{"collection":"myth-cosmogony","full_text_available":true,"graph_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/api/page/gutenberg_68892/graph","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/page/gutenberg_68892","id":"gutenberg_68892","license":"Public Domain (US)","rights_basis":"gutenberg_metadata_copyright_false","source":"gutenberg","source_url":"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/68892","summary":null,"tags":["Category: Humour","Category: Mythology, Legends & Folklore","Category: Novels","Category: Science-Fiction & Fantasy","Fantasy fiction","Irish Americans -- Fiction","New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction"],"text":"The Gnome's Gneiss\n\n                             A NOVELET BY\n                        KENDELL FOSTER CROSSEN\n\n           [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from\n                     Startling Stories, May 1952.\n         Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that\n         the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]\n\n\n\n\n                                   I\n\n\nA mood was upon Kevan MacGreene. As of the moment, he did not consider\nthis the best of all possible worlds. In fact, many arguments to the\ncontrary were running through his head--on shoes of iron, it seemed.\nOnly twenty-five years of age, Kevan MacGreene was foot-loose and fancy\nfree, but his thoughts were cast in gloom and darkly shaped.\n\nIt was 1952 and the threats of atomic warfare appeared almost daily in\nthe newspapers. The cost of living continued to go up. The prisons and\nasylums were overflowing. Congress, having investigated everything\nelse, had formed a Goober-Natural Committee (fifteen governors had\nmisunderstood and resigned the first day it was announced) and were\nknee-deep in peanuts. The Soviet representative had just stormed out\nof another U.N. meeting. The American representative wanted to lock\nthe door so he couldn't get back in. A columnist had written that\n\"the world is going to hell on a street car\" and had been forced to\napologize to seven railroad companies and a major-interest-owned bus\nline.\n\nBut it was because of none of these things that Kevan MacGreene walked\nthe streets of lower Manhattan and pondered on the frailty of Man. It\nwas now only a few days since he had received his draft notice. Far\nfrom objecting, he had welcomed the opportunity to become a hero--even\na radioactive one. He had quit his job in Macy's complaint department\nand the night before he'd spent all of his money financing a binge for\nhimself and a few select friends. It had lasted until morning and then,\ncomplete with hangover, Kevan MacGreene had reported for his physical.\n\nIt was while being questioned by a fatherly doctor, who, it turned out,\nwas a psychiatrist, that Kevan made his first slip. Usually he was more\nalert, but the hangover was demanding attention and he automatically\nadmitted that he often heard voices. Under the pressure of questioning,\nwhile wondering if his head was really as hollow as it felt, he went\ninto some detail on the voices and what they said. By the time he\nrealized what was happening it was too late. He was classified as an\nunstable personality and was being ushered through the door reserved\nfor those who weren't wanted.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nBroke, hungry, and considerably vexed at being called an unstable\npersonality, especially since everything now combined to make him feel\nlike one, Kevan MacGreene walked through the streets of Greenwich\nVillage. It was in this mood that he arrived on the corner where\nFourth Street unaccountably crosses Twelfth Street. Standing there for\na minute, he happened to glance up and see the sign over one of the\nbuildings:\n\n                         TROUBLESHOOTERS, INC.\n\nBelow that, in smaller letters, it said:\n\n                              _Come in._\n\nKevan MacGreene went in.\n\nThe girl at the desk was lovely beyond words. Her hair was like black\nvelvet and her eyes were an emerald green. Just looking at her made\nKevan MacGreene feel better.\n\n\"I have some troubles I'd like shot,\" he said, saying the first thing\nthat came into his aching head.\n\nThe girl smiled with a distant friendliness. \"Do you mean you'd like to\nemploy us?\" she asked.\n\n\"No,\" said Kevan MacGreene, realizing what it was that he did want.\n\"I'd like you to employ me.\"\n\n\"I'm sorry,\" the girl said, \"but I'm afraid there are no positions\nopen--none, at least, that you could fill.\"\n\n\"But I need a job,\" Kevan said. \"I--I gave up my last job because I\nthought I was going to be drafted. Now I have no job and I'm broke. And\nthe draft board rejected me because I hear voices.\"\n\nFor the first time, the black-haired girl looked interested. \"What kind\nof voices?\" she asked.\n\n\"Thin little piping voices,\" Kevan said. He didn't know why but he\nfelt that she would understand. \"Most of the time I can't understand\nwhat they're saying. Sometimes they sing. Like this.\" Wincing from the\npain in his head, Kevan sang in the highest pitch he could reach. \"_Gie\nbrownie coat, gie brownie sark, ye'll get nae mair o' brownie's wark._\"\nHe stopped and looked at the girl. Her smile was warmer.\n\n\"What's your name?\" she asked.\n\n\"Kevan MacGreene.\"\n\nShe nodded. \"I'll see,\" she said. She picked up the phone and pressed\na button. He could hear the faint buzz in the inner office. \"There's a\nyoung man here,\" she said into the phone, \"looking for a job. He says\nhis name is Kevan MacGreene and that he hears voices.\" She listened a\nminute and then put the phone down.\n\n\"He'll see you,\" she said. \"Go in.\" She indicated the door beyond her\ndesk.\n\nKevan stopped beside the desk and glanced down at the hair that was\nlike a raven's wing. \"What's your name?\" he asked.\n\n\"Kathleen Culanna.\"\n\n\"Ah,\" he said, \"I knew there was a reason for the green in your eyes\nand the harp's song in your voice. Will you have dinner with me\ntonight?\"\n\n\"Go along with you,\" the girl said, but there was no rebuke in her\nvoice. \"He's waiting for you.\"\n\n\"Will you have dinner with me tonight?\"\n\n\"Ask me when you come back,\" the girl said. \"If I'm still here, I will.\"\n\n\"I'll be back,\" he said. He walked through the door and closed it\nbehind him. He stopped there, gazing at the man who sat at the desk in\nthe small room.\n\nHe was a short man, with a face Kevan thought of as jolly even though\nit seemed pinched with worry. Tufts of golden blond hair ringed a bald\nhead, resembling a halo. He looked up from his cluttered desk and\nstudied Kevan.\n\n\"MacGreene, is it?\" he said finally. \"Where were you born?\"\n\n\"In New York,\" Kevan answered, wondering at the question.\n\n\"And your father?\"\n\n\"Fergus MacGreene. He was born in the old country, Ulster, I think,\nbut he became a citizen as soon as he could after arriving here.\" He\nwondered if this was some sort of loyalty check.\n\n\"You hear voices, do you?\" the little man asked.\n\n\"I do,\" Kevan said shortly, thinking that it had been a mistake to\nmention it. \"As did my mother, and her mother before her. But it's\nnever interfered with a job I've held.\"\n\n\"Of course not.\" The worried expression was fading from his face.\n\"You're hired. My name is Brian Shanachie.\"\n\n\"But--but I don't understand,\" Kevan said. He was feeling confused and\nhe wasn't sure whether it was the hangover or the company. \"Don't you\nwant to know my qualifications?\"\n\n\"You've already told me,\" said Brian Shanachie. \"Your name's MacGreene\nand you hear voices. What more could I ask--even though it's true I'm\nin a bit of a pinch? Here I was, with every one of my men out on a job\nand me with an emergency on my hands, when, Finbheara be praised, in\nyou walked. You'll be quite ready to go to work at once?\"\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nKevan MacGreene was more confused than ever, but a generous streak of\nstubbornness came to his aid. \"You may be satisfied,\" he said, dropping\ninto the chair in front of the desk, \"but I want to know something\nabout the job before I take it. What does Troubleshooters, Inc., do?\"\n\n\"You don't know?\" the little man asked in surprise.\n\nKevan shook his head, an act which painfully reminded him of his\nheadache.\n\n\"Oh, well,\" sighed Brian Shanachie, \"but it'll have to be brief. There\nis an emergency. Tell me, Kevan MacGreene, you know of the Little\nPeople?\"\n\nIt was Kevan's turn to be surprised. \"Gnomes?\" he asked.\n\n\"Gnomes, dwarfs, brownies, leprechauns, fairies, druids, apuku, the\nWanagemeswak, it matters little what you call them. You know of them?\"\n\n\"My mother used to tell me about them,\" Kevan said, \"but she was a\nwoman without education. I've been through college and while they are\ninteresting legends--\"\n\n\"Agh!\" interrupted Brian Shanachie. \"There's the trouble with the\nworld. Too much education in the wrong things. If it weren't for people\nlike you, Kevan MacGreene, who've given up the old ways, I wouldn't\nhave to be working here, slaving away all hours--\"\n\nIt was obvious that he was working himself into a rage, so Kevan\ninterrupted. \"Okay, so there _are_ Little People,\" he said. He thought\nhe might as well humor his prospective employer. He glanced at him more\nclosely. \"Don't tell me you're one? You're too big.\"\n\n\"Too big for a gnome, too small for a mortal,\" said Brian Shanachie,\nhis humor restored, \"No, I'm neither. My father was the son of\nFinbheara himself, but my mother was a mortal. So I am well suited for\nthis job.\"\n\n\"Which is what?\"\n\n\"I'm telling you,\" said Brian Shanachie, with a scowl. \"In the\ndays when people had enough sense to believe in the Little People,\ndiplomatic relations were handled on an individual basis. The\nindividual who aroused the anger of a gnome would himself put out an\noffering of milk, with perhaps a wee drop of brandy in it, or offer him\na new cloak and hood. But with the coming of such fine education that\nthe Little People were forgotten there was a problem. It was then that\nmy little organization was started. More properly it should be known\nas the Bureau of Mortal-Gnomic Adjustments, but there are too many\nnon-believers who would only plague me with their silly questions, so I\ncalled it Troubleshooters, Inc.\"\n\n\"But what do you do?\" Kevan asked. He had a strange feeling that the\nmore it was explained the less he understood.\n\n\"Adjust matters between mortals and gnomes, of course,\" snapped the\nother. He picked up some papers on his desk. \"Now, take the case I'm\nassigning you to, the emergency--I'm putting it in the files as The\nCase of the Gnome's Gneiss....\"\n\n\"I beg your pardon?\"\n\n\"Gneiss,\" said Brian Shanachie with some irritation. \"G-N-E-I-S-S.\nEverybody certainly knows what gneisses are.\"\n\n\"I don't.\"\n\n\"College education,\" the little man sneered. \"Gneisses are rocks\nmade of thin layers of minerals. Now, a gnome, or a dwarf, if you\nprefer--he's been called both--named Alviss is one of the finest\ngneiss-makers in the world. Recently, he had just finished what he\nconsidered his masterpiece, a gneiss composed of some fifteen different\nminerals, and all of fifty feet long, when directly over the spot where\nit was located an atom bomb test was held. You can imagine the results.\nThe gneiss was cracked beyond repair. Alviss, with certain provocation\nyou must admit, is angry. In fact, he grows angrier every minute and I\nunderstand that he is on the verge of declaring open war against all\nmortals.\"\n\n\"So what?\" asked Kevan. \"What could he do?\"\n\n\"What could he do?\" echoed Brian Shanachie in horror. \"Why, there is no\nend to what he could do. Sour milk, make cows go dry, put changelings\nin the place of mortal infants, make the hens lay square eggs. Water\nmight run uphill, hens would crow and roosters cackle, and the sun set\nin the east. And that, mind you, would be only the work of Alviss. If\nthe others of the Little People helped him, and fully half of them\nwould have to, then you can imagine the chaos.\n\n\"No, it's obvious Alviss must be appeased and since the ones who\ndropped the bomb will not do so, it is up to us to avert the war.\"\n\n\"Why not just explain to--er--Alviss that it was all a mistake?\" Kevan\nsuggested.\n\n\"'Twouldn't do. Alviss is a sensitive one, as you will see, and it'll\ntake more than that to make him forget his grudge.\"\n\n\"As I will see?\"\n\n\"Certainly,\" said Brian Shanachie, nodding his head. \"It is you who\nwill go to see Alviss.\"\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nIt wasn't that Kevan MacGreene was willing to so quickly forego his\nskepticism and embrace a belief in the Little People, but his head hurt\ntoo much to argue and he was in a mood to take what came along and let\nthings work themselves out.\n\n\"But what do I do after I see him?\" he asked.\n\n\"Find out what will keep him peaceful and, if it's within reason, give\nit to him. If it isn't, then you may have to appeal to the Council\nof Gnomes, or even to the four kings. I'll be giving you this--\"\nBrian Shanachie came around the desk and fixed what seemed to be a\nsmall metal flower in the lapel of Kevan's coat--\"by which you can\ndiscuss any settlement with me. All you have to do is shout my name\nand the contact will be made. It is also possible for me to deliver\nto you, by teleportation, certain mortal materials when they will aid\nin adjustments. I remember one time when peace was made with Sindri,\nover the matter of a mortal who tried to steal his treasure, with\nthe presentation of a radio.... But now get along with you, Kevan\nMacGreene.\"\n\n\"Just a minute,\" said Kevan, \"how much does this job pay?\"\n\n\"Enough in mortal money that you'll have no complaint,\" Brian Shanachie\nsnapped. \"Be gone with you.\"\n\n\"Where?\" Kevan asked. \"I mean how do I get there?\"\n\nBrian Shanachie looked surprised, then nodded. \"Of course, you wouldn't\nknow, would you? I best look it up, to be sure that we still have it\nright.\" He took a thick book from his desk, thumbing through it rapidly\nwhile muttering to himself. Then he nodded again. \"Yes, 'tis still in\nthe proper alignment. And all you have to do, my boy, is walk through\nyon door.\"\n\nFor the first time, Kevan noticed another door in the office near to\nthe chair in which he sat. He stood up and looked at it uncertainly.\n\n\"But be sure and watch the first step,\" said Brian Shanachie. \"It's\nbeen a bit broken since the time Regin came to see me and stomped on\nthe step instead of knocking.\"\n\n\"But how do I find Alviss after I get through the door?\" Kevan wanted\nto know.\n\n\"Ask,\" said Brian Shanachie. \"You can ask anyone--no, but better,\nperhaps since you're a new employee you'd best first go and pay your\nrespects to Finbheara, Iubdan, Geanncanac, and Daoine Glas, the four\nkings. They'll be sure to know where you can find Alviss. Run along\nwith you.\"\n\n\n\n\n                                  II\n\n\nTaking a deep breath, Kevan MacGreene put his hand on the door knob and\nopened it. Then he stepped through.\n\nHe felt his foot strike the edge of something solid and then he was\nfalling. He tried to twist and grab, but there was nothing to grab.\nDown he went--falling, it seemed, slowly and interminably--until\nfinally he landed with a thump. Looking around, he realized he was\nsitting on the ground of a forest. There was an eerie look to the trees\naround him, their limbs twisting skyward, their leaves looking like\ngreen woven silk.\n\nSitting there on the ground, Kevan MacGreene became aware of the most\nstartling thing. His hangover was gone as if it had never existed.\nThat, more than anything, made him decide to believe that he was in the\nland of the Little People. He'd had many a hangover, but never had one\nvanished so quickly and painlessly.\n\n\"It's a pity you wouldn't watch where you're falling,\" a voice said\npeevishly.\n\nKevan looked around, but saw nothing except the trees. \"Where are you?\"\nhe asked cautiously.\n\n\"Right here,\" answered the voice. And it did sound as though it was\nright beside him.\n\n\"I can't see you,\" he said.\n\n\"Of course, you can't,\" snapped the voice. \"That's because I'm looking\nat you. Oh, all right, I'll turn, although I don't know why I should.\"\n\nThen in front of Kevan's eyes there suddenly appeared a little man, no\nmore than two feet high. His face, in profile, was sharp and pointed.\n\n\"How did you do that?\" Kevan asked with interest.\n\n\"Do what?\"\n\n\"You were invisible. Then suddenly you were visible.\"\n\n\"I wasn't anything of the kind,\" the little man said. \"I was merely\nlooking at you. When I'm looking at you, you can't see me. When you can\nsee me, I can't see you--but I don't start making nasty cracks about\nyou being invisible.\"\n\n\"Why?\"\n\n\"Because I'm good-natured,\" grumbled the gnome.\n\n\"No, I mean why can't I see you if you're looking at me?\"\n\n\"Because I'm one of the Wanagemeswak of Penobscot,\" the gnome announced\nwith pride. \"I'm so thin that mortals can only see me when I'm in\nprofile. So when I turn to look at you, you can't see me. Like this.\"\nThe gnome's head slowly turned to face Kevan--and then it vanished.\n\"Now do you understand?\" asked the voice.\n\nKevan MacGreene blinked his eyes rapidly and then switched his gaze to\none of the more solid-looking trees.\n\n\"No,\" he said, \"but don't try to explain it to me again. I'm afraid I'd\nonly understand less than I do now. But, if you will, you can tell me\nhow to find the four kings.\"\n\n\"Oh, sure,\" said the voice. \"Just go straight down this path and turn\nleft at the third snail. You can't miss it after that.\"\n\n\"Thanks,\" said Kevan, waving one hand toward the spot where he thought\nthe gnome was. He set out in the direction indicated, keeping a sharp\nwatch-out for snails.\n\nAs Kevan MacGreene walked through the forest, he became aware of\nthe sounds about him. From every side flooded the songs of birds.\nSomewhere ahead of him two squirrels barked indignantly at each\nother. He caught sight of huge antlers as a deer crashed through the\nunderbrush to his right. But having lived all of his life in New York\nCity, Kevan was not attuned to these new sounds.\n\n\"Noisy place,\" he said to himself. \"It's interesting to visit a place\nlike this, but I'd certainly hate to live here.\"\n\nAfter what seemed like a long walk, he sighted his third snail and\nturned left. For a moment he considered speaking to the snail,\nremembering that in all the stories he'd heard speech was standard\nequipment for all forms of life in fairyland, but he refrained because\nof the petulant look on the snail's face.\n\nThe new path seemed well-worn and he strode along at a fast pace. It\nwasn't long before he saw an impressive castle ahead. Long before he\nreached it, he could hear the sound of loud and quarrelsome voices\ncoming from it. He wondered if this was the beginning of the riot he\nwas to quell and hesitated. But only for a minute.\n\n\"I'll be damned,\" he muttered under his breath, \"if any two-foot\nfugitive from a Walt Disney movie is going to scare me.\" He set his jaw\ngrimly and marched on.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nWhen he entered the castle, Kevan MacGreene found himself in what was\nobviously the throne room. There were four elegant thrones, all empty.\nFrom in front of the thrones came the loud voices, even more shrill\nnow that he was nearer. His eyes became accustomed to the dim light\nand Kevan saw four little old men. They were alike as four peas in a\npod. None of them was more than two feet in height, although each wore\na peaked hat which gave the illusion of adding eight or ten inches.\nEach of them had a long white beard, almost reaching the floor. At the\nmoment, four faces were screwed up in rage, while four fists shook\nthemselves in the air.\n\n\"Isn't it a grand brawl?\" asked a voice near Kevan. He turned and saw\nanother gnome, his eyes fixed admiringly on the four old men.\n\n\"What's wrong with them?\" Kevan asked.\n\n\"There's nothing wrong with them,\" the other said. \"'Tis but a bit of\nan argument. They're just working themselves up to the interesting\nstage.\"\n\n\"What are they arguing about?\"\n\n\"Sure and it's the same old argument--which of them has the longest\nbeard. It's been going on ever since Finbheara endorsed Macushla's\nMagic Beard Groom, claiming that he had the longest beard in all\nMidgard. Iubdan brought suit in the Court of the Leprechauns to prove\nFinbheara a liar, but then Geanncanac and Daoine Glas called both of\nthem liars and so it started.\"\n\n\"Do you think it'll last long?\" Kevan asked anxiously.\n\n\"Until there's not a hair left on the chin of a one of them,\" the gnome\nsaid with anticipation. \"Then they'll retire for a few hours until\ntheir beards grow back--and they'll be at it again. Isn't it heavenly?\"\n\n\"I was hoping to ask them where to find someone,\" Kevan said.\n\nThe gnome turned and looked up at Kevan, who in turn noted that since\nhe could still see the little man he must not be of the Wanagemeswak.\n\n\"You're a mortal,\" said the gnome in tones of accusation.\n\n\"Yes,\" confessed Kevan.\n\n\"Then, by the same reasoning,\" continued the gnome, \"it must be that\nyou were sent here by Brian Shanachie and that it's Alviss you're\nlooking for. Now, that will be a donnybrook for fair when you find him.\nI've a notion to go with you.\"\n\n\"It'll really amount to very little,\" Kevan said hastily. \"I'm sure\nyou'll find this much more interesting. But you could tell me how to\nfind Alviss.\"\n\nThe gnome seemed to be debating with himself, but renewed shrieks of\nrage from the other side of the throne room drew his gaze back there.\nHe jerked a thumb in the direction from which Kevan had come. \"Across\nthe way and into the hill,\" he said.\n\nKevan MacGreene stepped back outdoors and saw a small brass door set in\nthe hill. He walked across and entered. As the door swung shut behind\nhim, he found himself in a tunnel running straight back through the\nhill. It was dimly lighted, but Kevan managed to make his way along\nit--with some difficulty, however, since he had to walk stooped over to\nkeep from bumping his head.\n\nAfter walking for some time, around numerous twists and bends, Kevan\nheard the murmur of a voice somewhere ahead. As he proceeded, it became\nlouder. Finally, he rounded a turn in the tunnel and saw a small,\nstocky dwarf busily stirring a huge cauldron with one hand while with\nthe other he kept throwing various ingredients into the steaming pot.\nIt was he who muttered and Kevan could now make out the words.\n\n\"A pinch of chlorite, a bit of mica, some biotite, spoon of felspar;\na little graphite, and now amphibole, dust with kyanite, and top with\nidocrase--\"\n\n\"What's idocrase?\" Kevan asked.\n\n\"_Don't do that!_\" screamed the little man. He whirled around, molten\nrock dripping from the spoon in his hand, to glare at Kevan, his bushy\nred beard bristling with anger.\n\n\"I merely asked what idocrase is,\" Kevan said mildly.\n\n\"You didn't have to sneak up on me like that. And any fool knows that\nidocrase is a hydrous silicate of calcium and aluminum and that you\ncan't bake a decent gneiss without it.\" His eyes suddenly narrowed as\nhe took in Kevan's size. \"You're a mortal,\" he said.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nKevan nodded. The little man reached behind him, grabbed a pickaxe and\ncame up swinging. Kevan MacGreene leaped to one side only in time.\n\n\"Wait a minute,\" he yelled. \"I claim diplomatic immunity.\"\n\nThe dwarf stopped short and glared. \"Diplomatic immunity?\" he said.\n\"What's that?\"\n\n\"It means you're not allowed to attack me,\" said Kevan. \"Brian\nShanachie sent me here on a diplomatic errand.\"\n\nIt was plain that the dwarf saw no reason for restraining his anger,\nbut he was sufficiently uncertain to hold back. \"Brian Shanachie should\nmind his own business,\" he growled.\n\n\"Now, I'm looking for Alviss....\"\n\n\"I'm Alviss.\"\n\n\"Good,\" Kevan said. He had no idea of how to go about adjusting the\nmatter which he'd been sent to fix, but he had determined on a firm\ncourse. \"Now, what seems to be the matter, Alviss?\" he asked briskly.\n\n\"Matter?\" repeated Alviss, his voice going up a few octaves. For a\nmoment, it looked as if he might succumb to his rage, but he controlled\nit. \"I made the finest gneiss that has ever been formed in the entire\nhistory of Midgard. No sooner had it hardened than you mortals came\nalong and cracked it right down the center.\"\n\n\"But it was an accident,\" Kevan said. \"An atom bomb was being tested\nand it was by accident that they happened to set it off over your work.\nYou see, these atom bomb tests are a part of our national defense\nprogram--\"\n\n\"So it's defending yourselves you are,\" Alviss said grimly. \"Then you\ncan just defend yourselves against me.\"\n\n\"I'm sure,\" Kevan said, \"that the Combined Command would have been more\ncareful but--well, I'm afraid that the truth of the matter is that the\nArmy doesn't officially believe in gnomes.\"\n\n\"They don't, eh?\" said Alviss with a nasty grin. \"Then they'll have\nnobody to blame but themselves when their fine bombs bounce back in\ntheir laps and when the barrels of their guns turn to rubber and drop\nthe bullets at their feet.\"\n\n\"You mustn't do that,\" Kevan said hastily. \"The psychiatrists would\nonly pin a label on it which would destroy the morale of our Army. To\nsay nothing to what it would do to the WAC and the WAVE. There must be\nsome other solution.\"\n\n\"No,\" said Alviss firmly. \"My honor is at stake.\"\n\n\"But there must be another way of saving your honor. You look like a\nreasonable--er--person, Mr. Alviss. I'm sure that between the two of\nus, we can find a way....\"\n\n\"Well,\" said Alviss and there was a shrewd look in his eyes, \"perhaps,\nif you were to bring me Thrud....\"\n\n\"Thread?\" exclaimed Kevan, relief coming with the misunderstanding.\n\"What kind?\"\n\n\"Not thread,\" said Alviss. \"Thrud. Do you mean, mortal, that you do not\nknow the story of Alviss?\"\n\nKevan shook his head.\n\n\"What's your name, mortal?\"\n\n\"Kevan MacGreene.\"\n\n\"'Tis a good name,\" said the dwarf.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nAlviss sat down on the floor and for the first time his face lost its\nlook of anger. \"It was long ago,\" he said. \"More years than you mortals\ncan reckon. But I was an adventurous lad and one night I crossed the\nbridge Bifrost from Midgard to Asgard. Asgard, you understand, is the\nland of the old gods, but I was safe there as long as it was dark.\nWhile I was there, I met Thrud, only daughter of Thor, god of the\nyeomen and peasants, dispenser of thunder. Aye, she was beautiful--more\nbeautiful than you'd know, Kevan MacGreene--and I knew she was the lass\nfor Alviss. It seemed that she felt the same way about me, despite the\nfact that she was three times my height. Hand in hand, we went to see\nThor--faith and there's one for whom I would set bear traps every night\nif he were my father-in-law.\"\n\n\"I gather that he turned you down?\" Kevan said.\n\n\"Worse,\" said Alviss. Rage and sorrow intermingled on his face. \"By\nthe beard of Daoine Glas, he tricked me. He said that Thrud could marry\nme and come away if I would answer thirteen questions. Bad cess to him,\nI agreed. His twelve questions were to give the names for the world,\nthe moon, the sun, the clouds, the wind, the calm, the sea, the trees,\nthe night, fire, wheat and beer in all the worlds of the Aesir, Vanir,\ngiants, elves and gods.\"\n\n\"What are they?\" Kevan asked curiously.\n\n\"There is no time to tell you, as you will see. But I was then fresh\nfrom visiting the worlds he'd mentioned and I knew the names well.\nWe sat there in Thor's palace, Belskirnir, before a great roaring\nfire--Thor holding his great head in his hands as he listened, Thrud\nsitting beside me and holding my hand--and I recited the names. It was\na long task and I didn't notice that it was daylight as I finished. I\nspoke the last name and then demanded Thrud's hand. Thor only grinned\nand pointed. I turned to look in the direction he was pointing and the\nlast thing I saw in Asgard was the sun streaming through the window. As\nit touched me, I turned to stone.\"\n\nTwo tears streaked down the dwarf's face and were lost in his red beard.\n\n\"Why did you turn to stone?\" Kevan asked.\n\n\"It was the law of the land--and still is,\" said Alviss. \"If the sun\nshines on any of the Little People while in Asgard, they turn to stone.\nThor had tricked me. I would be there still if Hreidmar and Sindri\nhadn't come to rescue me. As soon as they carried me back to Midgard,\nthe spell was gone and I was myself again. But Thrud was lost to me\nforever.\"\n\n\"Why didn't you go back some night and get her?\" asked Kevan. Being a\npractical man, he added, \"Or why didn't she run away and join you?\"\n\n\"You're excessively stupid, even for a mortal,\" snapped the dwarf.\n\"Once the spell had been upon me, I would turn to stone should I ever\nagain set foot in Asgard. And it has been decreed that there are only\nthree ways in which Thrud may ever leave Asgard. Hand in hand with her\ntrue love, carried over Bifrost by a mortal, or when she goes to Gimli\nafter Ragnarok.\"\n\n\"Well,\" said Kevan MacGreene finally, \"it's a very touching and\nromantic story and I assure you that you have my deepest sympathy--but\nI'm afraid I fail to see how it concerns our present problem.\"\n\n\"Do you now?\" asked Alviss. He gazed up from beneath his bushy red\neyebrows. \"All you have to do, my lad, is go to Asgard and bring Thrud\nhere to me. If you do that, I'll not make war against the mortals. Fail\nand I'll strike immediately.\"\n\n\"Oh, come now,\" said Kevan. \"You can't seriously expect me to go in and\nkidnap the girl out from under the nose of her father and I don't know\nhow many other characters. It's not fair.\"\n\n\"Its fair enough and you'll get no more from me,\" said Alviss. \"Be off\nwith you--for if you're not back here by the end of the month, I'll\nstart my war.\"\n\n\"The end of the month? Mortal time or your own?\"\n\n\"Mine, of course.\"\n\n\"How much time does that give me?\" asked Kevan.\n\nThe dwarf scratched his head, lost in deep thought. Then he began\nchanting to himself:\n\n\"Junius, Aprilis, Septemq, Novemq, tricenos\n\n\"Unum plus reliqui, Februs tenet octo vicenos\n\n\"At si bissextus fuerit superadditur unus--\" He rolled his eyes toward\nthe roof and seemed to be counting. \"That'll give you until tomorrow\nmorning,\" he finally announced.\n\n\"But that's impossible,\" exclaimed Kevan.\n\n\"Not impossible if you stretch your legs instead of standing here\nstretching your tongue,\" said Alviss. \"Your only problem with time is\ngetting from here to Yggdrasil and then from there to here. The time\nyou spend in Asgard will not count since time there does not exist in\nrelation to our time.\"\n\n\"Yggdrasil?\" repeated Kevan. \"Where is that?\"\n\n\"That's part of your problem,\" said the dwarf. He turned back and began\nstirring his cauldron and it was obvious that he intended to talk no\nmore. Kevan MacGreene turned and went back through the long, winding\ntunnel.\n\n\n\n\n                                  III\n\n\nWhen he was once more outside, across from the palace of the\nfour kings, he suddenly remembered something that the head of\nTroubleshooters, Inc. had told him. He looked and saw that the small\nmetal flower was still in his lapel. He put his mouth close to it and\nshouted.\n\n\"Brian Shanachie!\"\n\n\"Well,\" said a voice which seemed to come out of the air directly over\nhis head, \"I was wondering if I were ever going to hear from you.\"\n\n\"What do you mean?\" Kevan demanded indignantly. \"I haven't been here\nmore than an hour.\"\n\n\"Time, my dear boy, is relative,\" the voice said airily. \"How did you\nmake out with Alviss?\"\n\nKevan quickly related all that had happened. \"What shall I do?\" he\nasked when he'd finished. \"Obviously I can't go to--wherever it is--and\njust steal the girl.\"\n\nThere was a heavy sigh out of the air above his head. \"It is a rather\ndifficult task,\" admitted the voice, \"for one of your inexperience.\nUnfortunately, there are no other agents unengaged at the moment, so I\nguess there's nothing to do but go get the girl.\"\n\n\"I won't,\" Kevan MacGreene said grimly. \"I've had enough of this. I\nquit.\"\n\n\"My dear boy,\" the voice said, \"you can't quit. If you're not employed\nby me, there is no way back here, and without the badge of my office\nyou might find it rather difficult to get along where you are.\"\n\nKevan was silent in the grip of frustration.\n\n\"Besides,\" the voice continued sternly, \"don't forget that you're a\nMacGreene. Once removed from the County Ulster 'tis true, but still a\nMacGreene. Quitting is not for the likes of you.\"\n\nIt was, moreover, the only argument to sway Kevan MacGreene. \"Okay,\" he\nsaid wearily, \"where do I find this Yggdrasil?\"\n\n\"Just go due Southeast by Northwest and you can't miss it.\" The voice\nsounded pleased with itself.\n\n\"And what is Yggdrasil?\" Kevan asked.\n\n\"The world tree--and that's why you can't miss it. You'll see it miles\nbefore you reach it. How much time did Alviss give you?\"\n\n\"Until tomorrow morning.\"\n\nThere was a thin whistle in the air. \"That isn't much time. I guess\nyou'll be needing some assistance. Don't move for the next minute, my\nlad.\"\n\nThere seemed to be a crackling in the air around Kevan's head and\nthen beside him stood a new jeep. It was painted a pleasant emerald\ngreen--which reminded Kevan of Kathleen Culanna's eyes--and lettered on\nthe side were the words _TROUBLESHOOTERS, INC.--OUR SPELLS, CURSES AND\nKNELLS ARE GUARANTEED_.\n\n\"What's the slogan for?\" Kevan asked.\n\n\"Oh,\" said the voice of Brian Shanachie, \"that jeep was built to be\nused only in the land of the Little People and it doesn't hurt to\nadvertise, you know. After all, we do work for both sides in making\nour adjustments. It helps to build confidence if they know that we\nguarantee to handle any matter up here which threatens them. But\nit's getting late. Perhaps you'd better run along. Oh, yes, there is\none more thing. That is a new jeep and I didn't have time to install\na spell-bumper. Some of the more provincial gnomes are not yet\naccustomed to our jeeps and may try to throw a spell at you. So if you\nnotice one apparently weaving something in the air, I'd suggest that\nyou dodge as quickly as possible. Good-by--and don't hesitate to call\non me if you need anything.\"\n\nThere was dismissal in the voice, so Kevan MacGreene stepped gingerly\ninto the jeep. It turned out, however, to be quite solid, so he sat\ndown with growing confidence. The first thing that caught his eye was\nthe compass just over the steering wheel. If anyone had told Kevan that\na compass could manage to point Southeast by Northwest, he wouldn't\nhave believed him--but this one did.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nHe stepped on the starter and the motor of the jeep caught with a\nfull-throated roar which was the most comforting thing that had\nhappened to Kevan since he'd left Brian Shanachie's office. He put it\nin gear and let out the clutch. The jeep leaped forward eagerly.\n\nHe was just driving past the palace, from which could still be heard a\nsubdued roar, when he discovered a small gnome standing in the shadow\nof the building. The gnome was glaring at the green jeep and his\nhands were making strange passes in front of him. Kevan gazed at him\ncuriously and then suddenly remembered what Brian Shanachie had said.\nHe twisted the wheel and sent the jeep bouncing over a small hill.\n\nGlancing back, he was glad he had remembered, for he was just in time\nto see a tree turn into some sort of giant pink worm and go wriggling\noff at a mad pace. The tree was just beyond where the jeep would have\nbeen if he'd continued straight. Kevan had no doubt that if he'd failed\nto turn, he would have been riding just such a pink monstrosity.\n\nHe soon got the jeep straightened out again in the direction of the\ncompass needle and pressed the accelerator to the floor. The little car\nwent bouncing over rocks and hills, undaunted by all that was in its\npath, and Kevan MacGreene grinned happily. This was the sort of magic\nwhich gave him a sense of reality.\n\nAfter what seemed like a couple hours of riding, Kevan found he was\napproaching the giant tree which he assumed must be Yggdrasil. He'd\nsighted it more than an hour back and for the past half hour had been\ndriving in the shade of the tree. Now, just beyond it, he could see the\nhuge flat rainbow arching up into the sky.\n\nHe arrived near the trunk of the tree and stopped the jeep, while\nhe looked around for the bridge. There was nothing that resembled\none--except the rainbow. He noticed that its incline was gradual enough\nto be ascended and finally decided that it must be the bridge for which\nhe was looking. He was about to put the jeep into gear, when a new\nvoice spoke to him.\n\n\"Really, old chap,\" it said, in the broadest of English accents, \"I\nwouldn't, y'know. Bifrost is composed of fire, air and water. I should\nimagine the fire element might harm your tyres, to say nothing of\nexploding your petrol.\"\n\nKevan looked around but saw only a huge serpent coiled around the\ntree, apparently gnawing on its roots, and a sneaky looking squirrel\nwhich was just then scurrying up the trunk of the tree. He had about\nconcluded that he was again dealing with a gnome who was too thin to be\nseen when he noticed that the serpent's eyes were fixed on him and that\nthere seemed to be a friendly gleam in them.\n\n\"Were you addressing me?\" he asked.\n\n\"Yes,\" said the serpent. \"I'm aware that it was forward of me,\ny'know--we haven't been introduced and all that--but, dash it all, one\njust can't let a chap rush into danger.\"\n\nKevan found himself grinning at the accent. \"Who are you?\" he asked.\n\n\"Nidhoggr, the serpent of Yggdrasil,\" the snake said.\n\n\"I'm Kevan MacGreene. How do you do.\"\n\n\"Charmed, I'm sure,\" said the serpent, with what was obviously meant\nfor a friendly smile. The effect was modified unpleasantly by the\nappearance of his fangs.\n\n\"If you're a part of this set-up,\" Kevan said, with a wave which\nincluded the tree and the rainbow bridge, \"I should guess that you must\nbe Teutonic in origin, yet you seem to have a rather marked English\naccent.\"\n\n\"Do you like it?\" the serpent said eagerly. \"I think it sounds\nrather cultured myself. I picked it up from an English sparrow who\noccasionally visits me. He's taught me some rather jolly songs\ntoo--especially one, I believe it's called 'The Base-born King of\nEngland.' Would you care to hear it?\"\n\n\"Some other time, perhaps,\" Kevan said, smothering a desire to laugh.\n\"Although I believe you have the title slightly wrong. Now, what were\nyou saying about not crossing the bridge in my jeep?\"\n\n\"I don't believe it's safe,\" the serpent said. \"I understand that fire\nand petrol do not mix well. You can walk across, y'know--it makes a\nsplendid little outing. I believe the water and air keep the fire\ncool enough not to burn and I understand, in fact, that it's rather\ninvigorating.\"\n\n\"Well, I suppose there's nothing to do but walk,\" Kevan said. He shut\noff the motor and climbed out of the jeep.\n\n\"You're quite sure it's safe?\"\n\n\"Positive, old chap. It's safe for everyone except Thor. He's been\nforbidden to step on it because of his heavy tread--he's a peasant,\ny'know. It's not as if he were a gentleman.\" The serpent glanced up\ntoward the trunk of the tree, where a squirrel could be seen now\nscurrying downward. \"There comes Ratatosk again,\" he said, lowering his\nvoice. \"He spends all his time between Vedfolnir, on the upper branch,\nand myself trying to stir up trouble. An officious little blighter.\nYou'd best hurry along or he's bound to think there's something\nsubversive in our little chat.\"\n\n\"Okay,\" Kevan said with a grin. \"Thanks for the advice.\" He waved to\nthe serpent and started up the rainbow bridge. To his surprise, the\nmere touch of the bridge was invigorating. Through the soles of his\nshoes he could feel a combination of heat and coolness and it seemed\nthat strength flowed up into him. He strode briskly along.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nWhen he was well up over the curve of the bridge, he stopped a moment\nand looked back. By stretching his neck, he could make out the top\nof the tree and he caught a glimpse of a golden rooster perched on\nthe very tip. It looked like a tiny spot of gold in the midst of the\nevergreen leaves.\n\nIn only a few more minutes, he was nearing the other end of the rainbow\nbridge. In the far distance, he could see the turrets of a number of\nhuge castles.\n\nThe rest of the way was mostly down hill and he completed it at a fast\npace. He stepped off the bridge and stopped to look around, wondering\nabout his next move, when he was startled by a loud roar of pain. It\nseemed to come not far from his right, so he turned in that direction.\nAfter a moment's walk, he came around a small hill and found himself in\nfront of a large cave.\n\nA young man stood in the entrance of the cave. He was clad in golden\nchain mail, but wore no helmet so that his bright yellow hair fell to\nhis shoulders. He was handsome beyond the highest standards set by\nmortal movies, yet his beauty was all masculine. There, Kevan found\nhimself thinking, stands one who looks every inch a god.\n\nHe'd been staring at the blond man for several minutes before he\nrealized what was represented in the full picture. The young man was\nstanding in the mouth of the cave because he was chained here. Huge\ngolden chains ran from his arms and legs, and from a collar around his\nneck, to the walls of the cave. The chains were tight so that he had\nlittle room to move about. Directly above the cave a large serpent was\nlying. Its open mouth was just above the entrance to the cave and its\nvenom was steadily dripping from the gleaming fangs toward the man\nbelow. But standing alongside of the cave was a beautiful blonde--and,\nKevan noted with some embarrassment, scantily-clad--young woman. She\nheld a silver cup in her hand in which she caught the dripping venom\njust before it reached the young man.\n\n\"By Gimli,\" the young man was saying as Kevan arrived, \"you took long\nto empty that last draught, Signe. I thought a sea of venom had struck\nme. Now--\" He broke off as he caught sight of Kevan. His bright blue\neyes moved swiftly as he looked Kevan over.\n\n\"What manner of a one have we here?\" he said. \"Although it's been\nimmortal long since I've seen a mortal, I could swear this is one. And\nin Asgard.\" He raised his voice. \"Are you a mortal, strange one?\"\n\n\"Yes,\" Kevan said, trying to be polite enough not to show that he found\nanything strange in the scene before him. \"My name is Kevan MacGreene.\"\n\n\"Welcome to Asgard, Kevan MacGreene,\" the blond young man said. He\ngrinned merrily and rattled the chains that held him. \"It may seem\nstrange to you to be welcomed by one so carefully chained, but after\nall I am a son of Odin and I presume I can still shout a welcome. I am\nLoki and this is my wife, Signe. As you can see, she's busy.\"\n\n[Illustration: \"Welcome to Asgard, Kevan MacGreene,\" the blond young\nman said, grinning merrily and rattling the chains.]\n\nThe young woman glanced quickly around to acknowledge the introduction\nwith a smile, then turned her attention back to the cup she held.\n\n\n\n\n                                  IV\n\n\nNow Kevan MacGreene was not especially accustomed to travel--before\nthis day his travels had been limited to a few trips to Coney Island,\nonce or twice to Canarsie, and once to Staten Island when he'd made\nthe mistake of asking a girl for a date before finding out where she\nlived. As a result, he was none too sure how to act in the present\ncircumstances. In the travels already mentioned, he'd never come across\na god imprisoned in golden chains--he wasn't even sure he'd ever read\nof such a thing before. Yet it was rather foolish to act as if nothing\nwere unusual. At the same time, the god might be sensitive to strange\nremarks about his condition.\n\nIt needed a diplomacy which Kevan MacGreene wasn't sure he possessed.\nShould he (he wondered) offer his help or would such an offer coming\nfrom a mere mortal be considered an impudence.\n\n\"I'll wager,\" said Loki with a laugh, \"that the mortal caught sight\nof your ruby lips, Signe, and is wondering if you'd reward him for\nrescuing your husband.\" He laughed louder as Kevan MacGreene blushed.\n\"She would at that, Kevan MacGreene,\" he said, \"but I fear you'll go\nunrewarded. I was put here by my father and brothers and no mortal can\nundo their work. But it shall be undone in time, never fear. As it\nis, I don't find it too bad except for the moments when Signe goes to\nempty the cup. Although it is a bit confining.\" He laughed again in\nappreciation of his own wit, rattling the chains to the accompaniment\nof his laughter.\n\n\"You're a brother of Thor?\" Kevan asked.\n\n\"Aye, that I am. If you're looking for Thor, I can tell you one thing.\nHe'll bore you to tears trying to show you how strong and smart he is.\nI'd rather be in chains than with Thor.\"\n\n\"Well,\" said Kevan, \"the truth of the matter is that I don't want to\nsee Thor, but I'm afraid I have to.\"\n\n\"Ah,\" said Loki, \"is it a matter of asking Thor for some sort of\nintercession on behalf of the yeomen or peasants? I wasn't aware that\nwe were still worshipped among people. It seems to me I remember Hermod\nreturning from one of his trips with the news that other gods now had\nthe concession among you mortals. But then I suppose that new gods are\na bit like wine--all fizz and not very much kick.\"\n\nKevan had been embarrassed by the turn of the conversation but saw no\nway of stopping it once it had started. When the god finished speaking,\nhe cleared his throat nervously and tried to straighten things out.\n\n\"I'm sorry, Mr. Loki,\" he said, \"but I'm afraid that you aren't\nworshipped by mortals--at least, by none that I know. In fact, most\npeople know nothing about you.\" He thought he saw a look of sorrow\ncross the face of the chained god. \"I must confess I'm not very\nfamiliar with the facts about you myself, but I do know there are a\nnumber of written records about all of you. I believe some of them are\nquite complete, although of course they usually add that you were only\nsuperstitious myths.\"\n\n\"Oh, well,\" Loki said, laughing softly, \"I don't care what you call me\nso long as you spell my name right.\"\n\nKevan was pleased that the god was taking it so well.\n\n\"But,\" Loki continued, \"if it's not a matter of arranging a sacrifice,\nwhat does bring you here? I cannot remember when a mortal last visited\nAsgard.\"\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nKevan quickly debated the matter in his mind and decided there could be\nno harm in telling this god the reason for his visit. It even occurred\nto him that since Thor had helped to chain him in the cave, Loki\nmight be anxious for revenge and would be willing to furnish him with\nvaluable clues.\n\n\"Do you remember a dwarf named Alviss?\" he asked. \"He once visited\nhere, although I believe it was quite some time ago.\"\n\n\"Alviss,\" mused the god, staring into space, although still managing to\nkeep one eye on his wife to be sure she didn't shift the cup. \"Wasn't\nthat the one who became infatuated with Thrud?\"\n\n\"That's the one,\" said Kevan.\n\n\"I remember him now,\" said Loki. \"He's the one that Thor tricked into\nstaying around until morning and he turned to stone.\" Loki laughed\nuntil the cave rang with the merry sound. \"Thor was always a tricky\none. Oh, a fine fellow when it came to drinking or wenching, but\ntricky. I well remember the time he and I met two little redheads at\na convention of--_OUCH!_\" The last was a bellow of pain as his wife\nmoved the cup just enough to permit a drop of venom to fall on him. He\nstrained against the chains until the pain subsided. Then he grinned\nruefully at Kevan. \"Sorry,\" he said. \"It must have been two other\nfellows.\"\n\n\"Well,\" said Kevan, rushing to fill what he thought was an embarrassing\ngap, \"Alviss is still in love with Thrud.\"\n\n\"Even as a stone,\" exclaimed Loki. \"Oh, I remember now--he was stolen\nfrom Thor's palace a few nights later. I suppose his friends unstoned\nhim, as it were.\"\n\nKevan nodded. \"Exactly,\" he said. \"Now, there's a small matter with\nAlviss which needs adjusting and his price is that I bring Thrud to\nhim.\"\n\n\"Hmmmm,\" said Loki. He re-examined Kevan, with something like\nadmiration in his gaze. \"I could better understand it if you were\nafter Thrud yourself--she is a winsome wench. But to do it for this\nAlviss--well, you've sliced yourself a bit of a job.\"\n\n\"I'm well aware of it,\" Kevan said modestly. \"Naturally, I'd appreciate\nany advice....\"\n\n\"Naturally,\" Loki said, not unkindly. He looked at Kevan again. \"I\nadmit I wouldn't mind seeing you put one over on Thor. Maybe....\"\n\n\"Loki,\" the god's wife said sharply, speaking for the first time, \"you\npromised to keep out of politics.\"\n\n\"But this isn't politics, honey,\" Loki said. \"It's romance. In a way,\nit's legitimately part of my business. If love is a fire kindled in the\nheart, then surely the god of fire can concern himself with it. Tell\nme, Kevan MacGreene, is there anything in your mortal world which Thor\nmight consider flattering to himself?\"\n\nKevan thought for a minute and then suddenly remembered something. \"I\nbelieve so,\" he said. \"One of the days of our week is called Thursday.\nI believe that it was originally named after Thor.\"\n\n\"Just the thing. When you leave here--wait, do you come from a\nparticular province in the mortal world?\"\n\n\"Not exactly a province. I'm from New York City in America. It's the\nlargest and greatest city in the world, located, I might add, in the\ngreatest country in the world.\"\n\n\"Of course,\" Loki said amiably. \"Now, when you leave here you will stop\nat the first station you come to and send Thor a ravengram. You'll tell\nhim that you're the American ambassador and--\"\n\n\"But I couldn't say that,\" protested Kevan. \"It's not true.\"\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nLoki encouraged him. \"You're an American, aren't you?\"\n\n\"Yes.\"\n\n\"And didn't you tell me that this Alviss had sent you here as his\nambassador to get Thrud?\"\n\n\"Y-yes.\"\n\n\"Well, then, you're an American ambassador,\" Loki said with finality.\n\"Tell Thor that you want to see him about presiding at a dedication\nceremony for this day. It's been so long since a mortal asked Thor\nto preside at anything he's bound to fall for it. That will get you\ninvited to Belskirnir.\"\n\n\"I guess I could do that,\" Kevan said doubtfully. \"But getting out will\nbe harder than getting in, won't it?\"\n\n\"Nothing to it,\" said Loki with confidence. \"Do you know any good\nriddles?\"\n\n\"Riddles?\" repeated the amazed Kevan. \"You mean things like--like 'What\nflies forever and rests never?'\"\n\n\"The wind,\" Loki said promptly. \"That's the general idea, although\nyou'll need to get newer ones than that. The really old ones Thor will\nknow. Can you manage some more modern ones?\"\n\n\"I'll try,\" Kevan said. He remembered that his mother had often read\nriddles to him as a child and he thought he could recall some of them.\n\n\"About three good riddles should be about right. When you get to\nBelskirnir, the first thing you'd better do is tip off Thrud why you're\nthere. Then you challenge Thor to guess your three riddles. If he\nfails--and he will if you use good ones for nobody ever accused Thor of\nbeing bright--then he lets you take Thrud away.\"\n\n\"That sounds all right, except for one thing. What if Thor doesn't\naccept the challenge?\"\n\n\"I'm coming to that,\" Loki said thoughtfully. \"At the same time you\nsend the message to Thor, you send one to my father.\"\n\n\"Your father?\" Kevan asked, wishing he could remember more of the old\nlegends. He resolved to brush up on them if he kept this job.\n\n\"Odin,\" Loki explained. \"He's Thor's father too and he's still the\nhead of the family. The old man is a stickler for convention, so you\nmerely send him a message asking to call on him first before visiting\nThor. Better not mention that you've already met me. The old man will\nbe pleased that a mortal recognizes that he's still the head of the\nhouse. While you're talking to him, casually mention that you're going\nto challenge Thor to three new riddles. Be sure to stress the _new_.\"\n\nKevan nodded. He could see little sense in any of this, but was willing\nto grant that this was possibly because he was a stranger in the land.\n\n\"My father,\" continued Loki, \"is a real pig for knowledge. He'll try to\npump you for the answers to the riddles. If you refuse then he'll show\nup at Belskirnir and he'll make Thor accept the challenge, just so he\ncan hear the answers.\"\n\n\"You're sure?\" Kevan asked.\n\n\"Positive. The old man will go through anything just to learn something\nnew. He once gave up one of his eyes just for one drink from Mimir's\nwell of knowledge. Another time, he hung in a trance from Yggdrasil,\nwith his head in Niflheim, for nine days in order to learn to write\nrunes. You can't miss if you do as I tell you.\"\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nSome of Loki's confidence surged through Kevan. \"This is mighty nice of\nyou, Mr. Loki,\" he said. \"Isn't there something I can do to repay you?\"\n\n\"I guess not,\" Loki said sadly, \"There is only one way in which these\nchains can be broken and I doubt if you could manage it by yourself.\nIt's really not too bad--although I do get rather bored at times\njust standing here and seeing the same things all the time. It was a\npleasure to talk with you.\"\n\n\"Wait a minute,\" Kevan cried. \"I think I have an idea. I'll be right\nback.\" He ran around the side of the hill. As soon as he was out of\nsight and hearing, he stopped. He put his mouth close to his lapel and\ncalled: \"Brian Shanachie.\"\n\n\"Midgard to Asgard, over,\" said the voice from above his head. The tone\nand the words seemed to indicate that Brian Shanachie was in good humor.\n\n\"I believe,\" Kevan said carefully, \"that there may be a good chance\nof my being able to get Thrud for Alviss. I've just met my first\ninhabitant of Asgard and he's been very helpful. In fact, I'd like to\nrepay him in some way, which is why I called.\"\n\n\"A friend at court, eh?\" said the voice. \"Who did you meet?\"\n\n\"He said his name is Loki.\"\n\n\"Loki?\" said the voice. \"Isn't he in durance vile, or some such thing?\"\n\n\"He's chained in a cave, if that's what you mean,\" Kevan said. \"I can't\nimagine why they would treat him like that. He seems very nice.\"\n\n\"What did he tell you about himself?\"\n\n\"Nothing. I did gather from some reference he made to his wife that\nhe's the god of fire.\"\n\n\"That's right,\" said the voice. \"Also god of mischief and evil. You\nunderstand, my boy, we make a practice of not interfering with an\nagent in the field, but if I were you I'd go rather easy on making\ngifts to Loki. No files baked in a cake, or that sort of thing. If Loki\never breaks loose from his chains, it means the end of the world.\"\n\n\"I find it very difficult to believe that Loki is evil in any way,\"\nKevan said with dignity. \"However, I was merely thinking of providing\nhim with some entertainment. He told me that he gets bored just\nstanding there, always with the same view.\"\n\n\"Well--do whatever you think best. What sort of a gift did you have in\nmind? Dancing girls?\"\n\n\"No,\" Kevan said indignantly. \"I don't think his wife would approve and\nI doubt if we could morally justify such a gift. But didn't you mention\nthat you had once made a gift of a radio to one of the gnomes?\"\n\n\"That's right.\"\n\n\"I was wondering how such things would work here,\" Kevan said. \"After\nall, they are electrically powered and I doubt if they have many modern\nconveniences here.\"\n\n\"No problem at all,\" the voice said cheerfully. \"Electrical objects\nbecome so charged during teleportation that they run for a long time.\nDid you want to give Loki a radio?\"\n\n\"No, I was thinking of a television set. Perhaps one with a twenty-four\ninch screen. Now, after your information, I'm even more sure that this\nwill make a superb gift for him. If you are correct in saying that he's\nthe god of the evil, some good wholesome entertainment may be good for\nhim. Television, you know, is an excellent way of keeping the children\noff the streets and--\"\n\n\"Spare me the commercials,\" snapped the voice. \"You want it right\nthere?\"\n\n\"No, wait until I get back to the cave. You might also include a remote\ncontrol tuning device. I imagine he might find it difficult to handle\nthe controls otherwise.\"\n\nKevan hurried back to the cave, whereupon Loki stopped trying to guess\nhow full the cup was that Signe held and watched him with interest.\nKevan stood at a spot where he judged that Loki could get the best view\nand once more spoke into the flower in his lapel.\n\n\"Okay, send it along,\" he said.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nOnce more the air seemed to crackle around him and there was a solid\nthump as the television set came to rest only a few inches from Kevan's\nfoot.\n\n\"In the name of Garm, what is that?\" demanded Loki.\n\n\"A television set,\" Kevan said. \"I think you will find that it will do\nmuch to relieve your boredom.\" He bent over and turned on the switch\nand was pleasantly surprised to see the screen light up. He fiddled\naround with the controls until he got a station tuned. It was a news\nbroadcast, which normally would have interested him, but he was more\ncurious to see Loki's reaction. The god was staring at the screen\nwith bulging eyes. Satisfied, Kevan turned the volume down so that he\nwouldn't have to compete with the announcer's voice.\n\n\"That,\" he said, \"happens to be what we call a news broadcast. That\nis, the man is telling what is actually happening in the world of the\nmortals. But you will find other things that are more amusing. In fact,\nthere are a few comedians you might find highly entertaining--I imagine\nthat you are of a sufficiently ancient period to find their jokes new.\"\n\nKevan went on to explain to the god how the remote control device could\nbe used to change stations and to raise or lower the volume. A look of\nspeculation crept into Loki's face as the explanation was being given.\n\n\"This is really very nice of you,\" he said when Kevan had finished. \"I\nwonder if I might impose on you for another favor?\"\n\n\"Of course,\" Kevan said promptly.\n\n\"I have three children,\" Loki said, \"two boys and a girl. Would it be\npossible to get such a machine for each of them? I'm sure they would\nenjoy it.\"\n\nKevan nodded. \"Television is wonderful for children,\" he said. \"I\nunderstand they have some very delightful children's programs on, too.\nDo you think table models might do for them?\"\n\n\"Anything,\" Loki said.\n\n\"And where would you like them delivered?\" Kevan asked. \"I could go to\nwherever they live, so the sets would be delivered there.\"\n\n\"No, I wouldn't think of putting you out. Right here will be fine. I'm\nsure we can arrange for them to be picked up.\"\n\nKevan nodded again and bent his head to speak into the metal flower.\n\"Three more television sets,\" he ordered. \"Table models, if you don't\nmind.\"\n\nHe thought he heard a grumbling grunt from the air above his head, but\na moment later three small television sets were dumped on the ground\nbeside the larger one.\n\n\n\n\n                                   V\n\n\nAfter accepting Loki's profuse thanks, Kevan MacGreene went on his\nway, feeling virtuous for having performed such a good deed. It did\noccur to him that he should have recommended a few good programs for\nLoki, perhaps one or two of a spiritual nature, but he decided against\nturning back to correct it. There was a possibility that a god might\nresent being instructed by a mere mortal.\n\nKevan walked rapidly along the broad path he discovered and it\nwasn't long before he arrived at what Loki had called the first\nstation--although in reality it was little more than a thatched hut.\nKevan entered and soon composed the two messages which he wanted to\nsend to Thor and Odin. He handed them over to the old man who ran the\nstation and almost immediately two ravens darted from the hut. Kevan\nretired to a corner to await their return, but much to his surprise he\nhad barely seated himself when the ravens were back.\n\nImpressed by the service, Kevan toyed with the idea of learning\nmore about the method, thinking that it might be knowledge he could\ntake back and sell for a reasonable price to the various telegraph\ncompanies. But he dismissed this as probably being unfair to Brian\nShanachie.\n\nWhile the answers were brief and to the point, it seemed that both\nOdin and Thor would be happy to see the mortal ambassador. After\nsome dickering with the old man who ran the ravengraph agency, which\ninvolved handing over his wristwatch, Kevan received a horse and\ninstructions on how to reach Odin's local castle. As he rode off, the\nold man was holding the watch to his ear and nodding in time to the\nrhythmic ticking.\n\nIt was a pleasant ride over the rolling hills of Asgard, and Kevan soon\narrived at the huge, sprawling castle. The guards evidently expected\nhim, for he was immediately shown into the throne room of the chief of\nthe gods.\n\nOdin, bald-headed and gray-bearded, slouched on his throne and regarded\nhis visitor with interest. It was a mutual attitude, with Kevan finally\ndeciding that Odin must be something of a local character. There were\ntwo ravens seated on his shoulders and they seemed to be constantly\nwhispering in his ears. On either side of the throne a gigantic wolf\nwas crouched. Except for his costume, Odin reminded Kevan of an aging\nHollywood producer ready to have his picture taken for the press. But,\nof course, he permitted none of this disrespect to show in his manner.\n\nKevan delivered a carefully-rehearsed speech, in which he praised\nOdin's great knowledge, then fell silent.\n\nOdin nodded, as though agreeing with all the points made. \"And what are\nyour plans now, mortal?\" he asked.\n\n\"I thought of visiting Thor,\" Kevan said.\n\n\"My son?\" the old god asked, blinking in astonishment. \"Why should you\nvisit him? You seem interested in knowledge. I'm afraid you'll find\nmy son rather dull company. Or were you planning to ask for a thunder\nlicense?\"\n\n\"I want to challenge him to answer three riddles,\" Kevan said. \"If he\nfails to answer them, then I will claim his daughter, Thrud.\"\n\n\"Thrud, eh?\" Odin said. A crafty look came into his eyes. \"If it's only\na matter of a woman, why not stay here and expound your riddles. I'll\nlet you have one of the Valkyries. It'll be a much better bargain. They\nare all quite skilled in the arts of love and Thor is rather strict\nwith Thrud so she may be a little too innocent for a man of the world\nsuch as yourself.\"\n\n\"No, it must be Thrud,\" Kevan said, deciding there was no use in\ndefending the purity of his own intentions.\n\n\"Jaded appetites, eh?\" the old god said, shrugging his shoulders. \"What\nriddles are you going to try on my son? Perhaps I can advise you.\"\n\n\"I'm sorry, sir,\" Kevan said, \"but I'd rather not say. You know the old\nsaying, 'the walls have ears'?\"\n\n\"Of course they do,\" Odin said a trifle impatiently. \"They're battle\ntrophies. I removed every single one of them myself.\"\n\nAt first, Kevan thought the god might be a little mad, but then he\nrealized that the walls of the throne room were indeed covered with\nears. And not very attractive ears at that. \"No, no,\" he said, averting\nhis eyes, \"I meant that someone might overhear the riddles and tip off\nThor.\"\n\n\"And he wouldn't be above using the information,\" Odin agreed. \"Well,\nI'll tell you what--I'll ride you over to Thor's.\"\n\n\"I wouldn't want to trouble you,\" Kevan began, but was stopped by a\nwave of Odin's hand.\n\n\"No trouble. After all, we seldom have visitors here. I wouldn't want\nit said that Odin lets visitors just wander off by themselves--maybe\neven be eaten up by a stray dragon. Besides, I wouldn't mind seeing\nthat son of mine taken down a notch or two.\" He looked pleased at the\nprospect.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nThe mention of dragons was enough to keep Kevan from protesting\nfurther. Within a few minutes, he was again mounted on his horse while\nOdin rode beside him. As they galloped through the gate, they were\njoined by a dozen of the Valkyries. These beautiful young women, their\ncharms not sufficiently concealed by the armor they wore, immediately\nbegan casting covetous glances at Kevan. He was careful to ride close\nbeside Odin.\n\nTheir arrival at Thor's castle, Belskirnir, was filled with confusion\nfor Kevan. The palace was swarming with various lusty gods, their\nwives, mistresses and children. He was introduced to so many that he\ncould remember the names of none. He did, however, catch the name of\nThrud when he was introduced to a shapely blonde girl, with a sullen\nface. He managed to whisper to her, telling her who he was and the\npurpose of his errand, whereupon the sullenness fell from her face. The\nresult was so startling that Kevan found it difficult to remember that\nhe was there on behalf of Alviss.\n\nIt seemed that they were just in time for a banquet and Kevan found\nhimself forced to go through what seemed like a hundred course meal,\nconsisting mostly of half-cooked venison, and so many cups of mead that\nhis head was swimming.\n\nKevan had tried several times to get Thor's attention to bring up the\nmatter of his challenge, but found it almost impossible to make himself\nheard above the roar of voices in the banquet hall. But the matter was\nfinally settled for him by Odin, whose curiosity could no longer stand\nthe strain.\n\n\"Quiet,\" shouted the chief of the gods, leaping to his feet. He struck\nthe table a mighty blow with his hand, causing the mead cups to jump\nand spill. \"Silence!\" He waited until the shouting and talking died\ndown. \"The mortal who is our guest would like to challenge my son,\nThor, on three riddles.\"\n\nThor looked up from the head of the table, but there was no evidence of\npleasure in his face. He was dressed in a peasant costume and Kevan had\nsecretly decided that the costume was an affectation.\n\n\"I'm not interested in riddles,\" Thor grunted. \"I know enough of them\nanyway.\"\n\n\"Well, I am,\" retorted Odin. \"So you'll accept the challenge or I'll\ntake the thunder concession away from you and give it to Sif.\"\n\nThere was a burst of laughter from around the table and Thor frowned.\nHe didn't really care about the thunder concession, but if it were\ntaken from him and given to his wife, the symbolism would be one he'd\nnever live down. \"All right,\" he growled. \"Where is this mortal?\"\n\n\"Here,\" Kevan said, standing up. He had expected to be nervous but the\nmead had bolstered his courage. \"But there's more to the challenge. If\nyou fail to answer two of the three riddles then I get to take Thrud\naway with me.\"\n\n\"You mean you want to marry her?\" Thor asked, scowling.\n\n\"No,\" Kevan said. The sudden silence that followed made his ears burn,\nbut he was afraid to explain more fully. If Thor knew that there was\na chance that Alviss might finally triumph over him, there was a\npossibility he would brook his father's anger. So Kevan ignored the\nknowing glances and kept quiet.\n\n\"That's the trouble with you mortals,\" grumbled Thor. He cast a quick\nglance at his father and decided not to risk arguing about it. \"All\nright, I agree,\" he said reluctantly. \"What do you pay, if I answer the\nriddles?\"\n\nKevan was taken aback. \"I--I hadn't thought about that,\" he admitted.\n\n\"Well, think about it,\" Thor snapped. \"I have it. If I answer your\nriddles, you'll stay here as my personal goatherd.\"\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nKevan had gone too far to back down, so he nodded. He thought, a little\nruefully, that the next job of Troubleshooters, Inc. might be to rescue\na former agent turned goatherd. It also occurred to him that perhaps\nBrian Shanachie didn't bother rescuing agents, but he pushed the\nthought away.\n\n\"Okay,\" he said, \"here is my first riddle.\" He'd finally decided on a\nfirst riddle which he suspected was too old, but it was the weakest\nof his three and he wanted to get it over with. He cleared his throat\nand began: \"What we caught, we left behind; what we brought, we cannot\nfind.\"\n\nThor's expression of worry vanished and he burst out laughing. \"I\nlearned that one so long ago,\" he roared, \"that when I first knew it,\nit went: Hos' helomen lipometha, Hos' ouk helomen pherometha. The\nanswer is a flea.\"\n\nKevan MacGreene nodded, feeling the first pangs of fear. It suddenly\ndawned on him that he had little business pitting wits with a god--even\na discarded one--and he could only hope that his next two riddles\nwere new enough. In terms of mortal life they too were old; it was so\ndifficult to tell what was new for a god.\n\n\"Here is my second riddle,\" he said nervously. \"I have an apple I can't\ncut, a blanket I can't fold, and so much money I can't count it.\" If\nThor guessed this one, he was finished.\n\nThere was a long silence. Kevan sneaked a glance at Odin and the older\ngod's puzzled expression gave him more confidence than Thor's frown.\n\nThe silence stretched into minutes.\n\n\"Enough of this,\" shouted Odin. \"Give up, you idiot, so he can tell us\nthe answer.\"\n\n\"All right,\" Thor said sullenly. \"I give up.\"\n\nElation flooded over Kevan. \"The apple is the sun,\" he said, \"the\nblanket is the sky, and the money is the stars.\" He grinned happily\nat the expression of rage on Thor's face. \"Here's my third and last\nriddle,\" he said. \"A long white barn, two roofs on it, and no door at\nall, at all.\" He almost held his breath as he waited.\n\nThor looked around the table as though he thought someone there might\nknow the answer and signal him. But the other faces were as blank as\nhis own.\n\n\"By Gimli,\" shouted Odin, \"I think he's got you, son. And a good thing,\ntoo. It's high time that daughter of yours was getting out and learning\na thing or two. Go on--confess you're licked.\"\n\nHis face red with anger, Thor nodded.\n\n\"It's an egg,\" Kevan said triumphantly.\n\nThe other gods around the table leaped to their feet and slapped Kevan\non the back in token of victory. He had just started to take a drink of\nmead, however, and the result was that he choked.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nBefore Kevan could stop choking, the door to the banquet hall broke\ndown. A horse and rider came through the door, the horse rearing and\nplunging, scattering gods before it. An armored god was astride the\nhorse, swinging a short-handled axe in his right hand.\n\nIn a minute all of the gods were on their feet, shouting. It was Odin\nwho quieted them with a bellow that shook the rafters. \"Well, Hermod?\"\nhe asked as the others quieted.\n\n\"It's Ragnarok,\" the newcomer shouted. \"Loki is on his way, with\nJormungandr, Fenris, Hel, Garm, and the Hel-brood. To battle!\"\n\nThe gods shouted in response and before Kevan had a chance to ask a\nsingle question, the banquet hall was emptied. Only Kevan MacGreene\nstill sat at the table, staring at the door through which they had all\nrushed.\n\n\"Better not to get mixed up in any strange fights,\" Kevan said to\nhimself, remembering something his father had always told him. He got\nup from the table and left the room.\n\nSome fifteen rooms later, he found Thrud and told her of his success.\nShe nodded, smiling.\n\n\"I am ready,\" she said. \"I was sure that anyone Alviss sent would\nsucceed. Where is my father?\"\n\n\"They all rushed out to battle,\" Kevan said. \"I didn't catch the\ndetails, but I expect it's just some local argument. Maybe we'd better\nhurry before your father returns and changes his mind.\"\n\n\n\n\n                                  VI\n\n\nWith Thrud leading the way, they went down to the courtyard. There was\na single gray horse standing there patiently. At first, Kevan thought\nthat it was the horse on which he had arrived, but he changed his mind\nwhen he noticed that this one had eight legs. He counted them three\ntimes to make sure but each time it came out eight.\n\n\"It's a good omen,\" Thrud cried. \"This is Sleipnir, Odin's favorite\nhorse.\"\n\nKevan was in no mood to haggle over the ownership of a horse, so he\nhelped Thrud mount and then leaped on in front of her. He was no\nsooner in the saddle than the gray horse sped through the gates. When\nthe eight legs really got to working, Kevan realized that they were\ntraveling faster than he'd ever gone in his life.\n\n\"I must remember,\" he thought to himself, \"to look for eight-legged\nhorses the next time I go to the riding academy.\"\n\nBack over the trail toward Bifrost sped the gray horse. Once far off to\nthe left Kevan caught sight of a warrior who looked like Odin battling\nwith a giant wolf.\n\nThey were almost to the rainbow bridge when their way was barred by\nanother horseman, with drawn sword. The gray horse reared, six legs\nthreshing the air, which kept Kevan busy for a few minutes just staying\non. When that was finally accomplished, he recognized the horseman as\nLoki.\n\nRecognition came to Loki at the same moment and he lowered the sword.\n\"Hello, Kevan MacGreene,\" he said with an odd smile. \"I owe you too\nmuch to bar your way. Go on--as far as you can.\"\n\n\"Well, Mr. Loki,\" Kevan said. \"I thought you'd be home--er--watching\ntelevision. What happened?\"\n\n\"Thanks to you, I'm free,\" Loki said. \"It was decreed that there was\nonly one way that I could get free--when the greed and lust and vice\nand warfare of men became great enough that it would give me the\nstrength to break my chains. But it is long since we've had contact\nwith mortals. Then, due to what you call television, I was able to see\nthe men of your world. There were men whose greed robbed other men.\nThere were men whose lust destroyed all before them. There were men\nwhose vices corrupted the innocent and enslaved the free. And there was\nwarfare on such a scale as never imagined by gods. As I watched, my\nstrength grew.\"\n\n\"You watched the wrong people,\" Kevan said. \"There are many good\npeople--although I suppose you don't hear much of them. Still, I'm glad\nyou were able to get free.\"\n\nLoki's gaze switched to Kevan's companion. \"Thrud,\" he said, \"I'm\nsorry, but Ragnarok cannot be held back by a mere romance.... Goodbye,\nKevan MacGreene.\" He spurred his horse and was gone.\n\nThe gray, eight-legged horse was half way over the rainbow bridge\nbefore Kevan realized that the girl behind him was no longer the happy\nperson who had started with him. He twisted in the saddle and looked at\nher. The tears were streaming down her face.\n\n\"What's wrong?\" he asked.\n\n\"It's Ragnarok,\" the girl said between sobs.\n\n\"But why are you crying?\" Kevan asked, bewildered. \"Your Uncle Loki\nseemed happy that it was Ragnarok.\"\n\n\"He would be,\" the girl said bitterly. \"Don't you understand, Kevan,\nRagnarok is the end of the world.\"\n\n\"Oh, pshaw,\" scoffed Kevan. \"People are always predicting the end of\nthe world whenever there's a little argument.\"\n\n\"But I'm not people,\" Thrud said. \"I'm the daughter of Thor, the\ngranddaughter of Odin, and I tell you that Ragnarok means the complete\ndestruction of the universe. Only Lif and Lifthrasir will be left to\nstart a new world. But I will have to go to Gimli with my father and\nthe others, while Alviss will have to go to the Nida Mountains with the\nrest of the dwarfs and I'll never see him again.\"\n\n\"And where will I go--no, don't answer that,\" Kevan added quickly. \"My\ngoodness, this is a mess. You're sure this is the end of the world?\"\n\n\"Positive,\" Thrud said. \"And you caused it by giving Loki whatever it\nwas that you gave him. Without that, he would not have learned of the\nevil of mortals and he'd still be chained.... I'm sorry, Kevan,\" she\nadded in a softer voice, \"I know that you didn't realize what you were\ndoing.\"\n\n\"I'd heard a lot of criticism of television,\" muttered Kevan, \"but I\nnever thought it was that bad. The destruction of the universe....\"\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nThe eight-legged horse galloped off the rainbow bridge and came to a\nhalt near the trunk of Yggdrasil, sniffing with disdain at the parked\njeep.\n\n\"Well,\" said Kevan with sudden energy, \"we'll have to do something\nabout this. Don't you worry, my dear, Alviss and I will think of\nsomething.\" He raised his voice. \"Oh, you--whatever your name is!\"\n\n\"Were you addressing me?\" the serpent asked, raising its head from the\nroots on which it gnawed. \"Oh, it's you, old boy. I was just thinking\nof that song I wanted to sing to you--\"\n\n\"Not now,\" Kevan said hastily. \"There's a lady present. Besides I want\nyou to do me a favor. Something called Ragnarok has started and I'm in\nrather a hurry to stop it. I wonder if Miss Thrud might stay here with\nyou until I get back.\"\n\n\"Of course,\" said the serpent. \"Glad to have her. As a matter of fact,\nI have a song which might amuse her. I believe it's called Britannia\nWaives the Rules. It's a jolly song--\"\n\n\"Never mind,\" said Kevan. \"Just see that nothing happens to her. I'll\nbe right back.\" He leaped from the back of the horse and climbed\nquickly into the jeep.\n\n\"If you're thinking of stopping Ragnarok,\" called the serpent, \"you\nhad better hurry, old chap. Surtr and his men will be coming along any\nminute to join the battle and I'm very much afraid that Bifrost will\ncollapse beneath their weight.\"\n\n\"I'll hurry,\" promised Kevan. He waved to Thrud and started the jeep.\nWithin seconds, he had it traveling at top speed.\n\nAlviss was still stirring his cauldron when Kevan MacGreene came\nbursting back through the tunnel. \"Oh, it's you,\" he said. \"Where's\nThrud? Don't tell me you didn't get her!\"\n\n\"I did and I didn't,\" panted Kevan. He quickly explained what had\nhappened, neglecting only to make it clear that the television set\nhad been entirely his own idea. The dwarf's face paled throughout the\nrecital.\n\n\"I don't know if Ragnarok can be stopped,\" he muttered when Kevan had\nfinished. \"But maybe we can find out. I've long had a suspicion....\"\nHe walked over to one of the tunnels leading from where they stood.\n\"Fialer,\" he bellowed at the top of his voice. \"Galar!\"\n\nThere was a distant answering shout and Alviss came back to where Kevan\nstood. \"If anybody will know,\" he said, \"it will be Fialer and Galar.\nThey're the two who killed Kvaser, the god who knew all answers. You\nmay remember hearing of the mead which they made of Kvaser's blood and\nhoney, one draught of which would create a great poet.\"\n\n\"I'm afraid I never heard of it,\" confessed Kevan, at a total loss.\n\n\"Never mind,\" said Alviss. He stopped as two white-bearded dwarfs came\nrunning into the chamber. He reached out and grabbed each of them by\nthe beard before the startled dwarfs had any idea of what was happening.\n\n\"Remember when the two of you killed Kvaser?\" he asked.\n\n\"Hey, that's old stuff,\" one of the dwarfs said. \"It's not fair\ndragging it up now.\"\n\n\"Besides,\" said the other, \"the statute of limitations has run out.\"\n\n\"I don't care about that,\" growled Alviss. \"I've always had a hunch\nthat before you made the mead, one or both of you drank his blood\nstraight and gained his power of all knowledge. I want to know if\nthat's true and I'm going to find out or I'll knock your heads together\nuntil there's an earthquake up above.\"\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nFor a minute the two dwarfs met Alviss' gaze, but one of them finally\nweakened. \"It was him,\" he said, jerking a thumb in the direction of\nhis companion.\n\n\"Is that true, Fialer?\" Alviss asked.\n\n\"Yes,\" the dwarf gulped. \"But--\"\n\n\"I don't care about the reason,\" snapped Alviss. \"Ragnarok has started\nand I want to know if there's any way it can be stopped?\"\n\n\"Yes,\" said the dwarf.\n\n\"How?\"\n\n\"A special brew of the same forces which permitted Loki and his\nchildren to escape will imprison them again,\" said Fialer. \"I can write\nout the prescription for you in a few minutes.\"\n\n\"All right,\" said Alviss. \"Get busy and write it out. Galar, you\nget going. I want every available gnome, dwarf, fairy, leprechaun,\nbrownie--in short, everyone here as quickly as they can make it. As for\nyou,\" he added, whirling on Kevan, \"you get over in the corner and stay\nout of the way until I'm ready for you.\"\n\nKevan MacGreene got over in the farthest corner and huddled against\nthe wall. He had no idea of how much time passed, but the tunnel was\nsuddenly choked with the comings and goings of Little People. He\nnoticed that some carried pickaxes, some were armed with huge needles,\nand others carried bags. While some were still going out on the orders\nof Alviss, others were returning and mysterious objects were being\ndropped in a new cauldron. Alviss was already stirring and chanting\nbefore the last of the workers returned. It was only a little later\nthat Alviss looked up and beckoned to Kevan. The latter hurried over,\nconscious of a horrible stench coming from the cauldron. As he arrived,\nAlviss was pouring the contents into a tiny bucket.\n\n\"A magic bucket,\" he explained, seeing Kevan's stare. \"Now, listen\ncarefully. You must take this bucket and go back into Asgard. First,\nget into position where the wind will blow from you toward all of the\ngods. That will stop the fighting. Then if you advance with the bucket\nyou will be able to drive the Hel-brood, Loki, Garm, Jormungandr,\nFenris and Hel before you. When each is back in the place where they\nwere originally imprisoned, pour the contents of this bucket over\nLoki's chains, the silken cord that bound Fenris, the water in which\nJormungandr coils, and the door to Niflheim. Then you can bring Thrud\nsafely here.\"\n\n\"What's in it?\" Kevan asked.\n\n\"There's no time to tell you now,\" Alviss said. \"But I guarantee you\nthat this will stop Ragnarok if you get there before the fighting\nhas stopped. If you do as I say, it will also keep Loki and his pack\nchained up. There will be only one way they can ever get loose in the\nfuture--and that will be all right. Now, hurry.\"\n\nKevan MacGreene ran down the tunnel, swinging the bucket at his side.\nIf anything, the odor from the bucket spurred him on to greater speed.\n\nThe great bridge Bifrost still stood when he once again braked the jeep\nbeside Yggdrasil. Thrud sat sadly beneath the tree, but the serpent\nlooked up in excitement as Kevan jumped from the jeep.\n\n\"You may just have time,\" he said. \"I can hear the hoofbeats of Surtr's\nhorses, but they still have some distance to come.\"\n\n\"Thanks,\" said Kevan. He waved encouragement to Thrud and leaped on\nthe back of Sleipnir. He dug his heels into the great horse's side and\nSleipnir took off up the bridge with the speed of the wind.\n\nAs the horse leaped madly from the other end of the bridge, Kevan\ncaught a glimpse of the fighters. He saw Thor battling valiantly\nagainst a serpent so huge that there seemed no end to his coils; saw\nVidar warding off the slashing leap of the giant wolf that earlier had\nbeen fighting with Odin; saw the one-armed Tyr drawing more blood from\nthe already stained watchdog, Garm. Then Sleipnir was circling around\nthe fight, traveling at such speed that the figures blurred. Kevan held\nto the saddle with one hand and with the other held high the bucket.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nAfter a moment, he became aware that the giant horse had slowed down,\nthat he no longer heard the sounds of battle. He looked around and saw\nall the battling gods stiff and unmoving as though suddenly frozen in\naction.\n\nKevan touched his knee to Sleipnir's neck and the gray horse headed\nfor the group. Kevan held the bucket in front of him. Slowly, some of\nthe figures came to life, began to move backward ahead of him. Fenris\nthe Wolf slavered and snarled and Jormungandr's hissing was like the\nsound of a tornado, but they moved steadily before him. Garm growled\nthreateningly; curses spilled from the lips of the black and white Hel,\nbut they too gave ground. Only Hel's army of the dead and Loki remained\nunmoved in the face of their defeat.\n\nOne by one, Kevan MacGreene put the legion of evil back in their\nprisons and sealed the chains and the doors with the contents of the\nbucket. The last one was Jormungandr, who slid his giant coils back\ninto the ocean and waited with flattened head. Kevan poured the last of\nthe bucket into the ocean, heard Jormungandr twist and splash, saw the\nocean turn a strange and fearsome blue. Then he flung the bucket from\nhim and, weak-kneed, rode back toward Bifrost.\n\nAs the gray horse came down off the rainbow bridge, Kevan heard a\nstrange noise and realized that it was the serpent singing \"For he's a\njolly good fellow\" only slightly off key. He collapsed over the horse\nin hysterical laughter.\n\nAs he fell off the horse, Thrud rushed up and kissed him on the cheek.\nAt the moment, that seemed a greater reward than the fact that he was\nalive.\n\nKevan and Thrud said goodbye to Nidhoggr, the serpent, who furtively\nshook a tear from his eyes and went back to gnawing on the roots of\nYggdrasil as the jeep bounced away.\n\nFor the third time that night, Kevan MacGreene walked up the tunnel\nin the hill across from the four kings' palace. This time, Thrud\nwalked ahead of him. As they reached the chamber, Alviss was nervously\nwaiting. With a little cry, Thrud rushed ahead, picked the dwarf up\nfrom the ground and hugged him to her breast.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nIt was a long and passionate clinch. While it was going on, Kevan\nsuddenly realized that his job was finished and that he was tired. It\nhad been a long night's work. Finally, when he could wait no longer, he\nleaned over and tapped the dwarf on the shoulder.\n\nAlviss tore his lips from Thrud's and looked over his shoulder,\nscowling. \"Go get your own woman,\" he said.\n\n\"I was about,\" Kevan said with dignity, \"to announce that I was\nleaving. I wondered if perhaps you might know of a shorter way back\nthan the way I came. I'm rather tired and would like to get home as\nsoon as I can.\"\n\n\"Put me down, dear,\" Alviss told Thrud. She obeyed and the little dwarf\nseemed to listen a moment. Then he picked up his pickaxe and strode\nover to the wall. With a few swings, he'd opened a fairly large hole.\n\n\"There,\" he said to Kevan, \"that'll let you into a subway passage\nthat's right beneath Shanachie's office. I must admit that I'm grateful\nto you, Kevan MacGreene.\"\n\n\"Think nothing of it,\" Kevan said. He started to step through the hole,\nthen hesitated. \"There is one thing I'd like to know,\" he said.\n\n\"What?\"\n\n\"What was in that mixture that stopped Ragnarok and is strong enough to\nhold the evil gods of Asgard?\"\n\n\"Just what the recipe called for,\" Alviss said proudly. \"All of the\npitch-blende in the world. The egos of a general, a dictator, and a\nnumber of lesser persons. The vanity of some American Congressmen. The\ngreed of an infinite number of men. One drop of blood from the left\nthumb of a communist, a capitalist, a religious fanatic, a censor,\na racist, and from every man in the world who would like to be a\nlittle better than some other man. A drop of marrow, as a substitute\nfor blood, from all executive vice-presidents. One page each from\na contract, a mortgage, a promissory note, an international cartel\nagreement. Three corporation charters. One lobbyist's expense account.\nFinger-nail cuttings from every politician in the world. All of these\nboiled together in the juice of man's inhumanity to man. Your world is\nnow minus all of those things, but we achieved a brew which possessed\nmore evil than Loki and his pack could stand.\"\n\n\"I can still remember the odor,\" Kevan said nodding.\n\n\"What it contained that may be of value, if used differently,\" said\nAlviss, \"can sometime be regained by a world in which the mortals\ncannot misuse them. Although such action will also release Loki, it\nwill then do no harm. When men are not evil, then their gods dare not\nbe. Now, be along with you, Kevan MacGreene--I have a spot of courting\nto do.\"\n\nKevan stepped through the hole and found himself in a subway station.\nHe hurried up the stairs and a moment later stepped out on the streets\nof New York.\n\nWhile he'd been sure that it was almost daylight when he'd left Alviss,\nhere it was only approaching evening. Although he did not look closely,\nbeing in a hurry to check in, it seemed to him that there was something\ndifferent about everything in the city.\n\nHe finally arrived at the corner of Fourth and Twelfth Streets and\nstopped, puzzled. There ahead of him was the sign _TROUBLESHOOTERS,\nINC._, but it was on a fine modern building that looked as if it were\nmade from spun glass. He could have sworn that it had been on an old\nbrownstone building. Deciding that it must have been the hangover, he\nhurried inside.\n\n\"Kathleen,\" he shouted to the dark-haired girl at the desk.\n\nShe looked up with a friendly but distant smile. \"I beg your pardon,\"\nshe said.\n\n       *       *       *       *       *\n\nKevan looked at her and frowned. She looked almost exactly like\nKathleen Culanna, even to the emerald green eyes, but she was\ndifferent. \"You're not Kathleen Culanna,\" he said.\n\nThe girl shook her head. \"No,\" she said, \"I'm afraid that she left some\ntime ago. You must be one of our men, aren't you?\"\n\n\"Yes,\" said Kevan. \"Kevan MacGreene's the name. You can be telling his\nnibs I'm back.\" The more he looked at the girl the more he thought he'd\nrecover from the disappointment of not seeing Kathleen. \"And what's\nyour name?\"\n\n\"Colleen Dannan.\"\n\n\"A pretty name to go with a pretty lass,\" Kevan said. \"Is his nibs in?\"\n\n\"Yes, Mr. Shanachie is in,\" the girl said. \"He asked me to give you\nyour salary check if you came in this way.\" She held up a pink oblong\nof paper.\n\n\"Salary, then, is it?\" said Kevan, reaching for it. \"It must be that\nhe remembered I said that I was broke. You know I never did learn what\nthis job pays.\"\n\n\"I believe the pay for agents is ten dollars a week,\" said Colleen.\n\n\"Ten dollars a week?\" said Kevan, feeling the rage grow in him. \"Why,\nof all the doublecrossing, thieving--\" He broke off and gulped. He'd\njust looked at the check and saw the figure that was written on it.\n_Pay to the order of Kevan MacGreene $468,000.00._ \"There must be some\nmistake,\" he said in a weak voice. \"This check is for almost a half a\nmillion dollars.\"\n\n\"No mistake,\" the dark-haired girl said with a smile. \"You were working\nin the land of the Little People, weren't you?\"\n\nKevan nodded.\n\n\"And you were there for a whole night?\"\n\nKevan nodded again.\n\n\"Then there's no mistake,\" the girl said. \"One night in the land of the\nLittle People is the same as nine hundred years here. This is the year\n2852 and that represents your back pay.\"\n\nFor a moment, the room spun about Kevan MacGreene's head. He gripped\nthe desk hard and hung on and after a moment he could see a pair of\nemerald green eyes clearly. They looked friendly--and soothing.\n\n\"Colleen Dannan,\" he said, \"would you have dinner with me and explain\nall of this again while you're holding my hand to protect me from the\nshock?\"\n\n\"He's waiting for you,\" the girl said, indicating the door. \"Ask me\nwhen you come back. If I'm still here, I will.\"\n\nKevan MacGreene took two steps toward the door and then came back,\nshaking his head.\n\n\"No,\" he said firmly. \"If I've been working nine hundred years then I'm\nentitled to a night off. And I lost one girl by walking through that\ndoor. I'm taking no chances on this one. Come with me, Colleen--you're\ngoing to dinner.\"\n\nAnd that is how Colleen Dannan, a descendent of Macha De Dannan\nherself, came to have dinner with Kevan MacGreene, but one generation\nand nine hundred years removed from the County Ulster.","title":"The gnome's gneiss","tradition":"myth-cosmogony","translated_text":null,"word_count":16061}