{"collection":"myth-cosmogony","full_text_available":true,"graph_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/api/page/gutenberg_61172/graph","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/page/gutenberg_61172","id":"gutenberg_61172","license":"Public Domain (US)","rights_basis":"gutenberg_metadata_copyright_false","source":"gutenberg","source_url":"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/61172","summary":null,"tags":["Category: Mythology, Legends & Folklore","Category: Russian Literature","Fleas -- Fiction","Russia -- Fiction"],"text":"[Illustration: Decoration]\n\nThe Steel Flea\n\n_Translated from the Russian of_\n\nNIKOLAI SEMYONOVITCH LYESKOFF\n\nBY\n\nISABEL F. HAPGOOD\n\n[Illustration: Decoration]\n\n_Privately printed for the_\nCOMPANY OF GENTLEMEN ADVENTURERS\nat The Merrymount Press, Boston\n1916\n\n[Illustration: Decoration]\n\n\n\n\n_Copyright, November 22, 1890, by Isabel F. Hapgood_\n\n\n\n\nPreface\n\n\nI cannot tell precisely where the first germ of the Legend concerning\nthe Steel Flea had its birth--that is to say, whether it originated in\nTula, the Izhma, or Sestroryetzk; but, evidently, it came from one of\nthese places.\n\nIn any case, the tale of the Steel Flea is a legend which distinctly\nbelongs to the Armorers' Guild and expresses the pride of Russian\ngunsmiths. It depicts a contest between our workmen and English\nworkmen, from which our artisans emerged the victors, having utterly\nrouted and humiliated the Englishmen.\n\nHerein, also, is explained a certain secret cause of military disasters\nin the Crimea.\n\nI jotted down this Legend in Sestroryetzk from the lips of an aged\ngunsmith, an emigrant from Tula, who had removed to the Sestra River\nduring the reign of Alexander the First. The narrator was still hale\nand hearty two years ago, and of sound memory; he was fond of recalling\nthe days of yore, cherished great respect for the Emperor Nikolai\nPavlovitch, lived \"according to the ancient faith,\" read devout books,\nand bred canary-birds. People treated him with much consideration.[1]\n\nFOOTNOTE:\n\n[1] TRANSLATOR'S NOTE. In spite of this circumstantial prefatory\nstatement, and the accusation which was brought against this \"legend\"\non its first appearance by one over-clever critic,--viz., that it was\nancient and threadbare in public knowledge,--the fact remains that\nthe Author invented every syllable of it. Tula is the Sheffield of\nRussia, being the seat of the Government gun-works, and possessed of\ninnumerable shops engaged in the manufacture and sale of all sorts of\nmetal goods.\n\nSestroryetzk, on the shore of Finland, opposite Kronstadt, is the site\nof a gun-factory, founded by Peter the Great in 1714.\n\n\"The ancient faith\" means that the old gunsmith belonged to \"The Old\nBelievers,\" also called the _Raskolniki_--a sect which insists that the\nproper, Orthodox manner of making the sign of the Cross is with the\nthumb and forefinger, instead of with the thumb and first two fingers;\nand which refused to accept the correction of typographical errors\nin the Church Service books ordered by the Patriarch Nikon, in the\nreign of Peter the Great's father. In the early days they were harshly\ntreated, and even burned themselves alive rather than accept the\n\"heresy\" of the \"State Church.\" Nowadays, no attention is paid to them,\nofficially or otherwise.\n\n\n\n\nThe Steel Flea[2]\n\n\n\n\nI\n\n\nWhen the Emperor Alexander Pavlovitch had finished the Congress\nof Vienna he took a fancy to travel all over Europe and view the\nmarvels of the different realms. He journeyed through all lands, and\neverywhere, by reason of his amiability, he always held the most\ninternecine[3] discussions with all men, and all amazed him by one\nmeans or another and sought to incline him to their side. But he had a\nCossack of the Don, named Platoff, attached to his personal service,\nwho did not like this inclination, and, being homesick for his own\nhearthstone, he constantly sought to lure the Emperor to his home.\n\nSo, as soon as Platoff perceived that the Emperor took a deep interest\nin any foreign thing and all his suite held their peace, he began to\nsay immediately: \"Thus and so, and we have the same thing of our own at\nhome, not a whit worse,\"--and then he would turn him aside in one way\nor another.\n\nThe English people were aware of this, and had prepared various cunning\ndevices against the Emperor's arrival, to the end that they might\ncaptivate him with foreign things, and in many cases they attained\ntheir object, especially in the great assemblies where Platoff could\nnot express himself perfectly in French; but he did not mind that\nover-much because he was a married man, and regarded all French\nconversation as mere emptiness, unworthy of his imagination.\n\nBut when the English began to invite the Emperor to all their arsenals,\narmories, shops, and soap-sawing factories, in order to demonstrate\ntheir superiority over us in all things, Platoff said to himself:\n\"Come, there has been enough of this sort of thing. Up to this point I\nhave endured in patience, but beyond this 'tis impossible. I may manage\nto say the right thing or I may not, but I won't betray my own people.\"\n\nAnd no sooner had he uttered these words to himself than the Emperor\nsaid to him: \"Thus and so. To-morrow you and I will go to inspect their\narsenal museum. There,\" says he, \"exist such perfections of nature,\nthat when you look upon them you will no longer dispute the fact that\nwe Russians, in spite of all our self-importance, are of no account\nwhatever.\"\n\nPlatoff made no reply, but merely buried his hooked nose in his shaggy\nfelt cloak,[4] retired to his quarters, commanded his orderly to fetch\na flask of Caucasian brandy--_kizlyarki_[5]--from the cellaret, tossed\noff a bumper, prayed to God before a holy picture which folded up for\ntravelling, wrapped himself in his thick felt mantle, and began to\nsnore so that not a single Englishman in all the house was able to\nsleep.\n\nHe said to himself: \"The morning is wiser than the evening.\"\n\nFOOTNOTES:\n\n[2] The Author's title is: \"The Left-handed Man. (Legend of the\nSquint-eyed, Left-handed Man and the Steel Flea.)\" I. F. H.\n\n[3] The old gunsmith's love for big words and lack of education lead\nto many comical results, as in this substitution of \"internecine\" for\n\"international.\" A good many of these punning or dart-winged words\ncannot be adequately indicated in English, but they produce quite\ninimitable results in the original.\n\n[4] The _burka_, which is impenetrable to rain, and serves as blanket,\nalso.\n\n[5] Made from the _kizil_, a small sourish fruit which grows in the\nCaucasus and the Crimea.\n\n\n\n\nII\n\n\nOn the following day the Emperor and Platoff went to the museum. The\nEmperor took none of the other Russians with him, because he had been\nprovided only with a two-seated carriage.[6]\n\nThey drive up to a smallish building--the entrance indescribable,\ncorridors stretching out interminably, and a row of chambers one after\nanother, and, at last, in the chief hall of all, divers huge busts, and\nin the centre, under a canopy, stands the Abolo Polveder.[7]\n\nThe Emperor casts a glance at Platoff, to see whether he is much\namazed, and what he is gazing at, but Platoff is walking along with\ndowncast eyes as though he beholds nothing, and is merely twisting his\nmustaches into rings.\n\nThe Englishmen immediately begin to exhibit divers marvels and explain\nto what ends they are adapted in military matters--sea buremeters,\nmamel's hair mantals of the infantry regiments,[8] and for the cavalry\ntarred waterproofs. All this delights the Emperor greatly--everything\nseems to him very good, but Platoff preserves his apathy, and nothing\nhas any significance in his opinion.\n\nThe Emperor says: \"How is this possible--why is there such\nunfeelingness in thee? Is there really nothing here that astonishes\nthee?\"\n\nAnd Platoff replies: \"One thing only here astonishes me, that my\ndashing lads of the Don made war without all this and conquered a dozen\nnations.\"\n\nThe Emperor says: \"This is folly.\"\n\nPlatoff replies: \"I know not to what to attribute it, but I dare not to\ndispute and must needs hold my tongue.\"\n\nBut the Englishmen, beholding such a discussion between him and the\nEmperor, immediately led them to the Abolo Polveder himself, and took\nfrom one of his hands a Mortimer gun, and from the other a pistol.[9]\n\n\"Here,\" said they, \"this is the sort of manufactures we have,\" and they\ngave him the gun.\n\nThe Emperor gazed calmly on the Mortimer gun, because he has such in\nTzarskoe Selo,[10] and then they gave him the pistol, and said: \"This\npistol is of unknown, inimitable workmanship--our Admiral plucked it\nfrom the belt of a bandit chief in Candelabria.\"\n\nThe Emperor looked at the pistol, and could not tear his eyes from it.\nHe gave vent to terrible \"ahs!\"\n\n\"Ah, ah, ah!\" says he, \"what a weapon is this!... how is it possible\nto work so delicately?\" And he turns to Platoff and says in Russian:\n\"There now, if I had but one such artisan in Russia, I should be\nextremely happy and proud, and I would instantly make that man a noble.\"\n\nBut the very minute Platoff hears these words, he thrusts his hands\ninto his voluminous trousers and draws thence a gunsmith's screw-driver.\n\n\"This does not unscrew,\" say the Englishmen. But he, paying no heed,\npicks away at the lock. He gives it one turn, he gives it another,--and\ntakes out the lock. Platoff shows the catch to the Emperor, and there,\non the curve, stands a Russian inscription: \"Ivan Moskvin in the town\nof Tula.\"\n\nThe Englishmen marvelled, and nudged one another: \"Oh, alas! we have\nblundered!\"\n\nBut the Emperor says sadly to Platoff: \"Why hast thou covered them\nwith such confusion? Now I am very sorry for them. Let us go.\"\n\nThey took their places again in the same two-seated carriage, and drove\naway; and that day the Emperor went to a ball, but Platoff gulped down\na still mightier bumper of kizil vodka, and slept a mighty Cossack\nsleep.\n\nHe rejoiced that he had put the Englishmen to confusion, and had placed\nthe Tula artisan in the proper light, but he was also vexed. Why had\nthe Emperor felt pity for the Englishmen on such an occasion?\n\n\"For what reason did the Emperor grieve?\" thought Platoff. \"I don't\nunderstand it at all;\" and, engaged in this meditation, he twice arose,\ncrossed himself, and drank vodka until, by sheer force, he brought upon\nhimself a profound sleep.\n\nBut the Englishmen were not asleep at that time, either, because\ntheir heads were whirling round with dizziness. While the Emperor was\nenjoying himself at the ball, they prepared for him such a fresh marvel\nthat they deprived Platoff of all his fantasy.\n\nFOOTNOTES:\n\n[6] The Emperor always has a Cossack orderly on the box of his\ncarriage. Platoff has been promoted by the gunsmith to a seat inside.\n\n[7] \"Half-bucket Apolo\" is the old gunsmith's rendering of Apollo\nBelvedere.\n\n[8] Barometers; camel's hair mantles.\n\n[9] A mortar.\n\n[10] Tzarskoe Selo is a suburban town about sixteen miles from\nPetrograd, with two Imperial palaces, fine Imperial parks, barracks\nfor the Hussars of the Guard, and so forth. The Arsenal there formerly\ncontained a splendid collection of arms, now removed to the Hermitage\nMuseum, in Petrograd.\n\n\n\n\nIII\n\n\nThe next day, when Platoff presented himself to the Emperor to wish him\ngood-morning, the latter said to him: \"Let the two-seated carriage be\nput to immediately, and let us look at more museums.\"\n\nPlatoff went so far as to suggest: \"Had they not seen enough foreign\nproducts, and would it not be better to betake themselves to Russia?\"\nbut the Emperor says: \"No, I desire to behold still other novelties.\nThey have boasted to me that they make the very finest sort of sugar\nhere.\"\n\nThey drove off.\n\nThe Englishmen kept showing the Emperor the different prime products\nthey had, but Platoff stared and stared, and suddenly said: \"Show us\nyour manufactures of _molva_ sugar.\"[11]\n\nBut the Englishmen did not even know what _molva_ was. They whispered\ntogether, and winked at one another, and kept repeating \"_Molva_,\n_molva_\" but they could not understand that such a sugar was made in\nour parts, and were obliged to confess that they had all sorts of\nsugar, but not _molva_.\n\nPlatoff says: \"Well, then, you have nothing to brag about. Come to\nus, and we will treat you to tea with real _molva_ from the Bobrinsky\nfactories.\"[12]\n\nBut the Emperor plucked him by the sleeve, and said softly: \"Please\ndon't ruin my politics.\"\n\nThen the Englishmen invited the Emperor to the last museum of all,\nwhere were collected all the mineral stones and nymfozoria[13] from the\nwhole world, beginning with the hugest Egyptian Keramids,[14] and going\ndown to the subcutaneous flea, which cannot be seen by the eye, though\nits bite is between the skin and the body.\n\nThe Emperor went.\n\nThey had inspected the Keramids and all sorts of stuffed animals, and\nwere on their way out, and Platoff thinks to himself: \"Now, glory to\nGod, all is well--the Emperor admires nothing!\"\n\nBut no sooner had they reached the very last room, when lo! there stood\nworkmen in their every-day waistcoats and aprons, holding a salver on\nwhich there was nothing at all. And the Emperor began to wonder what\nthey were giving him on the empty salver.\n\n\"What is the meaning of this?\" he asks.\n\nAnd the English artisans reply: \"This is a respectful gift from us to\nYour Majesty.\"\n\n\"But what is it?\"\n\n\"Here,\" they say, \"please to observe this tiny speck.\"\n\nThe Emperor looked and saw that the tiniest sort of a speck really was\nlying upon the salver.\n\nThe workmen say: \"Please spit on your finger, and take it in your palm.\"\n\n\"But what am I to do with this speck?\"\n\n\"It is not a speck,\" they answer, \"but a nymfozoria.\"\n\n\"Is it alive?\"\n\n\"Not at all,\" they reply; \"it is not alive, but it has been forged by\nus in the image of a flea, out of pure English steel, and in the middle\nof it are works and a spring. Please wind it up with the little key;\nit will immediately begin to dance.\"\n\nThe Emperor's curiosity was aroused, and he asked: \"And where is the\nlittle key?\"\n\nAnd the Englishmen said: \"Here is the key, right before your eyes.\"\n\n\"Why do not I see it?\" says the Emperor.\n\n\"Because,\" they reply, \"a melkoscope is necessary.\"\n\nThey gave him the melkoscope, and the Emperor saw that, beside the\nflea, on the silver salver, there actually lay a tiny key.\n\n\"Please take it in your palm,\" said they. \"There is a hole in its\nlittle belly to wind it, and the key must be turned seven times, and\nthen it will begin to dance.\"\n\nWith difficulty did the Emperor grasp the tiny key, and with difficulty\ndid he hold it between his finger and thumb; and with the other\nforefinger and thumb he gripped the flea. And no sooner had he applied\nthe little key than it began to move its feelers; next it began to\nwriggle its legs, and at last it gave a sudden skip, and in one bound\nit made a straight dance and two variations to one side, then to the\nother, and thus danced out an entire quadrille in three figures.\n\nThe Emperor immediately commanded that a million be given to the\nartisans, in any money they preferred--in silver five-kopek pieces, if\nthey liked, or in small bank-bills, if they liked that.\n\nThe Englishmen requested that silver money be issued to them because\nthey did not understand paper money;[15] and then they immediately\nexhibited another cunning device of theirs: they had made a present\nof the flea, but had brought no case for it. But without a case it was\nimpossible to keep either the flea or the key, because they would get\nlost, and be thrown out into the dust-heap. Yet they had made a case\nfor it, fashioned out of a solid diamond, the size of a walnut, and\nits place was hollowed out in the centre. This they did not present,\nbecause, said they, the case was the property of the Crown, and they\nwere held to strict account for Crown property, and they could not make\na gift of it even to the Emperor.\n\nPlatoff came near getting into a great rage, because, says he: \"Why\nsuch rascality? They have made a gift, and received a million for it,\nand all that is not enough! The case always goes with every article.\"\n\nBut the Emperor said: \"Stop that, please,\" says he. \"This is no\nbusiness of thine; don't spoil my politics. They have their own\ncustoms.\" And he inquires: \"What is the value of this walnut, in which\nthe flea is lodged?\"\n\nThe Englishmen rated it at five thousand more.\n\n\"Pay them,\" said the Emperor Alexander Pavlovitch; and himself\ndropped the tiny flea into the little nut, and the key with it; and\nin order that he might not lose the walnut itself, he placed it in\nhis gold snuff-box, and ordered the snuff-box to be placed in his\ntravelling-casket, which was all encrusted with mother of pearl and\nfish-bone.[16] And the Emperor dismissed the English workmen with\nhonor, and said to them: \"You are the finest artisans in the world, and\nmy people can do nothing in comparison with you.\"\n\nThey were highly pleased with this, and Platoff could utter nothing\ncontrary to the Emperor's words. Only, he took the melkoscope, and\nwithout uttering a syllable, he dropped it into his pocket, \"because it\nbelongs here, also,\" says he, \"and you have taken enough money from us\nalready, anyway.\"\n\nThe Emperor did not know of this until his arrival in Russia, but they\nwent away speedily, because melancholy had seized upon the Emperor\non account of military affairs, and he desired to make his spiritual\nconfession to Priest Feodot in Taganrog.[17]\n\nDuring the journey there was very little agreeable conversation\nbetween him and Platoff, because they had formed entirely different\nopinions; the Emperor thought that Englishmen had no equals in art,\nwhile Platoff insisted that our men had only to look at a thing and\nthey could make everything,--only, they lacked good instruction. And\nhe expounded to the Emperor that the English workmen had entirely\ndifferent rules of life for everything, and different sciences and\nmaterials, and that each man of them had all absolute circumstances\nbefore him, and hence a wholly different understanding of things.\n\nThe Emperor was not willing to listen long to this, but Platoff would\nget out at every posting-station, and drink a beer-glass of vodka\nthrough vexation, and eat a little round salted cracknel, and light\nhis birch-root pipe, which held a whole pound of Zhukoff tobacco at\none filling.[18] And then he would take his place, and sit in silence\nbeside the Tzar in the carriage. The Emperor gazed in one direction,\nwhile Platoff thrust his pipe out of the opposite window and smoked\naway in the breeze. And thus they journeyed until they reached\nPetrograd; and the Emperor did not take Platoff to Priest Feodot with\nhim.\n\n\"Thou art intemperate in spiritual converse,\" said he, \"and thou\nsmokest so excessively that soot has settled in my head from thy fumes.\"\n\nPlatoff was offended, and lay upon the couch of vexation at home.\nAnd there he lay incessantly, and smoked Zhukoff tobacco without\nintermission.\n\nFOOTNOTES:\n\n[11] Probably intended for _khalva_, a very rich paste of honey and\nnuts.\n\n[12] Count Bobrinsky's extensive beet-sugar factories, in southwest\nRussia.\n\n[13] Evidently \"infusoriae.\"\n\n[14] Pyramids.\n\n[15] There was a very great difference in the value of silver and paper\nmoney in Russia at that date, and the Englishmen chose wisely.\n\n[16] Walrus ivory.\n\n[17] AUTHOR'S NOTE. \"Priest Feodot\" is not a pure invention; the\nEmperor Alexander Pavlovitch, before his death in Taganrog, did\nconfess to a Priest, Alexyei Feodotoff-Tchekovskoy, who thereafter was\nstyled \"his Majesty's Confessor,\" and who was fond of calling this\npurely fortuitous circumstance to the attention of every one. So this\nFeodotoff-Tchekovskoy is, evidently, the \"Pope Feodot\" of the legend.\n\n[18] Zhukoff is a very coarse, Russian-grown tobacco.\n\n\n\n\nIV\n\n\nThe wonderful flea, of burnished English steel, remained in Alexander\nPavlovitch's casket beneath the fish's bone until he died in Taganrog,\nhe having given it to Priest Feodot to transmit to the Empress later,\nwhen she should have grown calm. The Empress Alexandra Alexyevna\nlooked at the flea's variations, and burst out laughing, but she did\nnot occupy herself with it.\n\n\"My state is now that of a widow,\" said she, \"and no sort of amusement\nis seductive to me;\" and on her return to Petrograd, she gave this\nmarvel and all the other treasures in the inheritance to the new\nEmperor.\n\nThe Emperor Nikolai Pavlovitch also paid no heed to the flea at first,\nbecause there was a disturbance at his accession to the throne. But\nlater on, one day, he began to inspect the casket which had come to him\nfrom his brother, and from it he drew forth the snuff-box, and from the\nsnuff-box the diamond as big as a walnut, and in it he found the steel\nflea, which had not been wound up for a long time, and therefore did\nnot work, but lay as though petrified.\n\nThe Emperor gazed at it and marvelled. \"What sort of a nonsensical\ntrifle is this? and why did my brother preserve it so carefully?\"\n\nThe courtiers wanted to fling it away, but the Emperor said: \"No, this\nhas some meaning.\"\n\nThey summoned a chemist from the apothecary's shop at the Anitchkoff\nBridge, who was accustomed to weigh out poisons on the tiniest of\nscales, and showed it to him; and he immediately took the flea, and\nplaced it on his tongue, and said: \"I feel a chill, as from some strong\nmetal.\" And then he bit it gently with his teeth, and announced: \"You\nmay say what you please, this is not a real flea, but a nymfozoria, and\n'tis made of metal, and the work is not ours, not Russian.\"\n\nThe Emperor ordered that they should instantly find out whence came\nthis thing, and what was the meaning of it.\n\nThey flew to look in the archives and lists, but nothing was recorded\nin the archives. They began to question first one person and then\nanother--no one knew anything about it. But, happily, that Cossack of\nthe Don, Platoff, was still alive, and even still reclining on his\ncouch of vexation and smoking his pipe. When he heard the uproar in the\npalace, he rose immediately from his couch, flung away his pipe, and\npresented himself before the Emperor in all his Orders.\n\nThe Emperor says; \"What dost thou want from me, valiant old man?\"\n\nAnd Platoff answers: \"I want nothing from Your Majesty for myself,\nsince I eat and drink what I please, and am content with all things:\nbut I am come to report to you concerning that nymfozoria which has\nbeen found. It was thus and so,\" says he, \"and this is what took place\nbefore my own eyes in England--and there is a tiny key with it, and I\nhave the very melkoscope with which it can be seen, and with the key\nthe nymfozoria can be wound up through its belly, and it will skip over\nany space you like, and make variations in all directions.\"\n\nThey wound it up, and it began to leap, and Platoff says: \"This,\nYour Majesty, is really a very delicate and interesting bit of work,\nbut it is not meet that we should view it with ecstasy of spirit\nonly; we must also submit it to Russian inspection in Tula or in\nSesterbek,\"--Sesthoryetzk was still called Sesterbek at that time,--\"to\nsee whether our artisans cannot surpass this, so that the English may\nnot exalt themselves above the Russians.\"\n\n\"Thou sayest well, valiant old man, and I commission thee to establish\nthis matter. This little box I do not want at present, in all my\nanxieties, therefore do thou take it with thee; and stretch thyself\nnot again upon thy couch of vexation, but go thou to the peaceful Don,\nand hold there with my men of the Don internecine converse with regard\nto their life and loyalty, and as to what pleaseth them. And when thou\nshalt pass through Tula, show thou this nymfozoria to my Tula artisans,\nand bid them meditate upon it. Say to them from me that my brother\nmarvelled at this thing and praised the people who made the nymfozoria\nabove all others; but I am convinced that my own people are no worse\nthan they. They will not let my words pass unheeded, but will make\nsomething.\"\n\n\n\n\nV\n\n\nPlatoff took the steel flea, and as he passed through Tula on his way\nto the Don he showed it to the Tula gunsmiths and repeated to them the\nEmperor's words, and they asked: \"And now, what shall we do about it,\nOrthodox believers?\"\n\nThe gunsmiths replied: \"We are touched by the gracious word of the\nEmperor, _batiushka_,[19] and we can never forget him, because he\nplaces reliance upon his own people; but what we must do in the present\ncase we cannot say in one minute, because the English nation also\nis not stupid, but even tolerably cunning, and their art hath much\nsensible contrivance. With that,\" said they, \"we must cope after due\nreflection, and with the blessing of God. But if thou, gracious master,\nlike unto our gracious Sovereign, hast confidence in us, then do thou\ngo to thy home on the quiet Don, but leave this flea with us, just\nas it is, in its case, and in the Imperial golden snuff-box. Take thy\npleasure upon the Don, and heal the wounds which thou hast accepted\nfor the sake of the Fatherland, and when thou returnest through Tula,\nhalt and send for us. By that time, God granting, we shall have devised\nsomething.\"\n\nPlatoff was not wholly satisfied that the men of Tula should demand\nso much time, and moreover, that they should not say plainly just\nwhat they intended to make. He questioned them this way and that, and\ncraftily engaged them in conversation in all sorts of manners, after\nthe fashion of the Don; but the Tula men did not yield to him one whit\nin cunning, for they had suddenly caught an idea which they could not\neven hope that Platoff would believe in, and they desired to execute\nfully their daring plan, and then hand it over.\n\nSaid they: \"We do not ourselves know, as yet, what thing we shall\nundertake; only, trust in God, and perchance the Imperial word will not\nbe put to shame through us.\" And thus did Platoff use crafty mental\nshifts, and the men of Tula likewise.\n\nPlatoff shifted and shuffled, shifted and shuffled, and perceived,\nat last, that to out-shift and out-shuffle a Tula man was beyond his\npowers; so he gave them the snuff-box with the nymfozoria, and said:\n\"Well, there's nothing else to be done; be it according to your will.\nI know you--what sort of fellows ye are--but there's nothing else to\nbe done; I trust you, only look to it that you will not exchange the\ndiamond, and will not spoil the delicate English work, and that you\nwill not be long about the job, for I travel fast; two weeks will not\nhave passed before I shall return from the quiet Don to Petrograd, and\nthen you must, without fail, let me have something to show to the\nEmperor.\"\n\nThe gunsmiths reassured him fully.\n\n\"We will not injure the delicate work,\" said they, \"and we will not\nexchange the diamond, and two weeks is time enough for us; and against\nthat occasion of your return you shall have _something_ worthy to show\nto the Emperor's Magnificence.\" But, all the same, they did not say\nprecisely what that _something_ was to be.\n\nFOOTNOTE:\n\n[19] An untranslatable word, but frequently rendered as \"dear little\nfather.\" Count L. N. Tolstoy said to me that there were only two\ngenuine Russian titles--\"_batiushka_\" and \"_matushka_.\" In ordinary\nlife, nowadays, they are the special titles of priests and their wives.\nBut the Tzar and Tzaritza are so called in ceremonious national songs,\nand are so addressed, by peasants, as in the olden days.\n\n\n\n\nVI\n\n\nPlatoff departed from Tula; and three of the gunsmiths, the most\nskilful of them all--one a squint-eyed, left-handed smith with a\nbirth-mark on his cheek and the hair upon his temples plucked out\nin the course of his apprenticeship--bade their comrades and their\nhouseholds farewell, and saying nothing to any one, took their\nwallets, placed therein the necessary food, and disappeared from the\ntown. The only point about them which was remarked was, that they did\nnot proceed towards the Moscow barrier, but in the opposite direction,\ntowards Kieff; and it was supposed that they had betaken themselves\nto Kieff in order to do reverence to the departed Saints, or to take\ncounsel there with some of the living holy men who are always present\nin Kieff, in vast abundance.\n\nBut this was only approximately true, not the truth itself. Neither the\ntime nor the distance allowed of the Tula artisans making the three\nweeks' trip on foot to Kieff, and afterwards executing a piece of work\nwhich should put the English nation to shame. Better would it have\nbeen to go to Moscow, which is distant only \"twice ninety versts,\" to\npray, since departed Saints not a few repose there, also. But in the\nother direction, Oryol lies another \"twice ninety versts,\" and from\nOryol to Kieff is a good five hundred versts more. Such a road is not\nto be speedily traversed, and having traversed it, one recovers not\nquickly--the feet will remain like glass, and the hands will tremble\nfor a long time thereafter.\n\nSome persons even thought that the gunsmiths had been over-boastful in\nthe presence of Platoff, and that afterwards, when they had bethought\nthemselves, they had lost their courage, and had now decamped for good,\ncarrying off with them the imperial gold snuff-box, and the diamond,\nand the English steel flea, which had caused them this trouble, in its\ncase.\n\nBut this supposition, also, was utterly without foundation, and\nunworthy of the clever men upon whom the hope of the nation now rested.\n\n\n\n\nVII\n\n\nThe men of Tula, clever fellows and well versed in the art of metals,\nare also renowned as the finest judges in religious matters. Their fame\nin this respect has filled not only their native land, but even holy\nMount Athos. They are not only experts at singing from the obscure\nancient notes, but they also know how the holy picture of \"the evening\nchime\" should be painted; and if any one of them dedicates himself\nto the great service and enters the monastic life, such men have the\nreputation of making the best Monastery stewards, and they turn out\nthe most capable collectors. It is well known on holy Mount Athos that\nthe men of Tula are a most profitable race, and were it not for them,\nmany remote corners of Russia would, assuredly, never have beheld very\nmany of the sacred things of the Far East, and Athos would have been\ndeprived of many useful contributions from Russian bounty and piety.\n\nNowadays the \"Athos Tulans\" carry about sacred things throughout\nthe whole of our native land, and collect contributions in the most\nmasterly manner, even in places where there is nothing to be got.\nThe Tula man is full of ecclesiastical piety, and very knowing in\nthat line; therefore those three workmen who had undertaken to uphold\nPlatoff, and with him all Russia, committed no error in directing their\ncourse not Moscow-wards but towards the South.\n\nThey were bound not for Kieff, but for Mtzensk, a county town in the\nGovernment of Oryol, in which stands the ancient \"stone-carved\" holy\nimage of Saint Nikolai, which had floated thither, in the most remote\ntimes, upon a great cross, also of stone, down the river Zusha. This\nis a holy image \"of menacing and most terrible aspect,\"--the Prelate of\nMyra-in-Lycia is therein depicted \"full-length,\" all clad in vestments\nof silver brocade, but dark of countenance; and in one hand he holds\na temple, in the other a sword--\"symbolizing conquest.\" And precisely\nin this \"conquest\" lies the whole gist of the matter. Saint Nikolai\nis the Patron of mercantile and military matters in general, but the\n\"Nikolai of Mtzensk\" is so in particular, and to him the men of Tula\nhied them to pay their reverence. They caused a service of prayer to\nbe celebrated before the holy image itself, and then before the stone\ncross, and at last they returned home, \"by night,\" and telling no one\nanything about it, they set to work with direful secrecy.\n\nAll three assembled in a small house belonging to the left-handed man,\nlocked the door, closed the shutters over the windows, lighted the\nsacred lamp before the holy picture of Nikolai, and set to work.\n\nOne day, two days, three days they sat, and went out nowhere, but\nkept tapping away with their little hammers. They were forging\nsomething--but what they were forging, no one knew.\n\nEvery one was curious, but no one could find out, because the workers\nsaid nothing and did not show themselves out of doors. Divers persons\nwent to the cottage, and knocked at the door, under various pretexts,\nto ask for fire or salt; but the three artist-smiths unbolted for no\nquestions, and it was not even known on what food they subsisted. An\nattempt was made to frighten them, and they were told that a house in\nthe vicinity was on fire--to see whether they would not run out in\ntheir alarm, and then it would be revealed what they had forged; but\nno one could entrap these cunning artisans. On that occasion only the\nleft-handed man did thrust himself out to the extent of his shoulders,\nand shout: \"Burn by yourselves, but we have no time!\"--and thereupon he\nhid his plucked pate again, clapped the shutter to, and proceeded with\nhis business.\n\nOnly, it could be seen through tiny cracks, that a small fire was\nglowing in the house, and the delicate little hammers could be heard\ntapping away on the resonant anvils.\n\nIn a word, the whole affair was conducted with such fearful secrecy\nthat it was impossible to find out anything at all, and, moreover, this\ncontinued up to the very moment of Cossack Platoff's return from the\nquiet Don to the Emperor; and during all that time these artisans saw\nno one and talked with no one.\n\n\n\n\nVIII\n\n\nPlatoff travelled very swiftly, and in state: he himself sat in the\ncalash, and on the box sat two Cossacks of the Imperial Suite[20] with\n_nagaikas_,[21] one on each side of the coachman, whom they belabored\nunmercifully, so that he should drive at a gallop. And if one of these\nCossacks fell into a doze, Platoff kicked him out of the calash,\nand they drove on harder than ever. These means of encouragement\noperated so efficaciously that it was impossible to bring the horses\nto a halt at a single posting-station, and they always over-ran the\nstopping-place by a hundred leaps. Then the Suite-Cossack would work\nupon the coachman in the opposite quarter again, and they would return\nto the entrance.\n\nAnd in this same fashion did they roll into Tula; at first they flew a\nhundred leaps beyond the Moscow barrier, and then the Cossack worked\nupon the coachman in the opposite quarter, with his nagaika, and fresh\nhorses were put in at the porch.\n\nPlatoff did not alight from the calash himself, but merely commanded\na Suite-Cossack to bring to him, as speedily as possible, the\nmaster-workman with whom he had left the flea.\n\nOne Suite-Cossack ran to make them fetch the work which was to put the\nEnglish to shame, as quickly as possible, and his Cossack had barely\ndeparted when Platoff despatched after him courier after courier, that\nall possible haste might be made.\n\nWhen he had sent off all the Cossacks of the Suite on the run, he\nbegan to despatch simple members of the curious public, and even\nthrust his own legs out of the calash in his impatience, and was on the\npoint of rushing off himself, and fairly gnashed his teeth--everything\nseemed so slow to him.\n\nSuch, at that time, was the demand that everything should be very\nquick and exact, that not a single moment might be wasted to Russian\nusefulness.\n\nFOOTNOTES:\n\n[20] By the transposition of a letter, the old armorer contrives to\ncall them \"whistle-Cossacks.\"\n\n[21] Cossack whip--really, the Tatar whip used by the Cossacks, and all\nmountaineers, of the Tatar and Mongolian tribes. It is a short, thick,\nround leather lash, all of one size, without a tapering tip.\n\n\n\n\nIX\n\n\nThe Tula artisans, who had executed a marvellous bit of business,\nhad only just completed their work. The Cossacks of the Suite dashed\nup to them breathless, and the simple members of the curious public\nnever arrived at all, because, through lack of practice, they flung\ntheir feet widely over the road, and tumbled down, whereupon they fled\nhomewards, and hid themselves in the first place that offered, through\nfear of encountering Platoff's eye.\n\nBut as soon as the Cossacks of the Suite rushed up, they instantly\nbegan to shout, and when they saw that the men did not open to them,\nthey immediately proceeded to tear at the bolts and shutters, without\nceremony. But the bolts were so stout that they did not yield in the\nleast, and they wrenched at the door; but the door was backed up inside\nby oaken bars. Then the Cossacks picked up a beam in the street, fixed\nit under the roof-frame, after the fashion customary at conflagrations,\nand tipped the whole roof off the little house at one toss. But no\nsooner had they removed the roof than they instantly tumbled over\nbackwards themselves, for such a spiral[22] of sweat arose from the\nartisans in their confined quarters, caused by their unresting toil,\nthat it was impossible for an unaccustomed man, coming directly from\nthe fresh air, to breathe it all at once.\n\nThe messengers shouted: \"What are you doing, you scoundrels, you thus\nand so? And how dare you to infect us with such a spiral, to boot?\nAfter this, God is not with you!\"\n\nBut they replied: \"We will instantly drive in the last little nail, and\nwhen that is in place, we will bring out our work.\"\n\nBut the messengers said: \"He'll devour us alive before that time, and\nleave not enough to remember our souls by.\"\n\nBut the gunsmiths replied: \"He will not succeed in swallowing you,\nbecause, lo! while you have been speaking we have already driven in\nthat last tiny nail. Run and say that we will bring it immediately.\"\n\nThe Suite-Cossacks ran, but not with confidence--they thought the\ngunsmiths were deceiving them; therefore, while they ran as hard as\nthey could, they kept glancing back. But the workmen followed them, and\nmade such extreme haste that they did not manage to get their clothes\nquite on, as was meet before presenting themselves to such an important\npersonage, but fastened the hooks of their kaftans as they ran. Two of\nthem had nothing in their hands, but the third, the left-handed man,\nheld the Imperial casket with the English steel flea, in a green case.\n\nFOOTNOTE:\n\n[22] Uneducated for \"stench.\"\n\n\n\n\nX\n\n\nThe Suite-Cossacks dashed up to Platoff and said: \"Here they are\nthemselves!\"\n\nPlatoff immediately addressed the artisans: \"Ready?\"\n\n\"Quite ready,\" they replied.\n\n\"Hand it over.\"\n\nThey gave it to him.\n\nThe carriage was already harnessed, and the coachman and the postillion\nwere in their places. The Cossacks immediately seated themselves beside\nthe coachman, and raised their whips over him, and, after executing a\nflourish, held them so.\n\nPlatoff tore off the green case, opened the casket, drew the golden\nsnuff-box from the soft cotton, and from the snuff-box the diamond as\nbig as a walnut, and beheld the English flea lying there exactly as\nbefore, and nothing else whatever.\n\nSays Platoff: \"What's this? And where is your work, wherewith you\nwished to solace the Emperor?\"\n\nThe gunsmiths reply: \"Our work is here, also.\"\n\nPlatoff inquires: \"Wherein does it consist?\"\n\nAnd the gunsmiths reply: \"Why declare that? All is here, before your\neyes--and you can look.\"\n\nPlatoff shrugged his shoulders and shouted: \"Where is the key to the\nflea?\"\n\n\"Here, also,\" they answered. \"Where the flea is, there, also, is the\nkey, in one and the same walnut.\"\n\nPlatoff tried to grasp the key, but his fingers were blunt; he fumbled\nand fumbled, but could not manage to get hold either of the flea, or\nof the key which projected from the machinery in its belly, and all at\nonce he flew into a rage, and began to curse in words after the Cossack\nfashion. He shouted: \"What do you mean, you rascals? You have made\nnothing, and have spoiled the whole thing, to boot! I'll cut your heads\noff!\"\n\nBut the men of Tula made reply: \"Without cause do you thus abuse us. We\nmust suffer all insults from you, as from the Emperor's emissary, but\njust because you have doubted us and have thought that we are capable\nof deceiving even the Imperial name, we will not tell you our secret,\nbut you will please to carry it to the Emperor. He will see what sort\nof people he has in us, and whether he will suffer shame because of us.\"\n\nBut Platoff roared: \"Come, you are lying, you rascals! I'll not part\nfrom you, but one of you shall go to Petrograd with me, and there I\nwill put him to the question as to the nature of your cunning devices.\"\n\nThereupon, he stretched out his hand, seized the squint-eyed,\nleft-handed smith by the collar with his stubby fingers, so that all\nthe hooks flew off the man's coat, and flung him at his feet in the\ncalash.\n\n\"Sit here,\" says he, \"in the manner of a poodle, until we get to\nPetrograd--you shall answer to me for all of them. And you,\" says he\nto the Cossacks of the Suite, \"whip up, there! Don't dawdle! See that\nyou get me to the Emperor in Petrograd the day after to-morrow.\"\n\nThe artisans merely ventured to say to him, on behalf of their comrade:\n\"How can you take him from us thus without a tugament?[23] He will not\nbe able to come back.\"\n\nBut Platoff, in place of answer, showed them his fist,--such a horrible\nfist,--dark red and all slashed, seemingly grown together here and\nthere--and menacing them, he said: \"Here's his tugament for you!\"\n\nAnd to the Cossacks he said: \"Whip up, my lads!\"\n\nCossacks, coachman, and horses all began to work simultaneously, and\nbore away the left-handed man without his tugament; and the next day\nbut one, as Platoff had commanded, they whirled him up to the Emperor's\npalace, and even, having over-galloped as was befitting, they drove\npast the columns.\n\nPlatoff rose, fastened on his Orders, and went to the Emperor,\ncommanding the Cossacks of the Suite to stand guard at the entrance\nover the squint-eyed, left-handed smith.\n\nFOOTNOTE:\n\n[23] Document--that is to say, passport; the usual peasant word is\n\"document.\"\n\n\n\n\nXI\n\n\nPlatoff was afraid to present himself before the eyes of the Emperor,\nbecause Nikolai Pavlovitch was a terribly remarkable man, with a\nlong memory--he never forgot anything. Platoff knew that he would,\ninfallibly, question him about the flea. And so he, who feared no\nenemy in all the world, lost his courage there. He entered the palace\nwith the casket, and slily thrust it behind the stove in the hall.\nHaving thus concealed the casket, Platoff presented himself before the\nEmperor in his study, and began, with all possible speed, to report the\ninternecine conversation of the Cossacks on the quiet Don. He reasoned\nthus: that he would engage the Emperor's attention in this manner,\nand then, if the Emperor himself remembered and mentioned the flea,\nit would be necessary to hand it over and answer for it; but if the\nEmperor should not refer to it, then he would hold his own tongue: he\nwould order the valet attached to the study to put the casket away out\nof sight, and would confine the left-handed Tula man in a casemate of\nthe fortress for an indefinite period, and allow him to sit there until\nhe was needed.\n\nBut the Emperor Nikolai Pavlovitch had forgotten nothing, and Platoff\nhad barely terminated his internecine conversations, when he\nimmediately inquired: \"Well, and how have my Tula artisans justified\nthemselves against the English nymfozoria?\"\n\n\"The nymfozoria, Your Majesty,\" says he, \"is still in the same space,\nand I have brought it back, for the Tula artisans could make nothing\nmore marvellous.\"\n\nThe Emperor replied: \"Thou art a valiant old man, but that which thou\nhast just reported to me cannot be.\"\n\nPlatoff began to assure him, and related the whole course of the\nmatter; and when he had reached the point where the men of Tula\nentreated him that the flea might be shown to the Emperor, Nikolai\nPavlovitch slapped him on the back and said: \"Give it here! I know that\nmy own people cannot deceive me. Something beyond comprehension has\nbeen done here.\"\n\n\n\n\nXII\n\n\nThey fetched out the casket from behind the stove, removed its cloth\ncase, opened the golden snuff-box and the diamond walnut, and there lay\nthe flea, just as it had lain before.\n\nThe Emperor gazed and said: \"How clever!\" but his faith in the Russian\nworkmen was not diminished, and he ordered that his favorite daughter,\nAlexandra Nikolaevna, be summoned, and commanded her: \"Thou hast\ndelicate fingers on thy hands--take the little key and wind up the\nbelly machine of this nymfozoria as speedily as possible.\"\n\nThe Princess began to turn the key, and the flea instantly began to\nmove its feelers, but did not stir its legs. Alexandra Nikolaevna wound\nup the whole machinery, but still the nymfozoria neither executed its\ndance nor performed a single variation, as in former times.\n\nPlatoff turned all green, and cried; \"Ah! the rascally dogs! Now I\nunderstand why they would not tell me anything there. 'Tis well that I\nfetched one of the fools along with me.\"\n\nWith these words, he rushed out upon the porch, seized the left-handed\nman by the hair, and began to hurl him about hither and thither, until\nthe tufts flew. But when Platoff ceased to beat him, the man recovered\nhimself and said: \"My hair has already been all pulled out, during\nmy apprenticeship, and now I do not know for what necessity such a\nrepetition has descended.\"\n\n\"'Tis because I had set my hopes upon you,\" said Platoff, \"and had gone\nsurety for you, and you have spoiled a valuable thing.\"\n\nThe left-handed man replied: \"We are greatly satisfied that you went\nsurety for us, but as for spoiling--we have spoiled nothing: take and\nlook through the very strongest melkoscope.\"\n\nPlatoff ran back, told about the melkoscope, and merely threatened the\nleft-handed man.\n\n\"I'll give it to you well, yet,\" says he, \"you thus-and-thus-and-so!\"\nAnd he ordered the Cossacks of the Suite to fasten the left-handed\nman's elbows still more strongly behind him, and himself mounted the\nstairs, fuming and reciting a prayer in one breath: \"Blessed Mother of\nthe Blessed King, pure, all-pure,\" and so on, as is proper. And all\nthe courtiers who were standing on the stairs turned away from him and\nthought: \"Platoff is caught, at last, and in a few moments he will be\ndriven from the palace,\"--for they could not endure him on account of\nhis bravery.\n\n\n\n\nXIII\n\n\nWhen Platoff reported the left-handed man's words to the Emperor, the\nlatter instantly exclaimed with joy: \"I knew that my Russian people\nhad not betrayed me!\" and he ordered a melkoscope to be brought on a\ncushion.\n\nThe melkoscope was brought that very minute, and the Emperor took the\nflea, and placed it under the glass, first with its back, then with its\nside, then with its belly upward,--in short, he turned it on all sides,\nbut nothing was to be seen. But even then the Emperor did not lose\nfaith, and said merely: \"Bring hither instantly that gunsmith who is\ndownstairs.\"\n\nPlatoff announced: \"His clothing must be changed. I took him just as he\nwas, and now he is in very evil plight.\"\n\nBut the Emperor replied: \"Bring him just as he is.\"\n\nPlatoff said: \"Here now, you thus-and-so, go yourself and make answer\nbefore the eyes of the Emperor.\"\n\nAnd the left-handed man replied: \"Assuredly I will go and will make\nanswer.\"\n\nSo he goes, just as he is, in his voluminous trousers, one leg tucked\ninto his boot, the other flapping unrestrainedly, and his old kaftan,\nwhose hooks would not fasten because they were lost, and which had a\nrent on the stomach; but he took no heed of this--he felt no confusion.\n\n\"What of it?\" he said to himself. \"If it pleases the Emperor to see me,\nI must go; and if I have no tugament with me, I am not to blame, and I\nwill tell how the matter came about.\"\n\nWhen the left-handed man entered and made his obeisance, the Emperor\nimmediately said to him: \"What is the meaning of this, my good man,\nthat we have examined it thus and thus, and have placed it under the\nmelkoscope, and can descry nothing noteworthy?\"\n\nAnd the left-handed man replied: \"Did Your Majesty deign to look at it\nin the right way?\"\n\nThe grandees made signs to him, \"Don't speak so!\" but he did not\nunderstand that one must express one's self in the Court fashion,\nflatteringly, or with craft, and he spoke simply.\n\nThe Emperor said: \"Stop your prudent interference with him; let him\nanswer as he pleases.\"\n\nAnd immediately he said to him: \"This is the way we placed it,\" and\nlaid the flea under the melkoscope. \"Look for yourself,\" said he,\n\"there is nothing to be seen.\"\n\nThe left-handed man replies: \"In that manner it is impossible to see\nanything, Your Majesty, because our work is far more secret, in\ncomparison with such proportions.\"\n\nThe Emperor asked: \"But how, then, must one do it?\"\n\n\"It is necessary,\" says he, \"to bring only one of its feet, in detail,\nunder the melkoscope, and to scrutinize separately every heel wherewith\nit walks.\"\n\n\"Really, you don't say so,\" says the Emperor. \"That is very powerfully\nsmall.\"\n\n\"It cannot be helped,\" replies the left-handed man, \"if our work\nis only to be observed thus; and then all the marvel of it will be\ndisplayed.\"\n\nThey placed it as the left-handed man directed, and no sooner had the\nEmperor peeped through the upper glass, than he fairly beamed all over,\ntook the left-handed man just as he was--unkempt, dusty, unwashed--into\nhis arms, embraced him, and kissed him, and then turned to all the\ncourtiers and said: \"Do you see? I knew better than any one else that\nmy Russians would not fail me. Please to look, for these rascals have\nshod the English flea with horse-shoes!\"\n\n\n\n\nXIV\n\n\nAll began to approach and look; the flea was actually shod with real\nshoes on all its feet, and the left-handed man declared that even this\ndid not constitute the whole marvel.\n\n\"If you had a better melkoscope,\" said he, \"which would magnify five\nmillion times, then you might deign to perceive that the maker's name\nis stamped upon each shoe.\"\n\n\"And is your name there?\" asked the Emperor.\n\n\"Not at all,\" replies the left-handed man. \"I worked at something finer\nthan those horse-shoes. I forged the tiny nails with which the shoes\nare fastened on; for that no melkoscope whatever can be used.\"\n\nThe Emperor said: \"Where is your melkoscope with which you could\nproduce this marvel?\"\n\nAnd the left-handed man replied: \"We are poor folk, and because of our\npoverty we have no melkoscope, but we have trained eyes.\"\n\nThen other courtiers still, perceiving that the left-handed man's\ncase had proved auspicious, began to kiss him, and Platoff gave him a\nhundred rubles and said: \"Forgive me, good brother, for hauling you by\nthe hair.\"\n\nThe left-handed man replied: \"God forgives[24]--this is not the first\ntime that that sort of thing has happened to me.\"\n\nAnd he said no more, neither was there any time for him to speak at\nlength, for the Emperor commanded that this shod nymfozoria should\nimmediately be packed up and sent back to England, in the guise of\na gift, so that they might understand there that this was in no way\nastonishing to us. And the Emperor ordered that a special Courier\nshould carry the flea, a man learned in all tongues, and that the\nleft-handed man should go with him, and that he himself should exhibit\nhis handiwork to the Englishmen, and show what workmen we have in Tula.\n\nPlatoff made the sign of the cross over him: \"May a blessing rest upon\nthee!\" said he; \"and I will send thee my own Caucasian vodka,--my\n_kizlyarki_--for the journey. Drink not a little, drink not much, but\ndrink moderately.\"\n\nAnd so he did--he sent it.\n\nAnd Count Kiselvrode ordered that the left-handed man should be washed\nin the Tulyakoff public bath, that his hair and beard should be\ntrimmed in a hairdresser's shop, and that he should be clothed in a\nState kaftan taken from a Court singer,[25] so that he might make a\ngood appearance, and have some sort of rank conferred upon him.\n\nWhen they had re-uniformed him in this manner, treated him to tea with\nPlatoff's vodka for the journey, and had drawn in his leather belt as\nsnugly as possible, in order that his bowels might not shake, they took\nhim to London. And there foreign things happened to the left-handed man.\n\nFOOTNOTES:\n\n[24] The genuine Russian form of saying, \"I forgive you.\"\n\n[25] It would be difficult to devise an outfit more comically unsuited\nto the whole style and bearing of the squint-eyed, left-handed Tula\ngunsmith. The kaftan of a Court singer (member of the Imperial Choir)\nis made of cloth, the hue of an American Beauty rose, elaborately\ntrimmed with broad gold galloon. All Choristers' kaftans in Russia have\nsimulated angel-wings on the shoulders and back, as (in the language of\nthe Cherubimic Hymn in the Liturgy) they represent the Cherubim. The\nleather belt is the crowning touch of absurdity.\n\n\n\n\nXV\n\n\nThe Courier travelled so very swiftly with the left-handed man, that\nthey halted nowhere to rest between Petrograd and London, but merely\ndrew their belts tighter at every posting-station, so that their bowels\nand their lungs might not get mixed up together; but, as an allowance\nof liquor at will had been appointed to the left-handed man after his\ninterview with the Emperor, at Platoffs instance, he sustained himself\non that alone, without eating, and sang Russian songs all through\nEurope, making only a refrain in foreign fashion, \"A\u00ef, people, _c'est\ntr\u00e8s juli_.\"[26]\n\nAs soon as the Courier brought him to London, he presented himself to\nthe proper persons and delivered the casket, but placed the left-handed\nman in a chamber at a hotel; but there the latter speedily grew bored,\nand felt a desire to eat. He knocked on the door, and pointed out\nhis mouth to the servant who waited on him, and the man immediately\nconducted him to the food-reception room.\n\nThere the left-handed man seated himself at the table, and sat, and\nsat; but how to ask for anything in English he did not know. But after\na while he found out. Again he simply tapped upon the table with his\nfinger, and pointed at his mouth; the Englishmen guessed, and served\nhim, only they did not always bring what he wanted, but he did not take\nwhat did not suit him. They brought him a hot studing in fire[27] of\ntheir preparation. Says he, \"I know not whether that can be eaten,\"\nand he would not taste it; so they changed it, and brought him another\ndish. And thus, also, he would not drink their brandy, because it was\ngreen, as though mixed with copperas, but chose the most natural\nthings of all, and waited for the Courier in the coolness behind the\nbottle-room.\n\nAnd those persons to whom the Courier had delivered the nymfozoria\nexamined it that very moment with the most powerful melkoscopes,\nand immediately put a description in the public news, so that an\nannouncement[28] of it might come to general notice on the following\nday.\n\n\"And we wish to see that master-workman himself at once,\" said they.\n\nThe Courier led them to the chamber, and thence to the food-reception\nroom, where our left-handed man had already grown fairly red in the\nface, and said: \"Here he is!\"\n\nThe Englishmen immediately began to clap the left-handed man on the\nshoulder, _slap-slap_, and on the hands, as with an equal.\n\n\"Comrade,\" said they, \"comrade,--good master,--we will talk with thee\nhereafter, in due time, but now we will drink to thy success.\"\n\nThey called for a great deal of liquor, and gave the first glass to the\nleft-handed man, but he would not drink first: \"Perhaps they wish to\npoison me out of vexation,\" he thought.\n\n\"No,\" says he, \"that is not proper etiquette. Even in Poland no one is\ngreater than the host--drink first yourselves.\"\n\nThe Englishmen tested all the liquors in his presence, and then began\nto pour out for him. He rose, crossed himself with his left hand, and\ndrank to the health of them all.\n\nThey noticed that he crossed himself with his left hand, and asked the\nCourier: \"What is he--a Lutheran or a Protestant?\"\n\nThe Courier replied: \"No, he is neither a Lutheran nor a Protestant,\nbut of the Russian faith.\"\n\n\"But why does he cross himself with his left hand?\"\n\nThe Courier said: \"He's left-handed, and does everything with his left\nhand.\"\n\nThe Englishmen began to be more amazed than ever, and set to pouring\nliquor into the left-handed man and the Courier, and thus they went on\nfor three days, and then they said: \"Now, that's enough.\"\n\nBut they took a symphony of water with airfixe, and having completely\nfreshened themselves up, they began to interrogate the left-handed man;\nWhere and what he had studied, and to what point he was acquainted with\narithmetic?\n\nThe left-handed man replied: \"Our learning is single: we can read the\nPsalter and the Polusonnik, but we know no arithmetic whatever.\"\n\nThe Englishmen exchanged glances and said: \"This is astounding!\"\n\nBut the left-handed man replied: \"That's the way with us everywhere.\"\n\n\"But,\" they inquire, \"what sort of a book in Russia is that\n'Polusonnik'?\"[29]\n\n\"That,\" says he, \"is a book concerned with this--that if there is\nanything touching on fortune-telling which King David has not clearly\nset forth in the Psalter, then people are able to divine the completion\nin the Polusonnik.\"\n\nThey say: \"That's a pity; 't would be better if you knew at least the\nfour ordinary rules of arithmetic,--they would be far more useful\nto you than the entire Polusonnik. Then you would be able to grasp\nthe fact that in every machine there is a calculation of powers, and\nalthough you are very clever with your hands, you have not taken into\nconsideration that such a tiny machine as the nymfozoria is calculated\nwith the most exact accuracy, and that it cannot carry its shoes.\"\n\nTo that the left-handed man agreed. \"As to that,\" says he, \"there is\nno dispute--that we have not gone in for science, but only we are\nfaithfully loyal to our Fatherland.\"\n\nBut the Englishmen say to him; \"Stay with us, we will transmit to you\ngreat instruction, and you will turn out a wonderful master-expert.\"\n\nBut to that the left-handed man did not agree: \"I have parents at\nhome,\" says he.\n\nThe Englishmen offered to send his parents money, but the left-handed\nman would not accept it.\n\n\"We,\" says he, \"are devoted to our country, and my daddy is already an\nold man, and my mother is an old woman, and they are used to going to\nchurch in their own parish, and besides, I should be very lonely all\nby myself, for I am still in the vocation of a bachelor.\"\n\n\"You'll get used to it,\" say they,--\"accept our law[30] and we will\nmarry you off.\"\n\n\"That,\" replies the left-handed man, \"can never be.\"\n\n\"Why so?\"\n\n\"Because,\" he replies, \"our Russian faith is the most correct, and as\nthe ancestors have believed, so, also, should the descendants believe.\"\n\n\"You do not know our faith,\" say the Englishmen; \"we hold to the same\nChristian law and the same Gospels.\"\n\n\"The Gospels,\" replies the left-handed man, \"are, indeed, the same\namong all, but our books are thicker than yours, and our faith is more\ncomplete, also.\"\n\n\"How do you make that out?\"\n\n\"Because,\" he replies, \"we possess all the visible proofs.\"\n\n\"What proofs?\"\n\n\"These,\" says he: \"that we have God-sent holy images, and grave-oozing\nheads,[31] and relics, but you have nothing, and even no extra\nholidays, nothing beyond Sunday; and for the second reason, even if I\nwere married to an Englishwoman, it would confuse me to live with her.\"\n\n\"Why so?\" they ask. \"Do not scorn her--our women also dress very neatly\nand are good housewives.\"\n\nBut the left-handed man says: \"I don't know them.\"\n\nThe Englishmen reply: \"That's not a weighty matter--you can learn to\nknow them: we will arrange a grendezvous for you.\"\n\nThe left-handed man was abashed. \"Why,\" says he, \"worry the girls\nvainly?\" and he refused. \"A grendezvous,\" says he, \"is a matter for the\ngentry, and not suitable for such as me, and if folks were to hear of\nthat at home, in Tula, they would ridicule me greatly.\"\n\nThe Englishmen became curious: \"But if you don't have grendezvous,\" say\nthey, \"how do you manage in such cases to make a pleasing choice?\"\n\nThe left-handed man explained to them our position. \"With us,\" says\nhe, \"when a man wishes to display a more particular intention with\nregard to a girl, he sends the confabulation-woman, and when she makes\nthe proposal, then we go together, very politely, to the house, and\nwe look the girl over, not in secrecy, but in the presence of all her\nrelatives.\"\n\nThey understood, but answered that they had no confabulation-women,\nand such a custom was not in practice, but the left-handed man said:\n\"That's all the more agreeable, because if you are going to occupy\nyourself with such a matter, it must be with a definite intention, and\nas I do not feel that towards a foreign nation, then why torment the\ngirls?\"\n\nHe pleased the Englishmen in these arguments, also, so that they again\nbegan to clap him on the shoulders and the knees, with pleasantness,\nand asked: \"We would just like to know, out of mere curiosity: what\ndefect have you observed in our girls, and why do you shun them?\"\n\nThereupon the left-handed man answered them frankly: \"I accuse them\nof no defect, but what does not please me is that their dress sort\nof flutters about them, and one cannot make out what they have on,\nand for what purpose; first there is some sort of thing or other, and\nunderneath there's another pinned on, and on their arms are some\nsort of leglets or other. Their plush cloak is exactly like an ape--a\nsapajou.\"\n\nThe Englishmen burst out laughing and say: \"Where's the objection in\nthat?\"\n\n\"There's no objection,\" replies the left-handed man, \"only I'm afraid\nit would make me blush to watch and wait while she is getting herself\nout of all that.\"\n\n\"Is it possible,\" say they, \"that your fashion is better?\"\n\n\"Our fashion,\" he replies, \"in Tula is simple: every woman wears a\nroundabout,[32] and even the greatest ladies wear our roundabouts.\"\n\nThey also showed him to their ladies, and there they poured tea for\nhim, and inquired: \"Why do you frown?\"\n\nHe replies: \"Because,\" says he, \"we are not used to taking it very\nsweet.\"\n\nThen they gave him a lump of sugar to nibble at, in Russian fashion.\n\nThey argued with him that it could not be as nice that way, but he\nsaid: \"To our taste it is more tasty thus.\"\n\nIn no way could the English disconcert him, or make him feel attracted\nby their manner of life, and merely succeeded in persuading him to\nremain their guest for a short time, by promising that during that time\nthey would take him about to divers factories, and show him all their\nart.\n\n\"And then,\" said they, \"we will take him to his ship, and _deliver him\nalive in Petrograd_.\"\n\nTo this he agreed.\n\nFOOTNOTES:\n\n[26] A very bad rhyme in the original.\n\n[27] Plum-Pudding.\n\n[28] The old gunsmith contrives to say \"scandal.\"\n\n[29] Literally, \"The Half-Dreamer.\"\n\n[30] The usual expression for \"join our Church.\"\n\n[31] In the Catacombs at Kieff are a number of chrism-exuding skulls.\n\n[32] He probably means a garment like the _sarafan_, composed of\nmany straight breadths gathered into a narrow band at the arm-pits,\nand suspended by straps over shoulders; or the ancient Russian gown,\nwithout gathers, cut with gores from neck to heel. What he manages to\nsay is, that they wear lace gowns--or something approximating that.\n\n\n\n\nXVI\n\n\nThe Englishmen took charge of the left-handed man, but sent the Russian\nCourier back to Russia. Although the Courier had a rank[33] and was\nskilled in divers languages, they took no interest in him, but they\ndid find the left-handed man interesting, and set about taking him\neverywhere and showing him everything.\n\nHe inspected all their products, and their metal foundries, and their\nsoap and saw-mills, and all their domestic arrangements pleased him\nexceedingly, especially those pertaining to the maintenance of the\nworkingman. Every laborer among them is always well fed, clothed not\nin rags but each in a capable every-day waistcoat, and shod with stout\nboots with iron caps, so that their feet might never receive any shock\nfrom anything. And they work not at haphazard but after training,\nand understand their business. In front of every one of them hangs a\nmultiplication table, and close by his hand is an erasing-board;[34]\nwhenever an artisan does anything, he looks at the multiplication\ntable, and verifies it with surety, and then writes down one thing on\nthe board and erases another, and brings it into accuracy: what is\nwritten in figures turns out just so in fact. And when a holiday comes,\nthey assemble in pairs, each takes a slender rod in his hand, and\nthey go off to enjoy themselves in honorably dignified fashion, as is\nfitting.\n\nThe left-handed man gazed his fill at their manner of life and all\ntheir labors, but devoted most attention of all to one object which\ncaused the Englishmen great amazement. He was not so much absorbed in\ntheir manner of making new guns as in the condition of the old ones. He\nkept going about and uttering praises, and saying: \"And this, also, we\ncan do.\" But when he came across an old gun, he would thrust his finger\ninto the barrel, draw it along the walls, and sigh; \"This,\" says he,\n\"is incomparably finer than ours.\"\n\nThe Englishmen could by no means divine what it was that the\nleft-handed man was commenting upon, but he inquired: \"Cannot I find\nout whether our Generals ever beheld this or not?\"\n\nThey say to him: \"Some of them have been over here, and they must have\nseen it.\"\n\n\"But how were they,\" says he, \"with gloves or without gloves?\"\n\n\"Your Generals,\" say they, \"are always in full dress; they always go\nabout in gloves, and, of course, they did so here, also.\"\n\nThe left-handed man said nothing, but all at once he began to get\nuneasy and bored. He pined, and pined, and said to the Englishmen: \"I\nthank you sincerely for all your hospitality, and I am very content\nhere with you, and all that it was necessary for me to see I have seen,\nand now I desire to return home as speedily as possible.\"\n\nThey could by no means detain him longer. It was impossible to let him\ngo home by land, because he did not know all the languages, and it was\nnot good to sail upon the sea, because it was the autumn season, and\nstormy; but he insisted: \"Let me go.\"\n\n\"We have looked at the buremeter,\"[35] they said. \"There is going to\nbe a storm--you may be drowned: for this is not like your Gulf of\nFinland, but this is the regular Dryland Sea.\"[36]\n\n\"That makes no difference,\" he replied: \"'t is all the same to me where\nI die; God's will be done. But I desire to return to my native land as\nspeedily as may be, because otherwise I may acquire a sort of madness.\"\n\nThey did not detain him by force; they crammed him with food, rewarded\nhim with money, gave him gifts to remember them by--a golden watch with\na repeater[37]--and against the sea chill on his late autumn road they\ngave him a frieze great-coat, with a weather-hood for his head. They\nclothed the left-handed man very warmly, and conducted him to a ship\nwhich was due to sail for Russia. There they installed the left-handed\nman in the very best manner, like a real gentleman; but he did not like\nit, and was ashamed to sit shut up with the other gentle-folk; so he\nwent off to the deck, sat down under the tarpaulin, and asked: \"Where\nis our Russia?\"\n\nThe Englishman whom he asked pointed or nodded his head in the right\ndirection, and he turned his face thither and gazed impatiently towards\nhis native land.\n\nWhen they emerged from the harbor into the Dryland Sea, his longing\nfor Russia became so great that it was impossible to soothe him in any\nway whatever. The dash of the waves became terrible, but still the\nleft-handed man would not go below to the cabin--he sat there under the\ntarpaulin, pulled up his hood, and gazed towards his Fatherland. Many\ntimes did the Englishmen approach to invite him to come below to a\nwarm place; but he, in order that they might not annoy him, even began\nto fend them off by means of a lie.\n\n\"No,\" he answered, \"I feel better outside--but under cover the rolling\nof the ship gives me porpoises.\"\n\nThus he never went below the whole time, until a certain occasion,\nand thereby greatly pleased a certain half-skipper,[38] who, to\nthe misfortune of our left-handed man, was able to speak Russian.\nThis half-skipper could never overcome his amazement that a Russian\nlandlubber could so withstand all rough weather.\n\n\"Fine fellow!\" says he. \"Russian--let's have a drink!\" The left-handed\nman drank. And the half-skipper says: \"Again!\"\n\nSo the left-handed man drank once more, and they became tipsy.\n\nAnd the half-skipper questions him: \"What secret are you carrying from\nour kingdom to Russia?\"\n\nThe left-handed man replies: \"That is my affair.\"\n\n\"If that is so,\" replies the half-skipper, \"then let's make a bet after\nthe English fashion.\"\n\nThe left-handed man asks: \"What sort of a bet?\"\n\n\"This sort: That neither of us shall drink anything alone, but always\ntogether, evenly; what one drinks, that the other also must drink,\nwithout fail, and the one who outdrinks the other wins.\"\n\nThe left-handed man reflects: \"The sky is clouded, my belly is\nswelling; I am greatly bored; the way is long, and my native land\nis not visible beyond the waves; 't will be more merry to make this\nwager.\"\n\n\"Good,\" says he; \"done!\"\n\n\"Only, it must be on honor.\"\n\n\"Don't bother yourself on that score.\"\n\nSo they agreed, and shook hands on it.\n\nFOOTNOTES:\n\n[33] Evidently, an Imperial Messenger.\n\n[34] Apparently, a slate. The point is, that Russians still perform all\ntheir calculations on the ancient abacus, with marvellous rapidity, and\nlook upon pen-and-paper or slate-and-pencil as a slow, cumbrous process.\n\n[35] By this twist of pronunciation the word becomes \"storm-meter.\"\n\n[36] The North Sea. The Mediterranean, literally translated, is\n\"Sredizemnoe\"--Midland. Therefore the old gunsmith twists this into\n\"Tverdezemnoe.\"\n\n[37] The old gunsmith uses a word which sounds fairly right, but means\n\"a disturber.\"\n\n[38] By substituting an _l_ for a _d_ the old gunsmith turns\n\"under-skipper\" into \"half-skipper.\"\n\n\n\n\nXVII\n\n\nTheir wager began on the Dryland Sea, and they drank until they came\nto Dunamund on the Gulf of Riga, but they always kept even, and did\nnot yield to each other; and they kept so accurately even that when\none of them, gazing at the sea, beheld an imp crawling out of the\nwater, the same thing instantly revealed itself to the other. Only,\nthe half-skipper beheld a red-headed imp, whereas the left-handed man\ndeclared that he was as swarthy as a Moor.\n\nThe left-handed man said: \"Cross yourself and turn away--here is a\nfriend from the Abyss;\" and the Englishman disputed, and declared that\nit was a \"sea-puss.\"\n\n\"If you like,\" says he, \"I'll toss you into the sea, and be not\nafraid--it will give you back to me immediately.\"\n\nAnd the left-handed man replied: \"If that is so, then throw me.\"\n\nThe half-skipper took him by the slack of the breeches, and carried him\nto the rail.\n\nThe sailors saw this, stopped them, and reported to the Captain, and he\nordered them both to be locked up downstairs, and that they should be\ngiven rum and liquor and cold food, so that they might eat and drink\nand carry out their wager; but hot studing with fire[39] was not to be\ngiven to them because it might set fire to the spirits inside them.\n\nAnd thus they were brought, in confinement, to Petrograd, and neither\nhad won the wager from the other; and there they were placed on\nseparate carts, and the Englishman was carried to the house of the\nAmbassador, on the English Quay, while the left-handed man was taken to\nthe police station.\n\nAnd from that time on their fates began to differ greatly.\n\nFOOTNOTE:\n\n[39] \"Studen\" means \"cold.\" The gunsmith converts it into hot\nplum-pudding with blazing brandy.\n\n\n\n\nXVIII\n\n\nWhen the Englishman was brought to the Embassy, they immediately\nsummoned to him a medical man and an apothecary. The medical man\nordered him to be placed in a warm bath, while the apothecary instantly\nrolled a gutta-percha pill, and thrust it into his mouth, and then they\ntook hold of him, and laid him on a feather-bed and covered him with\na fur coat, and left him to sweat; and that no one might disturb him,\norders were issued throughout the whole Embassy that no one should\ndare so much as to sneeze. The medical man and the apothecary waited\nuntil the half-skipper had fallen asleep, and then they prepared\nanother gutta-percha pill for him, laid it on a small table by the head\nof his bed, and went away.\n\nBut the left-handed man was tumbled down on the floor of the police\nstation, and asked: \"Who are you, and whence come you, and have you a\npassport or any other tugament?\"\n\nBut he, from illness, drinking, and the long pitching on the ship, had\ngrown so weak that he answered not a word, but only groaned.\n\nThen they immediately searched him, took his motley garment off of him,\nand seized his money and his repeater-watch, and the Inspector ordered\nthat he be taken, gratis, to the hospital, by the first cabman who\nhappened along.[40]\n\nA policeman led the left-handed man out to place him in a sledge, but\nfor a long time he could not catch one, because cabmen shun the police.\nAnd all this time the left-handed man lay on the cold pavement; then\nthe policeman caught a sledge, only without a warm laprobe, because on\nsuch occasions cabmen hide their laprobes in the sledges under them,\nin order that the policeman's feet may get chilled the more quickly.\nSo they carried the left-handed man uncovered, and when they began to\nshift him from one sledge to another they kept dropping him, and when\nthey picked him up they tweaked his ears to bring him to his senses.\nThey carried him to one hospital, but there they would not take him in\nbecause he had no tugament. They carried him to another, and there,\nalso, they would not receive him, and so, also, at a third, and a\nfourth; they dragged him about until morning dawned, through all the\nmost tangled and distant ways, and kept shifting him incessantly, so\nthat they completely wore him out. Then one assistant medical man told\nthe policeman to take him to the Obukhoff hospital for common people,\nwhere they receive all people of unknown rank to die.\n\nThere they ordered a receipt to be given, and the left-handed man to be\nset upon the floor in the corridor until he should be examined.\n\nBut at the same hour on the following day, the English half-skipper\nrose, swallowed the second gutta-percha pill, ate a light breakfast\nof chicken and rice, drank airfixe, and said: \"Where is my Russian\ncomrade? I will go and seek him.\"\n\nHe dressed himself and sallied forth.\n\nFOOTNOTE:\n\n[40] Policemen have the right to use cabs thus, gratis, for the\ntransportation of intoxicated persons, each cabman being obliged to\nconvey him to the boundary of that particular police district; after\nwhich, he is trans-shipped to another reluctant cabman; and so on.\n\n\n\n\nXIX\n\n\nBy some wonderful means the half-skipper found the left-handed man\nrather speedily, only they had not yet put him to bed, but he still lay\non the floor of the corridor and complained to the Englishman: \"I must\nsay a couple of words to the Emperor without fail.\"\n\nThe Englishman hastened to Count Kleinmichel and made a row: \"How can\nthey treat him so? He has a human soul,\" says he, \"even if he has only\na sheepskin coat.\"\n\nFor this bit of reasoning they immediately chased the Englishman\naway,--because he had dared to mention the human soul. And then some\none said to him: \"You had better go to Cossack Platoff--he has simple\nfeelings.\"\n\nThe Englishman got at Platoff, who was now reclining on his couch once\nmore. Platoff listened to him and recalled the left-handed man.\n\n\"Certainly, my friend,\" says he, \"I am very intimately acquainted with\nhim--I have even tweaked him by the hair--only I know not how I can\nassist him in his present unhappy plight, because I am now entirely\nout of the service and have received full pension, so they no longer\nrespect me; but do you run quickly to Commandant Skobeleff; he is\nin power, and also experienced in this sort of thing--he will do\nsomething.\"\n\nAnd the half-skipper went to Skobeleff, and told him everything; what\nthe left-handed man's illness was, and how he had contracted it. Says\nSkobeleff: \"I understand this complaint, only the Germans cannot cure\nit; but some sort of a doctor of the ecclesiastical vocation is needed\nhere, because those fellows have been reared on such examples, and\nthey can give aid. I will immediately send thither the Russian doctor,\nMartyn-Solsky.\"\n\nBut when Martyn-Solsky arrived, the left-handed man was breathing his\nlast, because he had cracked his neck on the pavement, and could utter\nintelligibly only these words: \"Tell the Emperor that the English do\nnot clean their guns with brick-dust. Let them not clean their guns so\namong us; otherwise--God preserve us from war--they will not be fit to\nfire.\" And with this assurance the left-handed man crossed himself and\ndied.\n\nThen Martyn-Solsky immediately went and reported this to Count\nTchernyscheff in order that he might announce it to the Emperor.\nBut Count Tchernyscheff shouted at him: \"Stick to your emetics and\ncathartics and don't meddle in what is none of your business--we have\nGenerals in Russia to attend to that!\"\n\nAnd so they did not tell the Emperor, and this mode of cleaning\ncontinued down to the very date of the Crimean campaign. At that\ntime, when they began to load their guns the bullets rattled about in\nthem, because they had been cleaned with brick-dust. Then Martyn-Solsky\nreminded Count Tchernyscheff of the left-handed man, and Count\nTchernyscheff said: \"Go to the devil, you windbag! Don't meddle with\nwhat does not concern you, or I'll deny that I ever heard anything\nabout this from you--and won't you just catch it!\"\n\nMartyn-Solsky reflected: \"He actually will deny it,\" and so he held his\ntongue.\n\nBut if he had reported the left-handed man's words to the Emperor in\nseason, the war with the enemy in the Crimea would have taken quite a\ndifferent turn.\n\n\n\n\nXX\n\n\nAnd now all this is \"a matter of bygone days\" and \"traditions of the\nolden times,\" albeit they are not so very ancient. But there is no\nneed to make haste to forget these traditions, in spite of the fabulous\nstyle of the legend, and the epic character of its principal hero.\nThe actual name of that hero, like the names of many of the greatest\ngeniuses, is forever lost to posterity; but, considered as a myth\npersonified by popular fancy, it is interesting, and his deeds may\nserve as a memorial of the epoch of which the general spirit has been\nfaithfully and accurately caught.\n\nOf course, there are no longer any such master-workmen in Tula as this\nfabulous, left-handed man; machines have evened up the inequalities of\ntalents and gifts, and genius is not eager to struggle against industry\nand accuracy. Machines, while favorable to a rise in wages, are not\nfavorable to artistic enterprise, which formerly exceeded measure,\ninspiring the popular fancy to the fabrication of legends similar to\nthe one in hand.\n\nWorkmen, naturally, understand how to prize the benefits which have\naccrued to them from the practical adjustments of mechanical science,\nbut they allude to the days that are past with pride and affection.\nThis is their epos, and it has, moreover, a great deal of the \"human\nsoul\" about it.\n\n\n_Three hundred copies were printed by D. B. Updike, at The Merrymount\nPress, Boston, in October, 1916, of which this is Number 66._","title":"The Steel Flea","tradition":"myth-cosmogony","translated_text":null,"word_count":13700}