{"collection":"scripture-revelation","full_text_available":true,"graph_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/api/page/gutenberg_73657/graph","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/page/gutenberg_73657","id":"gutenberg_73657","license":"Public Domain (US)","rights_basis":"gutenberg_metadata_copyright_false","source":"gutenberg","source_url":"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/73657","summary":null,"tags":["Category: Biographies","Category: Religion/Spirituality","Methodist Church","Theology -- Early works to 1800","Theology -- History -- 18th century"],"text":"The Works of the\n Rev. John Wesley, M.A.\n\n\n\n\n \u250c\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2510\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Transcriber\u2019s Notes \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Punctuation has been standardized. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Most of the non-common abbreviations used to save space in \u2502\n \u2502 printing have been expanded to the non-abbreviated form for \u2502\n \u2502 easier reading. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 The author has used an asterisk (*) to indicate passages he \u2502\n \u2502 considers most worthy of attention. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 The text is very inconsistent in its usage of quotation marks.\u2502\n \u2502 The transcriber has attempted to make their use consistent \u2502\n \u2502 throughout this work for improved readability. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Characters in small caps have been replaced by all caps. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Non-printable characteristics have been given the following \u2502\n \u2502 Italic text: --> _text_ \u2502\n \u2502 emphasized text within \u2502\n \u2502 italics --> |text| \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 This book was written in a period when many words had \u2502\n \u2502 not become standardized in their spelling. Words may have \u2502\n \u2502 multiple spelling variations or inconsistent hyphenation in \u2502\n \u2502 the text. These have been left unchanged unless indicated \u2502\n \u2502 with a Transcriber\u2019s Note. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 The symbol \u2018\u2021\u2019 indicates the description in parenthesis has \u2502\n \u2502 been added to an illustration. This may be needed if there \u2502\n \u2502 is no caption or if the caption does not describe the image \u2502\n \u2502 adequately. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Footnotes are identified in the text with a superscript \u2502\n \u2502 number and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which \u2502\n \u2502 they appear. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Transcriber\u2019s Notes are used when making corrections to the \u2502\n \u2502 text or to provide additional information for the modern \u2502\n \u2502 reader. These notes are identified by \u2666\u2660\u2665\u2663 symbols in the \u2502\n \u2502 text and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which \u2502\n \u2502 they appear. \u2502\n \u2514\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2518\n\n\n\n\n THE\n WORKS\n OF THE\n Rev. JOHN WESLEY, M.A.\n\n Late Fellow of _Lincoln-College_, OXFORD.\n\n\n VOLUME XII.\n\n\n BRISTOL:\n Printed by WILLIAM PINE, in _Wine-Street_.\n MDCCLXXII.\n\n\n\n\n THE\n CONTENTS\n Of the TWELFTH VOLUME.\n\n\n An Extract of the Life and Death of\n _Thomas Walsh_.\n\n PART III.\n\n Chapter IV. _Of his last sickness._\n\n\n An Extract of the Life of the late\n Rev. Mr. _David\u00a0Brainerd_.\n\n Part I. _From his birth to the time when he began to devote\n himself to the study of divinity._\n\n Part II. _From the time that he began to devote himself to\n the study of divinity, till he was examined and licensed to\n preach._\n\n Part III. _From the time of his being licensed to preach, till\n he was appointed missionary to the Indians._\n\n Part IV. _From the time of his being appointed missionary, to\n his entrance on his mission among the Indians at Kaunaumeek._\n\n Part V. _From his first beginning to instruct the Indians at\n Kaunaumeek, to his ordination._\n\n Part VI. _From his ordination, till he began to preach to the\n Indians at Crosweeksung._\n\n Part VII. _From his first beginning to preach to the Indians\n at Crosweeksung, till he returned from his last journey to\n Susquahannah._\n\n Part VIII. _After his return from his last journey to\n Susquahannah, until his death._\n\n\n Illustration: (\u2021 decoration)\n\n\n\n\n An EXTRACT of the\n LIFE AND DEATH OF\n THOMAS WALSH.\n\n\n\n\n PART III.\n\n\n CHAPTER IV.\n\n _Of his last sickness and death._\n\n\nHIS state of body in general (as has been related) was that of a\nlingering death, which however, being interspersed with intervals of\ncomparative health and strength, admitted of his still going on, in the\nwork of his calling. But by his last sickness is meant, that degree of\ndisease, which admitted of no such interval; and at last took him off\nentirely, from all mental or bodily labour, and ended in his removal\nhence.\n\nThis his last illness may be dated from _February\u00a024, 1758_, a few\ndays after his arrival at _Bristol_, in his way to _Ireland_. After\npreaching twice as usual, and studying hard all day, he was seized with\nviolent pains in his head, and in all his bones. He however rose the\nnext morning at his usual time, and preached; retiring afterwards to\nhis daily exercises; but still feeling the pressure of the disorder,\n\u201cMy body says he, trembled with weakness, but my soul was happy in God!\u201d\n\nHe avoided yielding to his pains, and proceeded in his Lord\u2019s work as\nusual, for several days: till at length he was constrained to take his\nbed. Here he was confined for several days; and taking exact notice,\n(as his disorder admitted) of the state of his heart, according to\nhis constant custom, and growing something better, he wrote from the\nfulness of his heart his state and sentiments as follows,\n\n\u201c_Saturday March 4._ (The day he took his bed) good is thy will O\nLord. Thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth. Thou reignest\nin righteousness; though no man can know love or hatred, by all that\nis before him, _Ecclesiastes ix._ Thou givest account of thy ways to\nnone; but assurest the righteous, that _it shall be well with him_; and\nthat thy corrections are with this design, that we may partake of thy\nholiness. I am in thy hands, O my God: work thy perfect will in me, and\nsustain me in this trial. I call upon thee in the day of trouble; and\nbelieve thou wilt deliver me, and that I shall glorify thee, and praise\nthee yet more and more. Thus (as he concludes) I went to bed very ill,\nand happy.\n\n\u201c_Sunday 5._ My illness continued and encreased. I had not much\nconsolation, but was graciously preserved from buffetings. _Monday\u00a06._\nContinued in soul as yesterday only with more examination. _Tuesday\u00a07._\nI had scarcely any alteration in body or soul. I cried to God, and\nhe heard me; but the sweet and usual returns of prayer were not.\n_Wednesday\u00a08._ God gave me to weep much for the sins of my whole\nlife. _Thursday\u00a09._ My pains and pleasures, corporal and spiritual,\nwere as the day before. _Friday\u00a010._ I had more consolation of soul.\n_Saturday\u00a011._ The spirit of prayer was plentifully imparted to me: I\ncould plead the mercies, and promises, and merits of God my Saviour,\nand his love and joy were more plentifully poured into my soul.\n_Sunday\u00a012._ I had gracious intimations of the good will of God towards\nme in this sickness.\n\n\u201c_Monday\u00a013._ I was able to read and pray, and advise friends to love\nGod and seek him in good earnest, while they had strength. _Tuesday\u00a014._\nI was better still, and prayed for the increase of holy love in the\nchildren of God, and for the propagation of the faith in all nations.\u201d\n\nBesides this daily minuting down the state of his soul, he on a general\nreview (as was his constant manner on these occasions) of the whole,\nhas, among several other particulars, the following observations,\n\n*\u201cI had a constant witness from the Holy Ghost, that I was a child of\nGod. However, the sins of my whole life were brought to my remembrance;\nparticularly those of my heart; the manifold backslidings known only\nto God. For altho\u2019 God preserved me from falling even once, into those\nsins, in which I lived in the days of my ignorance; nevertheless I saw\nmy pride, desire, self-will, self-indulgence, levity, and misspending\ntime.\u00b9 I may add to these, my want of love to God, charity to my\nneighbour, and more serious concern for my own soul. I saw how\nwonderfully the Lord had dealt with me, raising me from the dust, and\ngiving me so many and invaluable blessings; so that I ought, more than\nall men, to serve and love him.\u201d\n\n \u00b9 So severe a judge was he of himself, while in the judgment\n of all who knew his manner of life, he was exemplarily\n remarkable for the direct contrary. But \u201cthe highest flames\n (to use the words of the great, and pious bishop _Taylor_)\n are the most tremulous; and so the most holy and eminent\n religious persons, are more full of awfulness, and fear,\n and modesty, and humility. And it is a sure rule, that\n whatsoever heights of piety, union or familiarity, any man\n pretends to, it is of the devil, unless the greater also be\n the humility of the man.\u201d\n\n\u201cI was moreover deeply convinced how possible, yea easy it is, for a\nperson after having received great light, love, power, and joy, to fall\nnotwithstanding, into a certain dulness of soul; and that holy desires,\nvehement thirstings after God, and the spirit of prayer, may be\nlessened, and lost. Truly we can keep nothing unless the _Holy Ghost_\nhelp our infirmities continually.\n\n*\u201cBut the grand lesson of all which in this little interval I learned\nwas, the absolute necessity of being free from persons, things, and\nplaces. I saw what a tendency the soul has to rest in something beside\nGod; I saw that even when we give up our beloved sins, and all temporal\nthings, we are nevertheless apt to rest in the gifts and graces of God;\nmaking them as it were our Saviour, and comforter instead of Christ.\u201d\n\n*\u201cI saw farther, how deeply the love of life and learning had been\nrooted in my heart: and that God saw it necessary to correct me often,\nto shew me the vanity of both.\u201d\n\n*\u201cI believe he is resolved to save my soul to the uttermost; and he\nuses various ways to accomplish this end. I believe this sickness will\nbe of great service to my soul, and perhaps of more use to the children\nof God, than my labours could be. My desire is only to live wholly to\nhim, and to get more of the love and life of Christ. Lord look upon me,\na weak and unconstant man, and strengthen, and establish my heart with\nthy love.\n\n\u201cIn exhorting the believers, I found much of divine consolation. O how\nsweet were these two hours; and how short! Love is a wonderful thing.\u201d\n\n_Sunday 26._ I was in a high fever, yet when I got with the family,\nI forgot my pain, while we conversed of the love of God. It being\n_Easter-day_, I examined what I had gained since last _Easter_? And\nI trust God has given me more humility, patience, and likeness to\nhimself.\u201d\n\nHe was detained at _Bristol_, thro\u2019 his illness, longer than he had\nintended; and was but slightly recovered, when he was told of a ship,\njust ready to sail for _Cork_. Being resolved on the journey, and\nwilling to embrace the very first opportunity, weak as he was, he\nembarked at _Pill_ on the 13th of _April_. The passage was \u2666extremely\ndangerous; insomuch, that the mariners themselves, looked for nothing\nless than perishing, so boisterous were the winds and the seas. But see\nthe blessedness of being true believers in Christ! *Tho\u2019 they expected\nevery moment to go to the bottom of the great deep; \u201cYet God, says he,\ngave me more faith, and patience, and joy, than ever I felt before.\nI could not see death terrible to me. I prayed, and praised God\nincessantly; for sleep I could not an hour while on board; and neither\ncould I eat. But Christ was with me in all, and supported me. I pleaded\nwith the Lord in behalf of the passengers, beseeching him that he would\nnot take them away in their sins. They cried out vehemently, \u2018We are\nnot fit to die!\u2019 On their account I did not desire to sleep; I cried\naloud to God in prayer in the cabbin; and they gladly attended _then_.\nOn _Saturday_ the wind abated, and the next day we landed safe in\n_Cork_.\u201d\n\n \u2666 \u201cextremly\u201d replaced with \u201cextremely\u201d\n\n*On my hearing of his arrival (being then in the county, and it being\nmany months, since we parted at _London_) I hastened to see him; and\ncan never forget the idea, which the first sight of him gave me, of\na man in deep _fellowship with_ God. On my opening his room door, and\njust appearing, he got up from his chair, being in deep contemplation,\nand with a spirit and countenance, composed and solemn as the grave,\nhe said with a low voice, \u2018God bless you.\u2019 We embraced each other\nwith tears; after which kneeling down, he prayed, as to a _present_\nGod indeed! with such melting and moving expressions, and with such\nreverential confidence, as surpassed all that I had known and admired\nin him before; and plainly discovered his having entered since we\nparted, much further into _the holiest, by the blood of_ JESUS.\n\n*During the time he stayed here, I was a daily witness of his manner of\nlife; and saw with much concern, his swift approaching end. He had most\nof the symptoms of a consumption, in its last stage: which increased\nupon him every day. _The silver cords_ of life began to _loosen, and\nthe golden bowl_, the whole of this wonderful, and curiously wrought\nmachine, to _be broken_. He had an intermitting fever, which returned\nregularly every day about eleven o\u2019clock; an habitual cough, and most\nprofuse night-sweats; all which had now so emaciated and weakened\nhim, that the marks of death already appeared upon him. And yet\nnotwithstanding this, he still so desired to discourse of the things\nof eternity, that, while he was at all able to stand, or speak, he\ncould not be dissuaded from preaching: and altho\u2019 he brought into the\npulpit the very image of death upon his face, so that it could hardly\nbe expected he should speak ten minutes; he has nevertheless preached\na full hour, to the astonishment of all who heard him. One would have\nthought he must have dropt down dead immediately after.\n\nHis internal state, still the object of his close attention, during his\ncontinuance at _Cork_, where there is reason to believe he began first,\nto think, this sickness would be unto death, he summarily expresses\nthus.\n\n*\u201c_Saturday April 29._ My soul truly waiteth upon God. My body feels\npain and weakness; but my soul enjoys the living fire of the _Holy\nGhost_! Oh, may I die the death of the righteous: and let my last end\nbe like his! I wait for thy salvation, O Lord! Weak I am, but cannot be\nmoved while Jesus is my strength. O that every pain may but increase my\nlove to God! I am supported by the fire within, and by believing that\nJesus is at the right-hand of God.\u201d\n\nThe time being come which he had appointed for leaving _Cork_, and\ngoing on to _Limerick_; being attended by his own brother: another\nfriend and I, accompanied him a dozen miles on the way. At the\ninn where we stopped, he discoursed to us at dinner, of the things\npertaining to the life of a Christian, respecting particular instances\nof conduct; but his weakness prevented him saying as much as we could\nhave desired. *I shall never forget our parting! The other persons\nbeing gone down stairs, after he had said some particular things to me,\nwe kneeled down, and prayed together, for the last time! We then took\nour final farewell of each other in this world! He went on his way,\nand I went mine; each of us expecting to meet no more, till we met in\nhappier climes, and in a better world!\n\n*I do not find, that from this time, he kept any further account in\nwriting, of the daily state of his soul; owing, I am inclined to think,\nto the violence of his disorder, which increased now, almost every hour;\nand which weakened and impaired the faculties of his mind, as well as\nthe strength of his body. Hence, beholding things thro\u2019 so defective\na medium, he became in reality, an unfit judge of his own state. The\ninfluence which this kind of disorder in particular, frequently has\nupon the powers of the mind, is well known, even to the representing\nthings which concern one\u2019s self, and others, often directly contrary\nto what they really are.\n\nHe had the judgment and advice of the best physicians, wherever he\ncame; who on the slightest intimation, offered their assistance with\nall chearfulness, neither expecting nor desiring any other gratuity\nthan, (as one of them once expressed) \u201cthe prayers of Mr. _Walsh_.\u201d\nThey generally agreed, that his disorder was brought on thro\u2019 excessive\nlabour\u2015\u2015frequent, and loud preaching, intense application to study,\nwant of proper, and sufficient rest: and fatigue in general. They\nlikewise judged, that his case was now past all remedy.\n\n*It was however judged advisable, that he should be removed from\n_Limerick_, to the more free and open air of the country. He went\nthither accordingly, where he had the tenderest and most affectionate\nattendance, with whatsoever was judged most proper to alleviate the\nrigour of the disease, and restore him, if God should so please, to\nhealth. But it was now too late! And his friends perceiving, that\nneither air nor physic availed any thing, they according to his own\ninclination and desire, removed him to _Dublin_. His next remove, was\nto the city of the great King, the paradise of God!\n\nConcerning the state of his soul, for a few months before his death,\nas he wrote nothing on the head during that time, we can speak with\nless certainty, than of what has been already related. And embarking\nfor _England_ soon after we parted, I neither saw nor heard, any thing\nparticularly concerning him, till a letter brought the tidings of\nhis being no more in this world. But from the accounts of persons of\nundoubted veracity, who attended him during that time, we learn, that\nhis state was not indeed joyous, but grievous. *He drank of his Lord\u2019s\ncup of sorrow, and was in truth deeply, baptized with his baptism. He\nwas immerged in affliction\u2019s furnace and plunged in the deepest waters.\n\n \u201cHis flesh chastized, with tort\u2019ring pain\n His soul, and sickness clave his bones;\n Keen anguish dwelt in ev\u2019ry vein,\n And sadly turn\u2019d his breath to moans.\n Sorrow was all his soul; he scarce perceiv\u2019d,\n But by the pains he suffer\u2019d, that he liv\u2019d!\u201d\n\nHe was tempted, and sorely buffeted of the devil. The nature of his\ndisorder exposed him to a degree of precipitancy, and discomposure,\nwhich he was more than superior to, while in better health. In short,\nso did the wisdom of God permit, that thro\u2019 the malice of _Satan_, the\nextreme violence of his disorder, and the concurrence of several other\ncircumstances, this servant of God, was brought to the utmost extremity\nof spiritual distress and anguish, consistent with keeping the faith:\ninsomuch that it was but few degrees removed from despair.\n\n \u201cHis agonizing soul sweat blood!\n With Christ he fainted on the tree,\n And cry\u2019d in death, \u2018My God, my God,\n Ah! Why hast thou forsaken me?\u2019\u201d\n\n*His great soul lay thus, as it were in ruins, for some considerable\ntime; and poured out many a heavy groan, and speechless tear, from\nan oppressive heart, and dying body. He sadly bewailed the absence\nof him, whose wonted presence had so often given him the victory,\nover the manifold contradictions and troubles, which he endured for\nhis name-sake. A heart so sensible of the visits of its Lord, and so\nrestless at his smallest absence, as his was throughout his warfare,\nmust needs be deeply afflicted when left, seemingly to its own poverty,\nand surrounded as it were with hosts of infernal fiends, seeking to\ndevour him. The intervals which he had of cessation from the extremity\nof the conflict, and of comparatively quiet confidence in God, are not\nperhaps so well known: but that he had such, may well be supposed; for\notherwise his soul and flesh must needs have failed before God.\n\nIt was however not till a short time before his complete and eternal\ndeliverance, that his Lord appeared to his help: and by making himself\nknown, as Jesus, his well known Saviour, entirely eased the anguish of\nhis oppressed soul! The beams of his brightness dispersed the clouds:\nand the smiles of his countenance more than compensated for all his\nnight of sorrow. He spoke and said unto him, The winter is passed;\narise my love and come away!\n\n*The manner of his deliverance was as follows. A few friends being at\nprayer with him, on _Sunday_ evening; as soon as they concluded, he\ndesired to be left alone, in order, as he said, \u201cto meditate a little.\u201d\nThey withdrew; and he remained deeply recollected for some time: just\nthen, God, dropping into his soul, no doubt, some lively foretaste of\nthe joys to come, and spreading the day of eternity thro\u2019 the regions\nof his inward man; he burst out in transport, and pronounced, in a\ndying voice indeed, but with the joy of angels!\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015\u201c_He is come!\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015He\nis come!\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015My beloved is mine, and I am his!\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015His for ever!_\u201d And\nuttering these words, he sweetly breathed out his soul into the arms\nof his beloved; on the 8th day of _April 1759_, and in the 28th year\nof his age.\n\n\n The CONCLUSION.\n\nWE cannot sufficiently admire and adore, the unsearchable counsels, and\nimpenetrable secrets of God our Saviour, with respect to the management\nof his kingdom, and the disposal of his servants. Two reflections are\nnatural, on considering the preceding account in general.\n\n*1. To see a man delivered from the blindness of error and superstition,\nand brought into the light and enjoyment of truth; the knowledge of\nthe true God and of his spiritual worship\u2015\u2015to see him brought out from\nthe obscurity of retirement, and that by the remarkable interposition\nof divine providence, in order to spread the savour of the knowledge\nof God, among mankind, in the most public manner\u2015\u2015to consider him\nas singularly fitted for this, by knowledge, by the word of truth,\ndwelling richly in him; by purity, by zeal for God\u2019s glory, by the\narmour of righteousness, and by the power of God, attending his\nword\u2015\u2015To see such an one cut off from among men, in the prime of life,\njust fully furnished for promoting the kingdom of the Son of God, to\nwhich he was entirely devoted, is a thing which will be acknowledged\nto confound human understanding.\n\nWithout entring deeply into the matter, one may easily learn herefrom,\nat least a confirmation of that weighty truth, that _God is not\nworshipped_, or served _by mens hands, as tho\u2019 he needed any_ person or\n_thing_. He leaves no one any room to say or think within themselves,\nthat the cause and glory of God needed them, or at least had _some_\nconnexion with our standing or being removed. He is at no time at a\nloss how to serve his own glory, and the necessities of his creatures.\nHereby moreover he would stain the pride of human glory; and teach us,\nwhat can never be too fully learned, to walk humbly with our God; not\nto judge according to appearances; and to learn to conceive of things\nand persons, not according to bare human estimation, but according to\nthe will of God. O that we may learn from every occurrence, to fly to\nhim, in all our affections and desires! Then whenever our change comes,\nwe shall be welcomed by superior beings, and not much missed by men,\nwho delight in novelties.\n\nWhatever secret reasons might be the cause of such a procedure, in\nthe divine disposals; whether ingratitude, or something bordering upon\nidolatry in the people, or whatever was the cause, certain it is, that\nwe need never fail to reap instruction and advantage, from such awful\nprovidences; the decease of our dearest friends, since\n\n \u201cFor _us_ they languish, and for us they die!\u201d\n\n2. But what may seem most strange is, that a person so eminent for\npiety, so laborious for God\u2019s glory; so exemplarily religious, in\nthe whole of his conversation; so useful to others: in a word, so\nentirely, and unreservedly devoted to Christ, should in the time of\nhis greatest necessity, be so destitute of spiritual comfort. And it\nmust be acknowledged, in great measure, to be a part of those _ways_,\nof which God giveth account to none. _His \u2666judgments are unsearchable,\nand his ways past finding out. His way is in the sea, and his paths in\nthe great waters; and his footsteps are not known._ And who shall say\nto God, \u201cWhat dost thou?\u201d \u201cWhat I do thou knowest not _now_,\u201d is indeed\napplicable to the general course of God\u2019s providences; and to much of\nthe experience of Christians in particular; and perhaps this is the\nbest footing on which to rest the present case, namely the mysterious\ncouncils of God, with respect to his dealings with his servants: with\nhim we are considering in particular.\n\n \u2666 \u201cjudgment\u201d replaced with \u201cjudgments\u201d\n\nWho can account for that providence which left the life of so holy a\nperson as _John_ the _Baptist_, in such infamous hands! Which permitted\nit to be sacrificed to the malice of an abandoned harlot, the petulancy\nof a vain girl, and the rashness of a foolish, perhaps drunken prince,\nwho made a prophet\u2019s head the reward of a dance? The same reasoning\nhas weight, with respect to the treatment which he has permitted his\nmost eminent servants in all ages to meet with. It is the fixed decree\nof heaven, concerning the righteous, that through much tribulation\n(outward or inward, or both) they must enter the kingdom of God. And\nthe most part of ecclesiastical story, is in great measure no other\nthan a comment on this great truth; which likewise receives abundant\nconfirmation from numberless parts of holy scripture.\n\nThere may be, for ought that can be known by us, a certain resemblance\nin some particulars, between his case of whom we speak, and that of\n_Job_ (see chapter ii. 3\u20126.) But in both, and indeed in all resembling\ninstances, the hand of the Lord is visibly seen; that he is pitiful,\nand of tender mercy, and afflicts his children only for their profit,\nthat they might partake of his holiness. And we are well assured, that\nhe will repay his servants in another world, for whatever they suffer\nin this: even \u2666such as fill up that which is behind of the afflictions\nof Christ in their flesh.\n\n \u2666 word \u201cof\u201d removed per Errata\n\nAs to the difficulty of reconciling with his former enjoyments, and\nprofessions, such a state of conflict and discomfort, as this his last\nstage was accompanied with, it may be considered, that although it\nwas uncommon, yet the case is not singular: to recite examples would\nbe endless. It is true, that God has given us multiply\u2019d and various\ninstances, in the last stages of his servants in most ages, both of\ntriumphant superiority to sickness, pain and death in some: of holy\nmourning, deep abasement, and patient resignation, in others: and\nthere have been those likewise, whose last \u2666sicknesses have been such\ntimes of painful purgation from human foibles, and sore conflict from\ndiabolical temptations, that the utmost they have been able to do, has\nbeen to abide in the furnace; till patience having had its perfect work,\nthey just stept from the cross\u2015\u2015to the crown! Witnessing, only with\ntheir parting breath, Victory! Victory! And all this it is impossible\nto account for, by appearances.\n\n \u2666 \u201csickness\u201d replaced with \u201csicknesses\u201d per Errata\n\nThus we hear one, in his last sickness saying, \u201cI am by the wonderful\nmercy of God, as full of comfort as my heart can hold, I feel nothing\nin my soul but Christ, with whom I heartily desire to be.\u201d Another, \u201cI\nam like a bird upon the wing, and would fain be at _Immanuel_\u2019s land,\nwhere the tree of life is. Here I am a weak man, in the hands of the\nking of terrors, rejoicing in hope of the glory that shall be revealed;\nand that by the death and resurrection of a despised Christ. All\nthese soft clothes are like sack cloth, and yet I have perfect rest\nof spirit.\u201d Another, \u201cO how does the love of God wipe off all pain!\nThe servants of God suffer nothing. Their trials are but for a moment;\ntheir joys are eternal!\u201d Ten thousand instances of this sort might be\nalledged, in the present generation (to look no farther)\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Persons who\nthroughout a course of pains and wants, evidenced the \u2666glorious\nconquest which faith gives over all our enemies, and over death, the\nlast of all.\n\n \u2666 \u201cvictorious\u201d replaced with \u201cglorious\u201d per Errata\n\nThere have been those on the other hand, who after a course of useful\nand holy living; of eminency in wisdom, and in favour with God, have\nnevertheless, towards the setting of their sun, wanted those joyous\nbeams of triumphant light and life; and who approached their seat\nof repose with many tears and sighs; with shame, and confusion, and\nhopes, and dependence; and even at the last, left nothing particularly\nmemorable, for the discourse, and joy of the survivors;\u00b9 but who\nnotwithstanding, have attained their wished-for port, and enjoy the\npleasures of those peaceful mansions! _John xiv.\u00a02._\n\n \u00b9 St. _Austin_ is said to have had the penitential psalms\n wrote in large characters, and pinned to the inside of the\n curtains of his dying bed, desiring to die as he repeated\n them with weeping.\n\n Bishop _Usher_ followed the same example and prayed\n earnestly to God, to pardon his sins of omission.\n\n \u201cWhere conflicts past, redouble present joys!\u201d\n\nDiversity of complexions, different periods of grace, or divine\ndispensations; with a thousand particulars known best to God, may be\ntaken into consideration, in attempting to account for this difference\nin the divine disposals concerning his servants. But I forbear\nattempting to solve, that of which I am free to profess my ignorance:\nand wait for that light, which will infallibly\n\n \u2015\u2015\u2015throw full day on darkest scenes of time.\n\nIt may be farther observed concerning this servant of God, that\nalthough his comforts had been exceeding great throughout most part\nof his experience, yet he had frequent and violent encounters with the\nenemy: so that sometimes we find in the same paragraph, acknowledgments\nof the great joy and peace which he felt, and complainings of grievous\ntemptations and trials. Take an instance or two among a thousand, in\nhis own words.\n\n\u201cI found in retirement sore struggles and deep consolation.\u201d And again,\nalthough love and joy lived and flowed in me, yet I wept and made\nsupplication, being strongly tempted of the devil. Ah, Lord! Thou\nknowest my state, and trials! And my groanings are not hid from thee!\nWhat conflicts with myself do I daily feel!\n\nSome are tempted most in the beginning of their conversion, some\ntowards the latter end, and others there are, who are sorely tempted\nthroughout their whole life. The latter was his case. But now\nespecially, his natural faculties weakning in proportion to the decay\nof his bodily strength, rendered him the fitter mark for Satan, to\nattack with his last and most violent assaults, which therefore he\nplyed to purpose. He could not however make him let go his integrity:\nnor did he alter his sentiments, concerning any point of Christian\ndoctrine, or retract any thing he had formerly said relating thereto.\nAnd as to the course of his most secret walking, altho\u2019 on the whole,\nhe saw nothing whereof to glory in himself before God; but rather\nwas continually filled with holy shame and deep abasements, at the\ndisparity which he still perceived between himself and his holy\nLord; yet there was no particular sin since his conversion, with the\ncherishing of which he could charge himself. To which may be added,\nthat in the midst of this _hour and power of darkness_, he never once\ncharged God foolishly; but on the contrary he sought to him with groans,\nand tears, and cries, without ceasing!\n\nHis sufferings both of body and mind were great beyond description:\nbut when we consider, thus did God permit concerning him, it puts to\nsilence every doubtful, evil reasoning on the head. By constituting him\na perfect sufferer, God thereby, made him the more conformable to his\nsuffering, conquering Son; that _Man of sorrows and acquainted with\ngriefs_! And rendered his condition not that of a bastard, or base-born\nchild, abandoned of God, and rejected; but on the contrary, that of a\nbeloved Son scourged and purified by his heavenly Father, that he might\nthereby, more eminently partake of his holiness and glory. And should\nheaven permit his conveying to us his present sentiments, concerning\nhis momentary afflictions, we should certainly hear him pronounce to\nthis effect.\n\n For _all_ I bless thee; most, for the _severe_;\n Amidst my list of blessings infinite,\n Stand this the foremost, \u201c_that my heart has bled_.\u201d\n\nHe had hope in his end, and therefore ceased not to cry to Jesus, who\nwas with him in _reality_ all the while, in the furnace; and finally\nappeared his _friend_ and his _beloved_!\n\n \u201cTryed to the last but not forsook;\n But honour\u2019d with distinguish\u2019d grace,\n Heaven-ward he cast a dying look,\n And saw once more his Saviour\u2019s face.\n\n \u2018He\u2019s come! My well-belov\u2019d, he said,\n And I am his, and he is mine!\u2019\n He spake, he gaz\u2019d, he bow\u2019d his head,\n And sunk into the arms divine!\u201d\n\nOn the whole, I profess, that although on my first hearing of the\nafflictive scene through which he passed, I was more astonished than\nat any thing I ever remember to have happened to myself or others;\nremaining in dumb suspense, at what could be the cause of so unexpected\na procedure? Nevertheless, I am now inclined to consider the whole\naffair as an argument, rather of his strength than the contrary.\nHis supporting at all under such extreme sufferings, not a little\ndemonstrates his great soul, and nearness of conformity to God his\nSaviour,\n\n \u201cWho drank in his sad days of flesh\n The potion by his Father given;\n And bids his members feel afresh\n The fierceness of the wrath of heaven.\u201d\n\nIf thou faintest, saith _Solomon_ in the day of adversity, thy strength\nis but small: and by parity of reason, to stand in a time of sore trial\nargues proportionable strength. Avert, my God, avert from my soul, ill\nable to bear it, such a time of trial! O Jesus, by all thou hast done\nand suffered; by thine agony, and bloody sweat, by thy cross and bitter\npassion, by thy meritorious death; thy resting in the chambers of the\ngrave, thy triumphant resurrection, and ascension; and by thy coming\nagain in glory; in the time of sickness, in death, and in judgment,\ndeliver my soul, I beseech thee!\n\n In thy fair book of life divine,\n My God inscribe my name;\n There let me fill some humble shrine,\n Beneath the slaughter\u2019d Lamb!\n\n O might I with my \u2666closing eyes,\n Thee in thy bloody vesture see,\n And cast me on thy sacrifice,\n Jesus, my Lord, remember me!\n\n \u2666 \u201cparting breath\u201d replaced with \u201cclosing eyes\u201d per Errata\n\nThe thoughts of being quickly loosed from the fetters of the body, had\noften filled his soul with the most sensible delights, desiring nothing\nso much as to see God: and the approaches of eternity did often so\nenflame his desires, that he was sometimes in a degree of transport.\nBut after all that can be said on the head of this his last scene, and\nindeed of the methods of God\u2019s providential dispensations in general,\nconcerning nations or individual persons, it seems the wisest and best\nmethod to rest in that sentiment, namely not curiously to scan them;\nbut rather to adore in humble silence, his unsearchable judgments and\nimpenetrable secrets!\n\n Not deeply to discern not much to know,\n Mankind was born to _wonder_ and _adore_!\n\nWhatever is permitted to befal them in this world, we are well assured\n_it shall be well with the righteous_. All things, whether prosperous\nor adverse, shall work together for their good. He that liveth forever\nsaith, _I come quickly_\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015to put a final period to the whole of mortal\nthings, and determine the states of all the children of _Adam_ for\never! His reward is with him! We shall see him as he is! Though now we\nsee him not, yet _believing_ we rejoice! O Jesus, work in our hearts\nthat conformity to and resemblance of thyself, that we may seek nothing,\nbut night and day think of, long for, and joyfully wait for thine\nappearance!\n\n\n\n\n An EXTRACT of the LIFE\n OF THE LATE\n Rev. Mr. DAVID BRAINERD,\n\n MISSIONARY to the INDIANS.\n\n\n ADVERTISEMENT.\n\nTHOSE _parts of the following history that are included between_\nbrackets _thus_ [ ], _are the words of the_ publisher, _Mr._ Jonathan\nEdwards, _minister of_ Northampton _in_ New-England, _for the most part\nsummarily representing the chief things contained in_ Mr. Brainerd\u2019s\n_diary: the rest is the account that he gives of himself in his private\nwritings, in his own words_.\n\n\n\n\n PART I.\n\n _From his birth to the time when he began to devote himself\n to the_ study of divinity.\n\n\n[MR. David Brainerd was born April 20, 1718, at Haddam, a town\nbelonging to the county of Hartford, in the colony of Connecticut,\nNew-England. His father, who died when he was about nine years of age,\nwas the worshipful Hezekiah Brainerd, Esq. one of his Majesty\u2019s council\nfor that colony, and the son of Daniel Brainerd, Esq. a justice of\nthe peace, and a deacon of the church in Haddam. His mother was Mrs.\nDorothy Hobart, daughter to the Rev. Mr. Jeremiah Hobart, who preached\nawhile at Topsfield, and then removed to Hempstead, on Long-Island,\nand afterwards came and settled in the work of the \u2666ministry at Haddam;\nwhere he died in the 85th year of his age; of whom it is remarkable,\nthat he went to the public worship in the forenoon, and died in his\nchair between meetings.\n\n \u2666 \u201cministy\u201d replaced with \u201cministry\u201d\n\nMr. David Brainerd was the third son of his parents. They had five\nsons and four daughters. The eldest son is Hezekiah Brainerd, Esq. a\njustice of the peace, and for several years past a representative of\nthe town of Haddam, in the general assembly of Connecticut colony; the\nsecond was the Rev. Nehemiah Brainerd, a worthy minister at Eastbury\nin Connecticut, who died of a consumption November\u00a010, 1742; the 4th\nis Mr. John Brainerd, who succeeds his brother David as missionary\nto the Indians, and pastor of the same church of Christian Indians in\nNew-Jersey; and the 5th was Israel, late student at Yale-college in\nNew-Haven, who died since his brother David.\u2015\u2015Mrs. Dorothy Brainerd\nhaving lived several years a widow, died when her son David was about\n14 years of age: so that in his youth he was left both fatherless and\nmotherless. What account he has given of himself follows.]\n\nI WAS from my youth something sober and inclined to melancholy, but do\nnot remember any conviction of sin, till I was seven or eight years of\nage; when I grew terrified at the thoughts of death, but this concern\nwas short lived. However, I sometimes attended secret prayer; and thus\nlived at ease till I was above thirteen years of age. But in the winter\n1732, I was something roused by the prevailing of a mortal sickness in\nHaddam. I was frequent, constant, and something fervent in duties, and\ntook delight in reading, especially Mr. Janeway\u2019s _Token for Children_;\nI was sometimes much melted in duties, and took great delight in the\nperformance of them. The Spirit of God at this time proceeded far with\nme; I was remarkably dead to the world, and my thoughts were almost\nwholly employed about my soul\u2019s concerns! I may indeed say, \u201cAlmost\nI was persuaded to be a Christian.\u201d I was also exceedingly distressed\nat the death of my mother, in March, 1732. But afterwards I by degrees\nfell back into security, though I still attended to secret prayer.\n\nAbout the 15th of April 1733, I removed to East-Haddam, where I spent\nfour years. Here I went a round of secret duty. I was not much addicted\nto young company: but when I did go into it, it always added new guilt\nto me, and made me afraid to come to the throne of grace.\n\nAbout the latter end of April 1737, being full nineteen, I removed\nto Durham, and began to work on my farm, and so continued till I was\ntwenty years old; tho\u2019 frequently longing after a liberal education.\nWhen I was about twenty, I applied myself to study, and was engaged\nmore than ever in the duties of religion. I became very watchful over\nmy thoughts, words and actions, because I designed to devote myself to\nthe ministry.\n\nSome time in April 1738, I went to Mr. Fiske\u2019s, and lived with him\nduring his life\u00b9. He advised me wholly to abandon young company, and\nassociate myself with grave elderly people: which counsel I followed;\nand my manner of life was now exceeding regular. I read my bible more\nthan twice through in less than a year. I spent much time every day\nin secret-duties; I gave great attention to the word preached, and\nendeavoured to retain it. I agreed with some young persons to meet on\nsabbath-evenings for religious exercises; and after our meeting was\nended, I used to repeat the discourses of the day to myself, though\nsometimes it was late in the night. On Monday mornings I used to\nrecollect the same sermons. And I had sometimes considerable movings\nof affections in duties, and much pleasure therein.\n\n \u00b9 Mr. Fiske was pastor of the church in Haddam.\n\nAfter Mr. Fiske\u2019s death, I proceeded in my learning with my brother,\nand was still very constant in religious duties. Thus I proceeded on a\n_self-righteous_ foundation;\u00b9 and should still had not the mere mercy\nof God prevented.\n\n \u00b9 I doubt that: I believe, this was true religion as far as it\n went.\n\nIn the beginning of winter, 1738, it pleased God one sabbath-day\nmorning, as I was walking out for secret duties, to give me on a\nsudden, such a sense of my danger, and the wrath of God, that I stood\namazed, and was much distressed all that day, fearing the vengeance of\nGod would soon overtake me. I kept much alone, and sometimes grudged\nthe birds and beasts their happiness, because they were not exposed\nto eternal misery, as I saw I was. And thus I lived from day to day,\nin great distress: sometimes there appeared mountains before me to\nobstruct my hopes of mercy; I used, however to pray and cry to God,\nand perform other duties with great earnestness.\n\nIn February, 1738\u20129, I set apart a day for secret fasting and prayer,\nand spent the day in almost incessant cries to God, that he would open\nmy eyes to see the evil of sin, and the way of life by Jesus Christ.\nAnd God was pleased that day to make considerable discoveries of my\nheart to me, and to shew me my _helplessness_. I constantly strove\nafter whatever _qualifications_ I imagined others obtained before the\nreception of Christ. Sometimes I felt the power of an _hard heart_, and\nsupposed it must be _softened_ before Christ would accept of me; and\nwhen I felt any meltings of heart, I hoped now the work was almost done;\nand hence, when my distress still remained, I was wont to murmur at\nGod\u2019s dealings with me.\n\n*Sometimes I grew _remiss_ without any great convictions for a\nconsiderable time together; but after such a season, convictions\nseized me more violently. One night in particular, when I was walking\nsolitarily abroad, I had such a view of my sin, that I feared the\nground would cleave asunder, and send my soul quick into hell. And\nthough I was forced to go to bed, lest my distress should be discovered\nby others; yet I scarce durst sleep at all, for I thought it would be\na great wonder, if I should be out of hell in the morning. But though\nmy distress was thus great, yet I dreaded the loss of convictions,\nand returning back to my former insensibility; which made me exceeding\nexact in my behaviour, lest I should stifle the motions of God\u2019s spirit.\n\nThe many distresses I met with, put me into a most _horrible\ncontesting_ with the Almighty: with an inward vehemence, finding fault\nwith his ways of dealing with mankind. I found great fault with the\nimputation of Adam\u2019s sin to his posterity; and my wicked heart often\nwished for some other way of salvation, than by Jesus Christ. I wished\nsometimes there was no God, or that there were some other God that\ncould controul him. These thoughts frequently passed before I was aware;\nbut, when I considered this, it distressed me, to think, that my heart\nwas so full of enmity against God; and it made me tremble, lest God\u2019s\nvengeance should suddenly fall upon me. I used before, to imagine my\nheart was not so bad, as the scriptures represented. Sometimes I used\nto take much pains to bring it into an humble submissive disposition;\nbut on a sudden, the thoughts of the strictness of the law, or the\nsovereignty of God, would so irritate the corruption of my heart, that\nit would break over all bounds, and burst forth on all sides, like\nfloods of waters when they break down their damm.\n\nWhile I was in this distressed state, the _corruption_ of my heart was\nespecially _irritated_ by these things following,\n\n1. The _strictness_ of the divine _law_. For I found it was impossible\nfor me (after my utmost pains) to answer the demands of it. I often\nmade resolutions, and as often broke them. I imputed the whole to\nwant of being more watchful, and used to call myself a fool for\nmy negligence. But when, upon a stronger resolution, and greater\nendeavours, fasting and prayer, I found all attempts fail, then I\nquarrelled with the law of God, as unreasonably rigid. I thought,\nif it extended only to my outward actions, I could bear with it; but\nI found it condemned me for the sins of my heart, which I could not\npossibly prevent. I was extremely loath to give out, and own my utter\nhelplessness; but after repeated disappointments, thought that, rather\nthan perish, I could do a little more still, especially if such and\nsuch circumstances might but attend my endeavours; I hoped, that I\nshould strive more earnestly than ever: and this hope of future more\nfavourable circumstances, and of doing something hereafter, kept me\nfrom utter despair of myself, and from seeing myself fallen into the\nhands of God, and dependent on nothing but boundless grace.\n\n*2. Another thing was, that _faith alone_ was the _condition of\nsalvation_; and that God would not come down to lower terms; that\nhe would not promise life and salvation upon my sincere prayers and\nendeavours. That word, Mark xvi.\u00a016. \u201cHe that believeth not, shall be\ndamned,\u201d cut off all hope there; and I found, faith was the gift of God;\nthat I could not get it of myself, and could not oblige God to bestow\nit upon me, by any of my performances. \u201cThis,\u201d I was ready to say, \u201cis\na hard saying, who can bear it?\u201d I could not bear, that all I had done\nshould stand for a mere nothing, who had been very conscientious in\nduty, and had been exceeding religious a great while, and had (as I\nthought) done much more than many others that had obtained mercy. I\nconfessed indeed the vileness of my duties; but then, what made them at\nthat time seem vile, was my wandering thoughts in them; not because I\nwas all over defiled, and the principle corrupt from whence they flowed,\nso that I could not possibly do any thing that was good. And therefore\nI called what I did, by the name of faithful endeavours; and could not\nbear it, that God had made no promises of salvation to them.\n\n*3. Another thing was, that I could not find out how to come to Christ.\nI read the calls of Christ, made to the _weary_ and _heavy laden_; but\ncould find no way that he directed them to come in. I thought I would\ngladly come, if I knew _how_, though the path of duty directed to what\nwas never so difficult. Mr. Stoddard\u2019s _Guide_ to _Christ_ did not tell\nme any thing I could do, that would bring me to Christ, but left me as\nit were with a great gulph between me and Christ, without any direction\nto get through. For I was not yet experimentally taught, that there\ncould be no way prescribed, whereby a natural man could of his own\nstrength, obtain that which is supernatural, and which the highest\nangel cannot give.\n\n*All this time the Spirit of God was powerfully at work with me; and I\nwas inwardly pressed to relinquish all _self-confidence_, all hopes of\never helping myself by any means whatsoever; and the conviction of my\n_lost_ estate was sometimes so clear, that it was as if it had been\ndeclared to me in so many words, \u201cIt is done, it is for ever impossible\nto deliver yourself.\u201d For about three or four days, my soul was thus\ndistressed, especially at some turns, when for a few moments I seemed\nto myself lost and undone: but then would shrink back immediately from\nthe sight, because I dared not venture myself into the hands of God, as\nwholly helpless. I dared not see that important truth, that I was _dead\nin trespasses and sins_. But when I had thrust away these views of\nmyself at any time, I was distressed to have the same discoveries again:\nfor I greatly feared being given over of God to final stupidity. When I\nthought of putting it off to a _more convenient season_, the conviction\nwas so powerful with regard to the present time, that it was the best\ntime, and probably the only time, that I dared not to put it off. Yet\nmy soul shrank away from it; I could see no safety in throwing myself\ninto the hands of God, and that I could lay no claim to any thing\nbetter than damnation.\n\n*But after a considerable time spent in such distresses, one morning,\nwhile I was walking in a solitary place, as usual, I at once saw that\nall my contrivances to procure salvation for myself, were utterly _in\nvain_: I was brought quite to a stand as finding myself totally _lost_.\nI had thought many times, that the difficulties were very great; but\nnow I saw, that it was for ever impossible for me to do any thing\ntowards delivering myself. I then blamed myself, that I had not done\nmore, while I had opportunity; (for it seemed now as if the season of\ndoing was for ever over and gone.) But I instantly saw, that let me\nhave done what I would, it would no more have tended to my helping\nmyself, than what I had done; that I had made all the pleas I ever\ncould have made to all eternity; and that all my pleas were vain. The\n_tumult_ that had been before in my mind, was now _quieted_; and I\nwas something eased of that distress, which I felt, while struggling\nagainst a sight of myself. I had the greatest certainty that my state\nwas forever miserable, for all that I could do: and was astonished that\nI had never been sensible of it before.\n\nWhile I remained in this state, my _notions_ respecting my _duties_,\nwere quite different from what I had ever entertained in times past.\nNow I saw, there was no necessary connection between my prayers and\nthe divine mercy: that they laid not the least obligation upon God to\nbestow his grace upon me; and that there was no more goodness in them,\nthan there would be in my paddling with my hand in the water; and this\nbecause they were not performed from any love to God. I saw that I\nhad heaped up my devotions before God, fasting, praying, &c. really\nthinking I was aiming at the glory of God; whereas I never once truly\nintended it.\u00b9\n\n \u00b9 I doubt that.\n\nI continued in this state of mind from Friday morning till the\nsabbath-evening following, July\u00a012, 1739, when I was walking again in\nthe same solitary place, and attempting to pray, but found no heart\nto engage in that or any other duty. Having been thus endeavouring to\npray for near half an hour, (and by this time the sun was about half an\nhour high) as I was walking in a dark thick grove, _unspeakable glory_\nopened to the view of my soul: I do not mean any external brightness,\nbut a new inward apprehension or view that I had of God, such as I\nnever had before. I stood still and admired! I had never seen before\nany thing comparable to it for excellency and beauty; it was widely\ndifferent from all the conceptions that ever I had of God, or things\ndivine. I had no particular apprehension of any one person in the\nTrinity, either the Father, the Son, or the Holy Ghost; but it appeared\nto be _divine glory_ that I then beheld; and my soul _\u2666rejoiced with\njoy unspeakable_, to see such a God, such a glorious divine being; and\nI was inwardly pleased and satisfied, that he should be God over all\nfor ever and ever. My soul was so captivated and delighted with the\nexcellency, loveliness, greatness, and other perfections of God, that\nI was even swallowed up in him, so that at _first_, I scarce reflected\nthere was such a creature as myself.\n\n \u2666 \u201crerejoiced\u201d replaced with \u201crejoiced\u201d\n\nThus God, brought me to a hearty disposition to _exalt him_, and to aim\nat his glory, as King of the universe.\n\nI continued in this state till near dark, without any sensible\nabatement; and then began to think what I had seen; and was sweetly\ncomposed all the evening following. I felt myself in a new world, and\nevery thing about me appeared with a different aspect from what it was\nwont to do.\n\n*At this time the _way of salvation_ opened to me with such infinite\nwisdom and excellency, that I wondered I should ever think of any\nother way of salvation; was amazed, that I had not dropped my own\ncontrivances, and complied with this excellent way before. If I could\nhave been saved by my own duties, or any other way that I had formerly\ncontrived, my whole soul would now have refused. I wondered, that the\nwhole world did not see and comply with this way of salvation, entirely\nby the _merits of Christ_.\n\nThe sweet relish of what I then felt, continued with me for several\ndays, in a greater or less degree; I could not but sweetly rejoice\nin God, lying down or rising up. The next Lord\u2019s day I felt something\nof the same kind, though not so powerful. But not long after, was\nagain under great distress; yet not of the same kind with my distress\nunder convictions. I was afraid and ashamed to come before God; was\nexceedingly pressed with a sense of guilt: but it was not long before\nI felt true repentance and joy in God.\n\nIn the beginning of September I went to college\u00b9, and entered there;\nbut with some degree of reluctance, fearing lest I should not be able\nto lead a life of strict religion, in the midst of so many temptations.\n\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015After this, before, I went to tarry at college, it pleased God\nto visit my soul with clearer manifestations of himself in prayer and\nself-examination; and the Lord so shined into my heart, that I enjoyed\nfull assurance of his favour; and my soul was unspeakably refreshed. At\nthis time especially, as well as some others, sundry passages of God\u2019s\nword opened to my soul with divine clearness, power and sweetness, so\nas to appear exceeding precious, and with clear and certain evidence\nof its being _the word of God_. I enjoyed considerable sweetness in\n\u2666religion all the winter following.\n\n \u00b9 Yale college, in New-haven.\n\n \u2666 \u201creligon\u201d replaced with \u201creligion\u201d\n\nIn January 1739\u201240, the measles spread much in college; and I having\ntaken the distemper, went home to Haddam. For some days before I was\ntaken sick, my soul mourned the absence of the Comforter: it seemed to\nme, all comfort was gone; I cried to God, yet found no relief. But a\nnight or two before I was taken ill, while I was walking alone, engaged\nin meditation and prayer, I enjoyed a sweet, refreshing visit from\nabove, so that my soul was raised far above the fears of death; O how\nmuch more refreshing this one season was than all the pleasures earth\ncan afford! After a day or two I was taken with the measles, and almost\ndespaired of life; but had no distressing fears of death. However,\nI soon recovered: yet by reason of hard studies, I had little time\nfor spiritual duties; my soul often mourned for want of more time and\nopportunity to be alone with God. In the spring and summer following,\nI had better advantage for retirement and enjoyed more comfort: indeed\nmy ambition in my studies greatly wronged the vigour of my spiritual\nlife: yet \u201cin the multitude of my thoughts within me, God\u2019s comforts\ndelighted my soul.\u201d\n\nOne day in particular, (June 1740) I walked in the fields alone, and\nfound such unspeakable sweetness in God, that I thought, if I must\ncontinue still in this evil world, I wanted always to be there to\nbehold God\u2019s glory: my soul dearly loved all mankind, and longed\nexceedingly that they should enjoy what I enjoyed.\u2015\u2015It seemed to be\na little resemblance of heaven.\n\nIn August following, I became so disordered, by too close application\nto my studies, that I was advised to go home, and disengage my mind\nfrom study, for I began to spit blood. I took advice, but being brought\nvery low, I looked death in the face more stedfastly. The Lord was\npleased to give me a sweet relish of divine things, and my soul took\ndelight in the blessed God.\n\n*Saturday, October 18. In my morning devotions, my soul was exceedingly\nmelted for, and bitterly mourned over, my exceeding _sinfulness_ and\n_vileness_. I never before felt so deep a sense of the odious nature\nof sin. My soul was unusually carried forth in love to God, and had a\nlively sense of God\u2019s love to me. And this love and hope, cast out fear.\n\n*October 19. In the morning I felt my soul _hungering and thirsting\nafter righteousness_. In the forenoon, while I was looking on the\nsacramental elements, and thinking that Jesus Christ would soon be \u201cset\nforth crucified before me,\u201d my soul was filled with light and love, so\nthat I was almost in an ecstasy; my body was so weak, I could scarcely\nstand. I felt at the same time an exceeding tenderness and most fervent\nlove towards all mankind; so that my soul and all the powers of it\nseemed, as it were, to melt into softness and sweetness. This love and\njoy cast out fear; and my soul longed for perfect grace and glory.\n\n*Tuesday, October 21. I had likewise experience of the goodness of\nGod in \u201cshedding abroad his love in my heart,\u201d and all the remaining\npart of the week, my soul was taken up with divine things. I now so\nlonged after God, and _to be freed from_ sin, that when I felt myself\nrecovering, and thought I must return to college again, which had\nproved so hurtful to me the year past, I could not but be grieved, and\nI thought I had much rather have died; but before I went, I enjoyed\nseveral other sweet and precious seasons of communion with God.\n\nI returned to college about November\u00a06, and through the goodness of God,\nfelt the power of religion almost daily.\n\nNovember 28. I enjoyed precious discoveries of God, and was unspeakably\nrefreshed with that passage, Hebrews xii. 22, 23,\u00a024, so that my soul\nlonged to wing away for the paradise of God; I longed to be conformed\nto God in all things.\n\nTuesday, December 9. God was pleased wonderfully to assist and\nstrengthen me; so that I thought nothing should ever move me from the\nlove of God in Christ Jesus my Lord.\u2015\u2015O! _one hour with God_ infinitely\nexceeds all the pleasures of this lower world.\n\nTowards the latter end of January, 1740\u201241, I grew more _cold_ and\n_dull_ in matters of religion, by means of my old temptation, ambition\nin my studies.\u2015\u2015But through divine goodness, a great and general\n_awakening_ spread itself over the college, about the latter end of\nFebruary, in which I was much quickened, and more abundantly engaged\nin religion.\n\n[This awakening was at the beginning of that extraordinary religious\ncommotion through the land, which is fresh in every one\u2019s memory.\nThis awakening was for a time very great and general at New-Haven; and\nthe college had no small share in it: the students in general became\nserious, many of them remarkably so, and much engaged in the concerns\nof their eternal salvation.\n\nIt could not be otherwise than that one whose heart had been so drawn\nto God, should be mightily animated, at the sight of such an alteration\nin the college, the town, and land; of mens reforming their lives, and\nturning from profaneness and immorality, to seriousness and concern\nfor their salvation, and of religion\u2019s reviving and flourishing almost\nevery where. But as an intemperate zeal, soon mingled itself with that\nrevival of religion: so Mr. Brainerd had the unhappiness to have a\ntincture of it. One instance of which it is necessary should be related.\n\nIn the time of the awakening at college, several students associated\nthemselves, who were wont freely to open themselves one to another: Mr.\nBrainerd was one of this company. And it once happened, that he and two\nor three more of these his intimate friends were in the hall together,\nafter Mr. Whittelsey, one of the tutors, had been to prayer there\nwith the scholars; no other person now remaining in the hall, but Mr.\nBrainerd and these his companions. Mr. Whittelsey having been unusually\npathetical in his prayer, one of Brainerd\u2019s friends asked him what he\nthought of Mr. Whittelsey; he made answer, \u201cHe has no more grace than\nthis chair.\u201d One happening at that time to be near the hall over-heard\nthose words, though he knew not who the person was, which was thus\ncensured. He informed a woman who went and informed the rector. He sent\nfor the man and examined him; and he told the rector the words that he\nheard Brainerd utter, and informed him who were in the room with him at\nthat time. Upon which the rector sent for them: they were very backward\nto inform against their friend, of what they looked upon as private\nconversation, yet the rector compelled them to declare what he said,\nand of whom he said it.\u2015\u2015Brainerd thought, that what he said in private,\nwas injuriously extorted from his friends, and that it was injuriously\nrequired of him to make a public confession, before the whole college,\nfor what he had said only in private conversation.\u2015\u2015He not complying\nwith this demand, and having gone once to the separate meeting at\nNew-Haven, when forbidden by the rector, was expelled the college.\n\nHis expulsion was in the winter _anno_ 1741\u20122, while he was in his\nthird year in college.]\n\n\n\n\n PART II.\n\n _From the time that he began to devote himself to the_ study\n of divinity, _till he was examined and licensed to_ preach.\n\n\n[MR. Brainerd, the spring after his expulsion, went to live with the\nRev. Mr. Mills, of Ripton, to follow his studies with him, in order to\nhis being fitted for the ministry; where he spent the greater part of\nthe time till licensed to preach.]\u2015\u2015The following account is in his own\nwords.\n\nThursday, April 1, 1742. I seem to be declining with respect to my\nlife and warmth in divine things; O that God would humble me deeply in\nthe dust! I deserve hell every day, for not loving my Lord more, \u201cwho\nhas loved me, and given himself for me;\u201d and every time I am enabled\nto exercise any grace, I am indebted to the God of all grace for it.\n\u201cWhere then is boasting?\u201d Surely \u201cit is excluded,\u201d since we depend on\nGod for the being and every act of grace.\n\n*Friday, April 2. I felt myself much resigned, calm, and serene.\nWhat are all the storms of this lower world, if _Jesus_ does but come\n_\u2666walking on the seas_!\u2015\u2015Some time past, I had much pleasure in the\nprospect of the Heathen\u2019s being brought home to Christ, and desired\nthat the Lord would employ _me_ in that work;\u2015\u2015but now my soul more\nfrequently desires to die, _to be with Christ_. O that my soul were\nwrapt up in love, and my longing after God increased!\n\n \u2666 \u201cwalk-on\u201d replaced with \u201cwalking on\u201d\n\nSaturday, April 3. I thought, if God would take me to himself, my soul\nwould exceedingly rejoice. O that I may be always humble and resigned\nto God, and that God would fix my soul on himself, that I may be more\nfitted both for doing and suffering!\n\n*Lord\u2019s-day, April 4. O my blessed God! Let me climb up near to him,\nand love, and long, and plead, and wrestle, and reach, and stretch\nafter him, and for deliverance from the body of sin and death.\u2015\u2015Alas!\nmy soul mourned to think I should ever lose sight of its Beloved again.\n\u201cO come, Lord Jesus, Amen.\u201d\n\n*Tuesday, April 6. I cried to God to wash my soul, and cleanse me from\nmy exceeding filthiness.\u2015\u2015And I could think of undergoing the greatest\nsufferings, with pleasure; and found myself willing (if God should so\norder it) to suffer banishment from my native land, among the Heathen,\nthat I might do something for their salvation, in distresses and deaths\nof any kind.\u2015\u2015Then God gave me to wrestle earnestly for others, for the\nkingdom of Christ in the world, and for my dear Christian friends.\u2015\u2015I\nfelt myself weaned from the world, and from my own reputation,\nwilling to be despised, and to be a gazing-stock for the world.\u2015\u2015It is\nimpossible for me to express what I then felt: I had not much joy, but\na sense of the majesty of God, which made me tremble; I saw myself mean\nand vile, which made me more willing that God should do what he would\nwith me; it was all infinitely reasonable.\n\nThursday, April 8. I had hopes respecting the Heathen. O that God\nwould bring in numbers of them to Christ! I cannot but hope I shall see\nthat glorious day.\u2015\u2015Every thing in this world seems exceeding vile and\nlittle to me: I look so myself.\n\nSaturday, April 10. I spent much time in secret this morning, and not\nwithout some comfort; but am so low, and feel so little of the presence\nof God, that I hardly know what to call faith, and am made to \u201cpossess\nthe sins of my youth,\u201d and the dreadful sin of my nature, and am all\nsin. Yet I feel some faint hopes, that God will, of his infinite mercy,\nreturn.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, April 11. I had sweetness in the thoughts of arriving at\nthe heavenly world. O for the happy day!\u2015\u2015After public worship God gave\nme special assistance in prayer; I wrestled with my dear Lord with much\nsweetness; and intercession was a sweet and delightful employment.\u2015\u2015In\nthe evening, as I was viewing the lights in the north, I was delighted\nin contemplation on the glorious morning of the resurrection.\n\n*Monday, April 12. This morning the Lord was pleased to lift up the\nlight of his countenance upon me in secret prayer, and made the season\nvery precious to my soul. I felt myself exceeding calm, and quite\nresigned to God, respecting my future employment: my faith lifted me\nabove the world, and removed all those mountains, that I could not look\nover of late: I wanted not the favour of men to lean upon; for I knew\nChrist\u2019s favour was infinitely better, and that it was no matter _when_,\nnor _where_, nor _how_ Christ should send me, nor what trials he should\nexercise me with, if I might be prepared for his work and will. I now\nfound sweetly revived in my mind the wonderful discovery of infinite\nwisdom in all the dispensations of God towards me, which I had a little\nbefore I met with my great trial at college; every thing appeared full\nof the wisdom of God.\n\nWednesday, April 14. My soul longed for communion with Christ, and for\nthe mortification of indwelling corruption, especially spiritual pride.\nO there is a sweet day coming, wherein \u201cthe weary will be at rest!\u201d\nMy soul has enjoyed much sweetness this day in the hopes of its speedy\narrival.\n\nThursday, April 15. My desires centered in God, and I found a sensible\nattraction of soul after him: _I long for God_, and a conformity to his\nwill, in inward holiness, ten thousand times more than for any thing\nhere below.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, April 18. I retired early this morning in the woods; and\nwas enabled to plead with fervency for the advancement of Christ\u2019s\nkingdom.\u2015\u2015At night I saw myself infinitely indebted to God, and had a\nview of my short comings: it seemed to me, that I had done nothing for\nGod, and that I had _lived to him_ but a few hours of my life.\n\n*Monday, April 19. I set apart this day for fasting and prayer to God\nfor his grace, to prepare me for the work of the ministry, and in his\nown time to send me into his harvest. I felt a power of intercession\nfor the advancement of the kingdom of my dear Lord; and withal, a\nsweet resignation, and even joy in the thoughts of suffering hardships,\ndistresses, yea death itself, in the promotion of it. In the afternoon,\n\u201cGod was with me of a truth.\u201d O it was blessed company indeed! God\nenabled me so to agonize in prayer, that I was quite wet with sweat,\ntho\u2019 in the shade. My soul was drawn out very much for the world; I\ngrasped for multitudes of souls. I had more enlargement for sinners,\nthan for the children of God; though I felt as if I could spend my life\nin cries for both. I never felt such an entire weanedness from this\nworld, and so much resigned to God in every thing.\u2015\u2015O that I may always\nlive _to_ and _upon_ my blessed God!\n\nTuesday, April 20. This day I am twenty-four years of age. O how\nmuch mercy have I received the year past! How often has God \u201ccaused\nhis goodness to pass before me!\u201d And how poorly have I answered the\nvows I made this time twelvemonth, to be wholly the Lord\u2019s, to be\nfor ever devoted to his service! The Lord help me to live more to his\nglory.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015This has been a sweet day to me: blessed be God. I think\nmy soul was never so drawn out in intercession for _others_. I had a\nfervent wrestle with the Lord for my _enemies_; and I hardly ever so\nlonged to _live to God_, and to be altogether devoted to him.\n\nLord\u2019s day, April 25. This morning I spent about two hours in secret,\nand was enabled more than ordinarily to agonize for immortal souls;\nthough it was early in the morning, and the sun scarcely shined at all,\nyet my body was quite wet with sweat. I felt myself much pressed, as\nfrequently of late, to plead for the meekness and calmness of the Lamb\nof God. O it is a sweet disposition, heartily to forgive all injuries,\nto wish our greatest enemies as well as we do our own souls! Blessed\nJesus, may I daily be more and more conformed to thee! At night I was\nexceedingly melted with divine love, and had a sense of the blessedness\nof the upper world. Those words hung upon me with much sweetness,\nPsalms lxxxiv.\u00a07. \u201cThey go from strength to strength, every one of\nthem in Zion appeareth before God.\u201d O the _near access_ that God\nsometimes gives us in our addresses to him! This may well be termed\n_appearing before God_; it is so indeed, in the true spiritual sense.\nI longed for the coming of my dear Lord; I longed to join the angelic\nhosts in praises, wholly free from imperfection. O the blessed moment\nhastens! All I want is to be more holy, more like my dear Lord. O for\nsanctification! My very soul pants for the compleat restoration of\nthe blessed image of my Saviour; that I may be fit for the blessed\nenjoyments and employments of the heavenly world.\n\nMonday, April 26. I continued in a sweet frame of mind. God was pleased\nto make it a humbling season. My soul exceedingly longs for that\nblessed state of perfection, of deliverance from all sin!\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015At night\nGod enabled me to give my soul up to him, to cast myself upon him, to\nbe disposed of according to his sovereign pleasure; and I enjoyed great\npeace and consolation in so doing. My soul took sweet delight in God:\nmy thoughts freely and sweetly centered in him. O that I could spend\nevery moment of my life to his glory!\n\n*Tuesday, April 27. I retired and God was pleased to pour such\nineffable comforts into my soul, that I could do nothing for sometime\nbut say over and over, \u201cO my sweet Saviour! O my sweet Saviour! Whom\nhave I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire\nbeside thee.\u201d If I had a thousand lives, my soul would gladly have laid\nthem all down, to have been with Christ. My soul never enjoyed so much\nof heaven before; it was the most refined communion with God I ever\nfelt: I never before felt so great a degree of resignation.\n\n*Wednesday, April 28. I withdrew to my usual place of retirement, and\nspent about two hours in secret. I felt much as I did yesterday morning,\nonly weaker and more overcome. I seemed to hang wholly on my dear\nLord; wholly weaned from all other dependencies. I knew not what to\nsay to my God, but only _lean on his bosom_, as it were, and breathe\nout my desires after perfect conformity to him in all things. Thirsting\ndesires and insatiable longings, possessed my soul after perfect\nholiness; God was so precious to my soul, that the world with all its\nenjoyments was infinitely vile; I had no more value for the favour\nof men, than for pebbles: the Lord was my all; and he over ruled all;\nwhich greatly delighted me. I think my faith and dependance on God\nscarce ever rose so high. I saw him such a fountain of goodness, that\nit seemed impossible I should distrust him again, or be any way anxious\nabout any thing that should happen to me.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015In the evening my heart\nseemed sweetly to melt, and was humbled for indwelling corruption, and\nI mourned like a dove. I felt that all my unhappiness arose from my\nbeing a sinner; for with resignation I could welcome all other trials;\nbut sin hung heavy upon me: for God discovered to me the corruption\nof my heart; so that I went to bed with a heavy heart, because I was a\nsinner: though I did not in the least doubt of God\u2019s love. O that God\nwould \u201cpurge away all my dross, and take away my \u2666tin.\u201d\n\n \u2666 \u201csin\u201d replaced with \u201ctin\u201d per Errata\n\nFriday, April 30. Nothing grieves me so much as that I cannot live\nconstantly to God\u2019s glory. I could bear any spiritual conflicts, if\nI could but have _my heart_ all the while burning with love to God;\nfor when I _feel_ this I cannot be dejected, but only _rejoice in\nmy Saviour_, who has delivered me from the reigning power, and will\nshortly deliver me from the indwelling of sin.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, May 2. God was pleased to give me such a sight of myself,\nas made me appear vile in my own eyes: I felt corruption in my heart,\nwhich I could by no means suppress; I was exceeding weak, and almost\nsick with my inward trials.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, May 9. I never felt so much of the cursed pride of my heart,\nas well as the stubbornness of my will before. O what a wretch I am!\nI could not submit to be nothing, and to lie down in the dust. Oh that\nGod would humble me! I felt myself such a sinner, all day, that I had\nscarce any comfort. Oh when shall I be \u201cdelivered from the body of\nthis death!\u201d I greatly feared, lest through stupidity I should lose the\nbenefit of these trials. O that they might be sanctified to my soul!\nNothing seemed to touch me but this, that I was a sinner.\n\nThursday, May 13. I saw so much of the wickedness of my heart, that\nI longed to get away from myself. I never before thought there was so\nmuch spiritual pride in my soul: I was almost pressed to death with my\nvileness. Oh what _a body of death_ is there in me! _Lord, deliver my\nsoul._ O the closest walk with God is the sweetest heaven that can be\nenjoyed on earth!\n\nFriday, May 14. I waited on a council of ministers, and spread before\nthem the treatment I had met with at Yale-college; who thought it\nadviseable to intercede for me with the rector and trustees, and to\nintreat them to restore me to my former privileges.\u00b9\n\n \u00b9 The application which was then made on his behalf, had not\n the desired success.\n\nSaturday, June 12. I spent much time in prayer this morning, and\nenjoyed much sweetness.\u2015\u2015Felt insatiable longings after God: I wondered\nhow poor souls do to live, that have _no God_.\u2015\u2015The world, with all\nits enjoyments, quite vanished. I see myself very helpless: but I have\na blessed God to go to. I longed exceedingly \u201cto be dissolved, and to\nbe with Christ, to behold his glory.\u201d Oh, my weak weary soul longs to\narrive at _my Father\u2019s house_!\n\nMonday, June 14. I felt something of the sweetness of communion with\nGod, and the _constraining_ force of _his love_:\u2015\u2015I set apart this day\nfor fasting and prayer, to intreat God to bless me with regard to the\ngreat work of _preaching the gospel_. Just at night, the Lord visited\nme marvellously in prayer: I think my soul never was in such an agony\nbefore: I felt no restraint; for the treasures of divine grace were\nopened to me; I wrestled for my absent friends, for the ingathering of\nsouls, for multitudes of poor souls, and for many that I thought were\nthe children of God, personally, in many distant places. I was in such\nan agony, till near dark, that I was all over wet with sweat: but yet\nit seemed to me that I had wasted away the day, and had done nothing.\nOh, my dear Jesus did _sweat blood_ for poor souls! I longed for more\ncompassion towards them.\n\nTuesday, June 15. I had the most ardent longings after God, that I\never felt in my life: at noon, in secret, I could do nothing but tell\nmy dear Lord, that he knew I longed for nothing but _himself_, nothing\nbut _holiness_; that _he_ had given me these desires, and he _only_\ncould give me the thing desired. I never seemed to be so unhinged from\nmyself, and to be so wholly devoted to God. My heart was swallowed up\nin God most of the day. In the evening I had such a view of the soul\u2019s\nbeing enlarged, to contain more holiness; that my soul seemed ready\nto separate from my body, to obtain it. I then wrestled in an agony\nfor divine blessings; and had my heart drawn out in prayer for some\nChristian friends, beyond what I ever had before.\u2015\u2015I feel differently\nnow from whatever I did under any sweet enjoyments before; more engaged\nto _live to God_ for ever. Oh how short do I fall of my duty in my\nsweetest moments!\n\nFriday, June 18. Considering my great unfitness for the _ministry_, I\nset apart this day for prayer to God, and found God graciously near;\nonce in particular, while I was pleading for more compassion for\nimmortal souls, my _heart_ seemed to be _opened_ at once, and I was\nenabled to cry with great ardency.\n\n*Oh, I was distressed, to think, that I should offer such dead cold\nservices to the _living God_! My soul seemed to breathe after holiness,\na life of constant devotedness to God. But I am almost lost sometimes\nin the pursuit of this blessedness, and ready to sink, because I\ncontinually fall short. O that the Lord would help me to hold out,\nyet a little while, till the happy hour of deliverance comes!\n\nLord\u2019s-day, June 20. I spent much time alone. My soul longed to be\nholy, and reached after God; I _hungered_ and _thirsted_; but was not\nsatisfied. My soul hung on God, as my only portion. O that I could grow\nin grace more abundantly every day!\n\nTuesday, June 22. I was sweetly composed and resigned to God\u2019s will;\nenabled to leave myself and all my concerns with him, and to have my\nwhole dependence upon him: my secret retirement was very refreshing. It\nappeared such a happiness to have God for my portion, that I had rather\nbe any other creature in this lower creation, than not to come to the\nenjoyment of God: I had rather be a beast, than a man, without God, if\nI were to live here to eternity. Lord endear thyself more to me!\n\nWednesday, June 30. Spent this day alone in the woods, in fasting and\nprayer; underwent the most dreadful conflicts in my soul, that ever\nI felt; I saw myself so vile, that I was ready to say, \u201cI shall now\nperish by the hand of Saul.\u201d I almost concluded, I had no power to\nstand for the cause of God, but was \u201cafraid of the shaking of a leaf.\u201d\nSpent almost the whole day in prayer. I could not bear to think of\nChristians shewing me any respect. I almost despaired of doing any\nservice in the world; I could not feel any hope respecting the Heathen,\nwhich used to afford me some refreshment in the darkest hours. I spent\nthe day _in the bitterness of my soul_. Near night I enjoyed some\nsweetness in prayer.\n\nSaturday, July 3. My heart seemed again to sink. The disgrace I was\nlaid under at college seemed to damp me, as it opens the mouths of\nopposers. I had no refuge but in God. Blessed be his name, that I may\ngo to _him_ at all times, and find him a _present help_.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, July 4. I withdrew, and enjoyed a happy season in secret:\nGod was pleased to give me the exercise of faith, and thereby brought\nthe invisible and eternal world near to my soul. I hoped, that my weary\n_pilgrimage_ would be _short_; that it would not be long before I was\nbrought to my Father\u2019s house: but I was sweetly resigned to God\u2019s will,\nto tarry his time, to do his work, and suffer his pleasure. I felt\npleased, to be _little_, to be _nothing_, and to _lie in the dust_. I\nenjoyed life and sweet consolation in pleading for the dear children\nof God, and the kingdom of Christ in the world: and my soul earnestly\nbreathed after holiness, and the enjoyment of God. \u201cO come, Lord Jesus!\ncome quickly Amen.\u201d\n\nMonday, July 19. My desires are carried out after weanedness from\nthe _world_, perfect deadness to it, and to be _crucified_ to all its\nallurements. My soul longs to feel itself a _pilgrim_ and _stranger_\nhere below; that nothing may divert me from pressing through the lonely\ndesert, till I arrive at my Father\u2019s house.\n\n*Thursday, July 22. Journeying from Southbury to Ripton, I called at\na house, where being kindly entertained, I was filled with amazement\nand shame, that God should stir up the hearts of any to shew so much\nkindness to such a _dead dog_ as I; and was sensible, how exceeding\nvile it is, not to be wholly devoted to God. I wondered, that God would\nsuffer any of his creatures to feed and sustain me from time to time.\n\nThursday, July 29. I was examined by the association met at Danbury,\nas to my learning, and experiences in religion, and received a licence\nfrom them to preach the gospel of Christ. Afterwards I felt much\ndevoted to God: joined in prayer with one of the ministers; and went to\nbed resolving to live devoted to God all my days.\n\n\n\n\n PART III.\n\n _From the time of his being licensed to preach, till he was\n appointed_ Missionary _to the_ Indians.\n\n\nFRIDAY, July 30, 1742. I rode from Danbury to Southbury; preached there\nfrom 1 Peter iv.\u00a06. I had much of the comfortable presence of God in\nthe exercise: I seemed to have power with God in prayer, and power to\nget hold of the hearts of the people.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, August 8. In the morning I felt comfortably in secret\nprayer; my soul was refreshed with the hopes of the Heathens coming to\nChrist; I was much resigned to God, and thought it was no matter what\nbecame of _me_.\n\nThursday, August 12. This morning I was exercised with sore inward\ntrials: I had no power to pray; but seemed shut out from God, I had in\na great measure lost my hopes of God\u2019s sending me among the Heathen,\nand of seeing them flock to Christ. I saw so much of my hellish\nvileness, that I appeared worse to myself than any devil: I wondered\nthat God would let me live, and wondered that people did not stone me,\nmuch more that they would ever hear me preach! It seemed as though I\nneither could nor should preach any more: yet about nine or ten o\u2019clock,\nthe people came, and I was forced to preach. And blessed be God, he\ngave me his presence and Spirit: so that I spoke with power from Job\nxiv.\u00a014. Some Indians cried out in great distress,\u00b9 and all appeared\ngreatly concerned.\n\n \u00b9 It was in a place in the western borders of Connecticut,\n where there is a number of Indians.\n\nTuesday, August 17. I was exceedingly depressed in spirit; it cuts and\nwounds my heart, to think how much _spiritual pride_, and _warmth of\ntemper_, I have _formerly_ intermingled with my endeavours to promote\nGod\u2019s work: and sometimes I long to lie down at the feet of opposers,\nand confess what a poor creature I have been, and still am. Oh, the\nLord forgive me, and make me for the future \u201cwise as a serpent, and\nharmless as a dove!\u201d\n\nThursday, August 17. This day, being about to go from Mr. Bellamy\u2019s at\nBethlehem, where I had resided some time, I prayed with him, and two\nor three other Christian friends, and we gave ourselves to God with all\nour hearts, to be his for ever: eternity looked very near to me. If I\nnever see them again in this world, it seemed but a few moments before\nI should meet them in another.\n\nFriday, August 20. I appeared so vile to myself, that I hardly dared\nto think of being seen, especially on account of spiritual pride.\nHowever, to-night I enjoyed a sweet hour alone with God, (at Ripton)\nI was lifted up above the frowns and flatteries of this world, had a\nsweet relish of heavenly joys, and my soul did as it were get into the\neternal world, and really taste of heaven.\n\nMonday, August 23. I had a sweet season in secret prayer: the Lord\ndrew near to my soul, and filled me with peace and consolation. My soul\ntasted the sweetness of the upper world; and was drawn out in prayer\nfor the world, that it might come to Christ!\n\n*Monday, August 30. I prayed with a Christian friend or two; and, I\nthink, scarce ever launched so far into the eternal world; I got so\nfar out on the broad ocean, that my soul triumphed over all the evils\non the shores of mortality.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Time, and all its gay amusements and\ncruel disappointments, never appeared so inconsiderable to me before; I\nsaw myself nothing, and my soul reached after God with intense desire.\nI knew, I had never lived a moment to him as I should do: indeed it\nappeared to me, I had never done any thing in Christianity; my soul\nlonged with a vehement desire to _live to God_.\n\nSaturday, September 4. God enabled me to wrestle ardently for the\nRedeemer\u2019s kingdom; and for my dear brother John, that God would\nmake him more of a pilgrim and stranger on the earth, and fit him for\nsingular serviceableness in the world; and my heart sweetly exulted in\nthe Lord, in the thoughts of any distresses that might light on him or\nme, in the advancement of Christ\u2019s kingdom.\n\n*Wednesday, September 8. I felt exceedingly weaned from the world.\u2015\u2015In\nthe afternoon I discoursed on divine things with a Christian friend,\nwhereby we were both refreshed. Then I prayed, with a sweet sense of\nthe blessedness of communion with God: I think I scarce ever enjoyed\nmore of God in any one prayer. I knew not that ever I saw so much of my\nown nothingness in my life; never wondered so, that God allowed me to\npreach his word: never was so astonished as now.\n\n*Friday, September 10. I longed with intense desire after God; my whole\nsoul seemed impatient to be conformed to him, and to become \u201choly, as\nhe is holy.\u201d In the afternoon, I prayed with a dear friend, and had\nthe presence of God with us; our souls united together to reach after a\nblessed immortality, to be unclothed of the body of sin and death, and\nto enter the blessed world, where no unclean thing enters. O with what\nintense desire did our souls long for that blessed day that we might be\nfreed from sin, and for ever live _to_ and _in_ our God!\n\nThursday, September 16. I enjoyed much of God in secret prayer: felt\nan uncommon resignation, to _be_ and _do_ what God pleased. Some days\npast, I felt _great perplexity_ on account of my past conduct: _my\nbitterness_, and want of Christian kindness and love, has been _very\ndistressing_ to my soul: the Lord forgive me my _unchristian warmth_,\nand want of a spirit of meekness!\n\nSaturday, September 18. I felt compassion for souls, and mourned I\nhad no more. I feel much more kindness, meekness, gentleness, and love\ntowards all mankind than ever. I longed to be at the feet of my enemies\nand persecutors: enjoyed some sweetness, in feeling my soul conformed\nto Christ Jesus, and given away to him for ever.\n\n[Through this, and the two following weeks, he passed through a variety\nof exercises: he was frequently dejected, and sometimes sunk into the\ndepths of melancholy: Not with regard to the favour of God, but about\nhis own sinful infirmities, and unfitness for God\u2019s service. Though his\nmind was extremely depressed with a sense of inexpressible vileness,\nyet, in the mean time, he had many seasons of comfort and spiritual\nrefreshment.]\n\n*Lord\u2019s-day, October 17. I had a sense of my helplessness; especially\nwhen I went to the place of public worship. I found I could not speak\na word for God without his special assistance: I went into the assembly\ntrembling, under a sense of my insufficiency to do any thing as I ought\nto do.\u2015\u2015But it pleased God to afford me much assistance, and there\nseemed to be a considerable effect on the hearers.\u2015\u2015O that I might\nbe \u201cfaithful to the death, fulfilling as an hireling my day,\u201d till\nthe shades of the evening of life shall free my soul from the toils\nof the day! This evening I felt such longing desires after deliverance\nfrom sin, and conformity to God, as melted my heart. Oh, I longed to be\n\u201cdelivered from this body of death!\u201d to be conformed to God entirely,\nfully, and for ever.\u2015\u2015I scarce ever preach without being first visited\nwith inward conflicts and sore trials. Blessed be the Lord for these\ntrials and distresses, as they are blessed for my humbling.\n\nMonday, October 18. I felt some sweetness, but was still pressed\nthrough trials of soul. My life is a constant mixture of consolations\nand conflicts, and will be so till I arrive at the world of spirits.\n\nTuesday, October 19. This morning and last night, felt a sweet longing\nin my soul after holiness: my soul seemed so to reach and stretch\ntowards the mark of perfect sanctity, that it was ready to break with\nlongings.\n\n*Thursday, October 21. I had a very deep sense of the vanity of the\nworld, and had little more regard to it, than if I had been to go into\neternity the next hour. Through divine goodness, I felt very serious\nand solemn. O, I love to live on the brink of eternity! This gives me\na sweet, awful, and reverential sense of God and divine things, when I\nsee myself as it were _standing before the judgment seat of Christ_.\n\n*Friday, October 22. I was uncommonly weaned from the world: my\nsoul delighted to be a _stranger and a pilgrim on the earth_; I felt\na disposition never to have any thing to do with this world: the\ncharacter given of some of the antient people of God, in Hebrews xi.\u00a013.\nwas very pleasing to me, \u201cthey confessed that they were pilgrims and\nstrangers on the earth,\u201d and O that I could always do so!\u2015\u2015It is sweet\nto be thus weaned from friends, and from myself, and dead to the world,\nthat I may live wholly _to_ and _upon_ the blessed God.\n\nMonday, October 26. [At Turky-Hills] In the evening I enjoyed the\ndivine presence: it was a sweet and comfortable season: my soul _longed\nfor God, for the living God_: enjoyed a sweet solemnity of spirit, and\nlonging desire after the recovery of the divine image: \u201cThen shall I be\nsatisfied, when I shall awake in God\u2019s likeness,\u201d and never before.\n\nTuesday, October 27. [At West-Suffield] I underwent the most dreadful\ndistresses, under a sense of my own unworthiness: it seemed to me, I\ndeserved rather to be driven out of the place, than to have any body to\ncome to hear me preach. And verily my spirits were so depressed, that\nit was impossible I should treat immortal souls with faithfulness: I\ncould not deal closely and faithfully with them, I felt so infinitely\nvile in myself. Oh, what _dust and ashes_ I am, to think of preaching\nthe gospel to others! Indeed I never can be faithful for one moment,\nbut shall certainly \u201cdaub with untempered mortar,\u201d if God do not grant\nme special help.\u2015\u2015In the evening, I went to the meeting-house, and it\nlooked to me near as easy for one to rise out of the grave and preach,\nas for me. However God was pleased to lift me up and enable me to\npreach. O the wonderful goodness of God to so vile a sinner!\n\nWednesday, October 28. I was not a little concerned about preaching in\nthe afternoon: felt exceedingly _without strength_, went into the house,\nashamed to see any come to hear such an unspeakably worthless wretch.\nHowever God enabled me to speak with clearness, power, and pungency.\n\nThursday, November 4. [At Lebanon] I was concerned that I had no\nmore sense of my insufficiency and unworthiness. O it is sweet _lying\nin the dust_! But it is distressing to feel in my soul that hell of\ncorruption.\u2015\u2015In the afternoon I had a sense of the sweetness of a\nstrict, close, and constant devotedness to God, and felt a pleasing\nyet painful concern, lest I should spend some moments _without God_.\nO may I always _live to God_!\u2015\u2015In the evening I felt an intense desire\nto spend every moment for God.\u2015\u2015God is unspeakably gracious to me\ncontinually: in times past, he has given me inexpressible sweetness\nin the performance of duty; frequently my soul has enjoyed much of\nGod; but has been ready to say, \u201cLord, it is good to be here;\u201d and\nso to indulge sloth. But of late God has been pleased to keep my soul\n_hungry_, almost continually; so that I have been filled with a kind\nof pleasing pain. When I really enjoy God, I feel my desires of him the\nmore insatiable, and my thirstings after holiness the more unquenchable;\nand the Lord will not allow me to feel as though I were fully supplied\nand satisfied, but keeps me still reaching forward; and I feel barren\nand empty, as though I could not live, without more of God in me; I\nfeel ashamed and guilty _before God_. Oh! I see, \u201cthe law is spiritual,\nbut I am carnal.\u201d I do not, I cannot live to God. Oh for holiness! Oh\nfor more of God in my soul! Oh this pleasing pain! It makes my soul\npress after God; the language of it is, \u201cThen shall I be satisfied,\nwhen I awake in God\u2019s likeness,\u201d (_Psalms xxvii. ultima_) but never,\nnever before: and consequently I am engaged to \u201cpress towards the\nmark,\u201d day by day. O that I may feel this continual hunger, and not\nbe retarded, but rather be animated by every cluster from Canaan, to\nreach forward in the narrow way, for the full enjoyment of the heavenly\ninheritance! O that I may never loiter in my heavenly journey.\n\nLord\u2019s day, November 7, it seemed as if such an unholy wretch as I\nnever could arrive at that blessedness, to be \u201choly, as God is holy.\u201d\nAt noon I longed for sanctification, and conformity to God. Oh, that\nis THE ALL, THE ALL! The Lord help me to _press after God_ for ever.\n\nMonday, November 18. I longed for an arrival in the _heavenly country_,\nthe blessed paradise of God. Through divine goodness, I have scarce\nseen the day, for two months, but _death_ has looked so pleasant to\nme, that I could have rejoiced the _present_ should be my _last_; and\nI trust that I shall be able to say, \u201cO death, where is thy sting!\u201d and,\n\u201cO grave, where is thy victory!\u201d\n\nFriday, November 19. [At New-Haven] I received a letter from the Rev.\nMr. Pemberton of New-York, desiring me speedily to go down thither, and\nconsult about the Indian affairs, and to meet certain gentlemen there\nthat were intrusted with them. I retired with two or three friends, and\nprayed; and was enabled to leave myself and all my concerns with God.\n\nWednesday, November 24. I came to New-York; felt still much concerned\nabout the importance of my business; put up many earnest requests to\nGod; was confused with the noise and tumult of the city; enjoyed but\nlittle time alone with God; but my soul longed after him.\n\nThursday, November 25. I spent much time in prayer and supplication:\nwas examined by some gentlemen of my Christian experience, and my\nacquaintance with divinity, and some other studies, in order to my\nimprovement in that important affair of gospellizing the Heathen\u00b9: was\nmade sensible of my great ignorance and unfitness for public service:\n*I had the most abasing thoughts of myself, I think, that ever I had:\nI thought myself the worst wretch that ever lived: it pained my heart,\nthat any body should shew me any respect. Alas! I thought, how sadly\nthey are deceived in me! how miserably would they be disappointed, if\nthey knew my inside! Oh my heart!\u2015\u2015And in this depressed condition,\nI was forced to go and preach to a considerable assembly, before some\ngrave and learned ministers; but I felt such a pressure from a sense of\nmy vileness, ignorance, and unfitness to appear in public, that I was\nalmost overcome with it: my soul was grieved for the congregation, that\nthey should sit there to hear such a _dead dog_ as I preach; I thought\nmyself infinitely indebted to the people, and longed that God would\nreward them with his grace.\n\n \u00b9 These gentlemen that examined Mr. Brainerd, were the\n correspondents in New-York, New-Jersey, and Pensylvania, of\n the honourable society in Scotland for propagating Christian\n knowledge; to whom was committed the management of their\n affairs in those parts, and who were now met at New-York.\n\n\n\n\n PART IV.\n\n _From the time of his being appointed_ Missionary, _to his\n entrance on his mission among the Indians at Kaunaumeek_.\n\n\nFRIDAY, November 26. I had still a sense of my own vileness, and\nendeavoured as much as I could to keep alone. O what a nothing, what\ndust and ashes am I!\u2015\u2015I enjoyed some comfort in spreading my complaints\nbefore God.\n\nSaturday, November 27. I committed my soul to God with some degree\nof comfort; left New-York about nine in the morning; came away with\na distressing sense of my unspeakable unworthiness. Surely I may well\nlove all my brethren; for none of them all is as vile as I; whatever\nthey do outwardly, yet it seems to me none is conscious of so much\ninward sin. O my leanness, my barrenness, my past bitterness, and want\nof a gospel-temper!\n\nWednesday, December 1. My soul breathed after God in longing desires\nof conformity to him: my soul was brought to rest itself, on his\nrich grace, and felt strength to do or suffer any thing that divine\nProvidence should allot me.\n\n[Within the space of the next nine days, he went a journey from Newton\nto Haddam, his native town; and after staying there some days returned\nagain into the western part of Connecticut, and came to Southbury.]\n\nSaturday, December 11. I conversed with a dear friend, to whom I had\nthought of giving a liberal education, that he might be fitted for the\ngospel ministry. I acquainted him with my thoughts, and left him to\nconsider of it, till I should see him again. Then I rode to Bethlehem,\nto Mr. Bellamy\u2019s lodgings; and spent the evening with him in sweet\nconversation and prayer.\n\nLord\u2019s day, December 12. I felt a distressing need of divine help; I\nwent to meeting trembling; but it pleased God to assist me in prayer\nand sermon: I think, my soul scarce ever penetrated so far into\nthe immaterial world, nor were my devotions ever so much refined, I\npreached with some sweetness, from Matthew vi.\u00a033. Blessed be God,\nI have reason to think, that my religion is become more spiritual, by\nmeans of my late inward conflicts. May I always be willing that God\nshould use his own methods with me!\u2015\u2015I felt much of the sweetness of\nreligion, and the tenderness of the gospel-temper: I found a dear love\nto all mankind, and I was afraid of scarcely any thing so much as lest\nsome motion of anger or resentment should, some time or other, creep\ninto my heart.\n\nTuesday, December 21. I rode over to Derby, and preached; it pleased\nGod to give me sweet assistance, and to enable me to speak with a soft\nand tender power and energy.\u2015\u2015We had afterwards a comfortable evening\nin singing and prayer; God enabled me to pray with as much spirituality\nand sweetness as I have done for some time; my mind seemed to be\nunclothed of sense and imagination and was in a measure let into the\nworld of spirits. This day was, I trust made profitable to a number of\nus, to advance our souls in holiness and conformity to God: the glory\nbe to him for ever. Amen. How blessed it is to grow more and more like\nGod!\n\nLord\u2019s day, December 26. I felt much sweetness and tenderness in prayer,\nmy whole soul seemed to love my worst enemies, and I was enabled to\npray for those that are strangers to God with a degree of softness and\npathetic fervour.\n\nMonday, December 27. I enjoyed a precious season; I had a sweet\nsense of the pure spirituality of the religion of Christ Jesus. In\nthe evening I preached with much freedom, power and pungency. O the\ntenderness I felt in my soul! Blessed be my God I have seldom enjoyed\na more \u2666comfortable and profitable day than this. O that I could spend\nall my time for God!\n\n \u2666 \u201ccomforable\u201d replaced with \u201ccomfortable\u201d\n\nFriday, January 14, 1742\u20123. My spiritual conflicts were unspeakably\ndreadful, heavier than the mountains and overflowing floods: I seemed\ninclosed as it were, in hell itself: I was deprived of all sense of God,\neven of the being of a God; and that was my misery. *This was distress\nthe nearest a-kin to the damned\u2019s torments that I ever endured: their\ntorments, I am sure will consist much in the privation of God, and\nconsequently of all good. This taught me the absolute dependance of a\ncreature upon the Creator, for every crumb of happiness it enjoys. Oh!\nI feel that if there is no God, though I might live for ever here, and\nenjoy not only this, but all other worlds, I should be ten thousand\ntimes more miserable than a toad. My soul was in such anguish I could\nnot eat, but felt as I supposed a poor wretch would, that is just going\nto the place of execution. I was almost swallowed up with anguish, when\nI saw people gathering together to hear me preach. However, I went to\nthe house of God, and he was pleased to give me freedom and enlargement,\nand I spent the evening comfortably.\n\n*Lord\u2019s day, January 23. I scarce ever felt myself so unfit to exist,\nas now: I saw I was not worthy of a place among the Indians, where I\nam going; I thought I should be ashamed to look them in the face, and\nmuch more to have any respect shewn me. Indeed I felt myself banished\nfrom the earth, as if all places were too good for such a wretch as I:\nI thought I should be ashamed to go among the very savages of Africa;\nI appeared to myself a creature fit for nothing, neither heaven nor\nearth.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015None knows, but those that feel it, what the soul endures\nthat is sensibly shut out from the presence of God; alas it is more\nbitter than death.\n\nWednesday, January 26. I preached to a pretty large assembly; insisted\non humility, and stedfastness in keeping God\u2019s commands; and that\nthrough humility we should prefer one another in love. I felt sweetly\ncalm, and full of brotherly love, never more free from party spirit.\nI hope some good will follow, that Christians will be freed from party\nzeal and censuring one another.\n\n[On Thursday, after a considerable time spent in prayer and Christian\nconversation, he rode to New-London.]\n\n*Friday, January 28. Here I found some carried away with a false\nzeal and bitterness. Oh, the want of a gospel-temper is greatly to be\nlamented. I spent the evening in conversing with some about some points\nof conduct in both ministers and private Christians; but did not agree\nwith them: God had not _taught them with briars and thorns_ to be of a\nkind disposition toward mankind.\n\nWednesday, February 2. I preached my farewell-sermon, at the house\nof an aged man, who had been unable to attend on the public worship\nfor some time; and this morning spent the time in prayer. Having\ntaken leave of my friends, I set out on my journey towards the\nIndians; though by the way I was to spend some time at East-Hampton\non Long-Island; and being accompanied by a messenger from East-Hampton,\nwe travelled to Lyme. On the road I felt an uncommon pressure of mind:\nI seemed to struggle hard for some pleasure here below, and seemed\nloth to give up all; I saw I was throwing myself into all hardships\nand distresses: I thought it would be less difficult to lie down in the\ngrave; but yet I chose to go, rather than stay.\u2015\u2015I came to Lyme that\nnight.\n\n[He waited the two next days for a passage over the sound, and spent\nmuch of the time in inward conflicts.\n\nOn Saturday he crossed the Sound, landed on Long-Island, and travelled\nto East-Hampton, and the seven following days he spent there, for the\nmost part, under extreme dejection of mind.]\n\nLord\u2019s-day, February 13. I was under great discouragement; knew not how\nit was possible for me to preach, and was ready to give up all! But God\nwas pleased to assist me. In the evening, my heart was sweetly drawn\nout after God, and devoted to him.\n\nTuesday, February 15. Early in the day I felt some comfort; afterwards\nI walked into a neighbouring grove, and felt more a stranger on earth\nthan ever; as dead to the enjoyments of the world, as if I had been\ndead in a natural sense.\u2015\u2015In the evening I had sweetness in secret duty:\nGod was then my portion, and my soul rose above those _deep waters_,\ninto which I have sunk so low of late.\n\nThursday, February 17. I preached this day at a little village; and\nGod was pleased to give me his gracious assistance, so that I spake\nwith freedom, boldness, and power. *In the evening, I spent some time\nwith a dear Christian friend; felt as on the brink of eternity; my\nsoul enjoyed sweetness in lively apprehensions of standing before\nthe glorious God: prayed with my dear friend, and discoursed with the\nutmost solemnity. And truly it was a little emblem of heaven itself.\n\nFriday, February 18. I felt sweetly most of the day, and found access\nto the throne of grace. Blessed be the Lord for any intervals of\ncomposure while I am in the field of battle. O that I might be serious,\nsolemn, and always vigilant, while in an evil world! O, I long to _live\nto God_!\n\n[During the next fortnight, he, for the most part, enjoyed much peace\nand comfort. And this space of time was filled up with great diligence\nand earnestness in serving God, in study, prayer, meditation, preaching,\nand private instructing and counselling.]\n\n*Monday, March 7. This morning when I arose, I found my heart go after\nGod in longing desires of conformity to him: and in secret prayer I\nfound myself sweetly drawn out in praises to God for all he had done\nto and for me, and for all my inward trials and distresses; my heart\nascribed glory, glory, glory to the blessed God! and bid welcome to\nall inward distress again, if God saw meet to exercise me with it: time\nappeared but an inch long, and eternity at hand; and I thought I could\nwith patience and chearfulness bear any thing for the cause of God; for\nI saw that a moment would bring me to a world of peace and blessedness;\nand my soul, by the strength of the Lord, rose far above this lower\nworld, and all the vain amusements and frightful disappointments of it.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, March 13. At noon, I thought it impossible for me to preach,\nby reason of bodily weakness and inward deadness; and in the first\nprayer, I was so weak that I could hardly stand; but in sermon, God\nstrengthened me, so that I spake near an hour and half with freedom,\nclearness, and tender power, from Genesis v.\u00a024. \u201cAnd Enoch walked with\nGod.\u201d I was sweetly assisted to insist on a close _walk with God_, and\nto leave this as my parting advice to God\u2019s people here, that _they\nshould walk with God_. May the God of all grace succeed my poor labours\nin this place!\n\nSaturday, March 19. I was distressed under a sense of my ignorance,\ndarkness, and unworthiness; got alone, and poured out my complaint to\nGod in the bitterness of my soul.\u2015\u2015In the afternoon I rode to Newark,\nand had some sweetness in conversation with Mr. Burr, and in praying\ntogether. O blessed be God for ever and ever, for any enlivening and\nquickening!\n\nLord\u2019s-day, March 20. I preached in the forenoon: God gave me some\nassistance and sweetness, and enabled me to speak with real tenderness,\nlove, and impartiality. In the evening, I preached again; and, of\na truth, God was pleased to assist a poor worm. Blessed be God,\nI was enabled to speak with life, power, and passionate desire of\nthe edification of God\u2019s people. *In the evening, I felt something\nspiritual and watchful, lest my heart should by any means be drawn\naway from God. Oh, when shall I come to that blessed world, where\nevery power of my soul will be incessantly and eternally wound up,\nin heavenly employments and enjoyments, to the highest degree!\n\n[On Monday he went to Woodbridge, where the _correspondents_, instead\nof sending him to the Forks of Delaware, ordered him to go to a number\nof Indians, at Kaunaumeek, a place in the province of New-York, in the\nwoods between Stockbridge and Albany. This alteration was occasioned\nby two things, 1.\u00a0Information they had received of some contention now\nsubsisting between the white people and the Indians at Delaware, which\nthey supposed would be a hindrance at present to their entertainment of\na missionary, and to his success among them. And, 2.\u00a0Some intimations\nthey had received from Mr. Sergeant, missionary to the Indians at\nStockbridge, concerning the Indians at Kaunaumeek, and the prospect of\nsuccess that a missionary might have among them.]\n\n\n\n\n PART V.\n\n _From his first beginning to instruct the Indians at\n Kaunaumeek, to his_ Ordination.\n\n\nFRIDAY, April 1, 1743. I rode to Kaunaumeek, near twenty miles from\nStockbridge, where the Indians live, and I lodged on a little heap of\nstraw. I was greatly exercised with inward distresses all day; and in\nthe evening seemed to have no God to go to. O that God would help me!\n\nThe place was sufficiently lonesome, and unpleasant, being encompassed\nwith mountains and woods; twenty miles distant from any English\ninhabitants; six or seven from any Dutch; and more than two from a\nfamily that came, from the Highlands of Scotland, and had then lived\nabout two years in this wilderness. In this family I lodged about the\nspace of three months, the master of it being the only person with whom\nI could readily converse in those parts, except my interpreter; others\nunderstanding very little English.\n\nThursday, April 7. I appeared to myself exceeding ignorant, weak,\nhelpless, and altogether unequal to my work. It seemed to me I should\nnever do any service, or have any success among the Indians. My soul\nwas weary of life: I longed for death, beyond measure. When I thought\nof any godly soul departed, my soul was ready to envy him his privilege,\nthinking, \u201cOh, when will my turn come! Must it be years first!\u201d\u2015\u2015But I\nknow those desires rose partly for want of resignation to God. Towards\nnight, I had faith in prayer, and some assistance in writing. O that\nGod would keep me near him!\n\n*Friday, April 8. I was exceedingly pressed under a sense of my\n_party-spirit_, in times past, while I attempted to promote the\ncause of God: its vile nature appeared in such odious colours, that\nmy very heart was pained: I saw how poor souls stumbled over it into\neverlasting destruction, and was constrained to make that prayer in\nthe bitterness of my soul, \u201cO Lord, deliver me from blood-guiltiness.\u201d\nI saw my desert of hell on this account. My soul was full of anguish\nand shame before God, that I had spent so much time in conversation\ntending only to promote a _party-spirit_. I saw I had not duly prized\nmortification, self-denial, resignation under all adversities, meekness,\nlove, candour, and holiness of heart and life.\u2015\u2015Of late, I have thought\nmuch of having the kingdom of Christ advanced in the world; but now I\nsaw I had enough to do myself. The Lord be merciful to me a sinner.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, April 10. I preached to the Indians, both forenoon and\nafternoon. They behaved soberly in general: two or three appeared under\nsome concern; with whom I discoursed privately; and one told me, \u201cher\nheart had cried, ever since she heard me preach first.\u201d\n\nWednesday, April 13. I verily thought I was the meanest, vilest, most\nhelpless, ignorant creature living. And yet I knew what God had done\nfor my soul: though sometimes I was assaulted with doubts, whether it\nwas possible for such a wretch as I, to be in a state of grace.\n\nTuesday, April 19. In the morning, I enjoyed sweet repose in God; felt\nsome confidence; and was refreshed and comforted. My soul was lifted\nabove the _deep waters_, wherein it has been so long almost drowned; I\nfound myself engaged for the advancement of Christ\u2019s kingdom in my own\nsoul, more than in the Heathen world.\n\nWednesday, April 20. I set apart this day for fasting and prayer,\nto bow my soul before God for grace; especially that all my inward\ndistresses might be sanctified to my soul. I endeavoured also to\nremember the goodness of God to me in the year past. Having obtained\nhelp of God, I am now arrived at the age of twenty-five years. My soul\nwas pained, to think of my barrenness; that I have lived so little to\nthe glory of the eternal God. I spent the day in the woods alone, and\nthere poured out my complaint to God. O that God would enable me to\nlive to his glory for the future!\n\n*Friday, April 22. My leanness testifies against me! My soul abhors\nitself for its unlikeness to God, its inactivity and sluggishness. When\nI have done all, what an unprofitable servant am I! I groan to see the\nhours of the day roll away, because I do not fill them, in spirituality\nand heavenly-mindedness. And yet I long they should speed their pace,\nto hasten me to my eternal home, where I may fill up all my moments,\nfor God and his glory.\n\n*Tuesday, May 10. I was extremely pressed with a sense of guilt,\npollution, blindness; the sins of my youth were set in order before me;\nthey went over my head a burden, too heavy for me to bear. Almost all\nthe actions of my life past seem to be covered over with sin and guilt;\nand those of them that I performed in the most conscientious manner,\nnow fill me with shame and confusion, Oh! the _pride, selfishness,\nignorance, bitterness, party-zeal_, and _the want of love, candour,\nmeekness_, and _gentleness_, that have attended my attempts to promote\nreligion; and this when I had real assistance from above, and some\nsweet intercourse with heaven! But, what corrupt mixtures attended my\nbest duties!\n\nAfter several weeks I found my distance from the Indians a very great\ndisadvantage, as I was obliged to travel forward and backward almost\ndaily on foot having no pasture in which I could keep my horse. And\nafter all my pains, I could not be with them in the evening and morning,\nwhich were hours when they could best attend my instructions.\n\nI therefore resolved to remove, and live with or near the Indians,\nthat I might watch when they were at home and take that time for their\ninstruction.\n\nAccordingly I removed and for a time lived with them in one of their\n_wigwams_: not long after I built me a small house, where I spent\nthe remainder of that year alone; my interpreter (who was an Indian)\nchoosing rather to live in a wigwam among his own countrymen.\n\nBut although the difficulties of this solitary way of living are\nnot the least, yet I can truly say the burden I felt respecting\nmy _great work_ among the poor Indians, the fear and concern that\ncontinually hung upon my spirit, lest they should be prejudiced\nagainst Christianity, by means of some who (although they are called\n_Christians_) had rather the Indians should remain heathens, that they\nmay with more ease cheat them; the fear and concern I felt in these\nrespects, were much more pressing to me, than all the difficulties that\nattended the circumstances of my living.\n\nAs to the _state_ or _temper_ of _mind_, in which I found these\nIndians, at my first coming among them, it was much more encouraging,\nthan expected. Their prejudices against Christianity, were in a great\nmeasure removed by the long continued labours of the Rev. Mr. Sergeant\namong a number of the same tribe, in a place more than twenty miles\ndistant: by which means, these were in some degree, prepared to\nentertain the truths of Christianity instead of objecting against them\nas is common with them at first. Some of them appeared well disposed\ntoward religion, and seemed pleased with my coming among them.\n\n*Wednesday, May 18. My circumstances are such that I have no comfort,\nof any kind, but what I have in God. I live in the most lonesome\nwilderness; have but one single person to converse with, that can speak\nEnglish.\u00b9 Most of the talk I hear, is either Highland Scotch or Indian.\nI have no fellow-Christian to whom I might unbosom myself, and lay open\nmy spiritual sorrows, and with whom I might take sweet counsel about\nheavenly things, and join in prayer. I live poorly with regard to the\ncomforts of life: most of my diet consists of boiled corn, and hasty\npudding. I lodge on a bundle of straw, my labour is hard; and I have\nlittle appearance of success. The Indian affairs are very difficult;\nhaving no land to live on, but what the Dutch threaten to drive them\nfrom; they have no regard to the souls of the poor Indians; and they\nhate me, because I come to preach to them.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015But that which makes all\nmy difficulties grievous to be borne, is, that \u201cGod hides his face from\nme.\u201d\n\n \u00b9 This person was Mr. Brainerd\u2019s interpreter; who was an\n ingenious young Indian belonging to Stockbridge, whose name\n was John Wauwaumpequunaunt, who had been instructed in the\n Christian religion by Mr. Sergeant; understood both English\n and Indian very well, and wrote a good hand.\n\n[Here he had various exercises of mind; from his first coming to\nKaunaumeek, till he got into his own house, a little hut that he made\nchiefly with his own hands, with long and hard labour. How it was with\nhim in those dark seasons he further describes in his diary for July 2.]\n\u201cMy soul is, and has for a long time been in a pitieous condition,\nwading through a series of sorrows, of various kinds. I have been\nso crushed down sometimes with a sense of my meanness and infinite\nunworthiness, that I have been ashamed that any, even the meanest of\nmy fellow creatures, should so much as spend a thought about me, and\nhave wished while I have travelled among the thick brakes, to drop into\neverlasting oblivion. In this case, I have almost resolved never again\nto see any of my acquaintance; and really thought, I could not be seen\nor heard of any more.\u2015\u2015Sometimes the consideration of my ignorance\nhas been a means of my great distress and anxiety. And especially my\nsoul has been in anguish with fear, shame and guilt, that ever I had\npreached, or had any thought that way.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Sometimes my soul has been\nin distress on feeling some particular corruptions: having at the same\ntime, ten thousand former sins and follies presented to my view.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015And\nthese attended with such external circumstances as mine at present are;\ndestitute of most of the conveniences of life, and I may say, of all\nthe pleasures of it; without a friend to communicate any of my sorrows\nto, and sometimes without any place of retirement, where I may unburden\nmy soul before God, which has greatly contributed to my distress.\u201d\n\n[One main occasion of that distressing gloominess, next to natural\n\u2666melancholy, was reflecting on his past errors and misguided zeal at\n_college_. Therefore he repeated his endeavours for reconciliation with\nthe governors of the college. And although he had been at New-Haven, in\nJune, and had attempted a reconciliation; yet in the beginning of July,\nhe made another journey thither, and renewed his attempt, but still in\nvain.]\n\n \u2666 \u201cmelancholly\u201d replaced with \u201cmelancholy\u201d\n\nSaturday, July 30. Just at night, I moved into _my own house_, and\nlodged there; and I found it much better spending the time alone at\nmy own house, than in the _wigwam_ where I was before.\n\nWednesday, August 3. I am now uninterruptly alone; and find my\nretirement comfortable. I have enjoyed more sense of divine things\nwithin a few days past, than for some time before. I longed after\nholiness, humility and meekness: O that God would enable me to \u201cpass\nthe time of my sojourning here in his fear,\u201d and always _live to him_!\n\n*Thursday, August 4. I have generally found the more I do in secret\nprayer, the more I enjoy of a spirit of prayer; and I frequently have\nfound the contrary, when with journeying or otherwise, I have been\ndeprived of retirement. A seasonable steady performance of secret\nduties in their proper hours, and a careful improvement of all time,\nfilling up every hour with some profitable labour, either of heart,\nhead, or hands, are excellent means of spiritual peace and boldness\nbefore God. \u201cChrist\u201d indeed \u201cis our peace, and by him we have boldness\nof access to God;\u201d but a _good conscience void of offence_, is an\nexcellent preparation for an approach to the divine presence. Filling\nup our time _with_ and _for_ God, is the way to rise up and lie down in\npeace.\n\nSaturday, August 13. I was enabled in secret prayer to raise my soul to\nGod, with desire and delight. It was indeed a blessed season to my soul:\nI found the comfort of being a Christian: \u201cI counted the sufferings of\nthe present life not worthy to be compared with the glory\u201d of divine\nenjoyments even in this world. All my past sorrows seemed to disappear,\nand I \u201cremembered no more the sorrow for joy.\u201d\u2015\u2015With what a filial\ntenderness, the soul hangs on, and confides in _the Rock of ages_,\nat such a season, that he will \u201cnever leave it nor forsake it,\u201d that\nhe will cause all things to work together for its good; I longed that\nothers should know how good a God the Lord is. My soul was full of\ntenderness and love, even to the most inveterate of my enemies. I\nlonged that God should do just as he pleased with me and every thing\nelse. I felt exceeding serious, calm, and peaceful, and encouraged\nto press after holiness as long as I live, whatever difficulties and\ntrials may be in my way.\n\nMonday, August 15. In my weak state of body, I was not a little\ndistressed for want of suitable food. I am forced to go or send ten\nor fifteen miles for all the bread I eat; and sometimes it is mouldy\nand sour before I eat it, if I get any considerable quantity: and then\nagain I have none for some days together, for want of an opportunity\nto send for it. And this was my case now: but through divine goodness\nI had some Indian _meal_, of which I made little cakes, and fried them.\nAnd I felt contented with my circumstances, and sweetly resigned to\nGod. In prayer I enjoyed great freedom; and blessed God as much for\nmy present circumstances, as if I had been a king, and I never feel\ncomfortably, but when I find my soul going forth after God: if I cannot\nbe holy, I must be miserable for ever.\n\nLord\u2019s day, August 21. I fell down before the Lord, and groaned under\nmy own vileness, barrenness, deadness, and felt as if I was guilty of\nfoul murder, in speaking to immortal souls in such a manner as I had\ndone.\u2015\u2015I was very full of pain in the evening; and my soul mourned that\nI had spent so much time to so little profit.\n\n*Monday, August 22. I had intense breathings of soul after holiness,\nand very clear manifestations of my utter inability to work it in\nmyself. O, with what tenderness the love and desire of holiness fills\nthe soul! I wanted to wing out of myself to God, or rather to get a\nconformity to him: but, alas! I cannot add to my stature in grace one\ncubit. However, my soul can never leave striving for it; or at least\ngroaning, that it cannot obtain purity of heart.\n\n*Tuesday, August 23. I poured out my soul for all the world, friends,\nand enemies. My soul was concerned for Christ\u2019s kingdom that it might\nappear in the whole earth. And I abhorred the very thought of a _party_\nin religion! Let the truth of God appear, wherever it is; and God have\nthe glory for ever.\n\nWednesday, August 24. I thought, if God should say, \u201cYou shall in a\nfew days go into eternity,\u201d my soul would leap for joy. O that I may\nboth \u201cdesire to be dissolved,\u201d and \u201cwait patiently all the days of my\nappointed time till my change come!\u201d\u2015\u2015But, alas! I am very unfit for\nthe business and blessedness of heaven.\u2015\u2015O for more holiness!\n\n*Thursday, August 25. I find it is impossible to enjoy peace and\ntranquility of mind without a careful improvement of time. This\nis really an imitation of God and Christ Jesus: \u201cMy father worketh\nhitherto, and I work,\u201d says our Lord. And, if we would be like God, we\nmust see that we fill up our time for him.\u2015\u2015I daily long to dwell in\nperfect light and love. In the mean time, my soul mourns that I make so\nlittle preparation for the world of blessedness: I see and know that I\nam a barren tree in God\u2019s vineyard, and that he might justly say, \u201cCut\nit down.\u201d O that God would make me more lively and vigorous in grace,\nfor his own glory!\n\nLord\u2019s-day, August 28. I was much perplexed with some Dutchmen. All\ntheir discourse turned upon the things of the world. Oh, what a _hell_\nit would be to spend an eternity with such men! Well might David say,\n\u201cI beheld the transgressors and was grieved.\u201d\u2015\u2015But adored be God,\n_heaven_ is a place \u201cinto which no unclean thing enters.\u201d O I long for\nthe holiness of that world! Lord prepare me for it.\n\nWednesday, August 31. Eternal things engrossed all my thoughts; and\nI longed to be in the world of spirits. O how happy is it, to have all\nour thoughts swallowed up in that world; to feel one\u2019s self a stranger\nin this, diligently seeking a road through it, a sure road to the\nheavenly Jerusalem!\n\nThursday, September 1. I always feel comfortably when God realizes\ndeath, and the things of another world to my mind: whenever my mind is\ntaken off from the things of this world, and set on God, my soul is at\n_rest_.\n\nTuesday, September 13. I rode to New-Haven. *I find, though my inward\ntrials are great, and a life of solitude gives them greater advantages\nto penetrate the inmost recesses of the soul; yet it is better to be\nalone, than incumbered with noise and tumult. I find it very difficult\nmaintaining a sense of divine things, while removing from place to\nplace, diverted with new objects, and filled with care and business.\nA settled steady business is best adapted to a life of strict religion.\n\nWednesday, September 14. This day I ought to have taken my _degree_;\u00b9\nbut God sees fit to deny it me. And though I was afraid of being\noverwhelmed with confusion, when I should see my _class-mates_ take\ntheirs; yet, in the very season of it, God enabled me with calmness to\nsay, \u201cThe will of the Lord be done.\u201d Indeed, I have scarcely felt my\nmind so sedate and comfortable for some time. I have long feared this\nseason, and expected my humility, meekness, patience, and resignation\nwould be tried: but found much more pleasure and divine comfort than I\nexpected.\n\n \u00b9 This being commencement-day.\n\nThursday, September 15. It is always a comfort to me, to hear spiritual\ndiscourse. O that ministers and people were more spiritual and devoted\nto God!\u2015\u2015Towards night, I offered the following reflections in writing,\nto the rector \u2666and trustees of the college, (the same that I had\noffered to the rector before, and intreated him to accept;) and this\nI did, that if possible I might cut off all occasion of offence, from\nthose that seek occasion.\n\n \u2666 duplicate word \u201cand\u201d removed\n\n*\u201cWhereas I have said before several persons, concerning Mr. Whittelsey,\none of the tutors of Yale-college, that I did not believe he had any\nmore grace than the chair I then leaned upon; I humbly confess that\nherein I have sinned against God, and acted contrary to the rules\nof his word, and have injured Mr. Whittelsey. I had no right to make\nthus free with his character; and had no just reason to say as I did\nconcerning him. My fault herein was the more aggravated, in that I\nsaid this concerning one that was so much my superior, and one that I\nwas obliged to treat with special respect and honour, by reason of the\nrelation I stood in to him in the college. Such a manner of behaviour,\nI confess, did not become a Christian; it was taking too much upon\nme, and did not favour of that humble respect, that I ought to have\nexpressed towards Mr. Whittelsey. I have often reflected on this act\nwith grief, on account of the sin of it: and am willing to lie low,\nand be abased before God and man for it: and humbly ask the forgiveness\nof the governors of the college, and of the whole society; but of\nMr. Whittelsey in particular. And I now appear, to judge and condemn\nmyself for going once to the separate meeting in New-Haven, though the\nrector had refused to give me leave. For this I humbly ask the rector\u2019s\nforgiveness. And whether the governors of the college shall ever see\ncause to remove the academical censure I lie under, or no, yet I am\nwilling to appear, if they think fit, openly to own, and to humble\nmyself for those things I have herein confessed.\u201d\n\n*God has made me willing to do any thing, that I can do, consistent\nwith truth, for the sake of peace, and that I might not be a\nstumbling-block and offence to others. For this reason I can chearfully\ngive up what I verily believe, after the most impartial search, is my\nright. God has given me that disposition, that if this were the case,\nthat a man has done me an hundred injuries, and I (though ever so much\nprovoked to it) have done him one, I am heartily willing humbly to\nconfess my fault to him, and on my knees to ask forgiveness of him;\nthough at the same time he should justify himself in all the injuries\nhe has done me, and should only make use of my humble confession to\nblacken my character the more, and represent me as the only person\nguilty; yea, though he should as it were insult me, and say, \u201che knew\nall this before, and that I was making work for repentance.\u201d Though\nwhat I said concerning Mr. Whittelsey was only spoken in private, to\na friend or two; and being partly overheard, was related to the rector,\nand by him extorted from my friends; yet, seeing it was divulged and\nmade public, I was willing to confess my fault therein publickly.\u00b9\n\n \u00b9 I was witness to the very Christian spirit Mr. Brainerd\n shewed at that time, being then at New-Haven, and being\n one that he saw fit to consult on that occasion. (This\n was the first time that ever I had opportunity of personal\n acquaintance with him.) There appeared in him a great degree\n of calmness and humility; without the least appearance of\n rising of spirit for any ill-treatment he had suffered, or\n the least backwardness to abase himself before them whom\n he thought, had wronged him. What he did was without any\n appearance of reluctance even in private to his friends.\n Earnest application was made on his behalf to the authority\n of the college, that he might have his degree then given\n him; and particularly by the Rev. Mr. Burr of Newark, one of\n the correspondents of the honourable society in Scotland; he\n being sent from New-Jersey to New-Haven, by the rest of the\n commissioners, for that end; and many arguments were used,\n but without success.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015What manner of spirit were these\n governors of? Do these dare to call themselves _Christians_?\n What is this Mr. Whittelsey? Was he worthy to carry Mr.\n Brainerd\u2019s books after him?\n\n[The next day he went to Derby; then to Southbury, where he spent the\nSabbath.]\n\nTuesday, September 20. I had thoughts of going forward on my journey to\nmy Indians; but towards night was taken with a hard pain in my teeth,\nand shivering cold, and could not possibly recover a comfortable decree\nof warmth the whole night following. I continued very full of pain all\nnight; and in the morning had a fever, and pains almost all over my\nbody. I had a sense of the divine goodness in appointing this to be the\nplace of my sickness, among my friends. I should probably have perished,\nif I had first got home to my own house in the wilderness, where I have\nnone to converse with but the poor rude ignorant Indians. I continued\nthus, mostly confined to my bed, till Friday night; very full of pain;\nbut not afraid of death.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015On Friday evening my pains went off\nsuddenly.\n\n[From this time, he gradually recovered; and on the next Tuesday was\nable to go forward on his journey; but was till the Tuesday following\nbefore he reached Kaunaumeek.]\n\nTuesday, October 4. This day I rode home to my own house and people.\nThe poor Indians appeared very glad of my return. I presently fell\non my knees, and blessed God for my safe return. I have taken many\nconsiderable journeys since this time last year, and yet God has never\nsuffered one of my bones to be broken, or any calamity to befal me,\nthough I have been often exposed to cold and hunger in the wilderness,\nwhere the comforts of life were not to be had; have frequently been\nlost in the woods; and once lay out in the woods all night.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, October 16. I retired, and poured out my soul to God with\nmuch freedom; and yet in anguish, to find my soul so unspeakably sinful\nand unworthy before a holy God. I was now much resigned under God\u2019s\ndispensations towards me, though my trials had been very great. But\nthought whether I could be resigned, if God should let the French\nIndians come upon me, and deprive me of my life, or carry me away\ncaptive, (though I knew of no special reason then to propose this trial\nto myself,) and my soul seemed so far to rest in God, that the sting\nand terror of these things was gone. Presently after I received the\nfollowing letter by a messenger sent on purpose.\n\n\u201cSir, Just now we received advices from Colonel Stoddard, that there\nis the utmost danger of a rupture with France. He has received the\nsame from his excellency our governor, ordering him to give notice to\nall the exposed places, that they may secure themselves the best they\ncan against any sudden invasion. We thought best to send directly to\nKaunaumeek, that you may take the prudentest measures for your safety.\nI am, Sir, &c.\u201d\n\nI thought, it came in a good season; for my heart seemed fixed on God,\nand therefore I was not surprised: but this news only made me more\nserious, and taught me that I must not please myself with any of the\ncomforts of life which I had been preparing.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, October 23. I had some freedom and warmth, both parts of\nthe day. And my people were very attentive. In the evening, two or\nthree came to me under concern for their souls; to whom I was enabled\nto discourse closely, and with some earnestness.\n\n[He seems, through the whole of this week, to have been greatly engaged\nto fill up every inch of time in the service of God, and to have been\nmost diligently employed in study, prayer, and instructing the Indians;\nand from time to time expresses longings of soul after God, and the\nadvancement of his kingdom.]\n\nMonday, October 31. My soul was so lifted up to God, that I could\npour out my desires to him, for more grace and further degrees of\nsanctification, with abundant freedom. I longed to be more abundantly\nprepared for that blessedness, with which I was then in some measure\nrefreshed.\n\nThursday, November 3. I spent this day in secret fasting and prayer,\nfrom morning till night. Early in the morning, I had some assistance\nin prayer. Afterwards, I read the story of Elijah the prophet, 1\u00a0Kings\nxvii. xviii. and xix. chapters. My soul was much moved, observing the\nfaith, zeal, and power of that holy man; and how he wrestled with God\nin prayer. I then cried with Elisha, \u201cWhere is the Lord God of Elijah!\u201d\nI longed for more faith! My soul breathed after God, and pleaded with\nhim, that a \u201cdouble portion of that spirit,\u201d which was given to Elijah,\nmight \u201crest on me.\u201d And that which was refreshing to my soul, was, I\nsaw God is the _same_ that he was in the days of Elijah.\u2015\u2015I was enabled\nto wrestle with God by prayer, in a more affectionate, humble, and\nimportunate manner, than I have for many months past. Nothing seemed\ntoo hard for God to perform; nothing too great for me to hope for from\nhim.\u2015\u2015I had for many months lost all hopes of doing any special service\nfor God in the world; it appeared entirely impossible, that one so\nvile should be thus employed for God. But at this time God was pleased\nto revive this hope.\u2015\u2015Afterwards I read the third chapter of Exodus\nand on to the xxth, and saw more of the _glory_ and _majesty_ of _God_\ndiscovered in those chapters, than ever I had seen before; frequently\nin the mean time falling on my knees, and crying to God for the faith\nof Moses, and for a manifestation of the _divine glory_. My soul was\nardent in prayer, and I was enabled to wrestle for myself, for my\nfriends, and for the church of God. And I felt more desire to see the\npower of God in the conversion of souls, than I have done for a long\nseason. Blessed be God for this season of fasting and prayer! May his\ngoodness always abide with me, and draw my soul to him!\n\n*Monday November 7. This morning my mind was solemn, fixed,\naffectionate, and ardent in desires after holiness; and felt full of\ntenderness and love; and my affections seemed to be dissolved into\nkindness and softness.\u2015\u2015My soul longed after God, and cried to him with\nfilial freedom, reverence, and boldness. O that I might be entirely\nconsecrated and devoted to God!\n\nThursday, November 10. I spent this day in fasting and prayer. In the\nmorning I was dull and lifeless: But after some time, reading 2 Kings\nxix. chapter, my soul was moved and affected. I saw there was no way\nfor the afflicted to take, but to go to God with all their sorrows.\nHezekiah, in his great distress, went and spread his complaint before\nthe Lord. I was then enabled to see the mighty power of God, and my\nextreme need of that power; and to cry to God affectionately and\nardently for his power to be exercised towards me.\n\n[The remaining part of this week, and the two following weeks, he was\nvery ill, and full of pain; and yet obliged, to be at great fatigues,\ntravelling day and night, in stormy and severe seasons. He from time\nto time, within this space, speaks of out-goings of soul after God; his\nheart strengthened in God; seasons of divine sweetness and comfort. And\nyet there are many complaints of lifelessness, distance from God, and\nunprofitableness. But still there appears a constant care, from day to\nday, not to lose time, but to employ it all for God.]\n\nTuesday, November 29. I began to study the Indian tongue, with\nMr. Sergeant at \u2666Stockbridge.\u00b9\u2015\u2015I was perplexed for want of more\nretirement.\u2015\u2015I love to live alone in my own little _cottage_, where\nI can spend much time in prayer.\n\n \u2666 \u201cStockbrige\u201d replaced with \u201cStockbridge\u201d\n\n \u00b9 The commissioners had directed him to spend much time\n this winter with Mr. Sergeant, to learn the language of\n the Indians; which necessitated him very often to ride,\n backwards and forwards, twenty miles through the uninhabited\n woods between Stockbridge and Kaunaumeek. This many times\n exposed him to extreme hardship in that severe season.\n\nMonday, December 5. I rode to Stockbridge, but was almost outdone with\nthe extreme cold. I had some refreshing meditations by the way; but was\nbarren and lifeless, much of the day. Thus my days roll away, with but\nlittle done for God; and this is my burden.\n\nTuesday, December 6. I was perplexed to see the vanity and levity of\nprofessed Christians: but I spent the evening with a Christian friend,\nthat was able to sympathize with me in my spiritual conflicts.\n\n*Thursday, December 8. My mind was lost with different affections. I\nwas looking round in the world, to see if there was not some happiness\nto be derived from it. God, and some objects in the world seemed each\nto invite my heart, and my soul seemed to be distracted between them.\nI have not been so beset for a long time: with relation to some objects\nwhich I thought myself most dead to. But while I was desiring to please\nmyself with any thing below, sorrow and perplexity attended the first\nmotions of desire.\u2015\u2015I found no peace or deliverance from distraction,\ntill I found access to the throne of grace; and as soon as I had\nany sense of God, the allurements of the world vanished. But my soul\nmourned over my folly, that I should desire any pleasure, but in God.\nGod forgive my spiritual idolatry.\n\nThursday, December 22. I spent this day alone in fasting and prayer,\nand reading in God\u2019s word the exercises and deliverance of his children.\nI had realizing apprehensions of divine power, grace, and holiness; and\nalso of the unchangeableness of God, that he is the same as he was when\nhe delivered his saints of old out of tribulation. My soul was sundry\ntimes in prayer enlarged for God\u2019s church and people. O that Zion might\nbecome the \u201cjoy of the whole earth!\u201d\n\nMonday, December 26. I rode down to Stockbridge, but was very much\nfatigued with my journey, wherein I underwent great hardship: being\nvery wet by falling into a river. I spent the day without much sense\nof divine things; but perplexed with wandering thoughts.\n\nThursday, December 29. I spent the day mainly in conversing with\nfriends; yet enjoyed little satisfaction, because I could find but few\ndisposed to converse of heavenly things. Alas what are the things of\nthis world, to afford satisfaction to the soul!\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015I blessed God for\nretirement, and that I am not always exposed to company. O that I could\nlive \u201cin the secret of God\u2019s presence!\u201d\n\nFriday, December 30. I was in a solemn devout frame and wondered that\nearth with all its charms, should ever allure me in the least degree.\nO that I could always realize the being and holiness of God!\n\nSaturday, December 31. I rode from Stockbridge home: the air was clear\nand calm, but as cold as ever I felt it. I was in great danger of\nperishing by the extremity of the season.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, January 1, 1743\u20124. Of a truth God has been gracious to me\nthe past year, though he has caused me to pass through many sorrows; he\nhas provided for me bountifully, so that I have been enabled in about\nfifteen month\u2019s past, to bestow to charitable uses about an hundred\npounds. Blessed be the Lord, that has so far used me as _his steward_\nto distribute a _portion of his goods_. May I always remember, that all\nI have comes from God. Blessed be the Lord, that has carried me through\nall the toils, fatigues, and hardships of the year past. O that I could\nbegin this year _with God_, and spend the whole of it to _his glory_,\neither in life or death!\n\nTuesday, January 3. My time passes away so swiftly, that I am\nastonished when I reflect how little I do in it. My state of solitude\ndoes not make the hours hang heavy upon my hands. O what reason of\nthankfulness have I on account of this retirement! I do not, and it\nseems I cannot, lead a Christian life when I am abroad, and cannot\nspend time in devotion, Christian conversation, and meditation. Those\nweeks that I am obliged to be from home, in order to learn the Indian\ntongue, are mostly spent in barrenness. When I return home, and give\nmyself to meditation, prayer, and fasting, a new scene opens, and my\nsoul longs for mortification, self-denial, humility, and divorcement\nfrom all the things of the world.\n\n*Wednesday, January 4. Time appeared a _moment_, life a _vapour_, and\nall its enjoyments as _empty bubbles_, and fleeting blasts of wind.\n\n*Friday, January 6. Feeling my extreme weakness, and want of grace,\nI set apart this day for fasting and prayer, neither eating nor\ndrinking from evening to evening. And my soul intensely longed,\nthat the dreadful spots and stains of sin may be washed away. My\nmind was greatly fixed on divine things: my resolutions for a life\nof mortification, continual watchfulness, self-denial, seriousness,\nand devotion to God, were strong and fixed; my desires ardent and\nintense: my conscience tender and afraid of every appearance of evil.\nMy soul was grieved with the reflection on my past levity, and want of\nresolution for God. I solemnly renewed my dedication of myself to God,\nand longed for grace to enable me always to keep covenant with him.\n\nSaturday, January 14. This morning I enjoyed a solemn season in prayer:\nmy soul seemed enlarged, to pour out itself to God for grace, and for\nevery blessing I wanted, for myself, my dear Christian friends, and for\nthe church of God; and I was so enabled to _see him who is invisible_,\nthat my soul _rested upon him_ for the performance of every thing I\nasked. It was my happiness, to \u201ccontinue instant in prayer.\u201d My soul\nwas \u201cstrong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.\u201d I longed\nexceedingly for angelic holiness, and to have all my thoughts, at all\ntimes employed in heavenly things. O how blessed is an heavenly temper!\nO how unspeakably blessed it is to feel a measure of that rectitude, in\nwhich we were at first created!\n\n[The next day he speaks of some glimpses he had of the divine glories;\nbut seems to be filled with fears lest he should return to a life of\nvanity, to please himself with some of the enjoyments of this world;\nand speaks of his being much troubled that he should address immortal\nsouls with no more ardency and desire of their salvation.]\n\nSaturday, February 4. I enjoyed freedom and spiritual refreshment;\nwas enabled to pray with fervency, and longing desires for Zion\u2019s\nprosperity, and my faith and hope seem to _take hold of God_, for\nthe performance of what I was enabled to plead for. Sanctification in\nmyself, and the ingathering of God\u2019s elect, was all my desire; and the\nhope of its accomplishment, all my joy.\n\nMonday, February 6. This morning, my soul was strengthened in God,\nand found sweet repose in him; longing especially for the complete\nmortification of sensuality and pride, and for resignation to God\u2019s\ndispensations, at all times, as through grace I felt it at this time.\nAnd I did not desire deliverance from any difficulty, unless God was\nwilling.\n\nTuesday, February 7. I was much engaged in meditation on the powers and\naffections of the godly soul in their pursuit of their beloved object:\nwrote something of the native language of spiritual sensation, in its\nsoft and tender whispers; declaring, that it now \u201cfeels and tastes that\nthe Lord is gracious;\u201d that he is the supreme good, the only satisfying\nhappiness; that he is a complete, sufficient, and Almighty portion:\nsaying,\n\n*_\u201cWhom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that\nI desire besides thee._ O, I feel it is heaven to please him, and to\nbe just what he would have me to be! O that my soul were _holy, as he\nis holy_! O that it were _pure, even as Christ is pure_: and _perfect,\nas my Father in heaven is perfect_! These, I feel, are the sweetest\ncommands in God\u2019s book, comprising all others. And shall I break them!\nMust I break them! Am I under a necessity of it as long as I live\nin the world!\u00b9 O my soul, wo, wo is me that I am a sinner, because I\ngrieve and offend this blessed God, who is infinite in goodness and\ngrace! Oh methinks, if he would punish me for my sins, it would not\nwound my heart so deep to offend him: but though I sin continually, yet\nhe continually repeats his kindness to me! I could bear any suffering;\nbut how can I bear to grieve and dishonour this blessed God! How shall\nI yield ten thousand times more honour to him? What shall I do to\nglorify this best of beings? O that I could consecrate myself, soul and\nbody, to his service for ever! O that I give up myself to him, so as\nnever more to attempt to be my own, or to have any will or affections\nthat are not perfectly \u2666conformed to him! But, alas, alas! I cannot\nbe thus entirely devoted to God.\u00b2 O ye angels, do ye glorify him\nincessantly; and if possible, prostrate yourselves lower before the\nblessed King of Heaven! I long to bear a part with you; and, if it were\npossible, to help you. Oh, when we have done all that we can, to all\neternity, we shall not be able to offer the ten thousandth part of the\nhomage that the glorious God deserves!\u201d\n\n \u00b9 No.\n\n \u2666 \u201cconfirmed\u201d replaced with \u201cconformed\u201d per Errata\n\n \u00b2 You may as sure as God is true.\n\nThursday, February 9. I observed this day as a day of fasting and\nprayer, intreating of God to bestow upon me his blessing and grace:\nespecially to enable me to live a life of mortification to the world,\nas well as of resignation and patience. I enjoyed a realizing sense of\ndivine power and goodness in prayer: and was enabled to roll the burden\nof myself and friends, and of Zion, upon the goodness of God.\n\nFriday, February 10. I was exceedingly oppressed with shame, grief, and\nfear, under a sense of my past folly. When God sets before me my past\nmisconduct, especially any instances of _misguided zeal_, it sinks my\nsoul into shame and confusion.\u2015\u2015I have no confidence to hold up my face,\neven before my fellow-worms; but only when my soul confides in God, and\nI find the sweet temper of Christ, the spirit of humility, solemnity,\nand mortification, and resignation, alive in my soul.\n\nMonday, February 13. I rode to Stockbridge, and had a more refreshing\ntaste of heavenly blessedness, than I have enjoyed for many months past.\nI have many times, of late, felt as ardent desires of holiness as ever;\nbut not so much sense of the unspeakable pleasure of heaven. My soul\nlonged to leave earth, and bear a part with angels in their celestial\nemployments. My soul said, \u201cLord, it is good to be here;\u201d and it\nappeared to me better to die, than to lose the relish of these heavenly\ndelights.\n\nWednesday, February 22. I had as clear a sense of the pollution of my\nnature, as ever I had in my life. I appeared to myself inexpressibly\nlothsome; sins of childhood, of early youth, and such follies as I\nhad not thought of for years together, came fresh to my view, as if\ncommitted but yesterday. Yet I was supported under my burdens; and\nfound it was comfortable to lean on God.\n\n*Friday, March 2. I never felt so much love to my enemies, (though at\nthat time I found such a disposition, that I scarce knew how to think\nthat any such thing as enmity lodged in any soul; it seemed as if all\nthe world must needs be friends;) and never prayed with more freedom\nand delight, for myself, or dearest friend, than I did now for them.\n\n*Saturday, March 3. I spent an hour in prayer, with great freedom,\nand with the most soft and tender affection towards mankind. I longed\nthat those who owe me ill-will, might be eternally happy: it seemed\nrefreshing, to think of meeting them in heaven, how much soever they\nhad injured me on earth: I had no disposition to insist upon any\nconfession from them, in order to reconciliation, and the exercise of\nlove and kindness to them. O it is an emblem of heaven, to love all the\nworld with a love of kindness and benevolence; to feel our souls sedate,\nmild and meek; to be void of all evil-surmisings and suspicions, scarce\nable to think evil of any man; to find our hearts, simple, open and\nfree, to those that look upon us with a different eye.\n\n*Lord\u2019s-day, March 4. I enjoyed the same intenseness in prayer as\nyesterday, felt the same spirit of love, universal benevolence,\nforgiveness, humility, resignation, mortification to the world, and\ncomposure of mind. \u201cMy soul rested in God;\u201d and I found, I wanted no\nother refuge or friend. While my soul thus trusts in God, all things\nseem to be at peace with me, even the stones of the earth; but when I\ncannot confide in God, all things appear with a different aspect.\n\n*Saturday, March 10. I felt exceeding dead to the world, and all its\nenjoyments: I was ready to give up life and all its comforts, as soon\nas called to it; and yet then had as much comfort of life as almost\never I had. Life itself appeared but an empty bubble; the riches,\nhonours, and enjoyments of it extremely tasteless. I longed to be\nperpetually and entirely _crucified_ to all things here below. My soul\nwas sweetly resigned to God\u2019s disposal of me, in every regard; and\nI saw, there had nothing happened to me but what was best for me. I\nconfided in God, that he would \u201cnever leave me,\u201d though I should \u201cwalk\nthrough the valley of the shadow of death.\u201d It was \u201cmy meat and drink\nto be holy, to live to the Lord, and to die to the Lord.\u201d And I then\nenjoyed such an heaven, as far exceeded the most sublime conceptions of\nan unregenerate soul; and even unspeakably beyond what I myself could\nconceive at another time. I did not wonder, that Peter said, \u201cLord it\nis good to be here,\u201d when thus refreshed with divine glories. My soul\nwas full of love and tenderness in the duty of intercession; especially\nof sweet affection to some godly ministers. I prayed earnestly for\nthose I have reason to fear are my enemies; and could not have spoken a\nword of bitterness, or entertained a bitter thought, against the vilest\nman living. I had a sense of my own great unworthiness. My soul seemed\nto breathe forth love and praise to God afresh, when I thought he\nwould let his children love and receive me as one of their brethren and\nfellow-citizens; and when I thought of their treating me in that manner,\nI longed to lie at their feet; and could think of no way to express the\nsincerity and simplicity of my love and esteem of them, as being much\nbetter than myself.\u2015\u2015I longed to get on my knees, and ask forgiveness\nof every body that ever had seen any thing amiss in my past conduct,\nespecially in my _religious zeal_.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, March 11. I had some freedom, affection, and fervency in\naddressing my poor people; longing that God should take hold of their\nhearts. And indeed I had so much to say to them, that I knew not how to\nleave off speaking.\u00b9\n\n \u00b9 This was the last Sabbath that ever he performed public\n service at Kaunaumeek, and these the last sermons that ever\n he preached there.\n\nMonday, March 12. My spirit was full of quietness, and love to mankind;\nand I longed that peace should reign on the earth: I was grieved at the\nvery thoughts of a _fiery, angry_, and _intemperate_ zeal in religion;\nmourned over my past follies; and confided in God for grace sufficient\nfor my future work and trials.\u2015\u2015Spent the day mainly in hard labour,\nmaking preparation for my intended journey.\n\nWednesday, March 14. I enjoyed some intenseness of soul in prayer,\nrepeating my petitions for God\u2019s presence in every place, and besought\nthe Lord that I might not be too much pleased with my dear friends and\nacquaintance. Near ten I set out on my journey, and before night came\nto Stockbridge.\n\nThursday, March 15. I rode down to Sheffield. Here I met a messenger\nfrom East-Hampton on Long-Island; who by the unanimous vote of that\nlarge town, was sent to invite me thither, in order to settle with that\npeople; I knew not what to do; but endeavoured to commit the cause to\nGod.\n\n[The two next days, he went no farther than Salisbury, being hindered\nby the rain. When he came there, he was much indisposed.\u2015\u2015He speaks\nof comfortable and profitable conversation with Christian friends, on\nthese days.]\n\nLord\u2019s day, March 18. [At Salisbury] I was exceeding weak and faint, so\nthat I could scarce walk: but God was pleased to afford me much freedom,\nclearness, and fervency in preaching.\u2015\u2015Here another messenger met me,\nand informed me of the vote of another congregation, to give me an\ninvitation to come among them. I was something exercised in mind. O\nthat God would \u201csend forth faithful labourers into his harvest!\u201d\n\n[After this, he went forward on his journey towards New-York and\nNew-Jersey: in which he proceeded slowly; performing his journey under\ngreat bodily indisposition. However, he preached several times by the\nway, in which he had considerable assistance: he speaks of comfort in\nconversation with Christian friends; but yet complains of a decline\nof vivacity, by means of his constant removal from place to place, and\nwant of retirement. He came to New-York on Wednesday, March 28, and to\nElisabeth-Town on the Saturday following, where it seems he waited till\nthe commissioners came together.]\n\nThursday, April 5. I attended on the commissioners in their meeting,\u00b9\nand resolved to go on still with the Indian affair, if divine\nprovidence permitted; although I had before felt some inclination to\ngo to East-Hampton.\u00b2\n\n \u00b9 The Indians at Kaunaumeek being but few in number, and\n Mr. Brainerd having now been labouring among them about a\n year, and having prevailed upon them to leave Kaunaumeek,\n and remove to Stockbridge, to live constantly under Mr.\n Sergeant\u2019s ministry; he thought he might now do more service\n for Christ among the Indians elsewhere: and therefore went\n this journey to New-Jersey to lay the matter before the\n commissioners; who met at Elisabeth-Town, on this occasion,\n and determined that he should forthwith leave Kaunaumeek,\n and go to the Delaware Indians.\n\n \u00b2 By the invitations Mr. Brainerd lately received, it\n appears that it \u2666was not from necessity, or for want of\n opportunities to settle among the English, that he was\n determined to forsake all outward comforts, and to go and\n spend his life among the brutish savages. He had, just\n as he was leaving Kaunaumeek, an earnest invitation to a\n settlement at East-Hampton on Long-Island, the fairest,\n pleasantest town on the whole island, and one of its largest\n and most wealthy parishes. The people there were unanimous\n in their desires to have him for their pastor, and for a\n long time continued in an earnest pursuit of it. Besides he\n had an invitation to Millington; which was near his native\n town, and in the midst of his friends. Nor did Mr. Brainerd\n chuse the business of a missionary, rather than accept of\n those invitations, because he was unacquainted with the\n difficulties and sufferings which attended such a service:\n for he had had experience of these difficulties in summer\n and winter: having spent about a twelvemonth in a lonely\n desert among these savages, where he had gone through\n extreme hardships, a train of outward and inward sorrows.\n Notwithstanding all these things, he chose still to go on;\n and that although the place he was now going to, was at a\n much greater distance from most of his friends, acquaintance,\n and native land.\n\n \u2666 \u201cwas\u201d replaced with \u201cwas not\u201d per Errata\n\n[After this, he continued two or three days in \u2666the Jerseys, very ill;\nand then returned to New-York; and from thence into New-England, to his\nnative town of Haddam; where he arrived on Saturday, April 14.]\n\n \u2666 \u201che\u201d replaced with \u201cthe\u201d\n\n*Tuesday, April 17. I found more of God\u2019s presence, than I have done\nany time in my late wearisome journey. Eternity appeared very near;\nmy nature was very weak, and seemed ready to be dissolved; the sun\ndeclining, and the shadows of the evening drawing on a pace. O I longed\nto fill up the remaining moments all for God! Though my body was so\nfeeble, and wearied with preaching, and private conversation, yet I\nwanted to sit up all the night to do something for God. To God, the\ngiver of these refreshments, be glory for ever and ever.\n\n[After this, he visited several ministers in Connecticut; and then\ntravelled towards Kaunaumeek, and came to Mr. Sergeant\u2019s at Stockbridge,\nThursday, April 26.]\n\nFriday and Saturday, April 27, and 28. I spent some time in discoursing\nwith my people, who were now moved down from their own place to Mr.\nSergeant\u2019s.\n\nMonday, April 30. I rode to Kaunaumeek, but was extremely ill; and did\nnot enjoy the comfort I hoped for in my own house.\n\nTuesday, May 1. Having received new orders to go to the Indians on\nDelaware river in Pennsylvania, and my people here being mostly removed\nto Mr. Sergeant\u2019s, I this day took all my clothes, books, &c. and\ndisposed of them, and set out for Delaware river: but made it my way to\nreturn to Mr. \u2666Sergeant\u2019s; which I did this day, just at night. I rode\nseveral hours in the rain through the howling wilderness, although I\nwas so disordered in body, that little or nothing but blood came from\nme.\n\n \u2666 \u201cSerjeant\u2019s\u201d replaced with \u201cSergeant\u2019s\u201d\n\nTuesday, May 8. I spent much of my time, while riding, in prayer, that\nGod would go with me to Delaware. My heart sometimes was ready to sink\nwith the thoughts of my work, and going alone in the wilderness, I\nknew not where: but still it was comfortable, to think, that others of\nGod\u2019s children had \u201cwandered about in caves and dens of the earth:\u201d and\nAbraham, when he was called to go forth, \u201cwent out, not knowing whither\nhe went.\u201d\n\n[The next day, he went forward on his journey; crossed Hudson\u2019s river,\nand went to Goshen in the Highlands; and so travelled across the woods,\nfrom Hudson\u2019s river to Delaware, about an hundred miles, through a\ndesolate and hideous country, above New-Jersey; where were very few\nsettlements: in which journey he suffered much fatigue and hardship. He\nvisited some Indians in the way,\u00b9 and discoursed with them concerning\nChristianity, but was melancholy and disconsolate, being alone in a\nstrange wilderness. On Saturday, he came to a settlement of Irish and\nDutch people, about twelve miles above the Forks of Delaware.]\n\n \u00b9 See Mr. Brainerd\u2019s Narrative, in a letter to Mr. Pemberton.\n\nOn May 10. I met with a number of Indians in a place called Minnissinks,\nabout an hundred and forty miles from Kaunaumeek, and directly in my\nway to Delaware river. With these Indians I spent some time, and first\naddressed their _king_ in a friendly manner; and after some discourse,\nI told him I had a desire to instruct them in _Christianity_. At which\nhe laughed, turned his back upon me, and went away. I then addressed\nanother _principal_ man in the same manner, who said he was willing\nto hear me. After some time, I followed the _king_ into his house,\nand renewed my discourse to him: but he declined talking, and left\nthe affair to another, who appeared to be a rational man. He talked\nvery warmly near a quarter of an hour, and inquired why I desired the\nIndians to become _Christians_, seeing the Christians were so much\nworse than the Indians? The Christians, he said, would lie, steal,\nand drink, worse than the Indians. It was _they_ first taught the\nIndians to be drunk; and _they_ stole from one another, to that degree,\nthat their rulers were obliged to hang them for it, and that was not\nsufficient to deter others from the like practice. But the Indians,\nhe added, were none of them ever hanged for stealing, and yet they\ndid not steal half so much; and he supposed that if the Indians should\nbecome Christians, they then would be as bad as these. He added, they\nwould live as their _fathers_ lived, and go where their _fathers_ were\nwhen they died. I then freely _owned, lamented_, and joined with him\nin _condemning_ the ill conduct of some who are called _Christians_;\ntold him, these were not _Christians_ in _heart_; that I hated such\nwicked practices, and did not desire the Indians to become such as\nthese.\u2015\u2015And when he appeared calmer, I asked him if he was willing\nthat I should come and see them again: he replied, he should be willing\nto see me again, as a _friend_, if I would not desire them to become\n_Christians_.\u2015\u2015I then bid them farewell, and prosecuted my journey\ntowards Delaware. And May 13th I arrived at a place called by the\nIndians, Sakhauwotung, within the Forks of Delaware in Pennsylvania.\n\nHere also when I came to the Indians, I saluted their king, in a manner\nI thought most engaging: and soon after informed him of my desire to\ninstruct them in the _Christian religion_. After he had consulted a\nfew minutes with two or three old men, he told me, he was willing to\nhear. I then preached to those few that were present; who appeared very\nattentive. And the king in particular seemed both to wonder, and at the\nsame time to be well pleased with what I taught them, respecting the\ndivine being. And since that time he has ever shewn himself friendly\nto me, giving me free liberty to preach in his house whenever I think\nfit.\u2015\u2015Here therefore I spent the greater part of the summer, preaching\nusually in the king\u2019s house.\n\nThe number of Indians in this place is but small; most of those that\nformerly belonged here, are removed farther back in the country. There\nare not more than ten houses hereabouts, that continue to be inhabited;\nand some of these are several miles distant from others, which makes\nit difficult for the Indians to meet together so frequently as could be\ndesired.\n\nWhen I first began to preach here, the number of _hearers_ was very\nsmall; often not exceeding twenty or twenty-five persons: but towards\nthe latter part of the summer, their number increased, so that I have\nfrequently had forty persons, or more, at once: and often the most of\nthose belonging to these parts.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, May 13. I rose early; felt very poorly after my long\njourney, and after being wet and fatigued. I had scarce ever seen such\na gloomy morning in my life: there appeared to be no _Sabbath_: the\nchildren were all at play; I a stranger in the wilderness, and knew\nnot where to go; and all circumstances seemed to conspire to render\nmy affairs dark and discouraging. I mourned after the presence of God,\nand seemed like a creature banished from his sight! Yet he was pleased\nto support my sinking soul, amidst all my sorrows; so that I never\nentertained any thought of quitting my business among the poor Indians;\nbut was comforted, to think, that death would ere long set me free from\nthese distresses.\u2015\u2015I rode about three or four miles to the Irish people,\nwhere I found some that appeared sober and concerned about religion.\nMy heart then began to be a little encouraged: I went and preached\nfirst to the Irish, and then to the Indians: and in the evening I was\na little comforted; my soul seemed to rest on God and take courage. O\nthat the Lord would be my support and comforter in an evil world!\n\nMonday, May 14. I felt myself loose from all the world; all appeared\n\u201cvanity and vexation of spirit.\u201d I seemed lonesome, as if I was\nbanished from all mankind, and bereaved of all that is called pleasant\nin the world; but appeared to myself so vile and unworthy, it seemed\nfitter for me to be here than anywhere.\n\nThursday, May 17. I was greatly distressed with a sense of my vileness;\nappearing to myself too bad to walk on God\u2019s earth. God was pleased\nto let me see my inward pollution to such a degree, that I almost\ndespaired of being made holy. In the afternoon I met with the Indians,\naccording to appointment, and preached to them. And while riding to\nthem, I seemed to confide in God; and afterwards had some enlargement\nin prayer; vital piety and holiness appeared sweet to me, and I longed\nfor the perfection of it.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, May 20. I preached twice to the poor Indians, and enjoyed\nsome freedom in speaking. My soul longed for assistance from above,\nall the while; for I saw I had no strength for that work. Afterwards I\npreached to the Irish people; and several seemed much concerned, with\nwhom I discoursed afterwards with freedom and power. Blessed be God for\nany assistance to an unworthy worm.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, May 27. I visited my Indians in the morning, and attending\nupon a _funeral_ among them, was affected to see their _Heathenish\npractices_. O that they might be \u201cturned from darkness to light!\u201d\nAfterwards I got a considerable number of them together, and preached\nto them; and observed them very attentive. I then preached to the white\npeople, and several seemed much concerned; especially one who had been\neducated a Roman catholic. Blessed be the Lord for any help.\n\nMonday, June 11. This day the _presbytery_ met at Newark, in order\nto my _ordination_. I was very weak and disordered in body; yet\nendeavoured to repose my confidence in God. At three in the afternoon\nI preached my probation-sermon, from Acts xxvi. 17,\u00a018, being a text\ngiven me for that end. Afterwards I passed an examination before the\n_presbytery_. My mind was burdened with the greatness of that charge I\nwas about to take upon me: so that I could not sleep this night, though\nvery weary and in great need of rest.\n\nTuesday, June 12. I was this morning further examined, respecting\nmy experimental acquaintance with Christianity. At ten o\u2019clock\nmy _ordination_ was attended. I was affected with a sense of the\nimportant trust committed to me; yet was composed, and solemn, without\ndistraction: and I then (as many times before) gave myself up to God,\nto be for him, and not for another. O that I might always \u2666be engaged\nin the service of God, and duly remember the solemn charge I have\nreceived, in the presence of God, angels, and men.\n\n \u2666 \u201che\u201d replaced with \u201cbe\u201d\n\n\n\n\n PART VI.\n\n _From his ordination, till he began to preach to the Indians\n at Crosweeksung._\n\n\nTHURSDAY, June 14. I wondered, that God should open the hearts of any\nto treat me with kindness: and saw myself to be unworthy of any favour,\nfrom God or men. I had much pain in my head; however I determined to\nset out on my journey towards Delaware; but in the afternoon my pain\nincreased, so that I was obliged to take to my bed; and the night\nfollowing, I was greatly distressed with pain and sickness, and almost\nbereaved of reason. On Saturday I was something relieved; but unable\nto walk, till the Monday following. I often admired the goodness of\nGod, that he did not suffer me to proceed on my journey from this\nplace where I was so tenderly used.\u2015\u2015God is very gracious to me,\nboth in health and sickness, and intermingles much mercy with all my\nafflictions.\n\n[On Tuesday, June 19. He set out, and in three days reached his place,\nnear the Forks of Delaware.]\n\n*Lord\u2019s-day, June 24. I was scarce able to walk: however, visited my\nIndians, and took much pains to instruct them. But my mind was much\nburdened with the weight of my work. My whole dependence was on God;\nwho alone I saw could make them willing to receive instruction. My\nheart was much engaged in prayer, sending up silent requests to God,\neven while I was speaking to them. O that I could always go in the\nstrength of the Lord!\n\nMonday, June 25. To an eye of reason every thing that respects the\nconversion of the Heathen is as dark as midnight; and yet I cannot but\nhope in God, for the accomplishment of something glorious among them. I\nlonged much for the advancement of the Redeemer\u2019s kingdom on earth, and\nwas very fearful lest I should admit some vain thought, and so lose the\nsense I had of divine things. O for an abiding heavenly temper!\n\n*Tuesday, June 26. I was much discouraged with the extreme difficulty\nof the work; yet God supported me; and though the work of their\nconversion appeared \u201cimpossible with man, yet with God\u201d I saw \u201call\nthings were possible.\u201d I was much assisted in prayer, especially for\nthe poor Heathen, and those of my own charge: and hoped that God would\nbow the heavens and come down for their salvation. It seemed to me,\nthere could be no impediment sufficient to obstruct that glorious work,\nseeing the living God was engaged for it. I continued solemnly lifting\nup my heart to God, that I might be more mortified to this world, that\nmy soul might be taken up continually in the advancement of Christ\u2019s\nkingdom: and longed that God would purge me more, that I might be as\na chosen vessel to bear his name among the Heathens.\n\nWednesday, June 27. In the afternoon, I rode several miles to see if\nI could procure any lands for the poor Indians, that they might live\ntogether, and be under better advantages for instruction. While I was\nriding, I had a deep sense of the difficulty of my work; and my soul\nrelied wholly upon God for success, in the diligent and faithful use\nof means. I saw with the greatest certainty, that _the arm of the Lord_\nmust be _revealed_, for the help of these poor Heathen, if ever they\nwere delivered from the bondage of the powers of darkness.\n\nThursday, June 28. Towards noon I rode up to the Indians; and while\ngoing, my heart went up to God in prayer for them; I could freely tell\nGod, he knew the cause was not mine, but his own, and it would be for\nhis own glory to convert the poor Indians: and blessed be God. I felt\nno desire of honour from the world, as the instrument of it.\n\nSaturday, June 30. My soul was much solemnized in reading God\u2019s word;\nespecially the ninth chapter of Daniel. *I saw how God had called\nout his servants to prayer, and made them wrestle with him, when he\ndesigned to bestow any great mercy on his church. And I was ashamed of\nmyself, to think of my dulness and inactivity, when there seemed to be\nso much to do for the upbuilding of Zion. Oh, how does Zion lie waste!\nI longed, that the church of God might be enlarged: and was enabled\nto pray in faith; my soul seemed sensibly to confide in God, and was\nenabled to wrestle with him. Afterwards, I walked abroad to a place of\nsweet retirement, and enjoyed assistance in prayer again: had a sense\nof my great need of divine help, and felt my soul sensibly depend on\nGod.\n\n*Lord\u2019s day, July 1. After I came to the Indians, my mind was confused;\nand I felt nothing of that sweet reliance on God, that my soul has\nbeen comforted with in days past. In the afternoon I felt still barren,\nwhen I began to preach; I seemed to myself to know nothing, and to\nhave nothing to say to the Indians; but soon after, I found in myself\na spirit of love, and warmth, and power; and God helped me to plead\nwith them, to \u201cturn from all the vanities of the Heathen, to the living\nGod:\u201d I am persuaded, the Lord touched their consciences; for I never\nsaw such attention in them before. When I came away, I spent the whole\ntime I was riding, in prayer and praise to God. And after I had rode\ntwo miles, it came into my mind to dedicate myself to God again: which\nI did with great solemnity, and unspeakable satisfaction; especially\ngiving up myself to him anew in the work of the ministry. And this I\ndid without any exception or reserve; not in the least shrinking back\nfrom any difficulties, that might attend this blessed work. I was most\nfree, chearful, and full in this dedication of myself. My whole soul\ncried, \u201cLord, to thee I dedicate myself: O accept of me, and let me be\nthine for ever. Lord, I desire nothing else; I desire nothing more. O\ncome, come Lord, accept a poor worm. \u2018_Whom have I in heaven but thee?\nAnd there is none upon earth, that I desire besides thee._\u2019\u201d After this,\nI was enabled to praise God with my whole soul, that he had enabled me\nto devote and consecrate all my powers to him in this solemn manner.\nMy heart rejoiced in my particular work as a _missionary_; rejoiced in\nmy necessity of self-denial; and still continued to give up myself to\nGod, and implore mercy of him; praying incessantly, every moment, with\nsweet fervency. My nature being very weak of late, was now considerably\novercome: my fingers grew very feeble, and numb, so that I could\nscarcely stretch them out strait; and when I lighted from my horse\nI could hardly walk, my joints seeming all to be loosed. But I felt\nabundant strength _in the inner man_. I preached to the white people,\nand God helped me much. Sundry of my poor Indians were so moved as to\ncome to meeting also; and one appeared much concerned.\n\nTuesday, July 3. This morning, I was enabled to pray under a feeling\nsense of my need of help, to plead with God a considerable time.\nTruly God is good to me. But my soul was grieved at my sinfulness and\n\u2666barrenness, and longed to be more engaged for God. O it is sweet to\nbe _the Lord\u2019s_, to be sensibly devoted to him! What a blessed portion\nis God! How glorious, how lovely! O my soul longed to employ my time\nwholly for God!\u2015\u2015In the evening, I was enabled again to wrestle with\nGod in prayer with fervency to maintain a self-diffident and watchful\nframe of spirit, jealous and afraid lest I should admit carelessness or\nself-confidence.\n\n \u2666 \u201cbarreness\u201d replaced with \u201cbarrenness\u201d\n\nFriday, July 6. I am of late, most of all concerned for ministerial\nqualifications, and the conversion of the Heathen; last year, I longed\nto be prepared for a world of glory, and speedily to depart out of\nthis world; but of late, my chief concern is for the conversion of the\nHeathen, and for that end, I long to live. But blessed be God, I have\nless desire to live for any of the pleasures of the world, than ever\nI had: I long and love to be a pilgrim; and want grace to imitate the\nlife, labours and sufferings of St. Paul among the Heathen. And when\nI long for holiness now, it is chiefly, that whereby I may become\nan \u201cable minister of the New Testament,\u201d especially to the Heathen.\nI spent two hours this morning in reading and prayer; and was in\na watchful tender frame, afraid of every thing that might cool my\naffections, and draw away my heart from God.\n\n*Lord\u2019s day, July 8. I was watchful, tender, and jealous of my own\nheart, lest I should admit carelessness and vain thoughts, and grieve\nthe blessed Spirit, so that he should withdraw his sweet, kind, and\ntender influences. I longed to \u201cdepart, and be with Christ,\u201d more than\nat any time of late. My soul was exceedingly united to the saints of\nantient times, as well as those now living; especially my soul melted\nfor the society of Elijah and Elisha.\n\nWednesday, July 11. My soul was diffident, watchful, and tender, lest\nI should offend my blessed Friend, in thought or behaviour. I confided\nin, and leaned upon the blessed God. Oh, what need did I see myself to\nstand in of God at all times, to assist me and lead me!\n\nSaturday, July 21. Towards night my burden respecting my work among the\nIndians began to increase much; and was aggravated by hearing sundry\nthings that looked very discouraging, in particular that they intended\nto meet together the next day for an idolatrous feast and dance. Then I\nbegan to be in anguish: I thought I must in conscience go and endeavour\nto break them up; and knew not how to attempt such a thing. However I\nwithdrew to prayer, hoping for strength from above. And in prayer I was\nexceedingly enlarged, and my soul was much drawn out. I pleaded with\nso much earnestness and importunity, that when I arose from my knees I\ncould scarcely walk straight, my joints were loosed, the sweat ran down\nmy face and body, and nature seemed as if it would dissolve. I knew\nthey were met together to worship devils, and not God, and this made\nme cry earnestly that God would appear, and help me in my attempts to\nbreak up this idolatrous meeting. My soul pleaded long; and I thought\nGod would go with me to vindicate his own cause: and thus I spent\nthe evening, praying incessantly that I might not be self-dependent,\nbut have my whole dependence upon God. What I passed through was\ninexpressible. *All things here below vanished; and there appeared to\nbe nothing of any importance to me, but holiness of heart and life, and\nthe conversion of the Heathen to God. All my cares, fears, and desires,\nwhich might be said to be of a worldly nature, disappeared; and were of\nlittle more importance than a puff of wind. I exceedingly longed, that\nGod would get to himself a name among the Heathen; and I appealed to\nhim with the greatest freedom, that he knew I \u201cpreferred him above my\nchief joy.\u201d Indeed, I had no notion of joy from this world; I cared not\nwhere or how I lived, or what hardships I went through, so that I could\nbut gain souls to Christ.\n\nLord\u2019s day, July 22. When I waked, my soul was burdened with what\nseemed to be before me: I cried to God, before I could get out of my\nbed: as soon as I was dressed, I withdrew into the woods, to pour out\nmy soul to him for assistance; and did with unspeakable freedom give\nup myself afresh to God, for life or death, for all hardships he should\ncall me to among the Heathen; and felt as if nothing could discourage\nme from this blessed work. I had a strong hope, that God would \u201cbow the\nheavens and come down,\u201d and do some marvellous work among the Heathen.\nAnd when I was riding to the Indians, my heart was continually going\nup to God; and hoping, that God would make this the day of his power\nand grace amongst the poor Indians. When I came to them, I found them\nengaged in their frolic; but through divine goodness I got them to\nbreak up and attend my preaching: yet still there appeared nothing of\nthe special power of God among them. I preached again to them in the\nafternoon; and observed they were more sober than before; but still saw\nnothing special among them; from whence Satan took occasion to buffet\nme with these cursed suggestions, There is no God, or if there be, he\nis not able to convert the Indians, before they have more knowledge.\nI was very weak and weary, and my soul borne down with perplexity; but\nwas determined still to wait upon God.\n\nTuesday, July 24. I rode over a hideous mountain, to a number of\nIndians, at a place called Kauksesauchung, more than thirty miles\nwestward from the place where I usually preach. I found about thirty\npersons, and proposed my desire of preaching to them: they readily\ncomplied, and I preached to them only twice, they being just then\nremoving from this place, to Susquahannah river.\n\nWhile I was preaching, they appeared sober, and attentive: and were\nsomewhat surprized, having never before heard of these things. There\nwere two or three, who suspected that I had some ill design upon them;\nand urged, that the white people had abused them, and taken their lands\nfrom them, and therefore they had no reason to think that they were\nconcerned for their happiness; but, on the contrary, that they designed\nto make them slaves, or get them on board their vessels, and make them\nfight with the people over the water, (as they expressed it,) meaning\nthe French and Spaniards. However the most of them appeared very\nfriendly, and told me they were then going home to Susquahannah, and\ndesired I would make them a visit there, and manifested a considerable\ndesire of instruction.\n\nThis invitation gave me some encouragement in my great work; and made\nme hope, that God designed to \u201copen an \u2666effectual door to me\u201d for\nspreading the gospel among the poor Heathens farther westward.\n\n \u2666 \u201ceffectul\u201d replaced with \u201ceffectual\u201d\n\n[From these Indians he returned to the Irish settlement, and there\npreached to a numerous congregation: where was a considerable\nappearance of awakening. Thursday, he returned home, exceedingly\nfatigued and spent; still in the same mortification to the world, and\nsolicitous for the advancement of Christ\u2019s kingdom: and on this day\nhe says, \u201cI have felt, this week more of the spirit of a _pilgrim on\nearth_, than ever before; and yet so desirous to see Zion\u2019s prosperity,\nthat I was not so willing to leave this scene of sorrow as I used to\nbe.\u201d\u2015\u2015On the sabbath, he was confined by illness, not able to go out\nto preach. He continued very ill all the next week, and says, that \u201che\nthought he never before endured such a season of distressing weakness;\nand that his nature was so spent, that he could neither stand, sit, nor\nlie with any quiet; that he was exercised with extreme faintness and\nsickness at his stomach; and that his mind was as much disordered as\nhis body, seeming to be stupid, and without all kind of affection; and\nyet perplexed, to think, that he lived for nothing, that precious time\nrolled away, and he could do nothing but trifle.\u201d\u2015\u2015Concerning the next\nfive days, he writes thus, \u201cOn Lord\u2019s-day, August 5, was still very\npoor. But though very weak, I visited and preached to the poor Indians\ntwice, and was strengthened vastly beyond my expectations. And indeed\nthe Lord gave me freedom and fervency in addressing them: though I had\nnot strength enough to stand, but was obliged to sit down the whole\ntime. Towards night I was extremely weak, faint, sick, and full of pain.\nAnd I have continued much the same last week, thro\u2019 the most of this,\n(it being now Friday) unable to engage in any business; frequently\nunable to pray in the family. I have neither strength to read, meditate,\nnor pray: and this perplexes my mind. I seem like a man that has all\nhis estate embarked in one small boat, unhappily going adrift, down\na swift current. The poor owner stands on the shore, and looks, and\nlaments his loss. But, alas! though my all seems to be adrift, and I\nstand and see it, I dare not lament: for this sinks my spirits more,\nand aggravates my bodily disorders. O that God would pity my distressed\nstate!\u201d\n\nThe next day three weeks, his illness was not so extreme; he was\nin some degree capable of business: he also had, for the most part,\nmuch inward assistance; he often expresses great longings for the\nenlargement of Christ\u2019s kingdom: he speaks of his hope of this as\nall his delight and joy. He continues still to express his usual\nlongings after holiness, and living to God, and his sense of his own\nunworthiness; he several times speaks of his appearing to himself the\nvilest creature on earth; and once says, that he verily thought there\nwas none of God\u2019s children who fell so far short of that holiness, and\nperfection in their obedience, which God requires.]\n\nSaturday, September 1. I enjoyed some comfort and sweetness: and as\nmy bodily strength was a little restored, so my soul seemed to be more\nengaged in the things of God.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, September 2. I was enabled to speak to my poor Indians with\nmuch concern and fervency; and God enabled me to exercise faith in him,\nwhile I was speaking to them. I perceived that some of them were afraid\nto embrace _Christianity_, lest they should be enchanted and poisoned\nby the \u2666_powwows_: but I bid a challenge to all these _powers of\ndarkness_, to do their worst upon _me_ first. I told my people, I was\na _Christian_, and asked them why the \u2666_powwows_ did not bewitch and\npoison me? I scarcely ever felt more sensible of my own unworthiness,\nthan in this: but I saw the honour of God was concerned; and I trusted\nto be preserved for a testimony of the divine power and goodness, and\nof the truth of Christianity.\n\n \u2666 \u201cpowows\u201d replaced with \u201cpowwows\u201d\n\nWednesday, September 26. After a journey to New-England, I rode home\nto the Forks of Delaware. What reason have I to bless God, who has\npreserved me in riding more than four hundred and twenty miles. My\nhealth likewise is greatly recovered. O that I could dedicate my all\nto God!\n\nMonday, October 1. I was engaged this day in making preparation for my\njourney to Susquahannah; and withdrew several times to plead for the\ndivine presence to go with me to the poor Pagans. Towards night I rode\nabout four miles, and met my brother Byram:\u00b9 who was come, at my desire,\nto be my companion to the Indians. I rejoiced to see him; and God made\nhis conversation profitable to me. I saw him, as I thought more dead to\nthe world, its cares, and alluring objects, than I was: and this made\nme look within myself, and gave me a greater sense of my ingratitude,\nand misery.\n\n \u00b9 Minister at a place called _Rockciticus_, about forty miles\n from Mr. Brainerd\u2019s lodgings.\n\nTuesday, October 2. I set out on my journey, in company with my dear\nbrother Byram, and my interpreter, and two chief Indians from the Forks\nof Delaware. We travelled about twenty-five miles, and lodged in one\nof the last houses on our road; after which there was nothing but a\nhideous and howling _wilderness_.\n\nWednesday, October 3. We went on our way into the wilderness, and\nfound far the most difficult and dangerous travelling, that ever any\nof us had seen; we had scarce any thing else but lofty mountains,\ndeep valleys, and hideous rocks, to make our way through. However,\nI felt sweetness in divine things, and had my mind intensely engaged\nin meditation. Near night, my beast that I rode upon, hung one of her\nlegs in the rocks, and fell down under me; but through divine goodness,\nI was not hurt. However, she broke her leg; and being near thirty\nmiles from any house, I saw nothing that could be done to preserve her\nlife, and so was obliged to kill her, and to prosecute my journey on\nfoot. Just at dark, we kindled a fire, cut up a few bushes, and made a\nshelter over our heads, to save us from the frost, which was very hard;\nand committing ourselves to God, we lay down on the ground, and slept\nquietly.\n\n[The next day, they went forward on their journey, and at night took up\ntheir lodging in the woods in like manner.]\n\nFriday, October 5. We arrived at Susquahannah-river, at a place called\n_Opeholhaupung_; and found there twelve Indian houses. After I had\nsaluted the king in a friendly manner, I told him my business, and that\nmy desire was to teach them _Christianity_. After some consultation,\nthe Indians gathered, and I preached to them. And when I had done, I\nasked, if they would hear me again. They replied, they would consider\nof it; and soon after sent me word, that they would immediately attend,\nif I would preach; which I did with much freedom. When I asked them\nagain, whether they would hear me further, they replied, they would\nthe next day. I was exceeding sensible of the impossibility of doing\nany thing for the poor Heathen without special assistance: and my soul\nrested on God, and left it to him, to do as he pleased in his own cause.\n\nSaturday, October 6. I preached again to the Indians: and in the\nafternoon, visited them from house to house, and invited them to come\nand hear me again the next day, and put off their hunting design, till\nMonday. \u201cThis night, the Lord stood by me,\u201d to encourage and strengthen\nmy soul: I spent more than an hour in secret retirement; and was\nenabled to \u201cpour out my heart before God,\u201d for the increase of grace\nin my soul, for ministerial endowments, and for success among the poor\nIndians.\n\nMonday, October 8. I visited the Indians with a design to take my leave,\nsupposing they would go out a hunting early; but beyond my expectation\nand hope, they desired to hear me preach again. I gladly complied with\ntheir request, and endeavoured to answer their _objections_ against\nChristianity. Then they went away; and we spent the afternoon in\nreading and prayer, intending to go homeward early the next day.\n\nTuesday, October 9. We rose about four, and commending ourselves to\nGod by prayer, we set out homewards about five, and travelled till past\nsix at night. We then made us a fire, and a shelter of barks, and so\nrested.\u2015\u2015In the night, the wolves howled round us; but God preserved us.\n\nFriday, October 12. I came home to my lodging; where I poured out my\nsoul to God, and endeavoured to bless him for his abundant goodness\nto me in my late journey. I scarce ever enjoyed more health; and\nGod marvellously, supported me under the fatigues of the way, and\ntravelling on foot. Blessed be the Lord, that preserves me in all my\nways.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, October 14. I was much confused and perplexed in my\nthoughts; and almost discouraged, thinking I should never be able\nto preach any more. However, I went to the place of public worship,\nlifting up my heart, and God was gracious to me, and helped me to plead\nwith him for holiness, and to use strong arguments with him, drawn\nfrom the sufferings of Christ for this very end, that men might be made\nholy. Afterwards I was much assisted in preaching. I know not that God\never helped me to preach in a more close manner. Through the infinite\ngoodness of God, I felt what I spake: and God enabled me to speak with\nuncommon clearness: and yet I was deeply sensible of my defects in\npreaching; blessed be the Lord for his mercy. In the evening I longed\nto be entirely alone, to bless God for help in extremity; and longed\nfor greater degrees of holiness, that I might shew my gratitude to God.\n\n*Tuesday, October 16. I felt a spirit of solemnity and watchfulness;\nand was afraid I should not live _to_ and _upon_ God: I longed for more\nintenseness and spirituality. In the evening I enjoyed sweet assistance\nin prayer, and thirsted and pleaded to be as holy as the blessed\n_angels_.\n\n*Friday, October 19. I had an abasing sense of my own unholiness; and\nfelt my soul melt and mourn, that I had grieved a gracious God, who was\nstill kind to me, notwithstanding all my unworthiness. My soul enjoyed\na sweet season of sorrow, that I had wronged that blessed God, who\nwas reconciled to me in his dear Son. My soul was now tender, devout,\nand solemn: and I was afraid of nothing but sin; and afraid of that in\nevery action and thought.\n\nWednesday, October 24. Near noon I rode to my people; spent some\ntime, and prayed with them: felt the frame of a _pilgrim_ on earth;\nlonged much to leave this gloomy mansion; but yet found patience and\nresignation. As I returned home from the Indians, I spent the whole\ntime in lifting up my heart to God.\n\nIn the evening I enjoyed a blessed season in prayer; was enabled\nto cry to God with a child-like spirit: enjoyed a sweet freedom in\nsupplicating for myself, and for my dear friends: and longed to be as\nlively in God\u2019s service as the angels.\n\n*Friday, October 26. In the morning my soul was melted with a sense of\ndivine goodness to such a vile worm; I delighted to lean upon God, and\nplace my whole trust in him: my soul was exceedingly grieved for sin,\nand prized and longed after holiness; it wounded my heart deeply, yet\nsweetly, to think how I had abused a kind God. I longed to be perfectly\nholy, that I might not grieve a gracious God: I longed for holiness\nmore for this end, than for my happiness sake: and yet this was my\ngreatest happiness, nevermore to dishonour, but always to glorify the\nblessed God.\n\nWednesday, October 31. I was sensible of my barrenness: my soul failed\nwhen I remembered the fervency I had enjoyed. Oh (I thought) if I could\nbut be spiritual, warm, heavenly minded, and affectionately breathing\nafter God, this would be better than life to me! My soul longed\nexceedingly for death, to be loosed from this dulness, and made ever\nactive in the service of God. I seemed to live for nothing, and to\ndo no good: and Oh, the burden of such a life! Oh, death, death, my\nkind friend, hasten and deliver me from dull mortality, and make me\nspiritual and vigorous to eternity!\n\nThursday, November 1. I felt life, and longings after God; I longed to\nbe always solemn, devout, and heavenly-minded; and was afraid to leave\noff praying, lest I should again lose a sense of the sweet things of\nGod.\n\nFriday, November 2. I was exercised sorely with some things that I\nthought myself most of all freed from. And thus I have ever found it,\nwhen I have thought the battle was over, and the conquest was gained,\nand so let down my watch, the enemy has risen up and done me the\ngreatest injury.\n\n[The next day he set out on a journey to New-York, to meet the\nPresbytery there: and was gone from home more than a fortnight. He\nseemed to enter on this journey with great reluctance; fearing it would\ncool his religious affections. But, yet, in his journey he had special\nseasons of God\u2019s gracious presence. He was greatly fatigued therein by\ncold and storms: and when he returned from New-York to New-Jersey, was\nvery ill for some time.]\n\nWednesday, November 21. I rode from Newark to Rockciticus in the\ncold, and was almost overcome with it. But I enjoyed sweetness in\nconversation with Mr. Jones: my soul loves the people of God, and\nespecially the ministers, who feel the same trials that I do.\n\n*Thursday, November 22. I came on my way to Delaware river, tho\u2019 much\ndisordered with a cold and pain in my head. About six at night I lost\nmy way in the wilderness, and wandered over rocks and mountains, down\nhideous steeps, through swamps, and most dreadful and dangerous places:\nand the night being dark, I was greatly exposed: I was much pinched\nwith cold, and distressed with an extreme pain in my head, attended\nwith sickness at my stomach; so that every step I took was distressing\nto me. I had little hope, but that I must lie in the woods all night.\nBut about nine o\u2019clock I found a house, and was kindly entertained.\nThus I have frequently been exposed: but God has hitherto preserved\nme; blessed be his name. Such fatigues and hardships serve to wean\nme from the earth; and will make heaven the sweeter. Formerly, when\nI was thus exposed, I was ready to please myself with the thoughts of\na comfortable house, a warm fire, and other outward comforts; but now\nthese have less place in my heart, (through the grace of God) and my\neye is more to God for comfort. In this world I expect tribulation, and\nit does not now appear strange to me. I do not in seasons of difficulty\nflatter myself that it will be better hereafter; but rather think,\nhow much worse it might be; how much greater trials others of God\u2019s\nchildren have endured; and how much greater may be reserved for me.\nBlessed be God, that he makes the thoughts of my journey\u2019s-end a great\ncomfort to me, under my sharpest trials: and scarce ever lets these\nthoughts be attended with terror; but frequently with great joy.\n\n[Within the next twelve days he spent much time in hard labour, to make\na little cottage, to live in by himself.]\n\nThursday, December 6. Having now a happy opportunity of being retired\nin a house of my own; I set apart this day for secret prayer and\nfasting, to implore the blessing of God on myself, on my poor people,\non my friends, and on the church of God. And now God was pleased to\ngive me a discovery of _the plague of my own heart_, more affecting\nthan I have of late had. And especially I saw my sinfulness in this,\nthat when God had _withdrawn_ himself, instead of living and dying\nin _pursuit_ of him, I have been disposed to one of these two things,\neither to yield an unbecoming respect to some _earthly_ objects, as\nif happiness were to be derived from them: or to be secretly _froward_\nand impatiently desirous of _death_. That which often drove me to\nthis impatient desire of death, was a despair of doing any good. But\nnow God made me sensible of my sin, and enabled me to cry to him for\n_forgiveness_. Yet this was not all I wanted: for my soul appeared\nexceedingly polluted; and I wanted to be purified \u201cby the blood of\nsprinkling that cleanseth from all sin.\u201d And this I was enabled to\npray for in faith. I enjoyed much more intenseness, fervency, and\nspirituality than I expected; God was better to me than my fears. I\nwas enabled to persevere in prayer till the evening: I saw so much need\nof divine help, that I knew not how to leave off, and had forgot that I\nneeded food.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, December 9. I preached both parts of the day at a place\ncalled _Greenwich_, about ten miles from my own house. In the first\ndiscourse I had scarce any warmth. In the intermission season I got\nalone among the bushes, and cried to God being in anguish, that I could\nnot address souls with more compassion and tender affection; which I\nsaw I could not get of myself, any more than I could make a world. In\nthe latter exercise, blessed be the Lord, I had some fervency, both in\nprayer and preaching; and in the application I was enabled to address\nprecious souls with affection, tenderness, and importunity. The Spirit\nof God was there; the effects were apparent, tears running down many\ncheeks.\n\nMonday, December 10. I rode home, blessed God for his \u2666goodness; and\nrejoiced, that so much of my work was done, and I so much nearer my\nreward.\n\n \u2666 \u201cgooddess\u201d replaced with \u201cgoodness\u201d per Errata\n\nWednesday, December 12. I was very weak, but enabled with sweetness\nto cry, \u201cCome, Lord Jesus! come quickly.\u201d My soul \u201clonged for God, for\nthe living God.\u201d O how delightful it is, to pray under such influences!\nHow much better than one\u2019s _necessary food_! I had at this time no\ndisposition to eat, (though late in the morning) for earthly food\nappeared wholly tasteless.\u2015\u2015I visited and preached to the Indians,\nin the afternoon; but under much dejection. I found my interpreter\nunder some concern for his soul; which was some comfort to me. I longed\ngreatly for his conversion, poured out my soul to God for him; and was\nenabled to leave all with God.\n\nThursday, December 13. I spent the day in fasting and prayer, to\nimplore the divine blessing, more especially on my poor people; in\nparticular for my interpreter, and three or four more under some\nconcern for their souls: but in the evening it seemed as if I had need\nto pray for nothing so much as for the pardon of sins committed in\nthe day past. The sins I had most sense of, were pride, and wandering\nthoughts.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, December 16. I was so overwhelmed with dejection, that\nI knew not how to live: I longed for death exceedingly: my soul was\n_sunk into deep waters_, and _the floods_ were ready to _drown me_:\nI was so much oppressed, that my soul was in a kind of horror: I had\nno distressing doubt about my own state; but would have chearfully\nventured into eternity. While I was going to preach to the Indians,\nmy soul was in anguish; I despaired of doing any good. But at last I\ninsisted on the evidence of Christianity from the _miracles_ of Christ:\nand God helped me to make a close application to those that refused to\nbelieve. I was encouraged to find, that God enabled me to be faithful\nonce more. Then I went and preached to another company of them; but\nwas very weary and faint. In the evening I was something refreshed,\nand enabled to pray and praise God with composure and affection: I\nwas now willing to live, and longed to do more for God than my weak\nstate of body would admit of. \u201cI can do all things through Christ that\nstrengthens me;\u201d and I am willing to _spend_ and _be spent_ in his\nservice.\n\nTuesday, December 18. I went to the Indians, and discoursed to them\nnear an hour, and at last God helped me to speak with warmth. My\ninterpreter also was amazingly assisted; and I doubt not but \u201cthe\nSpirit of God was upon him.\u201d And presently most of the grown persons\nwere much affected, and the tears ran down their cheeks: and one old\nman (I suppose an hundred years old) was so affected, that he wept, and\nseemed convinced of the importance of what I taught them. I staid with\nthem a considerable time, exhorting them; and came away, lifting up my\nheart to God, and encouraged my interpreter to \u201cstrive to enter in at\nthe strait gate.\u201d\n\nThursday, January 5, 1744\u20125. Being sensible of the great want of the\nout-pouring of God\u2019s Spirit, I spent this day in fasting and prayer, to\nseek so great a mercy for myself, and my poor people in particular, and\nfor the church of God in general.\n\nSaturday, January 5. I was much disordered in my head. I was distressed\nwith a sense of my spiritual pollution, and ten thousand youthful, yea,\nand childish follies: all which appeared now fresh, and in a lively\nview, as if committed yesterday.\n\nWednesday, January 9. In the morning, God was pleased to remove\nthat gloom which has of late oppressed my mind, and gave me freedom\nand sweetness in prayer. I was encouraged to plead for grace for\nmyself, and mercy for my poor Indians: and was sweetly assisted in\nmy intercessions with God for others. Those things that of late have\nappeared almost impossible, were now not only possible, but easy. My\nsoul so much delighted to continue instant in prayer, that I had no\ndesire for my _necessary food_: yea, I dreaded leaving off praying,\nlest I should lose this spirituality, and this blessed thankfulness.\nI felt now quite willing to live, and undergo all trials that might\nremain for me in a world of sorrow; but still longed for heaven, that\nI might glorify God in a perfect manner.\n\nMonday, January 14. I spent this day under a great degree of bodily\ndisorder. It pains me, that I live so much of my time for nothing. I\nlong to do much in a little time, and if it might be the Lord\u2019s will,\nto _finish my work_ speedily in this tiresome world. I am sure, I do\nnot desire to live for any thing in this world; and through grace I am\nnot afraid to look the _king of terrors_ in the face: I know, I shall\nbe afraid, if God leaves me; and therefore I think it is always my duty\nto lay in for that solemn hour. *But for a considerable time, my soul\nhas rejoiced to think of death in its nearest approaches; and even when\nI have been very weak, and seemed nearest eternity. \u201cNot unto me, not\nunto me, but to God be the glory.\u201d I feel that which convinces me, that\nif God do not enable me to maintain a holy dependence upon him, death\nwill be a terror, but at present, I must say, \u201cI long to depart, and\nto be with Christ.\u201d When I am in a sweet resigned frame of soul, I am\nwilling to tarry in a world of sorrow, I am willing to be from home as\nlong as God sees fit; but when I want the influence of this temper, I\nam then apt to be impatient to be gone.\u2015\u2015Oh when will the day appear,\nthat I shall be perfect in holiness.\n\nWednesday and Thursday, January 16, 17. I spent most of the time in\nwriting on a divine subject, and enjoyed freedom and assistance. O\nwhat reason have I to be thankful, that God ever helps me to labour and\nstudy for him! He does but _receive his own_, when I am enabled in any\nmeasure to praise him, labour for him, and live to him.\n\nLord\u2019s day, January 27. I had the greatest degree of inward anguish,\nthat ever I endured: I was perfectly overwhelmed, and so confused,\nthat after I began to discourse to the Indians, before I could finish\na sentence, sometimes I forgot entirely what I was aiming at. This\ndistressing gloom never went off the whole day: but was so far removed,\nthat I was enabled to speak with some freedom to the Indians, at two\nof their settlements; and there was some appearance, of the presence\nof God with us. In the evening the gloom continued still, till at\nfamily-prayer,\u00b9 when I was praying for the conversion of my poor people,\nthe cloud was scattered, so that I enjoyed sweetness and freedom, and\nconceived hopes that God designed mercy for them.\n\n \u00b9 Though Mr. Brainerd now dwelt by himself in the little\n cottage, which he had built for his own use; yet that was\n near a _family_ of white people with whom he had lived\n before, and with whom he still attended family-prayer.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, February 3. In the morning, I was somewhat relieved of that\ngloom, that my mind has of late been exercised with; and was enabled\nto pray with composure and comfort. But, however, I went to my Indians\ntrembling; for my soul \u201cremembered the wormwood and the gall\u201d of Friday\nlast; and I was greatly afraid I should be obliged again to drink of\nthat _cup of trembling_, which was inconceivably more bitter than death.\nBut God was pleased to hear my cries, and to afford me great assistance;\nso that I felt peace in my soul; and was satisfied, that if not one of\nthe Indians should be profited yet I should be accepted and rewarded as\nfaithful.\n\n*Monday, February 11. In the evening I was in a most solemn frame: I\nknow not that ever death appeared more real to me, or that ever I saw\nmyself in the condition of a dead corpse, laid out, and dressed for a\nlodging in the silent grave, so evidently. And yet I felt exceedingly\ncomfortable; my mind was composed and calm, and _death_ appeared\n_without a sting_. I never felt such an universal mortification to all\ncreated objects. Oh, how great and solemn a thing it appeared to die!\nHow it lays the greatest honour in the dust! And how vain and trifling\ndid the riches, honours, and pleasures of the world appear! I could not\nso much as think of any of them; for _death, death_, solemn (though not\nfrightful) _death_ appeared at the door. I could see myself laid out,\nand inclosed in my coffin, and put down into the cold grave, without\nterror! I spent the evening in conversing with a Christian friend; and\nit was a comfortable evening to us both.\u2015\u2015What are friends? What are\ncomforts? What are sorrows? What are distresses?\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015\u201cThe time is short:\nit remains, that they that weep, be as though they wept not; and they\nwhich rejoice, as though they rejoiced not: for the fashion of this\nworld passeth away. O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.\u201d\n\nFriday, February 15. I had a sweet sense of the free grace of the\ngospel: my soul was encouraged, warmed, and quickened, and my desires\ndrawn out after God in prayer: being afraid of losing so sweet a guest\nas I then entertained. I longed to proclaim the grace I then meditated\nupon, to the world of sinners.\u2015\u2015O how _quick_ and _powerful_ is the\n_word_ of the blessed God!\n\nLord\u2019s day, February 17. I preached to the _white_ people in the\nwilderness, upon the sunny side of a hill: I had a considerable\nassembly, consisting of people that lived (many of them) thirty miles\nasunder. I discoursed to them, from John vii.\u00a037. \u201cJesus stood and\ncried, saying, If any man thirst,\u201d &c. In the afternoon it pleased God\nto grant me great fervency; I was enabled to imitate the example of\nChrist, who _stood and cried_.\u2015\u2015I was scarce ever enabled to offer the\nfree grace of God to perishing sinners with more freedom and plainness.\nO that I could for ever bless God for the mercy of this day, who,\n\u201canswered me in the joy of my heart.\u201d\n\nLord\u2019s-day, February 24. My _interpreter_ being absent, I knew not how\nto perform my work among the Indians. However, I rode to the Indians,\nand got a Dutchman to interpret, though he was but poorly qualified.\nAfterwards I preached to a few white people from John vi.\u00a067. O the\nfree grace of Christ, that he seasonably minds his people of their\ndanger of _backsliding_, and invites them to persevere in their\nadherence to himself! I saw that _backsliding_ souls might return,\nand welcome, to him _immediately_; without any thing to recommend\nthem; notwithstanding all their former backslidings. And I felt solemn,\ndevout, and sweet, resting on him for assistance, acceptance, and peace\nof conscience.\n\n*Wednesday, March 6. I spent most of the day in preparing for a journey\nto New-England, and in prayer, with a reference to my journey. I was\nafraid I should forsake the _fountain of living waters_, and attempt\nto derive satisfaction from _broken cisterns_, my dear friends and\nacquaintance. I looked to God to keep me from this _vanity_ in special,\nas well as others. Towards night, I was visited by some friends, who\ndiscovered an affectionate regard to me, and seemed grieved that I\nwas about to leave them; especially seeing I did not expect to make\nany considerable stay among them, if I should live to return from\nNew-England.\u00b9 O how kind has God been to me! How has he raised up\nfriends in every place, where his providence has called me!\n\n \u00b9 It seems, he had a design to remove and live among the\n Indians at Susquahannah river.\n\n[The next day, he set out on his journey; and it was above five weeks\nbefore he returned.\u2015\u2015The special design of this journey was \u201cTo raise\nsome money among Christian friends, in order to support a \u2666colleague\nwith me in the wilderness, (I having now spent two years in a very\nsolitary manner) that we might be together; as Christ sent out his\ndisciples two and two.\u201d He first went into various parts of New-Jersey,\nthen to New-York; and from thence into New-England. He then returned\ninto New-Jersey. He seems, for the most part, to have been free from\nmelancholy in this journey; and many times to have had extraordinary\nassistance in public ministrations.]\n\n \u2666 \u201ccollegue\u201d replaced with \u201ccolleague\u201d\n\nSaturday, April 13. I rode home to my own house. Blessed be the Lord,\nwho has preserved me in this tedious journey. Verily it is God that has\nupheld me, and guarded my goings.\n\n[This week, he went a journey to Philadelphia, in order to engage the\n_Governor_ there to use his interest with the chief man of the _Six\nNations_, (with whom he maintained a strict friendship) that he would\ngive him leave to live at Susquahannah, and instruct the Indians that\nare within their territories.]\u00b9\n\n \u00b9 The Indians at Susquahannah are a mixed company of many\n nations, speaking various languages, and few of them\n properly of the Six Nations. But yet the country having\n formerly been conquered by the Six Nations, they claim the\n land; and the Susquahannah-Indians are a kind of vassals to\n them.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, April 21. In the season of the communion, I had comfortable\napprehensions of the blissful communion of God\u2019s people, when they\nshall meet at their Father\u2019s table in his kingdom.\u2015\u2015In the afternoon\nI preached abroad, from Revelation xiv.\u00a04. \u201cThese are they that follow\nthe Lamb,\u201d &c. God was pleased to give me great freedom and clearness,\nbut not so much warmth as before. However, there was a most amazing\nattention in the whole assembly; and, as I was informed afterwards,\nthis was a sweet season to many.\n\nTuesday, April 23. I returned home to the Forks of Delaware; enjoyed\nsome sweet meditations on the road, and was enabled to lift up my heart\nto God in prayer and praise.\n\nFriday, April 26. I felt a spirit of mortification to the world, in a\nvery great degree. Afterwards I was enabled to rely on God sweetly, for\n\u201call things pertaining to life and godliness.\u201d Just in the evening, I\nwas visited by a dear Christian friend, with whom I spent an hour or\ntwo in conversation, on the very soul of religion. There are many with\nwhom I can talk _about religion_; but alas! I find few with whom I can\ntalk _religion itself_: but, blessed be the Lord, there are some that\nlove to feed on the kernel, rather than the shell.\n\n[The next day, he went to the Irish settlement about fifteen miles\ndistant: where he spent the sabbath. On Monday, he returned very weak,\nto his own lodgings.]\n\nTuesday, April 30. I was scarce able to walk about, and was obliged to\nlie on the bed, much of the day; being neither able to read, meditate,\nnor pray, and having none to converse with in that wilderness. Oh, how\nheavily does time pass away, when I can do nothing to any good purpose?\n\nThursday, May 2. In the evening, being a little better in health, I\nwalked into the woods, and enjoyed a sweet season of meditation and\nprayer. My thoughts ran upon Psalms xvii.\u00a015. \u201cI shall be satisfied,\nwhen I awake with thy likeness.\u201d I longed to preach to the whole world;\nand it seemed to me, they must needs all be melted in hearing such\nprecious truths, as I had then a view of.\u2015\u2015Blessed be the Lord, that\nin my present weakness, my mind is not gloomy, as at some other times.\n\nTuesday, May 7. I spent the day chiefly in making preparation for a\njourney into the wilderness. I was still weak, and concerned how I\nshould perform it. I spent some time in prayer for the divine blessing;\nbut wanted bodily strength to spend the day in fasting and prayer.\n\n[The next day, he set out on his journey to Susquahannah, with his\ninterpreter. He endured great hardships in his way thither through a\nhideous wilderness: where, after having lodged one night in the open\nwoods, he was overtaken with a north-easterly storm, in which he was\nready to perish. Having no shelter, and not being able to make a fire\nin so great a rain, he could have no comfort if he stopt; therefore\ndetermined to go forward in hopes of meeting with some shelter, without\nwhich he thought it impossible he should live the night through. But\ntheir horses happening to have eat poisonous plants at a place where\nthey lodged the night before, were so sick that they could neither\nride nor lead them, but were obliged to drive them before them, until\nthrough the mercy of God (just at dusk) they came to a bark-hut, where\nthey lodged that night. After he came to Susquahannah, he travelled\nabout an hundred miles on the river, visited many towns and settlements\nof the Indians; and preached to different nations, by different\ninterpreters. He was sometimes much discouraged, through the opposition\nthat appeared in the Indians to Christianity. At other times, he was\nencouraged by the disposition, that some of them manifested to hear,\nand to be instructed. He here met with some that had formerly been\nhis hearers at Kaunaumeek, who saw and heard him again with great joy.\nHe spent a fortnight among the Indians; passed through considerable\nhardships, frequently lodging on the ground, and sometimes in the\nopen air; and at length fell extremely ill, as he was riding in the\nwilderness, being seized with an ague, followed with extreme pains\nin his head and bowels, and a great evacuation of blood; so that he\nthought he must have perished. But at last coming to an Indian trader\u2019s\nhut, he got leave to stay there: and though without physic or proper\nfood, it pleased God, after about a week, to relieve him so far that\nhe was able to ride. He returned homewards from Juneauta, an island\nfar down the river; where was a considerable number of Indians, who\nappeared more free from prejudices against Christianity, than most of\nthe other Indians. He arrived at the Forks of Delaware on Thursday,\nMay 30, after having rode in this journey about three hundred and forty\nmiles. He came home in a very weak state. However, on the sabbath,\nafter having preached to the Indians, he preached to the _white_ people,\nwith success, from Isaiah liii.\u00a010. \u201cYet it pleased the Lord to bruise\nhim,\u201d &c. some being awakened by his preaching.]\n\nWednesday, June 5. I felt thirsting desires after God, and enjoyed a\nprecious season of retirement: divine things opened with clearness and\ncertainty, and had a divine stamp upon them: my soul was also enlarged\nand refreshed in prayer; I delighted to continue in the duty: and\nwas sweetly assisted in praying for my fellow Christians, and my dear\nbrethren in the ministry. O what a blessedness it is, to be as much\nlike God, as it is possible to be! Lord, give me more of _thy likeness_;\n\u201cI shall be satisfied, when I awake with it.\u201d\n\n[Friday, June 7. He went a journey of near fifty miles to Neshaminy, to\nassist at a sacramental occasion.]\n\nSaturday, June 8. I was exceeding weak and fatigued with riding in the\nheat yesterday; but being desired, I preached in the afternoon, to a\ncrouded audience, from Isaiah xl.\u00a01. \u201cComfort ye, comfort ye my people,\nsaith your God.\u201d God was pleased to give me great freedom. And, blessed\nbe the Lord, it was a sweet melting season in the assembly.\n\nLord\u2019s day, June 9. I discoursed with reference to that sacred passage,\nIsaiah liii.\u00a010. \u201cYet it pleased the Lord to bruise him.\u201d *God gave me\ngreat assistance in addressing sinners: and the word was attended with\namazing power; many scores, if not hundreds, in that great assembly,\nconsisting of three or four thousand, were much affected; so that there\nwas a \u201cvery great mourning, like the mourning of Hadadrimmon.\u201d\u2015\u2015In\nthe evening, I could hardly look any body in the face, because of the\nimperfections I saw in my performances in the day past.\n\nTuesday, June 11. I spent the day mainly in conversation with Christian\nfriends; and enjoyed a sweet sense of divine things. O how desirable it\nis, to keep company with God\u2019s children! These are the \u201cexcellent ones\nof the earth, in whom,\u201d I can truly say, \u201cis all my delight.\u201d O what\ndelight will it afford, to meet them all in a state of perfection! Lord,\nprepare me for that state.\n\nTuesday, June 18. I set out from New-Brunswick with a design to visit\nsome Indians at a place called _Crosweeksung_ in New-Jersey, towards\nthe sea.\u00b9 In the afternoon I came to _Cranberry_, and meeting with a\nserious minister, lodged with him.\n\n \u00b9 Mr. Brainerd having, when at Boston, wrote and left with a\n friend a brief _relation_ of his labours with the Indians,\n during the space of time between November 5, 1744, and June\n 19, 1745, concludes with this passage: \u201cAs my body was very\n feeble, so my mind was scarce ever so much discouraged about\n the conversion of the Indians, as at this time. And in this\n state of body and mind I made my first visit to the Indians\n in New-Jersey.\u201d\n\n\n\n\n PART VII.\n\n _From his first beginning to preach to the Indians at\n Crosweeksung, till he returned from his last journey to\n Susquahannah._\n\n\n[WE are now come to that part of Mr. Brainerd\u2019s life, wherein he\nhad his greatest _success_. After all his agonizing in prayer, and\ntravelling in birth, for the conversion of the Indians; and after\nwaiting in a way of persevering prayer, labour, and suffering, as\nit were through a long _night_; at length the _day_ dawns: \u201cWeeping\ncontinues for a night, but joy comes in the morning. He went forth\nweeping, bearing precious seed, and now he comes with rejoicing,\nbringing his sheaves with him.\u201d The desired event is brought to pass\nat last; but at a time, and in a place, that scarce ever entered into\nhis heart. An account of this is here inserted, as it was drawn up by\nMr. Brainerd himself, pursuant to the order of the honourable society\nin Scotland.]\n\nWednesday, June 19. Having spent most of my time for more than a\nyear past among the Indians in the Forks of Delaware in Pensylvania;\nand having in that time made two journeys to Susquahannah river,\nfar back in that province, in order to treat with the Indians there,\nrespecting Christianity; and not having had any considerable success\nin either of those places; upon hearing that there was a number of\nIndians in a place called (by the Indians) Crosweeksung in New-Jersey,\nnear fourscore miles south-eastward from the Forks of Delaware, I\ndetermined to make them a visit, and see what might be done towards the\nChristianizing of them; and accordingly arrived among them this day.\n\nI found very few persons at the place I visited, and perceived the\nIndians in these parts were much scattered, there being not more than\ntwo or three families in a place, and these small settlements, six, ten,\nfifteen, twenty, and thirty miles, and some more, from the place I was\nthen at. However, I preached to those few who appeared well-disposed,\nand, not inclined to cavil, as the Indians had frequently done\nelsewhere.\n\nWhen I had concluded my discourse, I informed them (there being none\nbut a few women and children) that I would willingly visit them again\nthe next day. Whereupon they readily set out, and travelled ten or\nfifteen miles, in order to give notice to some of their friends at that\ndistance. These women, like the woman of Samaria, seemed desirous that\nothers might \u201csee the man that told them, what they had done\u201d in their\nlives past, and the misery that attended their _idolatrous_ ways.\n\nThursday, June 20. Towards night, I preached to the Indians again;\nand had more hearers than before. In the evening, I enjoyed peace and\nserenity of mind, composure and comfort in prayer; and was enabled\nto lift up my head with joy, under an apprehension that my redemption\ndraws nigh. Oh, blessed be God, that there remains a rest to his poor\nweary people!\n\nFriday, June 21. I was refreshed in secret prayer; but saw myself a\npoor worthless creature, without wisdom to direct, or strength to help\nmyself. Blessed be God, that lays me under a happy necessity of living\nupon himself!\n\nSaturday, June 22. About noon, I rode to the Indians again; and\nnear night preached to about thirty of them. I found my body much\nstrengthened, and was enabled to speak with abundant plainness and\nwarmth. And the power of God evidently attended the word; so that\nsundry persons were brought under great concern for their souls, and\nmade to shed many tears, and to wish for Christ to save them. My soul\nwas much refreshed, and quickened in my work; and I could not but spend\nmuch time with them, in order to open both their misery and remedy.\nWhile riding, before I came to the Indians, I was enabled to cry to\nGod almost incessantly. In the evening also I found the consolations\nof God were not small: I was then willing to live, and in some respects\ndesirous of it, that I might do something for the kingdom of Christ;\nand yet death appeared pleasant: so that, I was in a strait between two.\nI am often weary of this world; but it is desirable to be drawn, rather\nthan driven out of it.\n\nLord\u2019s day, June 23. I preached to the Indians and spent the day with\nthem.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Their number still increased; and all with one consent seemed\nto rejoice in my coming among them. Not a word of opposition was heard\nfrom any, although in times past they had been quite opposite to any\nthing of that nature.\n\nJune 24. I preached to the Indians at their desire, and upon their own\nmotion. To see poor Pagans desirous of hearing the gospel of Christ,\nanimated me to discourse to them, although I was very weak, and my\nspirits much exhausted. They attended with the greatest seriousness and\ndiligence; and there was some concern apparent among them.\n\nJune 27. I visited and preached to the Indians again. Their number\nnow amounted to about _forty_ persons. Their solemn attention still\ncontinued; and a considerable concern for their souls was apparent\namong sundry of them.\n\nFriday June 28. The Indians being now gathered, a considerable number\nof them, from their several distant _habitations_, requested me to\npreach twice a day to them, being desirous to hear as much as they\ncould while I was with them. I chearfully complied, and could not but\nadmire the goodness of God, who had inclined them to enquire after the\nway of salvation.\n\nSaturday, June 29. I preached twice to the Indians; and could\nnot but wonder at their seriousness, and the strictness of their\nattention.\u2015\u2015Blessed be God that has inclined their hearts to hear.\nAnd O how refreshing it is to me, to see them attend with such uncommon\ndiligence and affection.\n\nI likewise saw the hand of God making provision for their subsistence\ntogether, in order to their being instructed. For this day and the\nday before, with only walking a little way from the place of our daily\nmeeting, they killed _three deer_, which were a seasonable supply for\ntheir wants, and without which, they could not have subsisted together\nin order to attend the means of grace.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, June 30. I preached twice this day also, and observed more\nconcern and affection among the poor Heathens than ever; so that they\neven constrained me to tarry longer with them; although my constitution\nwas much impaired by the late fatigues and labours, and especially by\nmy late journey to Susquahannah.\n\nJuly 1. I preached again twice to a very serious and attentive assembly,\nwho had now learned to attend the worship of God with _Christian\ndecency_.\n\nThere were now between _forty_ and _fifty_ persons of them present, old\nand young.\n\nI spent some time in discoursing with them in private, enquiring what\nthey remembered of the great truths that had been taught them. It was\namazing to see how they had retained the instructions given them, and\nwhat knowledge some of them had acquired in a few days.\n\nJuly 2. I was obliged to leave these Indians at Crosweeksung, thinking\nit my duty, as soon as health would admit, to visit those at the Forks\nof Delaware. When I came to take leave of them, they all earnestly\nenquired when I would come again, and expressed a great desire of being\nfarther instructed: and of their own accord agreed, that when I should\ncome again, they would all meet and live together during my continuance\nwith them; and that they would do their utmost endeavours to gather all\nthe other Indians in these parts that were farther remote. And when I\nparted, one told me with many tears, \u201cShe wished God would change her\nheart,\u201d another, that \u201cShe wanted to find Christ:\u201d and an old man that\nhad been one of their _chiefs_, wept bitterly. I then promised them to\nreturn as speedily as my health and business would admit, and felt not\na little concerned at parting, least good impressions might wear off.\n\nAfterwards I rode to Brunswick, near forty miles, and lodged there. I\nfelt my heart drawn out after God in prayer almost all the afternoon:\nand in the evening could not help crying to God for these poor Indians;\nand after I went to bed, my heart continued to go out to God for them,\ntill I dropped asleep.\n\n[He was now so beat out by constant preaching, that he found it\nnecessary to give himself some relaxation. He spent therefore about\na week in New-Jersey, visiting several ministers, and performing some\nnecessary business. On Friday, July 12. He arrived at his own house in\nthe Forks of Delaware; continuing still free from melancholy and from\nday to day enjoying freedom and refreshment.]\n\nLord\u2019s-day, July 14. I discoursed to the Indians twice, several of whom\nappeared convinced of their sin and misery; so that they wept much the\nwhole time of divine service.\n\nThursday, July 18. I longed to spend the little inch of time I have\nin the world for God: Felt a spirit of seriousness, tenderness, and\ndevotion, and wished to spend the whole night in prayer and communion\nwith God.\n\nFriday, July 19. In the evening I walked abroad for prayer and\nmeditation, and enjoyed composure and freedom especially, in meditation\non Revelation iii.\u00a012. \u201cHim that overcometh, will I make a pillar\nin the temple of my God.\u201d Oh, when shall I _go no more out_ from the\nservice and enjoyment of the dear Lord! Lord, hasten the blessed day.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, July 21. I preached to the Indians first, then to a number\nof white people, and in the afternoon to the Indians again.\u2015\u2015Divine\ntruths seemed to make very considerable impressions upon several of\nthem and caused tears to flow freely.\n\nAfterwards I baptized my interpreter and his wife, the first I baptized\namong the Indians.\n\nThey are both persons of some _experimental_ knowledge in religion;\nhave both been awakened to a solemn concern for their souls and brought\nto a sense of their misery and undoneness; and have both been comforted\nwith divine consolations.\n\nIt may perhaps be satisfactory that I should give some relation of his\nexperience since he has been with me.\n\nWhen I first employed him in the beginning of summer 1744, he was well\nfitted for his work in regard of his acquaintance with the Indian and\nEnglish language; and in regard of his desire that the Indians should\nconform to the customs and manners of the English. But he seemed to\nhave no impression of religion, and in that respect was very _unfit_\nfor his work, being uncapable of understanding and communicating\nto others many things of importance; so that I laboured under great\ndisadvantages in addressing the Indians, for want of his having an\nexperimental acquaintance with divine truths; and, at times I was\nmuch discouraged, when I observed that divine truths made little or\nno impression upon him for many _weeks_ together.\n\nHe indeed behaved soberly, (although before he had been a hard drinker)\nand seemed honestly engaged as far he was capable in the performance of\nhis work, and especially he was very desirous that the Indians should\nconform to the customs of the Christian world. But still seemed to have\nno concern about his own soul.\n\nNear the latter end of July 1744, I preached to an assembly of white\npeople, with freedom and fervency: at which time he was present, and\nwas somewhat awakened; so that the next day he discoursed freely with\nme and gave me an opportunity to fasten the impressions upon his mind:\nand I could plainly perceive after this, that he addressed the Indians\nwith more concern and fervency.\n\nBut these impressions seemed to decline, till in the fall of the year\nfollowing he fell into a weak state of body. At this season divine\ntruth took hold of him and made deep impressions upon his mind. He was\nunder great concern for his soul, and was burdened from day to day.\nAt length his sleep departed from him, and he had little rest day or\nnight; but walked about under great pressure of mind, and appeared like\nanother man to his neighbours who could not but observe his behaviour\nwith wonder.\n\nAfter he had been sometime striving for mercy, he says, there seemed to\nbe an impassable mountain before him. He was pressing towards heaven,\nbut \u201chis way was hedged up with thorns, that he could not stir an inch\nfarther.\u201d He looked this way and that way, but could find no way at all.\nHe felt it signified just nothing at all to strive and struggle any\nmore. And here he says, he gave over striving, and felt that it was a\ngone case with him, and that all his attempts were, and for ever would\nbe vain and fruitless.\n\nHe knew, he said, he was not guilty of such actions as others were\nguilty of. He had not been used to steal, quarrel, and murder; which is\ncommon among the Indians. He likewise knew that he had done many things\nthat were right. But still his cry was, \u201cthat he had never done one\ngood thing,\u201d (meaning that he had never done any thing from a right\n_principle_, though he had done many things that were _materially_\ngood.) And now I thought, said he, that I must sink down to hell, that\nthere was no hope for me, \u201cbecause I never could do any thing that was\ngood;\u201d and if God let me alone never so long, still I should do nothing\nbut what is bad.\n\nThere was one thing more in his view of things that was very remarkable.\nHe not only saw, what a miserable state he himself was in, but he saw\nthe world around him were in the same perishing circumstances. And this\nhe saw clearly, \u201cas if he was now awaked out of sleep, or had a cloud\ntaken from before his eyes.\u201d He saw that the life he had lived was the\nway to eternal death, that he was now on the brink of endless misery:\nand when he looked round he saw multitudes of others who had lived the\nsame life with himself, had no more goodness than he, and yet dreamed\nthat they were safe enough, as he had formerly done.\n\n*After he had been some time in this condition, sensible of the\nimpossibility of helping himself; he says, it was borne in upon his\nmind as if it had been audibly spoken, \u201cThere is hope, there is hope.\u201d\nWhereupon his soul seemed to be in some measure satisfied, though he\nhad no considerable joy; neither can he remember distinctly any views\nhe had of Christ, or give any clear account of his acceptance through\nhim.\n\nBut this was followed by a great change, so that it might justly be\nsaid, he was become _another man_. Even the world could not but admire\nwhat had befallen him, to make so great a change in his temper,\ndiscourse, and behaviour.\u2015\u2015\u2015\n\nAnd especially there was a surprising alteration in his public\nperformances. He now addressed the Indians with admirable fervency, and\nscarce knew when to leave off: and sometimes when I had concluded my\ndiscourse, and was returning homeward, he would tarry behind to repeat\nand inculcate what had been spoken.\n\nHis change is _abiding_, and his life _unblemished_ to this day, though\nit is now more than six months since he experienced it; in which space\nhe has been as much exposed to _strong drink_, as possible, in divers\nplaces; and yet has never discovered any desire after it.\n\n*And upon strict observation of his Christian temper, and unblemished\nbehaviour for so considerable a time, I think I have reason to hope\nthat he is \u201ccreated anew in Christ Jesus to good works.\u201d\n\nHis name is Moses Tinda Tautamy; he is about fifty years of age, and\npretty well acquainted with the notions and customs of his countrymen,\nand so is the better able to expose them. He has already been, and I\ntrust will yet be a blessing to other Indians.\n\nFriday, July 26. In the evening, God was pleased to help me in\nprayer, beyond what I have experienced for some time; especially\nfor the conversion of my poor people: my soul relied on God for the\naccomplishment of that great work. Oh, how sweet were the thoughts\nof death to me at this time! How I longed to be with Christ, to be\nemployed in the glorious work of angels, and with an angel\u2019s freedom,\nvigour, and delight! And yet how willing was I to stay awhile on earth,\nthat I might do something, if the Lord pleased for his interest. My\nsoul longed for the ingathering of the poor Heathen; and I cried to God\nfor them most willingly and heartily. This was a sweet season; I had\na lively taste of heaven, and a temper suited in some measure to the\nentertainment of it. My soul was grieved to leave the place; but my\nbody was weak and worn out. I longed that the remaining part of my life\nmight be filled up with more fervency and activity in the things of\nGod! Oh the inward peace, composure, and God-like serenity of such a\nframe! Heaven must needs differ from this only in degree, and not in\nkind.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, July 28. I preached again, and perceived my people more\nthoughtful than ever. I was told by some, that seeing my interpreter\nand his wife baptized made them more concerned than any thing they\nhad ever seen or heard. There was indeed a considerable appearance of\ndivine power among them at the time.\n\nJuly 30. I discoursed to a number of my people, and gave them\nparticular advice, being about to leave them for the present, in\norder to visit the Indians in New-Jersey. They were very attentive,\nand earnestly desirous to know when I designed to return.\n\n[On Wednesday, July 31. He set out on his return to Crosweeksung, and\narrived there the next day. In his way he had longing desires that he\nmight come to the Indians in the \u201cfulness of the blessing of the gospel\nof Christ;\u201d attended with a sense of his own great weakness, dependence\nand worthlessness.]\n\nFriday, August 2. In the evening I retired, and my soul was drawn out\nin prayer to God; especially for my poor people, to whom I had sent\nword to gather together, that I might preach to them the next day.\nI was much enlarged in praying for their conversion; and scarce ever\nfound my desires of it so sensibly and clearly free from selfish views.\nI had no desire to be the instrument of so glorious a work; if it might\nbe accomplished to the honour of God, this was all my care; and for\nthis I hoped, but with trembling. My rising hopes, have been so often\ndashed, that my spirit is broken, and I hardly dare hope.\n\nSaturday, August 3. I now found them serious, and a number of them\nunder deep concern for an interest in Christ: their convictions of\ntheir sinful and perishing state having, in my absence been much\npromoted by the labours of Mr. William Tennent, to whom I advised them\nto apply, and whose house they had frequented much.\u2015\u2015I preached to them\nthis day on Revelation xxii.\u00a017. \u201cAnd whosoever will, let him take the\nwater of life freely.\u201d\n\nThe Lord enabled me to set before them the Lord Jesus Christ as a kind\nand compassionate Saviour, inviting distressed and perishing sinners\nto accept everlasting mercy. And a surprising concern soon appeared\namong them. There were about twenty adult persons together, (many of\nthe Indians at remote places, not having as yet had time to come since\nmy return.) and not above two that I could see with dry eyes. Some\ndiscovered vehement longings after Christ, to save them from the misery\nthey felt and feared.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, August 4. Being invited by a neighbouring minister to\nassist in the administration of the Lord\u2019s-supper, I complied with his\nrequest, and took the Indians along with me; not only those that were\ntogether the day before, but many more that were coming to hear me; so\nthat there were near fifty in all.\n\n_Now_ a change in their manners began to appear. In the evening when\nthey came to sup together, they would not taste a morsel till they\nhad sent to me to come and ask a blessing on their food; at which time\nsundry of them wept, especially when I minded them how they had in\ntimes past eat their feasts in _honour_ to _devils_, and neglected to\nthank God for them.\n\nAugust 5. After a sermon had been preached by another minister, I\npreached, and concluded the public work of the solemnity from John\nvii.\u00a037. In my discourse I addressed the Indians in particular, who\nsat by themselves in a part of the house; at which time one or two\nof them were struck with deep concern, who had been little affected\nbefore: others had their concern increased to a considerable degree.\nIn the evening I discoursed to them, and found them universally\nengaged, inquiring, \u201cWhat they should do to be saved?\u201d And all their\nconversation among themselves turned upon _religious_ matters, in which\nthey were much assisted by my interpreter, who was with them day and\nnight.\n\n*This day there was one woman, that had been much concerned ever since\nshe heard me preach in June, who obtained comfort, I trust solid and\nwell grounded: she seemed to be filled with love to Christ, at the same\ntime she behaved humbly and tenderly, and appeared afraid of nothing so\nmuch as of grieving him whom her soul loved.\n\nAugust 6. In the morning I discoursed to the Indians at the house where\nwe lodged: many of them were then much affected, so that a few words\nabout their souls would cause the tears to flow freely, and produce\nmany sobs and groans.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015\n\n*In the afternoon, they being returned to the place where I have\nusually preached among them, I again discoursed to them there. There\nwere about fifty-five persons in all, about forty that were capable\nof attending divine service with understanding: I insisted upon 1\u00a0John\niv.\u00a010. \u201cHerein is love,\u201d &c. They seemed eager of hearing; but there\nappeared nothing very remarkable, till near the close of my discourse;\nand then divine truths were attended with a surprising influence.\nThere was scarce _three_ in _forty_ that could refrain from tears and\nbitter cries. They all as one, seemed in an agony of soul to obtain\nan interest in Christ; and the more I discoursed of the love of God in\nsending his Son to suffer for the sins of men; and the more I invited\nthem to come and partake of his love, the more their distress was\naggravated.\n\nIt was surprising to see how their hearts were pierced with the tender\ninvitations of the gospel, when there was not a word of terror spoken\nto them.\n\n*There were this day two persons that obtained comfort, which appeared\nsolid, rational, and scriptural. After I had enquired into the grounds\nof their comfort, I asked what they wanted God to do further for them?\nThey replied, \u201cThey wanted Christ should wipe their hearts quite clean.\u201d\n\n*August 7. I preached to the Indians from Isaiah liii.\u00a03\u201210. There\nwas a remarkable influence attending the word. Most were much affected,\nand many in great distress; and some could neither go nor stand, but\nlay flat on the ground, as if pierced at heart, crying incessantly for\nmercy: several were newly awakened, and it was remarkable, that as fast\nas they came from remote places round about, the Spirit of God seemed\nto seize them.\n\nAfter public service I found two persons more that had newly met with\ncomfort, of whom I had good hopes; and a third that I could not but\nentertain some hopes of, so that here were now six in all that had got\nsome relief from their spiritual distresses, and five whose experience\nappeared clear and satisfactory.\n\nAugust 8. In the afternoon I preached to the Indians, their number was\nnow about sixty-five persons, men, women, and children. I discoursed\nfrom Luke xiv. 16\u201223, and was favoured with _uncommon_ freedom.\n\nThere was much concern among them while I was discoursing publicly; but\nafterwards when I spoke to one and another more particularly, the power\nof God seemed to descend upon the assembly \u201clike a rushing mighty wind,\u201d\nand with an astonishing energy bore down all before it.\n\n*I stood amazed at the influence that seized the audience almost\nuniversally, and could compare it to nothing more aptly than a mighty\ntorrent, that bears down and sweeps before it whatever is in its way.\nAlmost all persons of all ages were bowed down together, and scarce\none was able to withstand the _shock_ of this surprising operation.\nOld men and women, who had been drunken wretches for many years, and\nsome little children, not more than six or seven years of age, appeared\nin distress for their souls, as well as persons of middle age. And it\nwas apparent these children were not _merely_ frighted with seeing the\ngeneral concern; but were made sensible of their danger, the badness of\ntheir hearts, and their misery without Christ. The most stubborn hearts\nwere now obliged to bow. A principal man among the Indians, who before\nthought his state good, because he knew more than the generality of\nthe Indians, and who with great confidence the day before, told me, \u201che\nhad been a Christian more than ten years,\u201d was now brought under solemn\nconcern for his soul, and wept bitterly. Another man considerable in\nyears, who had been a _murderer_, a _powwow_, and a notorious drunkard,\nwas likewise brought now to cry for mercy with many tears, and to\ncomplain much that he could be no more concerned when he saw his danger\nso great.\n\n*They were almost universally praying and crying for mercy in every\npart of the house, and many out of doors, and numbers could neither\ngo nor stand: their concern was so great, each for himself, that none\nseemed to take any notice of those about them, but each prayed for\nthemselves; and were, to their own apprehension, as much retired as\nif every one had been by himself in a desert, or, rather, they thought\nnothing about _any_ but themselves, and so were every one praying\n_apart_, although all _together_.\n\nIt seemed to me there was now an exact fulfilment of that prophecy,\nZechariah xii. 10, 11,\u00a012. for there was now \u201ca great mourning, like\nthe mourning of Hadadrimmon;\u201d\u2015\u2015and each seemed to \u201cmourn apart.\u201d\nMethought this had a near resemblance to the day of God\u2019s power,\nmentioned Joshua x.\u00a014. for I must say, I never saw _any day like it_\nin all respects; it was a day wherein the Lord did much destroy the\nkingdom of darkness among this people.\n\nThis concern was most rational and just; those who had been awakened\nany considerable time, complained especially of the badness of their\n_hearts_; those newly awakened, of the badness of their _lives_ and\n_actions_; and all were afraid of the anger of God, and of everlasting\nmisery as the desert of their sins.\n\nSome of the _white_ people, who came out of curiosity to \u201chear what\nthis babbler would say\u201d to the poor ignorant Indians, were much\nawakened, and appeared to be wounded with a view of their perishing\nstate.\n\nThose who lately obtained relief, were filled with comfort; they\nappeared calm and rejoiced in Christ Jesus; and some of them took their\ndistressed friends by the hand, telling them of the goodness of Christ,\nand the comfort that is to be enjoyed in him, and invited them to come\nand give up their hearts to him. And I could observe some of them,\nin the most unaffected manner, lifting up their eyes to heaven, as if\ncrying for mercy, while they saw the distress of the poor souls around\nthem.\n\n*There was one remarkable instance this day, that I cannot but take\nparticular notice of. A young Indian woman, who, I believe, never knew\nbefore she had a soul, hearing that there was something strange among\nthe Indians, came (it seems) to see what was the matter. I had not\nproceeded far in my discourse, before she felt _effectually_ that she\nhad a soul: and before I had concluded, was so convinced of her sin and\nmisery, and so distressed with concern for her soul, that she seemed\nlike one pierced through with a dart, and cried out incessantly. She\ncould neither go nor stand, nor sit on her seat without being held\nup. After public service was over, she lay flat on the ground praying\nearnestly, and would take no notice of, nor give any answer to any\nthat spoke to her, I hearkened to hear what she said, and perceived the\nburden of her prayer to be, _Guttummaukalummeh wechaumeh kmeleh Ndah_,\ni.\u00a0e. \u201cHave mercy on me, and help me to give you my heart.\u201d And thus\nshe continued praying incessantly for many hours.\n\nAugust 9. I spent almost the whole day with the Indians, the former\npart of it in discoursing with them privately, especially some who\nlately received comfort, and endeavouring to inquire into the grounds\nof it, as well as to give them some proper instructions, cautions, and\ndirections.\n\nIn the afternoon I discoursed to them publickly. There were now present\nabout seventy persons. I opened and applied the parable of the sower,\nand was enabled to discourse with much plainness. There were many tears\namong them while I was discoursing, but no considerable cry: yet some\nwere much affected with a few words spoken from Matthew xi.\u00a028. with\nwhich I concluded. But while I was discoursing near night to two or\nthree of the awakened persons, a divine influence seemed to attend what\nwas spoken, which caused the persons to cry out in anguish of soul,\nalthough I spoke not a word of terror; but, on the contrary, set before\nthem the fulness of Christ\u2019s merits, and his willingness to save all\nthat came to him.\n\n*The cry of these was heard by others, who, though scattered before,\nimmediately gathered round. I then proceeded in the same strain of\ngospel invitation, till they were all melted into tears and cries,\nexcept two or three; and seemed in the greatest distress to find and\nsecure an interest in the great Redeemer.\u2015\u2015Some who had but little\nmore than a _ruffle_ made in their _passions_ the day before, seemed\nnow to be deeply affected: and the concern in general appeared near as\nprevalent as the day before. There was indeed a very _great mourning_\namong them and yet every one seemed to _mourn apart_. For so great was\ntheir concern, that almost every one was praying and crying for himself,\nas if none had been near, _Guttummaukalummeh, guttummaukalummeh_, i.\u00a0e.\n\u201cHave mercy upon me, have mercy upon me;\u201d was the common cry.\n\nIt was very affecting to see the poor Indians, who the other day were\nyelling in their _idolatrous_ feasts, now crying to God with such\nimportunity, for an interest in his dear Son!\n\nI found two or three who I hope had taken comfort upon good grounds\nsince the evening before; and these, with others that had obtained\ncomfort, were together, and seemed to rejoice much that God was\ncarrying on his work with such power upon others.\n\nAugust 10. I began to discourse privately with those who had obtained\ncomfort: endeavouring to instruct, direct, caution, and comfort them.\nBut others being eager of hearing every word that related to spiritual\nconcerns, soon came together one after another: and when I had\ndiscoursed to the _young converts_ more than half an hour, they seemed\nmuch melted with divine things, and earnestly desirous to be with\nChrist.\n\nWhen I had spent some time with these, I turned to the other Indians,\nand spoke to them from Luke xix.\u00a010. I had not discoursed long before\ntheir concern rose to a great degree, and the house was filled with\ncries and groans. And when I insisted on the compassion and care of the\nLord Jesus Christ for _those that were lost_, and could find no way of\nescape, this melted them down the more, and aggravated their distress,\nthat they could not come to so kind a Saviour.\n\nSundry persons, who before had been but slightly awakened, were\nnow deeply wounded. And one man in particular, who was never before\nawakened, was now made to feel, that \u201cthe word of the Lord was quick\nand powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword.\u201d He seemed to be\npierced to the heart, and said, \u201call the wickedness of his past life\nwas brought fresh to his remembrance, and he saw all the vile actions\nhe had done formerly, as if done but yesterday.\u201d\n\nI found one that had newly received comfort, after pressing distress.\nI could not but admire the divine goodness. There seems to be some\ngood done by every discourse, some newly awakened every day, and some\ncomforted.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, August 11. I discoursed upon part of St. Peter\u2019s sermon,\nActs ii. and at the close of my discourse to the Indians, made an\naddress to the _white_ people, and divine truths seemed to be attended\nwith power both to the English and Indians. Several of the _white\nHeathen_ were awakened, and could no longer be idle spectators, but\nfound they had souls to save as well as the Indians, and a great\nconcern spread through the whole assembly, so that this also appeared\nto be a day of God\u2019s power.\n\nThe number of the Indians, old and young, was now upwards of seventy,\nand one or two were newly awakened this day, who never appeared to be\nmoved before.\n\nThose that had obtained comfort, and had given evidences, of a saving\nchange, appeared humble and devout, and behaved in an agreeable and\nChristian manner. I was refreshed to see the tenderness of conscience\nmanifest in some of them. *Perceiving one of them very sorrowful in\nthe morning, I enquired into the cause of her sorrow, and found she\nhad been angry with her child the evening before, and was in fear lest\nher anger had been inordinate, which so grieved her, that she waked and\nbegan to sob before daylight, and continued weeping for several hours\ntogether.\n\nAugust 14. I spent the day with the Indians. There was one of them\nwho had some time since put away his wife, (as is common among them)\nand taken another woman, and being now brought under some serious\nimpressions, was earnestly desirous to know what God would have him do.\nWhen the law of God respecting _marriage_ had been opened to them, and\nthe cause of his leaving his wife enquired into; and when it appeared\nshe had given him no just occasion by _unchastity_ to desert her, and\nthat she was willing to forgive his past misconduct, he was then told,\nthat it was his indispensable duty to renounce the woman he had last\ntaken, and receive the other who was his proper wife; with which he\nchearfully complied, and thereupon publicly renounced the woman he\nhad last taken, and publicly promised to live with his wife during\nlife.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015And here appeared a clear demonstration of the power of God\u2019s\nword upon their hearts. A few weeks before the whole world could not\nhave persuaded him to a compliance with Christian rules in this affair.\n\nAugust 15. I preached from Luke iv. 16\u201221. The word was attended with\npower upon the hearts of the hearers. There was much concern, many\ntears, and affecting cries among them, and some were deeply wounded.\nThere were some newly awakened, and convictions seemed to be promoted\nin others.\u2015\u2015Those that had received comfort, were likewise refreshed\nand strengthened, and the work of grace appeared to advance in all\nrespects.\n\nAugust 16. I spent a considerable time in conversing privately with\nsundry of the Indians. I found one that had comfort, after pressing\nconcern, and could not but hope, when I discoursed with her, that her\ncomfort was of the right kind.\n\nIn the afternoon toward the close of my discourse, divine truths were\nattended with considerable power upon the audience, and more especially\nafter public service was over, when I particularly addressed the\ndistressed persons.\n\nThere was a great concern for their souls spread generally among them:\nbut especially there were two persons newly awakened, one of whom was\nlately come, and the other had all along been very attentive, but could\nnever before have any lively view of her perishing state. But now her\nspiritual distress was such, that I had never seen _any_ more pressing.\nSundry _old_ men were also in distress for their souls; so that they\ncould not refrain from weeping and crying out aloud, and their bitter\ngroans were the most convincing, as well as affecting evidence of\nthe depth of their inward anguish.\u2015\u2015God is powerfully at work among\nthem! True and genuine convictions of sin are daily promoted in many\ninstances, and some are newly awakened from time to time.\n\nAugust 17. I spent much time in private conferences with the Indians.\nI found one who had newly obtained comfort, after a long season of\nspiritual distress, (he was one of my hearers in the Forks of Delaware\nfor more than a year, and now followed me hither under deep concern)\nand I had abundant reason to hope that his comfort was well grounded.\n\nFriday, August 23. I spent some time with the Indians in private\ndiscourse; and afterwards preached. Several appeared deeply concerned\nfor their souls, and could not but express their inward anguish by\ntears and cries. But the amazing influence that has been so powerfully\namong them, seems, at present in some degree abated.\n\nAugust 24. I spent the forenoon in discoursing to some of the Indians,\nin order to their receiving the ordinance of _baptism_. When I had\nopened the nature of the ordinance, the obligations attending it, the\nduty of devoting ourselves to God in it, and the privilege of being _in\ncovenant_ with him, sundry of them seemed to be filled with love to God,\nand delighted with the thoughts of giving up themselves to him in that\nsolemn and public manner.\n\nAfterwards I discoursed publicly from 1\u00a0Thessalonians iv. 13\u201217. There\nwas a solemn attention, and visible concern in the time of public\nservice, which was afterwards increased by some further exhortation\ngiven them to come to Christ, and give up their hearts to him, that\nthey might be fitted to \u201cascend up and meet him in the air.\u201d\n\nThere were several Indians newly come, who thought their state good,\nbecause they had lived with the _white people_, although they were\naltogether unacquainted with the power of religion.\n\nWith those I discoursed particularly after public worship, and was\nsurprized to see their self-righteous disposition, and the high value\nthey put upon their supposed attainments. Yet after much discourse,\none appeared convinced, that \u201cby the deeds of the law no flesh living\nshould be justified,\u201d and wept bitterly, inquiring, \u201cwhat he must do to\nbe saved?\u201d\n\nLord\u2019s-day, August 25. I preached in the forenoon from Luke xv. 3\u20127.\nThere being a multitude of _white_ people present, I made an address to\nthem at the close of my discourse: but could not so much as keep them\norderly; for scores of them kept walking and gazing about, and behaved\nmore indecently than _any Indians_ I ever addressed.\n\nAfterwards I baptized _twenty-five_ persons of the Indians, fifteen\nadults, and ten children. Most of the adults I have reason to hope are\nrenewed persons: only the case of two or three appeared more doubtful.\n\nAfter the croud of spectators was gone, I called the baptized persons\ntogether, and discoursed to them in particular, minded them of the\nsolemn obligations they were now under to live to God, and encouraged\nthem to watchfulness and devotion, by setting before them the _comfort_\nand happy _conclusion_ of a religious life.\u2015\u2015This was a sweet season!\nTheir hearts were engaged and chearful in duty, and they rejoiced\nthat they had in a public and solemn manner dedicated themselves to\nGod.\u2015\u2015Love seemed to reign among them! They took each other by the hand\nwith tenderness and affection, as if their hearts were knit together,\nwhile I was discoursing to them: and all their deportment towards each\nother was such, that a _serious spectator_ might justly be excited to\ncry out with admiration, \u201cBehold how they love one another!\u201d Sundry\nof the other Indians at seeing and hearing these things, were much\naffected and wept bitterly, longing to be partakers of the same comfort\nthat these discovered by their countenances as well as conduct.\n\nMonday, August 26. I preached from John vi. 51\u201255. After I had\ndiscoursed some time, I addressed those in particular who entertained\nhopes that they were \u201cpassed from death to life.\u201d I opened to them the\nnature of those consolations Christ gives his people, shewed them that\nsuch have already the \u201cbeginnings of eternal life,\u201d (verse\u00a054.) and\nthat their _heaven_ shall be speedily completed.\n\nI no sooner begun to discourse, but the _Christians_ in the\ncongregation began to be melted with affection to, and desire of\nthe enjoyment of Christ, and of a state of perfect purity. They\nwept affectionately and yet joyfully, and their tears and sobs\ndiscovered _brokenness_ of heart, and yet were attended with _comfort_\nand _sweetness_; so that this was a tender, affectionate, humble,\ndelightful, melting, and appeared to be the genuine effect of the\nspirit of _adoption_. The influence spread from these through the whole\nassembly, and there quickly appeared a wonderful concern among them.\nMany who had not yet found Christ, were surprisingly engaged in seeking\nhim. Their number was now about _ninety-five_ persons, and almost all\naffected either with _joy_ in Christ, or with the _utmost concern_ to\nobtain an interest in him.\n\nBeing convinced it was now my duty to take a journey to the Indians\non Susquahannah river, after having spent some hours in public and\nprivate discourses with my people, I told them that I must leave them\nfor the present, and go to their _brethren_ far remote, and preach to\nthem; that I wanted the spirit of God should go with me, without whom\nnothing could be done to any good purpose, as they themselves had\nhad an opportunity to see: and asked them if they would not spend the\nremainder of the day in prayer for me, that God would go with me, and\nsucceed my endeavours. *They chearfully complied, and soon after I left\nthem (the sun being then about an hour and half high) they began and\ncontinued praying all night till break of day, never mistrusting (they\ntold me) till they went and saw the morning star a considerable height,\nthat it was later than common bed time.\n\nThis day an _old_ Indian, who has all his days been an obstinate\n_idolater_, was brought to give up his _rattles_ (which they use for\nmusic in their _idolatrous_ feasts and dances) to the other Indians,\nwho quickly destroyed them; and this without an attempt of mine in the\naffair, so that it was nothing but the power of God\u2019s word, without any\nparticular application to this sin, that produced this effect. Thus God\nhas begun, thus he has hitherto carried on a work of grace among these\nIndians. May the glory be ascribed to him, who is the sole author of it!\n\n[The next day he set out on a journey towards the forks of Delaware,\ndesigning to go from thence to Susquahannah, before he returned to\nCrosweeksung. It was five days from his departure from Crosweeksung,\nbefore he reached the forks, going round by the way of Philadelphia,\nand waiting on the governor of Pensylvania, to get a recommendation\nfrom him to the chiefs of the Indians.]\n\n\n _Forks of Delaware._\n\nLord\u2019s-day, September 1. I preached to the Indians here, from Luke\nxiv. 16\u201223.\n\nAfterwards I preached to a number of _white_ people, and observed\nmany of them in tears, and some who had been formerly as careless and\nunconcerned about religion as the Indians.\n\nTowards night I discoursed to the Indians again and perceived a greater\nattention, and more visible concern among them, than has been usual in\n_these parts_.\n\nSeptember 3. I preached to the Indians from Isaiah liii. 3\u20126. The\ndivine presence seemed to be in the midst of the assembly, and a\nconsiderable concern spread among them. Sundry persons seemed to be\nawakened, among whom were two stupid creatures, that I could scarce\never before \u2666keep awake while I was discoursing to them.\n\n \u2666 \u201cawake\u201d replaced with \u201ckeep awake\u201d per Errata\n\nWednesday, September 4. I rode 15 miles to an Irish settlement, and\npreached there from Luke xiv.\u00a022. \u201cand yet there is room.\u201d God was\npleased to afford me some tenderness and enlargement in the first\nprayer, and much freedom, as well as warmth in the sermon. There were\nmany tears in the assembly: the people of God seemed to melt, and\nothers to be in some measure awakened. Blessed be the Lord, that lets\nme see his work going on in one place and another.\n\nSeptember 5. I discoursed to the Indians from the parable of the\nsower, and afterwards conversed particularly with sundry persons, which\noccasioned them to weep, and even to cry out in an affecting manner,\nand seized others with surprise and concern. Several of these had\nbeen with me to Crosweeksung, and some of them felt the power of God\u2019s\nword. I asked one of them why he cried? He replied, \u201cWhen he thought\nhow Christ was slain like a lamb and spilt his blood for sinners, he\ncould not help crying:\u201d and thereupon burst into tears and cries again.\nI then asked his wife, who likewise had been abundantly comforted,\nwherefore she cried? She answered, \u201cShe was grieved that the Indians\nhere would not come to Christ, as well as those at Crosweeksung.\u201d I\nasked her if she found a heart to pray for them, and whether Christ had\nbeen near to her of late in prayer, as in time past? (which is my usual\nmethod of expressing a sense of the divine presence.) She replied,\n\u201cYes, he had been near to her; and that at sometimes when she had been\npraying alone, her heart loved to pray so, that she could not bear to\nleave the place, but wanted to stay and pray longer.\u201d\n\nLord\u2019s-day, September 8. I discoursed to the Indians, forenoon and\nafternoon. The word of God seemed to fall with _weight_ and influence\nupon them. There were but few present, but most that were, were in\ntears, and sundry cried out under distressing concern for their souls.\n\nThere was one man awakened, who never before discovered any concern for\nhis soul. There appeared a remarkable work of the Spirit, not unlike\nwhat had been at Crosweeksung. It seemed as if the divine influence had\nspread from thence to this place.\n\nSundry of the careless white people now present were startled seeing\nthe power of God so prevalent among the Indians. I then made a\nparticular address to them, which seemed to make some impression upon\nthem.\n\nIn the evening God was pleased to enlarge me in prayer, and give me\nfreedom at the throne of grace; I cried to God for the enlargement\nof his kingdom, particularly among my dear people: and for many dear\nministers of my acquaintance, both in these parts and in New-England.\nAnd my soul was so engaged in that sweet exercise, that I knew not how\nto leave the mercy seat. I saw God was both able and willing to do all\nthat I desired. And when I was going to bed, God helped me to renew my\npetitions with ardency and freedom.\n\nMonday, September 9. I left the Forks of Delaware, and set out for\nSusquahannah-river, directing my course towards the Indian-town more\nthan an hundred and twenty miles westward from the Forks.\n\nSeptember 13. After having lodged out three nights \u2666I came to the\nIndian-town on Susquahannah called Shaumoking, (one of the places I\nvisited in May last,) and was kindly received by the Indians; but had\nlittle satisfaction by reason of the heathenish dance they held in the\nhouse where I was obliged to lodge, which I could not suppress, though\nI often intreated them to desist, for the sake of one who was sick in\nthe house.\n\n \u2666 \u201cat\u201d replaced with \u201cI came to\u201d per Errata\n\nThis town lies partly on the east side of the river, partly on the\nwest, and partly on a large island in it, and contains upwards of fifty\nhouses, and near three hundred persons: but of three different tribes,\nspeaking three languages wholly _unintelligible_ to each other. About\none half of its inhabitants are Delawares, the others called Senakas,\nand Tutelas. The Indians of this place are counted the most drunken,\nmischievous, and ruffianly _fellows_ of any in these parts; and _Satan_\nseems to have his _seat_ in this _town_ in an eminent manner.\n\nSaturday, September 14. I visited the Delaware king, (who was supposed\nto be at the point of death when I was here in May, but was now\nrecovered,) discoursed with him and others respecting Christianity,\nand had more encouragement than I expected. The _king_ appeared\nwilling to be instructed; this gave me some hope, that God would\nopen an _effectual door_ for my preaching the gospel here. This was\na refreshment to me in the wilderness, and rendered my _solitary_\ncircumstances comfortable.\n\n*In the evening my soul was enlarged in prayer; especially, that God\nwould set up his kingdom in this place. My soul cried, \u201cLord, set up\nthy kingdom, for thine own glory. Glorify thyself; and I shall rejoice.\nGet honour to thy blessed name; and this is all I desire. Do with\nme just what thou wilt. Blessed be thy name for ever, that thou art\nGod, and that thou wilt glorify thyself. O that the whole world might\nglorify thee! O let these poor people be brought to know thee, and love\nthee, for the glory of thy ever-blessed name!\u201d\n\nLord\u2019s-day, September 15. I visited the _chief_ of the Delawares again;\nand discoursed to the Indians in the afternoon. I still hoped that God\nwould open their hearts to receive the gospel, though many of them were\nso drunk from day to day, that I could get no opportunity to speak to\nthem.\n\nSeptember 16. I spent the forenoon with the Indians, endeavouring to\ninstruct them from house to house, and to engage them, to be friendly\nto Christianity.\n\nTowards night I went to a part of the town where they were _sober_,\nand got together near fifty persons of them.\u2015\u2015There was a surprising\nattention among them, and they manifested a desire of being further\ninstructed. There was also one or two that seemed to be touched,\nand appeared pleased with some conversation in private, after I had\nconcluded my public discourse.\n\nMy spirits were much refreshed, and I could not but return with my\ninterpreter (having no _other companion_ in this journey) to my poor\nhard lodgings, rejoicing in hopes that God designed to set up his\nkingdom here, and found uncommon freedom in addressing the throne of\ngrace for the accomplishment of so glorious a work.\n\nSeptember 17. I spent the forenoon in discoursing to the Indians. About\nnoon I left Shaumoking, (most of the Indians going out this day to\nhunt,) and travelled down the river south-westward.\n\nSeptember 19. I visited an Indian town called _Juneauta_, situate on\nan island in Susquahannah. I was much discouraged with the behaviour of\nthe Indians here. Although they appeared friendly when I was with them\nlast spring; yet they now seemed resolved to retain their Pagan notions,\nand persist in their _idolatrous_ practices.\n\nSeptember 20. I visited the Indians again at Juneauta island, and found\nthem busy in making preparations for a great _sacrifice_ and _dance_.\nSo I had no opportunity to get them together in order to discourse\nabout Christianity. My spirits were much sunk, especially seeing I had\nnow no interpreter but a Pagan, who was as much attached to _idolatry_\nas any of them. However, I discoursed privately with some of them, but\nwithout any appearance of success.\n\nIn the evening they met together, near an hundred of them, and danced\nround a large fire, having prepared ten fat deer for the _sacrifice_.\nThe fat of the inwards they burnt in the fire while they were dancing,\nand sometimes raised the flame to a prodigious height, at the same time\nyelling and shouting in such a manner, that they might have been heard\ntwo miles or more.\n\nThey continued their _sacred dance_ all night; after which they eat the\n_flesh_ of the _sacrifice_, and retired each to his lodging.\n\nI enjoyed little satisfaction this night, being entirely alone on the\nisland, (as to any Christian company,) and having walked to and fro\u2019\ntill body and mind were much oppressed, I at length crept into a little\ncrib made for corn, and there slept on the poles.\n\n*Lord\u2019s-day, September 21. I spent the day with the Indians on the\nisland. As soon as they were up, I attempted to instruct them, and\nlaboured to get them together, but quickly found they had something\nelse to do; for they gathered together all their _powwows_, (or\nconjurers,) and set about half a dozen of them to playing their tricks,\nand acting their frantic postures, in order to find out why they\nwere so sickly, numbers of them being at that time disordered with a\n_fever_, and bloody _flux_. In this they were engaged for several hours,\nmaking all the wild distracted motions imaginable: sometimes singing;\nsometimes howling; sometimes extending their hands to the utmost\nstretch, spreading all their fingers, and seemed to push with them,\nas if they designed to fright something away, or at least keep it off\nat arms-end; sometimes stroking their faces with their hands, then\nspurting water as fine as mist; sometimes sitting flat on the earth,\nthen bowing down their faces to the ground; wringing their sides, as\nif in pain and anguish: twisting their faces, turning up their eyes,\ngrunting, or puffing.\n\n*Their monstrous actions seemed to have something in them peculiarly\nsuited to raise the devil, if he could be raised by any thing odd\nand frightful. Some of them were much more fervent in the business\nthan others, and seemed to _chant_, _peep_, and _mutter_ with a great\ndegree of warmth and vigour. I sat about thirty feet from them, (though\nundiscovered) with my bible in my hand, resolving, if possible, to\nspoil their sport, and prevent their receiving any answers from the\n_infernal_ world. They continued their hideous charms for more than\nthree hours, until they had all wearied themselves out, although\nthey had taken sundry intervals of rest: and at length broke up, I\napprehended, without receiving any answer.\n\nAfter they had done powwowing, I attempted to discourse with them about\nChristianity; but they soon scattered, and gave no opportunity. A view\nof these things, while I was destitute of the society of any one that\nso much as \u201cnamed the name of Christ,\u201d greatly sunk my spirits, so that\nI had no heart nor power to make any further attempts among them.\n\nThe Indians of this island many of them understand English, having\nformerly lived in Maryland near the white people, but are very vicious,\ndrunken, and profane, although not so _savage_ as those who have less\nacquaintance with the English. Their method of _charming_ over the sick,\nseems somewhat different from that of other Indians: and the whole\nof it perhaps is an imitation of what seems, by Naaman\u2019s expression,\n2\u00a0Kings v.\u00a011. to have been the custom of the ancient Heathens. For\nit seems chiefly to consist in their \u201cstriking their hands over the\ndiseased,\u201d repeatedly stroking of them, \u201cand calling upon their gods,\u201d\nexcepting the spurting of water, and some other frantic ceremonies\ncommon to the other _conjurations_.\n\n*When I was in these parts in May last, I had an opportunity of\nlearning many of the customs of the Indians: I then travelling more\nthan an hundred and thirty miles upon the river above the English\nsettlements; and had in that journey a view of persons of _seven_ or\n_eight_ distinct tribes, speaking so many different languages. But of\nall the sights I ever saw among them, none appeared so near a-kin to\nwhat is usually imagined of _infernal powers_, as the appearance of\none who was a devout and zealous reformer, or rather restorer, of\nwhat he supposed was the ancient religion of the Indians. He made his\nappearance in his _\u2666pontifical garb_, which was a coat of _bear skins_,\ndressed with the hair on, and hanging down to his toes, a pair of\nbear-skin stockings, and a great _wooden_ face, painted the one half\nblack and the other tawny, about the colour of an Indian\u2019s skin,\nwith an extravagant mouth, cut very much awry; the face fastened to\na bear-skin cap, which was drawn over his head. He advanced toward\nme with the instrument in his hand that he used for music in his\n_idolatrous worship_ which was a dry _tortoise-shell_, with some\ncorn in it, and the neck of it drawn on a piece of wood, which made a\nvery convenient handle. As he came forward, he beat his tune with the\n_rattle_, and danced with all his might, but did not suffer any part of\nhis body, not so much as his fingers, to be seen: and no man would have\nguessed, by his appearance, that he could have been a human creature.\nWhen he came near me, I could not but shrink away from him, although it\nwas then noon day, and I knew who it was. He had a house consecrated to\nreligious uses, with divers images cut out upon the several parts of it;\nI went in and found the ground beat almost as hard as a rock with their\nfrequent dancing.\u2015\u2015I discoursed with him about Christianity, and some\nof my discourse he seemed to like, but some of it he disliked entirely.\nHe told me that God had taught him his religion, and that he never\nwould turn from it, but wanted to find some that would join heartily\nwith him in it; for the Indians, he said, were grown very degenerate.\nHe had thoughts, he said, of leaving all his friends, and travelling\nabroad, in order to find some that would join with him; for he believed\nGod had some good people some where, that felt as he did. He had not\nalways, he said, felt as he now did, but had _formerly_ been like the\nrest of the Indians, until about four or five years ago: then, he said,\nhis heart was very much distressed, so that he could not live among the\nIndians, but got away into the woods, and lived alone for some months.\nAt length, he says, God shewed him what he should do; and since that\ntime he had known God, and tried to serve him; and loved all men, be\nthey who they would, so as he never did before.\u2015\u2015He treated me with\nuncommon courtesy, and seemed to be hearty in it.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015And I was told by\nthe Indians, that he opposed their drinking strong liquor with all his\npower; and if at any time he could not dissuade them from it, he would\nleave them, and go crying into the woods. It was manifest he had a set\nof religious notions that he had looked into _for himself_, and not\ntaken for _granted_ upon bare tradition; and he relished or disrelished\nwhatever was spoken of a religious nature, according as it either\nagreed or disagreed with _his standard_. And while I was discoursing he\nwould sometimes say, \u201cNow that I like: so God has taught me.\u201d And some\nof his sentiments seemed very just. Yet he utterly denied the being\nof a _devil_, and declared there was no such creature known among the\nIndians of old times. He likewise told me, that departed souls all went\nsouthward, and that the difference between the good and bad was this,\nthat the _former_ were admitted into a beautiful town with _spiritual_\nwalls, or walls agreeable to the nature of souls; and that the _latter_\nwould for ever hover round those walls, and in vain attempt to get in.\nHe seemed to be sincere, honest, and conscientious in his _own way_,\nwhich was more than I ever saw in any other Pagan; and I perceived he\nwas derided among most of the Indians as a _precise zealot_. I must say,\nthere was something in his temper that looked more like true religion\nthan any thing I ever observed among other Heathens.\n\n \u2666 \u201cpontificial\u201d replaced with \u201cpontifical\u201d\n\nSeptember 22. I made some further attempts to instruct the Indians on\nthis island, but all to no purpose. They live so near the white people,\nthat they are always in the way of strong liquor, as well as the\nill examples of _nominal_ Christians; which renders it unspeakably\n\u2666difficult to treat with them about Christianity.\n\n \u2666 \u201cdiffcult\u201d replaced with \u201cdifficult\u201d\n\n[On Monday, September 23. He left the Indians, in order to his return\nto the Forks of Delaware, in a very weak state of body, and under\ndejection of mind, which continued the two first days of his journey.]\n\nThursday, September 26. I was still much disordered in body, and\nable to ride but slowly, I continued my journey however. Near night\nI arrived at the Irish settlement, about fifteen miles from mine own\nhouse. This day I was much exercised with a sense of my barrenness: and\nverily thought, there was no creature that had any true grace, but what\nwas more spiritual and fruitful than I: I could not think that any of\nGod\u2019s children made so poor a hand of living to God as I.\n\n\n _Forks of Delaware._\n\nOctober 1. I discoursed to the Indians here, and afterwards invited\nthem to follow me to Crosweeksung as soon as their conveniency would\nadmit; which invitation sundry of them chearfully accepted.\n\nSaturday, October 5. I preached at Crosweeksung, from John xiv. 1\u20126.\nThe divine presence seemed to be in the assembly. Numbers were affected,\nand some comforted.\n\nO what a difference is there between these and the Indians upon\nSusquahannah! To be with _those_ seemed like being banished from God\nand all his people; to be with _these_ like being admitted into his\nfamily, and to the enjoyment of his presence! How great is the change\nmade upon these Indians, who not many months ago were as averse to\nChristianity, as those upon Susquahannah!\n\nLord\u2019s-day, October 6. I preached in the forenoon from John x. 7\u201211.\nThere was a considerable melting among my people; the young Christians\nwere comforted and strengthened, and one or two persons newly awakened.\n\nIn the afternoon I discoursed on the story of the jailor, Acts xvi.\nand in the evening expounded Acts xx. 1\u201212. There was at this time a\nmelting through the whole assembly. There was scarce a dry eye to be\nseen among them, and nothing but what tended to excite a Christian\nardour and spirit of devotion.\n\nAfter public service I withdrew, and the Indians continued praying\namong themselves for near two hours together; which exercises appeared\nto be attended with a blessed influence from on high.\n\nI could not but earnestly wish that numbers of God\u2019s people had been\npresent at this season, to see and hear these things which I am sure\nmust refresh the heart of every true lover of Zion. To see those, who\nvery lately were savage Pagans and idolaters, \u201chaving no hope, and\nwithout God in the world,\u201d now filled with a sense of divine love,\nand worshipping the \u201cFather in spirit and in truth,\u201d was not a little\naffecting; and especially to see them so tender and humble, as well as\nlively, fervent, and devout.\n\nMonday, October 7. Being called by the church of East-Hampton on\nLong-Island, as a member of a council, to advise in affairs of\ndifficulty in that church, I set out this morning, before it was well\nlight, and travelled to Elisabeth-Town.\n\n[He prosecuted his journey with the other ministers that were sent for:\nand did not return till October 24.]\n\nOctober 24. I discoursed from John iv. 13\u201214. There was a great\nattention, and an unaffected melting in the assembly.\u2015\u2015It is surprising\nto see how eager they are to hear the word of God. I have often thought\nthey would chearfully attend divine worship twenty-four hours together.\n\nOctober 25. I discoursed to my people on the _resurrection_, from Luke\nxx. 27\u201236. And when I came to mention the blessedness the good shall\nenjoy at that season; their final freedom from death, and sorrow; their\nequality to the _angels_ in regard of their nearness to, and enjoyment\nof Christ; and their being the _children of God_, openly acknowledged\nby him _as such_; I say, when I mentioned these things, numbers of them\nwere much affected, and melted with a view of this blessed state.\n\nOctober 26. Being called to assist in the administration of the\nLord\u2019s-supper in a neighbouring congregation, I invited my people to\ngo with me, who embraced the opportunity chearfully, and attended the\ndiscourses of that solemnity with diligence and affection, most of them\nnow understanding something of the English language.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, October 27. While I was preaching to a vast assembly of\npeople abroad, who appeared generally easy and secure enough, there\nwas one Indian woman, a stranger, who never heard me preach before, nor\never regarded any thing about religion, (being now persuaded by some\nof her friends to come though much against her will) was seized with a\npressing concern for her soul, and soon after expressed a great desire\nof going home, (more than forty miles distant) to call her husband,\nthat he also might have a concern for his soul. Some other of the\nIndians also appeared to be affected with divine truths this day.\n\nThe pious people of the English (numbers of whom I had an opportunity\nto converse with) seemed refreshed with seeing the Indians worship\nGod in that devout and solemn manner, and could not but \u201cglorify God,\nsaying, Then hath God also to the Gentiles granted repentance unto\nlife.\u201d\n\n*October 28. I discoursed from Matthew xxii. 1\u201213. I was enabled to\nadapt my discourse to the capacities of my people, \u201cI know not how,\u201d in\na plain, easy, and familiar manner, beyond all that I could have done\nby the utmost study: and this, with as much freedom, as if I had been\naddressing a common audience, who had been instructed in Christianity\nall their days.\n\n*The word of God at this time seemed to fall upon the assembly with\na divine power, especially toward the close of my discourse: there\nwas both a sweet melting, and bitter mourning in the audience.\u2015\u2015The\nChristians were refreshed and comforted, convictions revived in others,\nand sundry persons newly awakened who had never been with us before;\nand so much of the divine presence appeared in the assembly, that it\nseemed, \u201cthis was no other than the gate of heaven.\u201d All that had any\nrelish of divine things were even constrained to say, \u201cLord, it is good\nfor us to be here!\u201d If ever there was among my people an appearance of\nthe New Jerusalem\u2015\u2015\u201cas a bride adorned for her husband,\u201d there was at\nthis time. And so agreeable was the entertainment, that I could scarce\ntell how to leave the place.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, \u2666November 3. I baptized _fourteen_ Indians, six adults and\neight children: one of these was near _fourscore_ years of age, and\nI have reason to hope God has brought her home to himself: two of the\nothers were men of _fifty_ years old, who had been singular even among\nthe Indians for their wickedness; one of them had been a murderer, and\nboth notorious drunkards, as well as excessive quarrelsome; but now I\ncannot but hope both are really changed. I deferred their baptism for\nmany weeks, that I might have more opportunities to observe the fruits\nof those impressions they had been under. Indeed there \u2660was not but one\nof the adults but had given me grounds to hope, that God had wrought a\ngood work in their hearts.\n\n \u2666 \u201cOctober 23\u201d replaced with \u201cNovember 3\u201d\n\n \u2660 \u201cwas\u201d replaced with \u201cwas not\u201d per Errata\n\nNovember 4. There were sundry of the persons lately come from remote\nplaces, that were now brought under deep concern for their souls;\nparticularly one, who not long since came half drunk, and railed\non us, and attempted to disturb us while engaged in divine worship,\nwas so distressed, that she seemed unable to get any ease without an\ninterest in Christ. There were many tears and affectionate groans in\nthe assembly in general, some weeping for themselves, others for their\nfriends. And though persons are doubtless much more easily affected now,\nthan they were in the beginning \u2666of this religious concern, when tears\nand cries for their souls were things unheard of among them; yet, their\naffection in general appeared _genuine_ and _unfeigned_; and especially\nin those newly awakened.\n\n \u2666 \u201cto\u201d replaced with \u201cof\u201d per Errata\n\nI baptized a child this day, and perceived several of the baptized\npersons, affected, as being thereby minded of their own solemn\nengagements.\n\nI have now baptized in all _forty-seven_ persons of the Indians, twenty\nadults, and twenty-four children; thirty-five of them belonging to\nthese parts, and the rest to the Forks of Delaware; and they have none\nof them yet been a disgrace to their profession.\n\nBefore I proceed, I would make a few remarks.\n\nAnd _1st_, It is remarkable that God began this work among the Indians\nat a time when I had the least prospect of seeing a work of grace among\nthem. My bodily strength being then much wasted by a tedious journey\nto Susquahannah, my mind exceedingly depressed with a view of the\nunsuccessfulness of my labours, I had little to hope that God would\nmake me instrumental of the saving conversion of any of the Indians,\nwhence I was ready to look upon myself as a burden to the society that\nemployed me. I began to entertain serious thoughts of giving up my\nmission; and almost resolved I would, at the conclusion of the year,\nif I had no better prospect in my work than I had hitherto had.\n\nIn this frame of mind I first visited these Indians at Crosweeksung,\napprehending it was my duty to make some attempts for their conversion,\nthough I cannot say, I had any hope of success.\n\nAnd yet _this_ was the very season that God saw fit to begin this\nglorious work in! And thus he \u201cordained strength out of weakness,\u201d\nby making bare his almighty arm at a time when _all hopes_ and _human\nprobabilities_ failed.\u2015\u2015\u201cWhence I learn that it is good to follow the\npath of duty, though in the midst of darkness and discouragement.\u201d\n\n_2dly_, It is remarkable how God, in a manner almost _unaccountable_,\ncalled these Indians together and how he \u2666seized their minds with the\nmost solemn concern as fast as they came to the place where his word\nwas preached. When I first came into these parts, I found not one man\nat the place, but only four _women_, and a few children: but before I\nhad been there many days, they gathered from all quarters, some from\nmore than twenty miles distant: and when I made them a second visit,\nsome came more than forty miles to hear me.\n\n \u2666 \u201cseised\u201d replaced with \u201cseized\u201d\n\nAnd many came without any intelligence of what was going on here, and\nconsequently without any design, so much as to gratify their curiosity;\nso that it seemed as if God had summoned them together from all\nquarters for nothing else but to deliver his message to them.\n\nNor is it less surprising that they were one after another affected\nwith a solemn concern, almost as soon as they came upon the spot \u2666where\ndivine truths were taught them. I could not but think, their coming to\nthis place was like Saul and his messengers coming among the prophets;\nthey no sooner came but they prophesied: and these were almost as\nsoon affected with a sense of their sin and misery, and with an\nearnest concern for deliverance, as they made their appearance in our\nassembly.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015After this work of _grace_ began with power among them, it\nwas common for _strangers_ of the Indians, before they had been with us\none day, to be deeply convinced of their sin and misery, and to inquire\nwith great solicitude, \u201cWhat they should do to be saved?\u201d\n\n \u2666 \u201cwere\u201d replaced with \u201cwhere\u201d\n\n_3dly_, It is likewise remarkable how God preserved these poor ignorant\nIndians from being prejudiced against me, and the truths I taught\nthem. There were many attempts made by some of the _white_ people\nto prejudice them against, or fright them from Christianity. They\nsometimes told them, the Indians were well enough already:\u2015\u2015that there\nwas no need of all this _noise_ about Christianity:\u2015\u2015that if they were\nChristians, they would be in no better, no safer, or happier state,\nthan they were already.\n\nSometimes they told them, that I was a _knave_, a _deceiver_: that I\ntaught them lies, and had no other design but to impose upon them.\n\nAnd when none of these suggestions would avail, they told the Indians,\n\u201cMy design was to gather together as large a body of men as I could,\nand sell them to England for slaves.\u201d Nothing could be more likely to\nterrify the Indians, they being naturally of a jealous disposition, and\nthe most averse to a state of servitude perhaps of any people living.\n\nBut all these insinuations (through divine goodness) constantly turned\nagainst the _authors_ of them, and only served to engage the affections\nof the Indians more firmly to me: for they could not but observe, that\nthe persons who endeavoured to imbitter their minds against me, were\naltogether unconcerned about their own souls, and not only so, but\nvicious and profane; and thence could not but argue, that if they had\nno concern for their _own_, it was not likely they should have any for\nthe souls of _others_.\n\nIt seems the more wonderful that the Indians were preserved from\nhearkening to these suggestions, as I was an utter stranger among them,\nand could give no assurance of my sincere affection, by any thing that\nwas past,\u2015\u2015while the persons that insinuated these things were their\nold acquaintance, who had had frequent opportunities of gratifying them,\nand consequently had the greatest interest in their affections.\n\n_4thly_, Nor is it less wonderful how God was pleased to provide a\n_remedy_ for my want of skill in the Indian language, by remarkably\nfitting my interpreter for, and assisting him in the performance of\nhis work. It might be supposed I must labour under a vast disadvantage\nin addressing the Indians by an interpreter, and that divine truths\nwould lose much of their _energy_, by coming to the audience from\na _second hand_. But although this has often been the case in times\npast, when my interpreter had little sense of divine things, yet now\nit is quite otherwise. I cannot think my addresses to the Indians\nsince the beginning of this season of grace, have lost any thing of\nthe power with which they were made, unless it were sometimes for want\nof pertinent expressions in the Indian language. My interpreter had\nbefore gained some good degree of _doctrinal_ knowledge, whereby he\nwas capable of understanding and communicating the _meaning_ of my\ndiscourses, without being obliged to interpret word for word. He had\nlikewise an _experimental_ acquaintance with divine things; and it\npleased God at this season to inspire his mind with longing desires\nfor the conversion of the Indians, and to give him admirable zeal\nand fervency in addressing them. And it is remarkable, that when I\nwas favoured with any _special assistance_, and enabled to speak with\nmore than common _freedom_, _fervency_, and _power_, he was affected\nin the same manner almost instantly, and enabled to speak in the\nsame _pathetic_ language that I did. And a _surprising energy_ often\naccompanied the word at such seasons; so that the face of the whole\nassembly would be changed almost in an instant, and tears and sobs\nbecame common among them.\n\nHe likewise took pains day and night to inculcate upon the Indians the\ntruths I taught them daily; and this not from spiritual pride, but from\na spirit of faithfulness, and an honest concern for their souls.\n\nAnd thus God, without bestowing on me the _gift of tongues_, could find\na way wherein I might be effectually enabled to convey the truths of\nhis glorious gospel to the minds of these poor benighted Pagans.\n\n_Lastly_, The _effects_ of this work have been very remarkable. I doubt\nnot but that many of these people have gained more knowledge of divine\ntruths since June last, than could have been instilled into their minds\nby the most diligent use of proper means for whole _years_ together,\nwithout such a divine influence. Their Pagan notions and _idolatrous_\npractices seem to be entirely abandoned. They are regularly disposed in\nthe affairs of marriage; an instance whereof I have given in my Journal\nof August\u00a014. They seem generally divorced from _drunkenness_, their\ndarling vice, and the \u201csin that easily besets them:\u201d so that I do not\nknow of more than two or three who have been my steady hearers, that\nhave drank to excess since I first visited them, although before it was\ncommon for some or other of them to be drunk almost every day: and some\nof them seem now to fear this sin in particular more than death itself.\nA principle of honesty and justice appears in many of them, and they\nseem concerned to discharge their old debts, which they have neglected,\nand, perhaps, scarce thought of for years past. Their manner of living\nis much more decent and comfortable than formerly. _Love_ reigns\namong them, especially those who have experienced a real change: and\nI never saw any appearance of _bitterness_ or _censoriousness_, nor\nany disposition to \u201cesteem themselves better than others.\u201d\n\n*As their sorrows under _convictions_ have been great and pressing,\nso many of them have since appeared to \u201crejoice with joy unspeakable.\u201d\nAnd yet their consolations do not incline them to _lightness_; but are\nattended with _solemnity_, and with _tears_, and brokenness of heart.\nAnd in this respect some of them have been surprised at themselves,\nand have with concern observed to me, that \u201cwhen their hearts have been\nglad,\u201d \u201cthey could not help crying for all.\u201d\n\nUpon the whole, here are all the evidences of a remarkable work\nof grace that can reasonably be looked for. May the _great Author_\nmaintain and promote the same _here_, and propagate it _every where_,\ntill \u201cthe whole earth be filled with his glory!\u201d\n\nI have now rode more than three thousand miles since the beginning of\nMarch last; and almost the whole of it has been as a _missionary_, upon\nthe design of propagating _Christian knowledge_ among the Indians. I\nhave taken pains to look out for a _colleague_, to travel with me; but\nhave not as yet found any person qualified and disposed for this good\nwork.\n\nAs these poor Pagans stood in need of having \u201cline upon line, and\nprecept upon precept,\u201d in order to their being grounded in the\nprinciples of Christianity; so I preached \u201cpublickly and taught from\nhouse to house,\u201d almost every day for _whole weeks_ together. And my\n_public_ discourses did not then make up the one half of my work, while\nthere were so many constantly coming to me with that important inquiry,\n\u201cWhat must we do to be saved?\u201d And yet I can say, (to the praise of\nGod) that the success with which my labours were crowned, unspeakably\nmore than compensated for the labour itself, and was likewise a great\nmeans of carrying me through fatigues, which my nature would have sunk\nunder, without such an encouraging prospect. But although this success\nhas afforded matter of support, comfort and thankfulness: yet in this\nseason I have found great need of assistance in my work, and have been\nmuch oppressed for want of _one_ to bear a part of my _labours_ and\n_hardships_.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015\n\n\u201cMay the Lord of the harvest send forth other labourers into this part\nof his harvest, that those who sit in darkness may see great light, and\nthat the whole earth may be filled with the knowledge of himself!\u201d\n\n[Tuesday, November 5. He left the Indians, and spent the remaining part\nof this week in travelling to various parts of New-Jersey, in order\nto get a _collection_ for the use of the Indians, and to obtain a\n_school-master_ to instruct them.]\n\nLord\u2019s day, November 10. [At Elisabeth-Town] I preached in the forenoon\nfrom 2\u00a0Corinthians v.\u00a020. God was pleased to give me freedom and\nfervency; and the presence of God seemed to be in the assembly; numbers\nwere affected, and there were many tears among them. In the afternoon\nI preached from Luke xiv.\u00a022. \u201cAnd yet there is room.\u201d I was favoured\nwith divine assistance in the first prayer, and poured out my soul to\nGod with a filial temper; the living God also assisted me in sermon.\n\nFriday, November 15. I could not cross the ferry by reason of the\nviolence of the wind; nor could I enjoy any place of retirement at\nthe ferry house. Yet God gave me some satisfaction in meditation, and\nlifting up my heart to God in the midst of company. And although some\nwere drinking and talking profanely, yet my mind was calm and composed.\nAnd I could not but bless God, that I was not like to spend an eternity\nin such company.\n\nSaturday, November 16. I crossed the ferry and arrived at\nElisabeth\u2019s-Town near night. I was in a composed frame of mind,\nand felt an entire resignation with respect to a loss I had lately\nsustained, in having my horse stolen from me the last Wednesday night.\n\n*Friday, November 22. I rode to Mr. Tennent\u2019s and from thence to\nCrosweeksung. Oh that I could fill up all my time, whether in the house\nor by the way, for God! I was enabled this day to give up my soul to\nGod, and put all my concerns into his hands: and found real consolation\nin the thought of being entirely at his disposal and having no will or\ninterest of my own. I have received my _all_ from God! Oh that I could\nreturn my _all_ to God! Surely God is worthy of my highest affection,\nand most devout adoration; he is infinitely worthy, that I should make\nhim my last end, and live for ever to him: Oh that I might never more,\nin any one instance, live to myself!\n\nLord\u2019s-day, November 24. I preached from the story of Zaccheus. When\nI insisted upon the _salvation_ that _comes to the sinner_, upon his\nbecoming a true believer, the word seemed to be attended with divine\npower.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Numbers were much affected;\u2015\u2015former convictions were revived,\none or two persons newly awakened;\u2015\u2015and a most affectionate engagement\nappeared among them universally.\n\nNovember 26. I was favoured with freedom and fervency in my discourse.\nMany wept affectionately, and scarce any appeared unconcerned. The\ninfluence that seized the audience appeared gentle, and yet deeply\naffected the heart. It excited in the persons under convictions of\ntheir lost state, heavy groans and tears:\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015and in others who had\nobtained comfort, a sweet and humble melting. It seemed like the gentle\nbut steady showers that effectually water the earth.\n\nThe persons lately awakened, were deeply distressed, and appeared\nearnestly \u2666solicitous to obtain an interest in Christ: and some of them,\nin anguish of spirit, said, \u201cThey knew not what to do, nor how to get\ntheir wicked hearts changed.\u201d\n\n \u2666 \u201csolicitious\u201d replaced with \u201csolicitous\u201d\n\nNovember 28. After public service was over, I asked one of the Indians\nwho wept most affectionately, \u201cWhat she now wanted?\u201d She replied,\n\u201cOh to be with Christ! She did not know how to stay.\u201d This was a\nblessed refreshing season to the religious people in general. The\nLord Jesus Christ seemed to manifest his divine glory to them, as when\n_transfigured_ before his disciples. And they were ready universally to\nsay, \u201cLord, it is good for us to be here.\u201d\n\nThe influence of God\u2019s word was not _confined_ to those who had given\nevidences of being truly gracious, though I calculated my discourse for,\nand directed it _chiefly_ to such: but it appeared to be a season of\ndivine power in the whole assembly; so that most were, in some measure\naffected. And one aged man in particular, lately awakened, was now\nbrought under deep and pressing concern, and was earnestly inquisitive\n\u201chow he might find Jesus Christ.\u201d\n\nGod seems still to vouchsafe the influence of his blessed Spirit, in\nall our meetings for divine worship.\n\nNovember 30. I preached near night, after having spent some hours in\nprivate conference with some of my people. I explained the story of\nthe rich man and Lazarus, Luke xvi. 19.\u00a026. The word made powerful\nimpressions upon many, especially while I discoursed of the blessedness\nof \u201cLazarus in Abraham\u2019s bosom.\u201d _This_ I could perceive, affected\nthem much more than what I spoke of the _rich man\u2019s_ torments. And thus\nit has been usually with them. They have appeared much more affected\nwith the _comfortable_ than the _dreadful_ truths of God\u2019s word. And\nthat which has distressed many of them under convictions, is, that\nthey wanted, and could not obtain the happiness of the godly; they\nhave often appeared to be more affected with _this_, than with the\n_terrors_ of hell. But whatever be the _means_ of their awakening, it\nis plain, numbers are made _deeply sensible_ of their sin and misery,\nthe wickedness of their own hearts, their _utter inability_ to help\nthemselves, or come to Christ for help, without divine assistance.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, December 1. I gave them particular cautions and directions\nrelating to their conduct in divers respects. And pressed them to\n_watchfulness_ in all their deportment, seeing they were encompassed\nwith those that \u201cwaited for their halting,\u201d and who _stood ready_ to\ndraw them into _temptations_ of every kind, and then to expose religion\non their account.\n\nMonday, December 9. I spent most of the day in procuring provisions, in\norder to my setting up house-keeping among the Indians.\n\nTuesday, December 10. Towards night I got into my own house.\u00b9\n\n \u00b9 This is the third house that he built to dwell in by himself\n among the Indians: the first at Kaunaumeek in the county of\n Albany: the second at the Forks of Delaware in Pensylvania;\n and now this at Crosweeksung in New-Jersey.\n\nDecember 12. I preached from the parable of the ten virgins, Matthew\nxxv. The divine power seemed to attend this discourse, in which I was\nfavoured with _uncommon_ plainness of address, and enabled to open\ndivine truths, in a \u2666manner _beyond myself_.\u2015\u2015There appeared in many\nan affectionate concern for their souls: and it was refreshing to see\nthem melted into tears; some with _sense_ of divine love, and some for\n_want_ of it.\n\n \u2666 \u201cmaner\u201d replaced with \u201cmanner\u201d\n\nLord\u2019s-day, December 15. I preached to the Indians from Luke xiii.\n24,\u00a028. Divine truths fell with weight upon the audience. Near night I\ndiscoursed to them again from Matthew xxv.\u00a031. to\u00a046. At which season\nalso, the word appeared to be accompanied with divine influence, and\nmade powerful impressions upon the assembly in general, as well as upon\ndivers persons in a very particular manner. This was an amazing season\nof grace! \u201cThe word of the Lord,\u201d \u201cwas quick and powerful, sharper than\na two-edged sword.\u201d The assembly was _deeply_ wrought upon; and the\nimpressions made by the word of God appeared solid and rational, worthy\nof the solemn truths by means of which they were produced.\n\nO how did the hearts of the hearers seem to bow under the weight of\ndivine truths! And how evident did it now appear that they _received_\nand _felt_ them, \u201cnot as the word of man, but as the word of God!\u201d\n\n*December 16. There was much affection and concern in the assembly;\nespecially one woman appeared in great distress. She was brought to\nsuch an _agony_ in seeking after Christ, that the sweat ran off her\nface for a considerable time, although the evening was very cold; and\nher bitter cries were the most affecting indication of the _inward_\nanguish of her heart.\n\nSaturday, December 21. My people having now attained to a considerable\ndegree of knowledge in the principles of Christianity, I thought it\nproper to set up a _catechetical lecture_; and this evening attempted\nsomething in _that form_; proposing questions to them, receiving their\nanswers, and then explaining and insisting as appeared proper upon each\nquestion. After which I endeavoured to make some practical improvement\nof the whole.\u2015\u2015They were able readily and _rationally_ to answer many\nimportant questions: so that I found their knowledge to exceed my\nexpectations.\u2015\u2015In the improvement of my discourse, when I came to open\nthe blessedness of those who have so great and glorious a God, as had\nbeen spoken of, \u201cfor their everlasting friend and portion,\u201d sundry were\nmuch affected: and especially when I exhorted them \u201cto be reconciled\nto God,\u201d through his dear Son, and _thus_ to secure an interest in his\neverlasting favour.\n\n*Lord\u2019s-day, December 22. After my labours with the Indians, I spent\nsome time in writing; and was much wearied with the labours of the\nday. I am conscious to myself that my labours are as great and constant\nas my nature will bear, and that ordinarily I go to the extent of my\nstrength; so that I do all I can; but the misery is, I do not labour\nwith that _heavenly_ temper, that single eye to the _glory_ of God,\nthat I long for.\n\nThere were sundry persons of the Indians newly come here, who had\nfrequently lived among the Quakers; and being more civilized than the\ngenerality of the Indians, they had imbibed some of the Quakers errors,\nespecially this, that if men would but live according to the dictates\nof their own consciences, (or the _light within_,) there is no doubt of\ntheir salvation.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015These persons I found much worse to deal with than\nthose who are wholly under Pagan darkness, who make no _pretences_ to\nknowledge in Christianity, nor have any _self-righteous_ foundation\nto stand upon. However, they all, except one, appeared now convinced,\nthat this was not sufficient to salvation; since Christ himself had\ndeclared it so in the case of the young man. And seemed in some measure\nconcerned to obtain that change of heart which I had been labouring to\nshew them the necessity of.\n\nThis was likewise a season of _comfort_ to some souls, and in\nparticular to one who never before obtained any settled comfort.\n\nWhen I came to enquire of her, how she got relief from the distresses\nshe had lately been under, she answered in broken English,\u00b9 \u201cMe try,\nme try, save myself, last my strength be all gone, (meaning her ability\nto save herself,) could not me stir bit further. Den last me forced let\nJesus Christ alone, send me hell if he please.\u201d I said, But you was not\nwilling to go to hell, was you? She replied,\u00b2 \u201cCould not me help it. My\nheart he would wicked for all. Could not me make him good:\u201d I asked her,\nHow she got out of this case? She answered still in the same broken\nlanguage,\u00b3 \u201cBy by my heart be grad desperately.\u201d I asked her why her\nheart was glad? She replied, \u201cGrad my heart Jesus Christ do what he\nplease with me. Den me tink, grad my heart Jesus Christ send me hell.\nDid not me care where he put me, me love him for all.\u201d\n\n \u00b9 In proper English thus, \u201cI tried and tried to save myself,\n till at last my strength was all gone, and I could not stir\n any further. Then at last I was forced to let Jesus Christ\n alone to send me to hell if he pleased.\u201d\n\n \u00b2 In plain English thus, \u201cI could not help it. My heart would\n be wicked for all I could do, I could not make it good.\u201d\n\n \u00b3 \u201cBy and by my heart was exceeding glad that Jesus Christ\n would do with me what he pleased. Then I thought my heart\n would be glad although Christ should send me to hell. I did\n not care where he put me, I should love him for all: _i. e._\n do what he would with me.\u201d\n\n*And she could not readily be convinced, but that she was willing to\ngo to hell, if Christ was pleased to send her there. Though the truth\nevidently was, her will was so swallowed up in the divine will, that\nshe could not frame any hell in her imagination that would be dreadful,\nprovided it was the will of God to send her to it.\n\nDecember 25. The Indians having been used upon Christmas-days to drink\nand revel among the _white_ people, I thought proper to call them\ntogether, and discourse to them upon divine things: which I accordingly\ndid from the parable of the barren figtree, Luke xiii. 6\u20129. The power\nof God appeared in the assembly, by awakening several stupid creatures,\nthat were scarce ever moved before. And the impressions made upon\nthe assembly in general, seemed not _superficial_, but _deep_ and\nheart-affecting. O how ready did they appear to comply with every\nthing they were convinced was their duty! God was in the midst of us\nof a truth, bowing and melting stubborn hearts! How many tears and sobs\nwere then to be seen and heard among us! What liveliness and strict\nattention! What eagerness and intenseness of mind! They seemed to watch\nand wait for the dropping of God\u2019s word, as the thirsty earth for the\n\u201cformer and latter rain.\u201d\n\nDecember 26. This evening I was visited by a person under great\nspiritual exercise. She was a woman of more than _four-score_ years old,\nand appeared to be much broken and very _childish_ through age, so that\nit seemed impossible for man to instil into her mind any _notions_ of\ndivine things.\u2015\u2015She was led by the hand into my house, and appeared in\nextreme anguish. I asked her, what ailed her? She answered, \u201cThat her\nheart was distressed, and she feared she should never find Christ.\u201d I\nasked her, when she began to be concerned? She answered to this effect,\nThat she had heard me preach many times, but never \u201cfelt it in her\nheart\u201d till the last sabbath; and then it came, she said, \u201call one as\nif a needle had been \u2666thrust into her heart;\u201d since which time she had\nno rest day or night. She added, that on the evening before Christmas,\na number of Indians being together at the house where she was, and\ndiscoursing about _Christ_, their talk _pricked her heart_, so that\nshe could not sit up, but fell down on her bed; at which time _she went\naway_, (as she expressed it) and felt as if she dreamed, and yet is\nconfident she did not dream. When she was thus gone, she saw, she says,\ntwo paths, one appeared very broad and crooked; and that turned to the\nleft hand. The other appeared strait and very narrow; and that went up\nthe hill to the right hand. She travelled, she said, for some time up\nthe narrow right-hand path, till at length something seemed to obstruct\nher journey. She sometimes called it darkness, and sometimes compared\nit to a block or bar. She then remembered, she says, what she had heard\nme say about \u201cstriving to enter in at the strait gate,\u201d (although she\ntook little notice of it at that time) and thought she would climb over\nthis bar. But just as she was thinking of this, she came back again, as\nshe termed it, meaning that she came to herself; whereupon her soul was\nextremely distressed, apprehending she had now turned back and forsaken\nChrist, and that there was therefore no hope of mercy for her.\n\n \u2666 \u201cthurst\u201d replaced with \u201cthrust\u201d\n\nI then proposed to her the provision made in the gospel for the\nsalvation of sinners, and the ability and willingness of Christ \u201cto\nsave to the uttermost all\u201d (old as well as young) \u201cthat come to him.\u201d\nTo which she seemed to give a hearty assent. But instantly replied, \u201cAy,\nbut I cannot come; my wicked heart will not come to Christ, I do not\nknow how to come.\u201d And this she spoke in anguish of spirit, striking\nher breast, with tears in her eyes; and with such earnestness in her\nlooks as was indeed affecting.\n\nShe seems to be really convinced of her sin and misery, and her need\nof a change of heart: and her concern is abiding and constant. So that\nnothing appears but that this exercise may have a saving issue. And\nindeed there is ground to hope for it, seeing she is solicitous to\nobtain an interest in Christ, that her heart, (as she expresses it)\nprays day and night.\n\nDecember 28. I discoursed to my people in the catechetical method I\nlately entered upon. And in the improvement of my discourse, wherein I\nwas comparing man\u2019s _present_ with his _primitive_ state; and pressing\nsinners to take a view of their deplorable circumstances without Christ;\nas also to strive that they may obtain an interest in him; the Lord\ngranted a remarkable influence of his blessed Spirit, and there was\na great concern in the assembly: many were melted into tears, and the\nimpressions made upon them seemed _deep_ and heart affecting. And in\nparticular, there were two or three persons who appeared to be reduced\nalmost to extremity; being convinced of the impossibility of helping\nthemselves, or mending their own hearts; and upon the _point_ of\ngiving up all hope _in themselves_, and venturing upon Christ as naked,\nhelpless and undone.\n\nLord\u2019s-day. December 29. I preached from John iii. 1\u20125. a number of\nwhite people were present, as is usual upon the sabbath. The discourse\nseemed to have a _silent_, but _deep_ and _piercing_ influence upon\nthe audience. Many wept and sobbed affectionately. And there were some\ntears among the white people, as well as the Indians. Some could not\nrefrain from crying _out_. But \u2666the impressions made upon their hearts,\nappeared chiefly by the extraordinary earnestness of their attention,\nand their heavy sighs and tears.\n\n \u2666 \u201cth\u201d replaced with \u201cthe\u201d\n\n*After public worship was over, I went to my house, proposing to\npreach again after a short intermission. But they soon came in, one\nafter another, with tears in their eyes, to know \u201cwhat they should do\nto be saved.\u201d And the divine Spirit in such a manner, set home upon\ntheir hearts what I spoke to them, that the house was soon filled with\ncries and groans.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015They all flocked together upon this occasion, and\nthose whom I had reason to think in a Christless state, were almost\nuniversally seized with concern for their souls.\n\nIt was an amazing season of _power_ among them, and seemed as if God\nhad \u201cbowed the heavens and come down.\u201d So astonishingly prevalent was\nthe operation upon old as well as young, that it seemed as if God was\nabout to convert _all the world_. And I was ready to think _then_,\nthat I should never again despair of the conversion of any man or woman\nliving.\n\n*It is impossible to give a just description of the \u2666appearance of\nthings at this season. A number were rejoicing that God had not taken\naway the influence of his blessed Spirit.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Refreshed to see so many\n\u201cstriving to enter in at the strait gate;\u201d\u2015\u2015and animated with such\nconcern for them that they wanted \u201cto push them forward,\u201d as some of\nthem expressed it.\u2015\u2015At the same time numbers both of men and women,\nold and young, might be seen in tears, and some in anguish of spirit\nappearing in their very countenances, like condemned malefactors going\ntowards the place of execution: so that there seemed a lively emblem\nof the solemn day of accounts; a mixture of heaven and hell; of joy\nunspeakable, and anguish inexpressible.\n\n \u2666 \u201cappearence\u201d replaced with \u201cappearance\u201d\n\n*The concern was such, that I could not pretend to have any formal\nreligious exercise among them: but spent the time in discoursing to one\nand another, sometimes all together, and concluded with prayer. _Such_\nwere their circumstances, that I could scare have _half an hour_\u2019s rest\nfrom speaking from about half an hour before twelve o\u2019clock, (at which\ntime I began public worship) till past _seven_ at night.\n\nDecember 30. I was visited by four or five young persons under concern\nfor their souls, most of whom were very lately awakened. They wept\nmuch while I discoursed to them and endeavoured to press upon them the\nnecessity of _flying_ to Christ without delay, for salvation.\n\nDecember 31. I spent some hours this day in visiting my people from\nhouse to house: and scarce left a house, without leaving some or other\nof its inhabitants in tears, solicitously engaged to obtain an interest\nin Christ.\n\nThe Indians are now gathered together from all quarters to this\nplace, and have built them little cottages, so that more than _twenty_\nfamilies live within a quarter of a mile of me, a very convenient\nsituation in regard both of public and private instruction.\n\nWednesday, January 1, 1745\u20126. I am this day beginning a _New-Year_;\nand God has carried me through numerous trials and labours in the \u2666year\npast. He has amazingly supported my feeble frame; for \u201chaving obtained\nhelp of God, I continue to this day.\u201d O that I might live nearer to God,\nthis year than I did last! The business that I have been enabled to go\nthrough, I know, has been as great as nature is able to bear up under,\nand what would have sunk me quite, without special support. But alas!\nthough I have done the labours and endured the trials, with what spirit\nI have done the one, and borne the other? How cold has my heart often\nbeen! and how little have I eyed the glory of God! I have found, that\nI could have no peace without filling up all my time with labours; and\nthus \u201cnecessity has been laid upon me;\u201d yea, in that respect, I have\nloved to labour; but I could not sensibly labour for _God_, as I would\nhave done. May I for the future be enabled more sensibly to make the\nglory of God my _all_.\n\n \u2666 \u201cday\u201d replaced with \u201cyear\u201d per Errata\n\nJanuary 2. I visited some persons newly come among us, who had scarce\never heard any thing of Christianity (but the name). I endeavoured to\ninstruct them in the first principles of religion in the most easy and\nfamiliar manner I could.\n\nThere are strangers from remote parts almost continually dropping in,\nso that I have occasion repeatedly to open and inculcate the _first\nprinciples_ of Christianity.\n\nNear night I proposed to have proceeded in my usual method of\ncatechising. But while we were engaged in the first prayer, the power\nof God came upon the assembly in so remarkable a manner, that I thought\nit more expedient to insist upon the plentiful provision made for\nthe redemption of perishing sinners, and to press them to a _speedy_\nacceptance of the _great salvation_, than to ask them questions about\n_doctrinal_ points.\n\nI baptized two persons this day; one adult and one child.\n\nThe woman has discovered an heavenly frame of mind, from her first\nreception of comfort. One morning in particular she came to see me,\ndiscovering an unusual joy in her countenance; and when I inquired\nthe reason of it, she replied, \u201cThat God had made her feel that it\nwas _right_ for him to do as he pleased with all things? She moreover\ninquired, whether I was not sent to preach to the Indians by some good\npeople a great way off.\u201d I replied, Yes, by the good people in Scotland.\nShe answered, \u201cthat her heart loved those good people so, the evening\nbefore, that she could scarce help praying for them all night, her\nheart would go to God for them.\u201d\n\n*Wednesday, January 8. My heart was drawn out after God: my soul\nwas refreshed and quickened; I had great hopes of the ingathering of\nprecious souls to Christ; not only among my own people, but others also.\nI was sweetly resigned under my bodily weakness; willing to live or die,\nand desirous to labour for God to the utmost of my strength.\n\nFriday, January 10. My soul was in a calm, composed frame, and my\nheart filled with love to all the world; and Christian simplicity and\ntenderness seemed to prevail and reign with me. Near night, I visited a\nserious baptist minister, and had some agreeable conversation with him.\n\nJanuary 13. I was visited by divers persons under deep concern; one\nof whom was newly awakened.\u2015\u2015It is a most agreeable work to treat with\nsouls who are solicitously inquiring, \u201cwhat they shall do to be saved?\u201d\nAnd as we are never to \u201cbe weary in well-doing,\u201d so the obligation is\npeculiarly strong when the work is so lively. And yet my health is so\nmuch impaired, and my spirit so wasted with my labours, and solitary\nmanner of living, (there being no human creature in the house with me.)\nthat their repeated and almost incessant application to me for help\nand direction, are sometimes exceeding burdensome. And what contributes\nmuch towards this difficulty is, that I am obliged to spend _much_\ntime communicating a _little_ matter to them; there being often many\nthings necessary to be premised, before I can speak directly to what\nI principally aim at; which things would readily be taken for granted,\nwhere there was a competency of knowledge.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, January 19. I catechised in my ordinary method. Numbers\nwere much affected.\u2015\u2015Convictions powerfully revived.\u2015\u2015Divers of the\nChristians refreshed and strengthened.\u2015\u2015And one weary _heavy laden_\nsoul, I have reason to hope, was brought to solid comfort in Christ.\n\n*He told me, he had often heard me say, that persons must _see_ and\n_feel_ themselves helpless and _undone_; that they must give up all\nhope of saving themselves by their _own doings_, in order to their\ncoming to Christ for salvation. And he had long been striving after\nthis; supposing this would be an excellent frame of mind: that God\nwould have respect to _this_ frame, and bestow eternal life upon\nhim.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015But when he came to feel himself in this helpless _undone_\ncondition, he found it quite contrary to all his thoughts: so that it\nwas not the _same_, nor indeed any thing _like_ the frame he had been\nseeking after. Instead of its being a _good_ frame of mind, he now\nfound nothing but _badness_ in himself, and saw it for ever impossible\nfor him to make himself any better. He was amazed he had never _before_\nseen that it was utterly impossible for him, by all his contrivances\nand endeavours, to do any thing _that way_.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Instead of imagining\nthat God would be pleased with him for the sake of this frame of mind,\nhe saw clearly it would be just with God to send him to eternal misery;\nand that there was _no goodness_ in what he then felt; for he could not\nhelp seeing, that he was naked, sinful, and miserable, and there was\nnothing in such a sight to deserve God\u2019s love or pity.\n\nIn _this_ frame of mind he came to public worship this evening, and\nwhile I was inviting sinners to come to Christ naked and empty, without\n_any_ goodness of _their own_ to recommend them to his acceptance;\nhe thought, that he had often tried to come and give up his heart\nto Christ, and he used to hope, that some time or other he should be\n_able_ to do so. But now he was convinced _he could not_, and it seemed\nutterly vain for him ever to try _any more_: nor did he now hope for a\nbetter opportunity hereafter, as he had formerly done, because he saw,\nand was fully \u2666convinced, his own strength would for ever fail.\n\n \u2666 \u201cconviced\u201d replaced with \u201cconvinced\u201d\n\n*While he was musing in this manner, he saw, he said, with his heart\n(which is a common phrase among them) something that was unspeakably\ngood and lovely, and what he had never seen before; and \u201cthis stole\naway his heart whether he would or no.\u201d He did not, he said, know what\nit was he saw. He did not say, \u201cthis is Jesus Christ;\u201d but it was such\nglory and beauty as he never saw before. He did not now give away his\nheart _so_ as he had formerly attempted to do, but it _went away of\nitself_ after that glory he then discovered. He used to try to make a\nbargain with Christ, to give up his heart to him, that he might have\neternal life _for it_. But now he thought nothing about himself, but\nhis mind was wholly taken up with the unspeakable excellency of what\nhe then beheld.\n\nAfter some time he was wonderfully pleased with the way of salvation\nby Christ: so that it seemed unspeakably better to be saved altogether\nby the _mere free grace_ of God in Christ, than to have _any hand_ in\nsaving himself.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015And the consequence is, that he appears to retain a\nrelish of divine things, and to maintain a life of true religion.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, January 26. After public worship, I was in a sweet and\nsolemn frame of mind, thankful to God that he had made me in some\nmeasure faithful in addressing precious souls, but grieved that I had\nbeen no more fervent in my work; and tenderly affected towards all\nthe world, longing that every sinner might be saved; and could not\nhave entertained any bitterness towards the worst enemy living. In the\nevening, I rode to Elisabeth-Town: while riding I was almost constantly\nengaged in lifting up my heart to God, lest I should lose that sweet\nheavenly solemnity and composure of soul I enjoyed. Afterwards I was\npleased, to think, that God _reigneth_; and thought, I could never be\nuneasy with any of his dispensations; but must be entirely satisfied,\nwhatever trials he should cause me or his church to encounter. I\nnever felt more divine serenity and composure of mind: I could freely\nhave left the dearest earthly friend, for the society of \u201cangels,\nand spirits of just men made perfect:\u201d my affections soared aloft to\nthe blessed Author of every dear enjoyment: I viewed the emptiness\nand unsatisfactory nature of the most desireable earthly objects, any\nfurther than God is seen in them: and longed for a life of spirituality\nand inward purity; without which, I saw, there could be no true\npleasure.\n\nJanuary 28. The Indians in these parts having in times past run\nthemselves in debt by their excessive drinking; and some having taken\nthe advantage of them, and arrested sundry of them; whereby it was\nsupposed their hunting lands might speedily be taken from them: I being\nsensible that they could not subsist together in these parts, if these\nlands should drop out of their hands, thought it my duly to use my\nutmost endeavours to prevent it. And having acquainted the gentlemen\nconcerned in this _mission_ with the affair, they thought it proper to\nexpend the money they had been collecting for the _religious_ interests\nof the Indians, (at least a part of it,) for the discharging of their\ndebts, and securing of these lands.\u2015\u2015And having received orders from\nthem, I answered, in behalf of the Indians, _Eighty-two pounds five\nshillings_, New-Jersey currency.\n\nJanuary 31. This day the person I had engaged for a _school-master_\namong the Indians, arrived among us, and was heartily welcomed by my\npeople.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Whereupon I distributed several dozen of _primers_ among the\nchildren and young people.\n\nFebruary 1, 1745\u20126. My school-master entered upon his business among\nthe Indians.\u2015\u2015He has generally about thirty children and young persons\nin his school in the day-time, and about _fifteen_ married people in\nhis evening-school. The number of the latter sort of persons being less\nthan it would be, if they could be more constant at home.\n\nIn the evening I catechised in my usual method. Towards the close of\nmy discourse, a surprising power seemed to attend the word. One man\nconsiderably in years, who had been a remarkable drunkard, a conjurer\nand murderer, that was awakened some months before, was now brought\nto great extremity, so that he trembled for hours together, and\napprehended himself just dropping into hell, without any power to\nrescue or relieve himself.\u2015\u2015Divers others appeared under great concern\nas well as he, and solicitous to obtain a saving change.\n\n[Monday, February 10. He set out on a journey to the Forks of Delaware,\nto visit the Indians there. He performed the journey under great\nweakness, and sometimes was exercised with much pain. He arrived at\nhis own house at the Forks, on Friday.]\n\nI baptized three persons, two adults, and one child. There was a\nconsiderable melting in the assembly, while I was administering the\nordinance.\n\nGod has been pleased to own and bless the administration of _this_, as\nwell as of his other _ordinances_, among the Indians. There are some\nhere that have been powerfully awakened at seeing others baptized: And\nsome have obtained relief and comfort, just when this ordinance has\nbeen administered.\n\nToward night I catechised, God made this a powerful season. There were\nmany affected.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Former convictions were powerfully revived. There\nwas likewise one, who had been a vile drunkard, remarkably awakened.\nHe appeared to be in great anguish of soul, wept and trembled, and\ncontinued so to do till near midnight.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015There was also a poor _heavy\nladen_ soul, who had been long under distress, that was now brought\nto a comfortable _calm_, and told me, \u201cShe now saw and felt it was\nright God should do with her as he pleased.\u201d And added, that the _heavy\nburden_ she had lain under, was now removed: that she felt she never\ncould do any thing to save herself, but must perish for ever if Christ\ndid not _do all_ for her. But Christ could save her, though she could\n_do nothing_ to save herself.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, February 16. Knowing that divers of the Indians in those\nparts were obstinately set against Christianity, I thought it proper to\nhave some of my people from Crosweeksung with me, in order to converse\nwith them; hoping it might convince them of the truth, to hear some of\ntheir own nation discoursing of divine things and manifesting earnest\ndesires that others might be brought out of Heathenish darkness, as\nthemselves were.\n\nAnd having taken _half a dozen_ of the most knowing persons, I this day\nmet with them and the Indians of this place, (sundry of whom could not\nhave been prevailed upon to attend the meeting, had it not been for\nthese Indians) and preached to them.\u2015\u2015Some of them who had, in times\npast, been extremely averse to Christianity, now behaved soberly; the\nword of God fell with such weight, that several seemed to be stunned,\nand expressed a willingness to \u201chear me again of these matters.\u201d\n\nThose few Indians then present, who used to be my hearers in these\nparts, (some having removed from hence to Crosweeksung) seemed glad to\nsee me again, although they had been so much attacked by some of the\nPagans, that they were almost afraid to manifest their friendship.\n\nIn the evening I was in a composed frame of mind. It was exceeding\nrefreshing to think, that God had been with me, affording me some good\nmeasure of assistance. I found freedom in prayer and thanksgiving to\nGod: and found my soul sweetly enlarged in prayer. Blessed be the Lord,\nthat ever I am enabled to do any thing for his kingdom. Blessed be God\nwho enables me to be faithful, I enjoyed more resolution for God, and\nmore refreshment of spirit, than I have been favoured with for many\nweeks past.\n\nFebruary 17. I discoursed from Acts viii. 5\u20128. A divine influence\nseemed to attend the word. Sundry of the Indians here appeared to be\nsomewhat awakened, and manifested a concern by their earnest attention,\ntears and sobs. My people from Crosweeksung continued with them day\nand night, inculcating the truths I had taught them: and sometimes\nprayed and sung psalms among them; discoursing with each other, in\ntheir hearing of the great things God had done for _them_, and for the\nIndians from whence they came; which seemed to take more effect upon\nthem, than when they directed their discourses immediately to them.\n\nFebruary 18. I preached to an assembly of Irish people near fifteen\nmiles distant from the Indians.\n\nFebruary 19. I preached to the Indians again, after having spent a\nconsiderable time in conversing with them privately. There appeared\na great solemnity, and some concern and affection among the Indians\nbelonging to these parts, as well as a sweet melting among those\nwho came with me.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Divers of the Indians here seemed to have their\nprejudices removed, and appeared well disposed to hear the word of God.\n\nFebruary 20. I preached to a small assembly of High-Dutch people, who\nhad seldom heard the gospel preached, and were, (some of them at least)\nvery ignorant; but have divers of them lately been put upon an inquiry\nafter the way of salvation. They gave wonderful attention, and some\nof them were much affected, and afterwards said, (as I was informed)\nthat they never had been so much enlightened about the way of salvation\nin their whole lives before. They requested me to tarry with them,\nor come again and preach to them. And it grieved me that I could not\ncomply with their request, for I could not but be affected with their\ncircumstances; they being as \u201csheep not having a shepherd.\u201d\n\nFebruary 21. I preached to a number of people, many of them Low-Dutch,\nsundry of the High-Dutch attended, though _eight_ or _ten_ miles\ndistant from their houses.\u2015\u2015Divers of the Indians also belonging to\nthese parts, came of their own accord with my people (from Crosweeksung)\ntwo in particular, who in the last Sabbath, opposed and ridiculed\nChristianity.\n\nFebruary 20. I preached to the Indians. They seemed more cordial to\nChristianity than before, and some appeared much affected.\n\nMy spirits were supported, though my bodily strength was much wasted.\nO that God would be gracious to the souls of these poor Indians!\n\nGod has been very gracious to me this week: he has enabled me to preach\nevery day; and has given me some assistance, and encouraging prospect\nof success in almost every sermon. Blessed be his name. Divers of the\nwhite people have been awakened this week; sundry of the Indians much\ncured of prejudice against Christianity, and some seemed to be really\nawakened.\n\n[The next day he left the Forks of Delaware, to return to Crosweeksung;\nand spent the whole week till Saturday, before he arrived there; but\npreached by the way every day, excepting one; and had much inward\ncomfort, and earnest longings to fill up all his time with the service\nof God.]\n\nLord\u2019s-day, March 2. Some of my people who went up to the Forks of\nDelaware with me, being now returned, were accompanied by two of the\nIndians belonging to the Forks, who had promised me a speedy visit.\nThey can scarce go into a house now, but they will meet with Christian\nconversation, whereby they may be both instructed and awakened.\n\nI know of no assembly of Christians, where there seems to be so much\nof the presence of God, where brotherly love so much prevails, as in\nmy _own congregation_: although not more than nine months ago, they\nwere worshipping _devils_ and _dumb idols_, under the power of Pagan\ndarkness and superstition. Amazing change! Effected by nothing less\nthan divine power and grace!\n\nTheir present situation is so compact and commodious, that they are\nquickly called together with only the sound of a Conk-shell, (a shell\nlike that of a Perriwinkle) so that they have frequent opportunities of\nattending religious exercises publicly; which seems to be a great means,\nunder God, of keeping alive their impressions of divine things.\n\n*Thursday, March 6. I walked alone in the evening, and enjoyed comfort\nin prayer, beyond what I have of late enjoyed: my soul rejoiced in my\n_pilgrimage-state_. I was delighted with the thought of labouring and\n_enduring hardness_ for God: and confided in God that he \u201cnever would\nleave me nor forsake me,\u201d to the end of my race. Oh, may I obtain mercy\nof God to be faithful, to my dying moment!\n\nMarch 8. I catechised in the evening. My people answered the questions\nproposed to them well. I can perceive their knowledge in religion\nincreases daily.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015And what is still more desirable, the divine\ninfluence among them, appears still to continue. The divine presence\nseemed to be in the assembly this evening. Some, who are Christians\n_indeed_, were melted with a sense of the divine goodness, and their\nown barrenness and ingratitude.\u2015\u2015Convictions also appeared to revive\nin several; so it might justly be called \u201can evening of power.\u201d\n\nLord\u2019s day, March 9. I preached from Luke x. 38\u201242. The word of\nGod was attended with energy. Numbers were concerned to obtain the\n_one thing needful_. Several that have given good evidences of being\ntruly converted, were much affected with a sense of their want of\nspirituality; and saw the need they stood in of _growing in grace_. And\nmost that had had any impressions of divine things in times past, now\nfelt those impressions revived.\n\nIn the afternoon, I proposed to have catechised in my usual method. But\nwhile we were engaged in the first prayer, in the Indian language, (as\nusual) a great part of the assembly was so much moved, that I thought\nit proper to omit the questions, and insist upon the most practical\ntruths.\n\nThere appeared to be a powerful influence in the congregation.\nThose truly pious, were so deeply affected with a sense of their own\n_barrenness_, and their unworthy treatment of the blessed Redeemer,\nthat they _looked on him as pierced_ by themselves, _and mourned_,\nyea, some of them were _in bitterness as for a first-born_.\u2015\u2015Some\npoor awakened sinners also appeared to be in anguish of soul to obtain\nan interest in Christ. So that there was _a great mourning_ in the\nassembly: many heavy groans and tears! and one or two persons newly\ncome among us, were considerably awakened.\n\nAfter public worship many came to my house, where we sung and\ndiscoursed; and the presence of God seemed here also to be in the\nmidst of us.\n\n*While we were singing, there was one (the woman mentioned in my\njournal of February\u00a09.) who, was \u201cfilled with joy unspeakable and\nfull of glory,\u201d and could not but burst forth in prayer and praises\nto God before us all, with many tears, crying sometimes in English,\nand sometimes in Indian \u201cO blessed Lord, do come, do come! O do take\nme away, do let me die and go to Jesus Christ! I am afraid if I live\nI shall sin again! O do let me die now! O dear Jesus, do come! I\ncannot stay, I cannot stay! O how can I live in this world! do take\nmy soul away from this sinful place! O let me never sin any more!\u201d\u2015\u2015In\nthis ecstasy she continued some time, uttering these and such like\nexpressions incessantly.\n\n*When she had a little recovered, I asked her, if Christ was now sweet\nto her soul? Whereupon, turning to me with tears in her eyes, she said,\n\u201cI have many times heard you speak of the goodness and the sweetness\nof Christ, that he was better than all the world. But O! I knew nothing\nwhat you meant, I never believed you! I never believed you! But now\nI know it is true!\u201d\u2015\u2015I answered, And do you see enough in Christ for\nthe greatest of sinners? She replied, \u201cO! enough, enough! for all\nthe sinners in the world, if they would but come.\u201d And when I asked\nher, if the could not tell them of the goodness of Christ: turning\nherself about to some poor Christless souls who stood by, and were much\naffected, she said, \u201cO! there is enough in Christ for you, if you would\nbut come! O strive, strive to give up your hearts to him!\u201d\u2015\u2015And upon\nhearing something of the glory of heaven mentioned, she again fell into\nthe same ecstasy, repeating her former expressions, \u201cO dear Lord, do\nlet me go! O what shall I do, what shall I do! I want to go to Christ!\nI cannot live! O do let me die!\u201d\n\nShe continued in this sweet frame for more than two hours, before she\nwas well able to get home.\n\nI am sensible there may be great joys, where there is no evidence of\ntheir being well grounded. But in the present case there seemed to be\nno evidence wanting, in order to prove this joy to be divine, either\nin regard of its preparatives, attendants, or consequents.\n\nOf all the persons I have seen, I scarce ever saw one more bowed\nunder convictions of sin; and scarce any who seemed to have a greater\nacquaintance with her own heart than she had.\n\nAnd as she was remarkably sensible of her stubbornness under conviction,\nso she was no less remarkably reconciled to divine grace, before she\nobtained relief. Since which she has constantly breathed the spirit\nof a new creature: crying after Christ, not through fear of _hell_\nas before, but with strong desires after him as her only satisfying\n_portion_: and has many times wept bitterly, because she could not love\nhim.\u2015\u2015When I have asked her, Why she appeared so sorrowful, and whether\nit was because she was afraid of hell? She would answer, \u201cNo, I be\nnot distressed about _that_; but my heart is so wicked I _cannot love_\nChrist;\u201d and thereupon burst out into tears.\u2015\u2015But although this has\nbeen the habitual frame of her mind for several weeks, yet she never\nhad any remarkable comfort till this evening.\n\nThe _attendants_ of this comfort, were such as abundantly discovered\nthat it was truly \u201cjoy in the Holy Ghost.\u201d\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_Now_ she viewed divine\ntruths as _living realities_; and could say, \u201cI know these things are\nso, I feel they are true!\u201d\u2015\u2015_Now_ her soul was resigned to the divine\nwill in the most tender points; so that when I said to her, What if God\nshould take away your husband, (who was sick,) how do you think you\ncould bear that? She replied, \u201cHe belongs to God, and not to me; he may\ndo with him just what he pleases.\u201d\u2015\u2015_Now_ she had the most tender sense\nof the evil of sin, and discovered the utmost aversion to it.\u2015\u2015_Now_\nshe could freely trust her _all_ with God for time and eternity. And\nwhen I queried with her, how she could be willing to die, and leave\nher little infant: and what she thought would become of it in case\nshe should? She answered, \u201cGod will take care of it. It belongs to\nhim.\u201d\u2015\u2015_Now_ she appeared to have the most humbling sense of her\nown unworthiness and inability to preserve herself from sin, and\nto persevere in holiness. And I thought I had never seen such an\nappearance of _ecstasy_ and _humility_ meeting in any one person.\n\nThe consequents of this joy are no less desirable than its attendants.\nShe since appears to be a most tender, broken-hearted, affectionate,\ndevout, and humble Christian, as exemplary in life and conversation as\nany person in my congregation.\n\nMarch 10. Toward night the Indians met together of their own accord,\nand sang, prayed, and discoursed of divine things. At this time there\nwas much affection among them. Some appeared to be melted with divine\nthings, and others seemed much concerned for their souls.\n\nI baptized the _woman_ mentioned in my journal of last Lord\u2019s-day; who\nappeared to be in a devout, and excellent frame of mind.\n\nMy house being thronged with people in the evening, I spent the time\nwith them, till my nature was almost spent.\u2015\u2015They are so unwearied in\nreligious exercises, and unsatiable in their thirsting after _Christian\nknowledge_, that I can sometimes scarce avoid labouring so, as greatly\nto exhaust my strength.\n\nMarch 19. Some of the persons that went with me to the Forks of\nDelaware, having been detained there by the dangerous illness of one\nof their company, returned home this day. Whereupon my people met\ntogether of their own accord, to give thanks to God for his preserving\ngoodness to those who had been absent from them for several weeks, and\nrecovering mercy to him that had been sick.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, March 23. There being about fifteen _strangers_, adult\npersons, come among us in the _week_ past, divers of whom had never\nbeen in any religious meeting till now, I thought it proper to\ndiscourse this day in a manner suited to their circumstances, and\naccordingly attempted it from Hosea xiii.\u00a09, opening in the plainest\nmanner I could, man\u2019s apostacy and ruined \u2666state. After having spoken\nsome things respecting the being and perfections of God, and his\ncreation of man in a state of uprightness and happiness, in the\n\u2660afternoon, I endeavoured to open the glorious provision God has made\nfor the redemption of apostate creatures.\n\n \u2666 \u201cstate, after\u201d replaced with \u201cstate. After\u201d per Errata\n\n \u2660 \u201cafternon\u201d replaced with \u201cafternoon\u201d\n\nNear sun-set I felt an uncommon concern upon my mind, especially for\nthe poor _strangers_: I visited sundry houses, and discoursed with\nthem severally, but without much appearance of success, till I came\nto a house where divers of the strangers were; and there the word took\neffect, first upon some children; then upon divers adult persons that\nhad been somewhat awakened before, and afterwards upon several of the\nPagan _strangers_.\n\nI continued my discourse till almost every one in the house was melted\ninto tears; and divers wept aloud, and appeared earnestly concerned\nto obtain an interest in Christ. Upon this, numbers soon gathered from\nall the houses round about and so thronged the place, that we were\nobliged to remove to the house where we meet for public worship. And\nthe congregation gathering immediately and many appearing remarkably\naffected, I discoursed some time from Luke xix.\u00a010, endeavouring to\nopen the mercy of Christ for _lost_, _helpless_, and _undone_ sinners.\n\nThere was much concern in the assembly; and I doubt not but a divine\ninfluence accompanied what was spoken to the hearts of many. There\nwere five or six of the _strangers_ (men and women) who appeared to be\nconsiderably awakened. And in particular one very rugged young man, who\nseemed as if nothing would move him, was now brought to tremble like\nthe jailor, and weep for a long time.\n\nThe Pagans that were awakened seemed at once to put off their savage\nroughness, and became sociable and _humane_. When they first came, I\nexhorted my people to take pains with them (as they had done with other\nstrangers from time to time) to instruct them in Christianity. But when\nsome of them attempted it, the strangers would soon rise up and walk to\nother houses. Whereupon some of the serious persons agreed to disperse\nthemselves into the several parts of the settlement. So that wherever\nthe _strangers_ went, they met with warm addresses respecting their\nsouls.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015But _now_ there was no need of using policy in order to get\nan opportunity of conversing: for they were so touched with a sense\nof their perishing state, as tamely to yield to the closest addresses,\nrespecting their sin and misery, and their need of an acquaintance with\nthe great Redeemer.\n\nMonday, March 24. I numbered the Indians, to see how many souls God had\ngathered together here, since my coming; and found there was now about\nan _hundred and thirty_ persons, old and young. And sundry of those\nthat are my stated hearers, perhaps _fifteen_ or _twenty_, were absent\nat this season. Whereas _few_ were together at my first coming into\nthese parts, the whole number not amounting to _ten_ persons.\n\nMy people going out this day to clear some of their lands about fifteen\nmiles distant, in order to their settling there together, where they\nmight attend the public worship of God, have their children schooled,\nand at the same time have a conveniency for planting: I thought it\nproper to call them together and shew them the duty of labouring with\nfaithfulness and industry; and that they must not now \u201cbe slothful\nin business,\u201d as they had ever been in their Pagan state. And having\ngiven them directions for their work, and recommended them to God, I\ndismissed them to their business. In the evening I read and expounded\nthe substance of the third chapter of the Acts. Numbers seemed to melt\nunder the word.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015When I asked them afterwards, whether they did not\nnow feel that their hearts were wicked? One replied, \u201cYes, she felt it\nnow.\u201d Although before she came here she had said, \u201cHer heart was not\nwicked, and she never had done any thing that was bad in her life.\u201d And\nthis indeed seems to be the case with them, universally in the Pagan\nstate. (And in the Christian too!)\n\nThey seem to have no _consciousness_ of sin and guilt, unless they can\ncharge themselves with some _gross acts_ of sin.\n\nMonday, March 24. After the Indians were gone to their work, I got\nalone and poured out my soul to God, that he would smile upon these\nfeeble beginners, and that he would settle an Indian town, that might\nbe a _mountain of holiness_; and found my soul much refreshed, and\nmuch enlarged for Zion\u2019s interest, and for numbers of dear friends\nin particular. My sinking spirits were revived, and I felt animated\nin the service God has called me to. This was the dearest hour I have\nenjoyed for many days, if not weeks. I found an encouraging hope, that\nsomething would be done for God, and that God would use and help me in\nhis work. And Oh how sweet were the thoughts of labouring for God, when\nI had any hope that ever I should succeed.\n\n[The next day, his _school-master_ was taken sick with a pleurisy;\nand he spent great part of this week in tending him: which in his weak\nstate was almost too much for him: he being obliged constantly to wait\nupon him, all day, from day to day, and to lie on the floor at night.]\n\nMarch 29. In the evening I catechised as usual. Treating upon the\n\u201cbenefits which believers receive from Christ\u2019s death.\u201d\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015The\nquestions were answered with great readiness and propriety. And the\npeople of God, were sweetly melted in general. There appeared such a\nliveliness and vigour in their attendance upon the word of God, and\nsuch eagerness to be made partakers of the _benefits_ then mentioned,\nthat they seemed to be not only \u201clooking for, but hastening to the\ncoming of the day of God.\u201d Divine truths seemed to distil upon the\naudience with a gentle, but melting efficacy, as the refreshing\n\u201cshowers upon the new mown grass.\u201d The assembly in general, as well\nas those who appear truly religious, were affected with an account\nof the blessedness of the godly at death: and most then discovered\nan affectionate inclination to cry, \u201cLet me die the death of the\nrighteous.\u201d\n\nMarch 31. I called my people together again, and discoursed to them\nagain on the necessity of their labouring industriously, in order to\ntheir living together, and enjoying the means of grace. And having used\nsolemn prayer among them, I dismissed them to their work.\n\nNumbers of them both (men and women) offered themselves willingly to\nthis service; and some appeared affectionately concerned that God might\ngo with them, and begin their _little town_ for them: that it might be\na place comfortable for them and theirs, in regard both of procuring\nthe necessaries of life, and attending the worship of God.\n\nWednesday, April 2. I was exercised with a spiritless frame of mind.\nAlas! My days pass away as the _chaff_! It is but little I do, or can\ndo, that turns to any account; and it is my constant burden that I am\nso fruitless in the vineyard of the Lord. Oh that I were _spirit_, that\nI might be active for God. This more than any thing else, makes me long,\nthat \u201cthis corruptible might put on incorruption, and this mortal put\non immortality.\u201d God deliver me from the clogs and fetters, and a body\nof _death_, that impede my service for him.\n\nSaturday, April 5.\u2015\u2015After public worship, a number of my dear Christian\nIndians came to my house; with whom I felt a sweet union of soul; my\nheart was knit to them; I have not felt such a sweet and fervent _love\nto the brethren_, for some time past: and I saw in them appearances of\nthe same love. This gave me something of a view of the heavenly state;\nand particularly that part of the happiness of heaven, which consists\nin the _communion of saints_.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, April 6. I preached from Matthew vii. 21\u201223. There were\nconsiderable effects visible in the audience; an earnest attention,\na great solemnity, many tears and sighs. Divers were put upon close\nexamination of their spiritual slates, by hearing that \u201cnot every one\nthat saith to Christ, Lord, Lord, shall enter into his kingdom.\u201d And\nsome of them expressed fears least they had deceived themselves, and\ntaken up a false hope, because they had done so little of the \u201cwill of\nhis Father who is in heaven.\u201d\n\nThere was also one man brought under pressing concern for his soul;\nwhich appeared more especially after his retirement from public worship.\nAnd that which, he says, gave him the greatest uneasiness, was, not so\nmuch any particular sin, as that he had never done the will of God at\n_all_, and so had no claim to the kingdom of heaven.\n\nIn the afternoon I opened to them the _discipline_ of Christ in his\nchurch, and the method in which _offenders_ are to be dealt with. At\nthis the religious people were much affected, especially when they\nheard, that the offender continuing obstinate, must be esteemed \u201cas\nan Heathen man, that has no part or lot among God\u2019s visible people.\u201d\n_This_ they seemed to have the most awful apprehensions of; a state of\nHeathenism, out of which they were so lately brought, appearing very\ndreadful to them.\n\nAfter, public worship I visited sundry houses to see how they spent the\nremainder of the sabbath, and to treat with them on the great concerns\nof their souls; and the Lord seemed to smile upon my endeavours,\nand to make these particular addresses more effectual than my public\ndiscourses.\n\nApril 7. I endeavoured to open the institution, nature, and ends of\nthe Lord\u2019s supper, as well as the qualifications necessary to the right\nparticipation of it. Sundry persons seemed much affected with the love\nof Christ in this provision for the comfort of his people, at a season\nwhen himself was just entering upon his sharpest sufferings.\n\n[On Tuesday, he went to a meeting of the Presbytery appointed at\nElisabeth\u2019s-Town. In his way thither, he enjoyed some sweet meditations;\nbut after he came there, he was (as he expresses it) _under an awful\ngloom_, that oppressed his mind. And this continued till Saturday\nevening. He spent the sabbath at Staten island; where he preached to\nan assembly of Dutch and English, and enjoyed considerable refreshment.\nIn the evening he returned to Elisabeth\u2019s-Town.]\n\nMonday, April 14. My spirits were refreshed, and my mind composed,\nso that I was in a comfortable frame of soul, most of the day. In\nthe evening my head was clear, my mind serene; I enjoyed sweetness in\nsecret prayer and meditation. Oh, how free, how comfortable, chearful,\nand yet solemn, do I feel when I am in a good measure freed from those\ndamps and melancholy glooms, that I often labour under!\n\n*Tuesday, April 15. My soul longed for more spirituality: and it was my\nburden, that I could do no more for God. Oh, my barrenness is my daily\naffliction! Oh, how precious is time: and how it pains me to see it\nslide away, while I do so very little to any good purpose! Oh that God\nwould make me more fruitful and spiritual!\n\nThursday, April 17. I enjoyed some comfort in prayer, some freedom in\nmeditation, and composure in my studies. In the evening I preached from\nPsalms lxxiii.\u00a028. \u201cBut it is good for me to draw near to God.\u201d God\nhelped me to feel the truth of my text. I was enabled to pour out my\nsoul to God with great freedom, fervency, and affection: and to speak\nwith tenderness, and yet with faithfulness: and divine truths seemed\nto fall with weight and influence upon the hearers. My heart was melted\nfor the dear assembly, and I loved every body in it; my soul cried, \u201cOh\nthat the dear creatures might be saved! O that God would have mercy on\nthem!\u201d\n\nLord\u2019s-day, April 20.\u00b9 I enjoyed some freedom, and exercise of faith\nand prayer, especially when I came to pray for Zion. I was free from\ngloomy discouragement; and my soul rejoiced in the hopes of Zion\u2019s\nprosperity, and the enlargement of the kingdom of the great Redeemer.\n\n \u00b9 This day he entered into the 29th year of his age.\n\nMonday, April 21. I was composed and comfortable most of the day; had\nfreedom in prayer, several times; especially for Zion\u2019s enlargement and\nprosperity. And Oh, how refreshing were these hopes to my soul! Oh that\nthe kingdom of the Lord might come.\n\nTuesday, April 22. My mind was remarkably free from melancholy damps,\nand animated in my work, I found such vigour and resolution in the\nservice of God, that the _mountains_ seemed to become a _plain_ before\nme. Oh, blessed be God for an interval of refreshment, and fervent\nresolution in my Lord\u2019s work! In the evening, my soul was refreshed in\nsecret prayer, and my heart drawn out for divine blessings; especially\nfor the church of God, for my own people, and for dear friends in\nremote places. Oh that Zion might prosper, and precious souls be\nbrought home to God!\n\nApril 25. Having appointed the next Lord\u2019s-day for the administration\nof the Lord\u2019s supper, this day was set apart for solemn fasting and\nprayer, to implore the blessing of God upon our design; and to intreat\nthat his presence might be with us in our approach to his table.\n\nThe solemnity was observed, not only by those who proposed to\ncommunicate, but by the whole congregation.\u2015\u2015In the former part of the\nday, I endeavoured to open to my people the nature of a _fast_, and\nto instruct them in the duties of such a solemnity.\u2015\u2015In the afternoon\nI insisted upon the special reasons there were for our now engaging\nin these solemn exercises; both in regard of the need we stood in\nof divine assistance, in order to a due preparation for the sacred\nordinance; and in respect of the manifest decline of God\u2019s work here,\nas to the conviction and conversion of sinners.\n\nThe worship of God was attended with great solemnity and reverence,\nwith much tenderness and many tears, and there was some appearance of\ndivine power upon those who had been awakened some time before.\n\nAfter repeated prayer, I led them to a solemn renewal of their\n_baptismal covenant_, wherein they had explicitly given up themselves\nto God, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, avouching him to be their\nGod; and at the same time renouncing their heathenish vanities, and\nsolemnly engaging to take the word of God for the _rule of their lives_,\npromising to walk together in love, to watch over themselves, and one\nanother; to lead lives of seriousness and devotion, and to discharge\nthe _relative_ duties incumbent upon them.\n\nThis solemn transaction was attended with much seriousness; and at the\nsame time with the utmost readiness and chearfulness; and an union and\nharmony of soul seemed to crown the whole.\n\nApril 26. I catechised those that designed to partake of the Lord\u2019s\nsupper the next day, upon the institution, nature and end of that\nordinance; and had abundant satisfaction respecting their knowledge.\nThey likewise appeared, to have an affecting sense of the solemnity\nof the ordinance, and to be humbled under a sense of their own\nunworthiness; and earnestly concerned that they may be duly prepared\nfor an attendance upon it. Their hearts were full of love one toward\nanother, and this they seemed much concerned to maintain, and bring to\nthe Lord\u2019s table with them.\n\nI administered the Lord\u2019s supper to _twenty-three_ Indians, (the number\nof _men_ and _women_ being nearly equal,) divers others, to the number\nof five or six, being now absent at the Forks of Delaware.\n\nThe ordinance was attended with great solemnity, and with the utmost\ntenderness and affection. In the performance of the _sacramental_\nactions, especially in the distribution of the _bread_, they seemed\nto be affected in a most lively manner, as if \u201cChrist had been\u201d\nreally \u201ccrucified before them.\u201d And the words of the institution, when\nrepeated, seemed to be entertained with the _same full_ and _firm_\nbelief and affectionate engagement of soul, as if the Lord Jesus Christ\nhimself had _personally_ spoken to them.\n\n*Having rested some time after the administration of the _sacrament_,\nI walked from house to house, and conversed particularly with most of\nthe _communicants_, and found they had been refreshed at the Lord\u2019s\ntable \u201cas with new wine.\u201d And never did I see such an appearance of\n_Christian love_ among any people. One might well have cried with an\nagreeable surprize, \u201cBehold how they love one another!\u201d\n\nToward night I discoursed on the immediate design of Christ\u2019s death,\n\u201cTo redeem his people from all iniquity.\u201d\n\nThis appeared to be a season of divine power. The religious were much\nrefreshed, and seemed remarkably tender, full of love, joy, peace, and\ndesires of being completely \u201credeemed from all iniquity.\u201d Convictions\nalso appeared to be revived in many instances; and divers persons were\nawakened whom I had never observed under any religious impressions\nbefore.\n\n_Such_ was the influence which attended our assembly, that it seemed\ngrievous to conclude the public worship. And the congregation when\n\u2666dismissed, although it was then almost dark, appeared loth to leave\nthe place.\n\n \u2666 \u201cdismised\u201d replaced with \u201cdismissed\u201d\n\nApril 28. I concluded the solemnity with a discourse upon John xiv.\u00a015.\n\u201cIf ye love me keep my commandments.\u201d There appeared great tenderness\nin the audience in general, but especially in the _communicants_.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015O\nhow free, how engaged and affectionate did _these_ appear in the\nservice of God! They seemed willing to have their \u201cears bored to the\ndoor posts of God\u2019s house,\u201d and to be his servants for ever.\n\n*Observing numbers in this excellent frame, I thought it proper to\nimprove this advantageous season, as Hezekiah did his great _passover_,\n(2\u00a0Chronicles xxxi.) in order to promote the blessed reformation among\nthem: and accordingly proposed to them that they should _renewedly_\nenter into covenant before God, to watch over themselves and one\nanother. And especially that they would watch against the sin of\n_drunkenness_.\u2015\u2015They chearfully complied and explicitly joined in that\ncovenant; whereupon I proceeded in the most solemn manner to call God\nto _witness_ their sacred engagement; minded them of the greatness\nof the guilt they would contract in the violation of it; and that God\nwould be a terrible _witness_ against those who should presume to do\nso, in the \u201cgreat and notable day of the Lord.\u201d\n\n*It was a season of amazing solemnity, and a _divine awe_ appeared upon\nthe face of the whole assembly! Affectionate sighs, and tears, were\nfrequent in the audience: and I doubt not but many silent cries were\nsent up to the _fountain_ of grace, for grace to fulfil these solemn\nengagements.\n\n[On Tuesday he went to Elisabeth-Town, to the meeting of the Presbytery:\nand spent the time in a free and comfortable state of mind.]\n\nSaturday, May 3. I rode from Elisabeth-Town home to my people, near\nCranberry; whither they are removed, and where I hope God will settle\nthem as a Christian congregation. I was refreshed in lifting up my\nheart to God, while riding; and enjoyed a thankful frame of spirit.\n\nMay 4. My people being now removed to their _lands_; I this day visited\nthem, and preached to them from Mark iv.\u00a05. shewing the reason there\nwas to fear, lest many hopeful beginnings, might prove abortive, like\nthe \u201cseed dropped upon stony places.\u201d\n\nMay 5. I visited them again, and gave them directions relating to their\nbusiness.\n\nI daily discover more and more of what importance it is, that they\nbecome industrious, and able to raise the necessaries of life _within\nthemselves_; for their present method of living greatly exposes them to\ntemptations of various kinds.\n\n*Wednesday, May 7. I spent most of the day in writing, and enjoyed\nfreedom in my work. I was favoured with comfortable meditations, this\nday, and in the evening, was in a sweet composed frame of mind: pleased\nand delighted to leave all with God, respecting myself, for time and\neternity, and respecting the people of my charge and dear friends:\nI had no doubt but that God would take care of me, and of his own\ninterest among my people; and was enabled to use freedom in prayer,\nas a child with a tender father.\n\n*Thursday, May 8. In the evening I enjoyed a tender melting frame in\nsecret prayer, wherein my soul was drawn out for the interest of Zion,\nand comforted with the lively hope of the appearing of the kingdom of\nthe great Redeemer. These were sweet moments: I felt loth to go to bed,\nand grieved that sleep was necessary. However, I lay down with a tender\nreverential fear of God, sensible that \u201chis favour is life,\u201d and his\nsmiles, infinitely better than life itself.\n\nMay 9. I preached in the open wilderness; the Indians having as yet no\nhouse for public worship in this place, nor scarce any _shelter_ for\nthemselves.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Divine truths made considerable impressions, and it was\na season of solemnity, tenderness, and affection.\n\nI baptized this day, the \u2666conjurer and murderer mentioned before, such\na remarkable instance of divine grace, that I cannot omit some brief\naccount of him.\n\n \u2666 \u201cconjuror\u201d replaced with \u201cconjurer\u201d\n\nHe lived near, and sometimes attended me in the Forks of Delaware for\nmore than a year together; but was extremely attached to strong drink,\nand seemed to be no ways reformed. In this time he likewise _murdered_\na young Indian, which threw him into a kind of _desperation_, so that\nhe kept from me, and refused to hear me preach for several months,\ntill I had an opportunity of conversing freely with him, and giving him\nencouragement, that even his sin might be forgiven for Christ\u2019s sake.\n\nBut that which was the worst was his _conjuration_. He was one of them\nwho are called _powwows_ among the Indians: and notwithstanding his\nattendance upon my preaching, still followed his old _charms_, \u201cgiving\nout that he himself was some great one, and to him they gave heed,\u201d\nsupposing him to be possessed of a _great power_. So that when I have\ninstructed them respecting the _miracles_ wrought by Christ, and\nmentioned them as evidences of his _divine_ mission, they have quickly\nobserved the wonders which this man performed by his _magic charms_;\nwhich seemed to be a fatal obstruction to their receiving the gospel.\nAnd I often thought, it would be a great favour to the Indians, if God\nwould take that wretch out of the world: but God, \u201cwhose thoughts are\nnot as man\u2019s thoughts,\u201d has been pleased to take a much more desirable\nmethod; a method agreeable to his own merciful nature, advantageous to\nhis own interest among the Indians, as well as to the poor soul himself.\n\nThe first genuine concern for his soul was excited by seeing my\ninterpreter and his wife baptized at the Forks of Delaware, July\u00a021,\n1745. Which so prevailed upon him that he followed me down to\nCrosweeksung in the beginning of August, and there continued for\nseveral weeks in the season of the most powerful awakening among the\nIndians; at which time he was more effectually awakened: and then,\nhe says, upon his \u201cfeeling the spirit of God in his heart,\u201d (as he\nexpresses it) his spirit of conjuration left him entirely; that he\nhas had no more power of that nature since, than any other man. And he\ndeclares that he does not so much as know how he used to _charm_ and\nconjure; and that he could not do any thing of that nature, if he was\never so desirous.\n\nHe continued under convictions all the fall, and former part of the\nwinter past, but was not so deeply exercised till January; and then the\nword of God took such hold upon him, that he knew not what to do, or\nwhere to turn.\u2015\u2015He then told me, that when he used to hear me preach\nfrom time to time in the fall of the year, my preaching pricked his\nheart, but did not bring him to so _great_ distress, because he still\nhoped he could do _something_ for his own relief: but now, he said, I\ndrove him up into \u201csuch a sharp corner,\u201d that he had no way to turn.\n\nHe continued under the heavy burden of a _wounded spirit_, till he was\nbrought into the utmost _agony of soul_.\n\nAfter this he was brought to a kind of calmness; he appeared perfectly\nsedate; although he had no sure hope of salvation.\n\n*I observed him remarkably composed, and asked him how he did? He\nreplied, \u201cIt is done, it is done, it is all done now.\u201d I asked him what\nhe meant? He answered, \u201cI can never do any more to save myself; it is\nall done for ever, I can do no more.\u201d I queried with him, whether he\ncould not do a _little_ more rather than to go to hell. He replied, \u201cMy\nheart is dead, I can never help myself.\u201d I asked him, what he thought\nwould become of him then? He answered, \u201cI must go to hell.\u201d I asked\nhim, if he thought it was right that God should send him to hell? He\nreplied, \u201cO it is right. The devil has been in me ever since I was\nborn.\u201d I asked him, if he felt this when he was in such great distress\nthe evening before? He answered, \u201cNo, I did not think it was right. I\nthought God would send me to hell, and that I was then dropping into\nit; but my heart quarrelled with God, and would not say it was _right_\nhe should send me there. But now I know it is right, for I have always\nserved the devil, and my heart has no goodness in it now, but it is\nas bad as ever it was,\u201d\u2015\u2015I scarce ever saw any person more effectually\nbrought off from a dependence upon his own endeavours for salvation.\n\nIn this frame of mind he continued for several days, passing sentence\nof condemnation upon himself, and constantly owning, that it would\nbe right he should be damned, and that he expected this would be his\nportion. And yet it was plain he had a secret hope of mercy, which kept\nhim from pressing distress: so that instead of being sad and dejected,\nhis very countenance appeared pleasant and agreeable.\n\n*It was remarkable in this season that he seemed to have a great love\nto the people of God, and nothing \u2666affected him so much as the thoughts\nof being separated from them. This seemed to be a very dreadful part\nof the hell he thought himself doomed to.\u2015\u2015It was likewise remarkable,\nthat in this season he was most diligent in the use of all means for\nhis salvation; although he had the clearest view of the _insufficiency_\nof means to afford him help.\n\n \u2666 \u201ceffected\u201d replaced with \u201caffected\u201d per Errata\n\n*After he had continued in this frame of mind more than a _week_, while\nI was discoursing publicly, he seemed to have a lively view of the\nexcellency of Christ, and the way of salvation by him, which melted him\ninto tears, and filled him with admiration, comfort, and praise to God;\nsince which he has appeared to be an humble, devout, and affectionate\nChristian; serious and exemplary in his conversation and behaviour,\nfrequently complaining of his want of warmth, life, and activity, and\nyet frequently favoured with quickening influences. And in all respects\nhe bears the marks of one \u201ccreated anew in Christ Jesus.\u201d\n\nHis zeal for the cause of God was pleasing to me, when he was with me\nat the Forks of Delaware in February last. There being an old Indian\nwho threatened to _bewitch_ me and my people who accompanied me; _this_\nman challenged him to do his worst, telling him, that himself had been\nas great a _conjurer_ as he, and that notwithstanding as soon as he\nfelt that word in his heart which these people loved, his power of\nconjuring immediately left him.\u2015\u2015And so it would you, said he, if you\ndid but once feel it in your heart; and you have no power to touch one\nof them.\n\nSaturday, May 10. I rode to Allen\u2019s-Town, to assist in the\nadministration of the Lord\u2019s supper. In the afternoon I preached from\nTitus ii.\u00a014. God was pleased to carry me through with some freedom;\nand yet to deny me that enlargement I longed for. In the evening my\nsoul mourned, that I had treated so excellent a subject in so defective\na manner. And if my discourse had met with the utmost applause from\nall the world, it would not have given me any satisfaction: Oh, it\ngrieved me to think, that I had had no more holy warmth, that I had\nbeen no more melted in discoursing of Christ\u2019s death, and the design\nof it! Afterwards, I enjoyed freedom and fervency in secret and family\nprayer, and longed much for the presence of God to attend his word and\nordinances the next day.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, May 11. I assisted in the administration of the Lord\u2019s\nsupper; but enjoyed little enlargement. In the afternoon I went to\nthe house of God weak and sick in soul, as well as feeble in body: and\nlonged, that the people might be edified with divine truths, and that\nan honest fervent testimony might be borne for God; but knew not how it\nwas possible for _me_ to do any thing of that kind, to any good purpose.\nYet God, who is rich in mercy, was pleased to give me assistance, both\nin prayer and preaching: God helped me to wrestle for his presence in\nprayer, and to tell him, that he had promised, \u201cWhere two or three are\nmet together in his name, there he would be in the midst of them;\u201d and\npleaded, that for his truth\u2019s sake he would be with us. And blessed be\nGod, it was sweet to my soul, thus to plead, and rely on God\u2019s promises.\nI discoursed upon Luke ix.\u00a030. \u201cAnd behold there talked with him two\nmen, which were Moses and Elias; who appeared in glory, and spake\nof his decease, which he should accomplish at Jerusalem.\u201d I enjoyed\nspecial freedom, from the beginning to the end of my discourse. Things\npertinent to the subject were abundantly presented to my view; and such\na fullness of matter, that I scarce knew how to dismiss the various\nheads I had occasion to touch upon. And, blessed be the Lord, I was\nfavoured with fervency and power, as well as freedom; so that the\nword of God seemed to awaken the attention of a stupid audience, to a\nconsiderable degree. I was inwardly refreshed with the consolations of\nGod; and could with my whole heart say, \u201cThough there be no fruit in\nthe vine, &c. yet will I rejoice in the Lord.\u201d\n\nFriday, May 16. I enjoyed some agreeable conversation with a dear\nminister, which was blessed to my soul; my heart was warmed, and my\nsoul engaged to live to God; so that I longed to exert myself with\nmore vigour, than ever I had done in his cause; and those words were\nquickening to me, \u201cHerein is my Father glorified, that ye bring forth\nmuch fruit.\u201d Oh, my soul longed, and wished, and prayed, to be enabled\nto live to God with constancy and ardour! In the evening, God was\npleased to shine upon me in secret prayer, and draw out my soul after\nhimself: and I had freedom in supplication for myself, but much more\nin intercession for others: so that I was sweetly constrained to\nsay, \u201cLord, use me as thou wilt; do as thou wilt with me: but Oh,\npromote thine own cause! Zion is thine; Oh visit thine heritage! Oh\nlet thy kingdom come! Oh let thy blessed interest be advanced in the\nworld!\u201d When I attempted to look to God, respecting my settling in my\ncongregation, which seems to be necessary, and yet contrary to my fixed\nintention for years past, as well as my disposition, which has been,\nand still is, to spend my life in preaching the gospel from place to\nplace, and gathering souls _afar off_ to Jesus the great Redeemer; when\nI attempted to look to God with regard to these things, I could only\nsay, \u201cThe will of the Lord be done: it is no matter for me.\u201d\n\n*The same frame of mind I felt with respect to another important affair\nI have lately had some serious thoughts of: I could say, with the\nutmost calmness and composure, \u201cLord, if it be most for thy glory, let\nme proceed in it: but if thou seest that it will in any wise hinder my\nusefulness in thy cause, Oh prevent my proceeding: for all I want, is\nsuch circumstances as may best capacitate me to do service for God in\nthe world.\u201d Oh, how sweet was this evening to my soul! I knew not how\nto go to bed; and when got to bed, longed for some way to employ time\nfor God to some excellent purpose.\n\nSaturday, May 17. I walked out in the morning, and felt much of the\nsame frame I enjoyed the evening before: had my heart enlarged in\npraying for the advancement of the kingdom of Christ, and found the\nutmost freedom in leaving all my concerns with God.\n\n*I find _discouragement_ to be an exceeding _hindrance_ to my spiritual\nfervency and affection: but when God enables me to find that I have\ndone something for him, this animates me, so that I could break through\nall hardships, undergo any labours, and nothing seems too much either\nto do or suffer. But Oh, what a death it is, to strive, and strive;\nto be always in a _hurry_, and yet do _nothing_. Alas, alas, that time\nflies away, and I do so little for God!\n\nLord\u2019s-day, May 18. I felt my own utter insufficiency for my work:\nGod made me to see, that I was a child; yea, that I was a fool. I\ndiscoursed both parts of the day, from Revelation iii.\u00a020. \u201cBehold I\nstand at the door, and knock.\u201d God gave me freedom and power in the\nlatter part of my (forenoon\u2019s) discourse, although in the former part\nof it, I felt peevish and provoked with the unmannerly behaviour of the\n_white_ people, who crouded in between my people and me. But blessed\nbe God I got those shackles off before the middle of my discourse, and\nwas favoured with a sweet frame of spirit in the latter part of the\nexercise: was full of love, warmth, and tenderness, in addressing my\ndear people.\u2015\u2015In the intermission-season I could not but discourse\nto my people on the kindness and patience of Christ in _standing_ and\n_knocking at the door_.\u2015\u2015In the evening, I was grieved that I had done\nso little for God. Oh that I could be _a flame of fire_ in the service\nof my God!\n\n\u2666*Thursday, May 22. In the evening I was in a frame somewhat remarkable:\nI had apprehended for several days, that it was a design of providence\nI should _settle_ among my people; and had in my own mind began to make\nprovision for it: and yet was never quite pleased with the thoughts of\nbeing confined to one place. Nevertheless I seemed to have some freedom,\nbecause the congregation was one that God had enabled me to gather\nfrom among Pagans. For I never could feel any freedom to \u201center into\nother men\u2019s labour,\u201d and settle where the \u201cgospel was preached before;\u201d\nGod has never given me any liberty in that respect, either since or\nfor some years before I began to preach. But God having succeeded my\nlabours, in gathering a church among these Indians, I was ready to\nthink, it might be his design to give me a quiet settlement. And this,\nconsidering the late frequent failure of my spirits, and the need I\nstood in of some agreeable society, and my great desire of enjoying\nconveniencies for profitable studies, was not altogether disagreeable\nto me. And although I still wanted to go about far and wide, in order\nto spread the blessed gospel among benighted souls: yet I never had\nbeen so willing to settle for more than five years past, as I was\nin the foregoing part of this week. But now these thoughts seemed to\nbe wholly dashed to pieces; not by necessity, but of choice: for it\nappeared to me, that God\u2019s dealings towards me had fitted me for a life\nof solitariness and hardship; it appeared to me I had nothing to do\nwith earth, and consequently nothing to lose, by a total renunciation\nof it: and it appeared just right, that I should be destitute of house\nand home, and many comforts, which I rejoiced to see others of God\u2019s\npeople enjoy. The same time I saw so much the excellency of Christ\u2019s\nkingdom, and the infinite desirableness of its advancement in the world,\nthat it swallowed up all my other thoughts; and made me willing to be\na pilgrim or hermit in the wilderness, to my dying moment, if I might\nthereby promote the blessed interest of the great Redeemer. And if ever\nmy soul presented itself to God for his service, without any reserve of\nany kind, it did so now. The language of my thoughts (although I spake\nno words) now was, \u201c_Here I am, Lord, send me_: send me to _the ends of\nthe earth_; send me to the rough, the savage Pagans of the wilderness;\nsend me from all that is called comfort in earth! send me even to death\nitself, if it be but in thy service, and to promote thy kingdom.\u201d And\nat the same time I had as quick and lively a sense of the value of\nworldly comforts, as ever I had; but saw them infinitely overmatched\nby the worth of Christ\u2019s kingdom, and the propagation of his blessed\ngospel. The quiet settlement, the certain place of abode, the tender\nfriendship, which I thought I might be likely to enjoy, appeared as\nvaluable to me, considered absolutely, as ever before: but considered\ncomparatively, they appeared nothing; compared with an enlargement of\nChrist\u2019s kingdom, they vanished like the stars before the rising sun.\nAnd the comfortable accommodations of life appeared valuable, yet I did\nsurrender myself, soul and body, to the service of God, and promotion\nof Christ\u2019s kingdom; though it should be in the loss of them all. I\nwas constrained, and yet chose to say, \u201cFarewell, friends and earthly\ncomforts, the dearest of them all, if the Lord calls for it; adieu,\nadieu; I\u2019ll spend my life to my latest moments, _in caves and dens\nof the earth_, if the kingdom of Christ may thereby be advanced.\u201d I\nfound extraordinary freedom at this time in pouring out my soul to God,\nfor his cause; and especially that his kingdom might be extended among\nthe Indians; and I had a strong hope that God would do it. I continued\nwrestling with God in prayer for my dear little flock here; and more\nespecially for the Indians elsewhere; as well as for dear friends in\none place and another; till it was bed-time, and I feared I should\nhinder the family. But Oh, with what reluctancy did I find myself\nobliged to consume time in sleep! I longed to be as a _flame of fire_,\ncontinually glowing in the divine service, preaching and building up\nChrist\u2019s kingdom, to my latest, my dying moment.\n\n \u2666 asterisk added per Errata\n\nFriday, May 23. In the morning I was in the same frame of mind. The\nglory of Christ\u2019s kingdom so much outshone the pleasure of earthly\naccommodations and enjoyments, that they appeared comparatively nothing.\nMy soul was melted in secret, and I found myself \u2666divorced from any\npart in this world so that in those affairs that seemed of the greatest\nimportance, in the present life, and those wherein the tender powers\nof the mind are most sensibly touched, I could only say, \u201cThe will of\nthe Lord be done.\u201d Just the same that I felt the evening before, I now\nfelt the same freedom in prayer for the people of my charge, for the\npropagation of the gospel among the Indians, for the enlargement of\nZion in general, and my dear friends in particular; and longed to burn\nout in one continued flame for God. If ever I filled up a day with\nstudy and devotion, I was enabled to fill up this day.\n\n \u2666 \u201cdevorced\u201d replaced with \u201cdivorced\u201d\n\nLord\u2019s-day, May 25. There was some degree of divine power attending\nthe word of God. Sundry wept and appeared considerably affected: and\none who had long been under spiritual trouble, obtained clearness and\ncomfort, and appeared to \u201crejoice in God her Saviour.\u201d\n\nI have reason to hope, that God has lately brought home to himself\nsundry souls who had long been under spiritual trouble: though there\nhave been but few instances of persons lately awakened. And those\ncomforted of late, seem to be brought in, in a more _silent_ way,\nneither their concern nor consolation being so _remarkable_, as\nappeared among those wrought upon in the beginning.\n\nJune 6. I discoursed to my people from part of Isaiah liii.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015The\ndivine presence appeared to be among us. Divers persons were much\nmelted and refreshed; and one man in particular, was now brought to see\nand feel, in a very lively manner, the impossibility of his doing any\nthing to help himself, or bring him into the favour of God by his tears,\nprayers, and other religious performances.\n\nSaturday, June 7. I rode to Freehold to assist Mr. Tennent in the\nadministration of the Lord\u2019s supper. In the afternoon I preached, God\ngave me freedom and warmth in my discourse: and his presence was in the\nassembly. I was composed, and enjoyed a thankful frame of spirit; and\nmy soul was grieved that I could not render something to God for his\nbenefits. O that I could be swallowed up in his praise.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, June 8. I was agreeably entertained in the forenoon by\na discourse from Mr. Tennent. In the season of communion, I enjoyed\ncomfort; it was a _time of refreshing_ to me, and to many others. A\nnumber of my dear people sat down by themselves at the last table; at\nwhich time God seemed to be in the midst of them.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015And the thoughts\nof what God had done among them were refreshing to me. In the afternoon,\nGod enabled me to preach with uncommon freedom. Through the goodness\nof God, I was favoured with a constant flow of matter, and proper\nexpressions. In the evening I could not but rejoice in God, and bless\nhim for the manifestations of grace in the day past. Oh it was a sweet\nand solemn day! A season of comfort to the godly, and of awakening to\nother souls.\n\nMonday, June 9. I preached the concluding sermon from Genesis v.\u00a024.\n\u201cAnd Enoch walked with God.\u201d God gave me enlargement and fervency in\nmy discourse; so that I was enabled to speak with plainness and power.\nPraised be the Lord, it was a sweet meeting. I found my strength\nrenewed, even to a wonder; so that I felt much stronger at the\nconclusion than in the \u2666beginning. I have great reason to bless God for\nthis solemnity, wherein I have found assistance in addressing others,\nand sweetness in my own soul.\n\n \u2666 \u201cbegining\u201d replaced with \u201cbeginning\u201d\n\nTo-day a considerable number of my people met together early in the\n_woods_, and prayed, sang, and conversed of divine things; and were\nseen by some of the white people to be affected, and divers of them\nin tears.\n\nAfterwards they attended the concluding exercises of the sacramental\nsolemnity, and then returned home, \u201crejoicing for all the goodness of\nGod\u201d they had seen and felt: so that this was a profitable, as well as\na comfortable season to many of my congregation.\n\nFriday, June 13.\u2015\u2015I came away rejoicing and blessing God for his grace\nmanifested at this season. The same day I baptized _five_ persons,\nthree adults and two children. One of these was the very _aged woman_\nof whom I gave an account in my journal of December\u00a026. She now gave me\na very punctual, rational, and satisfactory account of the remarkable\nchange she experienced some months after the beginning of her concern.\nAnd although she was become so childish through old age that I could do\nnothing in a way of questioning with her; yet, when I let her alone to\ngo on with her own story, she could give a very distinct relation of\nthe various exercises of soul she had experienced; so deep were the\nimpressions left upon her mind by that influence she had been under!\nAnd I have great reason to hope, she is _born anew_ in her old age,\nbeing, upwards of _fourscore_.\n\nSaturday, June 14. I rode to Kingston, to assist the Rev. Mr. Wales in\nthe administration of the Lord\u2019s-supper. In the afternoon I preached;\nbut almost fainted in the pulpit: yet God strengthened me when I was\njust gone, and enabled me to speak his word with freedom, fervency,\nand application to the conscience. And praised be the Lord: \u201cout of\nweakness I was made strong.\u201d I enjoyed sweetness, in and after public\nworship; but was extremely tired. Oh, how many are the mercies of the\nLord! \u201cTo them that have no might, he increaseth strength.\u201d\n\nLord\u2019s-day, June 15. I was dejected so that I could not hold up my head.\nYet I administered the Lord\u2019s-supper at Mr. Wales\u2019s desire: and found\nmyself in a good measure relieved of my pressing load, when I came to\nask a blessing on the elements; here God gave me enlargement, and a\ntender affectionate sense of spiritual things: so that it was a season\nof comfort to me, and I trust more so to others. In the afternoon I\npreached to a vast multitude from Revelation xxii.\u00a017. God helped me\nto offer a testimony for himself, and to leave sinners inexcusable.\nI was enabled to speak with such freedom, fluency, and clearness, as\ncommanded the attention of the great. I was extremely tired in the\nevening but enjoyed composure and sweetness.\n\nMonday, June 16. I preached again; and God helped me amazingly, so that\nthis was a refreshing season to my soul and others. For ever blessed\nbe God for help, when my body was so weak, and there was so large an\nassembly.\n\nJune 19. I visited my people with two of the reverend correspondents:\nI spent some time in conversation with them upon spiritual things; and\ntook care of their worldly concerns.\n\nThis day makes up a complete year from the first time of my preaching\nto these Indians in New-Jersey.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015What amazing things has God wrought\nin this time for these poor people! What a surprising change appears\nin their tempers and behaviour! How are savage Pagans transformed\ninto affectionate, and humble Christians! And their drunken and pagan\nhowlings, turned into fervent prayers and praises to God! They \u201cwho\nwere sometimes darkness, are now become light in the Lord.\u201d May they\nwalk as children of the light, and of the day. And now to him that is\nof power to establish them according to the gospel.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015To God only wise,\nbe glory, through Jesus Christ, for ever and ever! Amen.\n\nBefore I conclude, I would make a few _general remarks_ upon what to me\nappears worthy of notice.\n\nAnd, _first_, I cannot but take notice that I have ever since my first\ncoming among the Indians, been favoured with that assistance, which (to\nme) is _uncommon_, in preaching _Christ crucified_, and making him the\n_center_ and _mark_ to which all my discourses were directed.\n\n*It was the principal scope of all my discourses for several months,\n(after having taught the people something of the being and perfections\nof God, his creation of man in a state of rectitude and happiness, and\nthe obligations mankind were thence under to love and honour him,) to\nlead them into an acquaintance with their deplorable state by nature:\ntheir inability to deliver themselves from it: the utter insufficiency\nof any external reformation, or of any religious performances, to bring\nthem into the favour of God. And thence to shew them their absolute\nneed of Christ to save them from the misery of their fallen state.\u2015\u2015To\nopen his all-sufficiency and willingness to save the chief of\nsinners.\u2015\u2015The _freeness_ and _riches_ of his grace, proposed \u201cwithout\nmoney, and without price.\u201d\u2015\u2015And thereupon to press them _without delay_\nto betake themselves to him, under a sense of their misery and undone\nestate, for relief and everlasting salvation.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015And to shew them\nthe abundant encouragement the gospel proposes to, perishing, helpless\nsinners, so to do.\n\n*And I have often remarked, that whatever subject I have been upon,\nafter having explained the truths contained therein, I have been\n_naturally_ and _easily_ led to Christ as the _substance_ of every\none. If I treated on the being and glorious perfections of God, I was\nthence _naturally_ led to discourse of Christ as the only \u201cway to the\nFather.\u201d\u2015\u2015If I attempted to open the misery of our fallen state, it was\nnatural from thence to shew the necessity of Christ to undertake for\nus, to atone for our sins, and to redeem us from the power of them.\u2015\u2015If\nI taught the commands of God, and shewed our violation of them, this\nbrought me in the most easy way, to speak of the Lord Jesus Christ,\nas one who had \u201cmagnified the law\u201d we had broken, and who was \u201cbecome\nthe end of it for righteousness, to every one that believes.\u201d And never\ndid I find so much freedom and assistance in making all the various\nlines of my discourses meet together, and center in Christ, as I have\nfrequently done among these Indians.\n\n*I have frequently been enabled to represent the divine glory, the\ninfinite preciousness and transcendent loveliness of the great Redeemer;\nthe suitableness of his person and purchase to supply the wants, and\nanswer the utmost desires of immortal souls.\u2015\u2015To open the infinite\nriches of his grace, and the wonderful encouragement proposed in the\ngospel to unworthy, helpless sinners.\u2015\u2015To call, invite, and beseech\nthem to come and give up themselves to him, and be reconciled to God\nthrough him.\u2015\u2015To expostulate with them respecting their neglect of\none so infinitely lovely, and freely offered.\u2015\u2015And _this_ in _such\na manner_, with such freedom, pertinency, pathos, and application to\nthe conscience, as I never could have made myself master of by the\nmost assiduous application. And I have often at such seasons been\nsurprisingly helped in adapting my discourses to the _capacities_ of\nmy people, and bringing them down into such easy, vulgar, and familiar\nmethods of expression, as has rendered them intelligible even to Pagans.\n\n_Secondly_, It is worthy of remark, that numbers of these people\nare brought to a strict compliance with the rules of _morality_ and\n_sobriety_, and to a conscientious performance of the _external duties_\nof Christianity; without their having them frequently inculcated upon\nthem.\n\nGod was pleased to give the grand gospel truths such a powerful\ninfluence upon their minds, that their lives \u2666were quickly reformed,\nwithout repeated harangues upon _external_ duties. There was indeed\nno room for any discourses but those that respected the _essentials_\nof religion, and the _experimental_ knowledge of divine things, while\nthere were so many inquiring daily, not how they should regulate\ntheir _external_ conduct; but how they should escape from the wrath\nto come\u2015\u2015obtain an _effectual change of heart_, and get an interest in\nChrist.\u2015\u2015So that my _great work_ still was to lead them into a further\nview of their total depravity: to shew that there was no goodness in\nthem: no good dispositions or desires; no love to God, or delight in\nhis commands; but, on the contrary, hatred, enmity, and all manner of\nwickedness.\u2015\u2015And at the same time to open to them the glorious remedy\nprovided in Christ for helpless perishing sinners, and offered freely\nto those who have no goodness of their own, no \u201cworks of righteousness,\u201d\nto recommend them to God.\n\n \u2666 \u201cwerely\u201d replaced with \u201cwere\u201d\n\nWhen these truths were felt _at heart_, there was no vice unreformed,\n\u2015\u2015no external duty neglected.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Drunkenness, the darling vice, was\nbroken off, and scarce an instance of it known for months together.\nThe practice of _husbands_ and _wives_ in putting away each other,\nand taking others, was quickly reformed. The same might be said of\nall other vices.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015The reformation was general; from the _internal_\ninfluence of divine truths upon their hearts; and not because they had\nheard these vices particularly exposed, and repeatedly spoken against.\n\n*So that experience, as well as the word of God, and the example of\nChrist and his apostles, have taught me, that the preaching, which\nis best suited to awaken in mankind a lively apprehension of their\ndepravity and misery,\u2015\u2015to excite them earnestly to seek after a change\nof heart, and to _fly for refuge_ to Christ, as the only _hope set\nbefore them_, is most _successful_ toward the reformation of their\nexternal conduct.\u2015\u2015I have found that close applications of divine truth\nto the conscience, strike death to the root of all vice; while smooth\nharangues upon _moral virtues_ and _external duties_, at best only lop\noff the _branches_ of corruption.\n\nI do not intend to represent the preaching of _morality_, and pressing\npersons to the _external_ performance of duty, to be unnecessary _at\nany time_; especially when there is less of divine power attending\nthe means of grace.\u2015\u2015It is doubtless among the things that \u201cought\nto be done,\u201d while \u201cothers are not to be left undone.\u201d\u2015\u2015But what I\nprincipally design is a plain matter of fact, viz. That the external\ncompliance with the rules of Christianity, appearing among my people,\nis not the effect of any _merely_ rational view of the beauty of\n_morality_, but of the internal influence that divine truths have had\nupon their hearts.\n\n_Thirdly_, It is remarkable, that God has so continued and renewed the\nshowers of his grace: so quickly set up his kingdom among these people;\nand so smiled upon them in their acquirement of knowledge, both divine\nand human. It is now near a year since the beginning of this gracious\nout-pouring of the divine Spirit; and although it has often seemed\nto decline for some short time, yet the work of grace revived again:\nso that a divine influence seems still to attend the means of grace,\nin a greater or less degree: whereby religious persons are refreshed,\nstrengthened, and established,\u2015\u2015convictions revived and promoted in\nmany,\u2015\u2015and some newly awakened from time to time. Although it must\nbe acknowledged, that for some time past, there has appeared a more\nmanifest decline of this work. But (blessed be God) there is still\nan appearance of divine power, a desirable degree of tenderness, and\ndevotion in our assemblies.\n\nAnd as God has continued the showers of his grace among this people;\nso he has with uncommon _quickness_ set up his kingdom in the midst\nof them. I have now baptized, since the conclusion of my last journal,\nthirty persons, fifteen adults, and fifteen children. Which added\nto the number there mentioned, makes seventy-seven persons; whereof\nthirty-eight are adults and thirty-nine children: and all within the\nspace of eleven months past.\u2015\u2015And I have baptized no adults, but such\nas appeared to have a work of grace in their hearts: such as have\nexperienced not only the awakening, but the renewing and comforting\ninfluences of the divine Spirit. Much of the goodness of God has\nappeared in their acquirement of knowledge, both in religion and\nin common life. There has been a wonderful thirst after _Christian\nknowledge_ among them, and an eager desire of being instructed. This\nhas moved them to ask many pertinent as well as important questions.\nMany of the doctrines I have delivered, they have queried with me\nabout, in order to gain further light into them: and from time to\ntime manifested a good understanding of them, by their answers to the\nquestions proposed.\n\nThey have likewise appeared remarkably apt in learning to sing psalms,\nand are now able to sing well.\n\nThey have also acquired a considerable degree of knowledge in the\naffairs of common life: so that they now appear like _rational_\ncreatures, fit for human society, free from that savage roughness and\nbrutish stupidity, which they had in their Pagan state.\n\nAnd as they are desirous of instruction, and surprisingly apt in the\nreception of it, so divine providence has smiled upon them in regard of\n_proper means_ in order to it.\u2015\u2015The attempts made for a _school_ among\nthem have succeeded, and they have a _school-master_, of whom I may\njustly say, I know of \u201cno man like-minded, who will naturally care for\ntheir state.\u201d\n\nHe has generally thirty or thirty-five children in his school: and when\nhe kept an \u2666evening-school (as he did in the long evenings), he had\nfifteen or twenty people, married and single.\n\n \u2666 \u201cevening\u201d replaced with \u201cevening-school\u201d per Errata\n\nThe children learn with surprising readiness; so that their master\ntells me, he never had an English school that learned, in general,\nnear so fast. There were not above two in thirty, although some of\nthem were very small, but what learned to know all the _letters_ in\nthe _alphabet_ distinctly, within three days, and divers in that space\nlearned to _spell_ considerably; and some of them since the beginning\nof February last (at which time the school was set up) have learned so\nmuch, that they are able to read in a _Psalter_ or _Testament_ without\nspelling.\n\nThey are instructed in the duty of secret prayer; and most of them\nconstantly attend it night and morning, and are very careful to inform\ntheir master if they apprehend any of their little school-mates neglect\nit.\n\n_Fourthly._ It is worthy to be noted, that amidst _so great_ a work of\nconviction,\u2015\u2015so much concern and religious affection, there has been\nno _prevalency_, nor indeed any considerable _appearance_ of _false\nreligion_, or heats of imagination, intemperate zeal, and spiritual\npride; (which corrupt mixtures too often attend the revival of religion)\nand that there have been so very few instances of scandalous behaviour.\nThe religious concern that persons have been under, has generally\nbeen _rational_ and _just_: arising from a _sense_ of their sins,\nand the divine displeasure on the account of them; as well as their\nutter inability to deliver themselves from the misery they felt and\nfeared.\u2015\u2015And it is remarkable, although the concern of many persons\nhas been very great and pressing, yet I have never seen any thing like\n_despair_ attending it in any one instance: whence it is apparent,\nthere is not that danger of persons being driven into despair under\n_spiritual trouble_, (unless in cases of melancholy,) that the world\nis ready to imagine.\n\nThe _comfort_ persons have obtained after their distresses, has\nlikewise in general appeared solid, \u2666well-grounded, and scriptural;\narising from a spiritual and _supernatural illumination_ of mind,\u2015\u2015a\nview of divine things _as they are_, a complacency of soul in the\ndivine perfections,\u2015\u2015and a peculiar satisfaction in the _way of\nsalvation_, by the great Redeemer.\n\n \u2666 \u201cwell-grouned\u201d replaced with \u201cwell-grounded\u201d\n\n*Their joys have seemed to rise from a variety of views of divine\nthings, although for substance the same.\n\nSome have at first appeared to rejoice, especially in the _wisdom_ of\nGod, discovered in the way of salvation by Christ; it then appearing\nto them \u201ca new way,\u201d a way they had never any just conception of,\nuntil opened to them by the divine Spirit. And some of them, upon a\n_spiritual_ view of this way of salvation, have wondered at their past\nfolly in seeking salvation other ways, and have admired that they never\nsaw _this_ way of salvation before, which now appeared so _plain_ and\n_easy_.\n\nOthers have had a more _general_ view of the excellency of Christ,\nbeing delighted with an apprehension of his glory, as unspeakably\nexceeding _all_ they had ever conceived before; yet without singling\nout (as it were) any one of the divine perfections in particular.\n\n*What the Indians notions of God are, in their Pagan state, is hard to\ndetermine. I have taken much pains to enquire of my Christian people,\nwhether they, before their acquaintance with Christianity, imagined\nthere was a _plurality_ of great invisible powers, or whether they\nsupposed but _one_ such being, and worshipped him in a variety of\nshapes: but cannot learn any thing of them so distinct as to be fully\nsatisfying upon the point. Their notions in that state were so dark and\nconfused, that they seem not to know what they thought themselves. But\nso far as I can learn, they had a notion of a plurality of invisible\n_deities_, and paid some kind of homage to them promiscuously, under a\ngreat variety of shapes. And it is certain those who yet remain Pagans\npay some kind of superstitious reverence to beasts, birds, fishes,\nand even reptiles; that is, some to one kind of animal, and some to\nanother. They do not indeed suppose a divine power _essential_ to these\ncreatures, but that some invisible beings (I cannot learn that it is\nalways one) communicate to these animals a _great power_, either one\nor other of them, (just as it happens) and so make these creatures the\nimmediate authors of good to certain persons. Whence such a creature\nbecomes _sacred_ to the persons to whom he is supposed to be the\nimmediate author of good, and through him they must worship the\ninvisible powers, though to others he is no more than another creature.\nAnd perhaps another animal is looked upon to be the immediate author\nof good to _another_, and consequently _he_ must worship the invisible\npowers in that animal. And I have known a Pagan burn fine tobacco for\nincense, in order to appease the anger of that invisible power which\nhe supposed presided over _rattle-snakes_, because one of these animals\nwas killed by another Indian near his house.\n\nBut I find, that in ancient times, before the coming of the white\npeople, some supposed there was _four_ invisible powers, who presided\nover the four corners of the earth. Others imagined the _sun_ to be\nthe _only_ deity, and that all things were made by him: others had a\nconfused notion of a certain _body_ or fountain of _deity_, somewhat\nlike the _anima mundi_, so frequently mentioned by the learned Heathens,\ndiffusing itself to various animals, and even to inanimate things,\nmaking them the immediate authors of good to certain persons. But after\nthe coming of the white people they seemed to suppose there were three\ndeities, and three only, because they saw people of three different\nkinds of complexion, _viz._ English, Negroes and themselves.\n\nIt is a notion generally prevailing among them, that it was not the\nsame _God_ made them, who made us; but that they were made after the\nwhite people. And they suppose their God gained some special skill by\nseeing the white people made, and so made _them_ better: for they look\nupon themselves, and their methods of living, (which they say, their\ngod expressly prescribed) as vastly preferable to the white people,\nand their methods. And hence they will frequently sit and laugh at them\nas being good for nothing but to fatigue themselves, with hard labour;\nwhile _they_ enjoy the satisfaction of stretching themselves on the\nground, and sleeping as much as they please; and have no other trouble\nthan now and then to chase the deer. Hence, many of them look upon\nit as disgraceful for them to become Christians, as Christians do\nto become a Pagan: and though they suppose our religion will do well\nenough for us, because prescribed by our God, yet it is no ways proper\nfor them, because not of the same original.\n\n*They seem to have some confused notion of a future state, and many\nof them imagine that the _chichang_, (_i.\u00a0e._ the shadow,) or what\nsurvives the body, will at death go _southward_, and in an unknown\nbut curious place, will enjoy some kind of happiness, such as hunting,\nfeasting, dancing. And what they suppose will contribute much to their\nhappiness in that state is, that they shall never be weary of those\nentertainments.\n\nSome of them have some faint notion of _rewards_ and _punishments_,\nor at least of _happiness_ and _misery_ in a future state; others\nseem to know no such thing. Those that suppose this, imagine that most\nwill \u2666be happy, and those that are not so, will be punished only with\n_privation_, being excluded the walls of that good world where happy\nsouls shall dwell.\n\n \u2666 \u201che\u201d replaced with \u201cbe\u201d\n\nThese rewards and punishments they suppose to depend entirely upon\ntheir behaviour towards mankind, and not to have any reference to God.\nI once consulted a very ancient Indian upon this point, whether the\nIndians of old times had supposed there was any thing of the man that\nwould survive the body? He replied yes. I asked him, further, whether\nit would be happy there? He answered, after some considerable pause,\nthat the souls of good folks would be happy, and the souls of _bad_\nfolks miserable. I then asked who he called _bad folks_? His answer\nwas, those who lie, steal, quarrel with their neighbours, are unkind\nto their friends, and especially to aged parents, and in a word are but\na plague to mankind. These were his bad folks; but not a word was said\nof their neglect of divine worship, and their badness in that respect.\n\nThey have indeed some kind of worship, are frequently offering\n_sacrifices_ to some invisible powers, and are ready to impute their\ncalamities in the present world, to the neglect of these sacrifices;\nbut there is no appearances of reverence and devotion in the homage\nthey pay them; and what they do of this nature seems to be done only\nto appease the anger of their deities, to engage them to do them no\nhurt, or at most only to invite these _powers_ to succeed them in those\nenterprises they are engaged in. So that in offering these sacrifices,\nthey seem to have no reference to a future state. And they imagine,\nthat those they call _bad folks_, are excluded from the company of good\npeople in that state, not so much because God is determined to punish\nthem for their sins of any kind, as because they would render others\nunhappy if admitted to dwell with them. So that they are excluded\nrather of _necessity_, than by God acting as a _righteous judge_.\n\nThey give much heed to _dreams_, because they suppose the invisible\npowers give them directions therein. They are likewise much attached\nto the traditions of their fathers, who have informed them of divers\nmiracles anciently wrought. *They also mention some wonderful things\nwhich, they say, have happened since the memory of some who are now\nliving. One affirmed to me, that himself had once been dead four days,\nthat most of his friends were gathered together to his funeral, and\nthat he should have been buried, but that some of his relations were\nnot arrived, before whose coming he came to life again. In this time,\nhe says, he went to the place where the sun _rises_, (imagining the\nearth to be plain,) and directly over that place, at a great height\nin the air, he was admitted, he says, into a great house, which he\nsupposes was several miles in length, and saw many wonderful things.\n\nWhat increases their aversion to Christianity is the influence their\n_powwows_ have upon them. These are supposed to have a power of\n_foretelling future events_, _of recovering the sick_, and of _charming\npersons to death_. Probably a satanical imitation of the spirit of\nprophecy that the church in early ages possessed.\n\nI have laboured to gain some acquaintance with this affair, and have\nfor that end consulted the man mentioned in my journal of May\u00a09, who,\nsince his conversion to Christianity, has endeavoured to give me the\nbest intelligence he could of this matter. But it seems to be such a\n_mystery of iniquity_, that I cannot well understand it; and, so far as\nI can learn, he himself has not any clear notions of the thing, now his\nspirit of divination is gone from him. However the manner in which he\nsays he obtained this spirit was, *he was admitted into the presence\nof a great man, who informed him, that he loved, pitied, and desired\nto do him good. It was not in this world that he saw the great man, but\nin a world above at a vast distance from this. The great man, he says,\nwas cloathed with the day; yea, with the brightest day he ever saw; a\nday of many years, yea, of everlasting \u2666continuance! This whole world,\nhe says, was drawn upon him, so that in him, the earth, and all things\nin it, might be seen. I asked him, if rocks, mountains, and seas was\ndrawn upon, or appeared in him? He replied, that every thing that was\nbeautiful and lovely in the earth was upon him, and might be seen by\nlooking on him, as well as if one was on the earth to take a view of\nthem there. By the side of the great man, he says, stood his shadow\nor spirit. This shadow, he says, was as lovely as the man himself,\nand filled all places, and was most agreeable as well as wonderful to\nhim.\u2015\u2015Here he says, he tarried some time, and was unspeakably delighted\nwith a view of the great man, of his shadow or spirit, and of all\nthings in him. And what is most of all astonishing, he imagines all\nthis to have passed before he was born. He never had been, he says, in\nthis world at that time. And what confirms him in the belief of this,\nis, that the great man told him, that he must come down to earth, be\nborn of _such_ a woman, meet with _such_ and _such_ things, and in\nparticular, that he should once in his life be guilty of _murder_. At\nthis he was displeased, and told the great man, he would never murder.\nBut the great man replied, \u201cI have said it, and it shall be so.\u201d Which\nhas accordingly happened. At this time, he says, the great man asked\nhim what he would chuse in life. He replied, first to be a _hunter_,\nand afterwards to be a _powwow_ or _diviner_. Whereupon the great man\ntold him, he should have what he desired, and that his _shadow_ should\ngo along with him down to earth, and be with him for ever. There was,\nhe says, all this time no words spoken between them. The conference\nwas not carried on by any _human_ language, but they had a kind of\nmental intelligence of each other\u2019s thoughts. After this, he says, he\nsaw the great man no more; but supposes he came down to earth to be\nborn, but the spirit or shadow of the great man still attended him, and\never after continued to appear to him in dreams and other ways, until\nhe felt the power of God\u2019s word upon his heart; since which it has\nentirely left him.\n\n \u2666 \u201ccountenance\u201d replaced with \u201ccontinuance\u201d per Errata\n\n*This spirit, he says, used to direct him in dreams to go to such\na place and hunt, assuring him he should meet with success, which\naccordingly proved so. And when he had been there some time, the spirit\nwould order him to another place. So that he had success in hunting,\naccording to the great man\u2019s promise.\n\n*There were some times when this spirit came upon him in a _special_\nmanner, and he was full of what he saw in the great man. And then,\nhe says, he was _all light_, and not only _light_ himself, but it was\nlight all _around him_, so that he could see through men, and knew the\nthoughts of their hearts. These _depths of Satan_ I leave to others\nto fathom, and cannot guess what conceptions of things these creatures\nhave at the times when they call themselves _all light_. But my\ninterpreter tells me, that he heard one of them tell a certain Indian\nthe secret thoughts of his heart. The case was this; the Indian was\nbitten with a snake, and was in extreme pain. Whereupon the _diviner_\n(who was applied to) told him, that at _such a time_ he had promised,\nthe next deer he killed he would sacrifice it to some _great power_,\nbut had broken his promise. And now, said he, that great power has\nordered this snake to bite you for your neglect. The Indian confessed\nit was so, but said he had never told any body of it. But as _Satan_,\nno doubt, excited the Indian to make that promise, it was no wonder he\nshould be able to communicate the matter to the conjurer.\n\n[On Friday and Saturday, he was very much amiss; but yet preached to\nhis people on Saturday. His illness continued on the sabbath; but he\npreached notwithstanding, both parts of the day; and after the public\nworship, endeavoured to apply divine truths to the consciences of some,\naddressing them personally: several were in tears, and some appeared\nmuch affected. But he was extremely wearied with the service, and was\nso ill at night, that he could have no rest; but remarks, that \u201cGod was\nhis support.\u201d On Monday, he continued very ill; but calm and composed,\nresigned to the divine dispensations.]\n\nLord\u2019s-day, June 29. I preached both parts of the day. God was pleased\nto afford me both freedom and power; in both exercises. God\u2019s people\nwere refreshed and melted with divine things; one or two comforted,\nwho had been long under distress; convictions, in divers instances,\npowerfully revived; and one man in years much awakened, who had not\nlong frequented our meeting, and appeared before as stupid as a stock.\nGod amazingly renewed my strength. I was so spent at noon, that I could\nscarce walk, and all my joints trembled; so that I could not sit, nor\nso much as hold my hand still: and yet God strengthened me to preach\nwith power in the afternoon. I spent some time afterwards in conversing\nparticularly, with several persons. I prayed afterwards with a sick\nchild, and gave a word of exhortation, and returned home with more\nhealth than I went out; although my linen was wringing wet upon me,\nfrom a little after ten in the morning, till past five in the afternoon.\nMy spirits also were considerably refreshed; and my soul rejoiced in\nhope, that I had through grace done something for God. In the evening I\nwalked out, and enjoyed a sweet season in secret prayer and praise. Oh,\nfor spirituality and holy fervency, that I might _spend and be spent_\nfor God to my latest moment!\n\n[On Wednesday he went to Newark, to a meeting of the Presbytery. The\nremaining part of the week he spent there, and at Elisabeth-Town.]\n\n*Monday, July 7. My spirits were considerably refreshed. There is no\ncomfort, I find, in any enjoyment, without enjoying God, and being\nengaged in his service. In the evening I had the most agreeable\nconversation that ever I remember in all my life, upon God\u2019s being _all\nin all_, and all enjoyments being just _that_ to us which God makes\nthem, and no more. It is good to begin and end with God.\n\nSaturday, July 12. This day was spent in fasting and prayer by my\ncongregation, as preparatory to the sacrament. I discoursed, both parts\nof the day. God gave me assistance in my discourses, and divine power\nattended the word; so that this was an agreeable season. Afterwards I\nled them to a solemn renewal of their covenant, and fresh dedication of\nthemselves to God. This was a season both of solemnity and sweetness,\nand God was in the midst of us.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, July 13. I administered the sacrament of the Lord\u2019s supper\nto thirty-one persons of the Indians. God seemed to be present in\nthis ordinance; the communicants were sweetly refreshed. Oh, how they\nmelted, even when the elements were first uncovered! There was scarcely\na dry eye among them, when I took off the linen, and shewed them the\nsymbols of _Christ\u2019s broken body_.\u2015\u2015Having rested a little, after the\nadministration of the sacrament, I visited the communicants, and found\nthem generally in a sweet loving frame. In the afternoon I discoursed\nupon _coming to Christ_. This was likewise a season of much tenderness.\nI returned home much spent, yet rejoicing in the goodness of God.\n\nMonday, July 14. I discoursed from Psalms cxix.\u00a0106. \u201cI have sworn, and\nI will perform it,\u201d &c. There appeared to be a powerful influence on\nthe assembly, and considerable melting under the word. Afterwards, I\nled them to a renewal of their covenant before God, (that they would\nwatch over themselves and one another, lest they should fall into sin,\nand dishonour the name of Christ,) just as I did on Monday, April\u00a028.\nThis transaction was attended with great solemnity: and God owned it\nby exciting in them a fear and jealousy of themselves, lest they should\nsin against God.\n\n[The next day, he set out on a journey towards Philadelphia; from\nwhence he did not return till Saturday. He spent the week under great\nillness of body and dejection of mind.]\n\nMonday, July 21. I preached to the Indians, chiefly for the sake\nof some strangers. I then proposed my design of taking a journey to\nSusquahannah: exhorted my people to pray for me, and chose divers\npersons of the congregation to travel with me.\n\nMonday, July 28. I was very weak, but I enjoyed sweetness and comfort\nin prayer; and was composed and comfortable through the day: my mind\nwas intense, and my heart fervent in secret duties; and I longed to\n_spend and be spent for God_.\n\nTuesday, July 29. My mind was chearful, and free from those melancholy\ndamps, that I am often exercised with. In the evening I enjoyed a\ncomfortable season in secret prayer, was helped to plead with God for\nmy own dear people: and for the divine presence to attend me in my\nintended journey to Susquahannah.\n\nWednesday, July 30. I was uncommonly easy, both in body and mind: my\nmind was solemn, and God seemed to be near me: so that the day was as\ncomfortable as most I have enjoyed for some time.\n\n*Friday, August 1. In the evening I enjoyed a sweet season in secret\nprayer; clouds and perplexing cares were sweetly scattered. Oh, how\nserene was my mind! How free from that distracting concern I have often\nfelt! \u201cThy will be done,\u201d was a petition sweet to my soul: and if God\nhad bidden me chuse for myself in any affair, I should have chosen\nrather to have referred the choice to him; for I saw he was infinitely\nwise, and could not do any thing amiss, as I was in danger of doing.\n\nSaturday, August 2. I preached from Matthew xi.\u00a019. and the presence of\nGod seemed to be remarkably in the assembly. Blessed be God for such a\nrevival among us. In the evening I was very weary, but found my spirits\nsupported and refreshed.\n\nFriday, August 5. I preached at the funeral of \u2666one of my Christians,\nwas oppressed with the head-ach, and considerably dejected: however,\nI had a little freedom. I was extremely weary in the evening; but\nnotwithstanding enjoyed some liberty in prayer, and found the dejection\nthat I feared, much removed, and my spirits considerably refreshed.\n\n \u2666 \u201cone\u201d replaced with \u201cone of\u201d per Errata\n\nThursday, August 7. I rode to my house, where I spent the last winter,\nin order to bring some things I needed for my Susquahannah journey; I\nwas refreshed to see that place, which God so marvellously visited with\nthe showers of his grace. How amazingly did the _powers of God_ appear\nthere! \u201cBless the Lord, O my soul.\u201d\n\nSaturday, August 9. In the afternoon, I visited my people, and\ncontrived for the management of their worldly business: discoursed to\nthem in a solemn manner, and concluded with prayer. I was composed in\nthe evening, and fervent in secret prayer: had a view of the eternal\nworld, and much serenity of mind. Oh that I could magnify the Lord for\nany freedom he affords me in prayer!\n\nMonday, August 11. Being about to set out for Susquahannah the next day,\nI spent some time this day in prayer with my people, that God would\nbless and succeed my journey; and set up his kingdom among the poor\nIndians in the wilderness. While I was opening and applying part of\nthe cxth Psalm, the _power of God_ descended on the assembly; numbers\nwere melted, and I found affectionate enlargement of soul. God helped\nme, and my interpreter also: there was a shaking and melting among us;\nand divers, I doubt not, were in some measure \u201cfilled with the Holy\nGhost;\u201d especially while I insisted upon the promise of _all nations\nblessing_ the great _Redeemer_: my soul was refreshed to think, that\nthis glorious season should surely come; and numbers of my dear people\nwere also refreshed. Afterwards I prayed; and had some freedom, but\nwas almost spent: then I walked out, and left my people to carry on\nreligious exercises among themselves: they prayed repeatedly, and sung,\nwhile I rested. Afterwards I went to the meeting, prayed with, and\ndismissed the assembly. Blessed be God, this has been a day of grace.\n\n[The next day he set out on his journey towards Susquahannah, and six\nof his Christian Indians with him. He took his way through Philadelphia,\nintending to go to Susquahannah-river, far down, where it is settled\nby the white people, below the country inhabited by the Indians: and\nso travel up the river to the Indian habitations: for although this\nwas much farther about, yet hereby he avoided the huge mountains and\nhideous wilderness. He rode this week as far as Charlestown, a place\nof that name about thirty miles westward of Philadelphia; where he\narrived on Friday; and in his way hither, was for the most part in a\ncomfortable state of mind.]\n\nSaturday, August 16. [At Charlestown.] It being a day kept by the\npeople, as preparatory to the Lord\u2019s supper, I tarried, heard Mr.\nTreat preach; and then preached myself. God helped me to discourse with\nwarmth, and application, to the conscience. Afterwards I was refreshed\nin spirit, though much tired; and spent the evening agreeably in prayer,\nand Christian conversation.\n\nMonday, August 18. I rode on my way towards Paxton, upon\nSusquahannah-river, but felt my spirits sink, towards night.\n\nTuesday, August 19. I rode forward still; and at night lodged by the\nside of Susquahannah.\n\nWednesday, August 20. Having lain in a cold sweat all night, I coughed\nmuch blood this morning; but I had a secret hope that I might speedily\nget a dismission from earth, and all its sorrows. I rode this day\nto one Chambers\u2019s, upon Susquahannah, and there lodged, but was much\nafflicted, in the evening, with an ungodly crew, drinking and swearing.\nOh, what a _hell_ would it be, to be numbered with the _ungodly_!\n\nThursday, August 21. I rode up the river about fifteen miles, and there\nlodged, in a family that appeared quite destitute of God. I laboured to\ndiscourse with the man about the life of religion, but found him very\nartful in evading it. Oh, what a death it is to some, to hear of _the\nthings of God_!\n\nFriday, August 22. I continued my course up the river: my people now\nbeing with me, who before were parted from me; travelled above all the\nEnglish settlements; at night, lodged in the open woods, and slept with\nmore comfort, than while among an ungodly company of white people.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, August 24. Towards noon I visited some of the Delawares,\nand discoursed with them about Christianity. In the afternoon I\ndiscoursed to the _King_, and others, upon divine things, who seemed\ndisposed to hear. I spent most of the day in these exercises. In the\nevening I enjoyed some comfort: especially in secret prayer: so that\nI loved to walk abroad and repeatedly engage in it.\n\nMonday, August 25. I sent out my people to talk with the Indians, and\ncontract a familiarity with them. Some good seemed to be done by their\nvisit this day, and divers appeared willing to hearken to Christianity.\n\nTuesday, August 26. About noon I discoursed to a considerable number of\nIndians: I was enabled to speak with much plainness, warmth, and power.\nThe discourse had impression upon some, and made them appear very\nserious.\n\nWednesday, August 27. There having been a thick smoak, in the house\nwhere I lodged, I was this morning distressed with pains in my head and\nneck. In the morning the smoak was still the same: and a cold easterly\nstorm gathering, I could neither live within doors nor without long\ntogether; I was pierced with the rawness of the air abroad, in the\nhouse distressed with the smoak. I this day lived in great distress,\nand had not health enough to do any thing to purpose.\n\nThursday, August 28. I was visited by some who desired to hear me\npreach: and discoursed to them in the afternoon, with some fervency,\nand laboured to persuade them to _turn to God_. *I scarce ever saw more\nclearly, that it is God\u2019s _work_ to convert souls, I knew I could not\ntouch them, I saw I could only speak to _dry bones_, but could give\nthem no sense of what I said. My eyes were up to God for help: I could\nsay, the _work_ was _his_.\n\nFriday, August 29. I travelled to the Delawares, found few at home:\nfelt poorly, but was able to spend some time alone in reading God\u2019s\nword and in prayer.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, August 31. I spake the word of God, to some few of the\nSusquahannah Indians. In the afternoon, I felt very weak and feeble.\nOh, how heavy is my work, when _faith_ cannot take hold of an _almighty\narm_, for the performance of it!\n\nMonday, September 1. I set out on a journey towards a place called _The\ngreat island_, about fifty miles distant from Shaumoking, in the north\nwestern branch of Susquahannah. At night I lodged in the woods. I was\nexceeding feeble, this day, and sweat much the night following.\n\nTuesday, September 2. I rode forward; but no faster than my people went\non foot. I was so feeble and faint, that I feared it would kill me to\nlie out in the open air; and some of our company being parted from us,\nso that we had now no axe with us, I had no way but to climb into a\nyoung pine tree, and with my knife to lop the branches, and so made a\nshelter from the dew. I sweat much in the night, so that my linen was\nalmost wringing wet all night. I scarce ever was more weak and weary\nthan this evening.\n\nWednesday, September 3. I rode to Delaware town; and found divers\ndrinking and drunken. I discoursed with some of the Indians about\nChristianity; observed my _interpreter_ much engaged in his work; some\nfew persons seemed to hear with great earnestness. About noon I rode\nto a small town of Shawwannoes, about eight miles distant; spent an\nhour or two there, and returned to the Delaware town. Oh what \u2666a dead,\nbarren, unprofitable wretch did I now see myself to be! My spirits were\nso low, and my bodily strength so wasted, that I could do nothing at\nall. At length being much overdone I lay down on a _buffalo-skin_; but\nsweat much the whole night.\n\n \u2666 duplicate word \u201ca\u201d removed\n\nThursday, September 4. I discoursed with the Indians about\nChristianity; my _interpreter_, afterwards, carrying on the discourse\nto a considerable length: some few appeared well disposed, and somewhat\naffected. I left this place, and returned to Shaumoking; and at night\nlodged in the place where I lodged the Monday night before: but my\npeople being belated did not come to me till past ten at night; so\nthat I had no fire to dress any victuals, or to keep me warm; and I\nwas \u2666scarce ever more weak and worn out in my life.\n\n \u2666 \u201csarce\u201d replaced with \u201cscarce\u201d\n\nFriday, September 5. I was so weak, that I could scarcely ride: it\nseemed sometimes as if I must fall off from my horse: however, I got\nto Shaumoking towards night, and felt thankfulness, that God had so far\nreturned me.\n\nSaturday, September 6. I spent the day in a very weak state; coughing\nand spitting blood, and having little appetite to any food I had with\nme: I was able to do very little, except discourse awhile of divine\nthings to my own people, and to some few I met with.\n\nMonday, September 8. I spent the forenoon among the Indians; in the\nafternoon, left Shaumoking, and returned down the river a few miles.\nI had proposed to have tarried a considerable time longer among the\nIndians upon Susquahannah; but was hindered by the weakly circumstances\nof my own people, and especially my own extraordinary weakness, having\nbeen exercised with great nocturnal sweats, and a coughing up of blood,\nin almost the whole of the journey. I was a great part of the time so\nfeeble and faint, that it seemed as though I never should be able to\nreach home; and at the same time destitute of the comforts, yea the\nnecessaries of life; at least what was necessary for one in so weak\na state. In this journey I sometimes was enabled to speak the word of\nGod with power, and divine truths made some impression on divers that\nheard me; so that several, both men and women, old and young, seemed\nto cleave to us, and be well disposed towards Christianity; but others\nmocked and shouted, which damped those who before seemed friendly.\nYet God at times, was evidently present, assisting me, my interpreter,\nand other dear friends who were with me in prayer for the ingathering\nof souls there; and I could not but entertain a strong hope, that the\njourney would not be wholly fruitless.\n\nTuesday, September 9. I rode down the river, near thirty miles, was\nextreme weak, much fatigued, and wet with a thunder storm. I discoursed\nwith some warmth and closeness to some poor ignorant souls, on the\nlife and power of religion. They seemed much astonished, when they\nsaw my Indians ask a blessing, and give thanks at dinner: concluding\nthat a very high evidence of grace in them; but were more astonished,\nwhen I insisted that neither that, nor yet secret prayer, was any sure\nevidence of grace. Oh the ignorance of the world! How are some empty\noutward forms, mistaken for true religion.\n\nWednesday, September 10. I rode near twenty miles homeward; and was\nmuch solicited to preach, but was utterly unable. I was extremely over\ndone with the heat and showers, and coughed up considerable quantities\nof blood.\n\nThursday, September 11. I rode homeward: but was very weak, and\nsometimes scarce able to ride, I had a very importunate invitation\nto preach at a meeting house I came by, but could not by reason of\nweakness. I was resigned under my weakness; but was much exercised for\nmy companions in travel, whom I had left with much regret, some lame,\nand some sick.\n\nFriday, September 12. I rode about fifty miles; and came just at night\nto a Christian friend\u2019s house, about twenty-five miles westward of\nPhiladelphia. I was kindly entertained, and found myself much refreshed\nin the midst of my weakness and fatigues.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, September 14. I preached both parts of the day (but short)\nfrom Luke xiv.\u00a023. God gave me freedom and warmth in my discourse; and\nhelped me to labour in singleness of heart. I was much tired in the\nevening, but was comforted with the most tender treatment I ever met\nwith in my life. My mind through the whole of this day, was exceeding\ncalm; and I could ask for nothing but that \u201cthe will of God might be\ndone.\u201d\n\nWednesday, September 17. I rode into Philadelphia, but was very weak,\nand my cough and my spitting of blood continued.\n\nSaturday, September 20. I arrived among my own people: found them\npraying together: went in, and gave them some account of God\u2019s dealings\nwith me and my companions in the journey. I then prayed with them,\nand the divine presence was among us; divers were melted into tears.\nBeing very weak, I was obliged soon to repair to my lodgings. Thus God\nhas carried me through the fatigues and perils of another journey to\nSusquahannah, and returned me again in safety, though under a great\ndegree of bodily indisposition. Many hardships and distresses I endured\nin this journey: but the Lord supported me under them all.\n\n\n\n\n PART VIII.\n\n _After his return from his last journey to Susquahannah,\n until his_ death.\n\n\n[HITHERTO Mr. Brainerd had kept a constant _diary_, giving an account\nof what passed from day to day: but henceforward his diary is much\ninterrupted by his illness; under which he was often brought so low, as\nnot to be able to \u2666recollect in the evening, what had passed in the day,\nand set down an orderly account of it in writing. However he took some\nnotice of the most material things concerning himself, \u2019till within a\nfew days of his death.]\n\n \u2666 \u201crecolect\u201d replaced with \u201crecollect\u201d\n\n*Lord\u2019s-day, September 21, 1746. I was so weak I could not preach, nor\nride over to my people in the forenoon. In the afternoon I rode out;\nsat in my chair, and discoursed to my people from Romans xiv. 7,\u00a08.\nI was \u2666strengthened in my discourse; and there appeared something\nagreeable in the assembly. I returned to my lodgings extremely tired;\nbut thankful, that I had been enabled to speak a word to my poor people.\nI was able to sleep little, through weariness and pain. Oh, how blessed\nshould I be, if the little I do, were all done with right views!\n\n \u2666 \u201cstrenghened\u201d replaced with \u201cstrengthened\u201d\n\nSaturday, September 27. I spent this as the week past, under a great\ndegree of bodily weakness, exercised with a violent cough, and a\nconsiderable fever; had no appetite to any kind of food; and frequently\nbrought up what I ate, as soon as it was down: I was able, however, to\nride over to my people, about two miles, every day, and take some care\nof those who were then at work upon a small house for me to reside in\namongst the Indians\u00b9. I was sometimes scarce able to walk, and never\nable to sit up the whole day. Yet I was calm and composed, and but\nlittle exercised with melancholy, as in former seasons. It was many\ntimes a comfort to me, that _life_ and _death_ did not depend upon my\nchoice. I was pleased to think, that he who is infinitely wise, had the\ndetermination of this matter; and that I had no trouble, to consider\nand weigh things upon all sides, in order to make the choice, whether\nI would live or die. I could with great composure look _death_ in\nthe face, and frequently with sensible joy. Oh, how blessed it is,\nto be _habitually prepared_ for death! The Lord grant, that I may be\n_actually ready also_!\n\n \u00b9 _This was the |fourth| house he built for his residence\n among the Indians._\n\nLord\u2019s day, September 28. I rode to my people; and, though under much\nweakness, discoursed about half an hour; at which season divine power\nseemed to attend the word; but being extreme weak, I was obliged to\ndesist; and after a turn of faintness, with much difficulty rode to my\nlodgings, where betaking myself to my bed, I lay in a burning fever,\nand almost delirious, for several hours, till towards morning, my\nfever went off with a violent sweat. I have often been feverish after\npreaching: but this was the most distressing turn, that ever preaching\nbrought upon me. Yet I felt perfectly at rest in my own mind, because I\nhad made my utmost attempts to speak for God.\n\nTuesday, September 30. Yesterday and to-day I was scarce able to sit\nup half the day. But \u2666I was in a composed frame remarkably free from\ndejection and melancholy; as God has been pleased to deliver me from\nthese unhappy glooms, in the general course of my present weakness, and\nalso from a peevish spirit. Oh that I may always be able to say, \u201cLord,\nnot my will, but thine be done!\u201d\n\n \u2666 \u201cI\u201d replaced with \u201cI was\u201d and 2nd \u201cwas\u201d deleted per Errata\n\nSaturday, October 4. I spent the former part of this week under a\ngreat degree of disorder, as I had done several weeks before: was able,\nhowever, to ride a little every day, although unable to sit up half\nthe day, and took some care daily of persons at work upon my house. On\nFriday afternoon I found myself wonderfully revived and strengthened;\nand having some time before given notice to my people, and those at\nthe Forks of Delaware in particular, that I designed, to administer\nthe sacrament of the Lord\u2019s supper upon the first sabbath in October:\non Friday afternoon I preached preparatory to the sacrament, from\n2\u00a0Corinthians xiii.\u00a05. I was surprisingly strengthened in my work,\nwhile I was speaking: but was obliged immediately after to repair\nto bed, being now removed into my own house among the Indians; which\ngave me such speedy relief, as I could not well have lived without.\nI spent some time on Friday night in conversing with my people as I\nlay upon my bed; and found my soul refreshed. This being Saturday,\nI discoursed particularly with divers of the communicants; and this\nafternoon preached from Zechariah xii.\u00a010. There seemed to be a tender\nmelting, and hearty mourning for sin in the congregation. My soul\nwas in a comfortable frame, and I was myself, as well as most of the\ncongregation, much affected with the humble confession, and apparent\nbroken-heartedness of a _backslider_; and could not but rejoice, that\nGod had given him such a sense of his sin and unworthiness. I was\nextremely tired in the evening; but lay on my bed, and discoursed to\nmy people.\n\n*Lord\u2019s-day, October 5. I was still very weak; and in the morning\nafraid I should not be able to go through the work of the day. I\ndiscoursed before the administration of the sacrament from John i.\u00a029.\n\u201cBehold the Lamb of God, that taketh away the sin of the world.\u201d\u2015\u2015The\ndivine presence attended this discourse; and the assembly was\nconsiderably melted. After sermon I baptized two persons, and then\nadministered the Lord\u2019s supper to near forty communicants of the\nIndians, besides divers dear Christians of the white people. It was\na season of divine power and grace; and numbers rejoiced in God. Oh,\nthe sweet union and harmony then appearing among the religious people!\nMy soul was refreshed, and my friends, of the white people, with me.\nAfter the sacrament I could scarcely get home; but was supported by my\nfriends, and laid on my bed; where I lay in pain till the evening; and\nthen was able to sit up and discourse with my friends. Oh, how was this\nday spent in prayers and praises among my dear people! One might hear\nthem all the morning before public worship, and in the evening till\nnear midnight, praying and singing praises to God, in one or other of\ntheir houses.\n\n*Saturday, October 11. Towards night I was seized with an ague, which\nwas followed with a hard fever, and much pain: I was treated with great\nkindness and was ashamed to see so much concern about so unworthy a\ncreature. I was in a comfortable frame of mind, wholly submissive with\nregard to life or death. It was indeed a peculiar satisfaction to me,\nto think that it was not my business to determine whether I should live\nor die. I likewise felt peculiarly satisfied, while under this uncommon\ndegree of disorder; being now fully convinced of my being unable to\nperform my work. Oh how precious is time! And how guilty it makes me\nfeel, when I think I have trifled away and misemployed it, or neglected\nto fill up each part of it with duty, to the utmost of my ability!\n\nOctober 19. I was willing either to die or live; but found it hard to\nthink of living useless. Oh that I might never live to be a burden to\nGod\u2019s creation; but that I might be allowed to repair home, when my\nsojourning work is done!\n\nFriday, October 24. I spent the day in overseeing and directing my\npeople about mending their fence, and securing their wheat. I was\nsomewhat refreshed in the evening, having been able to do something\nvaluable in the day time. Oh, how it pains me, to see time pass away,\nwhen I can do nothing to any purpose!\n\nSaturday, October 25. I visited some of my people: spent some time\nin writing, and felt much better in body than usual: when it was near\nnight I felt so well, that I had thoughts of expounding: but in the\nevening was much disordered again, and spent the night in coughing, and\nspitting of blood.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, October 26. In the morning I was exceeding weak, and spent\nthe day till near night, in pain to see my poor people wandering as\n_sheep not having a shepherd_. But towards night finding myself a\nlittle better, I called them together to my house and sat down, and\nread and expounded Matthew v. 1\u201216. This discourse, though delivered\nin much weakness, was attended with power; especially what was spoken\nupon the last of these verses, where I insisted on the infinite wrong\ndone to religion, by having our _light_ become _darkness_, instead\nof _shining before men_. As many were deeply affected with a sense of\ntheir deficiency, in regard of spiritual conversation, and a spirit\nof concern and watchfulness seemed to be excited in them; so there\nwas one that had fallen into drunkenness, sometime before, who was now\ndeeply convinced of his sin, and discovered a great degree of concern\non that account. My soul was refreshed to see this. And though I had no\nstrength to speak so much as I would have done, but was obliged to lie\ndown on the bed: yet I rejoiced to see such an humble melting in the\ncongregation; and that divine truths, though faintly delivered, were\nattended with so much efficacy.\n\nMonday, October 27. I spent the day in directing the Indians, about\nmending the fence round their wheat: and was able to walk with them,\nand contrive their business all the forenoon. In the afternoon I\nwas visited by two dear friends, and spent some time in conversation\nwith them. Towards night I was able to walk out, and take care of the\nIndians again.\n\nOctober 28. I rode to Prince-Town, in a very weak state: had such a\nviolent fever, by the way, that I was forced to alight at a friend\u2019s\nhouse, and lie down for some time. Near night I was visited by Mr.\nTreat, Mr. Beaty, and his wife, and another friend: my spirits were\nrefreshed to see them: but I was surprized, and even ashamed, that they\nhad taken so much pains as to ride thirty or forty miles to see me.\n\nSaturday, November 1. I took leave of my friends and returned home.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, November 2. I was unable to preach and scarcely able to sit\nup the whole day. I was almost sunk, to see my poor people destitute of\nthe means of grace; and especially considering they could not read, and\nso were under great disadvantages for spending the sabbath comfortably.\nOh, methought, I could be contented to be sick, if my poor flock had\na faithful pastor to feed them. A view of their want of this was more\nafflictive to me, than all my bodily illness.\n\nMonday, November 3. Being now in so low a state, that I was utterly\nuncapable of performing my work, and having little hope of recovery,\nunless by much riding, I thought it my duty to take a journey\ninto New-England, I accordingly took leave of my congregation this\nday.\u2015\u2015Before I left my people, I visited them all in their respective\nhouses, and discoursed to each, as I thought most suitable for their\ncircumstances, and found great freedom in so doing: I scarce left one\nhouse but some were in tears, not only affected with my being about\nto leave them, but with the solemn addresses I made; for I was helped\nto be fervent in spirit. When I had thus gone through my congregation,\n(which took me most of the day) and had taken leave of them, and of\nthe school, I rode about two miles, to the house where I lived in the\nsummer past, and there lodged.\n\nTuesday, November 4. I rode to Woodbridge, and lodged with Mr. Pierson.\n\nWednesday, November 5. I rode to Elisabeth-Town, intending as soon as\npossible to prosecute my journey. But I was in an hour or two taken\nmuch worse.\u2015\u2015For near a week I was confined to my chamber, and most of\nthe time to my bed; and then so far revived as to be able to walk about\nthe house; but was still confined within doors.\n\nI was enabled to maintain a calm, composed, and patient spirit,\nas I had from the beginning of my weakness. After I had been in\nElisabeth-Town about a fortnight, and had so far recovered that I was\nable to walk about the house, upon a day of thanksgiving kept in this\nplace, I was enabled to recount the mercies of God, in such a manner as\ngreatly affected me, and filled me with thankfulness to God; especially\nfor his work of grace among the Indians, and the enlargement of his\nkingdom. \u201cLord, glorify thyself,\u201d was the cry of my soul. Oh that all\npeople might love and praise the blessed God!\n\nAfter this comfortable season, I frequently enjoyed enlargement of soul\nin prayer for my dear congregation, very often for every family, and\nevery person in particular; and it was a great comfort to me, that I\ncould pray heartily to God for those whom I was not allowed to see.\n\nIn the latter end of December, I grew still weaker, and continued to do\nso, till the latter end of January 1746\u20127. And having a violent cough,\na considerable fever, and no appetite for any manner of food, I was\nreduced to so low a state, that my friends generally despaired of my\nlife; and for some time together, thought I could scarce live a day to\nan end.\n\nOn Lord\u2019s-day, February 1. \u201cIf ye, being evil, know how to give good\ngifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give\nthe holy Spirit to them that ask him?\u201d This text I was helped to plead,\nand saw the divine faithfulness engaged for dealing with me better than\nany earthly parent can do with his child. This season so refreshed my\nsoul, that my body seemed also to be a gainer by it. And from this time,\nI began gradually to amend. And as I recovered some strength, vigour,\nand spirit, I found at times some life in the exercises of devotion,\nand longings after spirituality and a life of usefulness.\n\nOn Tuesday, February 24. I was able to ride as far as Newark, (having\nbeen confined within Elisabeth-Town almost four months,) and the next\nday returned to Elisabeth-Town. My spirits were somewhat refreshed with\nthe ride, though my body was weary.\n\nOn Saturday, February 28. I was visited by an Indian of my own\ncongregation, who brought me letters, and good news of the behaviour\nof my people in general. This refreshed my soul, I could not but retire\nand bless God for his goodness.\n\nWednesday, March 11, being kept in Elisabeth-Town \u2666as a day of fasting\nand prayer, I was able to attend public worship, which was the first\ntime since December\u00a021. Oh, how much distress did God carry me through\nin this space of time! But having obtained help from him, I yet live:\nOh that I could live to his glory!\n\n \u2666 \u201cat\u201d replaced with \u201cas\u201d\n\nThursday, March 18. I rode to my people: and on Friday morning walked\nabout among them and inquired into their state and concerns; and\nfound an additional weight on my spirits upon hearing some things\ndisagreeable. I endeavoured to go to God with my distresses: but\nnotwithstanding, my mind continued very gloomy. About ten o\u2019clock, I\ncalled my people together, and after having explained and sung a psalm,\nI prayed with them. There was a considerable deal of affection among\nthem; I doubt not, that which was more than merely natural.\n\n[This was the _last interview_ that he ever had with his people. About\neleven o\u2019clock the same day, he left them: and the next day came to\nElisabeth-Town.]\n\nSaturday, March 28. I was taken this morning with a violent griping.\nThese pains were extreme and constant, for several hours: so that it\nseemed impossible for me, without a miracle, to live twenty-four hours.\nI lay confined to my bed, the whole day: but it pleased God to bless\nmeans for the abatement of my distress. I was exceedingly weakened\nby this pain, and continued so for several days following. In this\ndistressed case, _death_ appeared agreeable to me: as an entrance into\na place \u201cwhere the weary are at rest;\u201d and, I had some relish of the\nentertainments of the heavenly state; so that by these I was allured\nand drawn, as well as driven by the fatigues of life. Oh, how happy it\nis, to be drawn by desires of a state of perfect holiness!\n\nSaturday, April 4. I was uneasy, by reason of the misemployment of\ntime: and yet knew not what to do: I longed to spend time in fasting\nand prayer; but alas, I had not bodily strength! Oh, how blessed a\nthing is it, to enjoy peace of conscience! How dreadful is a want of\ninward peace! It is impossible, I find, to enjoy this happiness without\n_redeeming time_, and maintaining a spiritual frame of mind.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, April 5. It grieved me, to find myself so inconceivably\nbarren. My soul thirsted for grace; but, alas, how far was I from\nobtaining what I saw so excellent! I was ready to despair of ever\nbeing holy; and yet my soul was desirous of _following hard after God_;\nbut never did I see myself so far from _having apprehended, or being\nalready perfect_. The Lord\u2019s supper being this day administered, in the\nseason of communion, I enjoyed warmth of affection, and felt a tender\n_love to the brethren_; and, to the glorious Redeemer, the _first-born_\namong them. I endeavoured then to _bring forth_ mine and _his enemies_,\nand _slay them before him_; and found great freedom in begging\ndeliverance from this spiritual death, as well as in asking favours for\nmy friends and congregation, and the church of Christ in general.\n\nFriday, April 17. In the evening, God helped me to \u201cdraw near to the\nthrone of grace,\u201d and gave me a sense of his favour, which gave me\ninexpressible support and encouragement; I could not but rejoice, that\never God should discover his reconciled face to such a vile sinner.\nShame and confusion, at times, covered me; and then hope, and joy, and\nadmiration of the divine goodness.\n\nTuesday, April 21. I set out on my journey for New-England; I travelled\nto New-York, and there lodged.\n\n[This proved his final departure from New-Jersey.\u2015\u2015He travelled slowly,\nand arrived among his friends at East-Haddam, about the beginning of\nMay.]\n\nLord\u2019s-day, May 10. (At Had-Lime) I could not but feel gratitude to\nGod, that he had always disposed me, in my ministry, to insist on\nthe great doctrines of _regeneration, a new creature, faith in Christ,\nprogressive sanctification, supreme love to God, living entirely to the\nglory of God, being not our own_, and the like. God has helped me to\nsee, from time to time, that these, and the like doctrines, necessarily\nconnected with them, are the only foundation of safety and salvation\nfor perishing sinners; and that those divine dispositions, which are\nconsonant hereto, are that _holiness_, \u201cwithout which no man shall\nsee the Lord:\u201d the exercise of these God-like tempers, wherein the\nsoul acts in a kind of concert with God, and would be and do every\nthing that is pleasing to God; this, I saw, would stand by the soul\nin a dying hour; for God must _deny himself_, if he cast away _his own\nimage_, even the soul that is one in desires with himself.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, May 17. Though I felt much dulness this week; yet I had\nsome glimpses of the excellency of divine things; and especially one\nmorning, the beauty of holiness, as a likeness to the glorious God, was\nso discovered to me, that I longed earnestly to be in that world where\nholiness dwells in perfection, that I might please God, live entirely\nto him, and glorify him to the utmost stretch of my capacities.\n\n*Lord\u2019s-day. May 24. (At Long-Meadow in Springfield) I could not\nbut think, as I have often remarked to others, that much more of\n_true religion_ consists in _deep humility, brokenness of heart,\nand an abasing sense of want of holiness_, than most who are called\n_Christians_ imagine.\n\n[On Thursday, May 28. He came from Long-Meadow to Northampton,\nappearing vastly better than he had been in the winter; indeed so\nwell, that he was able to ride twenty-five miles in a day, and to walk\nhalf a mile; but yet he was undoubtedly, at that time, in a confirmed,\nincurable consumption.\n\n*I had much opportunity before this, of particular information\nconcerning him, but now I had opportunity for a more full acquaintance\nwith him. I found him remarkably sociable, pleasant, and entertaining\nin his conversation; yet solid, savoury, spiritual, and very profitable;\nappearing meek, modest, and humble, far from any stiffness, moroseness,\nsuperstitious demureness, or affected singularity in speech or\nbehaviour. We enjoyed not only the benefit of his conversation, but\nhad the comfort of hearing him pray in the family, from time to time.\nHis manner of praying was becoming a worm of the dust, and a disciple\nof Christ addressing an infinitely great and holy God, and Father\nof mercies; not with florid expressions, or a studied eloquence; not\nwith any intemperate vehemence, or indecent boldness; at the greatest\ndistance from any appearance of ostentation, and from every thing\nthat might look as though he meant to recommend himself to those that\nwere about him, or set himself off to their acceptance, free from vain\nrepetitions, without impertinent excursions, or needless multiplying of\nwords. He expressed himself with the strictest propriety, with weight\nand pungency; and yet what his lips uttered seemed to flow from the\n_fulness of his heart_, deeply impressed with a great and solemn sense\nof our necessities, unworthiness, and dependence, of God\u2019s infinite\ngreatness, excellency, and sufficiency, rather than merely from a\nwarm and fruitful brain. And I know not, that ever I heard him so much\nas ask a blessing or return thanks at table, but there was something\nremarkable to be observed both in the matter and manner of the\nperformance. In his prayers he insisted much on the prosperity of Zion,\nthe advancement of Christ\u2019s kingdom in the world, and the flourishing\nand propagation of religion among the Indians. And he generally made it\none petition in his prayer, \u201cthat we might not outlive our usefulness.\u201d]\n\n[This week he consulted Dr. Mather, at my house, concerning his illness;\nwho plainly told him there were great evidences of his being in a\nconfirmed _consumption_, and that he could give him no encouragement,\nthat he should ever recover. But it seemed not to occasion the least\ndiscomposure in him, nor to make any alteration as to the freedom or\npleasantness of his conversation.]\n\n*Lord\u2019s-day, June 7. My soul was so drawn forth, this day, by what I\nheard of the \u201cexceeding preciousness of the grace of God\u2019s Spirit,\u201d\nthat it almost overcame my body: I saw that true grace is exceeding\nprecious indeed; that it is very rare; and that there is but a very\nsmall degree of it, even where the reality of it is to be found.\n\nIn the preceeding week, I enjoyed some comfortable seasons of\nmeditation. One morning the cause of God appeared exceeding precious to\nme: I saw also, that God has an infinitely greater concern for it, than\nI could possibly have; that if I have any true love to this blessed\ninterest, it is only a drop derived from that ocean. Hence I was ready\nto \u201clift up my head with joy;\u201d and conclude, \u201cWell, if God\u2019s cause be\nso dear and precious to him, he will promote it.\u201d\n\n[He was advised by physicians still to continue riding as what would\ntend to prolong his life. He was at a loss for some time which way to\nbend his course; but finally determined to ride to Boston; we having\nconcluded that one of this family should go with him and be helpful to\nhim in his low state.]\n\nTuesday, June 9. I set out on a journey from Northampton to Boston.\n\nHaving now continued to ride for some considerable time, I felt myself\nmuch better, and I found that in proportion to the prospect I had of\nbeing restored to a state of usefulness, I desired the continuance of\nlife: but death appeared inconceivably more desirable to me, than a\nuseless life; yet blessed be God, I found my heart fully resigned to\nthis greatest of afflictions, if God saw fit thus to deal with me.\n\nFriday, \u2666June 12. I arrived in Boston this day, somewhat fatigued\nwith my journey. There is no rest but in God; fatigues of body, and\nanxieties of mind, attend us, both in town and country.\n\n \u2666 \u201cJuly\u201d replaced with \u201cJune\u201d\n\nOn Thursday, June 18. I was taken exceeding ill, and brought to the\ngates of death, by the breaking of some small ulcers in my lungs, as\nmy physician supposed. In this weak state I continued several weeks,\nand was frequently so low, as to be utterly speechless; and even after\nI had so far revived as to step out of doors, I was exercised every\nday with a faint turn, which continued usually four or five hours; at\nwhich times, though I could say _Yes_ or _No_, yet I could not speak\none sentence, without making stops for breath; and divers times in this\nseason, my friends gathered round my bed to see me breathe my last.\n\nHow I was, the first day or two of my illness, with regard to the\nexercise of reason, I scarcely know; but the third day, and constantly\nafterwards, for four or five weeks together, I enjoyed as much serenity\nof mind, and clearness of thought, as perhaps I ever did in my life.\nAnd I think my mind never penetrated with so much ease and freedom into\ndivine things, and I never felt so capable of demonstrating the truth\nof many important doctrines of the gospel as now.\n\nAs God was pleased to afford me clearness of thought almost continually,\nfor several weeks together; so he enabled me in some measure, to\nemploy my time to valuable purposes. I was enabled to write a number of\nimportant _letters_, to friends in remote places; and sometimes I wrote\nI was speechless, _i.\u00a0e._ unable to maintain conversation with any\nbody.\u2015\u2015*Besides this I had many visitants; with whom when I was able to\nspeak, I always conversed of the things of religion: and was peculiarly\nassisted in distinguishing between _true_ and _false_ religion. And\nespecially I discoursed repeatedly on the nature and necessity of that\n_humiliation_, _self-emptiness_, or full conviction of a person\u2019s being\nutterly undone in himself, which is necessary in order to a saving\nfaith, and the extreme difficulty of being brought to this, and the\ngreat danger there is of persons taking up with some _self-righteous\nappearances_ of it. The _danger_ of this I especially dwelt upon, being\npersuaded that multitudes perish in this hidden way; because so little\nis said from most pulpits to discover any danger here: so that persons\nbeing never effectually brought to die to themselves, are never truly\nunited to Christ. I also discoursed much on what I take to be the\nessence of true religion, that God-like temper and disposition of soul,\nand that holy conversation and behaviour, that may justly claim the\nhonour of having God for its original pattern. And I have reason to\nhope God blessed my discoursing to some, both ministers and people; so\nthat my time was not wholly lost.\n\n[Also the honourable Commissioners in Boston, of the incorporated\nsociety in London for \u2666propagating the gospel in New-England, and parts\nadjacent, having a legacy of the late Dr. Daniel Williams of London,\nfor the support of _two missionaries_ to the Heathen, were pleased,\nwhile he was at Boston, to consult him about a mission to those Indians\ncalled the _Six Nations_; and were so satisfied with his sentiments on\nthis head, and had that confidence in his faithfulness, and judgment,\nthat they desired him to recommend a couple of persons fit to be\nemployed in this business.\n\n \u2666 \u201cpropogating\u201d replaced with \u201cpropagating\u201d\n\nMr. Brainerd\u2019s restoration from his extreme low state in Boston, so as\nto go abroad again and to travel, was very unexpected to him and his\nfriends. My daughter who was with him writes thus concerning him in a\nletter dated June 23.\u2015\u2015\u201cOn Thursday he was very ill of a violent fever,\nand extreme pain in his head and breast, and at turns, delirious. So he\nremained till Saturday evening, when he seemed to be in the agonies of\ndeath: the family was up with him \u2019till one or two o\u2019clock, expecting\nevery hour would be his last. On sabbath day he was a little revived,\nhis head was better, but very full of pain, and exceeding sore at\nhis breast, much put to it for breath. Yesterday he was better upon\nall accounts. Last night he slept but little. This morning he is much\nworse.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Dr. Pynchon says, he has no hopes of his life; nor does he\nthink it likely he will ever come out of his chamber.\u201d\n\nHis physician, the honourable Joseph Pynchon, Esq. when he visited him\nin Boston, attributed his sinking so suddenly into a state so nigh unto\ndeath, to the breaking of ulcers, that had been long gathering in his\nlungs, and there discharging and diffusing their purulent matter; which,\nwhile nature was labouring and struggling to throw off, (that could\nbe done no otherwise, than by a gradual straining of it through the\nsmall vessels of those vital parts,) this occasioned an high fever and\nviolent coughing, and threw the whole frame of nature into the utmost\ndisorder; but supposed if the state of nature held till the lungs had\ngradually cleared themselves of this putrid matter, he might revive,\nand continue better, till new ulcers gathered and broke; but then he\nwould surely sink again; and that there was no hope of his recovery;\nbut (as he expressed himself to one of my neighbours) he was as\ncertainly a dead man, as if he was shot through the heart.\n\nBut so it was ordered by divine Providence, that the strength of nature\nheld out through this great conflict, and then he revived, to the\nastonishment of all that knew his case.\n\nAfter he began to revive, he was visited by his youngest brother Mr.\nIsrael Brainerd, a student at Yale-college; who having heard of his\nextreme illness, came to Boston to see him.\n\nThis visit was attended with a mixture of joy and sorrow to Mr.\nBrainerd. He greatly rejoiced to see his brother, especially because\nhe had desired an opportunity of some religious conversation with\nhim before he died. But this meeting was attended with sorrow, as his\nbrother brought to him the tidings of his sister Spencer\u2019s death at\nHaddam: a sister, between whom and him had long subsisted a peculiar\ndear affection, and much intimacy in spiritual matters. He had heard\nnothing of her sickness. But he had these comforts together with the\ntidings, a confidence of her being gone to heaven, and an expectation\nof soon meeting her there.\u2015\u2015His brother continued with him till he left\nthe town, and came with him from thence to Northampton.\n\n[Concerning the last Sabbath Mr. Brainerd spent at Boston, he writes in\nhis _diary_ as follows.]\n\nLord\u2019s-day, July 19. I was just able to attend public worship, being\ncarried to the house of God in a chaise. I heard Dr. Sewall preach\nin the forenoon; partook of the Lord\u2019s supper at this time. In the\nsacrament, I saw astonishing _wisdom_ displayed; such wisdom as\nrequired the tongues of angels and glorified saints to celebrate.\nIt seemed to me I never should do any thing at adoring the infinite\n_wisdom_ of God discovered in the contrivance of man\u2019s redemption,\nuntil I arrived at a world of perfection. Yet I could not help striving\nto \u201ccall upon my soul, and all within me, to bless the name of God.\u201d\n\n[The next day he set out in the cool of the afternoon, for Northampton,\nattended by his brother, and my daughter that went with him to\nBoston; and would have been accompanied out of the town by a number of\ngentlemen, had not his aversion to any thing of pomp and shew prevented\nit.]\n\nSaturday, July 25. I arrived at Northampton, having set out from\nBoston on Monday. In this journey, I rode about sixteen miles a day,\none day with another. I was sometimes extremely tired, so that it\nseemed impossible for me to proceed any further: at other times I was\nconsiderably better, and felt some freedom both of body and mind.\n\nLord\u2019s-day, July 26. This day, I saw clearly, that God himself could\nnot make me happy unless I could be in a capacity to \u201cplease and\nglorify him for ever.\u201d Take away _this_, and admit me into all the fine\n_heavens_ that can be conceived by men or angels, and I should still be\n_miserable_ for ever.\n\nThough he had revived, so as to be able to travel thus far, yet he\nmanifested no expectation of recovery: he supposed as his physician\ndid, that his being brought so near to death at Boston, was owing to\nthe breaking of ulcers in his lungs. He told me that he had had several\nsuch ill turns before, only not to so high a degree, but as he supposed\nowing to the same cause; and that he was brought lower and lower every\ntime; and it appeared to him, that in his last sickness (in Boston)\nhe was brought as low as possible, and yet alive; and that he had not\nthe least expectation of surviving the next return of this breaking of\nulcers; but still appeared perfectly calm.\n\nOn Wednesday morning, the week after he came to Northampton, he took\nleave of his brother Israel, never expecting to see him again in this\nworld.\n\nWhen Mr. Brainerd came hither, he had so much strength as to be able,\nfrom day to day, to ride out two or three miles, and to return; and\nsometimes to pray in the family; but from this time he sensibly decayed,\nand became weaker and weaker.\n\n*While he was here, his conversation from first to last was much on\nthe same subjects as it had been in Boston. He was much in speaking\nof the nature of _true religion_, as distinguished from its various\n_counterfeits_; expressing his great concern, that the latter did\nso much prevail in so many places. He often manifested his great\nabhorrence of all such _doctrines_ and _principles_, as in any\nwise savoured of, and had any (though but a remote) tendency to\nAntinomianism; of all such notions as seemed to diminish the necessity\nof holiness of life, or to abate men\u2019s regard to the commands of God,\nand a strict, diligent, and universal practice of virtue, under a\npretence of depreciating our works, and magnifying God\u2019s free grace.\nHe spake often with much detestation, of such discoveries and joys\nas have nothing of the nature of _sanctification_ in them, and do not\ntend to strictness, tenderness, and diligence in religion, and meekness\nand benevolence toward mankind: and he also declared, that he looked\non such pretended _humility_ as worthy of no regard, that was not\nmanifested by _modesty_ of _conduct_ and _conversation_.\n\n*After he came hither, as long as he lived, he was much in speaking of\nthe future prosperity of Zion that is so often promised in scripture:\nand his mind seemed to be carried forth with intense desires, that\nreligion might speedily revive and flourish; yea, the nearer death\nadvanced, still the more did his mind seem to be taken up with this\nsubject. He told me, when near his end, that \u201che never in all his\nlife had his mind so led forth in desires and earnest prayers for the\nflourishing of _Christ\u2019s kingdom_ on earth, as since he was brought\nso exceeding low at Boston.\u201d He seemed much to wonder, that there\nappeared no more of a disposition in ministers and people to pray for\nthe flourishing of religion through the world; that so little a part\nof their prayers was generally taken up about it, in their families,\nand elsewhere; and particularly, he several times expressed his wonder,\nthat there appeared no more forwardness to comply with the _proposal_\nlately made in a memorial from a number of ministers in Scotland,\nand sent over into America, for _united extraordinary prayer_, among\nChrist\u2019s ministers and people, for the _coming of Christ\u2019s kingdom_:\nand he sent as his dying advice to _his own congregation_, that they\nshould practise agreeably to that proposal.\u00b9\n\n \u00b9 His congregation, since this, have with great chearfulness\n and unanimity fallen in with this advice, and have practised\n agreeably to the proposal from Scotland; and have at times\n appeared with uncommon engagedness and fervency of spirit\n in their united devotions, pursuant to that proposal. Also\n the presbyteries of New-York, and New-Brunswick, since\n this, have with one consent, fallen in with the proposal,\n as likewise some others of God\u2019s people in those parts.\n\n*Though he was exceeding weak, yet there appeared in him a continual\ncare well to employ time, and fill it up with something that might\nbe profitable; either profitable conversation, or writing letters to\nabsent friends, or noting something in his diary, or looking over his\nformer writings, correcting them, and preparing them to be left in the\nhands of others at his death, or giving some directions concerning a\nfuture management of his people, or employment in secret devotions. He\nseemed never to be easy, however ill, if he was not doing something for\nGod, or in his service.\n\nIn his diary for Lord\u2019s-day, August 16, he speaks of his having so\nmuch refreshment of soul in the house of God, that it seemed also to\nrefresh his body. And this is not only noted in his diary, but was very\nobservable to others: it was very apparent, not only, that his mind was\nexhilarated with inward consolation, but also that his animal spirits\nand bodily strength were remarkably restored.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015But this was the last\ntime that ever he attended public worship on the sabbath.\n\nOn Tuesday morning that week (I being absent on a journey) he prayed\nwith my family: but not without much difficulty; and this was the last\nfamily prayer that ever he made.\n\nHe had been wont, till now, frequently to ride out, two or three miles;\nbut this week, on Thursday, was the last time he ever did so.]\n\nLord\u2019s-day, August 23. This morning I was considerably refreshed with\nthe thought, yea, the expectation of the _enlargement of Christ\u2019s\nkingdom_; and I could not but hope, the time was at hand, when Babylon\nthe Great would fall, and rise no more. I was unable to attend public\nworship: but God was pleased to afford me satisfaction in divine\nthoughts. Nothing so refreshes my soul, as when I can go to God, yea,\nto God my exceeding joy.\n\n*In this week past, I had divers turns of inward refreshing, though my\nbody was inexpressibly weak. Sometimes my soul centered in God, as my\nonly portion; and I felt that I should be for ever unhappy, if he did\nnot reign: I saw the sweetness and happiness of being his subject, at\nhis disposal. This made all my difficulties quickly vanish.\n\n[Till this week he had been wont to lodge in a room above stairs; but\nhe now grew so weak, that he was no longer able to go up stairs and\ndown. Friday, August 28, was the last time he ever went above stairs,\nhenceforward he betook himself to a lower room.\n\nOn Wednesday, September 2. Being the day of our public lecture, he\nseemed to be refreshed with seeing the neighbouring ministers, and\nexpressed a great desire once more to go to the house of God: and\naccordingly rode to the meeting, and attended divine service, while the\nRev. Mr. Woodbridge of Hatfield preached. He signified that he supposed\nit to be the last time that ever he should attend the public worship,\nas it proved. And indeed it was the last time that ever he went out at\nour gate alive.\n\nOn the Saturday evening next following, he was unexpectedly visited by\nhis brother Mr. John Brainerd. He was much refreshed by this unexpected\nvisit, this brother being peculiarly dear to him: and he seemed to\nrejoice in a devout manner, to see him, and to hear the comfortable\ntidings he brought concerning the state of his dear Indians: and a\ncircumstance of this visit, that he was exceeding glad of, was, that\nhis brother brought him some of his private writings from New-Jersey,\nand particularly his diary that he had kept for many years past.]\n\nLord\u2019s-day, September 6. I began to read some of my private writings,\nwhich my brother brought me; and was considerably refreshed with what\nI met with in them.\n\nMonday, September 7. I proceeded further in reading my old private\nwritings, and found they had the same effect upon me as before: I could\nnot but rejoice and bless God for what passed long ago, which without\nwriting had been entirely lost.\n\n*This evening when I was in great distress of body, my soul longed\nthat God should be glorified: I saw there was no heaven but this. I\ncould not but speak to the by-standers then of the only happiness, viz.\npleasing God. Oh that I could ever live to God! The day, I trust, is at\nhand, the perfect day: Oh, the day of deliverance from all sin!\n\nLord\u2019s-day, September 13. I was much refreshed and engaged in\nmeditation and writing, and found a heart to act for God. My spirits\nwere refreshed, and my soul delighted to do something for God.\n\n[On the evening following that Lord\u2019s-day, his feet began to swell,\nwhich thenceforward swelled more and more. A symptom of his dissolution\ncoming on.\n\nThe next day his brother left him, being obliged to return to\nNew-Jersey on some business of great importance, intending to return\nagain with all possible speed, hoping to see his brother yet once more\nin the land of the living.\n\nMr. Brainerd having now with much deliberation considered the important\naffair before-mentioned, left with him by the honourable commissioners\nin Boston, viz. the recommending two persons proper to be employed as\nmissionaries to the six nations, he about this time wrote a letter,\nrecommending two young gentlemen of his acquaintance Mr. Elihu Spencer\nof East-Haddam, and Mr. Job Strong of Northampton. The commissioners on\nthe receipt of this letter, unanimously agreed to accept of the persons\nhe had recommended.\n\nHe also this week, wrote a letter to a gentleman in Boston, relating to\nthe growth of the Indian school, and the need of another school-master.\nThe gentlemen, on the receipt of this letter, had a meeting, and agreed\nwith chearfulness to give 200l. (in bills of the old tenor) for the\nsupport of another school-master; and desired the Rev. Mr. Pemberton\nof New-York, as soon as possible to procure a suitable person for that\nservice: and also agreed to allow 75l. to defray some special charges\nthat were requisite to encourage the mission to the six Nations.\n\nMr. Brainerd spent himself much in writing those letters, being\nexceeding weak: but it seemed to be much to his satisfaction, that he\nhad been enabled to do it; hoping that it was something done for God,\nand which might be for the advancement of Christ\u2019s kingdom and glory.\nIn writing the last of these letters, he was obliged to use the hand of\nanother, not being able to write himself.\n\nOn the Thursday of this week (September 17.) was the last time that\never he went out of his lodging-room. That day, he was again visited by\nhis brother Israel, who continued with him thenceforward till his death.\n*On that evening he was taken with something of a _diarrhea_; which he\nlooked upon as another sign of his approaching _death_: whereupon he\nexpressed himself thus; \u201cOh, the glorious time is now coming! I have\nlonged to serve God perfectly: now God will gratify those desires!\u201d And\nfrom time to time, at the several new symptoms of his dissolution, he\nwas so far from being damped, that he seemed to be animated; as being\nglad at the appearances of death\u2019s approach. He often used the epithet,\n_glorious_, when speaking of the day of his _death_, calling it _that\nglorious day_. And as he saw his dissolution gradually approaching,\nhe was much in talking about it, and also settling all his affairs,\nvery particularly and minutely giving directions concerning what he\nwould have done. And the nearer death approached, the more desirous he\nseemed to be of it. He several times spake of the different kinds of\n_willingness to die_; and spoke of it as a mean kind of willingness to\ndie, to be willing to leave the body only to get rid of pain.]\n\n*Saturday, September 19. While I attempted to walk a little, my\nthoughts turned thus; \u201cHow infinitely sweet it is, to love God, and\nbe all for him!\u201d Upon which it was suggested to me, \u201cYou are not an\nangel, lively and active.\u201d To which my soul immediately replied, I\nas sincerely desire to love and glorify God, as any angel in heaven.\u201d\nUpon which it was suggested again, \u201cBut you are filthy, and not fit\nfor heaven.\u201d Hereupon instantly appeared the blessed robes of Christ\u2019s\n_righteousness_, which I could not but exult and triumph in; and I\nviewed the infinite excellency of God, and my soul even broke out\nwith longings, that God should be _glorified_. I thought of dignity\nin heaven: but instantly the thought returned, \u201cI do not go to heaven\nto get honour, but to give all \u2666possible glory and praise.\u201d Oh, how I\nlonged that God should be glorified on _earth_ also! _Bodily pains_ I\ncared not for: though I was then in extremity, I never felt easier; I\nfelt willing to _glorify God_ in that state, as long as he pleased. The\n_grave_ appeared really sweet, and I longed to lodge my weary bones in\nit: but Oh, that God might be _glorified_! this was the burden of all\nmy cry. Oh, I knew, I should be _active_ as an angel, in heaven; and\nthat I should be stripped of my _filthy garments_!\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015But Oh, to _love_\nand _praise_ God more, to _please_ him for ever! this my soul panted\nafter, and even now pants for while I write. Oh that _God_ might be\n_glorified_ in the whole earth! \u201cLord, let thy kingdom come.\u201d I longed\nfor a spirit of _preaching_ to descend and rest on _ministers_, that\nthey might address the consciences of men with closeness and power. I\nsaw God, had the residue of the spirit; and my soul longed it should\nbe \u201cpoured from on high.\u201d I could not but plead with God for my dear\ncongregation, that he would preserve it, and not suffer _his great\nname_ to lose its glory in that work; my soul still longing, that God\nmight be _glorified_.\n\n \u2666 \u201cpossibly\u201d replaced with \u201cpossible\u201d per Errata\n\n*[In the evening, his mouth spake out of the abundance of his heart,\nexpressing in a very affecting manner much the same things as are\nwritten in his _diary_: and among many other extraordinary expressions,\nwere these; \u201c_My heaven_ is to _please_ God, and _glorify_ him, and\nto give all to him, and to be wholly devoted to his glory; that is the\nheaven I long for; this is my _religion_, and that is my happiness, and\nalways was, ever since I had any true religion; and all those that are\nof _that_ religion shall meet _me_ in heaven\u2015\u2015I do not go to heaven to\nbe advanced, but to give honour to God. It is no matter where I shall\nbe stationed in heaven, whether I have a high or a low seat there; but\nto love, and please, and glorify God is all: had I a _thousand souls_,\nif they were worth any thing, I would give them all to God; but I have\nnothing to give, when all is done.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015It is impossible for any rational\ncreature to be _happy_ without acting all _for God_; God himself could\nnot make him happy any other way.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015I long to be in heaven, _praising_\nand _glorifying_ God with the holy angels: all my desire is to glorify\nGod.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015My heart goes out to the _burying-place_; it seems to me\na _desirable_ place; but Oh to _glorify_ God! that is it; that is\nabove all.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015It is a great comfort to me, to think that I have done a\nlittle for God in the world: Oh! it is but a _very small_ matter; yet\nI _have_ done a _little_, and I lament it, that I have done no _more_\nfor him.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015There is nothing in the world worth living for, but _doing\ngood_ and _finishing God\u2019s work_. I see nothing else in the world, that\ncan yield any satisfaction, besides _living to God, pleasing him_, and\n_doing his whole will_.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015My greatest joy and comfort has been, to\ndo something for promoting the interest of religion, and the souls of\nparticular persons: and now, in my illness, while I am full of pain\nand distress from day to day, all the comfort I have, is in being able\nto do some little _char_ (or small piece of work) _for God_; either by\nsomething that I say, or by writing, or some other way.\u201d\n\nHe intermingled with these and other like expressions, many pathetic\n_counsels_ to those that were about him; particularly to my children\nand servants. He applied himself to some of my younger children at this\ntime; calling them to him, and speaking to them one by one; setting\nbefore them in a very plain manner, the nature of true piety, and its\ngreat importance; earnestly warning them not to rest in any thing short\nof that true and thorough change of heart, and a life devoted to God;\ncounselling them not to be slack in the great business of religion,\nnor in the least to delay it; enforcing his counsels with this, that\nhis words were the words of a dying man; said he, \u201cI shall die here,\nand here shall I be buried, and here you will see my grave, and do\nyou remember what I have said to you. I am going into eternity: the\nendlessness of it makes it sweet: but Oh, what shall I say to the\neternity of the _wicked_! I cannot mention it, nor think of it; the\nthought is too dreadful. When you see my grave, then remember what I\nsaid to you when I was alive; then think with yourself how the man that\nlies in that grave, counselled and warned me to prepare for death.\u201d\n\nHis body seemed to be marvelously strengthened, through the inward\nvigour of his _mind_; so that, although before he was so weak he\ncould hardly utter a sentence, yet now he continued his most affecting\ndiscourse for more than an hour, with scarce any intermission; and said\nof it, when he had done, \u201cit was the last sermon that ever he should\npreach.\u201d\n\n[It appears by what is noted in his _diary_, both of this day and the\nevening preceeding, that his mind was at this time much impressed with\na sense of the importance of the work of the ministry, and the need\nof the grace of God, and his special assistance in this work; and it\nalso appeared in what he expressed in conversation; particularly in his\ndiscourse to his brother Israel, who was then a member of Yale-college\nat New-Haven, and had been prosecuting his studies there, to the end\nthat he might be fitted for the work of the ministry, and was now with\nhim. He now, and from time to time, recommended to his brother a life\nof self-denial, of weanedness from the world, and devotedness to God,\nand an earnest endeavour to obtain much of the grace of God\u2019s Spirit,\nand God\u2019s gracious influences on his heart; representing the great\nneed which ministers stand in of them, and the unspeakable benefit of\nthem from his own experience. Among many other expressions he said,\n*\u201cWhen ministers feel these gracious influences on their hearts, it\nwonderfully assists them to come at the consciences of men, and as it\nwere to handle them with their hands; whereas, without them, whatever\nreason and oratory we make use of, we do but make use of stumps instead\nof hands.\u201d]\n\nMonday, September 21. I began to correct a little volume of my private\nwritings: God, I believe, remarkably helped me in it: my strength was\n\u2666surprisingly lengthened out, my thoughts quick and lively, and my soul\nrefreshed, hoping it might be a work for God. Oh, how good, how sweet\nit is to labour for God!\n\n \u2666 \u201csuprisingly\u201d replaced with \u201csurprisingly\u201d\n\nTuesday, September 22. I was again employed in reading and correcting,\nand had the same success, as the day before. I was exceeding weak; but\nit seemed to refresh my soul thus to spend my time.\n\nWednesday, September 23. I finished my corrections of the little piece\nforementioned, and felt uncommonly peaceful: it seemed as if I had now\ndone all my work in this world, and stood ready for my call to a better.\n*As long as I see any thing to be done for God, life is worth having:\nbut Oh, how vain and unworthy it is, to live for any lower end!\n\nFriday, September 25. This day I was unspeakably weak, and little\nbetter than speechless all the day: however, I was able to write a\nlittle, and felt comfortably. Oh, it refreshed my soul, to think of\nformer things, of desires to glorify God, of the pleasures of living\nto him! \u201cOh my dear God, I am speedily coming to thee, I hope! Hasten\nthe day, O Lord, if it be thy blessed will: Oh come, Lord Jesus, come\nquickly. Amen.\u201d\u00b9\n\n \u00b9 This was the last that ever he wrote in his _diary_ with\n his own hand: though it is continued a little farther, in a\n broken manner; written by his brother Israel, but indited by\n his mouth.\n\nSeptember 27. He felt an unusual appetite to food; with which his mind\nseemed to be _exhilarated_, as a sign of the very near approach of\n_death_. He said upon it, \u201cI was born on a _sabbath-day_; and I have\nreason to think I was new-born on a _sabbath-day_; and I hope I shall\ndie on this _sabbath-day_; I shall look upon it as a favour, if it may\nbe the will of God that it should be so: I long for the time. Oh, _why\nis the chariot so long in coming? why tarry the wheels of his chariot?_\nI am very willing to part with all: I am willing to part with my dear\nbrother John, and never to see him again, to go to be for ever with the\nLord. Oh, when I go there, how will God\u2019s dear church on earth be upon\nmy mind!\u201d\n\n*Afterwards the same morning, being asked how he did? he answered, \u201cI\nam almost in eternity: I long to be there. My work is done: I have done\nwith all my friends; all the world is nothing to me. I long to be in\nheaven, _praising and glorifying God_ with the holy _angels_: all my\ndesire is to glorify God.\u201d\n\nDuring the whole of these last two weeks of his life, he seemed to\ncontinue loose from all the world, as having done his work, and done\nwith all things here below, having nothing to do but to die, and\nabiding in an earnest desire and expectation of the happy moment, when\nhis soul should take its flight, and go to a state of perfection, of\nholiness, and perfect glorying and enjoying God. He said, \u201cThat the\nconsideration of the day of death, and the day of judgment, had a long\ntime been peculiarly sweet to him.\u201d He from time to time spake of his\nbeing willing to leave the body and the world immediately, if it was\nthe will of God. He also was much in expressing his longing that the\nchurch of Christ on earth might flourish, and Christ\u2019s kingdom here\nmight be advanced, notwithstanding he was about to leave the _earth_,\nand should not with his eyes behold the desirable event. He said to\nme, one morning, \u201cMy thoughts have been employed on the old dear theme,\n_the prosperity_ of God\u2019s church on _earth_. As I waked out of sleep, I\nwas led to cry for the pouring out of God\u2019s Spirit, and the advancement\nof Christ\u2019s kingdom, which the dear Redeemer did, and suffered so much\nfor. It is that especially makes me long for it.\u201d\n\nHe once told me, that \u201che had formerly longed for the out-pouring of\nthe Spirit of God, and the glorious times of the church, and hoped\nthey were coming: and should have been willing to have lived to promote\nreligion at that time, if that had been the will of God: but (says he)\nI am willing it should be as it is: I would not have the choice to make\nfor myself, for ten thousand worlds.\u201d He expressed on his death-bed\na full persuasion that he should in _heaven_ see the prosperity of\nthe church on earth, and should rejoice with Christ therein; and the\nconsideration of it seemed to be highly pleasing to his mind.\n\nHe also still dwelt much on the great importance of the work of\n_ministers_; and expressed his longings, that they might be _filled\nwith the Spirit of God_; and manifested much desire to see some of the\nneighbouring ministers, whom he had some acquaintance with, that he\nmight converse freely with them on that subject before he died. And it\nso happened, that he had opportunity with some of them, according to\nhis desire.\n\nAnother thing that lay much on his heart, and that he spake of, from\ntime to time, in these near approaches of death, was the spiritual\nprosperity of his own congregation: and when he spake of them, it\nwas with peculiar tenderness, so that his speech would be presently\ninterrupted and drowned with tears.\n\n*He also expressed much satisfaction in the disposals of Providence,\nwith regard to the circumstances of his _death_; particularly that God\nhad before his death given him the opportunity he had in Boston, with\nso many considerable persons, ministers, and others, to give in his\ntestimony for God, and against false religion; and there to lay before\ncharitable gentlemen, the state of the Indians, to so good effect; and\nthat God had since given him an opportunity to write to them farther\nconcerning these affairs; and to write other letters of importance,\nthat he hoped might be of good influence with regard to the state of\nreligion among the Indians, and elsewhere, after his death. He also\nmentioned it as what he accounted a merciful circumstance of his death,\nthat he should die here. And speaking of these things, he said, \u201cGod\nhad granted him all his desire;\u201d and signified, that now he could with\nthe greater alacrity leave the world.]\n\nMonday, September 28. I was able to read, and make some few corrections\nin my private writings; but found I could not write as I had done; I\nfound myself sensibly declining in all respects. It has been only from\na little while before noon, till about one or two o\u2019clock, that I have\nbeen able to do any thing for some time past: yet this refreshed my\nheart, that I could do any thing, either public or private for God.\n\n[This evening, he was supposed to be dying: he thought so himself,\nand was thought so by those who were about him. He seemed glad at the\nappearance of death. He was almost speechless, but his lips appeared\nto move: and one that sat very near him, heard him utter, \u201cCome, Lord\nJesus, come quickly.\u2015\u2015Oh, why is his chariot so long in coming!\u201d\u2015\u2015After\nhe revived, he blamed himself for having been too eager to be gone.\n*And in expressing what he found in his mind at that time, he said, he\nthen found an inexpressibly sweet love to those that he looked upon as\n_belonging to Christ_, beyond all that ever he felt before; so that it\n\u201cseemed (to use his own words) like a little piece of _heaven_ to have\none of them near him.\u201d And being asked, whether he heard the prayer\nthat was (at his desire) made with him; he said, \u201cYes, he heard every\nword, and had an uncommon sense of the things that were uttered in that\nprayer, and that every word reached his heart.\u201d\n\nOn the evening of Tuesday, September 29, as he lay in his bed, his mind\nseemed greatly engaged concerning the prosperity of Zion: there being\npresent at that time two _candidates_ for the _ministry_, he desired us\nall to unite in singing a psalm on that subject, even Zion\u2019s prosperity.\nAnd on his desire we sung a part of the 102d Psalm. This seemed much to\nrefresh him, and gave him new strength; so that, though before he could\nscarce speak at all, now he proceeded, with some freedom of speech, to\ngive his dying counsels to those two young gentlemen, relating to the\ngreat work of the ministry they were designed for. In particular, he\nearnestly recommended to them frequent secret _fasting_ and _prayer_:\nand enforced his counsel with regard to this, from his own _experience_\nof the great comfort and benefit of it; which (said he) I should not\nmention, were it not that I am a _dying_ person. And after he had\nfinished his counsel, he made a prayer, in the audience of us all;\nwherein, besides praying for his family, for his brethren, and those\ncandidates for the ministry, and for his own congregation, he earnestly\nprayed for the reviving and flourishing of religion in the world.\n\nTill now, he had every day sat up part of the day; but after this he\nnever rose from his bed.]\n\nWednesday, September 30. I was obliged to keep my bed the whole day,\nthrough weakness. However I redeemed a little time, and with the help\nof my brother, read and corrected about a dozen pages in my M.\u00a0S.\ngiving an account of my conversion.\n\nFriday, October 2. My soul was this day, at turns, sweetly set on\nGod: I longed to be with him, that I might _behold his glory_: I felt\nsweetly disposed to commit all to him, even my dearest friends; my\ndearest flock, and my absent brother, and all my concerns for time\nand eternity. Oh that his kingdom might come into the world; that they\nmight all love and glorify him; and that the blessed Redeemer might\n\u201csee of the travail of his soul, and be satisfied! Oh, come, Lord Jesus,\ncome quickly! Amen.\u201d\u00b9\n\n \u00b9 Here ends his diary: these are the last words, that are\n written in it, either by his own hand, or from his mouth.\n\n[The next evening we much expected his brother John from New-Jersey;\nit being about a week after the time that he proposed for his return.\nAnd though our expectations were still disappointed; yet Mr. Brainerd\nseemed to continue unmoved, in the same calm frame, that he had before\nmanifested; as having resigned all to God, and having done with his\nfriends, and with all things here below.\n\n*On the morning of the next day, being Lord\u2019s-day, October\u00a04, as my\ndaughter Jerusha (who chiefly tended him) came into the room, he looked\non her very pleasantly, and said, \u201cDear Jerusha, are you willing to\npart with me?\u2015\u2015I am quite willing to part with you; I am willing to\npart with all my friends: I am willing to part with my dear brother\nJohn, although I love him the best of any creature living; I have\ncommitted him and all my friends to God, and can leave them with God.\nThough, if I thought I should not see you, and be happy with you in\nanother world I could not bear to part with you. But we shall spend an\nhappy eternity together!\u201d\u00b9 In the evening, as one came into the room\nwith a bible in her hand, he said, \u201cOh, that dear book! that lovely\nbook! I shall soon see it opened! the mysteries that are in it, and the\nmysteries of God\u2019s providence, will be all unfolded!\u201d\n\n \u00b9 Since this, it has pleased God to take away this my dear\n child, on the 14th of February next following, after a short\n illness of five days, in the eighteenth year of her age.\n She was a person of much the same spirit with Mr. Brainerd.\n She had constantly taken care of, and attended him in his\n sickness, for nineteen weeks before his death, devoting\n herself to it with great delight, because she looked on him\n as an eminent servant of Jesus Christ. In this time, he had\n much conversation with her on things of religion; and in his\n dying state, often expressed to us, her parents, his great\n satisfaction concerning her true piety, and his confidence\n that he should meet her in heaven; and his high opinion\n of her, not only as a true Christian, but a very eminent\n saint; one whose soul was uncommonly fed and entertained\n with things that appertain to the most spiritual parts of\n religion; and one who, by the temper of her mind, was fitted\n to deny herself for God, and to do good beyond any young\n woman that he knew of. She had manifested a heart uncommonly\n devoted to God, in the course of her life, many years before\n her death; and said on her death-bed, that \u201cshe had not seen\n one minute for several years, wherein she desired to live\n one minute longer, for the sake of any other good in life,\n but doing good, living to God, and doing what might be for\n his glory.\u201d\n\nHis distemper now apparently preyed on his vitals: not by a sudden\nbreaking of _ulcers_ in his lungs, as at Boston, but by a constant\ndischarge of \u2666purulent matter, in great quantities; so that what he\nbrought up by expectoration, seemed to be as it were mouthfuls of\nalmost clear _pus_; which was attended with very great inward pain and\ndistress.\n\n \u2666 \u201cpetulent\u201d replaced with \u201cpurulent\u201d per Errata\n\nOn Thursday, October 6, he lay for a considerable time, as if he was\ndying. At which time, he was heard to utter in broken whispers, such\nexpressions as these; \u201cHe will come, he will not tarry.\u2015\u2015I shall soon\nbe in glory.\u2015\u2015I shall soon glorify God with the angels.\u201d\u2015\u2015But after\nsome time he revived.\n\nThe next day, viz. Wednesday, October\u00a07, his brother John arrived from\nNew-Jersey, where he had been detained much longer than he intended, by\na mortal sickness prevailing among the Christian Indians. Mr. Brainerd\nwas refreshed with seeing him, and appeared fully satisfied with the\nreasons of his delay; seeing the interest of religion and of the souls\nof his people required it.\n\nThe next day, Thursday, October 8. He told me it was impossible for\nanyone to conceive the distress he felt in his breast. He manifested\nmuch concern lest he should dishonour God by impatience. He desired\nthat others would be much in lifting up their hearts to God for him.\nHe signified, that he expected to die that night; but seemed to fear\na longer delay: and the disposition of his mind with regard to death\nappeared still the same that it had been all along. And notwithstanding\nhis bodily agonies, yet the interest of Zion lay still with great\nweight on his mind; as appeared by some considerable discourse he\nhad that evening with the Rev. Mr. Billing, one of the neighbouring\nMinisters, concerning the great importance of the work of the ministry.\nAnd afterwards, when it was very late in the night, he had much\ndiscourse with his brother John, concerning his congregation in\nNew-Jersey, and the interest of religion among the Indians. In the\nlatter part of the night, his bodily distresses seemed to rise to a\ngreater height than ever; and he said to those then about him, that \u201cit\nwas another thing to die than what people imagined;\u201d explaining himself\nto mean, that they were not aware what _bodily_ pain and anguish is\nundergone before death. Towards day, his eyes fixed; and he continued\nlying immoveable, till about six o\u2019clock in the morning, and then\nexpired, on Friday, October\u00a09, 1747, when his soul was received by his\ndear Lord and Master, as an eminently faithful servant, into a state of\nperfection of holiness, and fruition of God, which he had so often and\nso ardently longed for.\n\nMuch respect was shewn to his memory at his _funeral_; which was on\nthe Monday following, after a sermon preached the same day, on that\nsolemn occasion. His funeral was attended by eight of the neighbouring\nministers, seventeen other gentlemen of liberal education, and a great\nconcourse of people.]\n\n\n The End of the _Twelfth_ Volume.\n\n\n\n\n ERRATA, Volume XII.\n\n\n Page 19, line 2, _delete of_\n\n Page 19, line 17, replace sickness_es_\n\n Page 20, line 13, replace _glo_rious\n\n Page 25, line 10, replace _closing eyes_\n\n Page 53, line 19, replace _ti_n\n\n Page 106, line 3, replace con_fo_rmed\n\n Page 112, line 21, replace it was _not_\n\n Page 142, line 19, replace good_n_ess\n\n Page 144, line 13, \u2666replace James iii.\n\n \u2666 could not identify how to apply to text\n\n Page 188, line 13, replace _keep awake_\n\n Page 190, line 19, replace _I came to_ the\n\n Page 204, line 15, replace was _not_\n\n Page 204, line ultima, replace _of_ this\n\n Page 226, line ultima, replace _year_ past\n\n Page 245, line antepenult, replace . _A_fter\n\n Page 264, line 7, replace _a_ffected\n\n Page 269, line 20, replace *Thursday\n\n Page 284, line 18, replace evening-_school_\n\n Page 286, line 1, replace well groun_d_ed\n\n Page 292, line 21, replace continuance\n\n Page 299, line 21, replace one _of_\n\n Page 311, line 12, replace I _was_ and _delete was_\n\n Page 340, line 10, replace possibl_e_\n\n Page 352, line 10, replace p_uru_lent.","title":"The works of the Rev. John Wesley, Vol. 12 (of 32)","tradition":"scripture-revelation","translated_text":null,"word_count":88539}