief in the Lord Jesus.\"\n\nI proposed giving myself up the next day, but the doctor told me to be\nin no haste and said he would ask several people of God to pray for me\nto learn what the mind of God was before I took another step. After a\nfew days they came to the conclusion that they would send me to Canada,\nwhere I should be out of the jurisdiction of the United States and\nshould be free. Thinking that this offer was of the Lord, I accepted it\nand left for Toronto, Canada. Upon my arrival at Toronto I felt the Lord\nspeaking to me and saying, \"The more you run away from my law, the more\nmiserable you will feel. Go back to the United States.\"\n\nThis was while I was in the hotel at night and could not sleep. I felt\nvery miserable to know that the step I had taken in coming to Toronto\nwas not God's will and in his order. I had only $3.10 in my possession.\nIn the morning I went to the ticket-office to inquire how much it cost\nto go to Buffalo. They told me it would cost $3.10. I then purchased a\nticket for Buffalo. When I arrived I telegraphed to the doctor, stating\nthat I was glad that I had come back to the United States to give myself\nup to the army authorities. The doctor replied by telegraph, stating\nthat I was out of God's will and order in coming back to the United\nStates to give myself up, and that therefore he could not have\nfellowship with me any more. Bitterly weeping over the message, I said\nto myself, \"Now the only friend I have is gone.\" But this promise\nencouraged me, that my God would never turn against me nor forsake me.\nThere I was, left without a friend and without money in my pockets to\nprocure a night's lodging.\n\nAs it was bitterly cold, I prayed to the Lord that he would send\nsomebody along that would take me home with him. As I was praying, a man\npassed by, and I asked him if he knew whether there was any child of God\nin the city. He said a woman who was his neighbor was a child of God,\nand he took me to her home. It was true that she was a child of God and\nher home a godly one.\n\nSoon after this I went to Pittsburg, and the Lord opened up the hearts\nof a few Jewish people, who sent me to Washington. As I walked up to\nthe barracks, fear came over me, and I decided to go to Baltimore,\nwhere I remained with a Jewish missionary until the last of April.\nThen I returned to Washington, went to the commanding officer,\nLieutenant-Colonel Langfitt, and told him why I was giving myself up.\n\nHe said: \"Are you a Jew and a believer in Jesus? Are you willing to give\nyourself up for his sake? Do you know what it means to give yourself up?\nIt means three or four years in the penitentiary and to be dishonorably\ndischarged.\"\n\nI told him that I would gladly do anything to make this matter right\nbefore man and before God.\n\n\"I am also a Jew,\" he replied, \"and I do not know how you can believe\nin Jesus and suffer these things for his sake.\"\n\nThen he doubted my being a deserter. I begged him to put me in the\nguard-house and to go and investigate the matter.\n\nHe said, \"I wish that I had the power to set you free now; but you are\ntoo honorable a man to call the guard to take you to the guard-house,\nand so I will walk there with you myself.\"\n\nUpon coming to the guard-house, he called the sergeant of the guard and\nsaid, \"Sergeant, do not search this boy, for I know that he will not\ntake in anything but that which is lawful.\"\n\nHe then asked me whether I wanted to stay in the big cell with the rest\nof the prisoners or go into one small cell by myself. I asked him for\none by myself so that I might study the Bible.\n\nWhen he was bidding me good-by, he said: \"For the first time I shake\na prisoner's hand, and I must say that I do not look upon you as a\nprisoner but as the most honorable man that we have in this post, and I\nmust confess that you have done a most honorable thing in the sight of\nman and God, and I will help you with all that lies within my power to\nmake everything easy for you.\"\n\nThe next morning the lieutenant-colonel came into the guard-house asking\nfor me. When I came near the door, he reached out his hand and grasped\nmine, saying, \"Neither my wife nor I have slept during the night, and\nI have decided to recommend you for a year's clemency, so that you will\nhave only two years to serve.\"\n\nIt did not sound very good to me, but I went into the guard-house and\nprayed. The thought came to me, \"Can you not trust the Lord to carry you\nthrough all these difficulties?\" I said to myself, \"Yes, I leave all in\nthe hands of the Lord.\"\n\nAfter a few weeks the court was detailed. The president of the court\nwas Captain Koester, who, I was informed, was an infidel. The next man\nof his court, Captain Ottwell, was a Christian Scientist, and the rest\nof the court, including eleven officers, were Roman Catholics. They\ndetailed Lieutenant Rockwell to be my counsel for defense. He came up\nto the court-house and said:\n\n\"You are a Jew, are you not?\"\n\n\"Yes.\"\n\n\"And you believe in Jesus Christ, do you not?\"\n\n\"Yes.\"\n\n\"I have no use for Jews, especially for a turncoat, and I will see that\nyou get the limit of the court.\"\n\nThis broke me all up, and I said, \"Lieutenant, if you can, God will let\nyou go ahead.\"\n\nI then walked into my cell and knelt down to pray, broken-hearted. The\nscripture came to me, \"Fear them not; for I the Lord thy God shall fight\nfor you.\" I rejoiced to know that the Lord was fighting my battles and\nthat he would do it well. Thirteen days afterwards I was tried.\n\nWhen I came to the court, the lieutenant came to me with a piece of\npaper in his hand and said: \"I am sorry for the words which I spoke to\nyou, but I have suffered for them, and with God's help I will recommend\nyou to clemency. The same Lord that saved you has also saved me.\"\n\nThe judge of the court asked me what I would plead to the charge.\n\n\"I plead guilty to the charge of desertion and violation of the\nforty-seventh article of war.\"\n\nHe asked me again if I knew what it meant to plead guilty. I answered\nthat I knew.\n\nHe then asked me what my plea on the specification of the forty-seventh\narticle of war was.\n\n\"Guilty,\" I answered.\n\nHe said to the court, \"I want to make plain to this boy the solemnity of\nthese charges, that he may know the consequences thereof.\" He then asked\nme if I had any pleas to make.\n\nI told him no, and repeated the scripture that the Lord had given me:\n\"Fear them not; for I the Lord thy God shall fight for you.\" I said,\n\"I fear you not, for my Lord will fight for me and will deliver me.\"\n\nThen the counsel for the defense arose and made this statement:\n\n\"Fellow Officers: You all know what a bitter man I was against the Jews.\nYou know that I was not going to make any plea, but to let this boy get\nall that the court could give him, and be sorry afterwards that the\ncourt could not give him more. But the same God that he serves troubled\nme and made me sick, as you know, until I realized that the same God\nmust be my God and the same Savior my Savior; and furthermore, the same\nJesus that saved this Jewish boy has saved me also.\"\n\nThe court was greatly surprized, but my counsel went on further and\nhanded the court a paper and explained verbally the different reasons\nfor his pleas until tears came to the eyes of Captain Koester, Captain\nOttwell, and the different members of the court. Four of the worst\nofficers arose and recommended me for eighteen months' clemency and\nthirteen dollars a month fine and reinstatement to duty.\n\nThe recommendation of the court was sent to the Department Commander of\nthe East, Major-General Leonard A. Woods, who earnestly considered the\ncase, according to his statement, for several hours, not knowing what to\ndo. He also expressed himself by saying that if he had full power to\nrelease me, he would gladly do so, without any punishment. Also, through\nprayer and petitions to the Lord the case reached President Taft, the\nAdjutant-General of the army, and then it reached Brigadier-General\nDavis, who was the Judge-Advocate General of the United States Army.\nThey also had notified the Department Commander to be as lenient as he\ncould before the case had reached the War Department in Washington.\n\nIn fifteen days after my trial, the sentence came back approved by the\nDepartment Commander for eighteen months' clemency and thirteen dollars'\nfine a month and reinstatement to duty to serve out my enlistment.\n\nWhile I was in the guard-house in Washington Barracks, District of\nColumbia, serving the sentence imposed upon me for the charge heretofore\nmentioned, I was sawing wood one day, when a fellow prisoner hit me with\na piece of wood behind my ear and knocked me down. About two months\nlater this prisoner was saved, and the other prisoners became bitter\nagainst me, for they believed that I was the cause of the conversion of\none of the worst men in the guard-house. I learned later that a number\nof the officers were converted.\n\nAfter I left the Washington Barracks, I went to Ft. Slocum, New York.\nFrom there I was sent to Ft. Sheridan, where I was assigned to Battery\nF, Fifth Field Artillery. After I had been there two days, I asked\npermission of Lieutenant Osborn to hold religious services in front of\nthe battery. On account of its being so cold, he told me to go into the\npool-room and hold services if I thought my God was living.\n\nI went into the pool-room, where they were playing pool, and began to\npreach the gospel. Two balls were thrown at me, and I was also hit\nacross the back with the thick end of a cue. They took me to the\nhospital and after a short time came back and said that the Jew would\nnot preach Jesus Christ any more. After another week I felt impressed\nto preach the gospel again. While I was preaching, the cook came out\nof the kitchen with a pail of hot lard and threw it on me. I was burned\non both of my hands and arms.\n\nWhile I was at the hospital, black poison set in, and the doctor\nsaid my arm must be cut off. I told him that I would not submit to any\noperation; that as I suffered this for the gospel's sake, the Lord would\nheal my arm. Five weeks later he looked at my arm, as the poison was\ngetting worse in my system, and he said, \"If I do not cut off this arm,\nyou are going to die from the effects of blood-poisoning.\" I said that\nI still had faith in God that he would heal this arm for his glory.\n\n\"What church do you belong to?\" he inquired.\n\n\"I belong to the church of God,\" I answered.\n\n\"Your arm can not heal,\" he replied and began to laugh.\n\nSeveral days afterward the poison had come up to my shoulder. When the\ndoctor saw it, he said, \"The only thing to do is to cut your arm off at\nthe shoulder.\"\n\nI told him that I had more faith than ever in God that he would heal my\narm, even after my whole body should be poisoned. I believed that the\nLord would heal me for his glory.\n\nThat night my fever was 104, and the doctor was called. He gave orders\nto put me into a bathtub full of ice-water, but after I came out I was\nmuch worse, and they said I could not live through the night. At five\no'clock the next morning a sudden change came and my arm turned a\nyellowish color and the discharge ceased little by little. When the\ndoctor came, he said, \"I had thought that the arm must be cut off, but\nnow it will get well.\" In two weeks I was able to use my arm as well as\never and was again assigned to duty.\n\nAfter coming out of the hospital I preached much more the unsearchable\nriches of Christ, for which at different times I was cast into prison.\nThe post-commander of Ft. Sheridan told me that I might just as well\nuse the gymnasium-hall to preach the gospel six nights in the week.\nWhile I preached there, a number of souls were brought to the Lord.\n\nWhile I was at Ft. Sheridan, a letter came to me from my mother stating\nthat if I wanted to save her life I should turn back to Judaism and\nforsake the impostor Jesus, and that if I would do this they would\nreceive me back again with full honor, as I was defiled before them\nand the only means to save her life was for me to turn back from this\nheathen belief. I wrote her as follows:\n\n\"My Dear Mother: I have received your letter and thank you very much for\nit. I do really love you, but my love for you now is much different than\nbefore. I love you because the Lord Jesus loved you and died for you.\nYet if my accepting Jesus will not and can not save you from dying, then\nmy rejecting him will not save you either, and I can not forsake the\nLord Jesus.\"\n\nAbout two months later I received a cable-message saying that the last\nwords of my mother were, \"My only son is the cause of my death.\" After\nthat period they made a burial service, took all my little belongings,\nput them in a casket and buried it, and put a stone on the grave,\nsignifying that I died on October 29, 1908. After this they mourned for\nme for eight days. Now though I am supposed to be dead to my family\nand to my nation, yet I am glad that I am alive for Christ and still\npreaching the unsearchable riches of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ\nto my own people as well as to the other nations. The Lord has enabled\nme to preach free of charge to any and every one and to give unto them\nfreely even as I have freely received. This scripture has been very real\nto me since that time: \"All things work together for good to them that\nlove God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.\"\n\nIn 1912 my father died, leaving me of his large estate five dollars to\nbuy a rope and soap to hang myself if I did not come back to Judaism.\n\nThe foregoing account of my conversion has been written after nearly\nseven years of experience and preaching the unsearchable riches of\nChrist to my own people as well as to Gentile people in this country,\nin the Islands of the Azores, in Spain, France, Germany, Italy, Syria,\nEgypt, Palestine, Greece, and Austria.\n\nThe most bitter people against the gospel I have found are my own\npeople. The gospel has been misrepresented to them, and they have not\nbeen made to realize the heart experience. There are over 12,000,000\nJewish people in this world, yet there are very few faithful and tried\nmissionaries amongst them to explain to them the way of salvation.\nHowever, the comparatively little work that has been done amongst them\nhas met with large results despite the bitter persecution. I am deeply\nencouraged and comforted to see how open and receptive they are,\nalthough they bitterly persecute the one who comes in the name of the\nLord. Saul of Tarsus was a great persecutor of Christianity, but finally\nyielded and became a true follower of Jesus Christ.\n\nMay God help us as Christians to see our great privilege in giving the\nJews the gospel and praying for them that their blindness may depart and\nthat they may see that the Lord Jesus is the only way, the truth, and\nthe light.\n\n\n\n\nAmong Mohammedans in Egypt\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 8\n\n\nNothing is said in the New Testament about the persons who first related\nthe story of the cross in Egypt. But there is a universal tradition that\nthe Evangelist Mark went to Egypt and preached the gospel with great\nsuccess until he was martyred for the name of Jesus Christ. His head is\nbelieved by the Copts to have been buried in the place where the Coptic\nChurch in Alexandria now stands. From the records of history it is clear\nthat the Christian religion was carried to Egypt a few years after the\nascension of our Lord, that many in Egypt accepted the new religion\nbefore the close of the first century, and that the numbers rapidly\nincreased until Egypt became Christian and churches filled the land.\nAbyssinia, too, whether through the Ethiopian's return to his country\nafter his baptism or through others, also accepted the Christian faith,\nand many of her people retain the Christian name and boldly defend a\nform of Christian doctrine to this day.\n\nThe church in Egypt, as we learn from the pages of history, passed\nthrough the fires of persecution as other churches did in the Roman\nEmpire, and many suffered martyrdom for their unwillingness to deny Him\nwho redeemed them with his precious blood. The persecution in Egypt\nespecially was severe in the reign of Diocletian. Milner says on the\nauthority of Eusebius: \"Egypt suffered extremely. Whole families were\nput to various kinds of death; some by fire, others by water, others by\ndecollation, after horrible tortures. Some perished by famine, others by\ncrucifixion, and of these, some in common manner. Others were fastened\nwith their heads downwards and preserved alive that they might die by\nhunger. Sometimes ten, at other times thirty, sixty, and once a hundred\nmen and women with their children, were murdered in one day by various\ntorments. And there was still the appearance of joy among them. They\nloved Christ above all, and bravely as well as humbly met death for\nChrist's sake.\"\n\nBut as the years passed on, great importance was laid on fasting,\nhermitage, and image-worship, and little by little they lost sight of\nthe merits of Christ's life, sufferings, and death. Today the majority\nof the Copts are far away from the gospel purity of doctrine and\nare bound with the chains of superstition, and need help to loosen\nthemselves from such chains that they may enjoy the light and liberty\nof the gospel.\n\n\nTHE REAL CHARACTER OF ISLAM\n\nThe population of Egypt today is 12,000,000, of which 90 per cent are\nfollowers of Mohammed. Mohammedanism entered Egypt in 638 A.D., and\nfrom that time it has continued to be the prevailing religion. I will\nnow mention briefly the ethics of Mohammedanism in order to give the\nreader some idea about the pollution, corruption, brutality, and\nwickedness that exist among the adherents of this false religion.\n\n\"Islam,\" says Adolph Wuttke, \"finds its place in the history of the\nreligious and moral spirit, not as a vital organic member, but as\nviolently interrupting the course of this history, and which is to be\nregarded as an attempt of heathenism to maintain itself erect under\nan outward monotheistic form against Christianity.\"\n\nThe ethics of Islam bear the character of an outwardly and crudely\nconceived doctrine of righteousness. Conscientiousness in the sphere of\nthe social relations, faithfulness to conviction and to one's word, and\nthe bringing of an action into relation to God are its bright points;\nbut there is a lack of heart-depth of a basing of the moral in love. The\nhighest good is the outwardly and very sensuously conceived happiness of\nthe individual.\n\nAmong Islamites the potency of sin is not recognized; evil is only\nan individual, not a historical, power; hence there is no need of\nredemption, but only of personal works on the basis of prophetic\ninstruction. Mohammed is only a teacher, not an atoner. God and man\nremain strictly external to and separate from each other. God, no less\nindividually conceived of than man, comes into no real communion with\nman; and as moral, acts not as influenced by such a communion, but only\nas an isolated individual. The ideal basis of the moral is faith in God\nand in his Prophet; the moral life, conceived as mainly consisting in\nexternal works, is not a fruit of received salvation, but a means for\nthe attainment of the same. Pious works, particularly prayer, fasting,\nand almsgiving, and pilgrimage to Mecca, work salvation directly of\nthemselves. Man has nothing to receive from God but the Word, and\nnothing to do for God but good works; of inner sanctification there\nis no thought. Thus, among Islamites today we find, instead of true\nhumility, only proud work-righteousness. Nothing but the enjoyment of\nwine, of swine-flesh, of the blood of strangled animals, and games of\nchance are forbidden.\n\nAfter this summary of the real character of Mohammedan ethics, an\naccount of its practical teaching and effect will make the picture\nmore vivid to the reader, although still darker.\n\n\nTHE MOSLEM IDEA OF SIN\n\nMoslem doctors define sin as \"a conscious act of a responsible being\nagainst known law.\" They divide sin into \"great\" and \"little\" sins.\nSome say there are seven great sins: idolatry, murder, false charges of\nadultery, wasting the substance of orphans, taking interest on money,\ndesertion from Jihad, and disobedience to parents. Mohammed himself\nsaid, \"The greatest of sins before God is that you call another like\nunto the God who created you, or that you murder your child from an idea\nthat he or she will eat your victuals, or that you commit adultery with\nyour neighbor's wife.\"\n\nAll sins except great ones are easily forgiven, as God is merciful and\nclement. What Allah (God) allows is not sin. What Allah or his Prophet\nforbids is sin, even should he forbid what seems right to the conscience.\nIt is as great an offense to pray with unwashed hands as to tell a lie,\nand pious Moslems who nightly break the seventh commandment will shrink\nfrom a tin of English meat for fear they will be defiled by eating\nswine's flesh. Oh, what ignorance! The false prophet Mohammed said:\n\"One cent of usury which a man takes for his money is more grievous\nthan thirty-six fornications, and whosoever has done so is worthy of\nhell-fire. Allah is merciful in winking at the sins of his favorites\n(the prophets and those who fight his battles), but is a quick avenger\nof all infidels and idolaters.\"\n\n\nTHE LOW IDEAL OF CHARACTER OF ISLAM\n\nA stream can not rise higher than its source. The measure of the moral\nstature of Mohammed is the source and foundation of all moral ideas\nof Islam. His conduct is the standard of character. We need not be\nsurprized, therefore, that the ethical standard is so low among his\nfollowers. Raymond Lull, the first missionary to Moslems, used to show\nin his preachings that Mohammed had none of the seven cardinal virtues,\nand was guilty of the seven deadly sins. He may have gone too far, but\nit would not be difficult to show that pride, lust, envy, and anger were\nprominent traits in the Prophet's character.\n\nTo take an example, what Mohammed taught regarding truthfulness is\nconvincing. There are two authenticated sayings of his given in the\ntraditions on the subject of lying: \"When a servant of God tells a lie,\nhis guardian angels move away to the distance of a mile because of the\nbadness of its smell.\" \"Verily a lie is allowable in three cases--to\nwomen, to reconcile friends, and in war.\" It is no wonder, then, that\namong the Prophet's followers and imitators \"truth-telling is one of the\nlost arts\" and that perjury is too common to be noticed. As I pass in\nthe streets of Cairo, many times I hear the Moslems utter the word,\nb'ism Allah, \"in the name of God,\" while the speaker knows very well\nthat his words are altogether a lie.\n\nThere are certain things which the ethics of Islam allow, of which it is\nalso necessary to write. They exist, not in spite of Islam, but because\nof Islam, and because of the teachings of its sacred book.\n\n\nPOLYGAMY, DIVORCE, AND SLAVERY\n\nThese three evils are so closely intertwined with the Mohammedan\nreligion, its book, and its prophet, that they can never be wholly\nabandoned without doing violence to the teaching of the Koran and the\nexample of Mohammed.\n\nA Moslem who lives up to his privileges and follows the example of their\nsaints can have four wives and any number of slave concubines; can\ndivorce at his pleasure; can remarry his divorced wives by a special,\nthough abominable, arrangement; and in addition to all this, if he\nbelong to the Shiah sect he can contract marriages for fun (metaa),\nwhich are temporary. The Koran permits a Moslem to marry four legal\nwives, and to have as many concubines, or slave-girls, as he can support.\nIn Turkey, Moslems call a woman cow.\n\nIn Islam, marriage is a kind of slavery; for the wife becomes the slave\n(rakeek) of her husband, and it is her duty absolutely to obey him in\neverything he requires of her, except in what is contrary to the laws\nof Islam. Wife-beating is allowed by the Koran.\n\nThe other ethic, which is much worse than all the rest, is slave-trade.\nAccording to the Koran, slavery and the slave-trade are divine\ninstitutions. From the Koran we learn that all male and female slaves,\neither married or single, taken as plunder in war are the lawful\nproperty of the master, his chattel. Slave-traffic is not only allowed\nbut legislated for by Mohammedan law and made sacred by the example of\nthe Prophet.\n\nFor five hundred years Islam has been supreme in Turkey, the fairest and\nrichest portion of the Old World, and what is the result today? The\ntreasury is bankrupt; progress is blocked; \"instead of wealth, universal\npoverty; instead of comeliness, rags; instead of commerce, beggary.\"\n\nSuch are the chief tenets and religious requirements of Mohammedans in\nEgypt, Turkey, and in other countries where the people believe in the\nKoran. Christianity exists in Turkey by a kind of sufferance. The Turks\nhate, ridicule, foster pride and passion toward Christians; the ignorant\npopulace are taught by their learned men to regard themselves infinitely\nbetter than any Christian. The mosques are generally the hotbeds of\nfanaticism. The usual manner of speaking of the Christian was and still\nis to call him, in Turkey, \"Imansig Kevour\" (unbeliever); in Egypt,\n\"Nasrani,\" (Nazarene), or \"Ya din el kalb,\" (you dog). Peace, harmony,\nand happiness in the homes of Mohammedans are of a very transitory\nnature.\n\nMohammedans may be stedfast and unswerving in their faith and yet guilty\nof some of the most heinous crimes. Having lived among them, I have\nhad many opportunities to learn of their treachery as well as of their\nsterling qualities. The Mohammedans are in great need of the gospel of\nJesus Christ, which is a gospel of pardon, peace, purity, righteousness,\nand true wisdom.\n\nNotwithstanding the fact that from their earliest childhood their\nideas are perverted by their traditions and false teaching, and their\nconsciences defiled through their vain religion, the melting power of\nthe Spirit of God reaches some of their hearts when the gospel of Jesus\nChrist is preached. Their lives of deception bring to them many a snare,\nyet from among their ranks in the Orient have come some of the most\nstaunch ministers of the gospel. Gross darkness once reigned throughout\nthe land of Egypt, and now fervent prayers are ascending to the throne\nof God for the light of the gospel to drive the spiritual darkness from\nthe hearts of the people.\n\n\n\n\nA Daughter's Faith Rewarded\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 9\n\n\nI was brought up by Christian parents, that is, they were strict\nchurch-going people; but I never knew what it was to have a change of\nheart, though I feared God and did at times try to draw near to him.\n\nIt was after I graduated from school that I met those who believe in\nliving holy lives. I was very much impressed with them, but I did not\ngive my heart to God at that time. I continued to meet them and after\nsome months became convicted that I was a sinner and under the wrath\nof God. Having attended church and Sunday-school from childhood, I had\nconsidered myself a Christian; but when the Bible standard was lifted\nup before me, I soon saw my true condition.\n\nOne day while alone I yielded myself fully to God, and he received me\ninto his family. I did not know at that time, though I was very happy\nin my new-found love, what a treasure I had really found; but the\neighteen years I have already spent in His service verifies to me that\nthe path of the righteous shineth more and more unto the perfect day.\n\nA spirit of love and gratitude begets a spirit of service. I wanted to\ndo something for God, so began visiting the sick. Soon I felt a desire\nto go into the work of the Lord, but this step was much opposed in my\nhome, my family having had a life of worldly honor mapped out for me. I\nwaited, hoping a way would open for me to go, but it seemed my friends\nwere becoming more opposed to the life I had chosen. I was forced to\nleave home against the wishes of my friends, especially my dear mother,\nbut I see more clearly now than I did then that God's hand was in it and\nthat he was leading me.\n\nMother was so displeased that she took steps to disinherit me, but\nafterwards, through the persuasion of others, she relented. She also\nforbade me the privilege of returning home, but in this she also\nrelented. I wondered at this change in my dear mother, who was one of\nthe best of mothers, for this new life I had received seemed to have\nmade a great gulf between us. It certainly had made a marked change in\nthe once rebellious, self-willed girl, and I could not understand why my\nmother, who had spent many anxious moments because of my wilfulness, was\nnot rejoicing instead of opposing me. I now see that my course thwarted\nher worldly ambitions for me; hence the bitterness.\n\nI had spent a number of years working for the Master, which were\nvery profitable and beneficial to my soul. To me it was like God's\ntraining-college. My mother came to visit me sometimes, vainly hoping I\nwould return with her. She told me that if I would just return home she\nwould buy me worldly vanities, such as fine dresses, etc., which I had\nonce loved. She could not understand when I told her I did not want them\nany more. She even told me I could receive the attentions of a certain\nyoung man who for her sake I had once refused. But that fancy also had\nbeen removed far from me, and I praised God as I explained to her what\na change had been wrought in me.\n\nAbout one year after this my mother had a severe nervous attack. She\ncame to where I was living, saying that she wanted to make her peace\nwith God and die. Some ministers and I had prayer with her, and God\ngraciously pardoned her soul. Oh the joy that filled my heart when I saw\nmy dear mother humble herself before the Lord! She not only received\npardon, but received a divine touch in her body also. She became a bold\nwitness before all our friends and relatives to what God had done for\nher. It seemed she could never praise him enough. Though she was a woman\nof very strong character and personality, she became as gentle and\nteachable as a little child. Her nature seemed to be entirely changed.\nWhile I write this, tears of gratitude flow because of the greatness of\nGod's salvation. She spent a few happy months here below, and then God\ntook her.\n\n\n\n\nMissionary Experiences in British West Indies\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 10\n\n\nIt was a warm, sultry morning late in December. The tropical air was\nscarcely fanned by a breeze. The missionary heard the peculiar tapping\nof the postman at the gate and hurried to get his morning mail. He took\nthe single letter that was handed him, and with a pleasant nod to the\npostman broke the seal as he stepped back to the veranda.\n\nIt was a long letter; so before reading it the man sank into a chair and\nglanced away to the gleaming sea; but meeting only the dazzling light\nthere, he let his eyes rest upon the distant blue-green mountains for\na moment. Then for some time he was occupied with the contents of this\nlengthy letter. It was written in a neat, scholarly manner, and the\nmissionary noted it all as he read.\n\nAs he finished reading, a bright-faced woman came through the garden\nwith a baby in her arms. \"Come here, Jennie,\" he said; and his wife\ncame quickly to him. \"Here is a letter, Jennie, that requires very\ncareful answering. You know how busy I am; so I will commit this into\nyour care. This person, a Mr. K. L. Jones, has asked many questions on\nthe church and other points of doctrine.\" He looked up as he spoke, and,\nfinding the baby holding out its chubby arms to him, he took it and\nhanded the letter to his wife.\n\nThoughtfully she took it and began reading. She loved to write letters,\nand this, she felt, was her special part of the work. But here she\nperceived she had a task that was very difficult; for the writer,\nevidently a scholar, had put forth a dozen numbered questions that must\nbe carefully answered or this dear soul would be hindered from walking\nin the truth. God would give the needed wisdom, she knew, and she folded\nthe letter back into its envelope and sat meditating on the different\npoints he had raised. After a while, she asked:\n\n\"How was the meeting last night?\"\n\n\"Very good! Brother Owen spoke, and he did very well indeed. He used the\ntext: 'Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall\nye be my disciples.' Several came forward for help afterwards. Ah, by\nthe way, do you remember Sister Tilton? She was out to meeting last\nnight.\"\n\n\"Sister Tilton? She must be a new sister!\"\n\n\"Ah, well, perhaps we did not tell you about her. This young girl came\nto meeting once some time ago, but afterwards became very ill. Her folks\nwanted the doctor for her, but she refused, not telling them why. But as\nher sickness increased, they became alarmed and insisted on calling the\ndoctor. But the girl still refused the medicine. The doctor said she\nwould probably not live. Her people begged to know the reason for her\nrefusal to take the medicine, and she then said that she had been to\nthe church of God meeting and had been made very happy, and that she\nbelieved if they would send for the elders of that church she should\nbe healed. So word came, and Brother Owen went and anointed her in\naccordance with Jas. 5:14, 15. She has been getting better right along,\nand tonight she was at the meeting. She is saved now and seems to have\na clear experience.\"\n\n\"Thank God!\" was the hearty response. \"How I should have loved to be\nat the meeting last night!--but for the present here is my meeting,\nand here is my work,\" and, catching up the baby and waving the letter\nhappily, she ran into the house at the sound of children's voices\nwithin.\n\nAfter the baby had been bathed and put to sleep, and the other children\nwere sitting quietly at play on the side veranda, Sister Patience\nsettled herself with her Bible at her husband's desk to answer this\nimportant letter. Bowing her head she besought God for this soul and for\nwisdom to answer his difficult questions aright. Then taking up her pen,\nshe began the letter. She was so glad to write; she loved writing; and\nthe joy of it always seemed to get into the very letters and shine back\nfrom the pages. She addressed Mr. Jones cordially and kindly, and then\ntook up the substance of the letter itself. In calling his attention to\ncertain truths she referred to the Bible time after time, and again and\nagain she prayed, for the letter seemed particularly important to her.\nLong she meditated over some of the knotty questions, endeavoring to\nfind the wisest explanation. Sometimes she was interrupted by the\nchildren just when she most needed to be quiet; but she had learned that\ninterruptions often come as blessings in disguise, for often God had\ngiven thoughts that were clearer and better when she had patiently gone\nto attend to the children, and when she was free to return to her work\nshe had found an answer preparing itself in her mind without an effort\non her part. Thus, after several hours of close application, she\nfinished the letter and sent it off with a trusting spirit.\n\nSister Patience hoped to receive an answer to her letter immediately,\nbut week after week passed, and there was no response. Dread began to\ncreep upon her that this soul would not accept the truth. She took him\nearnestly to God many times and trusted that God would in some way\noverrule. However, as four months passed and she had not heard again,\nshe gave him over as being no longer interested.\n\nThen it was that one morning there came, to her surprize, a letter in\nthe same fine handwriting. How cordially he wrote! He thanked her for\nanswering the former letter so fully and said he had been searching and\nproving her answers by the Word during the long interval. And now there\nwere still a few points remaining that he disagreed with her upon; again\nshe found a few numbered questions to answer.\n\nThese, like the first, were very shrewd, puzzling questions, and only\nsagacious answers would satisfy the inquirer. Again Sister Patience\nlabored over the letter with prayer and meditation. Then, leaning hard\nupon God, she wrote another encouraging letter setting forth expositions\nof Scripture as clearly as possible. This time she invited her\ncorrespondent to a series of meetings they were expecting to hold during\nthe coming winter season, when they hoped to have with them one or two\nministers from America for a short period.\n\nAgain she waited long for an answer; but this time she did not give him\nup. Several months passed, and then one of the brethren, a colporteur,\ncame. He had been away for several months, and Sister Patience was very\nglad to see him.\n\n\"And tell me now, Brother Delworth,\" she said, after the first greetings\nwere over, \"where have you been all this time?\"\n\n\"Mostly in Arendon and Lawney. I went from Panville to Mayfield, and\nfrom there to Paldings.\"\n\n\"Paldings! You were at Paldings? Do you know one K. L. Jones?\" asked\nSister Patience with great interest.\n\n\"Ah yes, a fine old gentleman, a school-teacher. He is saved. I sold him\nsome books. He seems very much interested. And, by the way, he asked me\nto say to you when I should see you that he hoped to come over to the\nmeeting next month, when the brethren are here from America. You will\nhear from him soon.\"\n\nThe time was drawing near for the coming of the brethren from America.\nArrangements had been made for a meeting during their stay, which would\nbe only for a few days. And then one day a letter came from Brother\nJones inquiring as to the date of the meeting, and saying that if\npossible he should like to attend it. So again Sister Patience wrote\nhim, urging him to be at the meeting, if possible.\n\nThus it was that during the exciting days of the meeting, when many\nfrom different parts of the country had gathered in to meet the brethren\nfrom America in this meeting, Sister Patience first met Brother Jones.\nIt happened in this way: One morning before meeting-time, she was\npassing through the little sitting-room in her home, when she noticed a\nfine-looking native man of venerable appearance sitting at one side of\nthe room. People were all about him, but he was looking over some tracts\nthat had been handed him. Making her way to him, she said:\n\n\"Good morning, Brother, I have not met you before, have I?\"\n\n\"Ah, no,\" he said, and, quickly rising, he gave her a courteous bow.\n\"Can this be Sister Patience? My name is K. L. Jones, of Paldings.\"\n\n\"How glad I am to meet you!\" she replied. And then followed an animated\nconversation in which she was able to recognize and admire the fine\nqualities of his matured mind. Finally he expressed the desire to speak\nwith the foreign brethren himself, and so an audience was arranged\nfor him after the next service. Then it was, Sister Patience learned\nafterwards, that Brother Jones inquired deeply into the subjects of\nsanctification and baptism. Later in the day it was announced that there\nwould be a baptismal service early the next morning to accommodate\nBrother Jones, who was to return home by an early train.\n\nSome years have passed since then. God has wonderfully used the dear old\nbrother, and a congregation has been raised up about him, who look up to\nhim as their pastor. These are backward mountain people where he has\nlabored, yet such has been his patience and faithfulness and love that\nthey have become established in holiness and truth. Brother Jones, as\nwe call him, is becoming feeble now, but he is still standing faithful\nas the shepherd of this little flock, faithful unto death.\n\nDoes it pay to use patience and prayer when dealing with precious souls?\nAh yes; eternity alone can tell all that it means.\n\n\n\n\nThe Rescue of an Australian Lad\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 11\n\n\nIt was in the town of Goulbourne, New South Wales, Australia, that\nI began my career in life. Until I reached the age of four years, a\nprosperous father provided the comforts of a good home, but a great\nchange took place upon my suddenly being left fatherless. A few months\nlater found me in a little town on the St. Lawrence River, in the\nProvidence of Ontario, Canada. I had accompanied my mother to this\nplace, but she soon placed me with a strange family and went to a\ndistant city.\n\nAs I was now separated from every family tie, life began in real\nearnest. It was also the beginning of a record of many interesting and\noften sad experiences extending over a number of years. In my wanderings\nin different parts of Canada and in many localities of the United\nStates, the incidents varied all the way from being rescued from\ndrowning to landing in jail as a vagrant. Space forbids a detailed\naccount of my experience, which to me affords material for interesting\nand often regretful recollection. It may, however, all be summed up and\ndescribed as analogous with the casting of an innocent infant into the\nmighty Niagara River to be swept along at the mercy of the on-rushing\nand maddening current, which knows no relenting, but bears its victim to\nan untimely end over the brink of the mighty falls. There destruction\non the ragged rocks below awaits it unless an unseen hand should\nmiraculously dip into the water and save that form for life and service.\n\nThank God, in his tender mercy he stretched forth his hand to rescue my\npoor, lost, helpless soul from the turbulent rapids of sin when I was\nseventeen years of age. He set me on the solid rock of his truth and\ngave me the Holy Spirit as an eternal guide and propelling power. He has\nproved to be a comforter in whom I can safely put my trust when stemming\nthe rising tide of unbelief and doubt.\n\nIt is with thanksgiving that I can at the present time recount the divine\ncare of which I have been the object, so far in my pilgrimage through\nlife. I rejoice to be a partaker of the Father's love, which is pure,\nwarm, and changeless. There is an abiding assurance of safety so long as\nI walk in the path of obedience to his will and trust implicitly in his\nmighty power to keep my feet while I take steps toward the threshold of\nheaven. I am grateful, also, for a soul-conviction that the most worthy,\nmost desirable and glorious life is the one that finds its outlet in the\nglad service of love to God and discovers complete happiness in serving\nothers. A soul without Christ is like an idle straw driven at the mercy\nof the wind, but the soul redeemed through the blood of Jesus will\nexperience a sweet essence that turns the unfruitful life into a garden\nof unspeakable delights.\n\n\n\n\nHeathen Customs in China\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 12\n\n\nTo those who have been reared in Christian nations, it is difficult to\nconceive of the vague ideas of the true worship of the Creator, that\nare really bred and born into the worshipers of idols. Generation upon\ngeneration, for thousands of years, have been taught the same form of\nworship, or nearly so, until such heathen ideas and doctrines have\nbecome just as much a part of their nature as is any other sinful\ndisposition.\n\nHaving been a personal observer of a few of their customs, I shall here\nbe mentioning what I have seen, with a prayer that my account may at\nleast help the reader more fully to appreciate the access that every\nworshiper of the true God has to the bountiful storehouse of blessings\nprovided by our Creator.\n\nFor nearly five years I lived a short distance outside a large city in\nChina. Almost as far as we could see in any direction, the hills and\nvalleys were dotted with little mounds. (Some of the valleys, however,\nwere under cultivation.) How came all these little mounds, some round,\nsome long, some large and some small, some carefully covered over with\nfresh green sod, and others greatly weather-beaten and nearly washed\naway by the rains of the season? These mysterious little mounds mark the\nlast resting-places of thousands of Chinese. Should the mortal remains\nin a mound be those of a child, little or no attention is shown it; but\nshould it be those of a father or a mother, the relatives who are left\nbehind do not fail to show great respect and attention to the spirit of\nthe departed one. Should they not render such attention, they believe\nthe spirit has power to inflict upon them great sorrow and adversity.\n\nSome of their methods of showing respect I have observed to be as\nfollows: After a body is prepared for burial, candles and incense are\nkept burning, near the head and the feet; also bowls of rice and other\nfood, with a pair of chopsticks, are placed within easy reach, for\nthe use of the spirit. On the day of the funeral some one is hired to\nscatter representations of paper money along the road, just ahead of the\nbier. In determining the position of the coffin at the grave, great care\nis taken to have the head turned directly toward some favorite temple,\nthat the spirit may have no trouble in finding its way there. Before the\ncasket is covered with sod, a religious ceremony is held in this way:\nAll the relatives present, beginning with the nearest kinsman, kneel\ndown and bow from one to three times, to the one whom they now hold\nin such great esteem. Even the tiniest children are taught to thus bow\nbefore and reverence their ancestor. This being finished, there is\nthen kindled, at the foot of the casket, a small fire of paper money,\nby which means they believe the value thereof is transported to the\nspirit-world for the use of their departed one.\n\nA day or two after the funeral, and on special feast-days, the near\nrelatives carry food to the grave and offer the food to the spirit by\nplacing it in bowls before the grave. They also again burn paper money\nor incense. While the fire burns, and the food remains to be received by\nthe spirit, a woman, usually the nearest relative, kneels by the side of\nthe grave and begins a long-drawn-out season of lamenting and wailing\nfor the sorrow that has come upon her on account of the death of the\none by whose grave she is kneeling. She soon almost prostrates herself.\nDuring this season of weeping, she enumerates over and over, all the\nvirtues and good qualities of the departed one, and begs him to come\nback to her. She usually continues in this frenzy until some one who has\naccompanied her, pulls her up, bidding her cease the wailing. The bowls\nof food previously offered to the spirit are now given to the children\nor carried home for others to eat. By this manner of worship the woman\nis supposed to show great honor and reverence to the deceased, whether\nhe was her father, brother, husband, or son.\n\nWell do I remember the strange feelings that came over me the first few\ntimes I witnessed from my window such a scene as I have just described.\nI felt such a longing to go to the weeping woman, put my arms around\nher, and comfort her sad heart. But to my utter astonishment, within\ntwo or three minutes after all her touching lamentations she was up\nlaughing, talking, and having a jovial time with those about her!\nWhence came those agonizing groans, and whither had they flown? Had\n\"He who is touched with the feeling of our infirmities\" comforted her\nheart? Had the God of heaven, who is a present help in every time of\ntrouble, stretched forth his loving hand to dry her tears of sorrow?\nAh, no; sadly enough, no. Believe me, reader, when I say that these\nsuperstitious women worshiping the spirits of departed ones have a\nform of sorrow and make a great pretense of distress, but that, in\nreality, it is only a custom or habit which has been copied from their\ngrandmothers for generations back. This may seem hard to believe, but\none thing which convinced me the quickest was that they all have\nprecisely the same tune or swing to their wailing. After hearing it\nonce or twice, you always recognize it afterwards, wherever you are,\nwhether you see the person or not. It is like a recitation or song\ncommitted to memory. There may be no signs whatsoever of sorrow\nuntil after the woman has taken her place beside the grave, when she\nimmediately begins in tones that could probably be heard, on a quiet\nday, a quarter of a mile away, and continues wailing in the same pitch\nuntil some one bids her cease, when her outward appearance of sorrow\nceases as abruptly as it began. I do not mean to say that never is there\nany real sorrow mingled with the outward form. There may be, but it is\nthe outward form which constitutes the worship and which every woman\nseems to know how to perform when the occasion presents itself.\n\nNow permit me to tell something concerning the worship of idols.\nOriginally, I had the idea that the inside arrangement of a heathen\ntemple was very much the same as that of a Christian chapel; namely,\nthat seats were orderly arranged for the worshipers and that the idols\nwould be standing in the front where the pulpit should be. But upon\nmy first visit to a temple, I saw that I was mistaken. At or near the\ntemple door stand two very large, fierce-looking idols, known as guards\nof the temple. Arranged all around the sides are numerous other idols,\nof various kinds and sizes. But in the center of the building stands\none or more large idols, who are supposed to impart different kinds\nof blessings to the worshiper. Standing near by are a number of\nincense-pots, from which ascends smoke continuously on worship-days.\nOn the floor can be seen a number of thick, round mats, on which the\nworshipers kneel as they bow before the idols. They do not have fixed\nhours of worship and all assemble at the appointed time, but at any time\nthroughout the day few or many may go in and bow before whatever idols\nare supposed to bestow the kinds of blessings desired. The idol is not\nsupposed to give out the blessing at the time the worshiper bows before\nhim, as some readers may have believed. For instance, at the beginning\nof a new year, if a man bows before the god of wealth, he does not\nexpect the idol to hand out money to him, but rather he expects that\nduring the coming year he shall have financial prosperity.\n\nI remember once seeing a father bow before an idol, then take his three\nlittle children, one by one, show them how to kneel upon the mat, fold\ntheir little hands, and bump their heads several times upon the floor\nin front of the hideous idol, of which the little ones were afraid. The\nfather noticed that I was observing closely the procedure. When it was\nall finished, he looked at me with a smile, as if to say, \"Didn't they\ndo well?\"\n\nThese things can not but make sad the heart of a child of God. Catching\na glimpse now and again of a bit of real idol-worship helps one to\nrealize that the church, in evangelizing the world, has indeed a mighty\nundertaking. From a human standpoint, it may seem impossible, but with\nGod all things are possible.\n\n\n\n\nDeliverance from Discouragements and Extremism\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 13\n\n\nAlong the narrow way that leads to heaven, the Christian meets with many\nexperiences that to him seem strange and inexplicable. That at times\nhe should walk in light and then again in darkness; that sometimes he\nshould run with ease and then again be compelled (as Bunyan puts it) \"to\nfall from running to going, and from going to clambering upon his hands\nand his knees, because of the steepness of the place\"; that he should\nstand today upon the mountain-top of glory and tomorrow find himself\nplunged into the valley of despondency and gloom; that today he should\nfeel so clearly his Savior's presence, and tomorrow be left seemingly so\nentirely to himself; all these and many other things of like nature tend\nto puzzle and confuse the souls of pilgrims on the way to glory. That\ndiscouragements and disappointments would come from outside sources\nalmost all have expected, but that the inward life should be changeful\nand varied in any wise many have not thought consistent with true\nChristian experience.\n\n\nVARIED EXPERIENCES\n\nSome, upon discovering that the Christian's pathway leads not always\nthrough verdant valleys and beside still waters, conclude that the\nway is too often rough and that therefore the prize is not worth the\nrunning, become discouraged and turn back into sin. Others, after\nwondering and seeking in vain for a way always bright and easy, and\nlearning that all Christians have similar experiences of inward light\nand shade, conclude that these things are part of the way and determine\nto take them as a matter of course and make the best of them. They\nconsider the prize too great to miss, and so they press on at any cost,\nhaving settled down to endure what must be endured and to enjoy what may\nbe enjoyed, hoping some day for an end to it all, but never discovering\nthe causes, or being able to think the thoughts of God concerning their\ndifficulties.\n\nAnother class can not be satisfied with this condition of mingled light\nand shade. Their souls must ever see the face of God, and with nothing\nshort of that can they abide content. They would make any sacrifice if\nonly the glory and joy they desire might be theirs, and without it they\ncan not be still. Everywhere they turn crying, \"Wherefore hidest thou\nthy face,\" \"Make me to know my transgression and my sin\" (Job 13:23,\n24); and, like Job again, 'they go forward, but he is not there; and\nbackward, but they can not perceive him'; on the right and left they\nseek, but can not find him (Job 23:8, 9). But they never quiet their\nsouls sufficiently for God to tell them the causes of the conditions\nwhich they so much deplore.\n\nYet another class of Christians go through like experiences with the\nothers, but somehow God by his grace enables their hearts, perhaps after\nyears of struggling, to settle down at last into a state of stillness\nand calm submission where he can teach them the causes of their troubles\nand so bring them out into that \"wealthy place\" which is the normal\nstate of a mature Christian. Then they can sing with Job, \"I have heard\nof thee by the hearing of the ear; but NOW mine eye seeth thee\" (Job.\n42:5).\n\nIn religious as truly as in physical and temporal affairs, there is\nnever an effect without an adequate cause. If the Word of God loses\nits richness, if darkness falls upon the soul, if it is hard to pray,\nif there is a lack of victory in any respect, there is a reason, a\nsufficient cause for such a condition. Let it be understood here that\nthe causes are not always, in fact often are not, sins. Much confusion\nhas arisen from imagining that every chastening of the Lord is the\npunishment of some sin, when, in fact, each of God's sons must endure\nchastisement that they may become in a fuller sense partakers of his\nholiness. Thus, we conclude that all the unpleasant experiences with\nwhich we meet in the upward way must be for the sake of eliminating\nsomething of self and of conforming us more to the divine image. We do\nnot meet them simply because they are in the way, but they are in the\nway because we need them. Hence the best way to meet all such things is\nto bring them quickly to Father, not inquiring impatiently, \"Why must\nI suffer so?\" but rather: \"What is there in my nature that makes this\nsuffering necessary? What is it that thou art endeavoring to do for me?\nAnd how may I conduct myself so as to receive the benefit?\"\n\n\nTESTS IN EARLY CHRISTIAN LIFE\n\nHappy is the child of God who can say that from the day of his\nconversion he has never sinned nor grieved the Spirit of God. Such,\nhowever, has not been the experience of the writer. For several years\nI was plunged, sometimes within the space of a few hours, from extreme\nhappiness and joy into deepest gloom and sadness. Weeks of walking in\nthe joy of the Lord often terminated in some sad failure, causing untold\nmisery of soul. When faith again gained the victory, praises in the day\nand songs in the night were mine until some other episode or depression\nof feeling caused me anxiety and fear. In spite of God's matchless grace\nand patient endeavor to teach me the lessons of absolute dependence and\nhumble trust in him, this condition continued until gradually and almost\nimperceptibly my soul reached a place where I seemed past feeling, joy\nwas no longer mine, love seemed a sensation foreign to my heart, the\npower of prayer was gone, and I felt that God had indeed forsaken me. My\ntestimonies (for I was not conscious of any sin and could not give up my\nhope in Christ) sounded to my own ears as \"tinkling cymbal and sounding\nbrass.\"\n\nThat a soul who commits no known sin and who never loses the\ndetermination to serve God could get into such a state seems incredible.\nSuch, however, was my condition, and I have met some who are on the way\nto just such a place of confusion, others who have reached and are now\nsuffering in the same state of misery, and still others who have passed\nthrough and found that sweet rest of soul so plainly promised to all who\ncome to Jesus. Such, then, as may be passing through or who are entering\nupon such experiences, I trust to be able to show how my feet came to\nsink into the miry clay and how at last God graciously set me upon the\nsolid rock of his eternal truth and gave me new songs of praise and love\nonce again.\n\n\nA DEEPER SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE\n\nFor the two years intervening between my conversion and the time when\nI was enabled to make a complete consecration and receive an experience\nwhich I had not before attained, I enjoyed and endured the experiences\ncommon to the Christian in his early religious life. Many times I\npresented myself to God for cleansing, but as often failed to receive\nthe Holy Ghost, because I could not believe unless I should have such\nmanifestations of his incoming as some others had received. At last, in\ndesperation, being confident that I had yielded all to God, I determined\nto believe that he did cleanse my heart and give me the Holy Spirit\nwhether I ever received any feelings or not; for had not the immutable\nGod promised, and could his word be broken? After a severe testing of\nthis decision, the Holy Spirit came into my heart, cleansing it and\nfilling me with joy unspeakable and full of glory. \"Now,\" I thought,\n\"surely all my difficulties are past, and I shall walk in glory the rest\nof my life.\" This bubble soon burst, however; for in my very testimony\nto the gracious infilling of the Spirit, I was shown a degree of self\nand a lack of humility, which, had I understood the truth of the matter,\nshould have sent me in faith to the throne of grace for a supply of what\nI lacked, but which, instead, I allowed to throw me into a state of\ndoubt and fear from which I did not emerge for some days. The agony\nof soul which I suffered through not understanding the fact that I had\nan individual self-life with which I must reckon, even though I was\nsanctified, can be understood only by those who have become victims to\ndoubts in a like manner. After a time faith became stronger, the seasons\nof depression became fewer, and my soul lived upon the wing. Prayer was\na delight; the reading of the Word filled me with praise; meeting the\npeople of God was the joy of my life; and every newly revealed truth\nmade my soul leap for gladness.\n\n\nGLORYING IN SELF\n\nI came at last to revel in my experiences. Insensibly to myself, I\ngloried in MY joy, MY victory, MY trueness to God. Others told of trials\nand difficulties; my testimonies were full of victory and praise, and I\nrejoiced in the fact. Little by little I began to notice the faults and\nfailures of others, and having begun to think so much of what I was,\nI had but a little step to go to make a comparison of their faults with\nmy virtues. As I remember, I did this all quite unconsciously; but a\nbrother at last said to me, \"I fear you are losing that burning love\nfor others which you once had.\" Thus reproved, I sought the Father in a\nvery simple prayer that he would fill me again with that sweetness and\ntenderness so necessary for a child of God. That he answered no one\ncould doubt, least of all I myself. A passion for souls took hold upon\nme. No labor was too hard, no sacrifice too great, if only I could\ninfluence a soul for Jesus. I felt a tenderness of soul toward those\nwhom I had formerly criticized, and whereas I had avoided them, now I\nfelt a drawing toward them, and though I believed (because some in whom\nI had confidence warned me of it) that they possessed very serious\nfaults, someway I could not see them so plainly.\n\nI was young in years, and oh, so ignorant! If only at that time my\nwisdom had been equal to my love for God and souls, how much of sorrow\nI might have been saved! How hard the Spirit of God tried to keep me\nfrom taking counsel with self and others! but I had yet to develop that\nindividuality which can stand alone with God in sunshine or tempest\nand at the same time hold an attitude of humble, submissive love to\nthe brethren. I needed that single eye which sees only God and is not\noccupied with self or others, except in humbly loving and serving them.\nPartly through a lack of understanding, but more especially because\nspiritual pride was gaining a foothold in my heart, making it impossible\nfor me clearly to distinguish the voice of the Spirit of God, I failed\nto heed his warnings, and entered an experience of darkness and gloom,\nlighted by a very few rays of his divine presence, which continued over\na period of several years.\n\n\nCRITICIZING OTHERS\n\nGradually my former experience was repeated. Criticism of others slowly\nbut surely took the place of fervent charity. Contemplation of self and\nself-complacency supplanted meditation on God and the humble realization\nof my need of his constant help. Self-sufficiency succeeded humble\ndependence upon the Lord. All this was utterly uncomprehended by my\nheart, and soon I began vaguely to wonder why I did not love secret\nprayer as formerly, why the Word did not seem so good to me as before,\nand why my thoughts ran so much upon myself and others, whereas in times\npast the Lord had been the Alpha and Omega of my meditations. My zeal\nfor the truth did not abate. My public devotions were earnest and\napparently spiritual, but deep within my soul I knew that there was a\ndifference. However, I was so much taken up with helping others do right\nthat I had not much time to attend to my own needs. God had given me\nmuch light, many things for my personal benefit. These I was very\nanxious for others to see; for if they were good for me, why not for\nothers also? Thus, I endeavored to force my convictions upon all I met.\nI loved their souls and my actions were born of a desire for their best\ngood, but my attitude must have repelled rather than have attracted\nthem. Anxiety to see every one get as much as possible as quickly as\npossible, made me oversolicitous and exacting.\n\nAt this time I came in contact with some who were inclined to lower the\nstandard in some respects and give more room for looseness of walk and\nconversation than was expedient. These I looked upon at first with pity,\nthen with indignation, and at last as wilful deceivers. At this stage,\nI think, the last vestige of divine tenderness vanished from my soul,\nand I entered the conflict determined to vindicate the truth and see the\nstandard upheld. When efforts were made to discover to me my faults, I\ncould see only theirs. If it was suggested to me that I was lacking in\nlove, I felt that judgments instead of love should be meted out to them.\nInstead of feeling free in their presence, I felt like avoiding them and\nalmost feared to be with them. This I ascribed to the bad spirit which\nI felt actuated them. Had I only known how, I might have held to the\ntrue standard in righteousness and also in mercy, but I could see no\nmiddle ground. Either I was right and they wrong or the opposite was\ntrue. And I thought that if I was wrong at all I must be wholly wrong.\nI had not at that time seen the truth that God judges us by our\nmotives, and condemns or excuses us as we have or do not have an earnest\ndetermination to serve him and do his will. So any attempt to recognize\nthose who were failing in doing some of what I was sure was the will of\nGod only resulted in terrible confusion to my soul.\n\n\nWARNED BY A DREAM\n\nAt last God in mercy gave a dream to a brother who was trying to help\nus. I can not recall it perfectly, but to the best of my recollection,\nit was somewhat as follows: He thought that he was in the center of a\nbeautiful stream of water, clear as crystal. The banks on each side were\nperpendicular and very high. On each bank was a large bundle to which\nwas attached a strap. The brother was trying hard, but without success,\nto pull those bundles into the stream. In the midst of his exertions he\nawoke. Wondering what was in the bundles, he looked to the Lord and\nreceived this solution: The crystal stream represented God's eternal\ntruth; the obstinate bundles contained a list of things which he gave\nto us somewhat as follows:\n\n                                TRUTH\n\n        Human Reasoning           |          Legality\n                                  |\n  Zeal for spirituality           |  Great claims to spirituality\n  Voluntary humility              |  Harshness\n  Independence                    |  Self-sufficiency\n  Headiness                       |  Self-will\n  Criticism                       |  Criticism\n  Loose handling of Word          |  Zeal for written commands\n  Exaltation of Spirit above Word |  Exaction\n  Undue liberty                   |  Bondage\n  Compromise                      |  Fanaticism\n\n\nINDIFFERENCE OR DOUBTS\n\nSuch a revelation of my heart should have helped me, but so blind was\nI that the only change it wrought was to turn the weapons of harshness,\ncriticism, and exaction upon myself. And for three long miserable years,\nwith a heart like a stone so far as feelings were concerned, I wrestled\nwith doubts and fears and tried, oh, so hard! to reach the standard of\nspirituality which I had formerly held up for others. Labor in prayer as\nI would, the light would not dispel the darkness, the stony heart would\nnot soften, except for a short season. Then, how I gloried in the light\nand how I mourned when it was dark again! Worse than all else, there\nfell upon my soul a state of seeming indifference to my condition and\ncarelessness toward both God, the souls of others, and myself. Stir\nmyself out of it, I could not. Sorrow and joy alike seemed strangers to\nme. As there was no blessing, so there was no grief. There was a great\ncalm, but it was the calm of the grave; it was not peace. When reproved\nfor causing trials to others, as I often needed to be, I endeavored not\nto be guilty of the same offense again; but no matter what I did, I\nseemed to experience no great depth of sorrow. Withal there developed a\nlightness quite foreign to what I had been by nature or grace. I seemed\nto live only upon the surface, and to have no ability to reach any\ndepth of grace. This I deplored, and longed for the blessing of genuine\nsorrow. How often I wished that I had never heard the truth if only\nI might have the chance to begin all over again!\n\nI lived in circles, making no progress. Daily I prayed for a return of\nthe joy, love, peace, and victory I had once known. Sometimes the clouds\nrifted a little, and I gloried in it, thinking that surely the Lord\nhad heard, and I should be delivered; but soon I would feel the same\ndulness settle down, leaving in me the same aching void as before.\nAgain and again I tried to repent, thinking that I surely must be\na sinner; but I could not work up any earnestness, nor could I find\nanything in particular of which to repent, only the darkness and general\ndissatisfaction which I was experiencing. If only I could have begun\nagain; but there seemed no place from which to start, no foundation for\nmy feet, and I felt myself almost entirely swallowed in the quicksand\nof despondency and discouragement. I realized then the force of the\nPsalmist's words, \"If the foundations be removed, what shall the\nrighteous do?\"\n\n\nDISCOURAGEMENTS\n\nAt last my thoughtlessness brought upon me some very severe reproofs.\nI knew that I was not feeling the weight of them as I should, and I\nknew also that unless I should be able in some way to see why I did\nsuch things I could never get any help. Why should I, who longed to be\na soul-winner, be a source of trial to others? Having at last gotten\nit settled that there was something fundamentally wrong, I determined\nnot to content myself until I should discover what it was. Instead of\npraying as I had done for so long, for love, joy, etc., I endeavored\nto humble myself before God and entreat him to show me what was wrong\nwithin. I made very slow progress. A day of fasting and prayer revealed\nnothing. But I would not cease searching my heart. It was very dry\npraying, for I had no ability even to feel sorry that my condition was\nso bad; but I had one promise to which I clung desperately: \"They that\nseek the Lord shall not want any good thing\" (Psa. 34:10). I could not\nmake myself feel, nor change my state, but I could seek. And it was\nwithin my power, as it is within the power of all, to believe that he\nwould be found of me.\n\nAt last, little by little, it dawned upon me that I was selfish. The\nreader may smile, as I myself do now, that I did not know it before.\nBut up to that time I had never stopped to consider why I did things.\nIf I spoke harshly, I was sorry and begged pardon, but it never occurred\nto me to think why I had spoken so, except that something had not\npleased me. If I prayed when I felt inclined and neglected prayer when\nI did not feel inclined to pray, I knew that I had neglected duty, but\nto consider why I had neglected it never entered my mind. If words not\nunto edification escaped my lips, I was ashamed, but my motive for so\nspeaking was unknown to me. But now the Lord showed me clearly that a\ndesire for personal pleasure and profit lurked deep at the root of all\nthose acts of indifference and carelessness. Grateful for one ray of\nlight, I sought again his presence and cried, \"But why, O Lord, should\nI, who have tasted thy divine grace, who have felt the sanctifying power\nof thy Holy Spirit--why should I be selfish?\" My spiritual eye was\nregaining its sight now and my ear its keenness, so that through many\ndays, in the testimonies of others, through reading, and in prayer and\nmeditation, the answer came by degrees, until at last I understood.\n\n\nSELF-LOVE AND PURE LOVE\n\nThere is, I learned, in every human heart an element called self-love.\nThis is not sinful in itself, being synonymous with that desire for\nhappiness which is the medium through which God appeals to the soul.\nIt is not annihilated in the sanctified soul, else Jesus could not have\nsaid, \"Love thy neighbor as thyself,\" but it is there subordinated to\nthat pure love which places God first in all circumstances. To love the\nLord with all the heart, might, mind, and strength is to love with pure\nlove; but the heart that loves thus still contains self-love, and it is\nthrough this property of the soul that the sanctified can be tempted.\nAdam was a perfect man, with a perfectly pure heart; but when tempted\nto obtain something which promised to improve his state and increase\nhis happiness, he proved that he loved himself by yielding to the\ntemptation. It is this part of ourselves which must daily be denied lest\nit degenerate into selfishness and cause us trouble. There is a degree\nto which this self-love and pure love may become mixed in our service\nto God. This had happened in my case.\n\nPure love serves without any hope of reward. When light and peace and\njoy fill the soul, or when grief, sorrow, or loneliness presses the\nheart, pure love goes on loving and serving. Pure love desires, not to\nbe pleased, but to please. It gives all and demands nothing in return.\nIt loves God, not so much for what he has done for the soul, or for what\nthe soul expects him to do for it, but for what he IS. It seeks him, not\nso much that it may be blessed, as that it may be a pleasure to him.\nIt desires, not so much satisfaction for its own heart, as that he may\nbe satisfied with it. It seeks not place nor position nor anything, but\nonly that HE may find pleasure in it, that HE may be able to rejoice in\nthe work of his hand. If it pleases him to give good things, the soul\nis grateful, but does not forget that the Giver is more than the gift.\nIf evil comes, pure love can quietly rest, desiring naught for self,\nbut all for him. Even if his face is hidden, pure love, though feeling\nkeenly the absence of its beloved, can still say in sweet submission,\n\"Thy will be done\"; for it feels itself unworthy of any blessing and so\nis content with whatever its Lord is pleased to do. It yields itself to\nthe Author of every good, and, trusting his love, receives thankfully\nand in deep humility what he pleases to give and as gratefully humbles\nitself to go without what he does not please to give. \"Willingly to\nreceive what thou givest, to lack what thou withholdest, to relinquish\nwhat thou takest, to suffer what thou inflictest, to be what thou\nrequirest\"--this is pure love and real consecration.\n\n\nSEEING MY CONDITION\n\nAs God revealed this precious truth, I felt as though some one had\nsaid of me, \"Doth Job serve God for naught?\" and that God could not have\njustified me as he did Job. My own heart showed me self-seeking. I saw\nthen that I had prayed to be blessed; that I had longed for satisfaction;\nthat I had sought for joy and peace and love and spirituality, partly\nat least, that I might be satisfied and well pleased with myself, and,\nfurthermore, that I might be considered spiritual among the brethren.\nAlso, I was honestly anxious to be a blessing to others and in\neverything to be an \"example of the believers.\" But to seek the Lord\nsimply to please him never occurred to me, until I was reminded of his\nunselfish love for me. He desired me to be \"all for him,\" not because my\nlittle all could make him any richer, but because it was only then that\nhe could really be \"all for me\" and bestow upon me the riches of his\nlove. A sentence from Fenelon made me more ashamed than ever. It reads\nsomething like this: \"Would you serve God only as he gives you pleasure\nin serving him?\"\n\n\nLIGHT BREAKS UPON MY SOUL\n\nIn the beginning of my Christian experience I had but to see a truth to\nfeel within a strong drawing to obedience. But now all was different.\nThe cold facts of my condition were plain to me, but there was no inward\nforce compelling me to act according to the knowledge I had gained. I\nwas tossed about and wished more than I can tell for some inward urging\nof the Spirit of God toward the performance of my duty. I did not know\nthe truth that God accepts the decision of the will as the purpose of\nthe heart. I supposed that no act could be acceptable to God unless\nit came from a warm feeling of love. The deadness and the apathy of my\nheart were sickening. I saw clearly the wretchedness of my condition,\nbut there was no breaking up, no feeling of sorrow, no conviction (as\nI thought), no love for God. If I could only have shed some tears; if my\nsoul had only been exercised for its own deliverance! But all within was\nas still as a stone; only my mind seemed active.\n\nAt last, however, I saw that this apparent lack of sorrow was only\nanother step toward the utter repudiation of self. In the past, self\nhad hidden behind my tears, and I had unconsciously trusted in my sorrow\ninstead of in the Lord, thinking that surely because I felt so sorry,\nI should not repeat the offense. But a feeling of sorrow can not save,\nas I proved again and again by repeated failures, and so God, wishing\nto strip me of anything in which to trust except himself, allowed me\nnot even the satisfaction of tears or a breaking up of heart. He wished\nto teach me that real repentance is an act of the will and not of the\nemotions. For a tender heart, one should be grateful, but to trust in\nthat for victory over sin or faults can only lead to repeated failure.\nSo at last I was willing to submit this point to him who doeth all\nthings well and was willing to cast myself, unworthy, undone, without\na vestige of hope in myself, nor a place to set my feet, wholly upon\nhim and to believe that he took me AS I WAS, whether I was able to do\nor be anything or not, and would begin to work in me his divine will.\n\n\nLEARNING MY MISTAKES\n\nThe same trouble arose about my lack of feeling any love for God. How\ncould I, who had been the recipient of so many favors from the hand of\nGod, be so hard-hearted as not to love him! Could I dare come to him or\nask anything from him when I did not love him, when I had given so much\nplace to self-love and had been so indifferent concerning the pleasure\nof my King? How difficult it is to come to God empty-handed! If only I\nmight have brought at least a little love in my hand to offer him! But\nno, there seemed to be none; and at last my poor soul came to see and\nconfess that, after all, it was not because of my love to him that he\nloved me and saved me, but because of his great mercy and love for me.\nAt length my soul, falling down before him, could cry out in truth,\n\n  \"Nothing in my hand I bring;\n  Simply to thy cross I cling.\"\n\nThen he taught me that love does not depend upon emotion; that so far as\nGod is concerned, it is a free gift to us; that in order for us to enjoy\nit we must accept it as our own. The acceptance depends upon our will\nand decision in the matter, and not upon our feelings. To illustrate: If\na person does much for me that is hard and difficult for him, willingly\nmakes many sacrifices for me, without any hope of reward, I conclude\nthat he loves me far better than the one who does much for me for which\nhe receives or expects remuneration. Nowhere does the Bible command\nus to =feel= like obeying the Lord; nowhere is it even suggested that\nwe should =feel= like loving him. But we do find that God's pleasure\nrests upon those who \"=will= do his will\" (John 7:17), and we do have\nthis definition of love: \"This is the love of God, that we keep his\ncommandments.\" Feelings have nothing to do with the keeping of God's\ncommands. Of course, it is more pleasant to us to do what we feel\ninclined to do, but it does not necessarily give more pleasure to God.\nIf we obey God because he is God and because it is right to obey him,\nwe act from pure love, and the pleasure God feels toward such service\nwill in time be poured out upon the soul in streams of love, and there\nwill be all the feeling desired.\n\nThus, I saw that if I willed to love God and acted as nearly as possible\nas I should act if I felt the glow of his love in my heart, this was\nmore acceptable to him than the same service would be if rendered\nbecause my feelings prompted me to do it.\n\n\nVICTORY OVER ACCUSATIONS\n\nIn acting upon this truth, I was often accused of being a hypocrite,\nbecause my prayers, my manifestations of love and interest in others,\nand whatever I did for the Lord, seemed unreal and strained. Here,\nhowever, faith came to my rescue, enabling me to say to Satan: \"No, I am\nnot a hypocrite. I know that I do not feel like doing what I am doing;\nI know that I am not getting any particular pleasure out of it. But I do\nnot deserve any pleasure, and I shall continue to do the best I can to\nprove to God that I do love him and am trying to give him pleasure.\nIf he never sees fit to give me back again the joy which I formerly had\nin his service, that is his business. Mine is to love and serve. Let him\ndo as he will with his own.\"\n\nIt was all very dry and hard at first, for the old doubts about being\nhis when I did not feel his presence, knocked hard for admittance; but\nI was enabled to meet them always with the same confidence: \"I can not\ndoubt that he loves me now, whether I seem to love him or not; for did\nhe not 'love me and give himself for me' when I was not trying to serve\nhim at all? Anyway, my salvation does not depend upon my love for him,\nbut upon his for me. But I WILL love him and prove it by trusting and\nobeying him. This is all I can do; the rest I leave with him.\" The test\nwas a long one, and a lesson that I shall not forget.\n\nWhen, at last, God saw that I would ask only for ability to satisfy\nand please him, whether I felt pleased and satisfied or not, there came\ninto my soul gradually light and joy, and oh! such a sweet sense of his\npresence. Praise his name! The love and other graces I then felt in my\nsoul, I could not boast of, however, for they all came from and belonged\nto him; and when I was enabled again to bow before him with a sweet\nsense of love and reverence, I felt that in adoring and loving him,\nI was not bringing to him something of my own, but only returning to\nhim that which he had given me. I felt as I had not for years that\n\n  \"The graces within are not mine;\n    For the love and the power and the glory\n  Belong to the Savior divine.\"\n\n\nLOCATING MYSELF SPIRITUALLY\n\nOne other point of which I must speak in this connection is the\ndifficulty I experienced in endeavoring to locate myself spiritually\nwhen in the midst of the confusion I have described. Could I be saved\nat all when in such a state? Did I need to repent, or only try to do\nbetter? Were my careless actions and thoughtless words sins, or only\nmistakes? Fortunately, I was advised not to try to figure out so\ncarefully what was sin and what was not, but to present to Jesus\nanything that troubled me, and to trust him implicitly to work in me\nthe victory that I needed. By humbly confessing my weakness and claiming\nthe promise of Phil. 2:13, \"For it is God that worketh in you both to\nwill and to do his good pleasure,\" I was enabled to gain victory almost\nimmediately over many faults and failures with which I had wrestled long\nand over which I could never have gotten victory if I had spent my time\npicking every failure to pieces to find out whether it was something of\nwhich I needed to repent as a sin or only a mistake. I felt that God was\npleased to have me humbly confess and trustingly turn over to him for\ncorrection any and every error whether it seemed to me serious or not.\n\nIt would take too much space to tell here of all the changes which were\nwrought in me by these experiences. Suffice it to say that life has been\ndifferent ever since. Not that I have always felt the Lord just as near,\nfor he has needed to remind me of the lessons I have recorded and to\nteach me others; but whether he seems near or far, Satan has never\nsucceeded in making me fear and doubt. I have learned that whether God\nleads in light or in darkness, he IS leading and I have nothing to fear.\nIf darkness comes upon me, it is for a purpose, and I can wait patiently\nupon him until he makes that purpose known. Submissively to wait and\npatiently to trust in him till he reveals his purposes is my part. His\npart is to lead and take care of me, and this, I am sure, he will do\nunto the end. Therefore I have no responsibility except to go on obeying\nand trusting him. Whatever bothers or troubles me in myself or others\nI lay at his feet, expecting him to give me victory if the trouble be\nin myself, or to bring it out in his own good way if it be in others.\nAnd thus my soul has reached and abides in that \"wealthy place\" where\nno harm can ever come and where the soul is kept in perfect peace.\n\n\n\n\nLiberated from Faultfinding\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 14\n\n\nFor the glory of God and the encouragement of others I wish to testify\nagainst the evil of faultfinding. Soon after the beginning of my\nChristian experience, about twelve years ago, I was severely harassed by\nthis adversary of my soul. So cunningly were my eyes blinded to my real\ncondition that I was almost overwhelmed at times through the workings of\nthis dangerous influence.\n\nAt times I would be almost free from it, but very much of the time I\nseemed to have a peculiar faculty of finding the mote in the eyes of\nothers and was never aware of the beam in my own eye. I could see so\nmuch to pick at in some brethren that there was no time left for me to\nstep aside and occasionally take myself into account and see myself as\nothers saw me. I thought I could conduct some affairs over which others\nhad charge, so much better than they were being conducted, that I was\nat times uncomfortable because I did not have a chance to show what I\ncould do. It is needless to say that during the time that I was a prey\nto this wicked spirit, I had little, if any, spiritual life; but I tried\nto convince myself that I was doing quite well. There was, however, a\nblank or a real lack in my Christian life, because I had not learned to\nbe an ideal Christian in humility before God and meekness towards my\nfellow men.\n\nAs soon as I passed through enough sad experiences to make me the happy\npossessor of a willing spirit, I began to realize that I was learning\nthe necessary lessons and through these trials and tribulations I began\nto have a little understanding of the cause and root of my trouble.\n\nThere were three happenings that aided in awakening me to my need. The\nfirst one was a few years ago, when I received from a brother a letter\nin which he said, \"Brother, you need continuity.\" That reproof found\nits place in my heart, and the first seed was sown toward a harvest of\nwillingness. Although it brought no immediate results, yet it stayed by\nme and was very prominent before me many times.\n\nThe second lesson was brought to me through a sermon. The sister who\ndelivered the sermon related the experience of a brother who had years\nof difficulty in regard to finding fault with others, and who finally\nconcluded that the trouble was more with him than with those he\ncriticized. I began to see my own case a little clearer, but I did not\nfully learn the lesson until sometime later.\n\nMy third lesson came in the following manner: A brother in whom I had\nsome confidence came to my home and asked for a position, which I\nsecured for him. We admitted him into our home for his comfort as well\nas for our pleasure spiritually, as we supposed he would be a help to\nus. It was not long, however, until it seemed there was nothing that\nescaped his faultfinding. He saw mountains of fault with us and our\nchildren. At last I saw in his case a picture of what I myself had done\nduring the past, but I had banished from my life all thoughts of ever\nagain being influenced by such a faultfinding spirit. Never before had\nI been able to see the picture of my former condition as I saw it when\nfully manifested in the life of this brother.\n\nAlthough it had been my desire and no doubt his full intention to do\nwhat was right, nevertheless this evil habit, if I may call it such,\nhad gained such a foothold in my life and in his life as to be a\nhindrance to our own spiritual progress and a stumbling-block in the\nway of others. This habit of faultfinding by those who are claiming\nto be children of God has caused them to wander from the true paths of\nrighteousness into forbidden paths, and also to turn many others from\nthe path that leads to everlasting life.\n\nIt is with much gratitude to God that I undertake to tell of my\ndeliverance from that great barrier and hindrance to my spiritual\nprogress. When I came to the point where I humbled my heart before the\nLord and let him turn the searchlight upon me, the faults in others were\nnot so great, but mine had seemed to climb mountain high. It was with\na determination and positive decision to turn from such things; and the\nLord, understanding my intentions in regard to those things, took note\nof my humility of heart and delivered me, for which I give him all the\npraise and glory. May the dear Lord help us all to bear with each other,\nand forbear complaining, even though it may at times seem necessary.\nI am sure it will bring about a great measure of the grace of God.\n\n\n\n\nHelp from God in Fiery Trials\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 15\n\n\nWhen I think of the great mercy and love of God that follows after a\nsoul and remember that he knows all about the thoughts and intents of\nthe heart, truly I stand in awe before him. Since he knows all and has\nall power, can we not trust him when we give ourselves into his hands\nto be molded into his image to shine for him?\n\n\"Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the\nkingdom of heaven, but he that doeth the will of my Father.\" Every\none who will give all into his hands will be brought through the fire,\naccording to Zech. 13:9--\"And I will bring a third part through the\nfire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them\nas gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them:\nI will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The Lord is my God.\"\nIn telling some experiences in the furnace-flames, I wish to lose sight\nof everything except to be a help and encouragement to those who are\nin trial.\n\nIn writing my experience, I shall find it necessary to make mention\nof some of the sad things concerning my husband, a fact which I very\nmuch regret. But I trust that dear souls will take warning and realize\nthat there is no limit to the work of the enemy when once he gains\npossession. I shall never cease to be thankful for the first copies of\na paper called the Gospel Trumpet I ever saw. Through my reading them,\nconviction was sent to my soul by the Spirit of God; but being unwilling\nto meet the necessary conditions, I resisted the convictions and put the\npapers aside.\n\nSome months afterwards while searching for something, I came across\nthose papers, and immediately that same conviction returned, but again\nI resisted it. My health failed, and I continued to decline until I was\nalmost in the jaws of death. Physicians could do nothing for me. During\nthis time God was doing his best to get me to understand that if I would\ngive up he would save and heal me. At last I yielded, and he saved my\nsoul and healed me, and from that day until this, which has been more\nthan eighteen years, I have been fascinated by the charms of a Christian\nlife.\n\n\nTHE BEGINNING OF PERSECUTIONS\n\nFor a long time I did not meet with any persecution in my home, as my\nhusband saw the light of the gospel and believed it to be the truth,\nbut was not willing to walk in it. God followed after him with love and\nlong-suffering. Time after time he resisted the conviction, but finally\nthe Spirit succeeded in breaking up his heart and showed him what he\nmust do to make his wrongs right. He began making a profession of\nreligion, but refused to make all his wrongs right, and in a short time\nthe enemy took possession of him, whereupon he turned against God and\nagainst me, and grew worse and worse.\n\nNow the furnace-flames became hot. He was restless and could not be\ncontent to stay anywhere very long at a time, and everywhere we went\nhe set about to turn the people against me by telling untruths to gain\nsympathy. He was very cruel to the children and me.\n\nAfter we moved to a small town in northern Kansas, these words came\nvividly to my mind: \"Fear none of those things which shall come upon\nthee.\" With the cruelty and persecution came a severe affliction. Two\ndoctors pronounced it tuberculosis in the knee-joint. It was so serious\nthat I could not bear to be moved, and when I sat in a rocking-chair I\nwas obliged to have something under the rocker to keep the chair from\nmoving. The thoughts of any one's coming near my knee made the pains go\nthrough my limb. At times I was able to walk some on crutches by being\ncareful. My leg was swollen from above the knee down. At night I had to\nlie upon my back with pillows under my knee, and I could move neither to\nthe right nor to the left, and sometimes just to cough a little caused\nalmost unendurable pain.\n\nAll this happened during the months before a baby girl was born. My\nfamily and neighbors did not expect me to live, but God stood by me and\ngave me this assurance: that as the children of Israel faced the Red Sea\nwith no possible way of crossing, and he divided the waters and let them\npass through, so he would in like manner help me. Oh, it was precious to\ntrust him!\n\nJust about a week before the child was born, the excruciating pain left\nmy knee, but upon my recovery it came back seemingly worse than ever.\nAbout three months later the Lord healed the disease, which has never\nreturned. However, I was left a cripple, and have had to use crutches\never since that time.\n\nAt this time I had eight children. Two grown boys had gone from home,\nleaving me to care for the other six. I had a great desire to rear them\nfor God. Thus far I had spent most of my Christian life in isolated\nplaces, where I was deprived of church privileges. It seemed that all\nthe hosts of darkness were united against my determination to rear my\nchildren under Christian influence. Although I had many things to learn\nregarding how to do this, yet God was patient in teaching me.\n\nOnce when an awful discouragement tried to settle down over me, and it\nseemed there was no material to work on, I was comforted through the\nimpression that came to me in the words, \"God can take a worm and thresh\na mountain,\" and I have never forgotten these words, the thought of\nwhich is expressed by the prophet in Isa. 41:14, 15. I felt that some\nwho opposed me would be glad for me to die so that they could get the\nchildren from my influence. Once my husband was threatened with arrest\nfor cruelty, and I feared that my children would be taken from me and\nplaced among my opposers, as one woman had said there were plenty of\nhomes for them. Then the scene of Christ before Pilate came before me\nand this scripture: \"Thou couldest have no power at all against me,\nexcept it were given thee from above.\" At the same time one of the\norgan-keys was down, and we were unable to repair it; so I said, \"We\nwill trust the Lord to fix it.\" When the above-mentioned scripture came\nto me, the organ-key raised of its own accord, and I said, \"Is there\nanything like that in the Bible?\" and quickly came the answer: \"The gate\nopened of its own accord when Peter went out.\" Joy filled my soul as\nI realized that the mighty God of heaven was my helper.\n\nAt another time I made a carpet which required five years to make by\nworking whenever I could find time to do so. After it was finished and\nbefore I had cut it, the Spirit said to me, while I was praying one day,\n\"Send that carpet to Kansas City to help furnish the Missionary Home.\"\nMy heart said amen, and God made my husband willing, blessed my soul in\nsending it, and later gave me a carpet larger than the one I had given.\nMy husband had ceased to allow me to have a way to make money of my\nown. I was not permitted to have either chickens or eggs. Once I made\na hot-bed, as plants found a ready sale, and thought I would make a\nlittle money in that way, but he found it just as the plants were coming\nup and destroyed it. God never failed to bless me when I said amen.\n\nAt one time when I was in need of a pair of shoes, I went in earnest\nprayer to the Lord like a child and asked him for a pair. Soon\nafterwards I received a letter from a sister in Kansas City whom I had\nnever seen. She was giving her entire time to the gospel work and had\na little money in her possession. In her letter she said, \"My mind was\ndirected to you last Sunday during the services, and I was impressed to\nsend this money to you.\" At another time after praying for some money, I\nreceived a dollar. I was in need of so many things that I asked the Lord\nhow I should spend it. This answer came: \"Send it to the missionaries in\nIndia.\" I did so, and in a short time received three pair of shoes for\nthe children, of which they were very much in need. I had many similar\nexperiences.\n\nWhen our baby girl was about three months old, a dear sister whom I had\nmet and who was living in an isolated place, came to pay me a visit. She\nremained in that community. After about a year she was eager to grow in\ngrace, and while she was anxiously waiting before the Lord and wishing\nthat she might grow like Sister ----, the question came to her, \"Are you\nwilling to pass through what she has had to pass through?\" She had a\ndesire to do whatever was necessary, but did not feel that she could\nvery well pass through such severe ordeals. In order to be spiritual\nand grow in grace, it is not always necessary for people to pass through\nsuch severe trials, nevertheless their consecration must be to pass\nthrough anything that would be most to the glory of God.\n\nAbout this time I had an attack of sickness, and for sometime it seemed\nthat I might die. My husband went to visit his sister and left me alone\nwith the children. The sister who had been staying in the community,\nfelt that she must come and stay with me, and when my husband returned,\nthe Lord put it into his heart to hire her for a while. The Lord healed\nme and made my husband willing for my oldest daughter and I to go to a\nmeeting at Kansas City. This was my last opportunity to enjoy a meeting\nbefore entering a much darker vale of trial. Our daughter was saved,\nfor which I praised the Lord. My husband refused to hire the sister any\nlonger, but in answer to prayer consented for her to stay as long as she\ndesired without pay for her services.\n\nIn December of that year a dear baby boy was born. The Lord gave me this\nassurance: \"I will be with thee in six troubles, yea, in seven there\nshall no evil befall thee.\" My husband began planning to go to Arkansas.\nWe had been here three years and were getting our home comfortably\nfurnished, but we learned to take joyfully the spoiling of our goods and\nto see them sold at a great sacrifice.\n\nOne day while I was communing with the Lord, this scripture was vividly\nimpressed upon my mind: \"In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall\ndirect thy paths.\" At that time there was suggested to my mind the name\nof a town in Kansas near where I lived during my childhood. I did not\nunderstand what it meant, as we did not go there, but I understood\nlater. I had always had an aversion to living in the backwoods, for I\nknew that the welfare and education of the children would be neglected,\nbut I acknowledged God's way.\n\nThe sister who was with us was willing to stay or go with us.\nWe asked the Lord to open the way if he wanted her to go, and my\nhusband told her that if she wanted to go he would pay her way. There\nare many experiences through which I passed that I should like to\nrelate--experiences showing the mysterious ways in which the Lord helped\nus in time of need. I learned that obedience and trueness to God will\nbring us into a wealthy place.\n\nMy husband went about six weeks before we did and secured a location.\nUpon our arrival we found that our home for the present was sixteen\nmiles from a railroad, back in the mountains, and that the roads were\nvery rough and rocky. Our house was a very small one built of rough,\nunhewn logs. There were no windows, only some small shutters which\ncould be opened when the weather was not cold. There were plenty of\ncracks and the fireplace was a smoky one. Most of the people in that\ncommunity had lived there from the time of their birth and were poor.\nThe women used tobacco. Some could not read, and morality was at a\nlow ebb.\n\nSoon after being introduced to our new surroundings, I was asked these\nthree questions in succession:\n\n\"Are you willing to stay here and work?\"\n\n\"Yes,\" I answered.\n\n\"Unseen and unknown?\"\n\n\"Yes.\"\n\n\"Not even an obituary when you die?\"\n\n\"Yes.\"\n\nThere were only twenty acres in cultivation, which required more hard\nwork than eighty acres of ordinary farm-land. That fall my husband\npurchased a hewed log house of three rooms and moved it down between the\nmountains. It had four whole windows and two half windows, and we never\nknew before what luxuries they were.\n\nWe continued to have Sunday-school, as husband had not yet forbidden\nus to have it. He succeeded in turning most of the people against us\nby telling the usual stories, only he changed them to suit the people.\nHe often used the same whip for the children and me that he used for\nthe horses. His condition grew worse and worse all the time. The second\nsummer three of the children had typhoid fever. After the first one had\nbeen ill for nine days, we sent for a doctor according to the law. He\nsaid, \"Your little girl has a straight case of typhoid well developed,\nand it will take twenty-one days for the fever to break, with the best\nof care, if she lives at all.\" I told him that my trust was in God,\nbut he ignored what I said. My husband told him to leave medicine and\nordered me to give it, not because he had no confidence in divine\nhealing, but for fear of the law, and to please the people. She had\nnever taken a dose of medicine in her life and wanted to trust the Lord.\nI submitted and gave a few doses. God had given me witness that he\nwould heal her, and in three days she was sitting up and was soon up.\nMy husband was very angry because she was healed. About two weeks later\nshe took a relapse and was seemingly worse than ever, but we trusted in\nthe promise, and she was soon all right again. Then two of the others\ncontracted the disease, but they were both healed in answer to prayer.\n\nOne day during the summer while I was in the timber praying, a vivid\nimpression came to me that God was going to deliver us out of that\nplace, and the name of the town where we should live was given me. This\nwas the same town previously mentioned, near where I had lived during my\nchildhood. Oh, such rapture filled my soul! I told my daughter, and she\nsaid the Lord had been showing her the same thing. This scripture was\ngiven to me: \"I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the\nLord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.\nAnd I will be found of you, saith the Lord; and I will turn away your\ncaptivity\" (Jer. 29:11, 14).\n\nWe had never sent the children to school here, as the people were so\npoor and of such a low grade morally. I taught our children during the\nwinter. At the end of the second summer we began praying for shoes.\nOne day the children came from the mail-box with a pair for my oldest\ndaughter, and then in a few days a letter came from an unsaved woman\nwhom I had never met. She said: \"I have some money from the Lord and\nfeel impressed to send it to you. Please write and tell me how to send\nit.\" Then we received from a sister a letter containing five dollars.\nWe had already begun to get ready to go to our future home. We had a\ncatalog, from which we ordered as God gave us the means, and seldom my\nhusband knew anything about it, for he would not have wanted us to have\nthe money had he known it. He seldom noticed how much sewing was going\non.\n\nThe Lord in many ways encouraged our hearts, for there were fiery trials\nawaiting us. A neighbor had moved away and hired my husband to dig his\npotatoes and sweet potatoes. The enemy had such control of my husband\nthat he could not be honest. My daughter helped to dig them, and he\ntold her not to take any pains to get them all, but she did her best.\nHe brought nearly half a bushel of sweet potatoes home and told me to\ncook them. I prayed to know what to do and received these words, \"He\nthat sweareth to his own hurt and changeth not.\" I told my husband that\nit was not right to keep the potatoes and that I could not cook them.\nHe flew into a rage and threatened to kill me, and would not allow me to\ncome into the room where the rest were until the light was out and they\nhad gone to bed. It seemed the enemy and all his hosts wanted to take my\nlife. I cried earnestly unto the Lord to give me something to comfort my\nsoul, and he brought to my mind the three Hebrew children.\n\nA week passed and the man returned for some of his belongings. It was\ndark when he passed, and he was drunk. My husband went out and talked,\nand no doubt smoothed it over about the sweet potatoes. When he came\nback, he said to me, \"I told you it was all right about those potatoes.\"\nI did not say anything, but did not feel right about it. The next\nmorning before daylight, he wanted me to cook those potatoes. I refused\nand told him I could not cook them. Then the battle was on worse than\never. He struck me and wanted me to leave the house, and followed me\nwith a club until I was outside the yard, and then told me to move on. I\nwent out into the timber and remained there, and the children brought me\nsome wraps and something to eat. Then he ordered the sister who was with\nus to leave, and she packed a few clothes in a suit-case and came down\nthe timber to see me. We parted in good courage. This sister had, before\nthis happened, received many calls to go elsewhere. One call was from\nher brother, who offered her a good home and support during the rest of\nher life.\n\nShe went to a neighbor who had given her an invitation and stayed two\ndays, and from there to another place, where she stayed a few days and\nworked for her board. While she was on the way, the Lord gave her this\nassurance: \"Trust in the Lord, and thou shalt be fed.\" While she was\nthere, not knowing what to do next, and being taunted by the enemy\nbecause she had not accepted her brother's offer, the Lord seemed\nsweetly to whisper to her, these words: \"This is the way; walk ye\nin it.\"\n\nShe heard of a place where they might need some one. It was very muddy\nand there was a drizzling rain, but she went. When she arrived at that\nplace, she found they did not need her, but the telephone rang, and a\nlady who had been one of our opposers asked that she come and stay with\nher for a while. The scripture had come to her, \"Inasmuch as ye have\ndone it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto\nme.\" The woman turned friend, opened the way for her to communicate with\nus and to get mail from the people of God. She remained there about a\nweek, when an old lady desired some one to stay with her and gave her\na home until the Lord was through with her in Arkansas.\n\nBut returning to my experience in the timber, I did not know whether I\nshould be allowed to return home or not; but trusting God, I returned in\nthe afternoon and was not molested, excepting a tongue-lashing. Not long\nafter this our two grown sons came home on a visit, and my husband told\nthem awful things about me, which they believed, and turned against me\nand doubled the persecution. They searched the house for books, Bibles,\nand papers, and burned them before us, also pictures of our friends.\nThen they tortured the little girls, trying to make them promise that\nthey would not be Christians like their mother. Those dear boys who had\nstood by me in the past! How I thanked God for grace sufficient in time\nof trial and for the privilege of loving and praying for them.\n\nIn July of our last summer there, my eldest daughter said, \"I just feel\nlike packing my trunk to go to ----.\" It was the town God had shown us\nshould be our home. The next time she went for the mail, there was a\nletter from a sister in the town, saying that God had taken sleep from\ntwo sisters and told them to send for her, and enclosed a check for her\nfare. She soon afterward went to that town.\n\nSometime after this, while the second daughter was driving for her\nfather while husking corn, she ran into a stump and broke the\nwagon-tongue. Such an occurrence endangered their lives, but two men\ncoming along just at that time spared her somewhat, and her father sent\nher to the house. I prayed until my faith rested on the promise for\nprotection. That night after I had gone to bed, God inspired me with\nbeautiful thoughts of heaven, and I got up so softly and took a pencil\nand paper and wrote this poem in the dark. I can not refrain from saying\nhere, Praise the Lord for these precious things in time of trial!\n\n\n  MY BEAUTIFUL HOME\n\n  Though poets may sing of the streets of pure gold\n    And talk of its mansions so fair,\n  After all it is naught; the half is not told\n    Of my beautiful home over there.\n\n  Man's eye has ne'er seen nor his ear ever heard,\n    Nor can he e'er picture the scene;\n  The music's so rare no one can record\n    The strains of the faithful, I ween.\n\n  Though art has portrayed fair angels of light\n    In tints that enrapture the mind;\n  'Tis grander by far in my home ever bright,\n    Where the glory of God is enshrined.\n\n  No; ear hath not heard, and eye hath not seen,\n    Any thing that will ever compare\n  With the grandeur and beauty of that heavenly scene,\n    Of my beautiful home over there.\n\n  'Tis only by faith that gleams from the land,\n    Where they need not the light of the sun,\n  Can brighten the life or lighten the pain\n    Of those who will hear the \"Well done.\"\n\n  Some day when my toiling and trials are o'er,\n    I shall see the fair angels of light;\n  On their wings they will bear me across to that shore\n    Where my faith will be lost in the sight.\n\n\nOn the night of November 22 the children and I were alone, and I was\nwonderfully impressed with the scripture in Isa. 45:2, 3. It came to\nme three times during the day. The next morning, being Sunday, we were\nstill alone. The children were singing \"What a Mighty God We Serve,\"\nwhen I heard a crackling noise and, looking up, saw the house was on\nfire. I looked to the Lord for presence of mind, and we went to work\ngetting things out. One of the children said, \"This is what your\nscripture was for. Perhaps this is for our deliverance.\" I realized the\npresence of the Lord in the whole affair, and he wonderfully helped us\nto save all the things of importance, and just as the fire was getting\nso hot that it seemed we could do no more, a man came along and helped\nus. There was an empty house nearby, into which we moved.\n\nThe people decided to help my husband build another house, and they\nbegan work. Thus, it appeared that we should have to remain there\nalways; but the children and I took no notice of it. I told the Lord he\nknew there was more clothing we needed yet, and asked him, to give me,\nwhen it was time, the money to get the goods. In a short time I received\nit, and we were busy sewing until late at night, and the Lord gave me\nsuch a glorious assurance of deliverance.\n\nI had two trunks packed full, mostly with clothing. Husband said one\nday, \"I believe I will trade the place.\" I did not know what to say,\nas I knew God was doing the managing. In a few days he traded it and\ndecided to go about twenty miles north and rent some land. This was\nabout the first of February, and he wanted to start in March. The man\nwho owned the house where we were living, came and wanted it, and so we\nput up a small tent to live in the rest of the time. It began raining\nand rained hard the most of the time for two or three weeks. Everything\nwas so damp, but God's hallowed presence made all things bearable.\n\nMy husband planned to take two teams and have me drive one. I knew\nalmost nothing about driving, and the roads were as bad as they could\nbe, up and down mountains, over rocks, and through mud, and I could\nscarcely make a move of any kind to please my husband. He also decided\nto take twenty-nine goats, which he intended having the children drive.\nThe morning we started I had been sick all night, and it began raining\nand the wagon sheet began to leak; but I kept trusting, and it stopped\nraining. Our first interesting experience was the horses balking in\nthe river. It took about an hour before we got out. No damage was done,\nhowever, except that Husband found a roll of papers which I had intended\nfor distribution, and threw them into the river.\n\nWe camped near a house that night. The next morning Husband said,\n\"Unpack that box and leave the dishes here, for we are too heavily\nloaded.\" The box had been packed with care and contained some of my best\nthings, and about two sets of dishes which had scarcely been used. He\nleft them with some other things. One of the girls who had walked the\nday before became ill. We started on our way up a mountain slope, which\nwas a distance of three miles. After we had gone a short distance, my\nhusband said, \"I am going back and unload some of these things.\" He\nproceeded to throw out the bedding and other things on the wet ground\nand, leaving us, went back and left the trunks with the dishes. Both\ntrunks were unlocked and there were so many people who could not be\ntrusted. I had taken the address of the people with whom I left the\ndishes. We had no clothing left except what we had on our persons, and\na few things I had felt impressed to keep out before we left home. The\ntrunks contained all the clothing for our future home, so I believed\nthat God would take care of them.\n\nThe roads could not have been worse nor more dangerous. Some places were\nso steep and one-sided that it seemed the wagon might fall over, and the\nmud-holes were terrible. The team which I was driving gave much trouble,\nas one mule pulled ahead and the other was slow. Husband expected me\nto keep them even and drive with one hand, and he quite often gave me\na lick with the same club with which he whipped the mules. Two of the\nchildren were sick, and the jolts of the wagon were very hard on them.\nWhile passing through some of these experiences, the words of Paul came\nto me, \"In perils often; a night and a day have I been in the deep,\" and\nthe song, \"Anywhere with Jesus I Can Safely Go.\" I must say, Praise the\nLord, for he helped my faith to rise above the situation and healed the\nchildren and protected our lives.\n\nMy husband failed to find any land to rent or work, so we kept going.\nTwo of the children were still walking and driving the goats. On account\nof the limited space I can tell but very little of their experiences\nalong the way. One circumstance, however, that gave us much concern\nwas that there were many streams to cross, and at one place by driving\nthe goats along on the mountain-side the children would miss having to\ncross the stream several times, and they were required to take the\nmountain-side. It was steep and above the river. Sometimes they would\nslide and have considerable difficulty in stopping, and the goats would\nrun up the mountains, jump on rocks, and cause trouble. My husband drove\non and would not wait for them at the bridge, which was about a mile\nfrom where they started, and it was some time before I saw them again,\na time of great anxiety. It was one of the times when I had to trust\nthe Lord to take care of them.\n\nAfter the children had driven the goats about two weeks, my husband\nsold them. One day about four weeks after we left our home, I heard my\nhusband tell a man that he was going to ----. This was the town the\nLord had shown me would be our future home. You will remember that our\nclothing was left behind, so that our appearance was not presentable;\nbut I deepened my consecration and told the Lord that if he wanted us\nto go in such a plight, I could say amen. Before we arrived, he opened\nthe way for us so that we looked quite presentable, considering the\nfact that we were traveling. A week before our arrival, I wrote for the\ntrunks to be sent to the town. We arrived in safety. Three weeks after\nI wrote for our goods, they had not arrived, and so I wrote again. We\nreceived a letter from the people saying that they had moved and left\nthe trunks in the house, which was not locked. We gave them the dishes\nand other things in order to get them to take the goods to the railroad,\nand upon the arrival of the trunks we found them just as I had packed\nthem.\n\nWe were now glad to be with the dear people of God and to know that the\ncaptivity was turned. My husband began telling the usual stories, but\nthey were not received even by his own people. He became very miserable\nand alarmed about his own safety on account of the people. He left the\ntown, and has never been heard from. During these years of trial, many\nhours of deep concern have been spent with a hope and trust that the\ndark shades which cover his life may be swept away and that even yet his\nfuture life here on earth may be crowned with the blessings of the Lord\nand the presence of the Almighty. I do not know what the future holds in\nstore, but I am expecting some good things from God, whether or not my\npathway is strewn with trials.\n\nIn relating this experience, I have been obliged to omit many things\nthat could have been told and that might have been helpful to others who\nare passing through similar trials, as there are so many experiences\nthat would not be advisable to publish. I believe that the good part may\nbe a help and encouragement to many who have like trials and that the\nsad experiences may be a warning to those who trifle with the mercy of\nGod. My dear husband might have been with us and happy today instead\nof suffering an awful foretaste of the regions of the lost, had he\nonly been obedient to the Lord and walked in the light of his Word.\nThe sister who was in Arkansas is with us, and we are working together\nfor the Lord.\n\nI have humbly submitted everything into the hands of the Lord and have\nbeen better able to understand the words of the Psalmist, wherein he\nsaid, \"Teach me thy way, 0 Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because\nof mine enemies. Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies:\nfor false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out\ncruelty. I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the\nLord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage,\nand he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.\"\n\n\n\n\nExperience of a School-Teacher in India\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 16\n\n\nThe message of the cross is the same in every clime. The Spirit of the\nLord will enlighten all darkened hearts that are receptive to the truth.\n\nIn the year 1904 there was a striking occurrence in one of our meetings\nin the Punjab district in northwestern India. An intelligent young lady,\na native school-teacher, offered her services as interpreter one Sunday\nwhile I preached on the subject of the ordinances of the Bible.\n\nShe became very much interested in the story of the cross, and as the\nprophecy was read from the fifty-third chapter of Isaiah, she was much\naffected. After interpreting sentence by sentence a vivid description of\nthe crucifixion-scene and the story of how the Savior gave his life for\nthe salvation of those who are lost in sin, she suddenly stopped, began\nwringing her hands, and fell upon her knees. In the bitter anguish of\nher soul she cried, \"O Lord! I am a sinner! I am a sinner! Have mercy\nupon my soul!\"\n\nFor a few minutes the services changed to a prayer-meeting. Her efforts\nwere with such earnestness and sincerity of heart that she was soon able\nto realize a fulfilment of the promises by faith, and received a witness\nto her soul that the Lord Jesus was now her Savior.\n\nShe arose rejoicing and continued to interpret with much fervency of\nspirit, realizing the truthfulness of the words of the apostle when he\nsaid that the gospel of Christ \"is the power of God unto salvation to\nevery one that believeth.\"\n\n\n\n\nUnconquered Will Won by Love\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 17\n\n\n  \"Some feet there be which walk life's track unwounded,\n  Which find but pleasant ways,\n  But they are few. Far more there are who wander\n  Without a hope or friends;\n  Who find their journey full of pains and losses,\n  And long to reach the end.\"\n\nYet if, like Elisha's servant, we could open our blind spiritual\neyes, how often we might discover myriads of angels waiting only for\na submissive spirit and a surrendered will to plant such feet upon\nsubstantial ways of blessings and courage instead of the ways of the\nwounds and thorns and crosses. If I had but the power to tell of some\nsuch experiences of my own, I feel it might encourage some other soul\nto surrender fully to God a life that otherwise has been a failure.\nThere is no doubt that God has ministering servants ever ready to wait\non the soul that surrenders to his will. The difficulty is always the\nunsurrendered will.\n\nWhen I was about fourteen years old, an evangelist came to our town to\npreach a full salvation, one that saves from sin and sanctifies the\nsoul. The Holy Spirit was working in many hearts. One evening as I was\nriding home facing the west at sunset, I beheld, in the shifting of\nthe clouds, a huge black cross. It stood there between me and the sun.\nI thought of Jesus dying on the cross, and that seemed very fitting,\nthough of course very sad. As this cross remained there, it impressed me\nmore solemnly, until I began to realize that there might be a cross for\nme also. But I said: \"Life is what we make it. I do not want crosses; I\nchoose other things.\" At last a gorgeous crown of the sunset enveloped\nthe cross, and in my heart I knew that without the cross there would be\nno crown. The difficulty had arisen between me and God. His ministering\nservants were ready to spare me the \"pains and losses,\" but my will was\nnot surrendered. I would not bear the cross.\n\nAnother warning came to me a few nights later, when I was invited to the\nhome of a friend to attend a dance. I thought of the meeting and its\nsolemn significance, and felt uneasy about going. I wanted to please\nJesus, who had borne the cross for me, but I justified myself in going\nbecause the crowd was select. I went to my room thus battling with my\nconscience. I knelt as in prayer and soon felt what seemed unmistakably\nto be the presence of some one in my room. I looked up, and it seemed\nthat I could see the smiling face of Jesus. Sweetness filled my soul,\nand the room was full of joy. All earthly pleasures faded away. I had\nno desire for anything now but this captivating Jesus. My heart was\nenraptured. Christ, I realized then, was sufficient.\n\nThis, you see, was given that I might understand how Christ might\nmake all crosses easy to bear. To be sure, this impression sank deep,\nand I have never forgotten it, but my will was yet unsurrendered and\nunconquered. I would not come when called in sweetest tones. In a\n\"journey full of pains and losses,\" \"without hope or friends,\" I walked\nlife's track. God did not have his way, but I had mine. Often, so often\nin the years that followed I remembered the last night of the revival\nthat had brought to my mind such serious thoughts. At the close of the\nlast sermon a gospel worker came directly to me. I was confused. I had\nnot decided what to do. I did not want to cast my lot with these people;\nI wanted to join a more fashionable church. As she approached me,\nI whispered to her, \"I am going to join the other church.\" She said,\n\"Be sure your heart is right,\" but I was not sure.\n\nPerhaps if I had had more teaching about surrendering my will to God,\nI would have yielded and in this way avoided the powers of hell that\nlaid hold upon me from that time. I was powerless in the hands of these\nunseen foes. Everything went against me. My life was ruined. There was\nno hope. Despair was my companion for years. Sickness and disease\npossessed my body, and sin became my hated master.\n\n  \"Could we but draw back the curtains\n  That surround each other's lives,\n  See the naked heart and spirit--ah, if we only could!\n\n  \"If we knew--alas! and do we\n    Ever care to know\n  Whether bitter herbs or roses\n    In our neighbor's garden grow?\"\n\nI attended many churches, heard many noted preachers, my soul suffering\nthe while from awful convictions and desires for a higher life, but\nwithout a ray of light. After years of suffering I finally discerned\nthat what was necessary was to make a complete surrender of myself to\nGod. This I did with all my heart, hesitating no longer to bear any\ncross he saw fit to send. I made a full surrender, and God gave me\nsalvation. At this time I had great need of spiritual advice; for I was\nso ignorant of the laws of salvation that I did not know that when God\nhad taken away my burden of sin and washed me clean and made my heart\nfeel so new and light and happy, he had made me his child. I knew about\nas much concerning spiritual things as a heathen. At last, a very dear,\ngood woman became a mother to me. She was the first person who ever\nasked me about my soul. She taught me to talk about spiritual things\nand to understand them. She taught me the lessons of truth from God's\nown Word. She showed me by God's Word how I might live entirely free\nfrom the blight of sin, how I might dress and eat and live to his glory.\nIt was all very new, but it was all more pleasant than the choicest food\nI had ever tasted. She taught me that by his Word and promises he was\nable and willing to heal my mortal body. Physicians said my case was\nhopeless and that I could live but a short time. I did not care to live\nuntil God showed me I might live for others. Then I was ready to bear my\ncross and God was ready to plant my feet on solid ground away from the\n\"pains and losses\" that brought grief and misery to my life. Blessings\nnow fell upon my pathway. When fever fastened itself upon me and my body\nwas being rapidly consumed by its fires, God instantly raised me up. He\ncaused me to \"forget the things of the past and press on.\"\n\n  \"Whilst thou wouldst only weep and bow,\n  He said, 'Arise and shine!'\"\n\nHe has given me a life victorious. He gave me a companion and little\nchildren and over every adversity, sickness, and misunderstanding he\nmakes me victor. When my little girl lost her eyesight and became blind,\nthe Lord healed her in answer to prayer and restored her sight in an\ninstant. Time and space fail me to tell of the victorious incidents of\nthis blessed life that comes from surrendering a will to God. Ah, that\nhe might have fulfilled his purpose in the beginning! It was not his\nwill that I should suffer.\n\n  \"Can we think that it pleases his loving heart\n    To cause us a moment's pain?\n  Ah no, but he saw through the present cross\n    The bliss of eternal gain.\"\n\n\n\n\nAn Experience a Hundred Years Ago\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 18\n\n\nI have often thought of recording some of the mercies of my God--the\nexperience of his goodness to my soul. I was fond of the gaieties and\nfollies of the world until about fifteen years of age, when I became\nawakened to the needs of my soul. In all former seasons when God called\nme, I was unwilling to part with the vanities of the world or to bear\nthe reproach of the cross. I wanted the Christian's safety without his\nduties and crosses, but I now fell at the Savior's feet and inquired\nwith trembling, anxious words: \"Lord, what shall I do? I will part with\neverything or do anything for an interest in Jesus.\"\n\nI do not recollect deep conviction for any particular sin, but sorrow\nthat I had lived so long in neglect of God, not being willing to\nacquaint myself with him who is the fountain of all blessedness. I did\nnot obtain an evidence of pardon and acceptance for about three weeks,\nthough I sought it with prayer and tears. My burden had become exceeding\nheavy, too heavy for my strength, and I sank to the floor. While\nkneeling there I was absorbed in contemplation of the glories of the\nheavenly world. In an instant darkness, sorrow, and mourning fled away,\nand peace unspeakable and full of glory took their place. I rose to my\nfeet to sing and rejoice in the name of my dear Redeemer.\n\nI was away from home with a family who were not Christians, though\namiable, kind friends. I said nothing to them, but they had noticed my\ndistress and now observed the happy change. Among my private writings\nI find the transaction thus recorded:\n\n\"January 13, 1805.--I have this day publicly devoted myself to the\nservice of God and entered into a solemn covenant with the eternal King\nof heaven to renounce the sinful pleasures of the world, with whatever\nis displeasing in his pure and holy eyes; to walk in his commandments\nand ordinances; to seek his glory and the best interests of his church\nhere below; and in confidence of well-doing, to look forward to a happy\ninheritance with the saints in light.\"\n\nFor a season I thought I was dead to the world, but did not persevere\nin that course of consecration, which alone secures unwavering hope.\nAs I was the only young person in the neighborhood who professed\nreligion amid a large society, naturally amiable and loved, I had many\ntemptations to return to folly, which I mainly resisted; but sometimes\nI went with them instead of endeavoring to bring them all to Christ.\nHere I first experienced a diminution of my happiness. I could not go\nfrom the circle of my folly to my closet and find my Savior and hold\nsweet communion with him, but with adoring wonder, I remember that\nwhen I repented, he forgave me. When I returned to him, he healed my\nbackslidings and loved me freely.\n\nAfter I was married, I was anxious to train my children in the ways of\nthe Lord, but through many cares and on account of having to work very\nhard, I neglected their early religious instruction. I found that I\nneeded a deeper work of grace in my heart, and when for the time I ought\nto be a teacher, I had need that one teach me again the first principles\nof the oracles of God. My prayer was, \"Create in me a clean heart, O\nGod, and renew a right spirit within me.\" I wanted to be freed from sin\nand thoroughly cleansed from all iniquity, so that I should never vex or\ngrieve him more.\n\nFor something more than a year I suffered much from the buffetings\nand temptations of Satan. I knew that Jesus was near and sustained me\nin those conflicts, although it seemed that he had left me alone to\ncontend with the powers of darkness. In the midst of these trials I had\ntemptations of rebellion against God to call him unjust, to reproach him\nfor creating me. The temptations came to \"contradict him.\" I did it,\nbut oh, the horror of that moment! Until then I had resisted every\ntemptation, as I thought, but now a worm crushed to the earth beneath\nthe mountain weight of its sins had dared to rise in the face of\ninfinite wisdom and excellence and contradict him. This, I thought, must\nbe the sin for which there is no forgiveness. But I could weep tears of\npenitence; could sink at his feet and own it just. What less could his\ninsulted majesty and purity do than crush the rebel worm! But he did not\ndo it. Not even a frown was upon his gracious brow. It seemed that there\nwas salvation for every sinner who had not, like me, contradicted him\nand thereby made him a liar. I contemplated the glorious character of\nGod and concluded that unless I could find evidence that my sin was\nagainst the Holy Ghost, I should only be repeating that dreadful sin\nwhile I refused to believe the promises intended for me when penitent.\n\nI retired with my Bible spread open before me and, kneeling down, read\nand prayed over the chapters in Hebrews which represent the blessed\nSavior as our sacrifice and high priest. In the twenty-fifth verse of\nthe seventh chapter I found this assurance: \"He is able to save them to\nthe uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make\nintercession for them.\" Here was something to meet my case. \"To the\nuttermost\" I had insulted him, but \"to the uttermost\" he could save.\nI believed and here my soul entered into rest. I embraced the promises,\nrich and boundless, as my own. In Christ Jesus they are all there for\nme. I felt and said with heaven-born confidence, \"This is firm footing;\nthis is solid rock. My feet are placed upon it to remove no more.\" The\nview was not transporting or rapturous like my first conversion (if so\nit may be called), but calm, delightful, \"strong consolation,\" firmer\nthan the everlasting hills because founded on the immutable Word and\noath of God in Christ. It was \"hope as an anchor to the soul, both sure\nand stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil.\"\n\nEleven years have passed since, and my peace has been like a river. In\nthe world, to be sure, I have had tribulation and expect to have, for\nJesus told me I should; but, blessed be his name! in him I have peace.\nI love the subject of Christian perfection, or entire sanctification\nin this life; but I have not been fully able to reach the point to\nobtain that deeper experience. Yet I believe I perfectly desire to do\nthe will of God. May God bless the efforts of all dear brethren who are\nlaboring to promote the sanctification of believers.\n\n\n\n\nAn Indian Mother's Submission\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 19\n\n\nTo show that God works the same in the hearts of his people wherever\nthey are, I wish to mention the experience of one of my Indian sisters.\nHer little son contracted enteric fever. Every possible aid was given\nhim, but he continued to grow worse. The fever caused him to become\nunconscious at intervals. The parents then decided to remove him to a\nhospital, that he might have skilled attention. Soon after being taken\nto the hospital, he became entirely unconscious, in which condition he\nremained for weeks, yes, for months. He was unable to take nourishment\nin the natural way and became a wonder to all who came to see him, as he\nwas at the point of death yet did not die. Many who were not acquainted\nwith the parents, but heard of the case, went to the hospital to see\nhim.\n\nThe father and mother spent as much time as possible at the hospital,\nbut when weeks and months had passed, they gave up hope for his recovery.\nAll the Christians who knew of this child's sickness were praying for\nhim and felt that God only could restore him to health. The parents knew\na man who believed in divine healing and called him, and he anointed the\nchild and prayed for him. He became so sick that the doctor thought he\nwould not live until morning, and asked the parents to remain at the\nhospital that night.\n\nThe next day the father and mother went for a walk together, and while\nout walking he said to her, \"We must become reconciled to losing our\nchild, for it seems God is going to take him.\" At first the mother-heart\ncould not yield to giving up the child, but at last she became resigned.\nSoon after this the child regained consciousness, but was weak, and his\nmind was almost a blank. He was like a new-born babe and had to learn to\nspeak, although he was about nine years of age. Some thought he would\nnever be normal again, and others thought he would be crippled. Since\nhe has been restored to health, when that mother sees him enjoying the\nright use of his faculties and limbs, her heart is filled with\nthankfulness and praise to God.\n\nShe told me that the affliction of their child was a means of drawing\ntheir hearts closer to the Lord, and of enabling her to experience the\nsweet rest of being fully submitted to God, whereby she was afterwards\nable to teach others the way.\n\nJust before this she had been urging a bereaved friend, who was grieving\ntoo much over the loss of her father, to become resigned to the will of\nGod. Her friend said, \"You can not appreciate my loss, for you have\nnever suffered such a loss.\" She saw the force of her friend's remark\nand said no more. But when the affliction came upon her child and she\nwas called upon to become resigned to the will of God, she came to know\nnot only that it is possible to be resigned but that there is a great\nconsolation in being submissive. When her friend afterwards came to know\nof her submission, she was very much affected.\n\nBoth my friend and her husband feel that God has given them their child\nfrom the grave, and their testimony is that through this severe ordeal\nthey have come to love their Savior more.\n\n\n\n\nThe Conversion of My Father\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 20\n\n\nThe most precious experience in my life, I believe, next to my own\nconversion, was the salvation of my own dear father, for whom I had\nprayed a year and a half. He joined the Baptist denomination when only\na young man, but, not having the real witness of sins forgiven, never\nfelt satisfied with his Christian experience, or rather his profession.\nA few years later, feeling that he would be acting a hypocrite to go on\nin that condition, he even dropped his profession.\n\nEighteen or twenty years ago he attended a revival held by the United\nBrethren people and began to seek God. Night after night he went forward\nfor prayer, but for lack of proper instruction, failed to find the peace\nhe so earnestly sought.\n\n\nA DISCOURAGEMENT\n\nOne day in this great soul-struggle, he called at the home of one of the\nministers to know just how to get rid of the great load of sins he was\ncarrying. He was completely baffled and disappointed. The minister said:\n\"It is like this: A man might be carrying a heavy sack of sand upon his\nshoulders, and if for some reason there should come a little hole in the\nbottom of the sack and the sand begin to escape, it would leak out so\nslowly that it would be sometime before the burdened man would realize\nany difference in the weight of his load, and only in the end, after it\nhad all slipped through a little hole, would he awaken to the fact that\nthe entire load was gone. Now, just so it is with your burden of sins.\nAs you begin to seek God, they begin to run out, but you will not\nrealize any change at first, and it will take some time for you to\nrealize that your load of guilt is really gone after you are fully\nforgiven.\"\n\nPoor father! He turned away sick at heart, for he longed for an\ninstantaneous work to be done in his soul. Through this discouragement\nhe gave up trying to find God and for many years continued in that\nunhappy, dissatisfied state of soul and mind, although he often desired\nto be a true Christian for the sake of his family as well as for his own\npeace of mind, and yearned to be able to \"read his title clear to\nmansions in the sky.\"\n\nIn the spring of 1906 his brother and family came to make us a short\nvisit before their departure from the homeland as missionaries to a\nforeign country. For some months they had been especially burdened\nthat at least one of our relatives should be saved before they crossed\nthe ocean to their mission field. Their pure, holy lives made a deep\nimpression upon me, and through their earnest prayers and fastings for\nmy poor soul, I was constrained to forsake sin and yield myself to the\nLord. I was glad to embrace the privilege of being with the humble\npeople of God who worship him in spirit and in truth, and to become one\nof them. I had a feeling, however, that my father might be displeased\nwith me for making such a decision; but when I met him a few weeks\nlater, my soul leaped with joy, for he expressed himself as being glad\nthat I had given my heart to God, and even made a favorable expression\nconcerning my decision to associate with the people of the church of God.\n\nFrom this time I was much encouraged and determined to do what I could\nto help win my father and other loved ones to the Lord. I often read to\nhim from the Bible and explained passages of Scripture as best I could,\nespecially those that clearly taught a life of freedom from sin. Being\na school-teacher, my work called me away from home much of the time,\nbut the burden continued for the salvation of my father.\n\n\nEFFORTS BY MAIL\n\nA year after the Lord saved me, I went to a distant city to engage in\nthe work of the Lord. One day I wrote a few words of exhortation to my\nfather on the blank space of a little tract entitled Prepare for Heaven,\nand sent it with an earnest prayer that the Spirit of the Lord would\napply the little message to my father's heart. In answer to this letter,\nhe wrote me thus: \"My Dear Daughter: I would give this whole world, were\nit mine to give, for this great salvation which you possess and are\nwriting about.\" Then he opened his heart and frankly told me of his\nmiserable condition and of how very hard it was for him to get right\nwith God. He closed by asking me to pray God to send heavy conviction\nupon him.\n\nIt is needless to say that I became more earnest in praying and fasting\nfor his soul. I felt much impressed to write him a helpful letter. Not\nonly did I feel my inability to do so, but for lack of time deferred\nwriting until I met with an accident that sprained my ankle badly, and\nthen one day when I was unable to go about my work, I was reminded of my\nopportunity of writing to father. As I began writing and pouring out\nmy heart to him, the blessings of the Lord rested upon me insomuch that\nit seemed I could write scarcely without effort; and as I mailed the\nletter, it was with an earnest prayer that the Lord would prepare my\nfather for all that was written.\n\nSome time later my father told me that he received this letter one\nmorning before breakfast, and that although the letter was very lengthy,\nhe sat down by the cook-stove and read it through. He said he marveled\nat it, for he had not believed that I was capable of writing the things\nthat it contained. I do not remember what all I wrote, but I do praise\nGod that the letter had the desired effect. Strange to say, though\ntobacco was not mentioned in the letter, yet when he had finished\nreading it, he thrust his hand into his pocket and seizing the thing\nthat had almost become his constant companion, and holding it up before\nthrowing it into the fire, said to my mother, with the tears streaming\ndown his face, \"I'll never touch it again if it kills me.\" Thank God,\nwho had enabled him to make that determined decision. It meant much to\nhim and was indeed a good beginning of his complete surrender to God.\nI had seen him try many times to quit using this thing that had so\nenslaved him. He had even gone as long as six months without it in his\nearnest efforts to break loose; but, sad to say, at the end of that time\nhe had come to the end of his strength, and, not having God to help him,\nhe was compelled, it seemed, to fully surrender again to the enemy and\nthus become more deeply enslaved. Now his decision was very definite,\nand in response to his earnest entreaties to the Lord, the abnormal\nappetite was removed.\n\nThe tone of his letter received a few days later indicated to me that he\nwas under a weight of conviction and was ready and willing to humble his\nheart before the Lord. As there was soon to be a meeting, he said in his\nletter, \"Daughter, will you please have those good brethren and sisters\npray for me? The Bible tells us that the effectual fervent prayer of the\nrighteous man availeth much.\" Portions of his letter were read to the\ncongregation, and earnest, fervent prayer was offered in his behalf.\n\nAt the close of the meeting the minister and his wife accompanied me\nhome for the purpose of imparting spiritual help to my father. Upon our\narrival we found Father anxious to know the will of God, that he might\nfind real rest to his soul, if possible. He listened attentively to the\nconversation and instruction, but it seemed that he was bound. He had\na desire to pray, but said it seemed that he could not do so. He also\nsaid: \"The Bible tells us that we shall know that we have passed from\ndeath unto life because we love the brethren, and now I must know it.\"\nWe assured him that it was possible for him to have such knowledge, but\nthat it must come through faith.\n\nAfter spending much time in prayer and earnest efforts to help him, we\nhad to let the case rest, and retired for the night heavily burdened for\nthe deliverance of his soul. The next morning at breakfast I could see\nthat my poor father was suffering, and his expression and pallor showed\nthat he had spent a hard, restless night. Surely the Lord was granting\nthe request made to me previously by letter, that he might have a deep\nconviction. His appetite being gone, he soon left the table.\n\n\nTHE SURRENDER\n\nArrangements had been made for him to take the minister and his wife to\nthe city, a distance of fifteen miles, where they were to begin a series\nof meetings. He went to the barn to prepare for the trip, and while\ndoing his chores, he started with a pitchfork of hay to the hack, but\nhis heart was so heavy and the burden of sin so great that in the\nblackness of despair he cried out, \"O Lord! if I drop into hell the next\nmoment, let me go. I can't stand this any longer\"; and, dropping his\nfork, he sank to the ground on his face pleading for help. The Friend\nthat \"sticketh closer than a brother\" was right at his side. He heard\nthat cry, for almost immediately my father was up rejoicing and\nlaughing. \"You are mocking God,\" was his first thought, and quite\ndumbfounded he dropped on his face again and tried to cry and plead as\nhe had just been doing, but it was impossible. His heart was so light\nand the burden so completely gone that he could not remain prostrate\nlonger.\n\nNow, strange to say, this great change was all so simple and so sudden\nthat the dear man could not comprehend at the time the glorious fact\nthat he had just been \"born again,\" had just \"passed from death unto\nlife.\" Still wondering over his changed condition, he finished his\nmorning chores. He led two frisky colts out to water and afterward\nremarked how unusually well they behaved on this eventful morning. While\nthey drank, he stood looking up into the heavens, then out upon the\nmeadows and general surroundings. How beautiful everything appeared in\nthe beginning of this new day! Suddenly there came into his heart such\na love for the brethren that he wanted to rush into the house at once;\nbut, having those colts, he had first to return to the barn. Then he\ncame hastily to the house.\n\nInstead of being so borne down and dejected, he came rushing through\nthe front door laughing heartily. As he caught sight of me, the reality\nof the situation dawned upon him, and he rejoiced in this new-found\nlife--real Bible salvation. He stretched out his arms to me over a rocker\nthat stood between us and exclaimed as he embraced me, \"O daughter,\nI believe!\" Before he could say anything more on account of his great\nrejoicing, with a feeling of deep love and fellowship he reached one\nhand to Brother B. on the couch and the other to Sister B. in a rocker\nnear the stove. Then he said, \"Let us pray.\" As we knelt in real\nthanksgiving and praise, he began to pour out his heart in gratitude\nto God for salvation. Indeed, he was no longer bound by Satan but was\nfree--yes, a new creature in Christ Jesus. When we arose rejoicing,\neven the unsaved members of the family felt the mighty power of God and\ngathered around weeping as we rejoiced and praised the Lord for this\ngreat victory.\n\n\nMY OWN STRUGGLES AND VICTORIES\n\nNow I wish to add just a few thoughts more in conclusion. All people do\nnot receive this glorious experience in just the same way, or always\nmanifest it as did my father. It was not my privilege at the time of my\nconversion to have the great flood of good feelings that he enjoyed; but\ninstead I let my faith waver, and shortly after being saved I became\nseriously troubled with doubts and accusations. Just after my father had\nbeen rejoicing so happily, the devil almost crushed me with the thought\nthat perhaps, after all, I had never been saved, as I had never realized\nsuch an experience as he had realized.\n\nCould it be possible, I thought, that even though I have been so burdened\nfor my father and have prayed so earnestly for him that I am not saved\nand never have been? The very thought almost made me faint-hearted.\nThen I remembered that the minister and others had confidence in me,\nand I knew that my life was completely changed, as I had really lost\nthe desire for worldly pleasure, which I once so much enjoyed, and had\nbecome interested in the things of God. In reading my Bible, I saw that\nmy life measured to its teachings so far as I understood. Therefore I\ntook courage and tried to banish these accusations and leave my case\nwith God.\n\nBut the enemy did not forget me, and it seemed that I should be drawn\nback into his whirlpool of doubts in spite of myself, more especially\nas I listened to my father in the next few weeks telling others about\nsalvation. It was evident that he thought every one must obtain an\nexperience of salvation in the same manner that he obtained it. My case\nwas so different that finally I could suppress my feelings no longer,\nand boldly confessed to him one day that my experience was not like his\nand that if it ought to be I was not saved. Never shall I forget that\nmoment. It meant so much to me. I wondered if he would lose confidence\nin my profession and if it was really true, and if it could possibly\nbe true, that I was yet unsaved. These serious questionings were soon\nbanished from my mind, for he looked at me and said, \"Daughter, I know\nyou are saved. Your life has proved it.\" Thank God, he did not doubt it;\nso I took courage and with a mighty effort put the accuser to flight\nagain.\n\nThis experience was good for my father, as it had a tendency to balance\nhim so that he would not be too exacting with others. Since that time\nother members of our family have sought God for the pardon of their\nsins, and with some of them the new life came in a calm, peaceful way,\nrather than with such emotional manifestations. The leadings of the Lord\nare wonderful, and the riches of his grace in the Christian life are\ninexhaustible.\n\n\n\n\nMy Spiritual Struggles and Victories\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 21\n\n\nI was reared on one of the hilliest, stumpiest, and stoniest Canadian\nfarms I have ever seen. How vividly there come to my mind my boyhood\nexperiences of chopping cord-wood to pay my high-school expenses; of\nstumping, logging, and picking stones until the skin was worn off my\nfingers and the stones were stained with my blood. I then thought that\nmine was a very hard life, but I have long since looked back to those\nboyhood experiences as God's way of providing me with a physique that\nhas enabled me to serve three years as a missionary in British North\nAmerica, where the winds were intensely cold and where I was once for\ntwenty-four hours lost in a blizzard at forty-five degrees below zero.\nIn sharp contrast, I have been twenty-eight years in India's tropical\nheat. This was a preparation for my life-work and in my judgment is\nGod's general method with all his people.\n\nWhen I was a boy of ten summers, a boyhood friend of my father's visited\nhim. They were taking a walk, and, unnoticed, I followed them. Then I\noverheard my father's friend praise my brothers and sisters, but say of\nme, \"Frank will never amount to much.\" My father vigorously protested\nand sang my praises until I made this resolution: \"I must not disappoint\nmy father. I will do something worthy of consideration.\" That hour I was\nintellectually awakened.\n\nParents, let your young people know that you believe in them. About the\nsame time our pastor preached a missionary sermon, at the end of which\nhe circulated a subscription. When the paper came to me, I said to my\nfather, \"May I subscribe?\" He replied, \"If you earn and pay your own\nmoney, you may.\" I subscribed one dollar. I had it earned long before\nthe collectors came around, and wished either that I had subscribed\nmore or that the collectors might come soon. That subscription was the\nbeginning which ended in my giving myself. Parents, give your children\na chance to link themselves definitely with Jesus in saving a lost world.\n\n\nMY CONVERSION\n\nWhen I was a boy of about thirteen, my father said to me one evening at\nthe setting of the sun, \"Water the stock.\" Soon some boys arrived, and,\nbeing a real boy, I forgot my work and played.\n\nA little later my father asked, \"Have you done what I told you?\"\n\n\"Yes, father,\" I replied.\n\nHe knew I had not, and I even now recall that he said not a word but\nwalked away in the twilight so burdened and bowed because of hearing a\nfalsehood from his own boy that it suddenly gave him the appearance of\nan old man. The boys left, and I watered the stock. Then, boy like, I\nforgot, went to bed and slept. During the next forenoon Mother called\nme to her and said:\n\n\"Do you know your father neither went to bed nor slept all last night?\"\n\nI replied, \"No, Mother, I do not know. Why didn't he sleep?\"\n\nMother's answer was, \"Your father spent all last night praying for you.\"\n\nMy saintly mother's words and tears went through my heart like an arrow\nand rang like a bell in my ears, and I became powerfully convicted of\nsin. Just following that a series of revival meetings were held which\ncontinued for several weeks. I became a seeker and had no rest until\nI found it in penitence and a consciousness of pardoned sin. I was the\nonly convert during the meetings, and critics said, \"He will backslide\nin a few weeks. The revival is a failure.\" But I am here to tell the\nstory that I am still saved by grace.\n\nI could never reward my father for that night of prevailing prayer, but\nhe lived to see me become a minister, a missionary, and to hold the\nhighest position on the mission field, and then the Lord called him to\nhis eternal reward. My mother entered into rest about two years previous\nto that time.\n\nIt is my hope and prayer that the story of my father's night of\nprevailing prayer may encourage other parents to pray as he did. Parents\nmay not always through prayer be able to break the wills of their\nchildren and compel them to surrender to Jesus, but I do believe that\nmy father prayed until God sent such conviction through the Holy Spirit\nthat sin became such an unbearable burden that I gladly yielded my will\nto the will of my God; prayed until my sins were pardoned, the burden\nremoved, and I was genuinely converted. I firmly believe that the same\nheavenly Father will hear the cry of other parents, and for their\nencouragement I leave this testimony concerning God's answer to my\nfather's fervent prayers.\n\nAfter my conversion I rejoiced many days in the delight of that\nprecious experience. For months I had a real and precious joy in the\nconsciousness of pardoned sin, but after a time I found that I did not\nhave a continuous, abiding peace and rest. There was a longing for\nsomething more than it seemed I now possessed. As a boy I tried very\nhard to be good, and as I look back I believe that I lived a very\ncorrect outward life. I lived among a very godly people, who set a high\nideal before me, one to which I felt I could not live. I observed my\ndaily prayers, but suffered many an inward defeat.\n\n\nMY SPIRITUAL STRUGGLES\n\nI can not now recall that I ever heard a sermon on heart-purity or\nvictory over the power of sin. No person in the congregation where our\nfamily attended meetings professed holiness, nor do I remember that the\nexperience was talked about. The people did speak of \"having religion\"\nand \"more religion.\" There were people in the congregation whom I still\nbelieve lived holy lives, and the testimony of their lives convicted me,\nfor I knew that they had an abiding joy and peace in their religion that\nI had not. I therefore became very much dissatisfied with my inner life\nand was struggling all the time for an experience such as I knew others\nenjoyed.\n\nThe weekly testimony of a man who attended our prayer-meetings was,\n\"I have just enough religion to make me miserable.\" That is, he had too\nmuch religion to get his pleasure out of the world and not enough to get\nit out of his religion. I always felt that that man told the experience\nI then had. For three years I endured that exceedingly unsatisfactory\nreligious experience. I then attended a revival and went forward for\nprayer night after night, but no relief came to my poor burdened heart.\nAs my case became more desperate, I recalled the story of Jacob. He\nprayed until the morning, and at the rising of the sun the angel\nappeared and blessed him. I spent several nights in prayer, but found no\nrelief.\n\n\nGAINING THE VICTORY\n\nOn Saturday morning about sunrise I was on a straw stack in the barnyard\nwith a long hay-knife cutting across the stack to loosen the straw to\nfeed the cattle. While thus working and in a despondent, meditative\nmood, wondering what I could do, there seemed suddenly to float out\nbefore me in the air in illuminated letters, \"John three sixteen.\" I\nbegan to read, \"God so loved the world.\" I reasoned then that God so\nloved me that \"he gave his only begotten Son.\" All was clear thus\nfar. Then I came to that all-inclusive word, \"whosoever.\" I stopped at\n\"whosoever\" and recalled the story I heard of Richard Baxter, who said,\n\"I would rather have the word 'whosoever' in John three sixteen than\nhave Richard Baxter, for then I should at once be tempted to believe\nit was for some other Richard Baxter.\"\n\nI reasoned, \"I know that my name is in that 'whosoever.'\" I then\nread on--\"believeth on him.\" \"Do I believe on him?\" This was the next\nquestion to be settled. During several years I had, in competition for\na Sunday-school prize, recited the whole four Gospels. In thought I ran\nover what the New Testament said about Jesus and cried out, \"I believe\nevery word of the gospel; Lord, I do believe.\"\n\nThen I read on--\"should not perish.\" Quick as a flash I saw the weak\nplace in my faith. I had been believing on Jesus, but feeling that I\nshould perish. At that point I sprang to my feet on the straw stack and\nread it over again--\"Should not perish, but have everlasting life.\" Then\nI saw that through doubt I had treated the promise as though it read\n\"should perish and not have everlasting life.\" I cried out, \"Lord, I\nwill reverse it no longer. I will believe it as it reads.\"\n\nThen I seemed to have another inspiration. I had long been troubled\nabout understanding what it meant to believe. I had worked out a theory\nthat if I could for a moment forget everything else in the world and see\nJesus on the cross, that would be \"exercising saving faith\"; and when\npraying, I would find myself trying to do that. I now asked myself this\nquestion: \"How do you believe your mother's promise?\" The answer was\nat once, \"I believe because I believe in my mother, the promiser.\" The\nnext moment I realized that believing Mother's promises was not a mental\neffort and struggle such as I had been going through for years, but a\nmental rest. I just believed that her promise was true without any effort\nwhatever, not because I felt it, but because Mother made it. Then I\ncried, \"Jesus made this promise, and I believe it.\"\n\nThen I waited and looked again into my heart for the feeling, but no\nfeeling came. I then saw clearly for the first time that I was trusting\npartly in Jesus and partly to my feelings. Presently the Spirit showed\nme that feeling never saves any one, that only Jesus saves. I remember\nthat, standing on the straw stack, I cried out, \"O Jesus! I put my\nall on thy promise, and I will leave all with thee.\" But alas! again\nI waited for the feeling as a witness, and was sure it would come, but\nit did not come. I was still trusting partly in Christ and partly to\nfeeling. At last I turned away from looking for feeling and cried aloud:\n\"My Jesus, I stake my all on John three sixteen. If I never have any\nfeeling and if I am lost, I will quote this promise before thee at the\njudgment and say, 'I cast my little all upon it and trusted it, but it\nfailed me. It is not my fault; it is thine.'\"\n\nI had finally, after years of struggling, come where I trusted wholly\n\"in the word of the Lord.\" Then suddenly I received a definite assurance\nand great heart-warming peace and joy. At last the witness of the Spirit\nwas mine. Leaping from the straw stack, I ran to my mother, threw my\narms around her neck, and shouted, \"Mother, I am fully saved! I am fully\nsaved!\"\n\nUp to that time I had not had any teaching concerning an experience\nof sanctification or holiness and had heard no testimonies concerning\nsuch an experience, except the testimony of the life of Christians who\nwere living it and professing it under another name. There was in the\ncongregation where I worshiped a sweet-faced, white-haired saint whom\nwe called Mother Robinson. She had prayed a drunkard husband into\nthe kingdom, and my memory even to this day recalls her high type of\nChristian experience, and I want to bear my strongest possible testimony\nto the power there is in the testimony of a pure, sweet, and kind life.\n\nNow after years of study and hearing the testimony of many, it is clear\nto me that during those years as a boy I prayed myself through to the\nabiding life and what I now believe to be the experience of Scriptural\nholiness, which, as I understand it, is such a freedom from sin,\nself-will, and selfishness, and such a passionate love for Jesus,\nthat the heart longs above all things for his approval, companionship,\nguidance, and blessing, and that gratefully and joyfully gives Jesus\n\"in all things the preeminence.\"\n\n\n\n\nThought He Had Sinned Away His Day of Grace\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 22\n\n\nThe enemy of souls has laid many plans and has many devices to\ndeceive people and harass their minds and thereby cause them to\nbring unnecessarily heavy burdens upon themselves. One of his common\nimpositions is to make a person think that he has committed the\nunpardonable sin and that all hope of ever obtaining favor with God\nagain is forever gone. When such persons are told that they are laboring\nunder a delusion, and that there is hope for them; that others have felt\nthe same way and formed the same conclusion, but afterwards learned\nthat it was only a deception of the enemy, and were able to renounce\nthe delusion and obtain a good experience and keep it, the answer in\nmost cases is, \"My case is different.\" \"Had I taken advantage of past\nopportunities when I had a chance to do so, I might have been saved,\nbut now it is too late.\"\n\nTime after time I have labored with those who were sure that their cases\nwere \"different\" from that of any one else, and that hope was beyond\ntheir reach. The situation and feelings seemed so real that no amount\nof reasoning or evidence to the contrary could change their minds until\nthey became submissive enough to submit themselves to the mercy of God\nand accept advice and counsel and act upon it. Then they were very soon\nliberated from the oppressions of the enemy and set free by the grace\nof God.\n\nOne laboring under a deception frequently undergoes as deep suffering of\nmind and soul as if the situation and conditions were real. A lady once\nreceived what was supposed to be an authentic report that her son had\nbeen killed in a railway wreck. Circumstances were such that she could\nreceive no communication from him, which apparently added evidence to\nthe truthfulness of the story. Her mother-heart was grief-stricken. In\nthe anguish of her bereavement she refused to be comforted. Later she\nwas told that there was a possibility of his having escaped death, that\nhe was probably yet alive, and that evidence had been received to that\neffect. No, her feelings were too real, her grief was too great, for\nher to be deceived, she declared. One day her son arrived home sound\nand well, and did not even know that there had been a train-wreck at the\nplace whence the report came. The mother then found that her sorrow and\ngrief had been groundless. She accepted the status of affairs, cast\naside the false report and her bad feelings, and was happy.\n\nNot long ago I met an old acquaintance, a man above seventy years of\nage, whom I had not seen for many years. At the time of our former\nmeeting he was enjoying the blessings of a Christian experience and\nwas happy in the service of the Lord. Through devotional neglect, and\nperhaps for other reasons, he began to entertain doubts concerning his\nspiritual experience, and he questioned whether or not he had any right,\nunder the circumstances, to lay claim to Christian fellowship with those\nwhom he knew to be spiritual. He knew of nothing sinful that he had\ndone, and he needed not to waver in faith. But the tempter was there\nto suggest that he had lost his experience and might just as well give\nup the struggle. He then concluded that the brethren did not have\nconfidence in him, and therefore he dropped his profession.\n\nHis heart was still tender, and he did not feel disposed to indulge\nin sin. In a short time he made \"another start\" to serve the Lord and\ntried to repent; but, having so little to repent over, and finding it\ndifficult to have the same earnestness as before, he claimed the victory\n\"by faith,\" but was soon in \"doubting castle\" again. These up-and-down\nexperiences continued for many months, during which his spiritual realm\nwas more down than up. Discouragement laid hold upon him, despair\nfollowed hard on his track, and the enemy whispered that it was of\nno use to try any more. The way began to be more and more dreary.\nOccasionally, however, he was seized with a feeling of desperation to\nbreak loose from the state of lethargy into which he had fallen, but\nalas! his victories were of short duration. These experiences were\nfollowed by the accusations of the enemy that he was possessed with\ndevils. Brethren who prayed with him declared that such was not the\ncase.\n\nThe darkest scriptures of judgment and everlasting destruction seemed to\nhave been written for him, and, as he viewed the matter, they exactly\nfitted his case. He had doubted so often when it seemed the Lord was\noffering a helping hand, that now it was too late; the last cord was\nsevered, the last ray of hope had vanished. It was no difficult matter\nto believe that he had committed the unpardonable sin, and that God had\nforever hid his face from him. He resigned himself to the hopelessness\nof the situation, to meet his fate at the end of his life here upon\nearth and spend eternity in the regions of the lost. He spent a number\nof years in this condition.\n\nAt the time of our recent visit in a private home, I felt much concerned\nabout his deliverance from such a state and condition. Upon my approaching\nhim on the subject, he immediately informed me that it was useless to\nwaste any of my efforts on him, for his was a hopeless case, as he\nhad sinned against the Holy Ghost. Having met similar cases before, I\nassured him that there was hope for him, and told him that I could prove\nby the Word of God and by his own testimony that he had not committed\nthe crime that would cause him to be forever lost, as he had supposed.\n\nTaking my Bible, I turned to Heb. 10:29, which reads as follows: \"Of how\nmuch sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath\ntrodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the\ncovenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done\ndespite unto the Spirit of grace?\"\n\n\"Have you trodden under foot the Son of God as herein mentioned?\" he was\nthen asked. \"No,\" he replied; \"I have never doubted that there is a God\nnor that Jesus Christ is his Son.\"\n\n\"Have you counted the 'blood of the covenant an unholy thing,' that is,\nthat there is no more virtue in the blood of Jesus Christ than there is\nin the blood of a cow or some other unholy thing?\"\n\n\"No, sir. I have never denied the power of the blood of Jesus nor 'done\ndespite to the Spirit of grace,'\" he replied.\n\n\"Then, according to the Bible and your own testimony, you have not\nblasphemed against the Holy Ghost, nor, as you say, committed the\nunpardonable sin by sinning against the Holy Ghost. You must forever\ncease to entertain the idea that you have committed such a sin.\"\n\nHe reluctantly admitted the truth in regard to that point, but said,\n\"There is such a thing as a man's going too far, of trifling so with God\nthat the Spirit of God will no longer strive with him.\" It was clearly\npointed out to him that he had never reached such an experience and that\nhe should cast aside his doubts and fears and call upon God, and was\nassured that the Lord would save him. He then declared that he had no\nwill of his own, no power to exercise his will if he had any, and was\nhelpless. I told him that any one who could read human nature would at\nonce conclude that he was a man of strong will-power, and that no doubt\nhe frequently made others aware of that fact. His wife said, \"That is\ntrue; he knows very well how to exercise his will-power.\"\n\nHe was then told to assert his manhood and take a decided stand, to\nwhich he replied:\n\n\"I have no manhood; I have no power to assert myself in any way.\"\n\n\"But,\" I replied, \"you have been in this town for the past few days, and\nhave asserted your manhood during your entire visit by acting the part\nof a perfect gentleman. What you need to do now is to kneel with us here\nin prayer and yield yourself to God, and he will save you the same as he\nhas saved others who thought they were beyond the reach of mercy.\"\n\n\"But my case is different; my heart is hardened like stone; I can not\npray; I have no feeling.\"\n\n\"Almost every one in your condition thinks his case is different. If you\nact according to the instructions given, you will soon be different.\nYour heart will be changed. Do your part in making the effort, and the\nLord will help you to pray, and you will have all the feeling\nnecessary.\"\n\nWe knelt in prayer, laid our hands upon his head, and with a fervent\nprayer rebuked the deceptive and binding power of Satan, and asked the\nLord to save him. He made an effort to pray, but his few words were soon\nmingled with his sobs and feelings of deepest contrition. A few minutes\nlater he arose praising God for salvation. His doubts and fears had\nvanished, and his burden was gone. He was once more a free man and had\nno more fears of death and the judgment. The next day he returned home\nwith a joyful heart. I have frequently heard from him since that time,\nand he has always sent a message concerning his victorious life.\n\nThere are many others who have been harassed by the enemy in like\nmanner; who have lost all hope of recovering their favor with God; who\nthink that they are \"different,\" \"hard-hearted,\" \"hopeless,\" \"have\nsinned away the day of grace,\" \"are under the control of Satan,\" or in\nsome such like condition. Yet God in his love is extending mercy and\nonly waiting for them to discard their deceptive ideas and accept his\ngrace.\n\n\n\n\nSpiritual Tests\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 23\n\n\nIt is not always concerning temporal things and business affairs and\nsuch like that we are tested. But it is the business of the enemy of\nsouls to contest every step on the way to victory. He will contest our\nsalvation and, if possible, get a person to reason with him; and when\nyou reason with the devil, you find him a good reasoner, if you allow\nhim to follow his own line of thought. He will quote Scripture, and give\nplausible illustrations and logical reasonings. But when he is met as\nChrist met him, with a \"Thus saith the Lord,\" \"It is written,\" and then\ntold what is written and where it is written, and such like, he is not\nvery long in taking his departure. But just begin to reason, and he\nwill entangle you in argument until you find yourself badly perplexed,\nunless, like the Master, you give him a sharp rebuke and command him to\ntake his departure.\n\nPerhaps it would be a benefit to some one for me to give a little of my\nown personal experience in this respect. At the age of fifteen I was\nconverted, receiving a real change of heart. The enemy of my soul was\nnever able to deny that fact, neither did he undertake it. For about ten\nyears I lived to what light I had, and after that began to obtain more\nlight in regard to entering into a deeper experience of divine life, or\nentire sanctification. I was away from home and had no one to teach me\nthe way of holiness, but the Lord began to instruct me in his Word, and\nafter a few months I was enabled to see just what the Lord required of\nme in order to obtain the experience desired.\n\nI had felt a hungering and thirsting for something more, for a deeper\nexperience. I had been taught, however, that this satisfying experience\ncould not be obtained until just before the time of death; but as\nI read in the Word that without holiness no man should see the Lord\n(Heb. 12:14), that we were to live in righteousness and holiness all\nthe days of our life (Luke 1:75), and that Jesus in his last prayer\n(John 17:17-20) prayed that we might have that experience, I began to\nsee very clearly what my privilege was. His Word told me, \"As he is, so\nare we in this world,\" and, \"We ought to walk even as he walked\"; and\nthis was a closer walk with God than I had been accustomed to enjoy.\n\nIt was not long until I reached the point where I made a full\nconsecration, and died the death to the world, and then, like the\napostles for whom Jesus prayed, I was in the world, but not of the\nworld, having had that worldly disposition taken out of my heart. When\nI reached the point where I positively knew that everything was laid\nupon the altar Christ Jesus, then I realized of a truth that the altar\nsanctified the gift, and my heart was cleansed from all unrighteousness.\nThe Bible began to open up to me as a new book, and as I went about my\nMaster's business, doing his will as far as he made it known, I had many\nrich experiences. Although, being of a very quiet disposition naturally,\nI could not leap and shout as some, yet it was my privilege to be filled\nwith all the fulness of God.\n\nA few months later I was called by the Lord to accept a responsible\nposition in his work. For some months everything went so smoothly that\nI had perfect victory all the way along and nothing that I could call a\nsevere trial or battle, because my eyes were stayed upon the Lord. But\nthere came a time for advancing further against the enemy, and the Lord\nsaw it was necessary for me to know more about a perfect faith and trust\nin him in order to deal with other souls. So he permitted me to be\ntested, to fit me for the work he had for me to do.\n\nAlthough my soul had been abounding in the riches of his glory for these\nmonths as I was busily engaged in my work, one day a suggestion was made\nto me by a silent voice that I had not had any overflowing blessings for\na few days. This did not disturb me, for I felt at perfect peace with\nGod. But soon the same suggestion was presented again and again. Finally\nthe silent voice or impression came on this wise: \"Now you have been\nin this condition almost a week.\" I felt that my soul during that time\nhad been at peace with God, and I was trusting my case in his hands.\nI began, however, to search my consecration, as the accuser suggested\nthat there must surely be something wrong.\n\nI began to search my heart, and said, \"If there is anything wrong, Lord,\nI will make it all right,\" and I asked the Lord to search me. Feeling\nthat all was fully in the hands of the Lord, I was about to dismiss the\nmatter from my mind; but this suggestion came: \"If you were sanctified,\nyou would not have a lack of that great joy.\" Then I said, \"Lord, if\nI am not sanctified, I am willing to get sanctified.\" So I began to\nreconsecrate myself to the Lord, and presently I realized that I was\nfully consecrated to God. Again I was ready to dismiss the matter, but\nthe voice said, \"When a person falls from sanctification, he loses his\njustification also, because he must commit sin in order to fall.\" Yes,\nI realized that was so, and then came the words, \"You are not saved.\"\nI saw at once that it was the enemy, instead of the Lord, talking to me,\nand like a flash from heaven I rebuked him. I said, \"I know I am saved\nthrough the grace of God; yes, and sanctified, too.\" And I boldly\ndeclared it, whereupon the enemy took his departure. He saw that he was\nthe one defeated, instead of me.\n\nThe enemy had thought that because I was young in the Lord's work I was\nunable to know his devices. But the Lord was a match for him, and lifted\nup a standard against him, instead of allowing me to be defeated and\noverthrown. The Lord knew just how far to permit me to be tried and\ntempted. This experience has been a source of much help to me since that\ntime; not only for myself, but in dealing with others. The devil is sure\nto overstep the mark, and we can have the victory over him as long as we\nkeep our eyes stayed upon the Lord. And we can say like Paul, \"I can do\nall things through Christ, which strengtheneth me.\"\n\nThere are some who worry and fret and have an abundance of trouble when\nit is their own fault; and if they would put forth as great an effort\nto gain a victory and keep it as they do to pet their troubles, there\nwould be a wonderful change and the enemy of souls would be defeated.\n\nA few years ago I met a brother who was weighted down with trouble and\nsorrows much more than with the glory of God, and was much of the time\nmourning over his trials and temptations, until his lot did really\nseem to be a sad one. During my Christian experience I had been having\nsweeping victory over the powers of the enemy, even through the severe\ntrials and temptations, because I had kept my eyes upon the Lord, and\nhad looked for victories instead of trials. In considering the case of\nthe brother, although I was young in the gospel work, I concluded that\nif people were in such a condition it was their own fault, and that I\ncould feel as bad as any one if I desired. So I concluded to experiment,\nbut first asked the Lord not to permit me to fall into the hands of the\ndevil.\n\nAccordingly, though I had nothing whatever to feel bad about, I threw\nmyself on a couch and began to sigh and try to feel bad over something.\nIt was but a few minutes until I really did begin to feel miserable.\nSome one came and desired to know if I was in trouble, but I turned away\nand would not answer. In a short time I was feeling miserable enough to\nweep and moan, and even bewail my condition. I then went to my room,\nfastened the door, and began to call mightily upon God for deliverance\nfrom such a condition. I had to put forth no little effort and take God\nat his word and gain the victory over the powers of Satan. I there\nlearned the lesson that any one can feel bad and have a sorrowful time\nwhether or not he really has anything to feel bad about; but I never\ndesired to repeat the experiment. I have also found that God has power\nnot only to deliver from such a condition, but to keep the soul filled\nwith glory even through the severest testings.\n\n\n\n\nThe Confession of a Murderer\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 24\n\n\nWhile traveling in evangelistic and missionary work a few years ago\nanother minister and I met with a congregation in a Western city. When\nI entered the place of worship, my eyes fell upon a woman sitting near\nthe altar. She was an object of pity because of her affliction, which\nwas of a very peculiar nature and noticeable at a glance. Although she\nwas a stranger to me and began uttering such expressions as \"Praise the\nLord!\" and \"Halleluiah!\" yet I felt that I discerned a false spirit\nand was strongly impressed that she was possessed with a murderous and\ndeceptive spirit. At the close of the service we were asked to pray for\nher healing. It was evident that she received no help, and although she\nmade a loud profession of religion, my conviction was deepened that my\nformer impressions were correct, and furthermore that she was guilty of\nmurdering an unborn child.\n\nAfter the next service this woman and her husband invited me to their\nhome. I went with a prayer that God would send conviction upon them and\nsave them from their deception and lost condition. After spending some\ntime in social conversation, I began to talk with them about their\nspiritual condition. At first there was some resentment; for the enemy\nof souls had made them believe that it was no great crime, in fact, no\ncrime at all; that she was really justified in committing the deed;\nthat as no one else knew of it and was not likely to know, she could\ncover her sin and go on with a profession as a Christian and receive the\nfellowship of other Christian people. She was kindly told that she had\na false spirit, one foreign to the Spirit of God.\n\nShe broke down and, with tears streaming down her cheeks, confessed that\nshe had destroyed her unborn child, and said that the affliction soon\nfastened upon her as leprosy did upon Miriam. Not until the time of our\nvisit did she fully realize the heinousness of her sin nor feel the\nweight of her guilt. By justifying herself in the act and professing\nreligion without repentance, she had opened the door of her heart to\ndeception.\n\nBut now as she became awakened to her real condition, the enemy\nwhispered, as he has done to many others under similar circumstances:\n\"It is too late now; there is no hope; for 'they which do such things\nshall not inherit the kingdom of God'\" (Gal. 5:21). She was told that\nthose who do such things and cover their sins or continue to do them\nwithout forsaking them and without repenting are the ones who will\nnot inherit the kingdom of God. \"He that covereth his sins shall not\nprosper; but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy\"\n(Prov. 28:13).\n\nPrayer was offered in her behalf, the evil spirits were rebuked, and\nshe realized a gleam of hope for her deliverance, not only from the\ndeception into which she had fallen, but also from her sin. She began\nto realize that God was ready to forgive her and set her burdened,\nrepentant heart free, and accept her as his child. Oh, how unworthy\nshe felt!\n\nNow came the question, \"Must I confess this deed to the church, to my\nneighbors, and to the world?\" \"No, the sin you committed was against\nyourself and against God,\" I answered, \"and it will do the church and\nthe world no good to know of it. In fact, a knowledge of it might be\nan injury to some weaker ones. You have confessed it to God and he has\nforgiven you, and as no one else is injured, there is no one else to\nwhom it need be confessed.\"\n\nWhen she had been made free from her guilt by the grace of God, she\ncould then come to him with faith for the healing of her body, and she\nwas delivered from her affliction.\n\nAnother case was that of a gambler in one of the Western States who had\noften been warned against the evils of gambling, but who would not heed\nthe admonitions of friends. He continued his life of folly until the\ntime came when, in the midst of his revelry, a contention arose between\nhim and a fellow gambler. The provocation was so great that both drew\ndeadly weapons, and to save his own life and at the same time to wreak\nvengeance upon the other man, he fired the fatal shot, and his\nantagonist fell dead at his feet.\n\nImmediately sorrow filled his heart because he had shed human blood,\nthus making himself a murderer. In a short time he was behind\nprison-bars to await trial, and the following message was flashed over\nthe wires to his brother: \"I am in trouble; killed a man today; come.\"\nBrothers, parents, and friends came with their sympathy and tears, money\nand influence. Court after court convened, and from year to year the\ncase was continued or sentence was rendered and suspended. For a long\ntime he was under sentence of death. Money and influence prolonged the\ncase, and the indications were that it might be deferred many more years\nif sufficient money was available.\n\nIt was while in that dungeon awaiting the fulfilment of the\ndeath-sentence that he felt the wooings of the Spirit of the Lord. He\nread the New Testament and wrote to us to pray for him. He finally\nconfessed his sins to the Lord and found peace to his soul. He then\nbegan to appropriate the promises to his own case for deliverance from\nprison. God honored his faith and the faith of His servants who were\noffering earnest prayers that he might be delivered. Contrary to the\nadvice of relatives and friends, he dismissed all legal counsel and\ndecided to place his case entirely in the hands of the God of heaven,\nwho delivered Daniel out of the lions' den and Peter out of prison. In\na short time his faith was rewarded by a message being flashed over the\nwires for the authorities to open the prison-doors and let him go free.\nSince then he has spent much time visiting prisoners and encouraging\nthem to put their trust in the Lord, who is mighty to save.\n\n\n\n\nMaking a Complete Surrender\n\nEXPERIENCE NUMBER 25\n\n\nFrom the time of my conversion in early life I longed to be useful in\nhelping others to find the way of salvation. But my inability and lack\nof talent was an apparent barrier, and caused me to almost despair of\never being able to accomplish the desire of my heart.\n\nThough I felt that I was a Christian, yet I had a longing in my soul for\na closer walk with God. There were times when I had spiritual struggles\nwithin and without, and I did not know how to be an \"overcomer,\" as\nmentioned in the Bible.\n\nA few years later, while living in Ohio, I was awakened to the fact\nthat the Lord had promised the gift of the Holy Spirit to his believing\nchildren and that it was my privilege to obtain that experience wherein\nI could enjoy that \"great grace\" which was upon them all who were\nassembled at one place after Pentecost. My heart yearned for the\nexperience that the people of those apostolic days enjoyed; and as I\nread about how willing the Lord was to \"give the Holy Ghost to them that\nbelieve,\" and read that we were promised the \"Comforter,\" who would\nabide in our hearts, I decided to have the experience.\n\nMy religious instructors gave me no encouragement; for they had not\nattained to such an experience themselves and did not think it\nattainable in this life. But undaunted, and determined to have relief\nfor my burdened soul, I sought the Lord earnestly to reveal to me the\nsecret of obtaining that abundant grace which I was convinced was within\nmy reach if I could only learn how to obtain it.\n\nThe time came when my prayers were answered, and I was enabled to make\na complete consecration to the will of God. But before reaching that\npoint, I many times fell upon my knees or prostrated myself before the\nLord in earnest supplication for that grace. In the meantime I met\nothers who had received it, and I realized more than ever that what they\npossessed was just the thing for which I had been seeking. There were\nyet two points that seemed to hinder me in my final efforts. My desire\nwas to have such an outpouring of the Spirit as would cause me to leap\nand shout the same as some others did when they received the Holy\nSpirit. The second was that there was one thing which I had not fully\nyielded to the will of God. Regarding that thing I made a conditional\nsurrender--that if God would give me the experience and then show me\nthat I held a wrong attitude, I would then yield the point. I thought\nthe Lord ought to accept my consecration and give me the experience I\nhad so long sought. But he would not do so.\n\nI began to submit myself to the Lord more fully, and he more clearly\nopened my understanding to his Word and more definitely shed rays of\nlight upon my pathway concerning the point in question; then came the\nwords of Jesus, \"Walk in the light while ye have the light, lest ye go\ninto darkness.\" My duty was now as clear to me as the morning sun. There\nwas no rebellion in my heart, the surrender was complete, and I could\nwith confidence say that my consecration reached the will of God on\nevery point, regarding all the things I could call to my mind and also\neverything that might present itself in the future. There was no doubt\nconcerning my having made what we sometimes call a Bible consecration.\n\nThen I realized that I had a right to claim the promise and receive\nits fulfilment. As I did so, laying claim to the promise as mine and\ndeclaring the work was done because the Word of God said so, that\nwhatever touched the altar was made holy, I knew that by faith I had\ntouched the altar, Jesus Christ, and was made holy. I had become willing\nto receive the blessing in any way that the Lord saw fit to bestow it.\nJust at the time that I claimed the blessing as mine, quietness reigned.\nIt did not cause me to leap and shout as I had been expecting, but in\na quiet manner the Holy Spirit witnessed the work wrought in my soul.\nI learned that the grace and glory or spiritual power that one possesses\nis not dependent upon outward demonstrations of the body. While one may\nleap and shout, another person of a different temperament may remain\nquiet and yet be drinking just as deeply from the fountain of life.\n\nAlthough many years have passed, yet I have never once doubted the work\nwrought in my soul at that time. Amidst the deepest trials of life,\nsorrow, sickness, and adversity, I have found a sweet solace by trusting\nall away with Him who understands our every need.\n\nDark days and shadows of life may come, trials and temptations may\npresent themselves on every hand, the soul may be weighted down with\nburdens that are heavy to bear, and accusations of the enemy and hours\nof severe testing may come like a flood; yet for the trusting soul the\nSpirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against the enemy and lead\nonward to victory. To me the Lord has been \"a very present help in\ntrouble\" and a friend in time of need.\n\nWhen I see others struggling along and yearning for that experience\nwherein their souls can be satisfied, my wishes are that they make an\nunconditional surrender, know without a doubt that their consecration is\ncomplete and that they are in all points consecrated to the will of God.\nIt is then that the promise can be claimed and the fulfilment realized.\n\nThe greatest sinner on the face of the earth can find pardon through\nthe atonement of Jesus Christ by forsaking his sins, confessing them to\nthe Lord, and believing on him for deliverance. In like manner every\nbeliever can be filled with the Holy Spirit and abound in the riches of\nthe grace of God.\n\n\n\n\nInteresting Narratives and Helpful Instruction\n\n\nSuccess and happiness in the Christian life do not always depend upon\nfavorable surroundings; under the most adverse and trying circumstances\nmen and women have made the greatest strides in spiritual advancement\nand power. There may be occasional sorrows and suffering along the way,\nbut shall these things cast a gloom over our lives, even though at times\nthey be prolonged and severe? By no means should we allow opposition,\npersecution, sorrow, suffering, mistakes, blunders, failures, and such\nlike to cause defeat and a giving way to discouragement. The discouraged\nperson is \"no good,\" no matter where you find him. We must rise in the\nmidst of our trials and in the name and strength of the Lord shake off\ndiscouragements.\n\nTrials will come, but what of it? Others have had just as severe trials,\nand have surmounted them, and you and I can do the same. There will be\ntimes when oppressions will be felt that seem grievous to bear; when even\nthe humble followers of Christ will feel that the lines of communication\nbetween them and the Lord have been severed; when prayers will seem to\nfall to the earth and the heavens seem as brass, and the burdened soul\nwill cry out for help when there seems to be no help. At such times\nthere needs to be a patient waiting upon the Lord, heart-searching, and\nhumble submission to his will. Under such circumstances it is well to\nheed the advice of the Psalmist: \"Wait patiently upon the Lord, and he\nshall bring it to pass.\" Then is the time to trust and not be afraid.\n\nIt was at such a time that Jesus felt that his burden was more than he\ncould bear and asked that, if possible, the cup of suffering be removed,\nthat he might not have to pass through the severe ordeal that was facing\nhim. His humanity weakened and shuddered at the approach of the greatest\ntrial of his life. But he humbly submitted and said, \"Father, not my\nwill, but thy will, be done.\" It was then that angels came and ministered\nunto him; the gates of glory were thrown open, the burden was gone, and\nhe could go forth as a captive set free.\n\nAs he left that place of prayer, that place of victory, it was to\nface the foe in the hottest of the fight. Although he was upheld by\nthe unseen presence of the Father and strengthened by the angels,\nnevertheless in the darkest hour of the conflict he cried out, \"My God,\nmy God, why hast thou forsaken me?\" But even in this final test he said,\n\"Father, into thy hands I commend my Spirit.\" This was followed by the\nunprecedented glories of the resurrection. What a wonderful lesson to\nus of submission and trust!\n\n\nFAILED TO FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAD WRONGED HIM\n\nAn unforgiving disposition will hinder one from being humble or from\nreaching the necessary point of submission. When Stephen was being\nstoned by his persecutors, his dying prayer was, \"Lord, lay not this sin\nto their charge.\" One Sunday when I was conducting an inquiry-service\nin a State prison, after I had commented on these words of Jesus, \"If ye\nforgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your\ntrespasses,\" a prisoner arose and said, \"For years I have sought the\nLord, but never before have I known what hindered me from obtaining\npeace to my soul. But now I see it is because I have held a grudge\nagainst those who have wronged me. I forgive them.\" Peace came into his\nsoul as he yielded this point.\n\n\nDESPONDENCY AND DISCOURAGEMENT\n\nInstead of counting your trials and indulging in dark forebodings, throw\naway such feelings by counting your past blessings if you can think of\nno present blessings. When Paul and Silas were in prison with their feet\nfastened in the stocks, the pain in their lacerated backs no doubt often\nreminded them of the cruel treatment they had received at the hands of\ntheir enemies; but they looked away from their trials, and, \"counting\nall things joy,\" at the midnight hour they were rejoicing, singing songs,\nand praising God. The result was marvelous. Had they set themselves to\ncomplaining, they would have spent a miserable night.\n\nA sister was once just at the point of throwing down her shield of faith\nand ceasing her efforts in serving the Lord, because of some difficulty\nwhich had arisen between her husband and one of the brethren, and in\nwhich in a sense she also was involved. She had always entertained\nimplicit confidence in the brother, but now said she could never have\nconfidence in him again. Had it been some worldly person, she could\nhave overlooked the matter, but to have one of the brethren make such\nstatements was more than she could endure. However, she relented, and\nbefore she could gain the necessary victory, she had to make a decision\nto stand true to God regardless of the source of the trial.\n\nAt this point is where many fail, not because the trial is greater than\nsome other through which they have passed, but because it comes from an\nentirely unexpected source.\n\n\nUNNECESSARY SELF-ACCUSATIONS\n\nA woman and her husband who were ministers were once drawn into a\ndifficulty with others and had to call for aid in making an adjustment.\nWhen the time came for a consideration of the matter, she humbly and\nnobly did her part, to the satisfaction of all concerned. Although there\nwas nothing demoralizing about the case, yet she felt very humiliated to\nthink that she, a minister, should have thus become involved in such a\ncontention, and thought that the brother who was called to help in the\nadjustment would never have confidence in her again. For four years she\nworried over the matter, often losing sleep at night, and felt herself\ngradually weakening in spirituality and courage.\n\nOne day she met the brother, and he expressed himself as having had\nimplicit confidence in her during the entire period of the four years.\nImmediately she took courage, but she had needlessly undergone untold\nsufferings through accusations that were all imaginary. Worrying does no\none any good. It is useless to worry before a thing happens, much less\nafter it happens. Most people worry over imaginary things, over things\nthat never have nor never will come to pass.\n\nA sister who had lived a godly life and had prayed for her family\nfor years, became much troubled because none of them would become\nChristians. She began to accuse herself of not being right in the sight\nof God, but she was reminded that even Jesus himself, although he was\nthe Son of God, was not able to have all his kinsmen and townsmen to\nfollow him. She then learned to leave the responsibility with her family\nand the Lord after she had done all she could, realizing that her soul\nwas clear.\n\n\nTROUBLED ABOUT MAKING CONFESSIONS\n\nOne woman was troubled over her past life, feeling that she should make\na public confession, which would endanger the lives of others. She said\nit seemed that God was far away from her. Upon investigation it was\nlearned that her trouble was of such a nature that it would do her or\nnobody else any good to make such a confession, but was a matter that\ncould be settled only between herself and God. Not until she learned\nthis could she have peace of mind and reach the place where she could\nfind deliverance.\n\nAn actress was married to a respectable young man in Ohio. Their home\nwas an ideal one in the country. Three children graced their domestic\ncircle, and there was apparently nothing to mar the happiness of their\nChristian home. One day the wife and eldest daughter went to visit the\npastor who had for years been their spiritual advisor. He expressed\nhis congratulations to her for her attainments in life, pleasant\nsurroundings, and the extraordinary abilities of her children.\n\nJust before leaving the house of the pastor, she requested a private\ninterview with him. When alone with him she said: \"Judging from outward\nappearances, you have believed me to be a very happy woman. But for\nmany years my heart has been sad, and I have constantly carried a heavy\nburden. Sometimes it seemed to be more than I could bear. Before my\nmarriage I was allured into sin of a disgraceful nature, but my husband\nbelieved me to have always maintained an irreproachable character, and\nI have never told him otherwise. Since our marriage I have always been\ntrue to him. Many times during these years I have been just at the point\nof unburdening my heart by revealing to him this secret and placing\nmyself at his mercy; but somehow I have always been checked or prevented\nfrom doing so. I have carried the heavy burden until I can carry it no\nlonger. Please tell me what to do.\"\n\nThe wise old pastor, with deep feelings of compassion, said: \"Good\nwoman, you have carried an unnecessary burden all these years. Your\nhusband knew nothing of your sin; it will do him no good to know of\nit now, but, on the other hand, a knowledge of it might bring an\nunnecessary burden upon him, and cause his implicit confidence to give\nplace to suspicion. Why should you thus bring feelings of reproach upon\nyourself and family? They are a thousand times better off without a\nknowledge of it. Go bury it in oblivion; cast it from your mind forever.\nGod has forgiven you long ago. Such matters are to be settled between\nyou and him alone; go and sin no more.\" She obeyed and went forth a\nhappy woman. Her burden was gone.\n\nIf all spiritual advisors were as wise as this pastor in giving\ninstruction to those in need of help, much suffering would be averted.\nThere are thousands of people today carrying heavy burdens that God\nhas not placed upon them, but has long ago forgiven because of their\nrepentance. Such persons have allowed the enemy of their souls to\nunnecessarily burden them with accusations and false impressions.\nThese they should have cast aside, declaring their freedom in the name\nof Jesus.\n\n\nACCUSED GOD OF NOT BEING JUST\n\nThere are others who accuse God of not being just, or blame him for\nnot answering their prayers, when the fact is, their lives have not\nbeen such as would give them an assurance that God would answer their\nprayers. A young sister who had for some time been drifting into\nworldliness was called to the bedside of her dying father. She was much\nconcerned about him and asked a special favor of the Lord concerning\nhim, and because her request was not granted in just the manner\nrequested, she permitted her mind to be filled with doubts and\ninfidelity. She blamed God for not answering, and then she began to have\nstruggles with hardness of heart, which she had never known before. This\ncaused her to become alarmed, and she sought the counsel of a minister.\nHe cited her to 1 John 3:22--\"And whatsoever we ask we receive of him,\nbecause we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing\nin his sight.\" She acknowledged that she had not been living right, and\ntherefore had no right to blame God for not answering her prayers.\n\n\nWHEN THE TEMPTER COMES OFTENEST\n\nThe tempter comes oftenest where the temptation has not been completely\nput away and where there is lack of decision against it. Many people\nare like the drunkard. He desires to cease drinking, but says, \"Just\none more drink; then I am done.\" When that has been taken he says,\n\"One more, only one; then I am forever done with strong drink.\" Such\na determination will never loose him from the binding fetters.\n\nThe one who is bound by an evil habit or has yielded to the fascinations\nof an alluring spirit must make a positive, definite decision, in every\nway possible turn from the temptation, and call upon God for help with a\nfaith that will not waver; then deliverance is sure to come, and grace\nto be an overcomer.\n\n\nTRIALS MADE STEPPING-STONES TO GREATER VICTORIES\n\nThe beautiful roses are protected by thorns, many of which are hidden\naway beneath the presentation of beauty. Roses are not often plucked\nwithout the one who would enjoy their fragrance realizing a pain by\nbeing pricked in an attempt to secure the sweet-scented flower as his\nown. Just why the thorns are there we do not know. Many a young recruit\nlooks with admiration upon the veteran skill of the soldier who has been\nthrough fierce battles and has come forth as a hero. But his fame was\nnot obtained without hardships and wounds, as the scars which he carries\ngive testimony. About us on every side are veterans of the cross of\nChrist, those whose lives we admire, whose experiences we covet, but\nback of them no doubt are the pricking thorns in the form of trials,\nwhich have proved to be stepping-stones to the beautiful life of faith\nand devotion and which have graced their spiritual pathway. The roses\nare none the less fragrant and beautiful because of the hidden thorns\nbeneath them. Neither is the life of a Christian less brilliant and\nradiant because of the trials and temptations along the way.\n\nThe enjoyment of a Christian life is what we make it. The darkest,\nsaddest life ever known, the most dejected person in existence, the one\nwho is surrounded constantly by infamy, blasphemy, and dark forebodings,\nor that one whose life has been a failure and who through adversity is\ndoomed to spend his days behind prison-walls, can find a haven of rest\nin this life and in the life to come. It is through the grace of God\nthat such can be accomplished.\n\nNo matter what your sin is or has been, you can have deliverance and\npeace that the world can not understand. A firm decision and trust in\nGod will take you through by his grace. When trials come, tell the Lord\nabout them, \"casting all your cares upon him, for he careth for you.\"\nOh the riches of his grace, the power of his love! There is an abundance\nin the great storehouse of our heavenly Father subject to our petitions,\nand he offers his heavenly riches freely and his blessings to be poured\nout without measure.\n\n\"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that\nwe ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be\nglory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without\nend\" (Eph. 3:20, 21). \"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of\ngrace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need\"\n(Heb. 4:16).\n\n\n\n\nZion's Bank\n\n\nThe following quaint verses are supposed to have been written by Roland\nHill at a time when public credit in Great Britain was shaken by the\nfailure of several banks.\n\n\n  I have a never-failing bank,\n    A more than golden store;\n  No earthly bank is half so rich;\n    How, then, can I be poor?\n\n  'Tis when my stock is spent and gone\n    And I without a groat,\n  I'm glad to hasten to my bank\n    And beg a little note.\n\n  Sometimes my Banker, smiling, says:\n    \"Why don't you oftener come?\n  And when you draw a little note,\n    Why not a larger sum?\n\n  \"Why live so niggardly and poor?\n    Your bank contains a plenty.\n  Why come and take a one-pound note,\n    When you might have a twenty?\n\n  \"Yea, twenty thousand ten times told\n    Is but a trifling sum\n  To what your Father has laid up\n    Secure in Christ, his Son.\"\n\n  Since, then, my Banker is so rich,\n    I have no cause to borrow;\n  I'll live upon my cash today,\n    And draw again tomorrow.\n\n  I've been a thousand times before,\n    And never was rejected;\n  Sometimes my Banker gives me more\n    Than asked for or expected.\n\n  Sometimes I've felt a little proud\n    I've managed things so clever;\n  But ah! before the day is gone\n    I've felt as poor as ever.\n\n  Should all the banks in Britain break,\n    And that of England smash,\n  Bring in your notes to Zion's bank;\n    You'll surely have your cash.\n\n  And if you have but one small note,\n    Fear not to bring it in;\n  Come boldly to the bank of Grace;\n    The Banker is within.\n\n  All forged notes will be refused;\n    Man-merits are rejected;\n  There not a single note will pass\n    That God has not accepted.\n\n  This bank is full of precious notes,\n    All signed and sealed and free,\n  Though many a doubting soul may say,\n    \"There is not one for me.\"\n\n  The leper had a little note--\n    \"Lord, if you will you can\";\n  The Banker cashed this little note,\n    And healed the sickly man.\n\n  We read of one young man, indeed,\n    Whose riches did abound;\n  But in this Banker's book of grace\n    This man was never found.\n\n  But see the wretched dying thief\n    Hang by the Banker's side;\n  He cried, \"Dear Lord, remember me\";\n    He got his cash and died.\n\n\n\n\n\n\n<pre id=\"pg-footer\">","title":"Riches of grace : $b A compilation of experiences in the Christian life; a narration of trials and victories along the way","tradition":"scripture-revelation","translated_text":null,"word_count":56190}