{"collection":"scripture-revelation","full_text_available":true,"graph_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/api/page/gutenberg_65066/graph","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/page/gutenberg_65066","id":"gutenberg_65066","license":"Public Domain (US)","rights_basis":"gutenberg_metadata_copyright_false","source":"gutenberg","source_url":"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/65066","summary":null,"tags":["Category: Biographies","Category: History - American","Category: Religion/Spirituality","Indians of North America -- Missions -- Early works to 1800"],"text":"------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n                          Transcriber\u2019s Note:\n\nThis version of the text cannot represent certain typographical effects.\nItalics are delimited with the \u2018_\u2019 character as _italic_.\n\nFootnotes have been moved to follow the paragraphs in which they are\nreferenced.\n\nMinor errors, attributable to the printer, have been corrected. Please\nsee the transcriber\u2019s note at the end of this text for details regarding\nthe handling of any textual issues encountered during its preparation.\n\n[Illustration:\n\n  View of the Parsonage in Cranbury, New-Jersey, July, 1833.\n  Occupying the ground where Brainerd preached to the Indians, 1746.\n]\n\n                                  THE\n                                  LIFE\n                                   OF\n                          REV. DAVID BRAINERD,\n                   CHIEFLY EXTRACTED FROM HIS DIARY.\n\n                  ------------------------------------\n\n                         BY PRESIDENT EDWARDS.\n\n                  ------------------------------------\n\n                           SOMEWHAT ABRIDGED.\n\n                               EMBRACING,\n\n                       IN THE CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER\n\n                       BRAINERD\u2019S PUBLIC JOURNAL\n\n                                 OF THE\n\n                          MOST SUCCESSFUL YEAR\n\n                                 OF HIS\n\n                           MISSIONARY LABORS.\n\n\n                            PUBLISHED BY THE\n                        AMERICAN TRACT SOCIETY,\n                      150 NASSAU-STREET, NEW YORK.\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nIt is a striking characteristic of the life of BRAINERD, from the time\nof his entering on the study of Theology till his death, that he _daily_\n\u201cwalked with God,\u201d or mourned the absence of the light of his\ncountenance. President Edwards has endeavored to exhibit the state of\nhis mind _each day_, as described in his diary. In this edition, many\npassages thus inserted by Edwards, especially such as much resembled\nthose preceding or following, have been omitted.\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n                                CONTENTS\n\n\n                                                                   Page.\n\n President Edwards\u2019 Preface                                            5\n\n CHAP I.\u2014From his birth to the time when he began to study for the     9\n   ministry\u2014containing his own narrative of his conversion, his\n   connection with Yale College and the grounds of his expulsion\n\n CHAP. II.\u2014From about the time when he began the study of             32\n   theology, till he was licensed to preach\n\n CHAP. III.\u2014From his being licensed to preach, till he was            45\n   commissioned as a missionary\n\n CHAP. IV.\u2014From his appointment as a missionary, to his commencing    52\n   his mission among the Indians at Kaunaumeek, in New-York\n\n CHAP. V.\u2014His labors for nearly a year at Kaunaumeek\u2014temporal         61\n   deprivations and sufferings\u2014establishes a school\u2014confession\n   offered to the Faculty of Yale College\u2014days of fasting\u2014methods\n   of instructing  the Indians\u2014visit to New-Jersey and\n   Connecticut\u2014commencement  of labor among the Indians at the\n   Forks of Delaware\u2014ordination\n\n CHAP. VI.\u2014Labors for the Indians at and near the Forks of            95\n   Delaware\u2014idolatrous feast and dance\u2014journey through the\n   wilderness to Opeholhaupung, on the Susquehanna\u2014erects a\n   cottage at the Forks of Delaware\u2014some evidences of a work of\n   the Spirit among the Indians\u2014journey to New-England, to obtain\n   funds to support a colleague\u2014visit to the Indians on the\n   Susquehanna\u2014journey to Crossweeksung, in New-Jersey\n\n CHAP. VII.\u2014Being Part I. of his public Journal of \u201cthe Rise and     132\n   Progress of a remarkable Work of Grace among the Indians in\n   New-Jersey and Pennsylvania; kept by order of the Society in\n   Scotland for propagating Christian Knowledge\u201d\u2014commencement of\n   his labors at Crossweeksung\u2014renewal of labor at the Forks of\n   Delaware\u2014conversion of his interpreter\u2014return to\n   Crossweeksung\u2014outpouring of the Spirit\u2014visit to the Forks of\n   Delaware and the Susquehanna\u2014a powaw\u2014a conjurer\u2014renewal of\n   labor at Crossweeksung\u2014remarks on the work of divine grace\n\n CHAP. VIII.\u2014Being Part II. of his public Journal of \u201cthe            194\n   Continuance and Progress of a Remarkable Work of Grace among\n   the Indians in New-Jersey and Pennsylvania; kept by order of\n   the Society in Scotland for propagating Christian\n   Knowledge\u201d\u2014renewal of labor at Crossweeksung\u2014outpouring of the\n   Spirit\u2014remarkable case\u2014signal displays of divine power\u2014a\n   convert\u2014a number of Christian Indians accompany him to the\n   Forks of Delaware\u2014striking conversion at Crossweeksung\u2014day of\n   fasting\u2014Lord\u2019s supper\u2014conversion of a conjurer\u2014general remarks\n   on the preceding narrative\n\n CHAP. IX.\u2014From the close of his public Journal, June 19, 1746, to   278\n   his death, October 9, 1747\u2014continuance of labor at\n   Crossweeksung and Cranberry\u2014journey with six Christian Indians\n   to the Susquehanna, and labors there\u2014return to\n   Crossweeksung\u2014compelled by prostration of health to leave the\n   Indians\u2014confinement by sickness at Elizabethtown\u2014farewell visit\n   to the Indians\u2014his brother John succeeds him as a\n   missionary\u2014arrival among his friends in Connecticut\u2014visit to\n   President Edwards, in Northampton\u2014journey to Boston, where he\n   is brought near to death\u2014usefulness in Boston\u2014return to\n   Northampton\u2014triumphs of grace in his last sickness\u2014death\n\n CHAP. X.\u2014Reflections on the preceding memoir                        345\n\n                                  FROM\n                      PRESIDENT EDWARDS\u2019 PREFACE.\n\n\nThere is one thing, easily discernible in the life of BRAINERD, which by\nmany may be considered an objection to the extraordinary evidences of\nhis religion and devotion, viz. that he was, _by his constitution and\nnatural temper, so prone to melancholy and dejection of Spirit_. There\nare some who think that all religion is a melancholy thing; and that\nwhat is called Christian experience is little else beside melancholy,\ndisturbing the brain, and exciting enthusiastic imaginations. But that\nBrainerd\u2019s temper or constitution inclined him to despondency, is no\njust ground for supposing that his extraordinary _devotion_ was only the\nfruit of a warm imagination. Notwithstanding this inclination to\ndespondency, he was evidently one of those who usually are the farthest\nfrom a teeming imagination; being of a penetrating genius, of clear\nthought, of close reasoning, and a very exact judgment; as was apparent\nto all who knew him. As he had a great insight into human nature, and\nwas very discerning and judicious in general; so he excelled in his\njudgment and knowledge in divinity, but especially in experimental\nreligion. He most accurately distinguished between real, solid piety,\nand enthusiasm; between those affections that are rational and\nscriptural, having their foundation in light and judgment, and those\nthat are founded in whimsical conceits, strong impressions on the\nimagination, and vehement emotions of the animal spirits. He was\nexceedingly sensible of men\u2019s exposure to these things; how extensively\nthey had prevailed, and what multitudes had been deceived by them; of\ntheir pernicious consequences, and the fearful mischief they had done in\nthe Christian world. He had no confidence in such a religion, and was\nabundant in bearing testimony against it, living and dying; and was\nquick to discern when any thing of that nature arose, though in its\nfirst buddings, and appearing under the most fair and plausible\ndisguises. He had a talent, which I scarcely ever knew equalled, for\ndescribing the various workings of this _imaginary enthusiastic_\nreligion, evincing its falseness and vanity, and demonstrating the great\ndifference between this and true _spiritual_ devotion.\n\nHis judiciousness did not only appear in distinguishing among the\nexperiences of _others_, but also among the various exercises of _his\nown mind_; particularly in discerning what within himself was to be laid\nto the score of _melancholy_; in which he exceeded all melancholy\npersons that ever I was acquainted with. This was doubtless owing to a\npeculiar strength in his _judgment_; for it is a rare thing indeed, that\npersons under the influence of melancholy are sensible of their own\ndisease, and convinced that such things are to be ascribed to it, as are\nits genuine operations and fruits. Brainerd did not obtain that degree\nof skill at once, but gradually; as the reader may discern by the\nfollowing account of his life. In the _former_ part of his religious\ncourse, he imputed much of that kind of gloominess of mind to spiritual\n_desertion_, which in the latter part of his life he was abundantly\nsensible was owing to the disease of _melancholy_; accordingly he often\nexpressly speaks of it in his diary, as arising from this cause. He\noften in conversation spoke of the difference between melancholy and\ngodly sorrow; between true humiliation and spiritual desertion; and the\ngreat danger of mistaking the one for the other, and the very hurtful\nnature of melancholy; discoursing with great judgment upon it, and\ndoubtless much more judiciously for what he knew by his own experience.\n\nAnother imperfection in Brainerd, which may be observed in the following\naccount of his life, was his being _excessive in his labors_; not taking\ndue care to proportion his fatigues to his strength. Indeed, the seeming\ncalls of Providence were very often such as made it extremely difficult\nfor him to avoid laboring beyond his strength; yea, his circumstances,\nand the business of his mission among the Indians, were such, that great\nfatigues and hardships were altogether inevitable. However, he was\nfinally convinced that he had erred in this matter, and that he ought to\nhave taken more thorough care, and been more resolute to withstand\ntemptations to such degrees of labor as injured his health; and\naccordingly he warned his brother, who succeeded him in his mission, to\nbe careful to avoid this error.\n\nBesides the imperfections already mentioned, it is readily allowed that\nthere were some imperfections which ran through his whole life, and were\nmixed with all his religious affections and exercises; some mixture of\nwhat was natural, with that which was spiritual; as it evermore is in\nthe best saints in this world. Doubtless, natural temper had some\ninfluence in the religious exercises of Brainerd, as it most apparently\nhad in those of the devout David, and the Apostles Peter, John, and\nPaul. There was undoubtedly very often some mixture of melancholy with\ntrue godly sorrow and real Christian humility; some mixture of the\nnatural fire of youth, with his holy zeal for God; and some influence of\nnatural principles, mixed with grace in various other respects, as it\never was and ever will be with the saints, while on this side heaven.\nPerhaps none were more sensible of Brainerd\u2019s imperfections than\nhimself; or could distinguish more accurately than he, between what was\nnatural and what was spiritual. It is easy for the judicious reader to\nobserve that his graces ripened, that the religious exercises of his\nheart became more and more pure, and he more and more distinguishing in\nhis judgment, the longer he lived. He had much to teach and purify him,\nand he failed not to profit thereby.\n\nNotwithstanding all these imperfections, every pious and judicious\nreader will readily acknowledge that what is here set before him is a\nremarkable instance of true and eminent piety, in heart and\npractice\u2014tending greatly to confirm the reality of vital religion, and\nthe power of godliness; that it is most worthy of imitation, and in many\nways calculated to promote the spiritual benefit of the careful\nobserver.\n\nThe reader should be aware that what Brainerd wrote in his _diary_, out\nof which the following account of his life is chiefly taken, was written\nonly for his own private use; and not to obtain honor and applause in\nthe world, nor with any design that the world should ever see it, either\nwhile he lived, or after his death; except a few things which he wrote\nin a dying state, after he had been persuaded, with difficulty, not\nentirely to suppress all his private writings. He showed himself almost\ninvincibly averse to the publishing of any part of his _diary_ after his\ndeath; and when he was thought to be dying at Boston, gave the most\nstrict, peremptory orders to the contrary. But being by some of his\nfriends there, prevailed upon to withdraw so strict and absolute a\nprohibition, he was finally pleased to yield so far, as that \u201chis papers\nshould be left in my hands, that I might dispose of them as I thought\nwould be most for God\u2019s glory and the interest of religion.\u201d\n\n                                                   JONATHAN EDWARDS.\n\n------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n                                 =LIFE=\n\n                                   OF\n\n                         =REV. DAVID BRAINERD.=\n\n\n                  ------------------------------------\n\n\n                               CHAPTER I.\n\n_From his birth to the time when he began to study for the\n    Ministry\u2014containing his own narrative of his conversion, his\n    connection with Yale-College, and the grounds of his expulsion._\n\n\n                       April 20, 1718-Feb. 1741.\n\nDavid Brainerd was born April 20, 1718, at Haddam, Connecticut. His\nfather was Hezekiah Brainerd, Esq. and his mother, Dorothy Hobart,\ndaughter of the Rev. Jeremiah Hobart.\n\nHe was the third son of his parents, who had five sons and four\ndaughters. The oldest son was a respectable citizen of Haddam; the\nsecond was Rev. Nehemiah Brainerd, a worthy minister in Eastbury, in\nConnecticut; the fourth, Mr. John Brainerd, who succeeded his brother\nDavid as missionary to the Indians, and pastor of the same church of\nChristian Indians in New-Jersey; and the fifth was Israel, lately\nstudent at Yale-College, who died soon after his brother David. Their\nmother, having lived about five years a widow, died when the subject of\nthis memoir was about fourteen years of age; so that in his youth he was\nleft both fatherless and motherless. The following is the account he has\nhimself given of the first twenty-three years of his life.\n\n\u201cI was from my youth somewhat sober, and inclined to melancholy; but do\nnot remember any thing of conviction of sin, worthy of remark, till I\nwas, I believe, about seven or eight years of age. Then I became\nconcerned for my soul, and terrified at the thoughts of death; and was\ndriven to the performance of religious duties: but it appeared a\nmelancholy business that destroyed my eagerness for play. And though,\nalas! this religious concern was but short-lived, I sometimes attended\nsecret prayer; and thus lived \u201cwithout God in the world,\u201d and without\nmuch concern, as I remember, till I was above thirteen years of age. In\nthe winter of 1732 I was roused out of this carnal security by, I scarce\nknow what means at first; but was much excited by the prevalence of a\nmortal sickness in Haddam. I was frequent, constant, and somewhat\nfervent in prayer; and took delight in reading, especially Mr. JANEWAY\u2019s\n_Token for Children_. I felt sometimes much melted in the duties of\nreligion, took great delight in the performance of them, and sometimes\nhoped that I was converted, or at least in a good and hopeful way for\nheaven and happiness; not knowing what conversion was. The Spirit of God\nat this time proceeded far with me. I was remarkably dead to the world;\nmy thoughts were almost wholly employed about my soul\u2019s concerns; and I\nmay indeed say, \u201cAlmost I was persuaded to be a Christian.\u201d I was also\nexceedingly distressed and melancholy at the death of my mother, in\nMarch, 1732. But afterward my religious concern began to decline, and by\ndegrees I fell back into a considerable degree of security, though I\nstill attended secret prayer.\n\n\u201cAbout the 15th of April, 1733, I removed from my father\u2019s house to\nEast-Haddam, where I spent four years; but still \u201cwithout God in the\nworld,\u201d though, for the most part, I went a round of secret duty. I was\nnot much addicted to the company and the amusements of the young; but\nthis I know, that when I did go into such company I never returned with\nso good a conscience as when I went. It always added new guilt, made me\nafraid to come to the throne of grace, and spoiled those good frames\nwith which I was wont sometimes to please myself. But, alas! all my good\nframes were but self-righteousness, not founded on a desire for the\nglory of God.\n\n\u201cAbout the end of April, 1737, being full nineteen years of age, I\nremoved to Durham, to work on my farm, and continued about one year;\nfrequently longing after a liberal education. When about twenty years of\nage I applied myself to study; and was now engaged more than ever in the\nduties of religion. I became very strict, and watchful over my thoughts,\nwords, and actions; concluded that I must be sober indeed, because I\ndesigned to devote myself to the ministry; and _imagined_ that I _did_\ndedicate myself to the Lord.\n\n\u201cSometime in April, 1738, I went to live with Rev. Mr. Fiske, of Haddam,\nand continued with him during his life. I remember he advised me wholly\nto abandon young company, and associate myself with grave elderly\npeople; which counsel I followed. My manner of life was now wholly\nregular, and full of religion, such as it was; for I read my bible more\nthan twice through in less than a year, spent much time every day in\nprayer and other secret duties, gave great attention to the word\npreached, and endeavored to my utmost to retain it. So much concerned\nwas I about religion, that I agreed with some young persons to meet\nprivately on Sabbath evenings for religious exercises, and thought\nmyself _sincere_ in these duties; and after our meeting was ended I used\nto repeat the discourses of the day to myself; recollecting what I\ncould, though sometimes very late at night. I used occasionally on\nMonday mornings to recollect the same sermons; had sometimes pleasure in\nreligious exercises, and had many thoughts of joining the church. In\nshort, I had a very good _outside_, and rested entirely on my duties,\nthough I was not sensible of it.\n\n\u201cAfter Mr. Fiske\u2019s death I proceeded in my studies with my brother; was\nstill very constant in religious duties, often wondered at the levity of\nprofessors, and lamented their carelessness in religion.\u2014Thus I\nproceeded a considerable length on a _self-righteous_ foundation; and\nshould have been entirely lost and undone had not the mere mercy of God\nprevented.\n\n\u201cSometime in the beginning of winter, 1738, it pleased God, one Sabbath\nmorning, as I was walking out for secret duties, to give me on a sudden\nsuch a sense of my danger, and the wrath of God, that I stood amazed,\nand my former good frames presently vanished. From the view which I had\nof my sin and vileness, I was much distressed all that day, fearing that\nthe vengeance of God would soon overtake me. I was much dejected; kept\nmuch alone; and sometimes envied the birds and beasts their happiness,\nbecause they were not exposed to eternal misery, as I evidently saw that\nI was. Thus I lived from day to day, being frequently in great distress:\nsometimes there appeared mountains before me to obstruct my hopes of\nmercy; and the work of conversion appeared so great, that I thought I\nshould never be the subject of it. I used, however, to pray and cry to\nGod, and perform other duties with great earnestness; and thus hoped by\nsome means to make the case better.\n\n\u201cHundreds of times I renounced all pretences of any worth in my duties,\nas I thought, even while performing them; and often confessed to God\nthat I deserved nothing for the very best of them, but eternal\ncondemnation; yet still I had a secret hope of _recommending_ myself to\nGod by my religious duties. When I prayed affectionately, and my heart\nseemed in some measure to melt, I hoped that God would be thereby moved\nto pity me. There was, then, some appearance of _goodness_ in my\nprayers, and I seemed to _mourn_ for sin. I could in some measure\nventure on the mercy of God in Christ, as I thought; though the\npreponderating thought, the foundation of my hope was some imagination\nof goodness in my meltings of heart, the warmth of my affections, and my\nextraordinary enlargements in prayer. Though at times the gate appeared\nso very strait that it looked next to impossible to enter; yet, at other\ntimes I flattered myself that it was not so very difficult, and hoped I\nshould by diligence and watchfulness soon gain the point. Sometimes\nafter enlargement in duty and considerable affection, I hoped I had made\na _good step_ toward heaven, and imagined that God was affected as I\nwas, and would hear such _sincere cries_, as I called them. And so\nsometimes, when I withdrew for secret prayer in great distress, I\nreturned comfortable; and thus healed myself with my duties.\n\n\u201cIn February, 1739, I set apart a day for secret fasting and prayer, and\nspent the day in almost incessant cries to God for mercy, that he would\nopen my eyes to see the evil of sin, and the way of life by Jesus\nChrist. God was pleased that day to make considerable discoveries of my\nheart to me. Still I _trusted_ in all the duties I performed, though\nthere was no manner of goodness in them; there being in them no respect\nto the glory of God, nor any such principle in my heart. Yet God was\npleased to make my endeavors, that day, a means to show me my\nhelplessness in some measure.\n\n\u201cSometimes I was greatly encouraged, and imagined that God loved me and\nwas pleased with me, and thought I should soon be fully reconciled to\nGod. But the whole was founded on mere presumption, arising from\nenlargement in duty, or warmth of affections, or some good resolutions,\nor the like. And when, at times, great distress began to arise on a\nsight of my vileness and inability to deliver myself from a sovereign\nGod, I used to put off the discovery, as what I could not bear. Once, I\nremember, a terrible pang of distress seized me; and the thought of\nrenouncing myself, and standing naked before God, stripped of all\ngoodness, was so dreadful to me that I was ready to say to it, as Felix\nto Paul, \u201cGo thy way for this time.\u201d Thus, though I daily longed for\ngreater conviction of sin; supposing that I must see more of my dreadful\nstate in order to a remedy; yet, when the discoveries of my vile, wicked\nheart were made to me, the sight was so dreadful, and showed me so\nplainly my exposedness to damnation, that I could not endure it. I\nconstantly strove after whatever _qualifications_ I imagined others\nobtained before the reception of Christ, in order to _recommend_ me to\nhis favor. Sometimes I felt the power of a hard heart, and supposed it\nmust be softened before Christ would accept of me; and when I felt any\nmeltings of heart, I hoped now the work was almost done. Hence, when my\ndistress still remained I was wont to murmur at God\u2019s dealings with me;\nand thought, when others felt their hearts softened, God showed them\nmercy; but my distress remained still.\n\n\u201cAt times I grew remiss and sluggish, without any great convictions of\nsin, for a considerable time together; but after such a season\nconvictions sometimes seized me more violently. One night I remember in\nparticular, when I was walking solitarily abroad, I had opened to me\nsuch a view of my sin that I feared the ground would cleave asunder\nunder my feet, and become my grave; and send my soul quick into hell,\nbefore I could get home. Though I was forced to go to bed, lest my\ndistress should be discovered by others, which I much feared; yet I\nscarcely durst sleep at all, for I thought it would be a great wonder if\nI should be out of hell in the morning. And though my distress was\nsometimes thus great, yet I greatly dreaded the loss of _convictions_,\nand returning back to a state of carnal security, and to my former\ninsensibility of impending wrath; which made me exceedingly exact in my\nbehaviour, lest I should stifle the motions of God\u2019s Holy Spirit. When\nat any time I took a view of my convictions, and thought the degree of\nthem to be considerable, I was wont to trust in them; but this\nconfidence, and the hope of soon making some notable advances toward\ndeliverance, would ease my mind, and I soon became more senseless and\nremiss. Again, when I discerned my convictions to grow languid, and\nthought them about to leave me, this immediately alarmed and distressed\nme. Sometimes I expected to take a large step, and get very far toward\nconversion, by some particular opportunity or means I had in view.\n\n\u201cThe many disappointments, the great distress and perplexity which I\nexperienced, put me into a most horrible frame of contesting with the\nalmighty; with inward vehemence and virulence finding fault with his\nways of dealing with mankind. My wicked heart often wished for some\nother way of salvation than by Jesus Christ. Being like the troubled\nsea, my thoughts confused, I used to contrive to escape the wrath of God\nby some other means. I had strange projects, full of Atheism, contriving\nto disappoint God\u2019s designs and decrees concerning me, or to escape his\nnotice and hide myself from him. But when upon reflection I saw these\nprojects were vain, and would not serve me, and that I could contrive\nnothing for my own relief, this would throw my mind into the most horrid\nframe, to wish there was no God, or to wish there was some _other_ God\nthat could control him. These thoughts and desires were the secret\ninclinations of my heart, frequently acting before I was aware; but,\nalas! they were _mine_, although I was frightened when I came to reflect\non them. When I considered, it distressed me to think that my heart was\nso full of enmity against God; and it made me tremble, lest his\nvengeance should suddenly fall upon me. I used before to imagine that my\nheart was not so bad as the Scriptures and some other books represented\nit. Sometimes I used to take much pains to work it up into a good frame,\na humble submissive disposition; and hoped there was _then_ some\ngoodness in me. But, on a sudden, the thoughts of the strictness of the\nlaw, or the sovereignty of God, would so irritate the corruption of my\nheart that I had so watched over and hoped I had brought to a good\nframe, that it would break over all bounds, and burst forth on all\nsides, like floods of waters when they break down their dam.\n\n\u201cBeing sensible of the necessity of deep humiliation in order to a\nsaving close with Christ, I used to set myself to produce in my own\nheart the _convictions_ requisite in such a humiliation: as, a\nconviction that God would be just, if he cast me off for ever; that if\never God should bestow mercy on me, it would be mere grace, though I\nshould be in distress many years first, and be never so much engaged in\nduty; and that God was not in the least obliged to pity me the more for\nall past duties, cries, and tears. I strove to my utmost to bring myself\nto a firm belief of these things and a hearty assent to them; and hoped\nthat now I was brought off from _myself_, truly humbled, and that I\nbowed to the divine sovereignty. I was wont to tell God in my prayers,\nthat now I had those very dispositions of soul which he required, and on\nwhich he showed mercy to others, and thereupon to beg and plead for\nmercy to me. But when I found no relief, and was still oppressed with\nguilt and fears of wrath, my soul was in a tumult, and my heart rose\nagainst God, as dealing hardly with me. Yet _then_ my conscience flew in\nmy face, putting me in mind of my late confession to God of his\n_justice_ in my condemnation. This, giving me a sight of the badness of\nmy heart, threw me again into distress; and I wished that I had watched\nmy heart more narrowly, to keep it from breaking out against God\u2019s\ndealings with me. I even wished that I had not pleaded for mercy on\naccount of my humiliation; because thereby I had lost all my seeming\ngoodness. Thus, scores of times I vainly imagined myself humbled and\nprepared for saving mercy. While I was in this distressed, bewildered,\nand tumultuous state of mind, the corruption of my heart was especially\n_irritated_ with the following things.\n\n1. \u201cThe _strictness_ of the divine _law_. For I found it was impossible\nfor me, after my utmost pains, to answer its demands. I often made new\nresolutions, and as often broke them. I imputed the whole to\ncarelessness, and the want of being more watchful, and used to call\nmyself a fool for my negligence. But when, upon a stronger resolution,\nand greater endeavors, and close application to fasting and prayer, I\nfound all attempts fail; then I quarrelled with the law of God, as\nunreasonably rigid. I thought, if it extended only to my _outward_\nactions and behavior, that I could bear with it; but I found that it\ncondemned me for my evil thoughts, and sins of my _heart_, which I could\nnot possibly prevent. I was extremely loth to own my utter helplessness\nin this matter: but after repeated disappointments, thought that rather\nthan perish I could do a little more still; especially if such and such\ncircumstances might but attend my endeavors and strivings. I hoped that\nI should strive more earnestly than ever, if the matter came to\nextremity, though I never could find the time to do my utmost in the\nmanner I intended. This hope of future more favorable circumstances, and\nof doing something great hereafter, kept me from utter despair in\nmyself, and from seeing myself fallen into the hands of a sovereign God,\nand dependent on nothing but free and boundless grace.\n\n2. \u201cAnother point that irritated me was, _that faith alone was the\ncondition of salvation_; that God would not come down to lower terms;\nand that he would not promise life and salvation upon my sincere and\nhearty prayers and endeavors. That word, Mark 16:16, \u201cHe that believeth\nnot shall be damned,\u201d cut off all hope there. I found that faith was the\nsovereign gift of God; that I could not get it as of myself; and could\nnot oblige God to bestow it upon me by any of my performances, Eph. 2:1,\n8. \u201cThis,\u201d I was ready to say, \u201cis a hard saying, who can hear it?\u201d I\ncould not bear that all I had done should stand for mere nothing; as I\nhad been very conscientious in duty, had been very religious a great\nwhile, and had, as I thought, done much more than many others who had\nobtained mercy. I confessed indeed the vileness of my duties; but then\nwhat made them at that time seem vile, was my wandering thoughts in\nthem, rather than because I was all over defiled like a devil, and the\nprinciple corrupt from whence they flowed, so that I could not possibly\ndo any thing that was good. Hence I called what I did by the name of\n_honest faithful endeavors_; and could not bear it, that God had made no\npromises of salvation to them.\n\n3. \u201cI could not find out _what_ faith was; or _what_ it was to believe\nand come to Christ. I read the calls of Christ to the _weary_ and _heavy\nladen_; but could find no way in which he directed them to come. I\nthought I would gladly come, if I knew how; though the path of duty were\nnever so difficult. I read Stoddard\u2019s _Guide to Christ_, (which I trust\nwas, in the hand of God, the happy means of my conversion,) and my heart\nrose against the author; for though he told me my very heart all along\nunder convictions, and seemed to be very beneficial to me in his\ndirections; yet here he seemed to me to fail: he did not tell me any\nthing I could do that would bring me to Christ, but left me as it were\nwith a great gulph between me and Christ, without any direction how to\nget through. For I was not yet effectually and experimentally taught,\nthat there could be no way prescribed, whereby a natural man could, of\nhis own strength, obtain that which is supernatural, and which the\nhighest angel cannot give.\n\n4. \u201cAnother point was the _sovereignty_ of God. I could not bear that it\nshould be wholly at God\u2019s pleasure, to save or damn me, just as he\nwould. That passage, Rom. 9:11-23, was a constant vexation to me,\nespecially verse 21. Reading or meditating on this, always destroyed my\nseeming good frames; for when I thought I was almost humbled, and almost\nresigned, this passage would make my enmity against God appear. When I\ncame to reflect on the inward enmity and blasphemy which arose on this\noccasion, I was the more afraid of God, and driven further from any\nhopes of reconciliation with him. It gave me a dreadful view of myself;\nI dreaded more than ever to see myself in God\u2019s hands, and it made me\nmore opposite than ever to submit to his sovereignty; for I thought He\ndesigned my damnation.\n\n\u201cAll this time the Spirit of God was powerfully at work with me; and I\nwas inwardly pressed to relinquish all _self-confidence_, all hope of\never helping myself by any means whatsoever. The conviction of my lost\nestate was sometimes so clear and manifest before my eyes that it was as\nif it had been declared to me in so many words, \u201cIt is done, it is done,\nit is for ever impossible to deliver yourself.\u201d For about three or four\ndays my soul was thus greatly distressed. At some turns, for a few\nmoments, I seemed to myself lost and undone; but then would shrink back\nimmediately from the sight, because I dared not venture myself into the\nhands of God, as wholly helpless, and at the disposal of his sovereign\npleasure. I dared not see that important truth concerning myself, that I\nwas \u201cdead in trespasses and sins.\u201d But when I had, as it were, thrust\naway these views of myself at any time, I felt distressed to have the\nsame discoveries of myself again; for I greatly feared being given over\nof God to final stupidity. When I thought of putting it off to a more\n\u201cconvenient season,\u201d the conviction was so close and powerful, that the\n_present_ time was the best, and probably the _only_ time, that I dared\nnot put it off.\n\n\u201cIt was the sight of truth concerning myself, truth respecting my state,\nas a creature fallen and alienated from God, and that consequently could\nmake no demands on God for mercy, but was at his absolute disposal, from\nwhich my soul shrank away, and which I trembled to think of beholding.\nThus, he that doeth evil, as all unregenerate men continually do, hates\nthe light of truth, neither cares to come to it, because it will reprove\nhis deeds, and show him his just deserts. John, 3:20. Sometime before, I\nhad taken much pains, as I thought, to submit to the sovereignty of God;\nyet I mistook the thing, and did not once imagine, that seeing and being\nmade experimentally sensible of this truth, which my soul now so much\ndreaded and trembled at, was the frame of soul which I had so earnestly\ndesired. I had ever hoped that when I had attained to that _humiliation_\nwhich I supposed necessary to precede faith, then it would not be fair\nfor God to _cast me off_; but now I saw it was so far from any goodness\nin me, to own myself spiritually dead and destitute of all goodness,\nthat on the contrary, my mouth would be for ever stopped by it; and it\nlooked as dreadful to me, to see myself, and the relation I stood in to\nGod\u2014I a sinner and criminal, and he a great Judge and Sovereign\u2014as it\nwould be to a poor trembling creature to venture off some high\nprecipice. Hence I put it off for a minute or two, and tried for better\ncircumstances to do it in: either I must read a passage or two, or pray\nfirst, or something of the like nature; or else put off my submission to\nGod with an objection, that I did not know how to submit. But the truth\nwas, I could see no safety in owning myself in the hands of a sovereign\nGod, and could lay no claim to any thing better than damnation.\n\n\u201cAfter a considerable time spent in similar exercises and distress, one\nmorning, while I was walking in a solitary place, as usual, I at once\nsaw that all my contrivances and projects to effect or procure\ndeliverance and salvation for myself were utterly in vain; I was brought\nquite to a stand, as finding myself totally lost. I had thought many\ntimes before, that the difficulties in my way were very great; but now I\nsaw, in another and very different light, that it was for ever\nimpossible for me to do any thing toward helping or delivering myself. I\nthen thought of blaming myself, that I had not done more, and been more\nengaged, while I had opportunity\u2014for it seemed now as if the season of\ndoing was for ever over and gone\u2014but I instantly saw, that let me have\ndone what I would, it would no more have tended to my helping myself,\nthan what I had done; that I had made all the pleas I ever could have\nmade to all eternity; and that all my pleas were vain. The tumult that\nhad been before in my mind was now quieted; and I was somewhat eased of\nthat distress which I felt while struggling against a sight of myself,\nand of the divine sovereignty. I had the greatest certainty that my\nstate was for ever miserable, for all that I could do; and wondered that\nI had never been sensible of it before.\n\n\u201cWhile I remained in this state my notions respecting my duties were\nquite different from what I had ever entertained in times past. Before\nthis, the more I did in duty, the more hard I thought it would be for\nGod to cast me off; though at the same time I confessed, and thought I\nsaw, that there was no goodness or merit in my duties; but now, the more\nI did in prayer or any other duty, the more I saw that I was indebted to\nGod for allowing me to ask for mercy; for I saw that self interest had\nled me to pray, and that I had never once prayed from any respect to the\nglory of God. Now I saw that there was no necessary connection between\nmy prayers and the bestowment of divine mercy; that they laid not the\nleast obligation upon God to bestow his grace upon me; and that there\nwas no more virtue or goodness in them than there would be in my\n_paddling with my hand in the water_, (which was the comparison I had\nthen in my mind;) and this because they were not performed from any love\nor regard to God. I saw that I had been heaping up my devotions before\nGod, fasting, praying, &c. pretending, and indeed really thinking\nsometimes, that I was aiming at the glory of God; whereas I never once\ntruly intended it, but only my own happiness. I saw that as I had never\ndone any thing for God, I had no claim on any thing from him, but\nperdition, on account of my hypocrisy and mockery. Oh, how different did\nmy duties now appear from what they used to do! I used to charge them\nwith sin and imperfection; but this was only on account of the wandering\nand vain thoughts attending them, and not because I had no regard to God\nin them; for this I thought I had. But when I saw evidently that I had\nhad regard to nothing but self-interest; then they appeared a vile\nmockery of God, self-worship, and a continued course of lies. I saw that\nsomething worse had attended my duties than barely a few wanderings; for\nthe whole was nothing but self-worship, and an horrid abuse of God.\n\n\u201cI continued, as I remember, in this state of mind from Friday morning\ntill the Sabbath evening following, (July 12, 1739,) when I was walking\nagain in the same solitary place where I was brought to see myself lost\nand helpless, as before mentioned. Here, in a mournful melancholy state,\nI was attempting to pray; but found no heart to engage in prayer or any\nother duty. My former concern, exercise, and religious affections were\nnow gone. I thought that the Spirit of God had quite left me; but still\nwas not distressed; yet disconsolate, as if there was nothing in heaven\nor earth could make me happy. Having been thus endeavoring to\npray\u2014though, as I thought, very stupid and senseless\u2014for near half an\nhour; then, as I was walking in a dark thick grove, unspeakable glory\nseemed to open to the view and apprehension of my soul. I do not mean\nany external brightness, for I saw no such thing; nor do I intend any\nimagination of a body of light, somewhere in the third heavens, or any\nthing of that nature; but it was a new inward apprehension or view that\nI had of God, such as I never had before, nor any thing which had the\nleast resemblance of it. I stood still, wondered, and admired! I knew\nthat I never had seen before any thing comparable to it for excellency\nand beauty; it was widely different from all the conceptions that ever I\nhad of God, or things divine. I had no particular apprehension of any\none person in the Trinity, either the Father, the Son, or the Holy\nGhost; but it appeared to be Divine _glory_ that I then beheld. My soul\nrejoiced with joy unspeakable, to see such a God, such a glorious divine\nBeing; and I was inwardly pleased and satisfied, that he should be God\nover all for ever and ever. My soul was so captivated and delighted with\nthe excellency, loveliness, greatness, and other perfections of God,\nthat I was even swallowed up in him; at least to that degree that I had\nno thought, as I remember, _at first_, about my own salvation, and\nscarce reflected that there was such a creature as myself.\n\n\u201cThus God, I trust, brought me to a hearty disposition to _exalt him_,\nand set him on the throne, and principally and ultimately to aim at his\nhonor and glory, as King of the universe. I continued in this state of\ninward joy, peace and astonishment, till near dark, without any sensible\nabatement; and then began to think and examine what I had seen; and felt\nsweetly composed in my mind all the evening following. I felt myself in\na new world, and every thing about me appeared with a different aspect\nfrom what it was wont to do.\n\n\u201cAt this time the _way of salvation_ opened to me with such infinite\nwisdom, suitableness, and excellency, that I wondered I should ever\nthink of any other way of salvation; I was amazed that I had not dropped\nmy own contrivances and complied with this lovely, blessed, and\nexcellent way before. If I could have been saved by my own duties, or\nany other way that I had formerly contrived, my whole soul would now\nhave refused. I wondered that all the world did not see and comply with\nthis way of salvation, entirely by the _righteousness of Christ_.\n\n\u201cThe sweet relish of what I then felt continued with me for several\ndays, almost constantly, in a greater or less degree. I could not but\nsweetly rejoice in God, lying down and rising up. The next Lord\u2019s day I\nfelt something of the same kind, though not so powerful as before. But\nnot long after, I was again involved in darkness, and in great distress;\nyet not of the same kind with my distress under convictions. I was\nguilty, afraid, and ashamed to come before God; and exceedingly pressed\nwith a sense of guilt; but it was not long before I felt, I trust, true\nrepentance and joy in God.\n\n\u201cIn the beginning of September I went to Yale College, and entered\nthere; but with some degree of reluctance, lest I should not be able to\nlead a life of strict religion in the midst of so many temptations.\nAfter this, in the vacation, before I went to tarry at college, it\npleased God to visit my soul with clearer manifestations of himself and\nhis grace. I was spending some time in prayer and self-examination, when\nthe Lord, by his grace, so shined into my heart, that I enjoyed full\nassurance of his favor, for that time; and my soul was unspeakably\nrefreshed with divine and heavenly enjoyments. At this time especially,\nas well as some others, sundry passages of God\u2019s word opened to my soul\nwith divine clearness, power, and sweetness, so as to appear exceeding\nprecious, and with clear and certain evidence of its being _the word of\nGod_. I enjoyed considerable sweetness in religion all the winter\nfollowing.\n\n\u201cIn Jan. 1740, the measles spread much in college, and I, having taken\nthe distemper, went home to Haddam. But some days before I was taken\nsick I seemed to be greatly deserted, and my soul mourned the absence of\nthe Comforter exceedingly. It seemed to me that all comfort was for ever\ngone. I prayed and cried to God for help, yet found no present comfort\nor relief. But through divine goodness, a night or two before I was\ntaken ill, while I was walking alone in a very retired place, and\nengaged in meditation and prayer, I enjoyed a sweet refreshing visit, as\nI trust, from above; so that my soul was raised far above the fears of\ndeath. Indeed, I rather longed for death, than feared it. Oh, how much\nmore refreshing this one season was, than all the pleasures and delights\nthat earth can afford. After a day or two I was taken with the measles,\nand was very ill indeed, so that I almost despaired of life; but had no\ndistressing fears of death. Through divine goodness I soon recovered;\nyet, owing to hard study, and to my being much exposed to interruptions\non account of my _freshmanship_, I had but little time for spiritual\nduties, and my soul often mourned for want of more time and opportunity\nto be alone with God. In the spring and summer following I had better\nadvantages for retirement, and enjoyed more comfort in religion, though\nmy ambition in my studies greatly wronged the activity and vigor of my\nspiritual life. It was, however, usually the case with me, that, \u201cin the\nmultitude of my thoughts within me, God\u2019s comforts _principally_\ndelighted my soul.\u201d These were my greatest consolations day by day.\n\n\u201cOne day, I think it was in June, 1740, I walked to a considerable\ndistance from college, in the fields alone, at noon, and in prayer found\nsuch unspeakable sweetness and delight in God, that I thought, if I must\ncontinue in this evil world, I wanted always to be there, to behold\nGod\u2019s glory. My soul dearly loved all mankind, and longed exceedingly\nthat they should enjoy what I enjoyed. It seemed to be a little\nresemblance of heaven.\n\n\u201cSome time in August following I became so reduced in health by too\nclose application to my studies, that I was advised by my tutor to go\nhome, and disengage my mind from study as much as I could; for I was\ngrown so weak that I began to raise blood. I took his advice, and\nendeavored to lay aside my studies. But being brought very low, I looked\ndeath in the face more steadfastly; and the Lord was pleased to give me\nrenewedly a sweet sense and relish of divine things; and particularly\nOctober 13, I found divine help and consolation in the precious duties\nof secret prayer and self-examination, and my soul took delight in the\nblessed God:\u2014so likewise on the 17th of October.\n\n_Oct. 18._ \u201cIn my morning devotions my soul was exceedingly melted, and\nbitterly mourned over my great _sinfulness_ and _vileness_. I never\nbefore had felt so pungent and deep a sense of the odious nature of sin,\nas at this time. My soul was then unusually carried forth in love to\nGod, and had a lively sense of God\u2019s love to me. And this love and hope,\nat that time case out fear.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Oct. 19._ \u201cIn the morning I felt my soul hungering and\nthirsting after righteousness. While I was looking on the elements of\nthe Lord\u2019s Supper, and thinking that Jesus Christ was now \u201cset forth\ncrucified before me,\u201d my soul was filled with light and love, so that I\nwas almost in an ecstacy; my body was so weak I could scarcely stand. I\nfelt at the same time an exceeding tenderness and most fervent love\ntoward all mankind; so that my soul and all its powers seemed, as it\nwere, to melt into softness and sweetness. But during the communion\nthere was some abatement of this life and fervor. This love and joy cast\nout fear; and my soul longed for perfect grace and glory. This frame\ncontinued till the evening, when my soul was sweetly spiritual in secret\nduties.\n\n_Oct. 20._ \u201cI again found the assistance of the Holy Spirit in secret\nduties, both morning and evening, and life and comfort in religion\nthrough the whole day.\n\n_Oct. 21._ \u201cI had likewise experience of the goodness of God in\n\u2018shedding abroad his love in my heart,\u2019 and giving me delight and\nconsolation in religious duties; and all the remaining part of the week\nmy soul seemed to be taken up with divine things. I now so longed after\nGod, and to be freed from sin, that, when I felt myself recovering, and\nthought I must return to college again, which had proved so hurtful to\nmy spiritual interests the year past, I could not but be grieved, and\nthought I had much rather die; for it distressed me to think of getting\naway from God. But before I went I enjoyed several other sweet and\nprecious seasons of communion with God, (particularly Oct. 30, and Nov.\n4,) wherein my soul enjoyed unspeakable comfort.\n\n\u201cI returned to college about Nov. 6, and, through the goodness of God,\nfelt the power of religion almost daily, for the space of six weeks.\n\n_Nov. 28._ \u201cIn my evening devotion I enjoyed precious discoveries of\nGod, and was unspeakably refreshed with that passage, Heb. 12:22-24. My\nsoul longed to wing away to the paradise of God; I longed to be\nconformed to God in all things.\u2014A day or two after I enjoyed much of the\nlight of God\u2019s countenance, most of the day; and my soul rested in God.\n\n_Dec. 9._ \u201cI was in a comfortable frame of soul most of the day; but\nespecially in evening devotions, when God was pleased wonderfully to\nassist and strengthen me; so that I thought nothing should ever move me\nfrom the love of God in Christ Jesus my Lord. Oh! _one hour with God_\ninfinitely exceeds all the pleasures and delights of this lower world.\n\n\u201cToward the latter part of January, 1741, I grew more cold and dull in\nreligion, by means of my old temptation, ambition in my studies. But\nthrough divine goodness, a great and general _awakening_ spread itself\nover the college, about the end of February, in which I was much\nquickened, and more abundantly engaged in religion.\u201d\n\nThis awakening was at the beginning of that extraordinary religious\ncommotion which then prevailed through the land, and in which the\ncollege shared largely. For thirteen months from this time BRAINERD kept\na constant diary containing a very particular account of what passed\nfrom day to day, making two volumes of manuscripts; but when he lay on\nhis death bed he gave orders (unknown to me till after his death) that\nthese two volumes should be destroyed, inserting a notice, at the\nbeginning of the succeeding manuscripts, that a specimen of his manner\nof living during that entire period would be found in the first thirty\npages next following, (ending with June 15, 1742,) except that he was\nnow more \u201crefined from some imprudences and indecent heats\u201d than before.\n\nA circumstance in the life of BRAINERD, which gave great offence to the\nrulers of the College, and occasioned his expulsion, it is necessary\nshould be here particularly related. During the awakening in College,\nthere were several religious students who associated together for mutual\nconversation and assistance in spiritual things. These were wont freely\nto open themselves one to another, as special and intimate friends:\nBRAINERD was one of this company. And it once happened, that he and two\nor three more of these intimate friends were in the hall together after\nMr. Whittlesey, one of the tutors, had engaged in prayer with the\nscholars; no other person now remaining in the hall but Brainerd and his\ncompanions. Mr. Whittlesey having been unusually pathetic in his prayer,\none of Brainerd\u2019s friends on this occasion asked him what he thought of\nMr. Whittlesey; he made answer, \u201cHe has no more grace than this chair.\u201d\nOne of the freshmen happening at that time to be near the hall, (though\nnot in the room,) over-heard these words; and though he heard no name\nmentioned, and knew not who was thus censured, informed a certain woman\nin the town, withal telling her his own suspicion, that Brainerd said\nthis of some one of the rulers of the College. Whereupon she informed\nthe Rector, who sent for this freshman and examined him. He told the\nRector the words which he heard Brainerd utter; and informed him who\nwere in the room with him at that time. Upon this the Rector sent for\nthem. They were very backward to inform against their friend respecting\nwhat they looked upon as private conversation; especially as none but\nthey had heard or knew of whom he had uttered those words: yet the\nRector compelled them to declare what he said, and of whom he said it.\nBrainerd looked on himself as very ill used in the management of this\naffair; and thought that it was injuriously extorted from his friends,\nand then injuriously required of him\u2014as if he had been guilty of some\nopen, notorious crime\u2014to make a _public_ confession, and to humble\nhimself before the whole College in the hall, for what he had said only\nin private conversation. He not complying with this demand, and having\ngone once to the Separate meeting at New-Haven, when forbidden by the\nRector; and also having been accused by one person of saying concerning\nthe Rector, \u201cthat he wondered he did not expect to drop down dead for\nfining the scholars who followed Mr. Tennent to Milford, though there\nwas _no proof_ of it; (and Brainerd ever professed that he did not\nremember saying any thing to that purpose,) for these things he was\n_expelled_ the college.\n\nHow far the circumstances and exigencies of that day might justify such\ngreat severity in the governors of the college, I will not undertake to\ndetermine; it being my aim, not to bring reproach on the authority of\nthe college, but only to do justice to the memory of a person who was, I\nthink, eminently one of those whose _memory is blessed_.\u2014The reader will\nsee, in the sequel, (particularly under date of September 14, 15, 1743,)\nin how christian a manner Brainerd conducted himself with respect to\nthis affair; though he ever, as long as he lived, supposed himself ill\nused in the management of it, and in what he suffered.\u2014His expulsion was\nin the winter, 1742, while in his third year at college.\n\n\n\n\n                              CHAPTER II.\n\n_From about the time when he began the study of Theology, till he was\n    licensed to preach._\n\n\n                      April 1, 1742-July 29, 1742.\n\nIn the spring of 1742 Brainerd went to live with the Rev. Mr. Mills of\nRipton, to pursue his studies with him for the work of the ministry.\nHere he spent the greater part of the time until he was licensed to\npreach; but frequently rode to visit the neighboring ministers,\nparticularly Mr. Cooke of Stratford. Mr. Graham of Southbury, and Mr.\nBellamy of Bethlehem. The following are extracts from his diary at this\nperiod.\n\n_April 1, 1742._\u2014\u201cI seem to be declining, with respect to my life and\nwarmth in divine things; have not had so free access to God in prayer\nto-day as usual of late. Oh that God would humble me deeply in the dust\nbefore him! I deserve hell every day, for not loving my Lord more, who\nhas, I trust, \u201cloved me and given himself for me and every time I am\nenabled to exercise any grace renewedly, I am renewedly indebted to the\nGod of all grace for special assistance. \u201cWhere then is boasting?\u201d\nSurely \u201cit is excluded,\u201d when we think how we are dependent on God for\nthe existence and every act of grace. O if ever I get to heaven, it will\nbe because God pleases, and nothing else; for I never did any thing of\nmyself but get away from God! My soul will be astonished at the\nunsearchable riches of divine grace when I arrive at the mansions which\nthe blessed Savior is gone before to prepare.\n\n_April 2._\u2014\u201cIn the afternoon I felt, in secret prayer, much resigned,\ncalm and serene. What are all the storms of this lower world if _Jesus_,\nby his Spirit, does but come _walking on the seas_!\u2014Sometime past I had\nmuch pleasure in the prospect of the Heathen being brought home to\nChrist, and desired that the Lord would employ _me_ in that work; but\nnow my soul more frequently desires to die, _to be with Christ_. Oh that\nmy soul were wrapt up in divine love, and my longing desires after God\nincreased! In the evening was refreshed in prayer, with the hopes of the\nadvancement of Christ\u2019s kingdom in the world.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, April 4._\u2014\u201cMy heart was wandering and lifeless. In the\nevening God gave me faith in prayer, made my soul melt in some measure,\nand gave me to taste a divine sweetness. O my blessed God! Let me climb\nup near to him, and love, and long, and plead, and wrestle, and stretch\nafter him, and for deliverance from the body of sin and death. Alas! my\nsoul mourned to think I should ever lose sight of its beloved again. \u201cO\ncome, Lord Jesus, Amen.\u201d\n\n_April 6._\u2014\u201cI walked out this morning; had an affecting sense of my own\nvileness; and cried to God to cleanse me, to give me repentance and\npardon. I then began to find it sweet to pray; and could think of\nundergoing the greatest sufferings in the cause of Christ, with\npleasure; and found myself willing, if God should so order it, to suffer\nbanishment from my native land, among the heathen, that I might do\nsomething for their salvation, in distresses and deaths of any kind.\nThen God gave me to wrestle earnestly for others, for the kingdom of\nChrist in the world, and for dear Christian friends.\n\n_April 8._\u2014\u201cHad raised hopes to-day respecting the heathen. Oh that God\nwould bring in great numbers of them to Jesus Christ! I cannot but hope\nthat I shall see that glorious day. Every thing in this world seems\nexceeding vile and little to me: I appear so to myself. I had some\nlittle dawn of comfort to-day in prayer; but especially to-night, I\nthink I had some faith and _power_ of intercession with God. I was\nenabled to plead with God for the growth of grace in myself; and many of\nthe dear children of God then lay with weight upon my soul. Blessed be\nthe Lord! It is good to wrestle for divine blessings.\n\n_April 9._\u2014\u201cMost of my time in morning devotion was spent without\nsensible sweetness; yet I had one delightful prospect of arriving at the\nheavenly world. I am more amazed than ever at such thoughts; for I see\nmyself infinitely vile and unworthy. No poor creature stands in need of\ndivine grace more than I, and none abuse it more than I have done, and\nstill do.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, April 11._\u2014\u201cIn the morning I felt but little life; yet my\nheart was somewhat drawn out in thankfulness to God for his amazing\ngrace and condescension to me, in past influences and assistances of his\nSpirit. Afterward, I had some sweetness in the thoughts of arriving at\nthe _heavenly world_. O for the happy day! After public worship, God\ngave me special assistance in prayer; I wrestled with my dear Lord, and\nintercession was made a delightful employment to me. In the evening, as\nI was viewing the light in the north, I was delighted in the\ncontemplation of the glorious morning of the resurrection.\n\n_April 12._\u2014\u201cThis morning the Lord was pleased to lift up the light of\nhis countenance upon me in secret prayer, and made the season very\nprecious to my soul. Though I have been so depressed of late, respecting\nmy hopes of future serviceableness in the cause of God; yet now I had\nmuch encouragement. I was especially assisted to intercede and plead for\npoor souls, and for the enlargement of Christ\u2019s kingdom in the world,\nand for _special grace_ for myself, to fit me for _special services_. My\nfaith lifted me above the world, and removed all those mountains over\nwhich of late I could not look. I wanted not the favor of man to lean\nupon; for I knew that Christ\u2019s favor was infinitely better, and that it\nwas no matter _when_ nor _where_, nor _how_ Christ should send me, nor\nwhat trials he should still exercise me with, if I might be prepared for\nhis work and will.\n\n_April 14._\u2014\u201cMy soul longed for communion with Christ, and for the\nmortification of indwelling corruption, especially spiritual pride. O,\nthere is a sweet day coming, wherein \u201cthe weary will be at rest!\u201d My\nsoul has enjoyed much sweetness this day, in the hope of its speedy\narrival.\n\n_April 15._\u2014\u201cMy desires apparently centered in God and I found a\nsensible attraction of soul after him sundry times to-day. I know that\n_I long for God_, and a conformity to his will, in inward purity and\nholiness, ten thousand times more than for any thing here below.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, April 18._\u2014\u201cI retired early this morning into the woods for\nprayer; had the assistance of God\u2019s Spirit, and faith in exercise; and\nwas enabled to plead with fervency for the advancement of Christ\u2019s\nkingdom in the world, and to intercede for dear, absent friends. At\nnoon, God enabled me to wrestle with him, and to feel, as I trust, the\npower of divine love in prayer. At night, I saw myself infinitely\nindebted to God, and had a view of my failures in duty. It seemed to me\nthat I had done, as it were, nothing for God, and that I had _lived to\nhim_ but a few hours of my life.\n\n_April 19._\u2014\u201cI set apart this day for fasting and prayer to God for his\ngrace; especially to prepare me for the work of the _ministry_; to give\nme divine aid and direction, in my preparations for that great work; and\nin his own time _to send me into his harvest_. Accordingly, in the\nmorning I endeavored to plead for the divine presence for the day, and\nnot without some life. In the forenoon I felt the power of intercession\nfor precious, immortal souls; for the advancement of the kingdom of my\ndear Lord and Savior in the world; and withal, a most sweet resignation\nand even consolation and joy, in the thoughts of suffering hardships,\ndistresses, and even death itself, in the promotion of it, and had\nspecial enlargement in pleading for the enlightening and conversion of\nthe poor heathen. In the afternoon God was with me of a truth. O, it was\nblessed company indeed! God enabled me so to agonize in prayer, that I\nwas quite wet with sweat, though in the shade and the cool wind. My soul\nwas drawn out very much for the world; I grasped for _multitudes_ of\nsouls. I think I had more enlargement for sinners than for the children\nof God; though I felt as if I could spend my life in cries for both. I\nhad great enjoyment in communion with my dear Savior. I think I never in\nmy life felt such an entire weanedness from this world, and so much\nresigned to God in every thing. O that I may always live to and upon my\nblessed God! Amen, Amen.\n\n_April 20._\u2014\u201cThis day I am twenty-four years of age. O how much mercy\nhave I received the year past! How often has God \u201ccaused his goodness to\npass before me!\u201d And how poorly have I answered the vows I made one year\nsince, to be wholly the Lord\u2019s, to be for ever devoted to his service!\nThe Lord help me to live more to his glory for the time to come. This\nhas been a sweet, a happy day to me; blessed be God. I think my soul was\nnever so drawn out in intercession for others, as it has been this\nnight. Had a most fervent wrestle with the Lord to-night, for my\nenemies; and I hardly ever so longed to live to God, and to be\naltogether devoted to him; I wanted to wear out my life in his service,\nand for his glory.\n\n_April 21._ \u201cFelt much calmness and resignation; and God again enabled\nme to wrestle for numbers of souls, and gave me fervency in the sweet\nduty of intercession. I enjoy of late more sweetness in intercession for\nothers, than in any other part of prayer. My blessed Lord really let me\ncome near to him, and plead with him.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, April 25._ \u201cThis morning I spent about two hours in secret\nduties, and was enabled, more than ordinarily, to agonize for immortal\nsouls. At night I was exceedingly melted with divine love, and had some\nfeeling sense of the blessedness of the upper world. Those words hung\nupon me with much divine sweetness. Psa. 84:7. \u201cThey go from strength to\nstrength, every one of them in Zion appeareth before God.\u201d O the near\naccess that God sometimes gives us in our addresses to him! This may\nwell be termed \u201cappearing before God:\u201d it is so indeed, in the true\nspiritual sense, and in the sweetest sense. I think that I have not had\nsuch power of intercession these many months, both for God\u2019s children,\nand for dead sinners, as I have had this evening. I wished and longed\nfor the coming of my dear Lord: I longed to join the angelic hosts in\npraises, wholly free from imperfection. O, the blessed moment hastens!\nAll I want is to be more holy, more like my dear Lord. Oh for\nsanctification! My very soul pants for the complete restoration of the\nblessed image of my Savior; that I may be fit for the blessed enjoyments\nand employments of the heavenly world.\n\n           \u201cFarewell, vain world; my soul can bid Adieu\n           \u201cMy SAVIOR taught me to abandon you.\n           \u201cYour charms may gratify a SENSUAL mind;\n           \u201cBut cannot please a soul for GOD design\u2019d.\n           \u201cForbear t\u2019 entice; cease then my soul to call;\n           \u201c\u2019Tis fixed through grace; my God shall be my ALL.\n           \u201cWhile he thus lets me heavenly glories view,\n           \u201cYour beauties fade, my heart\u2019s no room for you.\u201d\n\n\u201cThe Lord refreshed my soul with many sweet passages of his word. O the\nNew Jerusalem! my soul longed for it. O the song of Moses and the Lamb!\nAnd that blessed song, that no man can learn but they who are \u201credeemed\nfrom the earth!\u201d\n\n                 \u201cLord, I\u2019m a stranger here alone;\n                 \u201cEarth no true comforts can afford;\n                 \u201cYet, absent from my dearest one,\n                 \u201cMy soul delights to cry \u2018My Lord!\u2019\n                 \u201cJESUS, my Lord, my only love,\n                 \u201cPossess my soul, nor thence depart:\n                 \u201cGrant me kind visits, heavenly Dove;\n                 \u201cMy God shall then have all my heart.\u201d\n\n_April 27._ \u201cI arose and retired early for secret devotions; and in\nprayer, God was pleased to pour such ineffable comforts into my soul,\nthat I could do nothing for some time but say over and over, \u201cO my sweet\nSavior! whom have I in Heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth\nthat I desire beside thee.\u201d If I had a thousand lives, my soul would\ngladly have laid them all down at once, to have been with CHRIST. My\nsoul never enjoyed so much of heaven before; it was the most refined and\nmost spiritual season of communion with God I ever yet felt.\n\n_April 28._\u2014\u201cI withdrew to my usual place of retirement, in great peace\nand tranquility, spent about two hours in secret duties, and felt much\nas I did yesterday morning, only weaker, and more overcome. I seemed to\ndepend wholly on my dear Lord; weaned from all other dependencies. I\nknew not what to say to my God, but only _lean on his bosom_, as it\nwere, and breathe out my desires after a perfect conformity to him in\nall things. Thirsting desires after _perfect holiness_, and insatiable\nlongings possessed my soul. God was so precious to me that the world,\nwith all its enjoyments, was infinitely vile. I had no more value for\nthe favor of men, than for pebbles. The LORD was my ALL, and that he\nover-ruled all, greatly delighted me. I think that my faith and\ndependence on God scarce ever rose so high. I saw him such a fountain of\ngoodness that it seemed impossible I should distrust him again, or be\nany way anxious about any thing that should happen to me. I now had\ngreat satisfaction in praying for absent friends, and for the\nenlargement of Christ\u2019s kingdom in the world. Much of the power of these\ndivine enjoyments remained with me through the day. In the evening my\nheart seemed to melt, and I trust was really humbled for indwelling\ncorruption, and I \u201cmourned like a dove.\u201d I felt that all my unhappiness\narose from my being a _sinner_. With resignation, I could bid welcome to\nall _other_ trials; but sin hung heavy upon me; for God discovered to me\nthe corruption of my heart. I went to bed with a heavy heart, _because I\nwas a sinner_; though I did not in the least doubt of God\u2019s love. O that\nGod would \u201cpurge away my dross, and take away my tin,\u201d and make me ten\ntimes refined!\n\n_May 1._\u2014\u201cI was enabled to cry to God with fervency for ministerial\nqualifications, that he would appear for the advancement of his own\nkingdom, and that he would bring in the Heathen. Had much assistance in\nmy studies. This has been a profitable week to me; I have enjoyed many\ncommunications of the blessed Spirit in my soul.\n\n_May 3._\u2014\u201cHad a sense of vile ingratitude. In the morning I withdrew to\nmy usual place of retirement, and mourned for my abuse of my dear Lord;\nspent the day in fasting and prayer. God gave me much power of wrestling\nfor his cause and kingdom; and it was a happy day to my soul. God was\nwith me all the day; and I was more above the world than ever in my\nlife.\n\n_May 13._\u2014(At Wethersfield.) \u201cSaw so much of the wickedness of my heart\nthat I longed to get away from myself. I never before thought that there\nwas so much spiritual _pride_ in my soul. I felt almost pressed to death\nwith my own vileness. O what a \u201cbody of death\u201d is there in me! Lord\ndeliver my soul! I could not find any convenient place for retirement,\nand was greatly exercised. Rode to Hartford in the afternoon; had some\nrefreshment and comfort in religious exercises with christian friends;\nbut longed for more retirement. O, the closest walk with God is the\nsweetest heaven that can be enjoyed on earth!\n\n_June 14._\u2014\u201cFelt somewhat of the sweetness of communion with God, and\nthe constraining force of his love; how admirably it captivates the\nsoul, and makes all the desires and affections centre in God!\u2014I set\napart this day for secret fasting and prayer, to entreat God to direct\nand bless me with regard to the great work which I have in view, of\n_preaching the gospel_\u2014and that the Lord would return to me, and\nindividually \u201cshow me the light of his countenance.\u201d Had little life and\npower in the forenoon: near the middle of the afternoon God enabled me\nto wrestle ardently in intercession for absent friends: but just at\nnight the Lord visited me marvellously in prayer. I think my soul never\nwas in such an agony before. I felt no restraint, for the treasures of\ndivine grace were opened to me. I wrestled for absent friends, for the\ningathering of souls, for _multitudes_ of poor souls, and for many that\nI thought were the children of God, in many distant places. I was in\nsuch an agony, from half an hour before sunset, till near dark, that I\nwas all over wet with sweat: but yet it seemed to me that I had wasted\naway the day, and had done nothing. O, my dear Savior did _sweat blood_\nfor poor souls! I longed for more compassion toward them. Felt still in\na sweet frame, under a sense of divine love and grace; and went to bed\nin such a frame, with my heart set on God.\n\n_June 15._\u2014\u201cHad the most ardent longings after God. At noon, in my\nsecret retirement, I could do nothing but tell my dear Lord, in a sweet\ncalm, that he knew I desired nothing but _himself_, nothing but\n_holiness_; that he had given me these desires, and he only could give\nme the thing desired. I never seemed to be so unhinged from myself, and\nto be so wholly devoted to God. My heart was swallowed up in God most of\nthe day. In the evening I had such a view of the soul being, as it were,\nenlarged, to contain more holiness, that it seemed ready to separate\nfrom my body. I then wrestled in an agony for divine blessings; had my\nheart drawn out in prayer for some christian friends, beyond what I ever\nhad before. I feel differently now from what I ever did under any\nenjoyments before; more engaged to _live to God_ for ever, and less\npleased with my own frames. I am not satisfied with my frames, nor feel\nat all more easy after such strugglings than before; for it seems far\ntoo little, if I could always be so. O how short do I fall of my duty in\nmy sweetest moments!\n\n_June 18._\u2014\u201cConsidering my great unfitness for the work of the\n_ministry_, my present deadness, and total inability to do any thing for\nthe glory of God that way, feeling myself very helpless, and at a great\nloss what the Lord would have me to do; I set apart this day for prayer\nto God, and spent most of the day in that duty, but was amazingly\ndeserted most of the day. Yet I found God graciously near, once in\nparticular; while I was pleading for more compassion for immortal souls,\nmy heart seemed to be opened at once, and I was enabled to cry with\ngreat ardency for a few minutes. O, I was distressed to think, that I\nshould offer such dead cold services to the living God! My soul seemed\nto breathe after holiness, a life of constant devotedness to God. But I\nam almost lost sometimes in the pursuit of this blessedness, and ready\nto sink, because I continually fall short, and miss of my desire. O that\nthe Lord would help me to hold out, yet a little while, until the happy\nhour of deliverance comes!\n\n_June 30._\u2014\u201cSpent this day alone in the woods, in fasting and prayer;\nunderwent the most dreadful conflicts in my soul. I saw myself so vile\nthat I was ready to say, \u201cI shall now perish by the hand of Saul.\u201d I\nthought that I had no power to stand for the cause of God, but was\nalmost afraid of the shaking of a leaf. Spent almost the whole day in\nprayer, incessantly. I could not bear to think of Christians showing me\nany respect. I almost despaired of doing any service in the world: I\ncould not feel any hope or comfort respecting the heathen, which used to\nafford me some refreshment in the darkest hours of this nature. I spent\nthe day in bitterness of soul. Near night I felt a little better; and\nafterward enjoyed some sweetness in secret prayer.\n\n_July 1._\u2014\u201cHad some enjoyment in prayer this morning; and far more than\nusual in secret prayer to-night, and desired nothing so ardently as that\n_God should do with me just as he pleased_.\n\n_July 2._\u2014\u201cFelt composed in secret prayer in the morning. My desires\nascended to God this day, as I was traveling: was comfortable in the\nevening. Blessed be God for all my consolations.\n\n_July 3._\u2014\u201cMy heart seemed again to sink. The disgrace I was laid under\nat college seemed to damp my spirits; as it opens the mouths of\nopposers. I had no refuge but in God. Blessed be his name, that I may go\nto him at all times, and find him a help.\u2019\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, July 4._\u2014\u201cHad considerable assistance. In the evening I\nwithdrew, and enjoyed a happy season in secret prayer. God was pleased\nto give me the exercise of faith, and thereby brought the invisible and\neternal world near to my soul; which appeared sweetly to me. I hoped\nthat my weary pilgrimage in the world would be _short_; and that it\nwould not be long before I should be brought to my heavenly home and\nFather\u2019s house. I was resigned to God\u2019s will, to tarry his time, to do\nhis work, and suffer his pleasure. I felt _thankfulness_ to God for all\nmy pressing _desertions_ of late; for I am persuaded that they have been\nmade a means of making me more humble, and much more resigned. I felt\npleased to be little, to be nothing, and to lie in the dust. I enjoyed\nlife and consolation in pleading for the dear children of God, and the\nkingdom of Christ in the world: and my soul earnestly breathed after\nholiness, and the enjoyment of God. \u201cO come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.\u201d\n\n_July 29._\u2014\u201cI was examined by the Association met at Danbury, as to my\n_learning_, and also my _experience_ in religion, and received a licence\nfrom them to preach the Gospel of Christ. Afterward felt much devoted to\nGod; joined in prayer with one of the ministers, my peculiar friend, in\na convenient place; and went to bed resolving to live devoted to God all\nmy days.\u201d\n\n\n\n\n                              CHAPTER III.\n\n_From his being licensed to preach, till he was commissioned as a\n    Missionary._\n\n\n                        July 30.-Nov. 25, 1742.\n\n_July 30, 1742._\u2014\u201cRode from Danbury to Southbury; preached there, from 1\nPet. 4:8. Had much of the comfortable presence of God in the exercise. I\nseemed to have power with God in prayer, and power to get hold of the\nhearts of the people in preaching.\n\n_Aug. 12._ (Near Kent.)\u2014\u201cThis morning and last night I was exercised\nwith sore inward trials: I had no power to pray; but seemed shut out\nfrom God. I had in a great measure lost my hopes of God\u2019s sending me\namong the Heathen afar off, and of seeing them flock home to Christ. I\nsaw so much of my vileness, that I wondered that God would let me live,\nand that people did not stone me; much more that they would ever hear me\npreach! It seemed as though I never could preach any more; yet about\nnine or ten o\u2019clock the people came over, and I was forced to preach;\nand blessed be God, he gave me his presence and Spirit in prayer and\npreaching; so that I was much assisted, and spake with power, from Job,\n14:14. Some Indians residing here, cried out in great distress, and all\nappeared greatly concerned. After we had prayed and exhorted them to\nseek the Lord with constancy, and hired an Englishwoman to keep a kind\nof _school_ among them, we came away.\u201d\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Aug. 15._\u2014\u201cFelt much comfort and devotedness to God this\nday. At night, it was refreshing to get alone with God, and _pour out my\nsoul_. O, who can conceive of the sweetness of communion with the\nblessed God, but those who have experience of it! Glory to God for ever,\nthat I may taste heaven below.\n\n_Aug. 17._\u2014\u201cExceedingly depressed in spirit, it cuts and wounds my heart\nto think how much self-exaltation, spiritual pride, and warmth of\ntemper, I have formerly had intermingled with my endeavors to promote\nGod\u2019s work: and sometimes I long to lie down at the feet of opposers,\nand confess what a poor imperfect creature I have been, and still am.\nThe Lord forgive me, and make me, for the future, \u201cwise as a serpent,\nand harmless as a dove!\u201d Afterward enjoyed considerable comfort and\ndelight of soul.\n\n_Aug. 19._\u2014\u201cThis day, being about to go from Mr. Bellamy\u2019s, at\nBethlehem, where I had resided some time, I prayed with him and two or\nthree other Christian friends. We gave ourselves to God with all our\nhearts, to be his for ever: eternity looked very near to me while I was\npraying. If I never should see these Christians again in this world, it\nseemed but a few moments before I should meet them in another world.\n\n_Aug. 23._\u2014\u201cHad a sweet season in secret prayer: the Lord drew near to\nmy soul, and filled me with peace and divine consolation. O, my soul\ntasted the sweetness of heaven; and was drawn out in prayer for the\nworld, that it might come home to Christ! Had much comfort in the\nthoughts and hopes of the ingathering of the Heathen; was greatly\nassisted in intercession for Christian friends.\u201d\n\n_Sept. 1._\u2014\u201cWent to Judea to the ordination of Mr. Judd. Mr. Bellamy\npreached from Matt. 24:46. \u2018Blessed is that servant whom his Lord, when\nhe cometh, shall find so doing.\u2019 I felt very solemn; had my thoughts\nmuch on that time when our Lord will come, which refreshed my soul much;\nonly I was afraid I should not be found faithful, because I have so vile\na heart. My thoughts were much in eternity, where I love to dwell.\nBlessed be God for this solemn season. Rode home to-night with Mr.\nBellamy, conversed with some friends till it was very late, and then\nretired to rest in a comfortable frame.\n\n_Sept. 4._\u2014\u201cMuch out of health, exceedingly depressed in my soul, and at\nawful distance from God. Toward night, spent some time in profitable\nthoughts on Rom. 8:2. Near night, had a very sweet season in prayer; God\nenabled me to wrestle ardently for the advancement of the Redeemer\u2019s\nkingdom; pleaded earnestly for my own dear brother John, (who at length\nbecame his successor as a Missionary to the Indians,) that God would\nmake him more of a pilgrim and stranger on the earth, and fit him for\nsingular serviceableness in the world; and my heart sweetly exulted in\nthe Lord, in the thoughts of any distresses that might alight on him or\non me, in the advancement of Christ\u2019s kingdom. It was a sweet and\ncomfortable hour unto my soul, while I was indulged with freedom to\nplead, not only for myself, but also for many other souls.\n\n_Sept. 16._\u2014\u201cAt night, enjoyed much of God, in secret prayer: felt an\nuncommon resignation to be and do what God pleased. Some days past I\nfelt great perplexity on account of my past conduct: my bitterness, and\nwant of Christian kindness and love, has been very distressing to my\nsoul: the Lord forgive me my unchristian warmth, and want of a spirit of\nmeekness!\n\n_Oct. 21._\u2014\u201cHad a very deep sense of the vanity of the world, most of\nthe day; had little more regard to it, than if I had been to go into\neternity the next hour. Through divine goodness, I felt very serious and\nsolemn. _O I love to live on the brink of eternity_, in my views and\nmeditations! This gives me a sweet, awful and reverential sense and\napprehension of God and divine things, when I see myself as it were,\nstanding before the judgment seat of Christ.\n\n_Oct. 22._\u2014\u201cUncommonly weaned from the world to-day: my soul delighted\nto be a \u201cstranger and pilgrim on the earth;\u201d I felt a disposition in me\nnever to have any thing to do with this world. The character given of\nsome of the ancient people of God, in Heb. 11:13, was very pleasing to\nme, \u201cThey confessed that they were pilgrims and strangers on the earth,\u201d\nby their daily practice; and O that I could always do so! Spent some\ntime in a pleasant grove, in prayer and meditation. O it is sweet to be\nthus weaned from friends, and from myself, and dead to the present\nworld, that so I may live wholly to and upon the blessed God! Saw myself\nlittle, low and vile as I am in myself. In the afternoon preached at\nBethlehem, from Deut. 8:2. God helped me to speak to the hearts of dear\nChristians. Blessed be the Lord for this season: I trust they and I\nshall rejoice on this account, to all eternity. Dear Mr. Bellamy came in\nwhile I was making the first prayer, (having returned home from a\njourney,) and after meeting we walked away together, and spent the\nevening in sweetly conversing on divine things, and praying together,\nwith tender love to each other, and retired to rest with our hearts in a\nserious spiritual frame.\n\n_Oct. 26._\u2014\u201c[At West Suffield.] Was in great distress, under a sense of\nmy own unworthiness. It seemed to me that I deserved rather to be driven\nout of the place, than to have any body treat me with kindness, or come\nto hear me preach. And verily my spirits were so depressed at this time\n(as at many others) that it was impossible I should treat immortal souls\nwith faithfulness. I could not deal closely and faithfully with them, I\nfelt so infinitely vile in myself. O what _dust and ashes_ I am, to\nthink of preaching the Gospel to others! Indeed, I never can be faithful\nfor one moment, but shall certainly \u201cdaub with untempered mortar,\u201d if\nGod do not grant me special help. In the evening I went to the\nmeeting-house, and it looked to me near as easy for one to rise out of\nthe grave and preach, as for me. However, God afforded me some life and\npower, both in prayer and sermon; and was pleased to lift me up, and\nshow me that he could enable me to preach. O the wonderful goodness of\nGod to so vile a sinner! Returned to my lodgings, and enjoyed some\nsweetness in prayer alone, and mourned that I could not live more to\nGod.\n\n_November 4._\u2014\u201c[At Lebanon.] Saw much of my nothingness most of this\nday; but felt concerned that I had no more sense of my insufficiency and\nunworthiness. O it is sweet _lying in the dust_! But it is distressing\nto feel in my soul that hell of corruption which still remains in me. In\nthe afternoon had a sense of the sweetness of a strict, close, and\nconstant devotedness to God, and my soul was comforted with his\nconsolations. My soul felt a pleasing, yet painful concern, lest I\nshould spend some moments _without God_. O may I always _live to God_!\nIn the evening I was visited by some friends, and spent the time in\nprayer, and such conversation as tended to our edification. It was a\ncomfortable season to my soul: I felt an intense desire to spend every\nmoment for God. God is unspeakably gracious to me continually. In times\npast, he has given me inexpressible sweetness in the performance of\nduty. Frequently my soul has enjoyed much of God; but has been ready to\nsay, \u201cLord, it is good to be here,\u201d and so to indulge sloth, while I\nhave lived on my enjoyments. But of late, God has been pleased to keep\nmy soul _hungry_, almost continually; so that I have been filled with a\nkind of pleasing pain. When I really enjoy God I feel my desires of him\nthe more insatiable, and my thirstings after holiness the more\nunquenchable; and the Lord will not allow me to feel as though I were\nfully supplied and satisfied, but keeps me still reaching forward. I\nfeel barren and empty, as though I could not live without more of God; I\nfeel ashamed and guilty _before him_. I see that \u201cthe law is spiritual,\nbut I am carnal.\u201d I do not, I cannot live to God. O for holiness! O for\nmore of God in my soul! O this pleasing pain! It makes my soul press\nafter God; the language of it is, \u201cThen shall I be satisfied, when I\nawake in God\u2019s likeness,\u201d but never, never before: and consequently, I\nam engaged to \u201cpress toward the mark,\u201d day by day. O that I may feel\nthis continual hunger, and not be retarded, but rather animated, by\nevery cluster from Canaan, to reach forward in the narrow way for the\nfull enjoyment and possession of the heavenly inheritance! O that I may\nnever loiter in my heavenly journey!\u201d\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Nov. 7._\u2014\u201c[At Millington.] It seemed as if such an unholy\nwretch as I never could arrive at that blessedness, to be \u201choly, as God\nis holy.\u201d At noon, I longed for sanctification, and conformity to God. O\nthat is THE ALL, THE ALL. The Lord help me to _press after God_ for\never.\n\n_Nov. 8._\u2014\u201cToward night, enjoyed much sweetness in secret prayer, so\nthat my soul longed for an arrival in the heavenly country, the blessed\nparadise of God. Through divine goodness I have scarce seen the day for\ntwo months, in which _death_ has not looked so pleasant to me, at one\ntime or other of the day, that I could have rejoiced that it should be\nmy last, notwithstanding my present inward trials and conflicts. I trust\nthe Lord will finally make me a conqueror, and more than a conqueror;\nand that I shall be able to use that triumphant language, \u201cO death,\nwhere is thy sting! O grave, where is thy victory!\u201d\n\n_Nov. 19._\u2014\u201c[At New-Haven.] Received a letter from the Rev. Mr.\nPemberton, of New-York, desiring me speedily to go down thither, and\nconsult in reference to the evangelizing of the Indians in those parts;\nand to meet certain gentlemen there who were intrusted with those\naffairs. My mind was instantly seized with concern; so I retired, with\ntwo or three Christian friends, and prayed; and indeed it was a sweet\ntime with me. I was enabled to leave myself, and all my concerns with\nGod; and taking leave of friends, I rode to Ripton, and was comforted in\nan opportunity to see and converse with dear Mr. Mills.\u201d\n\n_Nov. 24._\u2014\u201cCame to New-York; felt still much concerned about the\nimportance of my business; made many earnest requests to God for his\nhelp and direction; was confused with the noise and tumult of the city;\nenjoyed but little time alone with God; but my soul longed after him.\n\n_Nov. 25._\u2014\u201cSpent much time in prayer and supplication: was examined in\nreference to my Christian experience, my acquaintance with divinity, and\nsome other studies and my qualifications for the important work of\nevangelizing the heathen,[A] and was made sensible of my great ignorance\nand unfitness for public service. I had the most abasing thoughts of\nmyself; I felt that I was the worst wretch that ever lived: it pained my\nvery heart, that any body should show me any respect. Alas! methought\nhow sadly they are deceived in me! how miserably would they be\ndisappointed if they knew my inside! O my heart! And in this depressed\ncondition I was forced to go and preach to a considerable assembly,\nbefore some grave and learned ministers; but felt such a pressure from a\nsense of my vileness, ignorance, and unfitness to appear in public, that\nI was almost overcome with it; my soul was grieved for the congregation,\nthat they should sit there to hear such a _dead dog_ as I preach. I\nthought myself infinitely indebted to the people, and longed that God\nwould reward them with the rewards of his grace. I spent much of the\nevening alone.\u201d\n\nFootnote A:\n\n  Mr. Brainerd was examined by the correspondents in New-York,\n  New-Jersey, and Pennsylvania, of the Society in Scotland for\n  propagating Christian knowledge; to whom was committed the management\n  of their affairs in those parts, and who were now met at New-York.\n\n\n\n\n                              CHAPTER IV.\n\n_From his appointment as a Missionary, to his commencing his Mission\n    among the Indians at Kaunaumeek, in New-York._\n\n\n                     Nov. 26, 1742.\u2014March 31, 1743.\n\n_Nov. 26, 1742._\u2014\u201cHad still a sense of my great vileness, and endeavored\nas much as I could to keep alone. O what a nothing, what dust and ashes\nam I! Enjoyed some peace and comfort in spreading my complaints before\nthe God of all grace.\n\n_Nov. 27._\u2014\u201cCommitted my soul to God with some degree of comfort; left\nNew-York about nine in the morning; came away with a distressing sense\nstill of my unspeakable unworthiness. Surely I may well love all my\nbrethren; for none of them all is so vile as I: whatever they do\noutwardly, yet it seems to me none is conscious of so much guilt before\nGod. O my leanness, my barrenness, my carnality, and past bitterness,\nand want of a gospel temper! These things oppress my soul. Rode from\nNew-York, thirty miles, to White Plains, and most of the way continued\nlifting up my heart to God for mercy and purifying grace; and spent the\nevening much dejected in spirit.\n\n_Dec. 1._\u2014\u201cMy soul breathed after God, in sweet spiritual and longing\ndesires of conformity to him, and was brought to rest itself on his rich\ngrace, and felt strength and encouragement to do or suffer any thing,\nthat divine providence should allot me. Rode about twenty miles, from\nStratfield to Newtown.\u201d\n\nWithin the space of the next nine days he went a journey from Newtown to\nHaddam, his native town; and after staying there some days, returned\nagain into the western part of Connecticut, and came to Southbury.\n\n_Dec. 11._\u2014\u201cConversed with a dear friend, to whom I had thought of\ngiving a liberal education, and being at the whole charge of it, that he\nmight be fitted for the gospel ministry.[B] I acquainted him with my\nthoughts on the subject, and so left him to consider of it, till I\nshould see him again. Then I rode to Bethlehem, came to Mr. Bellamy\u2019s\nlodgings, and spent the evening with him in sweet conversation and\nprayer. We commended the concern of sending my friend to college to the\nGod of all grace. Blessed be the Lord for this evening\u2019s opportunity\ntogether.\n\nFootnote B:\n\n  Brainerd, having now undertaken the business of a missionary to the\n  Indians, and having some estate left him by his father, judged that\n  there was no way in which he could spend it more for the glory of God,\n  than by being at the charge of educating some young man of talents and\n  piety for the ministry. The young man here spoken of was selected for\n  this purpose, and received his education at Brainerd\u2019s expense, so\n  long as his benefactor lived, which was till he was carried through\n  his third year in college.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Dec. 12._\u2014\u201cI felt, in the morning, as if I had little or no\npower either to pray or preach; and felt a distressing need of divine\nhelp. I went to meeting trembling; but it pleased God to assist me in\nprayer and sermon. I think my soul scarce ever penetrated so far into\nthe immaterial world, in any one prayer that I ever made, nor were my\ndevotions ever so free from gross conceptions and imaginations framed\nfrom beholding material objects. I preached with some satisfaction, from\nMatt. 6:33. \u201cBut seek ye first the kingdom of God,\u201d &c.; and in the\nafternoon, from Rom. 15:30. \u201cAnd now I beseech you brethren,\u201d &c. There\nwas much affection in the assembly. This has been a sweet Sabbath to me;\nand blessed be God, I have reason to think that my religion has become\nmore spiritual by means of my late inward conflicts. Amen. May I always\nbe willing that God should use his own methods with me!\n\n_Dec. 14._\u2014\u201cSome perplexity hung on my mind; I was distressed last night\nand this morning for the interests of Zion, especially on account of the\n_false appearances of religion_, that do but rather breed confusion,\nespecially in some places. I cried to God for help, to enable me to bear\ntestimony against those things, which, instead of promoting, do but\nhinder the progress of vital piety. In the afternoon, rode down to\nSouthbury, and conversed again with my friend on the important subject\nof his pursuing the work of the ministry; and he appeared much inclined\nto devote himself to it, if God should succeed his attempts to qualify\nhimself for so great a work. In the evening I preached from 1 Thess.\n4:8, and endeavored, though with tenderness, to undermine false\nreligion. The Lord gave me some assistance.\n\n_Dec. 15._\u2014\u201cEnjoyed something of God to-day, both in secret and social\nprayer; but was sensible of much barrenness and defect in duty, as well\nas my inability to help myself for the time to come, or to perform the\nwork and business I have to do. Afterward, felt much of the sweetness of\nreligion, and the tenderness of the gospel-temper. I found a dear love\nto all mankind, and was much afraid lest some motion of anger or\nresentment should, from time to time creep into my heart. Had some\ncomforting, soul-refreshing discourse with dear friends, just as we took\nour leave of each other; and supposed it might be we should not meet\nagain till we came to the eternal world.[C] I doubt not but, through\ngrace, some of us shall have a happy meeting there, and bless God for\nthis season, as well as many others. Amen.\n\nFootnote C:\n\n  It had been determined by the Commissioners, who employed Brainerd as\n  a missionary, that he should go, as soon as might be conveniently, to\n  the Indians living near the Forks of Delaware river, and the Indians\n  on Susquehanna river. The distance of those places, and his probable\n  exposure to many hardships and dangers, was the occasion of his taking\n  leave of his friends in this manner.\n\n_Dec. 18._ \u201cSpent much time in prayer in the woods; and seemed raised\nabove the things of the world: my soul was strong in the Lord of Hosts;\nbut was sensible of great barrenness.\n\n_Dec. 23._\u2014\u201cEnjoyed, I trust, the presence of God this morning in\nsecret. O, how divinely sweet is it to come into the secret of his\npresence, and abide in his pavilion!\n\n_Dec. 27._\u2014\u201cEnjoyed a precious season indeed; had a melting sense of\ndivine things, of the pure spirituality of the religion of Christ Jesus.\nIn the evening I preached from Matt. 6:33. with much freedom, power and\npungency: the presence of God attended our meeting. O, the sweetness,\nthe tenderness I felt in my soul! If ever I felt the temper of Christ, I\nhad some sense of it now. Blessed be my God, I have seldom enjoyed a\nmore comfortable and profitable day than this. O, that I could spend all\nmy time for God!\n\n_Jan. 14, 1743._\u2014\u201cMy spiritual conflicts to-day were unspeakably\ndreadful, heavier than the mountains and over-flowing floods. I was\ndeprived of all sense of God, even of the being of a God; and that was\nmy misery. The torments of the damned, I am sure, will consist much in a\n_privation of God_, and consequently of _all good_. This taught me the\nabsolute dependence of a creature upon God the Creator, for every crumb\nof happiness it enjoys. O, I feel that, if there is no God, though I\nmight live for ever here, and enjoy not only this, but all other worlds,\nI should be ten thousand times more miserable than a reptile.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Jan. 23._\u2014\u201cI scarce ever felt myself so unfit to exist as\nnow: saw I was not worthy of a place among the Indians, where I am\ngoing, if God permit: thought I should be ashamed to look them in the\nface, and much more to have any respect shown me there. Indeed I felt\nmyself banished from the earth, as if all places were too good for such\na wretch. I thought I should be ashamed to go among the very savages of\nAfrica; I appeared to myself a creature fit for nothing, neither heaven\nnor earth. None know but those who feel it, what the soul endures that\nis sensibly shut out from the presence of God: alas! it is more bitter\nthan death.\n\n_Feb. 2._\u2014\u201cPreached my farewell sermon last night, at the house of an\naged man, who had been unable to attend on public worship for some time.\nThis morning spent the time in prayer, almost wherever I went; and\nhaving taken leave of friends, I set out on my journey toward the\nIndians; though I was first to spend some weeks at East-Hampton, on\nLong-Island, by leave of the commissioners; the winter season being\njudged unfavorable for the commencement of the mission.\n\n_Feb. 12._\u2014[At East-Hampton.] \u201cEnjoyed a little more comfort; was\nenabled to meditate with some composure of mind; and especially in the\nevening, found my soul more refreshed in prayer than at any time of\nlate; my soul seemed to \u201ctake hold of God\u2019s strength,\u201d and was comforted\nwith his consolations. O, how sweet are some glimpses of divine glory!\nhow strengthening and quickening!\n\n_Feb. 15._ \u201cEarly in the day I felt some comfort, afterward I walked\ninto a neighboring grove, and felt more as a stranger on earth, I think,\nthan ever before; dead to any of the enjoyments of the world. In the\nevening had divine sweetness in secret duty: God was then my portion,\nand my soul rose above those _deep_ _waters_, into which I have sunk so\nlow of late. My soul then cried for Zion, and had sweetness in so\ndoing.\u201d\n\n_Feb. 17._\u2014\u201cPreached this day at a little village in East-Hampton; and\nGod was pleased to give me his gracious presence and assistance, so that\nI spake with freedom, boldness, and some power. In the evening spent\nsome time with a dear Christian friend; and felt serious, as on the\nbrink of eternity. Our interview was truly a little emblem of heaven\nitself. I find my soul is more refined and weaned from a dependence on\nmy frames and spiritual feelings.\n\n_Feb. 18._\u2014\u201cHad some enjoyment most of the day, and found access to the\nthrone of grace. Blessed be the Lord for any intervals of heavenly\ndelight and composure, while I am engaged in the field of battle. O,\nthat I might be serious, solemn, and always vigilant, while in an evil\nworld! Had some opportunity alone to-day, and found some freedom in\nstudy. O, I long to _live to God_!\u201d\n\nDuring the next two weeks it appears that for the most part he enjoyed\nmuch spiritual peace and comfort. In his diary for this space of time,\nare expressed such things as these; mourning over indwelling sin,\nunprofitableness; deadness to the world; longing after God, and to live\nto his glory; heart melting desires after his eternal home; fixed\nreliance on God for his help; experience of much divine assistance, both\nin the private and public exercises of religion; inward strength and\ncourage in the service of God; very frequent refreshment, consolation,\nand divine sweetness in meditation, prayer, preaching, and Christian\nconversation. And it appears by his account, that this space of time was\nfilled up with great diligence and earnestness in serving God; in study,\nprayer, meditation, preaching, and privately instructing and counseling.\n\n_March 7._\u2014\u201cThis morning when I arose I found my heart go forth after\nGod in longing desires of conformity to him, and in secret prayer found\nmyself sweetly quickened and drawn out in praises to God for all he had\ndone to and for me, and for all my inward trials and distress of late.\nMy heart ascribed glory, glory, glory to the blessed God! and bid\nwelcome to all inward distress again, if God saw meet to exercise me\nwith it. Time appeared but an inch long, and eternity at hand; and I\nthought I could with patience and cheerfulness bear any thing for the\ncause of God; for I saw that a moment would bring me to a world of peace\nand blessedness. My soul, by the strength of the Lord, rose far above\nthis lower world, and all the vain amusements and frightful\ndisappointments of it.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, March 13._ \u201cAt noon, I thought it impossible for me to\npreach, by reason of bodily weakness and inward deadness. In the first\nprayer, I was so weak that I could scarcely stand; but in the sermon,\nGod strengthened me, so that I spake near an hour and a half with sweet\nfreedom, clearness, and some tender power, from Gen. 5:24. \u201cAnd Enoch\nwalked with God.\u201d I was sweetly assisted to insist on a _close walk with\nGod_, and to leave this as my parting advice to God\u2019s people here, that\nthey should \u201cwalk with God.\u201d May the God of all grace succeed my poor\nlabors in this place!\n\n_March 14._ \u201cIn the morning was very busy in preparation for my journey,\nand was almost continually engaged in ejaculatory prayer. About ten took\nleave of the dear people of East-Hampton; my heart grieved and mourned,\nand rejoiced at the same time; rode near fifty miles to a part of\nBrook-Haven, and lodged there, and had refreshing conversation with a\nChristian friend.\u201d\n\nIn two days more he reached New-York; but complains of much desertion\nand deadness on the road. He stayed one day in New-York, and on Friday\nwent to Mr. Dickinson\u2019s at Elizabeth-Town.\n\n_March 19._ \u201cWas bitterly distressed under a sense of my ignorance,\ndarkness, and unworthiness; got alone, and poured out my complaint to\nGod in the bitterness of my soul. In the afternoon rode to Newark, and\nhad some sweetness in conversation and prayer with Mr. Burr. O blessed\nbe God for ever and ever, for any enlivening and quickening seasons.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, March 20._ \u201cPreached in the forenoon: God gave me some\nassistance, and enabled me to speak with real tenderness, love, and\nimpartiality. In the evening preached again; and of a truth God was\npleased to assist a poor worm. Blessed be God, I was enabled to speak\nwith life, power, and desire of the edification of God\u2019s people; and\nwith some power to sinners. In the evening I was watchful, lest my heart\nshould by any means be drawn away from God. O when shall I come to that\nblessed world where every power of my soul will be incessantly and\neternally wound up in heavenly employments and enjoyments, to the\nhighest degree!\u201d\n\nOn Monday he went to Woodbridge, New-Jersey, where he met the\nCorrespondents, who, instead of sending him to the Indians at the Forks\nof the Delaware, as before intended, directed him to go to a number of\nIndians at Kaunaumeek; a place in New-York, in the woods between\nStockbridge and Albany. This alteration was occasioned by two things. 1.\nInformation which the correspondents had received of some contention\nbetween the white people and the Indians on the Delaware, concerning\ntheir lands; which they supposed would be a hinderance to the success of\na missionary among them at that time. 2. Some intimations which they had\nreceived from Mr. Sergeant, Missionary to the Indians at Stockbridge,\nconcerning the Indians at Kaunaumeek, and the hopeful prospect of\nsuccess which a Missionary might have among them.\n\nOn the day following he set out on his journey for Kaunaumeek, and\narrived at Mr. Sergeant\u2019s house in Stockbridge March 31.\n\n\n\n\n                               CHAPTER V.\n\n_His labors for nearly a year among the Indians at Kaunaumeek\u2014temporal\n    deprivations and sufferings\u2014establishes a school\u2014confession\n    offered to the faculty of Yale College\u2014days of fasting\u2014methods\n    of instructing the Indians\u2014visit to New-Jersey and\n    Connecticut\u2014commencement of labor among the Indians at the Forks of\n    the Delaware\u2014Ordination._\n\n\n                     April 1, 1743.\u2014June 12, 1744.\n\n_April 1, 1743._ \u201cI rode to Kaunaumeek, in the wilderness, near twenty\nmiles from Stockbridge, and about an equal distance from Albany, where\nthe Indians live with whom I am concerned; and lodged with a poor\nScotchman, about a mile and a half distant from them, on a little heap\nof straw, in a log room without any floor. I was greatly exercised with\ninward trials, and seemed to have no God to go to. O that God would help\nme!\n\n_April 7._ \u201cAppeared to myself exceedingly ignorant, weak, helpless,\nunworthy, and altogether unequal to my work. It seemed to me that I\nshould never do any service, or have any success among the Indians. My\nsoul was weary of my life; I longed for death, beyond measure. When I\nthought of any godly soul departed, my soul was ready to envy him his\nprivilege, thinking, \u201cO when will my turn come! must it be years first!\u201d\nBut I know these ardent desires, at this and other times, rose partly\nfrom the want of resignation to God under all miseries; and so were but\nimpatience. Toward night I had the exercise of faith in prayer, and some\nassistance in writing. O that God would keep me near him!\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, April 10._ \u201cRose early in the morning and walked out and\nspent a considerable time in the woods, in prayer and meditation.\nPreached to the Indians, both forenoon and afternoon. They behaved\nsoberly in general: two or three in particular appeared to be under some\nreligious concern; with whom I discoursed privately; and one told me,\n\u201cthat her heart had cried ever since she first heard me preach.\u201d\n\n_April 16._\u2014\u201cIn the afternoon preached to my people; but was more\ndiscouraged with them than before; feared that nothing would ever be\ndone for them to any happy effect. I retired and poured out my soul to\nGod for mercy; but without any sensible relief. Soon after, two ungodly\nmen came, with a design, as they said, to hear me preach the next day;\nbut none can tell how I felt to hear their _profane_ talk. O, I longed\nthat some dear Christian should know my distress. I got into a kind of\nhovel, and there groaned out my complaint to God; and withal felt more\nsensible gratitude and thankfulness to God, that he had made me to\ndiffer from these men, as I knew, through grace, he had.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, April 17._\u2014\u201cIn the morning was again distressed as soon as\nI awaked, hearing much talk about the world, and the things of it. I\nperceived that the men were in some measure afraid of me; and I\ndiscoursed about sanctifying the Sabbath, if possible to solemnize their\nminds; but when they were at a little distance, they again talked freely\nabout secular affairs. O I thought what a _hell_ it would be to live\nwith such men to eternity! The Lord gave me some assistance in\npreaching, all day, and some resignation, and a small degree of comfort\nin prayer, at night.\n\n_April 19._\u2014\u201cIn the morning I enjoyed some sweet repose and rest in God;\nfelt some strength and confidence in him; and my soul was in some\nmeasure refreshed and comforted. Spent most of the day in writing, and\nhad some exercise of grace, sensible and comfortable. My soul seemed\nlifted above the _deep waters_, wherein it has long been almost drowned;\nfelt some spiritual longings and breathings after God; and found myself\nengaged for the advancement of Christ\u2019s kingdom in my own soul.\n\n_April 20._\u2014\u201cSet apart this day for fasting and prayer, to bow my soul\nbefore God for the bestowment of divine grace; especially that all my\nspiritual afflictions, and inward distresses, might be sanctified to my\nsoul. And endeavored also to remember the goodness of God to me the year\npast, this day being my birth day. Having obtained help of God, I have\nhitherto lived, and am now arrived at the age of twenty-five years. My\nsoul was pained to think of my barrenness and deadness; that I have\nlived so little to the glory of the eternal God. I spent the day in the\nwoods alone, and there poured out my complaint to God. O that God would\nenable me to live to his glory for the future!\n\n_May 10._\u2014\u201cWas in the same state as to my mind, that I have been in for\nsome time; extremely oppressed with a sense of guilt, pollution, and\nblindness, \u201cThe iniquity of my heels hath compassed me about: the sins\nof my youth have been set in order before me; they have gone over my\nhead, as an heavy burden, too heavy for me to bear.\u201d Almost all the\nactions of my life past seem to be covered over with sin and guilt; and\nthose of them that I performed in the most conscientious manner, now\nfill me with shame and confusion, that I cannot hold up my face. O, the\npride, selfishness, hypocrisy, ignorance, bitterness, party zeal, and\nthe want of love, candor, meekness, and gentleness, that have attended\nmy attempts to promote the interests of religion; and this, when I have\nreason to hope I had real assistance from above, and some sweet\nintercourse with heaven! But alas, what corrupt mixtures attended my\nbest duties!\u201d\n\n_May 18._\u2014\u201cMy circumstances are such that I have no comfort of any kind,\nbut what I have in God. I live in the most lonesome wilderness; have but\none single person to converse with that can speak English.[D] Most of\nthe talk I hear, is either Highland Scotch, or Indian. I have no\nfellow-christian to whom I may unbosom myself, or lay open my spiritual\nsorrows; with whom I may take sweet counsel in conversation about\nheavenly things, and join in social prayer. I live poorly with regard to\nthe comforts of life: most of my diet consists of boiled corn,\nhasty-pudding, &c. I lodge on a bundle of straw, my labor is hard and\nextremely difficult, and I have little appearance of success to comfort\nme. The Indians have no land to live on but what the Dutch people lay\nclaim to; and these threaten to drive them off. They have no regard to\nthe _souls_ of the poor Indians; and by what I can learn, they hate me\nbecause I come to preach to them. But that which makes all my\ndifficulties grievous to be borne, is, that _God hides his face from\nme_.\n\nFootnote D:\n\n  This person was BRAINERD\u2019s interpreter, an ingenious young Indian,\n  belonging to Stockbridge, whose name was _John Wauwaumpequunnaunt_. He\n  had been instructed in the Christian religion by Mr. Sergeant; had\n  lived with the Rev. Mr. Williams, of Long-Meadow; had been further\n  instructed by him, at the charge of Mr. Hollis, of London; and\n  understood both English and Indian very well, and wrote a good hand.\n\n_May 20._\u2014\u201cWas much perplexed some part of the day; but toward night had\nsome comfortable meditations on Isa. 40:1. \u201cComfort ye, comfort ye my\npeople, saith your God,\u201d and enjoyed some sweetness in prayer. Afterward\nmy soul rose so far above the deep waters, that I dared to rejoice in\nGod. I saw that there was sufficient matter of consolation in the\nblessed God.\u201d\n\nOn Monday, May 30, he set out on a journey to New-Jersey to consult the\ncommissioners, and obtain orders from them to set up a school among the\nIndians at Kaunaumeek, and that his interpreter might be appointed the\nschoolmaster; which was accordingly done. He proceeded from New-Jersey\nto New-Haven, where he arrived on Monday, June 6; attempted a\nreconciliation with the faculty of the college; and spent this week in\nvisiting his friends in those parts, and in his journey homeward, till\nSaturday, in a pretty comfortable frame of mind. On Saturday, in his way\nfrom Stockbridge to Kaunaumeek, he was lost in the woods, and lay all\nnight in the open air; but happily found his way in the morning, and\ncame to his Indians on Lord\u2019s day, June 12, and had greater assistance\nin preaching among them than ever before, since his first coming among\nthem.\n\nFrom this time forward he was the subject of various frames and\nexercises of mind, in the general much after the same manner as hitherto\nfrom his first coming to Kaunaumeek, till he got into his own house, (a\nlittle hut, which he made chiefly with his own hands, by long and hard\nlabor.) He found that the distance of the family with whom he at first\nlodged, debarred him from many favorable opportunities of access to the\nIndians, especially morning and evening; and after about three months,\nremoved and lived with the Indians in one of their wigwams. Here he\ncontinued for about one month, when he completed the small house of\nwhich he now speaks.\n\nAlthough he was much dejected during most of this period, yet he had\nmany intermissions of his melancholy, and some seasons of comfort, sweet\ntranquillity and resignation of mind, and frequently special assistance\nin public services, as appears in his diary. The manner of his relief\nfrom his sorrow, once in particular, is worthy to be mentioned in his\nown words.\n\n_July 25._\u2014\u201cHad little or no resolution for a life of holiness; was\nready almost to renounce my hope of living to God. And O how dark it\nlooked, to think of being unholy for ever! This I could not endure. The\ncry of my soul was, Psalm 65:3. \u201cIniquities prevail against me.\u201d But I\nwas in some measure relieved by a comfortable meditation on God\u2019s\neternity, that he never had a beginning. Whence I was led to admire his\ngreatness and power, in such a manner, that I stood still, and praised\nthe Lord for his own glories and perfections: though I was (and if I\nshould for ever be) an unholy creature, my soul was comforted to\napprehend an eternal, infinite, powerful, holy God.\u201d\n\n_July 30._\u2014\u201cJust at night, moved into _my own house_, and lodged there\nthat night; found it much better spending the time alone than in the\n_wigwam_ where I was before.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, July 31._\u2014\u201cFelt more comfortably than some days past.\nBlessed be the Lord, who has now given me a place of retirement. O that\nI may _find God_ in it, and that he would dwell with me for ever!\n\n_Aug. 1._\u2014\u201cWas still busy in further labors on my house. Felt a little\nsweetness of religion, and thought that it was worth while to follow\nafter God through a thousand snares, deserts, and death itself. O that I\nmight always _follow after holiness_, that I may be fully conformed to\nGod! Had some degree of sweetness in secret prayer, though I had much\nsorrow.\n\n_Aug. 3._\u2014\u201cSpent most of the day in writing. Enjoyed some sense of\nreligion. Through divine goodness I am now uninterruptedly alone, and\nfind my retirement comfortable. I have enjoyed more sense of divine\nthings within a few days last past than for some time before. I longed\nafter holiness, humility, and meekness: O that God would enable me to\n\u2018pass the time of my sojourning here in his fear,\u2019 and always _live to\nhim_!\n\n_Aug. 4._\u2014\u201cWas enabled to pray much through the whole day; and through\ndivine goodness found some intenseness of soul in the duty, as I used to\ndo, and some ability to persevere in my supplications. I had some\napprehensions of divine things, which afforded me courage and\nresolution. It is good, I find, to _persevere in attempts_ to pray, if I\ncannot _pray with perseverance_, i. e. continue long in my addresses to\nthe Divine Being. I have generally found that _the more I do_ in secret\nprayer, the more I have _delighted to do_, and the more I have enjoyed a\nspirit of prayer; and frequently I have found the contrary, when by\njourneying or otherwise I have been much deprived of retirement. A\nseasonable, steady performance of SECRET DUTIES IN THEIR PROPER HOURS,\nand a CAREFUL IMPROVEMENT OF ALL TIME, filling up every hour with some\nprofitable labor, either of heart, head, or hands, are excellent means\nof spiritual peace and boldness before God. Filling up our time _with_\nand _for_ God, is the way to rise up and lie down in peace.\n\n_Aug. 13._\u2014\u201cWas enabled in secret prayer to raise my soul to God, with\ndesire and delight. It was indeed a blessed season. I found the comfort\nof being a Christian; and \u201ccounted the sufferings of the present life\nnot worthy to be compared with the glory\u201d of divine enjoyments even in\nthis world. All my past sorrows seemed kindly to disappear, and I\n\u201cremembered no more the sorrow, for joy.\u201d O, how kindly, and with what a\nfilial tenderness, the soul confides in \u201cthe Rock of Ages,\u201d at such a\nseason, that he will \u201cnever leave it nor forsake it,\u201d that he will cause\n\u201call things to work together for its good!\u201d I longed that others should\nknow how good a God the Lord is. My soul was full of tenderness and\nlove, even to the most inveterate of my enemies. I longed that they\nshould share in the same mercy; and loved that God should so do just as\nhe pleased with me and every thing else. I felt peculiarly serious,\ncalm, and peaceful, and encouragement to press after holiness as long as\nI live, whatever difficulties and trials may be in my way. May the Lord\nalways help me so to do! Amen, and Amen.\n\n_Aug. 15._\u2014\u201cSpent most of the day in labor, to procure something to keep\nmy horse on in the winter. Had not much spiritual enjoyment in the\nmorning; was very weak in body through the day; and thought that this\nfrail body would soon drop into the dust; and had some very realizing\napprehensions of a speedy entrance into another world. In this weak\nstate of body, I was not a little distressed for want of suitable food.\nI had no bread, nor could I get any. I am forced to go or send ten or\nfifteen miles for all the bread I eat; and sometimes it is mouldy and\nsour before I eat it, if I get any considerable quantity. And then again\nI have none for some days together, for want of an opportunity to send\nfor it, and cannot find my horse in the woods to go myself; and this was\nmy case now; but through divine goodness I had some Indian _meal_, of\nwhich I made cakes, and fried them. Yet I felt contented with my\ncircumstances, and sweetly resigned to God. In prayer I enjoyed great\nfreedom; and blessed God as much for my present circumstances as if I\nhad been a king; and thought that I found a disposition to be contented\nin _any_ circumstances. Blessed be God.\u201d\n\nIn his diary for Saturday, he says he was somewhat melancholy and\nsorrowful in mind; and adds, \u201cI never feel comfortably, but when I find\nmy soul going forth after God. If I cannot be holy, I must necessarily\nbe miserable for ever.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Aug. 21._\u2014\u201cWas much straitened in the forenoon exercise; my\nthoughts seemed to be all scattered to the ends of the earth. At noon, I\nfell down before the Lord, groaned under my vileness, barrenness, and\ndeadness; and felt as if I was guilty of soul murder, in speaking to\nimmortal souls in such a manner as I had then done. In the afternoon God\nwas pleased to give me some assistance, and I was enabled to set before\nmy hearers the nature and necessity of true repentance. Afterward had\nsome small degree of thankfulness. Was very ill and full of pain in the\nevening and my soul mourned that I had spent so much time to so little\nprofit.\n\n_Aug. 23._\u2014\u201cStudied in the forenoon, and enjoyed some freedom. In the\nafternoon labored abroad: endeavored to pray, but found not much\nenjoyment or intenseness of mind. Toward night was very weary, and tired\nof this world of sorrow: the thoughts of death and immortality appeared\nvery desirable, and even refreshed my soul. Those lines turned in my\nmind with pleasure,\n\n             \u201cCome death, shake hands; I\u2019ll kiss thy bands;\n             \u201c\u2019Tis happiness for me to die.\u2014\n             \u201cWhat!\u2014dost thou think that I will shrink?\n             \u201cI\u2019ll go to immortality.\u201d\n\n\u201cIn evening prayer, God was pleased to draw near my soul, though very\nsinful and unworthy; so that I was enabled to wrestle with God, and to\npersevere in my requests for grace. I poured out my soul for all the\nworld, friends and enemies. My soul was concerned, not so much for souls\nas such, but rather for Christ\u2019s kingdom, that it might appear in the\nworld, that God might be known to be God, in the whole earth. And O my\nsoul abhorred the very thought of a _party_ in religion! Let the truth\nof God appear, wherever it is; and God have glory for ever. Amen. This\nwas indeed a comfortable season. I thought I had some foretaste of the\nenjoyments and employments of the upper world. O that my soul was more\nattempered to it!\n\n_Aug. 31._\u2014[On a journey to New-York.] \u201cWas in a sweet, serious, and I\nhope, Christian frame. Eternal things engrossed all my thoughts; and I\nlonged to be in the world of spirits. O how happy is it to have all our\nthoughts swallowed up in that world: to feel one\u2019s self a stranger in\nthis world, diligently seeking a road through it, the best, the sure\nroad to the heavenly Jerusalem!\u201d\n\nHe went forward on his journey, and after tarrying two or three days at\nNew-York, set out from that city toward New-Haven, intending to be there\nat the commencement.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 11._\u2014\u201c[At Horse-Neck.] In the afternoon I preached\nfrom Titus, 3:8. I think God never helped me more in painting true\nreligion, and in detecting clearly, and tenderly discountenancing false\nappearances of religion, wild fire, party zeal, spiritual pride, &c. as\nwell as a confident dogmatical spirit, and its spring, viz. _ignorance\nof the heart_. In the evening took much pains in private conversation to\nsuppress some confusions which I perceived were among that people.\n\n_Sept. 13._\u2014\u201cRode to New-Haven. Was sometimes dejected; not in the\nsweetest frame. Lodged at ****. Had some profitable Christian\nconversation. I find, though my inward trials were great, and a life of\nsolitude gives them greater advantage to settle, and penetrate to the\nvery inmost recesses of the soul; yet it is better to be alone than\nincumbered with noise and tumult. I find it very difficult maintaining\nany sense of divine things while removing from place to place diverted\nwith new objects, and filled with care and business. A settled steady\nbusiness is best adapted to a life of strict religion.\n\n_Sept. 14._\u2014\u201cThis day I ought to have taken my _degree_; but God sees\nfit to deny it me. And though I was greatly afraid of being overwhelmed\nwith perplexity and confusion, when I should see my _classmates_ take\ntheirs; yet, at the very time, God enabled me with calmness and\nresignation to say, \u201cthe will of the Lord be done.\u201d Indeed, through\ndivine goodness, I have scarcely felt my mind so calm, sedate, and\ncomfortable for some time. I have long feared this season, and expected\nmy humility, meekness, patience and resignation would be much tried; but\nfound much more pleasure and divine comfort than I expected. Felt\nspiritually serious, tender and affectionate in private prayer with a\ndear Christian friend to-day.\n\n_Sept. 15._\u2014\u201cHad some satisfaction in hearing the ministers discourse.\nIt is always a comfort to me to hear religious and spiritual\nconversation. O that ministers and people were more spiritual and\ndevoted to God! Toward night, with the advice of Christian friends, I\noffered the following reflections in writing, to the rector and trustees\nof the college\u2014which are for substance the same that I had freely\noffered to the rector before, and intreated him to accept\u2014that if\npossible I might cut off all occasion of offence from those who seek\noccasion. What I offered, is as follows:\n\n  \u201c\u2018Whereas I have said before several persons, concerning Mr.\n  Whittelsey, one of the tutors of Yale College, that I did not believe\n  he had any more grace than the chair I then leaned upon; I humbly\n  confess, that herein I have sinned against God, and acted contrary to\n  the rules of his word, and have injured Mr. Whittelsey. I had no right\n  to make thus free with his character; and had no just reason to say as\n  I did concerning him. My fault herein was the more aggravated, in that\n  I said this concerning one who was so much my superior, and one whom I\n  was obliged to treat with special respect and honor, by reason of the\n  relation I stood in to him in the college. Such a manner of behavior I\n  confess did not become a Christian; it was taking too much upon me,\n  and did not savor of that humble respect which I ought to have\n  expressed toward Mr. Whittelsey. I have long since been convinced of\n  the falseness of those apprehensions, by which I then justified such a\n  conduct. I have often reflected on this act with grief; I hope, on\n  account of the sin of it: and am willing to lie low, and be abased\n  before God and man for it. I humbly ask the forgiveness of the\n  governors of the college and of the whole society; but of Mr.\n  Whittelsey in particular. And whereas I have been accused by one\n  person of saying concerning the reverend rector of Yale College, that\n  I wondered he did not expect to drop down dead for fining the scholars\n  that followed Mr. Tennent to Milford; I seriously profess that I do\n  not remember my saying any thing to this purpose: but if I did, which\n  I am not certain I did not, I utterly condemn it, and detest all such\n  kind of behavior; and especially in an under-graduate toward the\n  rector. And I now appear to judge and condemn myself for going once to\n  the separate meeting in New-Haven, a little before I was expelled,\n  though the rector had refused to give me leave. For this I humbly ask\n  the rector\u2019s forgiveness. And whether the governors of the college\n  shall ever see cause to remove the academical censure I lie under, or\n  no, or to admit me to the privileges I desire; yet I am willing to\n  appear, if they think fit, openly to own, and to humble myself for\n  those things I have herein confessed.\u2019\u201d\n\n\u201cGod has made me willing to do any thing that I can do consistently with\ntruth, for the sake of peace, and that I might not be a stumbling block\nto others. For this reason I can cheerfully forego and give up what I\nverily believe, after the most mature and impartial search, is my right,\nin some instances. God has given me the disposition, that, if a man has\ndone me a hundred injuries, and I (though ever so much provoked to it)\nhave done him only one, I feel disposed and heartily willing humbly to\nconfess my fault to him, and on my knees to ask forgiveness of him;\nthough at the same time he should justify himself in all the injuries he\nhas done me, and should only make use of my humble confession to blacken\nmy character the more, and represent me as the only person guilty; yea,\nthough he should as it were insult me, and say, \u201che knew all this\nbefore, and that I was making work for repentance.\u201d Though what I said\nconcerning Mr. Whittelsey was only spoken in private, to a friend or\ntwo; and being partly overheard, was related to the rector, and by him\nextorted from my friends; yet, seeing it was divulged and made public, I\nwas willing to confess my fault therein publicly. But I trust God will\nplead my cause.\u201d\n\nI was witness to the very Christian spirit which Brainerd showed at that\ntime; being then at New-Haven, and one whom he thought fit to consult on\nthat occasion. This was my first opportunity of a personal acquaintance\nwith him. There truly appeared in him a great degree of calmness and\nhumility, without the least appearance of rising of spirit for any ill\ntreatment which he supposed he had suffered, or the least backwardness\nto abase himself before them who, as he thought, had wronged him. What\nhe did was without any objection or appearance of reluctance, even in\nprivate to his friends, to whom he freely opened himself. Earnest\napplication was made on his behalf to the authority of the college, that\nhe might have his degree then given him; and particularly by the Rev.\nMr. Burr of Newark, one of the correspondents of the society in\nScotland; he being sent from New-Jersey to New-Haven, by the rest of the\ncommissioners, for that end; and many arguments were used, but without\nsuccess. Indeed, the governors of the college were so far satisfied with\nthe reflections which Brainerd had made on himself, that they appeared\nwilling to admit him again into college; but not to give him his degree,\ntill he should have remained there at least twelve months, which being\ncontrary to what the correspondents, to whom he was now engaged, had\ndeclared to be their mind, he did not consent to it. He desired his\ndegree, as he thought it would tend to his being more extensively\nuseful; but still when he was denied it, he manifested no disappointment\nor resentment.\n\n_Sept. 20._\u2014\u201c[At Bethlehem.] Had thoughts of going forward on my journey\nto my Indians; but toward night was taken with a hard pain in my teeth,\nand shivering cold; and could not possibly recover a comfortable degree\nof warmth the whole night following I continued very full of pain all\nnight; and in the morning had a very hard fever, and pains almost over\nmy whole body. I had a sense of the divine goodness in appointing this\nto be the place of my sickness, among my friends, who were very kind to\nme. I should probably have perished if I had first got home to my own\nhouse in the wilderness, where I have none to converse with but the\npoor, rude, ignorant Indians. Here, I saw, was mercy in the midst of\naffliction. I continued thus, mostly confined to my bed, till Friday\nnight; very full of pain most of the time; but, through divine goodness,\nnot afraid of death. Then I saw the extreme folly of those who put off\ntheir turning to God till a sick bed. Surely this is not a time proper\nto prepare for eternity. On Friday evening my pains went off somewhat\nsuddenly. I was exceedingly weak, and almost fainted; but was very\ncomfortable the night following. I thought we were to prize the\ncontinuation of life, only on this account, that we may \u201cshow forth\nGod\u2019s goodness and works of grace.\u201d\n\n_Oct. 4._\u2014\u201cThis day rode home to my own house and people. The poor\nIndians appeared very glad of my return. Found my house and all things\nin safety, I presently fell on my knees, and blessed God for my safe\nreturn. I have taken many considerable journies since this time last\nyear, and yet God has never suffered one of my bones to be broken, or\nany distressing calamity to befal me, excepting the ill turn I had in my\nlast journey. I have been often exposed to cold and hunger in the\nwilderness, where the comforts of life were not to be had; have\nfrequently been lost in the woods; and sometimes obliged to ride much of\nthe night; and once lay out in the woods all night; yet blessed be God,\nhe has preserved me!\n\n_Nov. 3._\u2014\u201cSpent this day in secret fasting and prayer, from morning\ntill night. Early in the morning I had some small degree of assistance\nin prayer. Afterward read the story of Elijah the prophet, 1 Kings,\n17th, 18th, and 19th chapters; and also 2 Kings, 2d, and 4th chapters.\nMy soul was much moved, observing the faith, zeal, and power of that\nholy man; how he wrestled with God in prayer, &c. My soul then cried\nwith Elisha, \u201cWhere is the Lord God of Elijah!\u201d O I longed for more\nfaith! My soul breathed after God, and pleaded with him, that a \u201cdouble\nportion of that spirit\u201d which was given to Elijah, might \u201crest on me.\u201d\nAnd that which was divinely refreshing and strengthening to my soul,\nwas, I saw that God is the _same_ that he was in the days of Elijah. Was\nenabled to wrestle with God by prayer, in a more affectionate, fervent,\nhumble, intense, and importunate manner, than I have for many months\npast. Nothing seemed too hard for God to perform; nothing too great for\nme to hope for from him. I had for many months entirely lost all hope of\nbeing made instrumental of doing any special service for God in the\nworld; it has appeared entirely impossible, that one so vile should be\nthus employed for God. But at this time God was pleased to revive this\nhope. Afterward read from the 3d chapter of Exodus to the 20th, and saw\nmore of the _glory_ and _majesty of God_ discovered in those chapters\nthan ever I had seen before; frequently in the mean time falling on my\nknees and crying to God for the faith of Moses, and for a manifestation\nof the _divine glory_. Especially the 3d, 4th, and part of the 14th and\n15th chapters were unspeakably sweet to my soul: my soul blessed God\nthat he had shown himself so gracious to his servants of old. The 15th\nchapter seemed to be the very language which my soul uttered to God in\nthe season of my first spiritual comfort, when I had just got through\nthe _Red Sea_, by a _way_ that I had no expectation of. O how my soul\nthen _rejoiced in God_! And now those things came fresh and lively to my\nmind; now my soul blessed God afresh that he had opened that unthought\nof way to deliver me from the fear of the Egyptians, when I almost\ndespaired of life. Afterward read the story of Abraham\u2019s pilgrimage in\nthe land of Canaan. My soul was melted, in observing his _faith_, how he\nleaned on God; how he _communed_ with God; and what a _stranger_ he was\nhere in the world. After that, read the story of Joseph\u2019s sufferings,\nand God\u2019s goodness to him: blessed God for these examples of faith and\npatience. My soul was ardent in prayer, was enabled to wrestle ardently\nfor myself, for Christian friends, and for the church of God; and felt\nmore desire to see the power of God in the conversion of souls, than I\nhave done for a long season. Blessed be God for this season of fasting\nand prayer!\u2014May his goodness always abide with me, and draw my soul to\nhim!\n\n_Nov. 10._\u2014\u201cSpent this day in fasting and prayer alone. In the morning\nwas very dull and lifeless, melancholy and discouraged. But after some\ntime, while reading 2 Kings, 19, my soul was moved and affected;\nespecially reading verse 14, and onward. I saw there was no other way\nfor the afflicted children of God to take, but to go to God with all\ntheir sorrows. Hezekiah, in his great distress, went and spread his\ncomplaint before the Lord. I was then enabled to see the mighty power of\nGod, and my extreme need of that power; and to cry to him affectionately\nand ardently for his power and grace to be exercised toward me.\nAfterward, read the story of David\u2019s trials, and observed the course he\ntook under them, how he strengthened his hands in God; whereby my soul\nwas carried out after God, enabled to cry to him, and rely upon him, and\nfelt strong in the Lord. Was afterward refreshed, observing the blessed\ntemper that was wrought in David by his trials: all bitterness, and\ndesire of revenge, seemed wholly taken away; so that he mourned for the\ndeath of his enemies. 2 Sam. 1:17, and 4:9-12. Was enabled to bless God\nthat he had given me something of this divine temper, that my soul\nfreely _forgives_, and heartily _loves my enemies_.\n\n_Nov. 29._\u2014\u201cBegan to study the Indian tongue, with Mr. Sergeant, at\nStockbridge.[E] Was perplexed for want of more retirement. I love to\nlive alone in my own little cottage, where I can spend much time in\nprayer, &c.\n\nFootnote E:\n\n  The commissioners who employed him, had directed him to spend much\n  time this winter with Mr. Sergeant, to learn the language of the\n  Indians; which necessitated him very often to ride backward and\n  forward, twenty miles through the uninhabited woods between\n  Stockbridge and Kaunaumeek; which many times exposed him to extreme\n  hardship in the severe seasons of the winter.\n\n_Dec. 22._\u2014\u201cSpent this day alone in fasting and prayer, and reading in\nGod\u2019s word the exercises and deliverances of his children. Had, I trust,\nsome exercise of faith, and realizing apprehension of divine power,\ngrace, and holiness; and also of the unchangeableness of God, that he is\nthe same as when he delivered his saints of old out of great\ntribulation. My soul was sundry times in prayer enlarged for God\u2019s\nchurch and people. O that Zion might become the \u201cjoy of the whole\nearth!\u201d It is better to wait upon God with patience, than to put\nconfidence in any thing in this lower world. \u201cMy soul, wait thou on the\nLord;\u201d for \u201cfrom him comes thy salvation.\u201d\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Jan. 1, 1744._\u2014\u201cIn the morning had some small degree of\nassistance in prayer. Saw myself so vile and unworthy that I could not\nlook my people in the face when I came to preach. O my meanness, folly,\nignorance, and inward pollution!\u2014In the evening had a little assistance\nin prayer, so that the duty was delightful, rather than burdensome.\nReflected on the goodness of God to me in the past year, &c. Of a truth\nGod has been kind and gracious to me, though he has caused me to pass\nthrough many sorrows; he has provided for me bountifully, so that I have\nbeen enabled, in about fifteen months past, to bestow to charitable uses\nabout an _hundred pounds_ New-England money, that I can now remember.\nBlessed be the Lord that has so far used me as _his steward_, to\ndistribute a _portion of his goods_. May I always remember, that all I\nhave comes from God. Blessed be the Lord, that has carried me through\nall the toils, fatigues and hardships of the year past, as well as the\nspiritual sorrows and conflicts that have attended it. O that I could\nbegin this year _with God_, and spend the whole of it to _his glory_,\neither in life or death!\n\n_Jan. 3._\u2014\u201cWas employed much of the day in writing; and spent some time\nin other necessary employment. But my time passes away so swiftly, that\nI am astonished when I reflect on it, and see how little I do. My state\nof solitude does not make the hours hang heavy upon my hands. O what\nreason of thankfulness have I on account of this retirement! I find that\nI do not, and it seems I cannot, lead a _Christian life_ when I am\nabroad, and cannot spend time in devotion, Christian conversation, and\nserious meditation, as I should do. Those weeks that I am obliged now to\nbe from home, in order to learn the Indian tongue, are mostly spent in\nperplexity and barrenness, without much sweet relish of divine things;\nand I feel myself a stranger at the throne of grace for want of more\nfrequent and continued retirement. When I return home and give myself to\nmeditation, prayer, and fasting, a new scene opens to my mind, and my\nsoul longs for mortification, self-denial, humility, and divorcement\nfrom all things of the world. This evening my heart was somewhat warm\nand fervent in prayer and meditation, so that I was loth to indulge\nsleep. Continued in those duties till about midnight.\n\n_Jan. 6._\u2014\u201cFeeling my extreme weakness, and want of grace, the pollution\nof my soul, and danger of temptations on every side, I set apart this\nday for fasting and prayer, neither eating nor drinking from evening to\nevening, beseeching God to have mercy on me. My soul intensely longed\nthat the dreadful spots and stains of sin might be washed away from it.\nSaw something of the power and all-sufficiency of God. My soul seemed to\nrest on his power and grace; longed for resignation to his will, and\nmortification to all things here below. My mind was greatly fixed on\ndivine things: my resolutions for a life of mortification, continual\nwatchfulness, self-denial, seriousness and devotion, were strong and\nfixed; my desires ardent and intense; my conscience tender, and afraid\nof every appearance of evil. My soul grieved with reflection on past\nlevity, and want of resolution for God. I solemnly renewed my dedication\nof myself to God, and longed for grace to enable me always to keep\ncovenant with him. Time appeared very short, eternity near and a great\nname, either in or after life, together with all earthly pleasures and\nprofits, but an empty bubble, a deluding dream.\n\n_Jan. 7._ \u201cSpent this day in seriousness, with steadfast resolutions for\nGod, and a life of mortification. Studied closely, till I felt my bodily\nstrength fail. Felt some degree of resignation to God, with an\nacquiescence in his dispensations. Was grieved that I could do so little\nfor God before my bodily strength failed. In the evening, though tired,\nwas enabled to continue instant in prayer for some time. Spent the time\nin reading, meditation, and prayer, till the evening was far spent: was\ngrieved to think that I could not _watch unto prayer_ the whole night.\nBut blessed be God, heaven is a place of continual and incessant\ndevotion though the earth is dull.\n\n_Jan. 14._ \u201cThis morning, enjoyed a most solemn season in prayer: my\nsoul seemed enlarged and assisted to pour out itself to God for grace,\nand for every blessing I wanted for myself, for dear Christian friends,\nand for the church of God; and was so enabled to \u201csee Him who is\ninvisible,\u201d that my soul _rested upon him_ for the performance of every\nthing I asked agreeable to his will. It was then my happiness to\n\u2018continue instant in prayer,\u2019 and I was enabled to continue in it for\nnear an hour. My soul was then \u201cstrong in the Lord, and in the power of\nhis might.\u201d Longed exceedingly for an angelic holiness and purity, and\nto have all my thoughts, at all times, employed in divine and heavenly\nthings. Felt the same divine assistance in prayer sundry times in the\nday. My soul confided in God for myself, and for his Zion: trusted in\ndivine power and grace, that he would do glorious things in his church\non earth, for his own glory.\n\n_Feb. 3._ \u201cEnjoyed more freedom and comfort than of late; was engaged in\nmeditation upon the different whispers of the various powers and\naffections of a pious mind, exercised with a great variety of\ndispensations; and could not but write, as well as meditate, on so\nentertaining a subject. I hope the Lord gave me some true sense of\ndivine things this day; but alas, how great and pressing are the remains\nof indwelling corruption! I am now more sensible than ever, that God\nalone is \u201cthe author and finisher of our faith,\u201d _i. e._ that the whole\nand every part of sanctification, and every good word, work, or thought,\nfound in me, is the effect of his power and grace; that \u201cwithout him I\ncan do nothing,\u201d in the strictest sense, and that, \u201che works in us to\nwill and to do of his own good pleasure,\u201d and from no other motive. O\nhow amazing it is that people can talk so much about men\u2019s power and\ngoodness, when if God did not hold us back every moment, we should be\ndevils incarnate! This my bitter experience, for several days last past,\nhas abundantly taught me concerning myself.\n\n_Feb. 7._ \u201cMy soul felt and tasted that the Lord is gracious; that he is\nthe supreme good, the only soul-satisfying happiness; that he is a\ncomplete, sufficient, and almighty portion. The language of my heart\nwas, \u201cWhom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that\nI desire beside thee.\u201d O, I feel that it is heaven to please him, and to\nbe just what he would have me to be! O that my soul were \u201choly, as he is\nholy!\u201d O that it were \u201cpure, even as Christ is pure;\u201d and \u201cperfect, as\nmy Father in heaven is perfect!\u201d These I feel are the sweetest commands\nin God\u2019s book, comprising all others. And shall I break them! must I\nbreak them! am I under the necessity of it as long as I live in the\nworld! O my soul, wo, wo is me, that I am a sinner, who continually\ngrieve and offend this blessed God, infinite in goodness and grace! O\nmethinks if he would punish me for my sins, it would not wound my heart\nso deep to offend him; but though I sin continually, yet he continually\nrepeats his kindness to me! O methinks I could bear any sufferings; but\nhow can I bear to grieve and dishonor this blessed God! How shall I\nyield ten thousand times more honor to him? What shall I do to glorify\nand worship this best of beings? O that I could consecrate myself, soul\nand body, to his service for ever! O that I could give up myself to him,\nso as never more to attempt to be my own, or to have any will or\naffections that are not perfectly conformed to him! But, alas! I find I\ncannot be thus entirely devoted to God; I cannot live, and not sin. O ye\nangels, do ye glorify him incessantly; and if possible, prostrate\nyourselves lower before the blessed King of heaven! I long to bear a\npart with you; and, if it were possible, to help you. O when we have\ndone all that we can, to all eternity, we shall not be able to offer the\nten thousandth part of the homage which the glorious God deserves!\n\n_March 3._ \u201cIn the morning, spent (I believe) an hour in prayer, with\ngreat intenseness and freedom, and with the most soft and tender\naffection toward all mankind. I longed that those who, I have reason to\nthink, owe me ill will, might be eternally happy. It seemed refreshing\nto think of meeting them in heaven, how much soever they had injured me\non earth: had no disposition to insist upon any confession from them, in\norder to reconciliation, and the exercise of love and kindness to them.\nO it is an emblem of heaven itself, to love all the world with a love of\nkindness, forgiveness, and benevolence; to feel our souls sedate, mild,\nand meek; to be void of all evil surmisings and suspicions, and scarce\nable to think evil of any man upon any occasion; to find our hearts\nsimple, open, and free, to those that look upon us with a different\neye!\u2014Prayer was so sweet an exercise to me, that I knew not how to\ncease, lest I should lose the spirit of prayer. Felt no disposition to\neat or drink, for the sake of the pleasure of it, but only to support my\nnature, and fit me for divine service. Could not be content without a\nvery particular mention of a great number of dear friends at the throne\nof grace; as also the particular circumstances of many, as far as they\nwere known.\n\n_March 10._ \u201cIn the morning, felt exceeding dead to the world, and all\nits enjoyments. I thought I was ready and willing to give up life and\nall its comforts, as soon as called to it; and yet then had as much\ncomfort of life as almost ever I had. I longed to be perpetually and\nentirely _crucified_ to all things here below, by the _cross of Christ_.\nMy soul was sweetly resigned to God\u2019s disposal of me, in every regard;\nand I saw that nothing had happened but what was best for me. I confided\nin God, that he would never leave me, though I should \u201cwalk through the\nvalley of the shadow of death.\u201d It was then my meat and drink to be\nholy, to live to the Lord, and die to the Lord. And I thought that I\nthen enjoyed such a heaven as far exceeded the most sublime conceptions\nof an unregenerate soul; and even unspeakably beyond what I myself could\nconceive of at another time. I did not wonder that Peter said, \u201cLord, it\nis good to be here,\u201d when thus refreshed with divine glories. My soul\nwas full of love and tenderness in the duty of intercession; especially\nfelt a most sweet affection to some precious godly ministers, of my\nacquaintance. Prayed earnestly for dear Christians, and for those I have\nreason to fear are my enemies; and could not have spoken a word of\nbitterness, or entertained a bitter thought, against the vilest man\nliving. Had a sense of my own great unworthiness. My soul seemed to\nbreathe forth love and praise to God afresh, when I thought he would let\nhis children love and receive me as one of their brethren and fellow\ncitizens. When I thought of their treating me in that manner, I longed\nto lie at their feet; and could think of no way to express the sincerity\nand simplicity of my love and esteem of them, as being much better than\nmyself.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, March 11._ \u201cMy soul was in some measure _strengthened in\nGod_, in morning devotion; so that I was released from trembling fear\nand distress. Preached to my people from the parable of the _sower_,\nMatt. 13, and enjoyed some assistance both parts of the day, had some\nfreedom, affection, and fervency in addressing my poor people; longed\nthat God should take hold of their hearts, and make them spiritually\nalive. And indeed I had so much to say to them, that I knew not how to\nleave off speaking.\u201d\n\nThis was the last Sabbath in which he ever performed public service at\nKaunaumeek, and these the last sermons which he ever preached to the\nIndians there. The methods he adopted for their salvation, he thus\ndescribes in a letter to Rev. Mr. Pemberton of New-York.\n\n\u201cIn my labors with them, in order to \u201cturn them from darkness to light,\u201d\nI studied what was most _plain_ and _easy_, and best suited to their\ncapacities; and endeavored to set before them from time to time, as they\nwere able to receive them, the most _important_ and _necessary_ truths\nof Christianity; such as most immediately concerned their speedy\nconversion to God, and such as I judged had the greatest tendency, as\nmeans, to effect that glorious change in them. But especially I made it\nthe scope and drift of all my labors, to lead them into a thorough\nacquaintance with these two things: (1.) The _sinfulness_ and _misery_\nof the estate they were naturally in; the evil of their hearts, the\npollution of their natures; the heavy guilt they were under, and their\nexposedness to everlasting punishment; as also their utter inability to\nsave themselves, either from their sins, or from those miseries which\nare the just punishment of them; and their unworthiness of any mercy at\nthe hand of God, on account of any thing they themselves could do to\nprocure his favor, and consequently their extreme need of Christ to save\nthem. And, (2.) I frequently endeavored to open to them the _fullness_,\n_all-sufficiency_, and _freeness_ of that _redemption_ which the Son of\nGod has wrought out by his obedience and sufferings, for perishing\nsinners: how this provision he had made was suited to all their wants;\nand how he called and invited them to accept of everlasting life freely,\nnotwithstanding all their sinfulness.\n\n\u201cAfter I had been with the Indians several months, I composed sundry\n_forms of prayer_, adapted to their circumstances and capacities; which,\nwith the help of my interpreter, I translated into the Indian language;\nand soon learned to pronounce their words, so as to pray with them in\ntheir own tongue. I also translated sundry _psalms_ into their language,\nand soon after we were able to sing in the worship of God.\n\n\u201cWhen my people had gained some acquaintance with many of the simplest\ntruths of Christianity, so that they were capable of receiving and\nunderstanding others, I gave them an _historical_ account of God\u2019s\ndealings with his ancient professing people, the Jews; some of the rites\nand ceremonies they were obliged to observe, as their sacrifices, &c.;\nand what these were designed to represent to them; as also some of the\nsurprising _miracles_ God wrought for their salvation, while they\ntrusted in him; and sore _punishments_ he sometimes brought upon them,\nwhen they forsook and sinned against him. Afterward I proceeded to give\nthem a relation of the birth, life, miracles, sufferings, death, and\nresurrection of Christ; as well as his ascension, and the wonderful\neffusion of the Holy Spirit consequent thereupon.\n\n\u201cAnd having thus endeavored to prepare the way by such a general account\nof things, I next proceeded to read and _expound_ to them the Gospel of\nSt. Matthew (at least the substance of it) in course, wherein they had a\nmore distinct and particular view of what they had had before some\ngeneral notion. These expositions I attended almost every _evening_,\nwhen there was any considerable number of them at home; except when I\nwas obliged to be absent myself, in order to learn the Indian language\nwith the Rev. Mr. Sergeant. Besides these means of instruction, there\nwas likewise an English _school_ constantly kept by my interpreter among\nthe Indians; which I used frequently to visit, in order to give the\nchildren and young people some proper instructions, and serious\nexhortations suited to their age.\n\n\u201cThe degree of knowledge to which some of them attained was\nconsiderable. Many of the truths of Christianity seemed fixed in their\nminds, especially in some instances, so that they would speak to me of\nthem, and ask such questions about them as were necessary to render them\nmore plain and clear to their understandings. The children, also, and\nyoung people, who attended the school, made considerable proficiency (at\nleast some of them) in their learning; so that had they understood the\nEnglish language well, they would have been able to read somewhat\nreadily in a psalter.\n\n\u201cBut that which was most of all desirable, and gave me the greatest\nencouragement amidst many difficulties and disconsolate hours, was, that\nthe truths of God\u2019s word seemed, at times, to be attended with some\n_power_ upon the hearts and consciences of the Indians. And especially\nthis appeared evident in a few individuals, who were awakened to some\nsense of their miserable estate by nature, and appeared solicitous for\ndeliverance from it. Several of them came, of their own accord to\ndiscourse with me about their soul\u2019s concerns; and some, with tears,\ninquired what they should do to be saved?\u201d\n\nThe Indians at Kaunaumeek being but few in number and Brainerd having\nbeen laboring among them about a year, and having prevailed upon them to\nbe willing to leave Kaunaumeek, and remove to Stockbridge, to live\nconstantly under Mr. Sergeant\u2019s ministry; he thought he might now do\nmore service for Christ among the Indians elsewhere: and therefore went\nto New-Jersey, and laid the matter before the Commissioners; who met at\nElizabeth-Town, on the occasion, and determined that he should forthwith\nleave Kaunaumeek, and go to the Delaware Indians.\n\nBy the invitations which Brainerd had lately received, it appears, that\nit was not from necessity, or for want of opportunities to settle in the\nministry, that he determined to forsake all the outward comforts, he\nmight thus have enjoyed, to spend his life among _savages_, and endure\nthe difficulties and self-denials of an Indian _mission_. He had, just\nas he was leaving Kaunaumeek, had an earnest invitation to a settlement\nat East-Hampton, one of the pleasantest towns on Long-Island. The people\nthere were unanimous in their desires to have him for their pastor, and\nfor a long time continued in earnest pursuit of him, and were hardly\nbrought to relinquish their endeavors, and give up their hopes of\nobtaining him. Besides this, he had an invitation to preach with\nreference to a settlement in Millington, near his native town, and in\nthe midst of his friends. Nor did Brainerd choose the business of a\nmissionary to the Indians, rather than accept of those invitations,\nbecause he was unacquainted with the difficulties and sufferings which\nattended such a service; for he had had experience of these difficulties\nin summer and winter; having spent about a year in a lonely desert among\nthese savages, where he had gone through extreme hardships, and been the\nsubject of a train of outward and inward sorrows, which were now fresh\nin his mind.\n\nAfter this he continued two or three days in New-Jersey, very ill; and\nthen returned to New-York; and from thence into New-England; and went to\nhis native town of Haddam, where he arrived on Saturday, April 14. And\nhe continues still his bitter complaints of want of retirement. While he\nwas in New-York, he says thus, \u201cO it is not the pleasures of the world\nwhich can comfort me! If _God_ deny his presence, what are the pleasures\nof the _city_ to me? One hour of sweet retirement where _God is_, is\nbetter than the whole world.\u201d\n\n_April 17._\u2014\u201cIn the evening, at my brother\u2019s, singing hymns with\nfriends, my soul seemed to melt; and in prayer afterward, enjoyed the\nexercise of _faith_, and was enabled to be fervent in spirit: found more\nof God\u2019s presence than I have done any time in my late wearisome\njourney. Eternity appeared very near; my nature was very weak, and\nseemed ready to be dissolved; the sun declining, and the shadows of the\nevening drawing on apace. O I longed to fill up the remaining moments\nall for God! Though my body was so feeble, and wearied with preaching\nand much private conversation, yet I wanted to sit up all night to do\nsomething for God. To God, the giver of these refreshments, be glory for\never and ever. Amen.\n\n_April 18._\u2014\u201cWas very weak, and enjoyed but little spiritual comfort.\nWas exercised with one who cavilled against original sin. May the Lord\nopen his eyes to see the fountain of sin in himself!\u201d\n\nAfter this he visited several ministers in Connecticut; and then\ntravelled towards Kaunaumeek, and came to Mr. Sergeant\u2019s, at\nStockbridge, Thursday, April 26, having performed the journey in a very\nweak state of body.\n\n_April 27_ and _28_.\u2014\u201cSpent some time in visiting friends, and\ndiscoursing with my people, (who were now moved down from their own\nplace to Mr. Sergeant\u2019s) and found them very glad to see me returned.\nWas exercised in my mind with a sense of my own unworthiness.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, April 29._\u2014\u201cPreached for Mr. Sergeant both parts of the\nday, from Rev. 14:4. Enjoyed some freedom in preaching, though not much\nspirituality. In the evening, my heart was in some measure lifted up in\nthankfulness to God for any assistance.\n\n_April 30._\u2014\u201cRode to Kaunaumeek, but was extremely ill; did not enjoy\nthe comfort I hoped for in my own house.\n\n_May 1._\u2014\u201cHaving received new orders to go to a number of Indians on\nDelaware river, in Pennsylvania, and my people here being mostly removed\nto Mr. Sergeant\u2019s, I this day took all my clothes, books, &c. and\ndisposed of them, and set out for Delaware river; but made it my way to\nreturn to Mr. Sergeant\u2019s, which I did this day, just at night. Rode\nseveral hours in the rain through the howling wilderness, although I was\nso disordered in body, that little or nothing but blood came from me.\n\n_May 8._\u2014\u201cTravelled about forty-five miles to a place called _Fishkill_;\nand lodged there. Spent much of my time, while riding, in prayer that\nGod would go with me to the Delaware. My heart sometimes was ready to\nsink with the thoughts of my work, and going alone in the wilderness, I\nknew not where; but still it was comfortable to think that others of\nGod\u2019s children had \u2018wandered about in dens and caves of the earth;\u2019 and\nAbraham, when he was called to go forth, \u2018went out not knowing whither\nhe went.\u2019 O that I might follow after God!\u201d\n\nThe next day he went forward on his journey; crossed the Hudson, and\nwent to Goshen in the Highlands; and so traveled across the woods, from\nthe Hudson to the Delaware, about a hundred miles, through a desolate\nand hideous country, above New-Jersey, where were very few settlements;\nin which journey he suffered much fatigue and hardship. He visited some\nIndians in the way, at a place called _Miunissinks_, and discoursed with\nthem concerning Christianity. Was considerably melancholy and\ndisconsolate, being alone in a strange wilderness. On Saturday, May 12,\nhe came to a settlement of Irish and Dutch people, and proceeding about\ntwelve miles further arrived at _Sakhauwotung_, an Indian settlement\nwithin the Forks of the Delaware.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, May 13._\u2014\u201cRose early; felt very poorly after my long\njourney, and after being wet and fatigued. Was very melancholy; have\nscarcely ever seen such a gloomy morning in my life; there appeared to\nbe no _Sabbath_; the children were all at play; I, a stranger in the\nwilderness, and knew not where to go; and all circumstances seemed to\nconspire to render my affairs dark and discouraging. Was disappointed\nrespecting an _Interpreter_, and heard that the Indians were much\nscattered. O, I mourned after the presence of God, and seemed like a\ncreature banished from his sight! yet he was pleased to support my\nsinking soul amidst all my sorrows; so that I never entertained any\nthought of quitting my business among the poor Indians; but was\ncomforted to think that death would ere long set me free from these\ndistresses. Rode about three or four miles to the Irish people, where I\nfound some that appeared sober and concerned about religion. My heart\nthen began to be a little encouraged: went and preached first to the\nIrish and then to the Indians; and in the evening was a little\ncomforted: my soul seemed to rest on God, and take courage.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, May 20._\u2014\u201cPreached twice to the poor Indians; and enjoyed\nsome freedom in speaking, while I attempted to remove their prejudices\nagainst Christianity. My soul longed continually for assistance from\nabove; for I saw I had no strength sufficient for that work. Afterward\npreached to the Irish people; was much assisted in the first prayer, and\nsomewhat in the sermon. Several persons seemed much concerned for their\nsouls, with whom I discoursed afterward with much freedom and some\npower. Blessed be God for any assistance afforded to an unworthy worm. O\nthat I could live to him!\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, May 27._\u2014\u201cVisited my Indians in the morning, and attended\nupon a funeral among them; was affected to see their heathenish\npractices. O that they might be \u2018turned from darkness to light!\u2019\nAfterward got a considerable number of them together, and preached to\nthem; and observed them very attentive. After this preached to the white\npeople from Heb. 2:3. \u2018How shall we escape if we neglect so great\nsalvation?\u2019 Was enabled to speak with some freedom and power: several\npeople seemed much concerned for their souls; especially one who had\nbeen educated a Roman Catholic. Blessed be the Lord for any help.\n\n_May 28._\u2014\u201cSet out from the Indians above the Forks of the Delaware, on\na journey toward Newark, in New-Jersey, according to my orders. Rode\nthrough the wilderness; was much fatigued with the heat; lodged at a\nplace called Black River; was exceedingly tired and worn out.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, June 10._\u2014\u201c[At Newark.] In the morning was much concerned\nhow I should perform the work of the day: and trembled at the thoughts\nof being left to myself. Enjoyed very considerable assistance in all\nparts of the public service. Had an opportunity again to attend on the\nordinance of the Lord\u2019s Supper, and through divine goodness was\nrefreshed in it: my soul was full of love and tenderness toward the\nchildren of God, and toward all men. At night I enjoyed more\nspirituality and sweet desire of holiness, than I have felt for some\ntime: was afraid of every thought and every motion, lest thereby my\nheart should be drawn away from God. O that I might never leave the\nblessed God! \u2018Lord, in thy presence is fulness of joy.\u2019 O the\nblessedness of living to God!\n\n_June 11._\u2014\u201cThis day the Presbytery met at Newark, in order to my\n_ordination_. Was very weak and disordered in body; yet endeavored to\nrepose my confidence in God. Spent most of the day alone; especially the\nforenoon. At three in the afternoon preached my probation sermon from\nActs, 26:17, 18, being a text given me for that purpose. Felt not well\neither in body or mind: however, God carried me through comfortably.\nAfterward passed an examination before the Presbytery. Was much tired,\nand my mind burdened with the greatness of that charge I was in the most\nsolemn manner about to take upon me: my mind was so pressed with the\nweight of the work incumbent upon me, that I could not sleep this night,\nthough very weary and in great need of rest.\n\n_June 12._\u2014\u201cWas this morning further examined respecting my\n_experimental acquaintance with Christianity_. At 10 o\u2019clock my\n_ordination_ was attended; the sermon preached by the Rev. Mr.\nPemberton. At this time I was affected with a sense of the important\ntrust committed to me; yet was composed and solemn without distraction;\nand I hope that then, as many times before, I gave myself up to God, to\nbe for _him_, and not for _another_. O that I might always be engaged in\nthe service of God, and duly remember the solemn charge I have received\nin the presence of God, angels, and men. Amen.\u201d\n\n\n\n\n                              CHAPTER VI.\n\n_Labors for the Indians at and near the Forks of Delaware\u2014idolatrous\n    feast and dance\u2014journey through the wilderness to Opeholhaupung or\n    the Susquehanna\u2014erects a cottage at Forks of the Delaware\u2014some\n    evidences of a work of the Spirit among the Indians\u2014journey to\n    New-England to obtain money to support a colleague\u2014visit to the\n    Indians on the Susquehanna\u2014journey to Crossweeksung in New-Jersey._\n\n\n                     June 13, 1744.\u2014June 18, 1745.\n\n_June 13, 1744._ [At Elizabeth Town.]\u2014\u201cSpent considerable time in\nwriting an account of the Indian affairs, to be sent to Scotland; some,\nin conversation with friends; but had not much spiritual enjoyment.\u201d\n\nOn _Tuesday, June 19_, he set out on his journey, and in three days\nreached his residence near the Forks of Delaware. Performed the journey\nunder much weakness of body, but had comfort in his soul, from day to\nday.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, June 24._\u2014\u201cExtremely feeble; scarcely able to walk: however\nvisited my Indians, and took much pains to instruct them; labored with\nsome that were much disaffected toward Christianity. My mind was much\nburdened with the weight and difficulty of my work. My whole dependence\nand hope of success seemed to be on God; who alone I saw could make them\nwilling to receive instruction. My heart was much engaged in prayer,\nsending up silent requests to God, even while I was speaking to them. O\nthat I could always go in the strength of the Lord!\n\n_June 25._\u2014\u201cWas somewhat better in health than of late; and was able to\nspend a considerable part of the day in prayer and close study. Had more\nfreedom and fervency in prayer than usual of late; especially longed for\nthe presence of God in my work, and that the poor Heathen might be\nconverted. And in evening prayer my faith and hope in God were much\nraised. _To an eye of reason every thing that respects the conversion of\nthe Heathen is as dark as midnight_; and yet I cannot but hope in God\nfor the accomplishment of something glorious among them. My soul longed\nmuch for the advancement of the Redeemer\u2019s kingdom on earth. Was very\nfearful lest I should admit some vain thought, and so lose the sense I\nthen had of divine things. O for an abiding heavenly temper!\n\n_June 26._\u2014\u201cIn the morning, my desires seemed to rise, and ascend up\nfreely to God. Was busy most of the day in _translating prayers_ into\nthe language of the Delaware Indians; met with great difficulty, because\nmy interpreter was altogether unacquainted with the business. But though\nI was much discouraged with the extreme difficulty of that work, yet God\nsupported me; and especially in the evening, gave me sweet refreshment.\nIn prayer my soul was enlarged, and my faith drawn into sensible\nexercise; was enabled to cry to God for my poor Indians; and though the\nwork of their conversion appeared _impossible with man_, yet _with God_\nI saw _all things were possible_. My faith was much strengthened, by\nobserving the wonderful assistance God afforded his servants Nehemiah\nand Ezra, in reforming his people and re-establishing his ancient\nchurch. I was much assisted in prayer for my dear Christian friends, and\nfor others whom I apprehended to be Christless; but was more especially\nconcerned for the poor heathen, and those of my own charge; was enabled\nto be instant in prayer for them; and hoped that God would bow the\nheavens and come down for their salvation. It seemed to me that there\ncould be no impediment sufficient to obstruct that glorious work, seeing\nthe living God, as I strongly hoped, was engaged for it. I continued in\na solemn frame, lifting up my heart to God for assistance and grace,\nthat I might be more mortified to this present world, that my whole soul\nmight be taken up continually in concern for the advancement of Christ\u2019s\nkingdom. Earnestly desired that God would purge me more, that I might be\nas a chosen vessel to bear his name among the Heathen.\n\n_June 28._\u2014\u201cSpent the morning in reading several parts of the holy\nscripture, and in fervent prayer for my Indians, that God would set up\nhis kingdom among them, and bring them into his church. About nine I\nwithdrew to my usual place of retirement in the woods, and there again\nenjoyed some assistance in prayer. My great concern was for the\nconversion of the heathen to God; and the Lord helped me to plead with\nhim for it. Toward noon rode up to the Indians in order to preach to\nthem; and while going my heart went up to God in prayer for them; could\nfreely tell God he knew that the cause in which I was engaged was not\nmine; but that it was his own cause, and that it would be for his own\nglory to convert the poor Indians: and blessed be God I felt no desire\nof their conversion that I might receive honor from the world as being\nthe instrument of it. Had some freedom in speaking to the Indians.\n\n_June 30._\u2014\u201cMy soul was very solemn in reading God\u2019s word, especially\nthe ninth chapter of Daniel. I saw how God had called out his servants\nto prayer, and made them wrestle with him, when he designed to bestow\nany great mercy on his church. And, alas! I was ashamed of myself to\nthink of my dullness and inactivity when there seemed to be so much to\ndo for the upbuilding of Zion. O how does Zion lie waste! I longed that\nthe church of God might be enlarged; was enabled to pray, I think, in\nfaith; my soul seemed sensibly to confide in God, and was enabled to\nwrestle with him. Afterward walked abroad to a place of sweet\nretirement; enjoyed some assistance in prayer, had a sense of my great\nneed of divine help, and felt my soul sensibly depend on God. Blessed be\nGod, this has been a comfortable week to me.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, July 1._\u2014\u201cAfter I came to them my mind was confused, and I\nfelt nothing sensibly of that sweet reliance on God with which my soul\nhas been comforted in days past. Spent the forenoon in this posture of\nmind, and preached to the Indians without any heart. In the afternoon I\nfelt still barren when I began to preach, and for about half an hour: I\nseemed to myself to know nothing, and to have nothing to say to the\nIndians; but soon after I found in myself a spirit of love, and warmth,\nand power, to address the poor Indians, and God helped me to plead with\nthem, to \u2018turn from all the vanities of the heathen to the living God;\u2019\nI am persuaded that the Lord touched their consciences; for I never saw\nsuch attention raised in them. When I came away from them, I spent the\nwhole time I was riding to my lodgings, three miles distant, in prayer\nand praise to God. After I had rode more than two miles it came into my\nmind to dedicate myself to God again, which I did with great solemnity\nand unspeakable satisfaction; especially gave up myself to him renewedly\nin the work of the ministry. This I did by divine grace, I hope, without\nany exception or reserve; not in the least shrinking back from any\ndifficulties that might attend this great and blessed work. I seemed to\nbe most free, cheerful, and full in this dedication of myself. My whole\nsoul cried, \u2018Lord, to thee I dedicate myself! O accept of me, and let me\nbe thine for ever. Lord, I desire nothing else; I desire nothing more. O\ncome, come, Lord, accept a poor worm. My heart rejoiced in my particular\nwork as a _missionary_; rejoiced in my necessity of self-denial in many\nrespects, and I still continued to give up myself to God, and to implore\nmercy of him, praying incessantly every moment with sweet fervency. My\nnature being very weak of late, and much spent, was now considerably\novercome: my fingers grew very feeble, and somewhat numb, so that I\ncould scarcely stretch them out straight, and when I lighted from my\nhorse could hardly walk; my joints seemed all to be loosed. But I felt\nabundant _strength in the inner man_. Preached to the white people; God\nhelped me much, especially in prayer. Sundry of my poor Indians were so\nmoved as to come to meeting also, and one appeared much concerned.\n\n_July 3._\u2014\u201cWas still very weak. This morning was enabled to pray under a\nfeeling sense of my need of help from God, and I trust had some faith in\nexercise; and, blessed be God, was enabled to plead with him a\nconsiderable time. Truly God is good to me. But my soul mourned, and was\ngrieved at my sinfulness and barrenness, and longed to be more engaged\nfor God. Near nine, withdrew again for prayer, and through divine\ngoodness had the blessed spirit of prayer; my soul loved the duty, and\nlonged for God in it. O it is sweet to be _the Lord\u2019s_, to be sensibly\ndevoted to him! What a blessed portion is God! How glorious, how lovely\nin himself! O my soul longed to improve time wholly for God! Spent most\nof the day in translating prayers into Indian. In the evening was\nenabled again to wrestle with God in prayer with fervency. Was enabled\nto maintain a self-diffident and watchful frame of spirit, and was\njealous, and afraid lest I should admit carelessness and\nself-confidence.\n\n_July 6._\u2014\u201cAwoke this morning in the fear of God, and spent my first\nwaking minutes in prayer for sanctification, that my soul may be washed\nfrom its exceeding pollution and defilement. After I arose I spent some\ntime in reading God\u2019s word, and in prayer. I cried to God under a sense\nof my great indigence. I am of late most of all concerned for\nministerial qualifications, and the conversion of the heathen. Last year\nI longed to be prepared for a world of glory, and speedily to depart out\nof this world; but of late all my concern almost is for the conversion\nof the heathen, and for that end I long to live. But blessed be God I\nhave less desire to live for any of the pleasures of the world than I\never had. I long and love to be a pilgrim, and want grace to imitate the\nlife, labors and sufferings of St. Paul among the heathen. And when I\nlong for holiness now, it is not so much for myself as formerly, but\nrather thereby I may become an \u2018able minister of the New Testament,\u2019\nespecially to the heathen.\n\n_July 7._\u2014\u201cWas very much disordered this morning, and my vigor all spent\nand exhausted; but was affected and refreshed in reading the sweet story\nof Elijah\u2019s translation, and enjoyed some affection and fervency in\nprayer; longed much for ministerial gifts and graces, that I might do\nsomething in the cause of God. Afterward was refreshed and invigorated\nwhile reading ALLEINE\u2019S first _Case of Conscience_, &c.\u2014was enabled then\nto pray with some ardor of soul\u2014was afraid of carelessness and\nself-confidence, and longed for holiness.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, July 8._\u2014\u201cWas ill last night\u2014not able to rest quietly. Had\nsome small degree of assistance in preaching to the Indians, and\nafterward was enabled to preach to the white people with some power,\nespecially in the close of my discourse, from Jer. 3:23. \u2018Truly in vain\nis salvation hoped for from the hills,\u2019 &c. The Lord also assisted me in\nsome measure in the first prayer; blessed be his name. Near night,\nthough very weary, was enabled to read God\u2019s word with some sweet relish\nof it, and to pray with affection, fervency, and I trust with faith; my\nsoul was more sensibly dependant on God than usual. Was watchful,\ntender, and jealous of my own heart, lest I should admit carelessness\nand vain thoughts, and grieve the blessed Spirit, so that he should\nwithdraw his sweet, kind, and tender influences. Longed to \u2018depart, and\nbe with Christ,\u2019 more than at any time of late. My soul was exceedingly\nunited to the saints of ancient times, as well as those now living;\nespecially my soul melted for the society of Elijah and Elisha. Was\nenabled to cry to God with a child-like spirit, and to continue instant\nin prayer for some time. Was much enlarged in the sweet duty of\nintercession; was enabled to remember great numbers of dear friends, and\nprecious souls, as well as Christ\u2019s ministers. Continued in this frame,\nafraid of every idle thought, till I dropped asleep.\n\n_July 21._\u2014\u201cThis morning I was greatly oppressed with guilt and shame\nfrom a sense of inward vileness and pollution. About nine withdrew to\nthe woods for prayer, but had not much comfort; I appeared to myself the\nvilest, meanest creature upon earth, and could scarcely live with\nmyself; so mean and vile I appeared, that I thought I should never be\nable to hold up my face in heaven, if God, of his infinite grace, should\nbring me thither. Toward night my burden respecting my work among the\nIndians began to increase much, and was aggravated by hearing sundry\nthings which looked very discouraging, in particular that they intended\nto meet together the next day for an idolatrous feast and dance. Then I\nbegan to be in anguish; I thought that I must in conscience go and\nendeavor to break them up, yet knew not how to attempt such a thing.\nHowever, I withdrew for prayer, hoping for strength from above. In\nprayer I was exceedingly enlarged, and my soul was as much drawn out as\nI ever remember it to have been in my life. I was in such anguish, and\npleaded with such earnestness and importunity, that when I rose from my\nknees I felt extremely weak and overcome; I could scarcely walk\nstraight; my joints were loosed; the sweat ran down my face and body,\nand nature seemed as if it would dissolve. So far as I could judge, I\nwas wholly free from selfish ends in my fervent supplications for the\npoor Indians. I knew that they were met together to worship devils, and\nnot God; and this made me cry earnestly that God would now appear and\nhelp me in my attempts to break up this idolatrous meeting. My soul\npleaded long, and I thought that God would hear, and would go with me to\nvindicate his own cause: I seemed to confide in God for his presence and\nassistance. And thus I spent the evening, praying incessantly for divine\nassistance, and that I might not be self-dependent, but still have my\nwhole dependance upon God. What I passed through was remarkable, and\nindeed inexpressible. All things here below vanished, and there appeared\nto be nothing of any considerable importance to me, but holiness of\nheart and life, and the conversion of the heathen to God. All my cares,\nfears and desires, which might be said to be of a worldly nature,\ndisappeared, and were, in my esteem, of little more importance than a\npuff of wind. I exceedingly longed that God would get to himself a name\namong the heathen; and I appealed to him with the greatest freedom, that\nhe knew I \u2018preferred him above my chief joy.\u2019 Indeed, I had no notion of\njoy from this world; I cared not where or how I lived, or what hardships\nI went through, so that I could but gain souls to Christ. I continued in\nthis frame all the evening and night. While I was asleep I dreamed of\nthese things; and when I waked, (as I frequently did,) the first thing I\nthought of was this great work of pleading for God against Satan.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, July 22._\u2014\u201cWhen I waked my soul was burdened with what\nseemed to be before me. I cried to God, before I could get out of my\nbed; and as soon as I was dressed I withdrew into the woods, to pour out\nmy burdened soul to God, especially for assistance in my great work; for\nI could scarcely think of any thing else. I enjoyed the same freedom and\nfervency as the last evening; and did with unspeakable freedom give up\nmyself afresh to God, for life or death, for all hardships to which he\nshould call me, among the heathen; and felt as if nothing could\ndiscourage me from this blessed work. I had a strong hope that God would\n\u2018bow the heavens and come down,\u2019 and do some marvellous work among the\nheathen. While I was riding to the Indians, three miles, my heart was\ncontinually going up to God for his presence and assistance; and hoping,\nand almost expecting, that God would make this the day of his power and\ngrace amongst the poor Indians. When I came to them, I found them\nengaged in their frolic; but through divine goodness I persuaded them to\ndesist and attend to my preaching: yet still there appeared nothing of\nthe special power of God among them. Preached again to them in the\nafternoon, and observed the Indians were more sober than before; but\nstill saw nothing special among them. Hence satan took occasion to tempt\nand buffet me with these cursed suggestions, There is no God, or if\nthere be, he is not able to convert the Indians, before they have more\nknowledge, &c. I was very weak and weary, and my soul borne down with\nperplexity; but was mortified to all the world, and was determined still\nto wait upon God for the conversion of the heathen, though the devil\ntempted me to the contrary.\n\n_July 24._\u2014\u201cRode about seventeen miles westward, over a hideous\nmountain, to a number of Indians. Got together near thirty of them:\npreached to them in the evening, and lodged among them. Was weak, and\nfelt in some degree disconsolate; yet could have no freedom in the\nthought of any other circumstances or business in life. All my desire\nwas the conversion of the heathen; and all my hope was in God. God does\nnot suffer me to please or comfort myself with hopes of seeing friends,\nreturning to my dear acquaintance, and enjoying worldly comforts.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, August 5._\u2014\u201cThough very weak, I visited and preached to the\npoor Indians twice, and was strengthened vastly beyond my expectations.\nIndeed the Lord gave me some freedom and fervency in addressing them;\nthough I had not strength enough to stand, but was obliged to sit down\nthe whole time. Toward night was extremely weak, faint, sick, and full\nof pain. I seem to myself like a man that has all his estate embarked in\none small boat, unhappily going adrift down a swift torrent. The poor\nowner stands on the shore, and looks, and laments his loss. But, alas!\nthough my all seems to be adrift, and I stand and see it, I dare not\nlament; for this sinks my spirits more, and aggravates my bodily\ndisorders! I am forced, therefore, to divert myself with trifles;\nalthough at the same time I am afraid, and often feel as if I was guilty\nof the misimprovement of time. And oftentimes my conscience is so\nexercised with this miserable way of spending time, that I have no\npeace; though I have no strength of mind or body to improve it to better\npurpose. O that God would pity my distressed state!\u201d\n\nThe next three weeks his illness was less severe; and he was in some\ndegree capable of business, both public and private, though he had some\nturns wherein his indisposition prevailed to a great degree. He had\ngenerally also much more inward assistance and strength of mind. He\noften expresses great longings for the enlargement of Christ\u2019s kingdom,\nespecially by the conversion of the heathen to God; and speaks of this\nhope as all his delight and joy. He continues still to express his usual\ndesires after holiness, living to God, and a sense of his own\nunworthiness. He several times speaks of his appearing to himself the\n_vilest creature on earth_; and once says, that he verily thought there\nwere none of God\u2019s children who fell so far short of that holiness, and\nperfection in their obedience, which God requires, as he. He speaks of\nhis feeling more dead than ever to the enjoyments of the world. He\nsometimes mentions the special assistance which he had at this time, in\npreaching to the Indians, and the appearances of religious concern among\nthem. He speaks also of assistance in prayer for absent friends, and\nespecially ministers and candidates for the ministry; and of much\ncomfort which he enjoyed in the company of some ministers who came to\nvisit him.\n\n_Sept. 1._\u2014\u201cWas so far strengthened, after a season of great weakness,\nthat I was able to spend two or three hours in writing on a divine\nsubject. Enjoyed some comfort and sweetness in things divine and sacred;\nand as my bodily strength was in some measure restored, so my soul\nseemed to be somewhat vigorous, and engaged in the things of God.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 2._\u2014\u201cWas enabled to speak to my poor Indians with\nmuch concern and fervency; and I am persuaded that God enabled me to\nexercise faith in him, while I was speaking to them. I perceived that\nsome of them were afraid to hearken to and embrace _Christianity_, lest\nthey should be enchanted and poisoned by some of the _powaws_: but I was\nenabled to plead with them not to fear these; and, confiding in God for\nsafety and deliverance, I bid a challenge to all these _powers of\ndarkness_, to do their worst on _me_ first. I told my people that I was\na Christian, and asked them why the powaws did not bewitch and poison\nme. I scarcely ever felt more sensible of my own unworthiness, than in\nthis action. I saw that the honor of God was concerned; and desired to\nbe preserved\u2014not from selfish views\u2014but for a testimony of the divine\npower and goodness, and of the truth of Christianity, and that God might\nbe glorified. Afterward, I found my soul rejoice in God for his\nassisting grace.\u201d\n\nAfter this, he went a journey into New-England, and was absent from the\nplace of his abode, at the Forks of Delaware, about three weeks. He was\nin a feeble state the greater part of the time. But in the latter of the\njourney he found that he gained much in health and strength.\n\n_Sept. 26._\u2014\u201cRode home to the Forks of Delaware. What reason have I to\nbless God, who has preserved me in riding more than four hundred and\ntwenty miles, and has \u2018kept all my bones, that not one of them has been\nbroken!\u2019 My health likewise is greatly recovered. O that I could\ndedicate my all to God! This is all the return I can make to him.\u201d\n\nWhen he began to preach here, he had not more than from twenty to\ntwenty-five hearers; their numbers at length increased to forty, or\nmore; and often most belonging to those parts came together to hear him\npreach. In a letter to Rev. Mr. Pemberton, he says \u201cThe _effects_ which\nthe truths of God\u2019s word have had upon some of the Indians in this\nplace, are somewhat encouraging. A number of them are brought to\nrenounce _idolatry_, and to decline partaking of those feasts which they\nused to offer in sacrifice to certain supposed unknown powers. And some\nfew among them have, for a considerable time, manifested a serious\nconcern for their soul\u2019s eternal welfare, and still continue to \u2018inquire\nthe way to Zion,\u2019 with such diligence, affection, and becoming\nsolicitude, as gives me reason to hope that \u2018God who, I trust, has begun\nthis work in them,\u2019 will carry it on, until it shall issue in their\nsaving conversion to himself. These not only detest their old idolatrous\nnotions, but strive also to bring their friends off from them. And as\nthey are seeking salvation for their own souls, so they seem desirous,\nand some of them take pains, that others might be excited to do the\nsame.\n\n\u201cThere are also many _difficulties_, that attend the christianizing of\nthese poor pagans.\n\n\u201cIn the first place, their minds are filled with _prejudices_ against\nChristianity, on account of the _vicious_ lives and _unchristian_\nbehavior of some that are called Christians. These not only set before\nthem the worst examples, but some of them take pains, expressly in\nwords, to dissuade them from becoming Christians, foreseeing that if\nthese should be converted to God, \u2018the hope of their unlawful gain\u2019\nwould thereby be lost.\n\n\u201cAgain: these poor heathens are extremely attached to the _customs,\ntraditions, and fabulous notions of their fathers_. And this one seems\nto be the foundation of all their other notions, viz. that \u2018it was not\nthe same God made them, who made the white people,\u2019 but another, who\ncommanded them to live by hunting, &c., and not to conform to the\ncustoms of the white people. Hence, when they are desired to become\nChristians, they frequently reply, that \u2018they will live as their fathers\nlived, and go to their fathers when they die.\u2019 And if the miracles of\nChrist and his apostles be mentioned to prove the truth of Christianity,\nthey also mention sundry miracles which their fathers have told them\nwere anciently wrought among the Indians, and which satan makes them\nbelieve were so. They are much attached to idolatry, frequently making\nfeasts, which they eat in honor to some _unknown_ beings, who, they\nsuppose, speak to them in _dreams_; promising them success in hunting,\nand other affairs, in case they will sacrifice to them. They oftentimes\nalso offer their sacrifices to the spirits of the dead, who, they\nsuppose, stand in need of favors from the living, and yet are in such a\nstate as that they can well reward all the offices of kindness that are\nshown them. And they impute all their calamities to the neglect of these\nsacrifices.\n\n\u201cFurthermore, they are much awed by those among themselves who are\ncalled _powaws_, who are supposed to have a power of enchanting, or\npoisoning them to death, or at least in a very distressing manner. And\nthey apprehended it would be their sad fate to be thus enchanted in case\nthey should become Christians.\n\n\u201cThe _manner of their living_ is likewise a great disadvantage to the\ndesign of their being christianized. They are almost continually roving\nfrom place to place, and it is but rare that an opportunity can be had\nwith some of them for their instruction.\u201d\n\n_Oct. 1._\u2014\u201cWas engaged in making preparations for my intended journey to\nthe Susquehanna. Withdrew several times to the woods for secret duties,\nand endeavored to plead for the divine presence to go with me to the\npoor Pagans, to whom I was going to preach the Gospel. Toward night rode\nabout four miles, and met brother Byram, who was come at my desire to be\nmy companion in travel to the Indians. I rejoiced to see him, and I\ntrust God made his conversation profitable to me. I saw him, as I\nthought, more dead to the world, its anxious cares and alluring objects,\nthan I was; and this made me look within myself, and gave me a greater\nsense of my guilt, ingratitude, and misery.\n\n_Oct. 2._\u2014\u201cSet out on my journey in company with dear brother Byram and\nmy interpreter, and two chief Indians from the Forks of Delaware.\nTraveled about twenty-five miles, and lodged in one of the last houses\non our road; after which there was nothing but a hideous and howling\n_wilderness_.\n\n_Oct. 3._\u2014\u201cWe went on our way into the wilderness, and found the most\ndifficult and dangerous traveling by far, that ever any of us had seen.\nWe had scarce any thing else but lofty mountains, deep valleys, and\nhideous rocks, to make our way through. However, I had some spiritual\nenjoyment part of the day, and my mind intensely engaged in meditation\non a divine subject. Near night my horse hung one of her legs in the\nrocks and fell down under me, but through divine goodness I was not\nhurt. However, she broke her leg; and being in such a hideous place, and\nnear thirty miles from any house, I saw nothing that could be done to\npreserve her life, and so was obliged to kill her, and to prosecute my\njourney on foot. This accident made me admire the divine goodness to me\nthat my bones were not broken, and the multitude of them filled with\nstrong pain. Just at dark we kindled a fire, cut up a few bushes, and\nmade a shelter over our heads to save us from the frost, which was very\nhard that night, and committing ourselves to God by prayer, we lay down\non the ground and slept quietly.\u201d\n\nThe next day they went forward on their journey, and at night took up\ntheir lodgings in the woods in like manner.\n\n_Oct. 5._\u2014\u201cWe reached the Susquehanna river at a place called\n_Opeholhaupung_, and found there twelve Indian houses. After I had\nsaluted the king in a friendly manner I told him my business, and that\nmy desire was to teach them _Christianity_. After some consultation the\nIndians gathered, and I preached to them. And when I had done I asked if\nthey would hear me again. They replied that they would consider of it,\nand soon after sent me word that they would immediately attend if I\nwould preach, which I did with freedom, both times. When I asked them\nagain, whether they would hear me further, they replied, they would the\nnext day. I was exceeding sensible of the impossibility of doing any\nthing for the poor Heathen without special assistance from above; and my\nsoul seemed to rest on God, and leave it to him to do as he pleased in\nthat which I saw was his own cause. Indeed, through divine goodness, I\nhad felt somewhat of this frame most of the time while I was traveling\nthither; and in some measure before I set out.\n\n_Oct. 6._\u2014\u201cRose early and besought the Lord for help in my great work.\nNear noon, preached again to the Indians; and in the afternoon visited\nthem from house to house, and invited them to come and hear me again the\nnext day, and put off their hunting design which they were just entering\nupon, till Monday \u2018This night\u2019 I trust, \u2018the Lord stood by me,\u2019 to\nencourage and strengthen my soul: I spent more than an hour in secret\nretirement; was enabled to \u2018pour out my heart before God,\u2019 for the\nincrease of grace in my soul, for ministerial endowments, for success\namong the poor Indians, for God\u2019s ministers and people, for distant dear\nfriends, &c. Blessed be God!\n\n_Oct. 8._\u2014\u201cVisited the Indians with a design to take my leave of them,\nsupposing they would this morning go out to hunting early; but beyond my\nexpectation and hope, they desired to hear me preach again. I gladly\ncomplied with their request, and afterward endeavored to answer their\n_objections_ against Christianity.\n\n_Oct. 9._\u2014\u201cWe rose about four in the morning, and commending ourselves\nto God by prayer, and asking his special protection, set out on our\njourney homeward about five, and traveled with great steadiness till\npast six at night; and then made us a fire and a shelter of bark, and so\nrested. I had some clear and comfortable thoughts on a divine subject,\nby the way, toward night. In the night, the wolves howled around us; but\nGod preserved us.\u201d\n\nThe next day they rose early, and at night came to an Irish settlement,\nwith which Brainerd was acquainted, and lodged there. On the following\nday both he and Mr. Byram preached to the people.\n\n_Oct. 12._\u2014\u201cRode home to my lodgings; where I poured out my soul to God\nin secret prayer, and endeavored to bless him for his abundant goodness\nto me in my late journey. I scarcely ever enjoyed more health, at least\nof later years; and God marvellously and almost miraculously, supported\nme under the fatigues of the way, and traveling on foot. Blessed be the\nLord, who continually preserves me.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Oct. 14._\u2014\u201cI went to the place of public worship, lifting\nup my heart to God for assistance and grace, in my great work; and God\nwas gracious to me; helping me to plead with him for holiness, and to\nuse the strongest arguments with him, drawn from the incarnation and\nsufferings of Christ, for this very end, that men might be made holy.\nAfterward, I was much assisted in preaching. I know not that ever God\nhelped me to preach in a more close and distinguishing manner for the\ntrial of men\u2019s state. Through the infinite goodness of God, I felt what\nI spoke; and he enabled me to treat on divine truth with uncommon\nclearness.\n\n_Oct. 24._\u2014\u201cNear noon, rode to my people; spent some time, and prayed\nwith them; felt the frame of a _pilgrim_ on earth; longed much to leave\nthis gloomy mansion; but yet found the exercise of patience and\nresignation. And as I returned home from the Indians, spent the whole\ntime in lifting up my heart to God. In the evening enjoyed a blessed\nseason alone in prayer; was enabled to cry to God with a child-like\nspirit, for the space of near an hour; enjoyed a sweet freedom in\nsupplicating for myself, for dear friends, ministers, and some who are\npreparing for that work, and for the church of God; and longed to be as\nlively myself in God\u2019s service as the angels.\n\n_Oct. 26._\u2014\u201cIn the morning my soul was melted with a sense of divine\ngoodness and mercy to such a vile unworthy worm. I delighted to lean\nupon God, and place my whole trust in him. My soul was exceedingly\ngrieved for sin, and prized and longed after holiness; it wounded my\nheart deeply, yet sweetly, to think how I had abused a kind God. I\nlonged to be perfectly holy that I might not grieve a gracious God; who\nwill continue to love notwithstanding his love is abused! I longed for\nholiness more for this end than I did for my own happiness\u2019 sake; and\nyet this was my greatest happiness, never more to dishonor, but always\nto glorify the blessed God.\n\n_Oct. 31._\u2014\u201cWas sensible of my barrenness and decays in the things of\nGod: my soul failed when I remembered the fervency which I had enjoyed\nat the throne of grace. O, I thought, if I could but be spiritual, warm,\nheavenly minded, and affectionately breathing after God, this would be\nbetter than life to me! My soul longed exceedingly for death, to be\nloosed from this dullness and barrenness, and made for ever active in\nthe service of God. I seemed to live for nothing, and to do no good: and\nO the burden of such a life! O death, death, my kind friend, hasten and\ndeliver me from dull mortality, and make me spiritual and vigorous to\neternity!\u201d\n\n_Nov. 5._\u2014He set out on a journey to New-York, and was from home more\nthan a fortnight. He was exposed to cold and storms, became greatly\nfatigued, and when he returned from New-York to New-Jersey was taken\nill, and detained some time.\n\n_Nov. 21._\u2014\u201cRode from Newark to Rockciticus in the cold, and was almost\novercome with it. Enjoyed some sweetness in conversation with dear Mr.\nJones, while I dined with him. My soul loves the people of God, and\nespecially the ministers of Jesus Christ who feel the same trials that I\ndo.\n\n_Nov. 22._\u2014\u201cCame on my way from Rockciticus to the Delaware. Was very\nmuch disordered with a cold and pain in my head. About six at night I\nlost my way in the wilderness, and wandered over rocks and mountains,\ndown hideous steeps, through swamps and most dreadful and dangerous\nplaces; and the night being dark, so that few stars could be seen, I was\ngreatly exposed. I was much pinched with cold, and distressed with pain\nin my head, attended with sickness at my stomach; so that every step I\ntook was distressing to me. I had little hope, for several hours\ntogether, but that I must lie out in the woods all night in this\ndistressed case. But about nine o\u2019clock I found a house, through the\nabundant goodness of God, and was kindly entertained. Thus I have\nfrequently been exposed, and sometimes lain out the whole night: but God\nhas hitherto preserved me; and blessed be his name. Such fatigues and\nhardships as these serve to wean me from the earth; and I trust will\nmake heaven the sweeter. Formerly, when I was thus exposed to cold,\nrain, &c. I was ready to please myself with the thoughts of enjoying a\ncomfortable house, a warm fire, and other outward comforts; but now\nthese have less place in my heart, (through the grace of God,) and my\neye is more to God for comfort. In this world I expect tribulation; and\nit does not now, as formerly, appear strange to me. I do not in such\nseasons of difficulty flatter myself that it will be better hereafter;\nbut rather think _how much worse it might be_; how much greater trials\n_others_ of God\u2019s children have endured; and how much greater are yet\n_perhaps reserved for me_. Blessed be God, that he makes the thoughts of\nmy journey\u2019s end, and of my dissolution a great comfort to me under my\nsharpest trials; and scarce ever lets these thoughts be attended with\nterror or melancholy; but they are attended frequently with great joy.\n\n_Nov. 23._\u2014\u201cVisited a sick man; discoursed and prayed with him. Then\nvisited another house, where was one dead and laid out; looked on the\ncorpse, and longed that my time might come to _depart_ and be _with\nChrist_. Then went home to my lodgings about one o\u2019clock. Felt poorly;\nbut was able to read most of the afternoon.\u201d\n\nWithin the space of the next twelve days he spent much time in hard\nlabor, with others, to make for himself a little cottage or hut, to live\nin by himself through the winter. Yet he frequently preached to the\nIndians, and speaks of special assistance which he had from time to\ntime, in addressing himself to them; and of his sometimes having\nconsiderable encouragement from the attention which they gave. But on\nTuesday, December 4, he was sunk into great discouragement, to see most\nof them going in company to an idolatrous _feast_ and _dance_, after he\nhad taken abundant pains to dissuade them from these things.\n\n_Dec. 6._\u2014\u201cHaving now a happy opportunity of being retired in a house of\nmy own, which I have lately procured and moved into; considering that it\nis now a long time since I have been able, either on account of bodily\nweakness or for want of retirement, or some other difficulty, to spend\nany time in secret fasting and prayer; considering also the greatness of\nmy work, the extreme difficulties that attend it, and that my poor\nIndians are now _worshipping devils_, notwithstanding all the pains I\nhave taken with them, which almost overwhelms my spirit; moreover,\nconsidering my extreme barrenness, spiritual deadness and dejection, of\nlate; as also the power of some particular corruptions; I set apart this\nday for secret prayer and fasting, to implore the blessing of God on\nmyself, on my poor people, on my friends, and on the church of God. At\nfirst I felt a great backwardness to the duties of the day on account of\nthe seeming impossibility of performing them: but the Lord helped me to\nbreak through this difficulty. God was pleased, by the use of means, to\ngive me some clear conviction of my sinfulness, and a discovery of _the\nplague of my own heart_, more affecting than what I have of late had.\nAnd especially I saw my sinfulness in this, that when God had withdrawn\nhimself, then, instead of living and dying in pursuit of him, I have\nbeen disposed to one of these two things: either to yield an unbecoming\nrespect to some _earthly_ objects, as if happiness were to be derived\nfrom them; or to be secretly froward and impatient, and unsuitably\n_desirous of death_, so that I have sometimes thought I could not bear\nto think that my life must be lengthened out. That which often drove me\nto this impatient desire of death, was a despair of doing any good in\nlife: and I chose death rather than a life spent for nothing. But now\nGod made me sensible of my sin in these things, and enabled me to cry to\nhim for forgiveness. Yet this was not all I wanted, for my soul appeared\nexceedingly polluted, my heart seemed like a nest of vipers, or a cage\nof unclean and hateful birds; and therefore I wanted to be purified \u2018by\nthe blood of sprinkling, that cleanseth from all sin.\u2019 This, I hope, I\nwas enabled to pray for in faith. I enjoyed much more intenseness,\nfervency, and spirituality, than I expected; God was better to me than\nmy fears. Toward night, I felt my soul rejoice, that God is unchangeably\nhappy and glorious; and that he will be glorified, whatever becomes of\nhis creatures. I was enabled to persevere in prayer until sometime in\nthe evening; at which time I saw so much need of divine help, in every\nrespect, that I knew not how to leave off, and had forgot that I needed\nfood. Blessed be the Lord for any help in the past day.\n\n_Dec. 7._\u2014\u201cSpent some time in prayer, in the morning; enjoyed some\nfreedom and affection in the duty, and had longing desires of being made\n\u2018faithful to the death.\u2019 Spent a little time in writing on a divine\nsubject; then visited the Indians, and preached to them; but I had no\nheart to speak to them, and could not do it, but as I forced myself: I\nknew they must hate to hear me, as having but just got home from their\nidolatrous feast and devil-worship. In the evening, had some freedom in\nprayer and meditation.\n\n_Dec. 12._\u2014\u201cWas very weak; but somewhat assisted in secret prayer, and\nenabled with pleasure and sweetness to cry, \u2018Come, Lord Jesus! come,\nLord Jesus! come quickly.\u2019 My soul \u2018longed for God, for the living God.\u2019\nO how delightful it is to pray under such sweet influences! O how much\nbetter is this than one\u2019s necessary food! I had at this time no\ndisposition to eat, (though late in the morning,) for earthly food\nappeared wholly tasteless. O how much \u2018better is thy love than wine,\u2019\nthan the sweetest wine!\u2014I visited and preached to the Indians in the\nafternoon; but under much dejection. Found my _Interpreter_ under some\nconcern for his soul; which was some comfort to me; and yet filled me\nwith new care. I longed greatly for his conversion; lifted up my heart\nto God for it, while I was talking to him; came home, and poured out my\nsoul to God for him; enjoyed some freedom in prayer, and was enabled, I\nthink, to leave all with God.\n\n_Dec. 18._\u2014\u201cWent to the Indians, and discoursed to them near an hour,\nwithout any power to come close to their hearts. But at last I felt some\nfervency, and God helped me to speak with warmth. My _Interpreter_ also\nwas amazingly assisted; and presently most of the grown persons were\nmuch affected, and the tears ran down their cheeks. One old man, I\nsuppose an hundred years old, was so much affected that he wept, and\nseemed convinced of the importance of what I taught them. I staid with\nthem a considerable time, exhorting and directing them; and came away,\nlifting up my heart to God in prayer and praise, and encouraged and\nexhorted my _Interpreter_ to \u2018strive to enter in at the strait gate.\u2019\nCame home, and spent most of the evening in prayer and thanksgiving; and\nfound myself much enlarged and quickened. Was greatly concerned that the\nLord\u2019s work, which seemed to be begun, might be carried on with power,\nto the conversion of poor souls, and the glory of divine grace.\n\n_Dec. 19._\u2014\u201cSpent a great part of the day in prayer to God for the\noutpouring of his Spirit on my poor people; as also to bless his name\nfor awakening my _Interpreter_ and some others, and giving us some\ntokens of his presence yesterday. And blessed be God, I had much\nfreedom, five or six times in the day, in prayer and praise, and felt a\nweighty concern upon my spirit for the salvation of those precious\nsouls, and the enlargement of the Redeemer\u2019s kingdom among them. My soul\nhoped in God for some success in my ministry: blessed be his name for so\nmuch hope.\n\n_Dec. 21._\u2014\u201cWas enabled again to pray with freedom, cheerfulness, and\nhope. God was pleased to make the duty comfortable and pleasant to me;\nso that I delighted to persevere, and repeatedly to engage in it. Toward\nnoon visited my people, and spent the whole time in the way to them in\nprayer, longing to see _the power of God_ among them, as there appeared\nsomething of it the last Tuesday; and I found it sweet to rest and hope\nin God. Preached to them twice, and at two distinct places: had\nconsiderable freedom each time, and so had my _Interpreter_. Several of\nthem followed me from one place to the other; and I thought there was\nsome divine influence discernible among them. In the evening was\nassisted in prayer again. Blessed be the Lord.\n\n_Dec. 25._\u2014\u201cEnjoyed very little quiet sleep last night, by reason of\nbodily weakness, and the closeness of my studies yesterday; yet my heart\nwas somewhat lively in prayer and praise. I was delighted with the\ndivine glory and happiness, and rejoiced that God was God, and that he\nwas unchangeably possessed of glory and blessedness. Though God _held my\neyes waking_, yet he helped me to improve my time profitably amidst my\npains and weakness, in continued meditations on Luke, 13:7. \u2018Behold,\nthese three years I come seeking fruit.\u2019 &c. My meditations were sweet;\nand I wanted to set before sinners their sin and danger.\u201d\n\nHe continued in a very low state, as to his bodily health, for some\ndays, which seems to have been a great hindrance to him in his religious\nexercises and pursuits. But yet he expresses some degree of divine\nassistance, from day to day, through the remainder of this week. He\npreached several times this week to his Indians; and there appeared\nstill some concern among them for their souls.\n\n_Jan. 9, 1745._\u2014\u201cIn the morning God was pleased to remove that gloom\nwhich has of late oppressed my mind, and gave me freedom and sweetness\nin prayer; I was encouraged, strengthened, and enabled to plead for\ngrace myself, and mercy for my poor Indians; and was sweetly assisted in\nmy intercessions with God for others. Blessed be his holy name for ever\nand ever. Amen, and Amen. Those things that of late have appeared most\ndifficult and almost impossible, now appeared not only possible, but\neasy. My soul so much delighted to continue instant in prayer, at this\nblessed season, that I had no desire for my necessary food: I even\ndreaded leaving off praying at all, lest I should lose this\nspirituality, and this blessed thankfulness to God which I then felt. I\nfelt now quite willing to live, and undergo all trials that might remain\nfor me in a world of sorrow; but still longed for heaven, that I might\nglorify God in a perfect manner. \u2018O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.\u2019\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Feb. 3._\u2014\u201cIn the morning I was somewhat relieved of that\ngloom and confusion with which my mind has of late been greatly\nexercised; and was enabled to pray with some composure and comfort.\nStill I went to my Indians trembling; but God was pleased to hear my\ncries, and to afford me great assistance; so that I felt peace in my own\nsoul; and was satisfied, that if not one of the Indians should be\nprofited by my preaching, but they should all be damned, yet I should be\naccepted and rewarded as faithful; for I am persuaded, God enabled me to\nbe so. Had some good degree of help afterward at another place; and much\nlonged for the conversion of the poor Indians.\u201d\n\nOn the next Sabbath he preached at Greenwich, in New-Jersey. In the\nevening he rode eight miles to visit a sick man at the point of death,\nand found him speechless and senseless.\n\n_Feb. 11._\u2014\u201cAbout the break of day the sick man died. I was affected at\nthe sight; spent the morning with the mourners; and after prayer and\nsome discourse with them, returned to Greenwich, and preached again from\nPsalm 89:15. The Lord gave me some assistance; I felt a sweet love to\nsouls and to the kingdom of Christ; and longed that poor sinners might\n\u2018know the joyful sound.\u2019 Several persons were much affected. After\nmeeting, I was enabled to discourse, with freedom and concern, to some\npersons who applied to me under spiritual trouble. Left the place,\nsweetly composed, and rode home to my house about eight miles distant.\nDiscoursed to friends, and inculcated divine truths upon some. In the\nevening was in the most solemn frame which I almost ever remember to\nhave experienced. I know not that ever death appeared more real to me,\nor that ever I saw myself in the condition of a dead corpse, laid out,\nand dressed for a lodging in the silent grave, so evidently as at this\ntime. And yet I felt exceedingly tranquil; my mind was composed and\ncalm, and _death_ appeared _without a sting_. I think I never felt such\nan universal mortification to all created objects as now. O, how great\nand solemn a thing it appeared to die! O, how it lays the greatest honor\nin the dust! And O, how vain and trifling did the riches, honors, and\npleasures of the world appear! I could not, I dare not so much as think\nof any of them; for _death_, _death_ appeared at the door. O, I could\nsee myself dead, and laid out, and inclosed in my coffin, and put down\ninto the cold grave, with the greatest solemnity, but without terror! I\nspent most of the evening in conversing with a dear Christian friend.\nBlessed be God for the comforts of the past day.\n\n_Feb. 15._\u2014\u201cWas engaged in writing almost the whole day. In the evening\nwas much assisted in meditating on that precious text, John, 7:37.\n\u2018Jesus stood and cried,\u2019 &c. I had then a sweet sense of the free grace\nof the gospel; my soul was encouraged, warmed, and quickened. My desires\nwere drawn out after God in prayer; and my soul was watchful, afraid of\nlosing such a guest as I then entertained. I continued long in prayer\nand meditation, intermixing one with the other; and was unwilling to be\ndiverted by any thing at all from so sweet an exercise. I longed to\nproclaim the grace I then meditated upon, to the world of sinners. O how\n_quick_ and _powerful_ is the _word_ of the blessed God.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Feb. 17._\u2014\u201cPreached to the _white_ people [my _interpreter_\nbeing absent,] in the wilderness, upon the sunny side of a hill; had a\nconsiderable assembly, consisting of people who lived, at least many of\nthem, not less than thirty miles asunder; some of them came near twenty\nmiles. I discoursed to them all day, from John, 7:37. \u2018Jesus stood and\ncried, saying, that if any man thirst,\u2019 &c. In the afternoon, it pleased\nGod to grant me great freedom and fervency in my discourse and I was\nenabled to imitate the example of Christ in the text, who _stood and\ncried_. I think I was scarce ever enabled to exhibit the free grace of\nGod to perishing sinners with more freedom and plainness in my life.\nAfterward, I was enabled earnestly to invite the children of God to come\nrenewedly, and drink of this fountain of the water of life, from whence\nthey have heretofore derived unspeakable satisfaction. It was a very\ncomfortable time to me. There were many tears in the assembly; and I\ndoubt not but that the Spirit of God was there, convincing poor sinners\nof their need of Christ. In the evening I felt composed and comfortable,\nthough much tired. I had some sweet sense of the excellency and glory of\nGod; my soul rejoiced that he was \u2018God over all, blessed for ever;\u2019 but\nwas too much crowded with company and conversation, and longed to be\nmore alone with God. O that I could for ever bless God for the mercy of\nthis day, who \u2018answered me in the joy of my heart.\u2019\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Feb. 24._\u2014\u201cIn the morning was much perplexed. My\n_interpreter_ being absent, I knew not how to perform my work among the\nIndians. However, I rode to them, got a Dutchman to interpret for me,\nthough he was but poorly qualified for the business. Afterward I came\nand preached to a few white people, from John, 6:67. Here the Lord\nseemed to unburden me in some measure, especially toward the close of my\ndiscourse: I felt freedom to open the _love of Christ_ to his own dear\n_disciples_. When the rest of the world forsake him, and are forsaken by\nhim, he then turns to his own, and says, _Will ye also go away?_ I had a\nsense of the free grace of Christ to his own people, in such seasons of\ngeneral apostacy, and when they themselves in some measure backslide\nwith the world. O the free grace of Christ, that he seasonably reminds\nhis people of their danger of _backsliding_, and invites them to\npersevere in their adherence to himself! I saw that backsliding souls,\nwho seemed to be about to go away with the world, might return, and be\nwelcome, to him immediately; without any thing to recommend them;\nnotwithstanding all their former backslidings. Thus my discourse was\nsuited to my own soul\u2019s case; for of late, I have found a great want of\nthis sense and apprehension of divine grace; and have often been greatly\ndistressed in my own soul, because I did not suitably apprehend this\nfountain opened to purge away sin; and have been too much laboring for\nspiritual life, peace of conscience, and progressive holiness, in my own\nstrength. Now God showed me, in some measure, _the arm_ of all strength,\nand _the fountain_ of all grace. In the evening, I felt solemn, resting\non free grace for assistance, acceptance, and peace of conscience.\n\n_March 6._\u2014\u201cSpent most of the day in preparing for a journey to\nNew-England; and sometime in prayer with a special reference to it. Was\nafraid I should forsake the Fountain of living waters, and attempt to\nderive satisfaction from _broken cisterns_, my dear friends and\nacquaintance, whom I might meet in my journey. I looked to God to keep\nme from this _vanity_ as well as others. Toward night, and in the\nevening, was visited by some friends, some of whom I trust were real\nChristians; who discovered an affectionate regard to me, and seemed\ngrieved that I was about to leave them; especially as I did not expect\nto make any considerable stay among them, if I should live to return.[F]\nO how kind has God been to me! how he has raised up friends in every\nplace where his providence has called me! Friends are a great comfort;\nand it is God who gives them; it is He who makes them friendly to me.\n\u2018Bless the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits.\u2019\u201d\n\nFootnote F:\n\n  It seems by what afterward appears, that he had a design to remove and\n  live among the Indians on the Susquehanna river.\n\nThe next day he set out on his journey; and it was about five weeks\nbefore he returned. The special design of this journey, he himself\ndeclares afterward, in his diary for March 21, where, speaking of his\nconversing with a certain minister in New-England, he says, \u201cContrived\nwith him how to raise some money among Christian friends, in order to\nsupport a colleague with me in the wilderness, (I having now spent two\nyears in a very solitary manner,) that we might be together: as Christ\nsent out his disciples two and two; and as this was the principal\nconcern I had in view, in taking this journey, so I took pains in it,\nand hope God will succeed it, if for his glory.\u201d He first went into\nvarious parts of New-Jersey, and visited several ministers there; then\nwent to New-York; and from thence into New-England, going to various\nparts of Connecticut. He then returned to New-Jersey, and met a number\nof ministers at Woodbridge, \u201cwho,\u201d he says \u201cmet there to consult about\nthe affairs of Christ\u2019s kingdom.\u201d He seems, for the most part, to have\nbeen free from melancholy in this journey; and many times to have had\nextraordinary assistance in public ministrations, and his preaching was\nsometimes attended with very hopeful appearances of a good effect on the\nauditory. He also had many seasons of special comfort and spiritual\nrefreshment, in conversation with ministers and other Christian friends,\nand also in meditation and prayer when alone.\n\n_April 13._\u2014\u201cRode home to my own house at the Forks of Delaware; was\nenabled to remember the goodness of the Lord, who has now preserved me\nwhile riding full six hundred miles in this journey; and kept me that\nnone of my bones have been broken. Blessed be the Lord, who has\npreserved me in this tedious journey, and returned me in safety to my\nown house. Verily it is God who has upheld me, and guarded my goings.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, April 14._\u2014\u201cWas disordered in body with the fatigues of the\nlate journey; but was enabled however to preach to a considerable\nassembly of white people, gathered from all parts round about, with some\nfreedom, from Ezek. 33:11. \u2018As I live saith the Lord,\u2019 &c. Had much more\nassistance than I expected.\u201d\n\nThis week he went a journey to Philadelphia, in order to engage the\nGovernor to use his interest with the chief of the Six Nations, with\nwhom he maintained a strict friendship, that he would give him leave to\nlive at Susquehanna, and instruct the Indians who are within their\nterritories.\n\n_April 26._\u2014\u201cConversed with a Christian friend with some warmth; and\nfelt a spirit of mortification to the world, in a very great degree.\nAfterward, was enabled to pray fervently, and to rely on God sweetly,\nfor \u2018all things pertaining to life and godliness.\u2019 Just in the evening,\nwas visited by a dear Christian friend, with whom I spent an hour or two\nin conversation, on the very soul of religion. There are many with whom\nI can talk _about religion_; but alas! I find few with whom I can talk\n_religion itself_; but, blessed be the Lord there are some that love to\nfeed on the kernel, rather than the shell.\n\n_April 30._\u2014\u201cWas scarce able to walk about, and was obliged to betake\nmyself to bed much of the day; and passed away the time in a very\nsolitary manner; being neither able to read, meditate, nor pray, and had\nnone to converse with in this wilderness. O how heavily does time pass\naway when I can do nothing to any good purpose; but seem obliged to\ntrifle away precious time! But of late I have seen it my duty to\n_divert_ myself by all lawful means, that I may be fit, at least some\nsmall part of my time, to labor for God. And here is the difference\nbetween my present diversions, and those I once pursued, when in a\nnatural state. Then I made a God of my diversions, delighted in them\nwith a neglect of God, and drew my highest satisfaction from them. Now I\nuse them as means to help me in living to God; fixedly delighting in\n_him_, and not in them, drawing my highest satisfaction from _him_. Then\nthey were my _all_; now they are only _means_ leading to my all. And\nthose things that are the greatest diversion, when pursued with this\nview, do not tend to hinder, but promote my spirituality; and I see now,\nmore than ever, that they are absolutely necessary.\n\n_May 2._\u2014\u201cIn the evening, being a little better in health, I walked into\nthe woods, and enjoyed a sweet season of meditation and prayer. My\nthoughts ran upon Psalm 17:15. \u2018I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with\nthy likeness.\u2019 And it was indeed a precious text to me. I longed to\npreach to the whole world; and it seemed to me they must needs all be\nmelted in hearing such precious divine truths as I then had a view of.\nMy thoughts were exceeding clear, and my soul was refreshed. Blessed be\nthe Lord, that in my late and present weakness, now for many days\ntogether, my mind is not gloomy, as at some other times.\n\n_May 7._\u2014\u201cSpent the day mainly in making preparation for a journey into\nthe wilderness. Was still weak, and concerned how I should perform so\ndifficult a journey; but wanted bodily strength to spend the day in\nfasting and prayer.\u201d\n\nThe next day he set out on his journey to the Susquehanna, with his\ninterpreter. He endured great hardships and fatigues in his way thither\nthrough the wilderness; where, after having lodged one night in the open\nwoods, he was overtaken with a north-easterly storm, in which he was\nready to perish. Having no manner of shelter, and not being able to make\na fire in so great a rain, he could have no comfort if he stopped; he\ntherefore determined to go forward in hope of meeting with some shelter,\nwithout which he thought it impossible to live the night through; but\ntheir horses happening to eat poison, for the want of other food, at a\nplace where they lodged the night before, were so sick that they could\nneither ride nor lead them, but were obliged to drive them and travel on\nfoot; until, through the mercy of God, just at dusk they came to a bark\nhut, where they lodged that night. After he came to the Susquehanna he\ntraveled about a hundred miles on the river, and visited many towns and\nsettlements of the Indians; saw some of seven or eight tribes, and\npreached to different nations, by different interpreters. He was\nsometimes much discouraged, and sunk in his spirits, through the\nopposition which appeared in the Indians to Christianity. At other times\nhe was encouraged by the disposition which some of these people\nmanifested to hear, and their willingness to be instructed. He here met\nwith some who had formerly been his hearers at Kaunaumeek, and had\nremoved hither; who saw and heard him again with great joy. He spent a\nfortnight among the Indians on this river, and passed through many\nlabors and hardships, lodging on the ground for several weeks, and\nsometimes in the open air. At length he became extremely ill, as he was\nriding in the wilderness, being seized with an ague, followed with a\nburning fever and extreme pains in his head and bowels, attended with a\ngreat evacuation of blood; so that he thought he must have perished in\nthe wilderness. But at last coming to an Indian trader\u2019s hut, he got\nleave to stay there; and though without physic or food proper for him,\nit pleased God, after about a week\u2019s distress, to relieve him so far\nthat he was able to ride. He returned homeward from _Juncauta_, an\nisland far down the river, where were a considerable number of Indians,\nwho appeared more free from prejudices against Christianity than most of\nthe other Indians; and arrived at the Forks of Delaware on Thursday, May\n30, after having rode in this journey about three hundred and forty\nmiles. He came home in a very week state, and under dejection of mind;\nwhich was a great hindrance to him in religious exercises. However, on\nthe Sabbath, after having preached to the Indians, he preached to the\nwhite people with some success, from Isaiah, 53:10. \u201cYet it pleased the\nLord to bruise him,\u201d &c. some being awakened by his preaching. The next\nday he was much exercised for want of spiritual life and fervency.\n\n_June 5._\u2014\u201cFelt thirsting desires after God, in the morning. In the\nevening, enjoyed a precious season of retirement: was favored with some\nclear and sweet meditations upon a sacred text; divine things opened\nwith clearness and certainty, and had a divine stamp upon them. My soul\nwas also enlarged and refreshed in prayer; I delighted to continue in\nthe duty; and was sweetly assisted in praying for my fellow Christians,\nand dear brethren in the ministry. Blessed be the dear Lord for such\nenjoyments. O how sweet and precious it is to have a clear apprehension\nand tender sense of the _mystery of godliness_, of true holiness, and of\nlikeness to the best of beings! O what a blessedness it is to be as much\nlike God as it is possible for a creature to be like his great Creator!\nLord give me more of _thy likeness_; \u2018I shall be satisfied, when I\nawake, with it.\u2019\u201d\n\n_On Friday, June 7_, he went a journey of near fifty miles, to\nNeshaminy, to assist at a sacramental occasion, to be attended at Mr.\nBeatty\u2019s meeting-house; being invited thither by him and his people.\n\n_June 8._\u2014\u201cWas exceedingly weak and fatigued with riding in the heat\nyesterday; but being desired, I preached in the afternoon, to a crowded\naudience, from Isaiah, 40:1. \u2018Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith\nyour God.\u2019 God was pleased to give me great freedom, in opening the\nsorrows of his people, and in setting before them comforting\nconsiderations. And, blessed be the Lord, it was a sweet melting season\nin the assembly.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, June 9._\u2014\u201cFelt some longing desires of the presence of God\nto be with his people on the solemn occasion of the day. In the forenoon\nMr. Beatty preached; and there appeared some warmth in the assembly.\nAfterward, I assisted in the administration of the Lord\u2019s supper: and\ntoward the close of it, I discoursed to the multitude extempore, with\nsome reference to that sacred passage, Isaiah, 53:10. \u2018Yet it pleased\nthe Lord to bruise him.\u2019 Here God gave me great assistance in addressing\nsinners: and the word was attended with amazing power: many scores, if\nnot hundreds, in that great assembly, consisting of three or four\nthousand, were much affected; so that there was a \u2018very great mourning,\nlike the mourning of Hadadrimmon.\u2019\n\n_June 10._\u2014\u201cPreached with a good degree of clearness and some sweet\nwarmth from Psalm 17:15. \u2018I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy\nlikeness.\u2019 And blessed be God, there was a great solemnity, and\nattention in the assembly, and sweet refreshment among God\u2019s people; as\nwas evident then and afterward.\n\n_June 11._\u2014\u201cSpent the day mainly in conversation with dear Christian\nfriends; and enjoyed some sweet sense of divine things. O how desirable\nit is to keep company with God\u2019s dear children! \u2018These are the excellent\nones of the earth,\u2019 in whom, I can truly say \u2018is all my delight.\u2019 O what\ndelight will it afford, to meet them all in a state of perfection! Lord\nprepare me for that state.\n\n_June 18._\u2014\u201cSet out from New-Brunswick with a design to visit some\nIndians at a place called _Crossweeksung_, in New-Jersey, toward the\nsea. In the afternoon, came to a place called _Cranberry_, and meeting\nwith a serious minister, Mr. Macknight, I lodged there with him. Had\nsome enlargement and freedom in prayer with a number of people.\u201d\n\n[Illustration: View of the Creek and Village of Crosswicks, New Jersey,\nJuly, 1833.]\n\n\n\n\n                              CHAPTER VII.\n\n_Being part 1st of his public journal of \u201cthe Rise and Progress of a\n    remarkable work of grace among the Indians in New-Jersey and\n    Pennsylvania, kept by order of the Society in Scotland for\n    propagating Christian knowledge.\u201d\u2014Commencement of his labors at\n    Crossweeksung.\u2014Renewal of labor at the Forks of Delaware.\u2014Conversion\n    of his Interpreter.\u2014Return to Crossweeksung.\u2014Outpouring of the\n    spirit.\u2014Visit to the Forks of Delaware and the Susquehanna.\u2014A\n    Powaw.\u2014A Conjurer.\u2014Renewal of labor at Crossweeksung.\u2014Remarks on the\n    works of Divine Grace._\n\n\n                         June 19.\u2014Nov. 5, 1745.\n\n[We are now come to that part of Brainerd\u2019s Life, when he had the\ngreatest success in his labors for the good of souls, and in his\nparticular business as a missionary to the Indians. After all his\nagonizing in prayer, and travailing in birth for their conversion\u2014his\nraised hopes and expectations, disappointments and encouragements; after\npanting in a way of persevering prayer, labor, and suffering, as it were\nthrough a long night; at length the day dawns: \u201cWeeping continues for a\nnight, but joy comes in the morning.\u201d He went forth weeping, \u201cbearing\nprecious seed,\u201d but now he comes \u201cwith rejoicing, bringing his sheaves\nwith him.\u201d The desired event is brought to pass at last; but at a time,\nin a place, and upon subjects, that scarce ever entered his heart.]\n\n            \u201c_Crossweeksung, in New-Jersey, June 17, 1745._\n\n_June 19._\u2014\u201cI had spent most of my time for more than a year past among\nthe Indians at the Forks of Delaware, in Pennsylvania. During that time\nI made two journies to the Susquehanna, to treat with the Indians on\nthat river respecting Christianity; and not having had any considerable\nappearance of special success in either of those places, my spirits were\ndepressed, and I was not a little discouraged. Hearing that there were a\nnumber of Indians at a place called _Crossweeksung_, in New-Jersey,\nnearly eighty miles south east from the Forks of Delaware, I determined\nto make them a visit, and see what might be done toward christianizing\nthem; and accordingly arrived among them this day.\n\n\u201cI found very few persons at the place I visited, and perceived that the\nIndians in these parts were very much scattered. There were not more\nthan two or three families in a place; and these small settlements were\nsix, ten, fifteen, twenty, or thirty miles, and some more from that\nplace. However, I preached to those few I found; who appeared well\ndisposed, serious and attentive, and not inclined to cavil and object,\nas the Indians had done elsewhere. When I had concluded my discourse, I\ninformed them (there being none but a few women and children) that I\nwould willingly visit them again the next day. Whereupon they readily\nset out and traveled ten or fifteen miles, in order to give notice to\nsome of their friends at that distance. These women, like the woman of\nSamaria, seemed desirous that others should see the man who had told\nthem what they had done in their past lives, and the misery that\nattended their idolatrous ways.\n\n_June 20._\u2014\u201cVisited and preached to the Indians again as I proposed.\nNumbers were gathered at the invitations of their friends, who had heard\nme the day before. These also appeared as attentive, orderly and well\ndisposed, as the others: and none made any objections, as Indians in\nother places have usually done.\n\n_June 22._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians again. Their number, which at first\nconsisted of seven or eight persons, was now increased to nearly thirty.\nThere was not only a solemn attention among them, but some considerable\nimpression, it was apparent, was made upon their minds by divine truth.\nSome began to feel their misery, and perishing state, and appeared\nconcerned for a deliverance from it.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, June 23._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians, and spent the day with\nthem. Their number still increased; and all with one consent, seemed to\nrejoice in my coming among them. Not a word of opposition was heard from\nany of them against Christianity, although in times past they had been\nas much opposed to any thing of that nature as any Indians whatsoever.\nSome of them, not many months before, were enraged with my Interpreter\nbecause he attempted to teach them something of Christianity.\n\n_June 24._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians at their desire and upon their own\nmotion. To see poor Pagans desirous of hearing the gospel of Christ,\nanimated me to discourse to them; although I was now very weak, and my\nspirits much exhausted. They attended with the greatest seriousness and\ndiligence; and some concern for their soul\u2019s salvation was apparent\namong them.\n\n_June 27._\u2014\u201cVisited and preached to the Indians again. Their number now\namounted to about forty persons. Their solemnity and attention still\ncontinued, and a considerable concern for their souls became very\napparent among numbers of them.\n\n_June 28._\u2014\u201cThe Indians being now gathered, a considerable number of\nthem, from their several and distant habitations, requested me to preach\ntwice a day to them; being desirous to hear as much as they possibly\ncould while I was with them. I cheerfully complied with their request,\nand could not but admire the goodness of God, who I was persuaded had\ninclined them thus to inquire after the way of salvation.\n\n_June 29._\u2014\u201cPreached twice to the Indians. Saw, as I thought, the hand\nof God very evidently, and in a manner somewhat remarkable, making\nprovision for their subsistence together, in order to their being\ninstructed in divine things; for this day, and the day before, with only\nwalking a little way from the place of our daily meeting, they killed\nthree deer, which were a seasonable supply for their wants, and without\nwhich, they could not have subsisted together in order to attend the\nmeans of grace.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, June 30._\u2014\u201cPreached twice this day also. Observed yet more\nconcern and affection among the poor heathen than ever; so that they\neven constrained me to tarry yet longer with them, although my\nconstitution was exceedingly worn out, and my health much impaired by my\nlate fatigues and labors; and especially by my late journey to the\nSusquehanna in May last, in which I lodged on the ground for several\nweeks together.\n\n_July 1._\u2014\u201cPreached again twice to a very serious and attentive assembly\nof Indians; they having now learned to attend on the worship of God with\nChristian decency in all respects. There were now between forty and\nfifty persons of them present, old and young. I spent a considerable\ntime in discoursing with them in a more private way; inquiring of them\nwhat they remembered of the great truths which had been taught them from\nday to day; and may justly say, it was amazing to see how they had\nreceived and retained the instructions given them, and what a measure of\nknowledge some of them had acquired in a few days.\n\n_July 2._\u2014\u201cWas obliged to leave these Indians at Crossweeksung, thinking\nit my duty, as soon as health would admit, again to visit those at the\nForks of Delaware. When I came to take leave of them, and to speak\nparticularly to each of them, they all earnestly inquired when I would\ncome again, and expressed a great desire of being further instructed. Of\ntheir own accord they agreed, that, when I should come again, they would\nall meet and live together during my continuance with them; and that\nthey would use their utmost endeavors to gather all the other Indians in\nthese parts who were yet more remote. When I parted from them, one told\nme, with many tears, \u2018She wished God would change her heart;\u2019 another,\nthat \u2018she wanted to find Christ;\u2019 and an old man who had been one of\ntheir chiefs, wept bitterly with concern for his soul. I then promised\nthem to return as speedily as my health and business elsewhere would\npermit, and felt not a little concern at parting, lest the good\nimpressions, then apparent upon numbers of them, might decline and wear\noff, when the means came to cease. Yet I could not but hope, that He,\nwho I trusted had begun a good work among them, and who I knew did not\nstand in need of means to carry it on, would maintain and promote it. At\nthe same time, I must confess, that I had often seen encouraging\nappearances among the Indians elsewhere, prove wholly abortive, and it\nappeared that the favor would be too great, if God should now, after I\nhad passed through so considerable a series of almost fruitless labors\nand fatigues, and after my rising hopes had been so often frustrated\namong these poor pagans, give me any special success in my labors with\nthem, I could not believe, and scarcely dared to hope, that the event\nwould be so happy; and scarcely ever found myself more suspended between\nhope and fear in any affair, or at any time, than in this.\n\n\u201cThis encouraging disposition, and readiness to receive instruction, now\napparent among the Indians, seems to have been the happy effect of the\nconviction which one or two of them met with, some time since, at the\nForks of the Delaware; who have since endeavored to show their friends\nthe evil of idolatry. Though the other Indians seemed but little to\nregard, and rather to deride them; yet this, perhaps, has put them into\na thinking posture of mind, or at least given them some thoughts about\nChristianity, and excited in some of them a curiosity to hear; and so\nmade way for the present encouraging attention. An apprehension that\nthis might be the case here, has given me encouragement that God may, in\nsuch a manner, bless the means which I have used with the Indians in\nother places; where, as yet there is no appearance of it. If so, may his\nname have the glory of it; for I have learnt, by experience, that he\nonly can open the ear, engage the attention, and incline the hearts of\npoor benighted, prejudiced pagans, to receive instruction.\u201d\n\n           _Forks of Delaware, in Pennsylvania, July, 1745._\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, July 14._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to the Indians twice. Several of them\nappeared concerned, and were, I have reason to think, in some measure\nconvinced, by the Divine Spirit, of their sin and misery; so that they\nwept much the whole time of divine service. Afterward discoursed to a\nnumber of white people then present.\n\n_July 18._\u2014\u201cPreached to my people, who attended diligently beyond what\nhad been common among these Indians; and some of them appeared concerned\nfor their souls.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, July 21._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians first, then to a number\nof white people present; and in the afternoon to the Indians again.\nDivine truth seemed to make very considerable impressions upon several\nof them, and caused the tears to flow freely.\n\n\u201cOn this day _my interpreter and his wife_ publicly professed their\nfaith in Christ, being the first hopeful converts among the Indians.\nThey have both been awakened to a solemn concern for their souls; have,\nto appearance, been brought to a sense of their misery and _undoneness_\nin themselves; have both appeared to be comforted with divine\nconsolations; and it is apparent that both have passed a _great_, and I\ncannot but hope, a saving change.\n\n\u201cIt may perhaps be satisfactory and agreeable, that I should give some\nBRIEF RELATION OF THIS MAN\u2019S EXERCISES AND EXPERIENCE since he has been\nwith me; especially since he is employed as my _interpreter_ to others.\nWhen I first employed him in this business, in the beginning of the\nsummer of 1744, he was well fitted for his work, in regard to his\nacquaintance with the Indian and English languages, as well as with the\nmanners of both nations; and in respect to his desire that the Indians\nshould conform to the manners and customs of the English, and especially\nto their manner of living. But he seemed to have little or no impression\nof religion upon his mind, and in that respect was very _unfit_ for his\nwork; being incapable of understanding and communicating to others many\nthings of importance, so that I labored under great disadvantages in\naddressing the Indians, for want of his having an experimental, as well\nas more doctrinal acquaintance with divine truths; and, at times, my\nspirits sunk, and I was much discouraged under this difficulty;\nespecially when I observed that divine truth made little or no\nimpression upon his mind for many weeks together. He indeed behaved\nsoberly after I employed him; although before he had been a hard\ndrinker, and seemed honestly engaged, as far as he was capable, in the\nperformance of his work. Especially he appeared very desirous that the\nIndians should renounce their heathenish notions and practices, and\nconform to the customs of the Christian world. But still he seemed to\nhave no concern about his own soul, until he had been with me a\nconsiderable time.\n\n\u201cNear the latter end of July, 1744, I preached to an assembly of white\npeople, with more freedom and fervency than I could possibly address the\nIndians with, without their having first obtained a greater measure of\ndoctrinal knowledge. At this time he was present, and was somewhat\nawakened to a concern for his soul; so that the next day he discoursed\nfreely with me about his spiritual concerns, and gave me an opportunity\nto use further endeavors to fasten the impressions of his perishing\nstate upon his mind. I could plainly perceive, for some time after this,\nthat he addressed the Indians with more concern and fervency than he had\nformerly done.\n\n\u201cBut these impressions seemed quickly to decline; and he remained in a\ngreat measure careless and secure, until some time late in the autumn of\nthe year following; when he fell into a weak and languishing state of\nbody, and continued much disordered for several weeks together. At this\nseason divine truth took hold of him, and made deep impressions upon his\nmind. He was brought under great concern for his soul; and his exercises\nwere not now transient and unsteady, but constant and abiding, so that\nhis mind was burdened from day to day; and it was now his great inquiry,\n\u2018What he should do to be saved?\u2019 This spiritual trouble prevailed, until\nhis sleep in a great measure departed from him, and he had little rest\nday or night; but walked about under great pressure of mind, for he was\nstill able to walk, and appeared like another man to his neighbors, who\ncould not but observe his behavior with wonder. After he had been some\ntime under this exercise, while he was striving to obtain mercy, he says\nthere seemed to be _an impassable mountain_ before him. He was pressing\ntoward heaven, as he thought; but \u2018his way was hedged up with thorns, so\nthat he could not stir an inch further.\u2019 He looked this way, and that\nway, but could find no way at all. He thought if he could but make his\nway through these thorns and briers, and climb up the first steep pitch\nof the mountain, that then there might be hope for him; but no way or\nmeans could he find to accomplish this. Here he labored for a time, but\nall in vain. He saw it was impossible, he says, for him ever to help\nhimself through this insupportable difficulty\u2014\u2018It signified just nothing\nat all for him to struggle and strive any more.\u2019 Here, he says, he gave\nover striving, and felt that it was a gone case with him as to his own\npower, and that all his attempts were, and for ever would be, vain and\nfruitless. Yet he was more calm and composed under this view of things,\nthan he had been while striving to help himself.\n\n\u201cWhile he was giving me this account of his exercises, I was not without\nfears that what he related was but the working of his own _imagination_,\nand not the effect of any divine _illumination_ of mind. But before I\nhad time to discover my fears, he added, that at this time he felt\nhimself in a miserable and perishing condition; that he saw plainly what\nhe had been doing all his days; and that he had \u2018never done one good\nthing,\u2019 as he expressed it. He knew he was not guilty of some wicked\nactions of which he knew some others guilty. He had not been accustomed\nto steal, quarrel, and murder; the latter of which vices are common\namong the Indians. He likewise knew that he had done many things that\nwere right; he had been kind to his neighbors, &c. But still his cry\nwas, that \u2018_he had never done one good thing_;\u2019 meaning that he had\nnever done any thing from a right principle, and with a right _view_.\n\u2018And now I thought,\u2019 said he, \u2018that I must sink down to hell; that there\nwas no hope for me, because I never could do any thing that was good:\nand if God let me alone ever so long, and I should try ever so much,\nstill I should do nothing but what is bad.\u2019\n\n\u201cThis further account of his exercises satisfied me that it was not the\nmere working of his imagination, since he appeared so evidently to die\nto himself, and to be divorced from a dependence upon his own\nrighteousness and good deeds, to which mankind in a fallen state are so\nmuch attached, and upon which they are so ready to hope for salvation.\n\n\u201cThere was one thing more in his view of things at this time, which was\nvery remarkable. He not only saw, he says, what a miserable state he\n_himself_ was in; but he likewise saw that the _world around him_, in\ngeneral, were in the same perishing circumstances, notwithstanding the\nprofession which many of them made of Christianity, and the hope which\nthey entertained of obtaining everlasting happiness. This he saw\nclearly, \u2018as if he was now waked out of sleep, or had a cloud taken from\nhis eyes.\u2019 He saw that the life which he had lived was the way to\neternal death, that he was now on the brink of endless misery; and when\nhe looked around he saw multitudes of others, who had lived the same\nlife with himself, persons who had no more goodness than he, and yet\ndreamed that they were safe enough, as he had formerly done. He was\nfully persuaded, by their conversation and behavior, that they had never\nfelt their sin and misery, as he now felt his.\n\n\u201cAfter he had been for some time in this condition, sensible of the\nimpossibility of helping himself by any thing he could do, or of being\ndelivered by any _created_ arm; so that he had \u2018given up all for lost,\u2019\nas to his own attempts, and was become more calm and composed; then, he\nsays, it was borne in upon his mind, as if it had been audibly spoken to\nhim, \u2018There is hope, there is hope.\u2019 Whereupon his soul seemed to rest,\nand be in some measure satisfied, though he had no considerable joy.\n\n\u201cHe cannot here remember distinctly any views he had of Christ, or give\nany clear account of his soul\u2019s acceptance of him, which makes his\nexperience appear the more doubtful, and renders it less satisfactory to\nhimself and others than it might be if he could remember distinctly the\napprehensions and actings of his mind at this season. But these\nexercises of soul were attended and followed with a very great change in\nthe man; so that it might justly be said he was become _another man_, if\nnot _a new man_. His conversation and deportment were much altered; and\neven the careless world could not but wonder what had befallen him, to\nmake so great a change in his temper, discourse, and behavior.\nEspecially there was a surprising alteration in his public performances.\nHe now addressed the Indians with admirable fervency, and scarcely knew\nwhen to leave off. Sometimes, when I had concluded my discourse and was\nreturning homeward, he would tarry behind to repeat and inculcate what\nhad been spoken.\n\n\u201cHis change is _abiding_, and his life, so far as I know, unblemished to\nthis day; though it is now more than six months since he experienced\nthis change; in which space of time he has been as much exposed to\n_strong drink_ as possible, in divers places where it has been moving as\nfree as water; and yet has never, that I know of, discovered any\nhankering desire after it. He seems to have a very considerable\nexperience of _spiritual exercise_, and discourses feelingly of the\nconflicts and consolations of a real Christian. His heart echoes to the\nsoul-humbling doctrines of grace, and he never appears better pleased\nthan when he hears of the absolute sovereignty of God, and the salvation\nof sinners in a way of mere free grace. He has lately had also more\nsatisfaction respecting his own state and has been much enlightened and\nassisted in his work; so that he has been a great comfort to me.\n\n\u201cAfter a strict observation of his serious and savory conversation, his\nchristian temper, and unblemished behavior for such a length of time, as\nwell as his experience, of which I have given an account; I think that I\nhave reason to hope that he is \u2018created anew in Christ Jesus to good\nworks.\u2019 His name is MOSES FINDA FAUTAURY. He is about _fifty_ years of\nage, and is pretty well acquainted with the pagan notions and customs of\nhis countrymen; and so is the better able now to expose them. He has, I\nam persuaded, already been, and I trust will yet be, a blessing to the\nother Indians.\n\n_July 23._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians, but had few hearers: Those who are\nconstantly at home, seem, of late, to be under some impressions of a\nreligious nature.\n\n_July 30._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to a number of my people, and gave them some\nparticular advice and direction; being now about to leave them for the\npresent, in order to renew my visit to the Indians in New-Jersey. They\nwere very attentive to my discourse, and earnestly desirous to know when\nI designed to return to them again.\u201d\n\n_Crossweeksung, (New-Jersey,) August, 1745._\n\n_Aug. 3._\u2014\u201cI visited the Indians in these parts in June last, and\ntarried with them a considerable time, preaching almost daily; at which\nseason God was pleased to pour upon them a spirit of awakening and\nconcern for them souls, and surprisingly to engage their attention to\ndivine truths. I now found them serious, and a number of them under deep\nconcern for an interest in Christ. Their convictions of their sinful and\nperishing state were, in my absence from them, much promoted by the\nlabors and endeavors of Rev. WILLIAM TENNENT; to whom I had advised them\nto apply for direction; and whose house they frequented much while I was\ngone. I preached to them this day with some view to Rev. 22:17. \u2018And\nwhosoever will, let him take of the water of life freely;\u2019 though I\ncould not pretend to handle the subject methodically among them. The\nLord, I am persuaded, enabled me, in a manner somewhat uncommon, to set\nbefore them the Lord Jesus Christ as a kind and compassionate Savior,\ninviting distressed and perishing sinners to accept everlasting mercy. A\nsurprising concern soon became apparent among them. There were about\ntwenty adult persons together; many of the Indians at remote places not\nhaving as yet had time to come since my return hither; and not above two\nthat I could see with dry eyes.\n\n\u201cSome were much concerned, and discovered vehement longings of soul\nafter Christ, to save them from the misery they felt and feared.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Aug. 4._\u2014\u201cBeing invited by a neighboring minister to assist\nin the administration of the Lord\u2019s supper, I complied with his request,\nand took the Indians along with me; not only those who were together the\nday before, but many more who were coming to hear me; so that there were\nnearly fifty in all, old and young. They attended the several discourses\nof the day; and some of them, who could understand English, were much\naffected; and all seemed to have their concern in some measure raised.\n\n\u201cNow a change in their manners began to appear very visible. In the\nevening, when they came to sup together they would not taste a morsel\nuntil they had sent to me to come and supplicate a blessing on their\nfood; at which time sundry of them wept; especially when I reminded them\nhow they had in times past eat their feasts in honor to _devils_, and\nneglected to thank God for them.\n\n_August 5._\u2014\u201cAfter a sermon had been preached by another minister, I\npreached, and concluded the public work of the solemnity from John,\n7:37; and in my discourse addressed the Indians in particular, who sat\nin a part of the house by themselves; at which time one or two of them\nwere struck with deep concern, as they afterward told me, who had been\nlittle affected before; and others had their concern increased to a\nconsiderable degree. In the evening, the greater part of them being at\nthe house where I lodged, I discoursed to them, and found them\nuniversally engaged about their soul\u2019s concerns; inquiring \u2018what they\nshould do to be saved.\u2019 All their conversation among themselves turned\nupon religious matters, in which they were assisted by my Interpreter,\nwho was with them day and night.\n\n\u201cThis day there was one woman, who had been much concerned for her soul\never since she first heard me preach in June last, who obtained comfort,\nI trust, solid and well grounded. She seemed to be filled with love to\nChrist. At the same time she behaved humbly and tenderly, and appeared\nafraid of nothing so much as of offending and grieving him whom her soul\nloved.\n\n_Aug. 6._\u2014\u201cIn the morning I discoursed to the Indians at the house where\nwe lodged. Many of them were much affected, and appeared surprisingly\ntender; so that a few words about the concerns of their souls would\ncause the tears to flow freely, and produce many sobs and groans. In the\nafternoon they being returned to the place where I had usually preached\namong them, I again discoursed to them there. There were about\n_fifty-five_ persons in all; about _forty_ that were capable of\nattending Divine service with understanding. I insisted on 1 John, 4:10.\n\u2018Herein is love.\u2019 &c. They seemed eager of hearing; but there appeared\nnothing very remarkable, except their attention, till near the close of\nmy discourse; and then Divine truth was attended with a surprising\ninfluence, and produced a great concern among them. There were scarcely\n_three_ in _forty_ who could refrain from tears and bitter cries. They\nall as one seemed in an agony of soul to obtain an interest in Christ;\nand the more I discoursed of the love and compassion of God in sending\nhis Son to suffer for the sins of men; and the more I invited them to\ncome and partake of his love; the more their distress was aggravated,\nbecause they felt themselves unable to come. It was surprising to see\nhow their hearts seemed to be pierced with the tender and melting\ninvitations of the Gospel, when there was not a word of terror spoken to\nthem.\n\n\u201cThere were this day two persons who obtained relief and comfort; which,\nwhen I came to discourse with them particularly, appeared solid,\nrational, and scriptural. After I had inquired into the grounds of their\ncomfort, and said many things which I thought proper to them; I asked\nthem what they wanted that God should do farther for them? They replied,\n\u2018they wanted Christ should wipe their hearts quite clean,\u2019 &c. So\nsurprising were now the doings of the Lord, that I can say no less of\nthis day, and I need say no more of it, than that _the arm of the Lord_\nwas powerfully and marvellously _revealed_ in it.\n\n_Aug. 7._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians from Isaiah, 53:3-10. There was a\nremarkable influence attending the word, and great concern in the\nassembly; but scarcely equal to what appeared the day before, that is,\nnot quite so universal. However, most were much affected, and many in\ngreat distress for their souls; and some few could neither go nor stand,\nbut lay flat on the ground, as if pierced at heart, crying incessantly\nfor mercy. Several were newly awakened; and it was remarkable that as\nfast as they came from remote places round about, the Spirit of God\nseemed to seize them with concern for their souls. After public service\nwas concluded I found two persons more who had newly met with comfort,\nof whom I had good hopes; and a third of whom I could not but entertain\nsome hopes, whose case did not appear so clear as the others; so that\nthere were now six in all, who had got some relief from their spiritual\ndistresses; and five whose experience appeared very clear and\nsatisfactory. It is worthy of remark, that those who obtained comfort\nfirst were in general deeply affected with concern for their souls when\nI preached to them in June last.\n\n_Aug. 8._\u2014\u201cIn the afternoon I preached to the Indians, their number was\nnow about _sixty-five_ persons; men, women, and children. I discoursed\nupon Luke 14:16-23, and was favored with uncommon freedom. There was\nmuch visible concern among them while I was discoursing publicly; but\nafterward, when I spoke to one and another more particularly, whom I\nperceived under much concern, the power of God seemed to descend upon\nthe assembly \u2018_like a mighty rushing wind_,\u2019 and with an astonishing\nenergy bore down all before it. I stood amazed at the influence which\nseized the audience almost universally; and could compare it to nothing\nmore aptly than the irresistible force of a mighty torrent, or swelling\ndeluge, that with its insupportable weight and pressure bears down and\nsweeps before it whatever is in its way. Almost all persons of all ages\nwere bowed down with concern together, and scarcely one was able to\nwithstand the shock of this surprising operation. Old men and women who\nhad been drunken wretches for many years, and some little children not\nmore than six or seven years of age, appeared in distress for their\nsouls, as well as persons of middle age. It was apparent that these\nchildren, some of them at least, were not merely frightened with seeing\nthe general concern, but were made sensible of their danger, the badness\nof their hearts, and their misery without Christ, as some of them\nexpressed it. The most stubborn hearts were now obliged to bow. A\nprincipal man among the Indians, who before was most secure and\nself-righteous, and thought his state good, because he knew more than\nthe generality of the Indians had formerly done; and who with a great\ndegree of confidence the day before told me \u2018he had been a Christian\nmore than ten years;\u2019 was now brought under solemn concern for his soul,\nand wept bitterly. Another man advanced in years, who had been a\nmurderer, a _powaw_ or conjurer, and a notorious drunkard, was likewise\nbrought now to cry for mercy with many tears, and to complain much that\nhe could be no more concerned, when he saw his danger so very great.\n\n\u201cThey were almost universally praying and crying for mercy in every part\nof the house, and many out of doors; and numbers could neither go nor\nstand. Their concern was so great, each one for himself, that none\nseemed to take any notice of those about them, but each prayed freely\nfor himself. I am led to think they were, to their own apprehensions, as\nmuch retired as if they had been individually by themselves, in the\nthickest desert; or I believe rather that they thought about nothing but\nthemselves, and their own state, and so were every one praying apart,\nalthough all together. It seemed to me that there was now an exact\nfulfilment of that prophecy, Zech. 12:10, 11, 12; for there was now \u2018a\ngreat mourning, like the mourning of Hadadrimmon;\u2019\u2014and each seemed to\n\u2018mourn apart.\u2019 Methought this had a near resemblance to the day of God\u2019s\npower, mentioned in Josh. 10:14; for I must say I never saw _any day\nlike it_, in all respects: it was a day wherein I am persuaded the Lord\ndid much to destroy the kingdom of darkness among this people.\n\n\u201cThis concern, in general, was most rational and just. Those who had\nbeen awakened any considerable time, complained more especially of the\nbadness of their _hearts_; and those who were newly awakened, of the\nbadness of their _lives_ and _actions_; and all were afraid of the anger\nof God, and of everlasting misery as the desert of their sins. Some of\nthe white people who came out of curiosity to hear what \u2018this babbler\nwould say\u2019 to the poor ignorant Indians, were much awakened; and some\nappeared to be wounded with a view of their perishing state. Those who\nhad lately obtained relief, were filled with comfort at this season.\nThey appeared calm and composed, and seemed to rejoice in Christ Jesus.\nSome of them took their distressed friends by the hand, telling them of\nthe goodness of Christ, and the comfort that is to be enjoyed in him;\nand thence invited them to come and give up their hearts to him. I could\nobserve some of them, in the most honest and unaffected manner, without\nany design of being taken notice of, lifting up their eyes to heaven, as\nif crying for mercy, while they saw the distress of the poor souls\naround them. There was one remarkable instance of awakening this day\nwhich I cannot fail to notice here. A young Indian woman, who, I\nbelieve, never knew before that she had a soul, nor ever thought of any\nsuch thing, hearing that there was something strange among the Indians,\ncame, it seems, to see what was the matter. In her way to the Indians\nshe called at my lodgings; and when I told her that I designed presently\nto preach to the Indians, laughed, and seemed to mock; but went however\nto them. I had not proceeded far in my public discourse before she felt\neffectually that she had a soul; and before I had concluded my discourse\nwas so convinced of her sin and misery, and so distressed with concern\nfor her soul\u2019s salvation, that she seemed like one pierced through with\na dart, and cried out incessantly. She could neither go nor stand, nor\nsit on her seat without being held up. After public service was over she\nlay flat on the ground, praying earnestly, and would take no notice of,\nnor give any answer to any who spoke to her. I hearkened to what she\nsaid, and perceived the burden of her prayer to be, \u2018_Guttummauhalummeh\nwechaumeh kmeleh Nolah_,\u2019 i. e. \u2018_Have mercy on me, and help me to give\nyou my heart_.\u2019 Thus she continued praying incessantly for many hours\ntogether. This was indeed a surprising day of God\u2019s power, and seemed\nenough to convince an Atheist of the truth, importance, and power of\nGod\u2019s word.\n\n_Aug. 9._\u2014\u201cSpent almost the whole day with the Indians; the former part\nof it in discoursing to many of them privately, and especially to some\nwho had lately received comfort, and endeavoring to inquire into the\ngrounds of it, as well as to give them some proper instructions,\ncautions and directions.\n\n\u201cIn the afternoon discoursed to them publicly. There were now present\nabout _seventy_ persons, old and young. I opened and applied the parable\nof the sower, Matt. 13. Was enabled to discourse with much plainness,\nand found afterward that this discourse was very instructive to them.\nThere were many tears among them while I was discoursing publicly, but\nno considerable cry; yet some were much affected with a few words spoken\nfrom Matt. 11:28, \u2018Come unto me all ye that labor,\u2019 &c. with which I\nconcluded my discourse. But, while I was discoursing near night to two\nor three of the awakened persons, a Divine influence seemed to attend\nwhat was spoken to them in a powerful manner, which caused the persons\nto cry out in anguish of soul, although I spoke not a word of terror,\nbut on the contrary, set before them the fullness and all-sufficiency of\nChrist\u2019s merits, and his willingness to save all that come to him, and\nthereupon pressed them to come without delay. The cry of these was soon\nheard by others, who, though scattered before, immediately gathered\nround. I then proceeded in the same strain of gospel invitation, till\nthey were all melted into tears and cries except two or three; and\nseemed in the greatest distress to find and secure an interest in the\ngreat Redeemer. Some who had little more than a ruffle made in their\npassions the day before, seemed now to be deeply affected and wounded at\nheart; and the concern in general appeared nearly as prevalent as the\nday before. There was indeed a very _great mourning_ among them, and yet\nevery one seemed to _mourn apart_. For so great was their concern, that\nalmost every one was praying and crying for himself, as if none had been\nnear. \u2018_Guttummauhalummeh; Guttummauhalummeh_,\u2019 i. e. \u2018_Have mercy upon\n\u2018me;_ _mercy upon me_,\u2019 was the common cry. It was very affecting to see\nthe poor Indians, who the other day were hallooing and yelling in their\n_idolatrous_ feasts and _drunken_ frolics, now crying to God with such\nimportunity for an interest in his dear Son! Found two or three persons\nwho, I had reason to hope, had taken comfort upon good grounds since the\nevening before; and these, with others who had obtained comfort, were\ntogether, and seemed to rejoice much that God was carrying on his work\nwith such power upon others.\n\n_August 10._\u2014\u201cRode to the Indians, and began to discourse more privately\nto those who had obtained comfort and satisfaction; endeavoring to\ninstruct, direct, caution, and comfort them. But others, being eager of\nhearing every word which related to spiritual concerns, soon came\ntogether one after another; and, when I had discoursed to the young\nconverts more than half an hour, they seemed much melted with divine\nthings, and earnestly desirous to be with Christ. I told them of the\ngodly soul\u2019s perfect purity and full enjoyment of Christ, immediately\nupon its separation from the body; and that it would be for ever\ninconceivably more happy than _they_ had ever been for any short space\nof time, when Christ seemed near to them in prayer or other duties. That\nI might make way for speaking of the resurrection of the body, and\nthence of the complete blessedness of the man; I said, \u2018But perhaps some\nof you will say, I love my body as well as my soul, and I cannot bear to\nthink that my body shall lie dead, if my soul is happy.\u2019 To which they\nall cheerfully replied, \u2018_Muttoh, Muttoh_;\u2019 before I had opportunity to\nprosecute what I designed respecting the resurrection; i. e. \u2018_No, No_,\u2019\nThey did not regard their _bodies_, if their _souls_ might be with\nChrist. Then they appeared willing to be absent from the body, that they\nmight be present with the Lord.\n\n\u201cWhen I had spent some time with them I turned to the other Indians, and\nspoke to them from Luke, 19:10. \u2018For the Son of man is come to seek and\nto save that which was lost. I had not discoursed long before their\nconcern rose to a great degree, and the house was filled with cries and\ngroans. When I insisted on the compassion and care of the Lord Jesus\nChrist for those that were lost, who thought themselves undone, and\ncould find no way of escape; this melted them down the more, and\naggravated their distress, that they could not find and come to so kind\na Savior.\n\n\u201cSundry persons, who before had been slightly awakened, were now deeply\nwounded with a sense of their sin and misery. One man in particular, who\nwas never before awakened, was now made to feel that \u2018the word of the\nLord was quick and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword.\u2019 He\nseemed to be pierced at heart with distress, and his concern appeared\nrational and scriptural, for he said that \u2018all the wickedness of his\npast life was brought fresh to his remembrance, and that he saw all the\nvile actions he had done formerly, as if done but yesterday.\u2019\n\n\u201cFound one who had newly received comfort, after pressing distress from\nday to day. Could not but rejoice and admire the divine goodness in what\nappeared this day. There seems to be some good done by every discourse;\nsome newly awakened every day, and some comforted. It was refreshing to\nobserve the conduct of those who obtained comfort: while others were\ndistressed with fear and concern, they were lifting up their hearts to\nGod for them.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Aug. 11._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed in the forenoon from the parable of\nthe _Prodigal Son_. Luke, 15. Observed no such remarkable effect of the\nword upon the assembly as in days past. There were numbers of careless\nspectators from the white people, of various characters. In the\nafternoon I discoursed upon a part of Peter\u2019s sermon. Acts, 2. And at\nthe close of my discourse to the Indians, made an address to the white\npeople; and divine truth seemed then to be attended with power, both to\nEnglish and Indians. Several of the white heathen were awakened, and\ncould not longer be idle spectators; but found they had souls to save or\nlose as well as the Indians; and a great concern spread through the\nwhole assembly; so that this also appeared to be a day of God\u2019s power,\nespecially toward the conclusion of it, although the influence attending\nthe word seemed scarcely so powerful now as in some days past.\n\n\u201cThe number of Indians, old and young, was now upward of _seventy_; and\none or two were newly awakened this day who never had appeared to be\nmoved with concern for their souls before. Those who had obtained relief\nand comfort, and had given hopeful evidences of having passed a saving\nchange, appeared humble and devout, and behaved in an agreeable and\nChristian-like manner. I was refreshed to see the tenderness of\nconscience manifest in some of them; one instance of which I cannot but\nnotice. Perceiving one of them very sorrowful in the morning, I inquired\ninto the cause of her sorrow, and found the difficulty was, that she had\nbeen angry with her child the evening before, and was now exercised with\nfears lest her anger had been inordinate and sinful; which so grieved\nher that she awoke and began to sob before day light, and continued\nweeping for several hours together.\n\n_August 14._\u2014\u201cSpent the day with the Indians. There was one of them who\nhad some time since put away his wife, as is common among them, and\ntaken another woman; and being now brought under some serious\nimpressions, was much concerned about that affair in particular, and\nseemed fully convinced of the wickedness of the practice, and earnestly\ndesirous to know what God would have him to do in his present\ncircumstances. When the law of God respecting _marriage_ had been opened\nto them, and the cause of his leaving his wife inquired into, and when\nit appeared that she had given him no just occasion, by unchastity, to\ndesert her, and that she was willing to forgive his past misconduct and\nto live peaceably with him for the future, and that she, moreover,\ninsisted on it as her right to live with him; he was then told that it\nwas his indispensable duty to renounce the woman whom he had last taken,\nand receive the other, who was his proper wife, and live peaceably with\nher during life. With this he readily and cheerfully complied; and\nthereupon _publicly_ renounced the woman he had last taken, and promised\nto live with and be kind to his wife during life; she also promising the\nsame to him. Here appeared a clear demonstration of the power of God\u2019s\nword upon their hearts. I suppose a few weeks before the whole world\ncould not have persuaded this man to a compliance with Christian rules\nin this affair.\n\n\u201cI was not without fears that this proceeding might be like putting \u2018new\nwine into old bottles;\u2019 and that some might be prejudiced against\nChristianity, when they saw the demands made by it. But the man being\nmuch concerned about the matter, the determination of it could be\ndeferred no longer; and it seemed to have a good, rather than an ill\neffect among the Indians, who generally owned that the laws of Christ\nwere good and right respecting the affairs of marriage. In the afternoon\nI preached to them from the apostle\u2019s discourse to Cornelius. Acts,\n10:34. There appeared some affectionate concern among them, though not\nequal to what appeared in several of the former days. They still\nattended and heard as for their lives, and the Lord\u2019s work seemed still\nto be promoted and propagated among them.\n\n_August 15._\u2014\u201cPreached from Luke, 4:16-21. The word was attended with\npower upon the hearts of the hearers. There was much concern, many\ntears, and affecting cries among them; and some were deeply wounded and\ndistressed for their souls. There were some newly awakened who came but\nthis week, and convictions seemed to be promoted in others. Those who\nhad received comfort, were likewise refreshed and strengthened; and the\nwork of grace appeared to advance in all respects. The _passions_ of the\ncongregation in general were not so much moved as in some days past; but\ntheir _hearts_ seemed as solemnly and deeply affected with divine truth\nas ever, at least in many instances, although the concern did not seem\nso universal, and to reach every individual in such a manner as it\nappeared to do some days before.\n\n_August 16._\u2014\u201cSpent considerable time in conversing with the Indians.\nFound one who had got relief and comfort after pressing concern; and\ncould not but hope, when I came to discourse particularly with her, that\nher comfort was of the right kind. In the afternoon I preached to them\nfrom John, 6:26-34. Toward the close of my discourse divine truth was\nattended with considerable power upon the audience, and more especially\nafter public service was over, when I particularly addressed several\ndistressed persons.\n\n\u201cThere was a great concern for their souls spread pretty generally among\nthem; but especially there were two persons newly awakened to a sense of\ntheir sin and misery; one of whom was lately come, and the other had all\nalong been very attentive and desirous of being awakened, but could\nnever before have any lively view of her perishing state. Now her\nconcern and spiritual distress was such, that I thought I had never seen\n_any_ more pressing. A number of _old_ men were also in distress for\ntheir souls; so that they could not refrain from weeping and crying\naloud; and their bitter groans were the most convincing as well as\naffecting evidences of the reality and depth of their inward anguish.\nGod is powerfully at work among them. True and genuine convictions of\nsin are daily promoted in many instances; and some are newly awakened\nfrom time to time; although some few, who felt a commotion in their\npassions in days past, seem now to discover that their _hearts_ were\nnever duly affected. I never saw the work of God appear so independent\nof means as at this time. I discoursed to the people, and spake what I\nsuppose had a proper tendency to promote convictions; but God\u2019s manner\nof working upon them seemed so entirely supernatural, and above means,\nthat I could scarcely believe he used me as an instrument, or what I\nspake as means of carrying on his work. For it appeared, as I thought,\nto have no connection with or dependence on means in any respect. Though\nI could not but continue to use the means, which I thought proper for\nthe promotion of the work, yet God seemed, as I apprehended, to work\nentirely without them. I seemed to do nothing, and indeed to have\nnothing to do, but to \u2018stand still, and see the salvation of God;\u2019 and\nfound myself obliged and delighted to say, \u2018Not unto us,\u2019 not unto\ninstruments and means, \u2018but to thy name be glory.\u2019 God appeared to work\nentirely alone, and I saw no room to attribute any part of this work to\nany created arm.\n\n_Aug. 17._\u2014\u201cSpent much time in private conferences with the Indians.\nFound one who had newly obtained relief and comfort, after a long season\nof spiritual trouble and distress; he having been one of my hearers at\nthe Forks of Delaware for more than a year, and now having followed me\nhere under deep concern for his soul; and had abundant reason to hope\nthat his comfort was well grounded, and truly divine.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Aug. 18._\u2014\u201cPreached in the forenoon to a mixed assembly of\nwhite people, of divers denominations. Afterward preached to the\nIndians, from John 6:35-40. There was considerable concern visible among\nthem, though not equal to what has frequently appeared of late.\n\n_Aug. 19._\u2014\u201cPreached from Isaiah, 55:1. \u2018Ho every one that thirsteth.\u2019\nDivine truth was attended with power upon those who had received\ncomfort, and others also. The former sweetly melted and refreshed with\ndivine invitations; the latter much concerned for their souls, that they\nmight obtain an interest in these glorious gospel provisions which were\nset before them. There were numbers of poor impotent souls that waited\nat the pool for healing; and the angel seemed, as at other times of\nlate, to trouble the waters, so that there was yet a most desirable and\ncomfortable prospect of the spiritual recovery of diseased perishing\nsinners.\n\n_Aug 23._\u2014\u201cSpent some time with the Indians in private discourse; and\nafterward preached to them from John, 6:44-50. There was, as has been\nusual, a great attention, and some affection among them. Several\nappeared deeply concerned for their souls, and could not but express\ntheir inward anguish by tears and cries. But the amazing divine\ninfluence, which has been so powerfully among them in general, seems at\npresent in some degree abated: at least in regard to its universality;\nthough many who have obtained no special comfort still retain deep\nimpressions of divine things.\n\n_Aug. 24._\u2014\u201cSpent the forenoon in discoursing to some of the Indians in\nreference to their publicly professing Christ. Numbers of them seemed to\nbe filled with love to God, delighted with the thoughts of giving\nthemselves up to him, and melted and refreshed with the hopes of\nenjoying the blessed Redeemer. Afterward I discoursed publicly from 1\nThess. 4:13-17. There was a solemn attention, and some visible concern\nand affection in the time of public service; which was afterward\nincreased by some further exhortations given to them to come to Christ,\nand give up their hearts to him, that they might be fitted to \u2018ascend up\nand meet him in the air,\u2019 when he shall \u2018descend with a shout, and the\nvoice of the archangel.\u2019\n\n\u201cThere were several Indians newly come, who thought their state good,\nand themselves happy, because they had sometimes lived with the white\npeople under gospel light, had learned to read, were civil, &c.,\nalthough they appeared utter strangers to their own hearts, and\naltogether unacquainted with the power of religion, as well as with the\ndoctrines of grace. With these I discoursed particularly, after public\nworship; and was surprised to see their self-righteous disposition,\ntheir strong attachment to the covenant of works for salvation, and the\nhigh value they put upon their supposed attainments. Yet after much\ndiscourse, one appeared in a measure convinced that \u2018by the deeds of the\nlaw no flesh living can be justified;\u2019 and wept bitterly, inquiring\n\u2018what he must do to be saved.\u2019\n\n\u201cThis was very comfortable to others, who had gained some experimental\nknowledge of their own hearts; for before they were grieved with the\nconversation and conduct of these new comers, who boasted of their\nknowledge, and thought well of themselves, but evidently discovered to\nthose who had any experience of divine truth, that they knew nothing of\ntheir own hearts.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Aug. 25._\u2014\u201cPreached in the forenoon from Luke, 15:3-7. A\nnumber of white people being present, I made an address to them at the\nclose of my discourse to the Indians; but could not so much as keep them\norderly; for scores of them kept walking and gazing about, and behaved\nmore indecently than any Indians I have ever addressed. A view of their\nabusive conduct so sunk my spirits, that I could scarcely go on with my\nwork.\n\n\u201cIn the afternoon I discoursed from Rev. 3:20; at which time _fifteen_\nIndians made a public profession of their faith. After the crowd of\nspectators was gone I called them together, and discoursed to them in\nparticular; at the same time inviting others to attend. I reminded them\nof the solemn obligations they were now under to live to God; warned\nthem of the evil and dreadful consequences of careless living,\nespecially after their public profession of Christianity; gave them\ndirections for future conduct; and encouraged them to watchfulness and\ndevotion, by setting before them the comfort and happy conclusion of a\nreligious life.\n\n\u201cThis was a desirable and sweet season indeed! Their hearts were engaged\nand cheerful in duty; and they rejoiced that they had, in a public and\nsolemn manner, dedicated themselves to God. Love seemed to reign among\nthem! They took each other by the hand with tenderness and affection, as\nif their hearts were knit together, while I was discoursing to them; and\nall their deportment toward each other was such, that a serious\nspectator might justly be excited to cry out with admiration, \u2018Behold\nhow they love one another.\u2019 Numbers of the other Indians, on seeing and\nhearing these things, were much affected, and wept bitterly; longing to\nbe partakers of the same joy and comfort which these discovered by their\nvery countenances as well as conduct.\n\n_Aug. 26._\u2014\u201cPreached to my people from John, 6:51-55. After I had\ndiscoursed some time, I addressed them in particular who entertained\nhopes that they were passed from death unto life. Opened to them the\npersevering nature of those consolations which Christ gives his people,\nand which I trusted he had bestowed upon some in that assembly; showed\nthem that such have already the beginnings of eternal life, and that\ntheir heaven shall speedily be completed.\n\n\u201cI no sooner began to discourse in this strain than the dear Christians\nin the congregation began to be melted with affection to, and desire of\nthe enjoyment of Christ, and of a state of perfect purity. They wept\naffectionately, yet joyfully; and their tears and sobs discovered\nbrokenness of heart, and yet were attended with real comfort and\nsweetness. It was a tender, affectionate, humble and delightful meeting,\nand appeared to be the genuine effect of a spirit of adoption, and very\nfar from that spirit of bondage under which they not long since labored.\nThe influence seemed to spread from these through the whole assembly;\nand there quickly appeared a wonderful concern among them. Many, who had\nnot yet found Christ as an all-sufficient Savior, were surprisingly\nengaged in seeking after him. It was indeed a lovely and very\ninteresting assembly. Their number was now about _ninety-five_ persons,\nold and young, and almost all affected with joy in Christ Jesus, or with\nthe utmost concern to obtain an interest in him.\n\n\u201cBeing now convinced that it was my duty to take a journey far back to\nthe Indians on the Susquehanna, it being now a proper season of the year\nto find them generally at home; after having spent some hours in public\nand private discourse with my people, I told them that I must now leave\nthem for the present, and go to their brethren far remote, and preach to\nthem; that I wanted the Spirit of God should go with me, without whom\nnothing could be done to any good purpose among the Indians\u2014as they\nthemselves had opportunity to see and observe by the barrenness of our\nmeetings at some times, when there was much pains taken to affect and\nawaken sinners, and yet to little or no purpose; and asked them if they\ncould not be willing to spend the remainder of the day in prayer for me,\nthat God would go with me, and succeed my endeavors for the conversion\nof these poor souls. They cheerfully complied with the motion, and soon\nafter I left them, the sun being about an hour and a half high, they\nbegan and continued praying till break of day, or very near; never\nmistrusting, as they tell me, till they went out and viewed the stars,\nand saw the morning star a considerable height, that it was later than\nbed time. Thus eager and unwearied were they in their devotions! A\nremarkable night it was; attended, as my Interpreter tells me, with a\npowerful influence upon those who were yet under concern, as well as\nthose who had received comfort. There were, I trust, this day, two\ndistressed souls brought to the enjoyment of solid comfort in Him in\nwhom the weary find rest. It was likewise remarkable, that this day an\nold Indian, who had all his days been an idolater, was brought to give\nup his rattles, which they use for music in their idolatrous feasts and\ndances, to the other Indians, who quickly destroyed them. This was done\nwithout any interference of mine, I having not spoken to him about it,\nso that it seemed to be nothing but the power of God\u2019s word, without any\nparticular application to this sin, that produced this effect. Thus God\nhas begun; thus he has hitherto surprisingly carried on a work of grace\namong these Indians. May the glory be ascribed to Him who is the sole\nauthor of it.\u201d\n\n                   _Forks of Delaware, in Pennsylvania, Sept. 1745._\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 1._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians from Luke, 11:16-23. The\nword appeared to be attended with some power, and caused some tears in\nthe assembly. Afterward preached to a number of white people present,\nand observed many of them in tears; and some who had formerly been as\ncareless and unconcerned about religion, perhaps, as the Indians. Toward\nnight discoursed to the Indians again, and perceived a greater\nattention, and more visible concern among them than has been usual in\nthese parts.\n\n_Sept. 3._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians from Isaiah, 52:3-6. The Divine\npresence seemed to be in the midst of the assembly, and a considerable\nconcern spread among them. Sundry persons seemed to be awakened; among\nwhom were two stupid creatures, whom I could scarce ever before keep\nawake while I was discoursing to them. I could not but rejoice at this\nappearance of things; although at the same time I could not but fear,\nlest the concern which they at present manifested might prove like a\nmorning cloud, as something of that nature had formerly done in these\nparts.\n\n_Sept. 5._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to the Indians from the parable of the sower.\nAfterward I conversed particularly with a number of persons; which\noccasioned them to weep, and even to cry out in an affecting manner, and\nseized others with surprise and concern. I doubt not but that a divine\npower accompanied what was then spoken. Several of these persons had\nbeen with me to Crossweeksung, and there had seen, and some of them, I\ntrust _felt_, the power of God\u2019s word in an affecting and saving manner.\nI asked one of them, who had obtained comfort, and given hopeful\nevidence of being truly religious, \u2018Why he now cried?\u2019 He replied, \u2018When\nhe thought how Christ was slain like a lamb, and spilt his blood for\nsinners, he could not help crying when he was alone;\u2019 and thereupon\nburst into tears and cried again. I then asked his wife, who had\nlikewise been abundantly comforted, why she cried? She answered, \u2018that\nshe was grieved that the Indians _here_ would not come to Christ, as\nwell as those at Crossweeksung.\u2019 I asked her if she found a heart to\npray for them, and whether Christ had seemed _to be near her of late in\nprayer_, as in times past, which is my usual method of expressing a\nsense of the divine presence. She replied, \u2018Yes, he had been near to\nher, and at times when she had been praying alone, her heart loved to\npray so that she could not bear to leave the place, but wanted to stay\nand pray longer.\u2019\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 8._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to the Indians in the afternoon from\nActs, 2:36-39. The word of God at this time seemed to fall with weight\nand influence upon them. There were but few present; but most that were,\nwere in tears, and several cried out in distressing concern for their\nsouls. There was one man considerably awakened, who never before\ndiscovered any concern for his soul. There appeared a remarkable work of\nthe Divine Spirit among them generally, not unlike what has been of late\nat Crossweeksung. It seemed as if the divine influence had spread thence\nto this place, although something of it appeared here before in the\nawakening of my interpreter, his wife, and some few others. Several of\nthe careless white people now present were awakened, or at least\nstartled, seeing the power of God so prevalent among the Indians. I then\nmade a particular address to them, which seemed to make some impression\nupon them, and excite some affection in them.\n\n\u201cThere are some Indians in these parts who have always refused to hear\nme preach, and have been enraged against those who have attended on my\npreaching. But of late they are more bitter than ever; scoffing at\nchristianity, and sometimes asking my hearers \u2018How often they have\ncried,\u2019 and \u2018whether they have not now cried enough to do their turn,\u2019\n&c. So that they have already trial of cruel mockings.\n\n_Sept. 9._\u2014\u201cLeft the Indians at the Forks of Delaware, and set out on a\njourney toward Susquehanna river, directing my course toward the Indian\ntown more than an hundred and twenty miles westward from the Forks.\nTraveled about fifteen miles, and there lodged.\n\n                                           _Shaumoking, Sept. 1745._\n\n_Sept. 13._\u2014\u201cAfter having lodged out three nights, arrived at the Indian\ntown I aimed at, on the Susquehanna, called _Shaumoking_; one of the\nplaces, and the largest of them, which I visited in May last. I was\nkindly received, and entertained by the Indians; but had little\nsatisfaction by reason of the heathenish dance and revel they then held\nin the house where I was obliged to lodge; which I could not suppress,\nthough I often entreated them to desist, for the sake of one of their\nown friends, who was then sick in the house, and whose disorder was much\naggravated by the noise. Alas! how destitute of natural affection are\nthese poor uncultivated pagans! although they seem somewhat kind in\ntheir own way. Of a truth the dark corners of the earth are full of the\nhabitations of cruelty. This town, as I observed in my Diary of May\nlast, lies partly on the east side of the river, partly on the west, and\npartly on a large island in it, and contains upward of fifty houses, and\nnearly three hundred persons, though I never saw much more than half\nthat number in it. They are of three different tribes of Indians,\nspeaking three languages wholly unintelligible to each other. About one\nhalf of its inhabitants are _Delawares_, the others called _Senekas_ and\n_Tutelas_. The Indians of this place are accounted the most drunken,\nmischievous, and ruffianlike fellows of any in these parts; and Satan\nseems to have his seat in this town in an eminent manner.\n\n_Sept. 14._\u2014\u201cVisited the Delaware King, who was supposed to be at the\npoint of death when I was here in May last, but was now recovered;\ndiscoursed with him and others respecting christianity; spent the\nafternoon with them, and had more encouragement than I expected. The\nking appeared kindly disposed, and willing to be instructed. This gave\nme some encouragement that God would open an effectual door for my\npreaching the Gospel here, and set up his kingdom in this place. This\nwas a support and refreshment to me in the wilderness, and rendered my\nsolitary circumstances comfortable and pleasant.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 15._\u2014\u201cVisited the chief of the Delawares again; was\nkindly received by him, and discoursed to the Indians in the afternoon.\nStill entertained hopes that God would open their hearts to receive the\nGospel, though many of them in the place were so drunk from day to day\nthat I could get no opportunity to speak to them. Toward night\ndiscoursed with one who understood the languages of the _Six Nations_,\nas they are usually called, who discovered an inclination to hearken to\nchristianity, which gave me some hope that the Gospel might hereafter be\nsent to those nations far remote.\n\n_Sept. 16._\u2014\u201cSpent the forenoon with the Indians, endeavoring to\ninstruct them from house to house, and to engage them, as far as I\ncould, to be friendly to christianity. Toward night went to one part of\nthe town where they were sober, got together near fifty of them, and\ndiscoursed to them, having first obtained the king\u2019s cheerful consent.\nThere was a surprising attention among them, and they manifested a\nconsiderable desire of being further instructed. There were also one or\ntwo that seemed to be touched with some concern for their souls, who\nappeared well pleased with some conversation in private after I had\nconcluded my public discourse to them.\n\n\u201cMy spirits were much refreshed with this appearance of things, and I\ncould not but return with my interpreter, having no other companion in\nthis journey to my poor hard lodgings, rejoicing in hopes that God\ndesigned to set up his kingdom here, where satan now reigns in the most\neminent manner; and found uncommon freedom in addressing the throne of\ngrace for the accomplishment of so great and glorious a work.\n\n_Sept. 17._\u2014\u201cSpent the forenoon in visiting and discoursing to the\nIndians. About noon left Shaumoking (most of the Indians going out this\nday on their hunting design) and traveled down the river south-westward.\n\n                                             _Juncauta, Sept. 1745._\n\n_Sept. 19._\u2014\u201cVisited an Indian town, called _Juncauta_, situate on an\nisland in the Susquehanna. Was much discouraged with the temper and\nbehavior of the Indians here; although they appeared friendly when I was\nwith them the last spring, and then gave me encouragement to come and\nsee them again. But they now seemed resolved to retain their pagan\nnotions, and persist in their idolatrous practices.\n\n_September 20._\u2014\u201cVisited the Indians again at Juncauta island, and found\nthem almost universally very busy in making preparations for a great\nsacrifice and dance. Had no opportunity to get them together, in order\nto discourse with them about Christianity, by reason of their being so\nmuch engaged about their sacrifice. My spirits were much sunk with a\nprospect so very discouraging; and especially seeing I had this day no\ninterpreter but a pagan, who was as much attached to idolatry as any of\nthem, and who could neither speak nor understand the language of these\nIndians; so that I was under the greatest disadvantages imaginable.\nHowever, I attempted to discourse privately with some of them, but\nwithout any appearance of success: notwithstanding I still tarried with\nthem.\n\n\u201cIn the evening they met together, nearly a hundred of them, and danced\naround a large fire, having prepared ten fat deer for the sacrifice. The\nfat of the inwards they burnt in the fire while they were dancing, which\nsometimes raised the flame to a prodigious height; at the same time\nyelling and shouting in such a manner that they might easily have been\nheard two miles or more. They continued their sacred dance nearly all\nnight, after which they ate the flesh of the sacrifice, and so retired\neach one to his own lodging.\n\n\u201cI enjoyed little satisfaction; being entirely alone on the island, as\nto any Christian company, and in the midst of this idolatrous revel; and\nhaving walked to and fro till body and mind were pained and much\noppressed, I at length crept into a little crib made for corn, and there\nslept on the poles.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 21._\u2014\u201cSpent the day with the Indians on the island.\nAs soon as they were well up in the morning I attempted to instruct\nthem, and labored for that purpose to get them together; but soon found\nthey had something else to do, for near noon they gathered together all\ntheir powaws, or conjurers, and set about half a dozen of them playing\ntheir juggling tricks, and acting their frantic distracted postures, in\norder to find out why they were then so sickly upon the island, numbers\nof them being at that time disordered with a fever and bloody flux. In\nthis exercise they were engaged for several hours, making all the wild,\nridiculous and distracted motions imaginable; sometimes singing,\nsometimes howling, sometimes extending their hands to the utmost\nstretch, and spreading all their fingers; they seemed to push with them\nas if they designed to push something away, or at least keep it off at\narm\u2019s-end; sometimes stroking their faces with their hands, then\nspurting water as fine as mist; sometimes sitting flat on the earth,\nthen bowing down their faces to the ground; then wringing their sides as\nif in pain and anguish, twisting their faces, turning up their eyes,\ngrunting, puffing, &c.\n\n\u201cTheir monstrous actions tended to excite ideas of horror, and seemed to\nhave something in them, as I thought, peculiarly suited to raise the\ndevil, if he could be raised by any thing odd, ridiculous, and\nfrightful. Some of them, I could observe, were much more fervent and\ndevout in the business than others, and seemed to chant, peep, and\nmutter with a great degree of warmth and vigor, as if determined to\nawaken and engage the powers below. I sat at a small distance, not more\nthan thirty feet from them, though undiscovered, with my Bible in my\nhand, resolving, if possible, to spoil their sport, and prevent their\nreceiving any answers from the infernal world, and there viewed the\nwhole scene. They continued their hideous charms and incantations for\nmore than three hours, until they had all wearied themselves out;\nalthough they had in that space of time taken several intervals of rest;\nand at length broke up, I apprehended, without receiving any answer at\nall.\n\n\u201cAfter they had done powawing, I attempted to discourse with them about\nChristianity; but they soon scattered, and gave me no opportunity for\nany thing of that nature. A view of these things, while I was entirely\nalone in the wilderness, destitute of the society of any one who so much\nas \u2018named the name of Christ,\u2019 greatly sunk my spirits, and gave me the\nmost gloomy turn of mind imaginable, almost stripped me of all\nresolution and hope respecting further attempts for propagating the\nGospel and converting the pagans, and rendered this the most burdensome\nand disagreeable Sabbath which I ever saw. But nothing, I can truly say,\nsunk and distressed me like the loss of my hope respecting their\nconversion. This concern appeared so great, and seemed to be so much my\nown, that I seemed to have nothing to do on earth if this failed. A\nprospect of the greatest success in the saving conversion of souls under\nGospel light, would have done little or nothing toward compensating for\nthe loss of my hope in this respect; and my spirits now were so damped\nand depressed, that I had no heart nor power to make any further\nattempts among them for that purpose, and could not possibly recover my\nhope, resolution, and courage, by the utmost of my endeavors.\n\n\u201cThe Indians of this island can, many of them, understand the English\nlanguage considerably well; having formerly lived in some part of\nMaryland, among or near the white people; but are very drunken, vicious,\nand profane, although not so savage as those who have less acquaintance\nwith the English. Their customs, in various respects, differ from those\nof the other Indians upon this river. They do not bury their dead in a\ncommon form, but let their flesh consume above the ground, in close\ncribs made for that purpose. At the end of a year, or sometimes a longer\nspace of time, they take the bones, when the flesh is all consumed, and\nwash and scrape them and afterward bury them with some ceremony. Their\nmethod of charming or conjuring over the sick, seems somewhat different\nfrom that of the other Indians, though in substance the same. The whole\nof it among these and others, perhaps, is an imitation of what seems, by\nNaaman\u2019s expression, 2 Kings, 5:11, to have been the custom of the\nancient heathen. It seems chiefly to consist in their \u2018striking their\nhands over the diseased,\u2019 repeatedly stroking them, \u2018and calling upon\ntheir god;\u2019 except the spurting of water like a mist, and some other\nfrantic ceremonies common to the other conjurations which I have already\nmentioned.\n\n\u201cWhen I was in this region in May last I had an opportunity of learning\nmany of the notions and customs of the Indians, as well as observing\nmany of their practices. I then traveled more than an hundred and thirty\nmiles upon the river, above the English settlements; and in that journey\nmet with individuals of seven or eight distinct tribes, speaking as many\ndifferent languages. But of all the sights I ever saw among them, or\nindeed any where else, none appeared so frightful, or so near a kin to\nwhat is usually imagined of _infernal powers_, none ever excited such\nimages of terror in my mind, as the appearance of one who was a devout\nand zealous reformer, or rather restorer of what he supposed was the\nancient religion of the Indians. He made his appearance in his\n_pontifical garb_, which was a coat of _bear skins_, dressed with the\nhair on, and hanging down to his toes; a pair of bear skin stockings;\nand a great _wooden_ face painted, the one half black, the other half\ntawny, about the color of an Indian\u2019s skin, with an extravagant mouth,\ncut very much awry; the face fastened to a bear skin cap, which was\ndrawn over his head. He advanced toward me with the instrument in his\nhand which he used for music in his idolatrous worship; which was a dry\ntortoise shell with some corn in it, and the neck of it drawn on to a\npiece of wood, which made a very convenient handle. As he came forward\nhe beat his tune with the rattle, and danced with all his might, but did\nnot suffer any part of his body, not so much as his fingers, to be seen.\nNo one would have imagined, from his appearance or actions, that he\ncould have been a human creature, if they had not had some intimation of\nit otherwise. When he came near me I could not but shrink away from him,\nalthough it was then noon day, and I knew who it was; his appearance and\ngestures were so prodigiously frightful. He had a house consecrated to\nreligious uses, with divers images cut upon the several parts of it. I\nwent in, and found the ground beat almost as hard as a rock, with their\nfrequent dancing upon it. I discoursed with him about Christianity. Some\nof my discourse he seemed to like, but some of it he disliked extremely.\nHe told me that God had taught him his religion, and that he never would\nturn from it; but wanted to find some who would join heartily with him\nin it; for the Indians, he said, were grown very degenerate and corrupt.\nHe had thoughts, he said, of leaving all his friends, and traveling\nabroad, in order to find some who would join with him; for he believed\nthat God had some good people some where, who felt as he did. He had not\nalways, he said, felt as he now did; but had formerly been like the rest\nof the Indians, until about four or five years before that time. Then,\nhe said, his heart was very much distressed, so that he could not live\namong the Indians, but got away into the woods, and lived alone for some\nmonths. At length, he said, God comforted his heart, and showed him what\nhe should do; and since that time he had known God, and tried to serve\nhim; and loved all men, be they who they would, so as he never did\nbefore. He treated me with uncommon courtesy, and seemed to be hearty in\nit. I was told by the Indians, that he opposed their drinking strong\nliquor with all his power; and that, if at any time he could not\ndissuade them from it by all he could say, he would leave them, and go\ncrying into the woods. It was manifest that he had a set of religious\nnotions which he had examined for himself, and not taken for granted\nupon bare tradition; and he relished or disrelished whatever was spoken\nof a religious nature, as it either agreed or disagreed with _his\nstandard_. While I was discoursing, he would sometimes say, \u2018Now that I\nlike; so God has taught me;\u2019 &c. and some of his sentiments seemed very\njust. Yet he utterly denied the existence of a devil, and declared there\nwas no such creature known among the Indians of old times, whose\nreligion he supposed he was attempting to revive. He likewise told me,\nthat departed souls went _southward_, and that the difference between\nthe good and the bad was this: that the former were admitted into a\nbeautiful town with spiritual walls; and that the latter would for ever\nhover around these walls, in vain attempts to get in. He seemed to be\nsincere, honest, and conscientious in his own way, and according to his\nown religious notions; which was more than I ever saw in any other\nPagan. I perceived that he was looked upon and derided among most of the\nIndians, as a _precise zealot_, who made a needless noise about\nreligious matters; but I must say that there was something in his temper\nand disposition which looked more like true religion than any thing I\never observed among other heathens.\n\n\u201cBut alas! how deplorable is the state of the Indians upon this river!\nThe brief representation which I have here given of their notions and\nmanners, is sufficient to show that they are \u2018led captive by Satan at\nhis will,\u2019 in the most eminent manner; and methinks might likewise be\nsufficient to excite the compassion, and engage the prayers, of God\u2019s\nchildren for these their fellow-men, who sit \u2018in the regions of the\nshadow of death.\u2019\n\n_Sept. 22._\u2014\u201cMade some further attempts to instruct and Christianize the\nIndians on this Island, but all to no purpose. They live so near the\nwhite people that they are always in the way of strong liquor, as well\nas of the ill examples of nominal Christians; which renders it so\nunspeakably difficult to treat with them about Christianity.\u201d\n\n                                     _Forks of Delaware, Oct. 1745._\n\n_Oct. 1._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to the Indians here, and spent some time in\nprivate conference with them about their souls\u2019 concerns, and afterward\ninvited them to accompany, or if not, to follow me to Crossweeksung as\nsoon as they could conveniently; which invitation numbers of them\ncheerfully accepted.\u201d\n\n                                         _Crossweeksung, Oct. 1745._\n\n_Oct. 5._\u2014\u201cPreached to my people from John, 14:1-6. The divine presence\nseemed to be in the assembly. Numbers were affected with divine truth,\nand it was a comfort to some in particular. O what a difference is there\nbetween these, and the Indians with whom I had lately treated upon the\nSusquehanna! To be with those seemed to be like being banished from God\nand all his people; to be with these, like being admitted into his\nfamily, and to the enjoyment of his divine presence! How great is the\nchange lately made upon numbers of those Indians; who, not many months\nago, were as thoughtless and averse to Christianity as those upon the\nSusquehanna; and how astonishing is that grace which has made this\nchange!\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Oct. 6._\u2014\u201cPreached in the forenoon from John, 10:7-11.\nThere was a considerable melting among my people; the dear young\nChristians were refreshed, comforted and strengthened; and one or two\npersons newly awakened. In the afternoon I discoursed on the story of\nthe Jailor, Acts, 16; and in the evening expounded Acts, 20:1-12. There\nwas at this time a very agreeable melting spread throughout the whole\nassembly. I think I scarce ever saw a more desirable affection among any\npeople. There was scarcely a dry eye to be seen among them; and yet\nnothing boisterous or unseemly, nothing that tended to disturb the\npublic worship; but rather to encourage and excite a Christian ardor and\nspirit of devotion. Those who I have reason to hope were savingly\nrenewed were first affected, and seemed to rejoice much, but with\nbrokenness of spirit and godly fear. Their exercises were much the same\nwith those mentioned in my journal of August 26, evidently appearing to\nbe the genuine effects of a spirit of adoption.\n\n\u201cAfter public service was over I withdrew, being much tired with the\nlabors of the day; and the Indians continued praying among themselves\nfor near two hours together; which continued exercises appeared to be\nattended with a blessed quickening influence from on high. I could not\nbut earnestly wish that numbers of God\u2019s people had been present at this\nseason to see and hear these things which I am sure must refresh the\nheart of every true lover of Zion. To see those who were very lately\nsavage Pagans and idolaters, having no hope, and without God in the\nworld, now filled with a sense of divine love and grace, and worshipping\nthe Father in spirit and in truth, as numbers here appeared to do, was\nnot a little affecting; and especially to see them appear so tender and\nhumble, as well as lively, fervent, and devout in the divine service.\n\n_Oct. 24._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed from John, 4:13, 14. There was a great attention,\na desirable affection, and an unaffected melting in the assembly. It is\nsurprising to see how eager they are to hear the word of God. I often\ntimes thought that they would cheerfully and diligently attend divine\nworship twenty-four hours together, if they had an opportunity so to do.\n\n_Oct. 25._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to my people respecting the Resurrection, from\nLuke, 20:27-36. When I came to mention the blessedness the godly shall\nenjoy at that season; their final freedom from death, sin and sorrow;\ntheir equality to the _angels_ in their nearness to and enjoyment of\nChrist, some imperfect degree of which they are favored with in the\npresent life, from whence springs their sweetest comfort; and their\nbeing the children of God, openly acknowledged by him as such; many of\nthem were much affected and melted with a view of this blessed state.\n\n_Oct. 26._\u2014\u201cBeing called to assist in the administration of the Lord\u2019s\nsupper in a neighboring congregation, I invited my people to go with me.\nThey in general embraced the opportunity cheerfully; and attended the\nseveral discourses of this solemnity with diligence and affection, most\nof them now understanding something of the English language.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Oct. 27._\u2014\u201cWhile I was preaching to a vast assembly of\npeople abroad, who appeared generally easy and secure, there was one\nIndian woman, a stranger, who never had heard me preach before, nor ever\nregarded any thing about religion, who, having been now persuaded by\nsome of her friends to come to meeting, though much against her will,\nwas seized with distressing concern for her soul; and soon after\nexpressed a great desire of going home, more than forty miles distant,\nto call her husband, that he also might be awakened to a concern for his\nsoul. Some others of the Indians appeared to be affected with divine\ntruth this day. The pious people of the English, numbers of whom I had\nopportunity to converse with, seemed refreshed with seeing the Indians\nworship God in that devout and solemn manner with the assembly of his\npeople; and with those mentioned in Acts, 11:18, they could not but\nglorify God, saying, \u2018Then hath God also to the Gentiles granted\nrepentance unto life.\u2019\n\n\u201cPreached again in the afternoon, to a great assembly; at which time\nsome of my people appeared affected; and when public worship was over,\nwere inquisitive whether there would not be another sermon in the\nevening, or before the solemnity of the Lord\u2019s supper was concluded;\nbeing still desirous to hear God\u2019s word.\n\n_Oct. 28._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed from Matt. 22:1-13. I was enabled to open the\nscriptures, and adapt my discourse and expression to the capacities of\nmy people, _I know not how_, in a plain, easy, and familiar manner,\nbeyond all that I could have done by the utmost study; and this without\nany special difficulty; yea, with as much freedom as if I had been\naddressing a common audience, who had been instructed in the doctrines\nof christianity all their days. The word of God at this time seemed to\nfall upon the assembly with a divine power and influence, especially\ntoward the close of my discourse; there was both a sweet melting and\nbitter mourning in the audience. The dear christians were refreshed and\ncomforted, convictions revived in others, and several persons newly\nawakened who had never been with us before. So much of the divine\npresence appeared in the assembly, that it seemed \u2018this was no other\nthan the house of God and the gate of heaven.\u2019 All, who had any savor\nand relish of divine things, were even constrained by the sweetness of\nthat season to say, \u2018Lord, it is good for us to be here.\u2019 If ever there\nwas among my people an appearance of the New Jerusalem \u2018as a bride\nadorned for her husband,\u2019 there was much of it at this time; and so\nagreeable was the entertainment, where such tokens of the divine\npresence were, that I could scarcely be willing in the evening to leave\nthe place and repair to my lodgings. I was refreshed with a view of the\ncontinuance of this blessed work of grace among them, and with its\ninfluence upon strangers among the Indians, who had of late from time to\ntime providentially come into this part of the country.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Nov. 3._\u2014\u201cPreached to my people from Luke 16:17. \u2018And it is\neasier for heaven and earth,\u2019 &c. more especially for the sake of\nseveral lately brought under deep concern for their souls. There was\nsome apparent concern and affection in the assembly; though far less\nthan has been usual of late.\n\n\u201cOn this day _six_ of the Indians made a profession of their faith. One\nof these was a woman near _four-score_ years of age. Two of the others\nwere men _fifty_ years old, who had been singular and remarkable among\nthe Indians for their wickedness; one of them had been a murderer, and\nboth notorious drunkards as well as excessively quarrelsome; but now I\ncannot but hope that both of them have become subjects of God\u2019s special\ngrace. I kept them back for many weeks after they had given evidence of\nhaving passed a great change, that I might have more opportunities to\nobserve the fruits of the impressions which they had been under, and\napprehended the way was now clear to admit them to the ordinances.\n\n_Nov. 4._\u201c\u2014Discoursed from John 11, briefly explaining most of the\nchapter. Divine truth made deep impressions upon many in the assembly.\nNumbers were affected with a view of the power of Christ manifested in\nhis raising the dead; and especially when this instance of his power was\nimproved to show his ability to raise dead souls, such as many of them\nfelt themselves to be, to a spiritual life; as also to raise the dead at\nthe last day, and dispense to them rewards and punishments.\n\n\u201cThere were numbers of those who had come here lately from remote\nplaces, who were now brought under deep and pressing concern for their\nsouls. One in particular, who not long since came half drunk, and railed\non us, and attempted by all means to disturb us while engaged in divine\nworship, was now so concerned and distressed for her soul, that she\nseemed unable to get any ease without an interest in Christ. There were\nmany tears and affectionate sobs and groans in the assembly in general;\nsome weeping for themselves; others for their friends. Although persons\nare doubtless much more easily affected now than they were in the\nbeginning of this religious concern, when tears and cries for their\nsouls were things unheard of among them; yet I must say that their\naffection in general appeared genuine and unfeigned; and especially this\nappeared very conspicuous in those newly awakened. So that true and\ngenuine convictions of sin seem still to be begun and promoted in many\ninstances.\n\n_Twenty three_ of the Indians in all have now professed their faith in\nChrist. Most of them belonged to this region, a few to the Forks of\nDelaware.\u2014Through rich grace, none of them as yet have been left to\ndisgrace their profession by any scandalous or unbecoming behavior.\n\n\u201cI might now properly make many REMARKS on a work of grace so very\nremarkable as this has been in various respects; but shall confine\nmyself to a few general hints only.\n\n1. \u201cIt is remarkable that God began this work among the Indians at a\ntime when I had _the least hope_, and, to my apprehension, the least\nrational prospect of seeing a work of grace propagated among them: my\nbodily strength being then much wasted by a late tedious journey to the\nSusquehanna, where I was necessarily exposed to hardships and fatigues\namong the Indians; my mind being also exceedingly depressed with a view\nof the unsuccessfulness of my labors. I had little reason so much as to\nhope that God had made me instrumental in the saving conversion of any\nof the Indians, except my Interpreter and his wife. Hence I was ready to\nlook upon myself as a burden to the Society which employed and supported\nme in this business, and began to entertain serious thoughts of giving\nup my _mission_; and almost resolved I would do so at the conclusion of\nthe present year, if I had then no better prospect of success in my work\nthan I had hitherto had. I cannot say that I entertained these thoughts\nbecause I was weary of the labors and fatigues which necessarily\nattended my present business, or because I had light and freedom in my\nown mind to turn any other way; but purely through dejection of spirit,\npressing discouragement, and an apprehension of its being unjust to\nspend money consecrated to religious uses, only to _civilize_ the\nIndians, and bring them to an _external_ profession of Christianity.\nThis was all which I could then see any prospect of effecting, while God\nseemed, as I thought, evidently to frown upon the design of their saving\nconversion, by withholding the convincing and renewing influences of his\nblessed Spirit from attending the means which I had hitherto used with\nthem for that end.\n\n\u201cIn this frame of mind I first visited these Indians at Crossweeksung;\napprehending that it was my indispensable duty, seeing I had heard there\nwas a number in these parts, to make some attempts for their conversion\nto God, though I cannot say I had any hope of success, my spirits being\nnow so extremely sunk. I do not know that my hopes respecting the\nconversion of the Indians were ever reduced to so low an ebb, since I\nhad any special concern for them, as at this time. Yet _this_ was the\nvery season in which God saw fit to begin this glorious work! Thus he\n\u2018ordained strength out of weakness,\u2019 by making bare his almighty arm at\na time when all hopes and human probabilities most evidently appeared to\nfail.\u2014Whence I learn, that _it is good to follow the path of duty,\nthough in the midst of darkness and discouragement_.\n\n2. \u201cIt is remarkable how God providentially, and in a manner almost\n_unaccountable_, called these Indians together to be instructed in the\ngreat things that concerned their souls: and how he seized their minds\nwith the most solemn and weighty concern for their eternal salvation, as\nfast as they came to the place where his word was preached. When I first\ncame into these parts in June, I found not one man at the place I\nvisited, but only four women and a few children; but before I had been\nhere many days, they gathered from all quarters, some from more than\ntwenty miles; and when I made them a second visit in the beginning of\nAugust, some came more than forty miles to hear me. Many came without\nany intelligence of what was going on here, and consequently without any\ndesign of theirs, so much as to gratify their curiosity. Thus it seemed\nas if God had summoned them together from all quarters for nothing else\nbut to deliver his message to them; and that he did this, with regard to\nsome of them, without making use of any human means, although there was\npains taken by some of them to give notice to others at remote places.\n\n\u201cNor is it less surprising that they were one after another affected\nwith a solemn concern for their souls, almost as soon as they came upon\nthe spot where divine truths were taught them. I could not but think\noften, that their coming to the place of our public worship, was like\nSaul and his messengers coming among the prophets; they no sooner came\nbut they prophesied; and these were almost as soon affected with a sense\nof their sin and misery, and with an earnest concern for deliverance, as\nthey made their appearance in our assembly. After this work of grace\nbegan with power among them, it was common for _strangers_ of the\nIndians, before they had been with us one day, to be much awakened,\ndeeply convinced of their sin and misery, and to inquire with great\nsolicitude, \u2018What they should do to be saved?\u2019\n\n3. \u201cIt is likewise remarkable how God preserved these poor ignorant\nIndians _from being prejudiced against me_, and the truths I taught\nthem, by those means that were used with them for that purpose by\nungodly people. There were many attempts made by some ill-minded persons\nof the white people to prejudice them against, or frighten them from\nChristianity. They sometimes told them, that the Indians were well\nenough already;\u2014that there was no need of all this noise about\nChristianity;\u2014that if they were Christians they would be in no better,\nno safer, or happier state, than they were already in. Sometimes they\ntold them, that I was a knave, a deceiver, and the like; that I daily\ntaught them lies, and had no other design but to impose upon them. When\nnone of these, and such like suggestions, would avail to their purpose,\nthey then tried another expedient, and told the Indians, \u2018My design was\nto gather together as large a body of them as I possibly could, and sell\nthem to England for slaves;\u2019 than which nothing could be more likely to\nterrify the Indians, they being naturally of a jealous disposition, and\nthe most averse to a state of servitude perhaps of any people living.\n\n\u201cBut all these wicked insinuations, through divine goodness over-ruling,\nconstantly turned against the authors of them, and only served to engage\nthe affections of the Indians more firmly to me; for they, being\nawakened to a solemn concern for their souls, could not but observe,\nthat the persons who endeavored to embitter their minds against me, were\naltogether unconcerned about their own souls, and not only so, but\nvicious and profane; and thence could not but argue, that if they had no\nconcern for their _own_, it was not likely they should have for the\nsouls of _others_.\n\n\u201cIt seems yet the more wonderful that the Indians were preserved from\nonce harkening to these suggestions, inasmuch as I was an utter stranger\namong them, and could give them no assurance of my sincere affection to,\nand concern for them, by any thing that was past,\u2014while the persons who\ninsinuated these things were their old acquaintance, who had frequent\nopportunities of gratifying their _thirsty appetites_ with strong drink,\nand consequently, doubtless had the greatest interest in their\naffections. But from this instance of their preservation from fatal\nprejudices, I have had occasion, with admiration, to say, \u2018If God will\nwork, who can hinder?\u2019\n\n4. \u201cNor is it less wonderful how God was pleased to provide a _remedy_\nfor my want of skill and freedom in the Indian language, by remarkably\nfitting my Interpreter for, and assisting him in the performance of his\nwork. It might reasonably be supposed I must needs labor under a vast\ndisadvantage in addressing the Indians by an Interpreter; and that\ndivine truths would undoubtedly lose much of the _energy_ and _pathos_\nwith which they might at first be delivered, by reason of their coming\nto the audience from a second hand. But although this has often, to my\nsorrow and discouragement, been the case in times past, when my\nInterpreter had little or no sense of divine things; yet now it was\nquite otherwise. I cannot think my addresses to the Indians ordinarily,\nsince the beginning of this season of grace have lost any thing of the\npower or pungency with which they were made, unless it were sometimes\nfor want of pertinent and pathetic terms and expressions in the Indian\nlanguage; which difficulty could not have been much redressed by my\npersonal acquaintance with their language. My Interpreter had before\ngained some good degree of doctrinal knowledge, whereby he was rendered\ncapable of understanding, and communicating, without mistakes, the\nintent and meaning of my discourses, and that without being confined\nstrictly, and obliged to interpret verbatim. He had likewise, to\nappearance, an experimental acquaintance with divine things; and it\npleased God at this season to inspire his mind with longing desires for\nthe conversion of the Indians, and to give him admirable zeal and\nfervency in addressing them in order thereto. It is remarkable, that,\nwhen I was favored with any special assistance in any work, and enabled\nto speak with more than common freedom, fervency, and power, under a\nlively and affecting sense of divine things, he was usually affected in\nthe same manner almost instantly, and seemed at once quickened and\nenabled to speak in the same pathetic language, and under the same\ninfluence that I did. A _surprising energy_ often accompanied the word\nat such seasons; so that the face of the whole assembly would be\napparently changed almost in an instant, and tears and sobs become\ncommon among them.\n\n\u201cHe also appeared to have such a clear doctrinal view of God\u2019s usual\nmethods of dealing with souls under a preparatory work of conviction and\nhumiliation as he never had before; so that I could, with his help,\ndiscourse freely with the distressed persons about their internal\nexercises, their fears, discouragements, temptations, &c. He likewise\ntook pains, day and night, to repeat and inculcate upon the minds of the\nIndians the truths which I taught them daily; and this he appeared to\ndo, not from spiritual pride, and an affectation of setting himself up\nas a public teacher, but from a spirit of faithfulness, and an honest\nconcern for their souls.\n\n\u201cHis conversation among the Indians has likewise, so far as I know, been\nsavory, as becomes a Christian, and a person employed in his work; and I\nmay justly say, he has been a great comfort to me, and a great\ninstrument of promoting this good work among the Indians; so that\nwhatever be the state of his own soul, it is apparent God has remarkably\nfitted him for this work. Thus God has manifested that, without\nbestowing on me the _gift of tongues_, he could find a way wherein I\nmight be as effectually enabled to convey the truths of his glorious\nGospel to the minds of these poor benighted pagans.\n\n5. \u201cIt is further remarkable, that God has carried on his work here by\n_such means_, and in _such a manner_, as tended to obviate, and leave no\nroom for those prejudices and objections which have often been raised\nagainst such a work. When persons have been awakened to a solemn concern\nfor their souls, by hearing the more awful truths of God\u2019s word, and the\nterrors of the divine law insisted upon, it has usually in such cases\nbeen objected by some, that such persons were only frighted with a\nfearful noise of hell and damnation; and that there was no evidence that\ntheir concern was the effect of a divine influence. But God has left no\nroom for this objection in the present case; _this work of grace having\nbeen begun and carried on by almost one continued strain of Gospel\ninvitation to perishing sinners_. This may reasonably be guessed, from a\nview of the passages of Scripture I chiefly insisted upon in my\ndiscourses from time to time; which I have for that purpose inserted in\nmy diary.\n\n\u201cNor have I ever seen so general an awakening in any assembly in my life\nas appeared here while I was opening and insisting upon the parable of\nthe great supper. Luke, 14. In which discourse I was enabled to set\nbefore my hearers the unsearchable riches of Gospel grace. Not that I\nwould be understood here that I never instructed the Indians respecting\ntheir fallen state, and the sinfulness and misery of it; for this was\nwhat I at first chiefly insisted upon with them, and endeavored to\nrepeat and inculcate in almost every discourse, knowing that without\nthis foundation I should but build upon the sand, and that it would be\nin vain to invite them to Christ unless I could convince them of their\nneed of him. Mark, 2:17.\n\n\u201cBut still this great awakening, this surprising concern, was never\nexcited by any harangues of terror, but always appeared most remarkable\nwhen I insisted upon the compassion of a dying Savior, the plentiful\nprovisions of the Gospel, and the free offers of divine grace to needy,\ndistressed sinners. Nor would I be understood to insinuate, that such a\nreligious concern might justly be suspected as not being genuine and\nfrom a divine influence, if produced from the preaching of terror; for\nthis is perhaps God\u2019s more usual way of awakening sinners, and appears\nentirely agreeable to Scripture and sound reason. But what I meant here\nto observe is, that God saw fit to employ and bless milder means for the\neffectual awakening of these Indians, and thereby obviated the\nforementioned objection, which the world might otherwise have had a more\nplausible color of making.\n\n\u201cAs there has been no room for any plausible objection against this\nwork, with regard to the _means_, so neither with regard to the _manner_\nin which it has been carried on. It is true, persons\u2019 concern for their\nsouls have been exceeding great; the convictions of their sin and misery\nhave arisen to a high degree, and produced many tears, cries, and\ngroans; but then they have not been attended with those disorders,\neither bodily or mental, which have sometimes prevailed among persons\nunder religious impressions. There has here been no appearance of those\nconvulsions, bodily agonies, frightful screamings, swoonings, and the\nlike, which have been so much complained of in some places; although\nthere have been some, who, with the jailer, have been made to _tremble_\nunder a sense of their sin and misery, and have been made to cry out\nfrom a distressing view of their perishing state.\n\n\u201cNor has there been any appearance of mental disorders here, such as\n_visions, trances, imaginations_ of being under prophetic inspiration,\nand the like; or scarce any unbecoming disposition to appear remarkably\naffected either with concern or joy; though I must confess I observed\none or two persons, whose concern I thought was in a considerable\nmeasure affected; and one whose joy appeared to be of the same kind. But\nthese workings of spiritual pride I endeavored to crush in their first\nappearances, and have not since observed any affection, either of joy or\nsorrow, but what appeared genuine and unaffected. But,\n\n_Lastly._ The _effects_ of this work have likewise been very remarkable.\nI doubt not but that many of these people have gained more _doctrinal_\nknowledge of divine truths since I first visited them in June last, than\ncould have been instilled into their minds by the most diligent use of\nproper and instructive means for whole _years_ together, without such a\ndivine influence. Their pagan notions and idolatrous practices seem to\nbe entirely abandoned in these parts. They are regulated; and appear\nregularly disposed in the affairs of marriage; an instance whereof I\nhave given in my journal of August 14. They seem generally divorced from\n_drunkenness_, their darling vice, the \u2018sin that easily besets them;\u2019 so\nthat I do not know of more than two or three, who have been my _steady\nhearers_, that have drank to excess since I first visited them; although\nbefore it was common for some or other of them to be drunk almost every\nday: and some of them seem now to fear this sin in particular, more than\ndeath itself. A principle of honesty and justice appears in many of\nthem; and they seem concerned to discharge their old debts, which they\nhave neglected, and perhaps scarcely thought of for years past. Their\nmanner of living is much more decent and comfortable than formerly,\nhaving now the benefit of that money which they used to consume upon\nstrong drink. Love seems to reign among them, especially those who have\ngiven evidences of having passed a saving change: and I never saw any\nappearance of bitterness or censoriousness in these, nor any disposition\nto \u2018esteem themselves better than others,\u2019 who had not received the like\nmercy.\n\n\u201cAs their sorrows under convictions have been great and pressing, so\nmany of them have since appeared to \u2018rejoice with joy unspeakable, and\nfull of glory;\u2019 and yet I never saw any thing ecstatic or flighty in\ntheir joy. Their consolations do not incline them to lightness; but, on\nthe contrary, are attended with solemnity, and often times with tears,\nand an apparent brokenness of heart, as may be seen in several passages\nof my diary. In this respect some of them have been surprised at\nthemselves, and have with concern observed to me, that \u2018when their\nhearts have been glad,\u2019 which is a phrase they commonly make use of to\nexpress spiritual joy, \u2018they could not help crying for all.\u2019\n\n\u201cAnd now, upon the whole, I think I may justly say, that here are all\nthe symptoms and evidences of a remarkable work of grace among these\nIndians, which can reasonably be desired or expected. May the _great\nAuthor_ of this work maintain and promote the same _here_, and propagate\nit _every where_, till \u2018the whole earth be filled with his glory!\u2019 Amen.\n\n\u201cI have now rode more than three thousand miles, of which I have kept an\nexact account, since the beginning of March last, and almost the whole\nof it has been in my own proper business as a _missionary_, upon the\ndesign, either immediately or more remotely, of propagating _Christian\nknowledge_ among the Indians. I have taken pains to look out for a\ncolleague or companion, to travel with me; and have likewise used\nendeavors to procure something for his support, among religious persons\nin New-England, which cost me a journey of several hundred miles; but\nhave not, as yet, found any person qualified and disposed for this good\nwork, although I had some encouragement from ministers and others, that\nit was hoped a maintenance might be procured for one, when _the man_\nshould be found.\n\n\u201cI have likewise of late represented to the gentlemen concerned with\nthis mission, the necessity of having an English _school_ speedily set\nup among these Indians, who are now willing to be at the pains of\ngathering together in a body, for this purpose. In order thereto, I have\nhumbly proposed to them the collecting of money for the maintenance of a\nschoolmaster, and the defraying of other necessary charges, in the\npromotion of this good work; which they are now attempting in the\nseveral congregations of Christians to which they respectively belong.\n\n\u201cThe several companies of Indians to whom I have preached in the summer\npast, live at _great distances_ from each other. It is more than\n_seventy miles_ from Crossweeksung, in New-Jersey, to the Forks of\nDelaware in Pennsylvania; and thence to sundry of the Indian settlements\nwhich I visited on the Susquehanna, is more than an _hundred and twenty_\nmiles. So much of my time is necessarily consumed in journeying, that I\ncan have but little for _any_ of my necessary studies, and consequently\nfor the study of the Indian languages in particular; and especially\nseeing I am obliged to discourse so frequently to the Indians at each of\nthese places while I am with them, in order to redeem time to visit the\nrest. I am, at times, almost discouraged from attempting to gain any\nacquaintance with the Indian languages, they are so very numerous; some\naccount of which I gave in my diary of May last; and especially, seeing\nmy other labors and fatigues engross almost the whole of my time, and\nbear exceedingly hard upon my _constitution_, so that my health is much\nimpaired. However, I have taken considerable pains to learn the Delaware\nlanguage, and propose still to do so, as far as my other business and\nbodily health will admit. I have already made some proficiency in it,\nthough I have labored under many and great disadvantages in my attempts\nof that nature. It is but just to observe here, that all the pains I\ntook to acquaint myself with the language of the Indians with whom I\nspent my first year, were of little or no service to me here among the\nDelawares; so that my work, when I came among these Indians, was all to\nbe begun anew.\n\n\u201cAs these poor ignorant pagans stood in need of having \u2018line upon line,\nand precept upon precept,\u2019 in order to their being instructed and\ngrounded in the principles of Christianity; so I preached \u2018publicly, and\ntaught from house to house,\u2019 almost every day for whole weeks together,\nwhen I was with them. My _public_ discourses did not then make up the\none half of my work, while there were so many constantly coming to me\nwith that important inquiry, \u2018What must we do to be saved?\u2019 and opening\nto me the various exercises of their minds. Yet I can say, to the praise\nof divine grace, that the apparent success, with which my labors were\ncrowned, unspeakably more than compensated for the labor itself, and was\nlikewise a great means of supporting and carrying me through the\nbusiness and fatigues under which, it seems, my nature would have sunk\nwithout such an encouraging prospect. But although this success has\nafforded matter of support, comfort, and thankfulness; yet in this\nseason I have found great need of assistance in my work, and have been\nmuch oppressed for want of one to bear a part of my labors and\nhardships. \u2018May the Lord of the harvest send forth _other laborers_ into\nthis part of his harvest, that those who sit in darkness may see great\nlight; and that the whole earth may be filled with the knowledge of\nhimself! Amen.\u2019\u201d\n\n\n                             CHAPTER VIII.\n\n_Being part 2d of his public journal of \u201cthe Continuance and Progress of\n    a remarkable work of grace among the Indians in New-Jersey and\n    Pennsylvania kept by order of the Society in Scotland for\n    propagating Christian knowledge.\u201d\u2014Renewal of labor at\n    Crossweeksung\u2014outpouring of the spirit\u2014remarkable case\u2014signal\n    displays of divine power\u2014a convert\u2014a number of Christian Indians\n    accompany him to the Forks of Delaware\u2014striking conversion at\n    Crossweeksung\u2014day of fasting\u2014Lord\u2019s supper\u2014conversion of a\n    Conjurer\u2014general remarks on the preceding narrative._\n\n\n                      Nov. 5, 1745.\u2014June 19, 1746.\n\n                                  _Crossweeksung, New-Jersey, 1745._\n\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Nov. 24._\u2014\u201cPreached both parts of the day from the story of\nZaccheus. Luke, 19:1-9. In the latter exercise, when I opened and\ninsisted upon the salvation that comes to a sinner upon his becoming a\nson of Abraham, or a true believer, the word seemed to be attended with\ndivine power to the hearts of the hearers. Numbers were much affected\nwith divine truth; former convictions were revived; one or two persons\nnewly awakened; and a most affectionate engagement in divine service\nappeared among them universally. The impressions they were under\nappeared to be the genuine effect of God\u2019s word brought home to their\nhearts by the power and influence of the Divine Spirit.\n\n_Nov. 26._\u2014\u201cAfter having spent some time in private conferences with my\npeople, I discoursed publicly among them from John, 5:1-9. I was favored\nwith some special freedom and fervency in my discourse, and a powerful\nenergy accompanied divine truth. Many wept and sobbed affectionately,\nand scarcely any appeared unconcerned in the whole assembly. The\ninfluence which seized the audience appeared gentle, and yet pungent and\nefficacious. It produced no boisterous commotion of the passions; but\nseemed deeply to affect the heart, and excite in the persons under\nconvictions of their lost state, heavy groans and tears; and in others,\nwho had obtained comfort, a sweet and humble melting. It seemed like the\ngentle but steady showers which effectually water the earth, without\nviolently beating upon the surface. The persons lately awakened were\nsome of them deeply distressed for their souls, and appeared earnestly\nsolicitous to obtain an interest in Christ; and some of them, after\npublic worship was over, in anguish of spirit, said \u2018they knew not what\nto do, nor how to get their wicked hearts changed,\u2019 &c.\n\n_Nov. 28._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to the Indians publicly, after having used some\nprivate endeavors to instruct and excite some in the duties of\nChristianity. Opened and made remarks upon the sacred story of our\nLord\u2019s transfiguration. Luke, 9:28-36. Had a principal view in insisting\nupon this passage of Scripture to the edification and consolation of\nGod\u2019s people. Observed some, that I have reason to think are truly such,\nexceedingly affected with an account of the glory of Christ in his\ntransfiguration, and filled with longing desires of being with him, that\nthey might with open face behold his glory.\n\n\u201cAfter public service was over, I asked one of them, who wept and sobbed\nmost affectionately, what she now wanted? She replied, \u2018O, to be with\nChrist. She did not know how to stay,\u2019 &c. This was a blessed refreshing\nseason to the religious people in general. The Lord Jesus Christ seemed\nto manifest his divine glory to them, as when transfigured before his\ndisciples; and they were ready, with the disciples, universally to say,\n\u2018Lord it is good for us to be here.\u2019\n\n\u201cThe influence of God\u2019s word was not confined to those who had given\nevidence of being truly gracious: though at this time I calculated my\ndiscourse for and directed it chiefly to such. But it appeared to be a\nseason of divine power in the whole assembly; so that most were in some\nmeasure affected. One aged man, in particular, lately awakened, was now\nbrought under a deep and pressing concern for his soul, was now\nearnestly inquisitive \u2018how he might find Jesus Christ.\u2019 God seems still\nto vouchsafe his divine presence, and the influence of his blessed\nSpirit to accompany his word, at least in some measure, in all our\nmeetings for divine worship.\n\n_Nov. 30._\u2014\u201cPreached near night, after having spent some hours in\nprivate conference with some of my people about their souls\u2019 concerns.\nExplained the story of the rich man and Lazarus. Luke, 16:19-26. The\nword made powerful impressions upon many in the assembly, especially\nwhile I discoursed of the blessedness of Lazarus in Abraham\u2019s bosom.\nThis I could perceive affected them much more than what I spoke of the\nrich man\u2019s misery and torments; and thus it has been usually with them.\nThey have almost always appeared much more affected with the comfortable\nthan the dreadful truths of God\u2019s word. That which has distressed many\nof them under conviction is, that they found they wanted and could not\nobtain the happiness of the godly; at least they have often appeared to\nbe more affected with this than with the terrors of hell. But whatever\nbe the means of their awakening, it is plain, numbers are made deeply\nsensible of their sin and misery, the wickedness and stubbornness of\ntheir own hearts, their utter inability to help themselves, or to come\nto Christ for help without divine assistance, and so are brought to see\ntheir perishing need of Christ to do all for them, and to lie at the\nfoot of sovereign mercy.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Dec. 1._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to my people in the forenoon from\nLuke, 16:27-31. There appeared an unfeigned affection in many, and some\nseemed deeply impressed with divine truth. In the afternoon preached to\na number of white people; at which time the Indians attended with\ndiligence, and many of them were able to understand a considerable part\nof the discourse. At night discoursed to my people again, and gave them\nparticular cautions and directions relating to their conduct in divers\nrespects, and pressed them to watchfulness in their deportment, seeing\nthey were encompassed with those who waited for their halting, and who\nstood ready to draw them into temptations of every kind, and then to\nexpose religion by their missteps.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Dec. 8._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed on the story of the blind man. John,\n9. There appeared no remarkable effect of the word upon the assembly at\nthis time. The persons who have lately been much concerned for their\nsouls seemed now not so affected or solicitous to obtain an interest in\nChrist as has been usual, although they attended divine service with\nseriousness and diligence. Such have been the doings of the Lord here in\nawakening sinners, and affecting the hearts of those who are brought to\nsolid comfort, with a fresh sense of divine things from time to time,\nthat it is now strange to see the assembly sit with dry eyes, and\nwithout sobs and groans.\n\n_Dec. 12._\u2014\u201cPreached from the parable of the _Ten Virgins_. Matt. 25.\nThe divine power seemed in some measure to attend this discourse; in\nwhich I was favored with uncommon freedom and plainness of address, and\nenabled to open divine truths, and explain them to the capacities of my\npeople in a manner beyond myself. There appeared in many persons an\naffectionate concern for their souls, although the concern in general\nseemed not so deep and pressing as it had formerly done. Yet it was\nrefreshing to see many melted into tears and unaffected sobs; some with\na sense of divine love, and some for the want of it.\n\n_Dec. 15._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians from Luke, 13:24-28. Divine truth\nfell with weight and power upon the audience, and seemed to reach the\nhearts of many. Near night discoursed to them again from Matt. 25:31-46.\nAt this season also the word appeared to be accompanied with a divine\ninfluence, and made powerful impressions upon the assembly in general,\nas well as upon numbers in a very special and particular manner. This\nwas an amazing season of grace. The word of the Lord this day \u2018was quick\nand powerful, sharper than a two-edged sword,\u2019 and pierced the hearts of\nmany. The assembly was greatly affected and deeply wrought upon; yet\nwithout so much apparent commotion of the passions as appeared in the\nbeginning of this work of grace. The impressions made by the word of God\nupon the audience appeared solid, rational, and deep; worthy of the\nsolemn truths by means of which they were produced, and far from being\nthe effects of any sudden fright, or groundless perturbation of mind. O\nhow did the hearts of the hearers seem to bow under the weight of divine\ntruth, and how evident did it now appear that they received and felt\nthem, \u2018not as the word of man, but as the word of God.\u2019 None can form a\njust idea of the appearance of our assembly at this time, but those who\nhave seen a congregation solemnly awed, and deeply impressed by the\nspecial power and influence of divine truths delivered to them in the\nname of God.\n\n_Dec. 16._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to my people in the evening from Luke, 11:1-13.\nAfter having insisted some time upon the ninth verse, wherein there is a\ncommand and encouragement to ask for the divine favor, I called upon\nthem to ask for a new heart with the utmost importunity, as the man\nmentioned in the parable, on which I was discoursing, pleaded for loaves\nof bread at midnight. There was much affection and concern in the\nassembly, and especially one woman appeared in great distress for her\nsoul. She was brought to such an agony in seeking after Christ, that the\nsweat ran off her face for a considerable time, though the evening was\nvery cold; and her bitter cries were the most affecting indications of\nher heart.\n\n_Dec. 21._\u2014\u201cMy people having now attained to a considerable degree of\nknowledge in the principles of christianity; I thought it proper to set\nup a catechetical lecture among them, and this evening attempted\nsomething in that form, proposing questions to them agreeably to the\nAssembly\u2019s Shorter Catechism, receiving their answers, and then\nexplaining and insisting, as appeared necessary and proper upon each\nquestion. After this I endeavored to make some practical improvement of\nthe whole. This was the method I entered upon. They were able readily\nand rationally to answer many important questions which I proposed to\nthem; so that upon trial I found their doctrinal knowledge to exceed my\nown expectations. In the improvement of my discourse, when I came to\ninfer and open the blessedness of those who have so great and glorious a\nGod as had before been spoken of, \u2018for their everlasting friend and\nportion,\u2019 several were much affected; and especially when I exhorted,\nand endeavored to persuade them to be reconciled to God through his dear\nSon, and thus to secure an interest in his everlasting favor. So that\nthey appeared not only enlightened and instructed, but affected, and\nengaged in their soul\u2019s concerns by this method of discoursing.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Dec. 22._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed upon the story of the young man in\nthe Gospel. Matt. 9:16-22. God made it a seasonable word, I am\npersuaded, to some souls, and in particular to one, the same mentioned\nin my journal of the 16th instant, who never before obtained any settled\ncomfort, though I have abundant reason to think she had passed a saving\nchange some days before. She now appeared in a heavenly frame of mind,\ncomposed and delighted with the divine will. When I came to discourse\nparticularly with her, and to inquire of her how she obtained relief and\ndeliverance from the spiritual distresses which she had lately suffered,\nshe answered, in broken English, \u2018_Me try, me try save myself; last, my\nstrength be all gone_; (meaning her ability to save herself;) _could not\nme stir bit further. Den last me forced let Jesus Christ alone send me\nhell, if he please._\u2019 I said, \u2018But you was not willing to go to hell,\nwas you?\u2019 She replied, \u2018_Could not me help it. My heart, he would wicked\nfor all. Could not me make him good_,\u2019 (meaning, she saw it was right\nshe should go to hell, because her heart was wicked, and would be so\nafter all she could do to mend it.) I asked her how she got out of this\ncase. She answered still in the same broken language, \u2018_By by, my heart\nbe glad desperately_.\u2019 I asked her why her heart was glad? She replied,\n\u2018_Glad my heart, Jesus Christ do what he please with me. Did not me care\nwhere he put me; love him for all_,\u2019 &c. She could not readily be\nconvinced but that she was willing to go to hell if Christ was pleased\nto send her there; although the truth evidently was, that her will was\nso swallowed up in the divine will that she could not frame any hell in\nher imagination which would be dreadful or undesirable, provided it was\nthe will of God to send her to it. Toward night discoursed to them again\nin the catechetical method which I entered upon the evening before. When\nI came to improve the truth which I had explained to them, and to answer\nthat question, \u2018But how shall I know whether God has chosen me to\neverlasting life?\u2019 by pressing them to come and give up their hearts to\nChrist, and thereby \u2018to make their election sure,\u2019 they then appeared\nmuch affected, and the persons under concern were afresh engaged in\nseeking after an interest in him; while some others, who had obtained\ncomfort before, were refreshed to find that love to God in themselves\nwhich was an evidence of his electing love to them.\n\n_Dec. 25._\u2014\u201cThe Indians having been used on Christmas days to drink and\nrevel among some of the white people in these parts, I thought it proper\nthis day to call them together and discourse to them upon divine things;\nwhich I accordingly did from the parable of the barren fig-tree. Luke,\n13:6-9. A divine influence, I am persuaded, accompanied the word at this\nseason. The power of God appeared in the assembly, not by producing any\nremarkable cries, but by rousing several stupid creatures who were\nscarcely ever moved with any concern before. The power attending divine\ntruth seemed to have the influence of the earthquake rather than of the\nwhirlwind upon them. Their passions were not so much alarmed as has been\ncommon here in times past, but their judgments appeared to be powerfully\nconvinced by the masterly and conquering influence of divine truth. The\nimpressions made upon the assembly in general, seemed not superficial,\nbut deep, and heart affecting. O how ready did they now appear\nuniversally to embrace and comply with every thing which they heard, and\nwere convinced was their duty. God was in the midst of us, of a truth,\nbowing and melting stubborn hearts! How many tears and sobs were then to\nbe seen and heard among us! What liveliness and strict attention! What\neagerness and intenseness of mind appeared in the whole assembly, in the\ntime of divine service. They seemed to watch and wait for the droppings\nof God\u2019s word, as the thirsty earth, for the \u2018former and latter rain.\u2019\n\n\u201cAfterward I discoursed to them on the duty of husbands and wives, from\nEph. 5:22-33, and have reason to think this was a word in season. Spent\nsome time further in the evening in inculcating the truths on which I\nhad insisted in my former discourse, respecting the barren fig-tree; and\nobserved a powerful influence still accompany what was spoken.\n\n_Dec. 26._\u2014\u201cThis evening was visited by a person under great spiritual\ndistress; the most remarkable instance of this kind I ever saw. She was,\nI believe, more than _fourscore_ years old; and appeared to be much\nbroken and very childish, through age; so that it seemed impossible for\nman to instil into her any notions of divine things; not so much as to\ngive her any doctrinal instruction, because she seemed incapable of\nbeing taught. She was led by the hand into my house, and appeared in\nextreme anguish. I asked her what ailed her? She answered, \u2018_her heart\nwas distressed, and she feared she should never find Christ_.\u2019 I asked\nher when she began to be concerned, with divers other questions relating\nto her distress. To all which she answered, for substance, to this\neffect: \u2018_That she had heard me preach many times, but never knew any\nthing about it, never felt it in her heart, till the last Sabbath, and\nthen it came_,\u2019 she said, \u2018_as if a needle had been thrust into her\nheart; since which time she had no rest day nor night_.\u2019 She added,\n\u2018_that on the evening before Christmas, a number of Indians being\ntogether, at the house where she was, and discoursing about Christ,\ntheir talk pricked her heart so that she could not set up, but fell down\nin her bed; at which Lime she went away_,\u2019 as she expressed it, \u2018_and\nfelt as if she dreamed, and_ _yet is confident she did not dream. When\nshe was thus gone, she saw two paths; one appeared very broad and\ncrooked; and that turned to the left hand. The other appeared straight\nand very narrow; and that went up the hill to the right hand. She\ntraveled_,\u2019 she said, \u2018_for some time up the narrow right hand path,\ntill at length something seemed to obstruct her journey. She sometimes\ncalled it darkness; and then described it otherwise, and seemed to\ncompare it to a block or bar. She then remembered what she had heard me\nsay about striving to enter in at the strait gate, although she took\nlittle notice of it at the time when she heard me discourse upon that\nsubject; and thought she would climb over this bar. But just as she was\nthinking of this, she came back again_,\u2019 as she termed it, meaning that\nshe came to herself; \u2018_whereupon her soul was extremely distressed,\napprehending that she had now turned back, and forsaken Christ, and that\nthere was therefore no hope of mercy for her_.\u2019\n\n\u201cAs I was sensible that trances, and imaginary views of things are of\ndangerous tendency in religion, where sought after and depended upon; so\nI could not but be much concerned about this exercise, especially at\nfirst; apprehending this might be a design of satan to bring a blemish\nupon the work of God here, by introducing visionary scenes, imaginary\nterrors, and all manner of mental disorders and delusions, in the room\nof genuine convictions of sin, and the enlightening influences of the\nblessed Spirit; and I was almost resolved to declare, that I looked upon\nthis to be one of satan\u2019s devices, and to caution my people against this\nand similar exercises of that nature. However, I determined first to\ninquire into her knowledge, to see whether she had any just views of\nthings, that might be the occasion of her present distressing concern,\nor whether it was a mere fright, arising only from imaginary terrors. I\nasked her numerous questions respecting man\u2019s primitive, and more\nespecially, his present state, and respecting her own heart; which she\nanswered rationally, and to my surprise. I thought it next to\nimpossible, if not altogether so, that a Pagan, who was become a child\nthrough age, should in that state gain so much knowledge by any mere\nhuman instruction, without being remarkably enlightened by a divine\ninfluence. I then proposed to her the provision made in the gospel for\nthe salvation of sinners, and the ability and willingness of Christ \u2018to\nsave to the uttermost all, old as well as young, that come to him.\u2019 To\nthis she seemed to give a hearty assent; but instantly replied, \u2018_Ay,\nbut I cannot come; my wicked heart will not come to Christ; I do not\nknow how to come_,\u2019 &c. This she spoke in anguish of spirit, striking on\nher breast, with tears in her eyes, and with such earnestness in her\nlooks as was indeed piteous and affecting. She seems to be really\nconvinced of her sin and misery, and her need of a change of heart. Her\nconcern is abiding and constant, so that nothing appears why this\nexercise may not have a saving issue. Indeed there seems reason to hope\nsuch an issue, seeing she is so solicitous to obtain an interest in\nChrist, that her heart, as she expresses it, _prays day and night_.\n\n\u201cHow far God may make use of the imagination in awakening some persons\nunder these, and similar circumstances, I cannot pretend to determine.\nOr, whether this exercise be from a divine influence, I shall leave\nothers to judge. But this I must say, that its effects hitherto bespeak\nit to be such; nor can it, as I see, be accounted for in any rational\nway, but from the influence of some spirit either good or evil. The\nwoman I am sure never heard divine things in the manner in which she now\nviewed them; and it would seem strange that she should get such a\nrational notion of them from the mere working of her own fancy, without\nsome superior, or at least foreign aid. Yet I must say, I have looked\nupon it as one of the glories of this work of grace among the Indians,\nand a special evidence of its being from a divine influence, that there\nhas, till now, been no appearance of such things, no visionary notions,\ntrances, and imaginations, intermixed with those rational convictions of\nsin, and solid consolations, of which numbers have been made the\nsubjects. And might I have had my desire, there had been no appearance\nof any thing of this nature at all.\n\n_Dec. 28._ \u201cDiscoursed to my people in the catechetical method on which\nI lately entered. In the improvement of my discourse, wherein I was\ncomparing man\u2019s present with his primitive state, and showing from what\nhe had fallen, and the miseries in which he is now involved, and to\nwhich he is exposed in his natural estate; and pressing sinners to take\na view of their deplorable circumstances without Christ, as also to\nstrive that they might obtain an interest in him; the Lord, I trust,\ngranted a remarkable influence of his blessed Spirit to accompany what\nwas spoken; and a great concern appeared in the assembly. Many were\nmelted into tears and sobs; and the impressions made upon them seemed\ndeep and heart-affecting. In particular, there were two or three persons\nwho appeared to be brought to the last exercises of a preparatory work,\nand reduced almost to extremity; being in a great measure convinced of\nthe impossibility of their helping themselves, or of mending their own\nhearts; and seemed to be upon the point of giving up all hope in\nthemselves, and of venturing upon Christ, as poor, helpless, and undone.\nYet they were in distress and anguish because they saw no safety in so\ndoing, unless they could do something toward saving themselves. One of\nthese persons was the very aged woman above-mentioned, who now appeared\n\u2018weary and heavy laden\u2019 with a sense of her sin and misery, and her\nperishing need of an interest in Christ.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Dec. 29._\u2014\u201cPreached from John, 3:1-5. A number of white\npeople were present, as is usual upon the Sabbath. The discourse was\naccompanied with power, and seemed to have a silent, but deep and\npiercing influence upon the audience. Many wept and sobbed\naffectionately. There were some tears among the white people as well as\nthe Indians. Some could not refrain from crying out; though there were\nnot many so exercised. But the impressions made upon their hearts\nappeared chiefly by the extraordinary earnestness of their attention,\nand their heavy sighs and tears.\n\n\u201cAfter public worship was over I went to my house, proposing to preach\nagain after a short season of intermission. But they soon came in, one\nafter another, with tears in their eyes, to know \u2018_what they should do\nto be saved_.\u2019 The divine Spirit in such a manner set home upon their\nhearts what I spake to them that the house was soon filled with cries\nand groans. They all flocked together upon this occasion; and those,\nwhom I had reason to think in a Christless state, were almost\nuniversally seized with concern for their souls. It was an amazing\nseason of power among them; and seemed as if God had bowed the heavens\nand come down. So astonishingly prevalent was the operation upon old as\nwell as young, that it seemed as if none would be left in a secure and\nnatural state, but that God was now about to convert all the world. I\nwas ready to think, then, that I should never again despair of the\nconversion of any man or woman living, be they who or what they would.\n\n\u201cIt is impossible to give a just and lively description of the\nappearance of things at this season; at least such as to convey a bright\nand adequate idea of the effects of this influence. A number might now\nbe seen rejoicing that God had not taken away the powerful influence of\nhis blessed Spirit from this place; refreshed to see so many striving to\nenter in at the strait gate; and animated with such concern for them,\nthat they wanted to push them forward, as some of them expressed it. At\nthe same time numbers both of men and women, old and young, might be\nseen in tears; and some in anguish of spirit, appearing in their very\ncountenances like condemned malefactors bound toward the place of\nexecution, with a heavy solicitude sitting in their faces; so that there\nseemed here, as I thought, a lively emblem of the solemn day of account:\na mixture of heaven and hell; of joy and anguish inexpressible.\n\n\u201cThe concern and religious affection was such, that I could not pretend\nto have any formal religious exercise among them; but spent the time in\ndiscoursing to one and another, as I thought most proper and seasonable\nfor each; and sometimes addressed them altogether; and finally concluded\nwith prayer. Such were their circumstances at this season, that I could\nscarcely have half an hour\u2019s rest from speaking, from about half an hour\nbefore twelve o\u2019clock, at which time I began public worship, till after\nseven at night. There appeared to be four or five persons newly awakened\nthis day and the evening before; some of whom but very lately came among\nus.\n\n_Dec. 30._ \u201cWas visited by four or five young persons under concern for\ntheir souls; most of whom were very lately awakened. They wept much\nwhile I discoursed with them and endeavored to press upon them the\nnecessity of flying to Christ without delay for salvation.\n\n_Dec. 31._\u2014\u201cSpent some hours this day in visiting my people from house\nto house, and conversing with them about their spiritual concerns;\nendeavoring to press upon Christless souls the necessity of a renovation\nof heart; and scarce left a house without leaving some or other of its\ninhabitants in tears, appearing solicitously engaged to obtain an\ninterest in Christ.\n\n\u201cThe Indians are now gathered together from all quarters to this place,\nand have built them little cottages, so that more than _twenty families_\nlive within a quarter of a mile from me. A very convenient situation\nwith regard both to public and private instruction.\n\n_Jan. 1, 1746._\u2014\u201cSpent considerable time in visiting my people again.\nFound scarcely one but what was under some serious impressions\nrespecting their spiritual concerns.\n\n_Jan. 2._\u2014\u201cVisited some persons newly come among us, who had scarce ever\nheard any thing of Christianity before, except the empty name.\nEndeavored to instruct them, particularly in the first principles of\nreligion, in the most easy and familiar manner I could. There are\nstrangers from remote parts, almost continually dropping in among us, so\nthat I have occasion repeatedly to open and inculcate the first\nprinciples of Christianity.\n\n_Jan. 4._\u2014\u201cProsecuted my catechetical method of instructing. Found my\npeople able to answer questions with propriety, beyond what could have\nbeen expected from persons so lately brought out of heathenish darkness.\nIn the improvement of my discourse there appeared some concern and\naffection in the assembly; and especially in those of whom I entertained\nhopes as being truly gracious, at least several of them were much\naffected and refreshed.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Jan. 5._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed from Matt. 12:10-13. There appeared\nnot so much liveliness and affection in divine service as usual. The\nsame truths which have often produced many tears and sobs in the\nassembly seemed now to have no special influence upon any in it. Near\nnight I proposed to have proceeded in my usual method of catechising;\nbut while we were engaged in the first prayer, the power of God seemed\nto descend upon the assembly in such a remarkable manner, and so many\nappeared under pressing concern for their souls, that I thought it much\nmore expedient to insist upon the plentiful provision made by divine\ngrace for the redemption of perishing sinners, and to press them to a\nspeedy acceptance of the great salvation, than to ask them questions\nabout doctrinal points. What was most practical seemed most seasonable\nto be insisted upon, while numbers appeared so extraordinarily\nsolicitous to obtain an interest in the great Redeemer.\n\n\u201cThis day the woman mentioned in my journal of December 22, made a\npublic profession of her faith. She has discovered a very sweet and\nheavenly frame of mind from time to time, since her first reception of\ncomfort. One morning in particular, she came to see me, discovering an\nunusual joy and satisfaction in her countenance; and when I inquired\ninto the reason of it, she replied, \u2018that God had made her feel that it\nwas right for him to do what he pleased with all things; and that it\nwould be right if he should cast her husband and son both into hell; and\nshe saw it was so right for God to do what he pleased with them, that\nshe could not but rejoice in God even if he should send them into hell;\u2019\nthough it was apparent she loved them dearly. She moreover inquired\nwhether I was not sent to preach to the Indians by some good people a\ngreat way off. I replied, \u2018Yes, by the good people in Scotland.\u2019 She\nanswered, \u2018that her heart loved those good people so the evening before,\nthat she could scarce help praying for them all night, her heart would\ngo to God for them.\u2019 Thus, the blessing of those ready to perish, is\nlike to come upon those pious persons who have communicated of their\nsubstance to the propagation of the Gospel.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Jan. 12._\u2014\u201cPreached from Isaiah, 55:6. The word of God\nseemed to fall upon the audience with a divine weight and influence, and\nevidently appeared to be \u2018not the word of man.\u2019 The blessed Spirit, I am\npersuaded, accompanied what was spoken to the hearts of many; so that\nthere was a powerful revival of conviction in numbers who were under\nspiritual exercises before.\n\n\u201cToward night catechised in my usual method. Near the close of my\ndiscourse there appeared a great concern, and much affection in the\naudience; which increased while I continued to invite them to come to an\nall-sufficient Redeemer for eternal salvation. The Spirit of God seems,\nfrom time to time, to be striving with souls here. They are so\nfrequently and repeatedly roused, that they seem unable at present to\nlull themselves asleep.\n\n_Jan. 13._\u2014\u201cWas visited by several persons under deep concern for their\nsouls; one of whom was newly awakened. It is a most agreeable work to\ntreat with souls who are solicitously inquiring \u2018what they shall do to\nbe saved.\u2019 As we are never to be \u2018weary in well doing,\u2019 so the\nobligation seems to be peculiarly strong when the work is so very\ndesirable. Yet I must say, my health is so much impaired, and my spirits\nso wasted with my labors and solitary manner of living; there being no\nhuman creature in the house with me; that their repeated and almost\nincessant applications to me for help and direction, are sometimes\nexceedingly burdensome, and so exhaust my spirits that I become fit for\nnothing at all, entirely unable to prosecute my business, sometimes for\ndays together. What contributes much toward this difficulty is, that I\nam obliged to spend much time in communicating a little matter to them;\nthere being oftentimes many things to be premised before I can speak\ndirectly to what I principally aim at; which things would readily be\ntaken for granted where there was a competency of doctrinal knowledge.\n\n_Jan. 14._\u2014\u201cSpent some time in private conference with my people, and\nfound some disposed to take comfort, as I thought, upon slight grounds.\nThey are now generally awakened, and it is become so disgraceful, as\nwell as terrifying to the conscience, to be destitute of religion, that\nthey are in imminent danger of taking up with an appearance of grace,\nrather than to live under the fear and disgrace of an unregenerated\nstate.\n\n_Jan. 18._\u2014\u201cProsecuted my catechetical method of discoursing. There\nappeared a great solemnity, and some considerable affection in the\nassembly. This method of instruction I find very profitable. When I\nfirst entered upon it I was exercised with fears, lest my discourses\nwould unavoidably be so doctrinal that they would tend only to enlighten\nthe head, but not to affect the heart. But the event proved quite\notherwise; for these exercises have hitherto been remarkably blessed in\nthe latter, as well as the former respects.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Jan. 19._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to my people from Isaiah, 55:7.\nToward night catechised in my ordinary method; and this appeared to be a\npowerful season of grace among us. Numbers were much affected.\nConvictions were powerfully revived, and Christians refreshed and\nstrengthened; and one weary, heavy laden soul, I have abundant reason to\nhope, brought to true rest and solid comfort in Christ; who afterward\ngave me such an account of God\u2019s dealing with his soul as was abundantly\nsatisfying, as well as refreshing to me.\n\n\u201cHe told me he had often heard me say that persons must see and feel\nthemselves utterly helpless and undone\u2014that they must be emptied of a\ndependence upon themselves, and of all hope of saving themselves, in\norder to their coming to Christ for salvation. He had long been striving\nafter this view of things; supposing that this would be an excellent\nframe of mind, to be thus emptied of a dependence upon his own goodness;\nthat God would have respect to this frame, would then be well pleased\nwith him, and bestow eternal life upon him. But when he came to feel\nhimself in this helpless, undone condition, he found it quite contrary\nto all his thoughts and expectations; so that it was not the same frame,\nnor indeed any thing like the frame after which he had been seeking.\nInstead of its being a good frame of mind, he now found nothing but\nbadness in himself, and saw it was for ever impossible for him to make\nhimself any better. He wondered, he said, that he had ever hoped to mend\nhis own heart. He was amazed that he had never before seen that it was\nutterly impossible for him, by all his contrivances and endeavors, to do\nany thing in that way, since the matter now appeared to him in so clear\na light. Instead of imagining now that God would be pleased with him for\nthe sake of this frame of mind, and this view of his undone estate, he\nsaw clearly, and felt that it would be just with God to send him to\neternal misery; and that there was no goodness in what he then felt; for\nhe could not help seeing that he was naked, sinful, and miserable, and\nthat there was nothing in such a sight to deserve God\u2019s love or pity.\n\n\u201cHe saw these things in a manner so clear and convincing, that it seemed\nto him, he said, he could convince every body of their utter inability\nto help themselves, and their unworthiness of any help from God. In this\nframe of mind he came to public worship this evening; and while I was\ninviting sinners to come to Christ naked and empty, without any goodness\nof their own to recommend them to his acceptance, then he thought with\nhimself that he had often tried to come and give up his heart to Christ,\nand he used to hope that some time or other he should be able to do so;\nbut now he was convinced that he could not, and it seemed utterly vain\nfor him ever to try any more; and he could not, he said, find a heart to\nmake any further attempt, because he saw it would signify nothing at\nall; nor did he now hope for a better opportunity or more ability\nhereafter, as he had formerly done, because he saw and was fully\nconvinced that his own strength would for ever fail.\n\nWhile he was musing in this manner he saw, he said, with his heart,\n(which is a common phrase among them,) something that was unspeakably\ngood and lovely, and what he had never seen before; and \u2018this stole away\nhis heart whether he would or no.\u2019 He did not, he said, know what it was\nhe saw. He did not say \u2018this is Jesus Christ;\u2019 but it was such glory and\nbeauty as he never saw before. He did not now give away his heart, as he\nhad formerly intended and attempted to do; but _it went away of itself_\nafter that glory he then discovered. He used to make a bargain with\nChrist to give up his heart to him that he might have eternal life for\nit. But now he thought nothing about himself or what would become of him\nhereafter; but was pleased, and his mind wholly taken up with the\nunspeakable excellency of what he then beheld. After some time he was\nwonderfully pleased with the way of salvation by Christ; so that it\nseemed unspeakably desirable to be saved altogether by the mere free\ngrace of God in him. The consequence of this exercise is, that he\nappears to retain a sense and relish of divine things, and to maintain a\nlife of seriousness and true religion.\n\n_Jan. 28._\u2014\u201cThe Indians in these parts have, in times past, run\nthemselves in debt by their excessive drinking; and some have taken the\nadvantage of them, and put them to trouble and charge, by arresting some\nof them; whereby it was supposed their hunting lands in great part were\nmuch endangered, and might speedily be taken from them. Being sensible\nthat they could not subsist together in these parts, in order to their\nbeing a Christian congregation, if these lands should be taken, which\nwas thought very likely; I thought it my duty to use my utmost endeavors\nto prevent so unhappy an event. Having acquainted the gentlemen\nconcerned in this mission with the affair, according to the best\ninformation I could get of it, they thought it proper to expend the\nmoney which they had been and still were collecting for the religious\ninterest of the Indians, at least a part of it, for discharging their\ndebts, and securing these lands, that there might be no entanglement\nlying upon them to hinder the settlement and hopeful enlargement of a\nChristian congregation of Indians in these parts. Having received orders\nfrom them, I answered in behalf of the Indians, _eighty-two pounds, five\nshillings_, New-Jersey currency, at _eight shillings per ounce_; and so\nprevented the danger or difficulty in this respect.\n\n\u201cAs God has wrought a wonderful work of grace among these Indians, and\nnow inclines others from remote places to fall in among them almost\ncontinually; and as he has opened a door for the prevention of the\ndifficulty now mentioned, which seemed greatly to threaten their\nreligious interests as well as worldly comforts; it is to be hoped that\nhe designs to establish a church for himself among them, and hand down\ntrue religion to their posterity.\n\n_Jan. 30._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians from John, 3:16, 17. There was a\nsolemn attention and some affection visible in the audience; especially\nseveral persons who had long been concerned for their souls, seemed\nafresh excited and engaged in seeking after an interest in Christ. One,\nwith much concern, afterward told me \u2018his heart was so pricked with my\npreaching he knew not where to turn or what to do.\u2019\n\n_Jan. 31._\u2014\u201cThis day the person whom I had made choice of and engaged\nfor a school master among the Indians arrived among us, and was heartily\nwelcomed by my people universally. Whereupon I distributed several dozen\nof primers among the children and young people.\n\n_1_\u2014\u201cMy schoolmaster entered upon his business among the Indians. He has\ngenerally about thirty children and young persons in his school in the\nday time, and about fifteen married people in the evening school. The\nnumber of married persons being less than it would be if they could be\nmore constantly at home, and could spare time from their necessary\nemployments for an attendance upon these instructions.\n\n\u201cIn the evening catechised in my usual method. Toward the close of my\ndiscourse a surprising power seemed to attend the word, especially to\nsome persons. One man considerably in years, who had been a remarkable\ndrunkard, a conjurer and murderer, and was awakened some months before,\nwas now brought to great extremity under his spiritual distress; so that\nhe trembled for hours together, and apprehended himself just dropping\ninto hell, without any power to rescue or relieve himself. Divers others\nappeared under great concern, as well as he, and solicitous to obtain a\nsaving change.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Feb. 2._\u2014\u201cPreached from John, 5:24, 25. There appeared, as\nusual, some concern and affection in the assembly. Toward night\nproceeded in my usual method of catechising. Observed my people more\nready in answering the questions proposed to them than ever before. It\nis apparent they advance daily in doctrinal knowledge. But what is still\nmore desirable, the Spirit of God is yet operating among them; whereby\nexperimental as well as speculative knowledge is propagated in their\nminds.\n\n_Feb. 5._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to a considerable number of Indians in the\nevening; at which time numbers of them appeared much affected and melted\nwith divine things.\n\n_Feb. 8._\u2014\u201cSpent a considerable part of the day in visiting my people\nfrom house to house, and conversing with them about their souls\nconcerns. Many persons wept, while I discoursed to them, and appeared\nconcerned for nothing so much as for an interest in the great Redeemer.\nIn the evening catechised as usual. Divine truth made some impressions\nupon the audience; and were attended with an affectionate _engagement_\nof soul in some.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Feb. 9._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to my people from the story of the\nblind man. Matt. 10:46-52. The word of God seemed weighty, and powerful\nupon the assembly at this time, and made considerable impressions upon\nmany; several in particular, who have generally been remarkably stupid\nand careless under the means of grace, were now awakened, and wept\naffectionately. The most earnest attention, as well as tenderness and\naffection, appeared in the audience universally. Two persons publicly\nprofessed Christ.\n\n\u201cToward night catechised. God made this a powerful season to some. There\nwere many affected. Former convictions appeared to be powerfully\nrevived. There was likewise one, who had been a vile drunkard,\nremarkably awakened. He appeared to be in great anguish of soul, wept,\nand trembled, and continued to do so till near midnight. There was also\na poor heavy laden soul, who had been long under heavy distress, as\nconstant and pressing as I ever saw, who was now brought to a\ncomfortable calm, and seemed to be bowed and reconciled to the divine\nsovereignty, and told me she now felt and saw that it was right for God\nto do with her as he pleased; and that her heart felt pleased and\nsatisfied it should be so; although of late she had often found her\nheart rise and quarrel with God because he would, _if he pleased_, send\nher to hell after all she had done. She added that the heavy burden she\nhad lain under was now removed; that she had tried to recover her\nconcern and distress again, fearing that the Spirit of God was departing\nfrom her, and would leave her wholly careless, but that she could not\nrecover it; that she felt she never could do any thing to save herself,\nbut must perish for ever if Christ did not do all for her; that she did\nnot deserve he should help her; and that it would be right if he should\nleave her to perish. But Christ could save her though she could do\nnothing to save herself, &c. and here she seemed to rest.\u201d\n\n                                _Forks of Delaware, February, 1746._\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Feb. 16._\u2014\u201cKnowing that numbers of the Indians in these\nparts were obstinately set against Christianity; and that some of them\nhad refused to hear me preach in times past; I thought it might be\nproper and beneficial to the Christian interest here to have a number of\nmy religious people from Crossweeksung with me, to converse with them\nabout religious matters; hoping it might be a means to convince them of\nthe truth and importance of Christianity, to see and hear some of their\nown nation discoursing of divine things, and manifesting earnest desires\nthat others might be brought out of heathenish darkness, as themselves\nwere. For this purpose I selected half a dozen of the most serious and\nintelligent of those Indians, and having brought them to the Forks of\nDelaware, I this day met with them and the Indians of this place.\nNumbers of the latter probably could not have been prevailed upon to\nattend this meeting, had it not been for these religious Indians who\naccompanied me hither, and preached to them. Some of those who had in\ntimes past been extremely averse to Christianity, now behaved soberly;\nand some others laughed and mocked. However, the word of God fell with\nsuch weight and power, that numbers seemed to be stunned, and expressed\na willingness to hear me again of these matters.\n\n\u201cAfterward prayed with, and made an address to the white people present;\nand could not but observe some visible effects of the word, such as\ntears and sobs among them. After public worship, spent some time, and\ntook pains to convince those that mocked of the truth and importance of\nwhat I had been insisting upon; and so endeavored to awaken their\nattention to divine truth. Had reason to think, from what I observed\nthen and afterward, that my endeavors took considerable effect upon one\nof the worst of them.\n\n\u201cThose few Indians then present, who used to be my hearers in these\nparts, some having removed hence to Crossweeksung, seemed somewhat\nkindly disposed toward me, and glad to see me again. They had been so\nmuch attacked, however, by some of the opposing Pagans, that they were\nalmost ashamed or afraid to manifest their friendship.\n\n_Feb. 17._\u2014\u201cAfter having spent much time in discoursing to the Indians\nin their respective houses, I got them together and repeated and\ninculcated what I had before taught them. Afterward discoursed to them\nfrom Acts, 8:5-8. A divine influence seemed to attend the word. Several\nof the Indians here appeared to be somewhat awakened, and manifested\nearnest tears and sobs. My people of Crossweeksung continued with them\nday and night repeating and inculcating the truths I had taught them;\nand sometimes prayed and sung psalms among them; discoursing with each\nother in their hearing, of the great things God had done for them and\nfor the Indians from whence they came. This seemed, as my people told\nme, to have more effect upon them than when they directed their\ndiscourse immediately to them.\n\n_Feb. 18._\u2014\u201cPreached to an assembly of Irish people, nearly fifteen\nmiles distant from the Indians.\n\n_Feb. 19._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians again, after having spent\nconsiderable time in conversing with them more privately. There appeared\na great solemnity, and some concern and affection among the Indians\nbelonging to these parts, as well as a sweet melting among those who\ncame with me. Numbers of the Indians here seemed to have their\nprejudices and aversion to Christianity removed; and appeared well\ndisposed, and inclined to hear the word of God.\n\n_Feb. 20._\u2014\u201cPreached to a small assembly of High Dutch people, who had\nseldom heard the Gospel preached, and were some of them, at least, very\nignorant; but numbers of them have lately been put upon an inquiry after\nthe way of Salvation with thoughtfulness. They gave wonderful attention;\nand some of them were much affected under the word, and afterward said,\nas I was informed, that they never had been so much enlightened about\nthe way of Salvation in their whole lives before. They requested me to\ntarry with them, or come again and preach to them. It grieved me that I\ncould not comply with their request. I could not but be affected with\ntheir circumstances; for they were as \u2018sheep not having a shepherd,\u2019 and\nsome of them appeared under some degree of distress for sin; standing in\npeculiar need of the assistance of an experienced spiritual guide.\n\n_Feb. 21._\u2014\u201cPreached to a number of people, many of them Low Dutch.\nSeveral of the fore-mentioned High Dutch people attended the sermon,\nthough eight or ten miles distant from their houses. Numbers of the\nIndians also belonging to these parts came of their own accord with my\npeople from Crossweeksung, to the meeting. There were two in particular\nwho, though the last Sabbath they opposed and ridiculed Christianity,\nnow behaved soberly. May the present encouraging appearances continue!\n\n_Feb. 22._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians. They appeared more free from\nprejudice and more cordial to Christianity than before; and some of them\nappeared affected with divine truth.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Feb. 23._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians from John, 6:35-37.\nAfter public service discoursed particularly with several of them, and\ninvited them to go down to Crossweeksung and tarry there at least for\nsome time; knowing that they would then be free from the scoffs and\ntemptations of the opposing Pagans, as well as in the way of hearing\ndivine truths discoursed of, both in public and private. Obtained a\npromise of some of them that they would speedily pay us a visit, and\nattend some farther instructions. They seemed to be considerably\nenlightened, and much freed from their prejudices against Christianity.\nBut it is much to be feared that their prejudices will revive again,\nunless they can enjoy the means of instruction here, or be removed where\nthey may be under such advantages, and out of the way of their Pagan\nacquaintances.\n\n                                       _Crossweeksung, March, 1746._\n\n_March 1._\u2014\u201cCatechised in my ordinary method. Was pleased and refreshed\nto see them answer the questions proposed to them with such remarkable\nreadiness, discretion, and knowledge. Toward the close of my discourse\ndivine truth made considerable impression upon the audience, and\nproduced tears and sobs in some under concern; and more especially a\nsweet and humble melting in several, who, I have reason to hope, were\ntruly gracious.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, March 2._\u2014\u201cPreached from John, 15:16. The assembly appeared\nnot so lively in their attention as usual, nor so much affected with\ndivine truth in general as has been common. Some of my people who went\nup to the Forks of the Delaware with me, being now returned, were\naccompanied by two of the Indians belonging to the Forks who had\npromised me a speedy visit. May the Lord meet with them here. They can\nscarcely go into a house now but they will meet with Christian\nconversation, whereby it is to be hoped they may be both instructed and\nawakened.\n\n\u201cDiscoursed to the Indians again in the afternoon, and observed among\nthem some animation and engagedness in divine service, though not equal\nto what has often appeared here. I know of no assembly of Christians\nwhere there seems to be so much of the presence of God, where brotherly\nlove so much prevails, and where I should take so much delight in the\npublic worship of God in general, as in _my own congregation_; although\nnot more than nine months ago, they were worshipping _devils_ and _dumb\nidols_ under the power of Pagan darkness and superstition. Amazing\nchange this! effected by nothing less than divine power and grace. This\nis the doing of the Lord, and it is justly marvellous in our eyes.\n\n_March 5._\u2014\u201cSpent some time just at evening in prayer, singing and\ndiscoursing to my people upon divine things; and observed some agreeable\ntenderness and affection among them. Their present situation is so\ncompact and commodious, that they are easily and quickly called together\nwith only the sound of a conch-shell, (a shell like that of a\nperiwinkle,) so that they have frequent opportunities of attending\nreligious exercises publicly. This seems to be a great means, under God,\nof keeping alive the impression of divine things in their minds.\n\n_March 8._\u2014\u201cCatechised in the evening. My people answered the questions\nproposed to them well. I can perceive their knowledge in religion\nincreases daily. And, what is still more desirable, the divine\ninfluence, which has been so remarkable among them, appears still to\ncontinue, in some good measure. The divine presence seemed to be in the\nassembly this evening.\n\n\u201cSome, who I have good reason to think are Christians indeed, were\nmelted with a sense of divine goodness and their own barrenness and\ningratitude, and seemed to _hate themselves_, as one of them afterward\nexpressed it. Convictions also appeared to be revived in several\ninstances; and divine truth was attended with such influence upon the\nassembly in general, that it might justly be called an evening of divine\npower.\n\n_Lords\u2019 day, March 9._\u2014\u201cPreached from Luke, 10:38-42. The word of God\nwas attended with power and energy upon the audience. Numbers were\naffected, and concerned to obtain the one thing needful. Several, who\nhave given good evidence of being truly gracious, were much affected\nwith a sense of their want of spirituality, and saw the need they stood\nin of growing in grace. The greater part of those who had been under any\nimpressions of divine things in times past, seemed now to have those\nimpressions revived.\n\n\u201cIn the afternoon proposed to have catechised in my usual method: but,\nwhile we were engaged in the first prayer in the Indian language, as\nusual, a great part of the assembly was so much moved and affected with\ndivine things that I thought it seasonable and proper to omit the\nproposing of questions for that time, and to insist upon the most\npractical truths. I accordingly did so; making a further improvement of\nthe passage of Scripture on which I had discoursed in the former part of\nthe day. There appeared to be a powerful divine influence in the\ncongregation. Several who, as I have reason to think, are truly pious,\nwere so deeply affected with a sense of their own barrenness, and their\nunworthy treatment of the blessed Redeemer, that they _looked on him as\npierced_ by themselves, and _mourned_, yea, some of them were _in\nbitterness, as for a first-born_.\n\n\u201cSome poor awakened sinners, also, appeared to be in anguish of soul to\nobtain an interest in Christ; so that there was a _great mourning_ in\nthe assembly: many heavy groans, sobs, and tears! and one or two, newly\ncome among us, were considerably awakened.\n\n\u201cMethinks it would have refreshed the heart of any, who truly love\nZion\u2019s interests, to have been in the midst of this divine influence,\nand seen the effects of it upon saints and sinners. The place of divine\nworship appeared both solemn and sweet; and was so endeared by a display\nof the divine presence and grace that those who had any relish for\ndivine things could not but cry, \u2018How amiable are thy tabernacles, O\nLord of Hosts!\u2019 After public worship was over, numbers came to my house,\nwhere we sang and discoursed of divine things; and the presence of God\nseemed here also to be in the midst of us.\n\n\u201cWhile we were singing there was one individual, the woman mentioned in\nmy journal of February 9 who, I may venture to say, if I may be allowed\nto say so much of any person I ever saw, was \u2018filled with joy\nunspeakable and full of glory;\u2019 and could not but burst forth in prayer\nand praises to God before us all, with many tears; crying, sometimes in\nEnglish and sometimes in Indian, \u2018_O blessed Lord! do come, do come! O\ndo take me away; do let me die, and go to Jesus Christ! I am afraid if I\nlive I shall sin again. O do let me die now! O dear Jesus, do come! I\ncannot stay, I cannot stay! O how can I live in this world; do take my\nsoul away from this sinful place! O let me never sin any more! O what\nshall I do, what shall I do, dear Jesus. O dear Jesus!_\u2019 In this ecstacy\nshe continued some time, uttering these and similar expressions\nincessantly. The grand argument she used with God to take her away\nimmediately was, that \u2018if she lived, she should sin against him.\u2019 When\nshe had a little recovered herself, I asked her if Christ was now sweet\nto her soul? Whereupon, turning to me with tears in her eyes, and with\nall the tokens of deep humility I ever saw in any person, she said, \u2018I\nhave many times heard you speak of the goodness and the sweetness of\nChrist, that he was better than all the world. But O I knew nothing what\nyou meant. I never believed you, I never believed you! But now I know it\nis true;\u2019 or words to that effect. I answered, \u2018And do you see enough in\nChrist for the greatest of sinners?\u2019 She replied, \u2018O enough, enough for\nall the sinners in the world, if they would but come.\u2019 When I asked her,\n\u2018If she could not tell them of the goodness of Christ.\u2019 Turning herself\nabout to some Christless souls, who stood by, and were much affected,\nshe said, \u2018O there is enough in Christ for you if you would but come. O\nstrive, strive to give up your hearts to him,\u2019 &c. On hearing something\nof the glory of heaven mentioned, that there was no sin in that world;\nshe again fell into the same ecstacy of joy and desire of Christ\u2019s\ncoming; repeating her former expressions, \u2018O dear Lord, do let me go! O\nwhat shall I do; what shall I do. I want to go to Christ. I cannot live.\nO do let me die,\u2019 &c.\n\n\u201cShe continued in this sweet frame for more than two hours before she\nwas able to get home. I am very sensible that there may be great joys,\narising even to an ecstasy, where there is still no substantial evidence\nof their being well grounded. But in the present case there seemed to be\nno evidence wanting in order to prove this joy to be divine; either in\nregard to its preparatives, attendants, or consequents.\n\n\u201cOf all the persons whom I have seen under spiritual exercise I scarcely\never saw one appear more bowed and broken under convictions of sin and\nmisery, or what is usually called a preparatory work, than this woman;\nnor scarcely any who seemed to have a greater acquaintance with their\nown heart than she had. She would frequently complain to me of the\nhardness and rebellion of her heart. Would tell me that her heart rose\nand quarrelled with God, when she thought he would do with her as he\npleased, and send her to hell, notwithstanding her prayers, good frames,\n&c., and that her heart was not willing to come to Christ for Salvation,\nbut tried every where else for help. As she seemed to be remarkably\nsensible of her stubbornness and contrariety to God, under conviction,\nso she appeared to be no less remarkably bowed and reconciled to his\nsovereignty, before she obtained any relief or comfort; something of\nwhich I have noticed in my journal of Feb. 9. Since that time she has\nseemed constantly to breathe the temper and spirit of the new creature;\ncrying after Christ, not through fear of hell as before, but with strong\ndesires after him as her only satisfying portion; and has many times\nwept and sobbed bitterly because, as she apprehended, she did not and\ncould not love him. When I have sometimes asked her why she appeared so\nsorrowful, and whether it was because she was afraid of hell; she would\nanswer \u2018No, I be not distressed about _that_; but my heart is so wicked\nI cannot love Christ;\u2019 and thereupon burst into tears. But although this\nhas been the habitual frame of her mind for several weeks together, so\nthat the exercise of grace appeared evident to others; yet she seemed\nwholly insensible to it herself, and never had any remarkable comfort\nand sensible satisfaction until this evening.\n\n\u201cThis sweet and surprising ecstasy appeared to spring from a true\nspiritual discovery of the glory, ravishing beauty, and excellency of\nChrist; and not from any gross imaginary notions of his human nature,\nsuch as that of seeing him in such a place, or posture, as hanging on\nthe cross, as bleeding and dying, as gently smiling, and the like; which\ndelusions some have been carried away with. Nor did it rise from sordid\nselfish apprehensions of her having any benefit whatsoever conferred on\nher; but from a view of his personal excellency and transcendant\nloveliness; which drew forth those vehement desires of enjoying him\nwhich she now manifested, and made her long \u2018to be absent from the body,\nthat she might be present with the Lord.\u2019\n\n\u201cThe _attendants_ of this ravishing comfort were such as abundantly\ndiscovered its spring to be divine; and that it was truly \u2018a joy in the\nHoly Ghost.\u2019 Now she viewed divine truths as living realities, and could\nsay, \u2018I know these things are so; I feel that they are true!\u2019 Now her\nsoul was resigned to the divine will in the most tender point; so that\nwhen I said to her, \u2018What if God should take away your husband from you,\nwho was then very sick, how do you think you could bear that?\u2019 She\nreplied, \u2018He belongs to God, and not to me; he may do with him just as\nhe pleases.\u2019 Now she had the most tender sense of the evil of sin, and\ndiscovered the utmost aversion to it, longing to die, that she might be\ndelivered from it. Now she could freely trust her all with God for time\nand eternity. When I questioned her, \u2018How she would be willing to die\nand leave her little infant; and what she thought would become of it in\nthat case?\u2019 she answered, \u2018God will take care of it. It belongs to him.\nHe will take care of it.\u2019 Now she appeared to have the most humbling\nsense of her own meanness and unworthiness, her weakness and inability\nto preserve herself from sin, and to persevere in the way of holiness,\ncrying, \u2018If I live I shall sin.\u2019 I then thought that I had never seen\nsuch an appearance of ecstacy and humility meeting in any one person in\nall my life before.\n\n\u201cThe _consequents_ of this joy are no less desirable and satisfactory\nthan its attendants. She since appears to be a most tender,\nbroken-hearted, affectionate, devout, and humble Christian; as exemplary\nin life and conversation as any person in my congregation. May she still\n\u2018grow in grace and in the knowledge of Christ.\u2019\n\n_March 10._ \u201cToward night the Indians met together, of their own accord,\nand sang, prayed, and discoursed of divine things among themselves; at\nwhich time there was much affection among them. Some, who are hopefully\npious, appeared to be melted with divine things; and some others seemed\nmuch concerned for their souls. Perceiving their engagement and\naffection in religious exercises, I went among them, and prayed, and\ngave a word of exhortation; and observed two or three somewhat affected\nand concerned, who scarce ever appeared to be under any religious\nimpressions before. It seemed to be a day and evening of divine power.\nNumbers retained the warm impressions of divine things which had been\nmade upon their minds the day before.\n\n_March 14._\u2014\u201cWas visited by a considerable number of my people, and\nspent some time in religious exercises with them.\n\n_March 15._ \u201cIn the evening catechised. My people answered the questions\nput to them with surprising readiness and judgment. There appeared some\nwarmth, and a feeling sense of divine things among those who I have\nreason to hope are real Christians, while I was discoursing upon peace\nof conscience and joy in the Holy Ghost. These seemed quickened and\nenlivened in divine service, though there was not so much appearance of\nconcern among those whom I have reason to think in a Christless state.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, March 16._\u2014\u201cPreached to my congregation from Hebrews,\n2:1-3. Divine truth seemed to have some considerable influence upon some\nof the hearers, and produced many tears, as well as heavy sighs and\nsobs, among those who have given evidence of being real Christians, and\nothers also. The impressions made upon the audience appeared in general\ndeep and heart-affecting; not superficial, noisy and affected.\n\n\u201cToward night discoursed again on the Great Salvation. The word was\nagain attended with some power upon the audience. Numbers wept\naffectionately, and to appearance unfeignedly; so that the Spirit of God\nseemed to be moving upon the face of the assembly. The woman mentioned\nin my journal of last Lord\u2019s day made a profession of her faith, and\nappeared to be in a devout, humble, and excellent frame of mind.\n\n\u201cMy house being thronged with my people in the evening; I spent the time\nin religious exercises with them until my nature was almost spent. They\nare so unwearied in religious exercises, and insatiable in their\nthirsting after Christian knowledge, that I can sometimes scarcely avoid\nlaboring so as greatly to exhaust my strength and spirits.\n\n_March 19._\u2014\u201cSeveral of the persons who went with me to the Forks of\nDelaware in February last, having been detained there by the dangerous\nillness of one of their company, returned home but this day. Whereupon\nmy people generally met together of their own accord, in order to spend\nsome time in religious exercises; and especially to give thanks to God\nfor his preserving goodness to those who had been absent from them for\nseveral weeks, and recovering mercy to him who had been sick; and that\nhe had now returned them all in safety. As I was then absent; they\ndesired my school-master to assist them in carrying on their religious\nsolemnity; who tells me that they appeared engaged and affectionate in\nrepeated prayer, singing, &c.\n\n_March 22._\u2014\u201cCatechised in my usual method in the evening. My people\nanswered questions to my great satisfaction. There appeared nothing very\nremarkable in the assembly, considering what has been common among us.\nAlthough I may justly say the strict attention, the tenderness and\naffection, the many tears and heart-affecting sobs, appearing in numbers\nin the assembly, would have been very remarkable, were it not that God\nhas made these things common among us, and even with strangers soon\nafter their coming among us, from time to time. I am far from thinking\nthat every appearance and particular instance of affection that has been\namong us, has been truly genuine, and purely from a divine influence. I\nam sensible of the contrary; and doubt not but there has been some\ncorrupt mixture, some _chaff_ as well as _wheat_; especially since\nreligious concern has become so common and prevalent here.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, March 23._\u2014\u201cThere being about _fifteen strangers_, adult\npersons, come among us in the week past, several of whom had never been\nin any religious meeting till now; I thought it proper to discourse this\nday in a manner peculiarly suited to their circumstances and capacities;\nand accordingly attempted it from Hosea, 13:9. \u2018O Israel, thou hast\ndestroyed thyself.\u2019 In the forenoon I opened, in the plainest manner I\ncould, man\u2019s apostacy and ruined state, after having spoken some things\nrespecting the being and perfections of God, and his creation of man in\na state of uprightness and happiness. In the afternoon endeavored to\nopen the glorious provision God has made for the redemption of apostate\ncreatures, by giving his own dear Son to suffer for them and satisfy\ndivine justice on their behalf. There was not that affection and concern\nin the assembly which has been common among us; although there was a\ndesirable attention appearing in general, and even in most of the\nstrangers.\n\n\u201cNear sun-set I felt an uncommon concern upon my mind, especially for\nthe poor _strangers_; that God had so much withheld his presence and the\npowerful influence of his Spirit from the assembly in the exercises of\nthe day; and thereby withheld from them that degree of conviction which\nI hoped they might have had. In this frame I visited several houses, and\ndiscoursed with some concern and affection to several persons\nparticularly; but without much appearance of success till I came to a\nhouse where several of the strangers were. There the solemn truths on\nwhich I discoursed appeared to take effect; first upon some children;\nthen upon several adult persons who had been somewhat awakened before;\nand afterward upon several of the Pagan strangers.\n\n\u201cI continued my discourse, with some fervency, until almost every one in\nthe house was melted into tears, and many wept aloud, and appeared\nearnestly concerned to obtain an interest in Christ. Upon this, numbers\nsoon gathered from all the houses round about; and so thronged the place\nthat we were obliged to remove to the house where we usually met for\npublic worship. The congregation gathered immediately, and many\nappearing remarkably affected, I discoursed some time from Luke, 19:10;\nendeavoring to open the mercy, compassion, and concern of Christ for\nlost, helpless, and undone sinners. There was much visible concern and\naffection in the assembly; and I doubt not but that a divine influence\naccompanied what was spoken to the hearts of many. There were five or\nsix of the strangers, men and women, who appeared to be considerably\nawakened; and, in particular, one very rugged young man, who seemed as\nif nothing would move him, was now brought to tremble like the jailor,\nand weep for a long time.\n\n\u201cThe Pagans who were awakened, seemed at once to put off their savage\nroughness and Pagan manners, and became sociable, orderly and humane in\ntheir carriage. When they first came, I exhorted my religious people to\ntake pains with them as they had done with other strangers from time to\ntime, to instruct them in Christianity. But when some of them attempted\nsomething of that nature, the strangers would soon rise up and walk to\nother houses in order to avoid the hearing of such discourses. Whereupon\nsome of the serious persons agreed to disperse themselves into the\nseveral parts of the settlement; so that wherever the strangers went,\nthey met with some instructive discourse, and warm addresses respecting\ntheir salvation. But now there was no need of using policy, in order to\nget an opportunity of conversing with some of them about their spiritual\nconcerns; for they were so far touched with a sense of their perishing\nstate, as made them voluntarily yield to the closest addresses which\nwere made them, respecting their sin and misery, their need of an\nacquaintance with, and interest in the great Redeemer.\n\n_March 24._\u2014\u201cNumbered the Indians to see how many souls God had gathered\ntogether here since my coming into these parts; and found there were now\nabout _an hundred and thirty_ persons together, old and young. Several\nof those, who are my stated hearers, perhaps to the number of _fifteen_\nor _twenty_, were absent at this season. If all had been together the\nnumber would now have been very considerable; especially considering how\nfew were together at my first coming into this part of the country: the\nwhole number not amounting to _ten_ persons at that time.\n\n\u201cMy people went out this day with the design of clearing some of their\nland, above fifteen miles distant from this settlement, in order to\ntheir settling there in a compact form, where they might be under the\nadvantages of attending the public worship of God, of having their\nchildren taught in a school, and at the same time have a conveniency for\nplanting: their land, in the place of our _present_ residence, being of\nlittle or no value for that purpose. The design of their settling thus\nin a body, and cultivating their lands, of which they have done very\nlittle in their Pagan state, being of such necessity and importance to\ntheir religious interest as well as worldly comfort; I thought it proper\nto call them together, and show them the duty of laboring with\nfaithfulness and industry, and that they must not now \u2018be slothful in\nbusiness,\u2019 as they had ever been in their Pagan state. I endeavored to\npress the importance of their being laborious, diligent, and vigorous in\nthe prosecution of their business; especially at the present juncture,\nthe season of planting being now near, in order to their being in a\ncapacity of living together, and enjoying the means of grace and\ninstruction. Having given them directions for their work, which they\nvery much wanted, as well as for their behavior in divers respects; I\nexplained, sang, and endeavored to inculcate upon them Dr. Watts\u2019 Psalm,\n\n                   If God to build the house deny &c.\n\nand having recommended them, and the design of their going forth, to\nGod, by prayer with them, I dismissed them to their business.\n\n\u201cIn the evening read and expounded to those of my people who were yet at\nhome, and to the _strangers_ newly come, the substance of the 3d chapter\nof the Acts. Numbers seemed to melt under the word; especially while I\nwas discoursing upon verse 19. \u2018Repent ye, therefore, and be converted,\u2019\n&c. Several of the strangers also were affected. When I asked them\nafterward, whether they did not now feel that their hearts were wicked,\nas I had taught them; one of them replied, \u2018Yes, she felt it now.\u2019\nAlthough before she came here, upon hearing that I taught the Indians\nthat their hearts were all bad by nature, and needed to be changed and\nmade good by the power of God; she had said, \u2018Her heart was not wicked,\nand she had never done any thing that was bad in her life.\u2019 This,\nindeed, seems to be the case with them, I think universally, in their\npagan state. They seem to have no consciousness of sin and guilt, unless\nthey can charge themselves with some gross acts of sin contrary to the\ncommands of the _second table._\n\n_March 27._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to a number of my people in one of their houses\nin a more private manner. Inquired particularly into their spiritual\nstates, in order to see what impressions they were under. Laid before\nthem the marks of a regenerate, as well as of an unregenerate state; and\nendeavored to suit and direct my discourse to them severally, according\nas I apprehended their states to be. There were a considerable number\ngathered together before I finished my discourse; and several seemed\nmuch affected while I was urging the necessity and infinite importance\nof getting into a renewed state. I find particular and close dealing\nwith souls in private is often very successful.\n\n_March 29._\u2014\u201cIn the evening catechised, as usual upon Saturday. Treated\nupon the benefits which believers receive from Christ at death. The\nquestions were answered with great readiness and propriety; and those\nwho I have reason to think are the dear people of God were in general\nsweetly melted. There appeared such a liveliness and vigor in their\nattendance upon the word of God, and such eagerness to be made partakers\nof the benefits mentioned, that they seemed not only to be \u2018looking\nfor,\u2019 but \u2018hasting to, the coming of the day of God.\u2019 Divine truths\nseemed to distil upon the audience with a gentle but melting efficacy,\nas the refreshing \u2018showers upon the new mown grass.\u2019 The assembly in\ngeneral, as well as those who appear truly religious, were affected with\nsome brief accounts of the blessedness of the godly at death; and most\nof them then discovered an affectionate inclination to cry \u2018Let me die\nthe death of the righteous, and let my last end be like his;\u2019 although\nmany were not duly engaged to obtain the change of heart that is\nnecessary to that blessed end.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, March 30._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed from Matt. 25:31-40. There was a\nvery considerable moving, and affectionate melting, in the assembly. I\nhope that there were some real, deep, and abiding impressions of divine\nthings made upon the minds of many. There was one aged man, newly come\namong us, who appeared to be considerably awakened that never was\ntouched with any concern for his soul before. In the evening catechised.\nThere was not that tenderness and melting engagement among God\u2019s people\nwhich appeared the evening before, and many other times. They answered\nthe _questions_ distinctly, and well, and were devout and attentive in\ndivine service.\n\n_March 31._\u2014\u201cCalled my people together, as I had done the Monday evening\nbefore, and discoursed to them again on the necessity and importance of\nlaboring industriously in order to their living together, and enjoying\nthe means of grace, &c. Having engaged in a solemn prayer to God among\nthem for a blessing upon their attempts, I dismissed them to their work.\nNumbers of them, both men and women, seemed to offer themselves\nwillingly to this service; and some appeared affectionately concerned\nthat God might go with them, and begin their little town for them; that\nby his blessing it might be a place comfortable for them and theirs,\nwith regard both to procuring the necessaries of life and to attending\non the worship of God.\n\n_April 5._\u2014\u201cCatechised in the evening. There appeared to be some\naffection and fervent engagement in divine service through the assembly\nin general; especially toward the conclusion of my discourse. After\npublic worship a number of those who I have reason to think are truly\nreligious came to my house, and seemed eager for some farther\nentertainment upon divine things. While I was conversing with them about\ntheir scriptural exercises; observing to them, that God\u2019s work in the\nhearts of all his children was, for substance the same; and that their\ntrials and temptations were also alike; and showing the obligations such\nwere under to love one another in a peculiar manner, they seemed to be\nmelted into tenderness and affection toward each other. I thought that\nthis particular token of their being the disciples of Christ, viz. of\ntheir having love one toward another, had scarcely ever appeared more\nevident than at this time.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, April 6._\u2014\u201cPreached from Matt. 7:21-23. There were\nconsiderable effects of the word visible in the audience, and such as\nwere very desirable; an earnest attention, a great solemnity, many tears\nand heavy sighs, which were modestly suppressed in a considerable\nmeasure, and appeared unaffected and without any indecent commotion of\nthe passions. Numbers of the religious people were put upon serious and\nclose examination of their spiritual state by hearing that \u2018not every\none that saith to Christ, Lord, Lord, shall enter into his kingdom.\u2019\nSome expressed fears lest they had deceived themselves, and taken up a\nfalse hope, because they found they had done so little of the will of\nhis Father who is in heaven.\n\n\u201cThere was one man brought under a very great and pressing concern for\nhis soul; which appeared more especially after his retirement from\npublic worship. That which he says gave him his great uneasiness was,\nnot so much any particular sin, as that he had never done the will of\nGod at all, but had sinned continually, and so had no claim to the\nkingdom of heaven. In the afternoon I opened to them the discipline of\nChrist in his Church, and the method in which offenders are to be dealt\nwith; at which time the religious people were much affected; especially\nwhen they heard that the offender, continuing obstinate, must finally be\nesteemed and treated \u2018as an heathen man,\u2019 as a pagan, who has no part\nnor lot among God\u2019s visible people. Of this they seemed to have the most\nawful apprehensions; a state of heathenism, out of which they were so\nlately brought, appearing very dreadful to them.\n\n\u201cAfter public worship I visited several houses to see how they spent the\nremainder of the Sabbath, and to treat with them solemnly on the great\nconcerns of their souls. The Lord seemed to smile upon my private\nendeavors, and to make these particular and personal addresses more\neffectual upon some than my public discourses.\n\n_April 7._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to my people in the evening, from 1 Cor.\n11:23-26. Endeavored to open to them the institution, nature, and ends\nof the Lord\u2019s Supper, as well as of the qualifications and preparations\nnecessary to the right participation of that ordinance. Numbers appeared\nmuch affected with the love of Christ, manifested in his making this\nprovision for the comfort of his people, at a season when himself was\njust entering upon his sharpest sufferings.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, April 20._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed, both forenoon and afternoon, from\nLuke, 24; explaining most of the chapter, and making remarks upon it.\nThere was a desirable attention in the audience; though there was not so\nmuch appearance of affection and tenderness among them as had been\nusual. Our meeting was very full; there being sundry strangers present\nwho had never been with us before.\n\n\u201cIn the evening catechised. My people answered the questions proposed to\nthem readily and distinctly; and I could perceive that they advanced in\ntheir knowledge of the principles of Christianity. There appeared an\naffectionate melting in the assembly at this time. Several, who I trust\nare truly religious, were refreshed and quickened, and seemed by their\ndiscourse and behavior after public worship to have their \u2018hearts knit\ntogether in love.\u2019 This was a sweet and blessed season, like many others\nwith which my poor people have been favored in months past. God has\ncaused _this little fleece_ to be repeatedly wet with the blessed dew of\nhis divine grace, while all the earth around has been comparatively dry.\n\n_April 25._\u2014\u201cSet apart this day, as preparatory to the administration of\nthe Lord\u2019s Supper, for solemn fasting and prayer. The design was to\nimplore the blessing of God upon our renewing covenant with him, and\nwith one another, to walk together in the fear of God, in love and\nChristian fellowship, and to entreat that his presence might be with us\nin our designed approach to his table; as well as to humble ourselves\nbefore God on account of the apparent withdrawment, at least in a\nmeasure, of that blessed influence which has been so prevalent upon\npersons of all ages among us; as also on account of the rising\nappearance of carelessness, vanity, and vice, among some who once\nappeared to be touched and affected with divine truth, and brought to\nsome sensibility of their miserable and perishing state by nature. It\nwas also designed that we might importunately pray for the peaceable\nsettlement of the Indians together in a body; that they might be a\ncommodious congregation for the worship of God; and that God would\ndefeat all the attempts that were, or might be, made against that pious\ndesign.[G]\n\nFootnote G:\n\n  There was at this time a terrible clamor raised against the Indians in\n  various places in the country, and insinuations as though I was\n  training them up to cut people\u2019s throats. Numbers wished to have them\n  banished from these parts, and some gave out great words in order to\n  fright and deter them from settling upon the best and most convenient\n  tract of their own lands; threatening to trouble them in the law;\n  pretending a claim to these lands themselves, although never purchased\n  of the Indians.\n\n\u201cThe solemnity was observed and seriously attended, not only by those\nwho proposed to commune at the Lord\u2019s table, but by the whole\ncongregation. In the former part of the day I endeavored to open to my\npeople the nature and design of a fast, as I had attempted more briefly\nto do before, and to instruct them in the duties of such a solemnity. In\nthe afternoon I insisted on the special reasons there were for our\nengaging in these solemn exercises at this time; both in regard to the\nneed we stood in of divine assistance, in order to a due preparation for\nthat sacred ordinance, upon which some of us were proposing, with leave\nof divine Providence, speedily to attend; and also in respect of the\nmanifest decline of God\u2019s work here, as to the effectual conviction and\nconversion of sinners; there having been few of late deeply awakened out\nof a state of security. The worship of God was attended with great\nsolemnity and reverence, with much tenderness and many tears, by those\nwho appeared to be truly religious; and there was some appearance of\ndivine power upon those who had been awakened some time before, and who\nwere still under concern.\n\n\u201cAfter repeated prayer, and attendance upon the word of God, I proposed\nto the religious people, with as much brevity and plainness as I could,\nthe substance of the doctrine of the christian faith, as I had formerly\ndone; and had their renewed cheerful assent to it. I then led them to a\nsolemn renewal of their covenant, wherein they had explicitly and\npublicly given up themselves to God the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,\navouching him to be their God; and at the same time renouncing their\nheathenish vanities, their idolatrous and superstitious practices;\nsolemnly engaging to take the Word of God, so far as it was or might be\nmade known to them, for the rule of their lives; promising to walk\ntogether in love, to watch over themselves and one another, to lead\nlives of seriousness and devotion, and to discharge the relative duties\nincumbent on them respectively, &c. This solemn transaction was attended\nwith much gravity and seriousness; and at the same time with the utmost\nreadiness, freedom and cheerfulness; and a religious union and harmony\nof soul seemed to crown the whole solemnity. I could not but think in\nthe evening, that there had been manifest tokens of the divine presence\nwith us in all the several services of the day; though it was also\nmanifest that there was not that concern among Christless souls which\nhas often appeared here.\n\n_April 26._\u2014\u201cToward noon prayed with a dying child, and gave a word of\nexhortation to the bystanders to prepare for death; which seemed to take\neffect upon some. In the afternoon discoursed to my people from Matthew,\n26:26-30; of the author, the nature, and designs of the Lord\u2019s supper;\nand endeavored to point out the worthy receivers of that ordinance. The\nreligious people were affected, and even melted with divine truth,\u2014with\na view of the dying love of Christ. Several others, who had been for\nsome months under convictions of their perishing state, appeared now to\nbe much moved with concern, and afresh engaged in seeking after an\ninterest in Christ; although I cannot say that the word of God appeared\nso quick and powerful, so sharp and piercing to the assembly, as it had\nsometimes formerly done.\n\n\u201cIn the evening I catechised those who were designed to partake of the\nLord\u2019s supper the next day, upon the institution, nature and end of that\nordinance; and had abundant satisfaction respecting their doctrinal\nknowledge and fitness in that respect for an attendance upon it. They\nlikewise appeared in general to have an affecting sense of the solemnity\nof this sacred ordinance, and to be humbled under a sense of their own\nunworthiness to approach to God in it; and to be earnestly concerned\nthat they might be duly prepared for an attendance upon it. Their hearts\nwere full of love one toward another, and that was the frame of mind\nthey seemed concerned to maintain and bring to the Lord\u2019s table with\nthem. In the singing and prayer after catechising, there appeared an\nagreeable tenderness and melting among them; and such tokens of\nbrotherly love and affection as would even constrain one to say, \u2018Lord,\nit is good to be here;\u2019 it is good to dwell where such an heavenly\ninfluence distills.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, April 27._\u2014\u201cPreached from Tit. 2:14; \u2018Who gave himself for\nus,\u2019 &c. The word of God, at this time, was attended with some\nappearance of divine power upon the assembly; so that the attention and\ngravity of the audience were remarkable; and especially toward the\nconclusion of the exercise, many persons were much affected.\nAdministered the Lord\u2019s supper to _twenty three_ persons of the Indians,\nthe number of the men and women being nearly equal; several others, to\nthe number of _five_ or _six_, being now absent at the Forks of\nDelaware, who would otherwise have communed with us. The ordinance was\nattended with great solemnity, and with a most desirable tenderness and\naffection. It was remarkable that during the administration of the\nordinance, especially in the distribution of the bread, they seemed to\nbe affected in a most lively manner, as if Christ had been really\ncrucified before them. The words of the institution, when repeated and\nenlarged upon in the season of the administration, seemed to meet with\nthe same reception, to be entertained with the same free and full belief\nand affectionate engagement of soul, as if the Lord Jesus Christ himself\nhad been present, and had personally spoken to them. The affections of\nthe communicants, although considerably raised, were, notwithstanding,\nagreeably regulated and kept within proper bounds. So that there was a\nsweet, gentle, and affectionate melting, without any indecent or\nboisterous commotion of the passions.\n\n\u201cHaving rested sometime after the administration of the Supper, being\nextremely tired with the necessary prolixity of the work, I walked from\nhouse to house, and conversed particularly with most of the\ncommunicants, and found they had been almost universally refreshed at\nthe Lord\u2019s table, \u2018as with new wine.\u2019 Never did I see such an appearance\nof Christian love among any people in all my life. It was so remarkable,\nthat one might well have cried with an agreeable surprise, \u2018Behold how\nthey love one another.\u2019 I think there could be no greater tokens of\nmutual affection among the people of God, in the early days of\nChristianity, than what now appeared here. The sight was so desirable,\nand so well becoming the gospel, that nothing less could be said of it\nthan it was \u2018the doing of the Lord,\u2019 the genuine operation of Him, \u2018who\nis Love.\u2019\n\n\u201cToward night discoursed again on the forementioned text, Tit. 2:14; and\ninsisted on the immediate end and design of Christ\u2019s death: viz. That he\nmight redeem his people from all iniquity, &c. This appeared to be a\nseason of divine power among us. The religious people were much\nrefreshed, and seemed remarkably tender and affectionate, full of love,\njoy, and peace, and desirous of being completely \u2018redeemed from all\niniquity;\u2019 so that some of them afterward told me that \u2018they had never\nfelt the like before.\u2019 Convictions also appeared to be revived in many\ninstances; and several persons were awakened whom I had never observed\nunder any religious impressions before.\n\n\u201cSuch was the influence which attended our assembly, and so unspeakably\ndesirable the frame of mind which many enjoyed in divine service, that\nit seemed almost grievous to conclude the public worship. The\ncongregation, when dismissed, although it was then almost dark, appeared\nloth to leave the place and employments which had been rendered so dear\nto them by the benefits enjoyed, while a blessed quickening influence\ndistilled upon them. Upon the whole, I must say, I had great\nsatisfaction relative to the administration of this ordinance in various\nrespects. I have abundant reason to think, that those who came to the\nLord\u2019s table had a good degree of doctrinal knowledge of the nature and\ndesign of the ordinance, and that they acted with understanding in what\nthey did.\n\n\u201cIn the preparatory services I found, I may justly say, uncommon freedom\nin opening to their understandings and capacities, the covenant of\ngrace, and in showing them the _nature_ of this ordinance. They were\nlikewise thoroughly sensible that it was no more than a _sign_, and not\nthe _real_ body and blood of Christ; that it was designed for the\nrefreshment and edification of the _soul_, and not for the feasting of\nthe _body_. They were also acquainted with the end of the ordinance,\nthat they were therein called to commemorate the dying love of Christ.\n\n\u201cThis competency of doctrinal knowledge, together with their grave and\ndecent attendance upon the ordinance, their affectionate melting under\nit, and the sweet and Christian frame of mind which they discovered\nafter it, gave me great satisfaction respecting my administration of it\nto them. O, what a sweet and blessed season was this! God himself, I am\npersuaded, was in the midst of his people. I doubt not but many, in the\nconclusion of the day, could say with their whole hearts, 'Verily, a day\nthus spent in God\u2019s house is better than a thousand elsewhere.' There\nseemed to be but _one heart_ among the pious people. The sweet union,\nharmony and endearing love and tenderness subsisting among them was, I\nthought, the most lively emblem of the heavenly world which I had ever\nseen.\n\n_April 28._\u2014\u201cConcluded the solemnity of the Lord\u2019s supper with a\ndiscourse upon John, 14:15. \u2018If ye love me, keep my commandments.\u2019 At\nthis time there appeared a very agreeable tenderness in the audience in\ngeneral, but especially in the communicants. O, how free, how engaged\nand affectionate did these appear in the service of God! they seemed\nwilling to have their ears bored to the door posts of God\u2019s house, and\nto be his servants for ever.\n\n\u201cObserving numbers in this excellent frame, and the assembly in general\naffected, and that by a divine influence, I thought it proper to improve\nthis advantageous season as Hezekiah did the desirable season of his\ngreat passover, 2 Chron. 31, in order to promote the blessed reformation\nbegun among them; and to engage those that appeared serious and\nreligious to persevere therein. Accordingly I proposed to them, that\nthey should renewedly enter into covenant before God, that they would\nwatch over themselves and one another, lest they should dishonor the\nname of Christ by falling into sinful and unbecoming practices; and\nespecially that they would watch against the sin of drunkenness, \u2018the\nsin that easily besets them,\u2019 and the temptations leading thereto, as\nwell as the appearance of evil in that respect. They cheerfully complied\nwith the proposal, and explicitly joined in that covenant; whereupon I\nproceeded in the most solemn manner of which I was capable, to call God\nto witness respecting their sacred engagements, and reminded them of the\ngreatness of the guilt they would contract to themselves in the\nviolation of it, as well as observed to them that God would be a\nterrible witness against those, who should presume to do so in the great\nand notable day of the Lord. It was a season of amazing solemnity; and a\ndivine awe appeared upon the face of the whole assembly in this\ntransaction. Affectionate sobs, sighs and tears were now frequent in the\naudience; and I doubt not but that many silent cries were then sent up\nto the Fountain of grace for supplies of grace sufficient for the\nfulfilment of these solemn engagements.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, May 4._\u2014\u201cMy people being now removed to their lands,\nmentioned in my diary of March 24, where they were then and have since\nbeen making provision for a compact settlement, in order to their more\nconvenient enjoyment of the Gospel and other means of instruction, as\nwell as of the comforts of life; I this day visited them; being now\nobliged to board with an English family at some distance from them; and\npreached to them in the forenoon from Mark, 4:5. Endeavored to show them\nthe reason there was to fear, lest many promising appearances and\nhopeful beginnings in religion might prove abortive, like the seed\ndropped upon stony places.\n\n\u201cIn the afternoon discoursed upon Rom. 8:9. \u2018Now, if any man have not\nthe spirit of Christ, he is none of his.\u2019 I have reason to think this\ndiscourse was peculiarly seasonable, and that it had a good effect upon\nsome of the hearers. Spent some hours afterward in private conference\nwith my people, and labored to regulate some things which I apprehended\namiss among some of them.\n\n_May 5._\u2014\u201cVisited my people again, and took care of their worldly\nconcerns; giving them directions relating to their business. I daily\ndiscover more and more of what importance it is likely to be to their\nreligious interests, that they become laborious and industrious,\nacquainted with the affairs of husbandry, and able in a good measure to\nraise the necessaries and comforts of life within themselves; for their\npresent method of living greatly exposes them to temptations of various\nkinds.\n\n_May 9._\u2014\u201cPreached from John, 5:40, in the open wilderness; the Indians\nhaving as yet no house for public worship in this place, nor scarcely\nany shelters for themselves. Divine truths made considerable impressions\nupon the audience, and it was a season of great solemnity, tenderness,\nand affection.\n\n\u201cThis day received into communion the conjurer, murderer, &c. mentioned\nin my diary of August 8, 1745, and February 1, 1746, who appears to be\nsuch a remarkable instance of divine grace that I cannot omit to give\nsome brief account of him here. He lived near, and sometimes attended my\nmeeting at the Forks of Delaware, for more than a year; but was, like\nmany others of them, extremely attached to strong drink, and seemed to\nbe in no degree reformed by the means which I used with them for their\ninstruction and conversion. At this time he likewise murdered a likely\nyoung Indian, which threw him into some kind of horror and desperation,\nso that he kept at a distance from me, and refused to hear me preach for\nseveral months together, until I had an opportunity of conversing freely\nwith him, and giving him encouragement, that his sin might be forgiven,\nfor Christ\u2019s sake. After this he again attended my meeting sometimes.\n\n\u201cBut that which was the worst of all his conduct, was his _conjuration_.\nHe was one of those who are sometimes called powaws among the Indians;\nand, notwithstanding his frequent attendance upon my preaching, he still\nfollowed his old charms and juggling tricks, \u2018giving out that himself\nwas some great one, and to him they gave heed,\u2019 supposing him to be\npossessed of great power. When I have instructed them respecting the\nmiracles wrought by Christ in healing the sick, &c. and mentioned them\nas evidence of his divine mission, and the truths of his doctrine; they\nhave quickly observed the wonders of that kind which this man had\nperformed by his magic charms. Hence they had a high opinion of him and\nhis superstitious notions; which seemed to be a fatal obstruction to\nsome of them in regard to their receiving the Gospel. I had often\nthought that it would be a great favor to the design of evangelizing\nthese Indians, if God would take that wretch out of the world; for I had\nscarcely any hope of his ever becoming good. But God, whose thoughts are\nnot as man\u2019s thoughts, has been pleased to take a much more desirable\nmethod with him; a method agreeable to his own merciful nature, and I\ntrust advantageous to his own interest among the Indians, as well as\neffectual to the salvation of his poor soul. To God be the glory of it.\n\n\u201cThe first genuine concern for his soul was excited by seeing my\ninterpreter and his wife publicly profess Christ, at the Forks of\nDelaware, July 21, 1745; which so prevailed upon him, that with the\ninvitation of an Indian who was a friend to Christianity, he followed me\ndown to Crossweeksung, in the beginning of August, in order to hear me\npreach; and there continued for several weeks in the season of the most\nremarkable and powerful awakening among the Indians; at which time he\nwas more effectually awakened, and brought under great concern for his\nsoul. And then, he says, upon his \u2018feeling the word of God in his\nheart,\u2019 as he expresses it, his spirit of _conjuration_ left him\nentirely, so that he has had no more power of that nature since, than\nany other man living. He also declares, that he does not now so much as\nknow how he used to charm and conjure, and that he could not now do any\nthing of that nature if he were ever so desirous of it.\n\n\u201cHe continued under convictions of his sinful and perishing state, and a\nconsiderable degree of concern for his soul, all the fall and the former\npart of the winter past; but was not so deeply exercised until some time\nin January. Then the word of God took such hold upon him that he was\nbrought into deep distress, and knew not what to do, nor where to turn\nhimself. He then told me, that when he used to hear me preach from time\nto time in the fall of the year, my preaching pricked his heart, and\nmade him very _uneasy_, but did not bring him to so great distress,\nbecause he still hoped he could do something for his own relief; but\nnow, he said, I drove him up in such a sharp corner, that he had no way\nto turn, and could not avoid being in distress. He continued constantly\nunder the heavy burden and pressure of a wounded spirit, until at length\nhe was brought into the acute anguish and utmost agony of soul,\nmentioned in my Journal of February 1, which continued that night and\npart of the next day. After this he was brought to the utmost calmness\nand composure of mind; his trembling and heavy burden were removed; and\nhe appeared perfectly sedate, although he had to his apprehensions\nscarcely any hope of salvation.\n\n\u201cI observed him to appear remarkably composed; and therefore asked him\nhow he did? He replied, \u2018It is done, it is done, it is all done now.\u2019 I\nasked him what he meant? He answered, \u2018I can never do any more to save\nmyself; it is all done for ever. I can do no more.\u2019 I queried with him,\nwhether he could not do a little more, rather than go to hell? He\nreplied, \u2018my heart is dead. I can never help myself.\u2019 I asked him what\nhe thought would become of him then? He answered, \u2018I must go to hell.\u2019 I\nasked him if he thought it was right that God should send him to hell?\nHe replied, \u2018O it is right. The devil has been in me ever since I was\nborn.\u2019 I asked him if he felt this when he was in such great distress\nthe evening before? He answered, \u2018No; I did not then think it was right.\nI thought God would send me to hell, and that I was then dropping into\nit; but my heart quarrelled with God, and would not say it was right he\nshould send me there. But now I know it is right; for I have always\nserved the devil; and my heart has no goodness in it now, but it is as\nbad as ever it was,\u2019 &c. I thought I had scarcely ever seen any person\nmore effectually brought off from a dependance upon his own contrivances\nand endeavors for salvation, or more apparently to lie at the foot of\nsovereign mercy, than this man did under these views of things.\n\n\u201cIn this frame of mind he continued for several days, passing sentence\nof condemnation upon himself, and constantly owning that it would be\nright he should be damned, and that he expected this would be his\nportion for the greatness of his sins. Yet it was plain that he had a\nsecret hope of mercy, though imperceptible to himself, which kept him\nnot only from despair but from any pressing distress: so that, instead\nof being sad and dejected, his very countenance appeared pleasant and\nagreeable.\n\n\u201cWhile he was in this frame he several times asked me \u2018When I would\npreach again?\u2019 and seemed desirous to hear the word of God every day. I\nasked, \u2018Why he wanted to hear me preach, seeing his heart was dead, and\nall was done; that he could never help himself, and expected that he\nmust go to hell?\u2019 He replied, \u2018I love to hear you speak about Christ for\nall.\u2019 I added, 'But what good will that do you, if you must go to hell\nat last?'\u2014using now his own language with him, having before from time\nto time labored in the best manner I could to represent to him the\nexcellency of Christ, his all-sufficiency and willingness to save lost\nsinners, and persons just in his case; although to no purpose, as to\nyielding him any special comfort. He answered, \u2018I would have others come\nto Christ, if I must go to hell myself.\u2019 It was remarkable, that he\nseemed to have a great love for the people of God; and nothing affected\nhim so much as the thought of being separated from them. This seemed to\nbe a very dreadful part of the hell to which he saw himself doomed. It\nwas likewise remarkable, that in this season he was most diligent in the\nuse of all the means for the soul\u2019s salvation; although he had the\nclearest view of the inefficiency of means to afford him help. He would\nfrequently say, that all he did signified nothing at all; and yet was\nnever more constant in doing; attending secret and family prayer daily,\nand surprisingly diligent and attentive in hearing the word of God; so\nthat he neither despaired of mercy, nor yet presumed to hope upon his\nown doings, but used means because appointed of God in order to\nsalvation; and because he would wait upon God in his own way.\n\n\u201cAfter he had continued in this frame of mind more than a week, while I\nwas discoursing publicly, he seemed to have a lively soul-refreshing\nview of the excellency of Christ and the way of salvation by him, which\nmelted him into tears, and filled him with admiration, comfort,\nsatisfaction and praise to God. Since then he has appeared to be a\nhumble, devout and affectionate Christian; serious and exemplary in his\nconversation and behavior, frequently complaining of his barrenness, his\nwant of spiritual warmth, life and activity, and yet frequently favored\nwith quickening and refreshing influences. In all respects, so far as I\nam capable of judging, he bears the marks of one \u2018created anew in Christ\nJesus to good works.\u2019\n\n\u201cHis zeal for the cause of God was pleasing to me when he was with me at\nthe Forks of Delaware in February last. There being an old Indian at the\nplace where I preached who threatened to bewitch me, and my religious\npeople who accompanied me there; this man presently challenged him to do\nhis worst, telling him that himself had been as great a conjurer as he;\nand that notwithstanding, as soon as he felt that word in his heart\nwhich these people loved, meaning the word of God, his power of\nconjuring immediately left him. \u2018And so it would you,\u2019 said he, \u2018if you\ndid but once feel it in your heart; and you have no power to hurt them,\nnor so much as to touch one of them,\u2019 &c. So that I may conclude my\naccount of him by observing, in allusion to what was said of St. Paul,\nthat he now zealously \u2018defends and practically preaches the faith which\nhe once destroyed,\u2019 or at least was instrumental in obstructing. May God\nhave the glory of the amazing change which he has wrought in him.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, May 18._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed both parts of the day from Rev. 3:20,\n\u2018Behold I stand at the door and knock.\u2019 There appeared some affectionate\nmelting toward the conclusion of the forenoon exercise, and one or two\ninstances of fresh awakening. In the intermission of public worship I\ntook occasion to discourse to numbers in a more private way, on the\nkindness and patience of the blessed Redeemer in standing and knocking,\nin continuing his gracious calls to sinners, who had long neglected and\nabused his grace; which seemed to take some effect upon several.\n\n\u201cIn the afternoon divine truth was attended with solemnity, and with\nsome tears; although there was not that powerful awakening and\nquickening influence which in times past has been common in our\nassemblies. The appearance of the audience was comparatively\ndiscouraging, and I was ready to fear that God was about to withdraw the\nblessed influence of his Spirit from us.\n\n_May 19._\u2014\u201cVisited and preached to my people from Acts, 20:18, 19, and\nendeavored to rectify their notions about religious affections; showing\nthem on the one hand the desirableness of religious affection,\ntenderness and fervent engagement in the worship and service of God,\nwhen such affection flows from a true spiritual discovery of divine\nglories, from a just sense of the transcendant excellence and\nperfections of the blessed God, and a view of the glory and loveliness\nof the great Redeemer; and that such views of divine things will\nnaturally excite us to \u2018serve the Lord with many tears, with much\naffection and fervency, and yet with all humility of mind.\u2019 On the other\nhand, I observed the sinfulness of seeking after high affections\nimmediately and for their own sakes; that is, of making them the object\nwhich our eye and heart is first and principally set upon, when the\nglory of God ought to be that object. Showed them, that, if the heart be\ndirectly and chiefly fixed on God, and the soul engaged to glorify him,\nsome degree of religious affection will be the effect and attendant of\nit. But to seek after affection directly and chiefly; to have the heart\nprincipally set upon that; is to place it in the room of God and his\nglory. If it be sought, that others may take notice of it, and admire us\nfor our spirituality and forwardness in religion, it is then abominable\npride; if for the sake of feeling the pleasure of being affected, it is\nthen idolatry and self-gratification. Labored also to expose the\ndisagreeableness of those affections which are sometimes wrought up in\npersons by the power of fancy, and their own attempts for that purpose,\nwhile I still endeavored to recommend to them that religious affection,\nfervency and devotion which ought to attend all our religious exercises,\nand without which religion will be but an empty name and lifeless\ncarcase. This appeared to be a seasonable discourse, and proved very\nsatisfactory to some of the religious people who before were exercised\nwith some difficulties relating to this point. Afterward took care of,\nand gave my people directions about their worldly affairs.\n\n_May 24._\u2014\u201cVisited the Indians, and took care of their secular business;\nwhich they are not able to manage themselves without the constant care\nand advice of others. Afterward discoursed to some of them particularly\nabout their spiritual concerns.\u2014Enjoyed this day somewhat of the same\nframe of mind which I felt the day before.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, May 25._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed both parts of the day from John,\n12:44-48. There was some degree of divine power attending the word of\nGod. Several wept, and appeared considerably affected, and one, who had\nlong been under spiritual trouble, now obtained clearness and comfort,\nand appeared to rejoice in God her Savior. It was a day of grace and\ndivine goodness; a day wherein something I trust was done for the cause\nof God among my people; a season of comfort and sweetness to numbers of\nthe religious people; although there was not that influence upon the\ncongregation which was common some months ago.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, June 1._\u2014\u201cPreached both forenoon and afternoon from Matt.\n11:27, 28. The presence of God seemed to be in the assembly; and numbers\nwere considerably melted and affected under divine truth. There was a\ndesirable appearance in the congregation in general, an earnest\nattention and an agreeable tenderness; and it seemed as if God designed\nto visit us with further showers of divine grace. I then received into\ncommunion _five_ persons; and was not a little refreshed with this\naddition made to the church of such as I hope will be saved. I have\nreason to hope that God has lately, at and since our celebration of the\nLord\u2019s supper, brought home to himself several persons who had long been\nunder spiritual trouble and concern; although there have been few\ninstances of persons lately awakened out of a state of security. Those\ncomforted of late seem to be brought in, in a more _silent_ way; neither\ntheir concern, nor consolation being so powerful and remarkable as\nappeared among those more suddenly wrought upon in the beginning of this\nwork of grace.\n\n_June 7._\u2014\u201cBeing desired by the Rev. WILLIAM TENNENT to be his assistant\nin the administration of the Lord\u2019s Supper, I this morning rode to\nFreehold to render that assistance. My people also being invited to\nattend at that solemnity, they cheerfully embraced the opportunity, and\nthis day attended the preparatory services with me.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, June 8._\u2014\u201cMost of my people, who had been _communicants_ at\nthe Lord\u2019s table, before being present on this occasion, communed with\nothers in the holy ordinance, at the desire, and I trust to the\nsatisfaction and comfort of numbers of God\u2019s people, who had longed to\nsee _this day_, and whose hearts had rejoiced in _this_ work of grace\namong the Indians, which prepared the way for what appeared so agreeable\nat this time. Those of my people who communed, seemed in general\nagreeably affected at the Lord\u2019s table, and some of them considerably\nmelted with the love of Christ, although they were not so remarkably\nrefreshed and feasted at this time, as when I administered this\nordinance to them in our own congregation only. Some of the\n_by-standers_ were affected with seeing those who had been \u2018aliens from\nthe commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenant of promise,\u2019\nwho of all men had lived \u2018without hope and without God in the world,\u2019\nnow brought near to God, as his professing people, by a solemn and\ndevout attendance upon this sacred ordinance. As numbers of God\u2019s people\nwere refreshed at this sight, and thereby excited to bless God for the\nenlargement of his kingdom in the world; so some others, I was told,\nwere awakened by it, apprehending the danger they were in of being\nthemselves finally _cast out_; while they saw others from the east and\nwest preparing, and hopefully prepared in some good measure, to sit down\nin the kingdom of God. At this season others of my people also, who were\nnot communicants, were considerably affected; convictions were revived\nin several instances; and one, the man particularly mentioned in my\njournal of the 6th instant, obtained comfort and satisfaction; and has\nsince given me such an account of his spiritual exercises, and the\nmanner in which he obtained relief, as appears very hopeful. It seems as\nif He, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, had now \u2018shined\ninto his heart, and given him the light of,\u2019 and experimental \u2018knowledge\nof the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.\u2019\n\n_June 9._\u2014\u201cA considerable number of my people met together early in a\nretired place in the _woods_, and prayed, sang, and conversed of divine\nthings; and were seen by some religious persons of the white people to\nbe affected and engaged, and some of them in tears in these religious\nexercises.\n\n\u201cAfter they had attended the concluding exercises of the Lord\u2019s Supper\nthey returned home; many of them rejoicing for all the goodness of God\nwhich they had seen and felt: so that this appeared to be a profitable\nas well as comfortable season to numbers of my congregation. Their being\npresent at this occasion, and a number of them communing at the Lord\u2019s\ntable with other Christians, was, I trust, for the honor of God and the\ninterest of religion in these parts; as numbers, I have reason to think,\nwere quickened by means of it.\n\n_June 13._\u2014\u201cPreached to my people upon the _new creature_, from 2 Cor.\n5:17. The presence of God appeared to be in the assembly. It was a sweet\nand agreeable meeting, wherein the people of God were refreshed and\nstrengthened; beholding their faces in the glass of God\u2019s word, and\nfinding in themselves the marks and lineaments of the new creature. Some\nsinners under concern were also renewedly affected; and afresh engaged\nfor the securing of their eternal interests.\n\n\u201c_Three_ Indians were at this time received into communion. One of them\nwas the very _aged woman_ of whose exercises I gave an account in my\ndiary of Dec. 26. She now gave me a very punctual, rational, and\nsatisfactory account of the remarkable change which she experienced some\nmonths after the beginning of her concern, which I must say, appeared to\nbe the genuine operations of the Divine Spirit, so Air as I am capable\nof judging. Although she was become so childish, through age, that I\ncould do nothing in a way of questioning her, nor scarcely make her\nunderstand any thing that I asked her; yet when I let her alone to go on\nwith her own story, she could give a very distinct and particular\nrelation of the many and various exercises of soul she had experienced;\nso deep were the impressions left upon her mind by that influence and\nthose exercises which she had experienced. I have great reason to think\nthat she is born anew in her old age: she being, I presume, upward of\n_eighty_.\n\n_June 19._\u2014\u201cVisited my people with two of the Reverend correspondents.\nSpent some time in conversation with some of them upon spiritual things;\nand took some care of their worldly concerns.\n\n\u201cThis day makes up a complete year from the first time of my preaching\nto these Indians in New-Jersey. What amazing things has God wrought, in\nthis space of time, for this poor people! What a surprising change\nappears in their tempers and behavior! How are morose and savage Pagans,\nin this short period, transformed into agreeable, affectionate, and\nhumble Christians! and their drunken and Pagan howlings turned into\ndevout and fervent praises to God! They \u2018who were sometimes in darkness\nare now become light in the Lord.\u2019 May they \u2018walk as children of the\nlight and of the day!\u2019 And now to Him that is of power to establish them\naccording to the gospel, and the preaching of Christ\u2014to God only wise,\nbe glory through Jesus Christ, for ever and ever, Amen.\u201d\n\n                            GENERAL REMARKS\n                      ON THE PRECEDING NARRATIVE.\n\n\n\u201cAT the close of this Narrative I would make a few GENERAL REMARKS upon\nwhat, to me, appears worthy of notice, relating to the continued work of\ngrace among my people.\n\nI. \u201cI cannot but take notice, that I have in general, ever since my\nfirst coming among the Indians in New-Jersey, been favored with that\nassistance which to me is uncommon, in preaching _Christ crucified_, and\nmaking him the _centre_ and _mark_ to which all my discourses among them\nwere directed.\n\n\u201cIt was the principal scope and drift of all my discourses to this\npeople, for several months together, (after having taught them something\nof the being and perfections of God, his creation of man in a state of\nrectitude and happiness, and the obligations mankind were thence under\nto love and honor him,) to lead them into an acquaintance with their\ndeplorable state by nature, as fallen creatures; their inability to\nextricate and deliver themselves from it; the utter insufficiency of any\nexternal reformations and amendments of life, or of any religious\nperformances, of which they were capable, while in this state, to bring\nthem into the favor of God, and interest them in his eternal mercy;\nthence to show them their absolute need of Christ to redeem and save\nthem from the misery of their fallen state;\u2014to open his all-sufficiency\nand willingness to save the chief of sinners;\u2014the freeness and riches of\ndivine grace, proposed \u2018without money, and without price,\u2019 to all that\nwill accept the offer; thereupon to press them without delay to betake\nthemselves to him, under a sense of their misery and undone state, for\nrelief and everlasting salvation;\u2014and to show them the abundant\nencouragement the gospel proposes to needy, perishing, and helpless\nsinners, in order to engage them so to do. These things, I repeatedly\nand largely insisted upon from time to time.\n\n\u201cI have oftentimes remarked with admiration, that whatever subject I\nhave been treating upon, after having spent time sufficient to explain\nand illustrate the truths contained therein, I have been naturally and\neasily led to Christ as the substance of every subject. If I treated on\nthe being and glorious perfections of God; I was thence naturally led to\ndiscourse of Christ, as the only 'way to the Father.'\u2014If I attempted to\nopen the deplorable misery of our fallen state; it was natural from\nthence to show the necessity of Christ to undertake for us, to atone for\nour sins, and to redeem us from the power of them.\u2014If I taught the\ncommands of God, and showed our violation of them; this brought me, in\nthe most easy and natural way, to speak of, and recommend the Lord Jesus\nChrist as one who had \u2018magnified the law\u2019 which we had broken, and who\nwas \u2018become the end of it, for righteousness, to every one that\nbelieves.\u2019 Never did I find so much freedom and assistance in making all\nthe various lines of my discourses meet together, and centre in Christ,\nas I have frequently done among these Indians.\n\n\u201cSometimes when I have had thoughts of offering but a few words upon\nsome particular subject, and saw no occasion, nor indeed much room, for\nany considerable enlargement, there has appeared such a fountain of\ngospel-grace shining forth in, or naturally resulting from a just\nexplication of it; and Christ has seemed in such a manner to be pointed\nout as the substance of what I was considering and explaining; that I\nhave been drawn in a way not only easy and natural, proper and\npertinent, but almost unavoidable, to discourse of him, either in regard\nto his undertaking, incarnation, satisfaction, admirable fitness for the\nwork of man\u2019s redemption, or the infinite need that sinners stand in of\nan interest in him; which has opened the way for a continued strain of\ngospel invitation to perishing souls, to come empty and naked, weary and\nheavy laden, and cast themselves upon him.\n\n\u201cAs I have been remarkably influenced and assisted to dwell upon the\nLord Jesus Christ, and the way of salvation by him, in the general\ncurrent of my discourses here, and have been, at times, surprisingly\nfurnished with pertinent matter relating to him, and the design of his\nincarnation; so I have been no less assisted oftentimes in an\nadvantageous manner of opening the mysteries of divine grace, and\nrepresenting the infinite excellencies, and \u2018unsearchable riches of\nChrist,\u2019 as well as of recommending him to the acceptance of perishing\nsinners. I have frequently been enabled to represent the divine glory,\nthe infinite preciousness and transcendant loveliness of the great\nRedeemer, the suitableness of his person and purchase to supply the\nwants, and answer the utmost desires of immortal souls;\u2014to open the\ninfinite riches of his grace, and the wonderful encouragement proposed\nin the gospel to unworthy, helpless sinners;\u2014to call, invite, and\nbeseech them to come and give up themselves to him, and be reconciled to\nGod through him;\u2014to expostulate with them respecting their neglect of\none so infinitely lovely, and freely offered;\u2014and this in such a manner,\nwith such freedom, pertinency, pathos, and application to the\nconscience, as, I am sure, I never could have made myself master of, by\nthe most assiduous application of mind. Frequently, at such seasons, I\nhave been surprisingly helped in adapting my discourses to the\ncapacities of my people, and bringing them down into such easy, and\nfamiliar methods of expression, as has rendered them intelligible even\nto Pagans.\n\n\u201cI do not mention these things as a recommendation of my own\nperformances; for I am sure I found, from time to time, that I had no\nskill or wisdom for my great work; and knew not how \u2018to choose out\nacceptable words\u2019 proper to address to poor benighted Pagans. But thus\nGod was pleased to help me, \u2018not to know any thing among them, save\nJesus Christ and him crucified.\u2019 Thus I was enabled to show them their\nmisery without him, and to represent his complete fitness to redeem and\nsave them.\n\n\u201cThis was the preaching God made use of for awakening sinners, and the\npropagation of this \u2018work of grace among the Indians.\u2019 It was\nremarkable, from time to time, that when I was favored with any special\nfreedom, in discoursing of the \u2018ability and willingness of Christ to\nsave sinners,\u2019 and \u2018the need in which they stood of such a Savior;\u2019\nthere was then the greatest appearance of divine power in awakening\nnumbers of secure souls, promoting convictions begun, and comforting the\ndistressed.\n\n\u201cI have sometimes formerly, in reading the Apostle\u2019s discourse to\nCornelius, (Acts, 10,) wondered to see him so quickly introduce the Lord\nJesus Christ into his sermon, and so entirely dwell upon him through the\nwhole of it, observing him in this point very widely to differ from many\nof our modern preachers; but latterly this has not seemed strange, since\nChrist has appeared to be the substance of the gospel and the centre in\nwhich the several lines of divine revelation meet. Still I am sensible\nthat there are many things necessary to be spoken to persons under Pagan\ndarkness, in order to make way for a proper introduction of the name of\nChrist, and his undertaking in behalf of fallen man.\n\nII. \u201cIt is worthy of remark, that numbers of these people are brought to\na strict compliance with the rules of morality and sobriety, and to a\nconscientious performance of the external duties of Christianity, by the\n_internal power and influence of divine truth_\u2014the peculiar doctrines of\ngrace upon their minds; without their having these moral duties\nfrequently repeated and inculcated upon them, and the contrary vices\nparticularly exposed and spoken against. What has been the general\nstrain and drift of my preaching among these Indians, what were the\ntruths I principally insisted upon, and how I was influenced and enabled\nto dwell from time to time, upon the peculiar doctrines of grace, I have\nalready stated. Those doctrines, which had the most direct tendency to\nhumble the fallen creature; to show him the misery of his natural state;\nto bring him down to the foot of sovereign mercy, and to exalt the great\nRedeemer\u2014discover his transcendant excellency and infinite preciousness,\nand so recommend him to the sinner\u2019s acceptance\u2014were the subject-matter\nof what was delivered in public and private to them, and from time to\ntime repeated and inculcated.\n\n\u201cGod was pleased to give these divine truths such a powerful influence\nupon the minds of these people, and so to bless them for the effectual\nawakening of numbers of them, that their lives were quickly reformed,\nwithout my insisting upon the precepts of morality, and spending time in\nrepeated harangues upon external duties. There was indeed no room for\nany kind of discourses but those which respected the essentials of\nreligion, and the experimental knowledge of divine things, while there\nwere so many inquiring daily\u2014not how they should regulate their external\nconduct, for that, persons who are honestly disposed to comply with\nduty, when known, may in ordinary cases be easily satisfied about,\nbut\u2014how they should escape from the wrath they feared, and felt that\nthey deserved,\u2014obtain an effectual change of heart,\u2014get an interest in\nChrist,\u2014and come to the enjoyment of eternal blessedness? So that my\ngreat work still was to lead them into a further view of their utter\nundoneness in themselves, the total depravity and corruption of their\nhearts; that there was no manner of goodness in them; no good\ndispositions nor desires; no love to God, nor delight in his commands;\nbut, on the contrary, hatred, enmity, and all manner of wickedness\nreigning in them:\u2014and at the same time to open to them the glorious and\ncomplete remedy provided in Christ for perishing sinners, and offered\nfreely to those who have no goodness of their own, no works of\nrighteousness which they have done, to recommend them to God.\n\n\u201cThis was the continued strain of my preaching; this my great concern\nand constant endeavor, so to enlighten the mind, as thereby duly to\naffect the heart, and, as far as possible, give persons a _sense_ and\n_feeling_ of these precious and important doctrines of grace, at least\nso far as means might conduce to it. These were the doctrines, and this\nthe method of preaching, which were blessed of God for the awakening,\nand I trust, the saving conversion of numbers of souls; and which were\nmade the means of producing a remarkable reformation among the hearers\nin general.\n\n\u201cWhen these truths were felt at heart, there was now no vice\nunreformed\u2014no external duty neglected. Drunkenness, the darling vice,\nwas broken off, and scarce an instance of it known among my hearers for\nmonths together. The abusive practice of _husbands and wives_ in putting\naway each other, and taking others in their stead, was quickly reformed;\nso that there are three or four couples who have voluntarily dismissed\nthose whom they had wrongfully taken, and now live together again in\nlove and peace. The same might be said of all other vicious practices.\nThe reformation was general; and all springing from the _internal_\ninfluence of divine truth upon their hearts, and not from any _external_\nrestraints, or because they had heard these vices particularly exposed,\nand repeatedly spoken against. Some of them I never so much as\nmentioned; particularly that of the parting of men and their wives, till\nsome, having their conscience awakened by God\u2019s word, came, and _of\ntheir own accord_ confessed themselves guilty in that respect. When I at\nany time mentioned their wicked practices, and the sins they were guilty\nof contrary to the _light of nature_, it was not with a design, nor\nindeed with any hope, of working an effectual reformation in their\nexternal manners by this means, for I knew, that while the tree remained\ncorrupt, the fruit would naturally be so. My design was to lead them, by\nobserving the wickedness of their lives, to a view of the corruption of\ntheir hearts, and so to convince them of the necessity of a renovation\nof nature, and to excite them, with the utmost diligence to seek after\nthat great change, which, if once obtained, I was sensible, would of\ncourse produce a reformation of external manners in every respect.\n\n\u201cAnd as all vice was reformed upon their feeling the power of these\ntruths upon their hearts, so the external duties of Christianity were\ncomplied with, and conscientiously performed from the same internal\ninfluence; family prayer set up, and constantly maintained, unless among\na few who had more lately come, and had felt little of this divine\ninfluence. This duty was constantly performed, even in some families\nwhere there were none but females, and scarce a prayerless person was to\nbe found among near an hundred of them. The Sabbath was seriously and\nreligiously observed, and care taken by parents to keep their children\norderly upon that sacred day; and this, not because I had driven them to\nthe performance of these duties by frequently inculcating them, but\nbecause they had felt the power of God\u2019s word upon their hearts,\u2014were\nmade sensible of their sin and misery, and thence could not but pray,\nand comply with every thing which they knew to be their duty, from what\nthey felt within themselves. When their hearts were touched with a sense\nof their eternal concerns, they could pray with great freedom, as well\nas fervency, without being at the trouble first to learn set forms for\nthat purpose. Some of them, who were suddenly awakened at their first\ncoming among us, were brought to pray and cry for mercy with the utmost\nimportunity, without ever being instructed in the duty of prayer, or so\nmuch as once directed to a performance of it.\n\n\u201cThe happy effects of these peculiar doctrines of grace upon this\npeople, show, even to demonstration, that, instead of their opening a\ndoor to licentiousness, as many vainly imagine, and slanderously\ninsinuate, they have a directly contrary tendency; so that a close\napplication, a _sense_ and _feeling_ of them, will have the most\npowerful influence toward the renovation, and _effectual_ reformation\nboth of heart and life.\n\n\u201cHappy experience, as well as the word of God and the example of Christ\nand his apostles, has taught me, that the very method of preaching which\nis best suited to awaken in mankind a sense and lively apprehension of\ntheir depravity and misery in a fallen state,\u2014to excite them so\nearnestly to seek after a change of heart, as to fly for refuge to free\nand sovereign grace in Christ as the only hope set before them,\u2014is\nlikely to be most successful in the reformation of their external\nconduct. I have found that close addresses, and solemn applications of\ndivine truth to the conscience, strike at the root of all vice; while\nsmooth and plausible harangues upon moral virtues and external duties,\nat best are like to do no more than lop off the branches of corruption,\nwhile the root of all vice remains still untouched.\n\n\u201cA view of the blessed effect of honest endeavors to bring home divine\ntruths to the conscience, and duly to affect the heart with them, has\noften reminded me of those words of our Lord, which I have thought might\nbe a proper exhortation for ministers in respect to their treatment of\nothers, as well as for persons in general with regard to themselves.\n\u2018Cleanse first the inside of the cup and platter, that the outside may\nbe clean also.\u2019 Cleanse, says he, the inside that the outside may be\nclean. As if he had said, the only effectual way to have the outside\nclean, is to begin with what is within; and if the fountain be purified,\nthe streams will naturally be pure. Most certain it is, if we can a\nweaken in sinners a lively sense of their inward pollution and\ndepravity\u2014their need of a change of heart\u2014and so engage them to seek\nafter inward cleansing, their external defilement will naturally be\ncleansed, their vicious ways of course be reformed and their\nconversation and behavior become regular.\n\n\u201cNow, although I cannot pretend that the reformation among my people\ndoes, in every instance, spring from a saving change of heart; yet I may\ntruly say, it flows from some _heart-affecting_ view and sense of divine\ntruths which all have had in a greater or less degree. I do not intend,\nby what I have observed here, to represent the preaching of morality and\npressing persons to the external performance of duty, to be altogether\nunnecessary and useless, especially at times when there is less of\ndivine power attending the means of grace, when, for want of internal\ninfluences, there is need of external restraints. It is doubtless among\nthe things that ought to be done, while others are not to be left\nundone. But what I principally designed by this remark, was to discover\na plain matter of fact, viz. That the reformation, the sobriety, and the\nexternal compliance with the rules and duties of Christianity, appearing\namong my people, are not the effect of any mere doctrinal instruction,\nor merely rational view of the beauty of morality, but from the internal\npower and influence which the soul-humbling doctrines of grace have had\nupon their hearts.\n\nIII. \u201cIt is remarkable, that God has so _continued and renewed_ the\nshowers of his grace here; so _quickly_ set up his visible kingdom among\nthese people; and so smiled upon them in relation to their acquirement\nof knowledge, both divine and human. It is now nearly a year since the\nbeginning of this gracious outpouring of the divine Spirit among them;\nand although it has often seemed to decline and abate for some short\nspace of time\u2014as may be observed by several passages of my Journal,\nwhere I have endeavored to note things just as from time to time they\nappeared to me\u2014yet the shower has seemed to be renewed, and the work of\ngrace revived again. A divine influence seems still apparently to attend\nthe means of grace, in a greater or less degree, in most of our meetings\nfor religious exercises; whereby religious persons are refreshed,\nstrengthened, and established,\u2014convictions revived and promoted in many\ninstances, and some few persons newly awakened from time to time. It\nmust be acknowledged, that for some time past there has, in general,\nappeared a more manifest decline of this work; and the divine Spirit has\nseemed, in a considerable measure, withdrawn, especially with regard to\nhis awakening influence; so that the _strangers_ who come latterly, are\nnot seized with concern as formerly; and some few who have been much\naffected with divine truths in time past, now appear less concerned.\nYet, blessed be God, there is still an appearance of divine power and\ngrace, a desirable degree of tenderness, religious affection and\ndevotion in our assemblies.\n\n\u201cAs God has continued and renewed the showers of his grace among this\npeople for some time, so he has with uncommon _quickness_ set up his\nvisible kingdom, and gathered himself a church in the midst of them.\n_Fifteen_ individuals, since the conclusion of my last Journal, have\nmade a public profession of their faith, making _thirty-eight_ within\nthe space of _eleven_ months, all of whom appear to have had a work of\nspecial grace wrought in their hearts; I mean, to have had the\nexperience not only of the awakening, but, in a judgment of charity, of\nthe renewing influences of the divine Spirit. There are many others\nunder solemn concern for their souls, and deep convictions of their sin\nand misery, but who do not yet give that decisive evidence which could\nbe desired, of a saving change.\n\n\u201cFrom the time when, as I am informed, some of them were attending an\n_idolatrous feast_ and _sacrifice_ in honor to _devils_, to the time\nwhen they sat down at the Lord\u2019s table, I trust to the honor of God, was\nnot more than a _full year_. Surely Christ\u2019s little flock here, so\nsuddenly gathered from among Pagans, may justly say, in the language of\nthe church of old, \u2018The Lord hath done great things for us, whereof we\nare glad.\u2019\n\n\u201cMuch of the goodness of God has also appeared in relation to their\nacquisition of knowledge, both in religion and in the affairs of common\nlife. There has been a wonderful thirst after _Christian knowledge_\nprevailing among them in general, and an eager desire of being\ninstructed in Christian doctrines and manners. This has prompted them to\nask many pertinent as well as important questions; the answers to which\nhave tended much to enlighten their minds and promote their knowledge in\ndivine things. Many of the doctrines which I have delivered, they have\nqueried with me about, in order to gain further light and insight into\nthem; and have from time to time manifested a good understanding of\nthem, by their answers to the questions proposed to them in my\ncatechetical lectures.\n\n\u201cThey have likewise queried with me respecting a proper _method_, as\nwell as proper _matter of prayer_, and expressions suitable to be used\nin that religious exercise; and have taken pains in order to the\nperformance of this duty with understanding.\u2014They have likewise taken\npains, and appeared remarkably apt in learning to sing _psalm-tunes_,\nand are now able to sing with a good degree of decency in the worship of\nGod.\u2014They have also acquired a considerable degree of useful knowledge\nin the affairs of common life; so that they now appear like rational\ncreatures, fit for human society, free of that savage roughness and\nbrutish stupidity which rendered them very disagreeable in their Pagan\nstate.\n\n\u201cThey seem ambitious of a thorough acquaintance with the English\nlanguage, and for that end frequently speak it among themselves. Many of\nthem have made good proficiency in acquiring it, since my coming among\nthem; so that most of them can understand a considerable part, and some\nthe substance of my discourses, without an _Interpreter_, being used to\nmy simple and familiar methods of expression, though they could not well\nunderstand other ministers.\n\n\u201cAs they are desirous of instruction, and surprisingly apt in the\nreception of it, so divine Providence has smiled upon them with regard\nto the _proper means_ in order to it. The attempts made for establishing\na _school_ among them have succeeded, and a kind Providence has sent\nthem a _schoolmaster_, of whom I may justly say, I know of \u2018no man like\nminded, who will naturally care for their state.\u2019 He has generally\n_thirty_ or _thirty-five_ children in his school; and when he kept an\nevening school, as he did while the length of the 'evenings would admit\nof it, _fifteen_ or _twenty_ grown people, married and single, attended.\n\n\u201cThe children learn with surprising readiness; so that their master\ntells me, he never had an English school which learned, in general, so\nfast. There were not above two in thirty, although some of them were\nvery small, but learned all the letters in the alphabet within three\ndays after his entrance upon his business; and several in that space of\ntime learned to spell considerably. Some of them, in less than five\nmonths, have learned to read with ease in the Psalter or Testament.\n\n\u201cThey are instructed twice a week in the _Catechism_, on Wednesday and\nSaturday. _Some_ of them, since the latter end of February, when they\nbegan, have committed more than half of it to memory; and _most_ of them\nhave made some proficiency in it.\n\n\u201cThey are likewise instructed in the duty of _secret prayer_, and most\nof them constantly attend it night and morning, and are very careful to\ninform their master, if they apprehend that any of their little\nschool-mates neglect that religious exercise.\n\nIV. \u201cIt is worthy to be noted, to the praise of sovereign grace, that\namidst so great a work of conviction\u2014so much concern and religious\naffection\u2014there has been _no prevalence, nor indeed any considerable\nappearance of false religion_\u2014heats of imagination, intemperate zeal, or\nspiritual pride; and that there have been very few instances of\nirregular and scandalous behavior among those who have appeared serious.\n\n\u201cThis work of grace has, in the main, been carried on with a surprising\ndegree of purity, and freedom from corrupt mixture. Their religious\nconcern has generally been rational and just; arising from a sense of\ntheir sins, and exposure to the divine displeasure on account of them;\nas well as their utter inability to deliver themselves from the misery\nthey felt and feared. If there has been, in any instance, an appearance\nof concern and perturbation of mind, when the subjects of it knew not\nwhy; yet there has been no prevalence of any such thing; and indeed I\nscarcely know of any instance of that nature at all.\u2014It is very\nremarkable, that, although the concern of many persons under convictions\nof their perishing state has been very great and pressing, yet I have\nnever seen any thing like desperation attending it in any one instance.\nThey have had the most lively sense of their undoneness in themselves;\nhave been brought to give up all hopes of deliverance from themselves;\nhave experienced great distress and anguish of soul; and yet, in the\nseasons of the greatest extremity, there has been no appearance of\ndespair in any of them,\u2014nothing that has discouraged, or in any wise\nhindered them from the most diligent use of all proper means for their\nconversion and salvation. Hence it is apparent, that there is not that\ndanger of persons being driven into despair under spiritual trouble,\nunless in cases of deep and habitual melancholy, which the world in\ngeneral is ready to imagine.\n\n\u201cThe comfort which persons have obtained after their distresses, has\nlikewise in general appeared solid, well grounded, and scriptural;\narising from a spiritual and supernatural illumination of mind,\u2014a view\nof divine things, in a measure, as they are,\u2014a complacency of soul in\nthe divine perfections,\u2014and a peculiar satisfaction in the way of\nsalvation by free sovereign grace in the great Redeemer.\n\n\u201cTheir joys have seemed to rise from a variety of views and\nconsiderations of divine things, although for substance the same. Some,\nwho, under conviction, seemed to have the hardest struggles and\nheart-risings against the divine sovereignty, have seemed, at the first\ndawn of their comfort, to rejoice in a peculiar manner in that divine\nperfection:\u2014and have been delighted to think that themselves, and all\nthings else, were in the hand of God, and that he would dispose of them\n\u2018just as he pleased.\u2019\n\n\u201cOthers, who, just before their reception of comfort, have been\nremarkably oppressed with a sense of their undoneness and poverty, who\nhave seen themselves, as it were, falling down into remediless\nperdition, have been at first more peculiarly delighted with a view of\nthe freeness and riches of divine grace, and the offer of salvation made\nto perishing sinners \u2018without money and without price.\u2019\n\n\u201cSome have at first appeared to rejoice especially in the _wisdom_ of\nGod, discovered in the way of salvation by Christ; it then appearing to\nthem \u2018a new and living way,\u2019 a way of which they had never thought, nor\nhad any just conceptions, until opened to them by the special influence\nof the divine Spirit. Some of them, upon a lively spiritual view of this\nway of salvation, have wondered at their past folly in seeking salvation\nin other ways, and that they never saw this way of salvation before,\nwhich now appeared so plain and easy, as well as excellent to them.\n\n\u201cOthers, again, have had a more general view of the beauty and\nexcellency of Christ, and have had their souls delighted with an\napprehension of his divine glory, as unspeakably exceeding all they had\never conceived before; yet, without singling out any one of the divine\nperfections in particular; so that, although their comforts have seemed\nto arise from a variety of views and considerations of divine glories,\nstill they were _spiritual_ and _supernatural_ views of them, and not\ngroundless fancies, which were the spring of their joys and comforts.\n\n\u201cYet it must be acknowledged that, when this work became so universal\nand prevalent, and gained such general credit and esteem among the\nIndians that Satan seemed to have little advantage of working against it\nin his own proper garb, he then transformed himself \u2018into an angel of\nlight,\u2019 and made some vigorous attempts to introduce turbulent\ncommotions of the passions in the room of genuine convictions of sin,\nimaginary and fanciful notions of Christ, as appearing to the mental eye\nin a human shape, and in some particular postures, &c. in the room of\nspiritual and supernatural discoveries of his divine glory and\nexcellency, as well as many other delusions. I have reason to think,\nthat, if these things had met with countenance and encouragement, there\nwould have been a very considerable harvest of this kind of converts\nhere.\n\n\u201c_Spiritual pride_ also discovered itself in various instances. Some\npersons, whose feelings had been greatly excited, seemed very desirous\nfrom thence of being thought truly gracious; who, when I could not but\nexpress to them my fears respecting their spiritual state, discovered\ntheir resentments to a considerable degree. There also appeared in one\nor two of them, an unbecoming ambition of being teachers of others. So\nthat Satan has been a busy adversary here as well as elsewhere. But,\nblessed be God, though something of this nature has appeared, yet\nnothing of it has prevailed, nor indeed made any considerable progress\nat all. My people are now apprised of these things, are made acquainted,\nthat Satan in such a manner \u2018transformed himself into an angel of\nlight,\u2019 in the first season of the great outpouring of the divine Spirit\nin the days of the apostles; and that something of this nature, in a\ngreater or less degree, has attended almost every revival and remarkable\npropagation of true religion ever since. They have learned so to\ndistinguish between the gold and dross, that the credit of the latter\n\u2018is trodden down like the mire of the streets;\u2019 and, as it is natural\nfor this kind of stuff to die with its credit, there is now scarce any\nappearance of it among them.\n\n\u201cAs there has been no prevalence of irregular heats, imaginary notions,\nspiritual pride, and satanical delusions among my people; so there have\nbeen very few instances of scandalous and irregular behavior among those\nwho have made a profession, or even an appearance of seriousness. I do\nnot know of more than three or four such persons who have been guilty of\nany open misconduct, since their first acquaintance with Christianity;\nand I know of no one who persists in any thing of that nature. Perhaps\nthe remarkable purity of this work in the _latter_ respect, its freedom\nfrom frequent instances of scandal, is very much owing to its purity in\nthe _former_ respect, its freedom from corrupt mixtures of spiritual\npride, wild-fire, and delusion, which naturally lay a foundation for\nscandalous practices.\n\n\u201cMay this blessed work, in the power and purity of it, prevail among the\npoor Indians here, as well as spread elsewhere, till their remotest\ntribes shall see the salvation of God! Amen.\u201d\n\n\n\n\n                              CHAPTER IX.\n\n_From the close of his Public Journal, June 19, 1746, to his\n    death\u2014continuance of labor at Crossweeksung and Cranberry\u2014journey\n    with six Christian Indians to the Susquehanna, and labors\n    there\u2014return to Crossweeksung\u2014compelled by prostration of health to\n    have the Indians\u2014confinement by sickness at Elizabethtown\u2014farewell\n    visit to the Indians\u2014his brother John succeeds him as a\n    Missionary\u2014arrival among his friends in Connecticut\u2014visit to\n    President Edwards in Northampton\u2014journey to Boston, where he is\n    brought near to death\u2014usefulness in Boston\u2014returns to\n    Northampton\u2014triumphs of grace in his last sickness\u2014death._\n\n\n                    [June 19, 1746\u2014October 9, 1747.]\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, June 29, 1746._\u2014\u201cPreached both parts of the day, from John,\n14:19. God was pleased to assist me, to afford me both freedom and\npower, especially toward the close of my discourses forenoon and\nafternoon. God\u2019s power appeared in the assembly, in both exercises.\nNumbers of God\u2019s people were refreshed and melted with divine things;\none or two comforted, who had been long under distress; convictions, in\ndivers instances, were powerfully revived; and one man in years was much\nawakened, who had not long frequented our meeting, and appeared before\nas stupid as a stock. God amazingly renewed and lengthened out my\nstrength. I was so spent at noon that I could scarcely walk, and all my\njoints trembled so that I could not sit, nor so much as hold my hand\nstill; and yet God strengthened me to preach with power in the\nafternoon, although I had given out word to my people, that I did not\nexpect to be able to do it. Spent some time afterward in conversing,\nparticularly, with several persons, about their spiritual state; and had\nsome satisfaction concerning one or two. Prayed afterward with a sick\nchild, and gave a word of exhortation. Was assisted in all my work.\nBlessed be God! Returned home with more health than I had in the\nmorning, although my linen was wringing wet upon me, from a little after\nten, till past five in the afternoon. My spirits also were considerably\nrefreshed; and my soul rejoiced in hope, that I had through grace done\nsomething for God. In the evening walked out, and enjoyed a sweet season\nin secret prayer and praise. But O I found the truth of the Psalmist\u2019s\nwords, \u2018My goodness extendeth not to thee!\u2019 I could not make any returns\nto God; I longed to live only to him, and to be in tune for his praise\nand service for ever. Oh for spirituality and holy fervency, that I\nmight spend and be spent for God to my latest moment.\n\n_July 10._\u2014\u201cSpent most of the day in writing. Toward night rode to Mr.\nTennent\u2019s; enjoyed some agreeable conversation; went home in the\nevening, in a solemn, sweet frame of mind; was refreshed in secret\nduties, longed to live wholly and only for God, and saw plainly there\nwas nothing in the world worthy of my affection\u2014my heart was dead to all\nbelow; yet not through dejection, as at some times, but from views of a\nbetter inheritance.\n\n_July 12._\u2014\u201cThis day was spent in fasting and prayer by my congregation,\nas preparatory to the Lord\u2019s supper. I discoursed, both parts of the\nday, from Rom. 4:25, \u2018Who was delivered for our offences,\u2019 &c. God gave\nme some assistance, and something of divine power attended the word; so\nthat this was an agreeable season. Afterward led them to a solemn\nrenewal of their covenant, and fresh dedication of themselves to God.\nThis was a season both of solemnity and sweetness, and God seemed to be\n\u2018in the midst of us.\u2019 Returned to my lodgings in the evening, in a\ncomfortable frame of mind.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, July 13._\u2014\u201cIn the forenoon, discoursed on the \u2018bread of\nlife,\u2019 from John, 6:35. God gave me some assistance, in a part of my\ndiscourse especially; and there appeared some tender affection in the\nassembly under divine truth; my soul also was somewhat refreshed.\nAdministered the Lord\u2019s supper to thirty-one of the Indians. God seemed\nto be present in this ordinance; the communicants were sweetly melted\nand refreshed. O how they melted, even when the elements were first\nuncovered! There was scarcely a dry eye among them, when I took off the\nlinen, and showed them the symbols of Christ\u2019s _broken body_. Having\nrested a little, after the administration of the ordinance, I visited\nthe communicants, and found them generally in a sweet loving frame; not\nunlike what appeared among them on the former sacramental occasion,\nApril 27. In the afternoon, discoursed upon _coming to Christ_, and the\n_satisfaction_ of those who do so, from the same verse I insisted on in\nthe forenoon. This was likewise an agreeable season, one of much\ntenderness, affection, and enlargement in divine service; and God, I am\npersuaded, crowned our assembly with his presence. I returned home much\nspent, yet rejoicing in the goodness of God.\n\n_July 14._\u2014\u201cWent to my people, and discoursed to them from Psalm\n119:106, \u2018I have sworn, and I will perform it,\u2019 &c. Observed, (1.) that\nall God\u2019s judgments or commandments are righteous. (2.) That God\u2019s\npeople have sworn to keep them; and this they do especially at the\nLord\u2019s table. There appeared to be a powerful divine influence on the\nassembly, and considerable melting under the word. Afterward I led them\nto a renewal of their covenant before God, that they would watch over\nthemselves and one another, lest they should fall into sin, and dishonor\nthe name of Christ. This transaction was attended with great solemnity;\nand God seemed to own it by exciting in them a fear and jealousy of\nthemselves, lest they should sin against God; so that the presence of\nGod seemed to be among us in this conclusion of the sacramental\nsolemnity.\n\n_July 21._\u2014\u201cPreached to the Indians, chiefly for the sake of some\n_strangers_; proposed my design of taking a journey speedily to the\nSusquehanna; exhorted my people to pray for me, that God would be with\nme in that journey; and then chose divers persons of the congregation to\ntravel with me. Afterward spent some time in discoursing to the\nstrangers, and was somewhat encouraged with them. Took care of my\npeople\u2019s secular business, and was not a little exercised with it. Had\nsome degree of composure and comfort in secret retirement.\n\n_July 22._\u2014\u201cWas in a dejected frame most of the day; wanted to wear out\nlife, and have it at an end; but had some desires of _living to God_,\nand wearing out life _for him_. Oh that I could indeed do so!\u201d\n\n_July 29._\u2014\u201cMy mind was cheerful, and free from the melancholy with\nwhich I am often exercised; had freedom in looking up to God at various\ntimes in the day. In the evening I enjoyed a comfortable season in\nsecret prayer; was helped to plead with God for my own dear people, that\nhe would carry on his own blessed work among them; and assisted in\npraying for the divine presence to attend me in my intended journey to\nthe Susquehanna. I scarce knew how to leave the throne of grace, and it\ngrieved me that I was obliged to go to bed; I longed to do something for\nGod, but knew not how. Blessed be God for this freedom from dejection!\n\n_July 30._\u2014\u201cWas uncommonly comfortable, both in body and mind; in the\nforenoon especially, my mind was solemn; I was assisted in my work, and\nGod seemed to be near to me; so that the day was as comfortable as most\nI have enjoyed for some time. In the evening was favored with assistance\nin secret prayer, and felt much as I did the evening before. Blessed be\nGod for that freedom I then enjoyed at the throne of grace, for myself,\nmy people, and my dear friends!\n\n_August 1._\u2014\u201cIn the evening enjoyed a sweet season in secret prayer;\nclouds of darkness and perplexing care were sweetly scattered, and\nnothing anxious remained. O how serene was my mind at this season! how\nfree from that distracting concern I have often felt! \u2018Thy will be\ndone,\u2019 was a petition sweet to my soul; and if God had bid me choose for\nmyself in any affair, I should have chosen rather to have referred the\nchoice to him; for I saw he was infinitely wise, and could not do any\nthing amiss, as I was in danger of doing. Was assisted in prayer for my\ndear flock, that God would promote his own work among them, and go with\nme in my intended journey to the Susquehanna; was helped to remember my\ndear friends in New-England, and my dear brethren in the ministry. I\nfound enough in the sweet duty of prayer to have engaged me to continue\nin it the whole night, would my bodily state have admitted of it. O how\nsweet it is, to be enabled heartily to say, \u2018Lord, not my will, but\nthine be done.\u2019\n\n_August 2._\u2014\u201cNear night, preached from Matt. 11:29. \u2018Take my yoke upon\nyou,\u2019 &c. Was considerably helped, and the presence of God seemed to be\nsomewhat remarkably in the assembly; divine truth made powerful\nimpressions, both upon saints and sinners. Blessed be God for such a\nrevival among us! In the evening was very weary, but found my spirits\nsupported and refreshed.\n\n_August 7._\u2014\u201cRode to my house where I spent the last winter, in order to\nbring some things I needed for my Susquehanna journey; was refreshed to\nsee that place, which God so marvellously visited with the showers of\nhis grace. O how amazing did the _power of God_ often appear there!\n\u2018Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.\u2019\n\n_August 9._\u2014\u201cIn the afternoon visited my people; set their affairs in\norder as much as possible, and contrived for them the management of\ntheir worldly business; discoursed to them in a solemn manner, and\nconcluded with prayer. Was composed and comfortable in the evening, and\nsomewhat fervent in secret prayer; had some sense and view of the\neternal world; and found a serenity of mind. O that I could magnify the\nLord for any freedom which he affords me in prayer!\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Aug. 10._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed to my people both parts of the day,\nfrom Acts, 3:19, \u2018Repent ye, therefore,\u2019 &c. In discoursing of\nrepentance, in the forenoon, God helped me, so that my discourse was\nsearching; some were in tears, both of the Indians and white people, and\nthe word of God was attended with some power. In the intermission I was\nengaged in conversing on their spiritual state, one of whom had very\nrecently found comfort, after spiritual trouble and distress. In the\nafternoon was somewhat assisted again, though weak and weary. Three\npersons this day made a public profession of their faith. Was in a\ncomfortable frame in the evening, and enjoyed some satisfaction in\nsecret prayer. I have rarely felt myself so full of tenderness as this\nday.\n\n_August 11._\u2014\u201cBeing about to set out on a journey to the Susquehanna the\nnext day, with leave of Providence, I spent some time this day in prayer\nwith my people, that God would bless and succeed my intended journey,\nthat he would send forth his blessed Spirit with his word, and set up\nhis kingdom among the poor Indians in the wilderness. While I was\nopening and applying part of the 110th and 111th Psalms, the _power of\nGod_ seemed to descend on the assembly in some measure; and while I was\nmaking the first prayer, numbers were melted, and I found some\naffectionate enlargement of soul myself. Preached from Acts, 4:31, \u2018And\nwhen they had prayed, the place was shaken,\u2019 &c. God helped me, and my\ninterpreter also; there was a shaking and melting among us; and several,\nI doubt not, were in some measure \u2018filled with the Holy Ghost.\u2019\nAfterward, Mr. Macnight prayed; and I then opened the two last stanzas\nof the 72d Psalm; at which time God was present with us; especially\nwhile I insisted upon the promise of _all nations blessing_ the great\n_Redeemer_. My soul was refreshed, to think that this day, this blessed,\nglorious season, should surely come; and I trust numbers of my dear\npeople were also refreshed. Afterward prayed; had some freedom, but was\nalmost spent; then walked out, and left my people to carry on religious\nexercises among themselves. They prayed repeatedly, and sung, while I\nrested and refreshed myself. Afterward went to the meeting, prayed with,\nand dismissed the assembly. Blessed be God, this has been a day of\ngrace. There were many tears and affectionate sobs among us this day. In\nthe evening my soul was refreshed in prayer; enjoyed liberty at the\nthrone of grace, in praying for my people and friends, and the church of\nGod in general. 'Bless the Lord, O my soul.'\u201d\n\nThe next day he set out on his journey toward the Susquehanna, and six\nof his Christian Indians with him, whom he had chosen out of his\ncongregation, as those he judged most fit to assist him in the business\nupon which he was going. He took his way through Philadelphia; intending\nto go to the Susquehanna, far down, where it is settled by the white\npeople, below the country inhabited by the Indians; and so to travel up\nthe river to the Indian habitations. For although this was much farther,\nyet hereby he avoided the mountains and hideous wilderness that must be\ncrossed in the nearer way; which in time past he found to be extremely\ndifficult and fatiguing.\n\n_Aug. 19._\u2014\u201cLodged by the side of the Susquehanna. Was weak and\ndisordered both this and the preceding day, and found my spirits\nconsiderably damped, meeting with none that I thought godly people.\n\n_Aug. 20._\u2014\u201cHaving lain in a cold sweat all night, I coughed up much\nbloody matter this morning, and was under great disorder of body, and\nnot a little melancholy; but what gave me some encouragement, was, I had\na secret hope that I might speedily get a dismission from earth, and all\nits toils and sorrows. Rode this day to one Chambers', upon the\nSusquehanna, and there lodged. Was much afflicted in the evening with an\nungodly crew, drinking, swearing, &c. O what a _hell_ would it be, to be\nnumbered with the _ungodly_! Enjoyed some agreeable conversation with a\ntraveller, who seemed to have some relish of true religion.\n\n_Aug. 21._\u2014\u201cRode up the river about fifteen miles, and there lodged, in\na family which appeared quite destitute of God. Labored to discourse\nwith the man about the life of religion, but found him very artful in\nevading such conversation. O what a death it is to some, to hear of the\nthings of God! Was out of my element; but was not so dejected as at some\ntimes.\n\n_Aug. 22._\u2014\u201cContinued my course up the river; my people now being with\nme, who before were parted from me; travelled above all the English\nsettlements; at night lodged in the open woods, and slept with more\ncomfort than while among an ungodly company of white people. Enjoyed\nsome liberty in secret prayer this evening; and was helped to remember\ndear friends, as well as my dear flock, and the church of God in\ngeneral.\n\n_Aug. 23._\u2014\u201cArrived at the Indian town, called _Shaumoking_, near night;\nwas not so dejected as formerly, but yet somewhat exercised. Felt\ncomposed in the evening, and enjoyed some freedom in leaving my _all_\nwith God.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Aug. 24._\u2014\u201cToward noon, visited some of the Delawares, and\nconversed with them about Christianity. In the afternoon discoursed to\nthe _King_, and others, upon divine things; who seemed disposed to hear.\nSpent most of the day in these exercises. In the evening enjoyed some\ncomfort and satisfaction; and especially had some sweetness in secret\nprayer. This duty was made so agreeable to me, that I loved to walk\nabroad, and repeatedly engage in it. O how comfortable is a little\nglimpse of God!\n\n_Aug. 25._\u2014\u201cSpent most of the day in writing. Sent out my people that\nwere with me, to talk with the Indians, and contract a friendship and\nfamiliarity with them, that I might have a better opportunity of\ntreating with them about Christianity. Some good seemed to be done by\ntheir visit this day, many appeared willing to hearken to Christianity.\nMy spirits were a little refreshed this evening, and I found some\nliberty and satisfaction in prayer.\n\n_Aug. 26._\u2014\u201cAbout noon, discoursed to a considerable number of Indians.\nGod helped me, I am persuaded; for I was enabled to speak with much\nplainness, and some warmth and power; and the discourse had impression\nupon some, and made them appear very serious. I thought things now\nappeared as encouraging as they did at Crossweeks. At the time of my\nfirst visit to those Indians, I was a little encouraged; I pressed\nthings with all my might, and called out my people, who were then\npresent, to give in _their testimony_ for God; which they did. Toward\nnight, was refreshed; had a heart to pray for the setting up of God\u2019s\nkingdom here, as well as for my dear congregation below, and my dear\nfriends elsewhere.\n\n_Aug. 28._\u2014\u201cIn the forenoon, I was under great concern of mind about my\nwork. Was visited by some who desired to hear me preach; discoursed to\nthem in the afternoon with some fervency, and labored to persuade them\nto turn to God. Was full of concern for the kingdom of Christ, and found\nsome enlargement of soul in prayer, both in secret and in my family.\nScarce ever saw more clearly, than this day, that it is God\u2019s work to\nconvert souls, and especially poor Heathens. I knew I could not touch\nthem; I saw I could only speak to dry bones, but could give them no\nsense of what I said. My eyes were up to God for help: I could say the\nwork was his; and if done, the glory would be his.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Aug. 31._\u2014\u201cSpent much time, in the morning, in secret\nduties; found a weight upon my spirits, and could not but cry to God\nwith concern and engagement of soul. Spent some time also in reading and\nexpounding God\u2019s word to my dear family which was with me, as well as in\nsinging and prayer with them. Afterwards spake the word of God to some\nfew of the Susquehanna Indians. In the afternoon, felt very weak and\nfeeble. Near night was somewhat refreshed in mind, with some views of\nthings relating to my great work. O how heavy is my work, when _faith_\ncannot take hold of an _almighty arm_ for the performance of it! Many\ntimes have I been ready to sink in this case. Blessed be God, that I may\nrepair to a full fountain!\n\n_Sept. 1._\u2014\u201cSet out on a journey toward a place called _The great\nIsland_, about fifty miles distant from Shaumoking, on the north-western\nbranch of the Susquehanna. Travelled some part of the way, and at night\nlodged in the woods. Was exceedingly feeble this day, and sweat much the\nnight following.\n\n_Sept. 2._\u2014\u201cRode forward, but no faster than my people went on foot. Was\nvery weak, on this as well as the preceding days. I was so feeble and\nfaint, that I feared it would kill me to lie out in the open air; and\nsome of our company being parted from us, so that we had now no axe with\nus, I had no way but to climb into a young pine tree, and with my knife\nto lop the branches, and so make a shelter from the dew. But the evening\nbeing cloudy, with a prospect of rain, I was still under fears of being\nextremely exposed: sweat much, so that my linen was almost wringing wet\nall night. I scarcely ever was more weak and weary than this evening,\nwhen I was able to sit up at all. This was a melancholy situation; but I\nendeavored to quiet myself with considerations of the possibility of my\nbeing in much worse circumstances amongst enemies, &c.\n\n_Sept. 3._\u2014\u201cRode to the Delaware-town; found many drinking and drunken.\nDiscoursed with some of the Indians about Christianity; observed my\ninterpreter much engaged, and assisted in his work; a few persons seemed\nto hear with great earnestness and engagement of soul. About noon, rode\nto a small town of Shauwaunoes, about eight miles distant; spent an hour\nor two there, and returned to the Delaware-town, and lodged there. Was\nscarce ever more confounded with a sense of my own unfruitfulness and\nunfitness for my work than now. O what a dead, heartless, barren,\nunprofitable wretch did I now see myself to be! My spirits were so low,\nand my bodily strength so wasted, that I could do nothing at all. At\nlength, being much overdone, lay down on a buffalo-skin; but sweat much\nthe whole night.\n\n_Sept. 4._\u2014\u201cDiscoursed with the Indians, in the morning, about\nChristianity; my Interpreter, afterward, carrying on the discourse to a\nconsiderable length. Some few appeared well disposed, and somewhat\naffected. Left this place, and returned toward Shaumoking; and at night\nlodged in the place where I lodged the Monday night before: was in very\nuncomfortable circumstances in the evening, my people being late, and\nnot coming to me till past ten at night; so that I had no fire to dress\nany victuals, or to keep me warm, or keep off wild beasts; and I was\nscarce ever more weak and exhausted. However, I lay down and slept\nbefore my people came up, expecting nothing else but to spend the whole\nnight alone, and without fire.\n\n_Sept. 5._\u2014\u201cWas exceeding weak, so that I could scarcely ride; it seemed\nsometimes as if I must fall from my horse, and lie in the open woods:\nhowever, got to Shaumoking toward night: felt somewhat of a spirit of\nthankfulness, that God had so far returned me: was refreshed to see one\nof my Christians, whom I left here in my late excursion.\n\n_Sept. 6._\u2014\u201cSpent the day in a very weak state; coughing and spitting\nblood, and having little appetite for any food I had with me; was able\nto do very little, except discourse a while of divine things to my own\npeople, and to some few I met with. Had, by this time, very little life\nor heart to speak for God, through feebleness of body. Was scarcely ever\nmore ashamed and confounded in myself than now. I was sensible that\nthere were numbers of God\u2019s people who knew I was then out upon a\ndesign, or at least the pretence, of doing something for God, and in his\ncause, among the poor Indians; and they were ready to suppose that I was\n_fervent in spirit_; but O the heartless frame of my mind filled me with\nconfusion! O, methought, if God\u2019s people knew me as God knows, they\nwould not think so highly of my zeal and resolution for God as perhaps\nnow they do! I could not but desire they should see how heartless and\nirresolute I was, that they might be undeceived, and \u2018not think of me\nabove what they ought to think.\u2019 And yet I thought, if they saw the\nutmost of my unfaithfulness, the smallness of my courage and resolution\nfor God, they would be ready to shut me out of their doors, as unworthy\nof the company or friendship of Christians.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 7._\u2014\u201cWas much in the same weak state of body, and\nafflicted frame of mind, as in the preceding day: my soul was grieved,\nand mourned that I could do nothing for God. Read and expounded some\npart of God\u2019s word to my own dear family, and spent some time in prayer\nwith them; discoursed also a little to the Pagans; but spent the Sabbath\nwith a little comfort.\n\n_Sept. 8._\u2014\u201cSpent the forenoon among the Indians; in the afternoon, left\nShaumoking, and returned down the river a few miles. Had proposed to\ntarry a considerable time longer among the Indians upon the Susquehanna,\nbut was hindered from pursuing my purpose by the sickness that prevailed\nthere, the feeble state of my own people that were with me, and\nespecially my own extraordinary weakness, having been exercised with\ngreat nocturnal sweats, and a coughing up of blood, almost the whole of\nthe journey. I was a great part of the time so feeble and faint, that it\nseemed as though I never should be able to reach home; and at the same\ntime very destitute of the comforts, and even the necessaries of life;\nat least, what was necessary for one in so weak a state. In this journey\nI sometimes was enabled to speak the word of God with some power, and\ndivine truth made some impression on those who heard me; so that\nseveral, both men and women, old and young, seemed to cleave to us, and\nbe well disposed toward Christianity; but _others mocked_ and shouted,\nwhich damped those who before seemed friendly, at least some of them.\nYet God, at times, was evidently present, assisting me, my Interpreter,\nand other dear friends who were with me. God gave sometimes a good\ndegree of freedom in prayer for the ingathering of souls there; and I\ncould not but entertain a strong hope, that the journey would not be\nwholly fruitless. Whether the issue of it would be the setting up of\nChrist\u2019s kingdom there, or only the drawing of some few persons down to\nmy congregation in New-Jersey; or whether they were now only preparing\nfor some farther attempts that might be made among them, I did not\ndetermine; but I was persuaded the journey would not be lost. Blessed be\nGod, that I had any encouragement and hope.\n\n_Sept. 9._\u2014\u201cRode down the river near thirty miles. Was extremely weak,\nmuch fatigued, and wet with a thunder storm. Discoursed with some warmth\nand closeness to some poor ignorant souls, on the _life_ and _power_ of\n_religion_: what were, and what were not the _evidences_ of it. They\nseemed much astonished when they saw my Indians ask a blessing and give\nthanks at dinner, concluding _that_ a very high evidence of grace in\nthem; but were equally astonished when I insisted that neither that, nor\nyet secret prayer, was any sure evidence of grace. O the ignorance of\nthe world! How are some empty outward forms, that may all be entirely\nselfish, mistaken for true religion, infallible evidences of it! The\nLord pity a deluded world!\n\n_Sept. 11._\u2014\u201cRode homeward; but was very weak, and sometimes scarce able\nto ride. Had a very importunate invitation to preach at a meeting-house\nI came by, the people being then gathered, but could not by reason of\nweakness. Was resigned and composed under my weakness; but was much\nexercised with concern for my companions in travel, whom I had left with\nmuch regret, some lame, and some sick.\n\n_Sept. 20._\u2014\u201cArrived among my own people, (near Cranberry,) just at\nnight: found them praying together; went in, and gave them some account\nof God\u2019s dealings with me and my companions in the journey; which seemed\naffecting to them. I then prayed with them, and thought the divine\npresence was among us; several were melted into tears, and seemed to\nhave a sense of divine things. Being very weak, I was obliged soon to\nrepair to my lodgings, and felt much worn out in the evening. Thus God\nhas carried me through the fatigues and perils of another journey to the\nSusquehanna, and returned me again in safety, though under a great\ndegree of bodily indisposition. O that my soul were truly thankful for\nrenewed instances of mercy! Many hardships and distresses I endured in\nthis journey; but the Lord supported me under them all.\u201d\n\nHitherto BRAINERD had kept a constant _diary_, giving an account of what\npassed from day to day, with very little interruption; but henceforward\nhis diary is very much interrupted by his illness; under which he was\noften brought so low, as either not to be capable of writing, or not\nwell able to bear the burden of a care so constant as was requisite to\nrecollect every evening what had passed in the day, and digest it, and\nput on paper an orderly account of it. However, his diary was not wholly\nneglected; but he took care, from time to time, to take some notice in\nit of the most material things concerning himself and the state of his\nmind, even till within a few days of his death.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 21, 1746._\u2014\u201cI was so weak that I could not preach,\nnor pretend to ride over to my people in the forenoon. In the afternoon\nrode out; sat in my chair, and discoursed to them from Rom. 14:7, 8. I\nwas strengthened and helped in my discourse, and there appeared\nsomething agreeable in the assembly. I returned to my lodgings extremely\ntired, but thankful that I had been enabled to speak a word to my poor\npeople, from whom I had been so long absent. Was enabled to sleep very\nlittle this night, through weariness and pain. O how blessed should I\nbe, if the little I do were all done with right views! O that, 'whether\nI live, I might live to the Lord; or whether I die, I might die unto the\nLord; that, whether living or dying, I might be the Lord\u2019s!'\n\n_Sept. 27._\u2014\u201cSpent this day, as well as the whole week past, under a\ngreat degree of bodily weakness, exercised with a violent cough and a\nconsiderable fever. I had no appetite for any kind of food, could not\nretain it on my stomach, and frequently had little rest in my bed, owing\nto pains in my breast and back. I was able, however, to ride over to my\npeople, about two miles, every day, and take some care of those who were\nthen at work upon a small house for me to reside in among the\nIndians.[H] I was sometimes scarce able to walk, and never able to sit\nup the whole day, through the week. Was calm and composed, and but\nlittle exercised with melancholy, as in former seasons of weakness.\nWhether I should ever recover or no, seemed very doubtful; but this was\nmany times a comfort to me, that _life_ and _death_ did not depend upon\n_my_ choice. I was pleased to think, that He who is infinitely wise, had\nthe determination of this matter; and that I had no trouble to consider\nand weigh things upon all sides, in order to make the choice whether I\nshould live or die. Thus my time was consumed; I had little strength to\npray, none to write or read, and scarce any to meditate; but, through\ndivine goodness, I could with great composure look death in the face,\nand frequently with sensible joy. O how blessed it is to be _habitually\nprepared_ for death!\n\nFootnote H:\n\n  This was the _fourth_ house he built for his residence among the\n  Indians. Beside that at _Kaunaumeek_, and that at the _Forks of\n  Delaware_, and another at _Crossweeksung_, he built one now at\n  _Cranberry_.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 28._\u2014\u201cRode to my people, and, though under much\nweakness, attempted to preach from 2 Cor. 13:5. Discoursed about half an\nhour, at which season divine power seemed to attend the word; but being\nextremely weak, I was obliged to desist; and after a turn of faintness,\nwith much difficulty rode to my lodgings, where, betaking myself to my\nbed, I lay in a burning fever, and almost delirious for several hours,\ntill, toward morning, my fever went off with a violent sweat. I have\noften been feverish and unable to rest quietly after preaching; but this\nwas the most severe, distressing turn, that ever preaching brought upon\nme. Yet I felt perfectly at rest in my own mind, because I had made my\nutmost attempts to speak for God, and knew I could do no more.\n\n_Oct. 4._\u2014\u201cSpent the former part of this week under a great degree of\ninfirmity and disorder, as I had done several weeks before; was able,\nhowever, to ride a little every day, although unable to sit up half the\nday, till Thursday. Took some care daily of some persons at work upon my\nhouse. On Friday afternoon found myself wonderfully revived and\nstrengthened. Having some time before given notice to my people, and\nthose of them at the Forks of Delaware in particular, that I designed,\nwith the leave of Providence, to administer the Lord\u2019s supper upon the\nfirst Sabbath in October, on Friday afternoon I preached preparatory to\nthe ordinance, from 2 Cor. 13:5; finishing what I had proposed to offer\nupon the subject the Sabbath before. The sermon was blessed of God to\nthe stirring up religious affection and a spirit of devotion in his\npeople, and greatly affected one who had _backslidden_ from God, which\ncaused him to judge and condemn himself. I was surprisingly strengthened\nin my work while I was speaking; but was obliged immediately after to\nrepair to bed, being now removed into my own house among the Indians.\nSpent some time in conversing with my people about divine things as I\nlay upon my bed, and found my soul refreshed, though my body was\nweak.\u2014This being Saturday, I discoursed particularly with divers of the\ncommunicants; and this afternoon preached from Zech. 12:10. There seemed\nto be a tender melting and hearty mourning for sin, in numbers in the\ncongregation. My soul was in a comfortable frame, and I enjoyed freedom\nand assistance in public service; was myself, as well as most of the\ncongregation, much affected with the humble confession and apparent\nbroken-heartedness of the forementioned backslider, and could not but\nrejoice that God had given him such a sense of his sin and unworthiness.\nWas extremely tired in the evening, but lay on my bed, and discoursed to\nmy people.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Oct. 5._\u2014\u201cWas still very weak; and in the morning\nconsiderably afraid I should not be able to go through the work of the\nday; having much to do, both in private and public. Discoursed before\nthe administration of the Lord\u2019s supper, from John, 1:29, \u2018Behold the\nLamb of God, that taketh away the sins of the world.\u2019 Where I considered\n(1.) in what respects Christ is called the \u2018Lamb of God;\u2019 and observed\nthat he is so called, from the purity and innocency of his nature\u2014from\nhis meekness and patience under sufferings\u2014from his being that atonement\nwhich was pointed out in the sacrifice of lambs, and in particular by\nthe paschal lamb. (2.) Considered how and in what sense he \u2018takes away\nthe sin of the world;\u2019 and observed, that the means and manner in and by\nwhich he takes away the sins of men, was his \u2018giving himself for them,\u2019\ndoing and suffering in their room and stead, &c. And he is said to take\naway the sin of the world, not because all the world shall actually be\nredeemed from sin by him, but because he has done and suffered\nsufficient to answer for the sins of the world, and so to redeem all\nmankind;\u2014he actually does take away the sins of the elect world. And\n(3.) considered how we are to behold him, in order to have our sins\ntaken away. Not with our bodily eyes; nor by imagining him on the cross,\n&c.; but by a spiritual view of his glory and goodness, engaging the\nsoul to rely on him, &c.\u2014The divine presence attended this discourse;\nand the assembly was considerably melted with divine truth. After\nsermon, two made a public profession, and I administered the Lord\u2019s\nsupper to near forty communicants of the Indians, besides divers dear\nChristians of the white people. It seemed to be a season of divine power\nand grace; and numbers seemed to rejoice in God. O the sweet union and\nharmony then appearing among the religious people! My soul was\nrefreshed, and my religious friends of the white people with me. After\nthe ordinance, could scarcely get home, though it was not more than\ntwenty rods; but was supported and led by my friends, and laid on my\nbed; where I lay in pain till some time in the evening; and then was\nable to sit up and discourse with friends. O how was this day spent in\nprayers and praises among my dear people! One might hear them, all the\nmorning before public worship, and in the evening, till near midnight,\npraying and singing praises to God, in one or other of their houses. My\nsoul was refreshed, though my body was weak.\n\n_Oct. 11._\u2014\u201cToward night was seized with an ague, which was followed\nwith a hard fever and considerable pain; was treated with great\nkindness; and was ashamed to see so much concern about so unworthy a\ncreature as I knew myself to be. Was in a comfortable frame of mind,\nwholly submissive, with regard to _life or death_. It was indeed a\npeculiar satisfaction to me, to think that it was not _my_ concern or\nbusiness to determine whether I should live or die. I likewise felt\npeculiarly satisfied, while under this uncommon degree of disorder;\nbeing now fully convinced of my being really weak, and unable to perform\nmy work. Whereas, at other times, my mind was perplexed with fears that\nI was a misimprover of time, by conceiving I was sick, when I was not in\nreality so. O how precious is time! And how guilty it makes me feel,\nwhen I think that I have trifled away and misimproved it or neglected to\nfill up each part of it with duty, to the utmost of my ability and\ncapacity!\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Oct. 19._\u2014\u201cWas scarcely able to do any thing at all in the\nweek past, except that on Thursday I rode out about four miles; at which\ntime I took cold. As I was able to do little or nothing, so I enjoyed\nnot much spirituality, or lively religious affection; though at some\ntimes I longed much to be more fruitful and full of heavenly affection;\nand was grieved to see the hours slide away, while I could do nothing\nfor God.\u2014Was able this week to attend public worship. Was composed and\ncomfortable, willing either to die or live; but found it hard to be\nreconciled to the thoughts of living _useless_. Oh that I might never\nlive to be a burden to God\u2019s creation; but that I might be allowed to\nrepair _home_, when my _sojourning_ work is done!\u201d\n\nThis week, he went back to his Indians at Cranberry, to take some care\nof their spiritual and temporal concerns; and was much spent with\nriding, though he rode but a little way in a day.\n\n_Oct. 23._\u2014\u201cWent to my own house, and set things in order. Was very\nweak, and somewhat melancholy; labored to do something, but had no\nstrength; and was forced to lie down on my bed, very solitary.\n\n_Oct. 24._\u2014\u201cSpent the day in overseeing and directing my people, about\nmending their fence and securing their wheat. Found that all their\nconcerns of a secular nature depended upon me. Was somewhat refreshed in\nthe evening, having been able to do something valuable in the day-time.\nO how it pains me to see time pass away, when I can do nothing to any\npurpose!\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Oct. 26.-_-\u201cIn the morning was exceedingly weak. Spent the\nday, till near night, in pain, to see my poor people wandering \u2018as sheep\nnot having a shepherd,\u2019 waiting and hoping to see me able to preach to\nthem before night. It could not but distress me to see them in this\ncase, and to find myself unable to attempt any thing for their spiritual\nbenefit. But toward night, finding myself a little better, I called them\ntogether to my house, and sat down, and read and expounded Matthew,\n5:1-16. This discourse, though delivered in much weakness, was attended\nwith power to many of the hearers; especially what was spoken upon the\nlast of these verses; where I insisted on the infinite wrong done to\nreligion, by having our light become darkness, instead of shining before\nmen. Many in the congregation were now deeply affected with a sense of\ntheir deficiency with respect to a spiritual conversation which might\nrecommend religion to others, and a spirit of concern and watchfulness\nseemed to be excited in them. One, in particular, who had fallen in the\nsin of drunkenness some time before, was now deeply convinced of his\nsin, and the great dishonor done to religion by his misconduct, and\ndiscovered a great degree of grief and concern on that account. My soul\nwas refreshed to see this; and though I had no strength to speak so much\nas I would have done, but was obliged to lie down on the bed, yet I\nrejoiced to see such an humble melting in the congregation, and that\ndivine truths, though faintly delivered, were attended with so much\nefficacy upon the auditory.\n\n_Oct. 27._\u2014\u201cSpent the day in overseeing and directing the Indians about\nmending the fence round their wheat: was able to walk with them, and\ncontrive their business, all the forenoon. In the afternoon, was visited\nby two dear friends, and spent some time in conversation with them.\nToward night I was able to walk out, and take care of the Indians again.\nIn the evening, enjoyed a very peaceful frame.\n\n_Oct. 28._\u2014\u201cRode to Princeton in a very weak state, had such a violent\nfever by the way, that I was forced to alight at a friend\u2019s house, and\nlie down for some time. Near night, was visited by Mr. Treat, Mr. Beaty\nand his wife, and another friend. My spirits were refreshed to see them;\nbut I was surprised, and even ashamed, that they had taken so much pains\nas to ride thirty or forty miles to see me. Was able to sit up most of\nthe evening; and spent the time in a very comfortable manner with my\nfriends.\n\n_Oct. 29._\u2014\u201cRode about ten miles with my friends who came yesterday to\nsee me; and then parted with them all but one, who stayed on purpose to\nkeep me company, and cheer my spirits.\n\n_Lords day, Nov. 2._\u2014\u201cWas unable to preach, and scarcely able to sit up\nthe whole day. Was grieved, and almost sunk, to see my poor people\ndestitute of the means of grace; especially as they could not read, and\nso were under great disadvantages for spending the Sabbath comfortably.\nO, methought, I could be contented to be sick, if my poor flock had a\nfaithful pastor to feed them with spiritual knowledge! A view of their\nwant of this was more afflictive to me than all my bodily illness.\n\n_Nov. 3._\u2014\u201cBeing now in so weak and low a state that I was utterly\nincapable of performing my work, and having little hope of recovery,\nunless by much riding, I thought it my duty to take a journey into\nNew-England, and to divert myself among my friends, whom I had not now\nseen for a long time. Accordingly I took leave of my congregation this\nday. Before I left my people, I visited them all in their respective\nhouses, and discoursed to each one, as I thought most proper and\nsuitable for their circumstances, and found great freedom in so doing. I\nscarcely left one house but some were in tears; and many were not only\naffected with my being about to leave them, but with the solemn\naddresses I made them upon divine things; for I was helped to be fervent\nin spirit while I discoursed to them. When I had thus gone through my\ncongregation, which took me most of the day, and had taken leave of\nthem, and of the school, I left home, and rode about two miles, to the\nhouse where I lived in the summer past, and there lodged. Was refreshed\nthis evening, because I had left my congregation so well disposed and\naffected, and had been so much assisted in making my farewell addresses\nto them.\n\n_Nov. 5._\u2014\u201cRode to Elizabethtown; intending, as soon as possible, to\nprosecute my journey into New-England; but was, in an hour or two after\nmy arrival, taken much worse. For near a week I was confined to my\nchamber, and most of the time to my bed; and then so far revived as to\nbe able to walk about the house; but was still confined within doors.\n\n\u201cIn the beginning of this extraordinary turn of disorder after my coming\nto Elizabethtown, I was enabled, through mercy, to maintain a calm,\ncomposed, and patient spirit, as I had been before from the beginning of\nmy weakness. After I had been in Elizabethtown about a fortnight, and\nhad so far recovered that I was able to walk about the house, upon a day\nof thanksgiving kept in this place, I was enabled to recal the mercies\nof God in such a manner as greatly affected me, and filled me with\nthankfulness and praise. Especially my soul praised God for his work of\ngrace among the Indians, and the enlargement of his dear kingdom. My\nsoul blessed God for what he is in himself, and adored him, that he ever\nwould display himself to creatures. I rejoiced that he was God, and\nlonged that all should know it, and feel it, and rejoice in it. \u2018Lord,\nglorify thyself,\u2019 was the desire and cry of my soul. O that all people\nmight love and praise the blessed God; that he might have all possible\nhonor and glory from the intelligent world!\n\n\u201cAfter this comfortable thanksgiving season, I frequently enjoyed\nfreedom, enlargement, and engagedness of soul in prayer; and was enabled\nto intercede with God for my dear congregation, very often for every\nfamily, and every person in particular. It was often a great comfort to\nme, that I could pray heartily to God for those to whom I could not\nspeak, and whom I was not allowed to see. But, at other times, my\nspirits were so low, and my bodily vigor so much wasted, that I had\nscarce any affections at all.\n\n\u201cIn December, I had revived so far as to be able to walk abroad and\nvisit my friends, and seemed to be gaining health, in the main, until\nLord\u2019s day, December 21, when I attended public worship, and labored\nmuch, at the Lord\u2019s table, to bring forth a certain corruption, and have\nit slain, as being an enemy to God and my own soul; and could not but\nhope that I had gained some strength against this, as well as other\ncorruptions; and felt some brokenness of heart for my sin.\n\n\u201cAfter this, having perhaps taken some cold, I began to decline as to\nbodily health; and continued to do so till the latter end of January,\n1747. Having a violent cough, a considerable fever, an asthmatic\ndisorder, and no appetite for any manner of food, nor any power of\ndigestion, I was reduced to so low a state, that my friends, I believe,\ngenerally despaired of my life; and some of them, for a considerable\ntime, thought I could scarce live a day. I could then think of nothing\nwith any application of mind, and seemed to be in a great measure void\nof all affection, and was exercised with great temptations; but yet was\nnot, ordinarily, afraid of death.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Feb. 1._\u2014\u201cThough in a very weak and low state, I enjoyed a\nconsiderable degree of comfort and sweetness in divine things; and was\nenabled to plead and use arguments with God in prayer, I think, with a\nchild-like spirit. That passage of scripture occurred to my mind, and\ngave me great assistance, \u2018If ye, being evil, know how to give good\ngifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the\nHoly Spirit to them that ask him?\u2019 This text I was helped to plead, and\ninsist upon; and saw the divine faithfulness engaged for dealing with me\nbetter than any earthly parent can do with his child. This season so\nrefreshed my soul, that my body seemed also to be a gainer by it. From\nthis time I began gradually to amend. As I recovered some strength,\nvigor, and spirit, I found at times some freedom and life in the\nexercises of devotion, and some longings after spirituality and a life\nof usefulness to the interests of the great Redeemer. At other times, I\nwas awfully barren and lifeless, and out of frame for the things of God;\nso that I was ready often to cry out, \u2018O that it were with me as in\nmonths past!\u2019 O that God had taken me away in the midst of my\nusefulness, with a sudden stroke, that I might not have been under a\nnecessity of trifling away time in diversions! O that I had never lived\nto spend so much precious time in so poor a manner, and to so little\npurpose! Thus I often reflected, was grieved, ashamed, and even\nconfounded, sunk, and discouraged.\n\n_Feb. 24._\u2014\u201cI was able to ride as far as Newark, (having been confined\nin Elizabethtown almost four months,) and the next day returned to\nElizabethtown. My spirits were somewhat refreshed with the ride, though\nmy body was weary.\n\n_Feb. 28._\u2014\u201cWas visited by an Indian of my own congregation, who brought\nme letters, and good news of the sober and good behavior of my people in\ngeneral. This refreshed my soul. I could not but retire and bless God\nfor his goodness; and found, I trust, a truly thankful frame of spirit,\nthat God seemed to be building up that congregation for himself.\n\n_March 4._\u2014\u201cI met with reproof from a friend, which, although I thought\nI did not deserve it from him, yet was, I trust, blessed of God to make\nme more tenderly afraid of sin, more jealous over myself, and more\nconcerned to keep both heart and life pure and unblameable. It likewise\ncaused me to reflect on my past deadness and want of spirituality, and\nto abhor myself, and look on myself as most unworthy. This frame of mind\ncontinued the next day; and for several days after, I grieved to think\nthat in my necessary diversions I had not maintained more seriousness,\nsolemnity, and heavenly affection and conversation. Thus my spirits were\noften depressed and sunk; and yet, I trust, that reproof was made to be\nbeneficial to me.\n\n\u201c_March 11_, being kept in Elizabethtown as a day of fasting and prayer,\nI was able to attend public worship; which was the first time I had been\nable so to do since December 21. O how much weakness and distress did\nGod carry me through in this space of time! But \u2018having obtained help\nfrom him,\u2019 I yet live. O that I could live more to his glory!\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, March 15._\u2014\u201cWas able again to attend public worship, and\nfelt some earnest desires of being restored to the ministerial work:\nfelt, I think, some spirit and life to speak for God.\n\n_March 18._\u2014\u201cRode out with a design to visit my people, and the next day\narrived among them; but was under great dejection in my journey.\n\n\u201cOn _Friday_ morning I rose early, walked about among my people,\nenquired into their state and concerns, and found an additional weight\nand burden on my spirits, upon hearing some things disagreeable. I\nendeavored to go to God with my distresses, and made some kind of\nlamentable complaint, and in a broken manner spread my difficulties\nbefore God; but notwithstanding, my mind continued very gloomy. About\nten o\u2019clock I called my people together, and after having explained and\nsung a psalm, I prayed with them. There was considerable affection among\nthem; I doubt not, in some instances, that which was more than merely\nnatural.\u201d\n\nThis was the last interview which he ever had with his people. About\neleven o\u2019clock the same day he left them, and the next day came to\nElizabethtown.\n\n_March 28._\u2014\u201cWas taken this morning with violent griping pains. These\npains were extreme and constant for several hours; so that it seemed\nimpossible for me, without a miracle, to live twenty-four hours in such\ndistress. I lay confined to my bed the whole day, and in distressing\npain all the former part of it; but it pleased God to bless means for\nthe abatement of my distress. Was exceedingly weakened by this pain, and\ncontinued so for several days following; being exercised with a fever,\ncough, and nocturnal sweats. In this distressed case, so long as my head\nwas free of vapory confusions, _death_ appeared agreeable to me. I\nlooked on it as the end of toils, and an entrance into a place \u2018where\nthe weary are at rest;\u2019 and think I had some relish for the\nentertainments of the heavenly state; so that by these I was allured and\ndrawn, as well as driven by the fatigues of life. O how happy it is to\nbe drawn by desires of a state of perfect holiness!\n\n_April 4._\u2014\u201cWas sunk and dejected, very restless and uneasy, by reason\nof the misimprovement of time; and yet knew not what to do. I longed to\nspend time in fasting and prayer, that I might be delivered from\nindolence and coldness in the things of God; but, alas, I had not bodily\nstrength for these exercises! O how blessed a thing it is to enjoy peace\nof conscience! but how dreadful is a want of inward peace and composure\nof soul! It is impossible, I find, to enjoy this happiness without\n_redeeming time_, and maintaining a spiritual frame of mind.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, April 5._\u2014\u201cIt grieved me to find myself so inconceivably\nbarren. My soul thirsted for grace; but, alas, how far was I from\nobtaining what appeared to me so exceeding excellent! I was ready to\ndespair of ever being a holy creature, and yet my soul was desirous of\n\u2018following hard after God;\u2019 but never did I see myself so far from\n\u2018having apprehended, or being already perfect,\u2019 as at this time. The\nLord\u2019s supper being this day administered, I attended the ordinance; and\nthough I saw in myself a dreadful emptiness and want of grace, and saw\nmyself as it were at an infinite distance from that purity which becomes\nthe gospel, yet at the communion, especially during the distribution of\nthe bread, I enjoyed some warmth of affection, and felt a tender love to\nthe brethren; and, I think, to the glorious Redeemer, the _first-born_\namong them. I endeavored then to bring forth mine and his \u2018enemies,\u2019 and\n\u2018slay them before him;\u2019 and found great freedom in begging deliverance\nfrom this spiritual death, as well as in asking divine favors for my\nfriends and congregation, and the church of Christ in general.\n\n_April 10._\u2014\u201cThis day my brother John arrived at Elizabethtown. Spent\nsome time in conversation with him; but was extremely weak.\u201d\n\nThis brother had been sent for by the _Correspondents_, to take care of\nand instruct Brainerd\u2019s congregation of Indians; he being obliged by his\nillness to be absent from them. He continued to take care of them till\nBrainerd\u2019s death, and was soon after ordained his _successor_ in his\nmission, and to the charge of his congregation.\n\n_April 17._\u2014\u201cIn the evening, could not but think that God helped me to\n\u2018draw near to the throne of grace,\u2019 though most unworthy, and gave me a\nsense of his favor; which afforded me inexpressible support and\nencouragement. Though I scarcely dared to hope that the mercy was real,\nit appeared so great; yet could not but rejoice that ever God should\ndiscover his reconciled face to such a vile sinner. Shame and confusion,\nat times, covered me; and then hope, and joy, and admiration of divine\ngoodness gained the ascendancy. Sometimes I could not but admire the\ndivine goodness, that the Lord had not let me fall into all the grossest\nand vilest acts of sin.\n\n_April 20._\u2014\u201cWas in a very disordered state, and kept my bed most of the\nday. I enjoyed a little more comfort than in several of the preceding\ndays. _This day I arrived at the age of twenty-nine years._\n\n_April 21._\u2014\u201cI set out on my journey for New England, in order (if it\nmight be the will of God) to recover my health by riding.\u201d\n\nThis proved his final departure from New-Jersey. He travelled slowly,\nand arrived among his friends at East-Haddam, about the beginning of\nMay. There is very little account in his diary, of the time that passed\nfrom his setting out on his journey to May 10. He speaks of his\nsometimes finding his heart rejoicing in the glorious perfections of\nGod, and longing to live to him; but complains of the unfixedness of his\nthoughts, and their being easily diverted from divine subjects, and\ncries out of his leanness, as testifying against him, in the loudest\nmanner. Concerning those _diversions_ which he was obliged to use for\nhis health, he says, that he sometimes found he could use diversions\nwith \u201csingleness of heart,\u201d aiming at the glory of God; but that he also\nfound there was a necessity of great care and watchfulness, lest he\nshould lose that spiritual temper of mind in his diversions, and lest\nthey should degenerate into what was merely selfish, without any supreme\naim at the glory of God in them.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, May 10._\u2014\u201cI could not but feel some measure of gratitude to\nGod at this time, that he had always disposed me, in my ministry, to\ninsist on the great doctrines of _regeneration_, the _new creature_,\n_faith in Christ_, _progressive sanctification_, _supreme love to God_,\n_living entirely to the glory of God_, _being not our own_, and the\nlike. God thus helped me to see, in the surest manner, from time to\ntime, that these, and the like doctrines necessarily connected with\nthem, are the _only foundation_ of safety and salvation for perishing\nsinners and that those divine dispositions which are consonant hereto,\nare that _holiness_, \u2018without which no man shall see the Lord.\u2019 The\nexercise of these Godlike tempers\u2014wherein the soul acts in a kind of\nconcert with God, and would be and do every thing that is pleasing to\nhim\u2014I saw, would stand by the soul in a dying hour; for God must, I\nthink, _deny himself_, if he cast away _his own image_, even the soul\nthat is one in desires with himself.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, May 17._\u2014\u201cSpent the forenoon at home, being unable to\nattend public worship. At this time, God gave me such an affecting sense\nof my own vileness, and the exceeding sinfulness of my heart, that there\nseemed to be nothing but sin and corruption within me. \u2018Innumerable\nevils compassed me about;\u2019 my want of spirituality and holy living, my\nneglect of God, and living to myself. All the abominations of my heart\nand life seemed to be open to my view; and I had nothing to say, but,\n\u2018God be merciful to me a sinner.\u2019 Toward noon, I saw that the grace of\nGod in Christ is infinitely free toward sinners, such sinners as I was.\nI also saw that God is the supreme good; that in his presence is life;\nand I began to long to die, that I might be with him, in a state of\nfreedom from all sin. O how a small glimpse of his excellency refreshed\nmy soul! O how worthy is the blessed God to be loved, adored, and\ndelighted in, for himself, for his own divine excellencies!\n\n\u201cThough I felt much dulness, and want of a spirit of prayer this week,\nyet I had some glimpses of the excellency of divine things; and\nespecially one morning, in secret meditation and prayer, the excellency\nand beauty of holiness, as a likeness to the glorious God, was so\ndiscovered to me, that I began to long earnestly to be in that world\nwhere holiness dwells in perfection. I seemed to long for this perfect\nholiness, not so much for the sake of my own happiness, although I saw\nclearly that this was the greatest, yea, the only happiness of the soul,\nas that I might please God, live entirely to him, and glorify him to the\nutmost stretch of my rational powers and capacities.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, May 24._\u2014\u201c(At Long-Meadow, in Massachusetts.) Could not but\nthink, as I have often remarked to others, that much more of _true\nreligion_ consists in _deep humility, brokenness of heart, and an\nabasing sense of barrenness and want of grace and holiness_, than most\nwho are called Christians imagine; especially those who have been\nesteemed the converts of the late day. Many seem to know of no other\nreligion but elevated joys and affections, arising only from some\nflights of imagination, or some suggestion made to their mind, of Christ\nbeing their\u2019s, God loving them, and the like.\u201d\n\nOn Thursday, May 28, he came from Long-Meadow to Northampton, appearing\nvastly better than, by his account, he had been in the winter\u2014indeed so\nwell, that he was able to ride twenty-five miles in a day, and to walk\nhalf a mile; and appeared cheerful, and free from melancholy; but yet he\nwas undoubtedly, at that time, in a confirmed, incurable consumption.\n\nI had had much opportunity, before this, of particular information\nconcerning him, from many who were well acquainted with him; and had\nenjoyed a personal interview with him, at New-Haven, near four years\nbefore, as has been already mentioned; but now I had opportunity for a\nmore full acquaintance. I found him remarkably sociable, pleasant, and\nentertaining in his conversation; yet solid, savory, spiritual, and very\nprofitable. He appeared meek, modest, and humble; far from any\nstiffness, moroseness, or affected singularity in speech or behavior,\nand seeming to dislike all such things. We enjoyed not only the benefit\nof his conversation, but had the comfort and advantage of joining with\nhim in family prayer, from time to time. His manner of praying was very\nagreeable, most becoming a worm of the dust and a disciple of Christ,\naddressing an infinitely great and holy God, the Father of mercies; not\nwith florid expressions, or a studied eloquence; not with any\nintemperate vehemence, or indecent boldness. It was at the greatest\ndistance from any appearance of ostentation, and from every thing that\nmight look as though he meant to recommend himself to those that were\nabout him, or set himself off to their acceptance. It was free also from\nvain repetitions; without impertinent excursions, or needless\nmultiplying of words. He expressed himself with the strictest propriety,\nwith weight and pungency; and yet, what his lips uttered seemed to flow\nfrom the _fulness of his heart_, as deeply impressed with a great and\nsolemn sense of our necessities, unworthiness, and dependence, and of\nGod\u2019s infinite greatness, excellency and sufficiency, rather than merely\nfrom a warm and fruitful brain, pouring out good expressions. I know not\nthat I ever heard him so much as ask a blessing or return thanks at\ntable, but there was something remarkable to be observed both in the\nmatter and manner of the performance. In his prayers, he insisted much\non the prosperity of Zion, the advancement of Christ\u2019s kingdom in the\nworld, and the flourishing and propagation of religion among the\nIndians. And he generally made it one petition in his prayer, \u201cthat we\nmight not outlive our usefulness.\u201d\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, May 31._\u2014\u201c(At Northampton.) I had little inward sweetness\nin religion most of the week past; not realizing and beholding\nspiritually the glory of God and the blessed Redeemer; from whence\nalways arise my comforts and joys in religion, if I have any at all; and\nif I cannot so behold the excellencies and perfections of God, as to\ncause me to rejoice in him for what he is in himself, I have no solid\nfoundation for joy. To rejoice, only because I apprehend I have an\ninterest in Christ, and shall be finally saved, is a poor mean business\nindeed.\u201d\n\nThis week he consulted Dr. Mather, at my house, concerning his illness;\nwho plainly told him, that there were great evidences of his being in a\nconfirmed _consumption_, and that he could give him no encouragement\nthat he would ever recover. But it seemed not to occasion the least\ndiscomposure in him, nor to make any manner of alteration as to the\ncheerfulness and serenity of his mind, or the freedom or pleasantness of\nhis conversation.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, June 7._\u2014\u201cMy attention was greatly engaged, and my soul so\ndrawn forth this day, by what I heard of the 'exceeding preciousness of\nthe saving grace of God\u2019s Spirit,' that it almost overcame my body, in\nmy weak state. I saw that true grace is exceedingly precious indeed;\nthat it is very rare; and that there is but a very small degree of it,\neven where the reality of it is to be found; at least I saw this to be\n_my_ case.\n\n\u201cIn the preceding week, I enjoyed some comfortable seasons of\nmeditation. One morning, the cause of God appeared exceedingly precious\nto me. The Redeemer\u2019s kingdom is all that is valuable in the earth, and\nI could not but long for the promotion of it in the world. I saw also,\nthat this cause is God\u2019s; that he has an infinitely greater regard and\nconcern for it than I could possibly have; that if I have any true love\nto this blessed interest, it is only a drop derived from that ocean.\nHence I was ready to \u2018lift up my head with joy,\u2019 and conclude, 'Well, if\nGod\u2019s cause be so dear and precious to him, he will promote it.' Thus I\ndid, as it were, rest on God that he would surely promote that which was\nso agreeable to his own will; though the time when, must still be left\nto his sovereign pleasure.\u201d\n\nHe was advised by physicians still to continue riding, as what would\ntend, above any other means, to prolong his life. He was at a loss, for\nsome time, which way to bend his course; but finally determined to ride\nfrom hence to Boston; we having concluded that one of our family should\ngo with him, and be helpful to him in his weak and low state.\n\n_June 9._\u2014\u201cI set out on a journey from Northampton to Boston. Travelled\nslowly, and got some acquaintance with a number of ministers on the\nroad.\n\n\u201cHaving now continued to ride for a considerable time, I felt much\nbetter than I had formerly done, and found, that in proportion to the\nprospect I had of being restored to a state of usefulness, I desired the\ncontinuance of life; but now _death_ appeared inconceivably more\ndesirable to me than a useless life; yet, blessed be God, I found my\nheart, at times, fully resigned and reconciled to this greatest of\nafflictions, if God saw fit thus to deal with me.\n\n_June 12._\u2014\u201cI arrived in Boston this day, somewhat fatigued with my\njourney. Observed that there is no _rest_ but in God; fatigues of body,\nand anxieties of mind, attend us both in town and country: no place is\nexempt.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, June 14._\u2014\u201cI enjoyed some enlargement and sweetness in\nfamily prayer, as well as in secret exercises; God appeared excellent,\nhis ways full of pleasure and peace, and all I wanted was a spirit of\nholy fervency to live to him.\n\n_June 17._\u2014\u201cThis and the two preceding days I spent mainly in visiting\nthe ministers of the town, and was treated with great respect by them.\n\n_June 18._\u2014\u201cI was taken exceedingly ill, and brought to the gates of\ndeath, by the breaking of small ulcers in my lungs, as my physician\nsupposed. In this extremely weak state I continued for several weeks;\nand was frequently reduced so low as to be utterly speechless, and not\nso much as to whisper a word. Even after I had so far revived as to walk\nabout the house, and to step out of doors, I was exercised every day\nwith a faint turn, which continued usually four or five hours; at which\ntimes, though I was not so utterly speechless but that I could say yes\nor no, yet I could not converse at all, nor speak one sentence, without\nmaking stops for breath; and a number of times my friends gathered round\nmy bed, to see me breathe my last, which they expected every moment, as\nI myself also did.\n\n\u201cHow I was, the first day or two of my illness, with regard to the\nexercise of reason, I scarcely know. I believe I was somewhat shattered\nwith the violence of the fever at times; but the third day of my\nillness, and constantly afterward, for four or five weeks together, I\nenjoyed as much serenity of mind, and clearness of thought, as perhaps\never in my life. I think that my mind never penetrated with so much ease\nand freedom into divine things, as at this time; and I never felt so\ncapable of demonstrating the truth of many important doctrines of the\nGospel as now. As I saw clearly the truth of those great doctrines,\nwhich are justly styled the _doctrines of grace_; so I saw with no less\nclearness, that the _essence of religion_ consisted in the soul\u2019s\n_conformity to God_, and acting above all selfish views for his _glory_,\nlonging to be _for him_, to live _to him_, and please and honor _him_ in\nall things: and this from a clear view of his infinite excellency and\nworthiness in himself, to be loved, adored, worshipped, and served by\nall intelligent creatures. Thus I saw, that when a soul _loves_ God with\na supreme love, he therein acts like the blessed God himself, who most\njustly loves himself in that manner. So when God\u2019s interest and his are\nbecome one, and he longs that God should be _glorified_, and rejoices to\nthink that he is unchangeably possessed of the highest glory and\nblessedness, herein also he acts in conformity to God. In like manner,\nwhen the soul is fully resigned to, and rests satisfied and content with\nthe divine will, here it is also _conformed_ to God.\n\n\u201cI saw farther, that as this divine temper, by which the soul exalts\nGod, and treads self in the dust, is wrought in the soul by God\u2019s\ndiscovering his own glorious perfections _in the face of Jesus Christ_\nto it by the special influences of the Holy Spirit, so he cannot but\nhave _regard to it_ as his own work; and as it is his image in his soul,\nhe cannot but take _delight_ in it. Then I saw again, that if God should\nslight and reject his own _moral image_, he must needs _deny himself_;\nwhich he cannot do. And thus I saw the _stability_ and _infallibility_\nof this religion; and that those who are truly possessed of it, have the\nmost complete and satisfying evidence of their being interested in all\nthe benefits of Christ\u2019s redemption, having their hearts conformed to\nhim; and that these, and these only, are qualified for the employments\nand entertainments of God\u2019s kingdom of glory; as none but these have any\nrelish for the business of heaven, which is to ascribe glory to God, and\nnot to themselves; and that God (though I would speak it with great\nreverence of his name and perfection) cannot, without denying himself,\nfinally cast such away.\n\n\u201cThe next thing I had then to do, was to inquire whether _this_ was _my_\nreligion; and here God was pleased to help me to the most easy\nremembrance and critical review of what had passed in course, of a\nreligious nature, through several of the latter years of my life.\nAlthough I could discover much corruption attending my best duties, many\nselfish views and carnal ends, much spiritual pride and self-exaltation,\nand innumerable other evils which compassed me about, yet God was\npleased, as I was reviewing, quickly to put this question out of doubt,\nby showing me that I had, from time to time, acted above the utmost\ninfluence of mere self-love; that I had longed to please and glorify\nhim, as my highest happiness, &c. This review was, through grace,\nattended with a present feeling of the same divine temper of mind. I\nfelt now pleased to think of the glory of God, and longed for heaven, as\na state wherein I might glorify him perfectly, rather than a place of\nhappiness for myself. This feeling of the love of God in my heart, which\nI trust the Spirit of God excited in me afresh, was sufficient to give\nme a full satisfaction, and make me long, as I had many times before\ndone, to be with Christ.\n\n\u201cAs God was pleased to afford me clearness of thought, and composure of\nmind, almost continually for several weeks, under my great weakness; so\nhe enabled me, in some measure, to improve my time, as I hope, to\nvaluable purposes. I was enabled to write a number of important letters\nto friends in remote places; and sometimes I wrote when I was\nspeechless, _i. e._ unable to maintain conversation with any body;\nthough perhaps I was able to speak a word or two so as to be heard.\n\n\u201cAt this season also, while I was confined at Boston, I read with care\nand attention some papers of old Mr. Shepard, lately come to light, and\ndesigned for the press; and, as I was desired and greatly urged, made\nsome corrections where the sense was left dark for want of a word or\ntwo. Beside this, I had many visitants, with whom, when I was able to\nspeak, I always conversed of the things of religion, and was peculiarly\nassisted in distinguishing between the _true_ and _false_ religion of\nthe times. There is scarcely any subject which has been matter of\ncontroversy of late, but I was at one time or other compelled to discuss\nand show my opinion respecting it, and that frequently before numbers of\npeople. Especially, I discoursed repeatedly on the nature and necessity\nof that _humiliation_, _self-emptiness_, or full conviction of a\nperson\u2019s being utterly undone in himself, which is necessary in order to\na saving faith; and the extreme difficulty of being brought to this, and\nthe great danger there is of persons taking up with some self-righteous\nappearances of it. The _danger_ of this I especially dwelt upon, being\npersuaded that multitudes perish in this hidden way; and because so\nlittle is said from most pulpits to discover any danger here; so that\npersons being never effectually brought to _die in themselves_, are\nnever truly _united to Christ_, and so perish. I also discoursed much on\nwhat I take to be the essence of true religion; endeavoring plainly to\ndescribe that god-like temper and disposition of soul, and that holy\nconversation and behavior, which may justly claim the honor of having\nGod for its original and patron. I have reason to hope God blessed my\nway of discoursing and distinguishing to some, both ministers and\npeople; so that my time was not wholly lost.\u201d\n\nHe was visited while in Boston by many, who showed him uncommon respect,\nand appeared highly pleased and entertained with his conversation.\nBeside being honored with the company and respect of ministers of the\ntown, he was visited by several ministers from various parts of the\ncountry. He took all opportunities to discourse on the peculiar nature\nand distinguishing characteristics of true, spiritual, and vital\nreligion; and to bear his testimony against the various false\nappearances of it, consisting in, or arising from impressions on the\n_imagination_, sudden and supposed immediate _suggestions_ of truth not\ncontained in the Scripture, and that faith which consists _primarily_ in\na person\u2019s believing that Christ died for him in particular, &c. What he\nsaid was, for the most part, heard with uncommon attention and regard;\nand his discourses and reasonings appeared manifestly to have great\nweight and influence with many with whom he conversed, both ministers\nand others.\n\nThe Commissioners in Boston, of the Society in London for propagating\nthe Gospel in New-England and parts adjacent, having received a legacy\nof the late Rev. Dr. Daniel Williams, of London, for the support of two\nmissionaries to the heathen, were pleased, while he was in Boston, to\nconsult him about a mission to those Indians called the Six Nations,\nparticularly respecting the qualifications requisite in a missionary to\nthose Indians. They were so satisfied with his sentiments on this head,\nand had such confidence in his faithfulness, his judgment and discretion\nin things of this nature, that they desired him to undertake to find and\nrecommend two persons fit to be employed in this business; and very much\nleft the matter with him.\n\nBRAINERD\u2019S restoration from his extremely low state in Boston, so as to\ngo abroad again, and to travel, was very unexpected to him and his\nfriends. My daughter, who was with him, writes thus concerning him, in a\nletter dated June 23:\n\n\u201cOn Thursday, he was very ill with a violent fever, and extreme pain in\nhis head and breast, and at turns delirious. So he remained till\nSaturday evening, when he seemed to be in the agonies of death; the\nfamily was up with him till one or two o\u2019clock, expecting that every\nhour would be his last. On Sabbath day he was a little revived, his head\nwas better, but he was very full of pain, exceeding sore at his breast,\nand had great difficulty in breathing. Yesterday he was better. Last\nnight he slept but little. This morning he was much worse. Dr. Pynchon\nsays, he has no hope of his life; nor does he think it likely that he\nwill ever come out of the chamber; though he says he _may_ be able to\ncome to Northampton.\u201d\n\nIn another letter, dated June 29, she says:\u2014\u201cMr. BRAINERD has not so\nmuch pain, nor fever, since I last wrote, as before; yet he is extremely\nweak and low, and very faint, expecting every day will be his last. He\nsays it is impossible for him to live, for he has hardly vigor enough to\ndraw his breath. I went this morning into town, and when I came home,\nMr. Bromfield said he never expected I should see him alive, for he lay\ntwo hours, as they thought, dying; one could scarcely tell whether he\nwas alive or not; he was not able to speak for some time; but now is\nmuch as he was before. The doctor thinks he will drop away in such a\nturn. Mr. BRAINERD says, he never felt any thing so much like\n_dissolution_ as that he felt to-day; and says, he never had any\nconception of its being possible for any creature to be alive, and yet\nso weak as he is from day to day. Dr. Pynchon says, he should not be\nsurprised if he should so recover as to live half a year; nor would it\nsurprise him if he should die in half a day. Since I began to write, he\nis not so well, having had a faint turn again: yet he is patient and\nresigned, having no distressing fears, but the contrary.\u201d\n\nHe expressed himself to one of my neighbors, who at that time saw him in\nBoston, that he was as certainly a dead man, as if he was shot through\nthe heart. But so it was ordered in divine Providence, that the strength\nof nature held out, and he revived, to the astonishment of all who knew\nhis case.\n\nAfter he began to revive, he was visited by his youngest brother,\nISRAEL, a student at Yale College; who having heard of his extreme\nillness, went from thence to Boston, in order to see him; if he might\nfind him alive, which he but little expected. BRAINERD greatly rejoiced\nto see his brother, especially because he had desired an opportunity of\nsome religious conversation with him before he died. But this meeting\nwas attended with sorrow, as his brother brought to him the tidings of\nhis sister Spencer\u2019s death, at Haddam; a sister, between whom and him\nhad long subsisted a peculiarly dear affection, and much intimacy in\nspiritual things, and whose house he used to make his own when he went\nto Haddam, his native place. But he had a confidence of her being gone\nto heaven, and an expectation of soon meeting her there. His brother\ncontinued with him till he left the town, and came with him from thence\nto Northampton. Concerning the last Sabbath Brainerd spent in Boston, he\nwrites in his diary as follows:\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, July 19._\u2014\u201cI was just able to attend public worship, being\ncarried to the house of God in a chaise. Heard Dr. Sewall preach in the\nforenoon: partook of the Lord\u2019s supper at this time. In this ordinance I\nsaw astonishing divine _wisdom_ displayed, such wisdom as clearly\nrequired the tongues of angels and glorified saints to celebrate. It\nseemed to me that I never should do any thing at adoring the infinite\nwisdom of God, discovered in the contrivance of man\u2019s redemption, until\nI arrived at a world of perfection; yet I could not help striving \u2018to\ncall upon my soul, and all within me, to bless the name of God.\u2019 In the\nafternoon, heard Mr. Prince preach. I saw more of God in the _wisdom_\ndiscovered in the plan of man\u2019s redemption, than I saw of any other of\nhis perfections, through the whole day.\u201d\n\nThe next day, having bid an affectionate farewell to his friends, he set\nout in the cool of the afternoon, on his journey to Northampton,\nattended by his brother and my daughter, who went with him to Boston;\nand would have been accompanied out of the town by a number of\ngentlemen, besides the respected person who gave him his company for\nsome miles on that occasion, as a testimony of their esteem and respect,\nhad not his aversion to any thing of pomp and show prevented it.\n\n_July 25._\u2014\u201cI arrived here, at Northampton; having set out from Boston\non Monday, about 4 o\u2019clock P. M. In this journey I usually rode about\nsixteen miles a day. Was sometimes extremely tired and faint on the\nroad, so that it seemed impossible for me to proceed any further; at\nother times I was considerably better, and felt some freedom both of\nbody and mind.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, July 26._\u2014\u201cThis day I saw clearly that I should never be\nhappy; yea, that God himself could not make me happy, unless I could be\nin a capacity to \u2018please and glorify him for ever.\u2019 Take away this, and\nadmit me in all the fine heavens that can be conceived of by men or\nangels, and I should still be miserable for ever.\u201d\n\nThough he had so revived as to be able to travel thus far, yet he\nmanifested no expectation of recovery. He supposed, as his physician\ndid, that his being brought so near to death at Boston, was owing to the\nbreaking of ulcers in his lungs. He told me that he had several such ill\nturns before, only not to so high a degree, but, as he supposed, owing\nto the same cause, viz. the breaking of ulcers; that he was brought\nlower and lower every time; that it appeared to him, that in his last\nsickness he was brought as low as he could be, and yet live; and that he\nhad not the least expectation of surviving the next return of this\nbreaking of ulcers; he still appeared perfectly calm in the prospect of\ndeath.\n\nOn _Wednesday_ morning, the week after he came to Northampton, his\nbrother Israel left us for New-Haven, and he took leave of him, never\nexpecting to see him again in this world.\n\nWhen BRAINERD came hither, he had so much strength as to be able, from\nday to day, to ride out two or three miles, and sometimes to pray in the\nfamily; but from this time he gradually decayed, becoming weaker and\nweaker. As long as he lived, he spoke much of that _future prosperity of\nZion_ which is so often foretold and promised in the Scriptures; it was\na theme upon which he delighted to dwell; and his mind seemed to be\ncarried forth with earnest concern about it, and intense desires that\nreligion might speedily and abundantly revive and flourish; yea, the\nnearer death advanced, and the more the symptoms of its approach\nincreased, still the more did his mind seem to be taken up with this\nsubject. He told me, when near his end, that \u201che never, in all his life,\nhad his mind so led forth in desires and earnest prayers for the\nflourishing of Christ\u2019s kingdom on earth, as since he was brought so\nexceeding low at Boston.\u201d He seemed much to wonder that there appeared\nno more of a disposition in ministers and people to _pray_ for the\nflourishing of religion through the world; that so little a part of\ntheir prayers was generally taken up about it, in their families and\nelsewhere. Particularly, he several times expressed his wonder that\nthere appeared no more forwardness to comply with the proposal lately\nmade, in a Memorial from a number of ministers in Scotland, and sent\nover into America, for united extraordinary prayer, amongst Christ\u2019s\nministers and people, for the coming of Christ\u2019s kingdom: and sent it as\nhis dying advice to his own congregation, that they should practise\nagreeably to that proposal.\n\nThough he was constantly exceeding weak, yet there appeared in him a\ncontinual care well to improve _time_, and fill it up with something\nthat might be profitable, and in some respect for the glory of God or\nthe good of men; either profitable conversation, or writing letters to\nabsent friends; or noting something in his diary; or looking over his\nformer writings, correcting them, and preparing them to be left in the\nhands of others at his death; or giving some directions concerning the\nfuture management of his people; or in secret devotions. He seemed never\nto be easy, however ill, if he was not doing something for God, or in\nhis service. After he came hither, he wrote a _preface_ to a _diary_ of\nMr. SHEPARD, contained in the papers above mentioned, which has since\nbeen published.\n\nIn his diary for _Lord\u2019s day_, August 9, he speaks of longing desires\nafter death, through a sense of the excellency of a state of\n_perfection_. In his diary for _Lord\u2019s day_, August 16, he speaks of his\nhaving so much refreshment of _soul_ in the house of God that it seemed\nalso to refresh his _body_. And this is not only noted in his diary, but\nwas very observable to others; it was apparent, not only that his mind\nwas exhilarated with inward consolation, but also that his animal\nspirits and bodily strength seemed to be remarkably restored, as though\nhe had forgot his illness. But this was the last time that ever he\nattended public worship on the Sabbath.\n\nOn _Tuesday_ morning that week, as I was absent on a journey, he prayed\nwith my family, but not without much difficulty, for want of bodily\nstrength; and this was the last family prayer that he ever made. He had\nbeen wont, till now, frequently to ride out, two or three miles: but\nthis week, on Thursday, was the last time he ever did so.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Aug. 23._\u2014\u201cThis morning I was considerably refreshed with\nthe thought, yea, the hope and expectation of the _enlargement of\nChrist\u2019s kingdom_; and I could not but hope that the time was at hand,\nwhen Babylon the great would fall, and \u2018rise no more.\u2019 This led me to\nsome spiritual meditations, which were very refreshing to me. I was\nunable to attend public worship either part of the day; but God was\npleased to afford me fixedness and satisfaction in divine thoughts.\nNothing so refreshes my soul, as when I can go to God, yea, 'to God my\nexceeding joy When he is such to my soul, O how unspeakably delightful\nis this!\n\n\u201cIn the week past I had divers turns of inward refreshing, though my\nbody was inexpressibly weak, followed continually with agues and fevers.\nSometimes my soul centered in God, as my only portion; and I felt that I\nshould be for ever unhappy, if He did not reign. I saw the sweetness and\nhappiness of being his subject, at his disposal. This made all my\ndifficulties quickly vanish.\u201d\n\nTill this week he had been wont to lodge in a room above stairs, but he\nnow grew so weak, that he was no longer able to go up stairs and down.\n_Friday, August 28_, was the last time he ever went above stairs;\nhenceforward he betook himself to a lower room.\n\nOn _Wednesday, Sept. 2_, being the day of our public lecture, he seemed\nto be refreshed with seeing the neighboring ministers who came hither to\nthe lecture, and expressed a great desire once more to go to the house\nof God on that day; and accordingly rode to the meeting, and attended\ndivine service, while the Rev. Mr. Woodbridge, of Hatfield, preached. He\nsignified that he supposed it to be the last time he should ever attend\npublic worship; as it proved. Indeed it was the last time that he ever\nwent out of our gate.\n\nOn the Saturday evening next following, he was unexpectedly visited by\nhis brother, Mr. JOHN BRAINERD, who came to see him from New-Jersey. He\nwas much refreshed by this unexpected visit, this brother being\npeculiarly dear to him; and he seemed to rejoice in a devout and solemn\nmanner, to see him, and to hear the comfortable tidings which he brought\nconcerning the state of his dear congregation of Christian Indians. A\ncircumstance of this visit of which he was exceedingly glad, was, that\nhis brother brought him some of his _private writings_ from New-Jersey,\nand particularly his _diary_, which he had kept for many years past.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 6._\u2014\u201cI began to read some of my private writings\nwhich my brother brought me, and was considerably refreshed with what I\nfound in them.\n\n_Sept. 7._\u2014\u201cI proceeded further in reading my old private writings, and\nfound that they had the same effect upon me as before. I could not but\nrejoice and bless God for what passed long ago, which, without writing,\nhad been entirely lost.\n\n\u201cThis evening, when I was in great distress of body, my soul longed that\n_God should be glorified_. O that I could for ever live to God! The day,\nI trust, is at hand, the perfect day. O the day of deliverance from all\nsin!\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 13._\u2014\u201cI was much refreshed and engaged in meditation\nand writing, and found a heart to act for God. My spirits were\nrefreshed, and my soul delighted to do something for God.\u201d\n\nOn the evening of that Lord\u2019s day, his feet began to swell; and\nthenceforward swelled more and more: a symptom of his dissolution coming\non. The next day, his brother John left him, being obliged to return to\nNew-Jersey on some business of great importance and necessity; intending\nto return again with all possible speed, hoping to see his brother yet\nonce more in the land of the living.\n\nBRAINERD having now, with much deliberation, considered the subject\nreferred to him by the commissioners of the Society for propagating the\nGospel in New-England and parts adjacent, wrote them about this time,\nrecommending two young gentlemen of his acquaintance, Mr. Elihu Spencer,\nof East Haddam, and Mr. Job Strong, of Northampton, as suitable\nmissionaries to the Six Nations. The commissioners, on the receipt of\nthis letter, cheerfully and unanimously agreed to accept of and employ\nthe persons whom he had recommended.\n\nOn _Wednesday, Sept. 16_, he wrote to some charitable gentlemen in\nBoston in behalf of the Indian school, showing the need of another\nschoolmaster, or some person to assist the schoolmaster in instructing\nthe Indian children. These gentlemen, on the receipt of his letter, had\na meeting, and agreed with great cheerfulness to give \u00a3200 (in bills of\nthe old tenor) for the support of another schoolmaster; and desired the\nRev. Mr. Pemberton, of New-York, (who was then at Boston, and was also\nat their desire, present at the meeting,) as soon as possible to procure\na suitable person for that service; and also agreed, in accordance with\nan intimation from BRAINERD, to allow \u00a374 to defray some special charges\nwhich were requisite to encourage the mission to the Six Nations.\n\nBRAINERD spent himself much in writing those letters, being exceedingly\nweak; but it seemed to be much to his satisfaction that he had been\nenabled to do it, hoping that it was something done for God, and which\nmight be for the advancement of Christ\u2019s kingdom and glory. In writing\nthe last of these letters, he was obliged to use the hand of another.\n\nOn Thursday of this week, (Sept. 17,) when he went out of his\nlodging-room for the last time, he was again visited by his brother\nISRAEL, who continued with him till his death. On that evening he was\ntaken with something of a diarrhea, which he looked upon as another sign\nof his approaching death; whereupon he expressed himself thus: \u201cOh, the\nglorious time is now coming! I have longed to serve God perfectly: now\nGod will gratify those desires!\u201d And from time to time, at the several\nsteps and new symptoms of the sensible approach of his dissolution, he\nwas so far from being sunk or depressed in spirits, that he seemed to be\n_animated_ and made more cheerful, as being glad at the appearance of\ndeath\u2019s approach. He often used the epithet _glorious_, when speaking of\nthe day of his death, calling it that _glorious day_. And as he saw his\ndissolution gradually approaching, he talked much about it; and with\nperfect calmness spoke of a future state. He also settled all his\naffairs, giving directions very particularly and minutely concerning\nwhat he would have done in one respect and another after his decease.\nAnd the nearer death approached, the more desirous he seemed to be to\ndepart. He several times spoke of the different kinds of willingness to\ndie; and represented it as an ignoble, mean kind, to be willing to leave\nthe body only to get rid of pain; or to go to heaven only to get honor\nand advancement there.\n\n_Sept. 19._\u2014\u201cNear night, while I attempted to walk a little, my thoughts\nturned thus: \u2018How infinitely sweet to love God, and be all for him!\u2019\nUpon which it was suggested to me, \u2018You are not an angel, not lively and\nactive.\u2019 To which my whole soul immediately replied, \u2018I as sincerely\ndesire to love and glorify God as any angel in heaven.\u2019 Upon which it\nwas suggested again, \u2018But you are filthy, not fit for heaven.\u2019 Hereupon\ninstantly appeared the blessed robes of Christ\u2019s _righteousness_, in\nwhich I could not but exult and triumph; and I viewed the infinite\nexcellency of God, and my soul even broke with longings that God should\nbe glorified. I thought of dignity in heaven, but instantly the thought\nreturned, \u2018I do not go to heaven to get honor, but to give all possible\nglory and praise.\u2019 O how I longed that God should be glorified on\n_earth_ also! O I was _made_ for eternity, if God might be glorified!\nBodily pains I cared not for; though I was then in extremity, I never\nfelt easier. I felt willing to glorify God in that state of bodily\ndistress as long as he pleased I should continue in it. The grave\nappeared really sweet, and I longed to lodge my weary bones in it; but O\nthat God might be glorified! this was the burden of all my cry. O I knew\nthat I should be active as an angel in heaven, and that I should be\nstripped of my filthy garments! so that there was no objection. But, O\nto love and praise God more, to please him for ever! this my soul panted\nafter, and even now pants for, while I write. Oh that God might be\nglorified in the whole earth! \u2018Lord let thy kingdom come.\u2019 I longed for\na spirit of preaching to descend and rest on ministers, that they might\naddress the consciences of men with closeness and power. I saw that God\nhad the residue of the Spirit, and my soul longed that it should be\n\u2018poured from on high.\u2019 I could not but plead with God for my dear\ncongregation, that he would preserve it, and not suffer his great name\nto lose its glory in that work; my soul still longing that God might be\nglorified.\u201d\n\nThe extraordinary frame he was in that evening could not be hid. \u201cHis\nmouth spake out of the abundance of his heart,\u201d expressing in a very\naffecting manner much the same things as are written in his diary. Among\nvery many other extraordinary expressions which he then uttered, were\nsuch as these: \u201cMy heaven is to please God, and glorify him, and to give\nall to him, and to be wholly devoted to his glory; that is the heaven I\nlong for; that is my religion, and that is my happiness, and always was,\never since I suppose I had any true religion; and all those that are of\nthat religion shall meet me in heaven. I do not go to heaven to be\nadvanced, but to give honor to God. It is no matter where I shall be\nstationed in heaven, whether I have a high or low seat there; but to\nlove, and please, and glorify God is all. Had I a thousand souls, if\nthey were worth any thing, I would give them all to God; but I have\nnothing to give when all is done. It is impossible for any rational\ncreature to be happy without acting all _for God_; God himself could not\nmake him happy any other way. I long to be in heaven, praising and\nglorifying God with the holy angels; all my desire is to glorify God. My\nheart goes out to the burying place; it seems to me a desirable place:\nbut O to glorify God! that is it; that is above all. It is a great\ncomfort to me to think that I have done a little for God in the world;\nOh! it is but a very small matter, yet I have done a little, and I\nlament that I have not done more for him. There is nothing in the world\nworth living for, but doing good, and finishing God\u2019s work, doing the\nwork that Christ did. I see nothing else in the world that can yield any\nsatisfaction besides living to God, pleasing him, and doing his whole\nwill. My greatest joy and comfort has been to do something for promoting\nthe interest of religion and the souls of particular persons; and now,\nin my illness, while I am full of pain and distress from day to day, all\nthe comfort I have is in being able to do some little service for God,\neither by something I say, or by writing, or in some other way.\u201d\n\nHe intermingled with these, and other like expressions, many pathetical\ncounsels to those who were about him, particularly to my children and\nservants. He applied himself to some of my younger children at this\ntime; calling them to him, and speaking to them one by one; setting\nbefore them, in a very plain manner, the nature and essence of true\npiety, and its great importance and necessity; earnestly warning them\nnot to rest in any thing short of a true and thorough change of heart,\nand a life devoted to God. He counselled them not to be slack in the\ngreat business of religion, nor in the least to delay it; enforcing his\ncounsels with this, that his words were the words of a _dying man_. Said\nhe, \u201cI shall die here, and here I shall be buried, and here you will see\nmy grave, and I wish you to remember what I have said to you. I am going\ninto eternity; and it is sweet for me to think of eternity; the\nendlessness of it makes it sweet: but O what shall I say of the eternity\nof the wicked! I cannot mention it, nor think of it; the thought is too\ndreadful. When you see my grave, then remember what I said to you while\nI was alive; then think how the man who lies in that grave counselled\nand warned you to prepare for death.\u201d\n\nHis _body_ seemed to be marvellously strengthened, through the inward\nvigor and refreshment of his mind; so that, although before he was so\nweak that he could hardly utter a sentence, yet now he continued his\nmost affecting and profitable discourse to us for more than an hour,\nwith scarce any intermission; and said of it when he had done, \u201cit was\nthe last sermon that ever he should preach.\u201d This extraordinary frame of\nmind continued the next day, of which he speaks in his diary as follows:\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 20._\u2014\u201cWas still in a sweet and comfortable frame, and\nwas again melted with desires that God might be glorified, and with\nlongings to love and live to him. Longed for the influences of the\ndivine Spirit to descend on _ministers_ in an especial manner. And O I\nlonged to be with God, to behold his glory, and to bow in his presence.\u201d\n\nIt appears by what is noted in his diary, both of this day and the\nevening preceding, that his mind at this time was much impressed with a\nsense of the importance of the work of the _ministry_, and the need of\nthe grace of God, and his special spiritual assistance in this work; it\nalso appeared in what he expressed in conversation, particularly in his\ndiscourse to his brother Israel, who was then a member of Yale College\nat New-Haven, prosecuting his studies for the work of the ministry.[I]\nHe now, and from time to time, in this his dying state, recommended to\nhis brother a life of self-denial, of weanedness from the world and\ndevotedness to God, and an earnest endeavor to obtain much of the grace\nof God\u2019s Spirit, and God\u2019s gracious influences on his heart;\nrepresenting the great need in which ministers stand of them, and the\nunspeakable benefit of them, from his own experience. Among many other\nexpressions, he said thus: \u201cWhen ministers feel these special gracious\ninfluences on their hearts, it wonderfully assists them to come at the\nconsciences of men, and as it were to handle them with hands; whereas,\nwithout them, whatever reason and oratory we make use of, we do but make\nuse of stumps, instead of hands.\u201d\n\nFootnote I:\n\n  This brother was ingenious, serious, studious, and hopefully pious;\n  there appeared in him many qualities giving hope of his being a great\n  blessing in his day. But it pleased God, soon after the death of his\n  brother, to take him away also. He died that winter at New-Haven,\n  January 6, 1748, of a nervous fever, after about a fortnight\u2019s\n  illness.\n\n_Sept. 21._\u2014\u201cI began to correct a little volume of my private writings.\nGod, I believe, remarkably helped me in it; my strength was surprisingly\nlengthened out, my thoughts were quick and lively, and my soul\nrefreshed, hoping it might be a work for God. O how good, how sweet it\nis to labor for God!\n\n_Sept. 22._\u2014\u201cWas again employed in reading and correcting, and had the\nsame success as the day before. I was exceeding weak, but it seemed to\nrefresh my soul thus to spend time.\n\n_Sept. 23._\u2014\u201cI finished my corrections of the little piece before\nmentioned, and felt uncommonly peaceful; it seemed as if I had now done\nall my work in this world, and stood ready for my call to a better. As\nlong as I see any thing to be done for God, life is worth having; but O\nhow vain and unworthy it is to live for any lower end! This day I\nindited a letter, I think, of great importance, to the Rev. Mr. Byram,\nin New-Jersey. Oh that God would bless and succeed that letter, which\nwas written for the benefit of _his_ church![J] Oh that God would\n\u2018purify the sons of Levi,\u2019 that his glory may be advanced! This night I\nendured a dreadful turn, wherein my life was expected scarce an hour or\nminute. But, blessed be God, I have enjoyed considerable sweetness in\ndivine things this week, both by night and day.\n\nFootnote J:\n\n  It was concerning the qualifications of ministers, and the examination\n  and licensing of candidates for the work of the ministry.\n\n_Sept. 24._\u2014\u201cMy strength began to fail exceedingly; which looked,\nfurther, as if I had done all my work: however, I had strength to fold\nand superscribe my letter. About two I went to bed, being weak and much\ndisordered, and lay in a burning fever till night, without any proper\nrest. In the evening I got up, having lain down in some of my clothes;\nbut was in the greatest distress, having an uncommon kind of hiccough;\nwhich either strangled me, or threw me into a straining to vomit,\naccompanied with other griping pains. O the distress of this evening! I\nhad little expectation of living the night through, nor indeed had any\nabout me; and I longed for the finishing moment! I was obliged to repair\nto bed by six o\u2019clock; and through mercy enjoyed some rest; but was\ngrievously distressed at turns with the hiccough. My soul breathed after\nGod, \u2018When shall I come to God, even to God, my exceeding joy?\u2019 Oh for\nhis blessed likeness!\n\n_Sept. 25._\u2014\u201cI was unspeakably weak, and little better than speechless\nall the day; however, I was able to write a little, and some part of the\nday was comfortable. O it refreshed my soul to think of former things,\nof desires to glorify God, of the pleasures of living to him! O, blessed\nGod, I am speedily coming to thee, I hope. Hasten the day, O Lord, if it\nbe thy blessed will. O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.[K]\n\nFootnote K:\n\n  This was the last time that ever he wrote in his diary with his own\n  hand; though it is continued a little farther, in a broken manner;\n  written by his brother Israel, but indited by his mouth, in this his\n  weak and dying state.\n\n_Sept. 26._\u2014\u201cI felt the sweetness of divine things this forenoon, and\nhad the consolation of a consciousness that I was doing something for\nGod.\n\n_Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 27._\u2014\u201cThis was a very comfortable day to my soul; I\nthink, I awoke with God. I was enabled to lift up my soul to God, early\nthis morning; and while I had little bodily strength, I found freedom to\nlift up my heart to God for myself and others. Afterward, was pleased\nwith the thoughts of speedily entering into the unseen world.\u201d\n\nHe felt this morning an unusual appetite for food, with which his mind\nseemed to be exhilarated, looking on it as a sign of the very near\napproach of death. At this time he also said, \u201cI was _born_ on a\n_Sabbath-day_, and I have reason to think I was _new-born_ on a\n_Sabbath-day_; and I hope I shall _die_ on this _Sabbath-day_. I shall\nlook upon it as a favor, if it may be the will of God that it should be\nso: I long for the time. O, why is his chariot so long in coming? why\ntarry the wheels of his chariot? I am very willing to part with all: I\nam willing to part with my dear brother John, and never to see him\nagain, to go to be for ever with the Lord.[L] O, when I go there, how\nwill God\u2019s dear church on earth be upon my mind!\u201d\n\nFootnote L:\n\n  He had, before this, expressed a desire, if it might be the will of\n  God, to live till his brother returned from New-Jersey: who, when he\n  went away, intended, if possible, to perform his journey, and return\n  in a fortnight; hoping once more to meet his brother in the land of\n  the living. The fortnight was now nearly expired.\n\nAfterward, the same morning, being asked how he did, he answered, \u201cI am\nalmost in eternity; I long to be there. My work is done; I have done\nwith all my friends: all the world is nothing to me. I long to be in\nheaven, praising and glorifying God with the holy angels. _All my desire\nis to glorify God._\u201d\n\n[Illustration: President Edwards' House, Northampton, Massachusetts.]\n\nDuring the whole of these last two weeks of his life, he seemed to\ncontinue in this frame of heart, as having finished his work, and done\nwith all things here below. He had now nothing to do but to die, and to\nabide in an earnest desire and expectation of the happy moment, when his\nsoul should take its flight to a state of perfect holiness, in which he\nshould be found perfectly glorifying and enjoying God. He said, \u201cthe\nconsideration of the day of death, and the day of judgment, had a long\ntime been peculiarly sweet to him.\u201d From time to time he spake of his\nbeing willing to leave the body and the world immediately\u2014that day, that\nnight, that moment\u2014if it was the will of God. He also was much engaged\nin expressing his longings that the Church of Christ on earth might\nflourish, and Christ\u2019s kingdom here be advanced, notwithstanding he was\nabout to leave the earth, and should not with his eyes behold the\ndesirable event, nor be instrumental in promoting it. He said to me, one\nmorning, as I came into his room, \u201cMy thoughts have been employed on the\nold dear theme, the prosperity of God\u2019s church on earth. As I waked out\nof sleep, I was led to cry for the pouring out of God\u2019s Spirit, and the\nadvancement of Christ\u2019s kingdom, for which the Redeemer did and suffered\nso much. It is that especially which makes me long for it.\u201d He expressed\nmuch hope that a glorious advancement of Christ\u2019s kingdom was near at\nhand.\n\nHe once told me, that \u201che had formerly longed for the outpouring of the\nSpirit of God, and the glorious times of the church, and hoped they were\ncoming; and that he should have been willing to live to promote religion\nat that time if that had been the will of God: but,\u201d says he, \u201cI am\nwilling it should be as it is; I would not have the choice to make for\nmyself, for ten thousand worlds.\u201d He expressed on his death-bed a full\npersuasion that he should in heaven see the prosperity of the church on\nearth, and should rejoice with Christ therein; and the consideration of\nit seemed to be highly pleasing and satisfying to his mind.\n\nHe also still dwelt much on the great importance of the work of gospel\nministers, and expressed his longings that they might be _filled with\nthe Spirit of God_. He manifested much desire to see some of the\nneighboring ministers with whom he had some acquaintance, and of whose\nsincere friendship he was confident, that he might converse freely with\nthem on that subject before he died. And it so happened, that he had\nopportunity with some of them according to his desire.\n\nAnother thing that lay much on his heart from time to time, in these\nnear approaches of death, was the spiritual prosperity of his own\ncongregation of Christian Indians in New-Jersey; when he spake of them,\nit was with peculiar tenderness, so that his speech would be presently\ninterrupted and drowned with tears.\n\nHe also expressed much satisfaction in the disposal of Providence with\nregard to the circumstances of his _death_; particularly that God had\nbefore his death given him an opportunity in Boston, with so many\nconsiderable persons, ministers and others, to give in his testimony for\nGod against false religion, and many mistakes that lead to it and\npromote it. He was much pleased that he had had an opportunity there to\nlay before pious and charitable gentlemen the state of the Indians, and\ntheir necessities, to so good effect; and that God had since enabled him\nto write to them further concerning these affairs; and to write other\nletters of importance, which he hoped might be of good influence with\nregard to the state of religion among the Indians, and elsewhere, after\nhis death. He expressed great thankfulness to God for his mercy in these\nthings. He also mentioned it as what he accounted a merciful\ncircumstance of his death, that he should die _here_. Speaking of these\nthings, he said, \u201cGod had granted him all his desire;\u201d and signified\nthat now he could joyfully leave the world.\n\n_Sept. 28._\u2014\u201cI was able to read and make some few corrections in my\nprivate writings, but found I could not write as I had done; I found\nmyself sensibly declined in all respects. It has been only from a little\nwhile before noon till about one or two o\u2019clock, that I have been able\nto do any thing for some time past; yet it refreshed my heart that I\ncould do any thing, either public or private, that I hoped was for God.\u201d\n\nThis evening he was supposed to be dying, both by himself and by those\nabout him. He seemed glad at the appearance of the near approach of\ndeath. He was almost speechless, but his lips appeared to move, and one\nthat sat very near him heard him utter such expressions as these: \u201cCome,\nLord Jesus, come quickly. O why is his chariot so long in coming?\u201d After\nhe revived, he blamed himself for having been too eager to be gone. And\nin expressing what was the frame of his mind at that time, he said he\nthen found an inexpressibly sweet love to those whom he looked upon as\nbelonging to Christ, beyond almost all that ever he felt before; so that\nit seemed, to use his own words, \u201clike a little piece of heaven to have\none of them near him.\u201d And being asked whether he heard the prayer that\nwas, at his desire, made with him, he said, \u201cYes, he heard every word,\nand had an uncommon sense of the things that were uttered in that\nprayer, and that every word reached his heart.\u201d\n\nOn the evening of _Tuesday Sept. 29_, as he lay on his bed, he seemed to\nbe in an extraordinary frame; his mind greatly engaged in sweet\nmeditations concerning the prosperity of Zion. There being present here,\nat that time, two young gentlemen of his acquaintance, who were\ncandidates for the ministry, he desired us all to unite in singing a\npsalm on that subject, even Zion\u2019s prosperity. And on his desire we sung\na part of the 102d psalm. This seemed much to refresh and revive him,\nand gave him new strength; so that though before, he could scarcely\nspeak at all, now he proceeded, with some freedom of speech, to give his\ndying counsels to these young gentlemen relative to their preparation\nfor the great work of the ministry; and in particular, earnestly\nrecommended to them frequent secret fasting and prayer; and enforced his\ncounsel with regard to this, from his own experience of the great\ncomfort and benefit of it; \u201cwhich,\u201d said he, \u201cI should not mention, were\nit not that I am a dying person.\u201d After he had finished his counsel, he\nmade a prayer in the audience of us all; wherein, besides praying for\nthis family, for his brethren, and those candidates for the ministry,\nand for his own congregation, he earnestly prayed for the reviving and\nflourishing of religion in the world.\u2014Till now, he had every day sat up\npart of the day; but after this he never rose from his bed.\n\n_Sept. 30._\u2014\u201cI was obliged to keep my bed the whole day, through\nweakness. However, redeemed a little time, and, with the help of my\nbrother, read and corrected about a dozen pages in my manuscript, giving\nan account of my conversion.\n\n_Oct. 1._\u2014\u201cI endeavored again to do something by way of writing, but\nsoon found my powers of body and mind utterly fail. Felt not so sweetly\nas when I was able to do something which I hoped would do some good. In\nthe evening, was discomposed and wholly delirious; but it was not long\nbefore God was pleased to give me some sleep, and fully compose my\nmind.[M] O blessed be God for his great goodness to me, since I was so\nlow at Mr. Bloomfield\u2019s on _Thursday, June 18_. He has, except those few\nminutes, given me the clear exercise of my reason, and enabled me to\nlabor much for him in things both of a public and private nature, and\nperhaps to do more good than I should have done if I had been well;\nbesides the comfortable influences of his blessed Spirit, with which he\nhas been pleased to refresh my soul. May his name have all the glory for\never and ever. Amen.\n\nFootnote M:\n\n  From this time forward he had the free use of his reason till the day\n  before his death; except that at some times he appeared a little lost\n  for a moment when first waking out of sleep.\n\n_Oct. 2._\u2014\u201cMy soul was this day, at turns, sweetly set on God: I longed\nto be _with him_, that I might _behold his glory_. I felt sweetly\ndisposed to commit all to him, even my dearest friends, my dearest\nflock, my absent brother, and all my concerns for time and eternity. O\nthat _his kingdom_ might come in the world; that they might all love and\nglorify him for what he is in himself; and that the blessed Redeemer\nmight \u2018see of the travail of his soul, and be satisfied!\u2019 O come, Lord\nJesus, come quickly! Amen.\u201d\n\nHere ends his diary. These are the _last words_ which are written in it,\neither by his own hand, or by any other from his mouth.\n\nThe next evening we very much expected his brother John from New-Jersey;\nit being about a week after the time that he proposed for his return,\nwhen he went away. Though our expectations were still disappointed, yet\nBRAINERD seemed to continued unmoved, in the same calm and peaceful\nframe which he had before manifested; as having resigned all to God, and\nhaving done with his friends, and with all things here below.\n\nOn the morning of the next day, being _Lord\u2019s day_, Oct. 4, as my\ndaughter Jerusha, who chiefly attended him, came into the room, he\nlooked on her very pleasantly, and said, \u201cDear Jerusha, are you willing\nto part with me?\u201d\u2014\u201cI am quite willing to part with you: I am willing to\npart with all my friends: I am willing to part with my dear brother\nJohn, although I love him the best of any creature living: I have\ncommitted him and all my friends to God, and can leave them with God.\nThough, if I thought I should not see you, and be happy with you in\nanother world, I could not bear to part with you. But we shall spend an\nhappy eternity together!\u201d[N] In the evening, as one came into the room\nwith a Bible in her hand, he expressed himself thus: \u201cO that dear\nbook\u2014that lovely book! I shall soon see it opened! The mysteries that\nare in it, and the mysteries of God\u2019s providence, will be all unfolded!\u201d\n\nFootnote N:\n\n  In about four months, it pleased a holy and sovereign God to take away\n  this my dear child by death, on the 14th of February, after a short\n  illness of five days, in the eighteenth year of her age. She was a\n  person of much the same spirit with BRAINERD. She had constantly taken\n  care of, and attended him in his sickness, for nineteen weeks before\n  his death; devoting herself to him with great delight, because she\n  looked on him as an eminent servant of Jesus Christ. In this time he\n  had much conversation with her on the things of religion; and in his\n  dying state, often expressed to us, her parents, his great\n  satisfaction concerning her true piety, and his confidence that he\n  should meet her in heaven. She had manifested a heart uncommonly\n  devoted to God; and said on her death-bed, that \u201cshe had seen no time\n  for several years, when she desired to live one minute longer, for the\n  sake of any other good in life, but doing good, living to God, and\n  doing what might be for his glory.\u201d\n\nOn _Tuesday_, Oct. 6, he lay for a considerable time as if he were\ndying; at which time he was heard to utter, in broken whispers, such\nexpressions as these: \u201cHe will come, he will not tarry. I shall soon be\nin glory. I shall soon glorify God with the angels.\u201d\u2014But after some time\nhe revived.\n\nThe next day, _Wednesday_, Oct. 7, his brother John arrived from\nNew-Jersey; where he had been detained much longer than he intended, by\na mortal sickness prevailing among the christian Indians, and by some\nother circumstances that made his stay with them necessary. BRAINERD was\naffected and refreshed with seeing him, and appeared fully satisfied\nwith the reasons of his delay; seeing the interest of religion and the\nsouls of his people required it.\n\nThe next day, _Thursday_, Oct. 8, he was in great distress and agonies\nof body; and for the greater part of the day was much disordered as to\nthe exercise of his reason. In the evening he was composed, and had the\nuse of his reason; but the pain of his body continued and increased. He\ntold me that it was impossible for any one to conceive of the distress\nhe felt in his breast. He manifested much concern lest he should\ndishonor God by impatience under his extreme agony; which was such, that\nhe said the thought of enduring it one moment longer was almost\ninsupportable. He desired that others would be much in lifting up their\nhearts continually to God for him, that God would support him, and give\nhim patience. He signified that he expected to die that night; but\nseemed to fear a longer delay; and the disposition of his mind with\nregard to death, appeared still the same that it had been all along. And\nnotwithstanding his bodily agonies, yet the interest of Zion lay still\nwith great weight on his mind. On that evening he had considerable\ndiscourse with the Rev. Mr. Billing, one of the neighboring ministers,\nconcerning the great importance of the work of the ministry. Afterward,\nlate in the night, he had much very proper and profitable discourse with\nhis brother John, concerning his congregation in New-Jersey, and the\ninterest of religion among the Indians. In the latter part of the night\nhis bodily distress seemed to rise to a greater height than ever. Toward\nday his eyes became fixed; and he continued lying immovable till about\nsix o\u2019clock on Friday, Oct. 9, 1747, when his soul, as we may well\nconclude, was received by his dear Lord and Master into that state of\nperfection of holiness, and fruition of God, for which he had so often\nand so ardently longed; and was welcomed by the glorious assembly in the\nupper world, as one peculiarly fitted to join them in their blessed\nemploy and enjoyment.\n\nMuch respect was shown to his memory at his _funeral_; which was on the\nMonday following, after a sermon preached on that solemn occasion. His\nfuneral was attended by eight of the neighboring ministers, and a great\nconcourse of people.\n\n\n                               CHAPTER X.\n\n                _Reflections on the preceding Memoirs._\n\n                             REFLECTION I.\n\nIn the life of BRAINERD we may see, as I apprehend, _the nature of true\nreligion, and the manner of its operation_, when exemplified in a _high\ndegree_ and in _powerful exercise_. Particularly it may be worthy to be\nobserved:\n\n1. How greatly BRAINERD\u2019S religion _differed_ from that of some\npretenders to the experience of a _clear work_ of saving _conversion_\nwrought on their hearts; who, depending and living on that, settle in a\n_cold_, _careless_, and _carnal_ frame of mind, and in a neglect of a\nthorough, earnest religion, in the stated practice of it. Although his\nconvictions and conversion were in all respects exceedingly clear, and\nvery remarkable; yet how far was he from acting as though he thought he\nhad _got through his work_, when once he had obtained comfort, and\nsatisfaction of his interest in Christ and a title to heaven! On the\ncontrary, that work on his heart, by which he was brought to this, was\nwith him evidently but the _beginning of his work_; his first entering\non the great business of religion, and the service of God; his first\nsetting out in his race. His work was not finished, nor his race ended,\ntill life was ended.\n\nAs his conversion was not the end of _his work_, or of the course of his\ndiligence and strivings in religion, so neither was it the end of the\n_work of the Spirit_ of God on his heart. On the contrary, it was the\nfirst dawning of the light, which thenceforth increased more and more;\nthe beginning of his holy affections, his sorrow for sin, his love to\nGod, his rejoicing in Jesus Christ, his longing after holiness. There\nare many, who, after the effect of novelty is over, soon find their\nsituation and feelings very much the same as before their supposed\nconversion, with respect to any present thirstings for God, or ardent\nout-goings of their souls after divine objects. Now and then, indeed,\nthey have a comfortable reflection on the past, and are somewhat\naffected with the remembrance, and so rest easy, thinking that it is\n_safe_; and they doubt not but they shall go to heaven when they die.\nFar otherwise was it with BRAINERD. His experiences, instead of dying\naway, were evidently of an increasing nature. His first love, and other\nholy affections, even at the beginning, were very great; but, after the\nlapse of months and years, became much greater and more remarkable.\n\n2. His religion apparently and greatly _differed_ from that of many high\npretenders to religion, who are frequently actuated by _vehement\nemotions_ of mind, and are carried on in a course of _sudden and strong\nimpressions_, and supposed _high illuminations and immediate\ndiscoveries_; and at the same time are persons of a virulent \u201czeal, not\naccording to knowledge.\u201d If we look through the whole series of his\nexperience, from his conversion to his death, we shall find none of this\nkind\u2014no imaginary sight of Christ hanging on the cross with his blood\nstreaming from his wounds; or with a countenance smiling on him; or arms\nopen to embrace him: no sight of the book of life opened, with his name\nwritten in it; no hearing God or Christ speaking to him; nor any sudden\nsuggestions of words or sentences, either of Scripture or any other, as\nthen immediately spoken or sent to him; no new revelations; no sudden\nstrong suggestions of secret facts. Nor do I find any one instance in\nall the records which he has left of his own life, from beginning to\nend, of joy excited from a supposed _immediate_ witness of the Spirit;\nor inward immediate suggestion, that his state was surely good. But the\nway in which he was satisfied of his own good estate, even to the entire\nabolishing of fear, was by feeling within himself the lively actings of\na holy temper and heavenly disposition, the vigorous exercises of that\ndivine \u201clove which casteth out fear.\u201d\n\n3. BRAINERD\u2019S religion was not _selfish_ and _mercenary_; his love to\nGod was primarily and principally for the supreme excellency of his _own\nnature_, and not built on a preconceived notion that God loved _him_,\nhad received him into favor, and had done great things for him, or\npromised great things to him. His joy was joy in _God_, and not in\n_himself_. We see by his diary how, from time to time, through the\ncourse of his life, his soul was filled with ineffable sweetness and\ncomfort. The affecting considerations and lively ideas of _God\u2019s\ninfinite glory_, his unchangeable blessedness, his sovereignty and\nuniversal dominion; together with the sweet exercises of love to God,\ngiving himself up to him, abasing himself before him, denying himself\nfor him, depending upon him, acting for his glory, diligently serving\nhim; and the pleasing prospects or hopes he had of the future\nadvancement of the kingdom of Christ, were the grounds of his strong and\nabiding consolation.\n\nIt appears plainly and abundantly all along, from his conversion to his\ndeath, that the sort of good which was the great object of the new\nrelish and appetite given him in conversion, and thenceforward\nmaintained and increased in his heart, was HOLINESS, conformity to God,\nliving to God, and glorifying him. This was what drew his heart; this\nwas the centre of his soul; this was the ocean to which all the streams\nof his religious affections tended; this was the object which engaged\nhis eager thirsting desires and earnest pursuits. He knew no true\nexcellency or happiness but this; this was what he longed for most\nvehemently and constantly on _earth_; and this was with him the beauty\nand blessedness of _heaven_. This made him so much and so often long for\nthat world of glory. It was to be perfectly holy, and perfectly\nexercised in the holy employments of heaven; and thus \u201cto glorify God\nand enjoy him for ever.\u201d\n\nHis religious illuminations, affections, and comfort, seemed, to a great\ndegree, to be attended with _evangelical humiliation_; consisting in a\nsense of his own utter insufficiency, despicableness, and odiousness;\nwith an answerable disposition and frame of heart. How deeply affected\nwas he almost continually with his great defects in religion; with his\nvast distance from that spirituality and holy frame of mind that became\nhim; with his ignorance, pride, deadness, unsteadiness, barrenness! He\nwas not only affected with the remembrance of his _former_ sinfulness\nbefore his conversion, but with the sense of his _present_ vileness and\npollution. He was not only disposed to think meanly of himself as\n_before God_, and in comparison of him; but _among men_, and as compared\nwith them. He was apt to think other saints better than himself; yea, to\nlook on himself as the meanest and least of saints; yea, very often, as\nthe vilest and worst of mankind. And notwithstanding his great\nattainments in _spiritual knowledge_, yet we find there is scarcely any\nthing, with a sense of which he is more frequently affected and abased,\nthan his _ignorance_.\n\nHow eminently did he appear to be of a _meek_ and _quiet_ spirit,\nresembling the lamb-like, dove-like spirit of Jesus Christ! How full of\nlove, meekness, quietness, forgiveness, and mercy! His love was not\nmerely a fondness and zeal for a party, but an universal benevolence;\nvery often exercised in the most sensible and ardent love to his\ngreatest opposers and enemies.\n\nOf how _soft_ and _tender_ a spirit was he! How far were his\nexperiences, hopes, and joys, from a tendency finally to stupify and\nharden him, to lessen convictions and tenderness of conscience, to cause\nhim to be less affected with present and past sins, and less\nconscientious with respect to future sins! How far were they from making\nhim more easy in neglect of duties which are troublesome and\ninconvenient, more slow and partial in complying with difficult\ncommands, less apt to be alarmed at the appearance of his own defects\nand transgressions, more easily induced to a compliance with carnal\nappetites! On the contrary, how tender was his conscience! how apt was\nhis heart to smite him! how easily and greatly was he alarmed at the\nappearance of moral evil! how great and constant was his jealousy over\nhis own heart! how strict his care and watchfulness against sin! how\ndeep and sensible were the wounds that sin made in his conscience! Those\nevils which are generally accounted small, were almost an insupportable\nburden to him; such as his inward deficiencies, his having no more love\nto God, finding within himself any slackness or dullness in religion,\nany unsteadiness or wandering frame of mind. How did the consideration\nof such things as these oppress and abase him, and fill him with inward\nshame and confusion! His love and hope, though they were such as cast\nout a servile fear of hell, yet were attended with, and abundantly\ncherished and promoted a reverential filial fear of God, a dread of sin\nand of God\u2019s holy displeasure. His joy seemed truly to be a rejoicing\nwith trembling. His assurance and comfort differed greatly from a false\nenthusiastic confidence and joy, in that it promoted and maintained\nmourning for sin. He did not, after he received comfort and full\nsatisfaction of the safety of his state, forget his past sins, whether\ncommitted before or after his conversion; but the remembrance of them,\nfrom time to time, revived in his heart with renewed grief. That passage\nwas evidently fulfilled in him, \u201cThat thou mayest remember, and be\nconfounded, and never open thy mouth any more, because of thy shame;\nwhen I am pacified toward thee for all that thou hast done.\u201d Ezek.\n16:63.\n\nHis religious affections and joys were not like those of some, who have\nrapture and mighty emotions from time to time in _company_; but have\nvery little affection in _retirement_ and secret places. Though he was\nof a very sociable temper, and loved the company of saints, and\ndelighted very much in religious conversation, and in social worship;\nyet his warmest affections, and their greatest effects on his animal\nnature, and his sweetest joys, were in his closet devotions, and\nsolitary transactions between God and his own soul: as is very\nobservable through his whole course, from his conversion to his death.\nHe delighted greatly in sacred retirements; and loved to get quite away\nfrom all the world, to converse with God alone, in secret duties.\n\nBRAINERD\u2019S experiences and comforts were very far from being like those\nof some persons, which are attended with _a spiritual satiety_, and\nwhich put an end to their religious desires and longings, at least to\nthe edge and ardency of them; resting satisfied in their own attainments\nand comforts, as having obtained their chief end, which is to extinguish\ntheir fears of hell, and give them confidence of the favor of God. On\nthe contrary, they were always attended with longings and thirstings\nafter greater degrees of conformity to God! The greater and sweeter his\ncomforts were, the more vehement were his desires after holiness. His\nlongings were not so much after joyful discoveries of God\u2019s love, and\nclear views of his own title to future advancement and eternal honors in\nheaven; as after more of present holiness, greater spirituality, an\nheart more engaged for God, to love, and exalt, and depend on him. He\nearnestly wished to serve God better, to do more for his glory, to do\nall that he did with more of a regard to Christ as his righteousness and\nstrength, and to behold the enlargement and advancement of his kingdom\non earth. His desires were not idle wishes, but such as were powerful\nand effectual, to animate him to the earnest, eager pursuit of these\nthings, with the utmost diligence and unfainting labor and self-denial.\nHis _comforts_ never put an end to his seeking after God, and striving\nto obtain his grace; but, on the contrary, greatly engaged him therein.\n\n4. His religion did not consist in _experience_ without _practice_. All\nhis inward illuminations, affections, and comforts, seemed to have a\ndirect tendency to practice, and to issue in it: and this, not merely a\npractice _negatively_ good, free from gross acts of irreligion and\nimmorality; but a practice _positively_ holy and Christian, in a\nserious, devout, humble, meek, merciful, charitable, and beneficent\nconversation; making the service of God and our Lord Jesus Christ the\ngreat business of life, to which he was devoted, and which he pursued\nwith the greatest earnestness and diligence to the end of his days,\nthrough all trials. In him was to be seen the right way of being lively\nin religion. His liveliness in religion did not consist merely, or\nmainly, in his being lively with the _tongue_, but in _deed_; not in\nbeing forward in profession and outward show, and abundant in declaring\nhis own experiences; but chiefly in being active and abundant in the\nlabors and duties of religion; \u201cnot slothful in business, but fervent in\nspirit, serving the Lord, and serving his generation, according to the\nwill of God.\u201d\n\n                             REFLECTION II.\n\nThe foregoing account of BRAINERD\u2019S life may convince us, that there is\nindeed such a thing as true _experimental religion_, arising from an\nimmediate divine influence, supernaturally enlightening and convincing\nthe mind, and powerfully impressing, quickening, sanctifying, and\ngoverning the heart.\n\nIf any insist that BRAINERD\u2019S religion was mere _enthusiasm_, the result\nof a heated imagination, I would ask, What were the FRUITS of his\nenthusiasm? In him we behold a great degree of honesty and simplicity;\nsincere and earnest desires and endeavors to know and do whatever is\nright, and to avoid every thing that is wrong; a high degree of love to\nGod; delight in the perfections of his nature, placing the happiness of\nlife in him, not only in contemplating him, but in being active in\npleasing and serving him; a firm and undoubting belief in the Messiah,\nas the Savior of the world, the great Prophet of God, and King of the\nchurch, together with great love to him, delight and complacence in the\nway of salvation by him, and longing for the enlargement of his kingdom;\nearnest desires that God may be glorified and the Messiah\u2019s kingdom\nadvanced, whatever instruments are employed; uncommon resignation to the\nwill of God, and that under vast trials; and great and universal\nbenevolence to mankind, reaching all sorts of persons without\ndistinction, manifested in sweetness of speech and behavior, kind\ntreatment, mercy, liberality, and earnestly seeking the good of the\nsouls and bodies of men. All this we behold attended with extraordinary\nhumility, meekness, forgiveness of injuries, and love to enemies. In him\nwe see a modest, discreet, and decent deportment, among superiors,\ninferiors, and equals; a most diligent improvement of time; earnest care\nto lose no part of it; and great watchfulness against all sorts of sin,\nof heart, speech, and action. This example and these endeavors we see\nattended with most happy fruits, and blessed effects on _others_, in\nhumanizing, civilizing, and wonderfully reforming and transforming some\nof the most brutish savages; idle, immoral drunkards, murderers, gross\nidolaters, and wizards; bringing them to permanent sobriety, diligence,\ndevotion, honesty, conscientiousness, and charity. The foregoing virtues\nand successful labors all end at last in a marvellous peace, immovable\nstability, calmness, and resignation, in the sensible approaches of\ndeath; with longing for the heavenly state; not only for the honors and\ncircumstantial advantages of it, but above all, for the _moral\nperfection_ and holy and blessed employments of it. These things are\nseen in a person indisputably of good understanding and judgment. I\ntherefore say, if all these things are the fruits of _enthusiasm_, why\nshould not _enthusiasm_ be thought a desirable and excellent thing? For\nwhat can true religion, what can the best philosophy, do more?\n\n                            REFLECTION III.\n\nThe preceding history serves to confirm _the doctrines of grace_. For if\nit be allowed that there is truth, substance, or value in the main of\nBRAINERD\u2019S religion, it will undoubtedly follow, that those doctrines\nare divine; since it is evident that the whole of it, from beginning to\nend, accords with them. He was brought, by doctrines of this kind, to\nhis awakening and deep concern about things of a spiritual and eternal\nnature; by these doctrines his convictions were maintained and carried\non; and his conversion was evidently altogether agreeable to them. His\nconversion was no confirming and perfecting of moral principles and\nhabits, by use, and practice, and industrious discipline, together with\nthe concurring suggestions and conspiring aids of God\u2019s Spirit; but\nentirely a supernatural work, at once turning him from darkness to\nmarvellous light, and from the power of sin to the dominion of divine\nand holy principles. It was an effect, in no respect produced by _his_\nstrength or labor, or obtained by _his_ virtue; and not accomplished\ntill he was first brought to a full conviction, that all his own virtue,\nstrength, labors and endeavors, could never avail any thing toward\nproducing or procuring this effect.\n\nIf ever BRAINERD was truly turned from sin to God at all, or ever became\ntruly religious, none can reasonably doubt but that his conversion was\nat the time when he supposed it to be. The change which he then met\nwith, was evidently the greatest moral change that he ever experienced;\nand he was then apparently first brought to that kind of religion, that\nremarkable new habit and temper of mind, which he held all his life\nafter. The narration shows it to be different, in _nature_ and _kind_,\nfrom all of which he was ever the subject before. It was evidently\nwrought at once without fitting and preparing his mind, by gradually\nconvincing it more and more of the same truths, and bringing it nearer\nand nearer to such a temper: it was soon after his mind had been\nremarkably full of blasphemy, and a vehement exercise of sensible enmity\nagainst God, and great opposition to those truths which he was now\nbrought with his whole soul to embrace, and rest in as divine and\nglorious; truths, in the contemplation and improvement of which he\nplaced his happiness. He himself, who was surely best able to judge,\ndeclares, that the dispositions and affections which were then given\nhim, and thenceforward maintained in him, were, most sensibly and\ncertainly, altogether different in their _nature_ from all of which he\nwas ever the subject before, or of which he ever had any conception.\n\nHence it is very evident that BRAINERD\u2019S religion was the effect of the\ndoctrines of grace applied to his heart: and certainly it cannot be\ndenied that the effect was good, unless we turn atheists or deists. I\nwould ask whether there be any such thing, in reality, as _Christian\ndevotion_? If there be, what is it? what is its nature? and what its\njust measure? Should it not be in a great _degree_? We read abundantly\nin Scripture of \u201c_loving_ God with all the heart, with all the soul,\nwith all the mind, and with all the strength; of _delighting_ in God, of\n_rejoicing_ in the Lord, rejoicing with joy unspeakable and full of\nglory; the soul magnifying the Lord, thirsting for God, hungering and\nthirsting after righteousness; the soul breaking for the longing it hath\nto God\u2019s judgments, praying to God with groanings that cannot be\nuttered, mourning for sin with a broken heart and contrite spirit,\u201d &c.\nHow full are the Psalms, and other parts of Scripture, of such things as\nthese! Now wherein do these things, as expressed by and appearing in\nBRAINERD, either the things themselves, or their effects and fruits,\ndiffer from the Scripture representations? To these things he was\nbrought by that strange and wonderful transformation of the man, which\nhe called _his conversion_. Does not this well agree with what is so\noften said in the Old Testament and the New, concerning \u201cgiving a new\nheart creating a right spirit, being renewed in the spirit of the mind,\nbeing sanctified throughout, becoming a new creature?\u201d\n\n                             REFLECTION IV.\n\nIs there not much in the preceding memoirs of BRAINERD to teach, and\nexcite to duty, us who are called to the work of the _ministry_, and all\nwho are _candidates_ for that great work? What a deep sense did he seem\nto have of the greatness and importance of that work, and with what\nweight did it lie on his mind! How sensible was he of his own\ninsufficiency for this work; and how great was his dependence on God\u2019s\nsufficiency! How solicitous that he might be fitted for it! and to this\nend, how much time did he spend in prayer and fasting, as well as\nreading and meditation; _giving himself to these things_! How did he\ndedicate his whole life, all his powers and talents to God; and forsake\nand renounce the world, with all its pleasing and ensnaring enjoyments,\nthat he might be wholly at liberty to serve Christ in this work, and to\n\u201cplease him who had chosen him to be a soldier under the Captain of our\nsalvation!\u201d With what solicitude, solemnity and diligence did he devote\nhimself to God our Savior, and seek his presence and blessing in secret,\nat the time of his _ordination_! and how did his whole heart appear to\nbe constantly engaged, his whole time employed, and his whole strength\nspent in the business he then solemnly undertook, and to which he was\npublicly set apart! His history shows us the right way to _success_ in\nthe work of the ministry. He sought it, as a resolute soldier seeks\nvictory in a siege or battle; or as a man who runs a race, seeks a great\nprize. Animated with love to Christ and the souls of men, how did he\n\u201clabor always fervently,\u201d not only in word and doctrine, in public and\nprivate, but in _prayers_ day and night, \u201cwrestling with God\u201d in secret,\nand \u201ctravailing in birth,\u201d with unutterable groans and agonies, \u201cuntil\nChrist were formed\u201d in the hearts of the people to whom he was sent! How\ndid he thirst for a blessing on his ministry, and \u201cwatch for souls, as\none that must give account!\u201d How did he \u201cgo forth in the strength of the\nLord God,\u201d seeking and depending on a special influence of the _Spirit_\nto assist and succeed him! What was the happy fruit at last, though\nafter long waiting, and many dark and discouraging appearances? Like a\ntrue son of Jacob, he persevered in wrestling, through all the darkness\nof the night, until the breaking of the day.\n\nTo _Missionaries_ in particular, may his example of laboring, praying,\ndenying himself, and enduring hardness with unfainting resolution and\npatience, and his faithful, vigilant, and prudent conduct in many other\nrespects, afford instruction.\n\n                             REFLECTION V.\n\nThe foregoing account of BRAINERD\u2019S life may afford instruction to\n_Christians in general_; as it shows, in many respects, the right way of\n_practising_ religion, in order to obtain the _ends_, and receive the\n_benefits_ of it; or how Christians should \u201crun the race set before\nthem,\u201d if they would not \u201crun in vain, or run as uncertainly,\u201d but would\nhonor God in the world, adorn their profession, be serviceable to\nmankind, have the comforts of religion while they live, be free from\ndisquieting doubts and dark apprehensions about the state of their\nsouls, enjoy peace in the approaches of death, and \u201cfinish their course\nwith joy.\u201d In general, he much recommended, for this purpose, the\n_redemption of time_, great _diligence_ in the business of the Christian\nlife, _watchfulness_, &c. and he very remarkably exemplified these\nthings.\n\nParticularly, his example and success with regard to one duty, in an\nespecial manner, may be of great use to both ministers and private\nChristians; I mean the duty of _secret fasting_. The reader has seen how\nmuch BRAINERD recommends this duty, and how frequently he exercised\nhimself in it; nor can it well have escaped observation, how much he was\nowned and blessed in it, and of what great benefit it evidently was to\nhis soul. Among all the many days he spent in secret fasting and prayer,\nof which he gives an account in his _diary_, there is scarcely an\ninstance of one which was not either attended or soon followed with\napparent success, and a remarkable blessing, in special influences and\nconsolations of God\u2019s Spirit; and very often before the day was ended.\nBut it must be observed, that when he set about this duty, he did it in\ngood earnest; \u201cstirring up himself to take hold of God,\u201d and \u201ccontinuing\ninstant in prayer,\u201d with much of the spirit of Jacob, who said to the\nangel, \u201cI will not let thee go, except thou bless me.\u201d\n\n                             REFLECTION VI.\n\nThere is much in the preceding account to excite and encourage God\u2019s\npeople to earnest prayers and endeavors for the _advancement and\nenlargement of the kingdom of Christ in the world_. BRAINERD set us an\nexcellent example in this respect. He sought the prosperity of Zion with\nall his might; and preferred Jerusalem above his chief joy. How did his\nsoul long for it, and pant after it! how earnestly and often did he\nwrestle with God for it! and how far did he in these desires and prayers\nseem to be carried beyond all private and selfish views! being animated\nby a pure love to Christ, an earnest desire of his glory, and a\ndisinterested affection to the souls of mankind.\n\nThe consideration of this, not only ought to be an _incitement_ to the\npeople of God, but may also be a just _encouragement_ to them, to be\nmuch in seeking and praying for a general outpouring of the Spirit of\nGod, and an extensive revival of religion. I confess, that God\u2019s giving\nso much of a spirit of prayer for this mercy to so eminent a servant of\nhis, and exciting him in so extraordinary a manner, and with such\nvehement thirstings of soul, to agonize in prayer for it, from time to\ntime, through the course of his life, is one thing, among others, which\ngives me great hope that God has a design of accomplishing something\nvery glorious for the interest of his church before long. One such\ninstance as this, I conceive, gives more encouragement than the common,\ncold, formal prayers of thousands. As BRAINERD\u2019S desires and prayers for\nthe coming of Christ\u2019s kingdom were very _special_ and _extraordinary_;\nso I think we may reasonably hope, that the God who excited those\ndesires and prayers, will answer them with something _special_ and\n_extraordinary_. And in a particular manner do I think it worthy of\nnotice for our encouragement, that he had his heart unusually drawn out\nin longings and prayers for the flourishing of Christ\u2019s kingdom on earth\nwhen he was in the approaches of _death_; and that with his dying breath\nhe breathed out his departing soul into the bosom of his Redeemer, in\nprayers and pantings after the glorious event; expiring in very great\nhope that it would soon begin to be fulfilled.\n\nI would not conclude these reflections without a grateful acknowledgment\nof the mercy of God in the circumstances of BRAINERD\u2019S death, and\nespecially the gracious dispensation of Providence to me and my family,\nin so ordering that he, though the ordinary place of his abode was more\nthan two hundred miles distant, should be brought to my house in his\nlast sickness, and should die here. Thus we had opportunity for much\nacquaintance and conversation with him, to show him kindness in such\ncircumstances, to see his dying _behavior_, to hear his dying\n_speeches_, to receive his dying _counsels_, and to have the benefit of\nhis dying _prayers_. May God in infinite mercy grant, that we may ever\nretain a proper remembrance of these things, and make a due improvement\nof the advantages we have had in these respects! The Lord grant also,\nthat the foregoing account of BRAINERD\u2019S life and death may be for the\ngreat spiritual benefit of all who shall read it, and prove a happy\nmeans of promoting the revival of true religion! _Amen._\n\n\n------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n Perpetuated by the Donations of Messrs. George Douglass, Charles Starr\n                  and William A. Hallock, of New-York.\n\n------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n                           Transcriber\u2019s Note\n\nThe frequent dated quotations from Brainerd\u2019s diaries usually employ\nopening double-quotation marks, which are only sometimes closed before\ncontinuing to the next dated entry. The missing opening marks are\nsupplied unless the narrative is clearly not directly from the diaries.\n\nPunctuation (commas and full-stops) is restored where the text obviously\nhas an appropriate space.\n\nOther errors deemed most likely to be the printer\u2019s have been corrected,\nand are noted here. The references are to the page and line in the\noriginal. The following issues should be noted, along with the\nresolutions.\n\n  6.2      in bearing testimony against it[. /, l]iving   Replaced.\n           and dying\n\n  16.1     or means I had in view[.]                      Added.\n\n  19.5     by any of my performances[,] Eph. 2:1, 8.      Restored.\n\n  20.21    All this time the Spir[i]t> of God             Inserted.\n\n  24.8     I was brought to see mysel[f]                  Added.\n\n  32.13    under date of Septem[p/b]er 14                 Replaced.\n\n  38.19    as I have had this evening[.]                  Added.\n\n  38.29    \u201cYour charms may gratify a SENSUAL mind[;]     Restored.\n\n  43.1     spent most of the day in that duty[,]          Restored.\n\n  44.8     and find him a \u201cpresent help.[\u2019/\u201d]             Replaced.\n\n  47.5     My thoughts were much in eternity[,]           Restored.\n\n  47.7     Rode home to[ /-]night with Mr. Bellamy        Restored.\n\n  48.22    In the afternoon preached at Bethlehem[,]      Restored.\n\n  48.25    rejoice on this account[,] to all eternity     Restored.\n\n  60.5     _March[.] 19._                                 Removed.\n\n  88.7     with the Rev. Mr. S[a/e]rgeant.                Replaced.\n\n  88.29    the hearts and consciences of the Indians[.]   Restored.\n\n  108.34   who commanded them to live by hunting[,]       Restored.\n\n  118.1    _Dec. 7._[\u2014]\u201cSpent some time in prayer,        Added.\n\n  125.34   sent out his disciples two and two[\u00b7/;]        Presumably.\n\n  134.20   _Lord\u2019s day, June 23._\u2014[\u201c]Preached             Inserted.\n\n  137.3    would ma[i]ntain and promote it                Inserted.\n\n  150.26   were filled with comfort at this season[.]     Restored.\n\n  151.23   _Guttummau[k/h]alummeh_                        Replaced.\n\n  152.34   '_Have mercy upon me[\\b\\b/; ]have_             Restored.\n\n  157.26   _August[.] 16._                                Removed.\n\n  160.10   deep impressions of divine things[.]           Restored.\n\n  162.33   with real comfort and sweetness[.]             Restored.\n\n  164.22   _Lord\u2019s day, Sept. 1[.]_\u2014                      Inserted.\n\n  167.2    _Sept. 13._[\u201c]After                            Inserted.\n\n  181.5    _Nov. 4._\u2014[\u201c]Discoursed                        Inserted.\n\n  186.34   and obliged to interpret verbatim[.]           Restored.\n\n  209.22   _Jan. 1, 1746._\u2014\u201cSpent                         Inserted.\n\n  217.1    _Feb. 1[.]_\u2014\u201cMy schoolmaster                   Inserted.\n\n  221.34   _Feb. 21._\u2014[\u201c]Preached                         Inserted.\n\n  222.31   _March[,] 1'._                                 Removed.\n\n  223.7    _Lord\u2019s day, March 2._\u2014[\u201c]Preached             Inserted.\n\n  227.7    O do let me die,[\u201d/\u2019] &c.                      Replaced.\n\n  227.34   O strive[,] strive                             Inserted.\n\n  236.13   to the commands of the _second table_[\u2019]       Removed.\n\n  240.28   _April 25[.]_\u2014\u201cSet apart                       Inserted.\n\n  279.34   to my latest moment[.]                         Restored.\n\n  285.9    this day[,] this blessed, glorious season      Inserted.\n\n  305.7    _Feb. 28._\u2014[\u201c]Was visited                      Inserted.\n\n  306.33   But [\u2018]having obtained help from him,\u2019 I yet   Inserted.\n           live.\n\n  344.28   as I apprehend[,]                              Added.","title":"The Life of Rev. David Brainerd, Chiefly Extracted from His Diary","tradition":"scripture-revelation","translated_text":null,"word_count":110269}