{"collection":"scripture-revelation","full_text_available":true,"graph_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/api/page/gutenberg_37104/graph","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/page/gutenberg_37104","id":"gutenberg_37104","license":"Public Domain (US)","rights_basis":"gutenberg_metadata_copyright_false","source":"gutenberg","source_url":"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/37104","summary":null,"tags":["Category: Biographies","Category: Religion/Spirituality","Ex-nuns -- United States -- Biography","Monastic and religious life of women"],"text":"\n\n\n\nProduced by Chris Curnow, Katie Hernandez, Michael and the\nOnline Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nTHE DEMANDS OF ROME\n\n[Illustration: _Elizabeth Schoffen as Sister Lucretia_]\n\n[Illustration: _Elizabeth Schoffen, Lecturer and Author_]\n\nDEDICATION\n\nIn the name of all that is good, kind and Christian, I humbly dedicate\nthis book to those two dauntless Americans, my friends and benefactors,\nMr. and Mrs. E. U. Morrison.\n\n\"The Demands of Rome\"\n\n--By--\n\nELIZABETH SCHOFFEN (SISTER LUCRETIA)\n\nSecond Edition\n\n_Her Own Story of Thirty-One Years as a Sister of Charity in the Order\nof the Sisters of Charity of Providence of the Roman Catholic Church_\n\nPUBLISHED BY THE AUTHOR, PORTLAND, OREGON\n\nCopyright, 1917, by ELIZABETH SCHOFFEN\n\n(All rights reserved)\n\n\n\n\nPREFACE.\n\n\nAfter many entreaties and a sincere vow, it is now \"mine to tell the\nstory\" of \"THE DEMANDS OF ROME\" as I have lived them during my long life\nand faithful service in the Roman Catholic Church and sisterhood. I\nwould sound this story in the ear of everyone who has the interest of\nthe oppressed at heart--in the ear of everyone who has the interest of\ndisseminating knowledge, the light and power of which would be a great\nhelp to the freeing of the captive from religious bondage. For as I view\nit now, religious bondage is the most direful of all.\n\nIn a few words, \"THE DEMANDS OF ROME\" from the individual are from the\n\"cradle to the grave,\" and they do not stop there, he is followed\nthrough \"purgatory\" and into eternity. In the commercial world, you must\nlisten to \"THE DEMANDS OF ROME\" or the Roman Catholic trade goes\nelsewhere, and the anathema of the church is invoked upon you.\n\nThe church of Rome _demands_ property, and when they have it, _demand_\nthat they be not taxed for that privilege; they _demand_ wealth, never\nbeing satisfied, but forever _demanding_; they _demand_ the suppression\nof liberty; they _demand_ life; they _demand_ death.\n\nNow, as a sister in the church of Rome, it is _demand_ from the very day\nshe enters the convent, as I have explained throughout this book. The\nfirst _demand_ is the hair of the victim. The Word of God says, \"If a\nwoman have long hair, it is a glory to her,\" but what does the church of\nRome care what the Bible says? It is the _demand_ from the church, and\nblind obedience of the subject to that _demand_ that Rome cares about.\nIt is their endless _demands_ for supremacy of heaven, earth and hell.\n\nWe have all heard of the dumb animal which would run back to his stall\nin case of fire; nevertheless, we must take an interest in the faithful\nold horse and use every effort to save his life from the horrible death\nthat he would rush to.\n\nHow much more must we take an interest in the lives of the poor,\noppressed humans, the over-burdened, entrapped nuns behind the convent\nwalls, though she may imagine that she is enjoying the greatest freedom\nand the happiest life. Yes, we must all look well to the doors that\nstand between Liberty and bondage, even though those doors seem bright\nwith \"religious\" paint.\n\nLet me say with the poet, that I cannot hope to \"live but a few more\ndays, or years, at most,\" and my one aim is to give to the world a book\nthat will stand the crucial time of the changing years--a book that\nshall be known and read long after the author is forgotten. I write it\nwith a fond hope that it may be helpful to \"those who have a zeal for\nGod, but not according to knowledge,\" those who may be floundering in\nthe meshes of a crooked and perversed theology. I want no other\nmonument.\n\n ELIZABETH SCHOFFEN.\n\n February, 1917.\n\n\n\n\n CONTENTS.\n\n\n Chapter. Page\n\n I. Introductory 11\n\n II. My Early Life and Schooling 17\n\n III. My Novitiate Life 23\n\n IV. A Virgin Spouse of Christ--My First Mission 37\n\n V. My Begging Expedition--St. Vincent's Hospital--Routine\n of a Sister 47\n\n VI. How I Educated Myself--I Become Superintendent\n of the Third Floor at St. Vincent's 61\n\n VII. Sacrament of Penance--Mass and Communion--Extreme\n Unction--Indulgences--Annual\n Retreat 72\n\n VIII. My Trip to the General Mother House 85\n\n IX. I Receive My Diploma for Nursing from St.\n Vincent's Hospital--Trouble Among the\n Sisters 103\n\n X. My Removal from St. Vincent's Hospital 122\n\n XI. Two Interesting Letters from Sisters--My\n Letters for Redress to Archbishop Christie 130\n\n XII. My Emancipation 144\n\n XIII. I Quit the Roman Catholic Church 155\n\n XIV. Form for Dispensation of the \"Holy\" Vows--My\n Suit and Settlement With the Sisters\n of Charity 165\n\n XV. My Recommendation from the Doctors of\n Portland--The Good Samaritan--I Affiliate\n With a Protestant Church--My New\n Work 181\n\n XVI. My \"Advertisement\" in the Catholic Sentinel 191\n\n XVII. The Care of Old Sisters by the Roman Catholic\n System 199\n\n XVIII. Conclusion 205\n\n Appendix 217\n\n\n\n\n LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS Page\n\n Elizabeth Schoffen attired in the garb of a Sister 2\n\n Elizabeth Schoffen--Lecturer and Author 3\n\n Elizabeth Schoffen one month before she entered the\n Convent 25\n\n \"Father\" Louis de G. Schram 33\n\n Sister Ethelbert 49\n\n Caught in the Act of Kissing the Floor 55\n\n St. Vincent's Hospital, Portland, Oregon 65\n\n Mother House, Montreal, Canada 89\n\n Fac-simile of My Diploma 107\n\n Archbishop Alexander Christie of Portland, Oregon 139\n\n Fac-simile of the Check I received from the Sisters of\n Charity 180\n\n A Gift from God 195\n\n\n\n\nTHE DEMANDS OF ROME\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER I.\n\n INTRODUCTORY\n\n\nIn writing this story of thirty-one years of my service in the\nSisterhood of the Roman Catholic Church, I have no apologies to make.\nFrom the treatment I received after I left the cruel and oppressive\nRomish institution, I feel that there are thousands of Protestants,\nso-called, that need to know what is required and demanded of the poor,\nduped girls that are in these prisons of darkness that dot this\nbeautiful country of ours from one end to the other, guising themselves\nunder the cloak of religion.\n\nThen, there is the Roman Catholic, who has been brought up in that\nfaith, and yet feels that the system as practiced in this country is not\nin accord with the American principles. To these I wish to give my\nmessage, that they might know the inner workings of these damnable\ninstitutions, falsely called \"charitable and religious.\"\n\nWith malice toward no one, but for love of God, charity and liberty to\nall, I tell this story of my life, with a sincere hope that it may--in\nsome little way--help you, dear reader, and your posterity from drifting\ninto the now threatening condition of pagan darkness and the\nindescribable, as well as uncalled for, unnatural, inhuman tortures I\nescaped from.\n\nProtestants are brought up in such grand freedom and liberty of spirit,\nboth civil and religious, that it is almost impossible for them to\nbelieve that there can be anything to prevent Roman Catholics (I now\nmean the good Roman Catholic) from enjoying the same rights and\nprivileges that they do. If my Protestant friends will just stop one\nmoment and think about the difference between Americanism and\nCatholicism, then they will realize how it is that the good Roman\nCatholic cannot enjoy the true liberal government that their forefathers\nfought, bled and died for, and which they are enjoying today.\n\nAmericanism means true democracy--the rule of the majority in matters\ncivil, and the protection of the rights of the minority.\n\nAmericanism means freedom of thought, conscience, speech and press.\n\nAmericanism means the right to worship God according to the dictates of\nyour own conscience.\n\nAmericanism means that liberty of body, soul and spirit which tends to\nthe development of all that is noblest and best in the individual.\n\nDoes Roman Catholicism mean these great principles?\n\nLet me say emphatically, NO.\n\nCatholicism means the rule of the Pope.\n\nCatholicism means restriction of thought, speech, and censorship of the\npress.\n\nCatholicism means the worship of God in no other manner than set forth\nby the Popes, and the persecution of heretics, even unto death. You weak\nProtestants will probably say, \"Oh, not that bad.\" Well, let me tell\nyou, that you had better open your eyes. Let me quote from the \"Golden\nManual,\" a prayer book I used while a Sister. This book has the approval\nof John Card. McCloskey, then Archbishop of New York, page 666: \"That\nthou wouldst vouchsafe to defeat the attempts of all Turks and heretics,\nand bring them to naught.\" And according to the Roman Catholic Church, a\nheretic is anyone who does not believe all the teachings of that church.\nSo you Protestants are each and every one heretics and the Roman\nCatholic church has no use for you, so why should you cater to them?\n\nCatholicism means repression of individuality and the subjection of the\nbody, soul and spirit to a ruling class (the priests) by the terrible\ndoctrine of infallibility, for we, as Catholics and sisters, believe\nthat the priest cannot sin, as priest.\n\nWith these Roman Catholic principles, which I learned and practiced as a\nsister, so diabolically opposed to our American principles, it can\nreadily be seen why a good Roman Catholic cannot enjoy the freedom which\nthe Constitution gives to every American citizen. And, my dear American\nProtestant, if you do not get any other thought from this book, I wish\nto give you one here in the introductory which will be well worth your\nearnest, thoughtful study: If these principles of the Roman Catholic\nsystem are allowed to continue being put into practice, there is a\npossibility that we may lose our precious heritage of freedom which has\nbeen handed down to us. I was deprived of all the rights of an American\ncitizen till about five years ago. I was buried in pagan darkness and\nsuperstition and my soul longed and was dying for light and life, and I\ndid not know how to obtain freedom because of the ignorant manner in\nwhich I was raised in the parochial school, and the damnable\ninstructions I received from the so-called representative of Christ on\nearth, the priest. I have heard that there are about eighty thousand\nsisters in the convents of the Roman Catholic system in the United\nStates, and if this power can keep that number of girls in subjection\nand ignorance, do you not think that they will do the same with the\nseculars, if they had a little more power?\n\nJust think it over, and read of the demands of Rome I had to yield to\nfor thirty-one years. Read the dark history of the Roman Catholic\nChurch, and remember that Rome never changes; 'Semper eadem--' \"As it\nwas in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end.\nAmen.\" Then maybe you will cease being Protestant in name only, and\nbegin to protest.\n\nWhy are we Protestants? What is the meaning of the word Protestant?\n\nProtestant is one who protests, and we are called Protestants because at\nthe time of the Reformation the people who protested against the\ncruelties and superstitious practices of Rome took the name Protestant,\nand we are supposed to protest against the same teachings and cruelties\ntoday.\n\nBut how many true Protestants have we today? Very few, indeed. If you\nwould be a true Protestant, you must protest twenty-four hours a day,\nand seven days in every week in the year. Thank God, the American people\nhave, in the last few years, begun to wake up, and see the evils of this\nterrible system, which is gnawing at the very vitals of our free\ninstitutions. And, if the American people do not become indifferent, as\nthey have in the past, Rome will meet the same fate here that she has\nmet, or is meeting, in nearly every country where she has held sway for\nany length of time.\n\nHistory tells us in no uncertain language of the downfall of the once\npowerful country of Spain, of the suppression of the convents and\nmonasteries in Portugal, Italy and France, and without the system of\nconvents and monasteries, priestcraft can amount to naught. With these\nhistorical facts staring us in the face, the convent and monastery\nsystem is becoming a power in this land, and the inevitable is sure to\ncome--the suppression of all closed institutions. \"History repeats.\"\n\nTherefore, I wish to give to the world my experience of thirty-one years\nin a convent, that I may help hasten the time when these institutions\nwill be open, and the captive set free; that I may help, if I can, the\nreal true, red-blooded American citizens from returning to sleepy\nindifference.\n\nI cannot write this story in the language of an educated person, for as\nyou will learn in the succeeding chapters, my education was sadly\nneglected. There will, no doubt, be many grammatical errors, which I ask\nmy readers to overlook, as it is not intended as a work of rhetoric, but\na message from the heart. I will write it in my own language, that which\nI had to learn mostly by myself, and it took a great many years of hard\nwork and a great deal of deception on my part to be able to tell it even\nas well as I will. And, if I can convey to my American brothers and\nsisters any new light on the workings of these damnable institutions,\nor, if I may be the means of influencing a few more to be real, true,\nhonest Protestants, then this effort will not be in vain.\n\nI have no tale of immorality to tell, as the order of which I was a\nmember was what may be classed as one of the \"open orders,\" and the\ninstitutions in which I worked most of my so-called \"religious\" career,\nwere among the most modern operated by the Roman Catholic system in this\ncountry. I have heard and read a great deal about the nameless infamies\nand the degradation of the \"cloistered\" orders, but that story I must\nleave for some other to tell. I will tell the unvarnished, plain truth\nof my experience in the \"modern\" institutions, and let the reader draw\nhis or her own conclusion as to the life the sisters in the closed\norders have to live.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER II.\n\n MY EARLY LIFE AND SCHOOLING\n\n\nI was born in 1861, in Minnesota, of German parents, who had come from\nGermany in quest of greater liberty and a home in a free land.\n\nMy mother was a most devout Roman Catholic, absolutely under priest\nguidance, and by his instructions to her the children were reared and\nschooled. My father was a broad-minded Roman Catholic, not very strong\nin the faith. I have heard him speak of the teachings and superstitious\npractices, as \"priest foolishness.\" But, that there might be peace in\nthe family, he would leave matters regarding the children to mother, and\nleaving these things with her was leaving them with the priest.\n\nWhen I was five years old, we migrated to the State of Washington near\nWalla Walla (then called Fort Walla Walla).\n\nI was the eighth child of a large family, and as my parents could not\nafford to send all of us to the convent or parochial school, it was my\nlot to go to the public school a few weeks occasionally for three years.\nThis was when I was at the age of eight, nine and ten years. But, for\nfear of imbibing the \"Protestant godless spirit,\" as my mother called\nit, I was given only a reader and speller. Nearly every day my mother\nwould question me as to what the Protestant children would say to me at\nschool. She cautioned me many, many times not to talk to them, as they\nwere the children of bad Protestants, that they would grow up bad and\nwicked the same as their parents were, without belief in God and church,\nas Protestants were people who fell away from God by leaving the true\nchurch and following a very wicked man, named Luther, who became proud\nand disobedient to the Pope.\n\nThese Protestant godless (public) schools were greatly deplored in my\nhome by my mother, and yet my father was a teacher and director in these\npublic schools for a great many years. Because the Roman Catholic people\nhad to pay taxes to keep these schools running, there was much murmuring\nagainst that unjust government of an infidel people, as it was called.\nWith these contentions continually wrangling in my home, it did not\nrequire serious excuses for my being kept out of school. I have heard my\nmother make the statement many times that it would be better to have no\neducation than to have this Protestant godless public school education.\n\nWhen I was eleven years old, my mother and the priest decided that it\nwas time for me to go to the convent school to learn my catechism,\nconfession, my first communion, the rosary--my religion. In fact, during\nthe three years I attended this school, that was about all I learned.\nTrue, there were classes of reading, spelling and arithmetic, but the\nbooks I used in these studies were of a lesser grade than those I used\nduring the short time I went to the public school. By the order of the\nsister who taught arithmetic, I had to teach smaller children what\nlittle arithmetic I learned from blackboard study in the public school,\nhaving my class in the back of the room we occupied. The sister who\ntaught reading (Sister Agnes) told us that before she came to that\nschool to teach, she had been a cook in an Indian Mission. Well\nqualified, wasn't she? The catechism teacher (Sister Mary Rosary) taught\nsewing and catechism alternately, in that part of the building known as\nthe wash-house.\n\nThree years of my life were wasted in this manner, learning practically\nnothing but Roman Catholic catechism and pagan religion. Three years of\njust that time of a child's life which should be spent laying the\nfoundation for something nobler and grander.\n\nAnd now, after all is said and done, I was prepared to take my first\ncommunion. This was administered to me on May 23d, 1875, by \"Father\"\nDuffy, in the parish church of Walla Walla. I was confirmed the same\nday, in the same church, by Bishop Blanchet, of Vancouver, Washington.\n\nI thought that I now had religion, and as I thought that was the one\nobjective of the convent schooling, I took my few books home and told my\nmother that I would not go to that school any longer. I wanted to return\nto the public school, but mother said we were Catholics, and as such, we\nhad to go to the Catholic school. Finally, after a great deal of\npersistence, I was permitted to go to the public school, but it was only\nfor a very short time again. Mother took sick, and regardless of the\nfact that there were two sisters and a brother younger than I, and a\nsister and brother older, at home, this was a very good excuse to get me\nout of school.\n\nFrom this time till I was twenty years old, six years, I did nothing but\nidle away the most precious time of one's existence. Oh, what stupid,\nlonely, sorrowful girlhood years they were. I knew in a dreamy way that\nI was being cheated out of my right of education, but what was I to do?\nI was tempted many times to leave home and work for schooling. I once\nmade mention of this intention to mother. I was threatened with all\nsorts of punishments if I ever attempted a thing of this nature. She\ntold me that I could study the catechism at home, that that was enough\nfor me to know--that I would not forget the things that would take me to\nheaven and keep me from going to that terrible hell-fire with the\ndevils. If there would have been any reasonable excuse for all this, I\nwould have nothing to say. But there the school was at our very door,\nfree to all, without price, with the exception of the few books that\nwere needed, and yet I was denied that privilege. And why? All in the\nname of religion.\n\nOh, my American friends, can you not see the folly of it all? Can you\nnot see the folly of allowing this one-man power to continue building\nthese institutions all over this fair land of ours? Every time you see a\nparochial school in the shadow of a cross, just think that there is the\ninstitution taking the place of our public schools, and you can rest\nassured that even the parochial schools would not be here if it were not\nfor the public schools. Institutions supposed to be educational, when in\nreality they are institutions for the purpose of teaching Roman Catholic\npaganism.\n\nYou may say that there are Roman Catholics who are well educated. Yes,\nthere are. But where you will see one who is well educated, there will\nbe hundreds and maybe thousands who have only a duped education, a\nfooled education, so to speak. I have given you a fair example of Roman\nCatholic education in my own life.\n\nSix years before I entered the sisterhood, I had nothing to do outside\nthe few home chores, kept in inexcusable ignorance, deprived of every\nopportunity for any enlightenment, even for my own future home life. I\ncould hear nothing but punishments, purgatory, hell-fire and everlasting\ndamnation. Prayer to the crucifix in honor of the five holy wounds, to\nthe holy Virgin Mary and her badge--the scapular--for protection;\nconfession, the church, the priest-Christ--these were my schooling. No\nreading, no society, except one Catholic neighbor family, and I was\nbeing continually cautioned to beware of them, as they had little of the\nRoman Catholic religion, were too worldly and were given almost entirely\nto dress and nice times.\n\nBe assured that I had a real Roman Catholic raising, absolute ignorance,\nsteeped in Popery, superstition, idolatry filled with Roman fanaticism.\nOne of the Popes has said, \"Ignorance is the mother of devotion.\" Yes,\nsuperstition was the name of my Roman Catholic mother; indifference was\nthe name, in effect, of my Roman Catholic father. But the Lord God, the\npope, through the priest, the devil's hellish system, was the school I\nwas raised in. It was this cunningly devised, diabolical system which\nwas responsible for the ignorance and mental blindness of my good,\nhonest, but deluded parents, as it was to blame for the awful wrongs,\ninjustice and the wretched life of abject convent slavery I had to live\nso many years.\n\nSo I had been compelled to hear and see nothing but the one sided\nteaching of the Roman Catholic catechism, the priest's hell and\ndamnation preaching, had been held back and down in Roman Catholic\nignorance, darkness and superstition, until at length I became as one\ndeaf, dumb and blind, which very well explains the principle of the\nteachings of the Roman Catholic system.\n\nDuring the last few years of my home life, all home and priestly\ninfluence was brought to bear on the convent life as the preferable\nchoice for a girl. I had a great ambition to be a teacher, and the\nJesuit priests (Father Jordan and Father Cathaldo) assured me that in\nthe convent the sisters taught everything a girl needed to know; music,\nsinging, needlework and the necessary education for teaching. The\nbeautiful, glowing picture of convent and a sister's life were\nconstantly being brought to my mind, till I could at last think of\nnothing else.\n\nThe world was pictured as terrible and sinful; the people being educated\nin the public schools, living under the influence of an unbelieving\ngovernment, parents having no religion, people of irresponsible\ncharacter and loose morals, caring for nothing but the material things\nof this world and good times, which consisted of sinful pleasures. And,\nliving in this manner, there was no hope of eternal life for them, as\nthere was no one to whom they could confess their sins, and \"nothing\ndefiled can enter heaven.\"\n\nWith these things constantly burdening my undeveloped mind, and the\nthought of the great work I could do for the church and priests, and of\nsome day being a great sister-teacher, I at last consented to be a\nsister for the Roman Catholic system.\n\nVery natural, under this kind of home life and influence, when every\nthing human, natural, ennobling, elevating and commonly decent and\nChristian was withheld and kept out of my life, and all of nature's\nendowments and rights distorted and put to my mind as something\ndeceptive and leading to sin and deplorable wrongs.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER III.\n\n MY NOVITIATE LIFE\n\n\nMy last two confessions, in preparation to entering the convent were\nmade to \"Father\" Ceserri. When I had finished the last one, and he was\nexpounding and explaining my admirable choice of sisterhood life, he\nraised his right hand while pronouncing the words, \"I absolve thee,\netc.\" and then he put his arm around my neck and very \"fatherly\" kissed\nme. In the midst of my sanctifying confusion I did not know whether it\nwas the Holy Ghost, or if it was meant in brotherly love. But, I quieted\nmy mind with the happy thought that as the priest was Christ in the\nconfessional, it must have been Him who had kissed me, and I believed\nmyself highly favored by this mark of His love.\n\nThis same priest, \"Father\" Ceserri, took me from my home, which was in\nthe Palouse country in the eastern part of Washington, to Walla Walla,\nwhich was two days' travel by stage, and a few hours on the railroad. At\nthe end of the two days' stage travel, we were in Dayton, Washington. It\nhad been very warm and dusty all day. The clerk of the hotel showed us\nto a large room prepared for two. \"Father\" Ceserri, in a laughing,\njolly, good-natured manner, remarked that the clerk took us for man and\nwife. The priest left the room while I was dusting and arranging myself.\nWhen he returned, he had a couple of bottles of porter, he called it,\nand two big goblets. He opened the porter and filled the goblets, handed\none to me and kept the other himself. I would not take it, telling him\nthat I never took liquor. He pleaded that I should drink it as it would\ndo me good after the tiresome travel of the day. He could not prevail\nupon me to take it, so he left the room again, returning soon with some\nbeer, saying that this was milder and insisted that I take it. I refused\nas before. He told me that if I wanted to be a sister that I had to\nlearn to obey, as sisters made vows of obedience. So I consented to\ntaste it in obedience to him. He was then satisfied, as I had obeyed.\n\nThe next day we went to Walla Walla, where I remained about a month with\nthe Sisters of Charity, who took me to Vancouver, Washington, where I\nentered the convent.\n\nIt was understood between the priest and my mother, before I left home,\nthat I would have a year's schooling before entering the Sisterhood.\nThis promise had also been made to me by the Reverend Mother John of the\nCross.\n\nOn the day set by the sisters, July 30th, 1881, I was notified that I\nwas to be received into the novitiate that evening. I reminded the\nreverend mother of her promise to me in regard to school, and she told\nme that she had not forgotten it, that the two years' novitiate was all\nschooling. I believed her, and, as I had already had a few lessons in\nobedience, I thought it best for me to do as she directed. I had learned\nthat the reverend mother superior was the same over us in the convent as\nthe priest in the confessional and church. So I yielded in all\nconfidence to her for my future interests.\n\n[Illustration: _Elizabeth Schoffen, One Month Before Leaving Home for\nthe Convent._]\n\nOn entering the novitiate, I was given a formula, which I said kneeling,\nas follows: \"Reverend Mother, I beg to enter this holy house, and will\nsubmit to all the trials to prove myself worthy to become a servant of\nthe poor, and pray for perseverance.\" I was then led into a large,\nbarn-like hall or room, with a long, sort-of-workshop table in the\ncenter, and a number of plain chairs--this was all the furniture. There\nwere a few holy pictures on the wall which broke the awful bareness. The\nframes were black, coffin-like strips of wood, very forcibly impressing\nthe idea of death on my mind.\n\nI was then led to a graded oratory where there were various statues and\nlighted candles, before which I knelt, ahead of the novices and the\nMistress of Novices, and prayed: \"Veni, Creator Spiritus,\" meaning,\n\"Come, O Holy Ghost,\" and the Litany of the Saints. With this\nintroductory ceremony over, the Mistress came to me with a large pair of\nscissors and cut off my beautiful, golden-brown hair, my only beauty.\nThis was the first \"mark of the beast,\" the first preparatory act for\nRome's \"holy\" institution.\n\nI was then a \"postulant\" which means on probation. The postulant period\ngenerally is six months. During that time the sisters decide whether or\nnot the candidate has a religious calling--that is, to find out more\nintimately her character, disposition, temperament, inclinations,\ndisinclinations--to see if she has the bodily fitness and soul\nrequirements to be permitted the next step of advancement in this \"holy\"\ncalling.\n\nI was told by the mistress that the closing of the door of that \"holy\"\nhouse was a complete separation of myself from the sinful world. That if\nI wanted to be a spouse of Christ and a good sister, I had to\nabsolutely forget everything outside the convent, even to my own parents\nand relations. \"He that is not willing to leave father and mother for my\nsake is not worthy of me.\" The one important obligation that was\nrepeatedly impressed upon my mind was that I had entered the convent to\nbecome a religious to save my soul. The quotation, \"Let the dead bury\ntheir dead,\" was translated literally to me, and I was not to worry\nabout any one outside the four walls that enclosed me.\n\nAs a postulant, I was to learn the fundamental virtues of the community\nof the Sisters of Charity--Humility, Simplicity and Charity. For the\nacquisition of these virtues I had to learn to diminish in my own\nestimation; be glad whenever I was given an opportunity to abase, to\nrenounce or to mortify myself. By the interior and exterior practice of\nthese virtues I had to prove myself. By true humility of heart, I had to\nbear all things and refuse the soul its desires. The poor and humble in\nspirit pass their life in abundance of peace, I was taught.\n\nOne of the first humiliating experiences I had, to illustrate the above\nteaching, was one Sunday evening soon after I entered. The sister who\nwas to relieve me in the department I was working in, had failed to\nreport and I had not had any supper. The next exercise was benediction\nin the church and I could not absent myself from this without being\ndispensed by my superior, and then for only very grave reasons. I went\nto the novitiate room about eight o'clock, and the mistress of novices\nrebuked me severely for not being in rank with the novices. I told her\nthat I had not had any supper yet, as the sister officer had failed to\nreplace me in time. I had broken a rule by being absent from supper\nwithout permission, so I went on my knees and asked a penance. The\nmistress told me that I could go to the pantry and get some eatables and\ntake them up to the novitiate room and eat my supper before the novices.\nShe also informed me that I had done wrong for blaming a professed\nsister for the breach of the rule.\n\nThis seems like a very childish occurrence, and so it was. But it was\nhumiliating for me to sit before a number of novices eating a cold\nsupper, and Rome had made her point by demanding from one of her dupes,\nand the dupe responded.\n\nAlmost from the first day I entered, I had to learn Latin prayers. This\nwas probably the education I was promised. It would have been alright\nhad I been taught Latin so it would have been of some benefit to me. But\nthese prayers were taught me in a sort of parrot-like manner, the\nmistress of novices telling me how to pronounce the words in Latin, and\nI knew what they meant in English, having learned the prayers\npreviously. If I were to see the same words written, explaining\nsomething I had not previously memorized, I would not be able to read or\nunderstand the meaning of them. I learned prayers in French in the same\nmanner.\n\nI will give you an example of a Latin prayer. This is the Angelical\nSalutation, or Hail! Mary:\n\nAve, Maria, gratia plena; Dominus tecum; benedicta tu in mulieribus, et\nbenedictus fructus ventris tui, Jesus.\n\nSancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc et in hora\nmortis nostrae. Amen.\n\nQuite often during my postulant period, while I was learning these Latin\nprayers, I would have to do sewing. This was a beginning of the vow of\npoverty, which I hoped to take in the near future--learning to be a\nreligious, and at the same time working my hands for the Roman Catholic\nsystem.\n\nThe candidate is assigned her work by the mistress of novices and goes\nthrough a test to see in what way she can become useful in the service\nof God as a Sister of Charity. It is a case of getting all the work\npossible out of the girls from the very start, for these so-called\n\"holy\" institutions.\n\nMy two years' novitiate training was served in the boys' department of\nthe Orphanage of the Sisters of Charity at Vancouver, Washington. There\nwas an average of about seventy boys in this institution, ranging in age\nfrom three to fourteen years. Two sisters had all the care of these\nchildren, except the cooking of the food. And, oh, the care these poor\nchildren received. They were physically and mentally weak from having\nbeen underfed and poorly cared for, and being taught by two sisters who\nhad a parochial school education such as I had.\n\nOne of my duties was to awaken these poor, little waif children for Mass\nat five thirty in the morning. If, on arising, I found that any of them\nhad failed to get up during the night to attend to nature's call, it was\nmy duty to whip them with a substantial leather strap, which was\nprovided for that purpose. If some of the larger boys needed this\npersuasive remedy for their ills, they would be taken to the attic,\nstripped, and some sister would be there to administer the medicine in\nprolific doses. With this kind of treatment, it was no wonder that we\nhad to be continually on our guard to keep them from running away. I\nhave known as many as six at one time to run away for two or three days,\nand sometimes some of them would not come back at all.\n\nOn the twenty-fourth day of February, 1882, I was admitted to the \"holy\nhabit,\" in most orders called the taking of the \"white veil,\" the next\nstep to my \"religious perfection.\"\n\nI was now a \"novice\" and I must present myself every two weeks to the\nmistress of novices, and in order that she may direct my soul in the\nspiritual life, I must kneel to her in private and make what is called\n\"manifestation of conscience.\" That is, to lay bare my heart and mind in\neverything I can possibly think of, excepting grave sins. If the\nmistress, who is a cunning director, has any dislike for any of the\nnovices, this exercise is very cruel, for these \"saintly\" nuns know\nbetter than any one on earth how to cunningly torture those in their\npower--the system forcing them to it.\n\nEvery week I had to go to the priest for confession, whether I had\nanything to confess or not. Very often I had to search my heart and mind\nto find something to tell this \"Christ\" in the confessional.\n\nSoon after I became a \"novice,\" we were called to the novitiate for\nspiritual instruction. \"Father\" Louis de G. Schram was the chaplain. An\norphan boy had been taken out of the orphanage on account of one of the\nyounger sisters having talked a little too much. \"Father\" Schram said,\n\"Now, sisters, always tell the truth, but to tell the truth you do not\nhave to tell everything you know. Suppose, Sister O'Brien, if somebody\nwould come and ask you, 'Is Johnny Morgan here?' you would not have to\nsay 'Yes, Johnny Morgan is here.' You place one hand in the sleeve of\nthe other hand, and you say, 'No, Johnny Morgan is not here,' and you\nwill mean that Johnny Morgan is not up your sleeve.\"\n\nThis story was given as a spiritual instruction, but it very truly\nrepresents the system I lived for thirty-one years--deception, from\nbeginning to finish. With teachings of this nature constantly before us,\nit was a case of lying, stealing, thieving and \"swipping\" among\nourselves, from morning till night, to make life a little more\ncomfortable for ourselves.\n\nA novice is not allowed to talk in general conversation with a professed\nsister during her novitiate period, with the exception of the mistress\nof novices and the mother superior. These two sisters, and the priest,\nare the only confidents we have, as we are taught to talk among\nourselves on religious subjects only, and if we hear another novice\ntalking in any other subject or breaking any other rule, it is our duty\nby rule and conscience to report her to the mistress of novices. We are\ntold that we are all \"monitors,\" which means, carry the reports to the\nmistress of novices.\n\nThis practice destroys confidence and causes us to regard one another\nwith suspicion, the result of which is distrust and hatred, and a\ngeneral spy system. This is one of the most devilish practices taught in\nthis part of a sister's life, one that stays with her throughout her\nwhole sisterhood. Tattling, accusing, charging one another with the most\ntrivial, cruel, and very often wicked acts. Many times the sister\naccused is innocent of any wrong doing, but there is nearly always a\npenance imposed upon her, and if she is not in the good grace of the\nmother superior, the penance is often very severe.\n\n[Illustration: _\"Father\" Louis de G. Schram_ (Johnny Morgan Story)]\n\nFrom the first day we enter, we are not allowed to send or receive mail,\nwithout it first being censored. This is another manner Rome has of\nkeeping the girls in the convent after they are once there. The practice\nof censorship of mail is absolutely against the postal laws of the\ncountry, but it is done in the convents every day. Why should the postal\nauthorities permit the continuous disregard for the laws? Are the\nsisters in the convents American citizens and under the protection of\nthe laws of the country, or are they not American citizens? If _you_\nwould open mail belonging to some other person, unless you could give a\nvery good reason for so doing, you would find yourself in the clutches\nof the law, and would have to account to the Federal government. But you\nnever hear of a superior of a convent being held for opening another\nsister's mail. Why this discrimination? Is it not breaking the law in\none instance the same as the other?\n\nWhile I was in the novitiate, a letter that I had written to my parents,\nwas returned to me by the mistress of novices, with the instruction that\nI rewrite it and leave certain parts out, as it would cause my people to\nthink that I was not happy. Yes, dear reader, that is it exactly. It did\nnot make any difference how I felt, whether I was happy or not, the fact\nwas that I was in the convent, seemingly, for better or worse. It was\nthe impression I left on the outer world that Rome was most interested\nin.\n\nThe fact of the matter is, that I was not happy and wished to leave, but\ndid not know what to do or where to go. I knew that I would not be\nwelcomed in my own home or among Roman Catholics, and with the bringing\nup I had received and under the influence of this religious training, I\nbelieved it impossible to be saved among Protestants. Several times I\nmade mention of my unhappiness to the Master of Novices in the\nconfessional. He implored me to be faithful and God would reward me, and\nif I was not faithful there was small chance of saving my soul.\n\nNearly always after telling the Master of Novices of the unhappiness in\nthe convent, he would, at the next \"spiritual\" instruction, give us a\nlong talk about girls who had lost their vocation by leaving the\nconvent, and that they nearly all came to a bad end.\n\nMy dear reader, you can readily understand why more of these poor,\ndeluded sisters do not leave these institutions, when, from the very\nbeginning these principles are ground in their very hearts and minds\nuntil they become as one bound, tied and gagged.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER IV.\n\n A VIRGIN SPOUSE OF CHRIST\n MY FIRST MISSION\n\n\nMy novitiate training of two years being finished, I was now ready to be\nprepared to become a \"Virgin Spouse of Christ.\" My \"canonical\nexamination\" was conducted by \"The Right Reverend\" Aegedius Jounger,\nBishop of Nesqually. This examination was a very private affair. It\nconsisted of rigid questioning in regard to the vows I was about to\ntake, poverty, chastity and obedience, and especially the vow of\nchastity. I was asked what I understood by the vow of chastity, and if I\nthought I could keep it through my life. I was also questioned very\nclosely as to my fitness to take a vow of this nature.\n\nI was informed that my examination had been satisfactory, and on the\nsixth day of August, 1883, I made my profession as a Sister of Charity\nof Providence, in the convent of that order, the House of Providence, in\nVancouver, Washington. Bishop Jounger officiated at this ceremony,\nassisted by \"Father\" Schram and several other priests.\n\nThis ceremony included the \"nuptial mass\" which is the wedding ceremony\nbetween the novice, or candidate, as the bride, and Jesus Christ, the\nabsent bridegroom. At this ceremony I received my wedding ring (which I\nhave yet) and took the perpetual vows of poverty, chastity and\nobedience. These three things--the wedding ceremony, receiving the ring\nand the taking of the vows--made me a \"virgin bride of Jesus Christ.\"\nThe head-gear of the garb was changed at this ceremony of my \"religious\nprofession,\" which was the only difference between the garb of the\nnovice and the professed sister in the order I had entered. I also\nreceived my number, 554, which meant that I was the 554th sister to\nenter that order, and which I kept throughout my sisterhood life. All\nclothes and articles assigned to us for our use are marked with the\nsister's number, just as seculars (people of the world) use their names\nor initials, or the numbering of convicts in the penitentiary.\n\nThe following is, in substance, the form of the final and perpetual vows\nI took:\n\n\"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. I,\nElizabeth Schoffen, in religion Sister Lucretia, wishing to consecrate\nmyself to God as a daughter of charity, a servant of the poor, do hereby\nmake to the Divine Majesty the perpetual vows of poverty, chastity and\nobedience, under the authority of the General Superior, and according to\nthe constitution and laws of the institute and organization.\n\n\"I humbly beg the Divine mercy through the infinite merits of our Lord\nJesus Christ, the intercession of His glorious Mother and the prayers of\nthe Patron Saints of this Institute, to grant me the grace of being\nfaithful to these vows of poverty, chastity and obedience; for the\ndispensation of which I will humbly submit to my Mother General and the\nHoly Father, the Pope. Amen.\"\n\nAfter the taking of these vows, there is more mass during which the act\nof \"Consecration to the Holy Virgin Mary\" takes place. I had just been\nconsecrated to Jesus Christ as His virgin spouse, but now I must be\nconsecrated to His mother. Let me say right here that once each year the\nsisters are required to renew their vows of poverty, chastity and\nobedience, and the act of consecration to the Holy Virgin Mary.\n\nThe act of consecration to the Holy Virgin Mary is as follows:\n\n'O, Holy Virgin, virgin among all virgins, and queen of all religious\nassociations, we humbly prostrate ourselves at your feet in order to\nacknowledge that after God, it is to you, O good mother of ours, that we\nowe the grace of our vocation--devoted and consecrated in a special\nmanner to the devotion of your sorrows. Being called to take care of\nyour dear Son in His poverty, His suffering and to assist Him when\ndying, we desire that you make us share in your feelings as a mother.\nTherefore, please make us partake of your compassion for all the\nspiritual and physical miseries of the children that you have begotten\non the cross. Be pleased to look at us as the daughters of sorrow. Deign\nto receive us in your most amiable heart--this heart of yours that was\npierced with the seven swords of sorrow We willingly love this heart of\nyours so good. You know the dangers we go through in the exercise of\nCharity; take great care of us in the midst of our perils, O you who are\nthe helper of all Christians. In acknowledgment of your kindness, we\nshall work with all our strength to make all people love, serve and\nglorify thee. Amen.'\n\nAllow me to explain, in a concise manner, the three vows, poverty,\nchastity and obedience:\n\nBy the vow of poverty, I had to give up all the material goods I\npossessed and all that I ever hoped to possess either by service or\ninheritance--being guided according to the Lord's counsel, \"If thou wilt\nbe perfect, go, sell all thou hast and give it to the poor.\" Even my\nmaterial body no longer belonged to myself, I was an inherent part of\nthe order. Nothing belonged to me--the clothes I wore, even to a pin,\nbelonged to the community. I had to always say, \"This is _ours_,\" never\nsay \"This is _mine_.\" If any presents were given to me in any of the\nwork I was to do, I had to turn them over to the superior. Not a minute\nof time is mine any longer, the twenty-four hours of the day belongs to\nthe community, and if I wish to do anything other than the daily\nroutine, I must be dispensed by my superior.\n\nBy the vow of chastity I was forbidden to think of a man or marriage. I\nwas not allowed to kiss and fondle children, especially male children,\nor to kiss another sister. After a long absence, sisters may embrace and\ngreet each other by rubbing head-gears against the cheeks. I was not\nallowed to enter the curtained-off apartment of another sister in the\ndormitory. I was not allowed any more liberty towards even my mother or\nany of my relatives than I was towards strangers. I may, as my book of\nrule reads, see them for one-half an hour, upon permission from my\nsuperior, and if the time is extended I must be dispensed by my superior\nfor the non-observance of this point of the \"holy\" rule. Now, when I had\nthis permission to speak to some of my relatives, or some one else, I\nmust never speak in a language not understood by the sister in near\nsurveillance. If these visits occur more than once or twice a year, it\nis ample ground for humility, and mean, cutting things said by the\nsuperior and sisters. This is also a breach of the vow of poverty, as\nthe time spent talking does not belong to the sister but to the\ncommunity. She is told that it is a bad example to others who may wish\nthe same privilege. It is a continual determined vigilance, keeping the\nsisters from any communication with the outside world. The rule\nparticularly emphasizes that the sisters shall not keep birds or pet\nanimals, as it would take time, which is not hers, and divert her\naffection which, as a sister spouse, must be given entirely to her\nheavenly spouse, Jesus Christ.\n\nAnother great teaching of this vow of chastity is modesty. A sister is\ntaught to keep her eyes modestly cast down, fold her hands in the big\nsleeves of her garb when in the presence of the \"opposite sex\" (as men\nare called), and never look them in the face any higher than the chin. I\ntried this teaching for some time, but somehow Mother Nature was still\nwith me, and every once in a while I would take a quick look at a man\nfull in the face to see if he was good-looking, and if I could not see a\ngood-looking man, I would look at the priest to see if he was handsome.\n\nAs an example for this virtue of modesty, we were told of the young\nJesuit priest, St. Aloysius, who was so good and pure and holy, that he\nnever looked his own mother full in the face.\n\nBy the vow of obedience a sister is to yield entire obedience of\nthought, word and understanding to her superior. The will of her\nsuperior must be her will, believing that black was white if the\nsuperior said so. Literally, she was like a corpse in her superior's\nhands, and still a tool to work for the Roman Catholic system. What is\nworse than mental slavery, the stultifying of all our intellectual\npowers and bringing them under the despotic will of another, and this\nbehind the prison walls and barred doors of the Romish religious\nconvent?\n\nObligations to convent life and practices crush all natural instinct. If\nthe sister desires to aim at the high \"ideals\" taught in the sisterhood,\nshe must abase and humiliate herself. If she has not the courage to make\na fool of herself, by abasing and humiliating herself, she must ask her\nsuperior to give her some humiliating penance to suppress her feelings\nof higher nature as proud and coming from the devil. The more sinful and\ncriminal a sister can believe herself in the eyes of God, and the more\ndeserving of prisonlike treatment, and as a worm under the feet of all\nher companions, the more perfect and saintly she becomes in her own eyes\nand in the eyes of her superior, who can then use her as a better tool\nfor the benefit of the system.\n\nAny one who knows anything about nuns knows that they are nearly all\nlike children, for under the ironclad, narrow and restricted rule, the\nsisters retrograde from the day they enter, and as time goes on they\nbecome as the rule itself--bitter and heartless, from a sense of\nmorbidness and from the unnatural conditions, circumstances and\nenvironment surrounding them. There are the sisters who are childish and\nsilly; others who are the cunning hypocrite. The latter type become the\nschemers among the sisters for the system, and believe me, they will\nleave nothing undone to gain favor with the heads of the order and the\npriests that they might gain some high office for themselves.\n\nFor nearly a year after I took my vows, I remained at the Orphanage in\nVancouver.\n\nAs you already know, I was raised on a ranch, and was accustomed to\nbeing in the open air and having plenty of sunshine. These three years\nof almost complete confinement in this institution, and the long hours\nof hard, tedious work had begun to tell on my health. And, now as I\ncould hardly attend to my duties, I was transferred to an Indian\nMission at Tulalip, Washington, about June, 1884.\n\nI was at this Mission five years. The first eight months I worked in the\nboys' department, assisting in the industrial training of about\nseventy-five Indian boys. The part I had in training these boys was more\nmanual service than real instruction. But my labors kept me out of doors\nconsiderably and at the end of the eight months, my health was\npractically restored.\n\nI was then given charge of the girls' department of the Mission where\nthe work was again very confining.\n\nImagine, if you can, the terrible conditions I had to contend with at\nthis school. There were about sixty girls, ranging in age from five to\ntwenty-five years. They all slept in one large dormitory with beds so\nclose together, that there was barely passing space, and I occupied one\ncorner of that room. The accommodations for cleanliness were very poor,\nand the stench in that sleeping room was simply nauseating, and there\nwas no remedy for it, with the existing conditions. In the morning, I\nhad to dress about twenty-five of these girls, and care for the running,\nmattering sores of many, who were diseased (scrofulous), with an\nointment supplied for that purpose by the government physician.\n\nAfter this doctor had made a few visits and I had become a little\nacquainted with him, the superior came to me and asked me about our\nconversation. When she found out that we had talked about some things\nthat were not strictly business, I was not allowed to be in the room\nwhen he came again. She told me that I should be very careful around a\nman, that I might lose my vocation.\n\nI had to take my turn in the laundry nearly every week, and I remember\none instance which occurred which will illustrate how the Roman Catholic\nsystem makes a \"mountain out of a mole hill\" and causes so much sorrow\nover practically nothing. I had damaged a little red-flannel shirt\nbelonging to one of the children, while washing it, and I never heard\nthe end of this terrible thing until after I wrote to my father and\nasked him to send me five dollars, that I might replace it. A very\ntrivial thing in itself but the superior kept talking about it, causing\nme very much sorrow and grief that I shed many tears over it.\n\nWhile I was at this Mission, I received a letter from my father\ninforming me that my mother was very ill, and that in all probability\nwould soon pass away. This letter had been addressed to Vancouver, and\nmy Mother Superior had opened it and knew the contents. When she\nforwarded it to me, she inclosed a letter to my superior at Tulalip,\ntelling her to tell me that if I could get some one to take my place and\nget the money necessary for my fare from my father, she would give me\npermission to go home to see my mother before she died. She knew very\nwell that it was an impossibility to get any other to take my place, as\nI did not have the assigning of sisters to work of any nature, and none\nbut sisters were allowed in the Mission. The answer was simply that my\nmother died and I never saw her after the day I left home to enter the\n\"holy\" convent.\n\nAgain, after four years of confining work in this department of the\nmission, my health absolutely failed. I asked to be transferred to some\nother house where I might have a chance to recuperate. About the first\nof September, 1889, I was transferred to the Indian Mission at\nColville, Washington. At this Mission I had charge of the sewing and\nassisted in the dining-room. The responsibility was much less than it\nhad been at Tulalip, and, having been relieved of this strain, and\ndepressing conditions, I gradually regained my health.\n\nI had now spent a little over six years in Mission work, and being\nnaturally of an active disposition, both mentally and physically, I knew\nthat I could not endure this banishment much longer. I say \"banishment\"\nvery thoughtfully, for banishment it was. No companions with whom to\nconverse, as the other sisters in these Missions were generally\nforeigners who could speak very little English, and as for being\ncompanions they were little better than no one. Then, the work was very\ntiresome and monotonous, with no physical exercise attached to it,\nnearly all being done in a sitting posture, with nothing to use or\nenlighten the mentality.\n\nSo, realizing these conditions, I asked to be given some work of a more\nactive nature. And, about the first of December, 1890, I was transferred\nto the Sacred Heart Hospital, Spokane, Washington.\n\nI was at this hospital only a short time, but while there I had charge\nof the laundry, which meant doing most of the work in that department,\nand also charge of a ward of fourteen patients, regardless of the fact\nthat I had never had any previous experience of this nature. And,\nbelieve me, there were many trying, disagreeable experiences both to\nmyself and the sick, due to my being untrained.\n\nI recall one instance when I nearly injured myself for life lifting a\npatient when I did not know how to handle a person in a helpless\ncondition. My back was crippled for about a month, but they say\nexperience is the best teacher, and I had had my first lesson of this\nnature.\n\nA physician had prescribed a seidlitz powder for a patient I was\nattending, but I had never given one and did not know how to proceed. I\nasked the sister superior, and then endeavored to carry out her orders.\nI took two large tumblers half filled with water and a powder in each.\nHurriedly I poured the contents of one tumbler into the other and the\neffervescing saline ran all over the poor man and bed, while he was\nmaking desperate efforts to drink a little. All the men in the ward\nraised their heads to see the experiment and enjoyed a hearty laugh,\nwhile the patient received his prescription and a shower bath, both at\nthe same time.\n\nThis was one time in my convent life that I received what I had asked\nfor, in fact, it was just the opposite extreme of what I had been\nexperiencing in my previous Mission. I was on my feet from morning till\nnight, and even for recreation and diversion, I was sent to the kitchen\nto assist in the work there.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER V.\n\n MY BEGGING EXPEDITION.\n ST. VINCENT'S HOSPITAL--ROUTINE OF A SISTER.\n\n\nDuring the spring of 1891, the Province of the Sisters of Charity of\nProvidence of the Pacific Northwest was divided, and by an order from\nthe head Mother House at Montreal, the sisters were to remain in the\nprovinces where they were when the division went into effect. I was\nordered to report to the Mother House at Vancouver, Washington. This was\nin March, 1891. On my way to Vancouver from Spokane, I had to pass\nthrough Portland, Oregon, and while there the order went into effect,\nand the sister superior of St. Vincent's Hospital claimed me as a\nsubject of the Oregon Province.\n\nI was at St. Vincent's Hospital about a month, when I was transferred to\nAstoria, Oregon, to St. Mary's Hospital, where I practiced on typhoid\npatients and became more efficient in laundry work, for a little over a\nyear.\n\nIn June, 1892, I was missioned to St. Mary's Hospital, New Westminster,\nB. C. My duties in this hospital were practically the same as in the\nother hospitals I had worked in.\n\nIt was while I was at this hospital that I was sent on my principal\nbegging expedition. On July fourth, 1892, Sister Ethelbert and myself\nwere commissioned to go north to the logging camps on the islands in the\nGulf of Georgia (near Alaska) to secure contributions in the name of\nCharity for the Roman Catholic Church and to sell tickets for ten\ndollars each, which would entitle the holder to care in St. Mary's\nHospital, New Westminter, B. C., for a specified time.\n\nThe hardship and terrors of this trip are indescribable. Crossing the\nstormy straights in small canoes, camping out at night in the wildest\nwoods, our lives were endangered many times. Arriving at the camps at\nall hours of the night, tired, wet, cold and hungry; being lifted into\nbunks by the men when we were so cold, in fact nearly frozen, that we\ncould hardly move; being carried on the backs of the men across muddy\nand wet places where the water was too shallow for the canoe, or boat,\nto land. Oh, yes, in the convent we were taught to be so modest--modesty\nto the very extreme, but it is all right, in the Roman Catholic Church,\nto send sisters to such places as this, where, as some of the men told\nme, they had not seen a woman for from three to eight years. It was all\nright in the Roman Catholic Church because we were getting the money for\nthe fat living of the priests and to enrich the coffers of the Pope of\nRome. Believe me, dear reader, no benefit do the sisters ever get from\nthe hardships and indignities imposed upon them on a trip of this\nnature.\n\n[Illustration: _Sister Ethelbert, my companion on the \"begging trip\" to\nthe Gulf of Georgia, near Alaska. She told me this was her seventh trip\nto this part of the country on a mission of this nature. She died at the\nage of thirty-six years._]\n\nAt one camp we visited, the men refused to keep us over night, so the\nmen who had rowed us all day, began to row us to the next camp. About\nten o'clock in the night, a storm arose, and we had to land, as it was\ntoo rough to go farther. The shore space was very limited, as there were\nhuge mountains on one side and the breakers on the other. Dry wood was\nvery scarce so the fire we had was little better than none at all. There\nwere four of us--two sisters and two men--and all the covering we had\nwas one double blanket, with the rough, rocky shore for a bed. About two\no'clock in the morning, the storm subsided and we embarked again and\ncontinued our journey, arriving at the next camp about four o'clock. Two\nof the workmen very kindly gave us their bunk, but because of the cold\nthere was very little sleep. When we arose, the Chinese cook took us to\nthe kitchen and had us warm our feet in the large oven. He was a very\ngood and kind sympathetic friend for he looked so sorry for us and said,\n\"You have hard time.\"\n\nSince I had to go begging, I was very pleased to have Sister Ethelbert\nfor a companion because I knew that she was not a trouble-maker, but a\ntruly good and sisterly person. I had hungered and longed for many years\nto be with some sister that I could talk with on some other than the\nwritten religious subjects and I was sure that this was the opportunity.\nI tried to talk to her, and she would smile at me, and she tried to talk\nto me, and I would smile at her. It was very apparent that our\nvocabulary was very limited and simple, when it came to talking on\noutside subjects. It was not till some years later that I realized why\nthis condition existed. It was from the long silence and suppression, of\nnot only speech, but our very thoughts, having been in bondage so long.\n\nWe were away from St. Mary's Hospital just three weeks and brought back\na little over eleven hundred dollars in checks and cash. Is it any\nwonder that Rome can build such magnificent institutions?\n\nAs a result of the exposure and hardships on this trip I contracted\nsickness from which I did not completely recover during the remainder of\nmy convent life. And oh, if I could only explain what it means to be a\nsick sister! I was not receiving the proper care, so I wrote to my\nMother House, located in Portland, Oregon, pleading that something might\nbe done for me. I waited for three weeks for an answer, but received\nnone. I wrote to my Superior again, and told her that if the community\ncould not give me the care I needed, I would write to my father and ask\nhim to see that I received medical assistance. This was a very bold\nthing for a sister to do, but I was certainly very sick and little did I\ncare what the community would do to me.\n\nWhen the Mother Superior received this letter, I was immediately\nrecalled to the Mother House by telegram. I arrived at the Mother House,\nSt. Vincent's Hospital, Portland, on the seventh day of July, 1893.\n\nI received fairly good care for a short time; then I was handed a\npicture of our suffering Lord, and told by the Mother Provincial, Sister\nMary Theresa, to practice resignation and make novenas to this\nmiraculous picture for help. (Novena means nine days' prayer.)\n\nFor years I was not sick enough to be confined to my bed, although I\nshould have been there many times when I was drudging away, working for\nthe Church of Rome. A sick sister need not look for any care until she\nis about ready to pass to the Great Beyond. The climax of my sickness\ncame many years later when I had to submit to an operation.\n\nDuring the first eight months I was at St. Vincent's Hospital, I had\nvery little use of my left hand and arm. I thought it was partial\nparalysis. A very prominent physician of the hospital staff, whose name\nI purposely withhold, diagnosed my case and gave it a technical name,\nwhich my unintelligible mind could not comprehend. But in my presence he\ntold Sister Mary Bonsecours, who was my officer and who had received\norders to see what the doctor could do for me, that I would never be any\nbetter. Nevertheless, he prescribed for me which improved my condition\nto a certain extent.\n\nIn this condition I assisted in the caring of patients, doing the best I\ncould, experimenting, as it were, and learning a little here and there\nat the expense of the suffering sick. We had no instructors or books on\nnursing until after I had been there about three years, when we were\nfurnished one book, a manual of nursing, and whenever a sister was lucky\nenough to get it she would keep it until some other sister would have a\nchance to \"swipe\" it. A sister once \"swiped\" it from me, and it took me\neight months to get a chance to \"swipe\" it back. Also, about this time\nwe were allowed to attend certain lectures given by the staff doctors.\nOne of the \"certain\" lectures we were _not_ allowed to attend were those\ngiven on maternity, and yet the sisters were held responsible for any\nerrors in caring for cases of this nature. To sum it all up in short, we\nwere instructed to pray that God would bless us and our work and that\nnothing wrong would happen to the patients.\n\nDuring the first six years of my experience at St. Vincent's Hospital\nand after I had recovered sufficiently from my sickness, I was sent to\nSt. Mary's Hospital, Astoria, Oregon, off and on, for short periods to\nassist in the work there.\n\nIn 1895 the new magnificent, six-story brick St. Vincent's Hospital was\nfinished, and we took charge in September of that year.\n\nHere I had charge of ten rooms, and had the serving of two meals daily\nto the entire floor, which meant about fifty patients, and the only\nassistance I had was one girl who was neither sister nor nurse, but very\ngood and kind to me. Besides these duties, I had to take my turn in the\nlaundry, do sewing, and above all else, attend to the numberless\nreligious obligations.\n\nIn order that you might realize of what these numberless religious\nobligations consisted, I will here give a program of the daily routine\nwhich I had to follow throughout my Sisterhood career:\n\n Rise at 5:00 A.M.\n Morning prayer, followed by meditation 5:30 A.M.\n Mass 6:00 A.M.\n Breakfast 7:00 A.M.\n Spiritual reading 9:00 A.M.\n Examination of conscience 11:25 A.M.\n Dinner 11:30 A.M.\n Beads 11:35 A.M.\n Recreation for one hour beginning at 12:00 noon\n Spiritual reading 1:30 P.M.\n Prostration 3:00 P.M.\n Meditation 4:00 P.M.\n Examination of conscience 5:55 P.M.\n Supper 6:00 P.M.\n Beads 6:25 P.M.\n Recreation for one hour beginning at 7:00 P.M.\n Evening prayer and examination of conscience 8:00 P.M.\n Followed by a visit to the blessed Sacrament in the Chapel.\n Retire--lights out and silence 9:00 P.M.\n\n[Illustration: _Caught in the Act of Kissing the Floor, a Very Common\nPenance for the Sisters in the Order I Was a Member of._]\n\nIn addition to these, the following must be observed:\n\nEvery hour of the day when the clock strikes, each sister must rise to\nher feet and say, \"Let us remember that we are in the holy presence of\nGod. Blessed be the hours of the birth, death and resurrection of our\nLord, Jesus Christ. O my God, I give thee my heart, grant me the grace\nto pass this hour, and the rest of this day in thy holy love and without\noffending thee,\" and one \"Hail, Mary.\"\n\nAn hour each week must be spent in the chapel in honor of the Blessed\nSacrament.\n\nFrom fifteen to thirty minutes every Friday evening after evening prayer\nfor the exercise called the \"culp,\" in some orders called \"chapter.\"\nThis exercise consists of each sister kneeling before the superior, and\nall the other sisters charges her with every mean, contemptible, petty\nwrong, usually a breach of some rule of the order, which they have\nremarked in her during the past week. Then the \"culprit\" so charged\nacknowledges some of these faults, adds a few more herself, and, kissing\nthe floor, asks a penance of the superior. The superior has the\nauthority to impose any of the accustomed penances.\n\nOne Sunday of each month is called \"retreat day,\" which means additional\nprayer and devotion, that the sister may be fortified spiritually for\nthe next month. During this day there are three meditations in addition\nto the regular daily routine. Each sister must present herself to the\nsuperior to tell her spiritual advancement and the difficulties she has\nhad in the work. Sometimes all the sisters do not have the time to\nappear before the superior on this day, but she must do so the first\nopportunity she has during the week, and then it is generally a\nreprimand for not being there sooner. This retreat day is ended with a\nlong Te Deum, which means a canticle of thanksgiving.\n\nAn explanation of some of the daily exercises will no doubt be of\ninterest to most of my readers.\n\nThe morning meal is eaten in silence, except on Feast days or unusual\noccasions. During the noon and evening meal some sister is appointed to\nread, generally from the \"Lives of the Saints\" or \"Roman Martyrology,\"\nnarrations very repulsive and revolting to nature. In this manner we\nmortify the senses. If we wish something passed while we are eating, we\nmake signs for it. Ten minutes is about the time spent in consuming the\ngout defying food supplied us. There is a dish-pan with about two quarts\nof warm water in it on the table, and the first sister finished eating\nhas this pan passed to her and she washes her dishes, dries them and\nplaces them in her private drawer in the table at her place. From six to\nten sisters wash their own dishes in this same water, and no difference\nif some of these sisters are diseased, as I have seen them, they would\nbe wasting time to make a change of water, and that would be a breach of\nthe vow of poverty. In all my thirty-one years of convent life, I never\nhad a chair with a back to it more than a dozen times in the refectory\n(as the dining-room is called). It was either benches or stools.\n\nThe following will show the spirit in which a sister should receive her\nfood, given at my spiritual instruction during retreat:\n\nMEALS.\n\n\"Attention and devotion in saying the prayers before and after meals,\neyes modestly cast down, a deep sense of my own misery, a pure intention\nin this animal exercise. Never to pick or choose of what comes to table.\nIf anything is disagreeable, to thank God for having given me an\nopportunity of mortification.\"\n\nAccording to rule, we are allowed two hours' recreation each day, which,\nin reality, are about the busiest two hours of the day. Oh, no, Rome\ndoes not give her sisters any two hours' real recreation, or rest,\nduring her long hours of labor. Such work as preparing fruit for canning\nor vegetables for cooking, folding clothes that are often very damp,\npicking over unsanitary gauze, tearing rags for carpet, picking over\nfeathers from old pillows, and other undesirable work is done during\nthese two hours; and then they say the sisters have plenty of recreation\nand rest.\n\nAt three o'clock every afternoon the sister must repair to some private\nplace for profound prostration. That is, she must kneel and bend forward\nand say: \"Jesus Christ became obedient unto death, even unto the death\nof the cross. Son of God, dying upon the cross for the salvation of\nsouls, we adore thee; eternal Father, we offer Thee this, thy divine\nSon; accept, we beseech thee, His merits in behalf of the suffering\nsouls in purgatory, for the conversion of all poor sinners, and of all\nin their agony.\" In addition to this prayer, she must say the \"Hail!\nMary\" and the \"Our Father\" three times each, or remain kneeling the time\nit would take to say them and meditate on the prayer said. Then, this\nexercise is completed by kissing the floor.\n\nThree times each day, five minutes is spent in examining our conscience.\nWe write in a little book provided for that purpose, our faults and\nimperfections. Before going to confession we are supposed to look over\nthis book and in this manner we forget nothing the priest should know.\n\nA bell called the \"regulation bell\" calls us to each and every one of\nthese \"holy\" exercises, and no matter what the sister is doing when\nthis bell rings, even if a patient is sorely in need of her care, she\nmust stop and go to her religious duties. If she is late to any of them,\nit means punishment, either by reprimand or penance, or maybe both. My\nreaders can draw their own conclusions as to the care a patient gets\nfrom a sister-nurse, when these religious duties comes before the duties\nof nursing.\n\nOne of the great inconveniences and discomforts of a sister-nurse is the\nclothes which she is compelled to wear. The garb which I wore for\nthirty-one years weighed about fifteen pounds, and there is no change of\nweight in this \"holy habit\" for cold or warm weather. Our petticoats and\nstockings are the only garments that are changed in weight for the\ndifferent temperatures. We are allowed two garbs at a time, but a sister\nwears one nearly all the time until it is worn out. All the cleaning\nthese garbs get is a little brushing with soap and water, and when it\ngets discolored, it is dyed to its original color. One of these garbs I\nhad for twelve years, and when I discarded it, there was only a small\npiece of the original left. Think of the cleanliness and sanitation of\nthese poor girls, wearing such clothes, perspiring over the sick, and\nfrom cooking and doing laundry work, and even being under the rule of\nasking permission to take a bath. Over all this when we cared for the\nsick, we tied a large white apron, slipped on a pair of white sleeves,\nand then the patients would say, \"How sanitary these sisters were.\"\nPoor, deluded public; poor, secluded girls; they are not to blame, they\ndo the very best they can under the gag-rule of Rome. Is it any wonder\nto you that the average sister dies between the ages of twenty-one and\nthirty-five years, when they are compelled to live in this manner and\nendure the terrible practices I have mentioned in this chapter?\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER VI.\n\n HOW I EDUCATED MYSELF.\n I BECOME SUPERINTENDENT OF THE THIRD FLOOR AT ST. VINCENT'S.\n\n\nIn the order of the Sisters of Charity of Providence, the rules restrict\nthe members to certain reading. The books we were allowed to read were\nthose on the Roman Catholic religious practices, such as \"Christian\nPerfection\" by the Jesuit, Alphonsus Rodriguez, a set of books on\n\"Meditation\" by St. Ignatius, also a Jesuit, a book on the \"Conferences\nof St. Vincent de Paul,\" a prayer book, a manual of community prayers,\nand a book of rule. If a sister should wish to read any other books,\noutside of a few like these I have named, she must have permission from\nher superior, even to the reading of \"The Lives of the Saints.\"\n\nThe reading of secular, or profane, as it is called, books are never\nallowed under any conditions. No magazines, newspapers or periodicals\nare they ever allowed to read. If there happened to be an article in\nsome religious magazine or paper that it was decided to let the sisters\nread, it was cut out and handed to them, hereby having permission to\nread it. Think of the terrible darkness the poor girls are kept in,\nwith nothing to develop their mental faculties, nothing to read except\nthe few chosen books, and when you have read one you have read all, and\nthis over and over again, year in and year out.\n\nWhen I came to St. Vincent's Hospital, I had been in the order about\ntwelve years. Twelve years of almost silence; twelve years of Latin\nprayers; twelve years of communion and confession; twelve years of Roman\nconvent-slavery; twelve years of retrogression.\n\nI found myself almost lost as to how to talk intelligibly to the doctors\nand patients. My vocabulary was certainly very limited. I felt the grave\nnecessity of doing something to aid me in my work. But how? That was the\ngreat question in my mind for some time. I had been taught that God\nwould punish me if I dared to read anything except what I was allowed.\nAnd, believe me, even twelve years' experience in the convent had\nchanged my views of Romanism but very little, if any.\n\nFinally, one day while on the daily routine, a newspaper came to my\nnotice, and I dared to read just one line. I waited a day or two to see\nif God would punish me. Then, when nothing extraordinary happened, I\ndared to read a few lines more, and I waited a few days again to see\nwhat God would do.\n\nAt last the opportunity came. In one of the rooms I found a book, by the\nname of \"At the Mercy of Tiberius.\" I dared to read it, and oh, how I\nenjoyed that novel. It was the first book of that nature, profane\nreading, that I had ever read. But trouble was brewing. Some sister had\nseen me reading, and although she did not know exactly what it was, she\nknew that it was not a religious book, and she reported me to the\nsuperior. When the superior asked me about it, I told her I had been\nreading a book, where it could be found and offered to go and get it for\nher. But I had her \"bluffed\" and she told me to never mind.\n\nIt took me about six months to read this first book, as I had to steal\naway and read for only a few minutes at a time. Where do you suppose I\nwent to do this un-Roman, \"un-Christian\" act of endeavoring to enlighten\nmy mind? In dark closets, bath-rooms, and in fact any place I could\nsecret myself, so I would not be seen by some of the other sisters. For\nit would mean a reprimand and very often a penance, and the sister thus\ncharged with having broken this point of the \"holy\" rules, is held under\nsuspicion.\n\nFor some time after this it was a problem to my mind as to how I was to\nobtain other reading. In time I made friends among those who came to the\nhospital, and very often these good people, mostly Protestant or\nnon-Catholic, would present me with some little token, showing their\nappreciation of the kindness shown them, as is done to most sisters.\nInstead of accepting money or other gifts, which by rule had to be\nturned over to the superior, I would ask them to give me some book,\ngenerally leaving the nature of it to their discretion, if I thought I\ncould trust them. Then I would warn them to be very careful when they\ngave it to me that no sister saw them do so, as it would mean trouble\nfor me.\n\nIn this manner I received much good reading, books that were very\ninstructive. When a book was too large to carry around in my big\npockets, I would cut or tear off a piece of it, and throw the remaining\nportion on some old, dusty cupboard in the attic, until I had read the\npiece torn off, then get a small ladder or box and tear off another\npiece, and so on until I had finished reading the entire book. One good\nfriend gave me a small dictionary, which was a great help to me. Another\ngave me a book of word study, which I covered with a prayer-book cover\nand studied in chapel. This was a case of \"Johnny Morgan wasn't here.\"\n\nBy stealing, thieving and lying, so to speak, in this manner I read and\nstudied for a great many years, and I credit my final escape from\ndarkness and ignorance largely to the fact that I had independence\nenough to read and friends kind enough to give me these books.\n\nDuring the summer of 1899, I was appointed to the superintendency of the\nthird floor of St. Vincent's Hospital. In this position, which I held\nfor twelve years, I found a few more minutes occasionally to read, and\nto exercise the little independence I possessed. The result, the more I\nread, the more independent I became, and this was one of the grave\ncharges brought against me when I was at last transferred, or, I might\nsay, dragged from Portland.\n\nOne of the great responsibilities of the office of superintendent was the\ncaring of the priest's apartment which was on my floor. There was the\nchaplain of the hospital who resided in this apartment, and he nearly\nalways had from one to four \"wafer God manufacturers\" visiting him, and\nyou may be sure it was not a small care to see that these \"gentlemen\"\nhad everything of the best, principally in the dining-room. I always had\nto take particular care to see that there was plenty of cream for their\ntables when possibly some of the patients had to do without or take\nskimmed milk, and many times the over supply would sour before it could\nbe used. I just mention cream, but it was the same about many other\nthings, it was always the very best of everything obtainable--cigars and\nliquors included. Yes, I have carried many bottles of wine to these\npriests, as well as carrying baskets of empty bottles down the back\nstairs, that had been emptied by these \"holy celibate men of God.\" A\nlarge refrigerator was kept especially for this apartment with a large\npadlock on the door. It might have contaminated these \"holy men of God\"\nif their food had happened to have been mixed with that of a wicked\nsecular, you know.\n\n[Illustration: _St. Vincent's Hospital, Portland, Oregon, Where I Served\nEighteen Years of My Sisterhood Life._]\n\nAnother very interesting feature of this new office was the care I had\nto give sick priests. There was nearly always some priest occupying a\nprivate room on my floor, sometimes sick, as they are only human and\nsusceptible to the same ills as others, but many times on \"sick leave,\"\nin other words, just plain drunk. Many times they would stay with us a\nmonth at a time, and once I remember, one made a nice long stay of a\nyear, or more, but he was not drunk. I had to help these \"gentlemen\"\nmany times, when they were much more able to help themselves than I was.\nBut I was a woman, \"a spouse of Christ,\" and these so-called men were\nthe \"representatives of Christ,\" and that made the difference.\n\nSoon after I had received the appointment of officer of the third floor\nthere were many complaints from the patients and physicians about the\nfood and the manner in which it was prepared. So it was decided that\nsome of the sisters should go to a cooking school which was being\nconducted by a woman by the name of Miss Porter, in the Exposition\nBuilding, Nineteenth and Washington Streets. I happened to be one of the\nchosen number, and we took a series of twelve lessons, principally on\npreparing dainty dishes such as could be used for the sick.\n\nAfter I had completed this course, I was appointed to teach cooking to\nthe nurses in the training school and the young sisters in addition to\nmy other duties. I conducted this class from two to three-thirty in the\nafternoon.\n\nOur rules prescribe that the hour from two to three be observed by\nprofound silence, and also that no sister shall partake of any food\noutside of the dining-room without special permission from the superior.\nDuring the teaching of this class on cooking, I was compelled to talk to\nthe sisters, and it was also quite necessary that they should talk to\nme, in order that they could get the proper instruction. When they would\ncook some dish I would request them to taste it, that they might judge\nfor themselves as to the seasoning. These were serious breaks of the\nrules, and it caused trouble for me after I had been instructing the\nclass about six weeks.\n\nMy young sister pupils plotted with the superior to cause my removal,\nand wrote to the Mother Provincial, Sister Mary Theresa, who was at that\ntime in Oakland, California, instituting a new house of the order.\nSister Mary Theresa did not write to me about the matter, but took it up\nwith my superior, who came to me and said that there was so much\ncomplaint about me causing the sisters to break the rule that she would\nhave to change me. She was going to take the superintendency of the\nthird floor away from me and send me to the basement to the fruit\ncannery to teach cooking. I told her that I could not do that. I had\nlearned how to cook because she had wanted me to, and that if I was\ngoing to teach it, I was going to teach it right; and if she would\ndelegate some other sister, I would teach her all I knew about cooking\nand I would be through with it. But she did not want me to do that, she\nwanted me to keep the class.\n\nI had done the very best I could with the class, and all this trouble\nwas caused, not because I was unsuccessful, but because the sisters\nbroke some of the rules of the order, which could not be avoided if they\nwished to learn. The action of the superior had caused me much distress,\nboth of heart and mind, and with the assistance of two stewards of my\nfloor, I placed all the cooking utensils and supplies of the school in a\nlarge box and sent it to the superior's room. For weeks she tried to\nprevail upon me to take the school back, but I refused to have anything\nmore to do with it.\n\nThis instance may not be very interesting to my readers, but I relate it\nto show how little petty happenings cause so very much trouble, and very\noften serious trouble for the poor girls in these institutions. There\nare many more instances of this nature I could relate, but I do not care\nto burden you with them. My action in this little matter caused me to be\nlooked upon with great suspicion and a certain amount of contempt from\nthe other sisters. It was this sort of treatment that caused me to write\nnotes of the cruelties I, with other sisters, had to endure. I expected\nto give these notes to some trust-worthy friend to read after my death,\nbut for some unknown reason I kept them and have them at the present\ntime.\n\nAbout this time, also, I had a class of about twenty young sisters to\nwhom I taught what nursing I had acquired, principally from experience.\nThis was soon abandoned, for the reason that it interfered with evening\nprayer and retirement at nine o'clock, the only time that could be found\nduring the day to hold the class.\n\nOf all the superstitious and pagan practices that enforces the vow of\nobedience, is the traditional exercise of penances or penalties. The\nmost inhuman, unjust, humiliating and very often torturing punishments\nare imposed upon the sisters for breaking any of the many childish\nrules--rules that just as really and truly bind the poor victim as\nthough she was a criminal in the penitentiary.\n\nA sister is only human. The \"holy\" black garb she wears does not change\nher. She is subject to the same sorrows, the same joys, the same love,\nthe same hate, the same humility, the same pain as you. But here in\nthese hellish, soul-destroying institutions, walled high \"to keep the\nProtestants out,\" they say, there is a system in vogue that holds women\nin servitude--yes, slavery--and for failing to heed the \"voice of God,\"\nwhich is the voice of the priest, or superior, or the toll of the\nreligious bell, or the observance of the book of rule, there is a\npenalty imposed, penalties such as will torture or humiliate the poor\nsubject.\n\nSome of the torturing penances are the wearing of the armlet--a chain\nwith little prongs on it to prick the flesh; the scourging of the bare\nbody with the \"discipline\" or cat-o'-nine-tails--constructed of heavy,\nknotted cord; kneeling and praying with arms extended in the shape of a\ncross; and the wearing of the chastity cord--constructed of heavy,\nknotted cord. This practice ties up our virtues and keeps us chaste and\npure.\n\nSome of the humiliating penances are the kissing of the floor many times\na day, kissing the feet of our companions, fasting, silence, eating off\nthe floor, and many other little, petty practices and self-denials too\nnumerous to mention.\n\nThink of it, a system here in free, Protestant America, in this day of\nadvanced civilization, holding women in subjection and demanding\npractices of this nature!\n\nTo illustrate the teaching of this system in regard to penances, I wish\nto quote from \"St. Rita's Prayer Book,\" compiled by Rev. Chas. Ferina,\nD.D., and this publication has the imprimatur cross of John M. Farley,\nthen Archbishop elect of New York. On pages 35-36: \"She (St. Rita)\nrenounced her property in favor of the poor, renounced every earthly tie\nto devote herself entirely to austere penance. She professed to have no\ncompassion for her body. She scourged herself thrice every day, the\nfirst time being the longest and the instrument composed of little iron\nchains. Vigils, hair-shirt, the discipline, and rigid fasts were the\narms used to afflict her body, knowing that penance is the only means of\nexpiation and salvation for fallen man, although our material age would\nutterly ignore it. In changing her costume Rita had no need to change\nher habits, for, as we have seen, as a girl, a wife and widow, she had\never led a stainless life. Her aim now was to attain the height of\nperfection. But amidst her penances, she had the sweetest consolations;\nand during her lengthy prayers, her fervent colloquies with God, her\ndaily and nightly meditations on the passions of our Lord Jesus Christ,\nrapt in her Creator, her soul totally absorbed in Him and almost\ndetached from her body, experienced heavenly delights.\"\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER VII.\n\n SACRAMENT OF PENANCE--MASS AND COMMUNION--EXTREME\n UNCTION--INDULGENCES--ANNUAL RETREAT.\n\n\nI have previously mentioned that I was compelled by rule to go to\nconfession every eight days. I wish to comment on this Sacrament of\nPenance, as confession is called, and some of the other practices and\nceremonies of the Roman Catholic religion.\n\nOf all the practices that holds adherents to the Roman Catholic system,\nthe telling of the many faults to the so-called mediator between God and\nman--the priest--stands paramount. Why not? Roman Catholics are raised\nto think and believe that by confessing their sins to the man\nrepresentative of Christ in the confessional and receiving absolution,\nGod has also forgiven them. God's Word says in 1st Timothy, second\nchapter, fifth verse, \"For there is one God, and one mediator between\nGod and man, the man Christ Jesus.\" Not any representative of Christ,\nbut Christ Himself.\n\nThe confessional box is a trap for the convent, and after the poor girls\nare once there they are shackled more than ever in the faith of the\nreligion by the priest in the confessional. The girls abandon\nthemselves, body, heart and soul, to the instructions and directions of\nthis ungentlemanly man--for no true gentleman would ever ask the dirty,\nfilthy, indecent questions in public or private that these men ask many\nof the girls and women in this so-called holy private place, the\nconfessional--this man, whom we, as sisters and Roman Catholics look to\nas the mediator between us and God, often in the form of a drunken man.\nYes, I have known not a few, and have waited on them in my work at the\nhospital for a great many years, and I cannot call to my mind one of\nthese \"holy men of God\" who did not partake of the best liquors\nobtainable, and I have had to protect more than one from the people\nthere so there would be no scandal.\n\nThen to these liquor-soaked priests I was forced to turn and kneel to\nconfess my sins, to lay bare the innermost thoughts of my soul and most\nsensitive feelings of the heart and then submit to the most humiliating,\nshameful questions--so shameful and degrading that I am not permitted to\nprint them or to repeat them.\n\nThe priest is the sister's only confident--she must talk to him on\nsubjects that she would not tell her mother. He is to her what Christ\nwould be if He would come from Heaven and sit there with her. He is her\njustifier, as she is absolutely in his wily meshes and victimized in his\nhellish power--for nothing less than hell on earth is the confessional\nto sisters. It is the destroyer of womanly purity, womanly\nrefinement--destroying the higher instincts and ennobling qualities. A\nsister does not talk in the confessional of what is best and noblest in\nher, but is racking her brain all week preparing and gathering\neverything that is mean, low, degrading, contemptible--digging up secret\nthings to tell and talk about to the priest. The thought of having to\nstoop and grovel so low and worm-like is sickening, not only soul\nsickening, but often agonizing physically to the extreme, in the act of\nejecting and getting rid of a vast amount of much imaginary wrong and\nscruples. It keeps the mind poisoned and enslaved in the powers of\ndarkness, busily endeavoring to become sanctified on the mistaken road\nof pagan degradation, dispair and hell.\n\nA form of beginning and finishing confession. This is precisely the same\nform I used all my life in the church of Rome, but I will copy from\nDeharbe's Catechism, translated from the German by a Father of the\nSociety of Jesus, of the Province of Missouri, published by Benziger\nBrothers, Printers to the Holy Apostolic See, and with the Imprimatur of\nJohn Card. McCloskey, then Archbishop of New York. Page 110, question\n55:\n\n\"How do you begin Confession?\n\n\"Having knelt down, I make the sign of the cross and say: 'Bless me,\nFather, for I have sinned. I confess to Almighty God, and to you,\nFather, in His stead, that since my last confession, which was ... I\nhave committed the following sins.' (Here I confess my sins.)\"\n\nQuestion 56. \"How do you conclude your confession?\n\n\"I conclude by saying, 'For these and all my other (P. III) sins which I\ncannot at present call to mind, and also for the sins of my past life,\nespecially for ... I am heartily sorry. I most humbly ask pardon of God,\nand penance and absolution of you, my Ghostly Father.'\"\n\nQuestion 57. \"What must you do then?\n\n\"I must listen with attention to the advice which my Confessor may think\nproper to give me, and to the Penance he enjoins; and whilst he gives\nme absolution I must excite my heart to true sorrow.\"\n\nNow, if the priest is good and kind enough to say the magic words, \"I\nabsolve the, etc.\" and absolve the penitent, he is just as pure and free\nfrom sin, according to the Roman Catholic belief, as if he had submitted\nto baptism, and he can go and sin again, so long as he will return to\nthe priest for absolution.\n\nJeremiah J. Crowley, in his book, 'Romanism--A Menace to the Nation,'\ntells of the \"moral theology\" which the priests have to study to become\npriests, and which I think will interest my readers. Mr. Crowley was a\npriest in the church of Rome for twenty years.\n\nPage 74. \"Moral Theology of the Roman Catholic Church, printed in Latin,\na dead language, containing instructions for auricular confession, is so\nviciously obscene that it could not be transmitted through the mails\nwere it printed in a living language; neither would priests and bishops\ndare to propound said obscene matter in the form of questions to female\npenitents if their fathers, husbands and brothers were cognizant of the\nsatanic evils lurking therein; in fact, they would cause the suppression\nof auricular confession by penal enactment.\n\n* * * Confessors search the secrets of the home, and so are worshiped\nthere, and feared for what they know.\n\n(Page 76.) \"If it is the purpose of state or government to prevent crime\nand eradicate its causes, the whole of this diabolical system called the\nConfessional, which is known to worm out the secrets of families, the\nweaknesses of public men, and thereby get them under control--to either\nsilence them or make them active agents in the Roman Catholic\ncause--above all, the debauching of maids and matrons by means of vile\ninterrogatories prescribed by Liguori, and sanctioned by the\nChurch--should be abrogated by a national law in every civilized country\non the globe.\"\n\nWhile I was a novice, the Master of Novices in his religious\ninstructions to the novices, told us that the worst Catholic stood a\nbetter chance of saving his soul than the best Protestant, because the\nCatholic, no matter how many or grievous the sins he might commit, could\nconfess them to the priest and be forgiven; while the Protestant, though\nhe might be a very good man, had no priest to confess his sins to, and\ncannot be forgiven. Therefore, he dies in sin, as every man is sinful,\nand is lost, for the Scripture says, \"Nothing defiled can enter Heaven.\"\n\nThree things are necessary for absolution--contrition, confession and\npenance. Of course, the priest pronounces the words of absolution before\nthe penance is performed, but the remission of the sins confessed is not\ncomplete until the penance is performed. Every sin must be confessed to\nthe priest, the most secret and grievous, or there can be no remission,\naccording to the Roman Catholic teaching.\n\nWith these teachings and this papal practice of confession you can\nreadily understand how this one sacrament of the Roman Catholic Church,\nmore than any other binds the people to it. Let me say as Mr. Crowley\nsaid to the American brothers, husbands and fathers who have sisters,\nwives and daughters being entrapped in this terror of all terrors, the\nconfessional--get educated on this subject. And let me say that when you\ndo, if there is any manhood in you, the confessional in the Roman\nCatholic Church will cease.\n\n\"Mass is the perpetual sacrifice of the New Law, in which Christ offers\nHimself in an unbloody manner, as He once offered Himself in a bloody\nmanner on the Cross.\" (Deharbe's Catechism, page 98.)\n\nTo hear mass, we are witnessing in a sort of \"mummyfied\" manner, a show\nat the altar, which is lighted with candles, decorated with flowers,\ncostly images of the Blessed Virgin Mary and Saints, holy pictures,\nrelics of the saints, gold or silver ciboriums and ostensoriums, and\nmany other articles of altar and sanctuary use too many to enumerate.\n\nDuring this or other ceremonies, the priest is dressed in a long\noriental robe covered with a kimona-style surplice--which is often\nnearly all costly lace--chasuble, cope, maniple, stole, mitre, and other\ngaudy-colored, gold-fringed, embroidered pieces of apparel.\n\nThe mass must be recited in Latin. The priest at the altar with his back\nto the congregation, recites Latin prayers for from one-half to\nthree-quarters of an hour. During these prayers the act of\n\"transubstantiation\" takes place. That is, the changing of the wine and\nbread into the actual body, soul and divinity of Jesus Christ. That is\nthe actual belief of the Roman Catholic adherents, as in the creed of\nPope Pius V, it says, \"I profess, likewise, that in the Mass there is\noffered to God a true, proper and propitiatary sacrifice for the living\nand the dead; and that in the most holy sacrament of the Eucharist there\nis truly, really, and substantially the Body and Blood, together with\nthe soul and divinity of our Lord Jesus Christ; and that there is made a\nconversion of the whole substance of the bread into the Body, and of the\nwhole substance of the wine into the Blood; which conversion the\nCatholic Church calleth Transubstantiation. I also confess that under\neither kind alone Christ is received whole and entire, and a true\nsacrament.\" (Chamber's Ency., Collier 1890, under Roman Catholic\nChurch.)\n\nTo receive communion, the sisters in the convents where I have been,\nmarched to the altar by twos, knelt and received the \"body of Christ,\"\nbut never the \"blood.\" No one is allowed any of the wine, or \"blood,\"\nexcept the priest or \"substitute Christ.\"\n\nIf, during this ceremony, a crumb of the \"body of Christ\" should happen\nto drop on the communion cloth, that spot must be marked, and after the\nceremony is completed, the priest sprinkles some \"holy water\" on the\nspot, says a few Latin words, makes a few signs with his \"holy hands,\"\nthen it is purified, and whatever is used in this purification is\nburned, or sometimes washed. The Corporal, which is a piece of linen\nused for handling the \"body and blood of Christ\" in the mass, must\nalways be washed or rinsed by the priest before it goes to the laundry,\nbecause the sisters who do the work in the laundries have not \"holy\nhands,\" and the priest's fingers have been consecrated and are therefore\n\"holy.\"\n\nIn speaking on transubstantiation, William Cathcart, in his book, \"The\nPapal System,\" says (pages 170-171), \"The priests scorn the idea that\nthere could be any figure in the declaration: 'This is my body,' but\nwhen Paul says: 'For as often as you shall eat and _drink the chalice_,'\nthey must grant that it is not the _chalice_ but its _contents_ that are\nto be drunk. If it is not a figurative expression, the priests of Rome\nshould swallow the cup as well as the contents. The words, 'I am the\nvine, I am the door,' are literal if the expression is not figurative,\n'This is my body.' No community would suffer more than the Catholic\nChurch from a non-figurative interpretation of every scripture word. In\nthe Catholic New Testament, Matt. xvi. 22, 23, it is said: 'And Peter\ntaking him began to rebuke him, saying: 'Lord, be it far from thee, this\nshall not be unto thee'; who turning said to Peter: 'GO BEHIND ME,\nSATAN, THOU ART A SCANDAL UNTO ME, because thou savourest not the things\nthat are of God, but the things that are of men.' If the words, 'This is\nmy body,' must be taken literally, we would mildly insist that Christ's\naddress to Peter shall be taken literally too when He said to him: 'Go\nbehind me, Satan, thou art a scandal unto me.' According to that\ninterpretation, Peter is the chief of devils, and the Church of Rome,\nbuilt on Simon, is founded on Beelzebub himself. A literal\ninterpretation of the words, 'This is my body,' leads to sacred\ncannibalism; and of the saying in Matt. xvi. 22, 23, makes Peter the\ndevil, and Lucifer the foundation of the Papal Church. A figurative view\nof both passages is the true one.\"\n\n\"Extreme Unction is a Sacrament, in which by the annointing with holy\noil and by the prayers of the priest, the sick receive the grace of God,\nfor the good of their souls, and often also of their bodies.\" (Deharbe's\nCatechism, Page 114.)\n\nExtreme Unction is commonly known as the Last Sacrament of the Roman\nCatholic Church. It is administered only when there is danger of death.\n\nI often had to prepare the dying for this sacrament. The articles used\nwere a crucifix, holy water, lighted candles, a piece of bread, and five\n\"wads\" of absorbing cotton. The priest would come, unwrap his silk bag\ncontaining the holy oil (chrism), dip the cotton in the holy oil and\napply to the parts of the body where the five senses are located--the\nforehead, to cleanse the mind of the sins of thought; the eyes, for the\nsins committed by the sight; the mouth, for the sins of speech; the\nears, for the sins of hearing; and the hands and feet, for the sins of\nfeeling. The last members of the poor suffering, I often had a difficult\ntime to get handy for the priest to apply his chrism, particularily in\nparalysis or accident cases. During all the ceremony the priest is\nreciting Latin prayers.\n\nThe piece of bread is for the priest to cleanse his fingers after the\nceremony. It must be destroyed, together with the cotton used, by fire\nso that no particle of the holy oil will be desecrated.\n\nThis sacrament is supposed to help the soul of the person receiving it\nto heaven, but it does not keep him from the torments of purgatory.\n\nBefore a person is entitled or can accept this sacrament he must be\nbaptized in the Roman Catholic Church. The sisters in the hospital must\ndo all in their power to convert Protestants to the Roman Catholic faith\nbefore death. I was instructed that I was not a secular nurse, but a\nreligious and Sister of Charity, and as such it was my duty to convert\nall Protestants and non-Catholics possible.\n\nI remember one very interesting case of this kind that happened soon\nafter I went to St. Vincent's Hospital. My officer, Sister Mary\nBonsecours, requested me to go with her to a room occupied by a\nMethodist lady who was dying, and she would show me how to make\nconverts. In addressing the lady, among other things, she said that the\nRoman Catholic Church was the only true church. All who were not\nbaptized in it would not be saved and would surely never see God. The\nlady simply remarked that she was satisfied with her religion. About\nthe third time I accompanied the sister to the lady's room, she was\npassing into the last agony, and the sister leaned over her and shouted\ninto her ear that her soul was going to hell forever for not being a\nRoman Catholic. That is the manner in which many of the sisters endeavor\nto obtain the patient's consent for baptism into the Roman Catholic\nChurch, and if they are yet rational, they are entitled to the last\nsacrament, Extreme Unction.\n\nA very convenient practice for the Roman Catholic adherents is that of\ngaining Indulgences.\n\n\"An Indulgence is a remission of the temporal punishment due to our\nsins, which the church grants outside of the Sacrament of Penance.\"\n(Deharbe's Catechism, Page 112.)\n\n\"Can Indulgences be applied also to the Souls in Purgatory?\"\n\n\"Yes, all those which the Pope has declared to be applicable to them.\"\n(Deharbe's Catechism, Page 113.)\n\n\"Temporal punishment due to our sins\" is that which we have to suffer\nhere on earth or in purgatory. This includes the penance imposed upon\nthe penitent by the priest after confession. If the penitent is truly\ncontrite for his crime, the priest has the privilege to relax the\npenance and grant indulgence, that is, he cannot be granted indulgence\nunless he is in a \"state of grace,\" which is after having confessed and\nhaving been absolved, and fulfilled the requirements of the absolution.\n\nOne of the means of gaining indulgences for the sisters was the saying\nof short prayers, for each one said, so many days indulgence being\ngained. For instance, for saying:\n\n\"My Jesus, mercy! Mary, help!\" 200 days' indulgence.\n\n\"Sweet Heart of Jesus, be my love.\" 300 days' indulgence.\n\n\"Sweet Heart of Mary, be my salvation.\" 300 days' indulgence.\n\nIf we should have some friend or relative dead whom we thought was in\npurgatory, we could offer these prayers, with many others, for them and\nin that manner shorten their days of torment in that middle region, as\nwell as shorten our own sufferings there.\n\nOnce each year every sister is required to spend eight days in what is\ncalled \"annual retreat.\" That is, eight days' religious exercises and\nspiritual instructions by a priest--generally a Jesuit priest in the\norder I was a member of--conferences, the performance of penances, etc.\n\nThe priest gives five spiritual instructions each day of this retreat,\neach one lasting about an hour. We must keep absolute silence during\nthese eight days, except to speak to the Mother Provincial on our\nshortcomings and to the priest in confession. At this confession the\npoor sister is supposed to tell all the wrongs and sins committed during\nthe past year, and hours are spent in preparing and waiting, kneeling\noutside the confessional box, crouching in fear and trembling, hoping\nand praying that she may escape some of the indignities of this terrible\nexercise.\n\nAt these \"retreats\" the sisters were allowed to take notes of the\nspiritual instructions, and I will copy from some of the notes I took.\nThese instructions were given by \"Father\" McGuckin at the Mother House\nat Vancouver, Washington, on the subject of \"Poverty.\"\n\n\"It is not according to the spirit of poverty if we think we must\nrequire a remedy for every little ache or suffering or pain. We must\nbear those things with Christian fortitude without a remedy or\nalleviation. We must not make a superfluous use of things, even of\nthings we are allowed to have for our use of necessity. If we have\nthings that we are attached to, we should take them to the superior,\neven if she should make us take them back, then we have made the\nsacrifice, and God accepts the will for the deed.\n\n\"Why deprive ourselves of that merit? There is nothing small in regard\nto poverty, even to a piece of thread. We cannot be too scrupulous in\ndetaching ourselves from the world and ourselves.\n\n\"The things of the community do not belong to us and we have no right to\nanything at all nor to dispose of anything--everything belongs to God\nand should be used as such and taken care of just the same as the sacred\nvestments. We have no right to make any agreements with any person in\nthe world, where we, personally, would have any responsibility, for we\nhave nothing and it would be shifting the responsibility upon the\ncommunity.\n\n\"We cannot accept a present for ourselves without permission, but we can\nand ought, whenever no condition is expressed, with the intention to\ngive it to the superior to dispose of for the congregation. We must\nnever refuse an offer when it is for the congregation. It is our duty to\naccept and let that person do his good work. Every congregation is\ngenerally or always in need of means to perform good works. Let\neverybody contribute to good.\n\n\"We must do our work with anxiety or solicitude, doing our best. Cast\nyour care on the Lord and He will take care of you.\"\n\nIn this chapter I have endeavored to explain some of the many practices\nand ceremonies of the Roman Catholic system, as I have found that there\nare very few Protestants who understand the import of these in the Roman\nCatholic religion.\n\nThe Roman Catholic definition for \"ceremonies of the Church,\" is\n\"Certain significant signs and actions, ordained by the Church for the\ncelebration of the Divine Service.\" (Deharbe's Catechism, Page 127.) So\nyou see that these various ceremonies must be observed by the Roman\nCatholics because the church says so, not that Christ instituted any\nsuch practices while He was here. And, whenever the _Church_ wishes, she\ncan add a few more to her already long list of ceremonies, and the Roman\nCatholic must believe in it and practice it, or he cannot continue to be\nRoman Catholic.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER VIII.\n\n MY TRIP TO THE GENERAL MOTHER HOUSE\n\n\nThe sisters of the order to which I belonged were given a visit to the\nMother House in Montreal, Canada, once during their sisterhood life,\nproviding they could outlive their turn, as the older sisters came\nfirst. This was a great privilege for the sisters, an opportunity to\ndrink deep in their souls the spirit of \"holiness\" emanating from the\nsaintly sisters who had been spiritually formed and perfected in\nconventual practices--the Mother Foundresses of the Order.\n\nI will now tell you how I received this privilege.\n\n * * * * *\n\nMy father died in 1896, and when his estate was settled I received\n$500.00 in cash. It was understood long before this between the sisters\nand myself that when he died, if I would receive anything from him, I\nwould pay my dowry of $300.00 to the community. Out of the $500.00 I\nreceived from him, I paid my promised $300.00 to the community, and\nplaced the remaining $200.00 on deposit at St. Vincent's Hospital for\nsafe keeping, as I had promised it to the Abbott of Mt. Angel College\nfor the education of a nephew of mine.\n\nWhile this money was on deposit at the hospital, the Superior General,\nMother Antoinette, tried to induce me to take my trip to the Mother\nHouse. There were several sisters who wanted the office I filled at that\ntime, superintendent of the third floor, and they also thought it was a\ngood time for me to go on this trip. I could see that it was the $200.00\nand my office they were after, so I refused to take the trip at that\ntime.\n\nA few years later, 1907, Sister Rita and myself decided it was then time\nfor us to go to the Mother House, so we began to plan in order that we\nwould not be refused when we asked permission of the Superior General,\nMother Antoinette.\n\nSister Rita had been at the hospital all the years I had been there, and\nwe had become very friendly and chummy--that is, as friendly and chummy\nas sisters can be. We had agreed not to make trouble for each other by\ntelling tales to the superior, and this agreement made it possible for\nus to come together on some common, sisterly interests with just a\nlittle less suspicion. So, on account of this friendly feeling, and\nbecause we could talk on a few subjects other than the _Sainte Vierge_\nand miraculous medals, we were determined to take the trip together.\n\nWe made our desire known to one of the leading doctors of St. Vincent's\nHospital, whose name I purposely withhold, and he promised to see the\nofficials of the transportation companies, and arrange, if possible, for\nour transportation. He returned with a very favorable report, and then\nwe asked Mother Antoinette for the permission to go to Montreal, which\nwas granted. Our doctor friend told us that we should visit New York\nwhile in the East, and asked us if we would go if he would get\ntransportation. We told him we certainly would if we could get the\nconsent of the Superior General. He informed us a little later that\narrangements had been made for the trip to New York. He then suggested\nthat we should return by way of the South, but we feared that we could\nnot get the consent of the officer of the order. Mother Antoinette did\nnot care about giving us the permission to take the trip to New York and\nthrough the South, but she knew that the transportation had been\narranged, and that Sister Rita and myself were popular with the patients\nand doctors at the hospital, so she consented, fearing that if she did\notherwise it would injure the interests of the institution with the\nbusiness people and doctors of Portland, who were our friends.\n\nAs soon as our many friends learned of our plans to go East, they very\nreadily came to our rescue with money for our berths, meals and other\nexpenses while stopping at the various cities we expected to visit. One\nvery good friend of Sister Rita's gave her a check of $200.00. She also\nhad some money from her relatives and friends. I had received some money\nfrom relatives and from my friends, and this, together with some \"Johnny\nMorgan\" money made several hundred dollars we had between us. I had\nheard of sisters taking trips East with the so-called \"Johnny Morgan\"\nmoney, and I had also seen one of the superiors of St. Vincent's, Sister\nFrederick, send presents which had been given to me and been turned over\nto her by me as our rule prescribes, to her people in Canada, so I\ndecided to use my \"Johnny Morgan\" teaching now, and I found it very\nhandy. A nurse friend who had trained at St. Vincent's presented each of\nus with a very fine Japanese suitcase, so we were well equipped for our\njourney.\n\nI had been sick for a long time before this, several times sick enough\nto die, and Sister Rita told me that she was almost afraid to go with me\nfor fear that she would have to bury me on the way. I told her not to\nworry about me; that if I died to see that I was put under ground, and\nsay, \"Good-bye, Lucretia,\" and go on with the journey.\n\nOn the evening of June third, 1907, we were prepared to start and were\nmet by a few friends at the Union Depot, who presented us with dainty\nlunch baskets with enough good things to eat until we arrived at\nChicago, our first stop.\n\nWe were met at Chicago by some of my relatives, Mr. and Mrs. Gorman, who\nentertained us during our stay of ten days. I had a relative in the\nNotre Dame Convent, whom I visited while there. Her sister, a married\nwoman, asked me if I could do anything for her sister's (the nun)\nsickness, which I found to be nervousness. I told her the best thing to\ndo for her was to take her out of the convent and let her live like\nother people live.\n\nThe next stop was the Mother House, Montreal, Canada. This building was\nan immense, dark stone structure, six stories in height, a sure enough\npenitentiary-looking Roman fortification. The walls of this enormous\nbuilding encloses a large novitiate, which has about one hundred novices\nmost of the time; large dormitories for the sisters, some of them fitted\nto accommodate forty, and dark except when lighted by artificial light;\na printing plant operated by the sisters, used to print the books and\nother literature for the many houses of the order; sewing rooms, where\nclothes are made for the novices in the novitiate and other inmates of\nthe Mother House; a department where the sisters make slippers for the\ninmates of the house; a chapel, community room, large kitchens,\ndining-rooms for the chaplain and sisters, bakeries, an infirmary and\noperating room, and in fact a department for nearly everything used for\nthe sisters in this institution.\n\n[Illustration: _Head Mother House of the Sisters of Charity of\nProvidence, Montreal, Canada._]\n\nMost of the professed sisters at this house are those who have passed\ntheir years of usefulness in the work done by the order, such as\nhospital work, teaching, orphanage, etc., or are sickly sisters who\ncannot do the outside work. There are always several hundred sisters at\nthe Mother House sent from the numerous houses of the order from all\nover the country, many of which pass their few remaining years in\nsolitude.\n\nThere are about six sisters who attend to the business of this house,\nwhich is the head of all the different houses of this particular order,\nand all reports must be made to the head sister, who is called the\nMother General.\n\nDuring our visit there, we were accompanied by two of the holy Maison\nMere (Mother House) nuns to an iron vault, to gaze upon and venerate the\nfleshy heart of the Bishop Founder of the order, Monseigneur Ignase\nBourget, which was there preserved in about two quarts of alcohol. We\nwere told by the accompanying sisters that every year on Monseigneur\nBourget's feast day, this heart turned to its natural blood-color.\n\nThis Bishop was the Christ representative who said to the five foundress\nsisters who first came to the Northwest to build prison convents here:\n\"Go, my daughters! Fear nothing--I send you in the name of the Sovereign\nPontiff. Multiply yourselves to the greater glory of God.\" (Nov. 1st,\n1856.)\n\nWe also had the privilege and honor of joining in a novena prayer for\nthe cure of a crippled girl. This novena was offered to Mother Gamelin,\na sister foundress of the order, who had been dead since September 23d,\n1851, and who was now working miracles which was a final test to prove\nshe was worthy of canonization by the Mother Church. It being time for\nour annual retreat, we were obliged to listen to eight days of French\npreaching, confession, prayer and silence in the Mother House.\n\nA large portion of the city of Montreal is now in the hands of the Roman\nCatholic system--churches, convents, parochial schools or other Roman\ninstitutions facing the streets every few blocks. These portions of the\ncity are inhabited by the French Canadians mostly, and as a general\nthing they have very large families and are poor, almost to a degree of\npoverty. The church bleeds them of their scanty earnings, then in the\nwinter open soup houses in the name of Charity. One of the sisters at\nthe Mother House told me that she had seen some of these people walk in\ntheir bare feet in the snow to some of these \"charitable soup houses\" to\npartake of the little bowl of soup that body and soul might be kept\ntogether.\n\nThe children in these families are nearly all raised in the parochial\nschools and churches and know nothing but the Romish teaching and that\nis the reason there are so many French Canadian priests and sisters. The\nhome and family life of the people are so closely related to monastic\nlife that it cannot be called taking a step in life when the boys and\ngirls enter the convent, it is just continuing from babyhood to the end\nof life in the drudgery of the nunneries.\n\nWhile at the Mother House, I was told that the French Canadian people\nwere fast loosing their faith and becoming infidels, leading a life of\nworldliness and degradation. Who is to blame for this condition? Surely\nnot the poor people who have been priest-ridden all these years. It is\njust the same story you hear of every country where Rome has had the\ncontrol for any length of time.\n\nWe visited the Hotel Dieu Nunnery where Maria Monk had her terrible\nexperiences as a black nun. The interior of this convent indicated the\ntruth of her description in her book. In the hospital part there were a\nfew rooms for patients, but principally wards--the beds having curtains\naround them. We witnessed a doctor making his daily sick visit. He was\naccompanied by sisters all in black, except a bit of the face and hands.\nThese sisters would handle the medicine and dressings which were kept in\na cabinetlike table, with nothing to protect them from the dust but a\ncurtain around the table. On top of these tables were oratories, such as\nwe had in the chapels, containing flowers, statues, holy water\nfountains, etc. I asked what these oratories were for and was told they\nwere for the sick to pray to for their cures.\n\nWhen we were ready to leave this institution, I asked the sister that\naccompanied us through, if she would come to the gate with us. She came\nto the threshold of the door and stopped and said that the sisters were\nnot allowed to pass the door without special dispensation from the\nArchbishop.\n\nIn another Black Nunnery Convent we visited there was a large ward,\nprobably one hundred feet long and sixty feet wide, filled with small,\nlow beds, for the accommodation of babies and children. I saw probably\nforty or fifty children not older than six years. I asked the sister if\nthe sisters there were allowed to take care of babies of that age, for I\nknew the sisters in my community were _not_, and she told me that they\nwere not; that they had nurse-girls to take care of them and that there\nwas a sister appointed to oversee the work.\n\nWe were taken to the basement of this institution and saw the private\nburial places of the \"holy\" Mother Foundress of the order and several\nother sisters particularly distinguished for great sanctity and\n\"supernaturally gifted\" while living, as we were told. These burial\nplaces were marked by a small, narrow board at one end, and a small\nwooden cross, about a foot high at the other. The fourteen stations of\nthe cross were erected along the walls that surrounded this burial\nground. Special indulgences and blessings were supposed to come to\nanyone praying in this \"holy\" place. We were also told that anything\nthat was placed on the grave of the holy Mother, and remained there for\nsome time, became holy, and that if these articles were kept and\nvenerated, the holy person or saint would be the means of special\nblessings to us. I was given a small sprig of a flower made \"holy\" in\nthis manner, and Sister Rita and myself had a laugh over it. When I\nreached the street, I discarded this holy relic.\n\nWe spent four days visiting the Longue Pointe Insane Asylum near\nMontreal. This asylum included seven magnificent stone buildings, and\nhad four hundred and twenty acres of ground. At the time we were\nvisiting, there were two thousand inmates and two hundred sisters who\nattended the sick. There were also a large number of uniformed men to\nguard and attend the male patients. We were told that the institution\nbelonged to the government, but had been turned over to the Sisters of\nCharity of Providence who had the sole supervision of it. A great many\nsisters of the order I belonged to, and other orders as well, who became\ndrunkards and with other ailments, as well as being insane, are sent to\nthis institution from all over the United States and Canada.\n\nI will give you an example of how some of the sisters go to this\ninstitution. A sister I knew very well at Vancouver, Washington, after\nan eight-days' retreat, was found in a closet by another sister,\n\"sawing\" on her neck with a common, ordinary butcher-knife, and had\nalmost succeeded in putting an end to her troubles. When asked what she\nwas doing she just said, \"Hell here or Hell hereafter, what is the\ndifference?\" and kept on \"sawing.\" Three older sisters sewed and\nbandaged the wound and as soon as she had recovered sufficiently to\ntravel, was sent to this asylum at Longue Pointe. And this sister was\n_not_ insane but was sick and needed a doctor and medicine, but in order\nto kill the scandal, she was sent away so it would be forgotten.\n\nWe availed ourselves of the opportunity and went on a pilgrimage to St.\nAnne de Beaupre, Quebec, about one hundred and sixty miles from Montreal\non the St. Lawrence River. There were about seven hundred people on the\nsteamer chartered for this pilgrimage. The steamer was equipped with\ncounters laden with small statues, pictures, rosaries, images magnified\nand encased in pen-holders, lockets and other cheap trinkets for the\npassengers to purchase as souvenirs. After buying them we would take\nthem to the priest and have them blessed. About every two hours during\nthe entire pilgrimage, we were assembled by order of the priest and made\nto say the rosary and other prayers.\n\nAt eleven o'clock at night we arrived at Cape Holy Sacrament. Here we\nwere all requested to go ashore and assemble in the church for a special\nbenediction. Each passenger was required to purchase a candle, just a\nsimple tallow candle, for which was charged fifteen cents. When we were\nassembled in the church the priest blessed these candles with some Latin\nprayers, and then turned his back to us for about twenty minutes for\nsome more Latin prayers. After this \"holy\" benediction, which very few,\nif any of us, understood, we returned to the boat and continued our\njourney.\n\nWe arrived at the village of St. Anne de Beaupre about seven o'clock in\nthe morning and went direct to the wonderful basilica of St. Anne de\nBeaupre, where we heard mass and received the consecrated wafter-god\nbefore we could have any breakfast.\n\nThis basilica is a magnificent temple, probably six stories in height,\nwith two high spires, and wonderful chiming bells. In the interior there\nis a large costly decorated altar, and above this on either side are\nother altars. On either side of the main auditorium are rows of\ninstalled chapels, ten on each side, making twenty in all. Each of these\nchapels has its own altar and is dedicated to some saint and contains a\nlife-size statue of that special saint.\n\nThe statue of St. Anne which works the \"miraculous cures\" is located\nabout the centre of the basilica. It is about twice the size of a man,\nand standing on an onyx pillar about four feet high. The open hands are\nextended a little from the body, and from them stream rays of gold,\nrepresenting the great richness of St. Anne's dispensing power. It is to\nthis statue that hundreds of sufferers from all parts of Canada and this\ncountry travel every year in search of a cure for their infirmities.\nThere were on exhibition hundreds and hundreds of crutches, canes,\nsticks and supports for all kinds of infirmities hung on the walls in\nthe back of the church and on two immense pillars. These were supposed\nto have been left there by people who had been cured by this wonderful\nstatue of St. Anne. Then upon believing themselves cured of their\nailment or infirmity they would pay whatever sum of money they could\nafford, and that is the reason for such a magnificent institution in\nthis small village.\n\nOn an elevation near the church was a small building called the holy\nSanctum. Leading to this building were twelve steps, which, in order to\nreach the entrance of the building, we had to ascend on our knees. The\nimages and statues in this building were most beautiful to\nbehold--costly shrines, life-sized statues of some of the martyred\nsaints, and our Lord, as represented in the tomb. The fourteen stations\nof the cross were engraved in fine art on the walls, magnificent\npaintings on the ceiling, such as the Angelical Salutation of the Virgin\nMary, and other views emblematic of religion. These things were all very\ninteresting to look upon, but the more I tried to pray and convince\nmyself in my heart that this show was religion, the more I found myself\nlosing what little belief I then had.\n\nOn leaving this holy Sanctum, we passed a spring which had been tapped\nto make a fountain. This was known as St. Anne's fountain, and the water\nwas supposed to possess great curative qualities. I could not believe in\nall this sort of \"holy rot,\" it was getting too strong for me, but\nSister Rita took a small bottle of the water which she carried\nthroughout the remainder of the trip.\n\nNext we looked in the basement of the church, which was fitted up very\nmuch like the basements of our large department stores, where all kinds\nof \"holy\" articles were for sale, everything from expensive statues and\npriest's vestments to hundreds of devotional and superstitious trinkets\nof the Romish belief.\n\nThere were thousands of people from the surrounding country at this\nvillage that day, as it was one of the periodical pilgrimages to the St.\nAnne Basilica.\n\nReturning to Montreal we witnessed the grand processional parade of the\nFrench Canadian people celebrating their National holiday, the Feast of\nSt. John the Baptist. This celebration, instead of being a civil affair,\nseemed to be more of an ecclesiastical show, with all the various\nsocieties and clubs of the church parading in all the pomp and\nglittering raiment characteristic of the Church of Rome. It seemed to me\nthat it was more for the aggrandizement of the church than for the\nkindling of patriotism in the hearts of the citizens.\n\nIn Quebec, Joliette, and other cities and towns, we could neither see\nnor hear anything of interest except the greatness of the rich churches,\nthe halls and pavilions for the celebration of festival and saint's days\nand nunneries, and to admire the self-sacrificing spirit of the French\nCanadian people for the Romish superstition. Of course, the beauties of\nnature were very grand at that time of the year, and we enjoyed it to a\ncertain extent, as much probably, as a sister could.\n\nThus seven weeks were spent in Canada and we both rejoiced in shaking\noff the feeling of morbid depression of Romish domination even though\nthe trip was supposed to be one of pleasure.\n\nIn returning to the States, at St. Albans, on the state line, the\ntrainman announced \"twenty minutes for lunch.\" Sister Rita and myself\nhurriedly ordered some clam-chowder. In a few minutes it was served, and\nwe had just begun to eat it, when we heard \"all aboard.\" We had a\nforty-cent laugh, minus the stew, and a run for the train.\n\nWe stopped at Burlington, Vermont, at Niagara Falls, Buffalo, Albany,\nNew York City, Philadelphia, and Atlantic City. At Atlantic City,\nSister Rita took sick, so we went to Washington, D. C., to the\nProvidence Hospital which was conducted by the Sisters of Charity\nwhose Mother House was still in France.\n\nIn two weeks Sister Rita had sufficiently recovered to continue our\ntrip. We were determined to see what was dearest to our hearts in all\nthis trip--Washington's Tomb. We went as close as we could to the tomb,\nknelt down and touched the cement floor inside the vault with our hands,\nin feeling of gratitude for liberty to our country, even though we were\nbound to the government of the Pope of Rome. For just after our visit to\npriest-ridden Montreal, we were surely thankful for the liberty enjoyed\nin this country, and we could see that it was this liberty that saved us\nfrom a greater hell on earth than we were living.\n\nWe visited Washington's Monument, the Soldiers Home, the White House,\nthe Capitol Building and various other administration and government\nbuildings.\n\nOur respects were paid to St. Peter's Cathedral, which has become famous\nfor the Pan-American Mass held every Thanksgiving Day, and which has\nbeen attended by several of our late Presidents.\n\nNear the city, we visited a new monastery which was inhabited by French\nMonks. The most interesting part of this place was that portion under\nthe main building where the basement ordinarily would have been. There\nwas a long, narrow zig-zag tunnel, or passage, about six feet wide and\nprobably seven or eight feet high. We were escorted through about one\nhundred feet of this tunnel and then the accompanying Monk told us that\nthe remainder of it had not been finished, so we returned. Along the\nsides of this tunnel were niches, in which were placed statues, which\nwere visible only by the aid of small burning tapers. In fact, most of\nthe tunnel was so dark that we were unable to find our way without the\naid of a light carried by the Monk. It was a crude, \"spooky-looking\"\nplace, and both Sister Rita and myself gave a sigh of relief when we\nwere once again in the light of day and on top of God's green\nfoot-stool.\n\nWe were informed by the priest that these tunnels were to commemorate\nthe Catacombs of Rome at the time of the early Christians.\n\nWe went to Baltimore, then crossed the Chesapeake Bay to Norfolk,\nVirginia, where we visited the Jamestown Exposition. The wonderful\nexhibits at this exposition, the historic and other interesting places\nvisited while there, were a revelation of the achievements and\nadvancements of this great country, and the acquisition of much\nhistorical enlightenment. We knew we were acquiring much knowledge\nforbidden by the Pope of Rome, but we were greatly pleased to think that\nwe were defeating this self-styled ruler of heaven, earth and hell.\n\nFrom Norfolk we went to New Orleans. For miles the streets of this large\ncity were lined with little, antiquated, unkept homes, many of which\nseemed to be falling in ruin. The question came to my mind, \"Why do\nthese people not advance?\" The answer was very apparent when we saw the\nstrangle-hold the Roman Church had on them, and how they had built\nimmense churches, monasteries and convents for the glorification and\nfat-living of the ecclesiastical gods. We visited the Jesuit church,\nwhich was a structure magnificent and beautiful to behold--with its\naltars and ornamentations of bronze. At that time this church was\nconsidered one of the most costly in America.\n\nDuring our stay in New Orleans, we stopped at the convent of the\nDominican Sisters. In conversing with some of these sisters, we learned\nhow they recruited their ranks. Some of the most trust-worthy sisters\nwould be sent to Ireland to talk the poor Irish girls into coming to\nthis country and living good, pure, holy lives as sisters. We were also\ntold that as a rule, these girls died very young, and generally of\nconsumption. We saw some of them, and they surely looked like caged\nbirds, sorry and discontented, home-sick and care-worn. Previous to\nthis, feelers had been placed before the sisters in my community to see\nwhat sisters were willing to go to Europe to get recruits for the\nSisters of Charity of Providence, and when I saw these girls, once, no\ndoubt, rosy cheeked and beautiful, but now pale and care-worn from the\nunnatural, caged life they were living, I made a vow that I would never\nbe the means of enticing any foreigners to leave their homes to become\nslaves for the Roman Hierarchy.\n\nWhen we were in Burlington, Vermont, a sister-member of the same order I\nbelonged to, asked me to visit a relative sister of hers in the Ursuline\nConvent in New Orleans. On the twelfth day of September, 1907, we\nvisited this convent--a monstrous prison-looking institution, about five\nhundred feet long. Within the entrance there was a hall along the outer\nwall and on the other side of the hall there were a number of small\nrooms, or \"stalls,\" about eight by ten feet in size. These stalls were\nseparated from the hall by iron bars, about one-half inch in diameter,\nrunning from the floor to the ceiling, about two inches apart. I asked\nto see the sister by name, and when she came we had to talk to her from\nthe other side of these bars. She extended her hand through the bars to\nshake hands, and we kissed her the best we could with that barrier\nbetween us. This was a cloistered order, and yet there was a parochial\nschool within the enclosure. The children's parents and other visitors\nwere only permitted to see the children or sisters as we had seen this\nsister. About five feet from the floor, in the center of the grating of\neach of these stalls, was a little door about fifteen inches square,\nwith a padlock on the inside. We were told these were used for articles\nbrought there that were too large to pass between the bars.\n\nWe visited some of the large plantations for which the South is famous,\nseeing the cotton plants in all their different stages, from the\nflowering to the picking of the cotton.\n\nReturning to the Pacific Coast we came by the southern route, through\nTexas, Arizona and California. We stopped a few hours in Los Angeles,\nand about ten days at San Francisco and Oakland. From Oakland we visited\nStanford University, which was still very much demolished from the\nearthquake nearly eighteen months before.\n\nWe arrived home--at St. Vincent's Hospital, Portland--on September\nthirtieth, after an absence of nearly four months, and I wish to impress\nupon you that in all our travels we did not receive one cent from our\norder--and they never once offered us any money to pay any of our\nexpenses or showed us any sisterly solicitude.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER IX.\n\n I RECEIVE MY DIPLOMA FOR NURSING FROM ST. VINCENT'S HOSPITAL--TROUBLE\n AMONG THE SISTERS.\n\n\nHundreds of people take trips like Sister Rita and I took in 1907 every\nyear and there is nothing said about it, for it is only a common trip\nfor the people of the world. But for two nuns in their garb to travel\nfrom one side of the continent to the other, and from the north to the\nsouth, on a trip like this, is extraordinary. In all my sisterhood life,\nI have never known any other two sisters to go on such a trip. I have\nknown them to take longer trips, some of them to Europe, but always on\nbusiness.\n\nOnce more at the hospital where we had spent so many years in drudgery,\nthe smoldering pride and natural ambition which had been suppressed and\nrudely beaten and forced into oblivion, came from the hiding place with\nrenewed vigor. We realized that a great _something_ had taken place\nwithin us. We could not see things in the same light as before. The trip\nhad been educational for us, and the knowledge acquired had driven deep\ninto our hearts the conviction of the truth with such power that we\nfound a terrible battle raging within us--Romish convent \"rot\" on one\nside and light on the other.\n\nWhat were we to do? We had no homes, no place to go to live the\nremainder of our earthly sojourn; we had served the best part of our\nlives for the Roman institution and were no longer young; our health was\nnot the best; helpless from every point of view, it was a plain case of\ngo to work, \"for better or for worse.\"\n\nIt was impossible for us to believe opened-eyed the foolishness of all\nthe silly superstitions we had so long lived, and yet from it there was\nno escape, as it was by rule and practice and demand, compulsory. We\ntalked it over and realized that we stood in need of a remedy to\ncounteract the wiles of darkness--neither allopathic nor homeopathic\nprescription could accomplish this for us, and we knew from experience\nthat the Romish priest could do nothing for us as he was the fountain\nhead of the darkness and ignorance, except perhaps administer a\nspiritual emetic in the confessional. So we just took up our part of the\nwork as tools, grinding for the Roman machine.\n\nNaturally, the conditions at the hospital were the same as they had\nalways been, but the great change that had taken place in my life caused\nme to be more independent than I had ever been before. I saw that the\ntreatment accorded the sisters, doctors, nurses and patients was not\nright, as well as they knew it. They soon realized the degree of\nindependence I had delegated to myself, and I was overburdened with\ncomplaints of the wrongs that were going on. Not that I could directly\ncorrect the irregularities, but that I might have some influence with\nthose in charge of the workings of the institution.\n\nAt St. Vincent's there were sixty sisters--simply women--in whose hearts\nexisted the same aspirations, cravings and desires inherent in all human\nflesh. There were those sisters with their whole heart and soul\nperfectly sincere in their religion. Others who were the schemers,\nintriguing in the most cunningly devised plans imaginable, workers of\niniquity and the greatest injustices in the guise of religious show. To\nyour face this class would be so sanctified, always saying prayers and\nlooking to heaven, but when your back was turned, they would step on\nyou, trample you under their feet, or knife you to attain their end, and\nthat they might be glorified and exalted in the eyes of their companions\nand superiors. The outside world will never know the real meaning of the\nword \"scheme\" until they have the opportunity of seeing the hellish\nplottings of a sister-schemer.\n\nIt is only natural that a sister will do her utmost to have work in\nwhich she is interested and has some inclination toward, so that she can\nsee and hear those things pleasing to her. Then when she is in her\nchosen work, she will do all in her power, just the same as other\npeople, to attain the best position possible that life might be brighter\nand she do the most good, as well as to have a little more authority. In\norder to gain her aspirations, a sister is compelled by the hell-bound\nsystem to live in continual fire--the fire of fear and remorse--the fire\nof fierce wrangling through pride, jealousy and ambition. Patients and\ndoctors have come to me many, many times, with proof of the awful\njealousy and inharmony among sisters. They could not understand that a\nsister's world was so small and cramped by obedience that they could not\nget away from their last scene of hell and latest oppression.\n\nIt was about this time, soon after my return from the East, that there\nwas a demand from the doctors and patients for more efficient nursing.\nIt had been public talk that the sisters did not train for the care of\nthe sick and consequently did not have diplomas. And yet, these sisters,\nwith only experimental knowledge of nursing, were head-nurses, as\nsuperintendents and teachers in the training-school. Superiors were\nappointed who never had any previous hospital experience, coming\ndirectly from orphanages, schools or kitchen work. Others who came\ndirect from Canada, who could not speak a dozen words of English, would\nbe appointed to some high office. From these we would be compelled to\ntake orders which meant blind and military obedience under penalty for\nthe non-observance.\n\nIt was decided that some of the sisters should be given diplomas to show\ntheir qualifications for nursing. I was one of the chosen few who\nreceived a beautiful scroll of paper certifying that I had completed a\nthorough course of training in medical and surgical nursing and had\nundergone a satisfactory examination, in the branches taught in the\ntraining school, before certain members of the hospital staff who had\nattached their signatures. It was also signed by the Superior Provincial\nand the local Superior. This diploma was a triple falsehood on the face\nof it, as I had not taken a course of training, I had not taken an\nexamination before these doctors, or any other doctors, on the tenth day\nof June, 1901, or any other time; and, moreover, I did not receive it\nuntil after I had returned from my trip East, which was 1907, which\nshows that it was either back-dated or had been kept in \"cold storage\"\nfor several years.\n\n[Illustration: _Fac-simile of the Diploma I Received from St. Vincent's\nHospital._]\n\nThis was simply another delusion of the Roman Catholic Hierarchy to\nhood-wink the public and cause them to think that the Roman institutions\nwere as efficient as other institutions. Personally, I was qualified to\nnurse in nearly all branches, as I will prove to my readers before I\nclose this book, but what I knew was not learned by a \"thorough\ntraining\" by any teacher other than the teacher of experience, and now,\nwith over fifteen years of hospital work to my credit, I was receiving\nwhat the ordinary nurse receives after three years' training--the\ndiploma.\n\nAbout 1910 the new addition to St. Vincent's was opened for occupancy\nand it could then accommodate about four hundred patients.\n\nThe reports of the unfair treatment of the sisters and others as well,\nwere coming to me so fast that I decided to try to right them from\nwithin the order. It was only the beginning of the end for me. I\nappealed to all the women authorities, from the local superior to the\nMother General, but to no avail. It simply caused the sisters in\nauthority to look upon me with suspicion and disfavor, and from the very\nfirst, reports were circulated about me losing my faith, and being a\n\"bad religious.\" Orders were given the sisters on my floor as to the\nmanagement and also as to the manner in which they were to treat me.\n\nThe reports of what was going on had reached the Mother House in\nMontreal, and the assistant Mother General, who was a very good friend\nof mine, and at the same time endeavoring to smooth matters over in the\ncommunity, asked me to take the office of superior at Astoria. It was\nsimply an attempt to get me out of St. Vincent's and I refused to take\nthe office, knowing that I could not treat the sisters as a superior had\nto.\n\nA letter soon came from the Mother House, which I will here copy, with\nothers, showing how the news of strife within the community travels.\nAlso how cautious a sister must be with her letters. The envelope was\naddressed to me, and on the top of it had these words: \"P. S. If not\nthere return to me unopened.\"\n\n Providence Mother House,\n Montreal, Feb. 11th, 1910.\n\n(This letter is for yourself alone.)\n\n Sr. Lucretia,\n Portland, Oregon.\n\n Dear Sister:\n\nWhat's up? It seems people find you so very, very naughty--so naughty\nthat strong measures are required. Look out, the comet (Haley's Comet)\nmay play serious tricks! But nonsense apart, do write me what has\nhappened in that house? You cannot imagine how anxious I am, knowing\nwhat injustice is sometimes meted out under the plea of good order and\nmerely for the sake of carrying out certain plans to attain ones end. Be\nwatchful. I love the community with all my soul, but I hate the iniquity\nwrought by some of its members through jealousy and ambition. God help\nthe weak! I shall say no more today, but leave it all to the strong\nright arm of the Almighty.\n\n Good-bye and believe me,\n\n Sincerely yours,\n\n SISTER M. WILFRID.\n\nThis letter is proof that I was not the only sister who knew of the\nwrongs and injustices that were going on under the plea of religion. And\nbelieve me, I was very grateful to receive this letter from one so high\nin the order as Sister Wilfrid. It braced me up for the coming battle.\n\nMy reply was as follows:\n\n St. Vincent's Hospital,\n Portland, Oregon, Feb. 20, 1910.\n\n Rev. Mother Wilfrid, Asst. Gen.,\n Montreal, Canada.\n\n Dear Mother Wilfrid:\n\nI am not aware of being so terribly naughty, and the same comet\n(Haley's) that will play unfair tricks on me might get a few played on\nit, when tricky cards will be played.\n\nWhen these strange and strong measures will be put to me I will\ncertainly have to know of them and then it shall be my business to learn\nthe reason, and mine to employ whatever means I may require for justice\nor peace of soul and body. Any grievous wrongs coming to me through\njealous and ambitious evil-doers will not be borne by me in a pent up\nheart any more like in the past. Accusations, as also insinuations,\nwhich falsify will have to come to light and proof. They can say all the\ndirty, wicked remarks about me they please. I know but precious little\ngood has ever been said of me by the community representatives out here\nin the past, and I do not expect better yet. If I am American in my\nviews and ways, it does not make me irreligious or disloyal. My faults\nand shortcomings are not worse, nor of meaner character than those I am\nwith, and have lived with. With little effort I can produce plenty\ncomparisons.\n\nI will not again suffer humiliating trials cast upon me without cause,\nand worse, to no purpose, but to incur the displeasure of God and to\nplease deceitful, jealous, scheming spirits.\n\nYou ask me what has happened this house? It would take me six months to\nput it in writing and make a nervous wreck of myself and then be\ncompelled to leave to others what I attempted to better. Time, and\nsisters who will be trained by home religious, who will understand our\npeople and sisters, can only right things with us out here. Along these\nlines the trouble lies in this house. We are even bad for knowing where\ntrouble lies, etc., etc., etc. You know as well as I do.\n\nI work hard and know that I work well, and I do my duty the best I know.\nThe crime is, I haven't the \"L'esprit de la religieuse,\" because I am\nnot French and they can't bake me over other than God made me. Amen.\n\n With love in prayer, I am,\n\n Yours very sincerely,\n\n SISTER LUCRETIA,\n S. C. S. P.\n\nOn March 10th, 1910, I wrote her again, further explaining what was\ngoing on, as follows:\n\nDear Mother Wilfrid:\n\nAnother item which stands black against me is that I have been taking\ncare of Archbishop Christie this winter. Three weeks' special nurse and\nfor three months I went nearly every day to his residence to give his\narm massage treatment. I did my hospital work all but the entering of a\nfew names along with the extra work. I gave classes in nursing to the\nsisters two evenings per week.\n\nNow, of course, I should be made to feel very sorry that I have been\ncapable of giving agreeable service to such a distinguished patient. It\nbeing out of the question to punish him for being pleased with my care\nor an expression of a word of gratitude. So, it should behoove me to be\nput through the expiatory system to atone for my sins of having done\nwell and more than the usual effort. I can't tell where the glory of\nsuch Christ-like doings belong. No doubt it is the right spirit--too bad\nI haven't it. What a grievous sin it must be to please, etc.\n\nAnother item, my name was cast a good many times in the ballot box on\nelection evening for the new superior. I suppose I might be called upon\nto glorify God by expiating for this crime also, in some way or other.\nThose brilliant gems are being added to other hallows, too. What\nParadise! minus innocence. Amen.\n\n As ever.\n\n Very truly yours,\n\n SISTER LUCRETIA,\n S. C. S. P.\n\nJust a day or two after I mailed the foregoing letter, I received a note\nfrom Mother Wilfrid asking me to write further, explaining more fully\nthe national hatred mentioned in my first letter--she not having\nreceived this last one as yet. So on March 18th, 1910, I wrote at\nlength:\n\n Dear Mother Wilfrid:\n\n The only reason French sisters have no use for me, and would never give\nme a sign of prestige is that I am not French. That is my awful crime. I\nam liked and approved of by all that I have dealings with--the doctors,\nthe people, the sick--great and lowly--the nurses, the help of the\nfloor--all express happiness and pleasure on seeing me. The\nEnglish-speaking sisters find a few minutes' comfort of mind and a\nlittle peace and enjoyment in my company. In the eyes of jealous, evil\nminds it must be wicked to possess gifts which radiate peace, happiness\nand harmony.\n\nI even admit that I am not dead to approbation or condemnation. I\nnaturally like to give to everybody of the best I have, whatever it may\nbe--to receive people well and friendly, to serve someone a lunch, or to\ndo some little favor of whatever kind, or if it were only a few kind\nwords of encouragement. If anyone wishes my secret, I am not jealous to\ngive my recipe. I always made it a particular point to do everything as\nwell as I could and know that I do it with as pleasing and cheerful\ndisposition as possible. But that is poison to the other side. I am and\nalways have been successful in my office. I taught a class of sisters\n(nursing) since the beginning of last September, and I know that I did\nit right and successful the times I could get them.\n\nWhy such national prejudice and jealousy? Really what the last election\n(superior's election) here showed, after all the talking of doing away\nwith the spirit of nationality, the prayers and conferences to the same\npurpose, then the nationality spirit manifested itself with more force\nthan ever before, at least openly, so that one knows what to call it. It\nshows clearly, too, that there will never be harmony, and it is obvious\nthat one kind will predominate as long as they can, and when they\ncannot, the next majority will.\n\nOur community has failed to prove, up to now, that it is a success to\nhave mixed nationalities. In time, of course, anyone can see that one\nkind will give way to the other, but not by means of harmony--probably\nby the same methods as of the past, the stronger or the majority shall\ncontrol the weaker or minority. \"As it was in the beginning, is now, and\never shall be, world without end. Amen.\" Said this time in truth and\neffect.\n\nFirst of all, our people, the English-speaking sisters, have no one to\ngo to for redress, who understands them in their troubles and trials and\ndifficulties of a business or social nature, simply silence and\nobedience without a faint feeling of even a little sympathy in common.\n\nThe Jews did not understand our Lord and His suffering, but the Blessed\nVirgin did. I believe He had a few other household members who were not\nonly loyal, faithful and devoted to Him, but harmonious, too. If there\nwas jealousy and disagreement, I do not believe that a good and generous\nworker was taken out of office by the Master and put aside as an evil\nspirit or put through humiliating and heart-rending trials till there\nwould be nothing left but a grimace and distorted body or an insensible\nbeing, an object of pity and sadness.\n\nShould religion, if it was the right kind, make people wish and sigh for\ndeath to come and put an end to their misery? Why all this profession of\nreligion if it cannot grow a few flowers and plants of joy and\nhappiness, if it has to legislate people so stiff and cramped in body\nand mind that they cannot bend without breaking, or breath enough left\nin them without looking haggard or half dead?\n\nReligion and church are not to blame for want of breadth, harmony and\nstrength amongst ourselves in organizations. It is up to the majority of\nus sisters to make life part Paradise or all Purgatory on earth, and all\nthe sermons on charity that could be preached in the world and all the\ngood will and generosity put together will fail to produce peace and\nharmony in a community which cannot organize and legislate just and fair\ndealings to begin with. Man knows and appreciates this.\n\nWith the other letters I have sent you, you can see the situation. With\nlove as ever.\n\n Sincerely yours,\n\n SISTER LUCRETIA,\n S. C. S. P.\n\nThe reply I received was as follows:\n\n\n My dear Sister Lucretia:\n\n Lest you worry about your letter of March 18th, I come,\n although I have but a few moments to myself, to say it reached\n me in due time. I have read and re-read it and find that what\n you say is true. Oh! if trying to please and comfort (without\n sacrificing one's religious principles) and succeeding therein\n were crime, I earnestly wish there were more criminals among\n us. In any case, I would urge you to continue to make other's\n lives happy, and not allow the narrow-mindedness of some and\n the unkindness of others to cast bitterness into your own life.\n It is hard, sometimes, but there are enough beauties and\n sweetnesses in life if we will only take them, and I am sure\n you have proved until now you know where they are to be found\n and how to make use of them. Continue, dear Sister Lucretia;\n nothing that is good ever dies; we have often heard this and\n perhaps so far have had occasions to experience its truth.\n Allow me to quote a few lines I found not long ago and find\n encouraging: \"If you live the most devoted and disinterested\n life possible, you will find people sneering at you and\n imputing your actions to selfish motives and putting a cruel\n construction on all you do or say. Well, it does not matter,\n for we shall all be manifested at the Judgment seat of Christ,\n before God and men and angels. Let us live to please Him, for\n our integrity of motive will be known at the last, and put\n beyond all dispute.\"\n\n I have just learned that Sister Rita has been transferred to\n Oakland. I hope she will like the South and make herself happy.\n\n Believe me, dear Sister,\n\n Sincerely yours,\n\n SISTER M. WILFRID,\n S. C. S. P.\n\nYou will observe from the foregoing letters that we, as sisters, do not\nhold the system accountable for the wrongs we have to endure in the\nconvent. We believe that the sisters alone are at fault, as I have\nstated in my letters to Mother Wilfrid. But the man or woman with\nordinary intelligence, who reads these conditions as they were at that\ntime can readily see the real source. The heads of the institution, who\nhad the sole power, instead of the bettering conditions, tolerated and\npermitted them to remain. At that, I have my grave doubts if the convent\nsystem could _ever_ be harmonious. Think of housing a large number of\nwomen under one roof, bound by the ironclad, childish rules and\nprecepts. They are a barrier to \"life, liberty and the pursuit of\nhappiness,\" which the Constitution of the United States guarantees every\ncitizen. They make progress an impossibility. The outside world thinks\nthe convent system is a success because they see the institutions grow\nin size and number, which is due to the economic methods of free\nsister-service. They never have the opportunity to see \"success\" from\nwithin.\n\nAs a further proof that the system is the cause of discord, strife and\ninharmony among the sisters I will copy another letter I wrote to\nMother Wilfrid. There is some repetition of portions of my former\nletters, but I think the whole of the letter will interest my readers,\neven though it is lengthy:\n\n\n Dear Mother Wilfrid:\n\n I will bring a few other points before you, Mother, which means\n inharmony in our order. I do not intend to convey to you the\n idea that I am an oracle of success. The intention being simply\n to consider some of the principal essentials required for\n success. Just a little mental view of things.\n\n We all admit that experience is a great teacher--observation\n its necessary accompaniment. Both are in vain unless a\n practical application can be made of the lessons to be learned\n from them.\n\n One of the first essentials of success is common honesty. If\n those who have had experience in one kind of work could only\n dare to be sincere enough to express the difficulties they\n meet, in such a manner as to better conditions. What's in the\n way? Prejudice, the fear of not standing high as a perfect\n religious, sisters, whether qualified for leadership or not,\n ambitious for high offices. If the companion should be a little\n more gifted in some things than the superior, she should make\n herself so small and subservient that she can scarcely think.\n If she cannot look scared, stand back and look perfectly mum.\n She is proud, independent, trespassing on the superior's\n rights, disloyal and rebelling against all rightful and lawful\n authority. She is placed in a responsible position and not\n permitted to be woman enough to be justified in her own\n actions. She has to of necessity, due to inorganization, make a\n blunder of herself and her work. We are constantly blundering\n and straightening out after each other. Experience should have\n taught some of us how to improve upon blundering ways. Take for\n one thing, the frequent changing of the sisters without system\n or method, often for no reason--then because some have put\n their heads together to bare so-and-so out, they have to eat\n \"black bread.\" She has given offence--God alone knows for what\n trifle. She must be punished and made unsuccessful even if the\n house and place where she is will suffer the loss of her good\n and successful work. This might be saying a good deal for a\n subordinate, but it is the price paid for lessons taught by\n experience. We will have better organization only when we will\n have our sisters taught from the time they enter the work for\n which they have aptitude, talent and inclination, and leave\n them generally where they are contented and successful and not\n shift them about from house to house, pillar to post, without\n serious reason. We ought to know by this time that a work one\n does not care anything about she will not put much effort or\n interest in.\n\n To stand the hardships in connection with every occupation, one\n must have some liking for it and be qualified to succeed. And\n then there will be plenty of room to love God and suffer for\n Him, and any number of chances to practice the highest degree\n of religious perfection--entire abnegation, if you will. Such a\n one can be on the way to Gethsemane every day with greater\n fervor rather than murmurs.\n\n As a general rule, people who have worked the greater part of\n their lives or years in certain works, particularly when they\n reach the years of about forty, adapt themselves with great\n difficulty to an entirely different kind. They need the\n efforts and thoughts as well, of younger years to correspond\n with their generosity and good will. First of all to grasp the\n situation, and then a renewing of energy, as it were, they need\n new thoughts to keep in progress with the changing conditions.\n I cannot see that we have to be a misfit to be a good\n religious, and to cripple every natural gift--physically or\n intellectually.\n\n It takes years of study, practice and experience to acquire the\n knowledge to fit ones self for the proper and successful way of\n handling any work or business. People who are every year, or\n every few years, starting something new, are always beginners,\n possessing a superficial or smattering knowledge of many\n things, and thorough in none.\n\n This is the way our house is largely represented here now--and\n we wonder what is the matter! \"What has happened, St.\n Vincent's?\" The greater wonder is that things go on as well as\n they do.\n\n Another mistake our people make is that of ousting out of\n office those who do have the good will and energy to capacitate\n themselves for their work and prove a success all round by\n making a little more of themselves than the ordinary hum-drum\n routine sisters. The spirit of the rule is one kind of\n spirit--and there are other spirits. If I have not the spirit,\n God forgive me. There are plenty of others who have not the\n spirit. Is it the spirit when one is successful in an office\n and in all her dealings with the people she comes in contact\n with, to not even make an effort to have harmony and\n understanding on the part of her superiors if misunderstanding\n and discord exists? They are not able to face you with one\n correction or complaint, but through the religious system,\n under cover of all that is holy, to oust her and throw her\n down and out, as it were, regardless of human feelings or sense\n of righteousness--no, not even common civility. Anyone not made\n of cast-iron is bound to break--body and spirit--under such\n tremendous pressure.\n\n Such is Sister Rita's case, for one.\n\n Yours as ever,\n\n SISTER LUCRETIA,\n S. C. S. P.\n\n\nI want it strictly understood by my readers that all the letters I have\nhere produced were written by me while I was yet a sister at St.\nVincent's Hospital, and superintendent of the third floor of that\ninstitution. I could tell the same facts without the evidence of these\nletters, and in a great many less words, but I wish to let the world\nknow that I knew while there that the governing heads of the institution\nwere doing nothing to better the then existing conditions of inharmony\nand discord among the sisters; but, on the other hand, were making\nmatters worse for them by transferring older sisters who were acquainted\nwith the work and supplanting them with younger sisters who were\nignorant in the care of the sick.\n\nIn a few words the wrongs could be summed up as follows:\n\nNational hatred and jealousy;\n\nThe rule of the system compelling the sisters to report on the other\nsisters to the superior, which means a great many false reports;\n\nThe employment of sisters who had no previous experience, and the\ntransferring of those who did know about the care of the sick;\n\nSuperiors who were absolutely unqualified for hospital work;\n\nNon-care of sick sisters;\n\nIgnorance and blind obedience;\n\nThe numberless religious practices which took us away from the sick,\nvery often when they needed the most careful attention;\n\nBesides the taking care of the sick, the many other obligations which\nthe sisters were called upon to perform--such as laundry work, janitor\nwork, kitchen work, etc.\n\nAnd no one to go to for redress in case of wrong.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER X.\n\n MY REMOVAL FROM ST. VINCENT'S HOSPITAL.\n\n\nOn the tenth of July, 1911, I went to Vancouver, Washington, for my\nannual retreat. Immediately upon my return to St. Vincent's, July 19, I\nwas summoned to the room of the Provincial Superior, Mother Nazareth,\nand she informed me that I had been \"nominated\" to go to Cranbrook, B.\nC., saying that as my health had not been very good for some time, the\nchange would be good for me. I had undergone a very serious operation\nsome time before this, from which I had not fully recovered. The nervous\nstrain caused by the troubles within the order had not been of any\nphysical benefit to me, owing to the weakened condition of my system\nfrom the operation. So I told Mother Nazareth that I did not think that\ngoing up in the mountains where the climate was so cold would be very\nbeneficial to my health. I also told her that I did not think that my\nhealth was the reason for my removal, but that it was on account of\nreports, and I wished to know what some of them were. She refused to\ntell me, and I told her that if she did not care to, or would not, I\nwould go to higher authority, the Superior General.\n\nTalk about system, and the traveling of news! On July 21st, two days\nafter I was informed that I was to go to Cranbrook, I received the\nfollowing letter:\n\n House of Providence,\n Vancouver, Wash., July 20, 1911.\n\n Sister Lucretia,\n St. Vincent's Hospital, Portland, Ore.\n\n Dear Sister:\n\nI am informed by your Provincial Superior that you refuse to accept your\nnomination to another house.\n\nPlease write me to that effect.\n\nAwaiting your answer within a reasonable time, I am,\n\n Very sincerely yours,\n\n (Seal) SISTER MARY JULIAN,\n Superior General.\n\nCan you see how the sisters work to keep ahead of all the other sisters?\nUsing, if necessary, unfair and unjust methods to attain their ends. I\nhad told Mother Nazareth that I would go over her head, and from all\nevidence she must have immediately sent a messenger to the Superior\nGeneral with the message that was written me in that letter, which was\nnot true. I had not refused to accept the appointment, but had asked the\nreason for such a change. Our rule on \"Fraternal Charity\" and the \"Roman\nCircular\" from the Pope, says to \"tell the wrongdoer of her faults.\" So\nI had the right to be given the reason for my change, after all the\nreports I had received of my very \"irreligious conduct.\"\n\nInstead of writing to the Superior General, as requested in her letter,\nI went in person. I asked her to tell me some of the reports she had\nagainst me. She informed me that she had heard many reports about me,\nbut that she did not have to tell me. I told her that if I was to\ncorrect myself of my faults, I should know what some of them were. She\ntold me that she had heard reports about me counseling a young sister to\nleave the community, when she was in Missoula, Montana, long before she\nwas Superior General. This I flatly denied, as I had not done so, and I\nasked her to name the sister, but she refused to do so. She also\ninformed me that a great fault of mine was that I would not report on\nthe other sisters. I told her that this was very true, and that I would\nnot report on the other sisters unless there was something very wrong to\nreport, as I did not think it was right. She became very angry after me\nquestioning her, and said, \"I am the authority and you are the subject,\nand you have nothing to do but to obey your superiors.\" I said, \"All\nright, I made a vow of obedience, and I will obey; I will go where you\nsend me, and I will do what I am told, but it will be mine to tell the\nstory.\"\n\nOn my return to St. Vincent's, I went direct to Mother Nazareth and\nasked her if she had any fault to find with my work. She replied, \"No.\"\nI asked her if she had any fault to find with my character. She replied\n\"No.\"\n\nI then went to my local superior, Sister Alexander, to whom by rule I\nwas obliged to go every month to give an account of my spiritual and\nmaterial progress or difficulties. It was her duty to tell me if she had\nany fault to find. She had never found any fault with me all the time\nshe had been my superior, except that I had once given some food to an\nemployee without her permission. I asked her the same questions I had\nasked Mother Nazareth in regard to my work and character, and she\nanswered the same as Mother Nazareth had. I told her that no one ever\nhad any faults against me before, why all the reports and faults now?\nTo this she made no reply.\n\nMy rule gave me the right to appeal to ecclesiastical authority for\nredress of grievances if I was not satisfied with the decision of my\nwomen superiors. So I next went to Archbishop Alexander Christie.\n\nI told him of the wrongs which were causing me many heartaches and\nsorrows, and also the report the Superior General had told me she had\nheard so many years before. He told me that the Superior General had no\nright to handle me on reports she had heard before she had been in\noffice, according to Church or Canon law. He said that I had made a vow\nof obedience and that the best thing I could do was to obey for the\npresent and maybe he could do something for me later.\n\nI had heard from priests about the justice of Archbishop Christie's\nCoadjutor, or Vicar General, as he is called, Monsignor Rauw, so I\ndecided to go to him and see if he could intercede for me, or at least\ncause an investigation. He listened very intently and, seemingly, with\nmuch interest to my story of the injust treatment I was receiving, how I\nhad spent so many years in the service of the community and church. In\ntears and sorrow I appealed to him to see that the right was done, not\nthat I was complaining about my appointment to another mission, but I\nwas complaining about my appointment to this particular mission on\naccount of the climatic conditions, and in the manner in which I was\nbeing sent. There must have been some reason for all this--and I knew\nwell what it was--but I could get no one to tell me so I could defend\nmyself. When I had finished telling my story to this great \"holy\nfather,\" he stood up, and holding himself together with both hands,\nsaid, with much force, \"In religion we have to make big sacrifices!\"\n\nSacrifice! I was all but sacrificed then, and to get an answer like that\nfrom the last one I could appeal to for right! It is impossible to find\nwords to express the feeling that came over me. My heart and very being\nbecame chilled. I shuddered at the very thought of religion. In my\nnovitiate I had been taught that if at any time during my community life\nI would be in need of fatherly kindness and redress, I was free to go in\nall childlike simplicity to authorized priests or bishops. This was the\nfirst time in all my service to the church that I had asked anything of\nthe priestly \"fathers.\" It had always been _my_ service and sacrificing\nfor them. And now, when it was my turn to look for some assistance in my\nextreme oppression--when only a few words from any one of them would\nhave caused the sun of justice to shine on my life--they stood by and\ndid not say a word in my behalf.\n\n\"His watchmen are blind: they are all ignorant, they are all dumb dogs,\nthey cannot bark; sleeping, lying down, loving to slumber. Yea, they are\ngreedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that\ncannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his\ngain, from his quarter. Come ye, say they, I will fetch wine, and we\nwill fill ourselves with strong drink; and tomorrow shall be as this\nday, and much more abundant.\" (Isaiah, 56:10,12.)\n\nIn all my attempts for redress, the only word of encouragement I had\nreceived was from Archbishop Christie, who had said that he \"might be\nable to do something for me later.\" But, as for the present, I could\nclearly see that nothing could be done, except for me to reconcile\nmyself to my removal and go.\n\nRemember, dear reader, that I had served eighteen years at St.\nVincent's, and it had become as a home to me. Not only had eighteen\nyears of my service been utilized in building this institution, but I\nhad sold hundreds and hundreds of little cards to my friends and\npatients for five cents each, each card representing a brick in the\nbuilding. More than that, I loved the work and had made hundreds of\nfriends from every part of Oregon, administering to them in sickness.\nBut laying all these things aside, I wanted to go and have it over with.\n\nSo I packed the wreck of a trunk that was assigned to me with what few\nbelongings I had, stealing in a few forbidden books and pictures. In all\ncases of removals of sisters, the superior is supposed to examine the\ntrunk, but for some reason, unknown to me, the superior did not examine\nmine, so I succeeded in keeping a great many little articles which\notherwise I would not have.\n\nDuring the last two days, I avoided meeting everyone possible for the\nfinal adieu, as the despotic and un-Christian manner of my removal was\ntoo sensibly present to me. The friends I did meet expressed great\nsympathy for me and often there was bitterness of tears from both of us.\nOne of the leading physicians of the staff halted me near the main\noffice, and in the presence of Sister Rita, told me that it was criminal\nto me after the years of service to that institution and at my years and\npoor health. He said that it was heartless and most un-Christian\ntreatment. This little speech caused me to think differently of\nProtestants than I had in the past--that in the end I would rather go to\nthe Protestant heaven than to ever again meet some of these \"holy\nfathers and religious saints.\"\n\nOn July 26th, I left for Cranbrook in company with Mother Nazareth. On\nleaving St. Vincent's, I placed my arm over my eyes so that I could not\nsee the sisters, or other friends, or even the building where I had\nlived so long. This was the first of many long, sad, sorrowful days for\nme.\n\nWe arrived at our destination on July 28th, at one o'clock in the\nmorning. The institution which was to be my new home, was a small\nhospital, which could accommodate about sixty patients.\n\nThe next morning, Mother Nazareth and my new superior, Sister Mary\nVincent, assigned me to my new work. I was to serve in the\ndining-rooms--including the priest's--wash dishes, take care of the\nhalls, the sister's community room and the priest's apartment, and to do\nthe work that would be necessary in and about the building. Then, to\nmake everything more \"pleasing\" for me, they told me that in the near\nfuture I could go begging as I had done in my younger years. To this, I\ntold them that I would go, _providing_ that I could be home every night,\nas I did not think I was physically able to be out nights as I had in\nyears past.\n\nThis was all for the benefit of my health, and this same Mother\nNazareth, who was helping the superior assign me to my work, was the one\nthat told me the change was for that purpose.\n\nAfter years of struggle and convent slavery, endeavoring to make myself\nefficient in nursing, this the reward. If I had not been strong and\nrobust, I could never have lasted as long as I had. The average girl in\nthis drudgery goes years before she reaches the age I was at that time.\nBut the years of grind and confinement had begun to tell on me, and the\nheads of the institution--sly old foxes--could see it; so I had to go.\n\n \"Authority intoxicates,\n And makes mere sots of magistrates;\n The fumes of it invade the brain,\n And make men giddy, proud and vain;\n By this the fool commands the wise,\n The noble with the base complies,\n The sot assumes the rule of wit,\n And cowards make the brave submit.\"\n --Butler.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER XI.\n\n TWO INTERESTING LETTERS FROM SISTERS--MY LETTERS FOR REDRESS TO\n ARCHBISHOP CHRISTIE.\n\n\nI was now permitted to be on mission with my own blood sister, Sister\nCassilda. After having been estranged and poisoned in mind against me by\nthe system for over twenty years, she was to be an example for making me\na \"good religious.\" And, poor girl, she sure enough was a \"good example\"\nof the products of the Roman convent system. She had been on Indian\nmission nearly all of her sisterhood life. For five years, without ever\nseeing civilization, she was kept at the Blackfoot Indian Mission, in\nAlta Territory, B. C. I remember once when she came to Vancouver,\nWashington, for her retreat, the poor, dear girl looked as primitive as\nthe American natives she had been taking care of. Her sensibilities were\ndulled from the long practice of mortification and the endurance of\nterrible hardships. She did not realize it, but she was verily an object\nof pity. Oh, how sorry I felt, to have my sister there with me, and yet\nno sister to talk to, owing to the moulding and shaping we had undergone\nby the Roman Catholic system.\n\nEven though she had never had any previous experience in caring for the\nsick, she was, at the time I went to Cranbrook, assistant superior of\nthe hospital there. And after all the years I had served in nursing, I\nwas under her direction.\n\nA short time after my arrival at my new mission I received a letter from\nmy dear friend, Sister Rita, as follows:\n\n\n Dear Lucretia:\n\n Another change. Now they say Mere General (Mother General)\n intends leaving for your place Thursday the 10th (August 10th).\n I am not stealing your letter out, as I read it to Mother\n Nazareth, also to Sister Alexander, then told them that I\n wanted to see that it got off.\n\n You need your reputation and I would make them prove the\n _lies_. You were missioned through reports of companions who\n were out of their rule for not warning you first. Then,\n superiors have their rule. You have obeyed. Now you sift the\n matter, though stay in the community and make them take good\n care of you. That is only fair and just before God and man.\n When they make use of religion to cover dirty politics it is\n time to make them face it. You may show this to Mother General\n or anybody else.\n\n With love, from\n\n RITA.\n\n\nAnother letter I received from Sister Mary Winifred, about this time,\nwill explain itself:\n\n\n Providence Academy, Vancouver, Wash.\n August 13, 1911.\n\n Dear Sister Lucretia:\n\n Last week I spent a few days in Portland and it is needless to\n say that I missed you very much, as do all your friends there.\n\n From conversations at recreation I understand that your change\n was made doubly painful by false charges. You have my heartfelt\n sympathy in this, for I have experienced that painful ordeal,\n and I say God help those who must go through it. Let me say to\n you what dear Father Schram said to me, \"Be thankful that you\n are the accused rather than the accuser. I would rather be in\n your place than theirs.\" It is only a matter of time; justice\n will assert itself in spite of all human power. Your sorrow\n will be turned into joy. Be brave, dear sister, this will all\n be righted.\n\n There are some hard things in religious life. God knows why!\n The words of our dear Lord, \"For which of my favors would you\n stone me,\" must come to the mind of some religious often during\n life.\n\n Now, dear sister, I must close.\n\n Believe me in union of prayer and suffering.\n\n Yours ever,\n\n SISTER M. WINIFRED.\n\n\nMother General Julian visited Cranbrook on August 13, 1911, and I\nendeavored to have her right matters, but to no avail. So I decided to\nwrite my complaints to Archbishop Christie of Portland. These letters\nalso explain the most important points of the visit of Mother General\nJulian of August 13th.\n\n St. Eugene Hospital,\n Cranbrook, B. C., August 17, 1911.\n\n Most Reverend A. Christie, D.D.,\n Portland, Oregon.\n\n Very Dear Bishop:\n\nI am now here three weeks lacking one day; needless to say that I have\nnot been feeling very well, for in the manner I had to take my dismissal\nfrom St. Vincent's and move out to mission, I do not think it hardly\npossible for me to feel extra good, either mentally or physically,\nunless one was made of cast-iron.\n\nYour Grace, I hate to trouble you; I know you must have enough care on\nyour mind and heavy responsibilities. Nevertheless, I beg you to listen\nto me a little while. I feel it an awful strain upon my mind and weight\nupon my heart to have to submit to so much downright cruelty and\ninjustice. Power made use of to take advantage of others. My removal was\nprompted through ambition and jealousy. I was too successful and well\nliked, and no means could be found to break my influence except by\ntaking advantage of my sacred vow of obedience to get me out of their\nway. Now what is this but making use of religion to play dirty politics?\nThis change was brought about over my provincial's head. Our rule says\nreports are to go to the provincial and she is to make the change or\nreport for such to higher authority. In the visit of our Mother General\nhere, August 13, 1911, I told her I was not satisfied nor at peace in\nthe service of God about the way I had been changed, because I had to\nfeel too keenly that it was as a punishment influenced by reports. She\nthen said that she might have been influenced and talked to the effect\nthat she had all right to make any change, whatever the reasons were.\nShe said that she had reports and that she did not need to tell me where\nthey came from or what they were. I said that if she expected me to\ncorrect myself for what was reported against me, I thought I should be\ntold. She insisted that I had been told. I said the only thing I had\nbeen told, the one and only charge you already made \"counseling a young\nsister to leave the community,\" which I positively denied and said that\nI might ask an investigation. Moreover, you had this against me before\nyou were in office and I did not believe you could use it against me,\neven were it true.\n\nIs it not convenient to get into power and take advantage of another for\nall reports and remarks ever heard about you, years before they knew\nyou?\n\nWhen I spoke of investigation, she said that she did not say that I was\nnot telling the truth in denying the charge she made. I answered that it\nwas easy to say that now, but the mischief was done; that I was thrown\nout of the occupation I worked so very hard to become efficient and\nuseful in, and that I did not feel that it should be required of me to\nbegin over as if I was twenty or twenty-five, neither did I think it was\nrequired of me to mould myself over according to every new superior's\nindividual ways of thinking and liking, nor to run and jump about my\nwork like a young soldier on picket duty.\n\nI don't claim perfection or sanctity, simply doing the best I know how,\nand at the same time trying to make the most of myself, becoming a\ndecent human being and Sister of Charity. If I did not appear religious\nenough to please every sister that knows or hears of me, I could not\nhelp it. If I did good work and behaved myself in accordance with our\nrules and constitution, I thought this was a good deal to be taken into\naccount; and that I did not think that one should be so easily trifled\nwith and annoyed to desperation over faults and imperfections that we\nare all, more or less, subject to, and for me to be treated like this\nwas injurious to my mind and health.\n\nShe (Mother General) said this was a nice place for me, and I did not\nneed to work if I did not feel well, and that I could do the same work I\nhad done before if I wanted to do it and resign myself.\n\nThis is the kind of redress we have, Your Grace. They can even dispense\nthe subject from any or all activity when it could mean torment to some\none in their \"black book.\"\n\nI told her I wanted to find out if the church had nothing to say\nconcerning these matters, and also the way I had been removed from\noffice, without one bit of consideration, either for my years of service\nin the community, which I thought was church service, or my ability or\nexperience. It made no difference in the least how I felt, or what it\nhad cost me to fit myself for my work. All that seemed required on their\npart was to show me and give me to understand that I was not needed or\nwanted any longer.\n\nDismissal in a heartless manner from the work in which I have suffered\nall sorts of inconveniences, wretched trials due to narrowness, which I\ncould enumerate to you, but would be too lengthy to write. God alone\nknows the circumstances under which I had to learn my lessons to fit\nmyself for the work I did and managed. I had to be orderly, diet-cook,\ndish-washer, scrub-woman, painter, seamstress, account-keeper,\ncollector--also take names and history of the patients, nurse and\noverseeing other nurses' work--these and other things have been my\ndaily round of duties.\n\nNice time of the day and years of my life for my superiors to say to my\nface that they have no fault to find with my work and none of character,\nand at the same time to do what they have done in the name of good under\ncover of religion, claiming all right because authority is theirs. Must\nunfit and unscrupulous ones be left to have their own way entirely? Has\njustice no weight or meaning in the government of church organizations?\n\nDoes it seem fair to take one away from a work that she knows well and\ngave satisfaction, without giving one a single reason, and put beginners\nin her place and send the experienced one where beginners ought to start\nfrom? If I were even needed here! It really seems as if pleasure had to\nbe taken in seeing how far one could be driven. It is maddening for the\nvictim who has to stand it. I could not have the good will I ought to\nhave, these things embitter one and in conscience I cannot hold myself\naccountable before God. It is discouraging and checks the better\nfeelings, desires and efforts in doing their best, and in time the\nresult will be callousness, indifference and unfitness for any good\nwhatever. This way of doing is applying the system of authority in the\nold accustomed way when they want to make a human machine of one--is to\ndeprive them of all chances of interest in life, the final result is\nbound to be physical and mental break-down or nervous wreck--as I have\nseen it too many times, unfortunately. Going through this process a\nnumber of times hurries our sisters to some cemetery or asylum.\n\nYour Grace, I feel to ask an investigation unless I can be given\nassurance that I shall be reinstated in my former work and have my name\nrestored.\n\nOur superiors claim that even an Archbishop has nothing to say in these\nmatters in an order governed by a Mother General. That would be news to\nme. I thought he was our first ecclesiastical head of church affairs in\nhis domain. I know in Canada the Mother General is not over Archbishop\nBruchasie. There might be a big difference in the States, probably in\nthe West.\n\nYour Grace, I am sorry and humiliated to have to trouble you in this\nunpleasant manner about so much awful disagreeableness, but I could not\nendure it without doing my utmost to get such unfairness righted. I\ncannot tell you in words how much I appreciate knowing you as I do, and\nthat I feel perfectly at home in addressing myself to you during this\ntime of difficulties. I hope and pray that your health remains good,\nYour Grace.\n\nAwaiting an answer, with much esteem and very best regards,\n\n Yours sincerely and respectfully,\n\n SISTER LUCRETIA,\n S. C. S. P.\n\nLetter No. 2:\n\n\n St. Eugene Hospital,\n Cranbrook, B. C., August 28, 1911.\n\n Very dear Archbishop Christie:\n\n Your Grace, the large letter enclosed in this envelope, dated\n August 17th, I intended to send at the time, and after I had\n written it, I thought it was better for me to come to Portland\n and see you, as some matters in it might require further\n explanation than I could express in writing, because I wanted\n you to know the true state of things, and for fear that I might\n induce you to do anything rash in regard to me, I thought it\n better to bring the letter myself.\n\n When Mother General was here on August 13, 1911, I told her\n that I might ask an investigation. She said it was alright,\n that I could do so if I wanted to. I supposed that this\n included my permission to come and see you when I decided to do\n so--if I needed permission from the lesser authority to speak\n to the higher. I had told Mother Nazareth that I wanted to go\n to Portland to see my higher superior on a matter of\n conscience.\n\n August 26th, last Saturday, I asked her for her pass or\n transportation to Portland. She said her pass was in Portland\n and that she would send for it and that it would be here by\n Wednesday. Instead of that she communicated with our Mother\n General, this morning she told me so, and that neither Mother\n General nor she could give me permission or money to go to\n Portland. I was frank with Mother Nazareth when she spoke of\n money; I said I could wait a few days for the pass. I cannot\n understand why this deception. I do not feel good over it,\n after telling her that I had Mother General's consent for what\n I was to do. Our people are afraid to make one move without\n Canada. I do not suppose from this transaction that Mother\n Nazareth gave Mother General an agreeable account of me since I\n am here.\n\n[Illustration: _Most Reverend Alexander Christie, D.D., Archbishop of\nPortland, Oregon._]\n\n I am having a much begrudged vacation. I am not any profit to\n the community just now, having been sick and unable to work for\n a few weeks. How could I be otherwise, or anyone else with a\n grain of sense or feeling, I cannot do things slipshod or by\n halves. Outside of my trip East, I cannot recollect of ever\n having had more than perhaps a couple of days cessation from\n hard work in all my thirty years of community life--without\n speaking of vacation, which I never dared to ask for, feeling\n sure of punishment of some sort to follow if I did.\n\n Mother Nazareth quoted Mother General as saying to me, \"There\n was work here if I wanted to do it,\" and she added, \"What was\n good enough for the sisters here was good enough for me.\" I\n told her \"Yes, what was good enough for the sisters here was\n good enough for me, and it was not beneath me at all to do what\n the sisters here did, but it was out of the question and I do\n not wish to discuss it, as it is useless.\"\n\n You see they have determined together--our people having\n yielded to Canadian \"todiers\"--to show me that I am to take in\n silence as much, or as little, as it is theirs to demand. It\n belongs absolutely to them to subdue me in whatever way they\n please, to make me see and accept as right the one and only way\n they see it, and taking upon themselves to refuse me the right\n of speaking to our own archbishop. This is one of the reasons\n why I am out of Portland. They are uneasy as what I may say to\n you. They cannot see it in any other light than that I am\n telling wrong things and having a bad influence, hence it is\n better for me to be where there will be no such occasion. What\n a shame to have to talk of such narrow, childish treatment and\n small things, but, truths just the same which can make one's\n life very hard to live.\n\n I also enclose a short letter from Mother Wilfrid, one of our\n Western sisters General Assistant Councilor. Letter dated\n February 11, 1910, which is only a little over a year ago now.\n I found it amongst my things after my letter dated August 17,\n 1911, was written. I cannot make use of it. It will show that I\n am not imagining things so terribly in mind, and it is positive\n proof that I am handled on reports, the nature of which and the\n numbers of years in gathering I am not permitted to know. They\n have the advantage of me by my vow of obedience. Your Grace, I\n leave everything to your wisdom and discretion. I do not want\n you to do anything hasty or by persuasion, which might be\n regrettable, though I do think they need to be taught the\n lesson that they are not God Almighty, even though power be\n entrusted them. I do not say on the minute--but in your own\n good time and judgment. Mother Nazareth is terribly frightened,\n and says I will regret going to you.\n\n Our people's talk is that Archbishop Bruchasie is the only\n ecclesiastical head above our superiors. It is that with them,\n or pine away out of life seems to be the only alternative\n permissible. I could address myself to him and then be ordered\n to go and sit in some dark corner in Montreal the remainder of\n my days, like poor Sister Paul of the Sacred Heart is doing,\n and like sickly Sister Gabriel was told that the sheriff would\n be called to take her to Montreal if she would not go by their\n orders.\n\n Your Grace, it is a comfort and a miracle to me to be able to\n tell these things to you, because I know that you can have much\n good come out of all it now, and more for the future sisters of\n the country. I am sorry to have to bother you.\n\n Mother General did remark to me here when I told her that I did\n not feel right about the way this had been done to me, that it\n might not be for long. Your Grace, I will pray every day that\n God will bless you with good health and success, and that you\n will be with us many years to come.\n\n Awaiting an answer, I remain,\n\n Yours devotedly and respectfully,\n\n SISTER LUCRETIA,\n S. C. S. P.\n\n\nThese three letters (one from Mother Wilfrid to me) were enclosed in one\nenvelope and sent to Archbishop Christie by registered mail.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER XII\n\n MY EMANCIPATION.\n\n\nThe many, long, dreary days of suspense that followed awaiting a reply\nfrom Archbishop Christie were surely days of indescribable penance. No\none for a confident but myself, and my thoughts so pent up within me\nthat I had to contrive some means of relief. My heart was crushed and\nbroken. The suppression of my feelings and the burning sensation of the\nphysical pain I had to endure in the awful conflict of soul and body\nwere almost unbearable. I took advantage of the only remedy within this\nRoman \"house of correction.\" I would go to the garret, which was the\nnurses' dormitory, and holding my garb up so that I could move freely, I\nwould pace the floor, hundreds of times, exhausting, so to speak, the\nsurplus energy caused by the unrighteous indignation. And, at the same\ntime, praying in my simple way to the saints for light as to the next\nstep to take. During the late hours of the sleepless nights, with the\nheavy burden of my troubles on my mind, I would walk the floor of my\nlittle room (about ten feet square) like some caged animal pacing his\nden in quest of liberty.\n\nAt the holiday season I wrote a short letter to Archbishop Christie,\nwishing him the greetings of the season, to which I received the\nfollowing reply:\n\n\n Portland, Oregon, January 2, 1912.\n\n Dear Sister:\n\n I thank you sincerely for your kind Xmas remembrance.\n\n My Xmas was an exceedingly busy one. But it brought me great\n consolation. The large number of men and women who received\n holy communion was most edifying. Asking God to grant you a\n blessed New Year, I am,\n\n Sincerely in Xto,\n\n X A. CHRISTIE.\n\n\nIt had been over four months since I had written my letters for redress\nto him, and he never once even acknowledged receipt of them, and in this\nletter, as you can see, he never once mentioned anything about them.\n\nIn my depressing perplexities, I had begun to think that there was no\nsuch thing as redress in the order, and that the clause in my book of\nrule, \"the right to apply to high ecclesiastical authority,\" was a blind\nand a farce, as was the teaching of \"fatherly\" kindness.\n\nAs my eyes opened I realized that I might as well try to tear down the\nmighty stone walls of the Rocky Mountains, which I could behold daily,\nas to move the Roman Catholic \"religious\" machine to interest itself in\nrighting wrongs for a sister in the community. There was nothing for me\nto do but live on and take whatever wrongs the system was pleased to\nmete out to me to the end of my days, or to play the hypocrite for a few\nyears, waiting for something better, if those in authority saw fit to\ngive me a change.\n\nI should have had the same privilege of receiving and sending mail in\nCanada as other American citizens are accorded, but not so. The system,\nas it always does, demanded and delegated to itself the right to\nscrutinize all mail sent or received by its subjects. So, in order that\nI might send and receive letters dealing with subjects other than the\nRoman Catholic religion and convent, I had to gain the confidence of a\n\"secular\" and receive my mail outside the convent.\n\nI had written to a friend in Spokane, Washington, Mrs. A. J. Kearney,\nwho was a graduated nurse from St. Vincent's Hospital, telling her of my\ntrouble and that I was contemplating leaving the order, as I was at last\nsatisfied in my own mind that this was the only step to take. I received\nan encouraging reply and wrote again, planning further.\n\nIn the meantime, I continued my novenas to the Blessed Virgin Mary, St.\nAnthony and St. Joseph, in heart-breaking sorrow and tears--praying for\nenlightenment, as I had been doing for weeks and months. In all\nearnestness and sincerity I was bowing, scraping, kneeling, pleading to\nthe images, the statues and the fourteen stations of the cross.\n\nAt last, after so long a time, it came to me as if a thunderbolt had\ncome from Heaven, that these statues and images and relics could do me\nno good. They were all clay and material. What I needed was something\ndivine, but after living what I had lived, I was now ready to believe in\nnothing. I thought that if God was a just God, He could not and would\nnot permit such oppression and cruelties and injustices to be\nperpetrated in the name of Christian religion and in His name. I decided\nthat if there was a God who was the Creator of heaven and earth and all\nthings therein, He would surely hear me if I would pour out my heart to\nHim. So I fell upon my knees and prayed as I had never prayed\nbefore--not to St. Anthony, not to St. Joseph, not to St. Vincent de\nPaul, no, not even to the Blessed Virgin Mary or any other saint, but to\nGod Almighty, asking Him to show me the light and right; that \"if what I\nam living is right, give me strength and courage to live it and endure\nit to the end, and I will try to believe it. But, O, God! if it is not\nright, show me the right that I may do Thy will; be Thou my helper now\nand forever,\" and I left my future in His hands, continuing to ask His\nhelp and guidance each day.\n\nI had been suffering for several months from eye trouble, caused by the\nexcessive cold temperature, it being such a decided change from what I\nhad been accustomed to for so many years. I was being treated by the\ngovernment physician, but I used the trouble as a pretext to get\npermission from Mother Nazareth, who was in Portland, to go to Spokane\nto obtain the services of a specialist. The real reason for which I\nwished to go to Spokane was to see Mrs. Kearney and make the final\narrangements for my leaving the community.\n\nAbout March 10, 1912, I went to Spokane. During my three weeks there I\nstopped at the Sacred Heart Hospital. Mrs. Kearney was friendly to the\nsisters of the hospital, so I had her accompany me to the office of Dr.\nHopkins, who was treating me. In that manner, Mrs. Kearney and I had\nample time to talk and perfect the plans for my emancipation from the\neverlasting demands of Rome.\n\nWhen the time came, I could not reconcile myself fully to the thought of\nleaving. My childhood and novitiate teaching of the terrible sins of the\noutside world would come to my mind, and I would then think that I could\nnever leave the convent. The final test came two days before I left\nSpokane for my return trip to Cranbrook. I concluded that I could not\nget worse treatment in the world than I had received in the community;\nthat I would not have to work any harder in the world than I had for\nnearly thirty-one years for the Roman Catholic system; that I would not\nhave to live a more abasing or humiliating life in the world than I had\nbeen subjected to, by serving the meanest despotism of government; and I\nrealized that death was preferable and a thousand times more honorable\nthan to remain living in this sort of injustice. I loved the name\n\"Sister of Charity,\" but I knew I could no longer be a real Sister of\nCharity under the cruel, oppressive, authoritative guidance I had\nendured for so many years. I knew that I could be a better Sister of\nCharity in the world than I could under the dictation of the Pope or his\nrepresentatives.\n\nOn April 2d, I returned to Cranbrook to get my few belongings and to\nspend a few days with my sister before making the change. My heart was\nso filled with what I had planned, that I could not refrain from telling\nher almost as soon as I arrived from Spokane. When I told her of my\ndecision to leave the order, neither of us could restrain our feelings\nand it was a day of tears and sorrow. We could neither eat nor talk. So\nin the evening I told her that I had intended to spend several days with\nher before going, but as it would do neither of us any particular good,\nonly causing grief, sorrow, and in the end probably nervous prostration,\nI had decided to leave on the next train, which was on the following\nafternoon.\n\nThe next morning I packed my trunk, then called my sister to my room and\nasked her to read two letters which I had written while in Spokane,\nexcepting for the date, one to Archbishop Christie and one to Mother\nNazareth. I told her that the authorities and sisters of the order would\ncome to her with all kinds of reports in regard to my leaving, and that\nI wanted her to read the letters so she would know for herself my\nreasons for leaving. She read them and then said, \"You will regret\nthis.\" I simply replied, \"I cannot have more regrets than I have here.\"\n\nI had my trunk taken to the railroad station, and after lunch, in\ncompany of my sister, I went to the post office where I mailed the two\nletters, sending them by registered mail. Then we went to the station\nand in a very few minutes the train arrived that was to take me from a\ndarkness to light and liberty that I had no conception of at that time.\n\nAt 2:15 I boarded the train and left my poor, deluded sister standing\nthere alone, until the train started, and then watched her walk slowly\ntoward the hospital, until I was carried from her view.\n\nDuring this last visit to Cranbrook, my sister was in authority at the\nhospital, the sister superior, Sister Mary Vincent, being away on\nretreat. This I did not know until I arrived from Spokane, but it would\nhave been just the same if the superior would have been there, as I had\nmade up my mind to leave.\n\nMy last letter written to Archbishop Christie, as Sister Lucretia, was\nas follows:\n\n\n Cranbrook, B. C.\n St. Eugene Hospital, April 3, 1912.\n\n Most Reverend A. Christie, D.D.,\n Portland, Oregon.\n\n Very Dear Bishop:\n\n I have now had my situation before my eyes and present to my\n mind the past eight months. I cannot reconcile myself to live\n this punishment existence out, as I know others of my\n companions are doing in exiled corners of this earth, like\n five-year-old children who dare to speak when they should have\n been only seen. Really, this sort of treatment is equal to\n locking a grown woman advanced in years up in a closet as a\n child for misbehavior. The only difference the parent would\n tell the child what its punishment was for, while the woman in\n my case is not to be given a reason, except one false report by\n my higher superior, which she heard and held against me years\n before she knew me or was in authority, to knock me as she did\n shortly after she was in office.\n\n The mission I was sent to was alright as far as mission goes,\n but I will never believe that it was alright to me, under the\n circumstances. If this had to be done, the blow might just as\n well have been applied with a little less cruelty. Of all the\n houses our very prosperous order owns and controls, I had to go\n at my years of life to this place enclosed by snowy mountains,\n the weather temperature being twenty to forty degrees below\n zero about one-half the year. Having always lived in a warm\n climate and not feeling well, I was unable to resist the cold.\n It caused me systemic disturbance and the consequence was eye\n trouble. The government doctor of the place said the cold did\n it.\n\n I had to miss Sunday mass from the first of November to the\n first Sunday in March. I had to sit with a blanket around me\n near a radiator most of the winter and a comforter over the\n window to keep the cold out. Splendid remedy to get one over\n wretched loneliness and sorrow--to make one feel religious and\n grateful for having worked and sacrificed ones self nearly to\n the end of ones life and then hear from those over you, \"now\n you can work if you want to,\" and a sister stays where she is\n sent, even if she dies, and more bold talk of that kind.\n\n I am not tired of being a Sister of Charity, but I am more than\n tired living it under the conditions that we have to live it. I\n will never be anything else at heart than a Sister of Charity;\n I was that from the age of fifteen, and I will be that to my\n dying day. It takes nothing short of a trained hypocrite to get\n along in here. I do not think myself so good or of such\n excellent worth--I lay no claim above being an ordinary person,\n but if I do not have the spirit of a good religious and Sister\n of Charity, I am sure not so many of those I have lived with\n have it, and I would have to be punished to death, and then I\n could not in my conscience copy the leading or guiding spirits\n I lived with knowing all I do from daily practical life and\n experience for years. If what was done to me in this change is\n the good spirit, then I have not the least idea what good or\n evil spirits mean. One thing I know it did for me; I have a\n dreadful horror of a repetition of anything of the kind and\n want to remove myself from its possibility. I was not only\n deprived of every right, but of the least share of interest in\n any one thing in the community.\n\n Now you know this is maddening and most cruel and\n disheartening. This usage kills the body and all ones\n personalities and fitness for anything. They have done to me\n in action what others have been told boldly, in so many words,\n when you are not wanted, get out of the way. After it is plain\n to see one is about to the end of doing the very hardest work,\n the meaning is, hurry up and die or get out of the order. It\n has all it wants of you and is not going to need you or have\n any further regard for you.\n\n I have made up my mind to leave and do what I can to get a new\n lease on a home of some sort, because this means neither home,\n occupation, nor pastime to me.\n\n I am asking the community two thousand dollars. That would be\n for my clothing and towards getting myself situated for my\n support. I cannot expect anyone to take me in on absolutely\n nothing at my years. I am not able to work like a beginner, but\n with that amount and with what I can do, I will arrange to get\n along the best I can.\n\n I have been the means through my economy and ingenuity, of much\n more than that to the community, without the regular earnings\n of my services. In Canada, I was told that our community is\n paying twenty dollars a month to some sisters that left, and\n have been doing that for years. My request does not come to as\n much, considering.\n\n I wish to get everything settled quietly. I dislike any\n publicity about it whatever. As soon as I can get it I intend\n to leave the country.\n\n I have asked dispensation, not that I intend to break any of\n God's commandments. I cannot tell you how much I am pained to\n have to leave you. I have shed many a tear since I left St.\n Vincent's, and before I could decide to write this letter. If I\n am to be exiled from friends, that would be only additional\n sorrow, etc. Or, even if I were stationed where you are and\n had to feel the uneasiness of some punishment coming upon me\n for speaking to my higher superiors, that would not add very\n much to making things agreeable. I appreciate your very great\n and fatherly kindness to me, and I will always remember you as\n a very dear friend.\n\n Begging a remembrance in your prayers,\n\n Most sincerely,\n\n SISTER LUCRETIA.\n\n P. S.--I leave here this afternoon at 2 p.m. My address until\n things are settled is 0707 Toledo St., Spokane, Wash.\n\nMy letter to Mother Nazareth was as follows:\n\n\n St. Eugene Hospital,\n Cranbrook, B. C., April 3, 1912.\n\n Mother M. Nazareth,\n Portland, Oregon.\n\n Dear Mother:\n\n I have decided to leave the community. Will you please see\n about obtaining the dispensation of my vows. I have written to\n His Grace Archbishop Christie.\n\n If authority is all that is necessary to constitute right, I\n think I can continue to save my soul better elsewhere, as that\n was what I took these obligations upon myself for. I am not\n tired of being a Sister of Charity, but I am more than tired of\n living it the way we have to do. I did not know until last\n summer that the spirit of a good religious and Sister of\n Charity meant to be the victim of evil reports, and that\n reports were for the satisfaction of the feelings of those in\n authority. I lay no claim to high perfection, but I cannot see\n virtue or religion in being taken advantage of as I was. I\n have always tried to do my best, but at last I see plainly that\n it is impossible to do enough or to sacrifice enough. The\n extreme cold has caused me systemic disturbance and the result\n is eye trouble. The doctor said it was the cold that did it.\n\n Well, I do not want to refer to too much useless talk. I have\n made arrangements with a friend of mine for a home. But as I\n cannot expect anyone to take me in on absolutely nothing at my\n years, not being able to work any more like I did twenty-five\n years ago, I must have some little means, and I ask two\n thousand dollars which would be for my clothing and towards my\n support. With that amount and with what little I can do, I will\n have to manage somehow.\n\n I wish to have things settled quietly, if possible, as I do not\n care to have publicity about this affair any more than the\n community I am leaving. I must have some means to go out on or\n I would not ask anything. As soon as I can get this little sum\n requested, I will leave the country.\n\n Begging a remembrance in your prayers, and those of the\n community and wishing the community and every one of the\n sisters God's blessing,\n\n Very sincerely and respectfully,\n\n SISTER LUCRETIA,\n S. C. S. P.\n\n P. S.--I leave here at two p.m. My address, until I get away\n will be 0707 Toledo St., Spokane, Wash. If I can get the\n business part settled as soon as possible, I can move on. This\n same address will forward my dispensation whenever it can be\n sent to same.\n\n Humbly yours, Sr. L.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER XIII.\n\n I QUIT THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH.\n\n\nAfter I had signed and sent these two letters, copied in the preceding\nchapter, to the agents of the ecclesiastical system, I thought that I\nhad declared the independence of my personal liberty and freedom. I had\nnot the least intention of leaving the Church of Rome, as I still\nbelieved that it was the only true church, outside of which there was no\nsalvation. But before many weeks had passed, conditions so shaped\nthemselves, through the persecutions of Rome's representatives, that I\ndecided that the liberty and freedom I hoped to have gained by leaving\nthe convent, was not to be found even in the church.\n\nI arrived in Spokane at nine o'clock on the evening of April 3, 1912,\nand went direct to the home of Mrs. Kearney. She received me very\ncordially and we had a long talk before retiring. This first night in\nthe world was a long, sleepless one for me. Everything seemed reversed,\nso to speak, and my heart was heavy from the terrible ordeal I had\nendured for the last two days.\n\nThe following morning, April 4th, I discarded the burdensome garb, that\ngreat load of black serge, and donned a large-flowered kimona, the only\nother clothes I had, and this was given me. This was the first day\nsince July 30th, 1881, that I had attired myself in any other than the\ngarb of the Sisters of Charity of the Roman Catholic system--nearly\nthirty-one years. My hair, which was about long enough to hang in my\neyes, I tied back with a pretty little red ribbon, which had been on a\ncandy box.\n\nOn Monday, April 8th, Sister Matilda of St. Vincent's telephoned to me,\nsaying that she was at the Sacred Heart Hospital with Mother Nazareth\nand asked me to come there to see them. When they could not prevail upon\nme to do so, they condescended to come to Mrs. Kearney's to see me.\n\nTheir visit lasted about three hours. In tears and, seemingly, great\nsorrow at my leaving the community, they tried to get me to return to\nCranbrook, saying that none of the sisters except the superior and my\nown sister knew anything about my leaving the order. Our rule says that\nif a sister leaves the community of her own free will, she cannot return\nwithout dispensation. So I told Mother Nazareth that I could not go\nback, as it was against the rule. She then handed me a letter from\nArchbishop Christie and said that that was my dispensation to return. I\nread as follows:\n\n\n Portland, Oregon, April 7, 1912.\n\n Dear Sister:\n\n The contents of your letter was a great shock to me. I never\n thought you would give way to the temptation to leave your\n order. I have requested Mother N. (Nazareth) to go and see you.\n\n You did not become a sister in order to be appreciated and\n praised for the talents which God has given you. You entered\n religion to do God's work and to save your soul.\n\n Now, sister, return to your convent. Do not allow the evil one\n to induce you to leave it. Do as Mother N. directs to do.\n\n Asking God to direct and bless you, I am,\n\n Sincerely in Xto,\n\n X A. CHRISTIE.\n\n\nI flatly refused to do as Archbishop Christie requested. Mother Nazareth\nthen offered me my choice of the Sacred Heart Hospital in Spokane, or to\nreturn to St. Vincent's Hospital in Portland. When I refused to go to\nany house as a sister, she offered me my choice of any of the houses of\nthe order, as a home, or boarder, as long as I lived. I had seen too\nmany poor, old sisters, who had received a home such as they were\noffering me, and knew too well what it meant--\"hurry up and get off the\nface of the earth\"--and so I refused this, seemingly, very lucrative\noffer.\n\nAfter many more entreaties and the shedding of many tears, I finally\nsaid to these two \"holy scheming-spirits\" of the Roman Catholic system,\n\"I am out, and I am out to stay. If you want someone back, go and take\nSister Zita back or some of the other sisters who are sitting in the\nfour corners of the community-world doing penance.\" (Sister Zita was a\npoor sister who had left the community for about the same reasons I had\nleft, after serving the church for thirty years. She had begged the\nsystem to take her back, but they absolutely refused to do so. Sister\nZita told me this herself, together with some of the terrible wrongs\nthat had been perpetrated upon her.)\n\nWhen they were convinced that I could not be persuaded to return, they\nthen wanted my garb, saying that it did not belong to me. I said that I\nhad worn it long enough, and that I thought I was entitled to keep it.\nMother Nazareth then said, \"The community might DEMAND it.\" I answered,\n\"DEMAND! That is the word that has put me where I am, DEMAND. You\nDEMAND!\" (This conversation led to the naming of my book.)\n\nAt last they were beaten and did not know what course to pursue.\nFinally, Mother Nazareth said, \"What will we tell Archbishop Christie?\"\nI said, \"Tell him the truth; tell him what has taken place in this\nroom,\" and with that they left.\n\nOn April 9th, \"Father\" Carti, a Jesuit priest from the Gonzaga College,\ncame to see me.\n\nHe had been sent to me by the community in regard to the amount that I\nhad asked in the last letter I had written them. He told me that the\ncommunity could not give the two thousand dollars, as other sisters\nwould leave and want the same, but that they might give me one thousand\ndollars.\n\nHe then asked me to return to the convent, saying that I did not have\ndispensation, and that my being out like this could _not_ be so, and\nthat I was not out in the world. I looked around to assure myself that I\nwas really out, and said, \"Well, I _am_ out, and I am out to stay.\" He\ntried to convince me that I was in honor bound to go to some religious\nhouse till I would be released from my vows by the church, naming\nseveral Roman Catholic institutions, lastly, the House of the Good\nShepherd. I looked at him in scorn and repeated, \"The House of the Good\nShepherd?\" as the sisters of the order of Sisters of Charity always had\na horror for the very name \"House of the Good Shepherd.\" When he saw how\nI felt over this, he very quickly offered me a home at the Gonzaga\nCollege, although that is a Jesuit institution and, as a general rule,\nwomen are not allowed there. When all his efforts had failed, he said,\nin a cunning manner, that as I had trouble in the community, so I would\nnow have trouble in the world.\n\nI did not realize the significance of this statement at that time--I\nthink Rome's representative had slipped a little--but in the few years\nto follow I have surely understood the full meaning of it. That is a\nvery true Jesuitical teaching of the Roman Catholic System--Rome rule or\nruin.\n\nI told this \"holy father\" that the community had sent him to see me on\nbusiness, and that I did not need his exhortation. The business was soon\nover, I refusing all his offers of every nature, and he retired.\n\nOn Thursday, April 11th, Sister Rita visited me. We had as pleasant a\ntime as could be expected under the circumstances. She informed me as to\nthe scandalous manner Mother Nazareth and Sister Matilda had found me\ndressed when they visited me--\"with a flowered kimona and a red ribbon\naround my hair.\" She said that they had told Archbishop Christie about\nit. She also told me that the sisters at St. Vincent's were praying and\nhad forty candles burning for my return.\n\nI read her a copy of my letter for redress to Archbishop Christie, which\nI had mailed August 28, 1911. She was much surprised that he had not\nanswered, and could not hold him free from blame for the awful wrongs,\nas he had the authority to right them if he cared to. She endeavored to\nget my garb, saying that I had no further use for it, but I was\ncontinually on my guard, knowing that even my dear, good friend and\nformer \"chum,\" Sister Rita, could not go beyond the Roman dictation.\n\nThe first Sunday after I had left the convent was Easter Sunday, but I\ncould not go to mass, as I did not have any clothing except \"the\nflowered kimona.\" By the second Sunday, April 14th, with the assistance\nof Mrs. Kearney, I had secured sufficient clothes to be attired fairly\nrespectable, and I decided that I would go to church. I did not care to\nbe conspicuous, or to mix with the people very much, as I was not\naccustomed to the ways of the world as yet, so I decided to go to\nHilyard, a suburb of Spokane, to hear \"holy mass\" and the sermon.\n\nDuring the entire service, it all seemed darker and more stupid than at\nany time during my past life. I thought it was due to the newness of my\npresent life, and I left the church in silence.\n\nOn Saturday morning, April 20th, Sister Rita came to visit me for the\nsecond time since I had left. As she entered the door she said that this\ntime she had taken it upon herself to come and see her dear friend,\nSister Lucretia, and that she was going to stay with me till Sunday\nnight.\n\nThink of it, people, how Rome was using this dear, good friend of mine\nto do its work. I still had enough Roman Catholicism embedded in my\nheart and mind to watch her, even at night, sleeping with one eye open,\nso to speak. My suspicions were so strong that I had my few belongings\nmoved to safe-keeping during her stay with me.\n\nShe told me that I did not look right in civilian clothes, and that I\ncould never look as nice in any other as the sister's garb. She tried to\ninduce me to clothe myself as a sister again and return with her, saying\nthat she could get the consent of the ecclesiastical authorities and\nthe superiors of the community for us to take a trip to Rome and other\nparts of Europe.\n\nThis was a mighty temptation to me, as I had wished many times to see\nthe Vatican and visit the Pope, but I knew that if I accepted this offer\nI would have to return to the community, and now, as I was out, I was\ndetermined to stay; so I told her that I could not accept the offer, as\nI did not intend to return to the sisterhood. Many times since, I have\nlooked back to this visit of Sister Rita, and concluded that some\nguiding hand, some power, greater and mightier than my own, was\ndirecting my actions and decisions on the great temptations that were\nbeing placed before me.\n\nOn Monday, April 22d, Mother Nazareth and Sister Matilda came to see me\nagain. Mother Nazareth told me that I was living in mortal sin every day\nfor not having dispensation from my vows. I told her that it was through\nno fault of my own, as I was waiting for them to get my dispensation.\nShe then took a long document from her pocket, asking me to sign it for\nmy dispensation. I looked at it and informed her that it was written in\nLatin and that I did not understand Latin sufficiently to sign my name\nto a document written in that language. She then handed me another\ndocument, and upon examination, I found that it was written in French. I\ntold her that I did not understand French sufficiently to sign my name\nto it, and asked her to explain it to me. (I knew from former\nassociation with her and Sister Matilda that neither of them could read\nFrench or Latin.) Without any explanation she handed me the third\ndocument. This one was written in English. I asked them to excuse me for\na minute and I went to an adjoining room, where, in the presence of\nMrs. Kearney, I copied the following, which was under the heading on the\ndocument, \"Reasons for leaving the Order\":\n\n\"Community life has become wearisome to me, and, therefore, it\ninterferes with the saving of my soul. I am convinced that it is best\nfor me to return to the world.\"\n\nI returned to the room where the two sisters were and handed them the\ndocument, informing them that I could not sign it, as it did not contain\nthe reasons for my leaving the order, as I had never been weary a day in\nmy life. I told them that they both knew the reasons for which I left,\nand, if they did not, they could find them in my letter to the community\nwhich was written when I left the order. \"Such lies!\" I said, \"Why can't\nyou be honest? I can send my own reasons to Rome and get dispensation\nfor myself when I get ready.\"\n\nTwo days later, \"Father\" Carti came to see me for the second time, with\npractically the same message as before, viz., to return to the community\nand in regards to settlement of my claims against them.\n\nThe next day, Thursday, April 25th, \"Father\" Carti telephoned to me and\nasked me to come to the Gonzaga College, so we could talk further in\nregard to the settlement and if possible, come to some agreement.\n\nMrs. Kearney accompanied me to the college, and when \"Father\" Carti saw\nthat I had a witness, he asked, \"Do you want this woman to hear what we\nhave to say?\" I answered, \"Yes, I want her to hear whatever is said.\" He\nhinted that there would be no business transacted in her company, so we\nleft.\n\nFrom the college I called on my attorney, whom I had retained as my\nadviser, and he advised me to give them till the first of May to settle\nfor two thousand dollars. On returning home, I telephoned to \"Father\"\nCarti, and informed him that I had been to see my attorney since I left\nthe college and that I would give them (the community) until the first\nof May to settle for the two thousand dollars I originally asked; and\nthat in the future all business was to be transacted through my\nattorney, as I was not physically able to attend to it myself, being on\nthe verge of nervous collapse. He was very angry, saying that I was\nwrong and had no business to go to secular law (meaning a secular\nattorney) and that we could have settled it ourselves.\n\nI had been out of the sisterhood nearly four weeks, and had attended\nchurch only once, so now I thought I would take up my religion again and\nattend mass and church service. So, on Sunday, April 28th, I again went\nto Hilyard and heard the Latin mass and the priest preach. During the\nsermon I was looking at the statues and other religious show in the\nchurch, and then and there, in that house, being used for so-called\nreligious services, God revealed Himself to me. The whole show really\nwas nauseating to me, and before the sermon was finished I retired as\nquietly as I could. I had heard of the idols and images of the Chinese\nJoss-house, and that is just as it appeared to me that day. When I\narrived home, I told Mrs. Kearney to not awaken me again for mass,\nunless I told her to do so.\n\nThe following week, Mrs. Kearney came to me and told me that \"Father\"\nCarti had told her to put me out of her house, that by keeping me there\nit would hurt her with the sisters, the priests and the Roman Catholics.\nMy answer was that I had left the sisterhood because of the wrongs and\noppressive, tyrannical treatment; now I see that there is something\nwrong with that religion, too. If they are going to follow and hound and\ndown me, I am through with them, and I do not want anything further to\ndo with any of them. I also told her that if anything happened me, or if\nI got sick, to call the first Protestant minister she could find.\n\nThis instance, together with the persecutions that had been going on\nsince I had been out of the sisterhood, caused me to decide conclusively\nin my own mind that I did not want anything to do with them.\n\nI had been a Roman Catholic up to that moment, and had given them no\ncause to treat me in that manner, other than having left the sisterhood,\nas many sisters do, but now they did not care what became of me. Mrs.\nKearney was the only friend I had in Spokane to whom I could go and this\nwas probably the last subterfuge of the Hierarchy to force me back to\ntheir clutches.\n\nSo I became a Protestant, not in reality for some time, but I was no\nlonger a Roman Catholic.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER XIV.\n\n FORM FOR DISPENSATION OF THE \"HOLY\" VOWS--MY SUIT AND SETTLEMENT WITH\n THE SISTERS OF CHARITY.\n\n\nI was informed by Mrs. Kearney that Mother Nazareth had given her fifty\ndollars so she could purchase some clothes for me. This was a princely\nsum, after all the years of service I had given them. I have never been\nable to figure in my own mind, whether this was supposed to be a\nsettlement or whether it was some of the charity the sisters were\nsupposed to do.\n\nYes, they are called \"Sisters of Charity,\" but with all my experience\nwith them I now have to rack my brain to find the charity done by the\nRoman Catholic system, through them. If some person died at the hospital\nand left some clothes that were not claimed by anyone, they would be\ngiven to some poor person and call it \"charity.\" If some patient could\nnot or would not pay all of their bill, it would be entered in the books\nas \"charity.\" But, God forbid that I should blame the poor sisters for\nwhat they do _not do_. It is the sisters who do the charity--not for the\npoor people--but for the church, by giving their life's service. It is\ntheir bounden duty to do as they are told, and their troubles are great\nenough without me adding to their heavy load. On the other hand, may\nGod speed the day when the system, which holds these poor women, as it\nhad me for thirty-one years, will be investigated by the proper\nauthorities; and when this comes to pass, we need have no fear of the\noutcome.\n\nAfter Mother Nazareth's last visit to me, and when she was convinced\nthat I would do generally as I saw fit in regard to the dispensation\nfrom my vows, I received the following in due time:\n\n St. Vincent's Hospital,\n Portland, Oregon, May 10, 1912.\n\n Miss Elizabeth Schoffen,\n Spokane, Washington.\n\n Dear Miss Schoffen:\n\nEnclosed you will find form to guide you in petitioning for the\ndispensation of your holy vows. Copy it upon paper found herein, and\nfill out No. 2 according to your desire.\n\nPlease return as soon as possible, as it has to be signed by the\nSuperiors before going to Rome.\n\n Most sincerely yours,\n\n SR. M. NAZARETH.\n\nThe form to guide me in petitioning \"His Holiness\" was:\n\n To His Holiness Pius X:\n Most Holy Father:\n\nI, the undersigned, a sister of the Institute of the Daughters of\nCharity, Servants of the Poor, of Montreal, Canada, respectfully submit\nto your Holiness the following:\n\n 1.--I am fifty-one years of age and professed (vocal)\n twenty-nine years.\n\n 2.--Here sister may give her reasons herself, to suit\n her own disposition. She is perfectly free...........\n .....................................................\n .....................................................\n .....................................................\n\n 3.--In consequence I humbly suplicate Your Holiness\n to give me dispensation from my vows of poverty, chastity\n and obedience, and to grant me permission to live in the\n world in secular habit.\n\n Spokane, Washington, this ........ (date) ........ 1912.\n\n (Sign) Sister Lucretia, nee Elizabeth Schoffen.\n\nNotice it says, \"She is perfectly free.\" Yes, I was \"perfectly free\"\nafter the agents of \"His Holiness\" found out in plain words spoken by me\nthat I was through answering to their demands. I was \"perfectly free,\"\nand yet in the next breath, according to the Roman Catholic idea, I\n_had_ to have permission from an Italian Pope even to wear the common\nclothes of an American citizen. Think of it, dear reader, I was an\nAmerican born citizen, under the protection of the laws of this country;\nbut because I had been born and raised a Roman Catholic, and then\ninduced to take the vows of the Roman Catholic sisterhood, I _had_ no\nrights as an American citizen, and had to have the permission of this\nself-styled \"infallible\" pope before I could live like other people\nlive. I might say right here, that I have never applied for, and\nconsequently have never received the dispensation from my vows as a\nsister in the Roman Catholic Church, as I soon learned after I left that\norganization that the Church of Rome had no right in the first place to\ndeprive me of the liberties guaranteed every citizen of this country.\n\nThe authorities of the Roman Catholic system will tell the civil\nauthorities and the Protestants that the adherents of the Roman Catholic\nChurch are citizens first and Roman Catholics second. But that is not\naccording to the inner teaching of that system. Read what one of their\nown representatives, the late \"Father\" D. S. Phelan, has said, when\nspeaking from his own \"throne\":\n\n\"They tell us that we think more of the church than we do of the United\nStates; of course we do. Why, if the government of the United States\nwere at war with the church, we would say tomorrow, to hell with the\ngovernment of the United States; and if the church and all the\ngovernments of the world were at war, we would say, to hell with all the\ngovernments of the world. They say we are Catholics first and Americans\ndecidedly afterwards. There is no doubt about it.... The Catholics of\nthe world are Catholics first and always; they are Americans, they are\nGermans, they are French, or they are English afterwards.\" (The Patriots\nManual, as copied from the Western Watchman, issue of June 27, 1912.)\n\nThink on these points, my dear American friend! Use the brain which God\nhas given you, and decide for yourself if an institution such as the\nRoman Catholic system is an American institution. Have we room within\nour borders for any other than that which will uphold our laws, and\nfight, if need be, for the protection of the principles upon which this\ngreat democracy is builded?\n\nAs I have previously stated, I told the community that I would give them\nuntil May 1st to settle with me for two thousand dollars. This they\nrefused to do, so my attorney wrote as follows:\n\n Spokane, Wash., May 2, 1912.\n\n Mother M. Nazareth, Prov. Sup.,\n St. Vincent's Hospital, Portland, Oregon.\n\n Dear Madam:\n\n We have placed in our hands for settlement the matter of Sister\n Lucretia, which we are informed you are familiar with. If this\n matter can be settled for twenty thousand dollars, we are in a\n position to settle it, and if not attended to at once, we will\n take such steps as may become necessary to enforce settlement\n at once.\n\n Yours very truly,\n SCOTT & CAMPBELL.\n\nThe community made no favorable reply to the above communication, so it\nwas decided that I, with my attorney, Mr. Scott, would go to Portland,\nto look into the matter of filing suit against them for salary due me\nfor my services at St. Vincent's Hospital.\n\nIn the Spokesman Review (a Spokane daily) there appeared two articles\nabout the case, issue of June 9, 1912. The first article was a lengthy\none, discussing in general the case, and containing a statement obtained\nfrom me. The second, a dispatch from Portland, I will reprint. It will\nexplain itself:\n\n _SUPERIOR SURPRISED AT SUIT._\n\n _Hospital Head Gives Sister Lucretia High Testimonial._\n\n Portland, Ore., June 8.--Sister Alexander, superior at St.\n Vincent's Hospital, was surprised to learn from Spokane\n tonight that Sister Lucretia threatened proceedings against the\n order, and gave Sister Lucretia a high testimonial for her work\n while at the hospital.\n\n \"Sister Lucretia severed her connections with the hospital and\n with the Sisters of Charity last April,\" said Sister Alexander.\n \"She was dissatisfied at having been assigned to another field\n of labor, that at St. Eugene's Hospital at Cranbrook, B. C.,\n after having served in Portland so long.\n\n \"There was nothing improper in her leaving, as she was free to\n leave the order if she choose. She did not express any hostile\n feelings toward the sisters, however, and seemed to have been\n perfectly satisfied with her treatment. I have been in touch\n with her up to a few weeks ago and have received no intimation\n of her intention to bring suit.\n\n \"I cannot imagine on what grounds she bases her contention. She\n was an excellent nurse while at the hospital and was well and\n favorably known about the city.\"\n\n Before entering the order, Sister Lucretia's home was near\n Spokane, and she has been at St. Vincent's Hospital here almost\n the entire time of her sisterhood.\n\nOn June 10th I donned my sisterhood garb, and in company with Mr. Scott,\nwent to Portland. The reason for my wearing the garb again, was that I\nhad a clerical half-fare railroad book, which had been given to me by\nthe community for my use, and as I had not received my dispensation, I\nwas still a sister and was entitled to wear the garb of the Roman\nCatholic sisterhood, if I so choose.\n\nDuring my entire sisterhood I had always traveled either half-fare, or\non a pass which would generally be made out for the superior and her\ncompanion. The sisters were trained to imitate the hand-writing of the\nsisters in whose names the passes or half-fare books were issued, so\nthey could sign the name appearing on these passes or half-fare books.\nAt retreat time these passes and books were kept busy, carrying sisters\none way, and then returned by mail for others to travel on.\n\nI remember once when I was traveling on Mother Theresa's pass, and after\nI had signed her name, the conductor who knew both Mother Theresa and\nmyself, came to me in a good-natured, smiling manner and said that I was\na rather young-looking Mother Theresa.\n\nI returned to Spokane, June 18th, again using the half-fare book. The\nauthorities of the Roman Hierarchy may deny that I had this clergy\nhalf-fare book, but I might say right here, let them deny! I still have\nthe book with forty-two tickets in it, good only in the year 1912, and\nwith the stamp of the Trans-Continental Clergy Bureau, January 27, 1912,\nand even the Roman Catholic Hierarchy cannot deny that I was a sister in\ngood standing in January, 1912.\n\nOn July 21st I bade adieu to Spokane. I had just boarded the train when\na priest, whom I had never seen before, came to me and began to question\nme as to where I was going, who I was, etc. This was the first time I\nhad been alone since I had been out of the sisterhood, and whether this\nwas an accidental meeting or whether he was sent purposely I am unable\nto say. I answered his questions, and then asked him his name. He told\nme \"Father Cronin.\" While he did not annoy me on the journey to\nPortland, I was very suspicious, and was very careful that he did not\nhave a chance to get any of my few belongings, as I had some very\nvaluable papers in my suitcase.\n\nMrs. Kearney had come to Portland before and had made arrangements for\nhotel accommodations.\n\nThe law firm of Kollock and Zollinger were my representatives in\nPortland, arrangements having been previously made by Mr. Scott with\nthem.\n\nMy complaint against the Sisters of Charity having been completed, I\nsigned it on the twenty-fourth day of July, 1912, and it was duly filed\nin the Circuit Court of Multnomah County.\n\n _COPY OF COMPLAINT._\n\n _In the Circuit Court of the State of Oregon for Multnomah\n County._\n\n Elizabeth Schoffen, Plaintiff, )\n vs. )\n Sisters of Charity of Providence, St. ) COMPLAINT\n Vincent's Hospital, a corporation, )\n Defendant.)\n\n Comes now the plaintiff herein and for cause of action against\n defendant alleges:\n\n I.\n\n That defendant is a corporation, incorporated, organized and\n existing under and by virtue of the laws of the State of\n Oregon;\n\n II.\n\n That at the special instance and request of the defendant the\n plaintiff performed work and labor for the defendant as a\n nurse at, in and about the hospital owned and operated by the\n defendant in the City of Portland, County of Multnomah and\n State of Oregon, known and described as St. Vincent's Hospital,\n from and about July 7, 1893, to and including the first day of\n July, 1899;\n\n III.\n\n That from and after the 1st day of July, 1899, to and including\n July 26, 1911, the plaintiff performed work and labor for the\n defendant as nurse and manager and superintendent of a floor in\n the hospital owned and operated by the defendant in the City of\n Portland, County of Multnomah and State of Oregon;\n\n IV.\n\n That during all of said period of the time the account between\n plaintiff and defendant was an open, mutual and current\n account, and that plaintiff continuously performed work and\n labor during said period for the defendant, and defendant\n during said period furnished and gave to the plaintiff clothing\n and board and lodging;\n\n V.\n\n That the reasonable value of the services rendered by plaintiff\n to defendant as a nurse, between July 7, 1893, and the 1st day\n of July, 1899, over and above and in addition to the clothing\n and board and lodging furnished by defendant to plaintiff, was\n and is the sum of $100.00 per month; that the reasonable value\n of the services rendered and work and labor performed by\n plaintiff for defendant as nurse and manager or superintendent\n of the floor in the hospital owned and operated by the\n defendant, from the 1st day of July, 1899, to and including\n July 26, 1911, over and above and in addition to the clothing\n and board and lodging furnished and given by the defendant to\n the plaintiff during the said period, was and is the sum of\n $150.00 per month;\n\n VI.\n\n That the plaintiff has demanded of defendant payment of said\n sums, but the defendant has wholly failed, refused and\n neglected to pay same or any part thereof, and that there is\n now due and owing from defendant to plaintiff on account\n thereof the sum of $28,800.00.\n\n WHEREFORE, plaintiff prays for judgment against the defendant\n in the sum of $28,800.00, together with the costs and\n disbursements herein.\n\n SCOTT & COMPBELL,\n KOLLOCK & ZOLLINGER,\n Attorneys for Plaintiff.\n\n STATE OF OREGON,\n County of Multnomah--ss.\n\n I, Elizabeth Schoffen, being first duly sworn, depose and say\n that I am the plaintiff in the above action; and the foregoing\n complaint is true as I verily believe.\n\n (Signed) ELIZABETH SCHOFFEN.\n\n Subscribed and sworn to before me this 24th day of July, 1912.\n\n (Signed) JOHN K. KOLLOCK,\n\n (Seal) Notary Public for the State of Oregon.\n\nThe summons was served on the Sisters of Charity and on Sister Alexander\npersonally, on July 28, 1912, according to the record of the sheriff's\noffice. Soon after this, and several other times before the answer to\nthe complaint was filed, which was nearly four months later, the\nattorneys for the defendants endeavored to settle for various amounts up\nto $1,500.00. The answer to the complaint was as follows:\n\n _In the Circuit Court of the State of Oregon for Multnomah\n County._\n\n Elizabeth Schoffen, Plaintiff, )\n vs. )\n Sisters of Charity of Providence, St. ) ANSWER\n Vincent's Hospital, a corporation, )\n Defendant. )\n\n Now comes the defendant and answers the complaint herein as\n follows:\n\n Admits that it is a corporation organized and existing under\n and by virtue of the laws of the State of Oregon.\n\n Save as herein admitted, defendant denies each and every\n allegation of the complaint.\n\n Further answering, defendant alleges that its incorporation was\n effected by and on behalf of members of a charitable and\n religious organization known as \"Sisters of Charity of the\n House of Providence in the Territory of Washington,\" and that\n its affairs during all the time stated in the complaint have\n been managed and are still managed by and through the said\n religious organization acting through the medium of the\n corporation. Said organization has been engaged during all the\n time stated in the complaint and is still engaged in charitable\n and religious work, conducting, among other institutions, a\n hospital in the City of Portland, State of Oregon.\n\n Prior to the 7th day of July, 1893, plaintiff applied to the\n members of said religious organization to be admitted as a\n member thereof, for the purpose of gaining the spiritual\n advantages accruing to the members thereof, and for the purpose\n of engaging in religious and charitable work with the members\n of said religious organization. On some day prior to said 7th\n day of July, 1893, the plaintiff, upon such application, was\n admitted to membership in said religious organization and has\n been engaged since that time and up to the 26th day of July,\n 1911, in religious and charitable work with the members of said\n organization, including work in and about the care of the sick\n at the said St. Vincent's Hospital in the City of Portland,\n Oregon.\n\n At the time when plaintiff applied for membership in said\n religious community, and at the time she was admitted as a\n member thereof, and during all of the time plaintiff continued\n to be a member thereof, and during all the time plaintiff was\n engaged in such religious and charitable work aforesaid, it was\n distinctly understood by plaintiff and her acceptance into said\n religious community and the permission to engage in charitable\n and religious work, with the members of said religious\n community, through the medium of the corporation defendant\n herein, and otherwise was based upon the distinct and expressed\n understanding that no pecuniary reward or financial return of\n any kind whatsoever was to be paid to plaintiff for any work\n done at the instance of the members of said religious\n community, or at the instance of the corporation defendant\n herein, or for any services of any kind in any manner connected\n with the work of said religious organization and of the\n corporation, the defendant, herein.\n\n Wherefore, defendant demands that plaintiff take nothing by\n this action, and that it has judgment for costs and its\n disbursements.\n\n M. M. CONNOR,\n CAREY & KERR,\n Attorneys for Defendant.\n\n STATE OF OREGON,\n County of Multnomah--ss.\n\n I, Sister Alexander, being first duly sworn, depose and say\n that I am an officer, to wit., Superioress of the defendant in\n the above entitled action; that I have read the foregoing\n answer, know the contents thereof, and believe the same to be\n true.\n\n SISTER ALEXANDER.\n\n Subscribed and sworn to before me this 15th day of November,\n 1912.\n\n (Seal) M. M. CONNOR,\n Notary Public for Oregon.\n\nI have explained throughout this book the kind of \"religious and\ncharitable\" work I was engaged in. Very true, as stated in the above\ndocument, when I entered, I believed, as I was taught by the priest and\nsisters, that the most certain way to save my soul was by entering the\nconvent and living a good, pure, \"holy\" life as a \"virgin spouse of the\nchurch and Christ,\" and, if possible, to become a great \"saint\" so that\nI might secure a high place in Heaven among the \"saints\" and near our\nLord. But, the spiritual benefits I derived were that I was compelled by\nthe teachings and practices of the Roman Catholic convent system to be\nan unwilling hypocrite, and in the end had to seek religion and\nconsolation out of the convent and the Roman Catholic Church.\n\nMy suit against the community was evidently causing them much\ndiscomfort, as the attorneys for the defendant, several times during the\nwinter offered to settle, but for such small amounts that I could not\naccept. By spring they had reached the sum of three thousand dollars,\nand asked me to pay my attorneys from that amount. This I refused, as I\nbelieved I could force them to pay more than that if the case would come\nto court. I knew at least that I could cause them very much uneasiness.\n\nBy March, I was offered three thousand dollars, and the Sisters of\nCharity promised to pay my attorneys' fee. My attorneys and myself\nconferred in this matter, and as I was nearly destitute, I thought it\nbest to take what I could get and have the strain off my mind, and I\nauthorized Mr. Scott and Mr. Kollock to notify the defendant's attorneys\nthat I would accept their offer. So, on March 15, 1913, I received from\nthe Sisters of Charity of Providence, through their representatives, the\nsum of three thousand dollars for thirty-one years of service to them.\nMy attorneys' fee was fifteen hundred dollars, which was promptly paid.\nSo it cost the Roman Catholic Hierarchy the sum of four thousand five\nhundred dollars ($4,500.00) for the service I had given them, and to\nkeep the case out of court and the publicity of the same, which would\nhave been a bankruptcy producer for St. Vincent's Hospital.\n\nA great deal has been said by the Roman Catholics about the _large_ sum\nof money the church paid me after I left the sisterhood. I will agree\nwith my Roman Catholic friends that the amount I received from the\ncommunity was a magnificent sum, when seen in _silver dollar pieces_.\nBut, if they will consider the thirty-one years' service I gave them,\nthey will very readily see that I received just about one dollar and\neighty-six cents ($1.86) a week, most of the time nursing and managing\none of the floors of St. Vincent's Hospital. A nurse in the world\nordinarily is paid twenty-five dollars a week; now my good Roman\nCatholic \"knocker,\" compare that with the \"large\" sum I received. If the\nservice of a nurse is worth that amount, why is a sister-nurse not worth\njust as much, if she does the work required or more?\n\nI am not complaining about the pay I received. I feel that I am repaid,\n_not in dollars and cents_, but in experience. I am only too thankful to\nthink that I saw the folly of the whole system in time to be free before\nI would be called upon to face my Maker, and I trust and pray that in\nHis great judgment, He may give me strength and health and wisdom for\nmany years to come that I may be able to tell my story to those in\ndarkness and indifference.\n\n[Illustration: _Fac-simile of Check I Received from Attorneys for\nSisters of Charity, as Payment for Thirty-one Years' Service Rendered to\nThem._]\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER XV.\n\n MY RECOMMENDATION FROM THE DOCTORS OF PORTLAND--THE GOOD SAMARITAN--I\n AFFILIATE WITH A PROTESTANT CHURCH--MY NEW WORK.\n\n\nWhen I came to Portland, and before I had settled with the community, I\ndecided that I would try to make my living by nursing, as that was\npractically all I knew.\n\nI had my diploma to show that I was a graduated nurse, that is, so the\ndiploma said, and in addition to that I received the signatures of\neighty-eight physicians of Portland, recommending me as an efficient\nnurse, so I thought I had sufficient proof that I was capable to do at\nleast ordinary nursing.\n\nMy recommendation from the physicians was as follows:\n\n Portland, Oregon, July 31, 1912.\n\nTHIS IS TO CERTIFY that we, the undersigned, physicians and surgeons in\nthe City of Portland, Oregon, have been well acquainted for many years\nwith Elizabeth Schoffen, otherwise known as Sister Lucretia, and have\nbeen thoroughly familiar with her work as a nurse and member of the\norder of Sisters of Charity of Providence at St. Vincent's Hospital in\nthe City of Portland; that in our opinion she is a thoroughly competent\nnurse;\n\nThat for a number of years prior to July, 1911, she was in charge of one\nof the floors at St. Vincent's Hospital, and was an efficient and\ncapable superintendent and officer; that to the best of our knowledge\nand belief, while a nurse at St. Vincent's Hospital and particularly\nwhile in charge of one of the floors, she performed faithfully and\nefficiently all duties entrusted to her by the management of the\nhospital and by the doctors who came in contact with her.\n\nAs I have stated above, I received the signatures of eighty-eight\nprominent physicians and surgeons of Portland to this document, the\noriginal of which I have in safe-keeping.\n\nWith these recommendations and the promise of several of the physicians\nwho were prominent at St. Vincent's that they would help me get started\nin my work, I opened a nursing home in East Portland with a friend\nnurse, in September.\n\nNearly every day during the fall and winter I went in search of\nwork--most of the time walking, as nickels were not very\nplentiful--visiting the doctors' offices, hoping against hope that I\nmight induce them to send a few patients to the Home.\n\nDuring the winter we just about made expenses. As yet, I had a very\nfaint idea of how the Roman Catholic boycott was influencing the\npubic--probably not openly, but influencing it just the same, so that\npeople were afraid to come to the Home, or to send anyone there. By the\nend of winter I realized that I could not succeed in this manner, but,\nnevertheless, I put forth every effort.\n\nIt had been almost a year since I had left the Romish institution. I had\nnot become accustomed to the ways of the world sufficiently to know how\nto search for work intelligently. I was completely \"down and out,\" not\nknowing what to do to make my living except to nurse, and I had been a\nfailure at that up to this time, being unable to obtain the work. My\nsorrow weighed upon my mind and heart, which was already broken and\ncrushed by the awful Romish convent cruelty and oppression. No priest,\nno sister, nor was ever a messenger from any of their so-called\n\"religious and charitable\" institutions, sent to me to do a kind turn\nwhatever. After thirty-one years of service to the Roman Catholic\nSystem, it seemed to me that the hardest and harshest of masters, not of\nhell itself, would have shown me a little mercy.\n\nIt was in this condition that, one day in the late winter I had been out\nfrom early in the morning, walking the streets in quest of some honest\nemployment that I might keep body and soul together. My clothing was\nvery thin; my feet nearly bare. I arrived _home_ about nine o'clock in\nthe evening, tired and disappointed from the day's unsuccessful effort,\nas I had done many other nights. Had I been successful, it would have\nhelped the woman I was with just as much as it would have helped me, and\nit would only be natural to think that she would have been very anxious\nto know about the day's result. But, quite to the contrary, when I\narrived home this particular evening the doors were all locked against\nme, and by a woman who pleased to call herself Protestant. And I wish it\nplainly understood that this was not a warm summer night, but just the\nopposite, a cold, dark, wintry night in the latter part of February.\nCould anyone blame me for believing the terrible stories I had heard\nabout Protestant people while I was in the convent?\n\nI made my presence known by knocking on the door, but this lady who was\ncomfortably warm in her bed did not condescend to stir herself to admit\nme. I found a window which was not locked and I entered by climbing\nthrough it. When she saw that I was inside she asked, \"How did you get\nin?\" Indeed, I will never forget that question. Imagine, if you can, the\nfeeling I had. There were six vacant beds in the house that night, but\nwith the unwelcome feeling which was implied by her actions and talk, I\ndid not retire, but laid on the sofa in the clothes I had worn during\nthe day, as I did for several nights to follow. Shame, shame on such\nProtestant people! To my sorrow I have found many who have the same\nspirit that this lady had. She evidently did not care what became of me.\nIf she did not want me there, why did she not tell me? No, she would\nrather break what little spirits I had remaining.\n\nIn the meantime, I had made the acquaintance of two real Protestant\npeople, Mr. and Mrs. E. U. Morrison. I went to Mrs. Morrison the\nfollowing morning and told her about the above incident. She told me\nthat I did not have to endure this kind of treatment, and that, if I\nwished, I could move to her home, and that as long as she had a crust of\nbread it would be shared with me. I accepted her very kind offer, and\nmoved a few days later, March 1st. From that day till now, they have\nbeen the Good Samaritan to me, always the same in all kindness and\nChristian spirit. All I am, all I have today, I owe it, to a certain\nextent, to these good people, Mr. and Mrs. Morrison. \"For I was an\nhungered, and ye gave me meat; I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink; I\nwas a stranger, and ye took me in; naked, and ye clothed me; I was sick,\nand ye visited me; I was in prison, and ye came unto me.\" Matt. 25:35,\n36.\n\nIn all my trouble and sorrow of moving, and settling with the sisters,\nthere were many instances which I now look upon with much amusement. I\nremember about the first thing that happened when I arrived at Mrs.\nMorrison's home. She came to my room and asked me if I wanted \"to eat\nwith the family or eat by myself or how I wanted to eat.\" There were\nseveral men there, and I had never eaten with a man, except once when I\nwas with Mrs. Kearney in Spokane, since I left my home in 1881. I\nthought for a moment and then I told Mrs. Morrison that I was not\naccustomed to eating with men, but that I would try it. It was a very\npeculiar feeling that came over me the first time I sat at the table\nwith them, but I soon became acquainted and felt very much at home. When\nI would go to the dining-room, I would very often say, \"Well, I used to\ngo to mass, now I go to mess.\"\n\nAs the days and weeks passed by, I more and more realized that the great\nhand of God was directing me in all my movements. Even though my short\nexperience out of the shadow of the convent cross had not been a\nsuccess, so to speak, yet it was preparing me for the days to follow.\nGod was very good to me, and my sentiments cannot be better expressed\nthan my repeating that wonderful twenty-third Psalm: \"The Lord is my\nshepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures;\nHe leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul; He leadeth\nme in the path of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk\nthrough the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for Thou\nart with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a\ntable before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou anointest my head\nwith oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me\nall the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord\nforever.\"\n\nI visited a great many Protestant ministers, asking them to explain\ndifferent parts of the Bible to me, and they all received me and\ntreated me very courteously. I started studying God's Word as revealed\nby Christ in the New Testament, and the more I read and studied, the\nmore I became convinced that the religion I had been living all my life\nwas not the religion of a Christ \"crucified, dead and buried\" for the\nsalvation of poor, fallen mankind.\n\nThe Scriptures are replete with teachings that conflict with the\nteachings of the Roman Catholic Church, which are traditional and a\ngreat many of them are taken from religions other than Christianity.\n\n\"And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father,\nwhich is in heaven.\" Matt. 23:9.\n\n\"We have one Father, even God.\" John 8:41.\n\nThese, and many more verses of the like, show conclusively that it was\nnever intended that the priests of the church of Rome should be called\n\"father,\" for God is our spiritual Father, and the Good Book does not\nlie.\n\n\"Now the Spirit speaketh expressly that in the latter times some shall\ndepart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of\ndevils; speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with\na hot iron; forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats,\nwhich God has created to be received with thanksgiving of them which\nbelieve and know the truth. For every creature of God is good, and\nnothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving: for it is\nsanctified by the word of God and prayer.\" 1st Timothy 4:1, 5.\n\nAll my life I had lied in hypocrisy, not that I wanted to, but just what\nthe Roman Catholic system had made of me by their hypocritical\nteachings, such as the \"Johnny Morgan\" story; and my conscience had been\nseared many, many times with a hot iron. Who forbids to marry but the\nRoman Catholic system? Who commands to abstain from eating meat but the\nRoman Catholic system on Fridays, ember days and during Lent?\n\nThe Protestant people that I came in contact with from time to time was\nnot the class of people that the Roman Catholic system had pictured to\nme--they were refined, educated and, above all, charitable. I attended\nProtestant churches, and heard sermons preached from the Word of God\naccording to Christ's teaching--with the man-made Latin mass missing.\n\nAt last, I learned that I was to be saved by faith and not by penance.\n\"Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our\nLord Jesus Christ.\" Romans 5:1. I also learned that there was no\nmediator between God and man, except Jesus Christ as I have explained\nunder the heading \"Confession,\" and that if I would confess my sins to\nHim, He would forgive me and help me. So I gave myself to His keeping,\nand on Sunday, April 20, 1913, I was baptized into the Protestant\nfaith--which was the happiest day of all my life.\n\nThe following Sunday I became a member of that church and have been a\nProtestant, not in name only, but in reality, ever since. God keep me\nstrong in the faith.\n\nI continued doing nursing for a livelihood. Some of my doctor friends\ngave me a few private cases, and I also was called on by some of the\nProtestant people I had become acquainted with to wait on them in\nsickness.\n\nSeveral times I was asked to take obstetric (maternity) cases, but had\nto refuse them on account of the lack of training in this particular\nline. I have stated before that we were kept in ignorance in regard to\nthis line of nursing at St. Vincent's Hospital. Finally, I decided that\nI would take a special course in obstetrics, and I spent about six\nmonths studying very hard. Now, remember, that I had spent eighteen\nyears at St. Vincent's besides two more years in hospital work and yet I\nwas not allowed to learn this very important branch of nursing,\nregardless of the fact that I had the maternity ward on my floor all the\ntime I was superintendent, and was held responsible for any errors in\nthe nursing of these cases.\n\nBefore very long the saying of \"Father\" Carti, \"You will have trouble in\nthe world,\" became very vivid to me. The boycott was working well. I\nremember one case I was called on, that of an old lady. She was very\nsick and needed care night and day. She had one nurse, but she could not\nwork all the time. I worked only two days, when the other nurse, who was\na Roman Catholic, went to the lady and told her that she could get along\nwithout me. This only came about after she learned that I had been a\nsister in the Roman Catholic sisterhood.\n\nIn this, and other cases, my qualifications as a nurse were not taken\ninto consideration. It was only the fact that I had once been a Roman\nCatholic and sister, but was now a Protestant. Another incident of the\nboycott that will be very clear to my readers is that a prominent\ndoctor, whose name is on my recommendation, told a nurse I was working\nwith that she could not get any more cases as long as Sister Lucretia\nwas working with her.\n\nIn many of the states there has been agitation about a law protecting\nex-convicts from the boycott of the public, simply because he is an\nex-convict. Let us also have a law for the protection of ex-nuns against\nthe boycott of the Roman Catholic system and the public, simply because\nshe is an ex-nun.\n\nIt became very apparent to me that I would have to do something besides\nnursing. But what? I was no longer a young girl, and I had worked nearly\nall my life to make of myself an efficient nurse, and I had succeeded\nthus far. But, circumstances so shaped themselves that I could not\nsecure sufficient work to do to keep body and soul together.\n\nAfter a great deal of deliberation and much thoughtful prayer, I came to\nthe conclusion that as God had been with me and brought me out of\ndarkness and idolatry, I would dedicate my services to Him, in word of\nmouth and pen, telling the story of my life as a Sister of Charity in\nthe Roman Catholic sisterhood.\n\nDuring July, 1915, I had the opportunity to spend a few days at the\nannual Chautauqua being held at Gladstone, Oregon. There I met several\nwomen with whom I had been acquainted in Portland. They knew of my past\nlife and asked me to tell of some of my past experiences to the members\nof the Women's Christian Temperance Union. I had never had occasion to\nstand before any number of people to talk to them, and I was very\nreluctant about accepting the invitation. But it came to me that this\nwas the opportunity to obtain my first experience, and the few days I\nstayed there I talked to them twice.\n\nAfter my return to Portland, and during the fall and winter, I told my\nstory to small crowds in the homes of some of the real Protestant women.\nThen came 1916. I began to talk upon invitation in the churches, before\nlodges and in homes. During the year I delivered my lectures one hundred\nand fourteen times in and about Portland. In the summer, I had to\ndecline many invitations, as I was too busy to fill the engagements.\n\nThis is how I began my lecturing, not that I ever intended to do so when\nI left the sisterhood, but the Roman Catholic system drove me to it, and\nnow I am thankful that it did, for I can do more good telling my story\nthan I ever could by being a Sister of Charity in the Roman Catholic\nsisterhood, or by being a nurse caring for the sick. I love to aid the\npoor, suffering sick, but I feel that there are many nurses better than\nI could ever be, even with my experience, but there are, indeed, very\nfew who live thirty-one years in the sisterhood of the Roman Catholic\nChurch, and live to leave it and tell their experiences.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER XVI.\n\n MY \"ADVERTISEMENT\" IN THE CATHOLIC SENTINEL.\n\n\nDuring the spring and early summer of 1916, an election campaign was on,\nand the issue was very apparent. The patriotic citizens were determined\nto elect American citizens to office who would uphold the American\nprinciples.\n\nI was talking several times each week, and evidently something was\nhurting, for the _Catholic Sentinel_, published in Portland, which is\nthe mouthpiece of Archbishop Christie, printed a fine \"advertisement\"\nfor me in its issue of June 8, 1916. There has been many comments on\nsome of my statements regarding the activities of the \"Knights of\nColumbus,\" and this article from their own paper will substantiate what\nI have said:\n\n A. P. A.'S FEATURE \"ESCAPED\" NUN\n\n Former Sister of Charity Appears on Anti-Catholic Platform.\n\n BIGOTRY RUNS WILD\n\n Protestant Churches Are Placed at the Disposal of Miss\n Schoffen.\n\n Portland is a hotbed of religious bigotry. While the rest of\n the world is storming Heaven for peace, the \"patriots\" here are\n doing everything in their power to stir up religious\n dissension. To this end they are using Miss Elizabeth Schoffen,\n a former nun.\n\n This unfortunate woman was for 31 years a member of the Sisters\n of Charity of Providence. For 17 years she was a nursing sister\n in St. Vincent's Hospital here. She left the order four years\n ago as a protest against having been transferred from Portland\n to Vancouver against her will. The order paid to her or her\n representatives a considerable sum of money in recognition of\n her services.\n\n Some months back she went on the lecture platform, billing\n herself as an ex-nun. The public did not flock to hear her in\n any great numbers. Her audiences consisted for the most part of\n that undesirable element in this community who would revive\n Know-Nothingism and to whom that which is vulgar and salacious\n carries an appeal.\n\n Miss Schoffen, more widely known as \"Sister Lucretia,\" is a\n plain featured woman about 55. For the last few weeks she has\n been delivering afternoon lectures \"for women only.\" Several\n Protestant ministers have extended to her the hospitality of\n their churches. Among the churches in which she has spoken are\n the First Methodist Church, the Woodlawn Christian Church, the\n Sunnyside Methodist Church, the Brentwood Methodist Church and\n the Sellwood Christian Church. She was billed to speak at the\n White Temple (Baptist) last Tuesday afternoon to women only,\n but the strong disapproval of the trustees of that church\n resulted in the cancellation of her engagement.\n\n Miss Schoffen is a studious disseminator of malicious\n inuendoes, suggestions and hints. She is careful to say nothing\n that would render her liable to prosecution for criminal libel\n or defamation of character. She has much to say on the divided\n allegiances of Catholics, on the \"military activity\" of the\n Knights of Columbus and on the deep, dark Roman dungeons. She\n is no orator. Her discourse is full of inconsistencies and is\n couched at times in the language of the gutter. She adduces no\n evidence in support of her insinuations and declines to answer\n questions during or after the \"lecture.\" The stage is well set.\n The proceedings generally open with a prayer! This is often\n followed by the singing of \"America,\" in which the audience\n joins. Her manager then drapes the American flag over Miss\n Schoffen's shoulder, saying as he does so: \"This is to show\n that during her lecture Miss Schoffen is under the protection\n of the Stars and Stripes!\" These words never fail to elicit\n tremendous applause.\n\n ... Her lectures have become so obnoxious that the Knights of\n Columbus have decided to take action and to that end have\n appointed the following committee: J. W. Kelly, W. J.\n Prendergast, Roger B. Sinnot, James Clarkson, J. N. Casey, D.\n J. Malarkey, M. G. Munley, R. J. O'Neil, Joseph Jacobberger, H.\n V. Stahl, John F. Daly.\n\nI do not care to take space here to comment on this article at length;\nthere is a great deal of truth in it and then there is a great deal that\nis not true. I will say that the time spoken of when the White Temple\nturned me down, there were about three thousand women that congregated\nto hear my message, and I delivered it to them, but not in the White\nTemple; I hired an automobile and we went to the Plaza, where I talked\nfrom the machine. The above article speaks of the \"strong disapproval of\nthe trustees of the church.\" It took them quite a long time to give out\nthe announcement, for the lecture had been advertised for two weeks. Any\nAmerican can guess why this building was closed at the eleventh hour.\n\nOf course, I am no orator. How could I be after spending my life in the\nconvents of the Roman Catholic system? And, if I talked in the language\nof the gutter, where do you think I learned it? Surely it must have been\nlearned in the parochial school, the confessional or the convent.\n\nFour of the eleven Knights of Columbus appointed to take action against\nme were prominent lawyers of Portland, and no doubt they worked overtime\ntrying to hatch up some scheme to get me before the bar of justice. If\nthey for one moment thought that I could not prove what I was saying\nabout the system I had lived so many years, why did they not call on me\nto produce my proof?\n\nI have in my possession a letter from the wife of one of these noble\n\"knights,\" which, in part, reads as follows: \"I was not surprised when I\nheard that you had left the order. The last time I was up there I asked\nfor you and they told me you had been sent to Canada. I felt then it was\nthe beginning of the end. What led up to it all I do not know, but I\nfelt I must tell you that so far as we are concerned, our sympathies are\nwith you. I know such a thing could not have come to pass without your\nhaving experienced much suffering and heartache. And I want to tell you\nwe are with you heart and soul. Of course, you know our attitude toward\nthem. We have felt for a long time they are lacking in charity. We could\nnot reconcile ourselves to their attitude towards the nurses. Mr. ----\nand Sister ---- had a passage at arms the last time he was up there. The\nold order of things was good, but there seems to have crept in an\nelement which has the money-making. If you have time, I should like to\nhear from you and something about the work you are doing. I know one\nthing, that it is effective. We have never forgotten the service you\nrendered Mr. ----, and I have always felt that you more than any other\ncontributed to his recovery.\"\n\n[Illustration: \"_A Gift from God_\"--_Five Years' Growth._ (Photographed\nJan. 29, 1917)]\n\nYes, I did contribute to a great extent to this gentleman's recovery\nwhen his two physicians and the special nurse had abandoned all hope.\nAnd from this letter it was apparent that he was pleased to hear that I\nhad left the order. Then, why such a radical change in the mind of such\na highly educated man? Had some of the \"holy fathers\" been to see him\nand demanded, and as a good \"knight\" he had to serve? Or, was his name\nplaced on the committee for show? The latter is more probable.\n\nI wish my readers to read the article very carefully and thoughtfully\nand then draw your own conclusions. The fact remains that I was\nlecturing and the effects were hurting somebody. These \"somebodies\" were\nbusy in nearly every town where I would be billed to speak, endeavoring,\nwith their threats of boycott and with their committees appointed to\nwait on the city officials, to close halls, and to even keep me from\nentering the city. What was evidently hurting them was the fact that I\nwas telling the truth to their own adherents, and in several of the\nsmall cities where I spoke, some of them renounced the Roman Catholic\nfaith; others would take their children or some relative out of a Roman\nCatholic orphanage or parochial school. \"An institution that cannot\nstand the light, needs to have the light turned on it,\" and that is just\nwhat I was trying to do.\n\nIt makes no particular difference whether I was drawing large crowds or\nnot (but I was drawing immense crowds), whether I was using language of\nthe gutter or not, whether I produced any evidence to prove my\ncontentions or not, whether the churches turned me down or not, I was\ndoing the work I had started out to do, viz., tell the public of the\ntreatment I had received while I was in the Roman Catholic convent and\nthe treatment I had received since I left the convent at the instigation\nof the Roman Catholic system, and, thank God, I found the people eager\nto listen to the truth. It seems that the truth is the very worst thing\nthat can be said about the Roman Catholic system.\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER XVII.\n\n THE CARE OF OLD SISTERS BY THE ROMAN CATHOLIC SYSTEM.\n\n\nI cannot close this book without devoting a few lines to the care of the\nold sisters--those who have spent many years serving the Roman Catholic\nChurch--who have passed their years of usefulness, and then--\n\nIt would seem only natural and human, that any institution after having\nreceived thirty, forty or more years of free service from a human being,\nwould at least see to it that the person would spend their last few\nyears of earthly existence in ease and comfort. Indeed, very few pass\ntheir years of usefulness in the Roman Catholic sisterhood--a great many\ndying in their twenties, and more in their thirties. And I might state\nright here that tuberculosis is a very common disease to take the\nsisters to a young grave. Probably forty to fifty per cent of the\nsisters I knew that died during my sisterhood life was caused by\ntuberculosis. Surely there must be some cause for this ravaging disease\namong this people. It is the unnatural, secluded life the girls are\nforced to live, together with the lack of proper care when they are\ntaken sick.\n\nThat I might produce proof to substantiate what I say in regard to the\ncare of the old sisters, I wish to call to your particular attention\none dear, old lady I knew very well, and who suffered untold agonies\nafter giving the Roman Catholic Church forty years' service, according\nto her own letters. I will print three of her letters written to a\nfriend (a Protestant) in Portland, when this dear, sainted old lady,\nSister Gabriel, was in Vancouver, Washington.\n\n Vancouver, Wash., Aug. 3d, 1901.\n\n My dear ....:\n\nThese few lines are a secret for yourself. Will you please tell Mother\nTheresa that I am not able for any more corrections. I have lost my\nsleep and appetite altogether. I had no care since I came February 18th.\nI was ordered back to Vancouver to sit in a room alone and suffer as I\nhad for six long years, since they discharged me from teaching. They\nkept me in this work thirty-six years--four years were spent at\napothecary work in hospitals. I have been kept idle altogether for six\nyears. Now they seem pleased to see me loosing my memory. Dr. .... was\ncalled to see me Monday. He seemed to sympathize with me for having\nnothing to do. The medicine the sister gave me made me vomit and a\ndiarrhea that is killing me. He said he had no time to call and see me a\nsecond time.\n\n (Signed) SR. GABRIEL.\n\n House of Providence,\n Vancouver, Wash., Nov. 6th, 1901.\n\n My very dear friend:\n\nI send you these few lines by our dear Mother Provincial, who will try\nto meet you, if not, to send you the note. I am suffering very much from\nthe rectal ailment ever since that seasickness in September. The\nprotrusion is much larger. The inside is getting sore, and a slight\nhemorrage of slime and blood keeps me busy. I do not know what to do\nany longer, there is no one here who understands anything about this\ncomplaint. I use glycerine suppositories and sweet oil, etc.... Please\nwrite a prescription if you cannot come to see me, and tell Rev. Mother\nwhat kind of a tube to get. I feel pretty well, only a dizziness now and\nthen.\n\n Your grateful friend,\n SISTER GABRIEL.\n\n House of Providence.\n Vancouver, Wash., Feb. 4, 1902.\n\n The dearest of my friends:\n\nI should have written to wish you the many blessings of the new year ere\nthis, but I was not in the writing mood. I hope you enjoy good health as\na reward from the great God, and may He prolong your life many\nyears--serving the poor sick.\n\n\"I would give the world to see you,\" but as that is impossible for a few\nweeks longer, I will try to continue the prescription you gave me when\nyou kindly came here to see me November 12th. I prefer to do all the\ndressing myself as long as I am able, but sometimes I cry out for relief\nin pain. No one knows what a painful, tedious disease it is, and only\nthose who have suffered themselves can appreciate a relief.\n\nI fear the interior lining will become ulcerated, owing to constipation\nfor several days. Then I take purgatives, Sedlitz powders, clover-root\ntea or soda phosphate, which causes a diarrhea that cannot be stopped\nfor so long, causing sleeplessness, weakness and trembling. Will you\nplease tell me what would be a good laxative to prevent all this\ntrouble? Exterior applications have but very little effect. ... Do you\nthink that I will ever get better? Every one tries his best to be\nrelieved from pain. I am pretty old now, \"sixty-six years,\" hoping at\nleast not to become worse.\n\nI dread more the affliction of becoming insane than any other ailment.\nEvery little thing contrary to my way of thinking disturbs my mind and\nkeeps me thinking for hours. I thank God I have a taste for reading and\nwill walk outside when the weather gets warm. I will expect a few lines\nas soon as convenient. You told me to let you know after a few weeks how\nI am, so then you will excuse me for intruding on your precious time.\n\nExcuse my quill and old shaking hand.\n\n Your most grateful,\n\n (Signed) SISTER GABRIEL.\n\nJust before these letters were written, Sister Gabriel was at St.\nVincent's Hospital for a short time. One day as I was passing the\nbathroom, I heard moans and cries for assistance, and as I entered the\nbathroom I found her lying in the bathtub, overcome from her sickness\nand unable to help herself. I assisted her to her room and nursed her\nthe best I could, as I had no permission from my superior to wait on\nher. Many times I would talk to her, as she was far more intelligent\nthan the average sister. As soon as Mother Theresa learned that I was\ntaking care of this sister, and talking to her, she forbade me to do so\nany further, and ordered me to look for the letters she (Sister Gabriel)\nwas sending out. Sister Gabriel remained at Vancouver until about 1905,\nand then she was ordered to the Mother House at Montreal to sit alone\nthe remaining few years of her life. I know she did not want to make\nthis move, but she was forced to do so, as she was getting to be a\ndrudge to the community here. Sister Gabriel had been a missionary to\nthis part of the country, and she told me many times that she did not\nwish to go to Canada, but wanted to stay in this country among\nEnglish-speaking sisters to spend her old age. But it was never so with\na sister--it is not what they desire or wish for in their old age, it is\nthe desires of the Roman Catholic system, which has them bound, tied and\ngagged by the vow of obedience.\n\nTreatment such as this was coming to me. I had served them faithfully\nfor thirty-one years and my health was beginning to break under the\npressure of wrongs and the unnatural conditions. When a sister gets in\nthis condition, they move her from mission to mission and very often\nsend reports ahead of her, that she is irreligious and has a \"bad\"\nspirit, causing the other sisters to treat her with suspicion and\ncontempt. This is done until her heart is broken, and the final result\nis a general break-down in health. Then she can go and sit alone in some\nsecluded place for the remaining few years of life. The strongest mind\nand body would break under the strain and worry and sorrow of such\ntreatment as the Roman Catholic system gives their old sisters. Had I\nremained with them, no doubt now, five years later, I would be a\nphysical and nervous wreck.\n\nI will quote from another letter written by another sister to me shortly\nafter my transfer to Cranbrook:\n\n\"... When one has passed the three score mark the situation is, to say\nthe least, not pleasant. I can only say, 'Courage, dear Sister Lucretia,\na few more struggles and Heaven will be ours.' The above quotation was a\nfriend's loving message to our dear saintly Sister Mary Precious Blood\nbut three weeks before her death. She was ill but one week, mental\nanguish filled many of her days and shortened her beautiful religious\nlife. Sad, but true, that a fearful retribution follows every injustice.\n'Revenge to me,' said the Lord.... I know too well what it means to be\nin your plight, to even hope you are not lonely. Time alone can dull the\nkeenest of that sword's edge. Let your many, many kind deeds comfort\nyou. Those in favor of my poor self when cast on St. Vincent's charity,\nas well as those to my deceased Sister John, whose loving appreciation\nwas with you to the end, will never be forgotten. Strange how few such\nsouls we meet in this vast world....\"\n\n\n\n\nCHAPTER XVIII.\n\n CONCLUSION.\n\n\nMy sister, Sister Cassilda, and myself corresponded with each other\nconsiderably after I left the sisterhood, and I received many letters\nfrom her that are exemplary of the Roman Catholic teaching. I would like\nto quote from one of these letters here:\n\n Cranbrook, B. C., June 24th, 1915.\n\n My very dear Sister:\n\nYour two kind letters, May 24th, No. 13, and the other June 16th, No.\n14, have both been received with the greatest pleasure. It is always a\npleasure for me to hear from you and to know that you are well and\ngetting on so nicely. It does seem negligent, dear Sister, for me to\nhave delayed so long in writing, and I beg your pardon for the sorrow I\nhave caused you. It was no ones fault, you see I have been changed from\nNew Westminster back to St. Eugene Mission. I always intended to write\nas soon as I got settled, time passed so quickly, hence the cause of my\ndelay. I am very well and as happy as any one can be in this world....\n\n.... I would no more let anyone say anything against the religion I have\npracticed all my life, which was taught me by my own dear parents and\nwhich I love dearly. I would rather die than go and put my parents and\npeople below those Bible preachers; they better practice what is in the\nBible instead of talking about their neighbors. My love for you, my dear\nsister, is the same as it ever was, nothing can ever change that, but it\ngrieves me to think that you have turned against our dear religion what\nyou and I were taught together in our infancy. I surely would not\ncompare Bible reading with that. I pray the Lord to give me strength to\nbe faithful to it all my life and not to be deceived by false prophets.\nI have seen enough of the world to know which is right. Unfortunately\nthere are many Catholics that are not what they should be; they will be\nresponsible for themselves; that does not change religion any.\n\nNow a little news about my mission. It is about the same, only we have a\ngrand, new _cement house_, with all the comforts possible, and the\ngovernment will build us new barns and stables, and renew all the\nfences, so it will be a swell place after that.... Hope to hear from you\nsoon again, love and good wishes for yourself and your friends.\n\n Your loving sister,\n SISTER CASSILDA.\n\nThis letter shows how the sisters are duped about the Protestant\nministers and the preaching from the Bible. It also shows how strong\nthey are held in the faith of the Roman Catholic church. At the end of\nthe letter you will notice that the government was building, or helping\nto build, the new institution at Cranbrook.\n\nThe Roman Catholic Church, from time to time, has broken away from the\nteaching of the Bible, and instituted practices, man-made and\ntraditional. The adherent of the Roman Catholic Church accepts these\nteachings and practices because he believes, as I did for so many\nyears, that the word of the Pope is God's word, and whatever is dictated\nto the subject through the pope, or his ecclesiastical representatives,\nmust be obeyed. The reason he believes this, is that he is not allowed\nto read and study the Word of God. When the priest talks _about_ the\nBible, that is sufficient for the laity. In all my years of sisterhood\nlife, I never studied the Bible, and when I say \"I,\" I wish it\nunderstood that I was no exception.\n\nSurely if Christ intended that all these practices, and institutions of\ngraft, should be necessary for the salvation of mankind, He would have\npracticed some of them while He was here.\n\nSince the combining of paganism and Christianity, forming the Roman\nCatholic Church, here are some of the man-made practices and the time\ninstituted:\n\n A. D.\n Invocation of saints 375\n The Latin service 600\n Supremacy of the pope 606\n Worships of images and relics 787\n Transubstantiation 1000\n Infallibility of the Church of Rome 1076\n The sacrifice of the Mass 1100\n Sale of indulgences 1190\n Withholding the cup from the laity 1415\n Purgatory 1439\n Restriction of the Bible 1546\n Seven Sacraments 1547\n Worship of the Virgin Mary 1563\n The creed of the pope added 1564\n The immaculate conception of Mary 1854\n The infallibility of the pope 1870\n\nI copy this table from ex-Priest P. A. Seguin's book, \"Out of Hell and\nPurgatory,\" and he asks, \"How old is this popish combination?\" And well\nmight he ask it. If the popes and cardinals continue to add to the creed\nof the Roman Catholic Church in the next few centuries as they have in\nthe past, God help the poor people who continue in that faith, for they\nmust believe each and every one of the practices and innovations.\n\nWhy the pope, purgatory, seven sacraments necessary for salvation,\nworship of the Virgin Mary, the immaculate conception of Mary, worship\nof images and statues, sale of indulgences, etc.? Yes, there may be\nChristianity in the Roman Catholic teachings and practices, but if you\nwish to find it you must search for it.\n\nIf the Christianity existed in the Roman Catholic Church that should be\nthere, why is there so much rottenness connected with it? Whenever there\nis any scandal (this is a great Roman Catholic word) in the Protestant\nchurches, is it hidden and tried to be kept down? Verily, no! It is\nsifted through, and the cause of the wrong is found and righted. But\nArchbishop Christie knew there were wrongs being perpetrated right here\nin Portland, and he knew I knew it, but not once did he endeavor to\nright these wrongs.\n\nRead this letter he wrote me soon after I left the sisterhood. In\nexplaining this letter, I will say that the letter he speaks of from\nMother Wilfrid was sent to him by me at the time I sent my letters for\nredress, and it was of such a nature that I do not understand how he\ncould have forgotten it so easily; but, doubtless, he wished to keep it\nrather than to know that I had it.\n\n Portland, Oregon, May 16, 1912.\n\n Dear Sister:\n\nI cannot remember having received a letter from Mother Wilfrid. You must\nhave sent it to some other person and not to me.\n\nI hope and pray you will do nothing what will cause any scandal.\n\nAsking God to bless and direct you, I am sincerely in Xto\n\n X A. CHRISTIE.\n\nIf the Roman Catholic system would clean up from within, there would be\nno need for the ecclesiastical authorities to \"hope and pray\" that any\nof the sisters who left any of their institutions \"would tell anything\nthat would cause any scandal.\"\n\nIt was ever so, dear reader, and it will always be. The same rottenness\nwill always exist in the Church of Rome that has always existed. It was\nbecause of this rottenness and corruption that practically all of the\nex-priests have left Romanism, and because of the wrongs perpetrated\nthat practically all of the ex-nuns have left.\n\n * * * * *\n\nThe conditions I have written about, as I have lived them, not only\nexist in the convents of the Pacific Northwest, but in other Roman\nCatholic convents and monasteries, as the teachings and practices here\ncome from other convents and of necessity they must be the same. \"Like\nfather, like son.\" There may be a few exceptions, where there is convent\ninspection, or some other law governing them, but as a general thing\nthey are as I have explained, and in a great many, the practices are\nrigorous to the extreme.\n\nSo, the great question arises, \"How are we going to better conditions?\"\nI could answer this question in a few words, and it would be the most\nlogical answer, \"Abolish all the convents and monasteries.\" Institutions\nof darkness and ignorance and evil are surely not necessary for the\nsalvation of the souls of the women of this country, or of any other\ncountry. Christ did not institute any such specifications when He was on\nearth, or did He leave them in written form in His Holy Word. The\nsecluding of girls and women is a man-made institution, and not for the\nsaving of the souls of the poor girls, but for the profit of their work\nto the church. Is this Christianity?\n\nHow long will the American people be blind to this \"religious cloak\" for\ngraft--school graft, hospital graft, laundry graft, and various other\nsweat-shop grafts? It is very convenient for the owners of the\nprofitable \"religious\" institutions to operate them with sister service\nwithout paying either the wages or taxes required by the owners of\nlegitimate industries. Think how it must affect competition and the\nwages of free workers.\n\nSlavery of any degree is a curse to society as well as to the enslaved.\nI beg every American to look into this question seriously before it is\ntoo late. If you continue your sleepy indifference you may some day wake\nup to find that you have over-slept, to find that your own flesh and\nblood are being tricked and exploited into these \"holy\" institutions.\n\nUnder no condition should any institution, private or public, be\npermitted to immure girls and young women and keep them in servitude,\nhidden from their parents and friends and denied the common justice due\nevery citizen. The laws of this country are made \"by the people and for\nthe people,\" and therefore, it is for the people of every state to see\nthat there is a law on the statute books calling for the inspection of\nevery institution where girls and women are incarcerated; the doors\nopened, that the truth may be obtained from every inmate and redress\ngranted to all without intimidation.\n\nAs the convent system is now in vogue there is no redress, as I have\nshown you, nor is there any protection from the convent crimes, as they\nare absolutely under the government of the Roman Catholic hierarchy.\nFrom behind the convent walls the heartbroken cries of the victims\ncannot be heard by the deceived world, and therefore, there is no appeal\nfor justice.\n\nOpen the doors of every convent and monastery and let the deluded\nvictims return to the world and live useful lives if they so choose! Let\nthem be free to come and go at will, like any other citizen, and grant\nthem the liberty guaranteed by the Constitution to all within our\nborders.\n\nFor the nuns who desire to leave the convent system, there should be in\nevery state a home where they can work out their own salvation, until\nsuch a time as they are prepared to make their own living. Such a home\nshould be supervised in a manner to guarantee that the inmates will not\nbe intimidated by the priests or other representatives of Rome. Convent\nwork is all routine, and from the very day a girl enters she becomes as\na spoke in a wheel; her thoughts, judgment and body become an\nincorporate part of the written rule and customary observances of the\nsystem. From long seclusion, peculiar dress, separation from people and\nall civil society, she becomes estranged to the habits and customs of\nthe world. On account of these conditions, the sisters feel very\nsensitive and it makes them timid and shrink in embarrassment. If it was\nnot for these difficulties and barriers, and perhaps humiliations, there\nare hundreds of sisters who would leave the convent system. Many of\nthem stay, not because they desire to do so, but because they do not\nknow where to go or what to do if they leave. I myself would have left\nmany years before, had I known where to have gone or what to have done.\n\nAnother thing every American citizen should work for and see to, is that\nno sectarian school or institution of any nature shall receive financial\naid from the State. We are blessed with one of the greatest and best\npublic school systems in the world, and if they are not good enough for\nthe people to send their children to, then this is no country for such a\nperson. The taxpayer has enough to do without keeping up a school system\nfor the purpose of teaching \"Hail! Mary!\" or the Roman Catholic\ncatechism. Nor do we want sisters of the Roman Catholic sisterhood\nteaching in our public school, attired in their religious garb. These\nsisters have taken the vow of poverty, and yet draw their monthly salary\nfrom the State school fund. Who do you suppose gets this money? Surely\nnot the poor sister! It of necessity goes to the church. In one county\nof this state of Oregon we have seven sisters of the sisterhood of the\nRoman Catholic church teaching in our public schools, attired in their\nreligious garbs. This information comes direct from the county school\nsuperintendent's office.\n\nTake away the parochial schools and the Roman Catholic system could not\nlong survive in this country, and, as I have stated in the beginning of\nthis book, the Roman Catholic system would not even have the parochial\nschools if it were not for our public schools. They must have some means\nof combating with the popular public education, and to do so institute\nthe parochial schools and demand of the good members of their parishes\nto send their children to them.\n\nSo, it behooves us to have a law compelling every child between certain\nages to attend the _public_ school and to refuse further aid to\nsectarian schools.\n\nTheodore Roosevelt in his \"American Ideals\" says:\n\n\"... We stand unalterably in favor of the public-school system in its\nentirety. We believe that English, and no other language, is that in\nwhich all the school exercises should be conducted. We are against any\ndivision of the school fund, and against any appropriation of public\nmoney for sectarian purposes. We are against any recognition whatever by\nthe state in any shape or form of state-aided parochial schools.\"\n\nJeremiah J. Crowley says in his book, \"The Parochial School, A Curse to\nthe Church, A Menace to the Nation\":\n\n\"The Catholic parochial school in the United States is not founded on\nloyalty to the Republic, and the ecclesiastics who control it would\nthrottle, if they could, the liberties of the American people.\n\n\"It is my profound conviction that the masses of the Catholic people\nprefer the public schools, and that they send their children to the\nparochial schools to avoid eternal punishment, as their pastors preach\nfrom the pulpit, 'Catholic parents who send their children to the\ngodless public schools are going straight to hell.'\"\n\nAgain Mr. Crowley says:\n\n\"Catholic public school opponents declare that at least one-third of the\nAmerican people favor their position. I deny it. I am morally certain\nthat not five per cent of the Catholic men of America endorse at heart\nthe parochial school. They may send their children to the parochial\nschools to keep peace in the family and to avoid an open rupture with\nthe parish rector; they may be induced to pass resolutions of approval\nof the parochial school in their lodges and conventions; but if it ever\nbecomes a matter of blood, not one per cent of them will be found\noutside of the ranks of the defenders of the American public schools.\n\n\"If a perfectly free ballot could be cast by the Catholic men of America\nfor the perpetuity or suppression of the parochial school, it would be\nsuppressed by an astounding majority.\"\n\nThe above quotations were written by Mr. Crowley while he was yet a\npriest in the church of Rome, and he evidently knew whereof he spoke. I\nwill comment no further, as these remarks speak for themselves and very\nplainly.\n\nBefore I close, I wish to warn every Protestant parent about sending\ntheir children to Roman Catholic institutions for some special training\nwhich they claim to be superior in, and at the same time raise them to\nbe Protestants. The instructors in these institutions will promise that\nthey will use no influence to change the child's religious belief, but\nthe sisters are bound by rule to convert every person to the Roman\nCatholic faith with whom she comes in contact, if she possibly can. If\ninfluence and coercion are not used, the environment is there just the\nsame. Many times since I have left the sisterhood, mothers have come to\nme in tears and grief and asked me to help them keep their daughters\nfrom joining the Roman Catholic church or sisterhood. They would tell me\nthat when they had placed their children in these institutions, the\nsisters had told them that no influence would be used to change their\nreligious faith. Maybe not, but if such a person does not accede to the\ndemands of those in charge and go to mass and say the prayers of a Roman\nCatholic, conditions are made very disagreeable for them and they soon\nlearn that it is best for them to go through the performance, even\nthough they do not believe it. Then, as time goes on, these practices\nbecome imbedded in their hearts and minds, until at last they become\nhypnotized, so to speak, by the superstitious teaching and practices of\nthe Roman Catholic religion.\n\nIn this small volume I have told of the practices and teachings of the\nRoman Catholic church and convent as I have lived them. I am sometimes\nasked if I can prove this or that. If any of you, dear readers, will\nlive these things as I have lived them they will be realistic enough to\nyou. God's Word says, \"Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make\nyou free.\"\n\nI may have written with prejudice, and I ask God to prejudice me against\n_all_ wrong that I may live to do His work and glorify Him. He knows\nthat I hold no ill-feeling against _any_ Roman Catholic\nindividual--laity, sister, priest or archbishop. But the system they\nrepresent--the system that I have served so faithfully for so many\nyears--I have no sympathy for. Whatever a sister, priest or archbishop\nmay be, the system has made them. I only hope and pray that they will\nall see the light and come out of their superstition and live the\nreligious life they entered the Roman Catholic church to live. God's\nWord says, \"Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her\nsins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.\"\n\nIn the last lines of this book, I wish to plead with each and every\nAmerican to stand for the right, and do not be afraid to show your\ncolors. Stand for the true American principles; stand by that Wonder of\nWonders, the Menace--which has been a Martin Luther in print; and above\nall, _stand together_. Unite--for without union there is no strength.\nFollow the Roman Catholic system in this respect. And when the patriotic\nmen and women do unite on one common ground and for the one cause--love\nof God, freedom and country--there need be no fear of a second St.\nBartholemew's Day; there need be no fear of a repetition of the terrible\nInquisition of Spain; there need be no fear of internal strife as poor,\nblood-drenched Mexico is experiencing today.\n\nAll I ask is for you to think on the few thoughts I have endeavored to\ngive you in plain words, and to take the warning as coming from one who\nlived for thirty-one years.\n\n\"THE DEMANDS OF ROME\"\n\n Yes, a church without a Bible\n Is like a ship without a sail,\n Trying to withstand the tempest\n In some fearful, howling gale;\n Yes, a church without a Bible\n Is like a general in the fight,\n Who is trying empty-handed\n To put enemies to flight.\n\n It will surely be defeated;\n Foes without and foes within\n Drag it onward, downward, plunging\n In a deep abyss of sin.\n In the Bible is many a remedy;\n If 'twas hidden in its heart,\n It from pagan rules and customs\n Would forevermore depart.\n\n\n\n\nAPPENDIX.\n\n\nI hesitate to add this appendix, for I have copied a great many\ndocuments and letters in the preceding chapters. But this case, which I\nwill present to you, will be additional proof that the same wrongs which\nI tried to right, existed years before and that there was no redress.\n\nSister Paul of the Sacred Heart presented her complaint to her local\nsuperiors, but was utterly ignored. She next addressed herself to\nArchbishop Paul Bruchasie of Montreal, who was her ecclesiastical\nsuperior. Archbishop Bruchasie answered her, saying that it was none of\nher affairs to be busying herself about these matters and that it would\nbe better for her if she would say her prayers, be an humble and\nobedient religious. That looking after the affairs of the community was\nher superior's business and that God would punish her for her\npresumption and pride.\n\nShe then addressed herself to the Roman Apostolic Delegate at\nWashington, D. C., the following being a copy of her statement in behalf\nof the sisters of this country:\n\nI, Sister Paul of the Sacred Heart, a member of the Order of the\nDaughters of Charity, Servants of the Poor, most respectfully submit the\nfollowing articles to the proper Ecclesiastical Authorities--Subject of\nComplaint, involving a right to demand justice by the members of the\nOrder who are not French or French Canadian. All members of the Order\nwho are not French or French Canadian are slaves. To prove the above\nassertion, I will state facts as follows:\n\n1. All the higher officers of the Order such as Superior General,\nCouncillors General, Provincial Superior and Councillors, have always,\nwith the exception of one German Provincial, been French Canadian\nSisters.\n\n2. When rights have been called for, only one provincial councillor was\ngiven in the province, which is manifestly of little practical utility,\nshe being one among five, four of which being Canadian.\n\nAt the last general chapter, one assistant general was elected, and this\nonly through the interposition of the Archbishop of Montreal. As she was\nthe one who had filled the office of provincial councillor in the\nprovince of the Sacred Heart, her place in that council was left vacant,\nand it was immediately filled by a Canadian sister.\n\n3. The opening clause of No. 200 of our constitution, and all sense of\njustice, are flagrantly and officially violated, not only in the ways\nabove mentioned, but we are not even permitted to have a sufficient\nnumber of representatives in the general chapter, no, nor even one. And\nthus superiors are thrust upon us without our consent--and laws of which\nwe had no voice in the making.\n\nNo. 200 of our constitution reads thus: \"The spirit of nationality must\nbe banished as the most dangerous enemy of an institution created to\nserve the church in all countries of the earth, without distinction of\npeople or language, etc.\"\n\n4. When it was known by the Superior General and her council that\ncomplaints had been made to Ecclesiastical Superiors, a member and\nrepresentative of the General Council was sent to the Western provinces,\nand she used her utmost endeavors in our provincial house to make the\nsisters afraid to address complaints to the ecclesiastical superiors.\n\n5. Novices of all other nationalities are received into all the\nnovitiates, who, of course, do not realize until after the last vows,\nthat they are to be treated as subordinates in the order. Thus we occupy\na position inferior to that of the coadjutrix sister, for they are\nadmitted only on condition of being subject to the vocal nuns, and\nconsent to this condition and therefore are not slaves.\n\n6. Is it not a public insult to the sisters of this country, that only\nFrench sisters are constantly kept in offices which have relation with\nseculars? And this enhanced by the fact that French sisters are, as a\nrule, not suitable to govern an English-speaking province, as they\nneither understand the ways of the people nor even of the sisters not\nFrench, nor conduct matters in a manner to do them good, not to speak of\ntheir imperfect knowledge of the language, and that sisters of a rude\nand inferior character are often placed in relation with outsiders.\n\n7. Sisters who are not French have been treated with the least\nconsideration, either as to their health (and this even sometimes to the\nextreme), or to their human feelings. And the schools, which are of\nnecessity taught by English-speaking sisters, have been much neglected\nby the Canadian superiors as to equipment.\n\nThe only reason for this injustice that could be alleged is that there\nare no English-speaking sisters competent to fill the offices. But this\nwould be false and absurd, for from the time of our Foundresses, there\nhave always been some of these who were able to fill high offices and\nconduct the business of the order, and at present I could mention many\nwho are able for anything that might be asked for them.\n\nAs for the spirit of the Order, is it not possessed far more fully by\nthose who have patiently and faithfully toiled during long years under\nan unjust administration, rather than those who officially and\npersistently carry on matters in a spirit of nationality?\n\nTherefore, in the name of justice, in the name of all of our professed\nsisters who are afraid to complain to Ecclesiastical Superiors, in the\nname of those who are too young to realize the position thrust upon\nthem, in the name of future members of the Order, and in my name, I most\nrespectfully ask and demand of the proper Ecclesiastical Authority to\narrange these matters in the spirit of religion and justice.\n\nAs a simple command given in writing or by word of mouth, or even\ninserted in the Customary would have no other than temporary effect, I\nshall consider my petition granted only when there will be inserted in\nthe constitution an explicit and emphatic rule that will give us our own\nrights and forever prohibit all such injustice and tyranny.\n\nIt seems to me that in all conscience it has been borne too long and\nthat after fifty years of endurance we should have our rights as soon as\npossible.\n\nI feel confident that the wise and holy rulers of the Church will as\nsoon as possible act in accordance with these principles.\n\nReverently, and with profound respect, I sign myself an humble and\nobedient child of the Church\n\n SISTER PAUL OF THE SACRED HEART.\n\nAs soon as it was reported at the various houses of the order that\nSister Paul was endeavoring to obtain the enactment of rules for the\nequal recognition of all sisters, the local superior of one of these\nhouses wrote a letter containing a petition to the Mother House, asking\nthem not to recognize the appeal of Sister Paul for justice. This\nletter and petition was sent from house to house, obtaining all the\nsignatures possible. Several sisters told me that they were requested to\nsign the petition without being allowed to read the contents.\n\nThe following is a copy of the letter and petition written by Sister M.\nAlexander:\n\n Providence Hospital, Everett, Wash., January 9, 1905.\n\n My very dear Sister:\n\n You are no doubt aware that for some time past our poor,\n misguided Sister Paul of the Sacred Heart has been trying to\n create disunion and dissatisfaction in the Community,\n particularly among those who are not French or of Canadian\n birth. She has gone so far as to write to the higher\n ecclesiastical authority to obtain redress for fancied wrongs\n which have no existence save in her disordered imagination.\n\n She has used our names without our knowledge or consent to give\n color and strength to her assertions. Therefore in justice to\n ourselves, personally and collectively, it is high time for us\n to act in a way so dignified, vigorous and religious that our\n loyalty and unswerving fidelity to our beloved community may\n never be questioned; and that this testimonial of our devotion\n to the government, customs and usages of the order to which we\n have the happiness of belonging, may be placed on the record in\n the archives of the Mother House and of the Provincial House as\n an undeniable proof that we forever abhor any act or word or\n deed contrary to the spirit of our cherished Mother House or\n its past or present or future government. Therefore, let each\n American Sister (Member) sign the accompanying document, act of\n submission, freely and willingly according to the dictates of\n her conscience. Let the document be transmitted in regular\n order to all the houses of the Province and then forwarded to\n our worthy Mother Provincial that she may have the satisfaction\n of conveying to our esteemed Mother General this undying proof\n of our filial devotion and everlasting attachment.\n\n _Document_--We, the undersigned, do hereby certify that the\n action of Sister Paul of the Sacred Heart against the\n Community, and that her assertions that the constitutions are\n officially violated in the absence of American members from the\n general and provincial councils is condemned by us. We denounce\n any act by which she threatens division on the ground of\n nationality. We declare our refusal to take part in any act\n against the government of the community. We further pledge\n allegiance and loyalty to our community and superiors in office\n and recognize their authority as eminating from God.\n\n SISTER M. ALEXANDER.\n\nAnswer of Sister Paul to the document circulated by Sister M. Alexander:\n\n I, Sister Paul of the Sacred Heart, positively declare that I\n never tried to create disunion in the community, nor have I\n ever either taken any action against the community or\n endeavored to incite any other Sister to do so. Neither have I\n advocated division or rebellion, but have spoken against both\n these. Nor have I sent the names of the sisters to higher\n ecclesiastical superiors.\n\n All that I have done towards ameliorating existing conditions\n is the following: I have written to higher ecclesiastical\n authorities and spoken to them, as I have a perfect right to do\n and shall do so again if I feel such to be my duty.\n\n I also advised other sisters to address ecclesiastical\n superiors concerning what other sisters of sound mind, as well\n as myself, considered to be an injustice. These matters are\n public, and we have a right to speak of them.\n\n Furthermore, I have spoken only to sisters who have spent some\n years in the Order; while the slandering paper dated Everett,\n January 9, 1905, which was sent to the American sisters of this\n province for them to sign, was given into the hands of very\n young sisters.\n\n I declare that paper to be a libel against my character, as is\n easily perceived on reading it together with what I have\n written above.\n\n I therefore demand, in justice to myself, that a copy of this\n present writing be pasted below the writing of each of the two\n copies of the paper circulated for the American sisters of the\n Province to sign, which are kept respectively in the archives\n of the Mother House in Montreal and in those of the Provincial\n House in Vancouver.\n\n I also declare, that until my reputation shall be fully cleared\n from the false accusations contained in that paper, I shall\n consider myself as living under the unjust action or sanction\n of the responsible superiors.\n\n House of Providence,\n Vancouver, Wash., Dec. 14th, 1906.\n\nThe result: Sister Alexander was made superior and was elevated to the\nvery best houses of the order, among them St. Vincent's Hospital,\nPortland, Oregon. This is the same Sister Alexander who was superior\nwhen I was taken out of St. Vincent's.\n\nSister Paul was sent to the Mother House in Montreal, Canada, to while\naway her time translating French into English.","title":"The Demands of Rome: Her Own Story of Thirty-One Years as a Sister of Charity in the Order of the Sisters of Charity of Providence of the Roman Catholic Church","tradition":"scripture-revelation","translated_text":null,"word_count":55700}