{"collection":"philosophy-ethics","full_text_available":true,"graph_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/api/page/gutenberg_43453/graph","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/page/gutenberg_43453","id":"gutenberg_43453","license":"Public Domain (US)","rights_basis":"gutenberg_metadata_copyright_false","source":"gutenberg","source_url":"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/43453","summary":null,"tags":["Category: American Literature","Category: Biographies","Category: Humour","Category: Philosophy & Ethics","Dexter, Timothy, 1747-1806","Newburyport (Mass.) -- Biography"],"text":"A PICKLE FOR THE KNOWING ONES,\n\nBY LORD TIMOTHY DEXTER,\n\nWITH AN\n\nIntroductory Preface,\n\nBY A DISTINGUISHED CITIZEN OF \"OULD NEWBERRY.\"\n\nFOURTH EDITION.\n\n  NEWBURYPORT:\n  BLANCHARD & SARGENT.\n  1848.\n\n\n[Illustration: Lord Dexter and his Dog.]\n\n\n\n\nPREFACE.\n\n\nTimothy Dexter, the author of the following curious and unique production,\nentitled \"_A Pickle for the Knowing Ones_,\" which is here re-printed\nverbatim et spellatim from the original edition, was born in Malden,\nJanuary 22, 1747. Having served an apprenticeship with a leather dresser,\nhe commenced business in Newburyport shortly after he was one and\ntwenty, and being industrious and economical, he soon found himself\nin good circumstances. In the year 1770 he married, and receiving a\nconsiderable amount of money with his wife, he was thus put in possession\nof a moderate fortune. In 1776 he had for one of his apprentices the\nno less eccentric, and afterwards the no less noted Jonathan Plumer,\njun., \"travelling preacher, physician and poet,\" as he was accustomed\nto style himself, and of whom we shall hereafter speak. In addition to\nhis regular business of selling leather breeches, gloves \"soutabel for\nwimen's ware,\" &c. he engaged in commercial speculations, and in various\nkinds of business, and was unusually successful. He traded with merchants\nand speculators in the then Province of Maine, was engaged to some extent\nin the West India trade. He also purchased a large amount of what were\ncalled State securities, which were eventually redeemed at prices far\nexceeding their original cost. Some of his speculations in whalebone\nand warming pans are mentioned by himself on page 23 of this work. Thus\nin various ways he added to his property, and in a few years he became\na wealthy man. With wealth came the desire of distinction, and as his\nvanity was inordinate he spared no expence in obtaining the notoriety he\nsought. In the first place he purchased an elegant house in High Street,\nNewburyport, and embellished it in his peculiar way. Minarets surmounted\nwith golden balls were placed on the roof, a large gilt eagle was placed\non the top, and a great variety of other ornaments. In front of his house\nand land he caused to be erected between forty and fifty wooden statues,\nfull length and larger than life. The principal arch stood directly in\nfront of his door, and on this stood the figures of Washington, Adams\nand Jefferson. There were also the statues of William Pitt, Franklin,\nBonaparte, George IV, Lord Nelson, Gen. Morgan, Cornplanter, an Indian\nChief, Jack Tar, Traveling Preacher, Maternal Affection, Two Grenadiers,\nFour Lions and one Lamb, and conspicuous among them were two images of\nDexter himself, one of which held a label with the inscription \"_I am the\nfirst in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher\nin the Western world_.\" In order that the interior of his house should\ncorrespond with the exterior, the most costly furniture was imported from\nFrance, and the walls hung with paintings, brought from Holland and other\nparts of Europe. A library was also provided, but how large or valuable\nwe are not able to say. An elegant coach with a span of beautiful cream\ncolored horses was procured, on which was painted his coat of arms,\nwith the baronial supporters, after the manner of the English nobility.\nWith this equipage he took the title of Lord Dexter, because, as he said,\nit was \"the voice of the people at Large.\" He was sometimes called\nthe Marquis of Newburyport. Having completed the embelishments of his\nhouse and gardens, Lord Dexter busied himself in receiving the visits of\nthe crowds, who were drawn by curiosity to his house. His gardens were\nthrown open to their inspection, and he was liberal to all. The fame of\nhis hospitality attracted as many visitors as the fame of his images. To\ngratify his vanity he selected in imitation of European princes, a poet\nlaureate. This was no other than his former apprentice, Jonathan Plumer,\njun., a native of Newbury. They had once been associated as master and\napprentice, but now stood in the relation of patron and poet. From the\nauto-biography of Plumer a very curious and scarce production of 244\npages, the following extract is taken, which may serve to give some idea\nof the versatility of his genius.--\"I had,\" says he, \"some practice as\na physician, and earned something with my pen, but for several years\nwas obliged chiefly to follow various kinds of business accounted\nless honorable, viz: Farming, repeating select passages from authors,\nselling halibut, sawing wood, selling books and ballads in the streets,\nserving as post boy, filling beds with straw and wheeling them to the\nowners thereof, collecting rags, &c.\" He had previously served one or two\ncampaigns as a soldier, and on his return from the wars he taught school\nfor some time in New Hampshire. The ballads, which he hawked about, were\ngenerally his own composition. Every horrid accident, bloody murder, a\nshipwreck, or any other dreadful catastrophe, was sure to be followed by\na statement of the facts, a sermon and a poem. In the capacity of ballad\nmaker and monger he attracted the notice of Dexter, in whose service he\nentered for a small salary as poet laureate. He wore a livery, consisting\nof a black frock coat, adorned with stars and fringes, a cocked hat\nand black breeches. He was crowned in the garden of his patron with a\nwreath of parsley, instead of laurel, but the ceremony was interrupted\nbefore its completion by a mob of boys, and both patron and poet put to\nflight. One specimen of his laudatory verses may be seen on page 29 of\nthis work, which will give the reader some idea of his qualifications\nfor the office to which he was elected. How well he was satisfied with\nthe praises of the poet we are not informed, but feeling probably that\nno person but himself could do justice to the ideas, which he wished\nto present to the public, he commenced writing for the press. Several\nof these effusions were printed in the newspapers.--The larger part\nof them written at different times are embodied in the present work, a\nlarge edition of which was published by himself and given away. In this\nedition not a stop or a mark was used in any line of his writings, but\nin the second edition one entire page was filled with stops and marks,\nwith a recommendation from the author to his readers, to use them where\nthey were wanted in the work, or in his own language, \"to peper and\nsoolt it as they pleased.\" Dexter had two children, Samuel and Nancy,\nneither of whom was distinguished for strength of intellect. The son was\na dissipated prodigal and died young. The daughter, of whom mention is\nmade by the father in the following pages, was married to Abraham Bishop\nof New Haven, who we are informed treated her with neglect and cruelty.\nA divorce followed and she became intemperate, lost what little reason\nshe had, and is still living, a wretched object. Lord Dexter himself,\nif we may judge from his own writings and from what we have heard, was\nnot happy in his domestic relations. He complains much of his wife,\nwhom he calls the \"gost,\" and charges the cause of his separation\nfrom her for thirteen years to his son Bishop. His own temper was\nirascible, and several stories are told of the excesses, into which\nit would sometimes lead him. He ordered his painter, Mr. Babson, to\nplace the word \"Constitution\" on the scroll in the hand of the figure of\nJefferson, which the latter, knowing the artist designed it to represent\nthe Declaration of Independence, refused to do. Dexter was so incensed\nby this refusal, that he went into the house, and brought out a pistol,\nwhich he deliberately fired at the painter; but he was a poor shot, and\nthe ball missing its object, entered the side of the house. At another\ntime, seeing a countryman, as he thought, rather impudently viewing his\npremises, he ordered his son to fire at the stranger. He refused to do so,\nwhen the father threatened to shoot him unless he complied. His son then\nobeyed. The stranger escaped unhurt, but entered a complaint, and Lord\nTimothy was, in consequence, sentenced to the house of correction for\nseveral months. He went thither in his own coach, priding himself\non being the first man who had been to the county house in his own\ncarriage, drawn by two splendid horses. He soon grew tired, however, of\nhis confinement, and procured a release, which it was said, cost him a\nthousand dollars. The individual, who exercised most influence over Dexter\nwas a negro woman, named Lucy Lancaster, or as she was commonly called\n\"Black Luce,\" a woman of uncommon strength of mind, great shrewdness\nand remarkable for her powers of memory and knowledge of human nature,\nbut as wicked as she was sagacious. She thought him an honest man, and\nnot so deficient in intellect as many people supposed, and attributed\nhis eccentricities to an excess of animal spirits.--This was probably to\nsome extent true, though it is certain that other spirits contributed in\nno small degree to the excesses of his temper and the peculiarities of\nhis taste. He was addicted to drunkenness, and with his son and other\ncompanions, kept up his revels in the best apartments of his house,\nby which in a very short time, all his costly furniture was ruined,\nor very much injured.\n\n\"Not insensible that he must share the common lot, Dexter, many years\nbefore his death, prepared himself a tomb. It was the basement story of\nhis summer-house, magnificently fitted, and open to the light of day. His\ncoffin, made of the best mahogany which he could find, superbly lined,\nand adorned with silver handles, he kept in a room of the house, and\ntook great pleasure in exhibiting it to visitors--at other times it was\nlocked up. Soon after his death apparatus was prepared, Dexter got up a\nmock funeral, which with all but his family and a few associates was to\npass as real. Various people in the town were invited by card, who came\nand found the family clad in mourning, and preparations for the funeral\ngoing forward. The burial service was read by a wag, who then pronounced\na bombastic eulogy upon the deceased. The mourners moved in procession to\nthe tomb in the garden, the coffin was deposited, and they returned to\nthe large hall, where a sumptuous entertainment was provided. While the\nfeast was going on, a loud noise attracted the guests to the kitchen,\nwhere they beheld the arisen Lord caning his wife for not having shed\na tear during the ceremony! He entered the hall with the astonished\nmourners, in high spirits, joined in the rout, threw money from the\nwindow to the crowd of boys, and expressed his satisfaction with every\nthing except the indifference of his wife, and the silence of the bells.\"\n\nLord Dexter died at his house, on the 26th of October, 1806, in his 60th\nyear, and by direction of the Board of Health, his remains were interred\nin the common burying place. His grave is marked by a simple stone.\n\nThe Dexter mansion, is yet standing, and is a very fine tenement, but\nretains few traces of the whims of its late proprietor. Of the images,\nupwards of forty in number, only the three Presidents now remain, the\nothers having been cast down by the resistless hand of time. Some of\nthem were blown down in the great gale of September, 1815, and were sold\nat auction.\n\nThe cut fronting the Biography gives a very excellent and faithful\nrepresentation of Lord Dexter in his walking habits, and the likeness of\nthe dog is equally perfect. The dog was perfectly black and the skin as\nentirely free from hair as that of an elephant. He differed as much from\nother dogs as did his master and his friend, the poet, differ from other\npeople. The likenesses of all three were drawn with great accuracy by\nJames Aiken, Esq. now a resident of Philadelphia, and could the patron\nand the poet be seen in proper person, dressed in the costume of that\nday, they would be objects of great curiosity. But they are gone, and\nof each it may be truly said,\n\n\n  We ne'er shall look upon his like again.\n\n\n[Illustration: View of Lord Dexter's Mansion, High Street, Newburyport,\n1806.]\n\n\n\n\nA PICKLE\n\nFOR THE KNOWING ONES.\n\n\nTo mankind at Large the time is Com at Last the grat day of Regoising\nwhat is that why I will tell you thous three kings is Rased Rased you\nmeane should know Rased on the first Royal Arch in the world olmost Not\nquite but very hiw up upon so thay are good mark to be scene so the\nwomans Lik to see the frount and all people Loves to see them as the\nquakers will Com and peape slyly and feele glad and say houe the doue\nfrind father Jorge washeton is in the senter king Addoms is at the Rite\nhand the present king at the Left hand father gorge with his hat on the\nother hats of the middel king with his sword king Addoms with his Cane\nin a grand poster Adtetoude turning his fass towards the first king as\nif they was on sum politicks king our present king he is stands hearing\nbeing younger and very deafe in short being one grat felosfer Looks well\nEast & west and North & south deafe & very deafe the god of Natur has dun\nvery much for our present king and all our former ones they are all good\nI want them to Live for Ever and I beleave thay will it is hard work to\nbe A king--I say it is hardar than tilling the ground I know it is for I\nfind it is hard work to be A Lord I dont desier the sound but to pleas\nthe peopel at Large Let it gou to brak the way it dus for Asort ment\nto help a good Lafe to Cour the sick spleney goutey dul frames Lik my\nselfe with the goute and so on make merry a Chealy Christen is for me\nonly be onnest No matter what they worshep son moune or stars or there\nwife or miss if onnest Live forever money wont gitt thous figers so fast\nas I wish I have sent to Leg horn for many mr bourr is one Amonks others\nI sent in the grand Crecham thous 3 kings Are plane white colow at present\nthe Royal Arch & figers cost 39 pound wate silver the hiest Councaton\norder in the world so it is sade by the knowing one I have only 4 Lions\n& 1 Lam up the spred Eagel has bin up 3 years upon the Coupelay I have 13\nbillors front in strat Row for 13 states when we begun 3 in the Rear 15\nfoot hie 4 more on the grass see 2 the same hath at the Rite of the grand\nArch 2 at the left wing 15 foot hie the Arch 17 foot hie the my hous is\n3 sorey upwards of 290 feet round the hous Nater has formed the ground\nEaquel to what you would wish for the Art by man Eaquel to a Solomun\nthe onerabel Jonathan Jackson one of the first in this Country for tast\nborne A grat man by Nater then the best Lurning what sot me fored for\nmy plan having so gran spot the hool of the world Cant Excead this to\nthous that dont know would think I was Like halfe the world A Lier I\nhave traveled good deale but old steady men sayeth it is the first that\nit is the first best in this Contry & others Contrey I tell you this the\ntrouth that None of you grat men wodent be A frunted at my preseadens &\nI spare Now Cost in the work I have the tempel of Reason in my garding\n3 years past with a toume under it on the Eage of the grass see it cost\n98 gineys besides the Coffen panted whit in side and out side tuched with\ngreen Nobel trimings uncommon Lock so I can tak the kee in side and haye\nfier works in the toume pipes and tobacker & A speaking trumpet and &\nbibel to Read & sum good songs\n\nWhat is a presedent answer A king bonne partey the grate has as much\npower as A king and ort to have & it is a massey he has for the good of\nmankind he has as much power as Any king for grat ways back there must be\nA head sum whare or the peopel is Lost Lik wild gees when thay Lous the\ngander two Leged want A head if fore Leged both & 2 Leged fouls the Name\nof presedent is to pleas the peopel at Large the sound souts best Now in\nthe south give way to the North the North give way to the south or by &\nby you will brake what falers be wise on keep the Links to gether and if\nyou cant A gree Consoalated to A kingly power for you must keep together\nat the wost hear it Labers ye les see there is so many men wants be the\nall offesers & Now sogers poor king Every day wants A bone sum more then\nothers the king cant Live without the feald wee have had our turne grat\ngood father Addoms turne & turne About Rest Easey you all will be pleased\nwith the present king give time all did I say Now but the magor part\nfore fifths at least.\n\n                                                          TIMOTHY DEXTER\n\n\nFrinds hear me 2 granadears goss up in 20 days fourder frinds I will tell\nthe A tipe of man kind what is that 35 or 36 years gone A town caled\nNoubry all won the Younited states Noubry peopel kept to gether quiet\ntill the Larned groed strong the farmers was 12 out of 20 thay wanted to\nhave the offesers in the Contry the Eaned in the see port wanted to have\nthem there geering A Rose groued warme fite thay wood in Law thay went\nthe Jnrel Cort to be sot of finely thay go there Eands Answered the see\nport caled Newbury Port 600 Eakers of Land out of thirty thousand Eakers\nof good Land so much for mad peopel of Larning makes them mad if thay\nhad kept to gether they wood have bin the sekent town in this stat A\nbout halfe of boston Now men mad to be in offess it hurts the peopel ot\nLarge Like Carying the Innegent Lam to the slarter Now it would done to\ndewide the North from the south all won what I have Leade down but now\nkeep to gether it is Like man and wife in troue Love Now guving death\nin the grander you will sous the glory I say keep to gether dont brak\nthe Chane Renoue brotherle Love Never fade Like my box in my garding\nbe one grat familey give way to one A Nother thous changes is the tide\nhie warter & Loue warte hie tids & Loue tids for my part I have Liked\nall the kings all three all our broken marchants cant have beaths of\nproffett gone and till the ground goue to work is all that has bin to\nColeage goue with slipers and promis to pay and Never pay only with A\nLye I gess 4 fifths is Coleage Lant or devel Lant or pretended to be\nonnest free masions but are to the Contrey for give me for gessing I\nhope it is Not so the Leaned is for Leovs & Littel fishes moses was but\nA man and Aaron thay had sum devel like my selfe man is the same give\nhim power I say the Cloak Cukement maters the worst of cheats we hant\ngot ony N Port wee are Noted to be the first in the North sabed Day is\nNot halfe A Nuf Night meatens it maks work for the Docters and Nuses\nCaaching Could but them Lives breed fast to mak up for them that dies\npoor creaters I pittey them so preast Riden it is wickard to leave poor\nsols in to the grave all our minesters are imported Very good men foull\nof Love of Crist I kep them A mit Amen at present.\n\nThe yong man that doth most all my Carving his work is much Liked by\nour grat men I felt founney one day I thort I would ask sade young man\nwhare he was bone he sade Now whare what is all that Now whare was your\nmother over shaderd I says my mother was if I was to gess No I tell in\nNow town borne o on the water I says you beat me and so wee Lafed and\nit shuk of the spleane shoue him A Crows Neast he can carve one A fine\nfellow--I shold had all marbel if any bodey could to me the prise so I\nhave sent for 8 busts for kings and grat men and 1 Lion & 2 gray hounds\nI hope to hear in foue Days to all onnest men\n\n                                                         TIMOTHY DEXTER.\n\n\nmister printter I must goue sum fourder I have got one good pen my fortin\nhas bin hard very hard that is I have hard Noks on my head 4 difrent times\nfrom A boy to this Day twice taken up for dead two beating was a Lawyer\nthen he was mad be Case the peopel at Large Declared me Lord Dexter\nking of Chester this at my Contrey seet 26 mils from N Port my plase\nthere is the fist from solt water to Canedy----this Lawyer that broused\nme was Judg Livermore son Arther the same Creater borid 200 dolors sum\nmonts be fore this & then Oaded me he beat his bene factter it has bin my\nLuck to be yoused ten times wos by them I doue the most for I have Lost\nfirst and Last as much as A tun of silver grose my wife that was had\n400 wut of silver Abraham bishup that married my dafter ten years gone\nhim & shee sence then & my son Samuel L Dexter upwards of seventeene\nthousand Dolors the Rest by hamsher Col by Rougs has gokbey sekkent\nhanded preasts Deakens gruntters whimers Every foue minnets A sith or\nChrist wee must be Leave in Crist o o Jeases will save us I thinks sum\ntimes the saving solt & smoak & solt peater will in time be very dear\nif it is yous the more smoak or the preasts will be out of work Littel\nLike fister france I Lade out A blan to have holerdays one Day in ten 24\nyears gone I thort it would save the Natision grat Deale of money sir in\none sentrey then the preasts wood have time to studdery then hamer Down\nsmartly make the sulffer smoak in their Nostils under the Cloak of bread\n& wine the hipecricks Cloven foots thay Doue it to get power to Lie and\nNot be mistruested all wars mostly by the suf the broken marchents are\nfond of war for thay hant Nothing to Lous & the minesters in all wars\nthe Case o god Leave the Divel out when it is all Divel If you can bare\nthe trouth I will tell the trouth man is the best Annemel and the worst\nall men are more or less the Divel but there is sit of ods sum halfe sum\nthree qurters the other part beast of Difrent kind of beasts sum one thing\nand sum a Nother sum Like a Dog sum Lik horses sum bare sum Cat sum Lion\nsum lik ouls sum a monkey sum wild Cat sum Lam sum A Dove sum a hogg sum\na oxe sum a snake I want Desepons to be Dun A way but thay wont Never be\nas Long os prist Riden what Doue the preast prech to the Divel for all\nthere hearaes old & youn more or Less the Divel I Liked to sade so Divel\npreaches to Divels Rebouking sin keep it up up up sayeth the hipacrits\nmockers of god habits an Costom is the ods ods maks the diffrence I sees\ngod in all plases the god of Nater in all things wee Live and move in\ngod he is the god of Nateer all Nater is god take one Ellement from us\none of the fore take the fier or the water or or Eare or Earth wee are\ngone so wee Live in god Now Less us all be good children doue all things\nRite the strong must bare the Infremiteys of the wicked shildren keep up\ntite Laws Draw the Ranes Littel harder stop theavs as fast as you can bad\ntrade sheuuing Nine Numbers was Rot in 23 owers when I had hold of the pen\nfive owers & 35 minnets A sort ment A sort ment is good in A shop--------\n\nThe preasts fixes there goods six days then thay open shop on sundays\nto sell there goods sum sets them of better than others bolerhed when\na man is so week he wont doue for A Lawyer mak a preast of him for week\nthing to goue with week things the blind to Lead the blind so thay may\nfall into one Dich and so thay goue throue the world darkiness but foue\npeopel have A pinion of there one Not one in twenty as to this world\ngoods and so it is as to the other world to Inquire the way goue to a\nfryer our peopel A bout the same thing only call it sumthing Else in\nRum of a king call it presedent but preasts have money to save sols I\nwant to know what a sole is I wish to see one Not a gizard I thinks the\nsole is the thinking part there is grat minds & Littel minds grat sols &\nLittel sols grat minds & littel minds According to the hevdey boddeys\nthat has the power of our boddeys the same mother and the same father\nand six children how thay will differ in Looks complexions and axons sum\nfor grat thing sum for littel things sumthing Nouw I say I say my figers\nwill pay Intress money prove it first going over my brige sum more tole\nthen helping the markett of the town Leeting hoses tavern keepers costom\nthe honner to the town & my self.\n\n                                                         TIMOTHY DEXTER.\n\n\none thing fourder I have bin convarted upwards 30 years quite Resined\nfor the day the grat day I wish the preast Node as much as I think I\ndoue there harts would Leap up to glory to be so Reader for the time\nof Rejoisng to goue to goue to be maried to what a fine widow with hur\nlamp bourning the Lamps trimed with glorey the shaking quickers after\nthay git convarted and there sins washed A way thay stay at home & Let\ntheus goue unclene and so it is much so with me I stay at home praying\nfor theavs and Rougs to be saved Day and Night praying for siners poour\ncreaters my hous keeper is in the dark was then bad Crasey to be saved\nshee says shee has sind against the holey gost I have Asked her what is\nshee says it is sumthing but cant find out way sends for the preast coms\nwhat is the mater gost gost Dear sir & the minester makes a prayer the\ngost went of mostly not all part stayed behind shee has bin Crasey Ever\nsence the prest cant Lay the sepont houe many Nick Names three things\nhave so sayeth the preacher Amen Amen see fath I du\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\nNoue mister printer _sir_ I was at Noue haven 7 years and seven monts\npast at commencent Degrees going on 40 boys was tuck degrees to doue\ngood or Not good the ole man with the hat on told them to suddey houeman\nNater & walk as A band of brothers from that day I thort that all thous\nthat was baot up to Coleage the meaning was to git there Liveing out\nof the Labeer If the Coleages was to continer one sentrey & keep up\nthe game recken the cost of All from there cradel to 22 years old all\nthere fathers and gurd inands to Lay out one houndred years intress &\nintress upon intress atress gess at it & cast it see houe many houndred\nthousand millons of Dolors it would Com to to mad Rougs and theavs to\nplunder the Labering man that sweats to git his bread good common Laning\nis the best sum good books is best well under stoud be onnest dont be\npreast Riden it is a cheat all be onnest in all things Now feare Let\nthis goue as you find it my way speling houe is the strangest man\n\n                                                                T DEXTER\n\n\nfourder mister for A minester to git the tone is a grat pint when I\nlived in hamsher one Noue Lit babstis babler sobed A way just fineshing\nhis sermon he says o good Lord I hop you will consider what foue hints\nI have given and I will cleare it up sum time hence I am much wore down\nnow the wether being very worme to day Less bray & so went on fire fire\n& brimstone & grunting & fithing and tried to cry & snufel & blow the\nsconks horne & sum the old souls & yong fouls sot to crying I tuck my\nhat and went out houe mankind & women kind is imposed upon all over the\nworld more or less by preast craft o for shame o for shame I pittey them\nbe onnest doue as you would wish others to doue unto you in all things\nNow fear of Death Amen\n\n                                                                   T D'r\n\n\nfourder what difrent wous wee have of this world & the other world two\ngood women Lived in A town whare I once lived one was sick of a consumson\nNear Death both belonged to the Church very onnest only the well woman\nwas week in wous & thing says unto the sik woman I thinks you will see\nmy housbon doue tell him I and my son A greus very well and wee are all\nwell and the sow is piged and got seaven prittey pigs and fare you well\nsister this I beleave is serting troue & so fare the well--I shall com\nA gane in Littel while\n\nand fourdermore I am for sum foue Decephons but very foue fouer then\nDeathe preast craft is very good for what to make old women gront and\nyong children cry and old fouls fling snort o ye's and brak up farimeys\nDoun by untrouths Lying and swaring to A Lye stop I am a Live old me\nI have heard your wickard stuff you have ingerd my frinds a plenty and\nif you dont stop I will call forth one Abraham bishup to put Niklos and\nall that trys to keep up Lying if there should be any such stuf in the\nLand Church members pant to be fonnd of Desepchon thay are perfect but\nif there is any put them with the tufe bourne the Roubege pise on it or\nthat feare Not wind or filth go by the Rackel breed and wos then tourd\nI Like to sade Now shite stink strong bread & wine master botill houe\nis the boull a black man a frind to John mekel jentel man from A Crows\nNest Whare Now where ass Cole cole ass whare whare Now whare o yefs sum\nwhare deare oilen Now the Ingons Lived there onle that Cant be he was\nfrom hell whare his or was brother came from oyes oyess o yess a Crows\nNeast or orgen pouler Down\n\n\n\n\nFROM THE MUSEUM OF\n\nTIMOTHY DEXTER, ESQ.\n\n\nIme the first Lord in the younited States of A mercary Now of Newburyport\nit is the voise of the peopel and I cant Help it and so Let it goue Now as\nI must be Lord there will foler many more Lords prittey soune for it Dont\nhurt A Cat Nor the mouse Nor the son Nor the water Nor the Eare then goue\non all in Easey Now bons broaken all is well all in Love Now I be gin to\nLay the Corner ston with grat Remembrence of my father Jorge Washington\nthe grate herow 17 sentreys past before we found so good A father to his\nchildren and Now gone to Rest Now to shoue my Love to my father and grate\nCarieters I will shoue the world one of the grate Wonders of the world in\n15 months if Now man mourders me in Dors or out Dors such A mouserum on\nEarth will annonce O Lord thou knowest to be troue fourder hear me good\nLord I am A goueing to Let or shildren know Now to see good Lord what has\nbin in the world grat wase back to own fore fathers Not old plimeth but\nstop to Addom & Eve to shoue 45 figers two Leged and fore Leged becose we\nCant Doue well without fore Legd in the first plase they are our foude\nin the Next plase to make out Dexters mouseum I wants 4 Lions to defend\nthous grat and mistry men from East to wist from North to South which\nNow are at the plases Rased the Lam is Not Readey in short meater if\nAgreabel I forme A good and peasabel govement on my Land in Newburyport\nCompleat I take 3 presedents hamsher govener all to Noue York and the\ngrate mister John Jay is one, that maks 2 in that state the king of grat\nbritton mister pitt Roufus King Cros over to france Loues the 16 and\nthen the grate bonnepartey the grate and there segnetoure Crow biddey--I\nCommand pease and the gratest brotherly Love and Not fade be Linked to\ngether with that best of troue Love so as to govern all nasions on the\nfass of the gloub not to tiranize over them but to put them to order if\nany Despout shall A Rise as to boundreys or Any maturs of Importence it\nis Left france and grat britton and Amacarey to be setteled A Congress\nto be always in france all Despouts is to be thare seteled and this may\nbe Dun this will balless powers and then all wars Dun A way there fore\nI have the Lam to lay Dow with the Lion Now this may be Dun if thos three\npowers would A geray to Lay what is called Devel one side and Not Carry\nthe gentelman pack hors Any longer but shake him off as dust on your\nfeet and Laff at him there is a grate noise aboute a toue Leged Creter\nhe says I am going to set sade black Divel there stop he would scare\nthe womans so there would be No youse for the bilding I should have to\nE rect sum Noue won Now I stop hear I puts the Devil Long with the bull\nfor he is a bulling 2 Leged Annemal stop put him one side Near Soloman\nLooking with Soloman to Ladey venus Now stop wind up there is grat ods\nin froute I will Let you know the sekret houe you may see the Devel\nstand on your head before a Loucking glass and take a bibel in to your\nbousom fast 40 owers and look in the loucking glass there is no Devilif\nyou dont see the ould fellow but I affirm you will see that ould Devel\n\nUnto you all mankind Com to my hous to mock and sneare whi ye Dont you\nLafe be fore god or I meane your betters think the heir power Dont know\nthorts and Axsions Now I will tell you good and bad it is Not pelite to\nCom to see what the bare walls keep of my ground if you are gentel men you\nwould stay Away when all is Dun in marble I expect to goue out myself to\nHelp if thous grat men will send on there Likeness all over the younited\nStates I wish all the printers to give Notis if pleases to in form by\nprinten in the Nouspapers for the good of the holl of man kind------\n\nI waus to make my Enemys grin in time Lik A Cat over a hot puding and\ngoue Away and hang there heads Doun Like a Dogg bin After sheep gilty\nstop see I am Afrade I Rite toue hash my peopel Complane of backker\nspittel maks work to Cleane it up----in the women skouls A bout it spit\nin ther hankershif or not spit A tall I must say sumthing or I should\nsay Nothing therefore make sum Noise in the world when I git so ouely\nto Nash my goms and grising for water and that is salt water when brot A\nyong Devel to bring it and A Scoyer to wate and tend on gentelmen A black\nSuier his breth Smelt wos then bram stone by far but Let the Devel goue\nin to Darknes an takeld his due to Descare mankind for A Littel while this\nCloven foot is seen be sum but the trap will over hall the Devel in tim I\npittey this poore black man I thinc his master wants purging a Littel to\nhar ber mr Devel A most but I did Not say Let him Run A way good Nit mr\nDevel Cary the sword and mwney with you tak John mekel Jentel man good Not\n\n                                                                T DEXTER\n\n\n\n\nTHIS COMETH GREETING\n\nmister printers the Igrent or the Nowing wons says I ort to Doue as thay\ndoue to keep up Cheats or the same thing Desephons to Deseave the Igrent\nso wee may Cheat and Likewise have wars and plunder my wish is all Liers\nmay have there part of fier and brimstone in this world or at least sum\npart of it or Else the gouement is Not good it will want pourging soone\nif A Lawyer is to way Lay a man and brouse him unmassely All most to\nDeath A sitteson that pays twentey fore Dolors for Careags and not more\nthen one Dolor A week to ment the hiways and my being Libperel is in\npart of this bloddey Afare No sauage would beat a man as I was beaten\nalmost to Death I Did not know houe these men Came to keep sade Lawyer\nfrom quit killing of me till sum time After three men saw the Axon of\nthe blodey seene without massey and carried sade Dexter in to the house\nsun fanting or Neare to se and behold the orful site bleading and blind\nof one Eye twoue brousings in two hours at Least Now Laws in this part\nof the world for A man of money to Live those I lend money to and A\nLawyer and others thay youse me the wost it maks Inemys then these Rogs\nif there is Any that call me A soull and pick a Qualrel with me A bout\nmy Nous papers so as to pay the Lawyer Craft to make up the molton Calf\nA molton Calfe Not an Ox Now the town of Chester has Lost two _Hundred\nwate of Siver_ at Least I beleuv more money Now thay may have me in the\ntown or A Lawyer Chouse for yourselves my frinds and felow mortels pease\nbe with you All A men selagh finely brethren sum thing more Coming----\n\n_Chester, Sept. 29, 1796._\n\n                                                          TIMOTHY DEXTER\n\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\nFor the Impartial Herald.\n\n_Messrs. Blunt & March_,\n\nI say to whom it may concern--to the majesty of the people of Newburyport,\nGreeting--\n\nIt costs Eight hundred Dollars a year to support a watch in this town, and\nyer gentlemen's windows are broken, fences pulled down and Cellars broken\nopen, and much other misdemeanors done at night. Are the watch asleep, or\nare they afraid to detect those who are guilty of such practises? Boast\nnot of it if you call this Liberty and Equality. Newburyport has had\nthe name of being a very civil worthy place; it is a great pity some bad\nboys or young men should disgrace it. I hope our worthy and honorable\nrulers will bring those rude lads to see themselves and lick the dust\nlike serpents, and ask forgiveness of their betters, and do so no more,\nbut repent and live.\n\nNow fellow citizens is it wisdom, is it policy, to use a man or men so\nshocking bad as to oblige them to leave the town where they paid one\nDollar a day to support government?\n\nA friend to good order, honor to whom it belongs--to great men a\nfriend--to all good citizens and honest men good bye.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\nWhereas many philosophers has judged or guessed at many things about\nthis world, and so on. Now I suppose I may guess, as it is guessing\ntimes. I guess the world is one very large living creature, and always\nwas, and always will be without any end from everlasting to everlasting,\nand no end. What grows on this large creature is trees and many other\nthings. In the room of hair the rocks is moulds. This is called land\nwhere the hair grows, the belly the sea--all kinds of fish is the worms\nin the belly. This large body wants dressing to get our living of this\ncreature and by industry we get a living--we and all the animal creation\nis less than fleas in comparison on the back or belly of this very large\nimmense body. Among the hairs to work this great body is that of nature,\npast finding out.--All we know is we are here, we come into the world\ncrying and go out groaning. Mankind is the master beast on the earth--in\nthe sea, the whale is the head fish--the minim is the smallest fish--the\ngreat fish eat up the little ones, and so not only destroy one another,\nbut they are master over the whole of beasts and fish, even over a lion,\ntherefore man is the masterly beast and the worst of the whole--they know\nthe most, and act the worst according to what they know. Seeing mankind so\nbad by nature, I think when the candle goes out, men and women is done,\nthey will lay as dirt or rocks till the great gun fires, and when that\ngoes off the gun will be so large that the gun will contain nine hundred\nmillion tons of the best of good powder, then that will shake and bring\nall the bones together, then the world will be to an end. All kinds of\nmusic will be going on, funding systems will be laid aside, the melody\nwill be very great. Now why cant you all believe the above written as\nwell as many other things to be true; as well as what was set forth in\nthe last Centinel concerning digging up a frog twenty five feet below\nthe surface, where it was most as hard as a rock--there was his shape\nlike taking a stone out of a rock--This is from a minister. Now why wont\nyou believe me as well.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\nWONDER OF WONDERS!\n\nHow great the soul is! Do not you all wonder & admire to see and behold\nand hear? Can you all believe half the truth, and admire to hear the\nwonders how great the soul is--only behold--past finding out! Only see\nhow large the soul is!--that if a man is drowned in the sea, what a\ngreat bubble comes up out of the top of the water! the last of the man\ndying under water--this is wind--is the soul that is the last to ascend\nout of the deep to glory--it is the breath from on high doth go on high\nto glory. The bubble is the soul. A young fellow's for gunning for the\ngood of bodies and souls.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\nMy frinds & felow mortals there is A first Cose of all things most\nComle so it Came to pass that one Abraham bish up got A qanted with my\nDafter--shee A babey he Old in Eage and Larning and Colage Lant & Lawyer\nLant and preast Lant and masonik Lant and Divel Lant he was then Nothing\nas for Cash he being A fox and A old fox he was After the graps he tasted\nof them he Cryed out fower this Anne meal sent my Dafter home he sad A b\ndid Not git all the Lovs & Littel fishes but got A part and Now 9 years\nI have Now had my Dafter Crasey in & by the Cose of this wild A & b hell\non Earth o o pittey me All good felow mortels sade Creater A b mad with\nLarning & as pour as A snake and as proud as Lousfer he sade his father\nwas worth twenty thosand Dolors & he was Not more than five thousand\nDolors he send for bishup bass to be mared befor dublessed & Insisted to\nbe maried he says Daxter may Crye them Down in the Lore Reogon After sum\ntime thay got published then he in sisted Not to have Any witness went\nand hid finly my gost my wife that was the gost 13 yearst Last march thay\nwhere maried I was maried to the gost thirtey five Last may I have bin\nin hell all the time more so sence Abraham bishup got in to my house he\nhurt me and familey one tun of silver it was the Cose of my parting with\nmis Dexter Now I Am free Now for A wife that has A sole the gost was A\ngisard & A Cose all Round her A b striking my Dafter on hur side as shee\nswares to grat Lawyer Dexter and to many others I be Leave it that knows\nthe trouth the bloue he gave hur on the side shee had to put plasters on\nher side Neare three years when Likker is in the wit is scattered A b is\nthe beast or Creater two Leged Conekett boull short Nek boull head thik\nhare big sholders black Corlley hare he wants to be A god but what I sot\nsade Creater Down at short A quatence I Can prove it my selfe by men of\nthe sekent magentoude my gesing of the Creater it tourned out According\nto my gessing and when I see my father the grat good man father Thomas\ngefsion I will Let the Cat out of the bag and give Lite to the blind\nsade A b will Doue for sum offess Everye Annemel will Doue for sumthing\nA b will mak a midling good CAMP COLLEMON A thing hier if I am a Roug in\ngrane so be it A Lepard Cant Alter hur spots Nor beaver wont groue on A\nhouk back I be Leave if my father the presente koue the holl trouth of\nA b treatment to my Dafter from her mouth the grat man woul shead tears\nwith greafe and all good peopel Like wise shocking is the A fare\n\nI am\n\n                                                          TIMOTHY DEXTER\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nTo man kind at Large I Never had the honour to be Long I meane to that\nonerabel mesonek Order I Noked once once twise three times & the gohst\nApeared sade thou shall Not enter be Cose I have toue much knowledge in\nmy head--I sopose had I bin one then should bin to keep open Dors for\nthives & Robers I have Rougs plentey without keeping tavern I Dont wont\nNow Abrahams Nor Aney of the order only fict Ladeys mared and grat gentil\nmen that belongs out of the town mared peopol and fine widders I wish\nto see with pleasur for I wonts to marey A fine wider for I hant had\nNow wife for thirteene years Next orgest I gave the gost fore hundred\nwate of silver to quit the state grat Lawyer passons the gient of the\nLaw Rote the Contract the Cose of it was that mis Dexter that was would\nhave my Dafter marey to A bishup Cosed the A greement the sole Cose\nshe has two trousteays which have the money to deal out the intress\nand shee is so ginress shee bys hur Neadels I bys the pins & sisers &\nall things Else shee Leaves the in tress in the hands of the trosteys\nI must have A Companon soun good by all At present with glorey\n\n                                                          TIMOTHY DEXTER\n\n\nI ask for giveness of the world of mankind for teling the trouth I meane\nNo hurt to A flie only when he bits me then I kils the flye if I can I\nhave bin my one tromter fore teene years my tromter is Dead my haveing\nso many wounds in fas and on my head I Doue it to make a good Lafe to\nkeep my sperets from sinking pittey me all good peopel A men\n\nand fourder I maried widder frothingham shee had fore Children the holl\nof all there stats was short of thirteene houndred Dolors this woman\ngroed mad shee sade shee must goue to hell goue ferting for I have fined\nA ganst the holey goast un pardinbell sin shee was for making way with\nhur selfe in three monts I got the best minister in town to Lay the gost\nhe prayed hartey but Could Not Laye the serpent only in part shee has\nbin Cracey Every sence it is A wonder I am A Live two children suked\nhur brest--it is heretarey two Children maried now Live upon me being\ndisorded thay beat me offen with Death Cloube & the old gost toue bad to\nsay I be silent under serkoumstanes I mus Cout & Roum sell the one of the\nfirst plases all most in the world for I am in grat fear of my Life being\ntaken A way such blows I have had from toue or three gost in my familey\nis worth twelve hundred hoxets of geamator best shougers Even A saxton to\ntake the blows I wodent for fifty milon Dollors words cant Express the\nbloddey war in my familey three gosts all Noys Robing of me I must sell\nwith tears in my Eys I Cant see to Rite Aany more fare well I say good bye\n\n                                                                T DEXTER\n\n\n[Illustration]\n\n\nHow Did Dexter make his money Inw ye says bying whale bone for stain for\nships in grosing three houndred & 40 tuns bort all in boston salum and all\nin Noue york under Cover oppenly told them for my ships thay all Lafed so\nI had at my one prise I had four Couning men for Rouners thay souned the\nhorne as I told them to Act the fool I was foull of Cash I had Nine tun\nof silver on hand at that time all that time the Creaters more or Less\nLafing it spread very fast heare is the Rub in fifty Days thay smelt A\nRat found whare it was gone to Nouebry Port speklaters swarmed Like hell\nhouns to be short with it I made seventey five per sent one tun and halfe\nof silver and over one more spect Drole A Nouf I Dreamed of warming pans\nthree Nits that thay would doue in the west ingas I got not more than\nfortey two thousand put them in Nine vessele for difrent ports that tuck\ngood hold------I cleared sevinty nine per sent------the pans thay mad\nyous of them for Coucking very good master for Coukey blessed good in\nDeade missey got Nise handed Now bourn my fase the best thing I Ever see\nin borne days I found I was very luckkey in spekkelasion I Dreamed that\nthe good book was Run Down in this Countrey Nine years gone so Low az\nhalfe prise and Dull at that the bibbel I means I had the Readey Cash\nby holl sale I bort twelve per sent under halfe prise thay Cost forty\none sents Each bibels twenty one thousand I put them into twenty one\nvessels for the westinges and sent A text that all of them must have one\nbibel in Every familey or if not thay would goue to hell and if thay had\nDun wiked flie to the bibel and on thare Neas and kiss the bibel three\ntimes and Look up to heaven Annest for giveness my Capttens all had\nCompleat orders heare Coms the good Luck I made one hundred per sent\n& Littel over then I found I had made money A Nuf I hant speck A Lated\nsence old times by goverment secourties I made or cleared forty seven\nthousands Dolors that is the old A fare Now I toald the all the sekrett\nNow be still Let me A Lone Dont wonder Now more houe I got my money boaz\n\n                                                                T DEXTER\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\nNow to all onnest men to pittey me that I have bin in hell: 35 years\nin this world with the gost A woman I maried and have two Children Now\nLiveing Abram bishup mared my Dafter sence the troubel is such that\nwords Cant be Exprexed Nine years disorded for a tun of silver for three\nmonths I could Not have the gost in my pallas sleep Not have to be had\nNow to save my Life I will sell if Not I will Let the house it is as\nNotted as Any hous in the oile shouls and furder in the world or sence\nNoers Arke & sence the floud taking in my self finly such A plase No\nwhare in the world all gous with it hoses chareags all but plate &\ngouels A Reserve the holey bybel and one bouck more my old head has\nwore out three boddeys it would take a journey of Docters one our to\nfind and Count the scars on my head given by the goust & others Amen\n\nJoune 12- 1805 Clean trouth\n\n                                                                T DEXTER\n\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\nI say the grate mister Divel that has so maney Nick Names a frind to\nthe preasts Now is dead all and the pope Likewise and the founders of\nmesonic A Cheat foull of war and gratness of hell Dead preasts Dead and\nLawyers Damede Deade A braham b bi Ass Dead and All the frinds of mankind\nsings prasses that wee are the grat familey of mankind Now out of hell\nDeleured from fire and smoak bourning for Ever Now all in heaven uppon\nEarth Now all frinds Now for A Day of Regoising all over the world as\none grate familey all Nasions to be ounited No more wars for fifty years\nand Longer I Recommend pease A Congress in france and when wee are Ripe\nfor A Emper in this Contrey Call for me to take the helm or a Consler\nin the Afare of trouth Amen and Amen\n\n                                                          TIMOTHY DEXTER\n\n\nP S--one thing further I happened not to think of that grate Creature\nwhich some fools Call the Goast and others say that he is wanted--But\nI thing that it will be of searvice to let the Thanttron Dye\n\n                                                                T DEXTER\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\nScarting trouths fortey six years gone old french war to git men and Lads\nto List the prests told them thay would Live as Long as if thay staed\nat home for Every boulitt had its Commison from the Lord he directed\nthem one time when old good mister Emmerson had A gurnemon to preach\nI heard him say for Addom sin there was Now in hell milons of milons of\nChildren Not more than A span Long all this is troue and when there was\na A Drouth most over thay would Call A fast and pray very Annest for the\nbottels of heaven to be on Corked so the Rane mit Com Down the minester\ndid Not say how Larg thay whare I gess they held five hundred hoxetts Each\n\n1805 may 27\n\n                                                          TIMOTHY DEXTER\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\nTrouth I afirme I am so much of A foule the Rougs want to git my Jouels\n& Loavs & Littel fishes without my Leave Leave is Lit thay all Caled me\nA foull forty years Now I will Call all fouls but onnes men Now to brove me\nA foull I Never Could sing Nor play Cards Nor Dance Nor tell A Long storey\nNor play on Any mouskel Nor pray Nor make A pen when I was young I Could\nplay on A Jous harp it would mak my mouth warter and the Ladeys sumthing\nwarter gess what I sade Nothing A good Lafe is beter than Crying A Clam\nwill Cry And warter wen thay are out of there Ellemen so wee the same if\nI had Not the gost in my house I would I mean give Lite to my brothers &\nsisters and have A pease all over the world and beat the trouthe into\nmy frinds houe goud it is houe onnest it would be and houe man kind has\nbin in posed upon & houe thay have bin blinded with untrouths gosts and\nmister Divels there is Now None of that order all Lye the mesonek if thay\nwilt make a book of trouth I will give the Creaters but I will take the\nChare and put my frind bonne partey on my Rte hand And the grat ginrel\nmeroue on my Left hand A Nuf to give the sword is in the banks A Emper\nonly be still I will take the helm in Love I am A quaker No blod spiled\nall in the Love of A Emper you will have in fortey years I may Com back &\nsee houe you all goue on & what you ware when the gost is gone and mister\nDivel pease on Earth be fore I will have a war in my Day I will be your\nfrind the Emper and if I want help I will Call my frind boneypartey and\ngorge the third & Dewide the Lose Now take Care peas I say Except of what\nis Rewealed to me for it will Com to pass I was born when grat powers\nRouled I was borne in 1747 Janeuarey 22 on this day in the morning A grat\nsnow storme the sines in the seventh house wives mars Came fored Joupeter\nstud by houlding the Candel I was to be one grat man mars got the beth\nto be onnest man to Doue good to my felow mortelz I think I am A quaker\nbut I have so Littel sense I Cant Deseave I Can swep my hous & git all\nA Noue gelt & goue out of hell is bless Law and trouth and Reason on my\nside it must be done when I git my worthy widdow it is Dun Not one word\nof Anger as Long as I Live to a A good woman I a firme\n\n                                                          TIMOTHY DEXTER\n\n\nfourder I Dont have Aney of the Ladeys of prinsbell spend the Intress I\nwill spend Day and Nite All I have and Doue all the good to please I can\nmake as much heaven upon Earth as posbel and then Dye in peas A men and\nAmen for A Companon I must have to make out this heaven then I am happy\nthe goue in the dark in pease when the Candel gous out in the--Lord god\nof Nater one more A men good bye\n\n                                                                T DEXTER\n\n\nforder A grate good man Came to see me Not Long sence I told sade man\nI had many Innemys he says be Cos you are toue onnest to be beloved you\nDont gine in Comon ways with Rougs bibel making mesonik order to promes\nto pay & Never pay only with A Lye and gine heell on Earth Cheat all\nyou Can gine the mob then you are A brother Now I am glad I did Not Nock\nthe Doer Down my good Louck my god and my god blessed be my good Luch\n\n                                                                T DEXTER\n\n\nsum more sweet meats & trouths I say Now man sence Noers Ark Dare to Rite\nof so Littel Laning I begon when abrham was in my hous I then Rote this\nworld was hell & men was Divels sum better then others sum white Divels\nsum black & sum Copper Divels I for got them bloue Divels this spred far\nwas printed in many papers a bishop Cosed my blood to bile thirteene years\nlast March as when I begun to Rite I sade the grat Rougs was the best men\no o for shame the onnest man was Lafed at & a b being foull of Larning it\nmaks him mad to be a Lousefer his Rane is short I hope to see my father\nthe grat felosfer the presedent before I die the trouth he must know a men\n\n                                                                T DEXTER\n\n\nI Crys Crys Lik a babey when I Rits my trobel is so grat to have my\nDafter so Crasey the Rick of our Lives such blows with such weapons of\na sudden & strike such brouses is worth thirty millon of Dolors for a\npouer man to have and others o brous me thay wont my Life to git my money\n& so I must seel & be a sitteson of the world it is a wonder I am a Live\nthe burds will Chip offen before I Can git to sleep the Noys is so grate\nall hell No more a b bishups he wants to be Deatey Let sade beast goue\nonce & twise act so Now toue much Laning make Rougs and fouls in the\nEand Dig a Dich & fall in to it white Rop or a hare Rop taks them in time\n\n                                                                  trouth\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\nThis is revealed to me how the world was made with what stuff it was made\nwith is the question Now I tell the with paper pen and ink and type the\nAnemels to be the founders of it with a Lye & Lyes upon Lyes wose then\nbeasts or Snaks or wouls or bars tigers Divils and ten times wose with all\nLyes untrouths the world allways was and is Look out for trouth a men I\n\n                                                          TIMOTHY DEXTER\n\n\nfourder in six Days and verey good and harde Laber I Cant gitt my\nmonement Dun in sixty Days and work hard very hard & sweet it was for\nwant of maney hands I had No hiram Nor Solomon only my selfe\n\n                                                                T DEXTER\n\n\nWorld makers mankind with marbel and parchment and paper pen & ink and\nprinters tips and Lyes upon Lyes amen and amen the world was made in six\nDays out of Nothing o yess o lye Now all troue Lye yess all the world over\n\n                                                          TIMOTHY DEXTER\n\n\n\n\nAPPENDIX.\n\nIN HONOR OF\n\nTIMOTHY DEXTER, ESQ.\n\n\nThis great philosopher may indeed be styled a phenomenon in nature! The\nmany literary qualifications he possesses rank him foremost among literary\ncharacters.----That unequalled production from the pen of this wonderful\nphilosopher, denominated \"_A Pickle for the Knowing Ones_,\" has not only\nreceived universal applause, and been ranked as of the first magnitude\nin the literary world, but has had such rapidity in its sale, that a\ncopy cannot be procured, though diligently sought after by men of the\nmost transcendant merit.\n\nWhere can we find a man so extensively useful, and so eminently\ncalculated to diffuse light to a dark and ignorant multitude, as this\nrare philosopher? How penetrating his understanding! How deep his\nideas! What a multitude of discoveries which before were hid in embryo,\nhave made their appearance at the nod of his genius! Surely we may say,\nBlessed are the people who are highly favored with the greatest Luminary\nthat ever gave light to an existing world!!\n\nWhile aiming at a just portrait of this remarkable Naturalist and\nPhilosopher, his generosity is no less a subject of admiration, than\nhis literary and philosophical abilities. The readiness with which his\nbenevolent soul bestows donations calls forth the grateful acknowledgement\nof all who have been liberally assisted from his bountiful hand.\n\nSee him the first to assist in building a church for the worship of\nGod! See him liberally give for the purchase of bells, the ready cash,\nwithout hesitation! See him expending his fortune to preserve in\neverlasting romembrance, characters who have shone with unexampled\ngreatness in Europe and America! Here the subject fails. Vain man may\nas well attempt to stop the course of nature, as to do ample justice to\nthis wonderful man!\n\n\n  Behold all nature stands aghast\n  To hear thy fame from east to west!\n  How great how grand of thee we hear,\n  Thou man of sense--thou eastern star!\n\n  All men inquire--but few can tell\n  How thou in science doth excel!\n  Great philosophic genius, we,\n  The meanest reptiles, bow the knee.\n\n  At thy majestic shrine we shrink!\n  What can we do, or say, or think!\n  When contemplating on thy worth.\n  Which hath astonish'd all the earth.\n\n  Great DEXTER, did the world do right,\n  Thy name would shine with brilliant light!\n  Each would declare thy wond'rous fame,\n  And shout at DEXTER'S mighty name!\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\n                                                  SALEM, _June 14, 1805_\n\nMY LORD DEXTER,\n\nBy the politeness of Mr. _Emerson_ I received the very valuable contents\nof your package. A new edition of that unprecedented performance, entitled\n\"A Pickle for the Knowing Ones,\" &c. is very urgently called for by the\nfriends of literature in this country and in England--and I presume with\nthe additions and improvements intended to accompany the second edition,\nprovided it should be well printed, would entitle the author to a seat\nwith the Disciples of Sir Joseph Banks, if not to a place in Bonaparte's\nLegion of Honor--for my Lord DEXTER is an honorable man. But, sir, the\nwork cannot be executed for the sum named--nor in the time specified.--I\nwill print an edition of 500 copies with the additions, for fifty dollars,\nand cannot possibly do them for less.\n\nWishing your Lordship health in perpetuity--a continuance of your\nadmirable reasoning faculties--good _spirits_, and an abundance of\nwealth--and finally a safe passage over any river not with _Sticks_,\nbut a pleasure boat, I remain yours with the utmost profundity.\n\n                                                             W. CARLTON.\n\n  _The Right Honorable Lord_ DEXTER, }\n    _Kt. Newburyport_.               }\n\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\n_The follering peases are not my Riting but very drole_\n\n                                                          TIMOTHY DEXTER\n\n\nMR. MELCHER,\n\n    _Your publishing the following extract from a letter said to be\n    from a trader among the Indians to a friend, may amuse some of\n    your customers for the Gazette._\n\nA few days ago one of the Indians paid me a visit. After some\nconversation, he said that a minister from the United States had been with\nhis tribe to teach them the Christian religion. He says that there is but\none only living and true God, who is a good, wise, and powerful spirit\n(this Indian say too) and that there are three persons in the god head,\nof one substance and power, God the father, God the Son and God the Holy\nGhost, that the Father is of none, neither begotten, or proceeding,\nthe Son is eternally begotten of the Father, the Holy Ghost eternally\nproceeding from the Father and the Son, and that the Holy Ghost visited\na virgin, and conveyed the Son into her; where he continued nine moons\nand then was born like other children, was born God and man, that when\nhe was about thirty years old began to preach, but the great men no like\nhis preaching, sent their warriors, who took and killed him.\n\nIndians ask what all this talk mean, he say that the first man and woman\nbroke God's law in eating what God had forbidden, that therefore they and\nall the children that should proceed from them must die, and be punished\nafter death forever; that the Son came and died to save some of mankind\nfrom being punished after death. Oh! 'trange that man could kill God\nthe Son, and that his death be of service to mankind--great many people\ndie before the Son of God, and did not know any thing about him--it was\nthen asked whether his dying would do poor Indians any good; he say yes,\nif they believe; then me say that pappoose no believe them do no good;\nhe say you must leave that with God, and believe for yourself--one say\nit is hard to believe such 'tories; if Indian tell such 'trange things,\nthe white people no believe um.\n\n\n    _A curious Sermon, by the Rev. Mr. Hyberdin, which he made at\n    the request of certain thieves that robbed him on a hill near\n    Hartlgrow, in Hampshire, (England) in their presence and at\n    that instant._\n\nI greatly marvel that any man will disgrace thieving, and think that\nthe doers thereof are worthy of death, considering it as a thing that\ncometh near unto virtue, being used in all countries, and allowed by\nGod himself; the thing which I cannot compendiously show unto you at so\nshort a warning, and on so sharp an occasion. I must desire you, gentle\naudience of thieves, to take in good part what at this time cometh into\nmy mind, not doubting but that you, through your good knowledge, are\nable to add much more unto it, than this which I shall now offer unto you.\n\nFirst, Fortitude and stoutness of courage, and also boldness of mind,\nis commended of some men to be a virtue; which being granted, who is\nthere then that will not judge thieves to be virtuous? For they are of\nall men the most stout and hardy, and the most void of fear; for thieving\nis a thing usual among all men; for not only you that are here present,\nbut also many others in divers places, both men, women and children, rich\nand poor, are daily of the faculty, as the hangman at Newgate can testify;\nand that it is allowed of by God himself is evident from Scripture; For\nif you examine the whole course of the Bible you will find that thieves\nhave been beloved of God; for Jacob, when he came out of Mesopotamia,\ndid steal his uncle Laban's kids. The same Jacob did also steal his\nbrother Esau's blessing; and yet God said, _I have chosen Jacob and\nrefused Esau_. The children of Israel, when they came out of Egypt,\ndid steal the Egyptian's jewels of silver and jewels of gold, as God\ncommanded them to do.\n\nDavid, in the days of Abiathar, the high priest, came into the temple and\nstole the hallowed bread; and yet God said, \"David is a man after my own\nheart.\" Christ himself, when he was here on earth, did take an ass and\ncolt that was none of his; and yet God said, \"This is my beloved son,\nin whom I am well pleased.\" _Thus you see that God delighted in thieves._\n\nBut most of all I marvel that men can despise thieves, whereas in many\npoints you be like Christ himself; for Christ had no dwelling place no\nmore than you--Christ at length was caught, and so will you--he went to\nhell and so will you. In this you differ from him, for he rose and went\ninto heaven--so you will never do without God's great mercy, which God\ngrant you. To whom with the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, be all honor\nand glory, for ever and ever. AMEN.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\nFrom the Providence Phoenix of December, 1804.\n\nMARQUIS OF NEWBURYPORT!!\n\n\n    [_On Monday last arrived in this town the most noble and\n    illustrious Lord TIMOTHY DEXTER, of Newburyport, Massachusetts,\n    who has since his arrival requested the publication of the\n    following stanzas in this day's paper, as a humble tribute to\n    the incomprehensible majesty of his name! While they serve as a\n    brilliant specimen of the gifted talents and admirable sublimity\n    of the Laureat, from whose pen they flowed, the virtuoso in\n    genealogies, and the worshippers of noble rank and boundless\n    fortune may derive a rich and delicious satisfaction from the\n    subject to which they are devoted!_\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\n\nADVERTISEMENT EXTRA.\n\nOF THE CELEBRATED\n\nLORD DEXTER.\n\n\n  LORD DEXTER is a man of fame,\n  Most celebrated is his name;\n  More precious far than gold that's pure,\n  Lord Dexter live for evermore.\n\n  His noble house it shines more bright\n  Than Lebanon's most pleasant height,\n  Never was one who step'd therein\n  Who wanted to come out again.\n\n  His house is fill'd with sweet perfumes,\n  Rich furniture doth fill his rooms;\n  Inside and out it is adorn'd,\n  And on the top an eagle's form'd.\n\n  His house is white and trimm'd with green,\n  For many miles it may be seen;\n  It shines as bright as any star,\n  The fame of it has spread afar.\n\n  Lord Dexter, thou, whose name alone\n  Shines brighter than king George's throne;\n  Thy name shall stand in books of fame,\n  And Princes shall his name proclaim.\n\n  Lord Dexter hath a coach beside,\n  In pomp and splendor he doth ride;\n  The horses champ the silver bitt,\n  And throw the foam around their feet.\n\n  The images around him stand,\n  For they were made by his command;\n  Looking to see Lord Dexter come,\n  With fixed eyes they see him home.\n\n  Four lions stand to guard the door,\n  With their mouths open to devour\n  All enemies who do disturb\n  Lord Dexter or his shady grove.\n\n  Lord Dexter, like king Solomon,\n  Hath gold and silver by the ton,\n  And bells to churches he hath given,\n  To worship the great king of heaven.\n\n  His mighty deeds they are so great,\n  He's honor'd both by church and state,\n  And when he comes all must give way,\n  To let Lord Dexter bear the sway.\n\n  When Dexter dies all things shall droop,\n  Lord East, Lord West, Lord North shall stoop,\n  And then Lord South with pomp shall come,\n  And bear his body to the tomb.\n\n  His tomb most charming to behold,\n  A thousand sweets it doth unfold;\n  When Dexter dies shall willows weep,\n  And mourning friends shall fill the street.\n\n  May Washington immortal stand,\n  May Jefferson by God's command\n  Support the right of all mankind,\n  John Adams not a whit behind.\n\n  America with all your host,\n  Lord Dexter in a bumper toast;\n  May he enjoy his life in peace,\n  And when he's dead his name not cease.\n\n  In heaven may he always reign,\n  For there's no sorrow, sin, nor pain:\n  Unto the world I leave the rest,\n  For to pronounce Lord Dexter blest.\n\n\n  ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,,\n  ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,,\n  ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,,\n  ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,,\n  ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,,\n  ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,,\n  ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,,\n  ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,,\n  ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,,\n\n  ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ;; ; ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;;\n  ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ;; ; ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;;\n  ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ;; ; ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;;\n  ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ;; ; ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;;\n  ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ;; ; ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;;\n\n  :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : :: :: : :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ::\n  :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : :: :: : :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ::\n  :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : :: :: : :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ::\n  :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : :: :: : :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ::\n\n  ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ?? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ??\n  ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ?? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ??\n  ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ?? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ??\n  ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ?? ? ?? ! ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ??\n\n  !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! !! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !!\n  !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! !! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !!\n  !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! !! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !!\n  !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! !! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !!\n\n  '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' '' ' '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ''\n  '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' '' ' '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ''\n  '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' '' ' '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ''\n  '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' '' ' '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ''\n\n  .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..\n  .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..\n  .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..\n  .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..\n\n  -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --\n  -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --\n  -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nTranscriber's Note: The block of punctuation (on a page by itself) is\ninexplicably left unexplained in this edition. Dexter wrote before it in\nthe second edition:\n\n    \"fouder mister printer the Nowing ones complane of my book the fust\n    edition had no stops I put in A Nuf here and thay may peper and solt\n    it as they plese\"","title":"A Pickle for the Knowing Ones","tradition":"philosophy-ethics","translated_text":null,"word_count":13980}