{"collection":"scripture-revelation","full_text_available":true,"graph_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/api/page/gutenberg_38106/graph","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/page/gutenberg_38106","id":"gutenberg_38106","license":"Public Domain (US)","rights_basis":"gutenberg_metadata_copyright_false","source":"gutenberg","source_url":"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/38106","summary":null,"tags":["Category: American Literature","Category: Essays, Letters & Speeches","Category: Philosophy & Ethics","Category: Religion/Spirituality","Ingersoll, Robert Green, 1833-1899 -- Quotations"],"text":"Produced by David Widger\n\n\n\n\n\n\nINGERSOLLIA\n\nBy Robert G. Ingersoll\n\nGEMS OF THOUGHT FROM THE LECTURES, SPEECHES, AND CONVERSATIONS OF COL\nROBERT G. INGERSOLL, REPRESENTATIVE OF HIS OPINIONS AND BELIEFS\n\nEdited By Elmo\n\n1882.\n\n\n\n\nINGERSOLLIA\n\n\n\n\nINTRODUCTION\n\nColonel Robert G. Ingersoll occupies a unique position. He is to a large\nextent the product of his own generation. A man of the times, for the\ntimes. He has had no predecessor, he will have no successor.\n\nSuch a man was impossible a hundred years ago; the probabilities are\nthat a century hence no such man will be needed. His work needs only\nto be done once. One such \"voice crying in the wilderness\" is enough\nto stir the sluggish streams of thought, and set the reeds of the river\ntrembling. It was said of Edward Irving, when he went to preach in that\ngreat wilderness of London, that he was \"not a reed to be shaken by the\nwind, but a wind to shake the reeds.\" It would not be flattery in any\nsense if similar words were spoken concerning the man who has uttered\nthe words of this book.\n\nDaring to stand alone, and speak all the thought that is in him, without\nthe miserable affectation of singularity, Colonel Ingersoll has reached\na point from which he wields an influence both deep and wide over\nthoughtful minds. For the last few years he has been sowing strange\nseeds, with unsparing hand, in many fields; and probably no one is\nmore surprised than he is himself to find how thoroughly the ground was\nprepared for such a seed-sowing.\n\nTime is much too precious to discuss the mere methods of the sowing. No\ndoubt many who have listened to this later Gamaliel, have been startled\nand shocked by his bold, and sometimes terrific utterances; but after\nthe shock--when the nerves have regained their equilibrium--has come\nserious, calm-questioning thought. And whoever sets men to asking\nearnest questions, whoever provokes men to sincere enquiry, whoever\nhelps men to think freely, does the Man and the State and the Age good\nservice. This good service Colonel Ingersoll has rendered. He has sent\nthe Preachers back to a more careful and diligent study of the Bible;\nhe has spoken after such a fashion that Students in many departments\nof learning have been compelled to reconsider the foundations on which\ntheir theories rest. Above all, he has awakened thousands of thoughtless\npeople to the luxury of thinking, and he has inspired many a timid\nthinker to break all bonds and think freely and fearlessly for himself.\n\nIn referring some time ago to the subject matter of Colonel Ingersoll's\nteachings, Prof. David Swing, of Chicago, laid special emphasis on\nthe point, that the man speaking and the thing spoken were entirely\nseparable, and that no wise criticism of these words could proceed,\nunless this fact was kept in view. This word of caution is as timely as\nit is wise. We are too much prone to judge the music by the amount of\ngilding on the organ-pipes; we are too apt to forget that gold is gold,\nwhether in the leathern pouch of a beggar or the silken purse of a king.\nThe doubts expressed, the truths uttered, the questions proposed by the\nso-called Infidel, demand of us that for their own sakes we give them\ngenerous, patient audience. The point of supreme importance is, not\nwhether Mr. Ingersoll is an authority on the grave questions with which\nhe is pleased to deal, but are these teachings truth? \"There's the rub.\"\nIf we are wise we shall judge the teachings rather than the teacher.\n\nAffrighted orthodox Christians are perpetually warning their young\nfriends against Mr. Ingersoll. He is portrayed as a very terrible\npersonage, going up and down to work sad havoc amongst the unsuspecting\nyouth of the Time. Orthodoxy would prove itself wiser, it would be\nbolder, and it would give some slight guarantee for honesty, if it left\nthe man alone, and addressed itself seriously to the grave questions at\nissue. Colonel Ingersoll shares with Huxley, Darwin and Herbert Spencer\nthe high distinction of being criticized most vehemently by those who\nhave never heard his voice, and have never carefully read a page of his\npublished works; and as is always the case in such circumstances, the\nmost absurd and exaggerated statements of what Mr. Ingersoll _never_\nsaid have become current, and the speaker has been transformed into a\nvery Gorgon of horror!\n\nBut this is nothing new, this is one of the many tolls that every man\nmust be willing to pay who marches on the grand highway of freedom.\n\nThe pages of this book deserve a careful study, and if it be true that\n\"out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaketh,\" we may judge from\nwhat sort of a heart-fountain these streams have flowed.\n\nOne purpose steadily kept in view in the editing of these pages has been\nto present in compact and reasonable space, a thoroughly representative\nconsensus of the opinions and beliefs of Mr. Ingersoll. Ha has been\nknown chiefly by his severe attacks on theological orthodoxy; but\nthere are a thousand other questions on which he has spoken wise and\nimpressive words. There are few things in heaven and earth that his\n\"philosophy\" has not embraced, The quiet life of the farm; the romance\nand sanctity of home; the charm of childhood; the profound secrets of\nphilosophy; the horrors of slavery; the dreadful scourge of war; the\npatriotism and valor of the soldiers of the Republic; the high calling\nof statesmanship, churches and priests; infidels and christians; gods\nand devils; orthodox and hetrodox; heaven and hell;--these, and a\nthousand other questions have been discussed with wit, and wisdom and\nmatchless eloquence. This volume might have been increased to twice\nor thrice its present size, and then there would have been material to\nspare. But in these busy days economy of time is of great importance.\nThis is a book for busy men in a very busy generation.\n\nIt is matter of some little surprise that Mr. Ingersoll should have\nyielded--without protest--to the conventional use of the term \"Infidel.\"\nThe general sense in which the word is used is a gross misrepresentation\nof its accurate meaning. \"Infidel,\" is the last word that ought to be\napplied to any man who is loyal to his mind; whether that mind summer\nin the light of steadfast belief, or wander through the mazy fields\nof doubt. \"What is Infidelity?\" There is no man more able, none more\nsuitable than Col. Robert Ingersoll to rise and explain.\n\nMr. Ingersoll has been called the Apostle of Unbelief. But the title\nis a misnomer. His mouth is full to the lips of positive statements of\nstrong conviction. His creed has a thousand articles. He is above all\nthings the Apostle of Freedom. Freedom for Nations, for Communities, for\nMen. Freedom everywhere! Freedom always! the zeal with which he blows\nthe trumpet of Liberty, the enthusiasm with which he waves the banner of\nFreedom, reminds one of Tennyson's fine words:--\n\n     Of old stood Freedom on the heights,\n     The thunders breaking at her feet,\n     Above her shook the starry lights;\n     She heard the torrents meet.\n     Then stepped she down thro' town and field\n     To mingle with the human race,\n     And part by part to men revealed\n     The fullness of her face--\n     Her open eyes desire the truth,\n     The wisdom of a thousand years\n     Is in them.   May perpetual youth\n     Keep dry their light from tears;\n     That her fair form may stand and shine:\n     Make bright our days and light our dreams,\n     Tuning to scorn with lips divine\n     The falsehood of extremes!\n\n\n\n\nTHE ROMANCE OF FARM LIFE\n\n\n\n\n1. Ingersoll as a Farmer\n\nWhen I was a farmer they used to haul wheat two hundred miles in wagons\nand sell it for thirty-five cents a bushel. They would bring home about\nthree hundred feet of lumber, two bunches of shingles, a barrel of salt,\nand a cook-stove that never would draw and never did bake.\n\nIn those blessed days the people lived on corn and bacon. Cooking was\nan unknown art. Eating was a necessity, not a pleasure. It was hard work\nfor the cook to keep on good terms even with hunger. We had poor houses.\nThe rain held the roofs in perfect contempt, and the snow drifted\njoyfully on the floors and beds. They had no barns. The horses were kept\nin rail pens surrounded with straw. Long before spring the sides would\nbe eaten away and nothing but roofs would be left. Food is fuel. When\nthe cattle were exposed to all the blasts of winter, it took all\nthe corn and oats that could be stuffed into them to prevent actual\nstarvation. In those times farmers thought the best place for the\npig-pen was immediately in front of the house. There is nothing like\nsociability. Women were supposed to know the art of making fires without\nfuel. The wood-pile consisted, as a general thing, of one log, upon\nwhich an axe or two had been worn out in vain. There was nothing\nto kindle a fire with. Pickets were pulled from the garden fence,\nclap-boards taken from the house, and every stray plank was seized upon\nfor kindling. Everything was done in the hardest way. Everything about\nthe farm was disagreeable.\n\n\n\n\n2. The Happy Life of the Farm\n\nThere is a quiet about the life of a farmer, and the hope of a\nserene old age, that no other business or profession can promise.\nA professional man is doomed some time to find that his powers are\nwanting. He is doomed to see younger and stronger men pass him in the\nrace of life. He looks forward to an old age of intellectual mediocrity.\nHe will be last where once he was the first. But the farmer goes as it\nwere into partnership, with nature--he lives with trees and flowers--he\nbreathes the sweet air of the fields. There is no constant and frightful\nstrain upon his mind. His nights are filled with sleep and rest. He\nwatches his flocks and herds as they feed upon the green and sunny\nslopes. He hears the pleasant rain falling upon the waving corn, and the\ntrees he planted in youth rustle above him as he plants others for the\nchildren yet to be.\n\n\n\n\n3. The Ambitious Farmer's Boy\n\nNearly every farmer's boy took an oath that he would never cultivate\nthe soil. The moment they arrived at the age of twenty-one they left\nthe desolate and dreary farms and rushed to the towns and cities. They\nwanted to be book-keepers, doctors, merchants, railroad men, insurance\nagents, lawyers, even preachers, anything to avoid the drudgery of the\nfarm. Nearly every boy acquainted with the three R's--reading, writing\nand arithmetic--imagined that he had altogether more education than\nought to be wasted in raising potatoes and corn. They made haste to get\ninto some other business. Those who stayed upon the farm envied those\nwho went away.\n\n\n\n\n4. Never Be Afraid of Work!\n\nThere are hundreds of graduates of Yale and Harvard and other colleges\nwho are agents of sewing machines, solicitors for insurance, clerks and\ncopyists, in short, performing a hundred varieties of menial service.\nThey seem willing to do anything that is not regarded as work--anything\nthat can be done in a town, in the house, in an office, but they avoid\nfarming as they would leprosy. Nearly every young man educated in this\nway is simply ruined.\n\nBoys and girls should be educated to help themselves; they should be\ntaught that it is disgraceful to be seen idle, and dishonorable to be\nuseless.\n\n\n\n\n5. Happiness the Object of Life\n\nRemember, I pray you, that you are in partnership with all labor--that\nyou should join hands with all the sons and daughters of toil, and that\nall who work belong to the same noble family.\n\nHappiness should be the object of life, and if life on the farm can be\nmade really happy, the children will grow up in love with the meadows,\nthe streams, the woods and the old home. Around the farm will cling and\ncluster the happy memories of the delight-ful years.\n\n\n\n\n6. The Sunset of the Farmer's Life\n\nFor my part, I envy the man who has lived on the same broad acres from\nhis boyhood, who cultivates the fields where in youth he played, and\nlives where his father lived and died. I can imagine no sweeter way to\nend one's life than in the quiet of the country, out of the mad race\nfor money, place and power--far from the demands of business--out of the\ndusty highway where fools struggle and strive for the hoi ow praise of\nother fools. Surrounded by these pleasant fields and faithful friends,\nby those I have loved, I hope to end my days.\n\n\n\n\n7. Farmers, Protect Yourselves!\n\nThe farmers should vote only for such men as are able and willing to\nguard and advance the interests of labor. We should know better than\nto vote for men who will deliberately put a tariff of three dollars\na thousand upon Canada lumber, when every farmer in the States is a\npurchaser of lumber. People who live upon the prairies ought to vote for\ncheap lumber. We should protect ourselves. We ought to have intelligence\nenough to know what we want and how to get it. The real laboring men of\nthis country can succeed if they are united. By laboring men, I do not\nmean only the farmers. I mean all who contribute in some way to the\ngeneral welfare.\n\n\n\n\n8. Roast the Beef, Not the Cook.\n\nFarmers should live like princes. Eat the best things you raise and sell\nthe rest. Have good things to cook and good things to cook with. Of all\npeople in our country, you should live the best. Throw your miserable\nlittle stoves out of the window. Get ranges, and have them so built that\nyour wife need not burn her face off to get you a breakfast. Do not make\nher cook in a kitchen hot as the orthodox perdition. The beef, not the\ncook, should be roasted. It is just as easy to have things convenient\nand right as to have them any other way.\n\n\n\n\n9. Cultivated Farmers.\n\nThere is no reason why farmers should not be the kindest and most\ncultivated of men. There is nothing in plowing the fields to make men\ncross, cruel and crabbed. To look upon the sunny slopes covered with\ndaisies does not tend to make men unjust. Whoever labors for the\nhappiness of those he loves, elevates himself, no matter whether he\nworks in the dreary shop or the perfumed field.\n\n\n\n\n10. The Wages of Slovenly Farming.\n\nNothing was kept in order. Nothing was preserved. The wagons stood\nin the sun and rain, and the plows rusted in the fields. There was\nno leisure, no feeling that the work was done. It was all labor and\nweariness and vexation of spirit. The crops were destroyed by wandering\nherds, or they were put in too late, or too early, or they were blown\ndown, or caught by the frost, or devoured by bugs, or stung by flies,\nor eaten by worms, or carried away by birds, or dug up by gophers, or\nwashed away by floods, or dried up by the sun, or rotted in the stack,\nor heated in the crib, or they all ran to vines, or tops, or straw, or\ncobs. And when in spite of all these accidents that lie in wait between\nthe plow and reaper, they did succeed in raising a good crop and a high\nprice was offered, then the roads would be impassable. And when the\nroads got good, then the prices went down. Everything worked together\nfor evil.\n\n\n\n\n11. The Farmer's Happy Winter\n\nI can imagine no condition that carries with it such a promise of joy\nas that of the farmer in early winter. He has his cellar filled--he had\nmade every preparation for the days of snow and storm--he looks forward\nto three months of ease and rest; to three months of fireside content;\nthree months with wife and children; three months of long, delightful\nevenings; three months of home; three months of solid comfort.\n\n\n\n\n12. The Almighty Dollar\n\nAinsworth R. Spofford--says Col. Ingersoll--gives the following facts\nabout interest: \"One dollar loaned for one hundred years at six per\ncent., with the interest collected annually and added to the principal,\nwill amount to three hundred and forty dollars. At eight per cent, it\namounts to two thousand two hundred and three dollars. At three per\ncent, it amounts only to nineteen dollars and twenty-five cents. At ten\nper cent, it is thirteen thousand eight hundred and nine dollars, or\nabout seven hundred times as much. At twelve per cent, it amounts\nto eighty-four thousand and seventy-five dollars, or more than four\nthousand times as much. At eighteen per cent, it amounts to fifteen\nmillion one hundred and forty-five thousand and seven dollars. At\ntwenty-four per cent, it reaches the enormous sum of two billion, five\nhundred and fifty-one million, seven hundred and ninety-five thousand,\nfour hundred and four dollars!\" One dollar at compound interest, at\ntwenty-four per cent., for one hundred years, would produce a sum equal\nto our national debt.\n\n\n\n\n13. The Farmer in Debt\n\nInterest eats night and day, and the more it eats the hungrier it grows.\nThe farmer in debt, lying awake at night, can, if he listens, hear it\ngnaw. If he owes nothing, he can hear his corn grow. Get out of debt,\nas soon as you possibly can. You have supported idle avarice and lazy\neconomy long enough.\n\n\n\n\n14. Own Your Own Home\n\nThere can be no such thing in the highest sense as a home unless you own\nit. There must be an incentive to plant trees, to beautify the grounds,\nto preserve and improve. It elevates a man to own a home. It gives a\ncertain independence, a force of character that is obtained in no other\nway. A man without a home feels like a passenger. There is in such a man\na little of the vagrant. Homes make patriots. He who has sat by his\nown fireside with wife and children, will defend it. Few men have been\npatriotic enough to shoulder a musket in defense of a boarding-house.\nThe prosperity and glory of our country depend upon the number of people\nwho are the owners of homes.\n\n\n\n\n15. What to do with the Idlers\n\nOur country is filled with the idle and unemployed, and the great\nquestion asking for an answer is: What shall be done with these men?\nWhat shall these men do? To this there is but one answer: They must\ncultivate the soil. Farming must be more attractive. Those who work\nthe land must have an honest pride in their business. They must educate\ntheir children to cultivate the soil.\n\n\n\n\n16. Farm-Life Lonely\n\nI say again, if you want more men and women on the farms, something must\nbe done to make farm-life pleasant. One great difficulty is that the\nfarm is lonely. People write about the pleasures of solitude, but they\nare found only in books. He who lives long alone, becomes insane.\n\n\n\n\n17. The Best Farming States\n\nThe farmer in the Middle States has the best soil--the greatest return\nfor the least labor--more leisure--more time for enjoyment than any\nother farmer in the world. His hard work ceases with autumn. He has the\nlong winters in which to become acquainted with his family--with his\nneighbors--in which to read and keep abreast with the advanced thought\nof his day. He has the time and means of self-culture. He has more time\nthan the mechanic, the merchant or the professional man. If the farmer\nis not well informed it is his own fault. Books are cheap, and every\nfarmer can have enough to give him the outline of every science, and an\nidea of all that has been accomplished by man.\n\n\n\n\n18. The Laborers, the Kings and Queens\n\nThe farmer has been elevated through science, and he should not forget\nthe debt he owes to the mechanic, to the inventor, to the thinker. He\nshould remember that all laborers belong to the same grand family--that\nthey are the real kings and queens, the only true nobility.\n\n\n\n\nHOME AND CHILDREN\n\n\n\n\n19. The Family the Only Heaven in this World\n\nDon't make that poor girl play ten years on a piano when she has no\near for music, and when she has practiced until she can play \"Bonaparte\nCrossing the Alps,\" you can't tell after she has played it whether\nBonaparte ever got across or not. Men are oaks, women are vines,\nchildren are flowers, and if there is any Heaven in this world it is\nin the family. It is where the wife loves the husband, and the husband\nloves the wife, and where the dimpled arms of children are about the\nnecks of both.\n\n\n\n\n20. The Far-Seeing Eyes of Children.\n\nI want to tell you this, you cannot get the robe of hypocrisy on you so\nthick that the sharp eye of childhood will not see through every veil.\n\n\n\n\n21. Love and Freedom in a Cabin\n\nI would rather go to the forest far away and build me a little\ncabin--build it myself and daub it with mud, and live there with my wife\naud family--and have a little path that led down to the spring, where\nthe water bubbled out day and night, like a little poem from the heart\nof the earth; a little hut with some hollyhocks at the corner, with\ntheir bannered bosoms open to the sun, and with the thrush in the air,\nlike a song of joy in the morning; I would rather live there and have\nsome lattice work across the window, so that the sunlight would fall\ncheckered on the baby in the cradle; I would rather live there and have\nmy soul erect and free, than to live in a palace of gold and wear the\ncrown of imperial power and know that my soul was slimy with hypocrisy.\n\n\n\n\n22. The Turnpike Road of Happiness\n\nWhoever marries simply for himself will make a mistake; but whoever\nloves a woman so well that he says, \"I will make her happy,\" makes no\nmistake; and so with the woman who says, \"I will make him happy.\" There\nis only one way to be happy, and that is to make somebody else so, and\nyou can't be happy cross-lots; you have got to go the regular turnpike\nroad.\n\n\n\n\n23. Love Paying Ten Per Cent\n\nI tell you to-night there is on the average more love in the homes of\nthe poor than in the palaces of the rich; and the meanest hut with love\nin it is fit for the gods, and a palace without love is a den only fit\nfor wild beasts. That's my doctrine! You can't be so poor but that you\ncan help somebody. Good nature is the cheapest commodity in the world;\nand love is the only thing that will pay ten per cent, to borrower and\nlender both. Don't tell me that you have got to be rich! We have all a\nfalse standard of greatness in the United States. We think here that a\nman to be great must be notorious; he must be extremely wealthy or his\nname must be between the lips of rumor. It is all nonsense! It is not\nnecessary to be rich to be great, or to be powerful to be happy; and the\nhappy man is the successful man. Happiness is the legal-tender of the\nsoul. Joy is wealth.\n\n\n\n\n24. A Word to the Cross-Grained\n\nA cross man I hate above all things. What right has he to murder the\nsunshine of the day? What right has he to assassinate the joy of life?\nWhen you go home you ought to feel the light there is in the house;\nif it is in the night it will burst out of the doors and windows and\nilluminate the darkness. It is just as well to go home a ray of sunshine\nas an old, sour, cross curmudgeon, who thinks he is the head of the\nfamily. Wise men think their mighty brains have been in a turmoil; they\nhave been thinking about who will be alderman from the Fifth ward; they\nhave been thinking about politics; great and mighty questions have been\nengaging their minds; they have bought calico at eight cents or six, and\nwant to sell it for seven. Think of the intellectual strain that must\nhave been upon a man, and when he gets home everybody else in the house\nmust look out for his comfort. Head of the house, indeed! I don't like\nhim a bit!\n\n\n\n\n25. Oh! Daughters and Wives be Beautiful\n\nI am a believer in fashion. It is the duty of every woman to make\nherself as beautiful and attractive as she possibly can. \"Handsome is\nas handsome does,\" but she is much handsomer if well dressed. Every man\nshould look his very best. I am a believer in good clothes. The time\nnever ought to come in this country when you can tell a farmer's\ndaughter simply by the garments she wears. I say to every girl and\nwoman, no matter what the material of your dress may be, no matter how\ncheap and coarse it is, cut it and make it in the fashion. I believe\nin jewelry. Some people look upon it as barbaric, but in my judgment,\nwearing jewelry is the first evidence the barbarian gives of a wish to\nbe civilized. To adorn ourselves seems to be a part of our nature, and\nthis desire, seems to be everywhere and in everything. I have sometimes\nthought that the desire for beauty covers the earth with flowers. It\nis this desire that paints the wings of moths, tints the chamber of the\nshell, and gives the bird its plumage and its song. Oh! daughters and\nwives if you would be loved, adorn yourselves--if you would be adorned,\nbe beautiful!\n\n\n\n\n26. A Wholesome Word to the Stingy\n\nI despise a stingy man. I don't see how it is possible for a man to die\nworth fifty millions of dollars or ten millions of dollars, in a city\nfull of want, when he meets almost every day the withered hand of\nbeggary and the white lips of famine. How a man can withstand all\nthat, and hold in the clutch of his greed twenty or thirty millions\nof dollars, is past my comprehension. I do not see how he can do it. I\nshould not think he could do it any more than he could keep a pile of\nlumber where hundreds and thousands of men were drowning in the sea. I\nshould not think he could do it. Do you know I have known men who would\ntrust their wives with their hearts and their honor, but not with their\npocketbook; not with a dollar. When I see a man of that kind I always\nthink he knows which of these articles is the most valuable.\n\n\n\n\n27. The Boss of the Family\n\nIf you are the grand emperor of the world, you had better be the grand\nemperor of one loving and tender heart, and she the grand empress of\nyours. The man who has really won the love of one good woman in this\nworld, I do not care if he dies a beggar, his life has been a success.\nI tell you it is an infamous word and an infamous feeling--a man who is\n\"boss,\" who is going to govern in his family; and when he speaks let all\nthe rest of them be still; some mighty idea is about to be launched from\nhis mouth. Do you know I dislike this man?\n\n\n\n\n28. Be Honor Bright!\n\nA good way to make children tell the truth is to tell it yourself. Keep\nyour word with your child the same as you would with your banker. Be\nperfectly honor bright with your children, and they will be your friends\nwhen you are old.\n\n\n\n\n29. The Opera at the Table\n\nI like to hear children at the table telling what big things they have\nseen during the day; I like to hear their merry voices mingling with the\nclatter of knives and forks. I had rather hear that than any opera that\nwas ever put upon the stage. I hate this idea of authority.\n\n\n\n\n30. A Child's laugh sweeter than Apollo's lyre\n\nI said, and I say again, no day can be so sacred but that the laugh of\na child will make the holiest day more sacred still. Strike with hand\nof fire, oh, weird musician, thy harp, strung with Apollo's golden\nhair; fill the vast cathedral aisles with symphonies sweet and dim, deft\ntoucher of the organ keys; blow, bugler, blow, until thy silver notes do\ntouch the skies, with moonlit waves, and charm the lovers wandering on\nthe vine-clad hills: but know, your sweetest strains are discords all,\ncompared with childhood's happy laugh, the laugh that fills the eyes\nwith light and every heart with joy; oh, rippling river of life, thou\nart the blessed boundary-line between the beasts and man, and every\nwayward wave of thine doth drown some fiend of care; oh, laughter,\ndivine daughter of joy, make dimples enough in the cheeks of the world\nto catch and hold and glorify all the tears of grief.\n\n\n\n\n31. Don't Wake the Children\n\nLet your children sleep. Do not drag them from their beds in the\ndarkness of night. Do not compel them to associate all that is tiresome,\nirksome and dreadful with cultivating the soil. Treat your children with\ninfinite kindness--treat them as equals. There is no happiness in a home\nnot filled with love. When the husband hates his wife--where the wife\nhates the husband; where the children hate their parents and each\nother--there is a hell upon earth.\n\n\n\n\n32. How to Deal with Children\n\nSome Christians act as though they thought when the Lord said, \"Suffer\nlittle children to come unto me,\" that he had a rawhide under his\nmantle--they act as if they thought so. That is all wrong. I tell my\nchildren this: Go where you may, commit what crime you may, fall to what\ndepths of degradation you may, I can never shut my arms, my heart or my\ndoor to you. As long as I live you shall have one sincere friend; do not\nbe afraid to tell anything wrong you have done; ten to one if I have not\ndone the same thing. I am not perfection, and if it is necessary to sin\nin order to have sympathy, I am glad I have committed sin enough to have\nsympathy. The sterness of perfection I do not want. I am going to live\nso that my children can come to my grave and truthfully say, \"He who\nsleeps here never gave us one moment of pain.\" Whether you call that\nreligion or infidelity, suit yourselves; that is the way I intend to do\nit.\n\n\n\n\n33. Give a Child a Chance\n\nDo not create a child to be a post set in an orthodox row; raise\ninvestigators and thinkers, not disciples and followers; cultivate\nreason, not faith; cultivate investigation, not superstition; and if\nyou have any doubt yourself about a thing being so, tell them about it;\ndon't tell them the world was made in six days--if you think six days\nmeans six good whiles, tell them six good whiles. If you have any doubts\nabout anybody being in a furnace and not being burnt, or even getting\nuncomfortably warm, tell them so--be honest about it. If you look upon\nthe jaw-bone of a donkey as not a good weapon, say so. Give a child a\nchance. If you think a man never went to sea in a fish, tell them so, it\nwon't make them any worse. Be honest--that's all; don't cram their heads\nwith things that will take them years to unlearn; tell them facts--it\nis just as easy. It is as easy to find out botany, and astronomy, and\ngeology, and history--it is as easy to find out all these things as to\ncram their minds with things you know nothing about.\n\n\n\n\n34. The Greatest Liars in Michigan\n\nI was over in Michigan the other day. There was a boy over there at\nGrand Rapids about five or six years old, a nice, smart boy, as you will\nsee from the remark he made--what you might call a nineteenth century\nboy. His father and mother had promised to take him out riding for about\nthree weeks, and they would slip off and go without him. Well, after\na while that got kind of played out with the little boy, and the day\nbefore I was there they played the trick on him again. They went out and\ngot the carriage, and went away, and as they rode away from the front of\nthe house, he happened to be standing there with his nurse, and he\nsaw them. The whole thing flashed on him in a moment. He took in the\nsituation, and turned to his nurse and said, pointing to his father and\nmother: \"There go the two biggest liars in the State of Michigan!\" When\nyou go home fill the house with joy, so that the light of it will stream\nout the windows and doors, and illuminate even the darkness. It is just\nas easy that way as any in the world.\n\n\n\n\n35. Forgive the Children!\n\nWhen your child confesses to you that it has com mitted a fault, take\nthe child in your arms, and let it feel your heart beat against its\nheart, and raise your children in the sunlight of love, and they will be\nsunbeams to you along the pathway of life. Abolish the club and the whip\nfrom the house, because, if the civilized use a whip, the ignorant and\nthe brutal will use a club, and they will use it because you use the\nwhip.\n\n\n\n\n36. A Solemn Satire on Whipping Children\n\nIf there is one of you here that ever expect to whip your child again,\nlet me ask you something. Have your photograph taken at the time, and\nlet it show your face red with vulgar anger, and the face of the little\none with eyes swimming in tears. If that little child should die I\ncannot think of a sweeter way to spend an Autumn afternoon than to take\nthat photograph and go to the cemetery, where the maples are clad in\ntender gold, and when little scarlet runners are coming, like poems of\nregret, from the sad heart of the earth; and sit down upon that mound,\nI look upon that photograph, and think of the flesh, made dust, that you\nbeat. Just think of it. I could not bear to die in the arms of a child\nthat I had whipped. I could not bear to feel upon my lips, when they\nwere withering beneath the touch of death, the kiss of one that I had\nstruck.\n\n\n\n\n37. The Whips and Gods are Gone!\n\nChildren are better treated than they used to be; the old whips and\ngods are out of the schools, and they are governing children by love and\nsense. The world is getting better; it is getting better in Maine. It\nhas got better in Maine, in Vermont. It is getting better in every State\nof the North.\n\n\n\n\nINDIVIDUALITY\n\n\n\n\n38. Absolute Independence of the Individual\n\nWhat we want to-day is what our fathers wrote. They did not attain to\ntheir ideal; we approach it nearer, but have not yet reached it. We\nwant, not only the independence of a state, not only the independence of\na nation, but something far more glorious--the absolute independence of\nthe individual. That is what we want. I want it so that I, one of the\nchildren of Nature, can stand on an equality with the rest; that I can\nsay this is my air, my sunshine, my earth, and I have a right to live,\nand hope, and aspire, and labor, and enjoy the fruit of that labor, as\nmuch as any individual, or any nation on the face of the globe.\n\n\n\n\n39. Saved by Disobedience\n\nI tell you there is something splendid in man that will not always mind.\nWhy, if we had done as the kings told us five hundred years ago, we\nwould all have been slaves. If we had done as the priests told us, we\nwould all have been idiots. If we had done as the doctors told us, we\nwould all have been dead. We have been saved by disobedience. We have\nbeen saved by that splendid thing called independence, and I want to\nsee more of it, day after day, and I want to see children raised so they\nwill have it. That is my doctrine.\n\n\n\n\n40. Intellectual Tyranny\n\nNothing can be more infamous than intellectual tyranny. To put chains\nupon the body is as nothing compared with putting shackles on the brain.\nNo god is entitled to the worship or the respect of man who does not\ngive, even to the meanest of his children, every right that he claims\nfor himself.\n\n\n\n\n41. Say What You Think\n\nI do not believe that the tendency is to make men and women brave and\nglorious when you tell them that there are certain ideas upon certain\nsubjects that they must never express; that they must go through life\nwith a pretense as a shield; that their neighbors will think much more\nof them if they will only keep still; and that above all is a God who\ndespises one who honestly expresses what he believes. For my part, I\nbelieve men will be nearer honest in business, in politics, grander in\nart--in everything that is good and grand and beautiful, if they are\ntaught from the cradle to the coffin to tell their honest opinions.\n\n\n\n\n42. I Want to Put Out the Fires of Hell\n\nSome people tell me that I take away the hope of immortality. I do not.\nLeave heaven as it was! I want to put out the fires of hell. I want to\ntransfer the war from this earth to heaven. Some tell me Jehovah is God,\nand another says Ali is God, and another that Brahma is God. I say, let\nJehovah, and Ali, and Brahma fight it out. Let them fight it out there,\nand whoever is victor, to that God I will bow.\n\n\n\n\n43. The Puritans\n\nWhen the Puritans first came they were narrow. They did not understand\nwhat liberty meant--what religious liberty, what political liberty, was;\nbut they found out in a few years. There was one feeling among them that\nrises to their eternal honor like a white shaft to the clouds--they were\nin favor of universal education. Wherever they went they built school\nhouses, introduced books, and ideas of literature. They believed that\nevery man should know how to read and how to write, and should find out\nall that his capacity allowed him to comprehend. That is the glory of\nthe Puritan fathers.\n\n\n\n\n44. A Star in the Sky of Despair\n\nEvery Christian, every philanthropist, every believer in human liberty,\nshould feel under obligation to Thomas Paine for the splendid service\nrendered by him in the darkest days of the American Revolution. In the\nmidnight of Valley Forge, \"The Crisis\" was the first star that glittered\nin the wide horizon of despair. Every good man should remember with\ngratitude the brave words spoken by Thomas Paine in the French\nConvention against the death of Louis. He said: \"We will kill the king,\nbut not the man. We will destroy monarchy, not monarch.\"\n\n\n\n\n45. Do not Shock the Heathen!\n\nYou send missionaries to Turkey, and tell them that the Koran is a lie.\nYou shock them. You tell them that Mahomet was not a prophet. You shock\nthem. It is too bad to shock them. You go to India, and you tell them\nthat Vishnu was nothing, that Purana was nothing, that Buddha was\nnobody, and your Brahma, he is nothing. Why do you shock these people?\nYou should not do that; you ought not to hurt their feelings. I tell you\nno man on earth has a right to be shocked at the expression of an honest\nopinion when it is kindly done, and I don't believe there is any God in\nthe universe who has put a curtain over the fact and made it a crime for\nthe honest hand of investigation to endeavor to draw that curtain.\n\n\n\n\n46. I will Settle with God Myself\n\nThey say to me, \"God will punish you forever, if you do these things.\"\nVery well. I will settle with him. I had rather settle with him than\nany one of his agents. I do not like them very well. In theology I am a\ngranger--I do not believe in middlemen. What little business I have with\nHeaven I will attend to myself.\n\n\n\n\n47. I Claim my Right to Guess\n\nI claim, standing under the flag of nature, under the blue and the\nstars, that I am the peer of any other man, and have the right to think\nand express my thoughts. I claim that in the presence of the Unknown,\nand upon a subject that nobody knows anything about, and never did, I\nhave as good a right to _guess_ as anybody else.\n\n\n\n\n48. The Brain a Castle\n\nSurely it is worth something to feel that there are no priests, no\npopes, no parties, no governments, no kings, no gods, to whom your\nintellect can be compelled to pay reluctant homage. Surely it is a joy\nto know that all the cruel ingenuity of bigotry can devise no prison,\nno dungeon, no cell in which for one instant to confine a thought; that\nideas cannot be dislocated by racks, nor crushed in iron boots, nor\nburned with fire. Surely it is sublime to think that the brain is a\ncastle, and that within its curious bastions and winding halls the\nsoul, in spite of all words and all beings, is the supreme sovereign of\nitself.\n\n\n\n\n49. I am Something\n\nThe universe is all there is, or was, or will be. It is both subject and\nobject; contemplator and contemplated; creator and created; destroyer\nand destroyed; preserver and preserved; and hath within itself all\ncauses, modes, motions, and effects. In this there is hope. This is a\nfoundation and a star. The infinite embraces all there is. Without the\nall, the infinite cannot be. I am something. Without me the universe\ncannot exist.\n\n\n\n\n50. Every Man a Bight to Think\n\nNow we have come to the conclusion that every man has a right to think.\nWould God give a bird wings and make it a crime to fly? Would he give me\nbrains and make it a crime to think? Any God that would damn one of his\nchildren for the expression of his honest thought wouldn't make a decent\nthief. When I read a book and don't believe it, I ought to say so. I\nwill do so and take the consequence like a man.\n\n\n\n\n51. Too Early to Write a Creed\n\nThese are the excuses I have for my race, and taking everything into\nconsideration, I think we have done extremely well. Let us have more\nliberty and free thought. Free thought will give us truth. It is too\nearly in the history of the world to write a creed. Our fathers were\nintellectual slaves; our fathers were intellectual serfs. There never\nhas been a free generation on the globe. Every creed you have got bears\nthe mark of whip, and chain, and fagot.\n\nThere has been no creed written by a free brain. Wait until we have had\ntwo or three generations of liberty and it will then be time enough to\nseize the swift horse of progress by the bridle and say--thus far and\nno farther; and in the meantime let us be kind to each other; let us be\ndecent towards each other. We are all travelers on the great plain we\ncall life, and there is nobody quite sure what road to take--not just\ndead sure, you know. There are lots of guide-boards on the plain and you\nfind thousands of people swearing to-day that their guide-board is the\nonly board that shows the right direction. I go and talk to them and\nthey say: \"You go that way, or you will be damned.\" I go to another and\nthey say: \"You go this way, or you will be damned.\"\n\n\n\n\n52. Every Mind True to Itself\n\nIn my judgment, every human being should take a road of his own. Every\nmind should be true to itself--should think, investigate and conclude\nfor itself. This is a duty alike incumbent upon pauper and prince.\n\n\n\n\nPROGRESS\n\n\n\n\n53. The Torch of Progress.\n\nIn every age some men carried the torch of progress and handed it\nto some other, and it has been carried through all the dark ages of\nbarbarism, and had it not been for such men we would have been naked\nand uncivilized to-night, with pictures of wild beasts tattooed on our\nskins, dancing around some dried snake fetish.\n\n\n\n\n54. Gold makes a Barren Landscape\n\nOnly a few days ago I was where they wrench the precious metals from\nthe miserly clutch of the rocks. When I saw the mountains; treeless,\nshrubless, flowerless, without even a spire of grass, it seemed to me\nthat gold had the same effect upon the country that holds it, as upon\nthe man who lives and labors only for it. It affects the land as it\ndoes the man. It leaves the heart barren without a flower of\nkindness--without a blossom of pity.\n\n\n\n\n55. A Grand Achievement\n\nThere is nothing grander than to rescue from the leprosy of slander the\nreputation of a great and generous name. There is nothing nobler than to\nbenefit our benefactors.\n\n\n\n\n56. The Divorce of Church and State\n\nThe Constitution of the United States was the first decree entered in\nthe high court of a nation, forever divorcing Church and State.\n\n\n\n\n57. Professors\n\nInstead of dismissing professors for finding something out, let us\nrather discharge those who do not. Let each teacher understand that\ninvestigation is not dangerous for him; that his bread is safe, no\nmatter how much truth he may discover, and that his salary will not be\nreduced, simply because he finds that the ancient Jews did not know the\nentire history of the world.\n\n\n\n\n58. Developement\n\nI thought after all I had rather belong to a race of people that came\nfrom skulless vertebrae in the dim Laurentian period, that wiggled\nwithout knowing they were wiggling, that began to develope and came up\nby a gradual developement until they struck this gentleman in the dugout\ncoming up slowly--up--up--up--until, for instance, they produced such a\nman as Shakespeare--he who harvested all the fields of dramatic thought,\nand after whom all others have been only gleaners of straw, he who found\nthe human intellect dwelling in a hut, touched it with the wand of his\ngenius and it became a palace--producing him and hundreds of others I\nmight mention--with the angels of progress leaning over the far horizon\nbeckoning this race of work and thought--I had rather belong to a race\ncommencing at the skulless vertebrae producing the gentleman in the\ndugout and so on up, than to have descended from a perfect pair, upon\nwhich the Lord has lost money from that day to this. I had rather belong\nto a race that is going up than to one that is going down. I would\nrather belong to one that commenced at the skulless vertebrae and\nstarted for perfection, than to belong to one that started from\nperfection and started for the skulless vertebrae.\n\n\n\n\n59. Poet's Dream\n\nWhen every church becomes a school, every cathedral a university, every\nclergyman a teacher, and all their hearers brave and honest\nthinkers, then, and not until then, will the dream of poet, patriot,\nphilanthropist and philosopher, become a real and blessed truth.\n\n\n\n\n60. The Temple of the Future\n\nWe are laying the foundations of the grand temple of the future--not the\ntemple of all the gods, but of all the people--wherein, with appropriate\nrites, will be celebrated the religion of Humanity. We are doing what\nlittle we can to hasten the coming of the day when society shall cease\nproducing millionaires and mendicants--gorged indolence and famished\nindustry--truth in rags, and superstition robed and crowned. We are\nlooking for the time when the useful shall be the honorable; and when\nReason, throned upon the world's brain, shall be the King of Kings, and\nGod of Gods.\n\n\n\n\n61. The final Goal\n\nWe do not expect to accomplish everything in our day; but we want to\ndo what good we can, and to render all the service possible in the\nholy cause of human progress. We know that doing away with gods and\nsupernatural persons and powers is not an end. It is a means to the end;\nthe real end being the happiness of man.\n\n\n\n\n62. The Eighteenth Century\n\nAt that time the seeds sown by the great Infidels were beginning to\nbear fruit in France. The people were beginning to think. The Eighteenth\nCentury was crowning its gray hairs with the wreath of Progress. On\nevery hand Science was bearing testimony against the Church. Voltaire\nhad filled Europe with light; D'Holbach was giving to the _elite_\nof Paris the principles contained in his \"System of Nature.\" The\nEncyclopedists had attacked superstition with information for the\nmasses. The foundation of things began to be examined. A few had the\ncourage to keep their shoes on and let the bush burn. Miracles began to\nget scarce. Everywhere the people began to inquire. America had set an\nexample to the world. The word Liberty was in the mouths of men, and\nthey began to wipe the dust from their knees. The dawn of a new day had\nappeared.\n\n\n\n\nPOLITICAL QUESTIONS\n\n\n\n\n63. Liberty--Fraternity--Equality!\n\nAll who stand beneath our banner are free. Ours is the only flag that\nhas in reality written upon it: Liberty, Fraternity, Equality--the three\ngrandest words in all the languages of men. Liberty: Give to every man\nthe fruit of his own labor--the labor of his hand and of his brain.\nFraternity: Every man in the right is my brother. Equality: The rights\nof all are equal. No race, no color, no previous condition, can change\nthe rights of men. The Declaration of Independence has at last been\ncarried out in letter and in spirit. To-day the black man looks upon his\nchild and says: The avenues of distinction are open to you--upon your\nbrow may fall the civic wreath. We are celebrating the courage and\nwisdom of our fathers, and the glad shout of a free people, the anthem\nof a grand nation, commencing at the Atlantic, is following the sun to\nthe Pacific, across a continent of happy homes.\n\n\n\n\n64. Liberty!\n\nIs it nothing to free the mind? Is it nothing to civilize mankind? Is it\nnothing to fill the world with light, with discovery, with science?\nIs it nothing to dignify man and exalt the intellect? Is it nothing to\ngrope your way into the dreary prisons, the damp and dropping dungeons,\nthe dark and silent cells of superstition, where the souls of men\nare chained to floors of stone? Is it nothing to conduct these souls\ngradually into the blessed light of day,--to let them see again the\nhappy fields, the sweet, green earth, and hear the everlasting music of\nthe waves? Is it nothing to make men wipe the dust from their swollen\nknees, the tears from their blanched and furrowed cheeks? Is it nothing\nto relieve the heavens of an insatiate monster, and write upon the\neternal dome, glittering with stars, the grand word--Liberty?\n\n\n\n\n65. Ingersoll Not a Politician\n\nI want it perfectly understood that I am not a politician. I believe in\nliberty, and I want to see the time when every man, woman and child will\nenjoy every human right.\n\n\n\n\n66. Civilization\n\nCivilization is the child of free thought. The new world has drifted\naway from the rotten wharf of superstition. The politics of this country\nare being settled by the new ideas of individual liberty, and parties\nand churches that cannot accept the new truths must perish.\n\n\n\n\n67. Cornell University\n\nWith the single exception of Cornell, there is not a college in the\nUnited States where truth has ever been a welcome guest. The moment one\nof the teachers denies the inspiration of the Bible, he is discharged.\nIf he discovers a fact inconsistent with that book, so much the worse\nfor the fact, and especially for the discoverer of the fact. He must not\ncorrupt the minds of his pupils with demonstrations. He must beware\nof every truth that cannot, in some way, be made to harmonize with the\nsuperstitions of the Jews. Science has nothing in common with religion.\n\n\n\n\n68. Church and School Divorced\n\nOur country will never be filled with great institutions of learning\nuntil there is an absolute divorce between church and school. As long\nas the mutilated records of a barbarous people are placed by priest and\nprofessor above the reason of mankind, we shall reap but little benefit\nfrom church or school.\n\n\n\n\n69. Laws That Want Repealing\n\nAll laws defining and punishing blasphemy--making it a crime to give\nyour honest ideas about the Bible, or to laugh at the ignorance of\nthe ancient Jews, or to enjoy yourself on the Sabbath, or to give your\nopinion of Jehovah, were passed by impudent bigots, and should be at\nonce repealed by honest men.\n\n\n\n\n70. Government Secular\n\nOur government should be entirely and purely secular. The religious\nviews of a candidate should be kept entirely out of sight. He should not\nbe compelled to give his opinion as to the inspiration of the bible,\nthe propriety of infant baptism, or the immaculate conception. All these\nthings are private and personal. He should be allowed to settle such\nthings for himself.\n\n\n\n\n71. 1876! (1776?)\n\nIn 1876, our forefathers retired God from politics. They said all\npower comes from the people. They kept God out of the Constitution, and\nallowed each State to settle the question for itself.\n\n\n\n\n72. Candidates Made Hypocrites\n\nCandidates are forced to pretend that they are Catholics with Protestant\nproclivities, or Christians with liberal tendencies, or temperance men\nwho now and then take a glass of wine, or, that although not members of\nany church their wives are, and that they subscribe liberally to\nall. The result of all this is that we reward hypocrisy and elect men\nentirely destitute of real principle; and this will never change until\nthe people become grand enough to allow each other to do their own\nthinking.\n\n\n\n\n73. The Church and the Throne\n\nSo our fathers said: \"We shall form a secular government, and under the\nflag with which we are going to enrich the air, we will allow every man\nto worship God as he thinks best.\" They said: \"Religion is an individual\nthing between each man and his Creator, and he can worship as he pleases\nand as he desires.\" And why did they do this? The history of the world\nwarned them that the liberty of man was not safe in the clutch and grasp\nof any church. They had read of and seen the thumbscrews, the racks and\nthe dungeons of the inquisition. They knew all about the hypocrisy of\nthe olden time. They knew that the church had stood side by side with\nthe throne; that the high priests were hypocrites, and that the kings\nwere robbers. They also knew that if they gave to any church power, it\nwould corrupt the best church in the world. And so they said that power\nmust not reside in a church, nor in a sect, but power must be wherever\nhumanity is--in the great body of the people. And the officers and\nservants of the people must be responsible. And so I say again, as\nI said in the commencement, this is the wisest, the profoundest, the\nbravest political document that ever was written and signed by man.\n\n\n\n\n74. The Old Idea\n\nWhat was the old idea? The old idea was that no political power came\nfrom, nor in any manner belonged to, the people. The old idea was that\nthe political power came from the clouds; that the political power came\nin some miraculous way from heaven; that it came down to kings, and\nqueens, and robbers. That was the old idea. The nobles lived upon the\nlabor of the people; the people had no rights; the nobles stole what\nthey had and divided with the kings, and the kings pretended to divide\nwhat they stole with God Almighty. The source, then, of political power\nwas from above. The people were responsible to the nobles, the nobles to\nthe king, and the people had no political rights whatever, no more than\nthe wild beasts of the forest. The kings were responsible to God, not to\nthe people. The kings were responsible to the clouds, not to the toiling\nmillions they robbed and plundered.\n\n\n\n\n75. Liberty for Politicians\n\nI would like also to liberate the politician. At present, the successful\noffice-seeker is a good deal like the centre of the earth; he weighs\nnothing himself, but draws everything else to him. There are so many\nsocieties, so many churches, so many isms, that it is almost impossible\nfor an independent man to succeed in a political career.\n\n\n\n\n76. Tax all Church Property\n\nI am in favor of the taxation of all church property. If that property\nbelongs to God, he is able to pay the tax. If we exempt anything, let\nus exempt the home of the widow and orphan. The church has to-day\n$600,000,000 or $700,000,000 of property in this country. It must cost\n$2,000,000 a week, that is to say $500 a minute to run these churches.\nYou give me this money and if I don't do more good with it than\nfour times as many churches I'll resign. Let them make the churches\nattractive and they'll get more hearers. They will have less empty pews\nif they have less empty heads in the pulpit. The time will come when the\npreacher will become a teacher.\n\n\n\n\n77. The Source of Power\n\nThe Declaration of Independence announces the sublime truth, that all\npower comes from the people. This was a denial, and the first denial of\na nation, of the infamous dogma that God confers the right upon one man\nto govern others. It was the first grand assertion of the dignity of the\nhuman race. It declared the governed to be the source of power, and in\nfact denied the authority of any and all gods.\n\n\n\n\n78. The Best Blood of the Old Word come to the New\n\nThe kings of the old world endeavored to parcel out this land to their\nfavorites. But there were too many Indians. There was too much courage\nrequired for them to take and keep it, and so men had to come here\nwho were dissatisfied with the old country--who were dissatisfied\nwith England, dissatisfied with France, with Germany, with Ireland and\nHolland. The king's favorites stayed at home. Men came here for liberty,\nand on account of certain principles they entertained and held dearer\nthan life. And they were willing to work, willing to fell the forests,\nto fight the savages, willing to go through all the hardships, perils\nand dangers of a new country, of a new land; and the consequences was\nthat our country was settled by brave and adventurous spirits, by men\nwho had opinions of their own, and were willing to live in the wild\nforests for the sake of expressing those opinions, even if they\nexpressed them only to trees, rocks, and savage men. The best blood of\nthe old world came to the new.\n\n\n\n\n79. No State Church\n\nHappily for us, there was no church strong enough to dictate to the\nrest. Fortunately for us, the colonists not only, but the colonies\ndiffered widely in their religious views. There were the Puritans who\nhated the Episcopalians, and Episcopalians who hated the Catholics,\nand the Catholics who hated both, while the Quakers held them all in\ncontempt. There they were of every sort, and color, and kind, and how\nwas it that they came together? They had a common aspiration. They\nwanted to form a new nation. More than that, most of them cordially\nhated Great Britain; and they pledged each other to forget these\nreligious prejudices, for a time at least, and agreed that there should\nbe only one religion until they got through, and that was the religion\nof patriotism. They solemnly agreed that the new nation should not\nbelong to any particular church, but that it should secure the rights of\nall.\n\n\n\n\n80. The Enthusiasts of 1776\n\nThese grand men were enthusiasts; and the world has only been raised\nby enthusiasts. In every country there have been a few who have given\na national aspiration to the people. The enthusiasts of 1776 were the\nbuilders and framers of this great and splendid government; and they\nwere the men who saw, although others did not, the golden fringe of the\nmantle of glory, that will finally cover this world. They knew, they\nfelt, they believed they would give a new constellation to the political\nheavens--that they would make the Americans a grand people--grand as\nthe continent upon which they lived.\n\n\n\n\n81. The Church Must Have no Sword\n\nOur fathers founded the first secular government that was ever founded\nin this world. Recollect that. The first secular government; the first\ngovernment that said every church has exactly the same rights and no\nmore. In other words our fathers were the first men who had the sense,\nhad the genius, to know that no church should be allowed to have a\nsword; that it should be allowed only to exert its moral influence.\n\n\n\n\n82. We are All of Us Kings! I want the power where some one can use\nit. As long as a man is responsible to the people there is no fear of\ndespotism. There's no reigning family in this country. We are all of\nus Kings. We are the reigning family. And when any man talks about\ndespotism, you may be sure he wants to steal or be up to devilment. If\nwe have any sense, we have got to have localization of brain. If we have\nany power, we must have centralization. We want centralization of the\nright kind. The man we choose for our head wants the army in one hand,\nthe navy in the other; and to execute the supreme will of the supreme\npeople.\n\n\n\n\n83. Honesty Tells!\n\nIn the long run the nation that is honest, the people that are\nindustrious, will pass the people that are dishonest, the people that\nare idle; no matter what grand ancestry they might have had.\n\n\n\n\n84. Working for Others.\n\nTo work for others is, in reality, the only way in which a man can work\nfor himself. Selfishness is ignorance. Speculators cannot make unless\nsomebody loses. In the realm of speculation, every success has at least\none victim. The harvest reaped by the farmer benefits all and injures\nnone. For him to succeed, it is not necessary that some one should fail.\nThe same is true of all producers--of all laborers.\n\n\n\n\n85. State Sovereignty\n\nI despise the doctrine of State sovereignty. I believe in the rights\nof the States, but not in the sovereignty of the States. States are\npolitical conveniences. Rising above States as the Alps above valleys\nare the rights of man. Rising above the rights of the government even in\nthis Nation are the sublime rights of the people. Governments are good\nonly so long as they protect human rights. But the rights of a man never\nshould be sacrificed upon the altar of the State or upon the altar of\nthe Nation.\n\n\n\n\n86. The King of America\n\nI am not only in favor of free speech, but I am also in favor of an\nabsolutely honest ballot. There is one king in this country; there\nis one emperor; there is one supreme czar; and that is the legally\nexpressed will of the majority of the people. The man who casts an\nillegal vote, the man who refuses to count a legal vote, poisons the\nfountain of power, poisons the spring of justice, and is a traitor to\nthe only king in this land. I have always said, and I say again, that\nthe more liberty there is given away the more you have. There is room in\nthis world for us all; there is room enough for all of our thoughts;\nout upon the intellectual sea there is room for every sail, and in the\nintellectual air there is space for every wing. A man that exercises a\nright that he will not give to others is a barbarian. A State that does\nnot allow free speech is uncivilized, and is a disgrace to the American\nUnion.\n\n\n\n\n87. Years Without Seeing a Dollar!\n\nI have been told that during the war we had plenty of money. I never saw\nit. I lived years without seeing a dollar. I saw promises for dollars,\nbut not dollars. And the greenback, unless you have the gold behind it,\nis no more a dollar than a bill of fare is a dinner. You cannot make\na paper dollar without taking a dollar's worth of paper. We must have\npaper that represents money. I want it issued by the government, and I\nwant behind every one of these dollars either a gold or silver dollar,\nso that every greenback under the flag can lift up its hand and swear,\n\"I know that my redeemer liveth.\"\n\n\n\n\n88. The Wail of Dead Nations\n\nA government founded upon anything except liberty and justice cannot and\nought not to stand. All the wrecks on either side of the stream of time,\nall the wrecks of the great cities, and all the nations that have passed\naway--all are a warning that no nation founded upon injustice can stand.\nFrom the sand-enshrouded Egypt, from the marble wilderness of Athens,\nand from every fallen, crumbling stone of the once mighty Rome, comes\na wail, as it were, the cry that no nation founded upon injustice can\npermanently stand.\n\n\n\n\n89. What the Republican Party Did\n\nI am a Republican. I will tell you why: This is the only free government\nin the world. The Republican party made it so. The Republican party took\nthe chains from 4,000,000 of people. The Republican party, with the wand\nof progress, touched the auction-block and it became a school-house; The\nRepublican party put down the rebellion, saved the nation, kept the old\nbanner afloat in the air, and declared that slavery of every kind should\nbe exterpated from the face of the continent.\n\n\n\n\n90. Doings of Democrats\n\nI am opposed to the Democratic party, and I will tell you why. Every\nState that seceded from the United States was a Democratic State. Every\nordinance of secession that was drawn was drawn by a Democrat. Every man\nthat endeavored to tear the old flag from the heaven that it enriches\nwas a Democrat. Every man that tried to destroy the nation was a\nDemocrat. Every enemy this great republic has had for twenty years has\nbeen a Democrat. Every man that shot Union soldiers was a Democrat.\nEvery man that starved Union soldiers and refused them in the extremity\nof death, a crust, was a Democrat. Every man that loved slavery better\nthan liberty was a Democrat. The man that assassinated Abraham Lincoln\nwas a Democrat. Every man that sympathized with the assassin--every\nman glad that the noblest President ever elected was assassinated, was a\nDemocrat.\n\n\n\n\n91. Photograph of a Democrat.\n\nEvery man that wanted the privilege of whipping another man to make him\nwork for him for nothing and pay him with lashes on his naked back, was\na Democrat. Every man that raised blood-hounds to pursue human beings\nwas a Democrat. Every man that clutched from shrieking, shuddering,\ncrouching mothers, babes from their breasts, and sold them into slavery,\nwas a Democrat. Every man that impaired the credit of the United States,\nevery man that swore we would never pay the bonds, every man that swore\nwe would never redeem the greenbacks, every maligner of his country's\ncredit, every calumniator of his country's honor, was a Democrat. Every\nman that resisted the draft, every man that hid in the bushes and shot\nat Union men simply because they were endeavoring to enforce the laws\nof their country, was a Democrat. Every man that wept over the corpse of\nslavery was a Democrat.\n\n\n\n\n92. I am a Republican, I Tell You!\n\nThe flag that will not protect its protectors is a dirty rag that\ncontaminates the air in which it waves. The government that will not\ndefend its defenders is a disgrace to the nations of the world. I am\na Republican because the Republican party says, \"We will protect the\nrights of American citizens at home, and if necessary we will march\nan army into any State to protect the rights of the humblest American\ncitizen in that State.\" I am a Republican because that party allows\nme to be free--allows me to do my own thinking in my own way. I am a\nRepublican because it is a party grand enough and splendid enough and\nsublime enough to invite every human being in favor of liberty and\nprogress to fight shoulder to shoulder for the advancement of mankind.\nIt invites the Methodist; it invites the Catholic; it invites the\nPresbyterian and every kind of sectarian; it invites the free-thinker;\nit invites the infidel, provided he is in favor of giving to every other\nhuman being every chance and every right that he claims for himself. I\nam a Republican, I tell you.\n\n\n\n\n93. Recollect!\n\nRecollect it! Every man that tried to spread smallpox and yellow fever\nin the North, as the instrumentalities of civilized war, was a Democrat.\nSoldiers, every scar you have got on your heroic bodies was given you\nby a Democrat. Every scar, every arm that is lacking, every limb that\nis gone, every scar is a souvenir of a Democrat. I want you to recollect\nit. Every man that was the enemy of human liberty in this country was a\nDemocrat. Every man that wanted the fruit of all the heroism of all the\nages to turn to ashes upon the lips--every one was a Democrat.\n\n\n\n\n94. Give Every Man a Chance\n\nNow, my friends, thousands of the Southern people, and thousands of the\nNorthern Democrats, are afraid that the negroes are going to pass them\nin the race for life. And, Mr. Democrat, he will do it unless you attend\nto your business. The simple fact that you are white cannot save you\nalways. You have got to be industrious, honest, to cultivate a justice.\nIf you don't the colored race will pass you, as sure as you live. I am\nfor giving every man a chance. Anybody that can pass me is welcome.\n\n\n\n\n95. Who Shall Rule the Country?\n\nShall the people that saved this country rule it? Shall the men who\nsaved the old flag hold it? Shall the men who saved the ship of state\nsail it? or shall the rebels walk her quarter-deck, give the orders\nand sink it? That is the question. Shall a solid South, a united South,\nunited by assassination and murder, a South solidified by the shot-gun;\nshall a united South, with the aid of a divided North, shall they\ncontrol this great and splendid country? Well, then, the North must\nwake up. We are right back where we were in 1861. This is simply a\nprolongation of the war. This is the war of the idea, the other was the\nwar of the musket. The other was the war of cannon, this is the war of\nthought, and we have got to beat them in this war of thought, recollect\nthat. The question is, Shall the men who endeavored to destroy this\ncountry rule it? Shall the men that said, This is not a nation, have\ncharge of the nation?\n\n\n\n\n96. The Declaration of Independence\n\nThe Declaration of Independence is the grandest, the bravest, and\nthe profoundest political document that was ever signed by the\nrepresentatives of the people. It is the embodiment of physical and\nmoral courage and of political wisdom. I say physical courage, because\nit was a declaration of war against the most powerful nation then on the\nglobe; a declaration of war by thirteen weak, unorganized colonies; a\ndeclaration of war by a few people, without military stores, without\nwealth, without strength, against the most powerful kingdom on the\nearth; a declaration of war made when the British navy, at that day the\nmistress of every sea, was hovering along the coast of America, looking\nafter defenseless towns and villages to ravage and destroy. It was made\nwhen thousands of English soldiers were upon our soil, and when the\nprincipal cities of America were in the substantial possession of\nthe enemy. And so, I say, all things considered, it was the bravest\npolitical document ever signed by man.\n\n\n\n\n97. The World Grows Brighter.\n\nI have a dream that this world is growing better and better every day\nand every year; that there is more charity, more justice, more love\nevery day. I have a dream that prisons will not always curse the earth;\nthat the shadow of the gallows will not always fall on the land; that\nthe withered hand of want will not always be stretched out for charity;\nthat finally wisdom will sit in the legislature, justice in the courts,\ncharity will occupy all the pulpits, and that finally the world will be\ncontrolled by liberty and love, by justice and charity. That is my\ndream, and if it does not come true, it shall not be my fault.\n\n\n\n\n98. The Column of July\n\nI stood, a little while ago, in the city of Paris, where stood the\nBastile, where now stands the column of July, surmounted by the figure\nof Liberty. In its right hand is a broken chain, in its left hand a\nhammer; upon its shining forehead a glittering star--and as I looked\nupon it I said, such is the Republican party of my country.\n\n\n\n\n99. A Nation of Rascals\n\nSamuel J. Tilden says we are a nation of thieves and rascals. If that is\nso he ought to be President. But I denounce him as a calumniator of\nmy country; a maligner of this nation. It is not so. This country is\ncovered with asylums for the aged, the helpless, the insane, the orphan,\nthe wounded soldiers. Thieves and rascals don't build such things.\nIn the cities of the Atlantic coast this summer, they built floating\nhospitals, great ships, and took the little children from the\nsub-cellars and narrow, dirty streets of New York city, where the\nDemocratic party is the strongest--took these poor waifs and put them in\nthese great hospitals out at sea, and let the breezes of ocean kiss the\nrose of health back to their pallid cheeks. Rascals and thieves do not\ndo so. When Chicago burned, railroads were blocked with the charity of\nthe American people. Thieves and rascals did not do so.\n\n\n\n\n100. We are a Great People\n\nWe are a great people. Three millions have increased to fifty--thirteen\nstates to thirty-eight. We have better homes, and more of the\nconveniences of life than any other people upon the face of the globe.\nThe farmers of our country live better than did the kings and princes\ntwo hundred years ago--and they have twice as much sense and heart.\nLiberty and labor have given us all. Remember that all men have equal\nrights. Remember that the man who acts best his part--who loves\nhis friends the best--is most willing to help others--truest to the\nobligation--who has the best heart--the most feeling--the deepest\nsympathies--and who freely gives to others the rights that he claims for\nhimself, is the best man. We have disfranchised the aristocrats of the\nair, and have given one country to mankind.\n\n\n\n\n101. Mule Equality\n\nSuppose there was a great horse-race here to-day, free to every horse\nin the world, and to all the mules, and all the scrubs, and all the\ndonkeys. At the tap of the drum they come to the line, and the judges\nsay \"it is a go.\" Let me ask you, what does the blooded horse, rushing\nahead, with nostrils distended, drinking in the breath of his own\nswiftness, with his mane flying like a banner of victory, with his veins\nstanding out all over him, as if a net of life had been cast around\nhim--with his thin neck, his high withers, his tremulous flanks--what\ndoes he care how many mules and donkeys run on the track? But the\nDemocratic scrub, with his chuckle-head and lop-ears, with his tail full\nof cockle-burs, jumping high and short, and digging in the ground when\nhe feels the breath of the coming mule on his cockle-bur tail, he is\nthe chap that jumps the track and says, \"I am down on mule equality.\" My\nfriends, the Republican party is the blooded horse in this race.\n\n\n\n\n102. Room for Every Wing.\n\nThere is room in the Republican air for every wing; there is room on\nthe Republican sea for every sail. Republicanism says to every man: \"Let\nyour soul be like an eagle; fly out in the great dome of thought, and\nquestion the stars for yourself.\"\n\n\n\n\n103. The Republican Platform.\n\nI am a Republican because it is the only free party that ever existed.\nIt is a party that had a platform as broad as humanity, a platform as\nbroad as the human race, a party that says you shall have all the\nfruit of the labor of your hands, a party that says you may think for\nyourself; a party that says no chains for the hands, no fetters for the\nsoul.\n\n\n\n\n104. Our Government the best on Earth\n\nWe all want a good government. If we do not we should have none. We\nall want to live in a land where the law is supreme. We desire to live\nbeneath a flag that will protect every citizen beneath its folds. We\ndesire to be citizens of a government so great and so grand that it will\ncommand the respect of the civilized world. Most of us are convinced\nthat our government is the best upon this earth.\n\n\n\n\n105. Will the Second Century of America be as good as the First?\n\nStanding here amid the sacred memories of the first, on the golden\nthreshold of the second, I ask, Will the second century be as good\nas the first? I believe it will because we are growing more and more\nhumane; I believe there is more human kind-ness and a greater desire\nto help one another in America, than in all the world besides. We\nmust progress. We are just at the commencement of invention. The steam\nengine--the telegraph--these are but the toys with which science has\nbeen amusing herself. There will be grander things. There will be higher\nand wider culture. A grander standard of character, of literature and\nart. We have now half as many millions of people as we have years.\nWe are getting more real solid sense. We are writing and reading more\nbooks. We are struggling more and more to get at the philosophy of\nlife--trying more and more to answer the questions of the eternal\nSphinx. We are looking in every direction. We are investigating,\nthinking, working! The second century will be grander than the first.\n\n\n\n\nSCIENCE\n\n\n\n\n106. The Glory of Science.\n\nScience found agriculture plowing with a stick--reaping with a\nsickle--commerce at the mercy of the treacherous waves and the\ninconstant winds--a world without books--without schools--man denying\nthe authority of reason, employing his ingenuity in the manufacture\nof instruments of torture, in building inquisitions and cathedrals.\nIt found the land filled with malicious monks--with persecuting\nProtestants, and the burners of men. The glory of science is, that it is\nfreeing the soul--breaking the mental manacles--getting the brain out\nof bondage--giving courage to thought--filling the world with mercy,\njustice, and joy.\n\n\n\n\n107. The Tables Turned\n\nFor the establishment of facts, the word of man is now considered\nfar better than the word of God. In the world of science, Jehovah was\nsuperseded by Copernicus, Galileo, and Kepler. All that God told\nMoses, admitting the entire account to be true, is dust and ashes\ncompared to the discoveries of Des Cartes, La Place, and Humboldt. In\nmatters of fact, the Bible has ceased to be regarded as a standard.\nScience has succeeded in breaking the chains of theology. A few years\nago, science endeavored to show that it was not inconsistent with the\nBible. The tables have been turned, and now, religion is endeavoring to\nprove that the Bible is not inconsistent with science. The standard has\nbeen changed.\n\n\n\n\n108. Science Better than a Creed\n\nIt seems to me that a belief in the great truths of science are fully as\nessential to salvation, as the creed of any church. We are taught that\na man may be perfectly acceptable to God even if he denies the rotundity\nof the earth, the Copernican system, the three laws of Kepler, the\nindestructibility of matter and the attraction of gravitation. And we\nare also taught that a man may be right upon all these questions, and\nyet, for failing to believe in the \"scheme of salvation,\" be eternally\nlost.\n\n\n\n\n109. The Religion of Science\n\nEvery assertion of individual independence has been a step toward\ninfidelity. Luther started toward Humboldt,--Wesley, toward John Stuart\nMill. To really reform the church is to destroy it. Every new religion\nhas a little less superstition than the old, so that the religion of\nscience is but a question of time.\n\n\n\n\n110. Science not Sectarian\n\nThe sciences are not sectarian. People do not persecute each other on\naccount of disagreements in mathematics. Families are not divided about\nbotany, and astronomy does not even tend to make a man hate his father\nand mother. It is what people do not know, that they persecute each\nother about. Science will bring, not a sword, but peace.\n\n\n\n\n111. The Epitaph of all Religions\n\nScience has written over the high altar its mene, mene, tekel,\nUPHARSIN--the old words, destined to be the epitaph of all religions?\n\n\n\n\n112. The Real Priest\n\nWhen we abandon the doctrine that some infinite being created matter\nand force, and enacted a code of laws for their government, the idea\nof interference will be lost. The real priest will then be, not the\nmouth-piece of some pretended deity, but the interpreter of nature. From\nthat moment the church ceases to exist. The tapers will die out upon the\ndusty altar; the moths will eat the fading velvet of pulpit and pew;\nthe Bible will take its place with the Shastras, Puranas, Vedas, Eddas,\nSagas and Korans, and the fetters of a degrading faith will fall from\nthe minds of men.\n\n\n\n\n113. Science is Power\n\nFrom a philosophical point of view, science is knowledge of the laws\nof life; of the conditions of happiness; of the facts by which we are\nsurrounded, and the relations we sustain to men and things--by means\nof which, man, so to speak, subjugates nature and bends the elemental\npowers to his will, making blind force the servant of his brain.\n\n\n\n\n114. Science Supreme\n\nThe element of uncertainty will, in a great measure, be removed from the\ndomain of the future, and man, gathering courage from a succession of\nvictories over the obstructions of nature, will attain a serene grandeur\nunknown to the disciples of any superstition. The plans of mankind will\nno longer be interfered with by the finger of a supposed omnipotence,\nand no one will believe that nations or individuals are protected or\ndestroyed by any deity whatever. Science, freed from the chains of pious\ncustom and evangelical prejudice, will, within her sphere, be supreme.\nThe mind will investigate without reverence, and publish its conclusions\nwithout fear. Agassiz will no longer hesitate to declare the Mosaic\ncosmogony utterly inconsistent with the demonstrated truths of geology,\nand will cease pretending any reverence for the Jewish scriptures. The\nmoment science succeeds in rendering the church powerless for evil, the\nreal thinkers will be outspoken. The little flags of truce carried by\ntimid philosophers will disappear, and the cowardly parley will give\nplace to victory--lasting and universal.\n\n\n\n\n115. Science Opening the Gates of Thought\n\nWe are not endeavoring to chain the future, but to free the present. We\nare not forging fetters for our children, but we are breaking those our\nfathers made for us. We are the advocates of inquiry, of investigation\nand thought. This of itself, is an admission that we are not perfectly\nsatisfied with all our conclusions. Philosophy has not the egotism of\nfaith. While superstition builds walls and creates obstructions, science\nopens all the highways of thought.\n\n\n\n\n116. Stars and Grains of Sand\n\nWe do not say that we have discovered all; that our doctrines are the\nall in all of truth. We know of no end to the development of man. We\ncannot unravel the infinite complications of matter and force. The\nhistory of one monad is as unknown as that of the universe; one drop of\nwater is as wonderful as all the seas; one leaf, as all the forests; and\none grain of sand, as all the stars.\n\n\n\n\n117. The Trinity of Science\n\nReason, Observation and Experience--the Holy Trinity of Science--have\ntaught us that happiness is the only good; that the time to be happy is\nnow, and the way to be happy is to make others so. This is enough for\nus. In this belief we are content to live and die. If by any possibility\nthe existence of a power superior to, and independent of, nature shall\nbe demonstrated, there will then be time enough to kneel. Until then,\nlet us all stand nobly erect.\n\n\n\n\n118. The Old and the New Old ideas perished in the retort of the\nchemist, and useful truths took their places. One by one religious\nconceptions have been placed in the crucible of science, and thus far,\nnothing but dross has been found. A new world has been discovered by the\nmicroscope; everywhere has been found the infinite; in every direction\nman has investigated and explored, and nowhere, in earth or stars,\nhas been found the footstep of any being superior to or independent\nof nature. Nowhere has been discovered the slightest evidence of any\ninterference from without.\n\n\n\n\n119. The Triumphs of Science\n\nI do not know what inventions are in the brain of the future; I do not\nknow what garments of glory may be woven for the world in the loom of\nyears to be; we are just on the edge of the great ocean of discovery. I\ndo not know what is to be discovered; I do not know what science will do\nfor us. I do know that science did just take a handful of sand and make\nthe telescope, and with it read all the starry leaves of heaven; I know\nthat science took the thunderbolts from the hands of Jupiter, and now\nthe electric spark, freighted with thought and love, flashes under the\nwaves of the sea; I know that science stole a tear from the cheek of\nunpaid labor, converted it into steam, and created a giant that turns\nwith tireless arms the countless wheels of toil; I know that science\nbroke the chains from human limbs and gave us instead the forces of\nnature for our slaves; I know that we have made the attraction of\ngravitation work for us; we have made the lightnings our messengers; we\nhave taken advantage of fire and flames and wind and sea; these slaves\nhave no backs to be whipped; they have no hearts to be lacerated; they\nhave no children to be stolen, no cradles to be violated. I know that\nscience has given us better houses; I know it has given us better\npictures and better books; I know it has given us better wives and\nbetter husbands, and more beautiful children. I know it has enriched\na thousand-fold our life; and therefore I am in favor of perfect\nintellectual liberty.\n\n\n\n\n120. What Science Found!\n\nIt found the world at the mercy of disease and famine; men trying to\nread their fates in the stars, and to tell their fortunes by signs and\nwonders; generals thinking to conquer their enemies by making the sign\nof the cross, or by telling a rosary. It found all history full of petty\nand ridiculous falsehood, and the Almighty was supposed to spend most\nof his time turning sticks into snakes, drowning boys for swimming on\nSunday, and killing little children for the purpose of converting their\nparents. It found the earth filled with slaves and tyrants, the people\nin all countries downtrodden, half naked, half starved, without hope,\nand without reason in the world.\n\n\n\n\n121. Science the only Lever\n\nSuch was the condition of man when the morning of science dawned upon\nhis brain, and before he had heard the sublime declaration that the\nuniverse is governed by law. For the change that has taken place we are\nindebted solely to science--the only lever capable of raising mankind.\nAbject faith is barbarism; reason is civilization. To obey is slavish;\nto act from a sense of obligation perceived by the reason, is noble.\nIgnorance worships mystery; Reason explains it: the one grovels, the\nother soars.\n\n\n\n\nSLAVERY\n\n\n\n\n122. The Colonel Short of Words!!!\n\nI have sometimes wished that there were words of pure hatred out of\nwhich I might construct sentences like snakes, out of which I might\nconstruct sentences with mouths fanged, that had forked tongues, out of\nwhich I might construct sentences that writhed and and hissed; then I\ncould give my opinion of the rebels during the great struggle for the\npreservation of this nation.\n\n\n\n\n123. Slavery in the Name of Religion\n\nJust think of it! Our churches and best people, as they call themselves,\ndefending the institution of slavery. When I was a little boy I used\nto see steamers go down the Mississippi river with hundreds of men and\nwomen chained hand to hand, and even children, and men standing about\nthem with whips in their hands and pistols in their pockets in the name\nof liberty, in the name of civilization and in the name of religion! I\nused to hear them preach to these slaves in the South and the only text\nthey ever took was \"Servants be obedient unto your masters.\" That was\nthe salutation of the most merciful God to a man whose back was bleeding\nthat was the salutation of the most merciful God to the slave-mother\nbending over an empty cradle, to the woman from whose breast a child\nhad been stolen--\"Servants be obedient unto your masters.\" That was\nwhat they said to a man running for his life and for his liberty through\ntangled swamps and listening to the baying of blood-hounds, and when\nhe listened for them the voice came from heaven:--\"Servants be obedient\nunto your masters.\" That is civilization. Think what slaves we have\nbeen! Think how we have crouched and cringed before wealth even! How\nthey used to cringe in old times before a man who was rich--there are so\nmany of them gone into bankruptcy lately that we are losing a little of\nour fear.\n\n\n\n\n124. The Patrons of Slavery\n\nIt is not possible for the human imagination to conceive of the horrors\nof slavery. It has left no possible wrong uncommitted, no possible crime\nun-perpetrated. It has been practiced and defended by all nations in\nsome form. It has been upheld by all religions. It has been defended\nby nearly every pulpit. From the profits derived from the slave trade,\nchurches have been built, cathedrals reared and priests paid. Slavery\nhas been blessed by bishop, by cardinal and by pope. It has received the\nsanction of statesmen, of kings, of queens. Monarchs have shared in the\nprofits. Clergymen have taken their part of the spoil, reciting passages\nof scripture in its defense, and judges have taken their portion in the\nname of equity and law.\n\n\n\n\n125. A Colored Man in Congress\n\nThe world has changed! I have had the supreme pleasure of seeing a\nman--once a slave--sitting in the seat of his former master in the\nCongress of the United States. When I saw that sight, my eyes were\nfilled with tears. I felt that we had carried out the Declaration of\nIndependence, that we had given reality to it, and breathed the breath\nof life into every word. I felt that our flag would float over and\nprotect the colored man and his little children--standing straight in\nthe sun--just the same as though he were white and worth a million!\n\n\n\n\n126. The Zig-zag Strip\n\nI have some excuses to offer for the race to which I belong. My first\nexcuse is that this is not a very good world to raise folks in anyway.\nIt is not very well adapted to raising magnificent people. There's only\na quarter of it land to start with. It is three times better for raising\nfish than folks; and in that one-quarter of land there is not a tenth\npart fit to raise people on. You can't raise people without a good\nclimate. You have got to have the right kind of climate, and you have\ngot to have certain elements in the soil or you can't raise good people.\nDo you know that there is only a little zig-zag strip around the world\nwithin which have been produced all men of genius?\n\n\n\n\n127. Black People have Suffered Enough\n\nIn my judgment the black people have suffered enough. They have been\nslaves for two hundred years. They have been owned two hundred years,\nand, more than all, they have been compelled to keep the company of\nthose who owned them. Think of being compelled to keep the society of\nthe man who is stealing from you. Think of being compelled to live with\na man that stole your child from the cradle before your very eyes. Think\nof being compelled to live with a thief all your life, to spend your\ndays with a white loafer, and to be under his control.\n\n\n\n\n128. The History of Civilization\n\nThe history of civilization is the history of the slow and painful\nenfranchisement of the human race. In the olden times the family was a\nmonarchy, the father being the monarch. The mother and children were the\nveriest slaves. The will of the father was the supreme law. He had the\npower of life and death. It took thousands of years to civilize this\nfather, thousands of years to make the condition of the wife and mother\nand children even tolerable. A few families constituted a tribe; the\ntribe had a chief; the chief was a tyrant; a few tribes formed a nation;\nthe nation was governed by a king, who was also a tyrant. A strong\nnation robbed, plundered and took captive the weaker ones.\n\n\n\n\n129. Does God Uphold Slavery?\n\nIs there, in the civilized world, to-day, a clergyman who believes\nin the divinity of slavery? Does the Bible teach man to enslave his\nbrother? If it does, is it not blasphemous to say that it is inspired\nof God? If you find the institution of slavery upheld in a book said\nto have been written by God, what would you expect to find in a book\ninspired by the devil? Would you expect to find that book in favor of\nliberty? Modern Christians, ashamed of the God of the Old Testament,\nendeavor now to show that slavery was neither commanded nor opposed by\nJehovah.\n\n\n\n\n130. Solemn Defiance\n\nFor my part, I never will, I never can, worship a God who upholds the\ninstitution of slavery. Such a God I hate and defy. I neither want his\nheaven, nor fear his hell.\n\n\n\n\nTHE WAR\n\n\n\n\n131. The Soldiers of the Republic\n\nThe soldiers of the Republic were not seekers after vulgar glory. They\nwere not animated by the hope of plunder or the love of conquest. They\nfought to preserve the blessings of liberty and that their children\nmight have peace. They were the defenders of humanity, the destroyers\nof prejudice, the breakers of chains, and in the name of the future they\nslew the monster of their time.\n\n\n\n\n132. Honor to the Brave!\n\nAll honor, to the Brave! They blotted from the statute books laws that\nhad been passed by hypocrites at the instigation of robbers, and tore\nwith indignant hands from the Constitution that infamous clause that\nmade men the catchers of their fellow men. They made it possible for\njudges to be just, for statesmen to be human, and for politicians to be\nhonest. They broke the shackles from the limbs of slaves, from the souls\nof martyrs, and from the Northern brain. They kept our country on the\nmap of the world and our flag in heaven.\n\n\n\n\n133. What Were We Fighting For?\n\nSeven long years of war--fighting for what? For the principle that\nall men were created equal--a truth that nobody ever disputed except\na scoundrel; nobody in the entire history of this world. No man ever\ndenied that truth who was not a rascal, and at heart a thief; never,\nnever, and never will. What else were they fighting for? Simply that in\nAmerica every man should have a right to life, liberty and the pursuit\nof happiness. Nobody ever denied that except a villain; never, never.\nIt has been denied by kings--they were thieves. It has been denied by\nstatesmen--they were liars. It has been denied by priests, by clergymen,\nby cardinals, by bishops and by popes--they were hypocrites. What else\nwere they fighting for? For the idea that all political power is vested\nin the great body of the people. They make all the money; do all the\nwork. They plow the land; cut down the forests; they produce everything\nthat is produced. Then who shall say what shall be done with what is\nproduced except the producer?\n\n\n\n\n134. The Revolution Consummated\n\nThe soldiers of the Republic finished what the soldiers of the\nRevolution commenced. They relighted the torch that fell from their\naugust hands and filled the world again with light.\n\n\n\n\n135. Fighting Done!--Work Begun!\n\nThe soldiers went home to their waiting wives, to their glad children,\nand to the girls they loved--they went back to the fields, the shops and\nmines. They had not been demoralized. They had been ennobled. They were\nas honest in peace as they had been brave in war. Mocking at poverty,\nlaughing at reverses, they made a friend of toil. They said: \"We saved\nthe nation's life, and what is life without honor?\" They worked and\nwrought with all of labor's sons, that every pledge the nation gave\nshould be redeemed. And their great leader, having put a shining hand of\nfriendship--a girdle of clasped and happy hands--around the globe, comes\nhome and finds that every promise made in war has now the ring and gleam\nof gold.\n\n\n\n\n136. Manhood worth more than Gold\n\nWe say in this country manhood is worth more than gold. We say in this\ncountry that without liberty the Nation is not worth preserving. I\nappeal to every laboring man, and I ask him, \"Is there another country\non this globe where you can have your equal rights with others?\" Now,\nthen, in every country, no matter how good it is, and no matter how bad\nit is--in every country there is something worth preserving, and there\nis something that ought to be destroyed. Now recollect that every voter\nis in his own right a king; every voter in this country wears a crown;\nevery voter in this country has in his hands the scepter of authority;\nand every voter, poor and rich, wears the purple of authority alike.\nRecollect it; and the man that will sell his vote is the man that\nabdicates the American throne.\n\n\n\n\n137. Grander than Greek or Roman.\n\nGrander than the Greek, nobler than the Roman, the soldiers of the\nrepublic, with patriotism as taintless as the air, battled for the\nrights of others; for the nobility of labor; fought that mothers might\nown their babes; that arrogant idleness should not scar the back of\npatient toil, and that our country should not be a many-headed monster\nmade of warring States, but a Nation, sovereign, great and free. Blood\nwas water; money, leaves, and life was common air until one flag floated\nover a republic without a master and without a slave.\n\n\n\n\n138. Let us Drink to the Living and the Dead\n\nThe soldiers of the Union saved the South as well as the North. They\nmade us a Nation. Their victory made us free and rendered tyranny in\nevery other land as insecure as snow upon volcano lips. And now let us\ndrink to the volunteers, to those who sleep in unknown, sunken graves,\nwhose names are only in the hearts of those they loved and left--of\nthose who only hear in happy dreams the footsteps of return. Let us\ndrink to those who died where lipless famine mocked at want--to all the\nmaimed whose scars give modesty a tongue, to all who dared and gave to\nchance the care and keeping of their lives--to all the living and all\nthe dead--to Sherman, to Sheridan and to Grant, the foremost soldiers of\nthe world; and last, to Lincoln, whose loving life, like a bow of peace,\nspans and arches all the clouds of war.\n\n\n\n\n139. Will the Wounds of the War be Healed?\n\nThere is still another question: \"Will all the wounds of the war be\nhealed?\" I answer, Yes. The Southern people must submit, not to the\ndictation of the North, but to the nation's will and to the verdict of\nmankind. They were wrong, and the time will come when they will say\nthat they have been vanquished by the right. Freedom conquered them, and\nfreedom will cultivate their fields, educate their children, weave for\nthem the robes of wealth, execute their laws, and fill their land with\nhappy homes.\n\n\n\n\n140. Saviours of the Nation\n\nThey rolled the stone from the sepulchre of progress, and found therein\ntwo angels clad in shining garments--nationality and liberty. The\nsoldiers were the Saviours of the Nation. They were the liberators of\nmen. In writing the proclamation of emancipation, Lincoln, greatest\nof our mighty dead, whose memory is as gentle as the summer air,--when\nreapers sing 'mid gathered sheaves,--copied with the pen what Grant and\nhis brave comrades wrote with swords.\n\n\n\n\n141. General Grant\n\nWhen the savagery of the lash, the barbarism of the chain, and the\ninsanity of secession confronted the civilization of our century, the\nquestion, \"Will the great republic defend itself?\" trembled on the\nlips of every lover of mankind. The North, filled with intelligence and\nwealth, products of liberty, marshalled her hosts and asked only for\na leader. From civil life a man, silent, thoughtful, poised, and calm;\nstepped forth, and with the lips of victory voiced the nation's first\nand last demand: \"Unconditional and immediate surrender.\" From that\nmoment the end was known. That utterance was the real declaration of\nreal war and in accordance with the dramatic unities of mighty\nevents, the great soldier who made it, received the final sword of the\nrebellion. The soldiers of the republic were not seekers after vulgar\nglory; they were not animated by the hope of plunder or the love of\nconquest. They fought to preserve the homestead of liberty.\n\n\n\n\nMONEY THAT IS MONEY\n\n\n\n\n142. Paper is not Money\n\nSome people tell me that the government can impress its sovereignty on\na piece of paper, and that is money. Well, if it is, what's the use of\nwasting it making one dollar bills? It takes no more ink and no more\npaper--why not make $1000 bills? Why not make $100,000,000 and all be\nbillionaires? If the government can make money, what on earth does it\ncollect taxes for you and me for? Why don't it make what money it wants,\ntake the taxes out, and give the balance to us? Mr. Greenbacker, suppose\nthe government issued $1,000,000,000 to-morrow, how would you get any of\nit?\n\n\n\n\n143. The Debt will be paid\n\nIt will be paid. The holders of the debt have got a mortgage on a\ncontinent. They have a mortgage on the honor of the Republican party,\nand it is on record. Every blade of grass that grows upon this continent\nis a guarantee that the debt will be paid; every field of bannered corn\nin the great, glorious West is a guarantee that the debt will be paid;\nall the coal put away in the ground, millions of years ago by the old\nmiser, the sun; is a guarantee that every dollar of that debt will be\npaid; all the cattle on the prairies, pastures and plains, every one of\nthem is a guarantee that this debt will be paid; every pine standing\nin the sombre forests of the North, waiting for the woodman's axe, is\na guarantee that this debt will be paid; all the gold and silver hid in\nthe Sierra Nevadas, waiting for the miner's pick, is a guarantee that\nthe debt will be paid; every locomotive, with its muscles of iron and\nbreath of flame, and all the boys and girls bending over their books at\nschool, every dimpled child in the cradle, every good man and every good\nwoman, and every man that votes the Republican ticket, is a guarantee\nthat the debt will be paid.\n\n\n\n\n144. 1873 to 1879!\n\nNo man can imagine, all the languages of the world cannot express, what\nthe people of the United States suffered from 1873 to 1879. Men who\nconsidered themselves millionaires found that they were beggars; men\nliving in palaces, supposing they had enough to give sunshine to the\nwinter of their age, supposing they had enough to have all they loved\nin affluence and comfort, suddenly found that they were mendicants with\nbonds, stocks, mortgages, all turned to ashes in their aged, trembling\nhands.\n\nThe chimneys grew cold, the fires in furnaces went out, the poor\nfamilies were turned adrift, and the highways of the United States were\ncrowded with tramps. Into the home of the poor crept the serpent of\ntemptation, and whispered in the ear of poverty the terrible word\n\"repudiation.\"\n\n\n\n\n145. A Voter because a Man\n\nA man does not vote in this country simply because he is rich; he does\nnot vote in this country simply because he has an education; he does\nnot vote simply because he has talent or genius; we say that he votes\nbecause he is a man, and that he has his manhood to support; and we\nadmit in this country that nothing can be more valuable to any human\nbeing than his manhood, and for that reason we put poverty on an\nequality with wealth.\n\n\n\n\n146. Keep the Flag in Heaven!\n\nIf you are a German, recollect that this country is kinder to you than\nyour own fatherland,--no matter what country you came from, remember\nthat this country is an asylum, and vote as in your conscience you\nbelieve you ought to vote to keep this flag in heaven. I beg every\nAmerican to stand with that part of the country that believes in law, in\nfreedom of speech, in an honest vote, in civilization, in progress, in\nhuman liberty, and in universal justice.\n\n\n\n\n147. Prosperity and Resumption hand in hand\n\nThe Republicans of the United States demand a man who knows that\nprosperity and resumption, when they come, must come together; that when\nthey come they will come hand in hand through the golden harvest fields;\nhand in hand by the whirling spindles and the turning wheels; hand in\nhand past the open furnace doors; hand in hand by the chimneys filled\nwith eager fire, greeted and grasped by the countless sons of toil.\nThis money has to be dug out of the earth. You cannot make it by passing\nresolutions in a political convention.\n\n\n\n\n148. Every Poor Man should Stand by the Government\n\nIt is the only Nation where the man clothed in a rag stands upon an\nequality with the one wearing purple. It is the only country in the\nworld where, politically, the hut is upon an equality with the palace.\nFor that reason, every poor man should stand by the government, and\nevery poor man who does not is a traitor to the best interests of his\nchildren; every poor man who does not is willing his children should\nbear the badge of political inferiority; and the only way to make this\ngovernment a complete and perfect success is for the poorest man to\nthink as much of his manhood as the millionaire does of his wealth.\n\n\n\n\n149. We Will Settle Pair!\n\nI want to tell you that you cannot conceive of what the American people\nsuffered as they staggered over the desert of bankruptcy from 1873 to\n1879.\n\nWe are too near now to know how grand we were. The poor mechanic said\n\"No;\" the ruined manufacturer said \"No;\" the once millionaire said \"No,\nwe will settle fair; we will agree to pay whether we ever pay or\nnot, and we will never soil the American name with the infamous word,\n'repudiation.'\" Are you not glad? What is the talk? Are you not glad\nthat our flag is covered all over with financial honors? The stars shine\nand gleam now because they represent an honest nation.\n\n\n\n\n150. A Government with a Long Arm\n\nI believe in a Government with an arm long enough to reach the collar\nof any rascal beneath its flag. I want it with an arm long enough and\na sword sharp enough to strike down tyranny wherever it may raise its\nsnaky head. I want a nation that can hear the faintest cries of its\nhumblest citizen. I want a nation that will protect a freedman standing\nin the sun by his little cabin, just as quick as it would protect\nVanderbilt in a palace of marble and gold.\n\n\n\n\n151. No Repudiation\n\nThen it was, that the serpent of temptation whispered in the ear of want\nthat dreadful word \"Repudiation.\" An effort was made to repudiate. They\nappealed to want, to misery, to threatened financial ruin, to the bare\nhearthstones, to the army of beggars, We had grandeur enough to say:\n\"No; we'll settle fair if we don't pay a cent!\" And we'll pay-it. 'Twas\ngrandeur! Is there a Democrat now who wishes we had taken the advice of\nBayard to scale the bonds? Is there an American, a Democrat here, who\nis not glad we escaped the stench and shame of repudiation, and did not\ntake Democratic advice? Is there a Greenbacker here who is not glad we\ndidn't do it? He may say he is, but he isn't.\n\n\n\n\n152. The Great Crash!\n\nI think there is the greatest heroism in living for a thing! There's no\nglory in digging potatoes. You don't wear a uniform when you're picking\nup stones. You can't have a band of music when you dig potatoes! In,\n1873 came the great crash. We staggered over the desert of bankruptcy.\nNo one can estimate the anguish of that time! Millionaires found\nthemselves paupers. Palaces were exchanged for hovels. The aged man,\nwho had spent his life in hard labor, and who thought he had accumulated\nenough to support himself in his old age, and leave a little something\nto his children and grandchildren, found they were all beggars. The\nhighways were filled with tramps.\n\n\n\n\n153. Promises Don't Pay\n\nIf I am fortunate enough to leave a dollar when I die, I want it to be\na good one; I don't wish to have it turn to ashes in the hands of\nwidowhood, or become a Democratic broken promise in the pocket of the\norphan; I want it money. I saw not long ago a piece of gold bearing the\nstamp of the Roman Empire. That Empire is dust, and over it has been\nthrown the mantle of oblivion, but that piece of gold is as good as\nthough Julius Caesar were still riding at the head of the Roman Legion.\nI want money to that will outlive the Democratic party. They told\nus--and they were honest about it--they said, \"when we have plenty of\nmoney we are prosperous.\" And I said: \"When we are prosperous, then we\nhave credit, and, credit inflates the currency. Whenever a man buys a\npound of sugar and says, 'Charge it,' he inflates the currency; whenever\nhe gives his note, he inflates the currency; whenever his word takes the\nplace of money, he inflates the currency.\" The consequence is that when\nwe are prosperous, credit takes the place of money, and we have what\nwe call \"plenty.\" But you can't increase prosperity simply by using\npromises to pay.\n\n\n\n\n154. Solid and Bright!\n\nI do not wish to trust the wealth of this nation with the demagogues of\nthe nation. I do not wish to trust the wealth of the country to every\nblast of public opinion. I want money as solid as the earth on which we\ntread, as bright as the stars that shine above us.\n\n\n\n\n155. The South and the Tariff\n\nWhere did this doctrine of a tariff for revenue only come from? From the\nSouth. The South would like to stab the prosperity of the North. They\nhad rather trade with Old England than with New England. They had rather\ntrade with the people who were willing to help them in war than those\nwho conquered the rebellion. They knew what gave us our strength in\nwar. They knew all the brooks and creeks and rivers in New England were\nputting down the rebellion. They knew that every wheel that turned,\nevery spindle that revolved, was a soldier in the army of human\nprogress. It won't do. They were so lured by the greed of office that\nthey were willing to trade upon the misfortune of a nation. It won't\ndo. I don't wish to belong to a party that succeeds only when my country\nfalls. I don't wish to belong to a party whose banner went up with\nthe banner of rebellion. I don't wish to belong to a party that was in\npartnership with defeat and disaster.\n\n\n\n\n156. I am for Protection\n\nAnd I will tell you why I am for protection, too. If we were all farmers\nwe would be stupid. If we were all shoemakers we would be stupid. If\nwe all followed one business, no matter what it was, we would become\nstupid. Protection to American labor diversifies American industry, and\nto have it diversified touches and developes every part of the human\nbrain. Protection protects integrity; it protects intelligence; and\nprotection raises sense; and by protection we have greater men and\nbetter-looking women and healthier children. Free trade means that our\nlaborer is upon an equality with the poorest paid labor of this world.\n\n\n\n\n157. The Old Woman of Tewksbury\n\nYou Greenbackers are like the old woman in the Tewksbury, Mass.,\nPoor-House. She used to be well off, and didn't like her quarters. You\nGreenbackers have left your father's house of many mansions and have fed\non shucks about long enough. The Supervisor came into the Poor-House one\nday and asked the old lady how she liked it. She said she didn't like\nthe company, and asked him what he would advise her to do under similar\ncircumstances. \"Oh, you'd better stay. You're prejudiced,\" said he.\n\"Do you think anybody is ever prejudiced in their sleep?\" asked the\nold lady. \"I had a dream the other night. I dreamed I died and went to\nHeaven. Lots of nice people were there. A nice man came to me and asked\nme where I was from. Says I, 'From Tewksbury, Mass.' He looked in his\nbook and said, 'You can't stay here.' \"I asked what he would advise me\nto do under similar circumstances.\" 'Well,' he said, 'there's hell down\nthere, you might try that.' \"Well, I went down there, and the men told\nme my name wasn't on the book and I couldn't stay there. 'Well,' said I,\n'What would you advise me to do under similar circumstances?' 'Said he,\n'You'll have to go back to Tewksbury.' And when Green-backers remember\nwhat they once were, you must feel now, when you were forced to join\nthe Democratic party, as bad as the old lady who had to go back to\nTewksbury.\n\n\n\n\n158. American Muscle, Coined into Gold\n\nI believe in American labor, and I tell you why. The other day a man\ntold me that we had produced in the United States of America one million\ntons of rails. How much are they worth? Sixty dollars a ton. In other\nwords, the million tons are worth $60,000,000. How much is a ton of iron\nworth in the ground? Twenty-five cents. American labor takes 25 cents of\niron in the ground and adds to it $59.75. One million tons of rails, and\nthe raw material not worth $24,000. We build a ship in the United States\nworth $500,000, and the value of the ore in the earth, of the trees in\nthe great forest, of all that enters into the composition of that ship\nbringing $500,000 in gold is only $20,000; $480,000 by American labor,\nAmerican muscle, coined into gold; American brains made a legal-tender\nthe world around.\n\n\n\n\n159. Inflation\n\nI don't blame the man who wanted inflation. I don't blame him for\npraying for another period of inflation. \"When it comes,\" said the man\nwho had a lot of shrunken property on his hands, \"blame me, if I don't\nunload, you may shoot me.\" It's a good deal like the game of poker! I\ndon't suppose any of you know anything about that game! Along towards\nmorning the fellow who is ahead always wants another deal. The fellow\nthat is behind says his wife's sick, and he must go home. You ought\nto hear that fellow descant on domestic virtue! And the other fellow\naccuses him of being a coward and wanting to jump the game. A man whose\ndead wood is hung up on the shore in a dry time, wants the water to rise\nonce more and float it out into the middle of the stream.\n\n\n\n\n160. Resources of Illinois.\n\nLet me tell you something about Illinois. We have fifty-six thousand\nsquare miles of land--nearly thirty-six million acres. Upon these plains\nwe can raise enough to feed and clothe twenty million people. Beneath\nthese prairies were hidden, millions of ages ago, by that old miser, the\nsun, thirty-six thousand square miles of coal. The aggregate thickness\nof these veins is at least fifteen feet. Think of a column of coal one\nmile square and one hundred miles high! All this came from the sun. What\na sunbeam such a column would be! Think of all this force, willed and\nleft to us by the dead morning of the world! Think of the fireside of\nthe future around which will sit the fathers, mothers and children of\nthe years to be! Think of the sweet and happy faces, the loving and\ntender eyes that will glow and gleam in the sacred light of all these\nflames!\n\n\n\n\n161. Money!\n\nThey say that money is a measure of value. 'Tisn't so. A bushel doesn't\nmeasure values. It measures diamonds as well as potatoes. If it measured\nvalues, a bushel of potatoes would be worth as much as a bushel of\ndiamonds. A yard-stick doesn't measure values. They used to say,\n\"there's no use in having a gold yard-stick.\" That was right. You\ndon't buy the yard-stick. If money bore the same relation to trade as\na yard-stick or half-bushel, you would have the same money when you\ngot through trading as you had when you begun. A man don't sell\nhalf-bushels. He sells corn. All we want is a little sense about these\nthings. We were in trouble. The thing was discussed. Some said there\nwasn't enough money. That's so; I know what that means myself. They said\nif we had more money we'd be more prosperous. The truth is, if we\nwere more prosperous we'd have more money. They said more money would\nfacilitate business.\n\n\n\n\n162. Money by Work\n\nHow do you get your money? By work. Where from? You have got to dig it\nout of the ground. That is where it comes from. In old times there were\nsome men who thought they could get some way to turn the baser metals\ninto gold, and old gray-haired men, trembling, tottering on the verge of\nthe grave, were hunting for something to turn ordinary metals into gold;\nthey were searching for the fountain of eternal youth, but they did not\nfind it. No human ear has ever heard the silver gurgle of the spring of\nimmortal youth.\n\n\n\n\n163. Meat Twice a Year\n\nI have been in countries where the laboring man had meat once a year;\nsometimes twice--Christmas and Easter. And I have seen women carrying\nupon their heads a burden that no man would like to carry, and at the\nsame time knitting busily with both hands. And those women lived without\nmeat; and when I thought of the American laborer I said to myself,\n\"After all, my country is the best in the world.\" And when I came back\nto the sea and saw the old flag flying in the air, it seemed to me as\nthough the air from pure joy had burst into blossom.\n\n\n\n\n164. America a Glorious Land\n\nLabor has more to eat and more to wear in the United States than in\nany other land of this earth. I want America to produce everything\nthat Americans need. I want it so if the whole world should declare war\nagainst us, so if we were surrounded by walls of cannon and bayonets and\nswords, we could supply all human wants in and of ourselves. I want to\nlive to see the American woman dressed in American silk; the American\nman in everything from hat to boots produced in America by the cunning\nhand of the American toiler.\n\n\n\n\n165. How to Spend a Dollar\n\nIf you have only a dollar in the world and have got to spend it, spend\nit like a man; spend it like a prince, like a king! If you have to spend\nit, spend it as though it were a dried leaf, and you were the owner of\nunbounded forests.\n\n\n\n\n166. Honesty is Best always and Everywhere\n\nI am next in favor of honest money. I am in favor of gold and silver,\nand paper with gold and silver behind it. I believe in silver, because\nit is one of the greatest of American products, and I am in favor of\nanything that will add to the value of American products. But I want a\nsilver dollar worth a gold dollar, even if you make it or have to make\nit four feet in diameter. No government can afford to be a clipper of\ncoin. A great Republic cannot afford to stamp a lie upon silver or gold.\nHonest money, an honest people, an honest Nation. When our money is only\nworth 80 cents on the dollar, we feel 20 per cent, below par. When our\nmoney is good we feel good. When our money is at par, that is where we\nare. I am a profound believer in the doctrine that for nations as well\nas men, honesty is the best, always, everywhere and forever.\n\n\n\n\n167. A Fountain of Greenbacks\n\nThere used to be mechanics that tried to make perpetual motion by\ncombinations of wheels, shifting weights, and rolling balls; but somehow\nthe machine would never quite run. A perpetual fountain of greenbacks,\nof wealth without labor, is just as foolish as a fountain of eternal\nyouth. The idea that you can produce money without labor is just as\nfoolish as the idea of perpetual motion. They are old follies under new\nnames.\n\n\n\n\n168. What the Greenback says!\n\nShall we pay our debts? We had to borrow some money to pay for shot and\nshell to shoot Democrats with. We found that we could get along with a\nfew less Democrats, but not with any less country, and so we borrowed\nthe money, and the question now is, will we pay it? And which party is\nthe most apt to pay it, the Republican party, that made the debt--the\nparty that swore it was constitutional, or the party that said it was\nunconstitutional? Whenever a Democrat sees a greenback, the greenback\nsays to the Democrat, \"I am one of the fellows that whipped you.\"\nWhenever a Republican sees a greenback, the greenback says to him, \"You\nand I put down the rebellion and saved the country.\"\n\n\n\n\n169. Honest Methods\n\nSo many presidents of savings banks, even those belonging to the Young\nMen's Christian Association, run off with the funds; so many railroad\nand insurance companies are in the hands of receivers; there is so much\nbankruptcy on every hand, that all capital is held in the nervous clutch\nof fear. Slowly, but surely, we are coming back to honest methods in\nbusiness. Confidence will return, and then enterprise will unlock the\nsafe and money will again circulate as of yore; the dollars will leave\ntheir hitting places, and every one will be seeking investment.\n\n\n\n\n170. Silver demonetized by Fraud!\n\nFor my part I do not ask any interference on the part of the government\nexcept to undo the wrong it has done. I do not ask that money be made\nout of nothing. I do not ask for the prosperity born of paper. But I do\nask for the remonetization of silver. Silver was demonetized by fraud.\nIt was an imposition upon every solvent man; a fraud upon every honest\ndebtor in the United States. It assassinated labor. It was done in the\ninterest of avarice and greed, and should be undone by honest men.\n\n\n\n\nRELIGIOUS QUESTIONS\n\n\n\n\n171. The Crime of Crimes!\n\nRedden your hands with human blood; blast by slander the fair fame\nof the innocent; strangle the smiling child upon its mother's knees;\ndeceive, ruin and desert the beautiful girl who loves and trusts you,\nand your case is not hopeless. For all this, and for all these you\nmay be forgiven. For all this, and for all these, that bankrupt court\nestablished by the gospel, will give you a discharge; but deny the\nexistence of these divine ghosts, of these gods, and the sweet and\ntearful face of Mercy becomes livid with eternal hate. Heaven's golden\ngates are shut, and you, with an infinite curse ringing in your\nears, with the brand of infamy upon your brow, commence your endless\nwanderings in the lurid gloom of hell--an immortal vagrant--an eternal\noutcast--a deathless convict.\n\n\n\n\n172. Faith--A Mixture of Insanity and Ignorance\n\nThe doctrine that future happiness depends upon belief is monstrous.\nIt is the infamy of infamies. The notion that faith in Christ is to\nbe rewarded by an eternity of bliss, while a dependence upon reason,\nobservation, and experience merits everlasting pain, is too absurd for\nrefutation, and can be relieved only by that unhappy mixture of insanity\nand ignorance; called \"faith.\"\n\n\n\n\n173. What the Saints Could Cure!\n\nThe church in the days of Voltaire contended that its servants were the\nonly legitimate physicians. The priests cured in the name of the church,\nand in the name of God--by exorcism, relics, water, salt and oil. St.\nValentine cured epilepsy, St. Gervasius was good for rheumatism, St.\nMichael de Sanatis for cancer, St. Judas for coughs, St. Ovidius\nfor deafness, St. Sebastian for poisonous bites. St. Apollonia for\ntoothache, St. Clara for rheum in the eye, St. Hubert for hydrophobia.\nDevils were driven out with wax tapers, with incence (sp.), with holy\nwater, by pronouncing prayers. The church, as late as the middle of the\ntwelfth century, prohibited good Catholics from having anything to do\nwith physicians.\n\n\n\n\n174. The Sleep of Persecutors\n\nAll the persecutors sleep in peace, and the ashes of those who burned\ntheir brothers in the name of Christ rest in consecrated ground. Whole\nlibraries could not contain even the names of the wretches who have\nfilled the world with violence and death in defense of book and creed,\nand yet they all died the death of the righteous, and no priest or|\nminister describes the agony and fear, the remorse and horror with which\ntheir guilty souls were filled in the last moments of their lives. These\nmen had never doubted; they accepted the creed; they were not infidels;\nthey had not denied the divinity of Christ; they had been baptized;\nthey had partaken of the last supper; they had respected priests; they\nadmitted that the Holy Ghost had \"proceeded;\" and these things put\npillows beneath their dying heads and covered them with the drapery of\npeace.\n\n\n\n\n175. Crime Rampant and God Silent!\n\nThere is no recorded instance where the uplifted hand of murder has been\nparalyzed--no truthful account in all the literature of the world of the\ninnocent shielded by God. Thousands of crimes are being committed every\nday--men are this moment lying in wait for their human prey; wives\nare whipped and crushed, driven to insanity and death; little children\nbegging for mercy, lifting imploringly tear-filled eyes to the brutal\nfaces of fathers and mothers; sweet girls are deceived, lured, and\noutraged; but God has no time to prevent these things--no time to defend\nthe good and to protect the pure. He is too busy numbering hairs and\nwatching sparrows.\n\n\n\n\n176. How Criminals Die Serenely!\n\nAll kinds of criminals, except infidels, meet death with reasonable\nserenity. As a rule, there is nothing in the death of a pirate to cast\nany discredit on his profession. The murderer upon the scaffold, with\na priest on either side, smilingly exhorts the multitude to meet him in\nheaven. The man who has succeeded in making his home a hell meets death\nwithout a quiver, provided he has never expressed any doubt as to the\ndivinity of Christ or the eternal \"procession\" of the holy ghost. The\nking who has waged cruel and useless war, who has filled countries with\nwidows and fatherless children, with the maimed and diseased, and who\nhas succeeded in offering to the Moloch of ambition the best and bravest\nof his subjects, dies like a saint.\n\n\n\n\n177. The first Corpse and the first Cathedral\n\nNow and then, in the history of this world, a man of genius, of sense,\nof intellectual honesty has appeared. These men have denounced the\nsuperstitions of their day. They pitied the multitude. To see priests\ndevour the substance of the people filled them with indignation. These\nmen were honest enough to tell their thoughts. Then they were denounced,\ncondemned, executed. Some of them escaped the fury of the people who\nloved their enemies, and died naturally in their beds. It would not be\nfor the church to admit that they died peacefully. That would show that\nreligion was not actually necessary in the last moment. Religion got\nmuch of its power from the terror of death. Superstition is the child of\nignorance and fear. The first grave was the first cathedral. The first\ncorpse was the first priest. It would not do to have the common people\nunderstand that a man could deny the Bible, refuse to look at the cross,\ncontend that Christ was only a man, and yet die as calmly as Calvin did\nafter he had murdered Servetus, or as King David, after advising one son\nto kill another.\n\n\n\n\n178. The Sixteenth Century\n\nIn the sixteenth century every science was regarded as an outcast and an\nenemy, and the church influenced the world, which was under its\npower, to believe anything, and the ignorant mob was always too ready,\nbrutalized by the church, to hang, kill or crucify at their bidding.\nSuch was the result of a few centuries of Christianity.\n\n\n\n\n179. An Orthodox Gentleman\n\nBy Orthodox I mean a gentleman who is petrified in his mind, whooping\naround intellectually, simply to save the funeral expenses of his soul.\n\n\n\n\n180. A Bold Assertion\n\nThe churches point to their decayed saints, and their crumbled Popes\nand say, \"Do you know more than all the ministers that ever lived?\"\nAnd without the slightest egotism or blush I say, yes, and the name of\nHumboldt outweighs them all. The men who stand in the front rank, the\nmen who know most of the secrets of nature, the men who know most are\nto-day the advanced infidels of this world. I have lived long enough to\nsee the brand of intellectual inferiority on every orthodox brain.\n\n\n\n\n181. History a Bloody Farce!\n\nIf we admit that some infinite being has controlled the destinies of\npersons and peoples, history becomes a most cruel and bloody farce.\nAge after age, the strong have trampled upon the weak; the crafty\nand heartless have ensnared and enslaved the simple and innocent,\nand nowhere, in all the annals of mankind, has any god succored the\noppressed.\n\n\n\n\n182. Weak ones Suffering--Heaven deaf\n\nMost of the misery has been endured by the weak, the loving and the\ninnocent. Women have been treated like poisonous beasts, and little\nchildren trampled upon as though they had been vermin. Numberless altars\nhave been reddened, even with the blood of babes; beautiful girls have\nbeen given to slimy serpents; whole races of men doomed to centuries\nof slavery, and everywhere there has been outrage beyond the power\nof genius to express. During all these years the suffering have\nsupplicated; the withered lips of famine have prayed; the pale victims\nhave implored, and Heaven has been deaf and blind.\n\n\n\n\n183. Heaven has no Ear, no Hand\n\nMan should cease to expect aid from on high. By this time he should know\nthat heaven has no ear to hear, and no hand to help. The present is the\nnecessary child of all the past. There has been no chance, and there can\nbe no interference.\n\n\n\n\n184. Religion is Tyrannical\n\nReligion does not, and cannot, contemplate man as free. She accepts only\nthe homage of the prostrate, and scorns the offerings of those who stand\nerect. She cannot tolerate the liberty of thought. The wide and sunny\nfields belong not to her domain. The star-lit heights of genius and\nindividuality are above and beyond her appreciation and power. Her\nsubjects cringe at her feet, covered with the dust of obedience.\n\n\n\n\n185. Religion and Facts\n\nWhat has religion to do with facts? Nothing. Is there any such thing\nas Methodist mathematics, Presbyterian botany, Catholic astronomy or\nBaptist biology? What has any form of superstition or religion to do\nwith a fact or with any science? Nothing but hinder, delay or embarass.\nI want, then, to free the schools; and I want to free the politicians,\nso that a man will not have to pretend he is a Methodist, or his wife\na Baptist, or his grandmother a Catholic; so that he can go through\na campaign, and when he gets through will find none of the dust of\nhypocrisy on his knees.\n\n\n\n\n186. Religion not the End of Life\n\nWe deny that religion is the end or object of this life. When it is so\nconsidered it becomes destructive of happiness--the real end of life.\nIt becomes a hydra-headed monster, reaching in terrible coils from the\nheavens, and thrusting its thousand fangs into the bleeding, quivering\nhearts of men. It devours their substance, builds palaces for God, (who\ndwells not in temples made with hands,) and allows his children to\ndie in huts and hovels. It fills the earth with mourning, heaven with\nhatred, the present with fear, and all the future with despair.\n\n\n\n\n187. Creeds\n\nJust in proportion that the human race has advanced, the Church has lost\npower. There is no exception to this rule. No nation ever materially\nadvanced that held strictly to the religion of its founders. No nation\never gave itself wholly to the control of the Church without losing its\npower, its honor, and existence. Every Church pretends to have found\nthe exact truth. This is the end of progress. Why pursue that which you\nhave? Why investigate when you know? Every creed is a rock in running\nwater; humanity sweeps by it. Every creed cries to the universe, \"Halt!\"\nA creed is the ignorant Past bullying the enlightened Present.\n\n\n\n\n188. The Worst Religion in the World\n\nThe worst religion of the world was the Presbyterianism of Scotland as\nit existed in the beginning of the eighteenth century. The kirk had all\nthe faults of the church of Rome, without a redeeming feature. The kirk\nhated music, painting, statuary, and architecture. Anything touched with\nhumanity--with the dimples of joy--was detested and accursed. God was\nto be feared, not loved. Life was a long battle with the devil. Every\ndesire was of Satan. Happiness was a snare, and human love was wicked,\nweak, and vain. The Presbyterian priest of Scotland was as cruel,\nbigoted, and heartless as the familiar of the inquisition. One case will\ntell it all. In the beginning of this, the nineteenth century, a boy\nseventeen years of age, Thomas Aikenhead, was indicted and tried\nat Edinburgh for blasphemy. He had on several occasions, when cold,\njocularly wished himself in hell, that he might get warm. The poor,\nfrightened boy recanted--begged for mercy; but he was found guilty,\nhanged, thrown in a hole at the foot of the scaffold; and his weeping\nmother vainly begged that his bruised and bleeding body might be given\nto her.\n\n\n\n\n189. Religion Demanding Miracles\n\nThe founder of a religion must be able to turn water into wine--cure\nwith a word the blind and lame, and raise with a simple touch the dead\nto life. It was necessary for him to demonstrate to the satisfaction\nof his barbarian disciple, that he was superior to nature. In times of\nignorance this was easy to do. The credulity of the savage was almost\nboundless. To him the marvelous was the beautiful, the mysterious was\nthe sublime. Consequently, every religion has for its foundation a\nmiracle--that is to say, a violation of nature--that is to say, a\nfalsehood.\n\n\n\n\n190. We Want One Fact\n\nWe have heard talk enough. We have listened to all the drowsy, idealess,\nvapid sermons that we wish to hear. We have read your Bible and the\nworks of your best minds. We have heard your prayers, your solemn groans\nand your reverential amens. All these amount to less than nothing. We\nwant one fact. We beg at the doors of your churches for just one little\nfact. We pass our hats along your pews and under your pulpits and\nimplore you for just one fact. We know all about your mouldy wonders and\nyour stale miracles. We want a this year's fact. We ask only one. Give\nus one fact for charity. Your miracles are too ancient.\n\n\n\n\n191. The Design Argument\n\nThese religious people see nothing but designs everywhere, and personal,\nintelligent interference in everything. They insist that the universe\nhas been created, and that the adaptation of means to ends is perfectly\napparent. They point us to the sunshine, to the flowers, to the April\nrain, and to all there is of beauty and of use in the world. Did it ever\noccur to them that a cancer is as beautiful in its development as is the\nreddest rose? That what they are pleased to call the adaptation of\nmeans to ends, is as apparent in the cancer as in the April rain? How\nbeautiful the process of digestion! By what ingenious methods the\nblood is poisoned so that the cancer shall have food! By what wonderful\ncontrivances the entire system of man is made to pay tribute to this\ndivine and charming cancer! See by what admirable instrumentalities it\nfeeds itself from the surrounding quivering, dainty flesh! See how it\ngradually but surely expands and grows! By what marvelous mechanism\nit is supplied with long and slender roots that reach out to the most\nsecret nerves of pain for sustenance and life! What beautiful colors it\npresents!\n\n\n\n\n192. Down, Forever Down\n\nDown, forever down, with any religion that requires upon its ignorant\naltar the sacrifice of the goddess Reason, that compels her to abdicate\nforever the shining throne of the soul, strips from her form the\nimperial purple, snatches from her hand the sceptre of thought and makes\nher the bondwoman of a senseless faith!\n\n\n\n\n193. The Back\n\nUpon this rack I have described, this victim was placed, and those\nchains were attached to his ankles and then to his waist, and clergyman,\ngood men pious men! men that were shocked at the immorality of their\nday! they talked about playing cards and the horrible crime of dancing!\nOh! how such things shocked them; men going to the theatres and seeing a\nplay written by the grandest genius the world ever has produced--how it\nshocked their sublime and tender souls! but they commenced turning this\nmachine and they kept on turning until the ankles, knees, hips, elbows,\nshoulders and wrists were all dislocated and the victim was red with the\nsweat of agony, and they had standing by a physician to feel the pulse,\nso that the last faint flutter of life would not leave his veins. Did\nthey wish to save his life? Yes. In mercy? No! simply that they might\nhave the pleasure of racking him once again. That is the spirit, and it\nis a spirit born of the doctrine that there is upon the throne of the\nuniverse a being who will eternally damn his children, and they said:\n\"If God is going to have the supreme happiness of burning them forever,\ncertainly he might not to begrudge to us the joy of burning them for an\nhour or two.\" That was their doctrine, and when I read these things it\nseems to me that I have suffered them myself.\n\n\n\n\n194. An Awful Admission\n\nJust think of going to the day of judgment, if there is one, and\nstanding up before God and admitting without a blush that you had lived\nand died a Scotch Presbyterian. I would expect the next sentence would\nbe, \"Depart ye curged into everlasting fire.\"\n\n\n\n\nCHURCHES AND PRIESTS\n\n\n\n\n195. The Church Forbids Investigation\n\nThe first doubt was the womb and cradle of progress, and from the first\ndoubt, man has continued to advance. Men began to investigate, and the\nchurch began to oppose. The astronomer scanned the heavens, while the\nchurch branded his grand forehead with the word, \"Infidel;\" and now,\nnot a glittering star in all the vast expanse bears a Christian name.\nIn spite of all religion, the geologist penetrated the earth, read her\nhistory in books of stone, and found, hidden within her bosom souvenirs\nof all the ages.\n\n\n\n\n196. The Church Charges Falsely\n\nNotwithstanding the fact that infidels in all ages have battled for\nthe rights of man, and have at all times been the fearless advocates\nof liberty and justice, we are constantly charged by the Church with\ntearing down without building again.\n\n\n\n\n197. The Church in the \"Dark Ages\"\n\nDuring that frightful period known as the \"Dark Ages,\" Faith reigned,\nwith scarcely a rebellious subject. Her temples were \"carpeted with\nknees,\" and the wealth of nations adorned her countless shrines. The\ngreat painters prostituted their genius to immortalize her vagaries,\nwhile the poets enshrined them in song. At her bidding, man covered the\nearth with blood. The scales of Justice were turned with her gold, and\nfor her use were invented all the cunning instruments of pain. She built\ncathedrals for God, and dungeons for men. She peopled the clouds with\nangels and the earth with slaves.\n\n\n\n\n198. The Few Say, \"Think!\"\n\nFor ages, a deadly conflict has been waged between a few brave men and\nwomen of thought and genius upon the one side, and the great ignorant\nreligious mass on the other. This is the war between! science and faith.\nThe few have appealed to reason, to honor, to law, to freedom, to the\nknown, and to happiness here in this world. The many have appealed\nto prejudice, to fear, to miracle, to slavery, to the unknown, and\nto misery hereafter. The few have said, \"Think!\" The many have said,\n\"Believe!\"\n\n\n\n\n199. The Church and the Tree of Knowledge\n\nThe gods dreaded education and knowledge then just as they do now. The\nchurch still faithfully guards the dangerous tree of knowledge, and has\nexerted in all ages her utmost power to keep mankind from eating the\nfruit thereof. The priests have never ceased repeating the old falsehood\nand the old threat: \"Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it,\nlest ye die.\"\n\n\n\n\n200. The Church Cries, \"Believe!\"\n\nThe church wishes us to believe. Let the church, or one of its\nintellectual saints, perform a miracle, and we will believe. We are told\nthat nature has a superior. Let this superior, for one single instant,\ncontrol nature and we will admit the truth of your assertions.\n\n\n\n\n201. The Heretics Cried, \"Halt!\"\n\nA few infidels--a few heretics cried, \"Halt!\" to the great rabble of\nignorant devotion, and made it possible for the genius of the nineteenth\ncentury to revolutionize the cruel creeds and superstitions of mankind.\n\n\n\n\n202. The World not so Awful Flat\n\nAccording to the Christian system this world was the centre of\neverything. The stars were made out of what little God happened to have\nleft when he got the world done. God lived up in the sky, and they said\nthis earth must rest upon something, and finally science passed its hand\nclear under, and there was nothing. It was self-existent in infinite\nspace. Then the Church began to say they didn't say it was flat, not so\nawful flat--it was kind of rounding.\n\nAccording to the ancient Christians God lived from all eternity, and\nnever worked but six days in His whole life, and then had the impudence\nto tell us to be industrious.\n\n\n\n\n203. From Whence Come Wars?\n\nChristian nations are the warlike nations of this world. Christians have\ninvented the most destructive weapons of war. Christianity gave us the\nrevolver, invented the rifle, made the bombshell; and Christian\nnations here and there had above all other arts the art of war; and as\nChristians they have no respect for the rights of barbarians or for the\nrights of any nation or tribe that happens to differ with them. See what\nit does in our society; we are divided off into little sects that used\nto discuss these questions with fire and sword, with chain and faggot,\nand that discuss, some of them, even to-day, with misrepresentation and\nslander. Every day something happens to show me that the old spirit that\nthat was in the inquisition still slumbers in the breasts of men.\n\n\n\n\n204. Another Day of Divine Work\n\nI heard of a man going to California over the plains, and there was a\nclergyman on board, and he had a great deal to say, and finally he\nfell in conversation with the forty-niner, and the latter said to the\nclergyman, \"Do you believe that God made this world in six days?\" \"Yes I\ndo.\" They were then going along the Humboldt. Says he, \"Don't you think\nhe could put in another day to advantage right around here?\"\n\n\n\n\n205. The Donkey and the Lion\n\nOwing to the attitude of the churches for the last fifteen hundred\nyears, truth-telling has not been a very lucrative business. As a rule,\nhypocrisy has worn the robes, and honesty the rags. That day is passing\naway. You cannot now answer the argument of a man by pointing at\nthe holes in his coat. Thomas Paine attacked the Church when it was\npowerful--when it had what is called honors to bestow--when it was\nthe keeper of the public conscience--when it was strong and cruel. The\nChurch waited till he was dead, and then attacked his reputation and his\nclothes. Once upon a time a donkey kicked a lion, but the lion was dead.\n\n\n\n\n206. The Orthodox Christian\n\nThe highest type of the orthodox Christian does not forget; neither\ndoes he learn. He neither advances nor recedes. He is a living fossil\nembedded in that rock called faith. He makes no effort to better his\ncondition, because all his strength is exhausted in keeping other people\nfrom improving theirs. The supreme desire of his heart is to force all\nothers to adopt his creed, and in order to accomplish this object he\ndenounces free-thinking as a crime, and this crime he calls heresy. When\nhe had power, heresy was the most terrible and formidable of words. It\nmeant confiscation, exile, imprisonment, torture, and death.\n\n\n\n\n207. Alms-Dish and Sword\n\nI will not say the Church has been an unmitigated evil in all respects.\nIts history is infamous and glorious. It has delighted in the production\nof extremes. It has furnished murderers for its own martyrs. It has\nsometimes fed the body, but has always starved the soul. It has been a\ncharitable highwayman--a profligate beggar--a generous pirate. It\nhas produced some angels and a multitude of devils. It has built more\nprisons than asylums. It made a hundred orphans while it cared for one.\nIn one hand it has carried the alms-dish and in the other a sword.\n\n\n\n\n208. The Church the Great Robber\n\nThe Church has been, and still is, the great robber. She has rifled not\nonly the pockets but the brains of the world. She is the stone at the\nsepulchre of liberty; the upas tree, in whose shade the intellect of man\nhas withered; the Gorgon beneath whose gaze the human heart has turned\nto stone. Under her influence even the Protestant mother expects to be\nhappy in heaven, while her brave boy, who fell fighting for the rights\nof man, shall writhe in hell.\n\n\n\n\n209. The Church Impotent\n\nThe Church, impotent and malicious, regrets, not the abuse, but the loss\nof her power, and seeks to hold by falsehood what she gained by cruelty\nand force, by fire and fear. Christianity cannot live in peace with any\nother form of faith.\n\n\n\n\n210. Toleration\n\nLet it be remembered that all churches have persecuted heretics to the\nextent of their power. Toleration has increased only when and where the\npower of the church has diminished. From Augustine until now the\nspirit of the Christians has remained the same. There has been the same\nintolerance, the same undying hatred of all who think for themselves,\nand the same determination to crush out of the human brain all knowledge\ninconsistent with an ignorant creed.\n\n\n\n\n211. Shakespeare's Plays v. Sermons\n\nWhat would the church people think if the theatrical people should\nattempt to suppress the churches? What harm would it do to have an opera\nhere tonight? It would elevate us more than to hear ten thousand sermons\non the worm that never dies. There is more practical wisdom in one of\nthe plays of Shakespeare than in all the sacred books ever written. What\nwrong would there be to see one of those grand plays on Sunday? There\nwas a time when the church would not allow you to cook on Sunday. You\nhad to eat your victuals cold. There was a time they thought the more\nmiserable you feel the better God feels.\n\n\n\n\n212. Why Should the Church be Merciful?\n\nGive any orthodox church the power, and to-day they would punish heresy\nwith whip, and chain, and fire. As long as a church deems a certain\nbelief essential to salvation, just so long it will kill and burn if it\nhas the power. Why should the Church pity a man whom her God hates? Why\nshould she show mercy to a kind and noble heretic whom her God will burn\nin eternal fire?\n\n\n\n\n213. The Church and the Infidel.\n\nCathedrals and domes, and chimes and chants--temples frescoed and\ngroined and carved, and gilded with gold--altars and tapers, and\npaintings of virgin and babe--censer and chalice--chasuble, paten\nand alb--organs, and anthems and incense rising to the winged and\nblest--maniple, amice and stole--crosses and crosiers, tiaras\nand crowns--mitres and missals and masses--rosaries, relics and\nrobes--martyrs and saints, and windows stained as with the blood of\nChrist--never, never for one moment awed the brave, proud spirit of the\nInfidel. He knew that all the pomp and glitter had been purchased with\nLiberty--that priceless jewel of the soul. In looking at the cathedral\nhe remembered the dungeon. The music of the organ was loud enough to\ndrown the clank of fetters. He could not forget that the taper had\nlighted the fagot. He knew that the cross adorned the hilt of the sword,\nand so where others worshiped, he wept and scorned.\n\n\n\n\n214. Back to Chaos\n\nSuppose the Church could control the world today, we would go back to\nchaos and old night philosophy would be branded as infamous; science\nwould again press its pale and thoughtful face against the prison bars,\nand round the limbs of liberty would climb the bigot's flame.\n\n\n\n\n215. Infinite Impudence of the Church\n\nWho can imagine the infinite impudence of a Church assuming to think for\nthe human race? Who can imagine the infinite impudence of a Church\nthat pretends to be the mouthpiece of God, and in his name threatens to\ninflict eternal punishment upon those who honestly reject its claims and\nscorn its pretensions? By what right does a man, or an organization\nof men, or a god, claim to hold a brain in bondage? When a fact can be\ndemonstrated, force is unnecessary; when it cannot be demonstrated, an\nappeal to force is infamous. In the presence of the unknown all have an\nequal right to think.\n\n\n\n\n216. Wanted!--A New Method\n\nThe world is covered with forts to protect Christians from Christians,\nand every sea is covered with iron monsters ready to blow Christian\nbrains into eternal froth. Millions upon millions are annually expended\nin the effort to construct still more deadly and terrible engines of\ndeath. Industry is crippled, honest toil is robbed, and even beggary is\ntaxed to defray the expenses of Christian warfare. There must be some\nother way to reform this world.\n\n\n\n\n217. The Kirk of Scotland\n\nThe Church was ignorant, bloody, and relentless. In Scotland the \"Kirk\"\nwas at the summit of its power. It was a full sister of the Spanish\nInquisition. It waged war upon human nature. It was the enemy of\nhappiness, the hater of joy, and the despiser of religious liberty. It\ntaught parents to murder their children rather than to allow them to\npropagate error. If the mother held opinions of which the infamous\n\"Kirk\" disapproved, her children were taken from her arms, her babe from\nher very bosom, and she was not allowed to see them, or to write them a\nword. It would not allow shipwrecked sailors to be rescued from drowning\non Sunday. It sought to annihilate pleasure, to pollute the heart by\nfilling it with religious cruelty and gloom, and to change mankind into\na vast horde of pious, heartless fiends. One of the most famous Scotch\ndivines said: \"The Kirk holds that religious toleration is not far from\nblasphemy.\"\n\n\n\n\n218. The Church Looks Back\n\nThe Church is, and always has been, incapable of a forward movement.\nReligion always looks back. The Church has already reduced Spain to a\nguitar, Italy to a hand-organ, and Ireland to exile.\n\n\n\n\n219. Diogenes\n\nThe Church used painting, music and architecture, simply to degrade\nmankind. But there are men that nothing can awe. There have been at all\ntimes brave spirits that dared even the gods. Some proud head has always\nbeen above the waves. In every age some Diogenes has sacrificed to all\nthe gods. True genius never cowers, and there is always some Samson\nfeeling for the pillars of authority.\n\n\n\n\n220. The Church and War\n\nIt does seem as though the most zealous Christian must at times\nentertain some doubt as to the divine origin of his religion. For\neighteen hundred years the doctrine has been preached. For more than\na thousand years the Church had, to a great extent, the control of the\ncivilized world, and what has been the result? Are the Christian nations\npatterns of charity and forbearance? On the contrary, their principal\nbusiness is to destroy each other. More than five millions of Christians\nare trained, educated, and drilled to murder their fellow-christians.\nEvery nation is groaning under a vast debt incurred in carrying on war\nagainst other Christians.\n\n\n\n\n221. The Call to Preach\n\nAn old deacon, wishing to get rid of an unpopular preacher, advised him\nto give up the ministry and turn his attention to something else. The\npreacher replied that he could not conscientiously desert the pulpit, as\nhe had had a \"call\" to the ministry. To which the deacon replied, \"That\nmay be so, but it's very unfortunate for you, that when God called you\nto preach, he forgot to call anybody to hear you.\"\n\n\n\n\n222. Burning Servetus\n\nThe maker of the Presbyterian creed caused the fugitive Servetus to be\narrested for blasphemy. He was tried. Calvin was his accuser. He was\nconvicted and condemned to death by fire. On the morning of the fatal\nday, Calvin saw him, and Servetus, the victim, asked forgiveness of\nCalvin, the murderer. Servetus was bound to the stake, and the faggots\nwere lighted. The wind carried the flames somewhat away from his body,\nso that he slowly roasted for hours. Vainly he implored a speedy death.\nAt last the flames climbed round his form; through smoke and fire his\nmurderers saw a white, heroic face. And there they watched until a man\nbecame a charred and shriveled mass. Liberty was banished from Geneva,\nand nothing but Presbyterianism was left.\n\n\n\n\n223. Freedom for the Clergy\n\nOne of the first things I wish to do is to free the orthodox clergy. I\nam a great friend of theirs, and in spite of all they may say against\nme, I am going to do them a great and lasting service. Upon their necks\nare visible the marks of the collar, and upon their backs those of the\nlash. They are not allowed to read and think for themselves. They are\ntaught like parrots, and the best are those who repeat, with the fewest\nmistakes, the sentences they have been taught. They sit like owls upon\nsome dead limb of the tree of knowledge, and hoot the same old hoots\nthat have been hooted for eighteen hundred years.\n\n\n\n\n224. The Pulpit Weakening\n\nThere was a time when a falsehood, fulminated from the pulpit, smote\nlike a sword; but, the supply having greatly exceeded the demand,\nclerical misrepresentation has at last become almost an innocent\namusement. Remembering that only a few years ago men, women, and even\nchildren, were imprisoned, tortured and burned, for having expressed\nin an exceedingly mild and gentle way, the ideas entertained by me, I\ncongratulate myself that calumny is now the pulpit's last resort.\n\n\n\n\n225. Origin of the Priesthood\n\nThis was the origin of the priesthood. The priest pretended to stand\nbetween the wrath of the gods and the helplessness of man. He was man's\nattorney at the court of heaven. He carried to the invisible world a\nflag of truce, a protest and a request. He came back with a command,\nwith authority and with power. Man fell upon his knees before his own\nservant, and the priest, taking advantage of the awe inspired by his\nsupposed influence with the gods, made of his fellow-man a cringing\nhypocrite and slave.\n\n\n\n\n226. The Clergy on Heaven\n\nThe clergy, however, balance all the real ills of this life with the\nexpected joys of the next. We are assured that all is perfection in\nheaven--there the skies are cloudless--there all is serenity and peace.\nHere empires may be overthrown; dynasties may be extinguished in blood;\nmillions of slaves may toil 'neath the fierce rays of the sun, and the\ncruel strokes of the lash; yet all is happiness in heaven. Pestilences\nmay strew the earth with corpses of the loved; the survivors may bend\nabove them in agony--yet the placid bosom of heaven is unruffled.\nChildren may expire vainly asking for bread; babes may be devoured by\nserpents, while the gods sit smiling in the clouds.\n\n\n\n\n227. The Parson, the Crane and the Fish\n\nA devout clergyman sought every opportunity to impress upon the mind\nof his son the fact, that God takes care of all his creatures; that the\nfalling sparrow attracts his attention, and that his loving-kindness is\nover all his works. Happening, one day, to see a crane wading in quest\nof food, the good man pointed out to his son the perfect adaptation of\nthe crane to get his living in that manner. \"See,\" said he, \"how his\nlegs are formed for wading! What a long slender bill he has! Observe how\nnicely he folds his feet when putting them in or drawing them out of\nthe water! He does not cause the slightest ripple. He is thus enabled\nto approach the fish without giving them any notice of his arrival.\nMy son,\" said he, \"it is impossible to look at that bird without\nrecognizing the design, as well as the goodness of God, in thus\nproviding the means of subsistence.\" \"Yes,\" replied the boy, \"I think I\nsee the goodness of God, at least so far as the crane is concerned; but,\nafter all, father, don't you think the arrangement a little tough on the\nfish?\"\n\n\n\n\n228. Banish Me from Eden--But!\n\nGive me the storm of tempest and action, rather than the dead calm of\nignorance and faith. Banish me from Eden when you will; but first let me\neat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge!\n\n\n\n\n229. The Pulpit's Cry of Fear\n\nFrom every pulpit comes the same cry, born of the same fear: \"Lest\nthey eat and become as gods, knowing good and evil.\" For this reason,\nreligion hates science, faith detests reason, theology is the sworn\nenemy of philosophy, and the church with its flaming sword still guards\nthe hated tree, and like its supposed founder, curses to the lowest\ndepths the brave thinkers who eat and become as gods.\n\n\n\n\n230. Restive Clergymen\n\nSome of the clergy have the independence to break away, and the\nintellect to maintain themselves as free men, but the most are compelled\nto submit to the dictation of the orthodox, and the dead. They are\nnot employed to give their thoughts, but simply to repeat the ideas of\nothers. They are not expected to give even the doubts that may suggest\nthemselves, but are required to walk in the narrow, verdureless path\ntrodden by the ignorance of the past. The forests and fields on either\nside are nothing to them.\n\n\n\n\n231. The Parson Factory at Andover\n\nThey have in Massachusetts, at a place called Andover, a kind of\nminister-factory; and every professor in that factory takes an oath once\nin every five years--that is as long as an oath will last--that not only\nhas he not during the last five years, but so help him God, he will not\nduring the next five years intellectually advance; and probably there is\nno oath he could easier keep. Since the foundation of that institution\nthere has not been one case of perjury. They believe the same creed they\nfirst taught when the foundation stone was laid, and now when they send\nout a minister they brand him as hardware from Sheffield and Birmingham.\nAnd every man who knows where he was educated knows his creed, knows\nevery argument of his creed, every book that he reads, and just what he\namounts to intellectually, and knows he will shrink and shrivel.\n\n\n\n\n232. A Charge to Presbyteries\n\nGo on, presbyteries and synods, go on! Thrust the heretics out of the\nChurch--that is to say, throw away your brains,--put out your eyes. The\ninfidels will thank you. They are willing to adopt your exiles. Every\ndeserter from your camp is a recruit for the army of progress. Cling to\nthe ignorant dogmas of the past; read the 109th Psalm; gloat over the\nslaughter of mothers and babes; thank God for total depravity; shower\nyour honors upon hypocrites, and silence every minister who is touched\nwith that heresy called genius. Be true to your history. Turn out the\nastronomers, the geologists, the naturalists, the chemists, and all the\nhonest scientists. With a whip of scorpions, drive them all out. We want\nthem all.\n\n\n\n\nTHE BIBLE\n\n\n\n\n233. Nature the True Bible\n\nThe true Bible appeals to man in the name of demonstration. It has\nnothing to conceal. It has no fear of being read, of being contradicted,\nof being investigated and understood. It does not pretend to be holy, or\nsacred; it simply claims to be true. It challenges the scrutiny of\nall, and implores every reader to verify every line for himself. It is\nincapable of being blasphemed. This book appeals to all the surroundings\nof man. Each thing that exists testifies of its perfection. The earth,\nwith its heart of fire and crowns of snow; with its forests and plains,\nits rocks and seas; with its every wave and cloud; with its every leaf\nand bud and flower, confirms its every word, and the solemn stars,\nshining in the infinite abysses, are the eternal witnesses of its truth.\n\n\n\n\n234. Inspiration\n\nI will tell you what I mean by inspiration. I go and look at the sea,\nand the sea says something to me; it makes an impression upon my mind.\nThat impression depends, first, upon my experience; secondly, upon\nmy intellectual capacity. Another looks upon the same sea. He has a\ndifferent brain, he has had a different experience, he has different\nmemories and different hopes. The sea may speak to him of joy and to me\nof grief and sorrow. The sea cannot tell the same thing to two beings,\nbecause no two human beings have had the same experience. So, when I\nlook upon a flower, or a star, or a painting, or a statue, the more I\nknow about sculpture the more that statue speaks to me. The more I have\nhad of human experience, the more I have read, the greater brain I have,\nthe more the star says to me. In other words, nature says to me all that\nI am capable of understanding.\n\n\n\n\n335. The 109th Psalm!\n\nThink of a God wicked and malicious enough to inspire this prayer in\nthe 109th Psalm. Think of one infamous enough to answer it. Had this\ninspired psalm been found in some temple erected for the worship of\nsnakes, or in the possession of some cannibal king, written with blood\nupon the dried skins of babes, there would have been a perfect harmony\nbetween its surroundings and its sentiments.\n\n\n\n\n236. I Don't Believe the Bible\n\nNow, I read the Bible, and I find that God so loved this world that he\nmade up his mind to damn the most of us. I have read this book, and what\nshall I say of it? I believe it is generally better to be honest. Now,\nI don't believe the Bible. Had I not better say so? They say that if you\ndo you will regret it when you come to die. If that be true, I know a\ngreat many religious people who will have no cause to regret it--they\ndon't tell their honest convictions about the Bible.\n\n\n\n\n237. The Bible the Real Persecutor\n\nThe Bible was the real persecutor. The Bible burned heretics, built\ndungeons, founded the Inquisition, and trampled upon all the liberties\nof men. How long, O how long will mankind worship a book? How long will\nthey grovel in the dust before the ignorant legends of the barbaric\npast? How long, O how long will they pursue phantoms in a darkness\ndeeper than death?\n\n\n\n\n238. Immoralities of the Bible\n\nThe believers in the Bible are loud in their denunciation of what they\nare pleased to call the immoral literature of the world; and yet few\nbooks have been published containing more moral filth than this inspired\nword of God. These stories are not redeemed by a single flash of wit or\nhumor. They never rise above the dull details of stupid vice. For one,\nI cannot afford to soil my pages with extracts from them; and all such\nportions of the Scriptures I leave to be examined, written upon, and\nexplained by the clergy. Clergymen may know some way by which they can\nextract honey from these flowers. Until these passages are expunged from\nthe Old Testament, it is not a fit book to be read by either old or\nyoung. It contains pages that no minister in the United States would\nread to his congregation for any reward whatever. There are chapters\nthat no gentleman would read in the presence of a lady. There are\nchapters that no father would read to his child. There are narratives\nutterly unfit to be told; and the time will come when mankind will\nwonder that such a book was ever called inspired.\n\n\n\n\n239. The Bible Stands in the Way\n\nBut as long as the Bible is considered as the work of God, it will be\nhard to make all men too good and pure to imitate it; and as long as it\nis imitated there will be vile and filthy books. The literature of\nour country will not be sweet and clean until the Bible ceases to be\nregarded as the production of a god.\n\n\n\n\n240. The Bible False\n\nIn the days of Thomas Paine the Church believed and taught that every\nword in the Bible was absolutely true. Since his day it has been proven\nfalse in its cosmogony, false in its astronomy, false in its chronology,\nfalse in its history, and so far as the Old Testament is concerned,\nfalse in almost everything. There are but few, if any, scientific men\nwho apprehend that the Bible is literally true. Who on earth at this\nday would pretend to settle any scientific question by a text from\nthe Bible? The old belief is confined to the ignorant and zealous.\nThe Church itself will before long be driven to occupy the position of\nThomas Paine.\n\n\n\n\n241. The Man I Love\n\nI love any man who gave me, or helped to give me, the liberty I enjoy\nto-night. I love every man who helped put our flag in heaven. I love\nevery man who has lifted his voice in all the ages for liberty, for a\nchainless body, and a fetterless brain. I love every man who has given\nto every other human being every right that he claimed for himself. I\nlove every man who thought more of principle than he did of position. I\nlove the men who have trampled crowns beneath their feet that they might\ndo something for mankind.\n\n\n\n\n242. Whale, Jonah and All\n\nThe best minds of the orthodox world, to-day, are endeavoring to prove\nthe existence of a personal Deity. All other questions occupy a minor\nplace. You are no longer asked to swallow the Bible whole, whale,\nJonah and all; you are simply required to believe in God, and pay your\npew-rent. There is not now an enlightened minister in the world who will\nseriously contend that Samson's strength was in his hair, or that the\nnecromancers of Egypt could turn water into blood, and pieces of wood\ninto serpents. These follies have passed away.\n\n\n\n\n243. Damned for Laughing at Samson\n\nFor my part, I would infinitely prefer to know all the results of\nscientific investigation, than to be inspired as Moses was. Supposing\nthe Bible to be true; why is it any worse or more wicked for free\nthinkers to deny it, than for priests to deny the doctrine of Evolution,\nor the dynamic theory of heat? Why should we be damned for laughing at\nSamson and his foxes, while others, holding the Nebular Hypothesis in\nutter contempt, go straight to heaven?\n\n\n\n\n244. The Man, Not the Book, Inspired\n\nNow when I come to a book, for instance I read the writings of\nShakespeare--Shakespeare, the greatest human being who ever existed upon\nthis globe. What do I get out of him? All that I have sense enough to\nunderstand. I get my little cup full. Let another read him who knows\nnothing of the drama, who knows nothing of the impersonation of passion;\nwhat does he get from him? Very little. In other words, every man gets\nfrom a book, a flower, a star, or the sea, what he is able to get from\nhis intellectual development and experience. Do you then believe that\nthe Bible is a different book to every human being that receives it? I\ndo. Can God, then, through the Bible, make the same revelation to two\nmen? He cannot. Why? Because the man who reads is the man who inspires.\nInspiration is in the man and not in the book.\n\n\n\n\n245. The Bible a Chain\n\nThe real oppressor, enslaver and corrupter of the people is the Bible.\nThat book is the chain that binds, the dungeon that holds the clergy.\nThat book spreads the pall of superstition over the colleges and\nschools. That book puts out the eyes of science, and makes honest\ninvestigation a crime. That book unmans the politician and degrades the\npeople. That book fills the world with bigotry, hypocrisy and fear.\n\n\n\n\n246. Absurd and Foolish Fables\n\nVolumes might be written upon the infinite absurdity of this most\nincredible, wicked and foolish of all the fables contained in that\nrepository of the impossible, called the Bible. To me it is a matter\nof amazement, that it ever was for a moment believed by any intelligent\nhuman being.\n\n\n\n\n247. The Bible the Work of Man\n\nIs it not infinitely more reasonable to say that this book is the work\nof man, that it is filled with mingled truth and error, with mistakes\nand facts, and reflects, too faithfully perhaps, the \"very form and\npressure of its time?\" If there are mistakes in the Bible, certainly\nthey were made by man. If there is anything contrary to nature, it\nwas written by man. If there is anything immoral, cruel, heartless\nor infamous, it certainly was never written by a being worthy of the\nadoration of mankind.\n\n\n\n\n248. Something to Admire, not Laugh at\n\nIt strikes me that God might write a book that would not necessarily\nexcite the laughter of his children. In fact, I think it would be\nsafe to say that a real God could produce a work that would excite the\nadmiration of mankind.\n\n\n\n\n249. An Intellectual Deformity\n\nThe man who now regards the Old Testament as, in any sense, a sacred or\ninspired book, is, in my judgment, an intellectual and moral deformity.\nThere is in it so much that is cruel, ignorant, and ferocious, that it\nis to me a matter of amazement that it was ever thought to be the work\nof a most merciful Deity.\n\n\n\n\n250. The Bible a Poor Product\n\nAdmitting that the Bible is the Book of God, is that his only good job?\nWill not a man be damned as quick for denying the equator as denying\nthe Bible? Will he not be damned as quick for denying geology as for\ndenying the scheme of salvation? When the Bible was first written it was\nnot believed. Had they known as much about science as we know now, that\nBible would not have been written.\n\n\n\n\n251. The Bible the Battle Ground of Sects\n\nEvery sect is a certificate that God has not plainly revealed his will\nto man. To each reader the Bible conveys a different meaning. About the\nmeaning of this book, called a revelation, there have been ages of war,\nand centuries of sword and flame. If written by an infinite God, he must\nhave known that these results must follow; and thus knowing, he must be\nresponsible for all.\n\n\n\n\n252. The Bible Childish\n\nPaine thought the barbarities of the Old Testament inconsistent with\nwhat he deemed the real character of God. He believed that murder,\nmassacre and indiscriminate slaughter had never been commanded by\nthe Deity. He regarded much of the Bible as childish, unimportant\nand foolish. The scientific world entertains the same opinion. Paine\nattacked the Bible precisely in the same spirit in which he had attacked\nthe pretensions of kings. He used the same weapons. All the pomp in the\nworld could not make him cower. His reason knew no \"Holy of Holies,\"\nexcept the abode of Truth.\n\n\n\n\n253. Where Moses got the Pentateuch\n\nNothing can be clearer than that Moses received from the Egyptians the\nprincipal parts of his narrative, making such changes and additions as\nwere necessary to satisfy the peculiar superstitions of his own people.\n\n\n\n\n254. God's Letter to His Children\n\nAccording to the theologians, God, the Father of us all, wrote a letter\nto his children. The children have always differed somewhat as to the\nmeaning of this letter. In consequence of these honest differences,\nthese brothers began to cut out each other's hearts. In every land,\nwhere this letter from God has been read, the children to whom and for\nwhom it was written have been filled with hatred and malice. They have\nimprisoned and murdered each other, and the wives and children of each\nother. In the name of God every possible crime has been committed, every\nconceivable outrage has been perpetrated. Brave men, tender and loving\nwomen, beautiful girls, and prattling babes have been exterminated in\nthe name of Jesus Christ.\n\n\n\n\n255. Examination a Crime\n\nThe Church has burned honesty and rewarded hypocrisy. And all this,\nbecause it was commanded by a book--a book that men had been taught\nimplicitly to believe, long before they knew one word that was in it.\nThey had been taught that to doubt the truth of this book--to examine\nit, even--was a crime of such enormity that it could not be forgiven,\neither in this world or in the next.\n\n\n\n\n256. Read the Bible--and Then!\n\nAll that is necessary, as it seems to me, to convince any reasonable\nperson that the Bible is simply and purely of human invention--of\nbarbarian invention--is to read it. Read it as you would any other book;\nthink of it as you would any other; get the bandage of reverence from\nyour eyes; drive from your heart the phantom of fear; push from the\nthrone of your brain the cowled form of superstition--then read the Holy\nBible, and you will be amazed that you ever, for one moment, supposed a\nbeing of infinite wisdom, goodness and purity, to be the author of such\nignorance and such atrocity.\n\n\n\n\n257. An Infallible Book Makes Slaves\n\nWhether the Bible is false or true, is of no consequence in comparison\nwith the mental freedom of the race. Salvation through slavery is\nworthless. Salvation from slavery is inestimable. As long as man\nbelieves the Bible to be infallible, that book is his master. The\ncivilization of this century is not the child of faith, but of\nunbelief--the result of free thought.\n\n\n\n\n258. Can a Sane Man Believe in Inspiration?\n\nWhat man who ever thinks, can believe that blood can appease God? And\nyet our entire system of religion is based on that belief. The Jews\npacified Jehovah with the blood of animals, and according to the\nChristian system, the blood of Jesus softened the heart of God a little,\nand rendered possible the salvation of a fortunate few. It is hard to\nconceive how any sane man can read the Bible and still believe in the\ndoctrine of inspiration.\n\n\n\n\n259. An Inspiration Test\n\nThe Bible was originally written in the Hebrew language, and the Hebrew\nlanguage at that time had no vowels in writing. It was written entirely\nwith consonants, and without being divided into chapters and verses, and\nthere was no system of punctuation whatever. After you go home to-night\nwrite an English sentence or two with only consonants close together,\nand you will find that it will take twice as much inspiration to read it\nas it did to write it.\n\n\n\n\n260. The Real Bible\n\nThe real Bible is not the work of inspired men, nor prophets, nor\nevangelists, nor of Christs. The real Bible has not yet been written,\nbut is being written. Every man who finds a fact adds a word to this\ngreat book.\n\n\n\n\n261. The Bad Passages in the Bible not Inspired\n\nThe bad passages in the Bible are not inspired. No God ever upheld\nhuman slavery, polygamy or a war of extermination. No God ever ordered\na soldier to sheathe his sword in the breast of a mother. No God ever\nordered a warrior to butcher a smiling, prattling babe. No God ever\nupheld tyranny. No God ever said, be subject to the powers that be. No\nGod ever endeavored to make man a slave and woman a beast of burden.\nThere are thousands of good passages in the Bible. Many of them are\ntrue.\n\nThere are in it wise laws, good customs, some lofty and splendid things.\nAnd I do not care whether they are inspired or not, so they are true.\nBut what I do insist upon is that the bad is not inspired.\n\n\n\n\n262. Too much Pictorial\n\nThere is no hope for you. It is just as bad to deny hell as it is to\ndeny heaven. Prof. Swing says the Bible is a poem. Dr. Ryder says it\nis a picture. The Garden of Eden is pictorial; a pictorial snake and\na pictorial woman, I suppose, and a pictorial man, and may be it was a\npictorial sin. And only a pictorial atonement!\n\n\n\n\n263. One Plow worth a Million Sermons\n\nMan must learn to rely upon himself. Reading Bibles will not protect\nhim from the blasts of winter, but houses, fire and clothing will. To\nprevent famine one plow is worth a million sermons, and even patent\nmedicines will cure more diseases than all the prayers uttered since the\nbeginning of the world.\n\n\n\n\nINFIDELS\n\n\n\n\n264. The Infidels of 1776\n\nBy the efforts of these infidels--Paine, Jefferson and Franklin--the\nname of God was left out of the Constitution of the United States. They\nknew that if an infinite being was put in, no room would be left for the\npeople. They knew that if any church was made the mistress of the state,\nthat mistress, like all others, would corrupt, weaken, and destroy.\nWashington wished a church, established by law, in Virginia. He was\nprevented by Thomas Jefferson. It was only a little while ago that\npeople were compelled to attend church by law in the Eastern States,\nand taxes were raised for the support of churches the same as for the\nconstruction of highways and bridges. The great principle enunciated\nin the Constitution has silently repealed most of these laws. In the\npresence of this great instrument the constitutions of the States grew\nsmall and mean, and in a few years every law that puts a chain upon the\nmind, except in Delaware, will be repealed, and for these our children\nmay thank the infidels of 1776.\n\n\n\n\n265. The Legitimate Influence of Religion\n\nReligion should have the influence upon mankind that its goodness, that\nits morality, its justice, its charity, its reason and its argument give\nit, and no more. Religion should have the effect upon mankind that it\nnecessarily has, and no more.\n\n\n\n\n266. Infidels the Flowers of the World\n\nThe infidels have been the brave and thoughtful men; the flower of all\nthe world; the pioneers and heralds of the blessed day of liberty and\nlove; the generous spirits of the unworthy past; the seers and\nprophets of our race; the great chivalric souls, proud victors on the\nbattle-fields of thought, the creditors of all the years to be.\n\n\n\n\n267. The Noblest Sons of, Earth\n\nWho at the present day can imagine the courage, the devotion to\nprinciple, the intellectual and moral grandeur it once required to be an\ninfidel, to brave the Church, her racks, her fagots, her dungeons, her\ntongues of fire--to defy and scorn her heaven and her hell--her devil\nand her God? They were the noblest sons of earth. They were the real\nsaviors of our race, the destroyers of superstition, and the creators\nof Science. They were the real Titans who bared their grand foreheads to\nall the thunderbolts of all the gods.\n\n\n\n\n268. How Ingersoll became an Infidel\n\nI may say right here that the Christian idea that any God can make me\nHis friend by killing mine is about as great a mistake as could be made.\nThey seem to have the idea that just as soon as God kills all the people\nthat a person loves, he will then begin to love the Lord. What drew\nmy attention first to these questions was the doctrine of eternal\npunishment. This was so abhorrent to my mind that I began to hate the\nbook in which it was taught. Then, in reading law, going back to find\nthe origin of laws, I found one had to go but a little way before the\nlegislator and priest united. This led me to study a good many of the\nreligions of the world. At first I was greatly astonished to find most\nof them better than ours. I then studied our own system to the best of\nmy ability, and found that people were palming off upon children\nand upon one another as the inspired words of God a book that upheld\nslavery, polygamy, and almost every other crime. Whether I am right or\nwrong, I became convinced that the Bible is not an inspired book, and\nthen the only question for me to settle was as to whether I should say\nwhat I believed or not. This realty was not the question in my mind,\nbecause, before even thinking of such a question, I expressed my belief,\nand I simply claim that right, and expect to exercise it as long as I\nlive. I may be damned for it in the next world, but it is a great source\nof pleasure to me in this.\n\n\n\n\n269. Why Should Infidels Die in Fear?\n\nWhy should it be taken for granted that the men who devoted their lives\nto the liberation of their fellowmen should have been hissed at in\nthe hour of death by the snakes of conscience, while men who defended\nslavery--practiced polygamy--justified the stealing of babes from the\nbreasts of mothers, and lashed the naked back of unpaid labor, are\nsupposed to have passed smilingly from earth to the embraces of the\nangels? Why should we think that the brave thinkers, the investigators,\nthe honest men must have left the crumbling shore of time in dread and\nfear, while the instigators of the massacre of St. Bartholomew, the\ninventors and users of thumb screws, of iron boots and racks, the\nburners and tearers of human flesh, the stealers, the whippers, and the\nenslavers of men, the buyers and beaters of maidens, mothers, and babes,\nthe founders of the inquisition, the makers of chains, the builders of\ndungeons, the calumniators of the living, the slanderers of the\ndead, and even the murderers of Jesus Christ, all died in the odor of\nsanctity, with white, forgiven hands folded upon the breasts of peace,\nwhile the destroyers of prejudice, the breakers of fetters, the creators\nof light, died surrounded by the fierce fiends of God?\n\n\n\n\n270. Infidelity is Liberty\n\nInfidelity is liberty; all religion is slavery. In every creed man is\nthe slave of God--woman is the slave of man and the sweet children are\nthe slaves of all. We do not want creeds; we want knowledge--we want\nhappiness.\n\n\n\n\n271. The World in Debt to Infidels\n\nWhat would the world be if infidels had never been? Let us be honest.\nDid all the priests of Rome increase the mental wealth of man as much\nas Bruno? Did all the priests of France do as great a work for the\ncivilization of the world as Diderot and Voltaire? Did all the ministers\nof Scotland add as much to the sum of human knowledge as David Hume?\nHave all the clergymen, monks, friars, ministers, priests, bishops,\ncardinals, and popes, from the day of Pentecost to the last election,\ndone as much for human liberty as Thomas Paine?\n\n\n\n\n272. Infidels the Pioneers of Progress\n\nThe history of intellectual progress is written in the lives of\ninfidels. Political rights have been preserved by traitors--the liberty\nof the mind by heretics. To attack the king was treason--to dispute the\npriest was blasphemy. The sword and cross were allies. They defended\neach other. The throne and the altar were twins--vultures from the same\negg. It was James I. who said: \"No bishop, no king.\" He might have said:\n\"No cross, no crown.\" The king owned the bodies, and the priest the\nsouls, of men. One lived on taxes, the other on alms. One was a robber,\nthe other a beggar. These robbers and beggars controlled two worlds.\nThe king made laws, the priest made creeds. With bowed backs the people\nreceived the burdens of the one, and, with wonder's open mouth, the\ndogmas of the other. If any aspired to be free, they were slaughtered by\nthe king, and every priest was a Herod who slaughtered the children\nof the brain. The king ruled by force, the priest by fear, and both by\nboth. The king said to the people: \"God made you peasants, and He made\nme king. He made rags and hovels for you, robes and palaces for me. Such\nis the justice of God.\" And the priest said: \"God made you ignorant and\nvile. He made me holy and wise. If you do not obey me, God will punish\nyou here and torment you hereafter. Such is the mercy of God.\"\n\n\n\n\n273. Infidels the Great Discoverers\n\nInfidels are the intellectual discoverers. They sail the unknown seas,\nand in the realms of thought they touch the shores of other worlds. An\ninfidel is the finder of a new fact--one who in the mental sky has seen\nanother star. He is an intellectual capitalist, and for that reason\nexcites the envy of theological paupers.\n\n\n\n\n274. The Altar of Reason\n\nVirtue is a subordination, of the passions to the intellect. It is to\nact in accordance with your highest convictions. It does not consist in\nbelieving, but in doing. This is the sublime truth that the Infidels in\nall ages have uttered. They have handed the torch from one to the other\nthrough all the years that have fled. Upon the altar of reason they have\nkept the sacred fire, and through the long midnight of faith they fed\nthe divine flame.\n\n\n\n\nGODS AND DEVILS\n\n\n\n\n275. Every Nation has Created a God\n\nEach nation has created a God, and the God has always resembled his\ncreators. He hated and loved what they hated and loved. Each God was\nintensely patriotic, and detested all nations but his own. All these\ngods demanded praise, flattery and worship. Most of them were pleased\nwith sacrifice, and the smell of innocent blood has ever been considered\na divine perfume. All these gods have insisted on having a vast number\nof priests, and the priests have always insisted upon being supported\nby the people; and the principle business of these priests has been\nto boast that their God could easily vanquish all the other gods put\ntogether.\n\n\n\n\n276. Gods with Back-Hair\n\nMan, having always been the physical superior of woman, accounts for\nthe fact that most of the high gods have been males. Had women been the\nphysical superior; the powers supposed to be the rulers of Nature would\nhave been woman, and instead of being represented in the apparel of man,\nthey would have luxuriated in trains, low-necked dresses, laces and\nback-hair.\n\n\n\n\n277. Creation the Decomposition of the Infinite\n\nAdmitting that a god did create the universe, the question then arises,\nof what did he create it? It certainly was not made of nothing. Nothing,\nconsidered in the light of a raw material, is a most decided failure. It\nfollows, then, that the god must have made the universe out of himself,\nhe being the only existence. The universe is material, and if it was\nmade of god, the god must have been material. With this very thought in\nhis mind, Anaximander of Miletus, said: \"Creation is the decomposition\nof the infinite.\"\n\n\n\n\n278. The Gods Are as the People Are\n\nNo god was ever in advance of the nation that created him. The negroes\nrepresented their deities with black skins and curly hair: The Mongolian\ngave to his a yellow complexion and dark almond-shaped eyes. The Jews\nwere not allowed to paint theirs, or we should have seen Jehovah with\na full beard, an oval face, and an aquiline nose. Zeus was a perfect\nGreek, and Jove looked as though a member of the Roman senate. The gods\nof Egypt had the patient face and placid look of the loving people who\nmade them. The gods of northern countries were represented warmly clad\nin robes of fur; those of the tropics were naked. The gods of India\nwere often mounted upon elephants; those of some islanders were great\nswimmers, and the deities of the Arctic zone were passionately fond of\nwhale's blubber.\n\n\n\n\n279. Gods Shouldn't Make Mistakes\n\nGenerally the devotee has modeled them after himself, and has given them\nhands, heads, feet, eyes, ears, and organs of speech. Each nation made\nits gods and devils not only speak its language, but put in their mouths\nthe same mistakes in history, geography, astronomy, and in all matters\nof fact, generally made by the people.\n\n\n\n\n280. Miracles\n\nNo one, in the world's whole history, ever attempted to substantiate a\ntruth by a miracle. Truth scorns the assistance of miracle. Nothing but\nfalsehood ever attested itself by signs and wonders. No miracle ever was\nperformed, and no sane man ever thought he had performed one, and until\none is performed, there can be no evidence of the existence of any power\nsuperior to, and independent of nature.\n\n\n\n\n281. Plenty of Gods on Hand\n\nMan has never been at a loss for gods. He has worshipped almost\neverything, including the vilest and most disgusting beasts. He has\nworshipped fire, earth, air, water, light, stars, and for hundreds, of\nages prostrated himself before enormous snakes. Savage tribes often make\ngods of articles they get from civilized people. The Todas worship\na cowbell. The Kodas worship two silver plates, which they regard as\nhusband and wife, and another tribe manufactured a god out of a king of\nhearts.\n\n\n\n\n282. The Devil Difficulty\n\nIn the olden times the existence of devils was universally admitted. The\npeople had no doubt upon that subject, and from such belief it followed\nas a matter of course, that a person, in order to vanquish these devils,\nhad either to be a god, or to be assisted by one. All founders of\nreligions have established their claims to divine origin by controlling\nevil spirits, and suspending the laws of nature. Casting out devils was\na certificate of divinity. A prophet, unable to cope with the powers of\ndarkness, was regarded with contempt. The utterance of the highest and\nnoblest sentiments, the most blameless and holy life, commanded but\nlittle respect, unless accompanied by power to work miracles and command\nspirits.\n\n\n\n\n283. Was the Devil an Idiot?\n\nThe Christians now claim that Jesus was God. If he was God, of course\nthe devil knew that fact, and yet, according to this account, the devil\ntook the omnipotent God and placed him upon a pinnacle of the temple,\nand endeavored to induce him, to dash himself against the earth. Failing\nin that, he took the creator, owner and governor of the universe up into\nan exceeding high mountain, and offered him this world--this grain of\nsand--if he, the God of all the worlds, would fall down and worship\nhim, a poor devil, without even a tax title to one foot of dirt! Is it\npossible the devil was such an idiot? Should any great credit be given\nto this deity for not being caught with such chaff? Think of it! The\ndevil--the prince of sharpers--the king of cunning--the master of\nfinesse, trying to bribe God with a grain of sand that belonged to God!\n\n\n\n\n284. Industrious Deities\n\nFew nations have been so poor as to have but one god. Gods were made\nso easily, and the raw material cost so little, that generally the god\nmarket was fairly glutted, and heaven crammed with these phantoms. These\ngods not only attended to the skies, but were supposed to interfere in\nall the affairs of men. They presided over everybody and everything.\nThey attended to every department. All was supposed to be under their\nimmediate control. Nothing was too small--nothing too large; the falling\nof sparrows and the motions of the planets were alike attended to by\nthese industrious and observing deities.\n\n\n\n\n285. God in Idleness\n\nIf a god created the universe, then, there must have been a time when he\ncommenced to create. Back of that time there must have been an eternity,\nduring which there had existed nothing--absolutely nothing--except this\nsupposed god. According to this theory, this god spent an eternity, so\nto speak, in an infinite vacuum, and in perfect idleness.\n\n\n\n\n286. Fancy a Devil Drowning a World\n\nOne of these gods, according to the account, drowned an entire world,\nwith the exception of eight persons. The old, the young, the beautiful\nand the helpless were remorselessly devoured by the shoreless sea. This,\nthe most fearful tragedy that the imagination of ignorant priests ever\nconceived, was the act, not of a devil, but of a god, so-called, whom\nmen ignorantly worship unto this day. What a stain such an act would\nleave upon the character of a devil!\n\n\n\n\n287. Some Gods Very Particular About Little Things\n\nFrom their starry thrones they frequently came to the earth for the\npurpose of imparting information to man. It is related of one that he\ncame amid thunderings and lightnings in order to tell the people that\nthey should not cook a kid in its mother's milk. Some left their shining\nabodes to tell women that they should, or should not, have children, to\ninform a priest how to cut and wear his apron, and to give directions as\nto the proper manner of cleaning the intestines of a bird.\n\n\n\n\n288 The Gods of To-day the Scorn of To-morrow\n\nNations, like individuals, have their periods of youth, of manhood and\ndecay. Religions are the same. The same inexorable destiny awaits them\nall. The gods created by the nations must perish with their creators.\nThey were created by men, and like men, they must pass away. The deities\nof one age are the by-words of the next.\n\n\n\n\n289. No Evidence of a God in Nature\n\nThe best minds, even in the religious world, admit that in the material\nnature there is no evidence of what they are pleased to call a god.\nThey find their evidence in the phenomena of intelligence, and very\ninnocently assert that intelligence is above, and in fact, opposed to\nnature. They insist that man, at least, is a special creation; that\nhe has somewhere in his brain a divine spark, a little portion of the\n\"Great First Cause.\" They say that matter cannot produce thought; but\nthat thought can produce matter. They tell us that man has intelligence,\nand therefore there must be an intelligence greater than his. Why not\nsay, God has intelligence, therefore there must be an intelligence\ngreater than his? So far as we know, there is no intelligence apart\nfrom matter. We cannot conceive of thought, except as produced within a\nbrain.\n\n\n\n\n290. Great Variety in Gods\n\nGods have been manufactured after numberless models., and according to\nthe most grotesque fashions. Some have a thousand arms, some a hundred\nheads, some are adorned with necklaces of living snakes, some are armed\nwith clubs, some with sword and shield, some with bucklers, and some\nhave wings as a cherub; some were invisible, some would show themselves\nentire, and some would only show their backs; some were jealous, some\nwere foolish, some turned themselves into men, some into swans, some\ninto bulls, some into doves, and some into Holy-Ghosts, and made love\nto the beautiful daughters of men: Some were married--all ought to have\nbeen--and some were considered as old bachelors from all eternity. Some\nhad children, and the children were turned into gods and worshiped as\ntheir fathers had been. Most of these gods were revengeful, savage,\nlustful, and ignorant. As they generally depended upon their priests for\ninformation, their ignorance can hardly excite our astonishment.\n\n\n\n\n291. God Grows Smaller\n\n\"But,\" says the religionist, \"you cannot explain everything; and that\nwhich you cannot explain, that which you do not comprehend, is my God.\"\nWe are explaining more every day. We are understanding more every day;\nconsequently your God is growing smaller every day.\n\n\n\n\n292. Give the Devil His Due\n\nIf the account given in Genesis is really true, ought we not, after all,\nto thank this serpent? He was the first schoolmaster, the first advocate\nof learning, the first enemy of ignorance, the first to whisper in human\nears the sacred word liberty, the creator of ambition, the author of\nmodesty, of inquiry, of doubt, of investigation, of progress and of\ncivilization.\n\n\n\n\n293. Casting out Devils\n\nEven Christ, the supposed son of God, taught that persons were possessed\nof evil spirits, and frequently, according to the account, gave proof of\nhis divine origin and mission by frightening droves of devils out of his\nunfortunate countrymen. Casting out devils was his principal employment,\nand the devils thus banished generally took occasion to acknowledge him\nas the true Messiah; which was not only very kind of them, but quite\nfortunate for him.\n\n\n\n\n294. On the Horns of a Dilemma\n\nThe history of religion is simply the story of man's efforts in all ages\nto avoid one of two great powers, and to pacify the other. Both powers\nhave inspired little else than abject fear. The cold, calculating sneer\nof the devil, and the frown of God, were equally terrible. In any event,\nman's fate was to be arbitrarily fixed forever by an unknown power\nsuperior to all law, and to all fact.\n\n\n\n\n295. The Devil and the Swine\n\nHow are you going to prove a miracle? How would you go to work to prove\nthat the devil entered into a drove of swine? Who saw it, and who would\nknow a devil if he did see him?\n\n\n\n\n296. How can I assist God?\n\nSome tell me that it is the desire of God that I should worship Him?\nWhat for? That I should sacrifice something to Him? What for? Is he in\nwant? Can I assist Him? If he is in want and I can assist Him and will\nnot, I would be an ingrate and an infamous wretch. But I am satisfied\nthat I cannot by any possibility assist the infinite. Whom can I assist?\nMy fellow men. I can help feed the hungry, clothe the naked, enlighten\nignorance. I can help at least, in some degree, toward covering this\nworld with a mantle of joy I may be wrong, but I do not believe that\nthere is any being in this universe who gives rain for praise, who gives\nsunshine for prayer, or who blesses a man simply because he kneels.\n\n\n\n\n297. Can God be Improved?\n\nIf the infinite \"Father\" allows a majority of his children to live in\nignorance and wretchedness now, what evidence is there that he will ever\nimprove their condition? Will God have more power? Will he become more\nmerciful? Will his love for his poor creatures increase? Can the conduct\nof infinite wisdom, power and love ever change? Is the infinite capable\nof any improvement whatever?\n\n\n\n\n298. That Dreadful Apple!\n\nAccording to the theologians, God prepared this globe expressly for the\nhabitation of his loved children, and yet he filled the forests with\nferocious beasts; placed serpents in every path; stuffed the world\nwith earthquakes, and adorned its surface with mountains of flame.\nNotwithstanding all this, we are told that the world is perfect; that\nit was created by a perfect being, and is therefore necessarily perfect.\nThe next moment, these same persons will tell us that the world was\ncursed; covered with brambles, thistles and thorns, and that man was\ndoomed to disease and death, simply because our poor, dear mother ate an\napple contrary to the command of an arbitrary God.\n\n\n\n\n299. The Devils better than the Gods\n\nOur ancestors not only had their God-factories, but they made devils\nas well. These devils were generally disgraced and fallen gods. These\ndevils generally sympathized with man. In nearly all the theologies,\nmythologies and religions, the devils have been much more humane and\nmerciful than the gods. No devil ever gave one of his generals an order\nto kill children and to rip open the bodies of pregnant women. Such\nbarbarities were always ordered by the good gods! The pestilences were\nsent by the most merciful gods! The frightful famine, during which the\ndying child with pallid lips sucked the withered bosom of a dead\nmother, was sent by the loving gods. No devil was ever charged with such\nfiendish brutality.\n\n\n\n\n300. Is it Possible?\n\nIs it possible that an infinite God created this world simply to be the\ndwelling-place of slaves and serfs? simply for the purpose of raising\northodox Christians? That he did a few miracles to astonish them; that\nall the evils of life are simply his punishments, and that he is finally\ngoing to turn heaven into a kind of religious museum filled with Baptist\nbarnacles, petrified Presbyterians and Methodist mummies? I want no\nheaven for which I must give my reason; no happiness in exchange for\nmy liberty, and no immortality that demands the surrender of my\nindividuality. Better rot in the windowless tomb, to which there is no\ndoor but the red mouth of the pallid worm, than wear the jeweled collar\neven of a god.\n\n\n\n\n301. It is Impossible!\n\nIt is impossible to conceive of a more thoroughly despicable, hateful,\nand arrogant being, than the Jewish god. He is without a redeeming\nfeature. In the mythology of the world he has no parallel. He, only, is\nnever touched by agony and tears. He delights only in blood and pain.\nHuman affections are naught to him. He cares neither for love nor music,\nbeauty nor joy. A false friend, an unjust judge, a braggart, hypocrite,\nand tyrant. Compared with Jehovah, Pharaoh was a benefactor, and the\ntyranny of Egypt was freedom to those who suffered the liberty of God.\n\n\n\n\nHEAVEN AND HELL\n\n\n\n\n302. Hope of a Future Life\n\nFor my part I know nothing of any other state of existence, either\nbefore or after this, and I have never become personally acquainted with\nanybody who did. There may be another life, and if there is the best\nway to prepare for it is by making somebody happy in this. God certainly\ncannot afford to put a man in hell who has made a little heaven in this\nworld. I hope there is another life. I would like to see how things come\nout in this world when I am dead. There are some people I should like to\nsee again, but if there is no other life I shall never know it.\n\n\n\n\n303. I am Immortal\n\nSo far as I am concerned I am immortal; that is to say, I can't\nrecollect when I did not exist, and there never will be a time when I\nwill remember that I do not exist. I would like to have several millions\nof dollars, and I may say I have a lively hope that some day I may be\nrich; but to tell you the truth I have very little evidence of it. Our\nhope of immortality does not come from any religions, but nearly all\nreligions come from that hope. The Old Testament, instead of telling\nus that we are immortal, tells us how we lost immortality. You will\nrecollect that if Adam and Eve could have gotten to the tree of life,\nthey would have eaten of its fruit and would have lived forever; but for\nthe purpose of preventing immortality God turned them out of the Garden\nof Eden, and put certain angels with swords or sabres at the gate to\nkeep them from getting back. The Old Testament proves, if it proves\nanything, which I do not think it does, that there is no life after\nthis; and the New Testament is not very specific on the subject. There\nwere a great many opportunities for the Savior and his apostles to\ntell us about another world, but they didn't improve them to any great\nextent; and the only evidence so far as I know about another life is,\nfirst, that we have no evidence; and, secondly, that we are rather sorry\nthat we have not, and wish we had. That is about my position.\n\n\n\n\n304. What if Death Does End All?\n\nAnd suppose, after all, that death does end all. Next to eternal joy,\nnext to being forever with those we love and those who have loved us,\nnext to that is to be wrapped in the dreamless drapery of eternal peace.\nNext to eternal life is eternal death. Upon the shadowy shore of death\nthe sea of trouble casts no wave. Eyes that have been curtained by the\neverlasting dark will never know again the touch of tears. Lips that\nhave been touched by the eternal silence will never utter another word\nof grief. Hearts of dust do not break. The dead do not weep. And I had\nrather think of those I have loved, and those I have lost, as having\nreturned to earth, as having become a part of the elemental wealth of\nthe the world. I would rather think of them as unconscious dust. I would\nrather think of them as gurgling in the stream, floating in the cloud,\nbursting into light upon the shores of worlds. I would rather think\nof them thus than to have even a suspicion that their souls had been\nclutched by an orthodox God.\n\n\n\n\n305. The Old World Ignorant of Destiny\n\nMoses differed from most of the makers of sacred books by his failure\nto say anything of a future life, by failing to promise heaven, and to\nthreaten hell. Upon the subject of a future state, there is not one\nword in the Pentateuch. Probably at that early day God did not deem\nit important to make a revelation as to the eternal destiny of man.\nHe seems to have thought that he could control the Jews, at least, by\nrewards and punishments in this world, and so he kept the frightful\nrealities of eternal joy and torment a profound secret from the people\nof his choice. He thought it far more important to tell the Jews their\norigin than to enlighten them as to their destiny.\n\n\n\n\n306. Where the Doctrine of Hell was born\n\nI honestly believe that the doctrine of hell was born in the glittering\neyes of snakes that run in frightful coils watching for their prey. I\nbelieve it was born in the yelping and howling and growling and snarling\nof wild beasts. I believe it was born in the grin of hyenas and in the\nmalicious clatter of depraved apes. I despise it, I defy it, and I hate\nit; and when the great ship freighted with the world goes down in\nthe night of death, chaos and disaster, I will not be guilty of the\nineffable meanness of pushing from my breast my wife and children and\npaddling off in some orthodox canoe. I will go down with those I love\nand with those who love me. I will go down with the ship and with my\nrace. I will go where there is sympathy. I will go with those I love.\nNothing can make me believe that there is any being that is going to\nburn and torment and damn his children forever.\n\n\n\n\n307. The Grand Companionships of Hell\n\nSince hanging has got to be a means of grace, I would prefer hell. I had\na thousand times rather associate with the pagan philosophers than with\nthe inquisitors of the middle ages. I certainly should prefer the worst\nman in Greek or Roman history to John Calvin, and I can imagine no man\nin the world that I would not rather sit on the same bench with than the\npuritan fathers and the founders of orthodox churches. I would trade off\nmy harp any minute for a seat in the other country. All the poets will\nbe in perdition, and the greatest thinkers, and, I should think, most\nof the women whose society would tend to increase the happiness of\nman, nearly all the painters, nearly all the sculptors, nearly all\nthe writers of plays, nearly all the great actors, most of the best\nmusicians, and nearly all the good fellows--the persons who know good\nstories, who can sing songs, or who will loan a friend a dollar.\nThey will mostly all be in that country, and if I did not live there\npermanently, I certainly would want it so I could spend my winter months\nthere.\n\n\n\n\n308. Horror of Horrors!\n\nLet me put one case and I will be through with this branch of the\nsubject. A husband and wife love each other. The husband is a good\nfellow and the wife a splendid woman. They live and love each other and\nall at once he is taken sick, and they watch day after day and night\nafter night around his bedside until their property is wasted and\nfinally she has to go to work, and she works through eyes blinded with\ntears, and the sentinel of love watches at the bedside of her prince,\nand at the least breath or the least motion she is awake; and she\nattends him night after night and day after day for years, and finally\nhe dies, and she has him in her arms and covers his wasted face with the\ntears of agony and love. He is a believer and she is not. He dies, and\nshe buries him and puts flowers above his grave, and she goes there in\nthe twilight of evening and she takes her children, and tells her little\nboys and girls through her tears how brave and how true and how tender\ntheir father was, and finally she dies and goes to hell, because she was\nnot a believer; and he goes to the battlements of heaven and looks over\nand sees the woman who loved him with all the wealth of her love, and\nwhose tears made his dead face holy and sacred, and he looks upon her\nin the agonies of hell without having his happiness diminished in the\nleast. With all due respect to everybody I say, damn any such doctrine\nas that.\n\n\n\n\n309. The Drama of Damnation\n\nWhen you come to die, as you look back upon the record of your life, no\nmatter how many men you have wrecked and ruined, and no matter how many\nwomen you have deceived and deserted--all that may be forgiven you;\nbut if you recollect that you have laughed at God's book you will see\nthrough the shadows of death, the leering looks of fiends and the forked\ntongues of devils. Let me show you how it will be. For instance, it\nis the day of judgment. When the man is called up by the recording\nsecretary, or whoever does the cross-examining, he says to his soul:\n\"Where are you from?\" \"I am from the world.\" \"Yes, sir. What kind of a\nman were you?\" \"Well, I don't like to talk about myself.\" \"But you have\nto. What kind of a man were you?\" \"Well, I was a good fellow; I loved\nmy wife; I loved my children. My home was my heaven; my fireside was my\nparadise, and to sit there and see the lights and shadows falling on the\nfaces of those I love, that to me was a perpetual joy. I never gave one\nof them a solitary moment of pain. I don't owe a dollar in the world,\nand I left enough to pay my funeral expenses and keep the wolf of want\nfrom the door of the house I loved. That is the kind of a man I am.\"\n\"Did you belong to any church?\" \"I did not. They were too narrow for me.\nThey were always expecting to be happy simply because somebody else was\nto be damned.\" \"Well, did you believe that rib story?\" \"What rib story?\nDo you mean that Adam and Eve business? No, I did not. To tell you the\nGod's truth, that was a little more than I could swallow.\" \"To hell\nwith him! Next. Where are you from?\" \"I'm from the world, too.\" \"Do\nyou belong to any church?\" \"Yes, sir, and to the Young Men's Christian\nAssociation.\" \"What is your business?\" \"Cashier in a bank.\" \"Did you\never run off with any of the money?\" \"I don't like to tell, sir.\" \"Well,\nbut you have to.\" \"Yes, sir; I did.\"\n\n\"What kind of a bank did you have?\" \"A savings bank.\" \"How much did you\nrun off with?\" \"One hundred thousand dollars.\" \"Did you take anything\nelse along with you?\" \"Yes, sir.\" \"What?\" \"I took my neighbor's wife.\"\n\"Did you have a wife and children of your own?\" \"Yes, sir.\" \"And you\ndeserted them?\" \"Oh, yes; but such was my confidence in God that I\nbelieved he would take care of them.\" \"Have you heard of them since?\"\n\"No, sir.\" \"Did you believe that rib story?\" \"Ah, bless your soul, yes!\nI believed all of it, sir; I often used to be sorry that there were\nnot harder stories yet in the Bible, so that I could show what my faith\ncould do.\" \"You believed it, did you?\" \"Yes, with all my heart.\" \"Give\nhim a harp.\"\n\n\n\n\n310. Annihilation rather than be a God\n\nNo God has a right to make a man he intends to drown. Eternal wisdom has\nno right to make a poor investment, no right to engage in a speculation\nthat will not finally pay a dividend. No God has a right to make\na failure, and surely a man who is to be damned forever is not a\nconspicuous success. Yet upon love's breast, the Church has placed that\nasp; around the child of immortality the Church has coiled the worm that\nnever dies. For my part I want no heaven, if there is to be a hell. I\nwould rather be annihilated than be a god and know that one human soul\nwould have to suffer eternal agony.\n\n\n\n\n311. \"All that have Red Hair shall be Damned.\"\n\nI admit that most Christians are honest--always have admitted it. I\nadmit that most ministers are honest, and that they are doing the best\nthey can in their way for the good of mankind; but their doctrines are\nhurtful; they do harm in the world; and I am going to do what I can\nagainst their doctrines. They preach this infamy: \"He that believes\nshall be saved, and he that believeth not shall be damned.\" Every word\nof that text has been an instrument of torture; every letter in that\ntext has been a sword thrust into the bleeding and quivering heart of\nman; every letter has been a dungeon; every line has been a chain; and\nthat infamous sentence has covered this world with blood. I deny that\n\"whoso believes shall be saved, and he that believeth not shall be\ndamned.\" No man can control his belief; you might as well say, \"All that\nhave red hair shall be damned.\"\n\n\n\n\n312. The Conscience of a Hyena\n\nBut, after all, what I really want to do is to destroy the idea of\neternal punishment. That doctrine subverts all ideas of justice. That\ndoctrine fills hell with honest men, and heaven with intellectual and\nmoral paupers. That doctrine allows people to sin on a credit. That\ndoctrine allows the basest to be eternally happy and the most honorable\nto suffer eternal pain. I think of all doctrines it is the most\ninfinitely infamous, and would disgrace the lowest savage, and any man\nwho believes it, and has imagination enough to understand it, has the\nheart of a serpent and the conscience of a hyena.\n\n\n\n\n313. I Leave the Dead\n\nBut for me I leave the dead where nature leaves them, and whatever\nflower of hope springs up in my heart I will cherish. But I cannot\nbelieve that there is any being in this universe who has created a\nsoul for eternal pain, and I would rather that every God would destroy\nhimself, I would rather that we all should go back to the eternal chaos,\nto the black and starless night, than that just one soul should suffer\neternal agony.\n\n\n\n\n314. Calvin in Hell!\n\nSwedenborg did one thing for which I feel almost grateful. He gave an\naccount of having met John Calvin in hell. Nothing connected with the\nsupernatural could be more natural than this. The only thing detracting\nfrom the value of this report is, that if there is a hell, we know\nwithout visiting the place that John Calvin must be there.\n\n\n\n\nGOVERNING GREAT MEN\n\n\n\n\n315. Jesus Christ\n\nAnd let me say here once for all, that for the man Christ I have\ninfinite respect. Let me say once for all that the place where man has\ndied for man is holy ground. Let me say once for all, to that great and\nserene man I gladly pay--I _gladly_ pay the tribute of my admiration and\nmy tears. He was a reformer in his day. He was an infidel in his\ntime. He was regarded as a blasphemer, and his life was destroyed by\nhypocrites who have in all ages done what they could to trample freedom\nout of the human mind. Had I lived at that time I would have been his\nfriend. And should he come again he will not find a better friend than\nI will be. That is for the man. For the theological creation I have\na different feeling. If he was in fact God, he knew there was no such\nthing as death; he knew that what we call death was but the eternal\nopening of the golden gates of everlasting joy. And it took no heroism\nto face a death that was simply eternal life.\n\n\n\n\n316. The Emperor Constantine.\n\nThe Emperor Constantine, who lifted Christianity into power, murdered\nhis wife Fausta and his eldest son Crispus the same year that he\nconvened the council of Nice to decide whether Jesus Christ was a man or\nthe son of God. The council decided that Christ was substantial with\nthe Father. This was in the year 325. We are thus indebted to a wife\nmurderer for settling the vexed question of the divinity of the Savior.\nTheodosius called a council at Constantinople in 381, and this council\ndecided that the Holy Ghost proceeded from the Father. Theodosius,\nthe younger, assembled another council at Ephesus to ascertain who the\nVirgin Mary really was, and it was solemnly decided in the year 431 that\nshe was the mother of God. In 451 it was decided by a council held at\nChalcedon, called together by the Emperor Marcian, that Christ had two\nnatures--the human and divine. In 680, in another general council, held\nat Constantinople, convened by order of Pognatius, it was also decided\nthat Christ had two wills, and in the year 1274 it was decided at the\ncouncil of Lyons that the Holy Ghost proceeded not only from the Father,\nbut from the Son as well. Had it not been for these councils we might\nhave been without a trinity even unto this day. When we take into\nconsideration the fact that a belief in the trinity is absolutely\nessential to salvation, how unfortunate it was for the world that this\ndoctrine was not established until the year 1274. Think of the millions\nthat dropped into hell while these questions were being discussed.\n\n\n\n\n317. Did Franklin and Jefferson Die in Fear?\n\nThe church never has pretended that Jefferson or Franklin died in fear.\nFranklin wrote no books against the fables of the ancient Jews. He\nthought it useless to cast the pearls of thought before the swine of\nignorance and fear. Jefferson was a statesman. He was the father of a\ngreat party. He gave his views in letters and to trusted friends. He\nwas a Virginian, author of the Declaration of Independence, founder of a\nuniversity, father of a political party, President of the United States,\na statesman and philosopher. He was too powerful for the churches of\nhis day. Paine was a foreigner, a citizen of the world. He had attacked\nWashington and the Bible. He had done these things openly, and what\nhe had said could not be answered. His arguments were so good that his\ncharacter was bad.\n\n\n\n\n318. Angels at Constantino's Dying Bed!\n\nThe Emperor, stained with every crime, is supposed to have died like a\nChristian. We hear nothing of fiends leering at him in the shadows of\ndeath. He does not see the forms of his murdered wife and son covered\nwith the blood he shed. From his white and shriveled lips issued no\nshrieks of terror. He does not cover his glazed eyes with thin and\ntrembling hands to shut out the visions of hell. His chamber is filled\nwith the rustle of wings waiting to bear his soul to the thrilling\nrealms of joy. Against the Emperor Constantine the church has hurled no\nanathema. She has accepted the story of his vision in the clouds, and\nhis holy memory has been guarded by priest and pope.\n\n\n\n\n319. Diderot\n\nDiderot was born in 1713. His parents were in what may be called the\nhumbler walks of life. Like Voltaire, he was educated by the Jesuits. He\nhad in him something of the vagabond, and was for several years almost a\nbeggar in Paris. He was endeavoring to live by his pen. In that day and\ngeneration a man without a patron, endeavoring to live by literature,\nwas necessarily almost a beggar. He nearly starved--frequently going\nfor days without food. Afterward, when he had something himself, he was\ngenerous as the air. No man ever was more willing to give, and no man\nless willing to receive, than Diderot. His motto was, \"Incredulity\nis the first step toward philosophy.\" He had the vices of most\nChristians--was nearly as immoral as the majority of priests. His vices\nhe shared in common--his virtues were his own--All who knew him united\nin saying that he had the pity of a woman, the generosity of a prince,\nthe self-denial of an anchorite, the courage of Caesar, an insatiate\nthirst foi knowledge, and the enthusiasm of a poet. He attacked with\nevery power of his mind the superstition of his day. He said what\nhe thought. The priests hated him. He was in favor of universal\neducation--the church despised it. He wished to put the knowledge of\nthe whole world within reach of the poorest. He wished to drive from\nthe gate of the Garden of Eden the cherubim of superstition, so that\nthe child of Adam might return to eat once more the fruit of the tree\nof knowledge. Every Catholic was his enemy. His poor little desk was\nransacked by the police, searching for manuscripts in which something\nmight be found that would justify the imprisonment of such a dangerous\nman. Whoever, in 1750, wished to increase the knowledge of mankind was\nregarded as the enemy of social order.\n\n\n\n\n320. Benedict Spinoza\n\nOne of the greatest thinkers of the world was Benedict Spinoza--a Jew,\nborn at Amsterdam in 1638. He studied medicine, and afterward theology.\nHe asked the rabbis so many questions, and insisted to such a degree on\nwhat he called reason, that his room was preferred to his company.\nHis Jewish brethren excommunicated him from the synagogue. Under the\nterrible curse of their religion he was made an outcast from every\nJewish home. His own father could not give him shelter, and his mother,\nafter the curse had been pronounced, could not give him bread, could not\neven speak to him, without becoming an outcast herself. All the cruelty\nof Jehovah was in this curse. Spinoza was but twenty-four years old\nwhen he found himself without friends and without kindred. He uttered\nno complaint. He earned his bread with willing hands, and cheerfully\ndivided his poor crust with those below. He tried to solve the problem\nof existence. To him the universe was one. The infinite embraced the\nall. The all was God. According to him the universe did not commence to\nbe. It is; from eternity it was; and to eternity it will be. He insisted\nthat God is inside, not outside, of what we call substance. To him the\nuniverse was God.\n\n\n\n\n321. Thomas Paine\n\nPoverty was his mother--Necessity his master. He had more brains than\nbooks; more sense than education; more courage than politeness;\nmore strength than polish. He had no veneration for old mistakes--no\nadmiration for ancient lies. He loved the truth for the truth's\nsake, and for man's sake. He saw oppression on every hand; injustice\neverywhere; hypocrisy at the altar, venality on the bench, tyranny on\nthe throne; and with a splendid courage he espoused the cause of the\nweak against the strong--of the enslaved many against the titled few.\n\n\n\n\n322. The Greatest of all Political Writers\n\nIn my judgment, Thomas Paine was the best political writer that ever\nlived. \"What he wrote was pure nature, and his soul and his pen ever\nwent together.\" Ceremony, pageantry, and all the paraphernalia of\npower, had no effect upon him. He examined into the why and wherefore of\nthings. He was perfectly radical in his mode of thought. Nothing short\nof the bed-rock satisfied him. His enthusiasm for what he believed to\nbe right knew no bounds. During all the dark scenes of the Revolution,\nnever for one moment did he despair. Year after year his brave words\nwere ringing through the land, and by the bivouac fires the weary\nsoldiers read the inspiring words of \"Common Sense,\" filled with ideas\nsharper than their swords, and consecrated themselves anew to the cause\nof Freedom.\n\n\n\n\n323. The Writings of Paine\n\nThe writings of Paine are gemmed with compact statements that carry\nconviction to the dullest. Day and night he labored for America, until\nthere was a government of the people and for the people. At the close\nof the Revolution no one stood higher than Thomas Paine. Had he been\nwilling to live a hypocrite, he would have been respectable, he at least\ncould have died surrounded by other hypocrites, and at his death there\nwould have been an imposing funeral, with miles of carriages, filled\nwith hypocrites, and above his hypocritical dust there would have been a\nhypocritical monument covered with lies.\n\n\n\n\n324. The Last Words of Paine.\n\nThe truth is, he died as he had lived. Some ministers were impolite\nenough to visit him against his will. Several of them he ordered\nfrom his room. A couple of Catholic priests, in all the meekness of\nhypocrisy, called that they might enjoy the agonies of a dying friend\nof man. Thomas Paine, rising in his bed, the few embers of expiring life\nblown into flame by the breath of indignation, had the goodness to curse\nthem both. His physician, who seems to have been a meddling fool, just\nas the cold hand of death was touching the patriot's heart, whispered\nin the dull ear of the dying man: \"Do you believe, or do you wish to\nbelieve, that Jesus Christ is the Son of God?\" And the reply was: \"I\nhave no wish to believe on that subject.\" These were the last remembered\nwords of Thomas Paine. He died as serenely as ever Christian passed\naway. He died in the full possession of his mind, and on the very brink\nand edge of death proclaimed the doctrines of his life.\n\n\n\n\n325. Paine Believed in God\n\nThomas Paine was a champion in both hemispheres of human liberty; one of\nthe founders and fathers of the Republic; one of the foremost men of his\nage. He never wrote a word in favor of injustice. He was a despiser of\nslavery. He abhorred tyranny in every form. He wast in the widest and\nbest sense, a friend of all his race. His head was as clear as his heart\nwas good, and he had the courage to speak his honest thought. He was\nthe first man to write these words: \"The United States of America.\" He\nproposed the present federal constitution. He furnished every thought\nthat now glitters in the Declaration of Independence. He believed in one\nGod and no more. He was a believer even in special providence, and he\nhoped for immortality.\n\n\n\n\n326. The Intellectual Hera\n\nThomas Paine was one of the intellectual heroes--one of the men to whom\nwe are indebted. His name is associated forever with the Great Republic.\nAs long as free government exists he will be remembered, admired and\nhonored. He lived a long, laborious and useful life. The world is better\nfor his having lived. For the sake of truth he accepted hatred and\nreproach for his portion. He ate the bitter bread of sorrow. His friends\nwere untrue to him because he was true to himself, and true to them. He\nlost the respect of what is called society, but kept his own. His life\nis what the world calls failure and what history calls success. If to\nlove your fellow-men more than self is goodness, Thomas Paine was good.\nIf to be in advance of your time--to be a pioneer in the direction of\nright--is greatness.\n\nThomas Paine was great. If to avow your principles and discharge your\nduty in the presence of death is heroic, Thomas Paine was a hero. At the\nage of seventy-three, death touched his tired heart. He died in the land\nhis genius defended--under the flag he gave to the skies. Slander cannot\ntouch him now--hatred cannot reach him more. He sleeps in the sanctuary\nof the tomb, beneath the quiet of the stars.\n\n\n\n\n327. Paine, Franklin, Jefferson\n\nIn our country there were three infidels--Paine, Franklin and Jefferson.\nThe colonies were full of superstition, the Puritans with the spirit\nof persecution. Laws savage, ignorant, and malignant had been passed in\nevery colony for the purpose of destroying intellectual liberty.\nMental freedom was absolutely unknown. The toleration acts of\nMaryland tolerated only Christians--not infidels, not thinkers, not\ninvestigators. The charity of Roger Williams was not extended to those\nwho denied the Bible, or suspected the divinity of Christ. It was not\nbased upon the rights of man, but upon the rights of believers, who\ndiffered in non-essential points.\n\n\n\n\n328. David Hume\n\nOn the 26th of April, 1711, David Hume was born. David Hume was one of\nthe few Scotchmen of his day who were not owned by the church. He had\nthe manliness to examine historical and religious questions for himself,\nand the courage to give his conclusions to the world. He was singularly\ncapable of governing himself. He was a philosopher, and lived a calm\nand cheerful life, unstained by an unjust act, free from all excess,\nand devoted in a reasonable degree to benefiting his fellow-men. After\nexamining the Bible he became convinced that it was not true. For\nfailing to suppress his real opinion, for failing to tell a deliberate\nfalsehood, he brought upon him the hatred of the church.\n\n\n\n\n329. Voltaire\n\nVoltaire was the intellectual autocrat of his time. From his throne at\nthe foot of the Alps he pointed the finger of scorn at every hypocrite\nin Europe. He left the quiver of ridicule without an arrow. He was the\npioneer of his century. He was the assassin of superstition. Through the\nshadows of faith and fable, through the darkness of myth and miracle,\nthrough the midnight of Christianity, through the blackness of bigotry,\npast cathedral and dungeon, past rack and stake, past altar and throne,\nhe carried, with brave and chivalric hands, the torch of reason.\n\n\n\n\n330. John Calvin\n\nCalvin was of a pallid, bloodless complexion, thin, sickly, irritable,\ngloomy, impatient, egotistic, tyrannical, heartless, and infamous. He\nwas a strange compound of revengeful morality, malicious forgiveness,\nferocious charity, egotistic humility, and a kind of hellish justice.\nIn other words, he was as near like the God of the Old Testament as his\nhealth permitted.\n\n\n\n\n331. Calvin's Five Fetters\n\nThis man forged five fetters for the brain. These fetters he called\npoints. That is to say, predestination, particular redemption, total\ndepravity, irresistible grace, and the perseverance of the saints. About\nthe neck of each follower he put a collar bristling with these five iron\npoints. The presence of all these points on the collar is still the test\nof orthodoxy in the church he founded. This man, when in the flush of\nyouth, was elected to the office of preacher in Geneva. He at once,\nin union with Farel, drew up a condensed statement of the Presbyterian\ndoctrine, and all the citizens of Geneva, on pain of banishment, were\ncompelled to take an oath that they believed this statement. Of this\nproceeding Calvin very innocently remarked that it produced great\nsatisfaction. A man named Caroli had the audacity to dispute with\nCalvin. For this outrage he was banished.\n\n\n\n\n332. Humboldt\n\nHumboldt breathed the atmosphere of investigation. Old ideas were\nabandoned; old creeds, hallowed by centuries, were thrown aside; thought\nbecame courageous; the athlete, Reason, challenged to mortal combat the\nmonsters of superstition.\n\n\n\n\n333. Humbolt's Travels\n\nEurope becoming too small for his genius, he visited the tropics. He\nsailed along the gigantic Amazon--the mysterious Orinoco--traversed the\nPampas--climbed the Andes until he stood upon the crags of Chimborazo,\nmore than eighteen thousand feet above the level of the sea, and climbed\non until blood flowed from his eyes and lips. For nearly five years he\npursued his investigations in the new world, accompanied by the intrepid\nBonplandi. Nothing escaped his attention. He was the best intellectual\norgan of these new revelations of science. He was calm, reflective and\neloquent; filled with a sense of the beautiful, and the love of truth.\nHis collections were immense, and valuable beyond calculation to every\nscience. He endured innumerable hardships, braved countless dangers in\nunknown and savage lands, and exhausted his fortune for the advancement\nof true learning.\n\n\n\n\n334. Humboldt's Illustrious Companions\n\nHumboldt was the friend and companion of the greatest poets, historians,\nphilologists, artists, statesmen, critics, and logicians of his time.\nHe was the companion of Schiller, who believed that man would be\nregenerated through the influence of the Beautiful of Goethe, the grand\npatriarch of German literature; of Weiland, who has been called\nthe Voltaire of Germany; of Herder, who wrote the outlines of a\nphilosophical history of man; of Kotzebue, who lived in the world of\nromance; of Schleiermacher, the pantheist; of Schlegel, who gave to\nhis countrymen the enchanted realm of Shakespeare; of the sublime Kant,\nauthor of the first work published in Germany on Pure Reason; of Fichte,\nthe infinite idealist; of Schopenhauer, the European Buddhist who\nfollowed the great Gautama to the painless and dreamless Nirwana, and\nof hundreds of others, whose names are familiar to and honored by the\nscientific world.\n\n\n\n\n335. Humboldt the Apostle of Science\n\nUpon his return to Europe he was hailed as the second Columbus; as the\nscientific discover of America; as the revealer of a new world; as the\ngreat demonstrator of the sublime truth, that the universe is governed\nby law. I have seen a picture of the old man, sitting upon a mountain\nside--above him the eternal snow--below, the smiling valley of the\ntropics, filled with vine and palm; his chin upon his breast, his\neyes deep, thoughtful and calm his forehead majestic--grander than the\nmountain upon which he sat--crowned with the snow of his whitened hair,\nhe looked the intellectual autocrat of this world. Not satisfied with\nhis discoveries in America, he crossed the steppes of Asia, the wastes\nof\n\nSiberia, the great Ural range adding to the knowledge of mankind at\nevery step. H is energy acknowledged no obstacle, his life knew no\nleisure; every day was filled with labor and with thought. He was one\nof the apostles of science, and he served his divine master with\na self-sacrificing zeal that knew no abatement; with an ardor that\nconstantly increased, and with a devotion unwavering and constant as the\npolar star.\n\n\n\n\n336. Ingersoll Muses by Napoleon's Tomb\n\nA little while ago I stood by the grave of the old Napoleon--a\nmagnificent tomb of gilt and gold, fit almost for a dead deity--and\ngazed upon the sarcophagus of black Egyptian marble, where rest at last\nthe ashes of the restless man. I leaned over the balustrade and thought\nabout the career of the greatest soldier of the modern world. I saw him\nwalking upon the banks of the Seine, contemplating suicide--I saw him\nat Toulon--I saw him putting down the mob in the streets of Paris--I saw\nhim at the head of the army of Italy--I saw him crossing the bridge of\nLodi with the tri-color in his hand--I saw him in Egypt in the shadows\nof the pyramids--I saw him conquer the Alps and mingle the eagles of\nFrance with the eagles of the crags. I saw him at Marengo--at Ulm and\nAusterlitz. I saw him in Russia, where the infantry of the snow and the\ncavalry of the wild blast scattered his legions like Winter's withered\nleaves. I saw him at Leipsic in defeat and disaster--driven by a million\nbayonets back upon Paris--clutched like a wild beast--banished to Elba.\nI saw him escape and retake an empire by the force of his genius. I saw\nhim upon the frightful field of Waterloo, where chance and fate combined\nto wreck the fortunes of their former king. And I saw him at St. Helena,\nwith his hands crossed behind him, gazing out upon the sad and solemn\nsea. I thought of the orphans and widows he had made--of the tears that\nhad been shed for his glory, and of the only woman who ever loved him,\npushed from his heart by the cold hand of ambition. And I said I would\nrather have been a French peasant, and worn wooden shoes. I would rather\nhave lived in a hut with a vine growing over the door, and the grapes\ngrowing purple in the kisses of the Autumn sun. I would rather have been\nthat poor peasant with my loving wife by my side, knitting as the day\ndied out of the sky--with my children upon my knees and their arms about\nme; I would rather have been that man and gone down to the tongueless\nsilence of the dreamless dust, than to have been that imperial\nimpersonation of force and murder known as Napoleon the Great. And so I\nwould, ten thousand times.\n\n\n\n\n337. Eulogy on J. G. Blaine\n\nThis is a grand year--a year filled with recollections of the\nRevolution; filled with the proud and tender memories of the past; with\nthe sacred legends of liberty; a year in which the sons of freedom will\ndrink from the fountains of enthusiasm; a year in which the people call\nfor a man who has preserved in Congress what our soldiers won upon\nthe field; a year in which they call for the man who has torn from the\nthroat of treason the tongue of slander--for the man who has snatched\nthe mask of Democracy from the hideous face of rebellion; for this man\nwho, like an intellectual athlete, has stood in the arena of debate and\nchallenged all comers, and who is still a total stranger to defeat. Like\nan armed warrior, like a plumed knight, James G. Blaine marched down the\nhalls of the American Congress and threw his shining lance full and\nfair against the brazen foreheads of the defamers of his country and the\nmaligners of her honor. For the Republican party to desert this gallant\nleader now is as though an army should desert their General upon the\nfield of battle. James G. Blaine is now and has been for years the\nbearer of the sacred standard of the Republican party.\n\n\n\n\n338. A Model Leader\n\nThe Republicans of the United States want a man who knows that this\nGovernment should protect every citizen, at home and abroad; who knows\nthat any Government that will not defend its defenders and protect its\nprotectors is a disgrace to the map of the world. They demand a man who\nbelieves in the eternal separation and divorcement of church and school.\nThey demand a man whose political reputation is as spotless as a star;\nbut they do not demand that their candidate shall have a certificate of\nmoral character signed by a Confederate Congress. The man who has, in\nfull, heaped and rounded measure, all these splendid qualifications is\nthe present grand and gallant leader of the Republican party--James G.\nBlaine. Our country, crowned with the vast and marvelous achievements\nof its first century, asks for a man worthy of the past and prophetic\nof her future; asks for a man who has the audacity of genius; asks for\na man who is the grandest combination of heart, conscience and brain\nbeneath her flag. Such a man is James G. Blaine.\n\n\n\n\n339. Abraham Lincoln\n\nThis world has not been fit to live in fifty years. There is no liberty\nin it--very little. Why, it is only a few years ago that all the\nChristian nations were engaged in the slave trade. It was not until 1808\nthat England abolished the slave trade, and up to that time her priests\nin her churches and her judges on her benches owned stock in slave\nships, and luxuriated on the profits of piracy and murder; and when a\nman stood up and denounced it they mobbed him as though he had been a\ncommon burglar or a horse thief. Think of it! It was not until the 28th\nday of August, 1833, that England abolished slavery in her colonies; and\nit was not until the 1st day of January, 1862, that Abraham Lincoln, by\ndirection of the entire North, wiped that infamy out of this country;\nand I never speak of Abraham Lincoln but I want to say that he was, in\nmy judgment, in many respects the grandest man ever President of the\nUnited States. I say that upon his tomb there ought to be this line--and\nI know of no other man deserving it so well as he: \"Here lies one who\nhaving been clothed with almost absolute power never abused it except on\nthe side of mercy.\"\n\n\n\n\n340. Swedenborg\n\nSwedenborg was a man of great intellect, of vast acquirements, and of\nhonest intentions; and I think it equally clear that upon one subject,\nat least, his mind was touched, shattered and shaken. Misled by\nanalogies, imposed upon by the bishop, deceived by the woman, borne to\nother worlds upon the wings of dreams, living in the twilight of reason\nand the dawn of insanity, he regarded every fact as a patched and ragged\ngarment with a lining of the costliest silk, and insisted that the wrong\nside, even of the silk, was far more beautiful than the right.\n\n\n\n\n341. Jeremy Bentham\n\nThe glory of Bentham is, that he gave the true basis of morals, and\nfurnished the statesmen with the star and compass of this sentence: \"The\ngreatest happiness of the greatest number.\"\n\n\n\n\n342. Charles Fourier\n\nFourier sustained about the same relation to this world that Swedenborg\ndid to the other. There must be something wrong about the brain of one\nwho solemnly asserts that \"the elephant, the ox and the diamond were\ncreated by the Sun; the horse, the lily, and the ruby, by Saturn; the\ncow, the jonquil and the topaz, by Jupiter; and the dog, the violet\nand the opal stones by the earth itself.\" And yet, forgetting these\naberrations of the mind, this lunacy of a great and loving soul, for\none, that's in tender-est regard the memory of Charles Fourier, one of\nthe best and noblest of our race.\n\n\n\n\n343. Auguste Comte\n\nThere was in the brain of the great Frenchman--Auguste Comte--the dawn\nof that happy day in which humanity will be the only religion, good the\nonly God, happiness the only object, restitution the only atonement,\nmistake the only sin, and affection guided by intelligence, the only\nsavior of mankind. This dawn enriched his poverty, illuminated the\ndarkness of his life, peopled his loneliness with the happy millions yet\nto be, and filled his eyes with proud and tender tears. When everything\nconnected with Napoleon, except his crimes, shall be forgotten, Auguste\nComte will be lovingly remembered as a benefactor of the human race.\n\n\n\n\n344. Herbert Spencer\n\nHerbert Spencer relies upon evidence, upon demonstration, upon\nexperience; and occupies himself with one world at a time. He perceives\nthat there is a mental horizon that we cannot pierce, and that beyond\nthat is the unknown, possibly the unknowable. He endeavors to examine\nonly that which is capable of being examined, and considers the\ntheological method as not only useless, but hurtful. After all God is\nbut a guess, throned and established by arrogance and assertion.\nTurning his attention to those things that have in some way affected\nthe condition of mankind, Spencer leaves the unknowable to priests and\nbelievers.\n\n\n\n\n345. Robert Collyer\n\nI have the honor of a slight acquaintance with Robert Collyer. I have\nread with pleasure some of his exquisite productions. He has a brain\nfull of the dawn, the head of a philosopher, the imagination of a poet\nand the sincere heart of a child. Had such men as Robert Collyer and\nJohn Stuart Mill been present at the burning of Servetus, they would\nhave extinguished the flames with their tears. Had the presbytery of\nChicago been there, they would have quietly turned their backs, solemnly\ndivided their coat tails, and warmed themselves.\n\n\n\n\n346. John Milton\n\nEngland was filled with Puritan gloom and Episcopal ceremony. All\nreligious conceptions were of the grossest nature. The ideas of crazy\nfanatics and extravagant poets were taken as sober facts. Milton had\nclothed Christianity in the soiled and faded finery of the gods--had\nadded to the story of Christ the fables of Mythology, He gave to the\nProtestant Church the most outrageously material ideas of the Deity.\nHe turned all the angels into soldiers--made heaven a battlefield, put\nChrist in uniform, and described God as a militia general. His works\nwere considered by the Protestants nearly as sacred as the Bible\nitself, and the imagination of the people was thoroughly polluted by the\nhorrible imagery, the sublime absurdity of the blind Milton.\n\n\n\n\n347. Ernst Haeckel\n\nAmongst the bravest, side by side with the greatest of the world in\nGermany, the land of science--stands Ernst Haeckel, who may be said\nnot only to have demonstrated the theories of Darwin, but the monistic\nconception of the world. He has endeavored--and I think with complete\nsuccess--to show that there is not, and never was, and never can be,\nthe creator of anything. Haeckel is one of the bitterest enemies of the\nchurch, and is, therefore, one of the bravest friends of man.\n\n\n\n\n348. Professor Swing, a Dove amongst Vultures\n\nProfessor Swing was too good a man to stay in the Presbyterian Church.\nHe was a rose amongst thistles; he was a dove amongst vultures; and they\nhunted him out, and I am glad he came out. I have the greatest respect\nfor Professor Swing, but I want him to tell whether the 109th Psalm is\ninspired.\n\n\n\n\n349. Queen Victoria and George Eliot\n\nCompare George Eliot with Queen Victoria. The Queen is clad in garments\ngiven her by blind fortune and unreasoning chance, while George Eliot\nwears robes of glory woven in the loom of her own genius. And so it is\nthe world over. The time is coming when men will be rated at their real\nworth; when we shall care nothing for an officer if he does not fill his\nplace.\n\n\n\n\n350. Bough on Rabbi Bien\n\nI will not answer Rabbi Bien, and I will tell you why. Because he has\ntaken himself outside of all the limits of a gentleman; because he has\ntaken upon himself to traduce American women in language the beastliest\nI ever read; and any man who says that the American women are not just\nas good women as any God can make, and pick his mind to-day, is an\nunappreciative barbarian. I will let him alone because he denounced all\nthe men in this country, all the members of Congress, all the members\nof the Senate, all the Judges on the bench, as thieves and robbers. I\npronounce him a vulgar falsifier, and let him alone.\n\n\n\n\n351. General Garfield\n\nNo man has been nominated for the office since I was born, by either\nparty, who had more brains and more heart than James A. Garfield. He\nwas a soldier, he is a statesman. In time of peace he preferred the\navocations of peace; when the bugle of war blew in his ears he withdrew\nfrom his work and fought for the flag, and then he went back to the\navocation of peace. And I say to-day that a man who, in a time of\nprofound peace, makes up his mind that he would like to kill folks for\na living is no better, to say the least of it, than the man who loves\npeace in the time of peace, and who, when his country is attacked,\nrushes to the rescue of her flag.\n\n\n\n\n352. \"Wealthy in Integrity; In Brain a Millionaire.\"\n\nJames A. Garfield is to-day a poor man, and you know that there is not\nmoney enough in this magnificent street to buy the honor and manhood of\nJames A. Garfield. Money cannot make such a man, and I will swear to you\nthat money cannot buy him. James A. Garfield to-day wears the glorious\nrobe of honest poverty. He is a poor man; but I like to say it here in\nWall street; I like to say it surrounded by the millions of America; I\nlike to say it in the midst of banks, and bonds, and stocks; I love to\nsay it where gold is piled--that, although a poor man, he is rich in\nhonor, in integrity he is wealthy, and in brain he is a millionaire.\n\n\n\n\n353. Garfield a Certificate of the Splendor of the American Constitution\n\nGarfield is a certificate of the splendor of our Government, that says\nto every poor boy: \"All the avenues of honor are open to you.\" I\nknow him and I like him. He is a scholar; he is a statesman; he was a\nsoldier; he is a patriot; and above all he is a magnificent man, and if\nevery man in New York knew him as well as I do, Garfield would not lose\na hundred votes in this city.\n\n\n\n\n354. Dr. W. Hiram Thomas\n\nThe best thing that has come from the other side is from Dr. Thomas. I\nregard him as by far the grandest intellect in the Methodist Church. He\nis intellectually a wide and tender man. I cannot conceive of an article\nbeing written in a better spirit. He finds a little fault with me for\nnot being exactly fair. If there were more ministers like Dr. Thomas\nthe probability is I never should have laid myself liable to criticism.\nThere is some human nature in me, and I find it exceedingly difficult\nto preserve at all times perfect serenity. I have the greatest possible\nrespect for Dr. Thomas, and must heartily thank him for his perfect\nfairness.\n\n\n\n\nMISCELLANEOUS\n\n\n\n\n355. Heresy and Orthodoxy\n\nIt has always been the man ahead that has been called the heretic.\nHeresy is the last and best thought always! Heresy extends the\nhospitality of the brain to a new idea; that is what the rotting says to\nflax growing; that is what the dweller in the swamp says to the man on\nthe sun-lit hill; that is what the man in the darkness cries out to the\ngrand man upon whose forehead is shining the dawn of a grander day; that\nis what the coffin says to the cradle. Orthodoxy is a kind of shroud,\nand heresy is a banner--Orthodoxy is a fog and Heresy a star shining\nforever upon the cradle of truth. I do not mean simply in religion, I\nmean in everything and the idea I wish to impress upon you is that you\nshould keep your minds open to all the influences of nature, you should\nkeep your minds open to reason; hear what a man has to say, and do not\nlet the turtle-shell of bigotry grow above your brain. Give everybody a\nchance and an opportunity; that is all.\n\n\n\n\n356. The Aristocracy that will Survive.\n\nWe used to worship the golden calf, and the worst you can say of us now,\nis, we worship the gold of the calf, and even the calves are beginning\nto see this distinction. We used to go down on our knees to every man\nthat held office, now he must fill it if he wishes any respect. We care\nnothing for the rich, except what will they do with their money? Do they\nbenefit mankind? That is the question. You say this man holds an office.\nHow does he fill it?--that is the question. And there is rapidly growing\nup in the world an aristocracy of heart and brain--the only aristocracy\nthat has a right to exist.\n\n\n\n\n357. Truth will Bear the Test\n\nIf a man has a diamond that has been examined by the lapidaries of the\nworld, and some ignorant stonecutter told him that it is nothing but\nan ordinary rock, he laughs at him; but if it has not been examined\nby lapidaries, and he is a little suspicious himself that it is not\ngenuine, it makes him mad. Any doctrine that will not bear investigation\nis not a fit tenant for the mind of an honest man. Any man who is afraid\nto have his doctrine investigated is not only a coward but a hypocrite.\n\n\n\n\n358. Paring Nails\n\nWhy should we in this age of the world be dominated by the dead? Why\nshould barbarian Jews who went down to death and dust three thousand\nyears ago, control the living world? Why should we care for the\nsuperstition of men who began the sabbath by paring their nails,\n\"beginning at the fourth finger, then going to the second, then to the\nfifth, then to the third, and ending with the thumb?\" How pleasing to\nGod this must have been.\n\n\n\n\n359. There may be a God\n\nThere may be for aught I know, somewhere in the unknown shoreless vast,\nsome being whose dreams are constellations and within whose thought the\ninfinite exists. About this being, if such an one exists, I have nothing\nto say. He has written no books, inspired no barbarians, required no\nworship, and has prepared no hell in which to burn the honest seeker\nafter truth.\n\n\n\n\n360. The People are Beginning to Think\n\nThe people are beginning to think, to reason and to investigate. Slowly,\npainfully, but surely, the gods are being driven from the earth. Only\nupon rare occasions are they, even by the most religious, supposed to\ninterfere in the affairs of men. In most matters we are at last supposed\nto be free. Since the invention of steamships and railways, so that the\nproducts of all countries can be easily interchanged, the gods have quit\nthe business of producing famine.\n\n\n\n\n361. Unchained Thought\n\nFor the vagaries of the clouds the infidels propose to substitute the\nrealities of earth; for superstition, the splendid demonstrations and\nachievements of science; and for theological tyranny, the chainless\nliberty of thought.\n\n\n\n\n362. Man the Victor of the Future\n\nIf abuses are destroyed, man must destroy them. If slaves are freed, man\nmust free them. If new truths are discovered, man must discover them.\nIf the naked are clothed; if the hungry are fed; if justice is done;\nif labor is rewarded; if superstition is driven from the mind; if the\ndefenseless are protected, and if the right finally triumphs, all must\nbe the work of man. The grand victories of the future must be won by\nman, and by man alone.\n\n\n\n\n363. The Sacred Sabbath\n\nOf all the superstitious of mankind, this insanity about the \"sacred\nSabbath\" is the most absurd. The idea of feeling it a duty to be solemn\nand sad one-seventh of the time! To think that we can please an infinite\nbeing by staying in some dark and sombre room, instead of walking in the\nperfumed fields! Why should God hate to see a man happy? Why should it\nexcite his wrath to see a family in the woods, by some babbling stream,\ntalking, laughing and loving? Nature works on that \"sacred\" day. The\nearth turns, the rivers run, the trees grow, buds burst into flower, and\nbirds fill the air with song. Why should we look sad, and think about\ndeath, and hear about-hell? Why should that day be filled with gloom\ninstead of joy?\n\n\n\n\n364. Make the Sabbath Merry\n\nFreethinkers should make the Sabbath a day of mirth and music; a day to\nspend with wife and child--a day of games, and books, and dreams--a day\nto put fresh flowers above our sleeping dead--a day of memory and hope,\nof love and rest.\n\n\n\n\n365. Away to the Hills and the Sea\n\nA poor mechanic, working all the week in dust and noise, needs a day of\nrest and joy, a day to visit stream and wood--a day to live with wife\nand child; a day in which to laugh at care, and gather hope and strength\nfor toils to come. And his weary wife needs a breath of sunny air, away\nfrom street and wall, amid the hills or by the margin of the sea, where\nshe can sit and prattle with her babe, and fill with happy dreams the\nlong, glad day.\n\n\n\n\n366. Melancholy Sundays\n\nWhen I was a little fellow most everybody thought that some days were\ntoo sacred for the young ones to enjoy themselves in. That was the\ngeneral idea. Sunday used to commence Saturday night at sundown, under\nthe old text, \"The evening and the morning were the first day.\" They\ncommenced then, I think, to get a good ready. When the sun went down\nSaturday night, darkness ten thousand times deeper than ordinary night\nfell upon that house. The boy that looked the sickest was regarded as\nthe most pious. You could not crack hickory nuts that night, and if you\nwere caught chewing gum it was another evidence of the total depravity\nof the human heart. It was a very solemn evening. We would sometimes\nsing, \"Another day has passed.\" Everybody looked as though they had the\ndyspesia--you know lots of people think they are pious, just because\nthey are bilious, as Mr. Hood says. It was a solemn night, and the next\nmorning the solemnity had increased. Then we went to church, and the\nminister was in a pulpit about twenty feet high. If it was in the winter\nthere was no fire; it was not thought proper to be comfortable while you\nwere thanking the Lord. The minister commenced at firstly and ran up to\nabout twenty-fourthly, and then he divided it up again; and then he\nmade some concluding remarks, and then he said lastly, and when he said\nlastly he was about half through.\n\n\n\n\n367. Moses took Egyptian Law for his Model\n\nIt has been contended for many years that the ten commandments are the\nfoundation of all ideas of justice and of law. Eminent jurists have\nbowed to popular prejudice, and deformed their works by statements to\nthe effect that the Mosaic laws are the fountains from which sprang all\nideas of right and wrong. Nothing can be more stupidly false than such\nassertions. Thousands of years before Moses was born, the Egyptians\nhad a code of laws. They had laws against blasphemy, murder, adultery,\nlarceny, perjury, laws for the collection of debts, and the enforcement\nof contracts.\n\n\n\n\n368. A False Standard of Success\n\nIt is not necessary to be rich, nor powerful, nor great, to be a\nsuccess; and neither is it necessary to have your name between the\nputrid lips of rumor to be great. We have had a false standard of\nsuccess. In the years when I was a little boy we read in our books that\nno fellow was a success that did not make a fortune or get a big office,\nand he generally was a man that slept about three hours a night. They\nnever put down in the books the gentlemen who succeeded in life and yet\nslept all they wanted to. We have had a wrong standard.\n\n\n\n\n369. Toilers and Idlers\n\nYou can divide mankind into two classes: the laborers and the idlers,\nthe supporters and the supported, the honest and the dishonest. Every\nman is dishonest who lives upon the unpaid labor of others, no matter\nif he occupies a throne. All laborers should be brothers. The laborers\nshould have equal-rights before the world and before the law. And I want\nevery farmer to consider every man who labors either with hand or brain\nas his brother. Until genius and labor formed a partnership there was\nno such thing as prosperity among men. Every reaper and mower, every\nagricultural implement, has elevated the work of the farmer, and his\nvocation grows grander with every invention. In the olden time the\nagriculturist was ignorant; he knew nothing of machinery, he was the\nslave of superstition.\n\n\n\n\n370. The Sad Wilderness History\n\nWhile reading the Pentateuch, I am filled with indignation, pity and\nhorror. Nothing can be sadder than the history of the starved and\nfrightened wretches who wandered over the desolate crags and sands of\nwilderness and desert, the prey of famine, sword and plague. Ignorant\nand superstitious to the last degree, governed by falsehood, plundered\nby hypocrisy, they were the sport of priests, and the food of fear. God\nwas their greatest enemy, and death their only friend.\n\n\n\n\n371. Law Much Older than Sinai\n\nLaws spring from the instinct of self-preservation. Industry objected\nto supporting idleness, and laws were made against theft. Laws were made\nagainst murder, because a very large majority of the people have always\nobjected to being murdered. All fundamental laws were born simply of the\ninstinct of self-defence. Long before the Jewish savages assembled at\nthe foot of Sinai, laws had been made and enforced, not only in Egypt\nand India, but by every tribe that ever existed.\n\n\n\n\n372. Who is the Blasphemer?\n\nThere was no pity in inspired war. God raised the black flag, and\ncommanded his soldiers to kill even the smiling infant in its mother's\narms. Who is the blasphemer; the man who denies the existence of God, or\nhe who covers the robes of the infinite with innocent blood?\n\n\n\n\n373. Standing Tip for God\n\nWe are told in the Pentateuch that God, the father of us all, gave\nthousands of maidens, after having killed their fathers, their mothers,\nand their brothers, to satisfy the brutal lusts of savage men. If there\nbe a God, I pray him to write in his book, opposite my name, that I\ndenied this lie for him.\n\n\n\n\n374. Matter and Force\n\nThe statement in the beginning God created the heaven and the earth, I\ncannot accept. It is contrary to my reason, and I cannot believe it. It\nappears reasonable for me that force has existed from eternity. Force\ncannot, as it appears to me, exist apart from matter. Force, in its\nnature, is forever active, and without matter it could not act; and so\nI think matter must have existed forever. To conceive of matter without\nforce, or of force without matter, or of a time when neither existed,\nor of a being who existed for an eternity without either, and who out of\nnothing created both, is to me utterly impossible.\n\n\n\n\n375. Haeckel before Moses!\n\nIt may be that I am led to these conclusions by \"total depravity,\" or\nthat I lack the necessary humility of spirit to satisfactorily harmonize\nHaeckel and Moses; or that I am carried away by pride, blinded by\nreason, given over to hardness of heart that I might be damned, but I\nnever can believe that the earth was covered with leaves, and buds, and\nflowers, and fruits, before the sun with glittering spear had driven\nback the hosts of night.\n\n\n\n\n376. How was it Done?\n\nWe are told that God made man; and the question naturally arises, how\nwas this done? Was it by a process of \"evolution,\" \"development;\" the\n\"transmission of acquired habits;\" the \"survival of the fittest,\" or was\nthe necessary amount of clay kneaded to the proper consistency, and then\nby the hands of God moulded into form? Modern science tells that man has\nbeen evolved, through countless epochs, from the lower forms; that he\nis the result of almost an infinite number of actions, reactions,\nexperiences, states, forms, wants and adaptations.\n\n\n\n\n377. General Joshua\n\nMy own opinion is that General Joshua knew no more about the motions of\nthe earth than he did mercy and justice. If he had known that the earth\nturned upon its axis at the rate of a thousand miles an hour, and swept\nin its course about the sun at the rate of sixty-eight thousand miles\nan hour, he would have doubled the hailstones, spoken of in the same\nchapter, that the Lord cast down from heaven, and allowed the sun and\nmoon to rise and set in the usual way.\n\n\n\n\n378. Early Rising is Barbaric!\n\nThis getting up so early in the morning is a relic of barbarism. It has\nmade hundreds of thousands of young men curse business. There is no need\nof getting up at three or four o'clock in the winter morning. The farmer\nwho persists in dragging his wife and children from their beds ought to\nbe visited by a missionary. It is time enough to rise after the sun has\nset the example. For what purpose do you get up? To feed the cattle? Why\nnot feed them more the night before? It is a waste of life. In the old\ntimes they used to get up about three o'clock in the morning, and go to\nwork long before the sun had risen with \"healing upon his wings,\" and as\na just punishment they all had the ague; and they ought to have it now.\n\n\n\n\n379. Sleep is Medicine!\n\nYou should not rob your families of sleep. Sleep is the best medicine\nin the world. There is no such thing as health, without plenty of sleep.\nSleep until you are thoroughly rented and restored. When you work, work;\nand when you get through take a good, long and refreshing sleep.\n\n\n\n\n380. Never Rise at Four O'Clock\n\nThe man who cannot get a living upon Illinois soil without rising before\ndaylight ought to starve. Eight hours a day is enough for any farmer to\nwork except in harvest time. When you rise at four and work till dark\nwhat is life worth? Of what use are all the improvements in farming?\nOf what use is all the improved machinery unless it tends to give the\nfarmer a little more leisure? What is harvesting now, compared with what\nit was in the old time? Think of the days of reaping, of cradling, of\nraking and binding and mowing. Think of threshing with the flail and\nwinnowing with the wind. And now think of the reapers and mowers, the\nbinders and threshing machines, the plows and cultivators, upon which\nthe farmer rides protected from the sun. If, with all these advantages,\nyou cannot get a living without rising in the middle of the night, go\ninto some other business.\n\n\n\n\n381. The Hermit is Mad\n\nA hermit is a mad man. Without friends and wife and child, there is\nnothing left worth living for. The unsocial are the enemies of joy. They\nare filled with egotism and envy, with vanity and hatred. People who\nlive much alone become narrow and suspicious. They are apt to be the\nproperty of one idea. They begin to think there is no use in anything.\nThey look upon the happiness of others as a kind of folly. They hate\njoyous folks, because, way down in their hearts, they envy them.\n\n\n\n\n382. Duke Orang-Outang\n\nI think we came from the lower animals. I am not dead sure of it, but\nthink so. When I first read about it I didn't like it. My heart was\nfilled with sympathy for those people who leave nothing to be proud of\nexcept ancestors. I thought how terrible this will be upon the nobility\nof the old world. Think of their being forced to trace their ancestry\nback to the Duke Orang-Outang or to the Princess Chimpanzee. After\nthinking it all over I came to the conclusion that I liked that\ndoctrine. I became convinced in spite of myself. I read about\nrudimentary bones and muscles. I was told that everybody had rudimentary\nmuscles extending from the ear into the cheek. I asked: \"What are they?\"\nI was told: \"They are the remains of muscles; they became rudimentary\nfrom the lack of use.\" They went into bankruptcy. They are the muscles\nwith which your ancestors used to flap their ears. Well, at first I was\ngreatly astonished, and afterward I was more astonished to find they had\nbecome rudimentary.\n\n\n\n\n383. Self-Made Men\n\nIt is often said of this or that man that he is a self-made man--that\nhe was born of the poorest and humblest parents, and that with every\nobstacle to overcome he became great. This is a mistake. Poverty is\ngenerally an advantage. Most of the intellectual giants of the world\nhave been nursed at the sad but loving breast of poverty. Most of those\nwho have climbed highest on the shining ladder of fame commenced at the\nlowest round. They were reared in the straw thatched cottages of Europe;\nin the log houses of America; in the factories of the great cities; in\nthe midst of toil; in the smoke and din of labor.\n\n\n\n\n384. The One Window in the Ark\n\nA cubit is twenty-two inches; so that the ark was five hundred and fifty\nfeet long, ninety-one feet and eight inches wide, and fifty-five feet\nhigh. The ark was divided into three stories, and had on top, one window\ntwenty-two inches square. Ventillation must have been one of Jehovah's\nhobbies. Think of a ship larger than the Great Eastern with only one\nwindow, and that but twenty-two inches square!\n\n\n\n\n385. No Ante-Diluvian Camp-Meetings!\n\nIt is a little curious that when God wished to reform the ante-diluvian\nworld he said nothing about hell; that he had no revivals, no\ncamp-meetings, no tracts, no out-pourings of the Holy Ghost, no\nbaptisms, no noon prayer meetings, and never mentioned the great\ndoctrine of salvation by faith. If the orthodox creeds of the world are\ntrue, all those people went to hell without ever having heard that such\na place existed. If eternal torment is a fact, surely these miserable\nwretches ought to have been warned. They were threatened only with water\nwhen they were in fact doomed to eternal fire!\n\n\n\n\n386. Hard Work in the Ark\n\nEight persons did all the work. They attended to the wants of 175,000\nbirds, 3,616 beasts, 1,300 reptiles, and 2,000,000 insects, saying\nnothing of countless animalculae.\n\n\n\n\n387. What did Moses know about the Sun?\n\nCan we believe that the inspired writer had any idea of the size of the\nsun? Draw a circle five inches in diameter, and by its side thrust a pin\nthrough the paper. The hole made by the pin will sustain about the same\nrelation to the circle that the earth does to the sun. Did he know that\nthe sun was eight hundred and sixty thousand miles in diameter; that it\nwas enveloped in an ocean of fire thousands of miles in depth, hotter\neven than the Christian's hell? Did he know that the volume of the Earth\nis less than one-millionth of that of the sun? Did he know of the one\nhundred and four planets belonging to our solar system, all children of\nthe sun? Did he know of Jupiter eighty-five thousand miles in diameter,\nhundreds of times as large as our earth, turning on his axis at the rate\nof twenty-five thousand miles an hour accompanied by four moons making\nthe tour of his orbit once only in fifty years?\n\n\n\n\n388. Something for Nothing\n\nIt is impossible for me to conceive of something being created for\nnothing. Nothing, regarded in the light of raw material, is a decided\nfailure. I cannot conceive of matter apart from force. Neither is it\npossible to think of force disconnected with matter. You cannot imagine\nmatter going back to absolute nothing. Neither can you imagine nothing\nbeing changed into something. You may be eternally damned if you do not\nsay that you can conceive these things, but you cannot conceive them.\nAccount but I cannot help it. In my judgment Moses was mistaken.\n\n\n\n\n389. Polygamy\n\nPolygamy is just as pure in Utah as it could have been in the promised\nland. Love and virtue are the same the whole world around, and justice\nis the same in every star. All the languages of the world are not\nsufficient to express the filth of polygamy. It makes of man a beast,\nof woman a trembling slave. It destroys the fireside, makes virtue an\noutcast, takes from human speech its sweetest words, and leaves the\nheart a den, where crawl and hiss the slimy serpents of most loathsome\nlust. Civilization rests upon the family. The good family is the unit\nof good government. The virtues grow about the holy hearth of home--they\ncluster, bloom, and shed their perfume round the fireside where the\none man loves the one woman.\n\nLover--husband--wife--mother--father--child--home!--without these sacred\nwords the world is but a lair, and men and women merely beasts.\n\n\n\n\n390. The Colonel in the Kitchen--How to Cook a Beefsteak\n\nThere ought to be a law making it a crime, punishable by imprisonment,\nto fry a beefsteak. Broil it; it is just as easy, and when broiled it\nis delicious. Fried beefsteak is not fit for a wild beast. You can broil\neven on a stove. Shut the front damper--open the back one, and then take\noff a griddle. There will then be a draft down through this opening. Put\non your steak, using a wire broiler, and not a particle of smoke will\ntouch it, for the reason that the smoke goes down. If you try to broil\nit with the front damper open the smoke will rise. For broiling, coal,\neven soft coal, makes a better fire than wood.\n\n\n\n\n391. Fresh Air\n\nMake your houses comfortable. Do not huddle together in a little room\naround a red-hot stove, with every window fastened down. Do not live in\nthis poisoned atmosphere, and then, when one of your children dies, put\na piece in the papers commencing with, \"Whereas, it has pleased divine\nProvidence to remove from our midst--.\" Have plenty of air, and plenty\nof warmth. Comfort is health. Do not imagine anything is unhealthy\nsimply because it is pleasant. This is an old and foolish idea.\n\n\n\n\n392. Cooking a Fine Art\n\nCooking is one of the fine arts. Give your wives and daughters things to\ncook, and things to cook with, and they will soon become most excellent\ncooks. Good cooking is the basis of civilization. The man whose arteries\nand veins are filled with rich blood made of good and well cooked food,\nhas pluck, courage, endurance and noble impulses. Remember that your\nwife should have things to cook with.\n\n\n\n\n393. Scathing Impeachment of Intemperance\n\nIntemperance cuts down youth in its vigor, manhood in its strength, and\nage in its weakness. It breaks the father's heart, bereaves the doting\nmother, extinguishes natural affections, erases conjugal loves, blots\nout filial attachments, blights parental hope, and brings down mourning\nage in sorrow to the grave. It produces weakness, not strength;\nsickness, not health; death, not life. It makes wives widows; children\norphans; fathers fiends, and all of them paupers and beggars. It feeds\nrheumatism, nurses gout, welcomes epidemics, invites cholera, imports\npestilence and embraces consumption. It covers the land with idleness,\nmisery and crime. It fills your jails, supplies your almshouses and\ndemands your asylums. It engenders controversies, fosters quarrels, and\ncherishes riots. It crowds your penitentiaries and furnishes victims to\nyour scaffolds. It is the life blood of the gambler, the element of\nthe burglar, the prop of the highwayman and the support of the midnight\nincendiary. It countenances the liar, respects the thief, esteems\nthe blasphemer. It violates obligations, reverences fraud, and honors\ninfamy. It defames benevolence, hates love, scorns virtue and slanders\ninnocence. It incites the father to butcher his helpless offspring,\nhelps the husband to massacre his wife, and the child to grind the\nparricidal ax. It burns up men, consumes women, detests life, curses God,\nand despises heaven. It suborns witnesses, nurses perjury, defiles\nthe jury box, and stains the judicial ermine. It degrades the citizen,\ndebases the legislator, dishonors statesmen, and disarms the patriot. It\nbrings shame, not honor; terror, not safety; despair, not hope; misery,\nnot happiness; and with the malevolence of a fiend, it calmly surveys\nits frightful desolation, and unsatisfied with its havoc, it poisons\nfelicity, kills peace, ruins morals, blights confidence, slays\nreputation, and wipes out national honors, then curses the world and\nlaughs at its ruin.\n\n\n\n\n394. Liberty Defined\n\nThe French convention gave the best definition of liberty I have ever\nread: \"The liberty of one citizen ceases only where the liberty of\nanother citizen commences.\" I know of no better definition. I ask you\nto-day to make a declaration of individual independence. And if you are\nindependent, be just. Allow everybody else to make his declaration of\nindividual independence. Allow your wife, allow your husband, allow\nyour children to make theirs. It is a grand thing to be the owner of\nyourself. It is a grand thing to protect the rights of others. It is a\nsublime thing to be free and just.\n\n\n\n\n395. Free, Honest Thought\n\nI am going to say what little I can to make the American people brave\nenough and generous enough and kind enough to give everybody else the\nrights they have themselves. Can there ever be any progress in this\nworld to amount to anything until we have liberty? The thoughts of a man\nwho is not free are not worth much--not much. A man who thinks with the\nclub of a creed above his head--a man who thinks casting his eye askance\nat the flames of hell, is not apt to have very good thoughts. And for\nmy part, I would not care to have any status or social position even in\nheaven if I had to admit that I never would have been there only I got\nscared. When we are frightened we do not think very well. If you want to\nget at the honest thoughts of a man he must free. If he is not free you\nwill not get his honest thought.\n\n\n\n\n396. Ingersoll Prefers Shoemakers to Princes\n\nThe other day there came shoemakers, potters, workers in wood and iron,\nfrom Europe, and they were received in the city of New York as though\nthey had been princes. They had been sent by the great republic of\nFrance to examine into the arts and manufactures of the great republic\nof America. They looked a thousand times better to me than the Edward\nAlberts and Albert Edwards--the royal vermin, that live on the body\npolitic. And I would think much more of our government if it would fete\nand feast them, instead of wining and dining the imbeciles of a royal\nline.\n\n\n\n\n397. Sham Dignity\n\nI hate dignity. I never saw a dignified man that was not after all an\nold idiot Dignity is a mask; a dignified man is afraid that you will\nknow he does not know everything. A man of sense and argument is always\nwilling to admit what he don't know--why?--because there is so much\nthat he does know; and that is the first step towards learning\nanything--willingness to admit what you don't know, and when you don't\nunderstand a thing, ask--no matter how small and silly it may look to\nother people--ask, and after that you know. A man never is in a state of\nmind that he can learn until he gets that dignified nonsense out of him.\n\n\n\n\n398. A Good Time Coming!\n\nThe time is coming when a man will be rated at his real worth, and that\nby his brain and heart. We care nothing now about an officer unless he\nfills his place. The time will come when no matter how much money a man\nhas he will not be respected unless he is using it for the benefit of\nhis fellow-men. It will soon be here.\n\n\n\n\n399. Who is the True Nobleman?\n\nWe are a great people. Three millions have increased to fifty--thirteen\nStates to thirty-eight. We have better homes, and more of the\nconveniences of life than any other people upon the face of the globe.\nThe farmers of our country live better than did the kings and princes\ntwo hundred years ago--and they have twice as much sense and heart.\nLiberty and labor have given us all. Remember that all men have equal\nrights. Remember that the man who acts best his part--who loves\nhis friends the best--is most willing to help others--truest to the\nobligation--who has the best heart--the most feeling--the deepest\nsympathies--and who freely gives to others the rights that he claims for\nhimself, is the true nobleman. We have disfranchised the aristocrats of\nthe air and have given one country to mankind.\n\n\n\n\n400. Wanted!--More Manliness\n\nI had a thousand times rather have a farm and be independent, than to be\nPresident of the United States, without independence, filled with\ndoubt and trembling, feeling of the popular pulse, resorting to art and\nartifice, inquiring about the wind of opinion, and succeeding at last in\nlosing my self-respect without gaining the respect of others. Man needs\nmore manliness, more real independence. We must take care of\nourselves. This we can do by labor, and in this way we can preserve our\nindependence. We should try and choose that business or profession the\npursuit of which will give us the most happiness. Happiness is wealth.\nWe can be happy without being rich--without holding office--without\nbeing famous. I am not sure that we can be happy with wealth, with\noffice, or with fame.\n\n\n\n\n401. Education of Nature\n\nIt has been a favorite idea with me that our forefathers were educated\nby nature; that they grew grand as the continent upon which they landed;\nthat the great rivers--the wide plains--the splendid lakes--the lonely\nforests--the sublime mountains--that all these things stole into and\nbecame a part of their being, and they grew great as the country in\nwhich they lived. They began to hate the narrow, contracted views of\nEurope. They were educated by their surroundings.\n\n\n\n\n402. The Worker Wearing the Purple\n\nI want to see a workingman have a good house, painted white, grass in\nthe front yard, carpets on the floor and pictures on the wall. I want to\nsee him a man feeling that he is a king by the divine right of living in\nthe Republic. And every man here is just a little bit a king, you know.\nEvery man here is a part of the sovereign power. Every man wears a\nlittle of purple; every man has a little of crown and a little of\nsceptre; and every man that will sell his vote for money or be ruled by\nprejudice is unfit to be an American citizen.\n\n\n\n\n403. Flowers\n\nBeautify your grounds with plants and flowers and vines. Have good\ngardens. Remember that everything of beauty tends to the elevation of\nman. Every little morning-glory whose purple bosom is thrilled with the\namorous kisses of the sun tends to put a blossom in your heart. Do not\njudge of the value of everything by the market reports. Every flower\nabout a house certifies to the refinement of somebody. Every vine,\nclimbing and blossoming, tells of love and joy.\n\n\n\n\n404. Be Happy--Here and Now!\n\nThe grave is not a throne, and a corpse is not a king. The living have\na right to control this world. I think a good deal more of to day than\nI do of yesterday, and I think more of to-morrow than I do of this day;\nbecause it is nearly gone--that is the way I feel. The time to be happy\nis now; the way to be happy is to make somebody else happy and the place\nto be happy is here.\n\n\n\n\n405. The School House a Fort\n\nEducation is the most radical thing in the world.\n\nTo teach the alphabet is to inaugurate a revolution. To build a school\nhouse is to construct a fort. A library is an arsenal.\n\n\n\n\n406. We are Getting Free\n\nWe are getting free. We are thinking in every direction. We are\ninvestigating with the microscope and the telescope. We are digging\ninto the earth and finding souvenirs of all the ages. We are finding out\nsomething about the laws of health and disease. We are adding years to\nthe span of human life and we are making the world fit to live in.\nThat is what we are doing, and every man that has an honest thought and\nexpresses it helps, and every man that tries to keep honest thought from\nbeing expressed is an obstruction and a hindrance.\n\n\n\n\n407. The Solid Rock\n\nI have made up my mind that if there is a God He will be merciful to the\nmerciful. Upon that rock I stand. That He will forgive the forgiving;\nupon that rock I stand. That every man should be true to himself, and\nthat there is no world, no star, in which honesty is a crime; and upon\nthat rock I stand. An honest man, a good, kind, sweet woman, or a happy\nchild, has nothing to fear, neither in this world nor the world to come;\nand upon that rock I stand.\n\n\n\n\nINGERSOLL'S FIVE GOSPELS\n\n\n\n\n408. The Gospel of Cheerfulness\n\nI believe in the gospel of cheerfulness; the gospel of good nature; in\nthe gospel of good health. Let us pay some attention to our bodies; take\ncare of our bodies, and our souls will take care of themselves. Good\nhealth! I believe the time will come when the public thought will be so\ngreat and grand that it will be looked upon as infamous to perpetuate\ndisease. I believe the time will come when men will not fill the future\nwith consumption and with insanity. I believe the time will come when\nwith studying ourselves and understanding the laws of health, we will\nsay we are under obligations to put the flags of health in the cheeks of\nour children. Even if I got to Heaven, and had a harp, I would hate to\nlook back upon my children and see them diseased, deformed, crazed, all\nsuffering the penalty of crimes that I had committed.\n\n\n\n\n409. The Gospel of Liberty\n\nAnd I believe, too, in the gospel of liberty,---of giving to others what\nwe claim. And I believe there is room everywhere for thought, and\nthe more liberty you give away the more you will have. In liberty\nextravagance is economy. Let us be just, let us be generous to each\nother.\n\n\n\n\n410. The Gospel of 'Good Living\n\nI believe in the gospel of good living. You cannot make any God happy by\nfasting. Let us have good food, and let us have it well cooked; it is\na thousand times better to know how to cook it than it is to understand\nany theology in the world. I believe in the gospel of good clothes. I\nbelieve in the gospel of good houses; in the gospel of water and soap.\n\n\n\n\n411. The Gospel of Intelligence\n\nI believe in the gospel of intelligence. That is the only lever capable\nof raising mankind. I believe in the gospel of intelligence; in the\ngospel of education. The school-house is my cathedral; the universe\nis my Bible. Intelligence must rule triumphant. Humanity is the grand\nreligion. And no God can put a man into hell in another world who has\nmade a little heaven in this. God cannot make miserable a man who has\nmade somebody else happy. God can not hate anybody who is capable of\nloving his neighbor. So I believe in this great gospel of generosity.\nAh, but they say it won't do. You must believe. I say no. My gospel\nof health will prolong life; my gospel of intelligence, my gospel of\nloving, my gospel of good-fellowship will cover the world with happy\nhomes. My doctrine will put carpets upon your floors, pictures upon your\nwalls. My doctrine will put books upon your shelves, ideas in your mind.\nMy doctrine will relieve the world of the abnormal monsters born of the\nignorance of superstition. My doctrine will give us health, wealth, and\nhappiness. That is what I want. That is what I believe in.\n\n\n\n\n412. The Gospel of Justice\n\nI believe in the gospel of justice,--that we must reap what we sow. I do\nnot believe in forgiveness. If I rob Mr. Smith, and God forgive me,\nhow does that help Smith? If I by slander cover some poor girl with\nthe leprosy of some imputed crime, and she withers away like a blighted\nflower, and afterwards I get forgiveness, how does that help her? If\nthere is another world, we have got to settle; no bankruptcy court\nthere. Pay down. Among the ancient Jews if you committed a crime you\nhad to kill a sheep; now they say, \"Charge it. Put it on the slate.\" It\nwon't do. For every crime you commit you must answer to yourself and\nto the one you injure. And if you have ever clothed another with\nunhappiness as with a garment cf pain, you will never be quite as\nhappy as though you hadn't done that thing. No forgiveness, eternal,\ninexorable, everlasting justice--that is what I believe in.\n\nAnd if it goes hard with me, I will stand it. And I will stick to my\nlogic, and I will bear it like a man.\n\n\n\n\nGEMS FROM THE CONTROVERSIAL GASKET\n\n     Latest Utterances of Colonel Robert G. Ingersoll,\n     in a Controversy with Judge Jere 8. Black,\n     on \"The Christian Religion\"\n\n\n\n\n413. The Origin of the Controversy\n\nSeveral months ago, _The North American Review_ asked me to write an\narticle, saying that it would be published if some one would furnish a\nreply. I wrote the article that appeared in the August number, and by\nme it was entitled \"Is All of the Bible Inspired?\" Not until the\narticle was written did I know who was expected to answer. I make this\nexplanation for the purpose of dissipating the impression that Mr. Black\nhad been challenged by me. To have struck his shield with my lance might\nhave given birth to the impression that I was somewhat doubtful as to\nthe correctness of my position. I naturally expected an answer from some\nprofessional theologian, and was surprised to find that a reply had been\nwritten by a \"policeman,\" who imagined that he had answered my arguments\nby simply telling me that my statements were false. It is somewhat\nunfortunate that in a discussion like this any one should resort to the\nslightest personal detraction. The theme is great enough to engage the\nhighest faculties of the human mind, and in the investigation of such a\nsubject vituperation is singularly and vulgarly out of place. Arguments\ncannot be answered with insults. It is unfortunate that the intellectual\narena should be entered by a \"policeman,\" who has more confidence in\nconcussion than discussion. Kindness is strength. Good nature is often\nmistaken for virtue, and good health sometimes passes for genius.\nAnger blows out the lamp of the mind. In the examination of a great and\nimportant question, every one should be serene, slow-pulsed, and calm.\nIntelligence is not the foundation of arrogance. Insolence is not logic.\nEpithets are the arguments of malice. Candor is the courage of the soul.\nLeaving the objectionable portion of Mr. Black's reply, feeling that so\ngrand a subject should not be blown and tainted with malicious words, I\nproceed to answer as best I may the arguments he has urged.\n\n\n\n\n414. What is Christianity?\n\nOf course it is still claimed that we are a Christian people, indebted\nto something we call Christianity, for all the progress we have made.\nThere is still a vast difference of opinion as to what Christianity\nreally is, although many wavering sects have been discussing that\nquestion, with fire and sword through centuries of creed and crime.\nEvery new sect has been denounced at its birth as illegitimate, as\nsomething born out of orthodox wedlock, and that should have been\nallowed to perish on the steps where it was found.\n\n\n\n\n415. Summary of Evangelical Belief\n\nAmong the evangelical churches there is a substantial agreement\nupon what they consider the fundamental truths of the gospel. These\nfundamental truths, as I understand them, are:--That there is a personal\nGod, the creator of the material universe; that he made man of the dust,\nand woman from part of the man; that the man and woman were tempted by\nthe devil; that they were turned out of the garden of Eden; that, about\nfifteen hundred years afterward, God's patience having been exhausted by\nthe wickedness of mankind, He drowned His children, with the exception\nof eight persons; that afterward He selected from their descendants\nAbraham, and through him the Jewish people; that He gave laws to these\npeople, and tried to govern them in all things; that He made known His\nwill in many ways; that He wrought a vast number of miracles; that\nHe inspired men to write the Bible; that, in the fullness of time, it\nhaving been found impossible to reform mankind, this God came upon earth\nas a child born of the Virgin Mary; that He lived in Palestine; that He\npreached for about three years, going from place to place, occasionally\nraising the dead, curing the blind and the halt; that He was\ncrucified--for the crime of blasphemy, as the Jews supposed, but, that\nas a matter of fact, He was offered as a sacrifice for the sins of\nall who might have faith in Him; that He was raised from the dead and\nascended into heaven, where He now is, making intercession for His\nfollowers; that He will forgive the sins of all who believe on Him,\nand that those who do not believe will be consigned to the dungeons of\neternal pain. These--(it may be with the addition of the sacraments of\nBaptism and the Last Supper)--constitute what is generally known as the\nChristian religion.\n\n\n\n\n416. A Profound Change in the World of Thought\n\nA profound change has taken place in the world of thought. The pews are\ntrying to set themselves somewhat above the pulpit. The layman discusses\ntheology with the minister, and smiles. Christians excuse themselves\nfor belonging to the church by denying a part of the creed. The idea\nis abroad that they who know the most of nature believe the least about\ntheology. The sciences are regarded as infidels, and facts as scoffers.\nThousands of most excellent people avoid churches, and, with few\nexceptions, only those attend prayer meetings who wish to be alone. The\npulpit is losing because the people are rising.\n\n\n\n\n417. The Believer in the Inspiration of the Bible has too Much to Believe\n\nBut the believer in the inspiration of the Bible is compelled to declare\nthat there was a time when slavery was right--when men could buy and\nwomen sell their babes. He is compelled to insist that there was a time\nwhen polygamy was the highest form of virtue; when wars of extermination\nwere waged with the sword of mercy; when religious toleration was a\ncrime, and when death was the just penalty for having expressed an\nhonest thought. He must maintain that Jehovah is just as bad now as he\nwas four thousand years ago, or that he was just as good then as he is\nnow, but that human conditions have so changed that slavery, polygamy,\nreligious persecutions and wars of conquest are now perfectly devilish.\nOnce they were right--once they were commanded by God himself; now, they\nare prohibited. There has been such a change in the conditions of man\nthat, at the present time, the devil is in favor of slavery, polygamy,\nreligious persecution and wars of conquest. That is to say, the devil\nentertains the same opinion to-day that Jehovah held four thousand\nyears ago, but in the meantime Jehovah has remained exactly the\nsame--changeless and incapable of change.\n\n\n\n\n418. A Frank Admission\n\nIt is most cheerfully admitted that a vast number of people not only\nbelieve these things, but hold them in exceeding reverence, and imagine\nthem to be of the utmost importance to mankind. They regard the Bible as\nthe only light that God has given for the guidance of His children; that\nit is the one star in nature's sky--the foundation of all morality, of\nall law, of all order, and of all individual and national progress. They\nregard it as the only means we have for ascertaining the will of God,\nthe origin of man, and the destiny of the soul. In my opinion they were\nmistaken. The mistake has hindered in countless ways the civilization of\nman.\n\n\n\n\n419. The Bible Should be Better than any other Book\n\nIn all ages of which any record has been preserved, there have been\nthose who gave their ideas of justice, charity, liberty, love, and\nlaw. Now, if the Bible is really the work of God, it should contain the\ngrandest and sublimest truths. It should, in all respects, excel the\nworks of man. Within that book should be found the best and loftiest\ndefinitions of justice; the truest conceptions of human liberty; the\nclearest outlines of duty; the tenderest, the highest, and the noblest\nthoughts,--not that the human mind has produced, but that the human mind\nis capable of receiving. Upon every page should be found the luminous\nevidence of its divine origin. Unless it contains grander and more\nwonderful things than man has written, we are not only justified in\nsaying, but we are compelled to say, that it was written by no being\nsuperior to man.\n\n\n\n\n420. A Serious Charge\n\nThe Bible has been the fortress and the defense of nearly every crime.\nNo civilized country could re-enact its laws. And in many respects its\nmoral code is abhorrent to every good and tender man. It is admitted,\nhowever, that many of its precepts are pure, that many of its laws are\nwise and just, and that many of its statements are absolutely true.\n\n\n\n\n421. If the Bible is Not Verbally Inspired, What Then?\n\nIt may be said that it is unfair to call attention to certain bad things\nin the Bible, while the good are not so much as mentioned. To this it\nmay be replied that a divine being would not put bad things in a book.\nCertainly a being of infinite intelligence, power, and goodness could\nnever fall below the ideal of \"depraved and barbarous\" man. It will not\ndo, after we find that the Bible upholds what we now call crimes, to say\nthat it is not verbally inspired. If the words are not inspired, what\nis? It may be said that the thoughts are inspired. But this would\ninclude only the thoughts expressed without words. If the ideas are\ninspired, they must be contained in and expressed only by inspired\nwords; that is to say, the arrangement of the words, with relation to\neach other, must have been inspired.\n\n\n\n\n422. A Hindu Example\n\nSuppose that we should now discover a Hindu book of equal antiquity with\nthe Old Testament, containing a defense of slavery, polygamy, wars of\nextermination, and religious persecution, would we regard it as evidence\nthat the writers were inspired by an infinitely wise and merciful God?\n\n\n\n\n423. A Test Fairly Applied\n\nSuppose we knew that after \"inspired\" men had finished the Bible, the\ndevil had got possession of it and wrote a few passages, what part of\nthe sacred Scriptures would Christians now pick out as being probably\nhis work? Which of the following passages would naturally be selected\nas having been written by the devil--\"Love thy neighbor as thyself,\" or\n\"Kill all the males among the little ones, and kill every woman; but all\nthe women children keep alive for yourselves?\"\n\n\n\n\n424. Suppose!\n\nIt will hardly be claimed at this day, that the passages in the\nBible upholding slavery, polygamy, war, and religious persecution are\nevidences of the inspiration of that book. Suppose that there had been\nnothing in the Old Testament upholding these crimes would any modern\nChristian suspect that it was not inspired on account of that omission?\nSuppose that there had been nothing in the Old Testament but laws in\nfavor of these crimes, would any intelligent Christian now contend that\nit was the work of the true God?\n\n\n\n\n425. Proofs of Civilization\n\nWe know that there was a time in the history of almost every nation when\nslavery, polygamy, and wars of extermination were regarded as divine\ninstitutions; when women were looked upon as beasts of burden, and when,\namong some people, it was considered the duty of the husband to murder\nthe wife for differing with him on the subject of religion. Nations that\nentertain these views to-day are regarded as savage, and, probably, with\nthe exception of the South Sea islanders, the Feejees, some citizens\nof Delaware, and a few tribes in Central Africa, no human beings can be\nfound degraded enough to agree upon these subjects with the Jehovah of\nthe ancient Jews. The only evidence we have, or can have, that a\nnation has ceased to be savage is the fact that it has abandoned these\ndoctrines. To every one, except the theologian, it is perfectly easy to\naccount for the mistakes, atrocities, and crimes of the past, by\nsaying that civilization is a slow and painful growth; that the moral\nperceptions are cultivated through ages of tyranny, of want, of crime,\nand of heroism; that it requires centuries for man to put out the eyes\nof self and hold in lofty and in equal poise the scales of justice;\nthat conscience is born of suffering; that mercy is the child of the\nimagination--of the power to put oneself in the sufferers place, and\nthat man advances only as he becomes acquainted with his surroundings,\nwith the mutual obligations of life, and learns to take advantage of the\nforces of nature.\n\n\n\n\n426. A Persian Gospel\n\nDo not misunderstand me. My position is that the cruel passages in\nthe Old Testament are not inspired; that slavery, polygamy, wars of\nextermination, and religious persecution always have been, are, and\nforever will be, abhorred and cursed by the honest, virtuous, and the\nloving; that the innocent cannot justly suffer for the guilty, and that\nvicarious vice and vicarious virtue are equally absurd; that eternal\npunishment is eternal revenge; that only the natural can happen; that\nmiracles prove the dishonesty of the few and the credulity of the many;\nand that, according to Matthew, Mark, and Luke, salvation does not\ndepend upon belief, nor the atonement, nor a \"second birth,\" but that\nthese gospels are in exact harmony with the declaration of the great\nPersian: \"Taking the first footstep with the good thought, the second\nwith the good word, and the third with the good deed, I entered\nparadise.\" The dogmas of the past no longer reach the level of the\nhighest thought, nor satisfy the hunger of the heart. While dusty\nfaiths, embalmed and sepulchered in ancient texts, remain the same,\nthe sympathies of men enlarge; the brain no longer kills its young; the\nhappy lips give liberty to honest thoughts; the mental firmament expands\nand lifts; the broken clouds drift by; the hideous dreams, the foul,\nmisshapen children of the monstrous night, dissolve and fade.\n\n\n\n\n427. Man the Author of all Books\n\nSo far as we know, man is the author of all books. If a book had been\nfound on the earth by the first man, he might have regarded it as the\nwork of God; but as men were here a good while before any books were\nfound, and as man has produced a great many books, the probability is\nthat the Bible is no exception.\n\n\n\n\n428. God and Brahma\n\nCan we believe that God ever said of any: \"Let his children be\nfatherless and his wife a widow; let his children be continually\nvagabonds, and beg; let them seek their bread also out of their desolate\nplaces; let the extortioner catch all that he hath and let the stranger\nspoil his labor, let there be none to extend mercy unto him, neither let\nthere be any to favor his fatherless children.\" If he ever said these\nwords, surely he had never heard this line, this strain of music, from\nthe Hindu: \"Sweet is the lute to those who have not heard the prattle of\ntheir own children.\" Jehovah, \"from the clouds and darkness of Sinai,\"\nsaid to the Jews: \"Thou shalt have no other gods before me.... Thou\nshalt not bow down thyself to them nor serve them; for I, the Lord thy\nGod am a jealous God, visiting the iniquities of the fathers upon the\nchildren, unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me.\"\nContrast this with the words put by the Hindu in the mouth of Brahma:\n\"I am the same to all mankind. They who honestly serve other gods,\ninvoluntarily worship me. I am he who partaketh of all worship, and I\nam the reward of all worshipers.\" Compare these passages. The first, a\ndungeon where crawl the things begot of jealous slime; the other, great\nas the domed firmament inlaid with suns.\n\n\n\n\n429. Matthew, Mark, and Luke\n\nAnd I here take occasion to say, that with most of the teachings of the\ngospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke I most heartily agree. The miraculous\nparts must, of course, be thrown aside. I admit that the necessity of\nbelief, the atonement, and the scheme of salvation are all set forth\nin the Gospel of John,--a gospel, in my opinion, not written until long\nafter the others.\n\n\n\n\n430. Christianity Takes no Step in Advance\n\nAll the languages of the world have not words of horror enough to\npaint the agonies of man when the church had power. Tiberius, Caligula,\nClaudius, Nero, Domitian, and Commodus were not as cruel, false,\nand base as many of the Christian Popes. Opposite the names of these\nimperial criminals write John the XII., Leo the VIII., Boniface the VII.,\nBenedict the IX., Innocent the III., and Alexander the VI. Was it under\nthese pontiffs that the \"church penetrated the moral darkness like a\nnew sun,\" and covered the globe with institutions of mercy? Rome was far\nbetter when Pagan than when Catholic. It was better to allow gladiators\nand criminals to fight than to burn honest men. The greatest of Romans\ndenounced the cruelties of the arena. Seneca condemned the combats even\nof wild beasts. He was tender enough to say that \"we should have a bond\nof sympathy for all sentiment beings, knowing that only the depraved\nand base take pleasure in the sight of blood and suffering.\" Aurelius\ncompelled the gladiators to fight with blunted swords. Roman lawyers\ndeclared that all men are by nature free and equal. Woman, under Pagan\nrule in Rome, become as free as man. Zeno, long before the birth of\nChrist, taught that virtue alone establishes a difference between men.\nWe know that the Civil Law is the foundation of our codes. We know that\nfragments of Greek and Roman art--a few manuscripts saved from Christian\ndestruction, some inventions and discoveries of the Moors--were the\nseeds of modern civilization. Christianity, for a thousand years,\ntaught memory to forget and reason to believe. Not one step was taken in\nadvance. Over the manuscripts of philosophers and poets, priests, with\ntheir ignorant tongues thrust out, devoutly scrawled the forgeries of\nfaith.\n\n\n\n\n431. Christianity a Mixture of Good and Evil\n\nMr. Black attributes to me the following expression: \"Christianity is\npernicious in its moral effect, darkens the mind, narrows the soul,\narrests the progress of human society, and hinders civilization.\" I said\nno such thing. Strange, that he is only able to answer what I did\nnot say. I endeavored to show that the passages in the Old Testament\nupholding slavery, polygamy, wars of extermination, and religious\nintolerance had filled the world with blood and crime. I admitted\nthat there are many wise and good things in the Old Testament. I also\ninsisted that the doctrine of the atonement--that is to say, of moral\nbankruptcy--the idea that a certain belief is necessary to salvation,\nand the frightful dogma of eternal pain, had narrowed the soul, had\ndarkened the mind, and had arrested the progress of human society. Like\nother religions, Christianity is a mixture of good and evil. The church\nhas made more orphans than it has fed. It has never built asylums enough\nto hold the insane of its own making. It has shed more blood than light.\n\n\n\n\n432. Jehovah, Epictetus and Cicero\n\nIf the Bible is really inspired, Jehovah commanded the Jewish people to\nbuy the children of the strangers that sojourned among them, and ordered\nthat the children thus bought should be an inheritance for the children\nof the Jews, and that they should be bondmen and bondwomen forever. Yet\nEpictetus, a man to whom no revelation was ever made, a man whose soul\nfollowed only the light of nature, and who had never heard of the Jewish\nGod, was great enough to say: \"Will you not remember that your servants\nare by nature your brothers, the children of God? In saying that you\nhave bought them, you look down on the earth and into the pit, on the\nwretched law of men long since dead,--but you see not the laws of the\nGods.\" We find that Jehovah, speaking to his chosen people, assured them\nthat their bondmen and bondmaids must be \"of the heathen that were\nround about them.\" \"Of them,\" said Jehovah, \"shall ye buy bondmen\nand bondmaids.\" And yet Cicero, a pagan, Cicero, who had never been\nenlightened by reading the Old Testament, had the moral grandeur to\ndeclare: \"They who say that we should love our fellow-citizens, but not\nforeigners, destroy the universal brotherhood of mankind, with which\nbenevolence and justice would perish forever.\"\n\n\n\n\n433. The Atonement\n\nIn countless ways the Christian world has endeavored, for nearly two\nthousand years, to explain the atonement, and every effort has ended in\nan an mission that it cannot be understood, and a declaration that it\nmust be believed. Is it not immoral to teach that man can sin, that he\ncan harden his heart and pollute his soul, and that, by repenting\nand believing something that he does not comprehend, he can avoid the\nconsequences of his crimes? Has the promise and hope of forgiveness ever\nprevented the commission of a sin? Should men be taught that sin gives\nhappiness here; that they ought to bear the evils of a virtuous life in\nthis world for the sake of joy in the next; that they can repent between\nthe last sin and the last breath; that after repentance every stain\nof the soul is washed away by the innocent blood of another; that the\nserpent of regret will not hiss in the ear of memory; that the saved\nwill not even pity the victims of their own crimes; that the goodness\nof another can be transferred to them; and that sins forgiven cease to\naffect the unhappy wretches sinned against?\n\n\n\n\n434. Sin as a Debt\n\nThe Church says that the sinner is in debt to God, and that the\nobligation is discharged by the Saviour. The best that can possibly be\nsaid of such a transaction is, that the debt is transferred, not paid.\nThe truth is, that a sinner is in debt to the person he has injured.\nIf a man injures his neighbor, it is not enough for him to get the\nforgiveness of God, but he must have the forgiveness of his neighbor.\nIf a man puts his hand in the fire and God forgives him, his hand will\nsmart exactly the same. You must, after all, reap what you sow. No god\ncan give you wheat when you sow tares, and no devil can give you tares\nwhen you sow wheat.\n\n\n\n\n435. The Logic of the Coffin\n\nAs to the doctrine of the atonement, Mr. Black has nothing to offer\nexcept the barren statement that it is believed by the wisest and the\nbest. A Mohammedan, speaking in Constantinople, will say the same of the\nKoran. A Brahman, in a Hindu temple, will make the same remark, and so\nwill the American Indian, when he endeavors to enforce something upon\nthe young of his tribe. He will say: \"The best, the greatest of our\ntribe have believed in this.\" This is the argument of the cemetery, the\nphilosophy of epitaphs, the logic of the coffin. We are the greatest and\nwisest and most virtuous of mankind? This statement, that it has been\nbelieved by the best, is made in connection with an admission that it\ncannot be fathomed by the wisest. It is not claimed that a thing is\nnecessarily false because it is not understood, but I do claim that\nit is not necessarily true because it cannot be comprehended. I still\ninsist that \"the plan of redemption,\" as usually preached, is absurd,\nunjust, and immoral.\n\n\n\n\n436. Judas Iscariot\n\nFor nearly two thousand years Judas Iscariot has been execrated by\nmankind; and yet, if the doctrine of the atonement is true, upon his\ntreachery hung the plan of salvation. Suppose Judas had known of this\nplan--known that he was selected by Christ for that very purpose, that\nChrist was depending on him. And suppose that he also knew that only\nby betraying Christ could he save either himself or others; what ought\nJudas to have done? Are you willing to rely upon an argument that\njustifies the treachery of that wretch?\n\n\n\n\n437. The Standard of Right\n\nAccording to Mr. Black, the man who does not believe in a supreme being\nacknowledges no standard of right and wrong in this world, and therefore\ncan have no theory of rewards and punishments in the next. Is it\npossible that only those who believe in the God who persecuted for\nopinion's sake have any standard of right and wrong? Were the greatest\nmen of all antiquity without this standard? In the eyes of intelligent\nmen of Greece and Rome, were all deeds, whether good or evil, morally\nalike? Is it necessary to believe in the existence of an infinite\nintelligence before you can have any standard of right and wrong? Is it\npossible that a being cannot be just or virtuous unless he believes in\nsome being infinitely superior to himself? If this doctrine be true, how\ncan God be just or virtuous? Does He believe in some being superior to\nhimself?\n\n\n\n\n438. What is Conscience?\n\nWhat is conscience? If man were incapable of suffering, if man could not\nfeel pain, the word \"conscience\" never would have passed his lips. The\nman who puts himself in the place of another, whose imagination has been\ncultivated to the point of feeling the agonies suffered by another, is\nthe man of conscience.\n\n\n\n\n439. No Right to Think!\n\nMr. Black says, \"We have neither jurisdiction or capacity to rejudge\nthe justice of God.\" In other words, we have no right to think upon\nthis subject, no right to examine the questions most vitally affecting\nhuman-kind. We are simply to accept the ignorant statements of barbarian\ndead. This question cannot be settled by saying that \"it would be a\nmere waste of time and space to enumerate the proofs which show that the\nuniverse was created by a pre-existent and self-conscious being.\" The\ntime and space should have been \"wasted,\" and the proofs should have\nbeen enumerated. These \"proofs\" are what the wisest and greatest are\ntrying to find. Logic is not satisfied with assertion. It cares nothing\nfor the opinions of the \"great,\" nothing for the prejudices of the many,\nand least of all, for the superstitions of the dead. In the world of\nscience--a fact is a legal tender. Assertions and miracles are base and\nspurious coins. We have the right to rejudge the justice even of a god.\nNo one should throw away his reason--the fruit of all experience. It is\nthe intellectual capital of the soul, the only light, the only guide,\nand without it the brain becomes the palace of an idiot king, attended\nby a retinue of thieves and hypocrites.\n\n\n\n\n440. The Liberty of the Bible\n\nThis is the religious liberty of the Bible. If you had lived in\nPalestine, and if the wife of your bosom, dearer to you than your\nown soul, had said: \"I like the religion of India better than that of\nPalestine,\" it would have been your duty to kill her. \"Your eye must not\npity her, your hand must be first upon her, and afterwards the hand of\nall the people.\" If she had said: \"Let us worship the sun--the sun that\nclothes the earth in garments of green--the sun, the great fireside of\nthe world--the sun that covers the hills and valleys with flowers--that\ngave me your face, and made it possible for me to look into the eyes\nof my babe,--let us worship the sun,\" it was your duty to kill her. You\nmust throw the first stone, and when against her bosom--a bosom filled\nwith love for you--you had thrown the jagged and cruel rock, and had\nseen the red stream of her life oozing from the dumb lips of death,\nyou could then look up and receive the congratulations of the God whose\ncommandment you had obeyed. Is it possible that a being of infinite\nmercy ordered a husband to kill his wife for the crime of having\nexpressed, an opinion on the subject of religion? Has there been found\nupon the records of the savage world anything more perfectly fiendish\nthan this commandment of Jehovah? This is justified on the ground that\n\"blasphemy was a breach of political allegiance, and idolatry an act of\novert treason.\" We can understand how a human king stands in need of the\nservice of his people. We can understand how the desertion of any of\nhis soldiers weakens his army; but were the king infinite in power,\nhis strength would still remain the same, and under no conceivable\ncircumstances could the enemy triumph.\n\n\n\n\n441. Slavery in Heaven\n\nAccording to Mr. Black, there will be slavery in Heaven, and fast by\nthe throne of God will be the auction-block, and the streets of the New\nJerusalem will be adorned with the whipping-post, while the music of\nthe harp will be supplemented by the crack of the driver's whip. If some\ngood Republican would catch Mr. Black, \"incorporate him into his family,\ntame him, teach him to think, and give him a knowledge of the true\nprinciples of human liberty and government, he would confer upon him a\nmost beneficent boon.\" Mr. Black is too late with his protest against\nthe freedom of his fellow-men. Liberty is making the tour of the world.\nRussia has emancipated her serfs; the slave trade is prosecuted only\nby thieves and pirates; Spain feels upon her cheek the burning blush\nof shame; Brazil, with proud and happy eyes, is looking for the dawn of\nfreedom's day; the people of the South rejoice that slavery is no more,\nand every good and honest man (excepting Mr. Black) of every land and\nclime hopes that the limbs of men will never feel again the weary weight\nof chains.\n\n\n\n\n442. Jehovah Breaking His Own Laws\n\nA very curious thing about these Commandments is that their supposed\nauthor violated nearly every one. From Sinai, according to the account,\nHe said: \"Thou shalt not kill,\" and yet He ordered the murder of\nmillions; \"Thou shalt not commit adultery,\" and He gave captured maidens\nto gratify the lust of captors; \"Thou shalt not steal,\" and yet He gave\nto Jewish marauders the flocks and herds of others; \"Thou shalt not\ncovet thy neighbor's house, nor his wife,\" and yet He allowed His chosen\npeople to destroy the homes of neighbors and to steal their wives;\n\"Honor thy father and mother,\" and yet this same God had thousands of\nfathers butchered, and with the sword of war killed children yet unborn;\n\"Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor,\" and yet\nHe sent abroad \"lying spirits\" to deceive His own prophets, and in a\nhundred ways paid tribute to deceit. So far as we know, Jehovah kept\nonly one of these Commandments--He worshiped no other god.\n\n\n\n\n443. Who Designed the Designer?\n\nI know as little as anyone else about the \"pla\" of the universe; and as\nto the \"design,\" I know just as little. It will not do to say that the\nuniverse was designed, and therefore there must be a designer. There\nmust first be proof that it was \"designed.\" It will not do to say that\nthe universe has a \"plan,\" and then assert that there must have been an\ninfinite maker. The idea that a design must have a beginning, and that a\ndesigner need not, is a simple expression of human ignorance. We find\na watch, and we say: \"So curious and wonderful a thing must have had a\nmaker.\" We find the watchmaker, and we say: \"So curious and wonderful a\nthing as man must have had a maker.\" We find God and we then say: \"He is\nso wonderful that he must _not_ have had a maker.\" In other words, all\nthings a little wonderful must have been created, but it is possible for\nsomething to be so wonderful that it always existed. One would suppose\nthat just as the wonder increased the necessity for a creator increased,\nbecause it is the wonder of the thing that suggests the idea of\ncreation. Is it possible that a designer exists from all eternity\nwithout design? Was there no design in having an infinite designer? For\nme, it is hard to see the plan or design in earthquakes and pestilences.\nIt is somewhat difficult to discern the design or the benevolence in so\nmaking the world that billions of animals live only on the agonies of\nothers. The justice of God is not visible to me in the history of this\nworld. When I think of the suffering and death, of the poverty and\ncrime, of the cruelty and malice, of the heartlessness of this \"design\"\nand \"plan,\" where beak and claw and tooth tear and rend the quivering\nflesh of weakness and despair, I cannot convince myself that it is the\nresult of infinite wisdom, benevolence, and justice.\n\n\n\n\n444. What we Know of the Infinite\n\nOf course, upon a question like this, nothing can be absolutely known.\nWe live on an atom called Earth, and what we know of the infinite is\nalmost infinitely limited; but, little as we know, all have an equal\nright to give their honest thought. Life is a shadowy, strange,\nand winding road on which we travel for a little way--a few short\nsteps--just from the cradle, with its lullaby of love, to the low and\nquiet wayside inn, where all at last must sleep, and where the only\nsalutation is--Good-night.\n\n\n\n\n445. The Universe Self-Existent\n\nThe universe, according to my idea, is, always was, and forever will\nbe. It did not \"come into being;\" it is the one eternal being--the only\nthing that ever did, does, or can exist. It did not \"make its own laws.\"\nWe know nothing of what we call the laws of Nature except as we gather\nthe idea of law from the uniformity of phenomena springing from like\nconditions. To make myself clear: Water always runs down hill. The\ntheist says that this happens because there is behind the phenomenon an\nactive law. As a matter of fact law is this side of the phenomenon. Law\ndoes not cause the phenomenon, but the phenomenon causes the idea of law\nin our minds, and this idea is produced from the fact that under like\ncircumstances the same phenomena always happens. Mr. Black probably\nthinks that the difference in the weight of rocks and clouds was created\nby law; that parallel lines fail to imite only because it is illegal;\nthat diameter and circumference could have been so made that it would\nbe a greater distance across than around a circle, that a straight line\ncould inclose a triangle if not prevented by law, and that a little\nlegislation could make it possible for two bodies to occupy the same\nspace at the same time. It seems to me that law can not be the cause of\nphenomena, but it is an effect produced in our minds by their succession\nand resemblance. To put a God back of the universe compels us to admit\nthat there was a time when nothing existed except this God; that this\nGod had lived from eternity in an infinite vacuum and in an absolute\nidleness. The mind of every thoughtful man is forced to one of these two\nconclusions, either that the universe is self-existent or that it\nwas created by a self-existent being. To my mied there are far more\ndifficulties in the second hypothesis than in the first.\n\n\n\n\n446. Jehovah's Promise Broken\n\nIf Jehovah was in fact God, He knew the end from the beginning. He knew\nthat his Bible would be a breastwork behind which tyranny and hypocrisy\nwould crouch; that it would be quoted by tyrants; that it would be the\ndefense of robbers called kings and of hypocrites called priests. He\nknew that He had taught the Jewish people but little of importance. He\nknew that He found them free and left them captives. He knew that He\nhad never fulfilled the promises made to them. He knew that while other\nnations had advanced in art and science his chosen people were savage\nstill. He promised them the world, and gave them a desert. He promised\nthem liberty, and He made them slaves. He promised them victory, and He\ngave them defeat. He said they should be kings, and He made them\nserfs. He promised them universal empire, and gave them exile. When one\nfinishes the Old Testament, he is compelled to say: Nothing can add to\nthe misery of a nation whose King is Jehovah!\n\n\n\n\n447. Character Bather than Creed\n\nFor a thousand years the torch of progress was extinguished in the blood\nof Christ, and His disciples, moved by ignorant zeal, by insane, cruel\ncreeds, destroyed with flame and sword a hundred millions of their\nfellow-men. They made this world a hell. But if cathedrals had been\nuniversities--if dungeons of the Inquisition had been laboratories--if\nChristians had believed in character instead of creed--if they had taken\nfrom the Bible all the good and thrown away the wicked and absurd--if\ndomes of temples had been observatories--if priests had been\nphilosophers--if missionaries had taught the useful arts--if astrology\nhad been astronomy--if the black art had been chemistry--if superstition\nhad been science--if religion had been humanity--it would have been a\nheaven filled with love, with liberty, and joy.\n\n\n\n\n448. Mohammed the Prophet of God\n\nMohammed was a poor man, a driver of camels. He was without education,\nwithout influence, and without wealth, and yet in a few years he\nconsolidated thousands of tribes, and millions of men confess that there\nis \"one God, and Mohammed is his prophet.\" His success was a thousand\ntimes greater during his life than that of Christ. He was not crucified;\nhe was a conqueror. \"Of all men, he exercised the greatest influence\nupon the human race.\" Never in the world's history did a religion\nspread with the rapidity of his. It burst like a storm over the fairest\nportions of the globe. If Mr. Black is right in his position that\nrapidity is secured only by the direct aid of the Divine Being,\nthen Mohammed was most certainly the prophet of God. As to wars of\nextermination and slavery, Mohammed agreed with Mr. Black, and upon\npolygamy with Jehovah. As to religious toleration, he was great enough\nto say that \"men holding to any form of faith might be saved, provided\nthey were virtuous.\" In this he was far in advance both of Jehovah and\nMr. Black.\n\n\n\n\n449. Wanted!--A Little More Legislation\n\nWe are informed by Mr. Black that \"polygamy is neither commanded or\nprohibited in the Old Testament--that it is only discouraged.\" It seems\nto me that a little legislation on that subject might have tended to its\n\"discouragement.\" But where is the legislation? In the moral code, which\nMr. Black assures us \"consists of certain immutable rules to govern the\nconduct of all men at all times and at all places in their private and\npersonal relations with others,\" not one word is found on the subject of\npolygamy. There is nothing \"discouraging\" in the Ten Commandments, nor\nin the records of any conversation Jehovah is claimed to have had with\nMoses upon Sinai. The life of Abraham, the story of Jacob and Laban,\nthe duty of a brother to be the husband of the widow of his deceased\nbrother, the life of David, taken in connection with the practice of\none who is claimed to have been the wisest of men--all these things are\nprobably relied on to show that polygamy was at least \"discouraged.\"\nCertainly Jehovah had time to instruct Moses as to the infamy of\npolygamy. He could have spared a few moments from a description of\npatterns of tongs and basins for a subject so important as this. A\nfew-words in favor of the one wife and one husband--in favor of the\nvirtuous and loving home--might have taken the place of instructions\nas to cutting the garments of priests and fashioning candlesticks and\nounces of gold. If he had left out simply the order that rams' skins\nshould be dyed red, and in its place had said, \"A man shall have but one\nwife, and the wife but one husband,\" how much better it would have been.\n\n\n\n\n450. Is all that Succeeds Inspired?\n\nAgain, it is urged that \"the acceptance of Christianity by a large\nportion of the generation contemporary with its Founder and His\nApostles, was under the circumstances, an adjudication as solemn and\nauthoritative as mortal intelligence could pronounce.\" If this is true,\nthen \"the acceptance of Buddhism by a large portion of the generation\ncontemporary with its Founder was an adjudication as solemn and\nauthoritative as mortal intelligence could pronounce.\" The same could\nbe said of Mohammedanism, and, in fact, of every religion that has\never benefited or cursed this world. This argument, when reduced to its\nsimplest form, is this: All that succeeds is inspired.\n\n\n\n\n451. The Morality in Christianity\n\nThe morality in Christianity has never opposed the freedom of thought.\nIt has never put, nor tended to put, a chain on a human mind, nor a\nmanacle on a human limb; but the doctrines distinctively Christian--the\nnecessity of believing a certain thing; the idea that eternal punishment\nawaited him who failed to believe; the idea that the innocent can suffer\nfor the guilty--these things have |opposed, and for a thousand years\nsubstantially destroyed the freedom of the human mind. All religions\nhave, with ceremony, magic, and mystery, deformed, darkened, and\ncorrupted, the soul. Around the sturdy oaks of morality have grown and\nclung the parasitic, poisonous vines of the miraculous and monstrous.\n\n\n\n\n452. Miracle Mongers\n\nSt. Irenaeus assures us that all Christians possessed the power of\nworking miracles; that they prophesied, cast out devils, healed the\nsick, and even raised the dead. St. Epiphanius asserts that some rivers\nand fountains were annually transmuted into wine, in attestation of the\nmiracle of Cana, adding that he himself had drunk of these fountains.\nSt. Augustine declares that one was told in a dream where the bones of\nSt. Stephen were buried and the bones were thus discovered and brought\nto Hippo, and that they raised five dead persons to life, and that in\ntwo years seventy miracles were performed with these relics. Justin\nMartyr states that God once sent some angels to guard the human race,\nthat these angels fell in love with the daughters of men, and became the\nfathers of innumerable devils. For hundreds of years miracles were\nabout the only things that happened. They were wrought by thousands of\nChristians, and testified to by millions. The saints and martyrs, the\nbest and greatest, were the witnesses and workers of wonders. Even\nheretics, with the assistance of the devil, could suspend the \"laws\nof nature.\" Must we believe these wonderful accounts because they were\nwritten by \"good men,\" by Christians,\" who made their statements in the\npresence and expectation of death\"? The truth is that these \"good men\"\nwere mistaken. They expected the miraculous. They breathed the air of\nthe marvelous. They fed their minds on prodigies, and their imaginations\nfeasted on effects without causes. They were incapable of investigating.\nDoubts were regarded as \"rude disturbers of the congregation.\" Credulity\nand sanctity walked hand in hand. Reason was danger. Belief was safety.\nAs the philosophy of the ancients was rendered almost worthless by the\ncredulity of the common people, so the proverbs of Christ, his religion\nof forgiveness, his creed of kindness, were lost in the mist of miracle\nand the darkness of superstition.\n\n\n\n\n453. The Honor Due to Christ\n\nFor the man Christ--for the reformer who loved his fellow-men--for the\nman who believed in an Infinite Father, who would shield the innocent\nand protect the just--for the martyr who expected to be rescued from the\ncruel cross, and who at last, finding that his rope was dust, cried out\nin the gathering gloom of death; \"My God! My God! Why hast thou forsaken\nme?\"--for that great and suffering man, mistaken though he was, I have\nthe highest admiration and respect. That man did not, as I believe,\nclaim a miraculous origin; he did not pretend to heal the sick nor raise\nthe dead. He claimed simply to be a man, and taught his fellow-men\nthat love is stronger far than hate. His life was written by reverent\nignorance. Loving credulity belittled his career with feats of jugglery\nand magic art, and priests wishing to persecute and slay, put in his\nmouth the words of hatred and revenge. The theological Christ is the\nimpossible union of the human and divine--man with the attributes of\nGod, and God with the limitations and weakness of man.\n\n\n\n\n454. Christianity has no Monopoly in Morals\n\nThe morality of the world is not distinctively Christian. Zoroaster,\nGautama, Mohammed, Confucius, Christ, and, in fact, all founders of\nreligions, have said to their disciples: You must not steal; You must\nnot murder; You must not bear false witness; You must discharge your\nobligations. Christianity is the ordinary moral code, _plus_ the\nmiraculous origin of Jesus Christ, his crucifixion, his resurrection,\nhis ascension, the inspiration of the Bible, the doctrine of the\natonement, and the necessity of belief. Buddhism is the ordinary moral\ncode, _plus_ the miraculous illumination of Buddha, the performance of\ncertain ceremonies, a belief in the transmigration of the soul, and\nin the final absorption of the human by the infinite. The religion of\nMohammed is the ordinary moral code, _plus_ the belief that Mohammed\nwas the prophet of God, total abstinence from the use of intoxicating\ndrinks, a harem for the faithful here and hereafter, ablutions, prayers,\nalms, pilgrimages, and fasts.\n\n\n\n\n455. Old Age in Superstition's Lap\n\nAnd here I take occasion to thank Mr. Black for having admitted that\nJehovah gave no commandment against the practice of polygamy, that he\nestablished slavery, waged wars of extermination, and persecuted for\nopinions' sake even unto death, Most theologians endeavor to putty,\npatch, and paint the wretched record of inspired crime, but Mr. Black\nhas been bold enough and honest enough to admit the truth. In this age\nof fact and demonstration it is refreshing to find a man who believes\nso thoroughly in the monstrous and miraculous, the impossible and\nimmoral--who still clings lovingly to the legends of the bib and\nrattle--who through the bitter experiences of a wicked world has kept\nthe credulity of the cradle, and finds comfort and joy in thinking about\nthe Garden of Eden, the subtile serpent, the flood, and Babel's tower,\nstopped by the jargon of a thousand tongues--who reads with happy eyes\nthe story of the burning brimstone storm that fell upon the cities\nof the plain, and smilingly explains the transformation of the\nretrospective Mrs. Lot--who laughs at Egypt's plagues and Pharaoh's\nwhelmed and drowning hosts--eats manna with the wandering Jews, warms\nhimself at the burning bush, sees Korah's company by the hungry earth\ndevoured, claps his wrinkled hands with glee above the heathens'\nbutchered babes, and longingly looks back to the patriarchal days of\nconcubines and slaves. How touching when the learned and wise crawl back\nin cribs and ask to hear the rhymes and fables once again! How charming\nin these hard and scientific times to see old age in Superstition's lap,\nwith eager lips upon her withered breast!\n\n\n\n\n456. Ararat in Chicago\n\nA little while ago, in the city of Chicago, a gentleman addressed a\nnumber of Sunday-school children. In his address he stated that some\npeople were wicked enough to deny the story of the deluge; that he was\na traveler; that he had been to the top of Mount Ararat, and had brought\nwith him a stone from that sacred locality. The children were then\ninvited to form in procession and walk by the pulpit, for the purpose of\nseeing this wonderful stone. After they had looked at it, the lecturer\nsaid: \"Now, children, if you ever hear anybody deny the story of the\ndeluge, or say that the ark did not rest on Mount Ararat, you can tell\nthem that you know better, because you have seen with your own eyes a\nstone from that very mountain.\"\n\n\n\n\n457. How Gods and Devils are Made\n\nIt was supposed that God demanded worship; that he loved to be\nflattered; that he delighted in sacrifice; that nothing made him happier\nthan to see ignorant faith upon its knees; that above all things he\nhated and despised doubters and heretics, and regarded investigation as\nrebellion. Each community felt it a duty to see that the enemies of God\nwere converted or killed. To allow a heretic to live in peace was\nto invite the wrath of God. Every public evil--every misfortune--was\naccounted for by something the community had permitted or done. When\nepidemics appeared, brought by ignorance and welcomed by filth, the\nheretic was brought out and sacrificed to appease the anger of God.\nBy putting intention behind what man called good, God was produced. By\nputting intention behind what man called bad, the Devil was created.\nLeave this \"intention\" out, and gods and devils fade away. If not a\nhuman being existed, the sun would continue to shine, and tempest now\nand then would devastate the earth; the rain would fall in pleasant\nshowers; violets would spread their velvet bosoms to the sun, the\nearthquake would devour, birds would sing, and daisies bloom, and\nroses blush, and volcanoes fill the heavens with their lurid glare; the\nprocession of the seasons would not be broken, and the stars would shine\nas serenely as though the world were filled with loving hearts and happy\nhomes.\n\n\n\n\n458. The Romance of Figures\n\nHow long, according to the universal benevolence of the New Testament,\ncan a man be reasonably punished in the next world for failing to\nbelieve something unreasonable in this? Can it be possible that any\npunishment can endure forever? Suppose that every flake of snow that\never fell was a figure nine, and that the first flake was multiplied by\nthe second, and that product by the third, and so on to the last flake.\nAnd then suppose that this total should be multiplied by every drop of\nrain that ever fell, calling each drop a figure nine; and that total by\neach blade of grass that ever helped to weave a carpet for the earth,\ncalling each blade a figure nine; and that again by every grain of sand\non every shore, so that the grand total would make a line of nines so\nlong that it would require millions upon millions of years for light,\ntraveling at the rate of one hundred and eighty-five thousand miles per\nsecond, to reach the end. And suppose, further, that each unit in this\nalmost infinite total, stood for billions of ages--still that vast and\nalmost endless time, measured by all the years beyond, is as one flake,\none drop, one leaf, one blade, one grain, compared with all the flakes,\nand drops, and leaves, and blades and grains. Upon love's breast the\nChurch has placed the eternal asp. And yet, in the same book in which is\ntaught this most infamous of doctrines, we are assured that \"The Lord is\ngood to all, and his tender mercies are over all his works.\"\n\n\n\n\n459. God and Zeno\n\nIf the Bible is inspired, Jehovah, God of all worlds, actually said:\n\"And if a man smite his servant or his maid with a rod, and he die under\nhis hand, he shall be surely punished; notwithstanding, if he continue\na day or two, he shall not be punished, for he is his money.\" And yet\nZeno, founder of the Stoics, centuries before Christ was born, insisted\nthat no man could be the owner of another, and that the title was bad,\nwhether the slave had become so by conquest, or by purchase. Jehovah,\nordered a Jewish general to make war, and gave, among others, this\ncommand: \"When the Lord thy God shall drive them before thee, thou shalt\nsmite them and utterly destroy them.\" And yet Epictetus, whom we have\nalready quoted, gave this marvelous rule for the guidance of human\nconduct: \"Live with thy inferiors as thou wouldst have thy superiors\nlive with thee.\"\n\n\n\n\n460. Why was Christ so Silent?\n\nIf Christ was in fact God, he knew all the future. Before him, like a\npanorama, moved the history yet to be. He knew exactly how his words\nwould be interpreted. He knew what crimes, what horrors, what infamies,\nwould be committed in his name. He knew that the fires of persecution\nwould climb around the limbs of countless martyrs. He knew that brave\nmen would languish in dungeons, in darkness, filled with pain; that the\nchurch would use instruments of torture, that his followers would appeal\nto whip and chain. He must have seen the horizon of the future red with\nthe flames of the _auto da fe_. He knew all the creeds that would spring\nlike poison fungi from every text. He saw the sects waging war against\neach other. He saw thousands of men, under the orders of priests,\nbuilding dungeons for their fellow-men. He saw them using instruments\nof pain. He heard the groans, saw the faces white with agony, the tears,\nthe blood--heard the shrieks and sobs of all the moaning, martyred\nmultitudes. He knew that commentaries would be written on his words with\nswords, to be read by the light of fagots. He knew that the Inquisition\nwould be born of teachings attributed to him. He saw all the\ninterpolations and falsehoods that hypocrisy would write and tell. He\nknew that above these fields of death, these dungeons, these burnings,\nfor a thousand years would float the dripping banner of the cross. He\nknew that in his name his followers would trade in human flesh, that\ncradles would be robbed and women's breasts unbabed for gold;--and yet\nhe died with voiceless lips. Why did he fail to speak? Why did he not\ntell his disciples, and through them the world, that man should not\npersecute, for opinion's sake, his fellow-man? Why did he not cry, You\nshall not persecute in my name; you shall not burn and torment those who\ndiffer from you in creed? Why did he not plainly say, I am the Son of\nGod? Why did he not explain the doctrine of the trinity? Why did he not\ntell the manner of baptism that was pleasing to him? Why did he not say\nsomething positive, definite, and satisfactory about another world? Why\ndid he not turn the tear-stained hope of heaven to the glad knowledge\nof another life? Why did he go dumbly to his death, leaving the world to\nmisery and to doubt?\n\n\n\n\n461. The Philosophy of Action\n\nConsequences determine the quality of an action. If consequences are\ngood, so is the action. If actions had no consequences, they would be\nneither good nor bad. Man did not get his knowledge of the consequences\nof actions from God, but from experience and reason. If man can, by\nactual experiment, discover the right and wrong of actions, is it not\nutterly illogical to declare that they who do not believe in God can\nhave no standard of right and wrong? Consequences are the standard by\nwhich actions are judged. They are the children that testify as to the\nreal character of their parents. God or no God, larceny is the enemy of\nindustry--industry is the mother of prosperity--prosperity is a good,\nand therefore larceny is an evil. God or no God, murder is a crime.\nThere has always been a law against larceny, because the laborer wishes\nto enjoy the fruit of his toil. As long as men object to being killed,\nmurder will be illegal.\n\n\n\n\n462. Infinite Punishment for Finite Crimes.\n\nI have insisted, and I still insist, that it is still impossible for\na finite man to commit a crime deserving infinite punishment; and upon\nthis subject Mr. Black admits that \"no revelation has lifted the veil\nbetween time and eternity;\" and, consequently, neither the priest nor\nthe \"policeman\" knows anything with certainty regarding another world.\nHe simply insists that \"in shadowy figures we are warned that a very\nmarked distinction will be made between the good and bad in the next\nworld.\" There is \"a very marked distinction\" in this; but there is this\nrainbow in the darkest human cloud: The worst have hope of reform. All I\ninsist is, if there is another life, the basest soul that finds its way\nto that dark or radiant shore will have the everlasting chance of\ndoing right. Nothing but the most cruel ignorance, the most heartless\nsuperstition, the most ignorant theology, ever imagined that the\nfew days of human life spent here, surrounded by mists and clouds of\ndarkness, blown over life's sea by storms and tempests of passion, fixed\nfor all eternity the condition of the human race. If this doctrine be\ntrue, this life is but a net, in which Jehovah catches souls for hell.\n\n\n\n\n463. Whence Came the Gospels?\n\nWe are told that \"there is no good reason to doubt that the statements\nof the Evangelists, as we have them now, are genuine.\" The fact is, no\none knows who made the \"statements of the Evangelists.\" There are three\nimportant manuscripts upon which the Christian world relies. \"The first\nappeared in the catalogue of the Vatican, in 1475. This contains the\nOld Testament. Of the New, it contains the four gospels,--the Acts, the\nseven Catholic Epistles, nine of the Pauline Epistles, and the\nEpistle to the Hebrews, so far as the fourteenth verse of the ninth\nchapter,\"--and nothing more. This is known as the Codex Vatican. \"The\nsecond, the Alexandrine, was presented to King Charles the First, in\n1628. It contains the Old and New Testaments, with some exceptions;\npassages are wanting in Matthew, in John, and in II. Corinthians. It\nalso contains the Epistle of Clemens Romanus, a letter of Athanasius,\nand the treatise of Eusebius on the Psalms.\" The last is the Sinaitic\nCodex, discovered about 1850, at the Convent of St. Catherine's, on\nMount Sinai. \"It contains the Old and New Testaments, and in addition\nthe entire Epistle of Barnabas, and a portion of the Shepherd of\nHennas--two books which, up to the beginning of the fourth century, were\nlooked upon by many as Scripture.\" In this manuscript, or codex, the\ngospel of St. Mark concludes with the eighth verse of the sixteenth\nchapter, leaving out the frightful passage: \"Go ye into all the world,\nand preach the gospel to every creature. He that believeth and is\nbaptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.\" In\nmatters of the utmost importance these manuscripts disagree, but even if\nthey all agreed it would not furnish the slightest evidence of their\ntruth. It will not do to call the statements made in the gospels\n\"depositions,\" until it is absolutely established who made them, and the\ncircumstances under which they were made. Neither can we say that \"they\nwere made in the immediate prospect of death,\" until we know who made\nthem. It is absurd to say that \"the witnesses could not have been\nmistaken, because the nature of the facts precluded the possibility of\nany delusion about them.\" Can it be pretended that the witnesses could\nnot have been mistaken about the relation the Holy Ghost is alleged to\nhave sustained to Jesus Christ? Is there no possibility of delusion\nabout a circumstance of that kind? Did the writers of the four gospels\nhave \"the sensible and true avouch of their own eyes and ears\" in that\nbehalf? How was it possible for any one of the four Evangelists to know\nthat Christ was the Son of God, or that he was God? His mother wrote\nnothing on the subject. Matthew says that an angel of the Lord told\nJoseph in a dream, but Joseph never wrote an account of this wonderful\nvision. Luke tells us that the angel had a conversation with Mary, and\nthat Mary told Elizabeth, but Elizabeth never wrote a word. There is no\naccount of Mary, or Joseph, or Elizabeth, or the angel, having had any\nconversation with Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John, in which one word was\nsaid about the miraculous origin of Jesus Christ. The persons who knew\ndid not write, so that the account is nothing but hearsay. Does Mr.\nBlack pretend that such statements would be admitted as evidence in any\ncourt? But how do we know that the disciples of Christ wrote a word of\nthe gospels? How did it happen that Christ wrote nothing? How do we know\nthat the writers of the gospels \"were men of unimpeachable character?\"\n\n\n\n\n464. Mr. Black's Admission\n\nFor the purpose of defending the character of his infallible God, Mr.\nBlack is forced to defend religious intolerance, wars of extermination,\nhuman slavery, and almost polygamy. He admits that God established\nslavery; that he commanded his chosen people to buy the children of the\nheathen; that heathen fathers and mothers did right to sell their girls\nand boys; that God ordered the Jews to wage wars of extermination and\nconquest; that it was right to kill the old and young; that God forged\nmanacles for the human brain; that he commanded husbands to murder their\nwives for suggesting the worship of the sun or moon; and that every\ncruel, savage passage in the Old Testament was inspired by him. Such is\na \"policeman's\" view of God.\n\n\n\n\n465. The Stars Upon the Door of France\n\nMr. Black justifies all the crimes and horrors, excuses all the tortures\nof all the Christian years, by denouncing the cruelties of the French\nRevolution. Thinking people will not hasten to admit that an infinitely\ngood being authorized slavery in Judea, because of the atrocities of the\nFrench Revolution. They will remember the sufferings of the Huguenots.\nThey will remember the massacre of St. Bartholomew. They will not forget\nthe countless cruelties of priest and king. They will not forget the\ndungeons of the Bastile. They will know that the Revolution was an\neffect, and that liberty was not the cause--that atheism was not the\ncause. Behind the Revolution they will see altar and throne--sword and\nfagot--palace and cathedral--king and priest--master and slave--tyrant\nand hypocrite. They will see that the excesses, the cruelties, and\ncrimes were but the natural fruit of seeds the church had sown. But the\nRevolution was not entirely evil. Upon that cloud of war, black with\nthe myriad miseries of a thousand years, dabbled with blood of king and\nqueen, of patriot and priest, there was this bow: \"Beneath the flag of\nFrance all men are free.\" In spite of all the blood and crime, in spite\nof deeds that seem insanely base, the People placed upon a Nation's brow\nthese stars:--Liberty, Fraternity, Equality--grander words than ever\nissued from Jehovah's lips.\n\n\n\n\nA KIND WORD FOR JOHN CHINAMAN\n\nOn the 27th day of March, 1880, Messrs. Wright, Dickey, O'Conner, and\nMurch, of the Select Committee appointed by Congress to \"Consider\nthe causes of the present depression of labor,\" presented the majority\nspecial report on Chinese Immigration. The following quotations are\nexcerpts from Col. R. G. Ingersoll's caustic review of that report.\n\n\n\n\n466. The Select Committee Afraid\n\nThese gentlemen are in great fear for the future of our most holy and\nperfectly authenticated religion, and have, like faithful watchmen,\nfrom the walls and towers of Zion, hastened to give the alarm. They have\ninformed Congress that \"Joss has his temple of worship in the Chinese\nquarters, in San Francisco. Within the walls of a dilapidated structure\nis exposed to the view of the faithful the God of the Chinaman, and here\nare his altars of worship, Here he tears up his pieces of paper; here he\noffers up his prayers; here he receives his religious consolations,\nand here is his road to the celestial land.\" That \"Joss is located in a\nlong, narrow room, in a building in a back alley, upon a kind of altar;\"\nthat \"he is a wooden image, looking as much like an alligator as like a\nhuman being;\" that the Chinese \"think there is such a place as heaven;\"\nthat \"all classes of Chinamen worship idols;\" that \"the temple is open\nevery day at all hours;\" that \"the Chinese have no Sunday;\" that this\nheathen god has \"huge jaws, a big red tongue, large white teeth, a half\ndozen arms, and big, fiery, eyeballs. About him are placed offerings of\nmeat, and other eatables--a sacrificial offering.\"\n\n\n\n\n467. The Gods of the Joss-House and Patmos\n\nNo wonder that these members of the committee were shocked at such a\ngod, knowing as they did, that the only true God was correctly described\nby the inspired lunatic of Patmos in the following words: \"And there sat\nin the midst of the seven golden candlesticks one like unto the Son of\nMan, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps\nwith a golden girdle. His head and his hairs were white like wool, as\nwhite as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire; and his feet like\nunto fine brass as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the\nsound of many waters. And he had in his right hand seven stars; and out\nof his mouth went a sharp, two-edged sword; and his countenance was as\nthe sun shining in his strength.\" Certainly, a large mouth, filled\nwith white teeth, is preferable to one used as the scabbard of a sharp,\ntwo-edged sword. Why should these gentlemen object to a god with big\nfiery eyeballs, when their own Deity has eyes like a flame of fire?\n\n\n\n\n468. A Little Too Late\n\nIs it not a little late in the day to object to people because they\nsacrifice meat and other eatables to their god? We all know, that for\nthousands of years the \"real\" God was exceedingly fond of roasted meat;\nthat He loved the savor of burning flesh, and delighted in the perfume\nof fresh warm blood.\n\n\n\n\n469. Christianity has a Fair Show in San Francisco\n\nThe world is also informed by these gentlemen that \"the idolatry of\nthe Chinese produces a demoralizing effect upon our American youth by\nbringing sacred things into disrespect and making religion a theme of\ndisgust and contempt.\" In San Francisco there are some three hundred\nthousand people. Is it possible that a few Chinese can bring \"our holy\nreligion\" into disgust and contempt? In that city there are fifty times\nas many churches as joss-houses. Scores of sermons are uttered every\nweek; religious books and papers are plentiful as leaves in autumn, and\nsomewhat dryer; thousands of bibles are within the reach of all.\n\n\n\n\n470. An Arrow from the Quiver of Satire\n\nAnd there, too, is the example of a Christian city. Why should we send\nmissionaries to China, if we cannot convert the heathen when they come\nhere? When missionaries go to a foreign land the poor benighted people\nhave to take their word for the blessings showered upon a Christian\npeople; but when the heathen come here, they can see for themselves.\nWhat was simply a story becomes a demonstrated fact. They come in\ncontact with people who love their enemies. They see that in a Christian\nland men tell the truth; that they will not take advantage of strangers;\nthat they are just and patient; kind and tender; and have no prejudice\non account of color, race or religion; that they look upon mankind as\nbrethren; that they speak of God as a Universal Father, and are\nwilling to work and even to suffer, for the good, not only of their own\ncountrymen, but of the heathen as well. All this the Chinese see and\nknow, and why they still cling to the religion of their country is, to\nme, a matter of amazement.\n\n\n\n\n471. We Have no Religious System\n\nI take this, the earliest opportunity, to inform these gentlemen\ncomposing a majority of the committee, that we have in the United States\nno \"religious system;\" that this is a secular government. That it has\nno religious creed; that it does not believe nor disbelieve in a future\nstate of reward or punishment; that it neither affirms nor denies the\nexistence of a \"living\" God.\n\n\n\n\n472. Congress Nothing to Do with Religion\n\nCongress has nothing to do with the religion of the people. Its members\nare not responsible to God for the opinions of their constituents, and\nit may tend to the happiness of the constituents for me to state that\nthey are in no way responsible for the religion of the members. Religion\nis an individual, not a national matter. And where the nation interferes\nwith the right of conscience, the liberties of the people are devoured\nby the monster Superstition.\n\n\n\n\n473. Concessions of the Illustrious Four!\n\nBut I am astonished that four Christian statesmen, four members of\nCongress in the last quarter of the nineteenth century, who seriously\nobject to people on account of their religious convictions, should\nstill assert that the very religion in which they believe--and the only\nreligion established by the living god-head of the American system--is\nnot adapted to the spiritual needs of one-third of the human race. It is\namazing that these four gentlemen have, in the defense of the Christian\nreligion, announced the discovery that it is wholly inadequate for\nthe civilization of mankind; that the light of the cross can never\npenetrate the darkness of China; \"that all the labors of the missionary,\nthe example of the good, the exalted character of our civilization, make\nno impression upon the pagan life of the Chinese;\" and that even\nthe report of this committee will not tend to elevate, refine and\nChristianize the yellow heathen of the Pacific coast. In the name\nof religion these gentlemen have denied its power and mocked at the\nenthusiasm of its founder. Worse than this, they have predicted for the\nChinese a future of ignorance and idolatry in this world, and, if the\n\"American system\" of religion is true, hell-fire in the next.\n\n\n\n\n474. Do not Trample on John Chinaman\n\nDo not trample upon these people because they have a different\nconception of things about which even this committee knows nothing.\nGive them the same privilege you enjoy of making a God after their own\nfashion. And let them describe him as they will. Would you be willing\nto have them remain, if one of their race, thousands of years ago, had\npretended to have seen God, and had written of him as follows: \"There\nwent up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth; coals\nwere kindled by it, * * * and he rode upon a cherub and did fly.\" Why\nshould you object to these people on account of their religion? Your\nobjection has in it the spirit of hate and intolerance. Of that spirit\nthe Inquisition was born. That spirit lighted the fagot, made the\nthumb-screw, put chains upon the limbs, and lashes upon the backs of\nmen. The same spirit bought and sold, captured and kidnapped human\nbeings; sold babes, and justified all the horrors of slavery.\n\n\n\n\n475. Be Honest with the Chinese\n\nIf you wish to drive out the Chinese, do not make a pretext of religion.\nDo not pretend that you are trying to do God a favor. Injustice in his\nname is doubly detestable. The assassin cannot sanctify his dagger by\nfalling on his knees, and it does not help a falsehood if it be uttered\nas a prayer. Religion, used, to intensify the hatred of men toward men,\nunder the pretense of pleasing God, has cursed this world.\n\n\n\n\n476. An Honest Merchant the Best Missionary\n\nI am almost sure that I have read somewhere that \"Christ died for _all_\nmen,\" and that \"God is no respecter of persons.\" It was once taught\nthat it was the duty of Christians to tell to all people the \"tidings of\ngreat joy.\" I have never believed these things myself, but have always\ncontended that an honest merchant was the best missionary. Commerce\nmakes friends, religion makes enemies; the one enriches, and the other\nimpoverishes; the one thrives best where the truth is told, the other\nwhere falsehoods are believed. For myself, I have but little confidence\nin any business, or enterprise, or investment, that promises dividends\nonly after the death of the stockholders.\n\n\n\n\n477. Good Words from Confucius\n\nFor the benefit of these four philosophers and prophets, I will give a\nfew extracts from the writings of Confucius that will, in my judgment,\ncompare favorably with the best passages of their report:\n\n\"My doctrine is that man must be true to the principles of his nature,\nand the benevolent exercises of them toward others.\"\n\n\"With coarse rice to eat, with water to drink, and with my bended arm\nfor a pillow, I still have joy.\"\n\n\"Riches and honor acquired by injustice are to me but floating clouds.\"\n\n\"The man who, in view of gain, thinks of righteousness; who, in view of\ndanger, forgets life; and who remembers an old agreement, however far\nback it extends, such a man may be reckoned a complete man.\"\n\n\"Recompense injury with justice, and kindness with kindness.\"\n\nThere is one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one's\nlife: Reciprocity is that word.\n\n\n\n\n478. The Ancient Chinese\n\nWhen the ancestors of the four Christian Congressmen were barbarians,\nwhen they lived in caves, gnawed bones, and worshiped dry snakes; the\ninfamous Chinese were reading these sublime sentences of Confucius. When\nthe forefathers of these Christian statesmen were hunting toads to\nget the jewels out of their heads to be used as charms, the wretched\nChinamen were calculating eclipses, and measuring the circumference\nof the earth. When the progenitors of these representatives of the\n\"American system of religion\" were burning women charged with nursing\ndevils, these people \"incapable of being influenced by the exalted\ncharacter of our civilization,\" were building asylums for the insane.\n\n\n\n\n479. The Chinese and Civil Service Reform\n\nNeither should it be forgotten that, for thousands of years, the Chinese\nhave honestly practised the great principle known as civil service\nreform--a something that even the administration of Mr. Hayes has\nreached only through the proxy of promise.\n\n\n\n\n480. Invading China in the Name of Opium and Christ\n\nThe English battered down the door of China in the names of Opium and\nChrist. This infamy was regarded as another triumph of the gospel.\nAt last in self-defense the Chinese allowed Christians to touch their\nshores. Their wise men, their philosophers, protested, and prophesied\nthat time would show that Christians could not be trusted. This re port\nproves that the wise men were not only philosophers but prophets.\n\n\n\n\n481. Don't be Dishonest in the Name of God\n\nTreat China as you would England. Keep a treaty while it is in force.\nChange it if you will, according to the laws of nations, but on no\naccount excuse a breach of national faith by pretending that we are\ndishonest for God's sake.\n\n\n\n\nCONCERNING CREEDS AND THE TYRANNY OF SECTS\n\n\n\n\n482. Diversity of Opinion Abolished by Henry VIII\n\nIn the reign of Henry VIII--that pious and moral founder of the\napostolic Episcopal Church,--there was passed by the parliament\nof England an act entitled, \"An act for abolishing of diversity of\nopinion.\" And in this act was set forth what a good Christian was\nobliged to believe:\n\nFirst, That in the sacrament was the real body and blood of Jesus\nChrist.\n\nSecond, That the body and blood of Jesus Christ was in the bread, and\nthe blood and body of Jesus Christ was in the wine.\n\nThird, That priests should not marry.\n\nFourth, That vows of chastity were of perpetual obligation.\n\nFifth, That private masses ought to be continued; and,\n\nSixth, That auricular confession to a priest must be maintained.\n\nThis creed was made by law, in order that all men might know just what\nto believe by simply reading the statute. The Church hated to see the\npeople wearing out their brains in thinking upon these subjects.\n\n\n\n\n483. Spencer and Darwin Damned\n\nAccording to the philosophy of theology, man has continued to degenerate\nfor six thousand years. To teach that there is that in nature which\nimpels to higher forms and grander ends, is heresy, of course. The\nDeity will damn Spencer and his \"Evolution,\" Darwin and his \"Origin\nof Species,\" Bastian and his \"Spontaneous Generation,\" Huxley and his\n\"Protoplasm,\" Tyndall and his \"Prayer Gauge,\" and will save those, and\nthose only, who declare that the universe has been cursed, from the\nsmallest atom to the grandest star; that everything tends to evil and to\nthat only, and that the only perfect thing in nature is the Presbyterian\nConfession of Faith.\n\n\n\n\n484. The Dead do Not Persecute\n\nImagine a vine that grows at one end and decays at the other. The\nend that grows is heresy, the end that rots is orthodox. The dead are\northodox, and your cemetery is the most perfect type of a well regulated\nchurch. No thought, no progress, no heresy there. Slowly and silently,\nside by side, the satisfied members peacefully decay. There is only this\ndifference--the dead do not persecute.\n\n\n\n\n485. The Atheist a Legal Outcast in Illinois\n\nThe supreme court of Illinois decided, in the year of grace 1856, that\nan unbeliever in the existence of an intelligent First Cause could not\nbe allowed to testify in any court. His wife and children might have\nbeen murdered before his very face, and yet in the absence of other\nwitnesses, the murderer could not have even been indicted. The atheist\nwas a legal outcast. To him, Justice was not only blind, but deaf. He\nwas liable, like other men, to support the government, and was forced to\ncontribute his share towards paying the salaries of the very judges\nwho decided that under no circumstances could his voice be heard in any\ncourt. This was the law of Illinois, and so remained until the adoption\nof the new Constitution By such infamous means has the Church endeavored\nto chain the human mind, and protect the majesty of her God.\n\n\n\n\n486. How the Owls Hoot\n\nNow and then somebody examines, and in spite of all keeps his manhood,\nand has the courage to follow where his reason leads. Then the pious\nget together and repeat wise saws, and exchange knowing nods and most\nprophetic winks. The stupidly wise sit owl-like on the dead limbs of the\ntree of knowledge, and solemnly hoot.\n\n\n\n\n487. The Fate of Theological Students\n\nThousands of young men are being educated at this moment by the various\nChurches. What for? In order that they may be prepared to investigate\nthe phenomena by which we are surrounded? No! The object, and the only\nobject, is that they may be prepared to defend a creed; that they may\nlearn the arguments of their respective churches, and repeat them in\nthe dull ears of a thoughtless congregation. If one, after being thus\ntrained at the expense of the Methodists, turns Presbyterian or Baptist,\nhe is denounced as an ungrateful wretch. Honest investigation is utterly\nimpossible within the pale of any Church, for the reason, that if you\nthink the Church is right you will not investigate, and if you think it\nwrong, the Church will investigate you. The consequence of this is,\nthat most of the theological literature is the result of suppression, of\nfear, tyranny and hypocrisy.\n\n\n\n\n488. Trials for Heresy\n\nA trial for heresy means that the spirit of persecution still lingers in\nthe Church; that it still denies the right of private judgment; that it\nstill thinks more of creed than truth, and that it is still determined\nto prevent the intellectual growth of man. It means the churches are\nshambles in which are bought and sold the souls of men. It means that\nthe Church is still guilty of the barbarity of opposing thought with\nforce. It means that if it had the power, the mental horizon would be\nbound by a creed; that it would bring again the whips and chains and\ndungeon keys, the rack and fagot of the past.\n\n\n\n\n489. Presbyterianism Softening\n\nFortunately for us, civilization has had a softening effect even upon\nthe Presbyterian Church. To the ennobling influence of the arts and\nsciences the savage spirit of Calvinism has, in some slight degree,\nsuccumbed. True, the old creed remains substantially as it was written,\nbut by a kind of tacit understanding it has come to be regarded as a\nrelic of the past. The cry of \"heresy\" has been growing fainter and\nfainter, and, as a consequence, the ministers of that denomination\nhave ventured, now and then, to express doubts as to the damnation of\ninfants, and the doctrine of total depravity.\n\n\n\n\n490. The Methodist \"Hoist with his own Petard.\"\n\nA few years ago a Methodist clergyman took it upon himself to give me a\npiece of friendly advice. \"Although you may disbelieve the bible,\" said\nhe, \"you ought not to say so. That, you should keep to yourself.\" \"Do\nyou believe the bible,\" said I. He replied, \"Most assuredly.\" To which\nI retorted, \"Your answer conveys no information to me. You may be\nfollowing your own advice. You told me to suppress my opinions. Of\ncourse a man who will advise others to dissimulate will not always be\nparticular about telling the truth himself.\"\n\n\n\n\n491. The Precious Doctrine of Total Depravity\n\nWhat a precious doctrine is that of the total depravity of the human\nheart! How sweet it is to believe that the lives of all the good and\ngreat were continual sins and perpetual crimes; that the love a mother\nbears her child is, in the sight of God, a sin; that the gratitude of\nthe natural heart is simple meanness; that the tears of pity are impure;\nthat for the unconverted to live and labor for others is an offense to\nheaven; that the noblest aspirations of the soul are low and groveling\nin the sight of God.\n\n\n\n\n492. Guilty of Heresy\n\nWhoever has an opinion of his own, and honestly expresses it, will be\nguilty of heresy. Heresy is what the minority believe; it is the name\ngiven by the powerful to the doctrine of the weak. This word was born of\nthe hatred, arrogance and cruelty of those who love their enemies, and\nwho, when smitten on one cheek, turn the other. This word was born of\nintellectual slavery in the feudal ages of thought. It was an epithet\nused in the place of argument. From the commencement of the Christian\nera, every art has been exhausted and every conceivable punishment\ninflicted to force all people to hold the same religious opinions. This\neffort was born of the idea that a certain belief was necessary to the\nsalvation of the soul.\n\n\n\n\n493. Dishonest Teachers.\n\nOne great trouble is that most teachers are dishonest. They teach as\ncertainties those things concerning which they entertain doubts. They\ndo not say, \"we _think_ this is so,\" but \"we _know_ this is so.\" They do\nnot appeal to the reason of the pupil, but they command his faith. They\nkeep all doubts to themselves; they do not explain, they assert. All\nthis is infamous.\n\n\n\n\n494. Self-Reliance a Deadly Sin!\n\nIn all ages reason has been regarded as the enemy of religion. Nothing\nhas been considered so pleasing to the Deity as a total denial of the\nauthority of your own mind. Self-reliance has been thought a deadly\nsin; and the idea of living and dying without the aid and consolation\nof superstition has always horrified the Church. By some unaccountable\ninfatuation, belief has been and still is considered of immense\nimportance. All religions have been based upon the idea that God will\nforever reward the true believer, and eternally damn the man who doubts\nor denies. Belief is regarded as the one essential thing. To practice\njustice, to love mercy, is not enough. You must believe in some\nincomprehensible creed. You must say, \"Once one is three, and three\ntimes one is one.\" The man who practiced every virtue, but failed to\nbelieve, was execrated. Nothing so outrages the feelings of the Church\nas a moral unbeliever--nothing so horrible as a charitable Atheist.\n\n\n\n\n495. A Hundred and Fifty Years Ago\n\nOne hundred and fifty years ago the foremost preachers would have\nperished at the stake. A Universalist would have been torn in pieces in\nEngland, Scotland, and America. Unitarians would have found themselves\nin the stocks, pelted by the rabble with dead cats, after which their\nears would have been cut off, their tongues bored, and their foreheads\nbranded.\n\n\n\n\n496. The Despotism of Faith\n\nThe despotism of faith is justified upon the ground that Christian\ncountries are the grandest and most prosperous of the world. At one time\nthe same thing could have been truly said in India, in Egypt, in Greece,\nin Rome, and in every other country that has, in the history of the\nworld, swept to empire. This argument proves too much not only, but the\nassumption upon which it is based is utterly false.\n\n\n\n\n497. Believe, or Beware\n\nAnd what does a trial for heresy mean? It means that the Church says\na heretic, \"Believe as I do, or I will withdraw my support. I will not\nemploy you. I will pursue you until your garments are rags; until your\nchildren cry for bread; until your cheeks are furrowed with tears. I\nwill hunt you to the very portals of the grave.\"\n\n\n\n\n498. Calvin's Petrified Heart\n\nLuther denounced mental liberty with all the coarse and brutal vigor\nof his nature; Calvin despised, from the very bottom of his petrified\nheart, anything that even looked like religious toleration, and solemnly\ndeclared that to advocate it was to crucify Christ afresh. All the\nfounders of all the orthodox churches have advocated the same infamous\ntenet. The truth is, that what is called religion is necessarily\ninconsistent with free thought.\n\n\n\n\n499. Logic Unconfined.\n\nMust one be versed in Latin before he is entitled to express his opinion\nas to the genuineness of a pretended revelation from God? Common sense\nbelongs exclusively to no tongue. Logic is not confined to, nor has it\nbeen buried with, the dead languages. Paine attacked the bible as it is\ntranslated. If the translation is wrong, let its defenders correct it.\n\n\n\n\n500. Politeness at Athens!\n\nA gentleman, walking among the ruins of Athens came upon a fallen statue\nof Jupiter; making an exceedingly low bow he said: \"O Jupiter! I salute\nthee.\" He then added: \"Should you ever sit upon the throne of heaven\nagain, do not, I pray you, forget that I treated you politely when you\nwere prostrate.\"\n\n\n\n\n501. The Tail of a Lion\n\nThere is no saying more degrading than this: \"It is better to be the\ntail of a lion than the head of a dog.\" It is a responsibility to think\nand act for yourself. Most people hate responsibility; therefore they\njoin something and become the tail of some lion. They say, \"My party\ncan act for me--my church can do my thinking. It is enough for me to\npay taxes and obey the lion to which I belong, without troubling myself\nabout the right, the wrong, or the why or the wherefore.\"\n\n\n\n\n502. While the Preachers Talked the People Slept\n\nThe fact is, the old ideas became a little monotonous to the people. The\nfall of man, the scheme of redemption and irresistible grace, began\nto have a familiar sound. The preachers told the old stories while the\ncongregations slept. Some of the ministers became tired of these stories\nthemselves. The five points grew dull, and they felt that nothing short\nof irresistible grace could bear this endless repetition. The outside\nworld was full of progress, and in every direction men advanced, while\nthe church, anchored to a creed, idly rotted at the shore.\n\n\n\n\n503. Christianity no Friend to Progress\n\nChristianity has always opposed every forward movement of the human\nrace. Across the highway of progress it has always been building\nbreastworks of bibles, tracts, commentaries, prayer-books, creeds,\ndogmas and platforms, and at every advance the Christians have gathered\ntogether behind these heaps of rubbish and shot the poisoned arrows of\nmalice at the soldiers of freedom.\n\n\n\n\n504. Where is the New Eden?\n\nYou may be laughed at in this world for insisting that God put Adam into\na deep sleep and made a woman out of one of his ribs, but you will be\ncrowned and glorified in the next. You will also have the pleasure of\nhearing the gentlemen howl there, who laughed at you here. While you\nwill not be permitted to take any revenge, you will be allowed to\nsmilingly express your entire acquiescence in the will of God. But where\nis the new Eden? No one knows. The one was lost, and the other has not\nbeen found.\n\n\n\n\n505. The Real Eden is Beyond\n\nNations and individuals fail and die, and make room for higher forms.\nThe intellectual horizon of the world widens as the centuries pass.\nIdeals grow grander and purer; the difference between justice and mercy\nbecomes less and less; liberty enlarges, and love intensifies as the\nyears sweep on. The ages of force and fear, of cruelty and wrong, are\nbehind us and the real Eden is beyond. It is said that a desire for\nknowledge lost us the Eden of the past; but whether that is true or not,\nit will certainly give us the Eden of the future.\n\n\n\n\n506. Party Names Belittle Men\n\nLet us forget that we are Baptists, Methodists, Catholics,\nPresbyterians, or Free-thinkers, and remember only that we are men and\nwomen. After all, man and woman are the highest possible titles. All\nother names belittle us, and show that we have, to a certain extent,\ngiven up our individuality.\n\n\n\n\nA FEW PLAIN QUESTIONS\n\n\n\n\n507. Where Did the Serpent Come From?\n\nWhere did the serpent come from? On which of the six days was he\ncreated? Who made him? Is it possible that God would make a successful\nrival? He must have known that Adam and Eve would fall. He knew what\na snake with a \"spotted, dappled skin\" could do with an inexperienced\nwoman. Why did he not defend his children? He knew that if the serpent\ngot into the garden, Adam and Eve would sin, that he would have to drive\nthem out, that afterwards the world would be destroyed, and that he\nhimself would die upon the cross.\n\n\n\n\n508. Must We Believe Fables to be Good and True? Must we, in order to be\ngood, gentle and loving in our lives, believe that the creation of woman\nwas a second thought? That Jehovah really endeavored to induce Adam to\ntake one of the lower animals as an helpmeet for him? After all, is it\nnot possible to live honest and courageous lives without believing these\nfables?\n\n\n\n\n509. Why Did Not God Kill the Serpent?\n\nWhy was not the serpent kept out of the garden? Why did not the Lord God\ntake him by the tail and snap his head off? Why did he not put Adam\nand Eve on their guard about this serpent? They, of course, were not\nacquainted in the neighborhood, and knew nothing about the serpent's\nreputation.\n\n\n\n\n510. Questions About the Ark\n\nHow was the ark kept clean? We know how it was ventilated; but what\nwas done with the filth? How were the animals watered? How were some\nportions of the ark heated for animals from the tropics, and others\nkept cool for the polar bears? How did the animals get back to their\nrespective countries? Some had to creep back about six thousand miles,\nand they could only go a few feet a day. Some of the creeping things\nmust have started for the ark just as soon as they were made, and kept\nup a steady jog for sixteen hundred years. Think of a couple of the\nslowest snails leaving a point opposite the ark and starting for the\nplains of Shinar, a distance of twelve thousand miles. Going at the rate\nrate of a mile a month, it would take them a thousand years. How did\nthey get there? Polar bears must have gone several thousand miles, and\nso sudden a change in climate must have been exceedingly trying upon\ntheir health. How did they know the way to go? Of course, all the polar\nbears did not go. Only two were required. Who selected these?\n\n\n\n\n511. Was Language Confounded at Babel.\n\nHow could language be confounded? It could be confounded only by the\ndestruction of memory. Did God destroy the memory of mankind at\nthat time, and if so, how? Did he paralyze that portion of the brain\npresiding over the organs of articulation, so that they could not speak\nthe words, although they remembered them clearly, or did he so touch\nthe brain that they could not hear? Will some theologian, versed in\nthe machinery of the miraculous, tell us in what way God confounded the\nlanguage of mankind?\n\n\n\n\n512. Would God Kill a Man for Making Ointment?\n\nCan we believe that the real God, if there is one, ever ordered a man\nto be killed simply for making hair oil, or ointment? We are told in\nthe thirtieth chapter of Exodus, that the Lord commanded Moses to take\nmyrrh, cinnamon, sweet calamus, cassia, and olive oil, and make a\nholy ointment for the purpose of anointing the tabernacle, tables,\ncandlesticks and other utensils, as well as Aaron and his sons; saying,\nat the same time, that whosoever compounded any like it, or whoever put\nany of it on a stranger, should be put to death. In the same chapter,\nthe Lord furnishes Moses with a recipe for making a perfume, saying,\nthat whoever should make any which smelled like it, should be cut off\nfrom his people. This, to me, sounds so unreasonable that I cannot\nbelieve it.\n\n\n\n\n513. How Did Water run up Hill?\n\nSome Christians say that the fountains of the great deep were broken up.\nWill they be kind enough to tell us what the fountains of the great deep\nare? Others say that God had vast stores of water in the center of the\nearth that he used on the occasion of the flood. How did these waters\nhappen to run up hill?\n\n\n\n\n514. Would a Real God Uphold Slavery?\n\nMust we believe that God called some of his children the money of\nothers? Can we believe that God made lashes upon the naked back, a\nlegal tender for labor performed? Must we regard the auction block as an\naltar? Were blood hounds, apostles? Was the slave-pen a temple? Were the\nstealers and whippers of babes and women the justified children of God?\n\n\n\n\n515. Will There Be an Eternal Auto da Fe?\n\nWill some minister, who now believes in religious liberty, and\neloquently denounces the intolerance of Catholicism, explain these\nthings; will he tell us why he worships an intolerant God? Is a god who\nwill burn a soul forever in another world, better than a christian who\nburns the body for a few hours in this? Is there no intellectual liberty\nin heaven?\n\nDo the angels all discuss questions on the same side? Are all the\ninvestigators in perdition? Will the penitent thief, winged and crowned,\nlaugh at the honest folks in hell? Will the agony of the damned increase\nor decrease the happiness of God? Will there be, in the universe, an\neternal _auto da fe_?\n\n\n\n\n516. Why Hate an Atheist?\n\nWhy should a believer in God hate an atheist? Surely the atheist has\nnot injured God, and surely he is human, capable of joy and pain, and\nentitled to all the rights of man. Would it not be far better to treat\nthis atheist, at least, as well as he treats us?\n\n\n\n\nORIENT PEARLS AS RANDOM STRUNG\n\nI do not believe that Christians are as bad as their creeds.\n\nThe highest crime against a creed is to change it. Reformation is\ntreason.\n\nA believer is a bird in a cage, a free-thinker is an eagle parting the\nclouds with tireless wing.\n\nAll that is good in our civilization is the result of commerce, climate,\nsoil, geographical position.\n\nThe heretics have not thought and suffered and died in vain. Every\nheretic has been, and is, a ray of light.\n\nNo man ever seriously attempted to reform a Church without being cast\nout and hunted down by the hounds of hypocrisy.\n\nAfter all, the poorest bargain that a human being can make, is to give\nhis individuality for what is called respectability.\n\nOn every hand are the enemies of individuality and mental freedom.\nCustom meets us at the cradle and leaves us only at the tomb.\n\nThere can be nothing more utterly subversive of all that is really\nvaluable than the suppression of honest thought.\n\nNo man, worthy of the form he bears, will at the command of Church or\nState solemnly repeat a creed his reason scorns.\n\nAlthough we live in what is called a free government,--and politically\nwe are free,--there is but little religious liberty in America.\n\nAccording to orthodox logic, God having furnished us with imperfect\nminds, has a right to demand a perfect result.\n\nNearly all people stand in great horror of annihilation, and yet to give\nup your individuality is to annihilate yourself.\n\nWhen women reason, and babes sit in the lap of philosophy, the victory\nof reason over the shadowy host of darkness will be complete.\n\nOf all the religions that have been produced by the egotism, the malice,\nthe ignorance and ambition of man, Presbyterianism is the most hideous.\n\nAnd what man who really thinks can help repeating the words of Ennius:\n\"If there are gods they certainly pay no attention to the affairs of\nman.\"\n\nEvents, like the pendulum of a clock have swung forward and backward,\nbut after all, man, like the hands, has gone steadily on. Man is growing\ngrander.\n\nIn spite of Church and dogma, there have been millions and millions of\nmen and women true to the loftiest and most generous promptings of the\nhuman heart.\n\nI was taught to hate Catholicism with every drop of my blood, it is only\njustice to say, that in all essential particulars it is precisely the\nsame as every other religion.\n\nWherever brave blood has been shed, the sword of the Church has been\nwet. On every chain has been the sign of the cross. The altar and throne\nhave leaned against and supported each other.\n\nWe have all been taught by the Church that nothing is so well calculated\nto excite the ire of the Deity as to express a doubt as to his\nexistence, and that to deny it is an unpardonable sin.\n\nUniversal obedience is universal stagnation; disobedience is one of the\nconditions of progress. Select any age of the world and tell me what\nwould have been the effect of implicit obedience.\n\nWe have no national religion, and no national God; but every citizen\nis allowed to have a religion and a God of his own, or to reject all\nreligions and deny the existence of all gods.\n\nWhatever may be the truth upon any subject has nothing to do with our\nright to investigate that subject, and express any opinion we may form.\nAll that I ask, is the same right I freely accord to all others.\n\nMental slavery is mental death, and every man who has given up his\nintellectual freedom is the living coffin of his dead soul. In this\nsense, every church is a cemetery and every creed an epitaph.\n\nThink of reading the 109th Psalm to a heathen who has a Bible of his own\nin which is found this passage: \"Blessed is the man and beloved of all\nthe gods, who is afraid of no man, and of whom no man is afraid.\"\n\nThe trouble with most people is, they bow to what is called authority;\nthey have a certain reverence for the old because it is old. They think\na man is better for being dead, especially if he has been dead a long\ntime.\n\nWe should all remember that to be like other people is to be unlike\nourselves, and that nothing can be more detestable in character than\nservile imitation. The great trouble with imitation is, that we are apt\nto ape those who are in reality far below us.\n\nSuppose the Church had had absolute control of the human mind at any\ntime, would not the words liberty and progress have been blotted from\nhuman speech? In defiance of advice, the world has advanced.\n\nOver every fortress of tyranny has waved, and still waves, the banner of\nthe Church.\n\nThe Church has won no victories for the rights of man.\n\nWe have advanced in spite of religious zeal, ignorance, and opposition.\n\nLuther labored to reform the Church--Voltaire, to reform men.\n\nThere have been, and still are, too many men who own themselves--too\nmuch thought, too much knowledge for the Church to grasp again the\nsword of power. The Church must abdicate. For the Eg-lon of superstition\nScience has a message from Truth.\n\nIt is a blessed thing that in every age some one has had individuality\nenough and courage enough to stand by his own convictions,--some one\nwho had the grandeur to say his say. I believe it was Magellan who said.\n\"The Church says the earth is flat; but I have seen its shadow on the\nmoon, and I have more confidence even in a shadow than in the Church.\"\n\"On the prow of his ship were disobedience, defiance, scorn, and\nsuccess.\n\n\n\n\nINGERSOLL'S ORATION AT HIS BROTHER'S GRAVE\n\n     A Tribute to Ebon C. Ingersoll, by his Brother\n     Robert--The Record of a Generous Life Runs\n     Like a  Vine Around the Memory of our\n     Dead,   and   Every   Sweet,   Unselfish\n     Act is Now a Perfumed Flower.\n\nDear Friends: I am going to do that which the dead oft promised he would\ndo for me.\n\nThe loved and loving brother, husband, father, friend, died where\nmanhood's morning almost touches noon, and while the shadows still were\nfalling toward the west.\n\nHe had not passed on life's highway the stone that marks the highest\npoint; but, being weary for a moment, he lay down by the wayside, and,\nusing his burden for a pillow, fell into that dreamless sleep that\nkisses down his eyelids still. While yet in love with life and raptured\nwith the world, he passed to silence and pathetic dust.\n\nYet, after all, it may be best, just in the happiest, sunniest hour\nof all the voyage, while eager winds are kissing every sail, to dash\nagainst the unseen rock, and in an instant hear the billows roar above a\nsunken ship For whether in mid sea or 'mong the breakers of the farther\nshore, a wreck at last must mark the end of each and all. And every\nlife, no matter if its every hour is rich with love and every moment\njeweled with a joy, will, at its close, become a tragedy as sad and deep\nand dark as can be woven of the warp and woof of mystery and death.\n\nThis brave and tender man in every storm of life was oak and rock; but\nin the sunshine he was vine and flower. He was the friend of all heroic\nsouls. He climbed the heights, and left all superstitions far below,\nwhile on his forehead fell the golden dawning of the grander day.\n\nHe loved the beautiful, and was with color, form, and music touched to\ntears. He sided with the weak, the poor, and wronged, and lovingly\ngave alms. With loyal heart and with the purest hands he faithfully\ndischarged all public trusts.\n\nHe was a worshiper of liberty, a friend of the oppressed. A thousand\ntimes I have heard him quote these words: \"For Justice all place a\ntemple, and all season, summer.\" He believed that happiness was the only\ngood, reason the only torch, justice the only worship, humanity the only\nreligion, and love the only priest. He added to the sum of human joy;\nand were every one to whom he did some loving service to bring a blossom\nto his grave, he would sleep to-night beneath a wilderness of sweet\nflowers.\n\nLife is a narrow vale between the cold and barren peaks of two\neternities. We strive in vain to look beyond the heights. We cry aloud,\nand the only answer is the echo of our wailing cry. From the voiceless\nlips of the unreplying dead there comes no word; but in the night of\ndeath hope sees a star and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing.\n\nHe who sleeps here, when dying, mistaking the approach of death for the\nreturn of health, whispered with his latest breath, \"I am better now.\"\nLet us believe, in spite of doubts and dogmas, of fears and tears, that\nthese dear words are true of all the countless dead.\n\nAnd now, to you, who have been chosen, from among the many men he loved,\nto do the last sad office for the dead, we give his sacred dust.\n\nSpeech cannot contain our love. There was, there is, no gentler,\nstronger, manlier man.\n\n\n\n\nINGERSOLL'S DREAM OF THE WAR\n\n     The Following Words of Matchless Eloquence were\n     Addressed by Col. Ingersoll to the Veteran\n     Soldiers of Indianapolis.\n\nThe past, as it were, rises before me like a dream. Again we are in the\ngreat struggle for national life. We hear the sound of preparation--the\nmusic of the boisterous drums--the silver voices of heroic bugles. We\nsee thousands of assemblages, and hear the appeals of orators; we see\nthe pale cheeks of women, and the flushed faces of men; and in those\nassemblages we see all the dead whose dust we have covered with flowers.\nWe lose sight of them no more. We are with them when they enlist in the\ngreat army of freedom. We see them part with those they love. Some are\nwalking for the last time in quiet, woody places with the maidens they\nadore. We hear the whisperings and the sweet vows of eternal love as\nthey lingeringly part forever. Others are bending over cradles kissing\nbabes that are asleep.\n\nSome are receiving the blessings of old men. Some are parting with\nmothers who hold them and press them to their hearts again and again,\nand say nothing; and some are talking with wives, and endeavoring with\nbrave words spoken in the old tones to drive away the awful fear. We\nsee them part. We see the wife standing in the door with the babe in her\narms--standing in the sunlight sobbing--at the turn of the road a hand\nwaves--she answers by holding high in her loving hands the child. He is\ngone, and forever.\n\nWe see them all as they march proudly away under the flaunting flags,\nkeeping time to the wild music of war--marching down the streets of the\ngreat cities--through the towns and across the prairies--down to the\nfields of glory, and do and to die for the eternal right.\n\nWe go with them one and all. We are by their side on all the gory\nfields, in all the hospitals of pain--on all the weary marches. We stand\nguard with them in the wild storm and under the quiet stars. We are with\nthem in ravines running with blood--in the furrows of old fields. We are\nwith them between contending hosts, unable to move, wild with thirst,\nthe life ebbing slowly away among the withered leaves. We see them\npierced by balls and torn with shells in the trenches of forts, and in\nthe whirlwind of the charge, where men become iron with nerves of steel.\n\nWe are with them in the prisons of hatred and famine, but human speech\ncan never tell what they endured.\n\nWe are at home when the news comes that they are dead. We see the maiden\nin the shadow of her sorrow. We see the silvered head of the old man\nbowed with the last grief.\n\nThe past rises before us, and we see four millions of human beings\ngoverned by the lash--we see them bound hand and foot--we hear the\nstrokes of cruel whips--we see the hounds tracking women through\ntangled swamps. We see babes sold from the breasts of mothers. Cruelty\nunspeakable! Outrage infinite!\n\nFour million bodies in chains--four million souls in fetters. All the\nsacred relations of wife, mother, father and child trampled beneath the\nbrutal feet of might. All this was done under our own beautiful banner\nof the free.\n\nThe past rises before us. We hear the roar and shriek of the bursting\nshell. The broken fetters fall. There heroes died. We look. Instead of\nslaves we see men and women and children. The wand of progress touches\nthe auction-block, the slave-pen, and the whipping-post, and we see\nhomes and firesides, and school-houses and books, and where all was want\nand crime, and cruelty and fear, we see the faces of the free.\n\nThese heroes are dead. They died for liberty--they died for us. They\nare at rest, They sleep in the land they made free, under the flag\nthey rendered stainless, under the solemn pines, the sad hemlocks, the\ntearful willows, the embracing vines. They sleep beneath the shadows of\nthe clouds, careless alike of sunshine or storm, each in the window-less\npalace of rest. Earth may run red with other wars--they are at peace. In\nthe midst of battle, in the roar of conflict, they found the serenity of\ndeath. I have one sentiment for the soldiers living and dead--cheers for\nthe living and tears for the dead.\n\n\n\n\nEPIGRAMS.\n\nIt is not necessary to be a pig in order to raise one.\n\nHouses makes patriots.\n\nA blow from a parent leaves a scar on the soul of the child.\n\nFree speech is the brain of the Republic.\n\nA mortgage casts a shadow on the sunniest field.\n\nAgriculture is the basis of all wealth.\n\nEvery man should endeavor to belong to himself.\n\nIt is better to be a whole farmer than part of a mechanic.\n\nNothing is ever made by rascality.\n\nOne good school-master is worth a thousand priests.\n\nA lie will not fit a fact.\n\nOut in the intellectual sea there is room for every sail.\n\nAn honest God is the noblest work of man.\n\nTo plow is to pray.\n\nProgress is born of courage. Fear paralyzes the brain.\n\n\n\n\nDEFINITIONS.\n\nA King is a non-producing thief, sitting on a throne, surrounded by\nvermin.\n\nWhiskey is the son of villainies, the father of all crimes, the mother\nof all abominations, the devil's best friend, and God's worst enemy.\n\nAn Orthodox Man is a gentleman petrified in his mind.\n\nHeresy is a cradle.\n\nOrthodoxy is a coffin.\n\nChicago is a marvel of energy, a miracle of nerva\n\nThe Pulpit is a pillory.\n\nTheology is a superstition.\n\nHumanity is the only religion.\n\nA Republican is a man who loves something.\n\nA Democrat is a man who hates something.\n\nGermany is the Land of Science.\n\nCivilization is the Child of Forethought\n\nPrejudice is the Child of Ignorance.\n\nInfidelity is Liberty.\n\nReligion is Slavery.\n\n\n\n\nBELIEFS.\n\nI believe in absolute intellectual liberty. I believe in American labor.\nI believe in the democracy of the fireside, in the republicanism of the\nhome.\n\nI believe in liberty, always and everywhere. I believe in truth, in\ninvestigation, in forethought.\n\nI believe in the gospel of education, of cheerfulness, of justice and\nintelligence.","title":"Ingersollia: Gems of Thought from the Lectures, Speeches, and Conversations of Col. Robert G. Ingersoll, Representative of His Opinions and Beliefs","tradition":"scripture-revelation","translated_text":null,"word_count":68410}