{"collection":"philosophy-ethics","full_text_available":true,"graph_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/api/page/gutenberg_57598/graph","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/page/gutenberg_57598","id":"gutenberg_57598","license":"Public Domain (US)","rights_basis":"gutenberg_metadata_copyright_false","source":"gutenberg","source_url":"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/57598","summary":null,"tags":["Category: Philosophy & Ethics","Category: Plays/Films/Dramas","Devil -- Drama","Long Island (N.Y.) -- Drama"],"text":"Produced by MFR, Les Galloway and the Online Distributed\nProofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was\nproduced from images generously made available by The\nInternet Archive)\n\n\n\n\n\nTranscriber\u2019s Notes\n\nObvious typographical errors have been silently corrected, but repeated\nunconventional punctuation and accents remain.\n\nItalics are represented thus _italic_.\n\n\n\n\n                        THE MODERN DRAMA SERIES\n                       EDITED BY EDWIN BJ\u00d6RKMAN\n\n                         THE RED LIGHT OF MARS\n                         GEORGE BRONSON-HOWARD\n\n\n\n\n                         THE RED LIGHT OF MARS\n                                  OR\n                    A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE DEVIL\n\n                       A PHILOSOPHICAL COMEDY BY\n                         GEORGE BRONSON-HOWARD\n\n                            [Illustration]\n\n                               NEW YORK\n                          MITCHELL KENNERLEY\n                                MCMXIII\n\n\n\n\n                 COPYRIGHT 1913 THE JOHN W. RUMSEY CO.\n\n                   COPYRIGHT 1913 MITCHELL KENNERLEY\n\n                          THE\u00b7PLIMPTON\u00b7PRESS\n                          NORWOOD\u00b7MASS\u00b7U\u00b7S\u00b7A\n\n\n\n\n                               CONTENTS\n\n\n                                           PAGE\n\n  INTRODUCTION                              vii\n\n  LIST OF PLAYS BY GEORGE BRONSON-HOWARD      x\n\n  THE RED LIGHT OF MARS                       1\n\n\n\n\n                             INTRODUCTION\n\n\nThere is to me something typically American about the life-story\nleading up to the play contained in this volume\u2014a story in which the\ncreation and publication of that play will undoubtedly represent only\na temporary climax. I want to tell it, not only as a curiosity, but\nas something that has genuine significance to the world of letters.\nThe meaning of this story, read in conjunction with the work that\nhas grown out of it, is that the time when books were bred by books\nonly is about gone now. The new literature will come straight out of\nlife, apparently, and will in consequence have made a decided gain,\neven though it may have lost something else. As it springs forth,\nfull-blooded and ready-tongued, we shall undoubtedly hear melancholy\nvoices proclaim the _vulgarization_ of poetry. But if, on hearing such\nprotests rising from some an\u00e6mic scholar\u2019s cloistered cell, we look\nback through the ages and fix our gaze not only on the little followers\nbut on the great leaders\u2014on the Dantes and Shakespeares and Cervanteses\nand Moli\u00e8res\u2014then we shall find that almost always the term of\nopprobrium quoted above has implied a _vitalization_ of the supposedly\nmenaced art form.\n\nThe author of \u201cThe Red Light of Mars\u201d is now in his thirtieth year,\nhaving been born on January 7, 1884, in Howard County, Maryland. His\nfather was a Baltimore merchant and insurance broker, who, in his turn,\nhad a Confederate blockade runner for father and an officer in the\nEnglish army for grandfather. His mother sprang from an old French\nmiddle-class family, which had to emigrate from Dijon after the Edict\nof Nantes.\n\nGeorge Bronson-Howard studied in a private school in London, in the\npublic schools of Baltimore, and in the City College of the same\nplace. At fourteen he lost both parents, just as he was about to enter\nJohns Hopkins University, his age having been carefully concealed in\norder that the examinations might be open to him. Instead he became\na messenger in the Weather Bureau at Baltimore. While thus employed,\nhe submitted successfully to the first of a series of civil service\nexaminations, each one of which required some skilful disingenuousness\nlest the applicant\u2019s age prove an insuperable obstacle. During the next\nseven years, Mr. Bronson-Howard busied himself successively as follows:\n\nReporter on the Baltimore _American_; clerk in the office of the\nSecretary of the Navy; stenographer at the Brooklyn Navy Yard; reporter\non the Brooklyn _Citizen_; press representative for one of the Frohman\ntheatres and for one of George W. Lederer\u2019s productions; reporter on\nthe New York _Herald_; clerk in the Bureau of Navigation at Washington;\nclerk in the office of the Collector of Customs at Manila, Philippine\nIslands; assistant to the Collector of Customs at Iloilo, on the island\nof Panay; newspaper correspondent at Manila; member of the Philippine\nConstabulary; contributor of fiction stories to various newspapers and\nmagazines; employ\u00e9 of the Imperial Chinese Customs Service at Canton;\nagent of the Imperial Chinese Government in Shantung Province; war\ncorrespondent for the London _Chronicle_ with the Russian army in\nManchuria; magazine and newspaper writer at San Francisco.\n\nHe was twenty-one when he came East and began to produce a series of\nclever, quick-moving stories, designated by himself \u201cas melodramatic\nmagazine yarns.\u201d The type of hero around which they were built was\nwholly new: a secret agent of the State Department. Appearing in book\nform under the title of \u201cNorroy, Diplomatic Agent,\u201d those stories met\nwith such success that their author found himself relieved for a long\ntime from all necessity of \u201cpot-boiling.\u201d\n\nSince then he has written more stories, three romances\u2014one of which\nso far has only been published in Germany\u2014essays, plays, criticism,\nmusical _revues_, etc. He has acted as play reader for the late Henry\nB. Harris, as dramatic editor on _Smith\u2019s Magazine_, as dramatic critic\non the New York _Morning Telegraph_, as vaudeville impresario at Paris,\nand as librettist for the Winter Garden at New York. He has dramatized\na novel and novelized a play. He has lived at London, Baltimore, New\nYork, Paris, and Nice\u2014to settle down at last in a house of his own at\nBelleterre, Port Jefferson, Long Island.\n\nSo far Mr. Bronson-Howard has a dozen plays of every conceivable\ntype to his credit, some of them being wholly his own and some being\nwritten in collaboration with others. Most of these works have already\nbeen produced, some with marked success, and others are scheduled for\nperformance in the immediate future. Thus, for instance, \u201cThe Red Light\nof Mars\u201d will be staged by H. H. Frazee during the season of 1913-14.\n\nThere are two qualities that seem to characterize all of Mr.\nBronson-Howard\u2019s dramatic productions: a keen perception of the\ndemands and possibilities of the stage, and a shrewdly humorous grasp\nof human nature. His command of stagecraft is so facile that at\ntimes it strikes the critic as a danger to his art. And it has the\nfaults as well as the merits generally accompanying such facility. He\nwould probably be much surprised if he heard himself referred to as a\n\u201cpsychologist\u201d\u2014and yet that is just what he is, in his own practical,\nintuitive, American way. With these two qualities, which provide for\nthe framework of his art, goes, as its informing and directing spirit,\na strong inclination to \u201cside with the under dog.\u201d\n\n  EDWIN BJ\u00d6RKMAN.\n\n\n                LIST OF PLAYS BY GEORGE BRONSON-HOWARD\n\n THE ONLY LAW (with Wilson Mizner), 1909;\n\n SPRING TIME (with Booth Tarkington and Harry Leon (Wilson)), 1910;\n\n SNOBS, 1911;\n\n AN ENEMY TO SOCIETY (with Wilson Mizner), 1911;\n\n RHETT MARYL, 1912;\n\n THE REEF (with David Belasco), 1912;\n\n THE RED LIGHT OF MARS, 1913.\n\n\n\n\n                         THE RED LIGHT OF MARS\n                                  OR\n                    A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE DEVIL\n\n                        A PHILOSOPHICAL COMEDY\n\n\n\n\n                                PERSONS\n\n                       (in order of appearance)\n\n\n  THOMAS VANILLITY, B. Sc., LL.D., M.A. (_Oxon_)\n\n  THE HON. HIPPOLYTE CRITTY, _Judge of Special Sessions_\n\n  JOHN MAGNUS                 _Of Magnus & Co., Bankers_\n\n  WILLIAM TROMPER           _Manager Magnus Steel Works_\n\n  MRS. HORACE HENRY FELIX\n\n  FANNY FELIX                             _Her daughter_\n\n  A VALET\n\n  H. ADDINGTON AGNUS, M.D., Ph.D., D.Sc.\n\n  NOEL ONFROY, R.A.         _Chevalier L\u00e9gion d\u2019honneur_\n\n  THE LIGHT\n\n  TOPLISS                                    _A servant_\n\n  DOLL BLONDIN                             _A show-girl_\n\n  SCHWARTZENHOPFEL                        _An anarchist_\n\n  ST. ELMO PEATTIE                             _Sheriff_\n\n  A DETECTIVE LIEUTENANT\n\n  TWO DETECTIVES\n\n  A CHAUFFEUR\n\n\n\n\n                         THE RED LIGHT OF MARS\n\n\n                             THE FIRST ACT\n\n\n_The study and laboratory of Doctor Addington Agnus, Rothlyn, Long\nIsland._\n\n_Entrances: Folding-doors to laboratory; door to garden; spiral\nstairway; door to hallway._\n\n_A long, low white room: white-panelled, white book-shelves, furniture,\netc.; upholstered in light yellow and light blue chintz._\n\n_Garden seen through two windows on either side of upper door.\nFolding-doors to laboratory closed._\n\n_A sunny day in early winter: late morning. The sun is almost blinding\non the white room and the highly polished brasses._\n\n_A bright wood-fire burns._\n\n_As the curtain rises: a knocking on the garden door, which continues.\nThe knob rattles. The door gives way, almost precipitating Thomas\nVanillity on his face._\n\n_Vanillity is a college professor, lean, spare, ascetic-looking; wears\na dark gray English walking suit; tailed coat; derby hat. Has typical\nsad Englishman\u2019s moustache, a \u201cdrooper\u201d; closely shaven lantern jaws.\nCarries neatly folded umbrella._\n\n\nVANILLITY (_evidently astounded at unlocked door_)\n\nWell: upon my word\u2014upon my word! (_Picks up hat, umbrella, etc., which\nhave fallen, and straightens himself_) I wonder if he\u2019s in? (_A slight\nexplosion from laboratory; he drops articles again_) Yes, he\u2019s in!\n(_Picks up articles a second time; straightens tie, etc., in glass;\ntwirls moustache; then goes to fire; stretches out hands_) A-a-ah!\n\n[_A second knocking on garden door._\n\nVANILLITY (_going to folding-doors and calling into laboratory_) Oh,\nAddington, Addington, my boy! (_A second explosion from laboratory.\nVanillity goes to door, admitting Judge Hippolyte Critty: grossly but\nrespectably fat, with an unctuous smile and a walrus-tusk moustache_)\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_smiling genially_)\n\nAh! Professor! Professor! Come to claim all the credit of your pupil\u2019s\ngreat discovery? (_Waves hand toward laboratory_)\n\nVANILLITY (_with painful humility_)\n\nI did nothing, Judge, nothing. A man like Dr. Agnus would succeed\nwithout my teaching or anyone\u2019s. (_Shows by his attitude some servility\nto the Judge_)\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_warming hands at fire_)\n\nWell, he _thinks_ you\u2019re responsible. \u201cIf it wasn\u2019t for Professor\nVanillity,\u201d he keeps saying\u2014\n\nVANILLITY\n\nI never knew so painfully modest a boy\u2014\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_they are both at fire_)\n\nBoy\u2014you\u2019ve hit it\u2014boy! The great scientist (_bows to laboratory\ndoors_) retains all his boyish shyness and lack of confidence. He even\n(_preening himself_) gives _me_ credit for part of his success. Because\nonce I said the time was coming when science would keep us alive\nforever. _He_ says _that_ put him on the track.\n\nVANILLITY (_with melancholy satisfaction, looking toward laboratory_)\nImmortality! No more building up just for Time to tear down!\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_in a smoking-room manner, ribald_)\n\nAnd making us independent of _women_!\n\nVANILLITY (_shocked_)\n\nMy _dear_ Judge!\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nOf _good_ women, I mean. They are the only dangerous kind. We learned\nhow to handle the bad ones a few thousand years ago!\n\nVANILLITY\n\nMy _dear_ Judge!\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_going back to the days of boyish confidences_) Tommy:\nit\u2019s my profession to be a hypocrite. That\u2019s why I enjoy talking\nto you. Being absolutely dependent on me, you can\u2019t give me away.\n(_Laughs foxily_) If I didn\u2019t have you, I\u2019d become a Catholic. I\nsimply can\u2019t keep all my cleverness to myself. That\u2019s why most people\nenjoy confession. And so I say again: the _good_ women are the only\n_dangerous_ kind! (_Goes to cellarette_) Have a drink! There! (_Pours_)\n\nVANILLITY\n\nMy _dear_ Lytey\u2014\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nNonsense, down with it! I _need_ you today, and when you\u2019re dead sober,\nyou\u2019ve got a _conscience_. (_Drinking with him_) Have a cigar! Take it!\n(_Lights cigars for Vanillity and himself_)\n\n[_Vanillity\u2019s face brightens as drink and cigar affect him._\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nYes, sir! The only _dangerous_ kind! That\u2019s why I\u2019m sorry for _that_\npoor fellow! (_Nods toward laboratory_)\n\nVANILLITY\n\nSsh! Ssh!\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nPooh! He doesn\u2019t know anybody\u2019s on earth when he\u2019s working\u2014poor devil!\n\nVANILLITY\n\nPoor devil? Poor fellow? Who just won the Nobel prize\u2014the most\ndiscussed scientist in the world?\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nAnd a year from now forgotten!\n\nVANILLITY\n\nAbsurd! (_Seeing the Judge\u2019s solemn look_) Why?\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nIn love!\n\nVANILLITY\n\nWith a very sweet girl\u2014a very ambitious girl!\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nAmbitious for _herself_\u2014yes.\n\nVANILLITY\n\nBut\u2014\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_looks at watch_)\n\nShe\u2019ll be here any minute now: was to meet me here quarter to. I came\nbefore time to find you; knew you\u2019d be the first to congratulate him!\nAnother drink?\n\nVANILLITY\n\nMy _dear_ Lytey\u2014\n\n[_Judge Critty forces it on him; Vanillity\u2019s smile becomes a beam._\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nShe\u2019s bringing John Magnus and William Tromper with her.\n\nVANILLITY (_dazed_)\n\nJohn Magnus!\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nAnd William Tromper!\n\nVANILLITY (_dazed_)\n\nJohn Magnus!!\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nAnd William Tromper\u2019s the general manager of the Magnus Steel Works!\nHe\u2019s going to offer our friend (_waving toward laboratory_) one hundred\nthousand dollars a year! Chief chemist of the works!\n\nVANILLITY\n\nOne hundred thousand dollars a year? My God!! (_A silence; changed\ntone; nods toward laboratory_) But _he_ won\u2019t take it!\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nHe _will_ take it. That\u2019s your job!\n\nVANILLITY (_starts_)\n\nMine?\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nAnd mine. To persuade him!\n\nVANILLITY (_dazed_)\n\nFanny wants him to?\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nYes! And so do you.\n\nVANILLITY\n\nI? Never! (_Springs to his feet_)\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nHave another drink!\n\nVANILLITY\n\nMy _dear_ Lytey\u2014\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nTake it! (_Having poured it, he forces it on Vanillity again_) And so\ndo you! (_With emphasis_)\n\nVANILLITY\n\nIt\u2019s wicked! It\u2019s sinful!\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nHave\u2014\n\nVANILLITY\n\nNo; I won\u2019t have another drink! I know you can smother every good\nfeeling in me with a little liquor\u2014\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nBelieve me: not a _little_!\n\nVANILLITY\n\nBut this I won\u2019t do; I will not; I won\u2019t! To stop a man on the trail of\nimmortality? No! No! No!\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nI said good women were the only dangerous kind, didn\u2019t I?\n\nVANILLITY\n\n_She_ wants it? Why?\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nFor the reason that nine hundred and ninety-nine Americans do anything\n\u201cto be as _good_ as _anybody_.\u201d One hundred thousand dollars a year is\nthe income on two million. It will enable her to gratify every social\nambition. She\u2019s ambitious: for _herself_\u2014I said _that_, too.\n\n[_Vanillity falls into a stupefied rage; his hand sneaks toward\ndecanter; a horn is heard off stage._\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_at window_)\n\nHere they are! (_Swiftly_) Now, mind! (_Fiercely_) D\u2019you understand?\n\nVANILLITY\n\nI will _not_!\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nYou _will_! And I\u2019ll tell you why. Magnus put me where I am, and he\u2019ll\nput me on the Supreme Bench the first vacancy. Then I\u2019ll put _you_ into\nthe first College Presidency! _Now_, d\u2019you understand?\n\n[_A knock at the door._\n\nVANILLITY\n\nMan, it\u2019s awful. It\u2019s _sacrilege_.\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nIt\u2019s _life_. Unfortunately. But life just the same. We didn\u2019t make\nlife. But we have to _live_ it. Here! Have another drink. (_Pours it_)\n\n[_A second knock is heard; Vanillity hesitates over the drink._\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_impatiently whispering_)\n\nCome on\u2014come on!\n\n[_Vanillity gulps it and sits disconsolate. Judge Critty opens the\ndoor for Fanny Felix, her mother, Mrs. Felix, John Magnus, and William\nTromper. Fanny is, par excellence, the well-bred, cold, detached,\nsure-of-herself American girl of the upper class, very lace-y and\nlingerie-y. Mrs. Felix looks almost as juvenile; she has less dignity;\nher coat-collar and tie might be a man\u2019s; her smart hat is feminine\nenough, and so are her small, high-heeled shoes. John Magnus has an\nair and an eyeglass; wears a morning coat, vest, and trousers of light\ngray, and a gray top-hat to match; needs only a pair of binoculars\nslung over his shoulder to be attired for the races. William Tromper\nis the vulgar, pig-headed, ignorant, self-made American business man.\nHis small pig-like eyes show sullen hatred, an animal\u2019s cunning,\nand a savage\u2019s determination. He is continually ready to assert\nauthority over supposed inferiors and equality with superiors: the\nbreed that has made America infamous. He is dressed in that stiff\nsupposed-to-be-correct fashion that marks such people: a suit of\nexpensive but ugly, hard-faced cloth, pressed into knife-like creases\nabout the lapels and trousers; a shining white waistcoat, starched and\ncreased; a hard-boiled shirt; a mathematically perfect rhomboid of a\nsausage-like necktie; shining, creaky laced shoes of patent leather,\netc. When the party enters, and during the first few words of the\nfollowing conversation, Magnus\u2019s valet takes their heavy motoring\ncoats._\n\nMAGNUS\n\nHere before us, Judge? (_Shakes hands_)\n\nMRS. FELIX (_to Vanillity, shaking hands_)\n\nThe chauffeur let me drive! Glorious!\n\nFANNY (_ditto_)\n\nYes, your hands won\u2019t be fit to be seen for a week.\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_speaking over his shoulder while shaking hands with the\nwomen_) I don\u2019t think Professor Vanillity ever had the pleasure of\nmeeting you, Mr. Magnus.\n\nMAGNUS (_reprovingly_)\n\n_I_ have not had that _honor_. (_Shakes hands_) Professor\u2014Mr. Tromper\u2014\n\nTROMPER (_in his best middle-class behavior_)\n\nPleased to meet you, Professor. Pleased to see you again, Judge.\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_urbanely_)\n\nJust had a little talk with my old friend here; he shares our opinion,\nMr. Magnus.\n\nMAGNUS\n\nI do not know that I hold any opinion on the subject, Judge Critty. I\ncame along simply to please the young lady.\n\nVANILLITY (_with a ray of hope and in a tone slightly thickened by\ndrink_) Then, Mr. Magnus\u2014you don\u2019t wholly believe in the sacrifice of a\ncareer for money? (_Magnus frowns and looks crushingly at Judge Critty_)\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nThe Professor is inquiring as to your views, Mr. Magnus. (_Looking hard\nat Vanillity_) His _own_ are _fixed_\u2014\n\nTROMPER\n\nSacrifice, did I hear you say, Professor? A young fellow gets an offer\nof a fortune a year and you talk about sacrifice. He hasn\u2019t had any\ncareer _yet_.\n\nVANILLITY (_with spirit_)\n\nThe Nobel prize.\n\nTROMPER (_sneers_)\n\nForty thousand dollars for\u2014how many years\u2019study and work\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nDr. Agnus is thirty-two\u2014\n\nTROMPER\n\nSay twenty-five years\u2019schooling and work to make forty thousand\ndollars\u2014that ain\u2019t much of a career? I made that much long before his\nage.\n\nMAGNUS\n\nThe case is different here. Yours can be no criterion. You married\nprobably on less than Dr. Agnus\u2019s schoolboy allowance\u2014\n\nTROMPER\n\nGrew up together, we did. She worked and I worked. To a man that wants\ncomforts, it\u2019s cheaper, marrying.\n\nMAGNUS (_smiling_)\n\nShowing just how far apart the cases are. The young lady here (_nods\ntoward Fanny_) does not make marriage cheaper.\n\nFANNY (_correctly_)\n\nReally, Mr. Magnus\u2014\n\nMAGNUS\n\nI withdraw, with apologies.\n\nFANNY\n\nBut don\u2019t you _want_ Addington to do this?\n\nMAGNUS\n\nI haven\u2019t been conscious of wanting _anything_ these many years, Fanny.\n\nMRS. FELIX (_smiling_)\n\nYou don\u2019t need to be, John. You lift your eyebrows and people hustle.\nYou get what you want before you\u2019re conscious of wanting it. But you\n_do_ want Dr. Agnus to take his offer (_points to Tromper_), don\u2019t you?\n\nMAGNUS\n\nDo I, Tromper?\n\nTROMPER\n\nWell, sir\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nHe means, shall he tell the truth?\n\nMAGNUS\n\nThe lady wishes you to tell the truth, Tromper.\n\nTROMPER\n\nWell, sir\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nTake your time. A business man can\u2019t speak the truth so quickly. That\ntakes practice.\n\nTROMPER (_to Magnus_)\n\nWell, sir, if what you said about the young doctor is true\u2014\n\nFANNY (_triumphantly_)\n\nAnd it _is_ true. I told him, myself.\n\nTROMPER\n\nThat one chemical discovery of his alone will save the mills\u2014I wouldn\u2019t\nundertake to say how much\u2014that is, if he can do it!\n\nFANNY\n\nHe can!\n\nMAGNUS\n\nWell?\n\nFANNY\n\nWell? (_Her eyes turn toward the laboratory_)\n\nMAGNUS\n\nHe is in apparently. (_To the others_) We are all agreed upon the\nmatter?\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_hastily_)\n\nI can answer for Professor Vanillity and myself.\n\nFANNY\n\nAnd I for mother!\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nI think it is a shame, Fanny.\n\nMAGNUS\n\nApparently Tromper answers for me.\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nI think we can convince the young man where his duty lies\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nI wish I could convince the lot of you where _your_ duty lies! Can\u2019t\nyou see that all this comes from not giving women the vote long ago?\n\nFANNY\n\nMother, dear!\u2014exercise your monomania at any other time than this!\n\nMAGNUS (_to Mrs. Felix, amused_)\n\nReally?\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nReally! When a woman is allowed to figure out her duty to the nation,\nshe\u2019ll want her husband to give _it_ his best, instead of giving his\nbest to _her_.\n\nFANNY\n\nWhat nonsense, mother! A man\u2019s first duty is to his home\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nGive them the vote, and they\u2019ll sacrifice the home to make the nation.\n\nMAGNUS (_seated, crossing legs_)\n\nLadies, proceed! This is strangely interesting to me.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nIt will be more than interesting to you when we win, John Magnus. Why\ndo you control the money-market of America? Because women, having no\ninterest in business, urge their men to make as much money as they can.\nThey can do this only by taking advantage of other people\u2019s weakness;\nnot realizing that, if they do this to weaker people, stronger men will\ndo it to them. And so it\u2019s dog eat dog, and as you\u2019re the biggest one\nin the kennel you eat them all\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nMother! Are you losing _all_ your manners?\n\nMAGNUS\n\nThanks for making me a _big_ dog anyhow, Loo\u2014But how would women voting\nchange all this?\n\nFANNY\n\nOh, mother!\u2014please!\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nWhy, as soon as women realize that modern laws of business, applied to\nthe home, would make every man a thief and every woman a prostitute,\nthey\u2019ll stop urging their husbands to make more than the next man\u2014\n\nMAGNUS\n\nLoo! I hereby subscribe any reasonable sum you say to the cause of\nsuffrage\u2014thereby planning my own downfall!\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nOr showing your contempt!\u2014Well! you\u2019re amusing anyhow, John Magnus. If\nsomebody could make you take things seriously, you\u2019d be as great a man\nas your subsidized newspapers _say_ you are\u2014\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nReally, my dear Mrs. Felix;\u2014even the _hysterical_ newspapers admit Mr.\nMagnus is a great man!\n\nMAGNUS\n\nMy dear press-agent\u2014we are in the presence of my friends, not of the\npublic. You may consider yourself off duty.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nNo man can be selfish and great. Mr. Magnus only amuses himself by\nplaying a game with the public. But how he can be amused by winning\ngames from his inferiors, I don\u2019t know. That\u2019s the kink in his\ngreatness.\n\nMAGNUS\n\nI have just begun to realize their inferiority, Loo. That\u2019s why the\ngame begins to bore me\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nStart teaching them instead of beating them, then.\n\nMAGNUS\n\nAnything to get back my interest in life! How shall I begin?\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nBy endowing that brilliant boy in there to carry on his search for\nimmortality\u2014give him some of your useless millions.\n\nFANNY\n\nMother! He isn\u2019t a beggar. He can give himself and me everything we\nneed by work.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nYes, but can he give the _world_ everything\u2014\n\nTROMPER\n\nHe can give the world more iron rails for railroads; more armor-plate\nfor battleships\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nMore money for Magnus, you mean. Railroads and battleships never made\nanybody wiser or happier\u2014\n\nVANILLITY\n\nOh, really, Mrs. Felix\u2014travel\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nWhisking past interesting places at a mile a minute isn\u2019t travelling.\nThat\u2019s moving pictures for the rich. (_To Magnus_) John, with your\nmoney translated into real power\u2014not petty authority\u2014you\u2019ll go down to\nhistory as big a man as the boy in there\u2014your name linked with his\u2014\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nPardon me, Mrs. Felix; _his_ name linked with Mr. Magnus.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nNo. The boy is a fool at everything except his work. But his wisdom in\nthat is greater than all of yours, John Magnus.\n\n[_Judge Critty lifts his hands, about to protest._\n\nMAGNUS\n\nIf he can make men immortal, certainly\u2014\n\n[_Judge Critty subsides._\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nWell, at twenty-nine he\u2019s made animals\u2019 hearts and lungs immortal. In\nfifty years, endowed with millions\u2014\n\n[_Magnus nods._\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nYou _do_ see, don\u2019t you? Now, will you bury that talent in a vulgar\nmanufactory\u2014\n\nTROMPER (_offended_)\n\nVulgar! Why, some of our men come to work in their own automobiles.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nProsaic manufactory, then. (_To Magnus_) Remember, when you bury him,\nyou bury your own chance to be a great man! Whoever heard of a mere\nmoney-maker in history unless as the patron of artists, writers, or\nscientists?\n\nMAGNUS\n\nLoo, I\u2019ve a good mind to _make_ you marry me! I believe you\u2019d make life\ninteresting again\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nYou\u2019d have to change a good many of your ways before you can do that.\nI admire your brains, but what\u2019s the sense of having them when they\naren\u2019t put to any good use? Will you endow the boy? (_Nods toward\nlaboratory_)\n\nMAGNUS\n\nYes.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nA few more answers like that, and I\u2019ll say \u201cyes\u201d to you.\n\nMAGNUS\n\nI\u2019ll endow him\u2014to please you. But I demand interest on my investment.\nI\u2019ll build the finest workshop a scientist ever had: give him ten,\ntwenty, a hundred assistants; the most renowned scientists in the\nworld, no matter what they cost.\u2014He can spend any amount on whatever he\nneeds in his work. But I\u2019ll have no young society-man business\u2014\n\n[_Fanny starts and her expression grows sullen._\n\nMAGNUS\n\nHe\u2019ll stay _here_, on Long Island. And he\u2019ll spend no more on himself\nthan he needs to live decently. If I sacrifice _millions_, he must\nsacrifice _something_\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nWhat do you mean by living decently. (_Biting her lips_) The way _you_\nlive?\n\nMAGNUS\n\nNo, that\u2019s living extravagantly. (_Smiling_)\n\nFANNY\n\nMother, Mr. Magnus has just been joking at your expense.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nI see no joke.\n\nFANNY\n\nAddington was giving up his work for my sake\u2014our home\u2019s sake. Mr.\nMagnus hasn\u2019t changed that any.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nAddington has only a few thousand a year income. Handicapped that\nway, he might never fully succeed in his work. Mr. Magnus makes it\nimpossible for him to fail.\n\nFANNY\n\nAnd meanwhile live in this poky seacoast village; ten miles from a\nrailroad; not half a dozen nice families near us\u2014\n\nMAGNUS\n\nA motor will get you to New York after dinner, in time for the theatre,\nthe opera, or a dance\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nOf course, you\u2019d keep a small flat in New York.\n\nMAGNUS\n\nOh, anything reasonable\u2014say, fifteen thousand a year for personal\nexpenses\u2014\n\nFANNY (_aghast_)\n\nFifteen thousand! (_Reproachfully to Mrs. Felix_) You see now, mother!\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nSee what?\n\nFANNY (_exasperated_)\n\nWhy, my gowns, my little expenses come to twenty-five hundred, and I\ndon\u2019t have half enough\u2014not a quarter enough. I _won\u2019t_\u2014I\u2019ll live in the\nright places and know the right people and do the right things\u2014or I\nwon\u2019t marry\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nSilly places\u2014ignorant people\u2014selfish things\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nMr. Magnus, it wasn\u2019t very nice of you!\n\nMAGNUS (_to Mrs. Felix_)\n\nPeople would much rather do what they like than what _we_ like\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nThey must be taught to like what\u2019s best for the world. Fanny\u2014do you\nmean you\u2019ll deliberately spoil Addington\u2019s career? Refuse this great\nchance?\n\nTROMPER\n\nBusiness is business, Mrs. Felix. Your daughter would make a good\nbusiness woman.\n\nMRS. FELIX (_to Fanny_)\n\nI hope that last remark shows you how petty your conduct is.\n\nFANNY\n\nLive on Long Island out of the season? Have a poky flat in town and one\nservant? Never entertain? Never meet worth-while people? Be out of it\naltogether? I\u2019m better off unmarried!\n\nMRS. FELIX (_alarmed_)\n\nDon\u2019t say that!\n\nVANILLITY\n\nYou have the man you love, Miss Felix.\n\nFANNY\n\nIf the man I love doesn\u2019t love me well enough to make some sacrifices\nfor my sake\u2014\n\nVANILLITY\n\nBut the same applies to you\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nWomen sacrifice enough when they surrender their liberty\u2014when they take\non the duties of marriage\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nBut you said you didn\u2019t intend to have more than one child, anyhow\u2014\n\nFANNY (_shocked_)\n\nMother!\n\nMRS. FELIX (_to Tromper_)\n\nWill you pardon us just a moment, Mr. Tromper? (_Shows him into the\nhallway and closes the door_) You others don\u2019t matter, knowing us as\nwell as you do. Now, Fanny, what do you mean?\n\nFANNY\n\nThe duties of a wife\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nDon\u2019t hide behind phrases.\n\nFANNY\n\nIf you don\u2019t know, mother, it\u2019s too late for you to learn.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nWell, I\u2019ll tell you what _my_ duties as a wife were: spending more\nthan my husband could get decently; making him overwork to pay\nmy extravagances; keeping him until four in the morning at silly\naffairs, knowing he must work while I slept it off; flirting with\nevery idle attractive man I met, letting him think I was a fragile\nflower plucked by a hand of a savage who could not appreciate my fairy\nfragrance! Those\u2014and neglecting my one child until she grew up to be\nan encyclop\u00e6dia of all a woman should _not_ be\u2014those were _my_ wifely\nduties!\n\nFANNY\n\nMother! You are shocking everybody!\n\nMAGNUS\n\nNot me, Loo!\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nIf I had brought you up properly instead of leaving you to snobbish\nservants and fashionable incubators, you might be some man\u2019s blessing\ninstead of curse! Plain words, Fanny! May they start you thinking and\nkeep you from ruining the mind and killing the body of some good man\nlike your father, who died a bankrupt, and\u2014though our fashionable\nphysician friends made it look otherwise\u2014a suicide! (_To the\nothers_)\u2014All of you knew this?\n\nMAGNUS\n\nYes\u2014\n\n[_Vanillity bows his head._\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_clearing his throat_)\n\nWhy\u2014\n\nFANNY (_tears in her voice_)\n\nMother, you are brutal! Brutal! Brutal!\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nNo. _You_ are _going_ to be.\n\nFANNY\n\nI believe you hate me.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nI hate myself when I see what I was yesterday in you today. I hate\nmyself for letting that yesterday live in you instead of killing it\nwhen you were a child. I only saw myself as I was just before your\nfather decided to finish things. Knowing he would lose me anyhow, he\ntold me how fatal his love for me had been. \u201cA beautiful poisonous\norchid,\u201d he called me\u2014(_breaks down_) Fanny, Fanny, Fanny!\n\nFANNY (_coldly_)\n\nMother, don\u2019t make a scene!\n\nMRS. FELIX (_drying her eyes_)\n\nUseless\u2014useless\u2014\n\nMAGNUS (_rising_)\n\nIt was all my fault. I should never have made the offer\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nIt was the first _real_ thing you ever did.\n\nMAGNUS\n\nI mean the first offer\u2014the _selfish_ one\u2014the _burying_ one\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nCancel it!\n\nMAGNUS\n\nIt is cancelled!\n\nFANNY (_almost murderously_)\n\nMother, when we get home, I will pack and go to Aunt Clara\u2019s. In the\nfuture please don\u2019t concern yourself about me any more than about any\nother young woman of your acquaintance.\u2014Shall we go?\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nBut the boy in there\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nNo need to disturb him. He is busy, and no doubt happy\u2014I will break the\nbad news in a letter.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nYou break the engagement?\n\nFANNY\n\nOh, no, indeed! He\u2019ll soon find some other steel manufacturer or\nsomebody of the sort to offer him just as much.\n\nMAGNUS (_quieting Mrs. Felix\u2019s frantic interrogation_)\n\nI see\u2014the bad news is breaking my word?\n\n[_Fanny nods._\n\nMAGNUS\n\nYou told him, and he accepted?\n\nFANNY\n\nI talked to him for an hour over the telephone this morning\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nHe accepted\u2014so easily\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nEasily!\u2014I told him he must either accept or lose me\u2014and rang off. Two\nminutes later he was frantically accepting\u2014\n\nMAGNUS\n\nYou should have told us that and saved argument.\n\nFANNY\n\nI wanted you\u2014all of you\u2014to _make_ argument\u2014good argument\u2014so that he\nwould see it was for the best and not sulk and grieve afterwards.\n(_Angrily_) Mother promised she would not interfere.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nIt was thinking of poor Harry did it.\n\nFANNY\n\nPlease do not refer to father again\u2014now that you\u2019ve shattered all my\nideals about him\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nIdeals! Fanny, Fanny!\n\nMAGNUS (_to Mrs. Felix_)\n\nIf the boy accepted so readily, I think perhaps, Loo, it would be an\ninjustice to cancel that first offer\u2014\n\nFANNY (_earnestly_)\n\nMr. Magnus\u2014please\u2014don\u2019t\u2014\n\nMAGNUS\n\nI suppose Tromper\u2014my good faithful beef-eating Tromper\u2014will spread the\nreport that I\u2019m losing my mind if I do\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nGreat men shouldn\u2019t care, John. The mob _always_ think greatness is\nmadness.\n\nFANNY (_impatiently_)\n\nMother\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nI only wish there was some one to save the poor boy from you, Fanny\u2014I\ndo, indeed!\n\n[_A ring is heard at the door and Vanillity goes to open it. Noel\nOnfroy enters. He has pointed beard, twirling moustache, pointed\nhands, hair cut en brosse; wears black velvet jacket, rich red tie,\nriding trouserss with white Bedford cords, black patent-leather boots;\nbare-headed; he is smoking a pipe._\n\nMAGNUS\n\nI intended running in on you in a moment, my boy\u2014\n\nONFROY (_nodding to all_)\n\nWhere is the Chub? (_Nods toward laboratory_) Elixir-of-lifing? (_With\nreal pleasure_) How are you, Charlotte Corday? (_Shakes Mrs. Felix\u2019s\nhand_) Where do you buy those pink cheeks? I couldn\u2019t paint better ones\nmyself.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nThese aren\u2019t painted\u2014they\u2019re anger.\n\nONFROY\n\nWith Clarissa Henbane, as usual?\n\nFANNY\n\nPlease don\u2019t take liberties, Mr. Onfroy.\n\nONFROY\n\nWhen I take liberties with you, Lydia Languish, I condescend.\n(_Pointedly turning his back_) Anger?\n\nMAGNUS (_chuckling_)\n\nAnd women love him for it; they love him, the coxcomb! They used to\npay him five thousand dollars, less for their portraits than for the\nslangings he gave them\u2014(_this while Mrs. Felix explains to Onfroy in\nundertone_)\n\nFANNY (_pale with rage_)\n\nMr. Magnus, please don\u2019t include me in your generalities\u2014I am not like\nother girls\u2014\n\n[_Mrs. Felix finishes explaining._\n\nONFROY (_turning_)\n\nThat one remark proves you are, dear Lady Disdain. It is one of the\nninety-and-nine banalities that make up what the average young woman\ncalls her opinions. Another is the following remark addressed to men\nwho are sane about women: \u201cAh, wait until you meet the right one!\u201d\n\nMAGNUS (_still chuckling_)\n\nThey love it\u2014love it! Fanny pretends not to; but that\u2019s because she\nknows he\u2019s married and she can\u2019t get him. If the boy in there treated\nyou as this coxcomb does my daughter, you wouldn\u2019t mind living on\n_nothing_ a year in the Sahara Desert.\n\nFANNY\n\nMr. Magnus\u2014\n\nMAGNUS\n\nOh, I know\u2014Olive was all you are, Fanny, and more. Then along comes\nthe coxcomb. In three weeks she\u2019s telling me he says he can\u2019t afford\nto marry her\u2014and won\u2019t I please settle a dowry on them so that he can\ngive up portrait painting where all the women are wild about him\u2014marry\nher\u2014and settle down to art for art\u2019s sake.\n\nONFROY\n\nI\u2019ll say this for you, Ivan the Terrible: you were game; took your\nmedicine standing up; came across with the dowry like a little man,\nthereby earning the thanks of every true lover of art. No more\npot-boilers, no more portraits, no more demnition fool chromos for the\ndemnition fool public! You\u2019ve got yourself into history, Kubla Khan.\nYou will live as my patron.\n\nMAGNUS\n\nThe way we poor financiers are patronized! It\u2019s the second time I\u2019ve\nbeen told that this morning\u2014\n\nONFROY (_to Mrs. Felix_)\n\nYou\u2019ve been praising me, Joan of Arc?\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nThe thought of you hasn\u2019t crossed my mind in weeks, Sir Egotist.\n\nONFROY\n\nOh, the Chub? (_Glancing at laboratory_) Right, too! (_To Magnus_)\nEndow him, Governor. The other thing is damnable\u2014downright damnable.\nI\u2019ll say this\u2014and me saying it means a lot\u2014I\u2019m nobody compared to\nhim. (_Hastily_) Not personally! I should have said: \u201cArt\u2019s nothing\nto his sort of science\u201d (_To Fanny_) One little bit of pink and white\nprettiness stopping the greatest thing science ever tackled!\n\nFANNY (_goes to the Judge, stopping her ears while Onfroy talks;\nthen tearfully_) Judge Critty, you\u2019re the only one with the least\nchivalry. Why should I be abused so? Because I want my husband to have\nsome pleasure in life? Instead of frowsing in smelly chemicals all\nday\u2014risking his life\u2014\n\nVANILLITY\n\nOh, no, my dear Miss Felix! Oh, no! (_Eagerly_) No risk!\u2014Not the\nslightest! It\u2019s as peaceful, as harmless as\u2014as\u2014\n\n[_A succession of sharp reports like pistol-shots ring out. The\nfolding-doors are thrown back and H. Addington Agnus stumbles in\nbackward and sits down, staring blankly, seeing nothing. Smoke arises\nfrom the laboratory. As it clears away, Agnus rushes back again,\nexamines something through a microscope._\n\nFANNY (_sharply_)\n\nAddington, stop making yourself ridiculous. (_She goes into the\nlaboratory and shakes him_)\n\nAGNUS (_comes to, as one who has been in a trance_)\n\nMy own\u2014my darling! (_Embraces her_)\n\nFANNY (_wriggling_)\n\nAddington! There are peo\u2014(_muffled by kiss_)\u2014ple here, I tell\nyou\u2014(_Releases herself_)\n\nAGNUS (_not seeing anyone else, abstractedly_)\n\nJust had a most successful discovery\u2014chemical\u2014out of my line,\nrather\u2014but\u2014(_Seizes and kisses her again_)\n\nFANNY\n\nAddington! Don\u2019t you see there are visitors?\n\n[_Agnus turns and almost collapses; then he turns away from the rest\nagain._\n\nFANNY (_taking hold of him_)\n\nMr. Magnus\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nOh, Lord!\n\nFANNY (_pulls him out, protesting_)\n\nMr. Magnus\u2014and\u2014\n\nONFROY\n\nHello, Chub! How\u2019s the Chub? Celebrated Chub, eh?\n\n[_Agnus has, in his embarrassment, been going from one to another,\nshaking hands._\n\n  JUDGE CRITTY }                   Your success warms me like\n               }                   old wine, my boy.\n               }\n  VANILLITY    }                   My dear pupil; I have an\n               } (_almost          excuse for having lived.\n               } simultaneously_)\n  MAGNUS       }                   The heartiest congratulations.\n               }\n  MRS. FELIX   }                   Addington\u2014you\u2019re a great\n               }                   man.\n\n[_Now that he is nearer, one perceives that Agnus is a youthful,\nenthusiastic, absent-minded genius, with a strong face save for his\nunsophisticated juvenile glance. This is now hidden, for he wears\nheavy tortoise-shell spectacles; also white trousers and tunic,\nheavily braided at collar and sleeves and along trousers legs\u2014an old\narmy uniform in fact, with insignia stripped off, though the buttoned\nshoulder-straps remain._\n\nMAGNUS\n\nMay I re-admit Mr. Tromper, Loo? (_He opens the hallway door_) Tromper!\n\n[_Tromper enters just as Agnus has shaken the last hand._\n\nFANNY (_hastening over_)\n\nAddington\u2014the man who made the offer\u2014Mr. Tromper\u2014\n\nTROMPER\n\nPleasedtermeetcher\u2014\n\n[_Agnus shakes hands with Tromper, muttering and looking puzzled._\n\nFANNY\n\nYou know, on the telephone this morning\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_turning away: utterly forgetting Tromper_)\n\nFanny, you didn\u2019t mean that, did you? Of course you didn\u2019t\u2014I know you\ndidn\u2019t! Why\u2014after me winning the prize\u2014\n\nTROMPER (_walking around and facing him again_)\n\nThat\u2019s why we make the offer, Doctor\u2014\n\nFANNY (_dangerously_)\n\nYou\u2019re going back on your word, Addington?\n\nAGNUS (_turning his back, forgetting Tromper again_)\n\nFanny, I forgot all about it. I began experimenting and\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nForgot your word of honor\u2014for smelly chemicals\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nFanny!\n\nTROMPER (_again, to the amusement of the others, walking around to face\nhim_) We wouldn\u2019t take up _all_ your time, you know, doctor.\u2014After\nhours you could go on with your work\u2014\n\nONFROY\n\nCorrespondence-course immortality\u2014a few hours every night will open\nevery door for you\u2014even immortality\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nDon\u2019t accept, Addington\u2014\n\nONFROY\n\nBy no means, Chub\u2014_Never!_\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_clearing throat_)\n\nYou have said you valued my opinion, my dear lad: you have called me a\nsecond father\u2014\n\nONFROY\n\nAnd Little Red Riding Hood called the wolf grandmother, too. (_To\nAgnus_) Decline it!\n\nFANNY\n\nGood day to you, Addington! (_She is at the garden door; Agnus rushes\nover to her; she throws off his hand_) You\u2019ve broken your word.\nGood-bye!\n\nAGNUS\n\nGood-bye?\n\n[_The rest remain farther down the stage, watching the couple with\ncuriosity._\n\nFANNY\n\nI\u2019ll _send_ your ring and your letters\u2014\n\n[_The following colloquy is held in half-whispers to give impression\nthat the others do not hear it._\n\nAGNUS\n\nBut, Fanny\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nI told you, this was your chance. I can\u2019t wait to marry until I\u2019m gray.\n\nAGNUS (_excitedly_)\n\nBut you love me?\n\n[_Fanny shrugs her shoulders._\n\nAGNUS (_wildly_)\n\nYou\u2019re tired of me?\n\nFANNY\n\nNo, of waiting.\n\nAGNUS (_seizing her wrists_)\n\nYou don\u2019t care for anybody else?\n\n[_Fanny turns away._\n\nAGNUS (_madly_)\n\nSay you don\u2019t! Say you don\u2019t!\n\nFANNY (_impatiently_)\n\nNo! But I\u2019ll try to\u2014hereafter. Let me go. You\u2019re making a _scene_!\n(_Wrenches herself away and goes out; he follows_)\n\nONFROY (_viciously_)\n\nHe needs a guardian. (_Points to laboratory_) He leaves his wits in\nthere: hat-checks his brains.\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nBut he hat-checks _more_ brains than all of us carry around everywhere.\n\nONFROY\n\nIt\u2019s damnable! (_At the window_) Here he comes back\u2014you win. It\u2019s\nwritten all over his face.\n\nAGNUS (_enters again_)\n\nShe\u2019s given me time to think it over. (_To Onfroy_) She\u2019s gone on to\nsee Olive.\n\nONFROY (_to Magnus_)\n\nYes, since you long-distanced, Olive\u2019s worried everybody in the house\nnearly to death for fear her luncheon wouldn\u2019t be grand enough for you\nNew Yorkers. I told her: \u201cOlive, when an artist entertains business\nmen, he condescends\u2014\u201d\n\nMAGNUS\n\nA favorite word of coxcombs. (_He goes toward door_) Tromper included?\n\nONFROY (_making a face_)\n\nOh, I suppose so.\n\nMAGNUS\n\nTromper!\n\nTROMPER (_swelling with righteous wrath and the desire to say \u201cI\u2019m as\ngood as you are\u201d but afraid to insult Magnus\u2019s son-in-law_) I\u2019ll eat at\nthe Club here\u2014thank you. (_Stalks forward in dignity_)\n\nMAGNUS\n\nTromper! (_Tromper is immediately extinguished_) Come along!\n\n[_They go out._\n\nONFROY (_to Judge Critty_)\n\nOlive\u2019s expecting you, too. Don\u2019t mind what I said. Go ahead. Poo-bah!\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nI take you with the usual salt, Onfroy. (_Recovers his dignity by\nhaving thus made light of Onfroy_) Professor!\n\nVANILLITY (_to Agnus_)\n\nMy dear lad\u2014I\u2014\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nTom!\n\n[_Vanillity, feeling very wretched, shakes Agnus\u2019s hand. As the Judge\u2019s\nback is turned, he shakes his head vigorously. They go out._\n\nFANNY (_outside_)\n\nMother, are you coming!\n\nMRS. FELIX (_to Onfroy, hurriedly_)\n\nShe\u2019ll come back if I stay. Argue the boy out of it\u2014do. Addington,\nlisten to Noel. (_She goes_)\n\nONFROY (_alone with Agnus_)\n\nNow, you bally ass; you Simon Simple; you Babe-in-the-Wood; you Hans\nClodhopper; you Little Claus; you\u2014you everything that is asinine\u2014listen\nto me; if you accept, I\u2019ll never speak to you again!\n\nAGNUS\n\nAnd\u2014if I don\u2019t\u2014_she won\u2019t!_\n\nONFROY\n\nMore than that, you Lilliputian brain-storm, I\u2019ll publish your infamy\nin every medical and scientific journal\u2014in every newspaper and\nmagazine, too, not controlled by this money-mad crew. You!\u2014the biggest\nman in science\u2014to make a nigger-slave of yourself for jews-harps and\nfrill-fralls! Go part your hair in the middle and comb it over your\nforehead! You\u2019ve got a forehead under false pretences. Your hair ought\nto grow into your eyes. Your eyes should close together like a smelt\u2019s.\nYou ought to have a chin running due south. Your head ought to look\nlike a chipmunk\u2019s or like a Bartlett pear.\u2014Bah!\n\nAGNUS\n\nLife\u2019s nothing without her?\n\nONFROY\n\nYou read that in a book. You won\u2019t be sure you know her when the\nfashions in women\u2019s clothes change. You\u2019re mad with the madness of a\nman who has never lived with women before.\n\nAGNUS\n\nI thank Heaven\u2014in that way\u2014I\u2019m worthy of her!\n\nONFROY\n\nOh, you fish! You eel! Worthy of her? She isn\u2019t worthy to carry your\ncoat! You\u2019re Addington Agnus, the man who won the Nobel prize\u2014try to\nremember the name\u2014_Addington Agnus_.\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou\u2019ve never loved, Noel\u2014\n\nONFROY\n\nA dozen times. And if Olive made me dissatisfied tomorrow, I might love\na dozen times more before I got satisfied again. Marriage made me.\nIt\u2019ll ruin you. Before I married, I was a pot-boiling portrait-painter.\nNow I\u2019m the great Noel Onfroy, the American Velasquez. Love should\nserve genius. It\u2019s more important for me to paint good pictures than to\nbe foolish for six months or a year with some woman who doesn\u2019t know a\nMichael Angelo from a Christy chromo\u2014or who thinks Gibson is a great\nartist. Now, Fanny doesn\u2019t know the difference between your work and\nthat of some tame rabbit in a hutch discovering cheaper ways of tanning\nleather and dyeing cheese-cloth\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nOlive didn\u2019t know anything about art when you met her.\n\nONFROY\n\nNo, but I soon made her learn. I told her if she didn\u2019t I wouldn\u2019t\nmarry her. And I didn\u2019t, either, until she spent a year in one of the\nJulian studios learning how little she was and how big art was.\u2014You\nought to send Fanny to a School of Science before you marry her\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_miserably_)\n\nShe\u2019d laugh at me if I _suggested_ it.\n\nONFROY (_angrily_)\n\nVain, sickening puss-in-boots!\n\nAGNUS (_angrily_)\n\nNoel, you\u2019re talking of the woman I love\u2014\n\n[_Outside a figure is seen at that moment darting through the bushes,\ntrying to hide, and finally crouching down._\n\nONFROY\n\nOf the minx you love; the caterwauling, manicured, massaged,\nParis-gowned cocodette you love\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_furious_)\n\nCocodette?\n\nONFROY\n\nA cocotte who keeps chemically pure because she knows she\u2019ll fetch a\nhigher price in the marriage market\u2014a married kept-up lady\u2014\n\n[_Agnus jumps up as if to strike him._\n\nONFROY (_sombrely_)\n\nDon\u2019t do it. I could break you in two.\n\nAGNUS (_low_)\n\nThat finishes us\u2014our friendship\u2014\n\nONFROY (_with real feeling_)\n\nI\u2019m sorry\u2014I spoke for your good: to bring you to your senses, Chub\u2014\n\n[_Agnus turns away._\n\nONFROY\n\nAll right.\u2014Only\u2014you won\u2019t accept that offer, will you?\n\nAGNUS\n\nI intend to marry the woman I love. The woman whose shoestrings you\naren\u2019t fit to\u2014\n\nONFROY\n\nQuoting Chambers\u2014McCutcheon novels again\u2014novels written for\nfudge-munching slatternly wives to read on their way to an equally\ntrashy matin\u00e9e\u2014their house-work undone\u2014Fanny Felixes without money\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_turning wildly_)\n\nThe Devil give me strength to thrash you within an inch of your life!\n\n[_Onfroy catches hold of his hands._\n\nAGNUS (_helpless_)\n\nThe Devil give me strength\u2014\n\n[_The hitherto crouching figure shoots up outside and a face becomes\nvisible at the window. Neither one of the men inside sees it._\n\nONFROY\n\nYou fool! You fool! (_Throws Agnus from him and goes out slamming the\ndoor behind him_)\n\n[_The face at the window turns to see Onfroy go hurriedly by. Agnus,\nrushing after him, throws open the door, thus disclosing a man in the\ngarden who is waiting to enter._\n\nMAN\n\nDid I hear my name mentioned? (_Enters. He is as unlike the popular\nconceptions of The Devil as possible, being short, squat, respectable,\nfat and Teutonic. He is followed by a queer light that darts and\ncircles the ceiling_) You called me, I think! (_He closes the door_)\n\nAGNUS (_backing_)\n\nWhat! What!\n\nMAN (_seating himself comfortably_)\n\nYou called me\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou? Who are you?\u2014\n\nMAN\n\nMy real name is Wisdom. You called me The Devil.\n\n[_The light flashes across his face and circles around him._\n\nAGNUS\n\nI\u2014you\u2014!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou said: \u201cThe Devil give me strength.\u201d\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou\u2014The Devil. (_Suddenly convulsed with laughter, sits down_)\n\nTHE DEVIL (_gruffly_)\n\nOh, I know, I look like the devil, but not like _The Devil_. But this\nwas the only body handy when I got back from Mars the last time, so I\nhad to take it\u2014\n\n[_The light darts viciously at him._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_points to the light, laughing_)\n\nThere\u2019s the real owner of this carcass\u2014a crazy German anarchist.\u2014He was\nhowling for The Devil just as you were\u2014wanted me to help blow up all\nthe capitalists\u2014\n\n[_The light attacks him again._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nTags after his foolish body, hoping I\u2019ll get tired of it and give it\nback, I suppose.\u2014And so I will when I find a better one. It\u2019s no fun\nfor a fiend of my renowned gentlemanly appearance to be masquerading as\na Dutch comedian. Worse than that\u2014the police are looking for it. That\u2019s\nwhy I was hiding in your garden when I happened to hear you call me.\nThe Devil, in jail\u2014a fine tale to take back to Mars.\n\nAGNUS (_aghast_)\n\nMan, you should be in some lunatic asylum\u2014\n\nMAN\n\nDon\u2019t call me \u201cman.\u201d That\u2019s a deadly insult. If ever a respectable\nMartian was sick of anything, it\u2019s that unreasonable ignorant\nridiculous combination of poll-parrot and monkey\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nPoor lunatic! I must humor you, I suppose.\u2014Have you forgotten there\nhave been _great_ men?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNever. I have been all the great men in history. All the great men have\nbeen The Devil: alias Wisdom. By taking possession of men\u2019s bodies I\nhave tried to set up an ideal to strive for, set the race an example.\nAnd then, when I had to quit and go back to Mars, each time the human\u2019s\nlittle soul came back to its body and, finding itself with too much\npower, was responsible for all the inconsistencies, treacheries, and\ncruelties that have puzzled psychologists and historians\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou are a plausible lunatic, anyway. Would you mind mentioning who you\nwere, for instance\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nOh, all the first-rate fellows\u2014Confucius, Buddha, Mahomet\u2014St.\nAugustine, Martin Luther, Moses\u2014to mention a few\u2014Shakespeare,\nDickens\u2014those were my sentimental days\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_amused_)\n\nOh! you wrote Shakespeare\u2019s plays, did you?\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAll the _good_ ones\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_laughing boisterously_)\n\nWell, that\u2019s settled anyway\u2014Bacon didn\u2019t do it, after all\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYes, he did\u2014I was Bacon, too.\n\nAGNUS (_with ironical politeness_)\n\nBeen anybody lately?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nBernard Shaw was my last appearance. Just before my last trip to Mars.\nI see he\u2019s made good use of the plays I wrote for him; produced some\nvery good imitations; caught my style, so to speak. I was sorry to\nleave Shaw. I was having rather better success waking up the world than\nusual. But I simply _had_ to go back to Mars\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_with increasing irony_)\n\nReally? Why?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nIt\u2019s my home. When news came there some ten thousand years ago that man\nwas evolving into a thinking brute, the Martians realized the dawning\nintellect would need a guide. I was the most ignorant of all Martians\u2014I\nhad tried to lead a revolt to make the body independent of the spirit.\nSo, instead of going on to a higher mental state\u2014my soul transferred\nfrom planet to planet until finally I should reach the Sun, which is\nthe perfection of the soul\u2014instead of that, I was sentenced to stand\nstill for ten thousand years; to act as the link between Mars and the\nEarth; to make men fit for Mars, d\u2019you understand?\n\nAGNUS (_faltering_)\n\n_One_ of us is insane, that is certain.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nMars, you will remember, is red. That\u2019s where your dim poetic\ndevil-makers got their hell-fire from.\n\n[_Agnus holds his head._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThe only true thing they tell about me is that I tempted man through\nwoman to wisdom. I have been hated and reviled as wisdom always is.\nBut my sentence of exile will soon be over\u2014the ten thousand years will\nsoon be up\u2014and then I can quit ridiculous man forever and go to school\nagain to fit myself for the Sun.\n\n[_The light darts impatiently around._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nI wish that ridiculous Dutchman\u2019s soul would quit bothering me! (_To\nthe light_) Isn\u2019t it enough that you\u2019ve got me hiding from the police,\nyou imbecilic disembodied spirit? (_To Agnus_) Who was that handsome\nfellow in the velvet jacket who just ran out of here? I\u2019ve been\nfollowing him about for days hoping he\u2019ll ask my help. Then I could\ngive this preposterous paunch back to that light comedian over there.\n(_Points to light_) And I hope the police get it.\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou\u2019re a scientific kind of a lunatic, right enough. Souls do leave\ntheir bodies during sleep or hypnotism or\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_satirically_)\n\nOh, you\u2019ve discovered that, have you? Only fancy!\n\nAGNUS\n\nAn ordinary lunatic would have pretended he could change himself into\n_anything_, if he was The Devil\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAs soon as I take human shape, naturally I\u2019m bound by human laws. And\neach time I get back from Mars, I must circulate around until some\none calls for me. There are always plenty of people calling for The\nDevil. And then I have no choice\u2014I must take the first I hear and\nchange when I can. And so I\u2019m chained to this refug\u00e9e until I get\nsomething better\u2014like that velvet-jacket fellow\u2019s body, for instance.\n(_Suddenly_) Is he married?\n\nAGNUS\n\nWho? Noel Onfroy! Yes\u2014I\u2019m mad\u2014overwork, I suppose\u2014(_suddenly clouded_)\nworry! I don\u2019t wonder I\u2019m mad; I don\u2019t wonder! (_Feels his head and\ncloses his eyes_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nOh, too bad he\u2019s married. I should have thought of that before. I\u2019d\nrather be a single Dutch comedian than a married Adonis. It\u2019s bad\nenough being tied to one human body, let alone two. (_Looks around\nand sees that the light has disappeared_) The Dutchman\u2019s gone, eh? He\ngoes back to his foolish attic every now and then to see if the police\nhave found any bombs yet. There are seven sewed up in the mattress\u2014and\nI don\u2019t dare take them out of the house for fear the police may be\nwatching for a man with a suit-case. That Dutchman will get me in jail\nyet.\n\nAGNUS (_holding his head and looking at The Devil between the palms of\nhis hands_) You use singularly unclassical language for the Fount of\nAll Wisdom\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThe American language. When I\u2019m in England, I use English.\u2014By the way,\nare _you_ married?\n\nAGNUS\n\nI? (_Holds his head harder_)\n\nTHE DEVIL (_understanding_)\n\nNot, eh? Well? (_He rises, advancing on Agnus, viewing him\nspeculatively, and finally approvingly_)\n\nAGNUS (_alarmed, dimly conscious_)\n\nHere! What now?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_fixing his eyes on Agnus_) You don\u2019t believe in me?\n\nAGNUS\n\nWhy\u2014er\u2014what are you doing? (_In panic_) Don\u2019t look at me like that.\n(_He starts up_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nSit down!\n\n[_Agnus struggles but sits down._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou called for me to help you. I\u2019m going to. (_He goes to the windows\nand pulls down the blinds_)\n\nAGNUS\n\nHere! What! (_He tries to rise but only sits starkly upright with\nstaring eyes. A faint luminosity glows over his head_)\n\n[_The Devil pulls up the chair close; their knees touch. He leans\nforward, staring into Agnus\u2019s eyes. The luminosity grows brighter about\nAgnus\u2019s head, rises little by little, flickers and flutters. Meanwhile\na dull crimson light has glowed over The Devil\u2019s head, and now it grows\nsteadily and moves across the space until it rests on Agnus\u2019s head,\nwhere it settles and sinks downward, disappearing._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_rising, in Agnus\u2019s body_)\n\nTake the Dutchman\u2019s body, doctor\u2014I\u2019ve got yours\u2014(_A second luminosity\nglows at window_) Quick! Here comes the Dutchman back. Take his body,\nor you\u2019ll be homeless. It\u2019s not much but it\u2019s the only one I\u2019ve got to\ngive you. Quick! I need you!\n\n[_Each of the two luminosities dart toward the senseless body. One\nsettles and disappears. The other flies viciously around and around the\nhead. The Devil lets up the shades, shaking with laughter._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nI hardly dare ask so impertinent a question\u2014but which soul won?\n\nAGNUS (_in the Dutchman\u2019s body_)\n\nYou scoundrel! You fiend! You blackguard!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThat might be either! The language of men is strikingly similar under\ngreat loss. Who are you? The rightful owner or an usurper?\n\nAGNUS (_shaking and trembling with rage_)\n\nGive me back my body, or I\u2019ll kill you\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nKill me? You can only kill your own nice attractive body. You\u2019ll suffer\nfor any harm done to it when I give it back. So don\u2019t knock out any\nteeth, or you\u2019ll have toothache all your life.\n\n[_The light has been darting viciously between The Devil and Agnus._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nOh, go home to your bombs again, Schwartzenhopfel! This gentleman\ndidn\u2019t want your old body. When he sees how ridiculous it looks on him,\nhe\u2019s liable to shoot himself\u2014or yourself. Nobody can love a body like\nthat. (_He draws aside curtains hiding a mirror set in the wall_) I\nleave it to you, Agnus. Can you blame me for wanting to get rid of it?\n\n[_Agnus, seeing himself as a short squat German, staggers back\nclutching his throat._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_having smoothed down his coat lapels so as to reveal a silk\nshirt, and twisted the carelessly tied necktie to a smart shape, takes\noff tortoise-shell spectacles, presenting, instead of the absorbed\nscientist, a young debonair man of fashion_) Now\u2014am I a lunatic?\n(_Searches pockets and finds a letter_)\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou\u2014Devil\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_correcting him suavely as he exhibits the address on the\nletter_) Dr. Agnus, please!\n\n\n                                CURTAIN\n\n\n\n\n                            THE SECOND ACT\n\n\n_The scene and the time are unchanged, although one minute may have\nelapsed since the last word was spoken. During this time Agnus has\nrealized his misfortune. His face has ceased to be agonized and is now\nonly blank._\n\n_The Devil still stands at the back of the chair, twirling Agnus\u2019s\nformer moustache and admiring himself._\n\n_The light is stationary._[1]\n\n[Footnote 1: It must be remembered that when the word Agnus is written,\nit means Agnus\u2019s spirit; not his body, that is now The Devil\u2019s.]\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWith these slight alterations in your dress, your face lighted up with\nmy attractive smile (_smiles_) and my bold intelligent gaze, you are a\nhandsome fellow, Agnus\u2014by Saturn, a handsome fellow! I really believe\nI\u2019d rather have this body than that velvet-jacketed fellow\u2019s\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_pleadingly_)\n\nDon\u2019t say that. It\u2019s not much of a body. I have all sorts of pains\nand aches\u2014neglect, you know. You\u2019ll be ill half your time. You won\u2019t\nhave _any_ fun. Now this body (_strikes the Dutchman\u2019s_) may not be\ngood-looking, but what\u2019s that? It\u2019s a fine healthy body\u2014a sound body\u2014\n\n[_The light bobs up and down; as though nodding sorrowfully._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nIn that case you\u2019re better off than you were. You ought to thank me.\n\n[_The light darts at him._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nI wish I could lose that German.\n\nAGNUS (_feverishly_)\n\nI _do_ thank you\u2014physically. But that isn\u2019t it. I\u2019m engaged\u2014to a girl.\nShe\u2014she\u2014she won\u2019t know me in this body\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nEngaged to a girl! Engaged!\u2014(_Blankly_) Has the time been set for\nmarriage?\n\nAGNUS\n\nNo, but\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nOh, well, that\u2019s all right. I can get rid of her.\n\nAGNUS\n\nGet rid of her? Get rid of her! (_Wildly_) What do you mean?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_with a gesture_)\n\nScat, girl, scat! Chase her away!\n\nAGNUS\n\nOh! you (_runs at him, fist clenched_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nDon\u2019t forget yourself and break your own nose.\n\nAGNUS\n\nOh, what am I to do? What am I to do? (_Agonizedly_) Oh, don\u2019t chase\nher away.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWhat then? Want me to hug her? Kiss her?\n\nAGNUS\n\nOh, my God, no!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWell?\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou don\u2019t have to _kiss_ her!\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nIf I don\u2019t kiss her, she\u2019ll be kissing me\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nKissing you!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nIt\u2019s always the neglectful one gets kissed.\n\nAGNUS\n\nShe\u2019s got too much dignity to kiss a man without being kissed!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThen she doesn\u2019t love you\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nShe does love me!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWhen a woman loves a man, she doesn\u2019t care which one kisses first so\nlong as they kiss. I\u2019m glad she doesn\u2019t love you. If she did, rudeness\nand neglect, even knocking her down, would only make her love you more.\nBut women get very dignified when a man they don\u2019t love ill-treats\nthem. They\u2019re only too glad of an excuse to be rid of him.\n\nAGNUS\n\nI know now everything ever written about you is true. To hit a woman!\nTo hit a woman!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAn empty bureau-drawer is best. It makes a lot of noise, scares them to\ndeath, and doesn\u2019t really hurt them at all.\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou devil!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nDr. Agnus, please. A very neat little book could be written on\nthe psychology of beating children and women\u2014for their own good,\nof course! Never hurt them: that\u2019s very coarse! A blow should be\nsimply a little more effective than the strongest word\u2014and should\nnever be used until the last threat is exhausted. Of course, if your\nvocabulary is limited\u2014(_Shrugs his shoulders_) That\u2019s why there\u2019s so\nmuch wife-beating among the lower classes. The really well-educated\nman doesn\u2019t need to beat his wife\u2014when he can swear at her in seven\ndifferent languages\u2014\n\n[_The light darts viciously at him._\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou devil!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nDr. Agnus, please. (_Indicating the light_) The Dutchman is angry, too.\nHe thinks it\u2019s all right to blow up a building with a couple of hundred\npeople in it. But to lift a hand against a woman \u201csave in kindness\u201d\u2014oh,\nmy!\n\n[_The light is suddenly still._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAnd you, doctor, vivisect dogs oblivious to their screams of agony. But\nyou\u2019d refuse to speak to the man who inflicted a harmless blow on his\nwife. Oh, you ridiculous humans!\n\nAGNUS\n\nVivisection saves many a civilized man.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nA blow at the right time saves many a civilized woman. Women have only\nbegun to be civilized\u2014since I posed as a woman once or twice: George\nEliot, George Sand, and a few others. You don\u2019t laugh this time as you\ndid when I said I was Shakespeare and Shaw\u2014\n\n[_Agnus wrings his hands and walks away._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou see I discovered\u2014in spite of all my work\u2014that as soon as I built\nmen up to a highly civilized state, they fell right down again. There\nwas Egypt\u2014look at the Pyramids. There was Greece\u2014I was proud of\nGreece\u2014its philosophy\u2014drama\u2014architecture\u2014I\u2019ve never done so well since.\nThere was Rome. What fellows those Romans were\u2014owned the world. There\nwas Spain\u2014so did she. England! I still have hopes of England under my\nnew system. But what happened to the others? Smash! Crash! Bang! And I\nhad to start training savages again. I didn\u2019t realize what the matter\nwas\u2014I tried every system\u2014and then, when England started to smash, my\neyes opened\u2014the fault was women\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nWhy, women have always been our refining influences. They draw out our\nnobler selves.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThey draw out your sentimental selves, cunning minxes. Men were\ndragged down, their philosophy sapped, their reason rotted, by living\nwith inferior creatures. You see, while men were out battling with\ncircumstances and learning to use their brains, women were slaves. Had\nbrains, right enough, but didn\u2019t get a chance to use them. Men played\nthe grand act with them (_imitating a pompous man\u2019s tone_): \u201cNow don\u2019t\nbother your little head about that, dearie, papa\u2019ll fix it.\u201d Well,\nabout the beginning of the last century, I realized I must let men\nalone for awhile\u2014and work on women. So first, I created an industrial\nrevolution that would send women out to work in the world\u2014like men\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_angrily_)\n\nThat proves what a devil you are! (_Sentimentally_) Ah, those good\nold days when every father could support his daughter until she\nmarried\u2014when every wife was in her true sphere\u2014the home.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_contemptuously_)\n\nThat shows how men\u2019s brains have gone back while I worked on women.\nI was so absorbed in women that I forgot men for fifty years until,\nthoroughly alarmed, I created Bernard Shaw out of an ordinary Irish wit\nby becoming _him_\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_sarcastically_)\n\nOh, you weren\u2019t Ibsen, then?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nOh, yes, I was Ibsen. But that was in the cause of women\u2019s education\u2014to\nchampion the New Woman\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nIs there any great man you were not?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNo great ones. Well, my work on woman has been effective. She\u2019s learned\nin fifty years what men took thousands to learn. In another fifty\nshe\u2019ll be men\u2019s mental equal. And her sons will be Supermen. Then the\nworld will be able to get along without me\u2014\n\n[_There is a ring at the door._\n\nAGNUS (_jumps up and is about to open the door, but remembers his\nchanged appearance; he peers agonizedly out of window and starts_) It\u2019s\nFanny\u2014Fanny!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThe girl?\n\nAGNUS\n\nYes, yes! She\u2019s come for her answer?\n\n[_Fanny rings irritatedly._\n\nAGNUS (_to The Devil_)\n\nJust say: \u201cI accept, Fanny\u2014go back and get the others.\u201d There\u2019s no time\nto explain.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWill she go if I say that?\n\nAGNUS\n\nYes, yes!\n\n[_Fanny rings again._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAn arrogant minx, apparently. You\u2019ve trained her badly. But we\u2019ll soon\nfix that!\n\nAGNUS\n\nWill you go\u2014please! She\u2019ll look in the window in a moment and see me\u2014I\nmean you\u2014please go!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWhat shall I say?\n\nAGNUS\n\n\u201cI accept, Fanny\u2014go back and get the others.\u201d But no putting your arm\naround her: no kissing!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNo fear! I wish I were sure she wouldn\u2019t kiss me\u2014\n\n[_Fanny rattles the knob; the door is opened impatiently, and she\nenters angrily._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_immediately_)\n\nFanny, I accept: go and get the others.\n\nFANNY\n\nOh, there you are! Why did you keep me ringing there like a fool?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWas that ringing like a fool\u2019s? Suppose you go out now and ring like a\nsensible person\u2014just to see if I can tell the difference!\n\n[_Fanny appears dumfounded and cannot find words. The Devil smiles\nencouragingly at her._\n\nAGNUS (_wildly_)\n\nFanny, I give you my word\u2014\n\n[_Fanny stares at him. Agnus realizes his position and grows\nshamefacedly silent._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_introducing Agnus_)\n\nMy friend, Mr. Schwartzenhopfel. A very nice fellow\u2014with a ridiculous\nname.\n\n[_The light darts at him viciously._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHeard me speak so much of you\u2014feels like an old friend.\u2014Call her\n\u201cFanny,\u201d Schwartzenhopfel. Call him \u201cHop,\u201d Fanny\u2014\u201cHop\u201d for short.\n\nFANNY (_recovering her breath_)\n\nYou\u2019ve been drinking!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou must learn to love Hop, Fanny. If I should die, I should never want\nyou to marry anyone but Hop. (_With a tremendous slap on Agnus\u2019s back_)\n\n[_The light darts._\n\nFANNY\n\nI can\u2019t understand your conduct, Addington? I\u2019m at a loss!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWhy\u2014\n\n[_Agnus punches him in the ribs._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_recollecting_)\n\nOh! it\u2019s all right, Fanny. It\u2019s all right! (_Carefully_)\nFanny\u2014I\u2014accept\u2014go\u2014and\u2014get\u2014the\u2014others\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nYou _do_ accept?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nFanny, I accept. Go and get the others.\n\nFANNY\n\nYou accept\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nFanny, I accept. Go and\u2014\n\nFANNY (_kissing him_)\n\nYou dear old darling!\n\n[_The Devil puts his arm about her with a sly wink at the raging Agnus._\n\nFANNY\n\nNow you can set the wedding for any date you please\u2014next month if you\nlike\u2014\n\n[_The Devil takes his arm away._\n\nFANNY\n\nYou\u2019ve made me the happiest girl in the world\u2014(_Kisses him again_)\n\nTHE DEVIL (_in a hollow tone_)\n\nGo and get the others.\n\nFANNY\n\nI will. I will. Oh, you dear! (_Kisses him again and goes out through\nthe upper door in the rear_)\n\n[_The Devil turns a look of reproachful and frigid dignity on Agnus.\nThe light dances about in joyful hatred._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to the light_)\n\nGet out of here, you Teutonic accident! (_To Agnus_) Dug a little share\nfor me, didn\u2019t you? Married next month!\n\nAGNUS (_alarmed_)\n\nI don\u2019t want her to marry you.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThen why tell me to \u201caccept, Fanny, go and get the others,\u201d eh?\n\nAGNUS\n\nDidn\u2019t have to have time to explain everything to you?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWhat did I accept?\n\nAGNUS\n\nOne hundred thousand dollars a year: chief chemist to the John Magnus\nworks\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWho are \u201cthe others\u201d she went to get?\n\nAGNUS\n\nJohn Magnus\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_interrupting_)\n\nThe richest man in the world\u2014isn\u2019t he?\n\nAGNUS (_contemptuously_)\n\nI thought The Devil knew everything\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nEverything worth knowing\u2014but I can\u2019t keep track of the petty things.\n\nAGNUS\n\nPetty? John Magnus\u2014while not the richest man\u2014controls the money-market.\nPetty?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAny man with brains enough to control money-markets might be a\n_fifth_-rate scientist, a fourth-rate painter, or a third-rate author!\nHe must be petty if he\u2019s willing to be nothing but a first-class\nfinancier. One thing I never was\u2014a financier! Couldn\u2019t waste my time.\nFinanciers, lawyers, stock-jobbers, and thieves generally are the\ntumors on the human race! When I get through training women, their\nsuperman sons will be the surgeons who remove those tumors\u2014(_Suddenly_)\nI see! She wants you to give up science for a paying job under\nMagnus\u2014eh?\n\nAGNUS\n\nWhy\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nEnough! What was your line?\n\nAGNUS\n\nWell\u2014to explain quickly\u2014but not quite accurately\u2014immortality\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThe devil you say! Pardon my using human terms! But\u2014immortality!\n\nAGNUS\n\nI\u2019ve made an animal\u2019s functions live after the animal died.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThat\u2019s enough. And without my help! Why, that was my very next job!\nTo take some scientist\u2019s body for a few years and start the world on\nthe path toward longer life. Of course, immortality of the body is all\nrot. It\u2019s bound to wear out some time. But\u2014five hundred years\u2014that\u2019s\npossible. It would save putting souls back into new-borns. For it\ntakes a hundred ordinary human lives to be ready for Mars. Out of\nall the billions of men who have lived, we have only a few thousand\nearth-people up there. The second-rate geniuses\u2014Napoleon, Caesar,\nGeorge Washington, Tamerlane\u2014all the second-raters\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nNapoleon\u2014Caesar\u2014Washington\u2014second-raters?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nOf course! All the first-raters were\u2014(_points to himself_) All soldiers\nare second-rate. Just as all financiers are about tenth-rate\u2014compared\nto the great teachers, who help humanity to progress\u2014like\u2014like\u2014(_struck\nby a thought_) like you yourself. (_With an access of respect_)\nMan\u2014I\u2019ll do the right thing by you! Before I quit this body\u2014I\u2019ll give\nyou the secret of making men live half a millennium.\n\nANGUS (_the man forgotten in the scientist_)\n\nYou will? (_Delightedly_) You will?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_shakes hands_)\n\nAnd she was going to make you a hack?\n\nAGNUS\n\nWell, you see, she\u2019s a very superior girl.\n\n[_The Devil snorts._\n\nAGNUS\n\nAnd I really should give her the surroundings and luxuries that she\u2019s\nentitled to\u2014being so superior a girl\u2014\n\n[_The Devil snorts again._\n\nAGNUS\n\nAnd the only money I ever made was that Nobel prize\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_starting_)\n\nWhat? You won the Nobel prize?\n\n[_Agnus nods._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_astounded_)\n\nBy Saturn, you\u2019re the most startling combination of ass and genius I\never met! Such modesty is actually first-rate\u2014\n\nANGUS (_deprecatorily_)\n\nOh, don\u2019t say that\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nBut such infatuation is hundredth-rate. Generally to be met with among\nthe middle classes\u2014that is, the lowest class of intelligence\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nThe middle class\u2014_lowest_?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nCreatures of law and respectability always are. Aristocracy is\nlower-class people getting intelligence. Middle-class people only get\nmoney. There are hardly any American aristocrats\u2014and those few live\nabroad\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nNonsense! You wouldn\u2019t call Miss Felix middle-class.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nMiss Felix?\n\nAGNUS\n\nThe young lady\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nA person who\u2019d burn up your genius in the fire that boils the pot?\nWorse than middle-class\u2014worthless\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_violently_)\n\nSir\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHow can I get rid of her? For your own sake: how can I get rid of her?\n\n[_Agnus clenches his fists._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nI must play Davy Garrick again\u2014do something to disgust her\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_violently ironical_)\n\nJust treat her as you did a moment ago.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nTrouble is: she left this room loving me\u2014twenty times better than she\never loved you. How can I help you\u2014help humanity\u2014with a drab like that\nat my heels\u2014?\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou\u2014(_about to strike_)\n\nTHE DEVIL (_laughs_)\n\nGo on: disfigure yourself!\n\n[_Agnus wrings his hands._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_crosses and recrosses the room; stares moodily out of\nwindow with his hands behind back; then suddenly pointing outside the\nwindow_) Who\u2019s that?\n\nAGNUS (_crossing and looking out_)\n\nThat actressy-looking creature?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_impatiently_)\n\nYes, yes\u2014who is she?\n\nAGNUS\n\nLooking for lodgings, I believe. Had the impertinence to apply here\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_gloomily_)\n\nShe\u2019s found them by this time, eh?\n\nAGNUS (_with dignity_)\n\nNobody here takes lodgers. And the inn\u2014the hotel\u2014is for men only\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHurrah!! (_He dashes out through the door and disappears; his voice is\nheard outside_) Hi, there! Wait a minute!\n\n[_The light settles sympathetically on Agnus\u2019s shoulder._\n\nAGNUS (_to the light_)\n\nPoor devil! You\u2019re worse off than I am.\n\n[_The light wags dolefully._\n\nAGNUS (_excitedly_)\n\nHe\u2019s bringing her back\u2014bringing her\u2014_in_\u2014_here_\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_outside_)\n\nThis way, Miss Blondin!\n\n[_The Devil enters together with Doll Blondin, who is typical of\nthe Broadway idea of refinement and taste: dark blue Norfolk jacket\nsuit; small French skull-cap with tassel, her curly hair escaping\nfrom beneath it; high collar and jabot of lace that falls almost to\nher belt; short vamp su\u00e8de pumps without toe-cap; preposterously high\nCuban heels. The combination of country suit with city shoes, of\njabot and lingerie waist\u2014instead of tailored waist and plain collar\nand tie\u2014with cap suitable only for evening wear, serve to mark her as\none who dresses with instinctive taste but without the consistency of\nthe upper-class woman. However, she is a most attractive girl\u2014about\ntwenty-three\u2014and has an air of sophistication grafted on a babyish\ningenuousness, which makes anything she says quaintly pleasing._\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_turning to The Devil who has been following her in_) I\nwas told here you wouldn\u2019t think of taking lodgers\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nI wasn\u2019t consulted\u2014I need a pretty girl like you around the house just\nnow.\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_suspiciously_)\n\nLook here\u2014is there an older woman here\u2014a housekeeper\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_with sudden wild hope_)\n\nNo, there isn\u2019t.\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_to The Devil_)\n\nWell, mind: no tricks!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_pained_)\n\nMy dear girl!\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nI\u2019m as much the lady (_primly_) as any you know, even if I am on the\nstage. Anybody \u2019ud think I was a crocodile or some other wild beast the\nway people stare. Not used to seeing girls who know how to dress, I\nguess. What do these rubes know about class?\n\nAGNUS (_in anguish_)\n\nThis is impossible!\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_eyeing him; to The Devil_)\n\nServant?\n\nAGNUS\n\nMadam!\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nHow _dare_ you call me \u201cMadam\u201d\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHe\u2019s a \u201crube,\u201d as you say. Worse\u2014a German \u201crube.\u201d\n\n[_The light darts viciously._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThe worst kind of a \u201crube.\u201d (_Going over to the window he calls hastily\nto Agnus_) Ring for the servant, Schwartzenhopfel!\n\nAGNUS (_violently_)\n\nBut I tell you\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_pointing to garden_)\n\nSome people coming.\n\n[_Agnus runs over to window; then he runs back and rings wildly._\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nI\u2019m here for studying. (_Severely_) That\u2019s why I left New York where\ngentlemen know how to treat ladies: real gentlemen\u2014millionaires\u2014that\ncould buy and sell this tank town. One of them gave me this chance; a\nchance mighty few girls get\u2014a part in a Vienna opera. No objections to\na piano, is there?\n\nAGNUS\n\nA piano? A piano!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNo objection whatever. (_Points to Agnus_) My German friend will tune\nit for you. One good thing about Germans\u2014they can all tune pianos.\n\n[_The light darts viciously._\n\nTOPLISS (_enters from the stairway; an unintelligent but smart-looking\nEnglishman who wears a morning coat with gilt buttons; says to The\nDevil_) You rang, sir?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThe young lady will board here\u2014\n\n[_The bell at the garden door rings._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_hastily_)\n\nOn whatever terms she says\u2014a room for her piano and her meals\u2014and a\nbedroom\u2014\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nAnd bath!\n\nTOPLISS\n\nThere\u2019s only two baths, sir\u2014yours and mine\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nGive her half of yours.\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nBathe in a servant\u2019s bath-tub! I should say _not_\u2014I\u2019m as much of a lady\nas\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_interrupting_)\n\nI will share yours, Topliss.\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_contemptuously_)\n\nYou _must_ be hard up.\n\n[_The bell is heard ringing again. Topliss goes to answer it._\n\nAGNUS (_agonizedly_)\n\nShow her to her rooms, Topliss.\n\n[_Topliss looks haughtily at Agnus._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nI\u2019ll see to the door, Topliss.\n\n[_Topliss takes the small hand-bag from Doll Blondin._\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_to Topliss, loftily_)\n\nNext time you\u2019ll see your master before turning people down.\n\n[_Doll Blondin and Topliss go out by hall door._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_running to hall door and calling after Doll_) Come down\nlater and make yourself at home.\n\n[_Agnus seats himself and buries his face in his hands groaning. The\nDevil goes to door and admits John Magnus, Mrs. Felix and Fanny._\n\nMAGNUS\n\nTromper, the Judge, and the Professor have gone for a ride around\nRothlyn. I thought\u2014this having become a somewhat personal matter\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_whispering to Agnus_)\n\nMagnus?\n\n[_Agnus looks up despondently and nods._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Mrs. Felix, forgetting himself_)\n\nNo mistaking you: you\u2019re one of my trained women. Any child you will\nhave\u2014will be worth watching\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX (_taken aback_)\n\nWhat! What\u2019s this? What? My poor boy! (_She puts her hand on The\nDevil\u2019s shoulder_)\n\nFANNY\n\nAddington doesn\u2019t need your pity, mother!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_recollecting himself_)\n\nMother? Fanny\u2019s mother! Oh, but that must have been when you were just\na favorite of the harem!\n\nMRS. FELIX (_in amazement_)\n\nWhatever has come over you? You\u2014why, you\u2014well\u2014_you_ of all men! (_She\nseats herself, staring at him with a sort of fascination_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYour husband\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nWe\u2019ve had enough of poor father for one day, Addington. Let him rest in\nhis grave!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nIn his grave\u2014good! I must find you another husband. One worthy of you.\nFor she (_indicates Fanny_) must be taking after her father.\n\nMRS. FELIX (_rises and goes concernedly to The Devil; puts her hand\non his shoulder_) Boy, boy, what is it? _What_ is it? (_Suddenly_)\nAddington, will you leave the room for a moment and (_looking at\nAgnus_) take this gentleman with you? I wish to speak privately with\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou had plenty of time to speak privately with\u2014before you came in. You\nthink I\u2019ve gone mad, don\u2019t you?\n\n[_Mrs. Felix steps back, showing that she does._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou think Fanny\u2019s driven me crazy by making me take Magnus\u2019s offer?\nEh? (_Laughs_) Although, who knows? I\u2019ve been called mad many times\nbefore. Wisdom is always madness to the ignorant\u2014and anyone too wise\nfor them to understand is a madman. Does this look like a madman?\n(_Turns to Fanny_) I won\u2019t take Magnus\u2019s offer and I won\u2019t marry you.\n\nMAGNUS (_in amazement_)\n\nYou decline\u2014after just accepting?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWithout thanks! (_To Mrs. Felix, with an air of dismissal_) I hope to\nsee you soon again. Meanwhile, I\u2019ll start hunting that husband for you.\n(_He smiles amiably while all stare at him speechlessly: all animated\nby the steadily growing conviction that he is utterly insane\u2014although\nhis final words impress Mrs. Felix_)\n\nMRS. FELIX (_after a breathless pause_)\n\nIt\u2019s only a spell. It\u2019ll pass. (_To Agnus_) A trip\u2019s what you need\u2014a\n_long_ trip. No work. No thinking. Just rest.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_amused_)\n\nStill diagnosing insanity?\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nOh, no! Everyone has restless spells. The excitement of the Nobel\nprize\u2014Mr. Magnus\u2019s offer\u2014Fanny\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nDon\u2019t blame me, mother. I\u2019m sure this is just what I expected\u2014keeping\nat those horrid microscopes day and night. It was for his own good I\nadvised him to accept.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nDon\u2019t lie, Fanny.\n\n[_Agnus, agonized, makes gestures for The Devil to stop._\n\nFANNY (_scandalized_)\n\nAddington! If I thought you were responsible for what you\u2019re saying\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNow see here\u2014all of you. Here am I\u2014Addington Agnus\u2014the biggest\nscientist in the world today. And here is Fanny Felix\u2014a mere girl. And\nbecause I suddenly realize my own importance and her lack of it, even\nyou (_reproachfully to Mrs. Felix_) think I am mad. Think, woman, think!\n\nMRS. FELIX (_gasping_)\n\nBut, Addington\u2014people don\u2019t change their entire personalities in half\nan hour\u2014not naturally\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_eagerly_)\n\nOf course they don\u2019t! _You_ see it\u2014\n\nMAGNUS (_disregarding Agnus_)\n\nSince the Doctor seems to know his own mind at last, I think we had\nbetter leave him before he changes it again\u2014this being the third change\nin an hour\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nDon\u2019t go, Mr. Magnus. I\u2019ve got something important to say to you. (_To\nFanny_) You can go, though\u2014\n\n[_Fanny has been so dumfounded since The Devil stigmatized her as a\n\u201cmere girl\u201d that she has been unable to move._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nTake her along, Mrs. Felix. Try to train her better\u2014\n\nMAGNUS\n\nDr. Agnus\u2014when you grossly insult two ladies\u2014my friends\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_impatiently_)\n\nWell, why don\u2019t they go, then?\n\nFANNY (_recovering herself with an effort_)\n\nMr. Magnus\u2014I\u2014(_starts for door and opens it_)\n\n[_The Devil has turned back, not even waiting to see Fanny go. Agnus,\nhalf starting to detain her, half holding back, is altogether wild.\nMrs. Felix tugs at Fanny from the outside._\n\nFANNY (_in a carefully restrained voice_)\n\nMr. Magnus!\n\nMAGNUS\n\nComing! (_Starts to go_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nA moment, Mr. Magnus. (_Eyes him steadily_)\n\n[_Magnus\u2019s eyes waver._\n\nMRS. FELIX (_coldly_)\n\nWhen you come to your senses, Fanny, you will find me at Olive\u2019s. (_She\ngoes out_)\n\nFANNY\n\nMr. Magnus, will you pardon me\u2014a moment. I have one last word to say to\nthis gentleman\u2014one last word\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nMay it be true; but I\u2019m afraid not.\u2014In here, Mr. Magnus. (_Opens hall\ndoor_)\n\n[_Magnus attempts to meet The Devil\u2019s gaze and fails. He goes out._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_takes out his watch_)\n\nNow, one minute is all I can give you.\n\n[_Fanny, restraining herself as before, points to Agnus._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHere, Schwartzenhopfel, get out!\n\nAGNUS (_wildly_)\n\nI will not! Fanny\u2014this is all a mistake. This man is not me\u2014not I, I\nmean\u2014not\u2014\n\nFANNY (_bitterly_)\n\nTwo lunatics!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_hustles Agnus to stairway_)\n\nGet out!\n\nAGNUS (_protesting_)\n\nFanny, I can explain everything\u2014\n\n[_The Devil pushes him up. Agnus ascends the stairs stumblingly._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_looks at his watch again\u2014then at Fanny inquiringly; holds\nwatch in hand_) One minute.\n\nFANNY\n\nYou lack even the commonest instincts of decency. I\u2019m ashamed to think\nmy name was ever linked with yours.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_does not take eyes from the watch during the following\ncolloquy_) Twenty-two and one-half seconds gone.\n\nFANNY (_raging_)\n\nI only want you to know that I loathe and despise you. Thank Heaven,\nI\u2019m cured of my infatuation. If I were to hear you were dead, it\nwouldn\u2019t matter to me any more than the death of any other blackguard I\nhad the misfortune to know\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAh, you know blackguards, do you? Thirty-nine and two-thirds seconds\ngone\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nWhat I could have seen in you at any time I don\u2019t know\u2014I wonder at\nmyself\u2014and I laugh\u2014yes, laugh, I tell you\u2014laugh to think I could have\nbeen so taken in. I hate you! I hate you!! I hate you!!!\n\nAGNUS (_who has crept down the stairs, re\u00ebnters_)\n\nFanny, don\u2019t say that\u2014\n\n[_The Devil picks up from table behind him a brass ornament and throws\nit\u2014his other hand still holding the watch as before. Agnus disappears\nin order to dodge the ornament._\n\nFANNY (_raging on through this by-play which she does not observe_) I\nam going now, never to return. If you should see me again, look the\nother way unless you wish to be cut before the whole world.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_snapping watch_)\n\nMinute\u2019s up. (_He goes to the door to admit Magnus_)\n\nFANNY (_detaining him_)\n\nI haven\u2019t finished yet. (_She changes her attitude_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nOh! you want another minute, eh? (_Takes out his watch again and\nregards it steadily_)\n\nFANNY\n\nDon\u2019t think I wish to detain you\u2014Oh, no! (_She laughs sarcastically_)\nOh, no indeed!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_following the second hand of watch with finger while\nechoing the laugh_) Oh\u2014indeed not! Another ten seconds gone.\n\nFANNY\n\nI only didn\u2019t want your sleep to be troubled\u2014if people without\nconsciences are ever troubled. I didn\u2019t want your sleep to be troubled,\nI say, with the thought of any girl sobbing in secret. My heart is\nquite whole, thank you. I have been simply playing a game all along.\nYou flattered yourself I loved you. (_Laughs almost successfully_) Oh,\nthe egotism of you men\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAnd half a minute gone.\n\nFANNY\n\nI never loved you\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_who has crept cautiously down again_)\n\nDon\u2019t say that, Fanny!\n\n[_The Devil throws another brass ornament in the same way as before.\nAgnus disappears, dodging._\n\nFANNY (_talking on through this incident, which also goes unnoticed by\nher_) Girls must marry somebody, you know\u2014somebody\u2014not that you should\nbe too much flattered by being called somebody\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThirty-five seconds\u2014and a third\u2014\n\nFANNY (_at a loss_)\n\nNo, indeed\u2014(_Pauses_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nOh, yes, I assure you\u2014thirty-five and a third\u2014forty, now\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nI never loved you\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou said that before\u2014\n\nFANNY (_viciously_)\n\nAnd now I hate you\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou said that, too. You seem to be running out of ideas. Fifty-three\nseconds gone, but I used three seconds myself and hereby credit you\nwith them. Fifty\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nI am going\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAnd\u2014quite a coincidence\u2014so is the time\u2014\n\nFANNY (_raging again_)\n\nI am going, nev\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\n\u201c\u2019er to return.\u201d Aren\u2019t you going to say _anything_ new?\u2014Too late!\nMinute\u2019s up! (_Starts for Magnus_)\n\nFANNY (_still unbelievingly_)\n\nYou\u2019ll let me go like this\u2014without a word\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWithout a _word_!\n\nFANNY\n\nDo you realize I am going out of your life forever\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_sighing heavily_)\n\nWhat a chance!\n\nFANNY\n\nWell\u2014I am\u2014I\u2019m going\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\n\u201cNever to return\u201d\u2014don\u2019t say it again\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nOh, you are sorry\u2014Oh, Addington! I knew you didn\u2019t mean to be cruel.\n(_She bursts into tears and throws her arms around him_)\n\nTHE DEVIL (_as she hangs about his neck_)\n\nHell! Or rather: Mars!\n\n[_Agnus, who has crept up from behind, now urgently pokes The Devil in\nthe ribs. The Devil gladly transfers Fanny to him._\n\nAGNUS (_enraptured, forgetting everything_)\n\nFanny! Fanny! My Own!\n\nFANNY (_looking up_)\n\nUgh! Ugh! You horrible man!\n\n[_The light darts at her._\n\nFANNY (_wrenching herself loose, pushes Agnus into a chair; then she\nalmost screams with lost self-respect_) Addington Agnus! I\u2019ll never\nforgive you\u2014never\u2014never\u2014never\u2014(_She rushes out, violently slamming the\ngarden door behind her_)\n\nAGNUS (_collapsing_)\n\nNow, you\u2019ve done it!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_irritatedly_)\n\nWhen she was quarrelling with me, you were protesting. When she tried\nto make up, you were protesting. And now that she\u2019s gone, you\u2019re\nprotesting.\n\nAGNUS\n\nI\u2019ve lost her\u2014lost her\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_grimly_)\n\nDollars to doughnuts, she\u2019ll find some excuse to come back. I knew a\nman once who went all the way from San Francisco back to Denver to get\na tooth-brush he had left at home. Of course, he didn\u2019t go to see his\nwife! Oh, no! He had quarrelled with her\u2014hated the sight of her. But\nhow much more he hated losing that twenty-five-cent tooth-brush!\n\nAGNUS\n\nIf you think she\u2019ll be back after the way you just treated her, you may\nknow some women, but not well-bred ones\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_gloomily_)\n\n\u201cWhen it comes to a man in the case, they\u2019re as like as a pair of new\npins.\u201d I\u2019ll have to spring the little actress on her yet, if I want to\nget rid of her.\n\nAGNUS\n\nOh, don\u2019t do that! Don\u2019t let her think it\u2019s on account of another\nwoman\u2014and such a woman\u2014living in the house, too. She\u2019ll never forgive\nthat. No nice woman would.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou lamb! I\u2019ve known women\u2014nice women, too, mind you\u2014on whom such a\nwoman\u2014as you call her\u2014acted like a magnet. Not that they wanted to come\nback! Oh, no! They wanted to save the man from an abandoned creature.\n(_Instructively_) An abandoned creature, Agnus, is any other woman. No\nmatter how good her character is, they\u2019ll say she\u2019s under cover with\nenough crime to crowd Callao\u2014\n\n[_There is a knock at the hall door._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_ironically looking toward hall door_)\n\nDear man! The controller of the money-market kept waiting by a mere\nNobel prize-winner! Terrible insolence! Get out, Schwartzenhopfel!\n\n[_The light dances defiantly._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_pointing to Agnus_)\n\nOh, I mean\u2014him! And don\u2019t come sneaking down the stairway again, or\nI\u2019ll do some awful thing to disgrace you forever. Get out! See that the\nyoung lady gets her trunks. (_Pushes him off upstairs_) No peeping,\nmind!\n\n[_Agnus goes disconsolately, looking back as he goes._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to the light_)\n\nSchwartzenhopfel, do you know who\u2019s in there? (_Points to hallway_)\n\n[_The light dances angrily._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThe man you particularly wanted to blow up with one of your bombs.\n\n[_The light becomes attentive._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nCan you hear me?\n\n[_The light wags and then remains attentive again._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHow would you like to have a body again? Eh? A better body than you\never had?\n\n[_The light dances joyfully._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWould you be a good Dutchman and do just as I told you?\n\n[_The light wags._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAre you sorry for all that swearing and temper you\u2019ve shown since\nyou\u2019ve been a light?\n\n[_The light wags slowly. At that moment the hall door opens and Magnus\nre\u00ebnters._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nI was just\u2014\n\nMAGNUS (_very angry at having been kept waiting_)\n\nGood day to you, sir\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_holding his arm_)\n\nMagnus\u2014(_Fixes him with his eyes_)\n\n[_Magnus\u2019s eyes flutter as before. He struggles, but gradually yields\nto The Devil\u2019s power._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nMagnus, sit down!\n\n[_The dark of an approaching rain begins and grows gradually all\nthrough the ensuing dialogue until rain actually falls._\n\nMAGNUS (_with a flash of natural spirit_)\n\nBe da\u2014\n\n[_He means to say: \u201cBe damned to you\u201d; but The Devil\u2019s eyes drive out\ndefiance. Magnus sits down._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nMagnus, look at me!\n\nMAGNUS\n\nI\u2014(_He tries to rouse himself, desperately, but sinks back\nsubmissively_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nMagnus! Look at me!\n\n[_Magnus tries to disobey, but his eyes are literally torn upward and\ninto The Devil\u2019s._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_at centre table, turns on electric cigar-lighter\u2014an\nilluminated disk that burns dully_)\n\nMagnus, look at that light!\n\n[_Magnus is still staring at him._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNot me! The light! Saves my energy.\n\n[_Magnus stares still at him. The Devil goes to Magnus and turns his\nhead, arranging it as a photographer does for position. He points his\nfinger along Magnus\u2019s line of vision, turning it toward the luminous\ndisk. Then he sits down, his elbow on the table near the cigar-lighter,\nand lights cigarette. Leaning his head on his palm, he stares at Magnus\nin the growing darkness, the red glow of cigarette growing as the light\noutside begins to die before the rainstorm. This red glow lights up The\nDevil\u2019s face. The light bobs closer, inspecting and inquisitive._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nMagnus! When you went to school, they taught you: \u201cHonesty is the Best\nPolicy.\u201d At church: \u201cLove your fellow-men.\u201d You went into business. Two\nyears later\u2014you were a bankrupt. Why?\n\nMAGNUS (_in hypnosis: speaks dully and mechanically_) I wouldn\u2019t buy\ndiseased animals and dye their meat a healthy color with poison.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThat was being honest. What else? Speak!\n\nMAGNUS (_same tone, but sleepier_) I wouldn\u2019t bring foreign laborers\nover to do the work cheaper than Americans. The more ignorant citizens,\nthe more rascals in Congress. The more rascals in Congress, the worse\nlaws. The worse laws, the worse country. Worse and worse\u2014until only\na revolution could cure it. Out of a revolution\u2014a soldier tyrant\u2014a\nNapoleon\u2014an Emperor\u2014and three centuries\u2014gone to hell\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThat was loving your fellow-men. What else? Speak!\n\nMAGNUS (_almost asleep; rouses himself with an effort_) So, without\ncheap meat and cheap labor, I couldn\u2019t sell at cheap prices. My wife\nsold her jewels. I kept books for a former rival.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_thumbing Magnus\u2019s forehead_)\n\nThat\u2019s what you got for being honest and loving your fellow-men, eh?\nHow did you get the courage to be a crook?\n\nMAGNUS\n\nMy boy\u2014Charles\u2014consumptive\u2014needed change of air to save his\nlife\u2014Denver\u2014Los Angeles\u2014 the Riviera.\u2014A bookkeeper gets twenty a\nweek\u2014(_His head drops on breast again_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNo chance there! Well?\n\nMAGNUS (_painfully dragging out the words in spite of intense\nsleepiness_) _Tried_ to save enough\u2014no use\u2014couldn\u2019t.\u2014So at last moment\nI falsified books\u2014sent the boy away\u2014(_His head drops_)\n\nTHE DEVIL (_revives him_)\n\nThen?\n\nMAGNUS\n\nSpeculated\u2014to return first money\u2014won\u2014the fever got me. I took all I\ncould get from the office safe\u2014plunged\u2014won\u2014(_Relapses: head drops_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHonesty ruined you. Stealing made you rich. Loving your fellow-men\nnearly killed your boy. Hating them saved him\u2014eh? (_Shakes him_)\n\nMAGNUS (_roused, speaks in shrill voice_)\n\nWent back into the old business. Did what others did. Ran the thousands\ninto millions. Bought steel-mills with the millions. Froze the little\nfellows out.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHating them!\n\nMAGNUS\n\nHating everybody. Needed banks to swing deals. Gave a million to\npoliticians. United States Treasury made my banks National Banks.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNational! Ha, ha!\u2014National!\n\n[_Magnus\u2019s head drops on his breast._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_reviving him_)\n\nAnd lent you Government money to run more little fellows out of\nbusiness, eh?\n\nMAGNUS\n\nWhen I controlled the clearing-house, I refused some banks\nclearing-house privileges.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThat meant: either do as you said or close their doors? When they\nrealized that, you began to control the money-market. The National\nCurrency? You and your friends are the Mint\u2014the Treasury of the Nation.\nYou finance wars\u2014make governments\u2014keep out of office honest men who\nwon\u2019t make the laws you want\u2014(_Revives him_)\n\nMAGNUS (_drowsily_)\n\nNo man can be President unless I say so.\n\n[_The light darts at him._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou could put all good men in and throw all bad ones out? But, instead,\nyou throw all good ones out and put all bad ones in. Those who will do\nas you say.\n\n[_Magnus sleeps noisily._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nLook, Schwartzenhopfel! The Law of the Land\u2014there!\n\n[_Magnus snores. A dim radiance begins to surround his head. The light\ndraws as close as possible. A few splashes of rain fall on the windows._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to the light_)\n\nI am going to teach him that while one cannot be honest in this\nworld\u2014today\u2014dishonesty can be atoned for only by loving one\u2019s fellows\nmore instead of less. And loving, helping\u2014\n\n[_The radiance grows around Magnus. The light draws close to it._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to the light_)\n\nSchwartzenhopfel\u2014come away! Don\u2019t be in too much of a hurry!\n\n[_The light retreats reluctantly._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to the light_)\n\nDisobey me once when you become a controller of money-markets, and\u2014out\nyou go! More: I may leave you to linger around in air until somebody\nelse wears your body out.\n\n[_The light trembles._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nIt is nearly time. Remember what I say. Else better stay as you are for\na short time\u2014than for a lifetime! _You_ are only the instrument. I the\nplayer.\n\n[_The light wags. The radiance flickers above Magnus\u2019s head. A second\nlight rises slowly to ceiling._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_excitedly_)\n\nNow, Dutchman, get ready! Go!\n\n[_The light darts at Magnus\u2019s head. At the same moment the storm breaks\nwith fury. Great splotches of rain are thrown at the window-panes. The\nhouse rocks. The light (Schwartzenhopfel) sinks out of sight above\nMagnus\u2019s head. The figure of Magnus is left in darkness, the only light\nin the room being the suspended one (Magnus), hanging from the ceiling\nlike a hypnotized bee, and that from the cigar-lighter which falls on\nthe face of the Devil._[2]\n\n[Footnote 2: In referring to the light thereafter, Magnus is meant.]\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWell, Schwartzenhopfel?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_in Magnus\u2019s body_)\n\n_Ach Gott!_\n\n[_The Devil turns on the electricity in the fringed white candelabrum,\nwhereby the room becomes pervaded with a gentle glow of light.\nSchwartzenhopfel rises, stretches, pats himself; throws out each leg,\neach arm; tries to speak, but is overcome with emotion and bursts\ninto tears. From tears he is translated into hysterical laughter.\nThe room begins to grow lighter, but furious rain continues outside.\nSchwartzenhopfel follows the light around the room, pointing at it\nderisively, his body doubling up with speechless laughter each time\nhe points. The light moves away with dignity. Finally, to escape\npersecution, it flies out of the window._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHere! That is not right. (_Satirically amused_) Driving a controller of\nmoney-markets out into the rain.\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel, paying no attention, leaps and bounds about the\nroom like an unwieldly baboon. Agnus re\u00ebnters by hall door._\n\nAGNUS (_shocked_)\n\nMr. Magnus!\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel goes on dancing until he sees Agnus in full light.\nThen seeing himself, in Agnus, he bursts into another roar of laughter,\npointing in gleeful derision and following the harassed Agnus around,\neach time pointing and roaring with laughter, as he did with the\nlight._\n\nAGNUS (_turning_)\n\nMr. Magnus! (_Solicitously_) What is wrong, sir?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_after another outbreak, hoarsely to The Devil_) Did\nI walk like that? Look like that? Oh, what liars are looking-glasses!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nMen don\u2019t see what the mirror shows them. They see what they look to\nsee. A good-looking, intelligent, well-groomed countenance for each.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_to The Devil_)\n\nI don\u2019t blame you for wanting to get rid of that! (_Pokes Agnus with\nhis finger_) Flabby, too.\n\nAGNUS (_gasps out thoroughly shocked_)\n\nYou\u2019ve been up to your Devil\u2019s tricks again!\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nBetter trick for me than for you! Ha! Ha! (_Turns Agnus around,\ndisconsolately_) I don\u2019t look a bit better from the back! (_Solemnly_)\nI\u2019d hate to see myself undressed.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThe best part of _you_ is talking right now.\n\nAGNUS (_almost howling_)\n\nMr. Magnus\u2014what have you done with Mr. Magnus?\n\n[_The light comes flying back through window. The Devil points to it.\nSchwartzenhopfel points also and begins following the light about as\nbefore. The light is about to fly off again in dignity, but pauses at\nthe window._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHere! Leave him alone! (_To Schwartzenhopfel_) You didn\u2019t like it when\nI did it to _you_\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nThat\u2019s why I\u2019m doing it to him. He\u2019s a tyrant, a bloodsucker, a\nvampire, a murderer of poor men\u2019s souls. He ought to be hung, drawn,\nquartered, and dynamited. He is\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou had better keep those sentiments to yourself. Have you forgotten\nwho you are? With all his sins to answer for?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_ceases suddenly to rail and takes a cigarette which\nhe lights_) I did miss tobacco\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHow could you miss tobacco without a body?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nIt soothes the soul. A fine trick you played me.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAnd a fine trick you played me. Leaving bombs sewn up in your mattress.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_grinning_)\n\nHow the police would like to know where they are. They searched the\nroom today.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nI shook you just in time\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_turning pale_)\n\nWhat did you say?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nSearched my room\u2014his room. (_Points to The Devil_) Your room now. Lucky\nI\u2019m in disguise! (_Taps body_)\n\nAGNUS (_pale and trembling_)\n\nDid they\u2014er\u2014find anything?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_Scornfully_)\n\nPolicemen find anything?\n\nAGNUS (_breathing hard_)\n\nThank God!\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nAt least not before I flew away.\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou left the police there\u2014in your room?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nNo, in your room\u2014smoking and trying to think. If they think they can\nthink, what do they think they can think with?\n\nAGNUS (_in trembling tone_)\n\nWhere is your room?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nYour room? Why, over the shoemaker\u2019s shop\u2014next block?\n\n[_Agnus sits down unmanned._\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nNew York detectives, too. Central-office \u201cdicks.\u201d None of your common\ncountry constables or sheriffs for me\u2014I\u2019m a celebrated man.\n\nAGNUS (_in a trembling tone_)\n\nYou\u2014you are?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nNo, you are. From Maine to Pensacola; from \u2019Frisco to Vancouver. Nobody\nmakes bombs like old Schwartzenhopfel. I hope they don\u2019t find those\nseven. They took me three weeks and cost three hundred dollars.\n\nAGNUS\n\nI\u2014I hope they don\u2019t, too. I\u2014I think I\u2019ll go\u2014now\u2014g\u2014go\u2014to bed. (_He\nstarts for the stairway_) I wonder if they\u2019re still there\u2014in your room?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nMy dear sir\u2014I am John Magnus. It ain\u2019t _my_ room\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Agnus_)\n\nYou might ask Mr. Magnus to go over and find out for you?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nMe? Got a photo of it, haven\u2019t you?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNo\u2014him! (_Points to the light_)\n\n[_The light contracts and moves to other side of room._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_crossing over to it_)\n\nWhat\u2019s the use being sulky, Magnus? You\u2019re the only one here who can\ndo it without anybody seeing you. Go on! For this poor fellow\u2019s sake\nanyhow. (_Points to Agnus_) Want to see him in jail?\n\nAGNUS (_approaching the light_)\n\nMr. Magnus, sir\u2014I had no hand in this\u2014I am as badly off as you\u2014I am\nAddington Agnus. That man\u2014over there\u2014(_pointing_) is The Devil.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nDr. Agnus, please.\n\nAGNUS\n\nHe stole my body, too, and made me take this one\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nHa! Ha!\n\nAGNUS\n\nAnd now I find it\u2019s a criminal\u2019s body, and the police are looking for\nit. Mr. Magnus\u2014please\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nIt will make me more merciful, Magnus.\n\n[_The light moves sulkily to the window. The storm has blown over and\nthe rain is turning to snow. However, the light is bright enough for\nThe Devil to turn out the candles._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to the light_)\n\nWhen you come back, wag once\u2014like this (_wags head_) if the Dutchman\u2019s\nmattress is torn up. Twice if it isn\u2019t.\n\n[_The light flies out through the window._\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_throwing up window and calling after the light_)\nOver the shoemaker\u2019s shop\u2014next block\u2014third floor\u2014you can\u2019t miss it.\n(_Puts down the window_)\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Schwartzenhopfel_)\n\nLet\u2019s spare his feelings while he\u2019s gone. I wonder how big a check he\ncan write.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_excitedly_)\n\nI read he could sign one for two million dollars\u2014ready money\u2014a check\nfor two millions\u2014_Ach Gott!_ That was why I wanted to blow him up.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_coldly_)\n\nWell, you\u2019ve got your chance now. A chance no anarchist ever had\nbefore. You anarchists always complain you can\u2019t get close enough to\nmillionaires. _You\u2019re_ close enough\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_turning pale_)\n\nWhat do you mean?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_handing him a sharp paper-cutter of steel_)\n\nDig this (_taps it_) into that\u2014(_Taps Schwartzenhopfel\u2019s heart_)\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_turning pale_)\n\nThat would be murder!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAnd what\u2019s throwing bombs?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_protesting_)\n\nI don\u2019t throw \u2019em. I make \u2019em. I never threw one.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWhat\u2019s the difference?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nI never sell \u2019em to blow up people. Only houses and bridges and\nrailroads and\u2014(_vaguely_)\u2014er\u2014places\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou just said you wanted to blow up Magnus.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_hanging his head_)\n\nI don\u2019t blow up nobody!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_scornfully_)\n\nSocialist!!\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_furiously_)\n\nSocialist? Bourgeoisie! Children! Talkers! Bah!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_tapping him_)\n\nBourgeoisie! Child! Talker! Bah!\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nYou lie\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nDo I? (_Offers paper-cutter again_) Prove it! (_Makes the motion of\nstabbing_) Anarchists claim they wouldn\u2019t let John Magnus live one\nminute if they had the power to kill him. Here\u2019s the power\u2014 (_Offers\nknife again_)\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\n_Teufel! Teufel!_ You _are_ a devil.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nDr. Agnus, please! (_He fingers paper-cutter_) You know, when the\nAnarchist Council hears of the chance you\u2019re throwing away\u2014pouff! That\nfor you\u2014(_stabbing motion_) I don\u2019t know but what they\u2019re right. This\nis too good a chance to miss. (_He takes Schwartzenhopfel by the collar\nand flourishes the dagger_)\n\nAGNUS\n\nHere! Quit that! Quit!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_fixes him with a look that makes him fall back_) For\nthe sake of the thousands of lives Magnus has taken to make his\nmillions\u2014(_the dagger descends_)\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_on his knees, howling lustily_)\n\nPolice! Police! Police!\n\n[_Judge Critty appears at the window looking in from garden, sees the\ntableau inside without being seen himself, and runs off with a shocked,\nterrified expression on his face._\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nPolice! Police!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_throws down the knife and laughs heartily_)\n\nThe police? An anarchist bawling for the police! The police! If the\nAnarchist Council heard that, they\u2019d boil you in Standard Oil. Get up!\n(_Sneers_) Anarchist!\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel crawls to his feet shamefacedly._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_fixes him with his eye_)\n\nI might have known that a man who makes bombs to blow up\u2014for all he\nknows\u2014women and children, would be just your kind of a coward! Oh, you\nhuman beings! You make me ill! (_He takes a check-book from the pocket\nof Schwartzenhopfel\u2019s coat_) What did you think I gave you this body\nfor, you fool? To kill it? I need it too much. Where did you read that\nabout the two million check?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nIn a London paper.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThen there\u2019s a chance, it\u2019s true. If you\u2019d said a New York\none\u2014Write!\u2014(_Hands the check-book to Schwartzenhopfel_)\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel looks inquiringly at him._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nPay to Addington Agnus\u2014two million\u2014\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel writes out the check and signs it._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNow endorse it so: \u201cThis money is given to Dr. Addington Agnus to\nfurther scientific researches of inestimable value. The amount\nspecified need detain no bank official in my employ from cashing it.\nJohn Magnus.\u201d\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel writes while The Devil is dictating._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_takes the check and scrutinizes it_)\n\nLook at that, Agnus. You should be the happiest man in the world.\n\nAGNUS (_scrutinizing the check, the man once more forgotten in the\nscientist_) His signature! Magnus\u2019s! Why, the check\u2019s good!\n\n[_It is now snowing hard, the snow encrusting the windows._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nOf course it\u2019s good.\n\nAGNUS\n\nBut\u2014a forgery!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nCan you get anybody to believe that coward over there isn\u2019t Magnus?\nNow, aren\u2019t you glad I happened along this morning?\n\nAGNUS\n\nIt means\u2014success\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWiser people\u2014better world\u2014morals adjust themselves. Forty crooks and\none honest man in a community, the crooks would elect the honest\nman\u2014because wisdom teaches them not to trust crooks. The only incurable\ncrime is ignorance!\n\nAGNUS (_protesting_)\n\nThe only one!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWho ever heard of a professional crook being a murderer, for instance?\nOnly ignorant amateurs\u2014like Schwartzenhopfel here.\u2014If he wasn\u2019t\nignorant, he wouldn\u2019t murder.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nI don\u2019t murder.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nTell that to the police. Every bomb you make is a potential murder. Why\nare they looking for you? Answer!\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_reluctantly_)\n\nSomebody used one of my bombs somewhere. I guess somebody else\nsnitched. And they\u2019re trying to get something on me!\n\nAGNUS (_to The Devil, bitterly_)\n\nAnd you say I ought to be the happiest man in the world\u2014robbed of the\ngirl I love\u2014of my name, my reputation\u2014in danger of arrest, jail, maybe\nthe electric chair! Very happy! Oh, yes! Ha! Ha! Ha! Can\u2019t you give me\na broken arm or leg or head to make my happiness complete?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nBut think of the triumph of science. (_Waves the check_) What\u2019s one\nperson\u2019s feelings compared with the good of the world\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nNothing\u2014except when you happen to be that person. (_Feverishly_) What\nshall I do about the police?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_points to Schwartzenhopfel_)\n\nI\u2019ll shift his soul over to his own body and make him pay the penalty\nof his own crimes\u2014\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel makes a dash for the door, opens it, and runs wildly\nout into the snow._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_at the door_)\n\nCome back! Come back!\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_outside_)\n\nSo you can switch souls on me! Not much\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Agnus, groaning_)\n\nA mad anarchist let loose with a billion dollars! (_Shouting_) Come\nback! I won\u2019t do it!\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_outside_)\n\nMy mother always taught me never to put any trust in The Devil.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_at the door_)\n\nIf you don\u2019t come back, I\u2019ll run the paper-cutter through your real\nbody and rid the earth of you. (_He makes a threatening pass at Agnus\nwith the knife_)\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_outside_)\n\nWhat do I care? I\u2019ve got a better one, and all the money I want. You\nwon\u2019t be able to get near me. And if you try, I\u2019ll have you put in jail\nas an anarchist. I\u2019m John Magnus, now. (_His voice comes from farther\naway_) And Dr. Agnus is the man the police want.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_sternly_)\n\nCome back! Or I\u2019ll find a way to make you! Come back!\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_still outside but slightly afraid_)\n\nPromise then! No devil\u2019s tricks! Keep your eyes to yourself.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nI promise! (_To Agnus_) I need him! He can repudiate that check.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_still outside_)\n\nHow can I believe you!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_in awful tones_)\n\nYou worm! Doubt me, do you?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_whining_)\n\nAll right, Captain: all right! (_He sneaks back, holding up one arm\ndefensively_)\n\nTHE DEVIL (_closing door_)\n\nYou disobey me again and I\u2019ll make you wish wildcats had stolen you\nfrom your mother\u2019s knee.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_whining_)\n\nWell, who wants to go to jail?\n\n[_The light reappears through the window._\n\nAGNUS (_feverishly_)\n\nThere\u2019s Mr. Magnus back. (_Addressing the light_) Mr.\nMagnus\u2014sir\u2014what\u2014what\u2014is it all right?\n\n[_The light bobs once solemnly._\n\nAGNUS (_relieved_)\n\nIt\u2019s all right.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHe wagged once. That means the mattress is torn up.\n\nAGNUS\n\nI asked him: \u201cIs it all right?\u201d And he nodded. (_To the light_) Didn\u2019t\nyou, Mr. Magnus?\n\n[_The light wags crosswise, as though it was shaking its head._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nHe says \u201cno.\u201d\n\nAGNUS\n\nNo? Yes?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nLook here; we agreed: if the bombs were found, once; not found, twice.\n(_To the light_) Which is it? Once or twice?\n\n[_The light wags once._\n\nAGNUS (_wildly_)\n\nOh! oh! oh! I must get away! Hide!\n\n[_Fanny flings open the door without knocking._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Agnus, indicating her_)\n\nWhat did I tell you!\n\n[_Agnus stops, forgetting all about the police._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Agnus_)\n\nGo on! Get away! Hide! Do it!\n\n[_Agnus stares at Fanny. Fanny advances as though searching for\nsomething. The Devil looks at her inquiringly._\n\nFANNY (_to Schwartzenhopfel_)\n\nMr. Magnus, you needn\u2019t think I came back to see him. I left my veil\nsomewhere about.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_winking to Agnus_)\n\nDenver to San Francisco\u2014tooth-brush!\n\nFANNY\n\nI wish you\u2019d help me find it and let me go, Mr. Magnus.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nSo you lost your tooth-brush?\n\nFANNY\n\nMr. Magnus\u2014my veil\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nVeil\u2014tooth-brush\u2014any excuse will do.\n\nFANNY (_ignoring him_)\n\nMr. Magnus, your chauffeur says the snow\u2019s getting deep. We should\nstart immediately.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou take the car, Fanny. You and your mother. You go back. Mr. Magnus\nstays here.\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel smiles weakly._\n\nFANNY\n\nMr. Magnus\u2014you\u2014staying here\u2014with this person?\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel smiles more weakly._\n\nFANNY\n\nNot on my account, Mr. Magnus, please. All is over between us.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_instructively_)\n\nIn moments of anger, the d\u00e9butante\u2019s language and the shop-girl\u2019s\ncannot be distinguished. That is because\u2014while d\u00e9butantes are taught\nproper language for ordinary things, no one can be taught proper\nlanguage for extraordinary things. So, as both d\u00e9butantes and\nshop-girls read the best-selling novels, both go to them for the\nlanguage of distress. Hence the similarity. (_With college professor\u2019s\ngesture_) Class on Feminine Psychology dismissed for the day. Our next\nsubject will be: How to Insult Young Ladies so That They Won\u2019t Come\nBack.\n\nFANNY\n\nYou acknowledge you insulted me then?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nCheerfully!\n\nFANNY\n\nYou hear that, Mr. Magnus?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_with a weak smile_)\n\nI hear it.\n\nFANNY\n\nAnd you\u2014in spite of insults to the daughter of the woman you profess to\ncare for\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nWhat! (_He starts violently_)\n\nFANNY\n\nYou continue under his roof\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nWell, you see, I like the Doc\u2014the Doctor. I am interested in his work.\nI just gave\u2014\n\n[_The Devil nudges him._\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_brightly_)\n\nOh, it\u2019s all right, Doctor. I was just going to tell her I gave you a\ncheck for two million dollars!\n\n[_Fanny stands speechless._\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_anxiously, seeing The Devil scowling_) Oh, quite\nlegitimate\u2014scientific research. For scientific research\u2014er\u2014rightly\nresearched, you know\u2014what is two million\u2014that is, to me!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou fool!\n\nFANNY (_to The Devil_)\n\nIs this so? (_Sees the check in his hand, takes it quickly and stands\nfor a second quiet; then to Schwartzenhopfel, bitterly_) Two million!\nAnd I suppose he\u2019s not allowed to spend more than two thousand on\nhimself\u2014and wife\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_sotto voce_)\n\nSay \u201cyes.\u201d\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_to The Devil_)\n\nWhat did you say?\n\n[_The Devil clenches his fists._\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_to Fanny, brightly_)\n\nOh, no limitations\u2014he can spend anything he likes on himself\u2014\n\nFANNY (_eagerly_)\n\nSay half of what you would have paid him at the Mills?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_anxious to regain The Devil\u2019s good-will_)\nHalf? All! All! No strings to my generosity, young lady. I\nwant him to be happy at his work. He can buy an automobile\u2014or\na\u2014yacht\u2014or\u2014er\u2014jewellery\u2014or\u2014anything\u2014\n\n\nFANNY (_throwing herself into The Devil\u2019s arms_)\n\nAddington! Addington! At last!\n\n[_Agnus clenches his fists and starts across room_.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_in an injured tone_)\n\nI thought you were going away never to return?\n\nFANNY\n\nAnd would you have been unhappy, dearest?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou just said: \u201cAll is over between us\u201d\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nJust to see what you would say\u2014and I saw\u2014you grew quite red, Addington\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_bitterly_)\n\nYes\u2014to keep from laughing\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nAh! Addington! You are being proud now. Look at me! How I have sunk my\npride, determined to get to the bottom of this. I have been wrong. I\nacknowledge it. I had no right to interfere with your work. I came back\nto tell you that\u2014to sacrifice myself, too\u2014\n\n[_The Devil stares blankly at her. Agnus nudges him fiercely to take\nhis arm away from Fanny. The Devil at last takes his arm away._\n\nFANNY (_who has been talking in the meantime_)\n\nBut Mr. Magnus has repented. He has seen my side of the case, too. We\ncan have a town house now, Addington, with that two million\u2014and two\nmotors\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_sarcastically_)\n\nOh, can we?\n\nFANNY (_reproachfully_)\n\nRemember, I was ready to sacrifice everything for you. I didn\u2019t know\nMr. Magnus would be so generous. And now\u2014the marriage, dear\u2014when?\n[_Doll Blondin re\u00ebnters from the stairway, hatless and dressed in a\nshirtwaist._\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nWho\u2019s going to help your man bring up my trunks?\n\n[_Fanny disengages herself from the Devil and stares at Doll: first\nwildly, then savagely, then catlike._\n\nFANNY (_tragically to The Devil_)\n\nExplain!\n\nAGNUS (_wildly_)\n\nFanny, I can explain everything.\n\n[_Fanny pushes him away. Her look is that of a tragedy-queen\u2019s as she\nadvances with folded arms toward The Devil, who smiles impishly, sure\nnow that he has rid himself of her for good._\n\nFANNY\n\nExplain, Addington Agnus!\n\n[_The Devil ignites a cigarette at the electric lighter, shrugs his\nshoulders and smiles again._\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_who has come down to The Devil_)\n\nWell, how about those trunks?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nOh, Schwartzenhopfel will help you\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_indignantly, as if to say: \u201cRemember I am John\nMagnus\u201d_) What?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_pointing to Agnus_) Him!\n\n[_Agnus folds his arms also and does not stir._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Agnus_)\n\nBest thing\u2014if the police should look in\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_unhappily_)\n\nWhat do I care for the police\u2014or anything\u2014now!\n\nFANNY (_to The Devil in a dangerously cold tone_)\n\nI have _asked_ for an explanation!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_irritated_)\n\nOh, don\u2019t try to Sarah Bernhardt it, Fanny. You haven\u2019t the talent.\nAmateurs trying to be dramatic are only comic.\n\nFANNY (_turning suddenly to Doll Blondin with a\n\u201cwoman-to-woman-no-foolishness\u201d air_) What are you doing in this house?\nAre you the new housekeeper, or the parlor-maid?\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_half stunned and half admiring_) You cat, you!\n\nFANNY (_loudly_)\n\nWho is this woman?\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_aroused_)\n\nI\u2019m as much the lady as you! Howling and crying around here. What\u2019s the\nmatter? Are you crazy? (_Suddenly indignant_) Woman? Do you think\u2014(_Her\nBroadway mock modesty and pretended lady-like morality halt her from\nsaying what she means, so she explains shortly_) I\u2019m boarding here!\n(_Violently_) How dared you think anything else\u2014Woman, yourself!\n\nFANNY (_with a dry laugh_)\n\nBoarding? Can\u2019t you think of a better story than that? Why should he\ntake boarders?\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_shortly_)\n\nBecause he needs my twenty a week, I suppose.\n\n[_Fanny laughs still more dryly._\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_enraged_)\n\nWell, anyway, he ran after me in the street and called me in. (_Seeing\nshe has hurt Fanny, she encourages the innuendo wickedly_) Said price\ndidn\u2019t matter\u2014he said. (_Violently again_) But have no fear: I won\u2019t\nstay here and be insulted: I\u2019ll go\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nYou had better\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nMiss Blondin, if the place, or the food, or the service is\nunsatisfactory\u2014go. Otherwise\u2014stay. This lady is nothing to me.\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_in cool admiration_)\n\nWell, you _are_ a brute!\n\nFANNY (_to The Devil, seeing the admiration and rendered wild by it_)\nI understand now! This is why you\u2019ve changed so suddenly. The sight of\nthis woman of the street\u2014\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_blazing_)\n\nWhat?\n\nFANNY (_a little alarmed_)\n\nWoman in the street, I said\u2014\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nOh!\n\nFANNY\n\nAnd you forget your honor, your duty, your religion\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWhat has religion got to do with it?\n\nFANNY\n\nEverything. Well, I won\u2019t permit it. I care nothing for you. I hate\nyou. But there\u2019s a law in the land that protects defenceless women\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nDefenceless? Not unless they\u2019re dumb!\n\nFANNY\n\nAnd I\u2019ll see what the law says. I\u2019ll publish you in every newspaper in\nthe country, and I\u2019ll tell how the great scientist ran after a strange\nwoman\u2014a woman he knew nothing about\u2014and begged her to live in his\nhouse so she would be convenient to make love to.\n\n[_Doll Blondin looks at him suspiciously._\n\nFANNY\n\nThen where will your reputation be? Your Nobel prize?\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_hastily_)\n\nI\u2019m glad I didn\u2019t have my trunks unpacked\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nMiss Blondin\u2014\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nWho do you think\u2019s paying for my lessons, my education? Think I saved\nit out of a chorus salary? If somebody in New York were to hear such a\nstory, it would be good-bye to taking part of my pay in three sheets.\n(_Puts out her hand_) But I\u2019ll run in on you every now and then to say\n\u201cHello.\u201d You are _such_ a brute!\n\nFANNY (_standing between them_)\n\nYou\u2019ll do nothing of the sort, d\u2019you hear?\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nIndeed, miss?\n\nFANNY\n\nIndeed, miss, and indeed, miss\u2014and as for you, Addington Agnus, I\u2019ll\nstay here in this house\u2014with mother, until our wedding-day\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_desperately_)\n\nBy Saturn\u2014I wish I could think of something to do to you\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_desperately_)\n\nTell her the truth\u2014the truth. If you don\u2019t want her, I want her\u2014\n\n[_A noise is heard outside._\n\nFANNY\n\nYou!\n\nAGNUS\n\nYes, I! Fanny, listen! Here is the truth! (_He seizes her, overcome\nwith love, and embraces and kisses her_)\n\n[_Fanny screams._\n\nAGNUS\n\nListen, Fanny, I am\u2014\n\n[_The noise increases. The door is thrown open, and through it are seen\na Detective-lieutenant and his two men, all in plain clothes, as well\nas Sheriff Peattie and Judge Critty. They appear just in time to see\nAgnus embrace Fanny and to hear her scream._\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nHere are the police you called for, Mr. Magnus. I brought them as fast\nas I could.\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel dodges instinctively at the word \u201cPolice.\u201d Agnus\nreleases Fanny and plunges headforemost onto the sofa, where he hides\nostrich-like among the pillows._\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_pointing to The Devil_)\n\nThere\u2019s the gentleman!\n\nPEATTIE\n\nWhat? Doctor Agnus?\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nHe\u2019s as much my friend as yours, Constable. But he must have gone\ninsane. I saw him\u2014through that window\u2014threatening Mr. Magnus there with\na knife. Mr. Magnus was\u2014I regret to say\u2014reduced to kneeling for mercy\nand calling for the police\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_with shamefaced recollection_)\n\nOh, that was\u2014that was\u2014well\u2014(_Looks to The Devil for assistance_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThat was only a little play we were rehearsing for charity. Don\u2019t you\nunderstand\u2014a rehearsal\u2014Ha! Ha! A rehearsal!\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nThat\u2019s it\u2014play\u2014charity\u2014rehearsal\u2014\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_covered with confusion_)\n\nI\u2019m sure I\u2019m sorry\u2014\n\nPEATTIE\n\nI\u2019m right glad\u2014I\u2019d hate to see Senator Agnus\u2019s son in trouble. My\napologies, Doctor\u2014for these three New York detectives too\u2014they just\nhappened to be by when the Judge located me, and they came along to\nhelp me\u2014thought it was something desperate. We\u2019ll go\u2014\n\nFANNY (_furiously_)\n\nOne moment! I want that man punished. (_Points to Agnus on the sofa_)\nFor the second time today\u2014you saw him\u2014he has grossly insulted me!\n\n[_Peattie looks around, taken aback._\n\nFANNY (_stamping her foot_)\n\nI want him punished, I say!\n\nLIEUTENANT (_gruffly, pointing to Agnus\u2019s buried face_) Looks guilty,\nCap. Trying to hide like that the minute he sees the police.\n\nPEATTIE (_takes one quick step forward and jerks Agnus to his feet_)\nHere, what about this? Can\u2019t have ladies insulted hereabouts, you know.\n\nLIEUTENANT (_with a sudden change of face_)\n\nBy God, boys\u2014the anarchist! (_Draws revolver_)\n\n[_The women scream. The two detectives draw their revolvers also._\n\nPEATTIE\n\nWhat? Him? The fellow you been looking for all day? (_Still holding\nAgnus by the collar_)\n\nLIEUTENANT\n\nThat\u2019s the bird!\n\n[_Peattie lets loose Agnus and draws ancient-looking Colt\u2019s revolver,\nwhich he points at him. Agnus is now ringed around by four men with\nlevelled weapons._\n\nLIEUTENANT (_taking out handcuffs_)\n\nThrow up your hands, Henry Schwartzenhopfel\u2014\n\n[_Agnus throws up his hands._\n\nLIEUTENANT\n\nFan him for artillery, Hennessy.\n\n[_The Second Detective is about to search Agnus._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nStop! (_All stare at The Devil_) _He\u2019s my friend._\n\nPEATTIE\n\nBut, Doc\u2014he\u2019s a dynamiter\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNo matter, stop!\n\nLIEUTENANT\n\nListen, Mister\u2014Doctor\u2014whoever you are\u2014you can\u2019t give orders to the Law\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYes, I can; and the Law can give them to you. And it does; now! There\u2019s\nthe Law. (_Points to Schwartzenhopfel_) The man who makes you a\npoliceman; who makes your Chief of Police; your Commissioner; who makes\nMayors, Governors, Presidents! You\u2019re in the presence of Money, you\noxen! Take off your hats _to_ it\u2014and take your orders _from_ it\u2014_Mr.\nJohn Magnus_\u2014The Law.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_suddenly realizing his power_)\n\nAnd I order you to let Henry Schwartzenhopfel alone, now and all the\ntime. Schwartzenhopfel (_with his hand on Agnus\u2019s shoulder_) is _my_\nfriend, too.\n\nDETECTIVES (_moving away in awe_)\n\n_John_ Magnus!\n\nFANNY (_throwing her arms around The Devil, whose look of triumph\nchanges to one of hopeless dismay_)\n\nMy Hero!\n\n\nCURTAIN\n\n\n\n\nTHE THIRD ACT\n\n\n_The same room as before, and immediately following the preceding\nsituation\u2014not even a few seconds later, for the Detectives and the\nConstable are just putting away their revolvers._\n\n_Doll Blondin, her admiration for The Devil growing, looks triumphant\nas he irritably disengages Fanny\u2019s embrace. Some hope is revived in\nDoll of being rid of her._\n\n_Fanny\u2019s look is grimly determined._\n\n_Agnus, relieved from a terrible situation, looks for the first time\ngratefully at The Devil._\n\n_Schwartzenhopfel, feeling his power as Magnus and enjoying it,\nhas assumed an air of enormous importance\u2014by the simple method of\nflattening his jowls on the collar and clearing his throat, thus\ndeepening his voice._\n\n_Judge Critty is divided between his desire to serve Magnus and his\nhorror at open defiance of the Law\u2014when he knows Magnus is aware that\nthe Law could have been circumvented secretly. He has the air of\nsaying, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me, and I\u2019d have arranged it.\u201d Also his\nmanner is extra-apologetic and anxious, for he has blundered, and he\nfears the loss of Magnus\u2019s good offices._\n\n_The three detectives are blankly dismayed at having crossed the path\nof one so powerful as Magnus. They are anxious to retreat, but realize\nthat some concessions must be made to the conventions._\n\n_St. Elmo Peattie, the Sheriff, is simply confounded: for he is\nan honest villager, fearing God, and, consequently, no man. He is\nshocked at The Devil daring to put any man\u2014Magnus, Taft, Wilson,\nMorgan, Rockefeller, or even Roosevelt\u2014above the Law. Though he has\nno authority in the matter\u2014the warrants being in the Lieutenant\u2019s\nhands\u2014Peattie feels called upon to protest in the name of civic\ndignity, and to uphold the faith of his fathers\u2014the faith in which\nJefferson wrote; on which Burr, a Vice-President, was convicted of\ntreason; for which Washington fought and Nathan Hale died._\n\nPEATTIE (_to the Detectives_)\n\nWhat\u2019s gone wrong, pardners? Why don\u2019t you handcuff that there\ndynamiter?\n\nLIEUTENANT (_roughly_)\n\nWhat dynamiter?\n\nPEATTIE (_points to Agnus_)\n\nFellow you\u2019ve been hunting for all day\u2014\n\nLIEUTENANT (_taking out his note-book_)\n\nWill you swear he\u2019s a dynamiter?\n\nPEATTIE\n\nI ain\u2019t never heard of him before. How\u2019ll _I_ swear?\n\nLIEUTENANT (_trying to make his tone official by speaking sternly, as\nif determined to get at evidence_)\n\nYou\u2019ve seen him about the village every day?\n\nPEATTIE\n\nSure\u2014but\u2014\n\nLIEUTENANT\n\nJust answer my questions: how has he behaved?\n\nPEATTIE\n\nI see him going into Pete Mellish\u2019s and into Gus Hobbs\u2019s\u2014\n\nLIEUTENANT (_with heavy constabulary levity_)\n\nAnd\u2014did he try to dynamite\u2014er\u2014Pete Jellyfish\u2014or Corn Cob\u2019s\u2014whatever\ntheir names are?\n\nPEATTIE\n\nHush, man! Pete\u2019s our grocer. Gus\u2019s our butcher. Prisoner\u2019s human,\nain\u2019t he? He\u2019s got to eat\u2014\n\nLIEUTENANT (_making note_)\n\nBought groceries and meat daily. (_Relieved_) Well, that ain\u2019t criminal.\n\nPEATTIE (_sulkily_)\n\nI never see him dynamite nobody, if that\u2019s what you\u2019re trying to get\nat. Allus bin civil enough to me. Gi\u2019me a cigar once.\n\nLIEUTENANT (_poising pencil with same heavy police humor_) Ah! Cigar!\nLoaded?\n\nPEATTIE (_annoyed_)\n\nNo, \u2019twarn\u2019t. \u2019Twas as good as any two fer a nickel I ever bought myself.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_scandalized as he remembers the episode and the\nprice_) Two for a nickel! It was a\u2014(_Pulls himself up sharply_)\n\nLIEUTENANT (_explaining apologetically, supposing the outbreak to be\ndue to a millionaire\u2019s ignorance of such cheap matters_) An expression,\nMr. Magnus\u2014\u201ctwofera nickel\u201d is two cigars for five cents. Rubes smoke\n\u2019em.\n\nPEATTIE (_angry_)\n\nRubes, eh? Well, thank Joshyouway, I ain\u2019t a New Yorker, mister\u2014where\nevery next fella\u2019s a Harp or a Ginny, a Kike or a Polack; where haff of\n\u2019em don\u2019t even talk Amurrican. (_Turning to The Devil, who has been\nlistening with approval_) Doctor Agnus, be ashamed of yourself! I\u2019m\nolder\u2019n you: old enough to be Sheriff here when your daddy was Senator.\nAnd your dad, young gentleman, he told me to arrest old Commodore\nVanderbilt. Yes, sir\u2014the Commodore\u2014driving his hosses too fast \u2018long\nMain Street, endangerin\u2019 lives and limbs of old women and children.\nYour dad, he sez: \u201cSt. Elmo, no matter who he is, any _big_ man that\nbreaks laws is _little_.\u201d _Little_, yes, sir; and why? \u201cBecause,\u201d\nsays your dad, the Honnible Maxwell Agnus, \u201cbecause, Sheriff, people\nwho don\u2019t know no better is goin\u2019to say: \u2018If the biggest man in the\ncountry breaks laws then them laws \u2019es no good\u2019\u2014and so,\u201d sez your dad,\n\u201cignorant people start breakin\u2019 \u2019em too\u2014\u201d and, sez he, \u201cthe law\u2019s like\na brick barn, Sheriff; taking one brick out makes the walls git weak\nand, pritty soon, the whole blamed thing starts tumbling down.\u201d\n\nTHE DEVIL (_interested_)\n\nAnd did the Honorable Maxwell Agnus get elected to the Senate again\nafter telling you to arrest the biggest man in the country?\n\nPEATTIE\n\nBetcha he did! People was different then. They was Amurricans. And when\nthey found out why the Commodore hated your dad; why he was tryin\u2019to\nkeep him outa office agin; why, they just swan to goodness _that_ was\nthe sorta fella they wanted in Congress\u2014what would take up for the weak\nagin\u2019 the strong. He was Senator pritty nigh fifteen years after\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_smiling_)\n\nAnd then?\n\nPEATTIE (_reluctantly_)\n\nWa-al _then_. Then that there Eye-talian colony got so big over to Cove\nNeck, and, seeing as how their votes war only a dollar apiece and a\nkiss for the babies, why, our votes warn\u2019t strong enough to beat the\npoliticians.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou see, money has a long memory, Sheriff. And it always wins in the\nend.\n\nPEATTIE\n\nBut think of all the good he done in them fifteen years.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWith the result that the railroad doesn\u2019t run within seven miles of\nthis village and the population has fallen to two thousand inhabitants.\n\nPEATTIE (_sulkily_)\n\nWa-al\u2014we\u2019re all Amurricans, anyway. It kept the Eye-talians and\nthe Polacks _out_. You\u2014can\u2019t\u2014buy\u2014votes\u2014here\u2014and _he_ (_points to\nSchwartzenhopfel, meaning Magnus_) can\u2019t scare anybody like he kin\nNew Yorkers. (_He jerks his head with a sneer at the Detectives_)\nKeeping \u2019em from arresting the man they\u2019re sent to git\u2014a furriner\u2014not\nAmurrican, mind\u2014a cowardly furriner that blows people up. Magnus,\nnor twenty Magnuses couldn\u2019t keep me from doing my dooty on sich a\nvillin\u2014couldn\u2019t keep any real Amurrican. (_Turning to the Detectives_)\nI\u2019ll bet you folks ain\u2019t Amurricans?\n\nLIEUTENANT (_who all along has spoken with an Irish accent, and now,\nwhen violently angry, speaks with a pronounced brogue_) Go on, ye scut!\n(_He makes threatening motion at him_)\n\nPEATTIE (_triumphantly_)\n\nAmurrican! Huhnh? (_To second Detective_) And you?\n\nSECOND DETECTIVE (_excitedly_)\n\nI haf my naduraladion pabers got us goot as you or any udder man\u2014\n\nPEATTIE (_more triumphantly_)\n\nAmurrican! Hey? (_To the third Detective_) And you?\n\nTHIRD DETECTIVE (_trying to speak carefully_)\n\nI\u2014was\u2014born\u2014in\u2014New\u2014York\u2014\n\n[_Peattie slaps thigh and grins unbelievingly._\n\nTHIRD DETECTIVE (_angrily_)\n\nBy your lave, Lootenant, I\u2019ll\u2014(_Losing his temper, he takes a step\nforward_)\n\nPEATTIE (_clapping his hands in glee_)\n\nYou see? Not an Amurrican in the lot. (_To The Devil_) And so\nit\u2019s with such cattle\u2014and with anarchists\u2014for just as your dad\nsaid of the Commodore, he\u2019s (_points to Schwartzenhopfel, meaning\nMagnus_) as much of an anarchist as him (_points to Agnus, meaning\nSchwartzenhopfel_)\u2014it\u2019s with such\u2014that the son of my old Senator has\ntruck today. Good day to you, sir, and (_sorrowfully_) may you learn\nbetter before you come to my age.\n\n[_He goes out._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Judge Critty, indicating Detectives_)\n\nSee that these fellows are paid something to keep their mouths shut\u2014\n\nLIEUTENANT (_protesting_)\n\nNow, Doctor\u2014you know\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nPshaw! No nonsense, my man! That old fellow just gone is worth the lot\nof you. With such men in your shoes, we\u2019d hear no more talk of police\ngraft and extortion.\n\nLIEUTENANT (_sarcastically, pointing to Agnus_)\n\nWe\u2019ll take this fellow if it\u2019ll please you better\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_thoroughly enjoying himself_)\n\nKeep your tongue quiet, policeman!\u2014Here! (_Takes out a handful of bills\nand gives them to Judge_) Give \u2019em these. (_He looks for approval\ntoward The Devil, who nods_) Now get out: the lot of you!\n\nLIEUTENANT (_hurt_)\n\nThat\u2019s no kind of language to use to men doing their best to favor you,\nMr. Magnus. And, as for the money, that\u2019s an insult\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nI suppose you want it sent mysteriously? From an unknown benefactor who\nloves your fat housewife and your ugly babies. Well\u2014you\u2019ll\u2014take\u2014it\u2014this\nway\u2014(_He has snatched the bills from the Judge while talking and\nseparated them into three parts; now he forces one on the Lieutenant_)\n\n[_The Lieutenant pretends to push them away._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_finishing_)\u2014or\u2014not at all\u2014(_He looks at Schwartzenhopfel to\nback him up_)\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_importantly_)\n\nOr not at all\u2014\n\n[_The Lieutenant hesitates, but takes the money shamefacedly. The two\nDetectives repeat his actions and manners._\n\nLIEUTENANT (_to Schwartzenhopfel diffidently, after looking at the\nwomen, the Judge and Agnus_) I suppose (_humbly_) there\u2019ll be no\ncome-back to this? It\u2019s value received, ain\u2019t it, sir?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nYes. Get out.\n\nLIEUTENANT\n\nYes, sir. (_He tips his hat and goes out on tip-toe_)\n\nSECOND AND THIRD DETECTIVES (_in the same manner_)\n\nYes, sir. (_They go out_)\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_to Schwartzenhopfel_)\n\nSuch actions cause talk, sir\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nIf I\u2019ve promoted even the germ of Socialism in those\nrobber-barons\u2019men-at-arms, I\u2019m satisfied\u2014\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_stiffly_)\n\nI was not addressing you, Doctor Agnus\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nDon\u2019t try that fake dignity with me, you hoary-headed old fraud,\nbecause you haven\u2019t the moral dignity back of it to hold you up. Get\nout, you arrant knave! (_Catches Schwartzenhopfel\u2019s eye_)\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_dumfounded_)\n\nMr. Magnus\u2014will you allow me to be so insulted by this cockerel? He\u2019s\neither drunk or crazy.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_softly motioning The Devil to wait_) Didn\u2019t you say\nonce, Judge, that to properly punish anarchists they should not be\nhanged but burned?\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_with swelling dignity, thinking that Magnus is recalling\nthe incident favorably_) I certainly did, Mr. Magnus.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nYou didn\u2019t say anything about the causes that make them anarchists,\nthough\u2014did you? (_Catching The Devil\u2019s eye_) But how about a\nsix-months\u2019 strike prolonged because millionaires wouldn\u2019t pay fifty\ncents more a day to men who work with hot rivets two hundred feet in\nthe air\u2014twenty-five per cent of them killed every year? How about the\nwives of those strikers who died of overwork and little food trying to\nsupport homes and husbands until employers gave in? How about their\nchildren who died unborn\u2014eh? Who was it murdered wives and children?\nAnd who, after six months, still refused even to compromise? Was it\nany wonder that men went crazy? Murder for murder\u2014they said\u2014murder\nfor murder. Schwartzenhopfel had such a wife, such children, all dead\nnow, and he shouted: Dynamite, the worker\u2019s friend! (_Fiercely to the\nJudge_) And so it isn\u2019t enough to hang him? You\u2019ve got to burn him,\nhave you? Well, what about the men who took an honest workman and made\nhim what he is today?\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_frantically_)\n\nMr. Magnus\u2014\n\n[_The Devil goes to the garden door, opens it and points the way out._\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_nervously, suddenly changing his attitude_) Mr. Magnus,\nyour admission delights me\u2014for the first time in my relations with you,\nI\u2014I find it\u2014possible\u2014to\u2014to\u2014be\u2014to be\u2014perfectly natural with you. You\ncannot blame me for being a hypocrite. If you will pardon me, sir: who\nmade me a hypocrite?\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_disgruntled_)\n\nI didn\u2019t tell you to burn anarchists, did I?\n\nJUDGE CRITTY\n\nPardon me, sir\u2014theoretically, no; but practically, yes, you did. If\nmy bench orations hadn\u2019t been passionately opposed to everything that\neven threatened the divine right of capital, why, you wouldn\u2019t be\nconsidering me for the Supreme Bench now. How can a lawyer succeed\nnowadays except through capital?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_closes door and stands with his back to it_)\n\nTrue enough, Magnus; true enough\u2014(_Looks at the light, which has hung\ngravely suspended through these operations_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThe greedy millionaire criminal makes all the little criminals. He\nneeds men like this hypocrite here (_pointing to the Judge_)\u2014needs them\nto save corporations from fines, their officers from jail\u2014with that\ndamnable word \u201cunconstitutional\u201d; just as he needs Senators to make\ntrust laws easy to break; Governors to sign exemptions and pardons;\naldermen to steal city franchises; bosses to elect those aldermen\nto order; murdering gangsters to kill honest voting; and police who\nwill permit the gangsters to steal, pimp and kill, and who share in\ntheir spoils. (_Still addressing the light_) And every crime of the\nlot\u2014yes\u2014don\u2019t shrink from your guilt\u2014even the stealing, the pimping,\nand the killing\u2014is the fault of the greedy millionaire. (_Pointing to\nthe Judge_) Even that might have been a man\u2014\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_anxiously_)\n\nBut, Mr. Magnus\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNo hypocrite may be trusted upon the Supreme Bench, Judge.\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel nods._\n\nJUDGE CRITTY (_wildly_)\n\nYou use me\u2014cast me aside\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nJust what a prostitute would say when the man to whose worst passions\nshe has pandered seeks to be clean again and casts her off. (_He opens\nthe door again and points_) Get out! (_He fixes the unhappy Judge with\nhis eyes. Unable to resist, the Judge follows the slowly pointing\nfinger and goes out_)\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_whose admiration for The Devil has grown quickly, as\nevidenced by the expression on her face as she has sat listening almost\nwith awe_) You are some man\u2014believe me!\n\nFANNY (_turns quickly on her at this danger-note in her voice, and\nspeaks with an effort at politeness_) You said you would not like a\ncertain party to hear a certain story\u2014\n\n[_The Devil, being recalled to this situation, looks hopelessly around._\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nLet the certain party go\u2014\n\nFANNY (_glares at her_)\n\nWhat?\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_glares back_)\n\nI wouldn\u2019t stay where I wasn\u2019t wanted if I were some people\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nAnd I suppose you think you are wanted?\n\n[_Doll Blondin smiles aggravatingly._\n\nFANNY\n\nWhat?\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nI\u2019ve been asked to stay anyhow. That\u2019s more\u2019n some people have\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nAddington! You\u2019ll let this woman insult me?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nCertainly, my dear.\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nYou see\u2014(_She spreads hands and her manner becomes still more\naggravating_)\n\nFANNY\n\nI\u2019ll go and get mother. Even she will see who\u2019s in the wrong now. When\nI\u2019m prepared to give up everything for you\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nBut you aren\u2019t\u2014\n\nFANNY (_wildly_)\n\nI am. You needn\u2019t even have a flat in town. I\u2019ll stay here. Why, I\u2019ll\neven live on your income.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou only say that until you get me safely married.\n\nFANNY (_beside herself_)\n\nI swear it. Addington\u2014I didn\u2019t realize how much I loved you until I\nsaw you save your friend (_points to Agnus_); heard you defy those\npolicemen, and\u2014then\u2014the way you talked to that nasty old Judge. Oh! I\nwant you\u2014I love you\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_stepping back to avoid an embrace_)\n\nWell, you can\u2019t have me!\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nYou see\u2014(_Spreads her hands as before_)\n\nFANNY\n\nYou give me up\u2014for this woman?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_desperately_)\n\nYes!\n\nFANNY (_suddenly realizing she is combating Fate_)\n\nOh, Addington, Addington, Addington\u2014I love you\u2014I love you\u2014(_She\nbursts into real tears; there is no tragedy in her attitude now, no\naffectation, no theatricalism\u2014just real sorrow and regret_)\n\nAGNUS (_wildly to The Devil_) You must explain! You must! You must!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_whispering_)\n\nWho\u2019d believe us? We\u2019d all be clapped into a lunatic asylum. Is one\nwoman to stand in the way of science\u2014a big step in world-regeneration?\nThink, man! One woman against a million better men? For the sake of\nhumanity\u2014think!\n\n[_Agnus turns away. It is his tragic moment; his face should be that of\na combined Hamlet and King Lear\u2014for, while to others Fanny is comedic,\nto him she represents earthly happiness. Fanny continues her sobbing\nlike an animal in pain. Doll Blondin looks troubled, but stands her\nground._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_awkwardly_)\n\nSee here, Fanny\u2014\n\nFANNY (_trying to stem, her tears_)\n\nYes, dear\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nIt isn\u2019t any woman\u2014it\u2019s my work. It needs me\u2014all of me\u2014\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nThen you don\u2019t love me?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_impatiently_)\n\nOf course not. I only just saw you\u2014didn\u2019t I?\n\nFANNY\n\nYou don\u2019t love her? Your work? You\u2019re giving me up for\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThe good of humanity, Fanny\u2014\n\nFANNY (_forgetting tears_)\n\nAh, I knew you were too noble, Addington, too big to jilt me for\nanother woman. \u201cFor the good of humanity!\u201d That\u2019s different. We\u2019ll work\ntogether, dear. I\u2019ll help, not hinder.\n\n[_The Devil groans._\n\nFANNY\n\nYou\u2019ve brought out my true nature. I\u2019m changed. I see now how hateful I\nwas.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nFanny\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nYes, dear\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nNo!\n\n[_Doll Blondin catches his eye above Fanny\u2019s head and winks hopefully._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Doll, in the same tone_)\n\nNo!\n\n[_Mrs. Felix and Tromper enter, bundled up for motoring. They are\nfollowed by Magnus\u2019s chauffeur and his valet carrying motoring coats._\n\nVALET\n\nMiss Felix, miss! (_He holds up her coat_)\n\n[_Fanny inserts her arms mechanically in sleeves._\n\nTROMPER (_grumpily, showing his watch to Schwartzenhopfel_) I took\nthe liberty of getting ready to go back, Mr. Magnus. I thought you\u2019d\nforgotten the time.\n\nVALET\n\nYou have an appointment for dinner with Mr. Gayton, sir.\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel looks blank._\n\nVALET\n\nYou know, sir\u2014the Secretary of the Treasury\u2014\n\n[_The Devil nudges Schwartzenhopfel._\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_arrogantly_)\n\nThe Secretary must wait; that\u2019s all! I\u2019m staying here tonight.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_sotto voce to Agnus, indicating Tromper_)\n\nWho\u2019s he?\n\n[_Agnus whispers the information in a thoroughly miserable manner._\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_to the chauffeur_)\n\nYou take these ladies back to New York. (_To the valet_) You go with\nhim and bring me some clothes back.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nEnough for a week or so.\n\n[_The light shows that it is struck motionless by this last statement._\n\nAnd now, Mrs. Felix, good-bye! Come and see me some time. I\u2019ll find a\nhusband for you yet.\n\n[_The light flirts across his eyes._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_looks at it meditatively_)\n\nI don\u2019t know but what you\u2019re right, Magnus. After I start training\nyou\u2014she might be able to complete the training\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_viewing Mrs. Felix with approval_) Suits me!\n\n[_The light darts as viciously at Schwartzenhopfel as the latter once\ndid when he was in Magnus\u2019s condition._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to the light_)\n\nI meant you\u2014Magnus\u2014\n\n[_The light hovers, sullenly suspicious._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to all_)\n\nAnd\u2014now\u2014good day to all of you. Schwartzenhopfel and I are about to do\nsome important work together. (_Puts his arm on Agnus\u2019s shoulder_) So\nwe must ask you to excuse us.\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nAnd what about me?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAren\u2019t the rooms good?\n\n[_Doll Blondin nods._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAnd the food?\n\n[_Doll Blondin nods again._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAnd the service?\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nYes\u2014but\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThen what about you? And as for amusement: why, there\u2019s Magnus. (_He\npoints to Schwartzenhopfel. Then he goes, almost dragging Agnus with\nhim_)\n\n[_Agnus\u2019s head is turned, with lack-lustre eyes, toward Fanny. They\npass out through the folding-doors, closing these behind them._\n\nTROMPER (_whose indignation has been mounting, now vents himself\nexplosively_) Well, damn his nerve! I beg your pardon, ladies. Mr.\nMagnus, you let a whippersnapper doctor talk that way to you? You! Why,\nsir, I wouldn\u2019t\u2014I actually wouldn\u2019t permit you to talk that way to me!\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_viciously_)\n\nYou wouldn\u2019t?\n\nTROMPER (_nervously_)\n\nWith all respect: no, sir.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nThen you\u2019re discharged.\n\nTROMPER (_thunderstruck_)\n\nHave you gone crazy, Mr. Magnus? Discharged? After twenty-five\nyears\u2019service? After saving you hundreds of thousands of dollars?\n\nMRS. FELIX (_putting her hand on his shoulder_)\n\nJohn, that\u2019s petty! That\u2019s small, John. I never knew you to be petty or\nsmall before.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_to Mrs. Felix_)\n\nWait! (_To Tromper_) Saving? How?\n\nTROMPER (_stuttering_)\n\nWhy, the Churchstead strike alone\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_militantly_)\n\nStrike! Ha! Go on! What did you do?\n\nTROMPER (_miserably_)\n\nYou know well enough what I did, sir\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nTell me anyhow\u2014\n\nTROMPER\n\nI locked \u2019em out, the bums!\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nWhat did they want? Just union rates, union hours; white men\u2019s pay,\nwhite men\u2019s hours; not nigger slaves\u2014?\n\nMRS. FELIX (_admiringly_)\n\nBravo, John! You \u2019re shaping up!\n\n[_The light moves closer, as if listening intently._\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_nodding_)\n\nI told you to wait! (_To Tromper_) You beat them, didn\u2019t you?\n\nTROMPER\n\nAnd a tough job! Strike-breakers weren\u2019t enough\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_to Mrs. Felix_)\n\nNew York thugs, gunmen\u2014with brass knuckles, hand spikes, and\nautomatics\u2014licensed to bruise, maim and kill\u2014\n\nTROMPER\n\nWeren\u2019t the strikers breaking windows and burning fences? Didn\u2019t they\nthreaten to burn the works?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nFighting for their children and their homes, they were\u2014for the right\nto have more than cattle or pigs\u2014more than a place to sleep\u2014and\nenough food to keep them working. Food! Ha! Like gasoline put into a\nmotor-car\u2014\n\nTROMPER\n\nI was fighting to save you money\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nAgainst the men you used to work with, side by side, your own\nblood-brothers\u2014\n\nTROMPER\n\nNo brothers of mine, those sweating, smelly ignorant dogs! I might have\nbeen born one. That wasn\u2019t _my_ fault. But I didn\u2019t stay one.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nNo, and I\u2019ll bet I know why. Because you spied on them, carried tales,\nfor little foreman jobs, and sweated more work out of them.\n\nTROMPER (_bitterly_)\n\nAlways saving you money\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX (_to Schwartzenhopfel_)\n\nYou see, John: all crime, bloodshed, murder finally comes back to\nyourself. He said it: \u201c_Always saving you money_.\u201d\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nI\u2019m going to change all that. Consequently I don\u2019t need his sort any\nmore.\n\nMRS. FELIX (_delightedly_)\n\nYou are? (_Suspiciously_) But so suddenly\u2014what\u2019s changed you?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_points toward the laboratory_) The\u2014(_corrects\nhimself_) D\u2014Doctor. (_Enthusiastically_) The trouble about us human\nbeings is that we don\u2019t know nothing about nothing\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nCan\u2019t you be moral and retain your grammar?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_disregarding her, enthusiastically_) Then he comes\nalong (_pointing toward laboratory_) and shows us that millionaires on\none hand\u2014anarchists on the other\u2014are one part right, ninety-nine parts\nwrong\u2014\n\nFANNY (_bursts into wild tears again_)\n\nAnd I\u2019ve lost him! I\u2019ve lost him!\n\n[_Mrs. Felix comforts her._\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_to Tromper_)\n\nHow much have you saved? Not for me\u2014for yourself?\n\nTROMPER (_haughtily_)\n\nI don\u2019t save; I invest.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nWorth half a million, aren\u2019t you? Not above grafting some of that\nsweat-and-blood money you saved for me, are you?\n\nTROMPER\n\nI defy you to prove it. I defy anybody. I\u2019ve been strictly honest.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nNo matter, Tromper, no matter\u2014you \u2019re fired! I never want to see your\nface again.\n\nTROMPER\n\nYou\u2019ll regret this the longest day you live, you\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nBe careful. I still own the judges and the politicians. Don\u2019t try to\nstand in my way, or I\u2019ll job you into jail. Get out!\n\nTROMPER (_suddenly whining_)\n\nHow am I to get back to New York?\n\nMRS. FELIX (_touching Schwartzenhopfel\u2019s shoulder_)\n\nDon\u2019t be little, John\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_repressing himself_)\n\nThe automobile will take you back. Wait for it at the Inn.\n\nTROMPER (_thinking he is relenting_)\n\nOne word, sir\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nNot one. (_Points to the door_)\n\n[_Tromper goes out abjectedly._\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_turning suddenly to valet_)\n\nWhat do I pay you?\n\nVALET (_alarmed on behalf of his own position_)\n\nOnly a hundred a month, sir.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nAnd what you can steal, eh?\n\nVALET (_earnestly_)\n\nMr. Magnus, sir.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nPercentages from haberdashers and shirt-makers, tailors, bootmakers,\njewellers. Double bills: one for me, one for you\u2014you pocket the\ndifference?\n\nVALET (_astounded at his accuracy_)\n\nMr. Magnus, I swear\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nDon\u2019t perjure yourself. Take one hundred and fifty dollars a month\u2014I\u2019m\nbuying back your self-respect with the extra fifty and giving it to\nyou. But if you cheat again\u2014remember, if you cheat again\u2014jail!\n\nVALET (_with tears in his eyes and choking voice_)\n\nSir\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nWait in there. (_Points to the door, and the valet goes out; then to\nchauffeur_) And I give you?\n\nCHAUFFEUR (_trembling_)\n\nOne hundred and twenty-five dollars a month, sir.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nAnd the gasoline you take out every night and put back in the morning?\nThe extra shoes that don\u2019t wear out? The valve-cleaning and new parts\nthat only figure in the bill? Other things\u2014how much do they come to?\n\nCHAUFFEUR\n\nMr. Magnus\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nDon\u2019t lie. Please\u2014how much?\n\nCHAUFFEUR (_whining_)\n\nI don\u2019t know, sir. Please\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nTake one seventy-five and be a decent man\u2014a skilled mechanic who\nrespects himself and his craft too much to be a thief. Will that do?\n\nCHAUFFEUR (_thickly_)\n\nIf they all treated us like that, nobuddy \u2019ud steal except dirty\nscoundrels, sir. (_Goes out_)\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nYou see: the generals make the morals of their soldiers. Let generals\nloot a church-treasure, and the privates will loot a hen-roost. Magnus\nsteals a Subway. Therefore, his manager steals his profits, his valet\nsteals his stickpins, his chauffeur his gasoline.\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nReform always begins at the top, _I_ know. The trouble with\nus\u2014(_corrects himself_) with Socialists and anarchists\u2014they try to\nbegin reforms among the ignorant. It will take me many years to break\neven with my criminal misunderstanding.\n\nMRS. FELIX (_suddenly touched_)\n\nI\u2019ll help you. (_In a whisper_) I love you, John\u2014\n\n[_The light jumps._\n\nMRS. FELIX (_with her hand on his shoulder_)\n\nI\u2019ve always wanted to say \u201cYes\u201d\u2014always hoped for the day when your\ngreat brain would resent the petty use you were making of it\u2014\n\n[_Fanny does not hear this. For some time she has been sitting all\nhumped up, staring blankly into space. Doll Blondin sits in same\nposition, showing the same attitude, and the same lack of expression.\nThe two of them look more like decorative statues than human beings,\none on either side of the room. The light flies about distractedly.\nMrs. Felix slowly drawing the startled Schwartzenhopfel around until he\nfaces her and stares into her eyes._\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_stutters_)\n\nWhen I\u2019m\u2014wor\u2014worthy, I\u2014I \u2019ll ask you to say \u201cYes\u201d again\u2014I don\u2019t\nde\u2014deserve you yet\u2014\n\n[_Doll Blondin turns wearily around to watch them. Fanny does the same.\nThe light pauses, satisfied._\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nJohn Magnus\u2014you\u2019re a great man at last\u2014 (_Smiling shyly, she\npractically offers her cheek to be kissed_) Remember _my_ worthless\nyears, too, and _consider_ you\u2019re worthy now\u2014\n\n[_The light begins again to fly about distractedly. Schwartzenhopfel\nlooks at it apologetically before he bends over to kiss her. The light\ndeliberately flashes between them. Both of them stand back dazzled._\n\nMRS. FELIX (_blinking_)\n\nWhat a powerful reflection! (_Smiling and holding out her hand to\nSchwartzenhopfel, she bends toward him again_)\n\n[_The light again flashes between them._\n\nMRS. FELIX (_as they stagger back again_)\n\nWhat is it, John? I see no mirrors or lenses\u2014\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_who has been watching the light in an awed way ever\nsince she turned_) It doesn\u2019t come from mirrors or lenses. (_In an awed\ntone_) There\u2019s something queer about that light\u2014almost as if it were\nhuman\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL\n\nNon\u2014nonsense!\n\nMRS. FELIX (_noting his look_)\n\nJohn Magnus! You\u2014frightened?\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_pointing to the light_)\n\nLook at it now, as though it was listening!\n\nFANNY (_with a little cry_)\n\nMother! mother! Forgive me\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX (_patting her hair_)\n\nForgive you\u2014why, my dear?\n\nFANNY (_shivering_)\n\nI don\u2019t know\u2014but I\u2019m afraid.\u2014There\u2019s something wrong in this house\u2014\n\n[_The light twitches as if trying to sneak out of the room._\n\nFANNY (_with a little scream_)\n\nLook at it\u2014now!\n\n[_The light stands still. The three women huddle together with that\nfeminine instinct that prefers to die with its worst enemy rather than\nalone._\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nWhenever he made a move to even touch you, it flew at him\u2014\n\nFANNY (_shrieking_)\n\nIt moved again!\n\n[_Mrs. Felix clutches Schwartzenhopfel. Fanny gives another short\nscream. At that moment the folding-doors fly open and Agnus re\u00ebnters\nquickly, disclosing The Devil inside._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_with his eye to microscope, examining slide_)\n\nAs well as I could do myself! Bravo! Bravissima!\n\nAGNUS (_agitated_)\n\nCan I do anything? (_Sees the tableau of the three frightened women,\nclinging to Schwartzenhopfel; his eyes follow theirs, and he sees that\nthey are watching the light; then he falls back, holding his head_)\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_seeing Agnus\u2019s look_)\n\nSee! He\u2019s frightened, too.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_puts up the microscope and comes out_)\n\nWhat\u2019s wrong?\n\nFANNY (_running to him_)\n\nAddington, Addington!\n\nDEVIL (_wearily_)\n\nNot gone yet?\n\nFANNY (_pointing to the light, which twitches sullenly_)\n\nAddington, I\u2019m frightened. What is it?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_shaken, but retaining his mastery_)\n\nOh\u2014that? (_He tries to move over to the table and shake Fanny off_)\n\nFANNY\n\nOh, Addington, don\u2019t leave me! I\u2019m frightened, I tell you, frightened!\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nI thought you wanted to know what that was?\n\n  MRS. FELIX   }\n               }\n  What is it?  }\n               }\n  DOLL BLONDIN }\n               }\n  Yes, what?   } (_simultaneously_)\n               }\n  FANNY        }\n               }\n  We do\u2014       }\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Fanny in an irritated tone_)\n\nWell, how can I explain while you hang on to me?\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nJust let me hold one hand\u2014just your little finger\u2014that\u2019ll make me brave\u2014\n\n[_The Devil crosses to the table, scowling. Fanny tags after him,\nholding on to one of his fingers. The Devil looks sternly at the light.\nThen he turns to the women and touches the switch-key of the lighted\nelectric cigar-lighter._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWhen I turn this off, it will disappear! (_He waits for Magnus to\nunderstand. Then, showily, he snaps off the electric-lighter, bending\ndown as if it required some effort_) You see?\n\n[_The light does not budge._\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_since Fanny is looking admiringly at The Devil and Mrs.\nFelix is hiding her head on Schwartzenhopfel\u2019s shoulder_)\n\nBut it didn\u2019t work!\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_looking up and seeing it, nonplussed and desperate_)\n\nNo?\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nNo. There it is. See?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_boldly_)\n\nNonsense. (_He fixes her with his eyes_) It\u2019s gone: d\u2019you hear? It\u2019s\ngone!\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_fascinatedly watching him_)\n\nIt\u2019s gone?\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nBut _I_ see it!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_fixing her with his eyes_)\n\nNonsense. It\u2019s gone, d\u2019you hear? Gone!\n\nMRS. FELIX (_with the same expression as Doll_)\n\nGone?\n\n[_Fanny looks up._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_catching her eye before she can look at the light_) You\nsee, it\u2019s gone, don\u2019t you? Gone?\n\nFANNY (_in the same manner as others_)\n\nGone?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAnd now, why haven\u2019t _you_\u2014gone?\n\nFANNY\n\nAnd leave her in the house? (_Nodding toward Doll_)\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nIs it your house?\n\nFANNY (_boldly_)\n\nYes, it is!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_taken aback_)\n\nWhat?\n\nFANNY\n\nOur house! (_Sweetly_) And, Addington, dear: it could be mine if I\nsued you for breach of promise! You know I\u2019d win\u2014your letters are so\ndear! And the engagement announcement that was in all the papers\u2014and\nour pictures together in that Sunday Supplement\u2014I can\u2019t imagine where\nthey get those pictures, can you? Framed heart-shape with the dearest\nlittle Cupids shooting arrows at us\u2014you know, how you loved it\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_revolted_)\n\nI loved it!\n\nFANNY (_continuing_)\n\nAnd your money\u2019s in trust, dear. You can\u2019t touch the principal. So\nyou\u2019d have to sell this house to pay my damages. And you know I\nwouldn\u2019t let you sell it, not to strangers\u2014I\u2019d just come and live in\nit, going about every day and kissing things I knew your dear hands had\ntouched, and sitting in your favorite places, waiting for the day you\u2019d\ncome back and we\u2019d sit there together!\n\n[_The Devil grits his teeth._\n\nFANNY (_almost cloyingly sweet_)\n\nOh, you could come here every day and work in your laboratory. I\u2019d let\nyou\u2014you\u2019d be quite welcome\u2014\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_her sense of humor triumphing_)\n\nYou\u2019re some sticker, sister\u2014I gotta hand it to you. Talk about glue!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_desperately_)\n\nYou wouldn\u2019t do that\u2014your womanly instinct\u2014your sense of shame\u2014your\nposition in society\u2014\n\nDOLL BLONDIN\n\nNo use grasping at straws like that, Doctor. You\u2019re gone!\n\nMRS. FELIX (_in wonderment_)\n\nI never imagined she had it in her. (_Mildly_) There\u2019s no doubt she\nloves you, Addington. No girl would endure the insults you\u2019ve heaped on\nher today\u2014(_hastily_) not that she didn\u2019t deserve them\u2014\n\nFANNY (_na\u00efvely_)\n\nI did\u2014I was a selfish beast\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX\n\nShe wouldn\u2019t have admitted she was a beast just now\u2014unless she loved\nyou\u2014madly\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_bitterly_)\n\nShe knows I\u2019ve got a check for two million in my pocket\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nOh, I know I deserve that, too. But I wish you didn\u2019t have the old\ncheck just to prove to you\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou do?\n\nFANNY (_hastily_)\n\nNo. I don\u2019t mean that. Forgive me for being selfish. The check means\ntriumph for your work\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_grinning maliciously_)\n\nMeans houses in New York, and motors, and private railroad cars, and\nboxes at the opera, too, doesn\u2019t it?\n\nFANNY (_earnestly_)\n\nAddington, I\u2019d be content to live on the top of a mountain if I had\nyou, dear.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThat\u2019s all right as a popular song, darling! (_He grits his teeth\nagain_)\n\nAGNUS (_in agony_)\n\nShe means it, can\u2019t you see? She\u2019s changed. The fear of losing the man\nshe loves has made her forget all the little things\u2014realizing that the\nonly big thing is\u2014love!\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nOh, Mr. Schwartzenhopfel, you have loved! _You_ understand. Make _him_\nunderstand\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Agnus_)\n\nYou sentimental idiot! You think she means it, do you?\n\nAGNUS (_boldly_)\n\nI know it!\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_herself touched_)\n\nHonest, Doctor, I believe she does.\n\n[_Fanny looks gratefully at them._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_desperately_)\n\nYou see this? (_He thrusts the check under her nose_) What is it?\n\nFANNY\n\nThe two-million-dollar check.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAll right. (_He puts it in her hand_) Tear it up!\n\nFANNY (_paling_)\n\nBut\u2014Addington\u2014your work\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL (_with a sneer to Agnus_)\n\nYou see? (_To Doll_) See?\n\nFANNY (_joyously_)\n\nI see, too! It\u2019s wrong, but it makes me the happiest girl in the world.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_exasperated_)\n\nWhat does?\n\nFANNY\n\nIt\u2019s wicked for me to feel that way\u2014I know I shouldn\u2019t.\u2014Forgive me.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_shouting_)\n\nWhat damned mare\u2019s-nest have you foisted on me this time? What\u2019s the\nlatest crazy eroticism you\u2019re going to pretend to see in me?\n\nFANNY\n\nDon\u2019t swear, dear. You\u2019re above it. But as for the check: I understand\nand I love you the more for it.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_shouting louder_)\n\nLove me the more? By Saturn! this is too much\u2014this passes all endurance\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nYou\u2019re angry because I\u2019ve discovered your secret. Because you know now\nthat I know that no matter how much you try to make your work come\nfirst, you can\u2019t.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_swearing wildly_)\n\nOh, Jupiter! Oh, the Pleiades! Oh, the Milky Way, the Crab, and the\nGemini!\u2014Where under the light of the sun or in the bowels of the\nearth\u2014in what corner of a lunatic asylum did you find that colossal,\npreposterous and utterly insane hallucination of a disordered brain?\n\nFANNY\n\nIn your heart, dear\u2014in your heart. This morning I made you give up work\nthat was dearer to you than life. You promised. Your better nature made\nyou break that promise. Then I came again, tempting you; threatening\nto leave you forever. Your heart betrayed you again. And\u2014when I was\ngone\u2014you loathed yourself for your weakness.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_reduced to the frigid politeness of a man who realizes he\nwill be stricken with apoplexy if he allows his feelings to get the\nbetter of him again_) I\u2014I see\u2014and now I should like to know\u2014what was\nthe President of China thinking while in his bath this morning?\u2014\n\nFANNY (_placidly, seeing, in his loss of control her own dominance of\nthe situation_) Don\u2019t sneer, darling. You loathed yourself for giving\nin to me a second time. \u201cEven though my heart is broken, I will cast\nher out of it,\u201d you said sternly.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nJust like the kind of novels you read, wasn\u2019t it?\n\nFANNY\n\nYou had been so modest, dear, that I didn\u2019t realize you were a great\nman. That was your fault. \u201cShe doesn\u2019t love me,\u201d you said, \u201cor she\u2019d\nwant me to go on winning Nobel prizes and _being_ a great man. All\n_she_ loves is the money I can make.\u201d (_Triumphantly_) Am I right?\nIsn\u2019t that what you thought?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_wildly_)\n\nYou\u2019re never right! And I never think.\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou are right\u2014you are!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_looking morosely at him_)\n\nI\u2019ll settle with you later\u2014\n\n[_Agnus, terrified, remains silent._\n\nFANNY\n\nDon\u2019t be ashamed to concede a woman\u2019s wit, dear. It\u2019s all your\nteaching. Today you taught me to use my brain. \u201cAll she loves is the\nmoney I can make,\u201d you said\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou said I said that once\u2014\n\nFANNY (_unheeding_)\n\nAnd you _still_ believe it? Don\u2019t you?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYes.\n\nFANNY\n\nI know you do. That\u2019s why you gave me the check. Sooner than marry\nme\u2014thinking that I was playing a part until I could get control of the\ntwo million dollars\u2014sooner than be married for your money you said:\n\u201cTear it up.\u201d And that shows you love me more than your work, more\nthan your future fame, more than the gratitude of the world\u2014more than\nhumanity\u2014more than everything. And it makes me love you more than ever.\n(_She takes his hand_)\n\nTHE DEVIL (_almost in a shrill scream_)\n\nLove me more than ever?\n\nFANNY (_hurt_)\n\nYou don\u2019t believe in me, yet?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_as before_)\n\nNo! No! No!\n\nFANNY\n\nThen\u2014I\u2019m sorry for you. Sorry for your work, your fame, your future.\nBut if I can\u2019t make you believe in me any other way, why\u2014then\u2014here\ngoes. (_She twists up the check, strikes a match and lights it;\nfollowing an old childish game, she says_) He loves me, he loves me\nnot; loves me, loves me not. (_The flame scorches her fingers, but she\nholds it long enough to say_) He loves me! (_Then she throws the last\nblazing bit into ash-receiver and throws her arms around The Devil_)\n\nMRS. FELIX (_judicially_)\n\nI think now\u2014Addington\u2014you can be sure!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_wrenching himself free_)\n\nDamn it!\u2014Doesn\u2019t she know that if Magnus will write one check, he\u2019ll\nwrite another!\n\nFANNY (_her lip drawn_)\n\nOh, I forgot that! I forgot that! (_Sobbing on her mother\u2019s breast_)\nOh, mammy, what can I do to prove it to him? This is my punishment\u2014this\nis my punishment!\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_to The Devil, herself in tears_)\n\nShe\u2019s on the square with that stuff, old boy. Don\u2019t be a devil!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_suddenly realizing_)\n\nA devil: that\u2019s what I am\u2014a devil. No human being would act as I\u2019m\ndoing, would he?\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_judicially_)\n\nOh, you\u2019ll come out of it, now you see the girl\u2019s all right, won\u2019t you?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nBut suppose I didn\u2019t?\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_indignantly_)\n\nThen you _would_ be a devil! Not fit to associate with human beings.\n\nFANNY (_crying to her mother_)\n\nCan\u2019t you think of something I can do to prove I\u2019m not the same girl\nwho came here this morning?\n\nMRS. FELIX (_crying_)\n\nIt\u2019s my fault. If I\u2019d been a good mother, instead of a good bridge\nplayer\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_agonizedly_)\n\nOh! for God\u2019s sake! Can\u2019t something be done? I\u2019ll kill myself\u2014\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_who has also been moved, says now sharply_) Here,\nhere! (_In a hoarse whisper_) Don\u2019t you go taking such liberties with\nwhat don\u2019t belong to you.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_who has been musing on what Doll has said_)\n\nNot fit to associate with human beings. No, I guess not. (_Looking at\nSchwartzenhopfel_) I should have remained the Dutchman with no human\nties. Sentiment and romance just make me ill.\n\nDOLL BLONDIN (_indignantly_)\n\nShame on you! (_She goes over to comfort the other two women_)\n\nTHE DEVIL (_still musing_)\n\nI suppose that\u2019s how The Devil got his bad name. Trying to cure Faust\nof Marguerite in order to use him for the world\u2019s advancement. Same\ningratitude, same mix-up; everybody calling me names. (_Sharply to\nSchwartzenhopfel, who has listened_) Very incorrectly reported, even\nat that\u2014very unjustly\u2014that Faust affair. Those stupid Germans\u2014when\nthey\u2019re not drinking themselves into sentimental poetry, the ravings\nof a disordered brain, they\u2019re guzzling themselves into gloomy\nphilosophy\u2014the pessimism of a disordered liver\u2014and the fellow who\nwrote up the Faust-Marguerite case had both maladies (_viciously_)\nin their most virulent form! And that\u2019s what most humans get their\nidea of me from\u2014when, actually, the case was just about like this\none\u2014(_meditatively_) I wonder what I did to straighten things out that\ntime? (_Meditates_)\n\n[_All the others watch him in awe._\n\nFANNY (_lifting a tear-stained face, whispers_)\n\nWhat is he saying, mammy? Is it about me?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_giving the Faust matter up_)\n\nNo use, I forget\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_piteously_)\n\nYou _will_ do something, won\u2019t you?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_sadly_)\n\nI suppose I \u2019ll have to. Humanity has to suffer as usual. Sentiment,\nalways sentiment, maudlin sentiment: that\u2019s what keeps abuses\nunrectified, men ignorant, women slaves, the world\u2019s intellect\ndeveloping no faster than a snail crawls. Sentiment\u2014maudlin\nsentiment\u2014and I\u2019ve lived so long among men that the cancer\u2019s in me, too\u2014\n\nAGNUS\n\nYou have got a heart then\u2014they did wrong you. I\u2019ll devote years to\nsetting you right in the eyes of the world.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nWhat?\n\nAGNUS (_stammering_)\n\nA book!\n\nTHE DEVIL (_harshly_)\n\nSet _me_ right in men\u2019s eyes? Have _my_ conduct applauded by stupid\nhuman beings? When the world applauds anybody whole-heartedly, without\na dissenting voice, be sure he\u2019s a fool or a knave! Your whole being\nhas been in arms against me ever since I came to bring you wisdom. Now\nthat you think there\u2019s a chance I\u2019ll let you be a fool again, you talk\nof setting me right! Let me be or I\u2019ll repent it. (_To Fanny_) What\nwould you do if I made you realize that I don\u2019t and can\u2019t love you?\n\nFANNY\n\nI know you do.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nBut you can\u2019t make me marry you?\n\nFANNY\n\nYou wouldn\u2019t want the scandal of a suit discrediting you with the world?\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nYou\u2019d do that, loving me?\n\nFANNY (_gently_)\n\nTo bring you to your senses. You would be unhappy without me.\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nAnd unhappy with you.\n\nFANNY\n\nNot after the change that has come over me today.\n\nTHE DEVIL (_throwing up both hands_)\n\nUseless\u2014useless! I give in\u2014I\u2019m vanquished.\n\nFANNY\n\nLove conquers all, dear\u2014\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nOh, those damned novels! (_Fending her off_) Wait! Go in there! The\nthree of you. (_He points to the hall door_) Tell the chauffeur to get\nready to go back to New York, Fanny.\n\nFANNY\n\nOne kiss, dear!\n\n[_The Devil sighs heavily as he permits it._\n\nFANNY (_in rapture_)\n\nMy dear one! My dearest!\n\n[_The Devil points to door. Fanny goes with Mrs. Felix._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Doll_)\n\nYou, too!\n\n[_Doll Blondin shrugs her shoulders and goes after the other two women._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_throwing himself down in utter weariness_)\n\nI give in. I must find another body\u2014go through another sentimental\nriot before I can begin my work here again. Bernard Shaws don\u2019t grow\nin every village or every London. (_He rises and crosses toward the\nwindow_) Oh, Mars! Mars! I\u2019m homesick again. (_He stretches out his\nhands_) Only a day away from you, and homesick already: homesick, how\nhomesick I am\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_trembling eagerly_)\n\nI know, we\u2019re not advanced enough for you yet. Why don\u2019t you go back\nand wait until we are?\n\nTHE DEVIL (_turning on him with a terrible look_)\n\nMan! If I only could: if I only could! But this is my punishment, and\nhere\u2014(_waves all about him_) is my hell. You\u2014all of you\u2014my friends,\nmy familiars, my imps, the red fellows that frightened your own\nyouthful dreams. Here is the fiery pit\u2014here! But you are the Devils,\nand I am the tortured soul. You are the flames\u2014I am the burning body.\nYes, you:\u2014for here is where Devils rule\u2014this Earth is Hell! (_At the\nwindow, his hands outstretched_) Here I am debased, my sullen angers\nstirred, my soul held back from the Sun by inhuman humans who spend\ntheir lives stanching a pretty woman\u2019s tears, while a hundred thousand\nfellow-creatures die for the want of a pound of summer ice, a basket\nof winter fuel! You: who worship a Man of Peace, and make bloody war\nin His Name; who worship a Prince of Purity, and wed the women of\nyour lust in His Name; who worship a Poor Man\u2019s Christ, and in the\nsame breath those who steal the Poor Man\u2019s Bread\u2014in His Name. (_Looks\nup to the sky_) You said I had ruled long enough, Crucified One! So\nyou came to do through men\u2019s Love what I had done through men\u2019s Hate,\nLust and Greed. So you died for men, and thereafter men called hate\nAnger Against The Heathen; lust\u2014the Woman Leading Them to Holier\nThings; greed\u2014World Conquest in your Name. (_Drops on his knees_) I\nsee you ever, Son of the Sun, sad and weary in that bright star of\nyour exile; hoping against hope that a stray seed sown two thousand\nyears ago may yet bring men to wisdom through Love. While I still go\non among them to bring them to Wisdom through Understanding, teaching\nthem that Ignorance and Hate bring no gain\u2014the only reasoning they\ncan understand. And so sustained by you in your lonely star, while\nyou shine on hoping men will look up, ever up\u2014I work bitterly among\nthem here below\u2014until I have won Wisdom for them and Freedom for us;\nfreedom that we may go on to our Father, the Sun, we two Exiles; Star\nof the Morning, and Red Light of Mars! (_While speaking thus, he seems\nirradiated with a light hardly seen, only felt\u2014a dim suffusing glow; he\nstands for a second statuelike; then, as the glow fades, he says gently\nto Agnus_) Are you ready?\n\n[_Agnus hows his head._\n\nTHE DEVIL (_to Schwartzenhopfel_)\n\nAnd you, too?\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel bows his head._\n\nTHE DEVIL\n\nThen one word before I lose the power to speak. When I hover above you\nagain\u2014a Red Light again\u2014I will wait to see _you_, Magnus, and you too,\nAgnus, each do a single thing. And when I have seen each of you do that\none thing, I will know you have begun to carry out my teachings\u2014and the\nRed Light will fade away in search of a new body and a new fortune. (_A\nring at the garden door interrupts him_) I will tell you\u2014in there. (_He\npoints to the laboratory_)\n\n[_Agnus, Schwartzenhopfel and the light go out hurriedly, The Devil\nfollowing. He is last seen by the audience, suffused in the glow\nagain, as he stands between the two folding-doors, bringing them close\ntogether until they shut the laboratory and all within it from sight.\nThe ringing at the door grows louder and is followed by a series of\nstaccato knocks with a knocker. Mrs. Felix opens the hall door and\nshows her face._\n\nMRS. FELIX (_speaking to Fanny outside_)\n\nThere\u2019s no one here. I suppose I should answer the door?\n\nFANNY (_outside_)\n\nBy all means, mother.\n\n[_Mrs. Felix goes to the garden door. Fanny trails in after her. Mrs.\nFelix opens garden door for Professor Vanillity._\n\nVANILLITY (_who comes in excitedly_)\n\nI must see Addington, Mrs. Felix! At once! At once\u2014\n\nMRS. FELIX (_pointing to the laboratory_)\n\nHe\u2019s in there.\n\nVANILLITY\n\nI must interrupt him once at least\u2014at least once. (_He knocks at the\nlaboratory door\u2014no response\u2014knocks again\u2014no response_)\n\nVANILLITY (_desperately_)\n\nI can\u2019t help it: I must _see_ him.\n\n[_He flings open the laboratory door, revealing the room with its\nblinds drawn and Agnus, Schwartzenhopfel and Magnus seated in a sort of\nstupor, side by side. Above them hovers a Red Light._\n\nVANILLITY\n\nAddington, my boy! Addington! (_He shakes him_)\n\n[_Agnus opens his eyes slowly and sees Vanillity._\n\nVANILLITY\n\nAddington\u2014just a moment alone\u2014\n\nAGNUS (_joyously_)\n\nAddington.\u2014You called me Addington.\u2014Then it\u2019s so\u2014it\u2019s so. (_He brushes\npast Vanillity, runs into the room, disregarding women, and throws back\ncurtain from mirror_) It\u2019s so! It\u2019s so! (_Sees Fanny_) Fanny!\n\nFANNY (_comes toward him eagerly_)\n\nThe actress is gone, dear. She said she wouldn\u2019t stand in the way of\nour happiness once I convinced her how much you loved me. I helped her\nre-pack her trunks. (_Puts her hands out to Agnus_)\n\nVANILLITY (_taking him aside before he can take Fanny\u2019s hands_) One\nminute, my boy, one minute. (_Leads him up-stage so that their backs\nbecome turned to the others_)\n\nMAGNUS (_in the meanwhile has opened his eyes and sees Agnus at mirror;\nas Agnus moves up stage, he runs to mirror and sees himself_) It\u2019s\nso\u2014it\u2019s so\u2014\n\nVANILLITY (_in a low tone to Agnus, not seeing Magnus at mirror_) My\nboy, I\u2019ve been eating out my heart all day for permitting you to accept\nthat offer. But Judge Critty can break me like matchwood, just as Mr.\nMagnus can break him. So I seemed to consent. But I do not. Don\u2019t take\nthe offer.\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel, who has also opened his eyes and come down to the\nmirror, now touches Magnus\u2019s arm and nods approval of Vanillity._\n\nVANILLITY\n\nIt\u2019s damnable\u2014\n\nMAGNUS (_who has turned to listen, motioning Mrs. Felix and Fanny to\nsilence_) Damnable?\u2014\n\nVANILLITY (_turning around, white and trembling_)\n\nMr. Magnus! (_Recovering himself, with dignity_) I will tender my\nresignation tomorrow, sir.\n\nMAGNUS\n\nWhy?\n\nVANILLITY (_bitterly_)\n\nDon\u2019t trifle with a broken man, sir. My university is in your debt. The\nJudge is your mouthpiece. What you tell him to ask, my university will\nnot dare to refuse!\n\nMAGNUS\n\nI will tell the Judge nothing!\n\nVANILLITY (_gasping_)\n\nI\u2014I\u2014what, sir?\n\nMAGNUS\n\nBut I _will_ tell the president of your university that he is old\nenough to be a President Emeritus\u2014with a pension\u2014and I will name his\nsuccessor\u2014(_pauses_) Professor Thomas Vanillity\u2014\n\nVANILLITY (_trembling_)\n\nI can\u2019t believe it, sir. You\u2019re amusing yourself with me.\n\n[_Magnus shakes his head._\n\nVANILLITY (_desperately_)\n\nThen\u2014why?\n\nMAGNUS\n\nFor proving you are not of Judge Critty\u2019s stripe; for risking your\nposition at your age; for braving the anger of the rich and powerful,\nto save your friend. We need such men as you to work with us\u2014(_smiling\nand holding out his arm toward Mrs. Felix_) the future Mrs. Magnus and\nI\u2014\n\n[_Mrs. Felix comes forward._\n\nMAGNUS\n\nLoo!\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_nods toward the Red Light_)\n\nYour promise!\n\nMAGNUS (_remembers and motions Mrs. Felix back_) One minute! (_Then\nsits down at the desk and takes out his check-book_)\n\nAGNUS (_warmly_)\n\nMr. Magnus, the Professor feels too strongly to speak. (_He pats\nVanillity on back; then turns to Fanny_) Fanny!\n\n[_Schwartzenhopfel nudges him._\n\nAGNUS (_turning from Fanny_)\n\nEh?\n\nSCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_lifts his eyes_)\n\nYour promise!\n\nAGNUS (_follows Schwartzenhopfel\u2019s glance and sees the Red Light_) Oh,\nyes\u2014thanks. (_Raises his hand to hold Fanny back_)\n\nMAGNUS (_twirling check over shoulder to dry it_)\n\nThe torn-up check, Agnus. (_Rises_) Loo! (_Puts his arm about Mrs.\nFelix_)\n\n[_The Red Light wags._\n\nAGNUS (_deliberately seating himself with his eyes on the Red Light_)\nGet the check, Fanny. (_He takes a cigarette from his case_)\n\nFANNY\n\nYes, dear. (_She goes for it_)\n\n[_Agnus places the cigarette in his mouth. Fanny returns with the\ncheck._\n\nAGNUS\n\nA light, please\u2014\n\nFANNY\n\nYes, dear. (_She reaches for the cigar-lighter, turns it on and lifts\nit forward to him_)\n\n[_Agnus ignites the cigarette, looking at the Red Light. The Red Light\nwags, pleaded. It is growing dark outside\u2014an early winter\u2019s evening. A\nstar appears._\n\nAGNUS (_patting Fanny\u2019s hand_)\n\nThat\u2019s a good girl! I\u2019m sure\u2014now you\u2019ve had your lesson, we\u2019ll be very\nhappy together. (_He puffs at the cigarette_)\n\n[_The Red Light flies out of the window and disappears._\n\n\n                                CURTAIN","title":"The Red Light of Mars; or, A Day in the Life of the Devil: A Philosophical Comedy","tradition":"philosophy-ethics","translated_text":null,"word_count":28049}