{"collection":"scripture-revelation","full_text_available":true,"graph_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/api/page/gutenberg_67497/graph","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/page/gutenberg_67497","id":"gutenberg_67497","license":"Public Domain (US)","rights_basis":"gutenberg_metadata_copyright_false","source":"gutenberg","source_url":"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/67497","summary":null,"tags":["Category: Science-Fiction & Fantasy","Category: Short Stories","Human-alien encounters -- Fiction","Life on other planets -- Fiction","Religion -- Fiction","Science fiction","Short stories"],"text":"The FOOL\n\n                            By DAVID MASON\n\n                         Illustrated by WESTON\n\n                   _The Tarchiki were the universe's\n                    worst pupils--and as a teacher,\n                  Duncan was a first-rate carpenter!_\n\n           [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from\n                Infinity Science Fiction, August 1956.\n         Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that\n         the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]\n\n\nDuncan? No, he wasn't the Agent just before you. He was here in\n2180--oh, a good thirty years back, Earth-time. The natives say\nhundreds of years, but they're a short-lived lot. The way they cut\neach other's throats, it's a wonder any of them live out the life span\nthey've got, anyway.\n\nI came out when Duncan did--knew him pretty well, as well as anybody\ncould. A perfect fool. Knowing him was a real education. Do anything\nthe other way from the way Duncan did it, and you'd be all right.\n\nYou wouldn't think it to look at him. Well set-up man, around thirty\nwhen he got here, intelligent face, good talker, had a degree--but\na fool. Seemed as if he couldn't do anything right. He told me once\nthat he'd been married, and that it had broken up. He more or less\nimplied that his wife had gotten sick of little things--broken dishes,\ntactless remarks, carelessness. You wouldn't think that would be\nenough to break up a marriage, but you've got no idea how that sort of\nthing can add up.\n\nI was clerking for him then. I swear I did all the work. I had to. He\ncouldn't add, couldn't file a record, and couldn't have found one if\nhe'd managed somehow to put it away. I took Agent's inventories, I did\nmost of the trading with the native chiefs, I did everything. Duncan\njust bumbled around the post, or listened to records, or wrote those\nsilly, hopeless, letters to his ex-wife. He was trying to get her to\ncome back to him. How do I know? Well, who do you think worked the\nsubspace transmitter, as well as doing everything else?\n\nThe native thing really annoyed me, though, because it was dangerous.\nYou know the Tarchiki. They look human enough, except for minor\ndetails. When it comes to a Tarchik female I'll overlook the green skin\nand the pointed ears every time. But they aren't entirely like us. They\nhave a liking for war and torture that's really sickening.\n\nOur ancestors? Oh, now, really ... you're talking just like Duncan.\nThat was always his apology for them. He said our own ancestors were\npretty bad, too. Certainly they were, but I can't see any ancestor of\nmine acting the way a Tarchik does with a captured enemy. And they\nhaven't the slightest sense of sportsmanship, either. They'd rather\njump you from ambush than fight in the open, and they won't fight at\nall if the enemy's stronger than they are. That's why they've never\nmade any serious attempt to do in all the Earthmen on their world.\nThat, and greed; they get very good deals from us, and they know it.\n\nAnyway, I'm sure none of my ancestors ever acted like that.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nBut Duncan was always ready to forgive a Tarchik anything. That used\nto upset the hell out of them, too, because they expect to be punished\nwhen they're caught at anything. They don't understand our reluctance\nto kill, but they respect a Patrolman's shock gun, and when they get\ncaught stealing or taking each other's tails they know they're going\nto get a few months in quod, or what they hate much worse, a public\nflogging. If they didn't get punished, they'd assume it was weakness on\nour part. Just like kids.\n\nAnyway, there was Duncan, holding long confabs with the Tarchiki,\ntrying to teach them some sort of elementary ethics. Naturally, it\ndidn't take at all. They listened, because they love long speeches, but\nthey never acted on what he said.\n\nHe used to tell them that if they stopped chopping each other up and\nhanging up the rows of tails as war trophies, their lives would be a\nlot pleasanter. They used to nod and applaud, but Duncan never caught\non to the simple fact that they thought this was meant to be a joke.\n_They_ didn't think their lives weren't pleasant enough. After all,\nlook at their situation. They've got plenty to eat, without working\nhard for it, plenty of time on their hands--why shouldn't they keep\ndown their surplus population? They don't know any other way, except\nbreaking up their eggs, and they only do that to enemy tribes.\n\nWhile he was at it, Duncan tried to tell them all about love and things\nlike that. Oh, no, not sex. If there's anything a Tarchik doesn't\nknow about _that_, there's no Earthman going to teach him. I mean the\nway they treat their women. A Tarchik woman's nothing but a piece of\nproperty as far as sex goes, but there's some kind of curious maternal\ninheritance thing--anyway, it's as funny as hell to see a big Tarchik\nbuck get down and bump his head in front of his mother, and his aunts,\nand all his other female ancestors. That's the one thing he's really\nafraid of. But, till she gets to be a mother, a woman leads a fairly\nrough life, getting passed around as a kind of prize of war, working\nharder than the men, all that.\n\nSo Duncan wanted them to be a bit chivalrous to their women. Share the\nwork, all kinds of things like that. You know what they thought of that\nidea--another Earthman's joke.\n\nBut the funniest thing of all, to them, was his idea about the kids.\nNaturally, a Tarchik pup's no use to its father till it's a bit grown.\nThen, if it's a boy, the old man teaches it to drink _smassi_ and file\nits teeth, and go out ambushing and cutting tails with the other noble\nsavages. If it's a girl, the father looks around for a suitable buyer\nas soon as its breasts are grown, and hopes for the best price possible.\n\nTo the mothers, though, the kids represent a kind of investment, since\ncustom directs the first loyalties to the mother's clan. So they treat\nthem pretty well, although a bit casually, since they litter by twos\nand at least once a year.\n\nAnyway, Duncan seemed to think highly of kids. Can't imagine why, since\nhe never had any of his own. He used to run a kind of school for them.\nTaught them all kinds of things a Tarchik's got no use for at all, made\ntoys for them--badly, naturally; he couldn't have cut his initials in\na tree without slicing his thumb. But what he couldn't make in the way\nof school stuff, he imported from Earth. Cost him his entire salary,\nexcept for what he spent on those futile letters to his wife.\n\nThose kids were fond of him, I suppose--as fond of him as a Tarchik\never gets of anything. They even kept the school foolishness going\nawhile afterward, but I think it's gone now.\n\nAnything that fool Duncan said, the Tarchiki thought was a great joke.\nThey wouldn't have hurt his feelings for anything, for fear he'd quit\ntelling them tall stories. They told him quite a few things, too. He\nwrote it all down, in dead earnest, as if their fairy tales and drum\npoems had any value. I sent the whole lot off to his wife, after it\nhappened. I think it got lost in transit--I never heard from her,\nanyway. Or she may have thrown it all away. I can't imagine what else\nyou could do with such a pile of nonsense.\n\nAs a matter of fact, that's what led up to it--those damned legends.\nDuncan got interested in their religion. Never do that, boy. Let 'em\nall have their ghost stories and wooden gods, and never fool around\nwith their idea of what makes the planet go round.\n\nThe Tarchiks have a lot of small time fetishes, but they also have\none big god, a fat one made out of stone, out in the jungle over near\nMount Clarke. Every so often they all go up in a body and pay him a\nvisit, and they take along any spare pups, usually extra girl children\nor prisoners from other tribes. This god--Kachan, his name is, I\nthink--likes children too. He likes them best roasted, like birds on a\nspit. Charming deity.\n\nAnyway, when Duncan found out about Kachan, he got very upset. He went\nblazing out there to Mount Clarke, and he blew Kachan all to bits with\na grenade. The Tarchiki didn't care for that, naturally.\n\nAbout a week later, Duncan was on his way over to the big village near\nhere, to give his Tarchik kids another arithmetic lesson, I suppose.\nOld Stancha--he was the local religious big shot, a kind of High\nPriest--threw a spear from the bushes, Tarchik fashion, and nailed\nDuncan very neatly. Nailed, yes. That's the way we found him, with his\nback against a tree.\n\nJust another case of a man's foolishness catching up with him. But\nDuncan hasn't stopped giving us trouble yet, dead or not. First thing\nthat happened was that old Stancha came in to the post, demanding to\nbe executed. He claimed he'd made a big mistake killing Duncan, the\nbiggest mistake of his life. I never could figure out what he meant--it\nseemed to have something to do with what Duncan said to him just before\nhe died.\n\nWell, if Stancha had kept his mouth shut, we'd have had no case at\nall, which would have been just fine with me. I was Agent, in Duncan's\nplace, and I was out to see to it that business stayed good and got\nbetter. Can't annoy the natives by executing their high priest and\nexpect good trade. But I couldn't very well let Stancha go, either,\nonce he'd confessed. So I had him tried, all proper and correct, and\nexecuted him in due form.\n\nNext thing I knew, the Tarchiks were putting Kachan back together\nagain. They were all up there, building a great big new version, and\nhaving a first class party at the same time. These parties generally\nlead to a tail-hunting expedition, so I expected some trouble. But it\ndidn't, this time.\n\nThere was plenty of noise, though. The Tarchiki never do anything\nquietly, and this seemed to be an occasion. What with drums, bagpipes,\nwailing and howling, there wasn't a bird would roost for twenty miles\naround.\n\nWhen they got all through, I went up to look over the new statue, out\nof curiosity, and because I'd heard that they hadn't sacrificed a\nsingle pup. I thought there must be something queer about Kachan Number\nTwo. There was.\n\nIt was Duncan. They'd given him a tail, and he looked more like a\nTarchik than an Earthman, but the face was unmistakable. They aren't\nhalf bad carvers, you know; and they'd really spread themselves this\ntime. The thing was forty feet tall, and it stood on a rock platform,\nwith some words carved in that lettering Duncan had taught them to use.\nThe words were something Duncan was supposed to have said as he was\ndying.\n\nI never could read that stuff really well; all I got out of the thing\nwas that Duncan was forgiving the old murderer, because he didn't know\nwhat he was doing. Pure nonsense, of course, but you don't expect a\ndying man to make sense, and particularly not Duncan. But it seems\nthose words were what had caused all the to-do.\n\nI found the story in one of those ballads Duncan had collected. Seems\nthat the Tarchiki had been expecting a great teacher to show up,\nwho'd do all sorts of wonderful things for them. Nothing unusual; all\nprimitives have some story like that. But there was something else.\n\nThe idea was that if the Tarchiki listened to this teacher, he'd make\nthem the most important people in the whole world; in the universe,\nin fact, from the way the thing sounded. Just how, wasn't specified.\nBut if they should let him be killed, they would know who he had been\nbecause of his last words, forgiving them. Naturally, they fitted\nDuncan right in; forgiving anybody would be the least likely idea in\nany Tarchik's mind if he were being speared.\n\nSo the Tarchiki think they've made a terrible mistake, and they seem\nbent on spending the rest of time making up for it. It's the leading\nreligion now, and it's the biggest joke I've ever come across. Poor\nDuncan, wrong-headed as he was about nearly everything else, had a bit\nof sense in that department; he never had any religious nonsense in him.\n\nAnyway, it shows you, doesn't it? I've always said you can learn a\nlittle from practically anything. You keep Duncan in mind, any time you\nget to feeling too soft on these natives. He might be a god to these\nTarchiki, but I'll tell you the real test of whether a man's got any\nsense; he's dead, I'm alive, and you're alive. That's enough proof for\nme.","title":"The Fool","tradition":"scripture-revelation","translated_text":null,"word_count":2205}