{"collection":"scripture-revelation","full_text_available":true,"graph_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/api/page/gutenberg_73797/graph","html_url":"https://unchartedknowledge.5gfusion.net/v2/page/gutenberg_73797","id":"gutenberg_73797","license":"Public Domain (US)","rights_basis":"gutenberg_metadata_copyright_false","source":"gutenberg","source_url":"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/73797","summary":null,"tags":["Category: Biographies","Category: Essays, Letters & Speeches","Category: Religion/Spirituality","Methodist Church","Theology -- Early works to 1800","Theology -- History -- 18th century"],"text":"The Works of the\n Rev. John Wesley, M.A.\n\n\n\n\n \u250c\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2510\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Transcriber\u2019s Notes \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Punctuation has been standardized. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Most of the non-common abbreviations used to save space in \u2502\n \u2502 printing have been expanded to the non-abbreviated form for \u2502\n \u2502 easier reading. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 The author has used an asterisk (*) to indicate passages he \u2502\n \u2502 considers most worthy of attention. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 The text is very inconsistent in its usage of quotation marks.\u2502\n \u2502 The transcriber has attempted to make their use consistent \u2502\n \u2502 throughout this work for improved readability. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Characters in small caps have been replaced by all caps. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Non-printable characteristics have been given the following \u2502\n \u2502 Italic text: --> _text_ \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 This book was written in a period when many words had \u2502\n \u2502 not become standardized in their spelling. Words may have \u2502\n \u2502 multiple spelling variations or inconsistent hyphenation in \u2502\n \u2502 the text. These have been left unchanged unless indicated \u2502\n \u2502 with a Transcriber\u2019s Note. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Footnotes are identified in the text with a superscript \u2502\n \u2502 number and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which \u2502\n \u2502 they appear. \u2502\n \u2502 \u2502\n \u2502 Transcriber\u2019s Notes are used when making corrections to the \u2502\n \u2502 text or to provide additional information for the modern \u2502\n \u2502 reader. These notes are identified by \u2666\u2660\u2665\u2663 symbols in the \u2502\n \u2502 text and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which \u2502\n \u2502 they appear. \u2502\n \u2514\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2500\u2518\n\n\n\n\n THE\n WORKS\n OF THE\n Rev. JOHN WESLEY, M.A.\n\n Late Fellow of _Lincoln-College_, OXFORD.\n\n\n VOLUME XIII.\n\n\n BRISTOL:\n Printed by WILLIAM PINE, in _Wine-Street_.\n MDCCLXXII.\n\n\n\n\n THE\n CONTENTS\n Of the THIRTEENTH VOLUME.\n\n\n \u2b58 Letters written by Mr. _Brainerd_\n\n \u2b58 An Extract from Miss _Mary Gilbert_\u2019s Journal\n\n \u2b58 An Extract from _Elizabeth Harper_\u2019s Journal\n\n \u2b58 A short Account of _Ann Johnson_\n\n \u2b58 A short Account of _Ann Rogers_\n\n \u2b58 A short Account of _Mary Langson_\n\n \u2b58 A short Account of _Hannah Richardson_\n\n \u2b58 A Letter to the Rev. Mr. _John Wesley_, by a _Gentlewoman_\n\n \u2b58 An Extract of Mrs. _L****_\u2019s Letters\n\n\n\n\n LETTERS\n WRITTEN BY\n Mr. BRAINERD.\n\n\n To his brother John, then a student at Yale-College\n in\u00a0New-Haven.\n\n _Kaunaumeek, April\u00a030, 1743_.\n\n_Dear Brother_,\n\n*I SHOULD tell you, \u201cI long to see you,\u201d but that my own experience\nhas taught me, there is no happiness to be enjoyed in _earthly friends_,\nthough ever so near and dear, or any other enjoyment that is not\nGod himself. Therefore, if the _God of all grace_ would be pleased\ngraciously to afford us each his presence and grace, that we may\nperform the work, and endure the trials he calls us to, in a tiresome\nwilderness, till we arrive at our journey\u2019s end; the distance at\nwhich we are held from each other at present, is a matter of no great\nmoment.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015But alas! the presence of God is what I want.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015I live in\nthe most lonely melancholy _desert_, about eighteen miles from Albany.\nI board with a poor Scotchman: his wife can talk scarce a word of\nEnglish. My _diet_ consists mostly of hasty-pudding, boiled corn,\nand bread baked in the ashes. My _lodging_ is a little straw, laid\nupon some boards, a little way from the ground; for it is a log-room,\nwithout any floor, that I lodge in. My _work_ is exceeding hard: I\ntravel on foot a mile and half, the worst of way, almost daily, and\nback again; for I live so far from my Indians.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015I have not seen an\nEnglish person this month.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015These and many other circumstances as\nuncomfortable, attend me; and my _spiritual conflicts_ and _distresses_\nso far _exceed_ all these that I scarce think of them. The Lord grant\nthat I may be enabled \u201cto endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus\nChrist!\u201d As to my _success_ here I cannot say much: the Indians seem\ngenerally well disposed towards me, and are mostly very attentive to my\ninstructions: two or three are under some convictions; but there seems\nto be little of the special workings of the divine Spirit among them\nyet; which gives me many a heart-sinking hour. Sometimes I hope God has\nabundant blessings in store for them and me; but at other times I am so\noverwhelmed with distress, that I cannot see how his dealings with me\nare consistent with covenant love and faithfulness, and I say \u201csurely\nhis tender mercies are clean gone for ever.\u201d But however, I see, I\n_needed_ all this _chastisement_ already: \u201cit is good for me,\u201d that I\nhave endured these trials. Do not be discouraged by my distresses: I\nwas under great distress, at Mr. Pomroys, when I saw you last; but \u201cGod\nhas been with me of a truth,\u201d since that. But let us always remember,\nthat we must _through much tribulation_ enter into God\u2019s eternal\nkingdom. The righteous are _scarcely_ saved: it is an infinite wonder,\nthat we have hopes of being saved at all. For my part, I feel the most\nvile of any creature living; and I am sure, there is not such another\nexisting on this side _hell_.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015Now all you can do for me, is, to\npray incessantly, that God would make me humble, holy, resigned, and\nheavenly minded, by all my trials.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015\u201cBe strong in the Lord, and in\nthe power of his might.\u201d Let us _run_, _wrestle_, and _fight_, that\nwe may obtain the prize, and obtain that compleat happiness, to be\n\u201choly, as God is holy.\u201d So wishing \u2666and praying that you may advance\nin learning and grace, and be fit for special service for God, I remain\n\n _Your affectionate Brother_,\n\n DAVID BRAINERD.\n\n \u2666 duplicate word \u201cand\u201d removed\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To his Brother John, at Yale-college in New-Haven.\n\n _Kaunaumeek, December\u00a027, 1743_.\n\n_Dear Brother_,\n\nI LONG to see you, and know how you fare in your journey through the\nworld of sorrow, where we are compassed about with \u201cvanity, confusion,\nand vexation of spirit.\u201d I am more weary of life than ever I was. The\nwhole world appears to me like a vast empty space, \u2666whence nothing\ndesirable, or at least satisfactory, can possibly be derived, and long\ndaily to die more and more to it; even though I obtain not that comfort\nfrom spiritual things which I earnestly desire. Worldly pleasures, such\nas flow from greatness, riches, honours, and sensual gratifications,\nare infinitely _worse_ than none. May the Lord deliver us more and more\nfrom these _vanities_! I have spent most of the fall and winter in a\nvery weak state of body; and sometimes under pressing inward trials,\nbut \u201chaving obtained help from God, I continue to this day;\u201d and am now\nsomething better in health. I find nothing more conducive to a life of\n_Christianity_, than a diligent and faithful improvement of precious\n_time_. Let us then faithfully perform that business, which is alloted\nus by divine Providence to the utmost of our bodily strength and mental\nvigour. Why should we sink with any particular trials, we are called\nto encounter in the world? _Death_ and _eternity_ are just before us;\na few tossing billows more will waft us to the world of spirits, and we\nhope (through infinite grace) into endless pleasures. Let us then \u201crun\nwith patience the race that is set before us.\u201d And Oh that we could\ndepend more upon the _living God_, and less upon our own wisdom and\nstrength! Dear brother, may the _God of all grace_ comfort your heart,\nand succeed your studies, and make you an instrument of good to his\npeople. This is the instant prayer of\n\n _Your affectionate Brother_,\n\n DAVID BRAINERD.\n\n \u2666 \u201cwhere\u201d replaced with \u201cwhence\u201d per Errata\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To his Brother Israel, at Haddam.\n\n _Kaunaumeek, January\u00a021, 1743\u20124_.\n\n_My dear Brother_,\n\n\u2015\u2015THERE is but one thing, that deserves our highest care; and that is,\nthat we may answer the great _end_, for which we were made, _viz._ to\n_glorify_ that God, who has given us our beings and all our comforts,\nand do all the good we possibly can to our _fellow-creatures_: and\nverily life is not worth the having, if it be not employed for this\nnoble end. Yet, alas, how little is this thought of? Most men love to\n_live to themselves_, without regard to the glory of God, or the good\nof their fellow creatures: they earnestly desire, and eagerly pursue\nthe riches, honours, and pleasures of life, as if they really supposed\nthat wealth, or greatness, or merriment, could make their immortal\nsouls happy. But, alas, what false and delusive dreams are these!\nAnd how miserable will those ere long be, who are not awaked out of\nthem, to see, that all their happiness consists in _living to God_, and\nbecoming \u201choly, as he is holy!\u201d Oh, may you never fall into the tempers\nand vanities, the sensuality and folly of the present world! You are\nleft, as it were, alone in a wide world, to act for yourself; be sure\nthen to remember, it is a world of _temptation_. You have no earthly\nparents to form your youth to piety, by their examples and seasonable\ncounsels; let this excite you with great fervency to look up to the\n_Father of mercies_ for assistance against all the vanities of the\nworld. And if you would glorify God, and make your own soul happy in\nthis and the coming world, observe these few _directions_; though not\nfrom a father, yet from a brother who is touched with a tender concern\nfor your present and future happiness. And,\n\n*First, Resolve upon, and daily endeavour to practise a life of\n_seriousness_. Think of the life of Christ; and when you can find that\nhe was pleased with jesting, then you may indulge it in yourself.\n\nAgain, Be careful to make a good improvement of precious time. When you\ncease from labour, fill up your time in reading, meditation, and prayer:\nand while your hands are labouring, let your heart be employed, as much\nas possible in divine thoughts.\n\nFurther, Take heed that you faithfully perform the _business_ you have\nto do in the world, from a regard to the command of God. We should\nalways look upon ourselves as God\u2019s servants, placed in God\u2019s world\nto do his work; and accordingly labour faithfully for him; not with a\ndesign to grow rich and great, but to glorify God, and do all the good\nwe possibly can.\n\n*Again, Never expect happiness from the world. If you hope for\nhappiness in the world, hope for it from God, and not _from_ the world.\nDo not think you shall be more happy, if you live to such or such a\nstate of life, if you live to be for yourself, to be settled in the\nworld, or if you should gain an estate in it: but look upon it that\nyou shall then be _happy_, when you can be constantly employed for God,\nand not for yourself; and desire to live in this world, only to _do_\nand _suffer_ what God allots to you. When you can be of the spirit and\ntemper of angels, who are willing to come down into this lower world,\nto perform what God commands them, though their desires are _heavenly_,\nand not set on _earthly_ things, then you will be of that temper that\nyou ought to have.\n\nOnce more, Never think that you can live to God by _your own_ strength;\nbut always look to, and rely on _him_ for assistance, yea, for all\nstrength and grace. There is no greater _truth_ than this, that \u201cwe\ncan do nothing of ourselves;\u201d yet nothing but our own _experience_\ncan effectually teach it to us. Indeed we are a long time in learning,\nthat all our strength and salvation is in God. This is a life, that no\n_unconverted_ man can live; yet it is a life that every godly soul is\npressing after. Let it then be your great concern to devote yourself\nand your all to God.\n\nI long to see you, that I may say much more to you than I now can, but\nI desire to commit you to the _Father of mercies_, and _God of all\ngrace_; praying that you may be directed safely through an _evil world_,\nto God\u2019s _heavenly kingdom_.\n\n _I am your affectionate loving brother_,\n\n DAVID BRAINERD.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To a special Friend.\n\n _The Forks of Delaware, July\u00a031, 1744._\n\n*\u2015\u2015CERTAINLY the greatest, the noblest pleasure of intelligent\ncreatures must result from their acquaintance with the blessed God,\nand with their own immortal souls. And Oh, how divinely sweet is it,\nto look into our own souls, when we can find all our passions united\nand engaged in pursuit of God, our whole souls passionately breathing\nafter a conformity to him, and the full enjoyment of him! Verily there\nare no hours pass away with so much pleasure, as those that are spent\nin communing with God and our own hearts. Oh, how sweet is a spirit\nof devotion, a spirit of seriousness and divine solemnity, a spirit\nof gospel simplicity, love, tenderness! Oh, how desirable, and how\nprofitable to the Christian life, is a spirit of holy watchfulness,\nand godly jealousy over ourselves; when we are afraid of nothing so\nmuch as that we shall offend the blessed God, whom we apprehend, to\nbe a _father and a friend_; whom we love and long to please! Surely\nthis is a temper, worthy of the highest ambition and closest pursuit\nof intelligent creatures. Oh, how vastly superior is the peace, and\nsatisfaction derived from these divine frames, to that which we pursue\nin things impertinent and trifling! Our own bitter experience teaches\nus, that \u201cin the midst of such laughter the heart is sorrowful,\u201d\nand there is no true satisfaction but in God. But, alas! how shall\nwe obtain and retain this sweet spirit of religion? Let us follow\nthe apostle\u2019s direction, Philippians ii.\u00a012. and labour upon the\nencouragement he there mentions, for it is God only can afford us\nfavour; and he will be _sought_, and it is fit we should wait upon\nhim for so rich a mercy. Oh, may the God of all grace afford us the\ninfluences of his Spirit: and help us that we may from our hearts\nesteem it our greatest liberty and happiness, that \u201cwhether we live,\nwe may live to the Lord, or whether we die, we may die to the Lord:\u201d\nthat in _life_ and _death_, we may be his!\n\nI am in a very poor state of health: but through divine goodness, I\nam not discontented: I bless God for this retirement; I never was more\nthankful for any thing, than I have been of late for the necessity I\nam under of self-denial: *I love to be a _pilgrim_ and _stranger_ in\nthis wilderness: it seems most fit for such a poor, ignorant, worthless\ncreature as I. I would not change my present _mission_ for any other\nbusiness in the whole world. I may tell you freely, God has of late\ngiven me great freedom and fervency in prayer when I have been so\nweak and feeble, my nature seemed as if it would speedily dissolve.\nI feel as if my _all_ was lost, and I was undone, if the poor Heathen\nbe not converted. I feel different from what I did when I saw you\nlast, more _crucified_ to all the enjoyments of life. It would be very\nrefreshing to me, to see you here in this desert; especially in my weak\ndisconsolate hours: but, I could be content never to see you, or any\nof my friends again in this world, if God would bless my labours to the\nconversion of the poor Indians.\n\nI have much that I could willingly communicate to you, which I must\nomit, till Providence gives us leave to see each other. In the mean\ntime, I rest\n\n _Your obliged friend and servant_,\n\n DAVID BRAINERD.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To his Brother John, at College.\n\n _Crosweeksung, in New-Jersey, December 28, 1745._\n\n_Very Dear Brother_,\n\n\u2015\u2015I AM in one continued and uninterrupted hurry; and divine Providence\nthrows so much upon me, that I do not see it will ever be otherwise.\nMay I \u201cobtain mercy of God to be faithful to the death!\u201d I cannot say,\nI am weary of my hurry; I only want strength and grace to do more for\nGod.\n\nMy dear brother, _The Lord of heaven_, that has carried me through many\ntrials, _bless you_; bless you for time and eternity; and fit you to do\nservice for him in his church below, and to enjoy his blissful presence\nin his church triumphant. My brother; \u201cthe time is short:\u201d Oh let us\nfill it up for God; let us count the sufferings of this present time as\nnothing, if we can but \u201cfinish our course with joy.\u201d Oh, let us strive\nto live to God. I bless the Lord, I have nothing to do with _earth_,\nbut only to labour honestly in it for God, till I shall \u201caccomplish as\nan hireling my day.\u201d I do not desire to live one minute for any thing\nthat _earth_ can afford. Oh, that I could live for none but God, till\nmy dying moment!\n\n _I am your affectionate brother_,\n\n DAVID BRAINERD.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To his Brother Israel, at College, written a few Months\n before his Death.\n\n _Boston, June 30, 1747._\n\n_My dear brother_,\n\nIT is from the sides of _eternity_ I now address you. I am heartily\nsorry, that I have so little strength to write what I long to\ncommunicate to you. But let me tell you, my brother, _eternity_\nis another thing than we ordinarily take it to be. Oh, how vast\nand boundless! Oh, how fixed and unalterable! Oh, of what infinite\nimportance is it, that we be prepared for _eternity_! I have been just\ndying for more than a week; and all around me have thought so: in this\ntime I have had clear views of _eternity_: have seen the blessedness\nof the _godly_; and have longed to share their happy state; as well as\nbeen comfortably satisfied, that I shall do so; but Oh, what anguish\nis raised in my mind, to think of an _eternity_ for those who are\n_Christless_, for those who bring their false hopes to the grave\nwith them! The sight was so dreadful, I could by no means bear it:\nmy thoughts recoiled, and I said, \u201cWho can dwell with everlasting\nburnings!\u201d Oh, methought, that I could now see my friends, that I\nmight warn them, to see to it, they lay their foundation for _eternity_\nsure. And you my dear brother, I have been particularly concerned for;\nand have wondered I so much neglected conversing with you about your\nspiritual state at our last meeting. Oh, let me beseech you now to\nexamine, whether you are indeed a _new creature_? Whether the glory of\nGod has ever been the highest concern with you? Whether you have ever\nbeen reconciled to all the perfections of God? In a word, whether God\nhas been your portion, and a holy conformity to him your chief delight?\nIf you have reason to think you are _graceless_, Oh, give yourself no\nrest, till God arise and save. But if the case should be otherwise,\nbless God for his grace, and press after holiness.\n\nOh, my dear brother, flee fleshly _lusts_, and the inchanting\n_amusements_, as well as corrupt _doctrines_ of the present day; and\nstrive to _live to God_. Take this as the last line from\n\n _Your affectionate dying brother_,\n\n DAVID BRAINERD.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To a young Gentleman, a _Candidate_ for the _Ministry_,\n written at the same time.\n\n_Very dear Sir_,\n\nHOW amazing it is, that the _living_ who _know they must die_, should\nnotwithstanding \u201cput far away the evil day,\u201d in a season of health\nand prosperity: and live at such an awful distance from the grave,\nand the great concerns beyond it! And especially, that any whose minds\nhave been divinely \u2666enlightened, to behold the important things of\n_eternity_ should live in this manner. And yet, how \u2660frequently is\nthis the case? *How rare are the instances of those who live and act,\nfrom day to-day, as on the verge of _eternity_; striving to fill up\nall their remaining moments, in the service of their great _Master_?\nWe insensibly trifle away time, while we seem to have enough of it;\nand are so strangely amused, as in a great measure to lose a sense of\nthe holiness, necessary to prepare us to be inhabitants of the heavenly\n_paradise_. But, Oh, dear Sir, a _dying bed_, if we enjoy our reason,\nwill give another view of things. I have now, far more than three\nweeks, lain under the greatest weakness; the greater part of the time,\nexpecting daily and hourly to enter into the eternal world. And Oh, of\nwhat vast importance has a holy, spiritual life, appeared to me to be\nin this season! I have longed to call upon all my friends, to make it\ntheir business to _live to God_; and especially all that are designed\nfor, or engaged in the service of the sanctuary. O dear Sir, do not\nthink it enough, to live at the rate of _common Christians_. Alas, to\nhow little purpose do they often converse, when they meet together!\nThe visits, even of those who are called Christians indeed, are\nfrequently quite barren; and conscience cannot but condemn us for the\nmisemployment of time, while we have been conversant with them. But the\nway to enjoy the divine presence, and be fitted for his service, is to\nlive a life of _great devotion_ and _constant self-dedication_ to him;\nobserving the motions and dispositions of our own hearts, whence we may\nlearn the corruptions that lodge there, and our constant need of help\nfrom God for the performance of the least duty. And Oh, dear Sir, let\nme beseech you frequently to attend the great and precious duties of\n_secret fasting_ and _prayer_.\n\n \u2666 \u201cenlightend\u201d replaced with \u201cenlightened\u201d\n\n \u2660 \u201cfrequent\u201d replaced with \u201cfrequently\u201d per Errata\n\nOh labour to be prepared and qualified to do much for God. Suffer me\nto entreat you earnestly to \u201cgive yourself to prayer, to reading and\nmeditation\u201d on divine truths: strive to penetrate to the bottom of\nthem, and never be content with a superficial knowledge. By this means,\nyour thoughts will grow weighty and judicious; and you thereby will be\npossessed of a valuable treasure, out of which you may produce \u201cthings\nnew and old,\u201d to the glory of God.\n\nAnd now, \u201cI commend you to the grace of God;\u201d earnestly desiring,\nthat a plentiful portion of the divine Spirit may rest upon you; that\nyou may _live to God_ in every capacity, and that you may be richly\nqualified for the \u201cinheritance of the saints in light.\u201d\n\nI scarce expect to see your face any more in the body; and therefore\nintreat you to accept this as the last token of love, from\n\n _Your sincerely affectionate dying friend_,\n\n DAVID BRAINERD.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To his Brother John, at Bethel, the Town of\n Christian Indians in New-Jersey, written at Boston,\n \u2666not long before his death.\n\n \u2666 \u201cbefore\u201d replaced with \u201cnot long before\u201d per Errata\n\n_Dear Brother_,\n\n*I AM now just on the verge of _eternity_, expecting very speedily to\nappear in the unseen world. I feel myself no more an inhabitant on\nearth, and sometimes earnestly long to \u201cdepart and be with Christ.\u201d I\nbless God, he has for some years given me an abiding conviction, that\nit is impossible for any rational creature to enjoy true happiness\nwithout being entirely \u201cdevoted to him.\u201d Under the influence of this\nconviction I have in some measure acted: Oh that I had done more so! I\nsaw both the excellency and necessity of holiness; but never in such a\nmanner as now, when I am just brought to the sides of the grave. Oh, my\nbrother, pursue after holiness: press towards the blessed mark; and let\nyour thirsty soul continually say, \u201cI shall never be sanctified till I\nawake in thy likeness.\u201d\n\nAnd now, my dear brother, as I must press you to pursue after\n_personal_ holiness, to be as much in _fasting_ and _prayer_ as your\nhealth will allow, and to live above the rate of _common Christians_:\nso I must intreat you to attend to your public work; labour to\ndistinguish between true and false religion; and to that end, watch\nthe motions of God\u2019s Spirit upon your own heart; look to him for help,\nand impartially compare your experiences with his word.\n\nCharge my people in the name of their _dying minister_, yea, in the\nname of _him who was dead and is alive_, to live and walk as becomes\nthe gospel. Tell them, how great the expectations of God and his\npeople are from them, and how awfully they will wound God\u2019s cause, if\nthey fall into vice: as well as fatally prejudice other poor Indians.\n*Always insist, that their joys are _delusive_, although they may have\nbeen rapt up into the _third heavens_, unless the main tenor of their\n_lives_ be spiritual, watchful and holy. In pressing these things,\n\u201cthou shalt both save thyself, and those that hear thee.\u201d\u2015\u2015\n\nGod knows, I was heartily willing to have served him longer in the\nwork of the ministry, although it had still been attended with all the\n_labours_ and _hardships_ of past years, if he had seen fit: but as his\nwill appears otherwise, I can with the utmost freedom say, \u201cThe will of\nthe Lord be done.\u201d It affects me, to think of leaving you in a world of\nsin: my heart pities you, that those storms and tempests are yet before\nyou, which through grace I am almost delivered from. But \u201cGod lives,\nand blessed be my rock:\u201d he is the same Almighty friend; and will, I\ntrust, be your guide and helper, as he has been mine.\n\nAnd now, my dear brother, \u201cI commend you to God and to the word of his\ngrace, which is able to build you up, and give you an inheritance among\nall them that are sanctified.\u201d May you enjoy the divine presence, both\nin private and public; and may \u201cthe arms of your hands be made strong,\nby the right hand of the mighty God of Jacob!\u201d Which are the passionate\ndesires and prayers of\n\n _Your affectionate dying brother_,\n\n DAVID BRAINERD.\n\n\n\n\n SOME\n Reflections _and_ Observations\n ON THE\n Preceding _Memoirs_ of Mr. BRAINERD.\n\n\nI. WE have here an opportunity, in a very lively _instance_, to see the\n_nature_ of _true religion_; and the _manner_ of its _operation_ when\nexemplified in a high degree. Particularly it may be observed.\n\n1. How greatly Mr. Brainerd\u2019s religion differed from that of some who,\ndepending on something past, settle in a cold, careless, and carnal\nframe of mind, and in a neglect of thorough, earnest religion. Although\nhis convictions and conversion were exceeding clear, yet how far was\nhe from acting as though he thought he had _got through his work_, when\nonce he had obtained satisfaction of his interest in Christ? On the\ncontrary, this was with him but the beginning of his work, his entering\non the great business, his first setting out in his race. His obtaining\nrest in Christ, after earnest striving to enter in at the strait\ngate, he did not look upon as putting an end to any further occasion\nfor striving and violence in religion: but these were continued, and\nmaintained constantly, through all changes, to the very end of life.\nHe continued pressing forward, forgeting the things that were behind,\nand reaching forth towards the things that were before. His pains and\nearnestness in religion were rather increased than diminished, after he\nhad received satisfaction concerning the safety of his state. Love to\nGod, and longings after holiness, were more effectual to engage him to\npains and activity, than fear of hell had been before.\n\nAnd as his conversion was not the end of his work, or of his diligence\nin religion; so neither was it the end of the _work of the Spirit_ of\nGod on his heart; but rather the beginning; the first dawning of the\nlight, which thenceforward increased more and more; the beginning of\nhis holy affections, his sorrow for sin, his love to God, his rejoicing\nin Christ, his longings after holiness. And the powerful operations\nof the Spirit of God herein, were carried on, from the day of his\nconversion, to his dying day. His religious experiences, his admiration,\njoy, and praise, did not only hold for a few days, weeks, or months;\nand then gradually die away, till they came to leave him without any\nsensible experience of holy and divine affections, for months together;\nas it is with many, who soon come to that pass, that it is again with\nthem much as it is used to be before their conversion, with respect to\nany present views of God\u2019s glory, or ardent out-goings of their souls\nafter divine objects; but only now and then they have a comfortable\nreflection on times past; and so rest easy, thinking all well; they\nhave had a good clear work, and they doubt not but they shall go to\nheaven when they die. How far otherwise was it with Mr. Brainerd! His\nexperiences, instead of dying away, were evidently of an increasing\nnature. His first love, and other holy affections, even at the\nbeginning were very great; but after months and years, became\nmuch greater, and more remarkable; and the exercises of his mind\ncontinued exceeding great, (though not equally so at all times) without\nremissness, and without dwindling away, even till his decease. They\nbegan in a time of general deadness, and were greatly increased in the\ngeneral reviving of religion. And when a general deadness returned,\nhis experiences were still kept up in their height, and so continued\nin a general course wherever he was, in sickness and in health, living\nand dying. The change that was wrought in him at his conversion,\nwas agreeable to scripture, a great change, and an abiding change,\nrendering him a new creature: not only a change as to comfort; and a\ntransient change, consisting in passing affections; but a change of\n_nature_, a change of the abiding temper of his mind. Not a partial\nchange, in opinion, or outward reformation, much less a change from one\nerror to another; but an universal change, both internal, and external,\nfrom the habits of sin, to universal holiness.\n\n*It appears plainly, from his conversion to his death, that the great\nobject of the new appetites given him, and thenceforward maintained and\nincreased in his heart, was HOLINESS, conformity to God, living to God,\nand glorifying him. This was what drew his heart; this was the center\nof his soul; this was the ocean to which all his religious affections\ntended: this was the object which engaged his eager desires and earnest\npursuits: he knew no true happiness, but this: this was what he longed\nfor most vehemently and constantly on _earth_; and this was with\nhim the beauty and blessedness of heaven, to be perfectly holy, and\nperfectly exercised in the holy employments of heaven; to glorify God,\nand enjoy him for ever.\n\n*His religious affections were attended with _evangelical humiliation_;\nconsisting in a sense of his own insufficiency, and despicableness.\nHow deeply affected was he almost continually with his great defects in\nreligion; with his vast distance from that spirituality that became him;\nwith his ignorance, deadness, unsteadiness, barrenness? He was not only\naffected with the remembrance of his former sinfulness, but with the\nsense of his present vileness. He was not only disposed to think meanly\nof himself as _before God_; but among men, and compared with them.\nHe was apt to think \u2666other saints better than he; yea, to look upon\nhimself as the least of saints; yea, the vilest and worst of mankind,\nAnd notwithstanding his great attainments in spiritual knowledge, yet\nwe find there is scarce any thing he is more frequently abased with,\nthan his ignorance.\n\n \u2666 \u201cthink of other\u201d replaced with \u201cthink other\u201d per Errata\n\n*How eminently did he appear to be of a _meek_ and _quiet_ spirit,\nresembling the lamb-like, dove-like Spirit of Christ! How full of love,\nmeekness, quietness, forgiveness, and mercy! His love was not fondness\nfor a party, but universal; often exercised to his greatest opposers\nand enemies. His love and meekness were effectual in expensive and\npainful deeds of kindness; readily confessing faults under the greatest\ntrials, and humbling himself even at the feet of those from whom he had\nsuffered most: and from time to time praying for his enemies, abhorring\nthe thoughts of bitterness and resentment towards them. I scarce knew\nwhere to look for a parallel instance of self-denial, in these respects,\nin the present age. He was a person of great zeal; but how did he abhor\na bitter zeal, and lament it where he saw it! And though he was once\ndrawn into some degrees of it, by the force of example; yet how did he\ngo about with a heart bruised and broken in pieces for it all his life\nafter!\n\nOf how _soft_ and _tender_ a spirit was he! How far were his\nexperiences, hopes, and joys, from a tendency to lessen conviction and\ntenderness of conscience, to cause him to be less affected with present\nand past sins, and less conscientious with respect to future sins,\nmore easy in the neglect of duties that are troublesome, less apt to\nbe alarmed at his own defects, and more easily induced to a compliance\nwith carnal appetites! On the contrary, how tender was his conscience!\nhow apt was his heart to smite him! how greatly was he alarmed at the\nappearance of evil! how great and constant was his jealousy over his\nown heart! how strict his care and watchfulness against sin! how deep\nand sensible were the wounds that sin made in his conscience! Those\nevils that are generally accounted small, were almost an insupportable\nburden to him; such as his inward deficiencies, his having no more\nlove to God, any slackness or dulness, any unsteadiness, or wandering,\nhow did the consideration of such things as these abase him, and fill\nhim with shame and confusion! His love and hope, though they cast\nout a servile fear of hell, yet were attended with, and promoted a\nreverential filial fear of God, a dread of sin, and of God\u2019s holy\ndispleasure. His assurance and comfort promoted and maintained mourning\nfor sin: holy mourning with him, was not only the work of an hour or\na day, at his first conversion; but he was a mourner for sin all his\ndays. He did not, after he received forgiveness, forget his past sins,\ncommitted before his conversion; but the remembrance of them from time\nto time, filled his heart with renewed grief: and how lastingly did the\nsins committed after his conversion, affect and break his heart! If he\ndid any thing whereby he thought he had dishonoured God, he had never\ndone with calling it to mind with sorrow: though he was assured that\nGod had forgiven it, yet he never forgave himself.\n\nHis religion was not like a blazing meteor, flying through the\nfirmament with a bright train, and then quickly going out; but like the\nsteady lights of heaven, that are constant principles of light, though\nsometimes hid with clouds. Nor like a land-flood, which flows far and\nwide, bearing down all afore it, and then dried up; but like a stream\nfed by living springs; which though sometimes diminished, yet is a\n_constant stream_.\n\n*Mr. Brainerd\u2019s comforts were not like those of some other persons,\nwhich are attended with a spiritual satiety, and put an end to their\nreligious longings, at least to the ardency of them. On the contrary,\nhow were they always attended with longings and thirstings after\ngreater degrees of conformity to God! And the greater and sweeter his\ncomforts were, the more vehement were his desires after holiness. For\nhis longings were not so much after joyful discoveries of God\u2019s love;\nas after greater spirituality, an heart more engaged for God, to love\nand exalt, and depend upon him; an ability better to serve him, to do\nmore for his glory. And his desires were powerful and effectual, to\nanimate him to the eager pursuit of these things. His comforts never\nput an end to his seeking after God, but greatly enlarged him therein.\n\nHis religion did not consist only in _experience_, without _practice_.\nAll his comforts had a direct tendency to practice; and this, not\nmerely a practice _negatively_ good, but a practice _positively_\nholy, in a serious, devout, humble, meek, charitable, and beneficent\nconversation: making the service of God, the business of life, which he\npursued with the greatest earnestness and diligence to the end of his\ndays.\n\n\u2666III. The foregoing account shews, that there is indeed such a thing as\ntrue _experimental religion_, arising from immediate divine influences,\nsupernaturally enlightening and convincing the mind, and powerfully\nquickening, sanctifying, and governing the heart; which religion\nis indeed of happy tendency, and of no hurtful consequence to human\nsociety; notwithstanding there have been many pretences to experimental\nreligion, that have proved to be nothing but _enthusiasm_.\n\n \u2666 point II. not indicated in text\n\nIf any insist, that Mr. Brainerd\u2019s religion was _enthusiasm_, I would\nask, if such things as these are the fruits of enthusiasm, _viz._\nhonesty and simplicity, sincere and earnest desires and endeavours,\nto know and do whatever is right, and to avoid every thing that is\nwrong; love to God, placing the happiness of life in him; not only\nin contemplating him, but in being active in pleasing, and \u2666serving\nhim; a firm belief in the Messiah, as the Saviour of the world;\ntogether with great love to him, and longing for the enlargement\nof his kingdom; resignation to the will of God, under all trials;\nbenevolence to mankind, reaching all persons without distinction,\nmanifested in sweetness of speech and behaviour, mercy, liberality, and\nearnest seeking the good of the souls and bodies of men; attended with\nextraordinary humility, meekness, forgiveness of injuries, and love to\nenemies; a modest, and decent deportment, among superiors, inferiors,\nand equals: a diligent improvement of time, and earnest care to lose\nno part of it; great watchfulness against all sorts \u2660of sin, of heart,\nspeech, and action; and the foregoing amiable virtues all ending in a\nmarvellous peace, unmoveable calmness, and resignation, in the sensible\napproaches of death: I say, if all these things are _enthusiasm_, that\nenthusiasm is a desirable and excellent thing.\n\n \u2666 \u201cserve\u201d replaced with \u201cserving\u201d per Errata\n\n \u2660 \u201csin\u201d replaced with \u201cof sin\u201d per Errata\n\nAnd whereas there are many that are not professed opposers of\n_experimental religion_, who yet doubt of it, from the _bad lives_ of\nsome professors; and are ready to determine there is nothing in all\nthe talk about being born again, because that many that pretend to it,\nmanifest no abiding alteration in their disposition and behaviour; are\nas careless, carnal, or covetous as ever; yea, perhaps much worse than\never: it is acknowledged, that this is the case with some; but they\nmay see it is not so with all. There are some indisputable instances of\nsuch a change, a \u201crenovation of the spirit of the mind,\u201d and a \u201cwalking\nin newness of life.\u201d In the foregoing instance particularly, they may\nsee the abiding influence of such a work of conversion; the fruits of\nsuch experience through a course of years; under a great variety of\ncircumstances, and the blessed event of it in life and death.\n\nIV. Is there not much in the preceding memoirs to teach and excite to\nduty, us who are called to the work of the ministry? What a deep sense\nhad he of the importance of that work, and with what weight did it lie\non his mind? How sensible was he of his own insufficiency for this work:\nand how great was his dependence on God\u2019s sufficiency! How solicitous,\nthat he might be fitted for it! And to this end how much time did\nhe spend in prayer and fasting, as well as reading and meditation;\n_giving himself to these things_! How did he dedicate his whole life,\nall his powers and talents to God and renounce the world, with all\nits ensnaring enjoyments, that he might be wholly at liberty to serve\nChrist in this work; and to please him who had chosen him to be his\nsoldier. With what solicitude, solemnity, and diligence did he devote\nhimself to God our Saviour, and, seek his presence and blessing, at\nthe time of his _ordination_! And how was his whole heart constantly\nengaged, his whole time employed, his whole strength spent in the\nbusiness he then undertook!\u2015\u2015And his history shews us the right way\nto _success_ in the work of the ministry. He sought it as a resolute\nsoldier seeks victory, in a siege or battle, or as a man that runs a\nrace for a prize. Animated with love to Christ and souls, how did he\n\u201clabour always fervently,\u201d not only in word and doctrine, in public and\nprivate, but in prayers day and night, \u201cwrestling with God\u201d in secret,\nand \u201ctravailing in birth,\u201d with unutterable groans, \u201cuntil, Christ were\nformed\u201d in the hearts of the people to whom he was sent! How did he\nthirst for a blessing on his ministry; and \u201cwatch for souls as one that\nmust give account!\u201d How did he go forth in the strength of the Lord\nGod; depending on a special influence of the _Spirit_! And what was the\nhappy fruit at last, though after long waiting, and many discouraging\nappearances! Like a true son of Jacob, he persevered in wrestling until\nthe breaking of the day.\n\nV. The foregoing account may instruct _Christians in general_; as it\nshews in many respects, the right way of _practising_ religion, in\norder to obtain the ends of it; or how Christians should \u201crun the race\nset before them,\u201d if they would adorn their profession, be serviceable\nto mankind, have the comforts of religion while they live, be free\nfrom disquieting doubts; enjoy peace in the approach of death, and\n\u201cfinish their course with joy.\u201d\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015In general he much recommended,\nfor this purpose, the _redemption of time_, and great _diligence in\nwatchfulness_.\n\n*And his example, with regard to one duty in special, may be of great\nuse to both ministers and private Christians: I mean the duty of secret\nfasting. The reader has seen how much Mr. Brainerd recommends this duty,\nhow frequently he exercised himself in it; and of what great benefit\nit evidently was to his soul. Among all the days he spent in secret\nfasting and prayer, there is scarce an instance of one, but what was\nattended with a remarkable blessing.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015But it must be observed, that\nwhen he set about this duty, he did it in good earnest: \u201cstirring up\nhimself to take hold of God,\u201d and \u201ccontinuing instant in prayer,\u201d with\nmuch of the spirit of Jacob, who said to the angel. \u201cI will not let\nthee go, except thou bless me.\u201d\n\nVI. One thing more may be observed in the preceding account, the\n_remarkable disposal_ of \u2666divine Providence, with respect to the\ncircumstances of his last _sickness and death_.\n\n \u2666 \u201cdi-divine\u201d replaced with \u201cdivine\u201d\n\nThough he had long been infirm, his constitution being broken by\nfatigues and hardships; and though he was often brought very low by\nillness, yet his life was preserved, till he had seen that which he\nhad so greatly desired, a glorious work of grace among the Indians.\n\nAnd though it was the pleasure of God, that he should be taken off\nfrom his labours among that people, who were so dear to him; yet this\nwas not before they were well instructed in the Christian religion,\nconfirmed in the Christian faith and manners, formed into a church;\nbrought into a way with respect to the education of children; collected\nin a town by themselves, on a good piece of land of their own; and\nintroduced into the way of husbandry. These things were just brought to\npass by his indefatigable application, and then he was taken off from\nhis work. If this had been but a little sooner, they would by no means\nhave been prepared for such a dispensation: and it probably would have\nbeen \u2666more hurt to their spiritual interest, \u2660and to the cause of\nChristianity among them.\n\n \u2666 \u201cmore\u201d replaced with \u201cmore hurt\u201d per Errata\n\n \u2660 \u201cand of\u201d replaced with \u201cand to\u201d per Errata\n\nThe time and circumstances of his illness were so ordered, that he had\njust opportunity to finish his journal. A foundation was hereby laid\nfor a concern in others for that cause, and proper care and measures\nto be taken for the maintaining it after his death. As it has actually\nproved to be of great benefit in this respect; it having excited\nmany in those parts, and also more distant parts of America, to exert\nthemselves for the promoting so glorious a work, remarkably opening\ntheir hearts and hands: and not only in America, but in Great-Britain,\nwhere that Journal has been an occasion of some large benefactions,\nmade for the promoting the interest of Christianity among the Indians.\n\nHe was not taken off from the work of the ministry among his people,\ntill his _brother_ was in a capacity to succeed him: who succeeds\nhim in the like spirit, and under whose prudent and faithful care his\ncongregation has flourished, and been very happy, since he left them;\nand probably could not have been so well provided for otherwise. If\nMr. Brainerd had been disabled sooner, his _brother_ would not have\nbeen ready to stand up in his place; having taken his first degrees\nat college, but about that time that he was seized with this fatal\nconsumption.\n\nThough in that winter that he lay sick at Mr. Dickinson\u2019s in\nElisabeth-Town, he continued, for a long time in an extreme low state,\nso that sometimes it was hardly expected he would live a day to an\nend; yet his life was spared awhile longer; he lived to see his brother\narrive in New-Jersey, being come to \u2666succeed him in the care of his\nIndians: and he himself had opportunity to assist in his examination\nand introduction into his business: and to commit the conduct of his\ndear people to one whom he well knew, and could use freedom with in\ngiving him particular instructions, and under whose care he could leave\nhis congregation with great chearfulness.\n\n \u2666 \u201csucced\u201d replaced with \u201csucceed\u201d\n\nThe providence of God was remarkable in so ordering it, that before\nhis death he should take a journey to Boston; which was of very happy\nconsequence to the interest of religion, and especially among his\nown people. By this means, as has been observed, he was brought into\nacquaintance with many persons of note and influence, ministers, and\nothers, belonging both to the town and various parts of the country;\nand had opportunity under the best advantages, to bear a testimony for\nGod and true religion.\n\nThe providence of God was observable in his going to Boston at a time\nwhen not only the honourable commissioners were seeking missionaries,\nto the Six Nations, but just after his journal, which gives an account\nof his labours and success among the Indians, had been spread at\nBoston; whereby his name was known, and the minds of serious people\nwere well prepared to receive him, and the testimony he gave for\nGod; to exert themselves for upholding the interest of religion among\nhis congregation, and among the Indians elsewhere; and to regard his\njudgment concerning the qualifications of missionaries. If he had gone\nthere the fall before, (when he had intended it, but was prevented by\na sudden increase of his illness) it would not have been to so good\neffect; and also if he had not been unexpectedly detained in Boston.\nWhen he went from my house he intended to make but a very short\nstay there; but divine Providence by his being brought so low there,\ndetained him long: thereby to make way for the fulfilling its own\ngracious designs.\n\nThus, although it was the pleasure of God, that he should be taken away\nfrom his congregation; yet it was granted to him that before he died\nhe should see them well provided for every way: he saw them provided\nfor with one to instruct them, and take care of their souls; his own\nbrother whom he could confide in; he saw a good foundation laid for the\nsupport of the school among them: those things that before were wanting,\nbeing supplied; and he had also opportunity to leave all his dying\ncharges, with his successor in the care of his people, and by him to\nsend his dying counsels to them.\n\n*Another thing, wherein appears the merciful disposal of Providence,\nwas that he did not die in the wilderness, among the savages at\nKaunaumeek, or the Forks of Delaware, or at Susquahannah: but in a\nplace where his dying behaviour might be observed, and some account\ngiven for the benefit of survivors: and also where care might be taken\nof him in his sickness, and proper honours done him at his death.\n\n*I would not conclude my observations on the merciful circumstances\nof Mr. Brainerd\u2019s death, without acknowledging with thankfulness, the\ngracious dispensation of Providence to me and my family in so ordering,\nthat he (though the ordinary place of his abode was more than two\nhundred miles distant) should be cast to my house, in his last sickness,\nand should die here: so that we had opportunity for much conversation\nwith him, and to shew him kindness in such circumstances, and to see\nhis dying behaviour, to hear his dying speeches, to receive his dying\ncounsels, and to have the benefit of his dying prayers. May God in\ninfinite mercy grant, that we may ever retain a proper remembrance\nof these things, and make a due improvement of the advantages we have\nhad! The Lord grant also, that the foregoing account may be for \u2666the\nspiritual benefit of all that read it, and prove a happy means of\npromoting true religion in the world. Amen.\n\n \u2666 duplicate word \u201cthe\u201d removed\n\n\n\n\n An EXTRACT of\n Miss _Mary Gilbert_\u2019s JOURNAL.\n\n\n TO THE READER.\n\n1. AMONG the innumerable novelties which have appeared in the world,\nwithin half a century, I do not remember to have seen the experience of\na child written by herself. Herein much variety is not to be expected,\nnor any art or ornament at all: as she set down from time to time,\nmerely for her own use, just what occurred between God and her own soul.\nBut on this very account, persons of understanding will set the greater\nvalue upon it: because it contains only genuine Christian experience,\npainted in its native colours.\n\n2. The reflections occasionally interspersed, are always just,\nfrequently strong and affecting: particularly those on death, or\nthe shortness of life, especially from the mouth of a child. And\nthe language wherein they are expressed, altho\u2019 plain and altogether\nunstudied, is yet pure and terse in the highest degree, yea frequently\nelegant: such as the most polite either of our lawyers or divines would\nnot easily alter for the better. Such language I hardly know where to\nfind, unless in the almost inimitable letters of _Jane Cooper_: between\nwhom and _Miss Gilbert_ there was a remarkable resemblance, both in\nsentiment and expression. And had it pleased the all-wise Disposer of\nall things, to give her a few more years on earth, and an increase of\ngrace in proportion to her years, she would have been another _Jane\nCooper_.\n\n JOHN WESLEY.\n\n _Liverpool_,\nApril 7th, 1768.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n A short ACCOUNT of\n Miss MARY GILBERT.\n\nTHE ensuing account it is hoped may animate those who are in the\nmorning of life, to a due improvement of their time, in _remembering\ntheir_ CREATOR _in the days of their youth_; so that they may offer\nhim the first fruits of those precious moments, in which they are\nprobationers for an awful eternity: and which when past, whether they\nhave been employed in the important \u2666task or not, are irrecoverably\ngone.\n\n \u2666 \u201ctalk\u201d replaced with \u201ctask\u201d per Errata\n\nIf it has this happy effect, the desired end will be fully answered,\nwhich is, that God\u2019s grace and saving power may be manifested, in\nadditional instances, both of living and dying witnesses.\n\nMiss Mary Gilbert, was the eldest daughter of _Nathaniel Gilbert_, of\nthe island of _Antigua_, Esq; by his wife _Elizabeth_, both persons of\ngood families and eminent piety, whose chief study it was to train up\ntheir children in the knowledge of God and his ways, according to the\nestablished religion of the _church_ of _England_.\n\nShe was born in the same island on the 28th of _February, 1751_, under\nthe happy circumstance of having parents, who as they were wanting\nin no act of care and tenderness to their offspring, so took care in\nparticular to make them like young _Timothy_, acquainted from their\ninfancy with the _holy scriptures_. In the earliest dawn of reason\nshe discovered an extraordinary capacity and uncommon understanding;\na great willingness to learn; and a desire of being instructed, which\noften occasioned her to ask the most pertinent questions. Such a\ngenius was observed by her parents with much gratitude, to him who is\nthe author and dispenser of every good and perfect gift. Her natural\ndisposition was a mixture of good and evil. She was a strict observer\nof truth, which appeared to arise from a nobleness of mind, which made\nher incapable of those meannesses from whence the vice of falshood\nsprings. But as every flower in nature\u2019s garden, however blooming\nneeds improving, so did this principle in her; for as it was productive\nof some virtues, so it no less occasioned the greatest blemishes in\nher temper; such as high-spiritedness, pride and self-will; which\nnotwithstanding the shining example of her parents, and their care to\nrestrain, would, while she was very young often gain an ascendency.\n\nIn the year 1757, her father and mother made a voyage to _England_,\n(bringing this daughter and their other children with them) entirely\nupon a religious account, and in order to enjoy the company of some\nwho were esteemed persons of remarkable piety and extensive usefulness,\nand with them to partake of those sacred privileges, with which their\nnative island was not yet favoured. During their residence in _England_,\nshe shewed the greatest delight in reading religious books, and in\nreceiving the instruction of serious Christians, who were frequently\nentertained at her father\u2019s house. So that what was recorded of the\nroyal psalmist, might be asserted of her, _All_ her _delight was in the\nsaints upon earth_. Her father\u2019s affairs calling him back to _Antigua_,\nhe, with his family left _England_, in the beginning of the year 1759,\ntaking with them a person whose sentiments and abilities they approved\nof, to whose care they committed the education of their children, for\nwhom their daughter Mary soon contracted a very tender affection; far\nfrom shunning the company of one that was to correct her faults, and\nwhose presence must restrain the little levities of childhood. She for\nthese very reasons, delighted in being constantly confined with her,\neven in those hours which she might have spent at play with her sisters.\nThese seasons she employed in improving her mind, and having the\nliberty of retiring into a closet within her governess\u2019s chamber, she\nwould continue in it for a long time every day reading, praying, and\nmeditating, and her remarks upon what she read, were often just, and\ninstructive.\n\nAs soon as she had learned to write, she seldom failed noting down\nwhatever appeared useful in any author she read; and having a very\nretentive memory, she stored it with scripture truths, so that many of\nher relatives and others, were greatly surprised at her readiness in\nrepeating, and finding out almost any text in those sacred pages. She\nlikewise wrote several books of well collected texts, in proof of some\nof the _fundamental doctrines_ of the church of England, such as, _The\nfallen state of man, the necessity of repentance, of the new birth, and\nof holiness_. Before she was twelve years of age, she corresponded with\nsome persons in England, and her letters were much admired; tho\u2019 as she\ngrew older, her stile greatly improved, so that she had acquired both\nan easy and elegant manner of addressing different persons, and upon\nvarious occasions, tho\u2019 religion was her constant theme: herein, as in\nother instances, endeavouring to redeem as much as possible the golden\nmoments of her contracted span.\n\nThus she gently and profitably passed five years of her pilgrimage,\nwithout variation, and exempt from vicissitudes under her parents\nroof, till in the year 1764, they thought it most for her advantage to\nsend her to _England_, to finish her education. Here she arrived the\n28th of May that year: from that time boarding with an aunt, and being\nunder the care of the same tutoress, who had before gone with her to\n_Antigua_. This separation from the best of parents, could not but\nprove an afflictive circumstance to one of her great sensibility, and\nwho was a most dutiful and affectionate child; but this was alleviated\nby the pleasing hopes they gave her, that they themselves would\nsoon come and reside in England, a thought which as it enabled her\nchearfully to bear their absence, so it animated her to a more than\nordinary improvement of time, in order to render them the utmost\nsatisfaction, when she should have the happiness of being restored to\nthem; a period, which she often mentioned with the greatest delight;\nbut which the infinitely wise disposer of events saw right never to\nindulge her with. It was with great pleasure that we observed, as her\nyears increased, her good understanding, and the power of religion\nentirely prevailed over those tempers, which have before been mentioned,\nso that she became, every day more amiable, and was more endeared to\nall that knew her. On the first of January 1765, she began to keep\na diary, chiefly consisting of the Lord\u2019s dealings with her soul.\nThis will give a juster conception of her understanding in the way\nof godliness, of her improvement of time, and the propriety of her\nsentiments on many occasions, than any thing that could be said upon\nthe subject. She was one of those happy few, who are not afraid of\nbeing singularly pious, and was deeply convinced that the service\nof God is no impediment to, but the greatest augmentation of true\nhappiness, in every period and circumstance of life. She had learned to\ndisdain the follies of the world, always chusing plainness and neatness\nin dress, rather than gaiety and extravagance, and preferring an\nhour\u2019s solitude, spent in communing with her own heart, or in searching\nthe word of God, before all those trifling amusements, which so much\nengross the attention, and waste the time of the generality of persons\nof all ages.\n\nThus though young in years, she contemplated her latter end, and\napplied her heart unto true wisdom, and is now reaping the vast\nadvantage in a blest eternity. She was so exercised in the needful\nduty of self-inspection, as to discern the imperfection of her best\nperformances, and utterly to disclaim every other hope of obtaining the\ndivine favour than that built on the sure foundation, Jesus Christ and\nhim crucified. An interest in his atoning blood, was what she sincerely\nsought after; being truly sensible of the necessity of being born again,\nbefore we can enter into the kingdom of heaven. She thought the time\nlong ere she was admitted into the glorious liberty of the children of\nGod; and would greatly deplore her own instability, levity, and want of\nearnestness, to which she attributed her Lord\u2019s delay; but these things\ntho\u2019 felt by her tender and enlightened conscience, did not appear\nto others. And the Lord was not slack concerning his promise, as her\nfollowing experience proved, when he came suddenly to the temple of\nher heart, never to leave her more. Some weeks before her last sickness\nshe told a friend, that she had been greatly led out in the meditation\nof death, that she formerly considered it as very dreadful, but had\nof late seen it in a different view: so that if it would please God to\nfinish his work in her soul, she could be content, young as she was,\nto give up all that were dear below, in hope of receiving them again\nin that eternal day. A few days before her disorder seized her, being\nasked by a friend, concerning the state of her soul, she said, \u201cshe\nhad a confidence that God would not long with-hold the blessing, that\nshe soon should know his pardoning love, and, that she was patiently\nwaiting upon him.\u201d As soon as she was taken ill, (which was on the 10th\nof January, 1768,) she was asked how she found her mind? She replied,\n\u201cQuite composed, that she believed the Lord had visited her in love,\nand that whether it terminated in life, or death, it would be greatly\nto her advantage.\u201d During the whole time of her illness not a doubt\nseemed to disturb her, nor did she ever lose her stedfast hope, that\nif she was taken, the Lord would perfect his work in her soul. She was\nalso endued with a constant spirit of prayer, and to all around behaved\nwith the utmost patience and meekness. She seldom complained, and\ndeclared she had not a murmuring thought, tho\u2019 she appeared to suffer\nexquisitely; her disorder being a putrid fever, with a sore throat,\nwhich mortified some days before her dissolution: it was likewise\nattended with a deafness that encreased gradually, till at last there\nwas no conversing with her. She was also deprived very early of speech,\nwhich as she retained her senses, rendered her situation very trying,\nas well as deprived her friends of that profit and satisfaction, which\nmight otherwise have been expected. But on Thursday the 14th, (before\nthe disease had made so great a progress, tho\u2019 even then her speech was\nthick, and her hearing dull) she desired the whole family, would come\nand pray with her, and to some of her friends made this good confession:\nthat she had found Christ, that she loved God, knowing that he had\nfirst loved her, that she was now neither afraid nor unwilling to die;\nand that she experienced unspeakable, and till now, unknown happiness.\nFrom this time she spoke but little, except about two days afterwards,\nwhen she said to one who desired her to speak to her, that she was\nperfectly resigned to the divine will; this she uttered with difficulty,\nand could add no more. But tho\u2019 her lips were thus closed to all\nbelow, it was evident, her heart was open to God in prayer, which was\ndiscernable from the frequent lifting up of her hands and eyes with\ngreat devotion; in this posture she sweetly yielded up her spirit on\nthe 21st instant, at the age of near 17 years.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n An EXTRACT from her\n JOURNAL.\n\nTUESDAY, January 1st, 1765, when I awoke in the morning, I found my\nheart raised in thankfulness to God for his mercies, in bringing me\nto the beginning of another year; and found my soul much in the same\nframe all the day. *O! may this year be spent more to the glory of my\nAlmighty Maker and Preserver, than the last has been: and may every\nthought, word and work, tend to this glorious end.\n\nWednesday 2, I found a blessing while dressing, but lost it by giving\nway to levity; yet the merciful Lord restored it to me in the evening:\nblessed be his name.\n\nThursday 3. I found my soul in a dead, dull frame, with a great\ndisinclination to duty, which I did not yield to, and tho\u2019 I found no\nimmediate blessing, yet I doubt not, but the Lord was pleased with my\nendeavours to wait upon him.\n\nFriday 4. I awoke with some degree of comfort, and had my thoughts\nstayed on the things of God. I found a desire, while I heard the book\nof martyrs read, of being like them; but could not submit to die for\nthe truth as they did; it seemed too great a trial to flesh and blood:\nyet I trust was the Lord to call me to it, he would give me strength to\nbear it.\n\nSaturday 5. I spent the morning in writing letters to my dear friends\nin Antigua, for whom I find the most tender affection. O! that we may\nall at length meet around the throne, and stand at the last day among\nthe sheep at his right hand!\n\n \u201cO that each in the day\n Of his coming, might say,\n I have fought my way thro\u2019.\n I have finished the work thou didst give me to do.\u201d\n\nSunday 6. In the morning my thoughts were very wandering and my mind\nmuch discomposed. When I came up, I read and writ my journal, and\nspent the rest of the morning comfortably. In the afternoon I read\nthe experience of Elizabeth West. May I like the bee suck honey out of\nevery flower, gather profit out of every book I read, every sermon I\nhear, and every occurrence in life, let it seem ever so trifling. The\nevening text was Isaiah lviii.\u00a01. _Cry aloud and spare not, &c._ The\npreacher shewed our transgressions in the most glaring colours, and my\nown conscience convicted me that I had done all which he had mentioned,\nand more too: so that were I to be tried by works, I could not be saved.\n\nMonday 7. I found my heart raised in thankfulness for the mercies of\nthe night past. O for a continuance of it! Surely had I always a deep\nsense of the innumerable obligations I owe to my Almighty benefactor,\nit would keep me from falling into many of those things, which are so\nprevalent over me. Lord give me a thankful heart.\n\nTuesday 8. I awoke in a serious frame, but it did not continue long;\nfor I yielded too much to wandering thoughts, which robbed me of that\nblessing. Lord make me more watchful for the future! In the evening my\nuncle preached a funeral sermon, on, _It is appointed unto men once to\ndie, &c._ Hebrews ix.\u00a027. My soul was very much blest, and stirred up\nto seek the Lord, but O how soon do my good resolutions die away. They\nare like the morning cloud, and the early dew which passeth away. Lord\nstrengthen, and confirm them.\n\nWednesday 9. I found my soul in a very dead frame, and continued so all\nthe day. I may truly say,\n\n \u201cMy drowsy powers why sleep ye so?\n Awake my sluggish soul!\n Nothing has half thy work to do.\n Yet nothing\u2019s half so dull.\u201d\n\nThou God of love quicken my drooping powers! Stir up and awaken my\ninsensible soul, and give me to seek thy face with my whole heart! And\nO be thou found of me!\n\nThursday 10. I was very cold and dead all the day, and found neither\npower, nor inclination, to pray or read, which I yielded to; and passed\nthe day without performing either of these duties. O my God, pardon\nmy sins of omission, as well as those of commission. They are both as\ninnumerable as the hairs of my head, but thy mercies are still more.\n\nFriday 11. I was very busy this day with setting my things in order,\nwhich were come from London, and being in a hurry, my mind was not\nas stayed as I could have wished. O my God, gather in my scattered\nthoughts, and let my mind be fixt entire on thee!\n\nSaturday 12. I was enabled, blessed be the Lord, to be serious and\nwatchful. In the evening, Mr. Rodda preached. His text was Mark xii.\u00a024.\n_Thou art not far from the kingdom of God._ I was much blest under the\nsermon, and my mind was stayed on what was delivered.\n\nSunday 13. In the evening, my uncle preached on _Isaiah xxx.\u00a021._\n_This is the way, walk ye in it._ I found my thoughts much composed,\nbut being in great pain, I could not attend, as much as I found myself\ninclined to do. O how many hindrances have we while below! Sometimes\nfrom the world, sometimes from the infirmities of the body; and very\noften from a corrupt heart! Lord, do thou arm me with thy Spirit\u2019s\nmight, and enable me to combat and overcome, all the enemies of my\nsalvation.\n\nMonday 14. Our class met at ten as usual, but my soul was in a very\nwandering dead frame, and afterwards I was light and trifling; this is\nthe natural consequence of the other, if not strove against.\n\nTuesday 15. I was in a very cold indifferent frame all the day. In\nthe evening while my uncle catechised us, such a spirit of laughter\ncame upon us, that we could hardly speak. Lord deliver us from a light,\ntrifling spirit, as also from an unloving, disputing spirit.\n\n \u201cMutual love the token be,\n Lord, that we belong to thee.\u201d\n\nIn the evening my uncle preached on _Hosea xiv. 1,\u00a02._ My soul was\nblest especially in singing the last hymn, in which are these sweet\nwords.\n\n \u201cHe\u2019ll never quench the smoking flax,\n But raise it to a flame:\n The bruised reed he never breaks,\n Nor scorns the meanest name.\u201d\n\nWednesday 16. I arose this morning with some degree of recollection\nand stayedness upon my spirit. It partly continued all the day; but in\nthe evening, yielding to levity, I lost it. Lord, give me power over\na trifling spirit! Give me a continual sense of thy presence! Then I\nshall not easily yield to this or any other temptation. I retired and\nread the 3d chapter of _Matthew_. Went to prayer, and found enlargement\nin it.\n\nThursday 17. All this day I was in a very disagreeable frame, which\nI cannot well describe. I retired, read the psalms, and the 4th of\n_Matthew_. O may I like our blessed Lord when tempted, answer the\ntempter with the word of God. The text this evening was _Isaiah\nliv.\u00a022_. _Look unto me and be ye saved._ My thoughts were very\nwandering all the time. O when will my mind be constantly fixed on,\nand looking to that glorious object of our faith and love!\n\nFriday 18. My soul was in a cold dead frame, and so it continued all\nthe day, yea all the week. For tho\u2019 I cannot accuse myself of the\nomission of any known duty, yet such a total indifferency I have not\nfelt for some time. O that God would give me to see the fatal cause,\nthe accursed thing that keeps my heart from him!\n\nSaturday 19. I was much in the same state, and felt not the least\nlife in any duty till evening. Then the Lord enabled me to pour out my\ncomplaints into his compassionate bosom, with great enlargement. When\nMrs. _L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015._ met me, I told her my state, she advised me not to let my\ndeadness discourage me, but still to hold on in the ways of the Lord,\nwho perhaps might be proving and trying me to see if I would do so\nor not. This gave me some comfort, and left me hopes that he would at\nlength come and visit my soul with his salvation.\n\nSunday 20. My uncle\u2019s text this evening was _Luke xiii.\u00a03_. _I tell ye\nnay, but except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish._ The word came\nwith power to my heart. O God, give me grace that I may not prove a\nforgetful hearer, but a doer of the word, that so I may be blessed in\nmy deed.\n\nMonday 21. I found a desire when I awoke to spend the day to the glory\nof God, and I made it my earnest prayer to him that he would enable\nme to do it. I bless God, that through his grace I was serious, and\nfound my mind stayed on him in some measure. O that I may always have\na recollected spirit! Thou Lord, hast promised to keep him in perfect\npeace whose mind is stayed on thee.\n\nTuesday 22. My mind was in some measure serious, but not as much as\nthe day before. The text to-night was _Habakkuk ii.\u00a04_. _The just shall\nlive by his faith._ My thoughts were much drawn off on account of my\nbeing to set the tune, lest I should forget it. O how easily doth the\nenemy get an advantage over me, when I am not standing upon my guard!\nLord, give me a watchful spirit!\n\nWednesday 23. My soul seemed like a barren wilderness, where nothing\nbut weeds and thorns grow; nothing but evil did I find in my heart.\nO my God, give me thyself; then shall this wilderness become like a\nwatered garden which thou hast planted.\n\nThursday 24. I found my mind kept in a serious frame all the day,\nblessed be God.\n\nFriday 25. I continued in a serious frame, which I bless God, lasted\nall the day. O how much sweeter is it to be in such a state, than to\nenjoy all that the world calls pleasure! But indeed it is only they who\nterm it so. The people of God see there is no pleasure in these foolish\nthings; for surely nothing can satisfy an immortal soul created for the\nenjoyment of God, but God himself.\n\nSaturday 26. I have reason to praise the Lord, that I found my soul\nstill serious; this I account a great blessing, especially to me, who\nam naturally of such a trifling spirit.\n\nMonday 28. When I awoke, my thoughts were still stayed, and I bless God,\nI was in a serious frame all the day. O my soul, if thou hadst always\nan awful sense of the divine presence, thou wouldest be always serious\nand recollected, for it is impossible that a soul which considers God\nis present should dare to behave in a trifling manner before his awful\nmajesty.\n\nThursday 31. The evening text was _Matthew xi.\u00a028_. _Come unto me\nall ye that are heavy laden, &c._ My mind was taken up with observing\na gentleman and lady who were laughing and talking together all the\nsermon time. Lord forgive my sin and lay it not to my charge.\n\nFriday _February 1_. My mind was much stayed on the things of God when\nI awoke and it continued so all the day.\n\nSaturday 2. My soul was much alive this day, and I was given to see\nmore clearly than ever, the mystery of iniquity which is in my heart.\nO thou who searchest and triest the reins of the children of men, give\nme to see more and more of the sinfulness of it, and do thou wash and\ncleanse it in the blood of _Jesus_.\n\nMonday 4. This morning we experienced God\u2019s providential care over us;\nfor the chimney of the little parlour took fire, and might have done\ngreat mischief had it not been discovered in time. Thus the Lord took\ncare of us \u2666where we knew of no danger, and could not take care of\nourselves.\n\n \u2666 \u201cwhen\u201d replaced with \u201cwhere\u201d per Errata\n\nThursday 7. This day my uncle, and Miss H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015e sat out hastily for\nBristol, \u2666where my Aunt B\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015ly was in great distress, Mr. B\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015ly\nhaving died suddenly, and left her among strangers, with whom she\nwas quite unacquainted till within three or four weeks. O how many\nunforeseen troubles are we liable to, which are all so many calls to\nus, to lay up our heart and treasure above.\n\n \u2666 \u201cwere\u201d replaced with \u201cwhere\u201d\n\nSunday 10. Mr. Rodda preached on _Matthew iii.\u00a010_. The discourse,\nblessed be God, came with power to my soul. O Lord give me the hearing\near, the seeing eye, and the understanding heart.\n\nMonday 11. This morning being to be taken measure off for our mourning,\nwe were obliged to go out, which dissipated my thoughts very much. O\nwhat a little serves to draw our minds from God! But alas they are not\nso easily drawn off other things; such enemies are we to ourselves.\n\nTuesday 12. My thoughts were pretty much stayed this day, and I was\nenabled to resist a temptation not to go to prayer because the weather\nwas cold, and I was unwilling to leave the fire.\n\nWednesday 13. In the evening I read Miss Cooper\u2019s life and letters.\nThen we all joyned in prayer. My soul was blest and enlarged in that\nduty. When I was in bed, I took a review of my past life, and found\nreason to humble myself before God, for my unfaithfulness in not making\na better use of his many mercies to me. But O may I now begin and serve\nand love him all my days.\n\nMonday 18, Tuesday 19. My soul was in a serious and yet dead frame\nthese days. O may I improve every state I am in; and make the very\ntemptations of the enemy, serve \u2666as weapons to fight against him with.\nThus shall I by throwing his darts back upon his own head, force him to\nfly from me.\n\n \u2666 duplicate word \u201cas\u201d removed\n\nThursday 21. I was in a comfortable frame of spirit this day. In\nthe evening whilst I was conversing with my sisters and cousins upon\nreligion, I found my soul greatly blest; and I was much enlarged\nafterwards in praying with them, blessed be God.\n\nSunday 24. I finished writing the life of that excellent man, Mr.\nBlackerby; O may I live his life, die his death, and be in the place\nwhere doubtless he now is. There I shall be free from all impurity, all\nsorrow, all sin, and be eternally out of the reach of death.\n\nMonday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I was in a serious, tho\u2019 dead frame.\nLord, quicken, strengthen, and comfort me by thy word, and spirit.\n\n*Thursday 28. Was my birth-day. I found a desire, and resolution, to\nbe more devoted to God the ensuing year, than I was the foregoing. O\nmay the Lord enable me to perform my resolutions. I also found serious\nreflections on the shortness of life, and thankfulness to God, for\nsparing me to see fourteen years. O may I let these reflections have\ntheir due weight, and influence on all my conduct for the time to come.\nAnd always consider that\n\n \u201cMy life is a dream,\n My time as a stream,\n Glides swiftly away:\n And the fugitive moments for no one will stay.\u201d\n\nLord, do thou give me _so to number my days, that I may apply my heart\nunto wisdom_.\n\nSaturday, March 2. My uncle returned home, and with him my aunt B\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015ly,\nwhom I was much rejoiced to see.\n\nSaturday 9. This evening poor Mrs. L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015, was taken extreamly ill. It\nbrought many serious reflections to my mind. Well may we say, in the\nmidst of life we are in death. O may I always consider this and never\nyield to levity, or any thing which is displeasing to a God of the\nstrictest purity, who may strike me dead in a moment; and since I may\ndie this day, let me spend this and every other as tho\u2019 it were my last.\n\nSunday 17. At night as I sat by the fire-side, I found my soul blest,\nand many serious reflections brought to my mind, which continued till\nI went to bed.\n\nMonday 18. I awoke in much the same state, and continued so all the day,\nblessed be God.\n\nTuesday 19. The text this evening was John v.\u00a08. _Wilt thou be made\nwhole?_ My heart seemed \u2666to reply, Yea, Lord, I will if thou wilt: and\nof this I need not doubt; for thou art always more ready to give, than\nI am to receive. O that thou \u2660would\u2019st ever\n\n \u201cMake me willing to receive,\n All thy goodness waits to give.\u201d\n\n \u2666 duplicate word \u201cto\u201d removed\n\n \u2660 \u201cwoud\u2019st\u201d replaced with \u201cwould\u2019st\u201d\n\nSaturday 23. My soul was much blest, and my heart raised in\nthankfulness for the many mercies I have received at the hands of\nmy merciful God: at the same time I was humbled under a sense of the\nungrateful returns I have made him.\n\n \u201cWhen all the mercies of my God\n My rising soul surveys,\n Why, my cold heart, art thou not lost,\n In wonder, love, and praise.\u201d\n\nSunday 24. Mr. Murry, preached from _Numbers xxiii.\u00a010_. _Let me die\nthe death of the righteous_, &c. O may I not only die his death, but\nalso live his life; for indeed \u2019tis impossible to do the former, unless\nwe first do the latter.\n\nSaturday 30. Mr. F\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015l, in the evening preached on _John xx.\u00a019_.\n_Peace be unto you._ Tho\u2019 I was much tempted with drowsiness under the\nword, yet some parts of it were greatly blest to me. He afterwards met\nthe society, and told them, that in several places both in this round,\nand others, numbers were convinced and brought to Christ. O may I be\none!\n\n \u201cInto that happy number, Lord,\n A weary sinner take,\n Jesus, fulfil thy gracious word,\n For thy own mercy\u2019s sake.\u201d\n\nSunday 31. I spent the morning in reading the eight last chapters of\n_Romans_, and Mr. _Wesley_\u2019s notes upon them. Indeed I think they are a\nmost beautiful part of the scripture. O that they and every other part\nof that holy book may be written upon my heart.\n\nSunday, April 7. Was Easter-day. I was prevented from hearing the\nsermon by a violent tooth-ach. O how many pains are we subject to while\nin this mortal life! But when this mortal shall put on immortality,\nwhat a glorious change shall we undergo? _Lord, let this change pass\nupon me, and to that end let me now rise from a death of sin unto a\nlife of righteousness._\n\n \u201cThy resurrection\u2019s power impart,\n And rise triumphant in my heart.\u201d\n\nThursday 11. At noon, we had the pleasure of the Rev. Mr. _John\nWesley_\u2019s company to dinner; and in the evening he preached on\n_Jeremiah viii.\u00a022_. _Is there no balm in Gilead_, &c. His conversation\nwas very edifying, and God blest it to my poor soul.\n\nFriday 12. At five in the morning, Mr. _Wesley_ preached on _Psalms\nlxxxiv.\u00a01_. _How amiable are thy tabernacles, O Lord of hosts._ At\nnight we took leave of him, and of my uncle, aunt, and Mrs. L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015.\nThese at one in the morning set out for _Liverpool_, and he at five\nfor _Newcastle-upon-Tyne_.\n\nSunday 14. I found my mind much oppressed with perplexing thoughts\nconcerning my dear parents. But why, O my soul, dost thou suffer these\nanxious cares to oppress thy troubled breast? Is not the God who gave\nme these tender parents at liberty to take them from me? And is he not\nable to raise me up friends in their room? Besides, this is caring for\nthe morrow. Is it not time enough to make myself uneasy when the trial\ncomes, without anticipating what may never be? Then, O my soul, trust\nthou in God: for he will be the help of my countenance, and my God.\n\nSaturday 20. I was all this day in a fretful frame, which I too much\nyielded to. O God, give me power over this, and every other easily\nbesetting sin.\n\nSunday 21. I read a letter of Miss B\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015ts to Mr. _Wesley_, concerning\nthe manner of her bringing up the poor children that she has taken.\nIn which I could not help observing the power of faith. How has she\nsurmounted every difficulty that stood in her way. O may I like her\nlive by faith, till I shall go to live\n\n \u201cWhere faith is sweetly lost in sight,\n And hope in full supream delight,\n And everlasting love.\u201d\n\nMonday 22. Expecting our friends home from _Liverpool_, Miss H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015e,\nand I sat up to receive them; about twelve at night they came very\nmuch fatigued. They informed us of a narrow escape they had met with;\nthe coach they were in was overturned with six people in it, and some\non the outside: yet not one was hurt. Surely the providence of God was\nover them for good. I soon got to bed sleepy enough, and when asleep,\nI dreamt a very particular dream: *I thought Mrs. L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015 bid my cousin\nA\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015, and me look out at a window, and we should see an angel, who\nwould tell us comfortable news. We did, and after some time we saw a\nbright star, which grew brighter and brighter, till an angel appeared\nexceedingly beautiful and majestic. As he came nearer I was quite\noverwhelmed at his presence, and could scarce look at him, his lustre\nso dazzled my eyes. When he approached me, I thought I faintly uttered\nthese words; \u201cSpeak, Lord, thy servant heareth.\u201d At this he said, \u201cThe\nLord has sent me to tell you, that all your sins are forgiven, and will\nnever be remembered against you any more, unless you fall again into\nsin. He has blotted out your transgressions, and cast them behind his\nback.\u201d I immediately said, How can these things be? Can I, who am so\ngreat a sinner, and have never truly repented be forgiven? He answered;\n\u201cWith God nothing is impossible. Continue waiting upon God in his\nappointed way, and you will soon find the truth of these promises:\u201d He\nspoke much to me concerning my unbelief, and then suddenly disappeared,\nleaving me quite overwhelmed, but much comforted. O that my dream may\nbe shortly fulfilled.\n\nSaturday 27. I was in a very cold dead frame all the day, and when I\nretired to prayer in the evening, I found no life, but still I had the\nblessing of waiting upon God, and an earnest desire and panting in my\nsoul for faith, tho\u2019 I could not utter a word. Lord, let me never rest\ntill I get this pearl of great price into my possession; then shall I\nbe truly happy, and not till then.\n\nSunday, May 5. My uncle met the society, and informed them of his being\nto leave them soon. The sorrow that sat on every countenance would have\ndrawn tears from any ones eyes, who could in the least sympathize with\nanother\u2019s grief. O Lord what is man! How various, how unforeseen, often\nare the changes of this short life! Lord, prepare me for whatever thou\nhast in thy wisdom prepared for me.\n\nMonday 6. We were in a great hurry in packing up all the day, and at\nnight sat up till twelve o\u2019clock. Having a violent cold, I was quite\ndisordered all the next day, so as not to be able to read or pray, or\ndo any thing else as I would. O how does this corruptible body press\ndown the soul! But when it shall escape from this prison of clay, and\nwing its way to the mansions of eternal joy; how will it exult in the\nglorious change, and rejoice in being delivered from this dungeon which\nhas so long clogged it with its manifold infirmities!\n\nThursday 9. In the afternoon we went with Mr. and Mrs. W\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015h to the\nold castle on the top of the hill, where it seems Lady _Catherine\nParr_, the last wife of King Henry the VIII. was born. Indeed it is a\nvenerable ruin, and strongly shews what all worldly grandeur must come\nto. O that I and all that are near and dear to me, may never desire\nsuch fading transitory enjoyments! But may we seek for and obtain a\nhouse not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.\n\n \u201c_Jerusalem_, the saint\u2019s abode,\n Whose founder is the living God.\u201d\n\nMonday 13. I bless God, I found my soul in a very serious frame\nthis day, having a measure of the spirit of prayer. O may it always\ncontinue! *In the afternoon we took a walk to the mount, which was\nthrown up to batter down the old castle on the top of the hill. It\nwas delightfully pleasant to see all the green fields and the little\nlonely houses that stand there. I could have liked to stay there all\nthe afternoon, the weather was so calm and serene, and all nature\nseemed lively and sprightly. O was my soul but illuminated by the Sun\nof Righteousness as this earth is by the material sun! How happy, how\nunspeakably happy, would it be in the possession of such a blessing!\n\n \u201cIf this felicity were mine,\n I every other would resign,\n With just and holy scorn:\n Chearful and blithe my way pursue,\n And with the promised land in view,\n Singing to God return.\u201d\n\nTuesday 14. I found my soul in a serious frame all the day long,\nblessed be God who kept me so.\n\nThursday 16. I found my soul alive. My uncle\u2019s text was _God is love_.\n_1\u00a0John xvi.\u00a04._\n\nFriday 17. I still continued in some measure blest. Lord increase the\nspark and let it grow into a flame!\n\nSaturday 18. I was much tempted to levity, which I gave way to. But\nwhile Mr. C\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015k was preaching in the evening from these words, _O\nIsrael thou hast destroyed thyself: but in me is thine help_. Hosea\nxiii.\u00a09. My soul was much refreshed, and afterwards I was enabled to\nwatch against every thing that might deprive me of it, so that I lay\ndown, and rose with it again the next morning, all thanks be ascribed\nto God, for had I been left to myself, I should undoubtedly have lost\nit immediately.\n\nSunday 19. I awoke in the same watchful spirit, and an eager desire for\nfaith, which I was enabled to pray for with great earnestness.\n\nMonday 20. I yielded so much to levity, that it was with difficulty\nI forced myself to duty, and when I did, I was quite cold and dead,\nand my thoughts were wandering on some foolish thing or other. O God\ndeliver me from a trifling spirit.\n\nTuesday 21. I found myself thoughtful and serious in the morning, but\nin the afternoon I was overcome by levity. O how soon am I drawn off\nwhat is good? But how difficult do I find it to prevail with myself\nto forsake the evil? For often when the Lord shews me the error of my\nways, though for the present I feel sorrow and regret, yet the next\ntemptation that offers finds me ready to comply with it; and this\ndoubtless I should always do, did not God in that moment step in and\nhinder me by his restraining grace; such a propensity have I to do that\nwhich grieves my God and wounds my own conscience.\n\nSaturday 25. In the evening I retired, and entering into a strict\nself-examination, I found I must own with the royal Psalmist, _my\ninward parts are very wickedness_. I saw clearly that I had broken\nevery commandment, therefore were I to be tried by the law of works\nI must eternally perish. I must come with the _Publican_, crying, God\n_be merciful to me a sinner_. How truly might I say,\n\n \u201cNo good word, or work, or thought,\n Have I to buy thy grace,\n Mercy I accept unbought,\n Thy profer I embrace.\u201d\n\n*Sunday 26. In the afternoon we went to Mrs. _C\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_ to see the corpse\nof her daughter. I was not at all shocked at the sight, but it brought\nmany serious reflections to my mind. How is she who not many months ago\nwas in all the bloom and vigour of youth, cut down like a flower! So,\njust so, thought I, must I shortly be: I must die, be stretched in a\ncoffin, and laid in the silent grave, and shortly it will be forgot\neven by my nearest and dearest friends, that there was ever such a\nperson. O may this awful thought never be absent from my mind! How will\nit lessen my esteem for all these perishing enjoyments! How will it\nmake me spend every precious moment, in preparation for a never-ending\neternity! May the Lord grant that when death comes, he may not appear\nas a king of terrors, but like a welcome messenger sent to carry me to\nmy Father\u2019s house.\n\nSunday June 2. In the evening my uncle preached his farwell sermon\non _Acts xx.\u00a027_. _I have not shunned to declare unto you the whole\ncounsel of God._ He repeated briefly the doctrine which he had taught\nthem, and exhorted them to take heed, least the word should rise up in\njudgement against them in the last day. O may it not against me! For\nalas as yet I have been a barren fig-tree. Well may I say,\n\n \u201cLong have I sat beneath the sound\n Of thy salvation Lord,\n But still how weak my faith is found,\n And knowledge of thy word.\u201d\n\nLord let it be no longer so with me, but may I now bear fruit to thy\nglory.\n\nTuesday 4. We were called up at half an hour after one, and at a\nquarter past two, set out on our journey to _Chester_. When we came\nnear _Lancaster_, our coachman had like twice to have overturned us.\nAt seven we breakfasted there, at one dined at _Preston_, and at nine\nin the evening reached Mr. _A\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_ house in _Warrington_. We soon\ngot to bed truly fatigued, and I slept till six in the morning without\never waking, or moving out of the posture I lay myself in when I went\nto bed. About eight on Wednesday morning, we set out again, and had a\ndelightful journey the rest of the way to _Chester_, where we arrived\nabout noon. In the afternoon we took a walk round the walls. You have\nhere an extensive prospect of a fine open country, far unlike the\nbarren _Kendal_ mountains. We then walked to the dock, and from thence\nto the preaching-house. Mr. _G\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015d_ preached on _Matthew ix.\u00a022_.\n_Daughter be of good comfort_, &c. I found my soul humbled under a\nsense of my own vileness, and fixed a resolution to set out a fresh\nin the narrow way of holiness, if the Lord will give me strength; for\nwithout he does, all my resolutions will be in vain.\n\nSunday 9. Mr. _G\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015d_ preached, met the society and spoke to the\nchildren. I found my soul blest. O may it be a lasting blessing, and\nnot like a guest which tarrieth but a day.\n\nMonday 10. In the afternoon we went to see the infirmary. Everything\nis neat and clean about it. I found a thankfulness to God, that he\nhad kept me from all these disorders that others have. O may my life\nbe singularly good, as he has been so singularly merciful to me.\nI experience mercies that very few others have; which it would be\nalmost impossible to enumerate. How few have such parents, who from my\nearliest days have instructed me how to fear and love God! How many are\ntortured with broken limbs, and deprived of their sight, whilst I am\npreserved from all these, and kept in health, strength, and the full\nexercise of my reason. Many more mercies I am indebted for to my\ngracious Benefactor; how truly may I say,\n\n \u201cNot more than others I deserve,\n Yet God hath given me more,\n For I have food whilst others starve,\n Or beg from door to door.\u201d\n\nThursday 13. In the afternoon I set out with my uncle, aunt, Mrs.\n_L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_, and some other friends, to go to a little village called\n_Crislington_, about two miles out of the town, where my uncle was to\npreach. We had a very pleasant walk, and went to see the delightfullest,\nthough oddest contrived garden that I ever saw. The owner of it is the\nRector of that place, but one would think by the manner of his laying\nit out, that he had very little else to think of. Some part of it\nrepresents a field of battle, a general\u2019s tent, with cannons all round\nit, a mount, a tower, a draw-bridge, and every thing to resemble a camp\nof soldiers. The other parts of the garden are laid out in the same\npeculiar taste.\n\nTuesday 18. At private prayers in the morning, I had power to pray\nparticularly against my besetting sins, and blessed be God, I do\nin some measure overcome them. Indeed he is a God, both hearing and\nanswering prayer. In the afternoon we had a deal of company, and they\nbeing good singers, past away the time very agreeably. Mr. _B\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015t_\npersuaded my aunt, Mrs. _L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_, Miss _H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ and myself to go to his\nclass, which we did upon his promising not to speak to us. I like his\nmanner much, and I think I was profited by it.\n\nFriday 21. In the evening I went to the chapel; there was no preaching,\nbut a private meeting. Having been much refreshed, especially in the\nsinging that hymn _Wrestling Jacob_, I had no reason to repent going.\nMy desires were much enlarged after God, with a hatred to sin. O that\nI may indeed forsake it, and hate it as deadly poison!\n\nSunday 23. In the morning we went to the new chapel. Mr. _H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ opened\nit, his text was in _2\u00a0Chronicles vi.\u00a041_. _Let thy Priests O Lord God,\nbe cloathed with salvation, and let thy saints rejoice in goodness._\nHe concluded with saying, that as God had given us a more convenient\nplace to worship him in, we ought in gratitude to let our lives and\nconversations be more exemplary than ever before.\n\nMonday 24, and Tuesday 25. I spent most part of these days in\nretirement, my mind was much composed, and my thoughts stayed on the\nthings of God.\n\nWednesday 26. This afternoon we came to our own house. I spent the\nevening in a little room by myself. I found enlargement in prayer, and\nmy soul much blest.\n\nThursday 27. When I retired in the morning to private prayer, I\nexperienced great power and sweetness in the duty. My mind was kept\nin a serious frame, till I went out of my chamber, when I gave way\nto fretting. O how many temptations are we liable to! And while we\nendeavour to shun one, we often fall into another. When I avoid levity,\nI too often fall into fretting. We have need to have the wisdom of the\nserpent with the harmlessness of the dove.\n\nFriday 28, and Saturday 29. Were spent comfortably. I had great\nsweetness in prayer, and much of the spirit of it.\n\nSunday 30. I tasted the good word of God in reading the 11th chapter of\nthe _Hebrews_. O how much did those excellent ones of the earth endure\nfor their blessed Master, while I who have every means of encouragement\nI can desire, (and far more than I deserve) am careless and supine in\nworking out my own salvation. But since thou hast convinced me of my\nerror, O Lord, do thou help me to amend it, and let me now turn to thee,\nwith all my heart and soul.\n\nTuesday, July 2, and Wednesday 3. Both these days I was ill and in\nviolent pain. On Thursday morning I endeavoured to look to God, and\nwas relieved. O how good is he to me, the unworthiest of his creatures.\nLord give me a thankful heart. I was hindered going to preaching all\nthis week, by reason of a violent cold. But if that was sanctified, I\nhave need to be thankful, and to bless God for afflicting me.\n\nSaturday 20. Tho\u2019 I was very busy all the morning, my mind was kept in\na serious praying frame. Lord make me truly thankful for this mercy!\n\nSunday 21. We went to St. _John_\u2019s church. I found my soul blest at\nthe sacrament, and felt an earnest desire for faith. O may it always\ncontinue! \u201cLord give me faith;\u201d Be all my cry; and he that gives me the\ndesire, will fulfil it.\n\nWednesday 24. In the evening we went down to my aunt _B\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_, where we\nparted with my dear friend Miss _H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_. I was much concerned at taking\nleave, but I comforted myself with the hope of seeing her soon again:\nif we should not meet again in this vale of tears, may we meet where\ncrying, and pain, and death are over.\n\nTuesday 30. I was in a lukewarm frame all the day, but in the evening\nas my uncle and others were speaking their states to one another,\nI could scarce help shedding tears, to think I had made so little\nuse of all the means I enjoy. When I came up to bed, I found a\ngreat earnestness for faith, which I prayed for with something of\na confidence that I should receive, till unbelief stept in: then I\nthought I had not repented enough, had not forsaken my sins long enough,\nand at last I yielded, rose from my knees, and lost the blessing which\nI might have received, had I held on. May I learn more wisdom for the\nfuture, and when I get such a precious moment, improve it, and not so\nshamefully yield to the enemy of my soul.\n\nSunday, August 4. I went to church, and was much blest, particularly at\nthe sacrament.\n\nFriday 16. We had the pleasure of the Rev. Mr. _John Wesley_\u2019s company\nto tea, and in the evening he preached on _2\u00a0Corinthians vi.\u00a02_. _Now\nis the accepted time: now is the day of salvation._\n\nSunday 18. In the morning Mr. _Wesley_ preached on _Mark ix.\u00a023_. My\nsoul was exceedingly blest. He seemed to speak as exactly to my state,\nas if I had mentioned it to him. He answered every objection that has\noftentimes occurred to my mind against believing, and then gave me\nencouragement to come to Christ, and believe in him. But when I came\nhome, my mind was much hurried, so that I lost the blessing I had\nreceived. O! how unfaithful have I hitherto been, to the manifold\nfavours God has bestowed on me! Lord pardon the past, and make me more\nfaithful for the future.\n\nMonday 19. I was much disordered with a violent cold in my head, and\nso I continued all Tuesday and Wednesday, that I scarce could read,\nor pray, or do any thing else, as I would have done. But praised be\nGod, my mind was kept in a sweet composed frame, and I had much of the\nspirit of prayer. O the goodness of God to me, the most unworthy of his\ncreatures! Me, who have so often sinned against him! Lord write the law\nof gratitude on my heart! On Wednesday our class met for the first time.\nAltho\u2019 it was something of a cross, I experienced the goodness of God.\n\nWednesday 28. In the evening our class met again: thanks be to God, I\nwas in a composed frame, and had my mind stayed on him; as indeed it\nhad been all the day, and all the week.\n\nThursday 29. In the afternoon we went with Mr. and Mrs. _B\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015t_ to\n_Eaton_ by water, to see Lord _Grosvenor_\u2019s seat. We had a parcel of\nobstinate men in the boat, who knew nothing of the sea, and yet would\nhave their own way, which rendered what might have been otherwise\npleasant, very disagreeable. The gardens are extremely pleasant, and\nfar surpass any thing I have ever seen. My mind was fixt on God, while\nI was in the boat, and I had such a confidence in him, that I don\u2019t\nknow I felt fear arise once the whole time.\n\nSunday, September 1. At church I felt great earnestness for the\nblessing.\n\n \u201cAuthor of faith, to thee I lift\n My weary, longing eyes:\n O let me now receive that gift,\n My soul without it dies.\u201d\n\nWednesday 4. In the evening I was very cold and dead. O my God, let\nme never give way to a lukewarm spirit, for this of all things, I find\nhurtful to my soul, and it too often brings on levity, which to me\nis slow poison. It does not appear heinous as some other sins do, but\nsteals upon me unawares. And when I am once down, it is not an easy\nmatter to rise again. Therefore let me be\n\n \u201cAlways standing on my guard,\n And watching unto prayer.\u201d\n\nMonday 9. I was much blest this day, and my desires after the blessing\nmuch quickened; thanks be to God. In the evening we went to chapel, Mr.\n_M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ preached from _Luke vi.\u00a019_. He is but a young preacher, yet\nI like him much better than many others, and some parts of the sermon\nwere blest to me.\n\nWednesday 11. At night while I was meeting in class, my soul was much\nrefreshed, and I thought I would not give up that spark, small as it\nwas, for all the world\u2019s riches. And if the foretaste be so sweet, O\nwhat must the full enjoyment be? Lord as thou hast given me this desire,\nO fulfil it! Let me never rest, till I am made a joyful partaker of the\ninheritance of the saints in light.\n\nThursday 12. Blessed be God my soul was much alive this day also, and\nI was much quickened under my uncle\u2019s preaching in the evening.\n\nSunday 15. This morning Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_ made an exceeding fine discourse\nupon _Philippians iii.\u00a07_. _But what things were gain to me, those I\ncounted loss for_ Christ. My soul was much comforted and encouraged,\nwhile he was inviting sinners to come and taste the sweetness that is\nin Christ, and to forsake all those things, which before we counted\ngain, in order to partake of those hidden treasures.\n\nMonday 17. I was overcome by a trifling spirit, and also gave way to\nwandering thoughts: for which the Lord in mercy gave me to feel much\nremorse. While I was at preaching in the evening, He also gave me a\nfervent desire to look to that Jesus whom his servant was pointing out\nto us from _John iii. 14,\u00a015_. O that I may ever look to him, to heal\nthe wound which sin has made!\n\n \u201cStung by the scorpion sin;\n My poor expiring soul,\u201d\n\nO that I could add\n\n \u201cThe balmy sound drank in,\n And was at once made whole.\u201d\n\nI staid at the bands as I could not go home by myself, and my aunt\nchose to stay. I experienced that it was good for me to be there, for\nmy soul was exceedingly blest. Lord make me truly thankful for this,\nand all thy other mercies daily conferred upon me, the chief of sinners.\n\nTuesday, October 1. In the evening I found my soul quickened under\nreligious conversation, and continued so all Wednesday and Thursday,\nhaving great enlargement in prayer, and free access to the throne;\nblessed be God.\n\nMonday 14. My mind was in a serious frame most part of this day. In\nthe evening we had a comfortable love-feast, at which my soul was much\ncomforted, and found a great wrestling and agonizing for the blessing.\n\nSaturday 19. I was rather cold all day, but glory be to God, I had\ngreat enlargement in prayer, especially in the evening.\n\nSunday 20. Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015r_ preached on _Matthew v. 22,\u00a026_. _Agree with\nthine adversary quickly_, &c. He earnestly exhorted and intreated every\none to agree with God by forsaking their sins and turning to him, lest\nhe should swear in his wrath, they should not enter into his rest. The\nword came with power to my soul, and I felt a resolution never to rest,\ntill I had made my peace with God. O may the Lord confirm it, or it\nwill be like the morning cloud.\n\nMonday 21. I arose this morning with an earnest desire, and a\ndetermination by the grace of God to give myself up to him. O may I\nnever, never rest, till I fully rest in him.\n\nTuesday 22. My soul was in a serious frame, but in the evening I gave\nso much way to an inordinate desire after a foolish thing, that my mind\nwas quite drawn off from God. When I went to bed, I was greatly humbled,\nand ashamed on account of it, and I trust I shall never so yield again\nto the enemy of my soul.\n\nWednesday 30. I was in a very indifferent state all the day, but in\nthe evening in class-meeting I was much quickened, and stirred up by\na young person\u2019s giving an account, how she found peace the day before\nin private prayer. I was, and am still determined by the grace of God\nnever to rest till I also find him whom my soul desires to love. My\nsoul continued much blest all the evening, and I dropt asleep with\nearnest desires to be brought into that glorious liberty of the sons\nof God. Dearest Jesus, how long will it be before thou wilt manifest\nthyself to me, as thou dost not unto the world? O come and take up\nthine abode in my longing heart, and live and reign in me without a\nrival.\n\nThursday 31. My soul was greatly blest all this day, and my heart much\ndrawn out after God. I also found enlargement in praying for faith. O\nthou Son of God, do thou now impart to me this great and inestimable\nblessing, and make me truly happy in thy love. Do thou now arise upon\nmy poor soul with healing in thy wings, and keep me continually.\n\nFriday, November 1. I still continued in a comfortable frame, finding\na great hunger and thirst for faith. I could truly say from heart-felt\nexperience,\n\n \u201cThou hast pronounced the mourner blest,\n And lo for thee I ever mourn:\n I cannot, no I will not rest,\n Till thou my only rest return:\n Till thou the Prince of peace appear,\n And I receive the Comforter.\u201d\n\nSaturday 2. I found my soul in a very watchful frame, from a great\nconcern I felt upon my conscience for sin, and the fear I had of\nfalling into a careless lukewarm spirit again. Lord do thou always\nlet me retain,\n\n \u201cA spirit still prepared,\n And armed with jealous fear,\n For ever standing on its guard,\n And watching unto prayer.\u201d\n\nMonday 4. I was overcome in some measure by levity, but the gracious\nGod gave me to feel much remorse for it, and also encouraged me to\ntrust that he who had shewed me the evils of this, and all other sins,\nwould pardon them.\n\nSaturday 9. My soul was not so lively to-day, as it was some days ago.\nWhen I retired to prayer, I felt a great backwardness to it, which was\nheightened by a consideration of my own unfaithfulness to God. But the\nthought was immediately checked by this, if I am unfaithful, will my\nkeeping from him make me more faithful? No surely: it is the Lord alone\nthat can impart the blessing of a faithful heart; then I will wait upon\nhim for it, and he has promised, _Those that ask shall receive_.\n\nMonday 18. I was in a serious praying frame. In the evening Mr.\n_M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ preached on _John ix.\u00a025_. My soul was exceedingly blest, and\nI seemed just ready to lay hold on the blessing. How I lost it, I am\nnot sensible.\n\nSunday 24. Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015e_ preached in the morning on, _Do all to the\nglory of God_. When I came home and retired, I found some liberty in\nprayer. O how good is God to me, and how undeserving, how unfaithful a\ncreature am I? Lord pardon the past, and give me strength for the time\nto come.\n\nTuesday, December 3, and Wednesday 4. I was rather in a cold frame.\nO that the Lord would deliver me from a lukewarm spirit! For I find\n_that_ an inlet to all wrong tempers, and therefore it must be hurtful\nto me, and displeasing to God.\n\nSaturday 7. I was much cast down on account of having yielded to many\nwrong tempers the day before. In the evening, I went to preaching\nwithout the least expectation of a blessing; however as I was under the\nword, bemoaning my helpless condition, the Lord in a measure comforted\nand encouraged me to trust in him. Indeed I am often pained that my\npain is over so soon, and grieved that I can grieve no more!\n\nSunday 8. In the morning Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ preached on _Romans i.\u00a017_. _For\nthe just shall live by faith._ My thoughts were wandering under the\nword, and when I came home and retired, I found no life nor liberty in\nprayer. O when shall I be enabled to come with boldness to the throne\nof grace through _Jesus_ the Mediator of the new covenant, and to call\nhim, _my Lord and my God_.\n\nThursday 12. My uncle\u2019s text was _Proverbs xxiii.\u00a023_. During the first\npart, my mind was pretty much stayed, but towards the latter end it\nwas much drawn off by a thing which probably may never happen. O for a\nstayed, and composed mind in waiting upon God! Surely it is a great sin\nto have the mind wandering upon foolish things, when so immediately in\nthe presence of God.\n\nSaturday 14. This day, as well as the day before, my body was much\ndisordered. In the evening when I retired, I was humbled under a sense\nof past mercies received, and my own unfaithfulness to God. Sometimes\nI am all alive, I am so in earnest, so diligent in the means, and take\nsuch delight in them! Then one thing, or another steps in, is yielded\nto, and deprives me of all my life and earnestness. And though I do\nnot neglect the means, yet how are they hurried over, and how slightly\nperformed! And indeed I am often glad when they are finished. Lord,\nwhat is man? What am I? What a poor unstable creature! Lord, quicken\nme! Make me more alive, more in earnest. Lord make me, and keep me,\nwhat I ought, what I want to be.\n\nSaturday 21. All this week, I have experienced a stayedness of mind,\nand a degree of recollection for which I desire to be thankful. But\nalas! I do not find that earnestness, that hungering and thirsting\nwhich I did. Lord what is the cause? O remove it whatever it be!\nRemove the accursed thing, which separates between thee and my soul.\nOn Saturday night, the Lord was pleased to shew me the thing which had\nquenched that earnestness, and I am not sensible that I have this week\nyielded to it. O what a good God is ours! He shewed me my sin: he gave\nme to feel remorse for it, and then imparted power to subdue it. Lord\ngive me a thankful heart.\n\nSunday 22. This morning I was much affected in reading the 15th verse\nof the 4th chapter of the _Hebrews_. _For we have not an high priest\nwho cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities: for he\nwas in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin._ O what\ncomfortable words, especially when the enemy is pouring in floods of\ntemptation upon us; at such a time how sweet is the meditation upon\nsuch words! How comfortable the reflection that our God knows, and not\nonly knows but sympathizes with us in all our afflictions, distresses,\nand temptations; and will assuredly deliver us out of them! O may this\nscripture be ever present with my mind, and may it prove a comfort to\nme in trials, while it also hinders me from yielding to my spiritual\nenemy, by assuring me that Jesus is ever able and willing to help me.\n\nWednesday 25. I was impressed with a sense of gratitude to God for\nsending his Son into the world, to be born of a pure virgin, and in\na mean manger, and all to rescue me from endless woe. O that my heart\nmay never for one moment, lose the sense of this great and inestimable\nblessing.\n\n*Sunday 29. I was not very well, and stayed at home with my friend Miss\n_H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ who was in great affliction for the loss of poor, or rather\nhappy little _Ned H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_. He died of a scarlet-fever a week ago. O\nthat I was as safely landed on the happy shore! But alas! I am still\nin an evil world, and liable to crosses and temptations: Yea liable to\nfall from grace when I get it, and perhaps to be lost for ever? Lord\npreserve me, and when I die, O let me die unto thee.\n\nTuesday 31. The watch-night was to last till half past twelve: but\nwe came home between ten and eleven. I would not go to bed till near\ntwelve, spending the time in prayer and meditation. Lord make me truly\nthankful for thy mercy, in bringing me to the conclusion of another\nyear, and grant that I may spend the ensuing year to the glory of thy\nblessed name, through Jesus Christ.\n\nWednesday, January 1. I awoke in a lukewarm state, and though I\nendeavoured to pray, yet it was not with that life and fervency I\ndesired. O how many have been cut off in the last year, and I am yet\nupon praying ground! Lord spare me yet another year, and O let it be\nspent so, as will shew my gratitude to thee, for this undeserved mercy.\n\nThursday 2. I was to my great concern overcome by a trifling spirit. O\nhow is it that I am so soon off my watch, that the enemy so frequently\ngets the better! O God give me, I beseech thee for thy Son\u2019s sake, a\nrecollected, serious, praying spirit.\n\nFriday 3. My soul was in a more recollected frame than the foregoing\nday. Lord make me thankful even for this mercy.\n\nSaturday 4. I continued much in the same state as the day before. In\nthe evening Mr. _R\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_ preached on _Lamentations iii.\u00a022_. _It is of\nthe Lord\u2019s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions\nfail not._ Had it not been for this, Lord where should I and all the\nrebellious sons of _Adam_, have been at this day?\n\n*Monday 6. I found my mind in a serious frame, but it is seldom that it\ncontinues. O that God would make me more stable, that I may not be like\nthe sea continually fluctuating, and driven about with every wind of\ntemptation: but like the sun which constantly rises and sets at the\nappointed times, and never fails to bring a regular succession of day\nand night, according to the command of that God who made him, when he\nsent him forth with a commission to rule the day, and to be for signs,\nand for seasons, for days, and for years.\n\nTuesday 7. This day I found great enlargement in prayer, which made me\nperform that duty with much pleasure: but when my soul is dead, it is\na most burthensome task.\n\nThursday 9. I went to chapel. Mr. _R\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_ preached on _Psalms\nxxxiv.\u00a014_. _Seek peace and ensue it._ The sermon was tedious, and\nI so cold, that I was quite tired under it, and found myself growing\nimpatient. O how soon am I tired of what is good! The world are not\nso soon weary at the play-house, or in the ball-room, as I am in God\u2019s\nhouse, and under his word. Truly the children of this world, are wiser\nin their generation, than the children of light.\n\nFriday 10. I was oppressed all this day, with that tormenting passion,\nthe fear of death, in so much that I had not comfort in any thing. I\nwas overwhelmed in an instant with such horror and dread, as plainly\ntold me I was unfit to die; unfit to appear before the awful judge of\nquick and dead. O my God, do thou give me the pardon of my sins, and\nremove this bondage, (the fear of death) from my conscience! Lord\nprepare me, make me meet to see thy face.\n\nSaturday 11. At night Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_ made an excellent discourse upon the\nbarren fig-tree. I fear this character belongs to me. O may I at last\nbear fruit!\n\nTuesday 14. This, as well as the three following days, my soul seemed\nto be much in earnest, and pressing forward after the blessing; and\naltho\u2019 I was much tempted on Friday to anger, yet I found power to\nresist it, and also great enlargement in praying for faith. O how\ngracious is God! Lord make me truly thankful for thy numberless mercies\nbestowed on me, the unworthiest worm thy hands have made! My uncle\npreached on _Isaiah xix._ _If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall\neat the good of the land._ He said many people were willing enough to\nbe saved, but few were willing to be saved in God\u2019s way, which was to\nconfess and forsake sin, and turn to God, by using all the means which\nhe has appointed. But I think God has brought me so far, as to make\nme truly willing to be saved in his own way; and were it possible to\nbe saved in sin, I had rather be saved from it. For heaven would be no\nheaven to me, while pride, anger, and self-will have possession of my\nbreast; wherefore Lord, deliver me from the guilt and power of these\nthings now, and finally deliver me from the in-being of them.\n\nSaturday 18. I still found my desires after God very earnest, and was\nmuch enlarged in wrestling for the blessing, both in private prayer,\nand under the word. In the evening, while Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015e_ was discoursing\non these words, _Let him that nameth the name of Christ depart from\niniquity_, _2\u00a0Timothy ii.\u00a019_. I found much enlargement in private\nprayer. In the afternoon I was admitted to meet in band, which I found\nblest to me, and trust to find it so constantly, as I shall, if it is\nnot my own fault.\n\nMonday 20. I did not find my soul so much alive this day, as I did all\nlast week. O what a changeable creature am I? Never, never, at one stay.\nLord strengthen, settle, and stablish me.\n\nTuesday 21. Blessed be God, he sought me even when I was straying from\nhim, and did not suffer me long to continue in a lukewarm state. This\nday he gave me back that wrestling spirit which I had lost the day\nbefore. I can say my soul is a thirst for God, even for the living God.\nI am willing, yea, Lord, I am desirous, to forsake all my sins, and\nto return unto thee. O my God, make me in earnest, and take me for thy\nchild. Keep me, keep me, gracious Lord, and never let me go.\n\nWednesday 22. I still found earnest desires, and my soul to be all on\na stretch for God. Lord continue this blessing, till thou impart to\nme that which my soul desireth, even thy blessed self. Then shall I be\npossessed of all that is desirable in earth or heaven.\n\n*Friday 24. Upon a strict self-examination, I trust, I may say, I\nhave made some progress in the heavenly journey, within this last\nthree months; for these reasons, I find more power over sin, even my\nbesetting sins have not dominion over me. And if thro\u2019 unwatchfulness\nI yield to them, my heart is broken on account thereof, and I endeavour\nto be more watchful for the future. I find more delight in the\nordinances of God, and a more stayed, composed mind in waiting upon\nhim; and when wandering thoughts assault me, I find power to resist\nthem. I have more power to plead the promises in prayer; my desires\nare more earnest, and I have a more watchful spirit during the day:\nif I deceive myself, the Lord knoweth it is not willingly. I sincerely\ndesire to be tried, and to know the worst of my state. Lord, search\nwell if there be any way of wickedness in me, and lead me in the way\neverlasting.\n\nThursday 30. I was rather cold and dead this day. O what is the cause\nof this instability? Lord shew it to me for Jesus\u2019s sake, tho\u2019 not for\nmine, and make me in earnest. I found my soul something quickened at\nnight, while my uncle was preaching on these words. _Only believe._\n_Mark v.\u00a036._\n\nFriday 31. I was much tempted to fretfulness this morning, but thro\u2019\nmercy was restrained from letting it break out into words or actions,\nthanks be to God for this; as also that I found a degree of liberty in\nprayer.\n\nMonday, February 3. When I awoke this morning, I found an earnest\ndesire to spend the day to the glory of God. I soon found myself\nstripped of all my strength, and a trifling spirit prevailed over me.\nLord, I bring this besetting sin to thee. Thou knowest \u2019tis my grief,\nmy burden. Lord give me power over it.\n\nSaturday 8. All this week I have been hindered going to chapel by\nreason of a bad cold. And as to the state of my soul, I know not what\nto say. Sometimes I have been groaning under my unbelief; sometimes\ncold and dead, yet I find a hope left, that I, even I, shall yet\nrejoice in the God of my salvation: that I shall find his favour, and\ntaste an earnest of eternal bliss; _Amen_, Lord Jesus. But Lord make me\nin earnest, make me alive to thee. I cannot bear this instability, this\nhalting between two opinions. Lord, I am convinced thou art God, O then\nlet me serve thee.\n\nSunday 9. This morning being hindered attending the public means, I\nspent some time in private, and I found the Lord was willing to hear\nand answer prayer, for he enlarged my heart in that duty, and enabled\nme to pray with life and fervency; blessed be his name.\n\nSunday 16. This day I found much sweetness and enlargement in private\nduty, and my mind was in some measure staid on God. O for an heart\nto praise and love him for this, and all his mercies! The rest of the\nweek I found my soul blest at different times, with a desire to wait\nupon God in private: it was profitable to me: which indeed I need never\ndoubt, seeing he has promised that they that wait upon him shall renew\ntheir strength.\n\nFriday 28. When I awoke this morning, I felt a thankfulness to God\nfor safely bringing me to see the end of my fifteenth year, and for an\nearnest desire to spend the remainder of a short life to his glory. How\ntime flies? It was but the other day since I was but a little infant,\nutterly unable to help myself: in this tender state the Lord provided\nme good parents and kind friends, whose constant care it has been,\nto train me up for heaven, and to dedicate me to him betimes. Now\nI am come to years of reason, should it not be my one endeavour, my\nconstant aim to glorify God in my body and in my spirit, which are his\nby creation and redemption, as also by the early dedication which my\ndear parents made of me to him? Should I not from my heart ratify and\nconfirm by my own act and deed, that which they promised on my behalf?\nLord I am willing, I am truly willing so to do. _Jesus_ Lord lend me\nthine aid, and I will devote myself to thee, body, soul, and spirit,\na living sacrifice. Lend me thine aid, and I will take thee for my\nprophet, to teach me; my priest to atone for my sins, and my king to\nreign over me. Come dear Lord, and take me for thine own? Thine in time,\nand thine to eternity.\n\nMonday, March 3. This week I have been confined by a severe cold,\nhowever I have not been remiss in private duties, though I have found\nlittle life in them. A sort of stupidity has overspread my mind, which\nhas made me unfit for any duty. This I can account for no other way\nthan by my disorder, which always throws me into this dull frame. O\nhow this vile body weighs down the soul! How happy are those who are\ndelivered from it!\n\nSunday 16. This week as well as the former I have found my heart as\ncold, dead, and hard as it was possible; nor even has it been broke or\nsoftened while waiting upon the Lord either in private prayer, or under\nthe word. On Friday evening at the watch-night, I found my mind very\nwandering, but towards the latter end it was more composed, and I\nreally believe the Lord waited to be gracious to me, but my unbelieving\nheart put the blessing away, by thinking I was not worthy! O my God,\nwhen shall I be worthy?\n\nSunday 23. I found my heart greatly melted in the afternoon while I was\nmeeting my band, and at some liberty afterwards in private prayer, but\nmy old companion coldness returned in the evening.\n\nThursday 27. As we were going to chapel this evening, a parcel of\ngenteel well-dressed boys set upon us, throwing dirt in such a manner\nas almost blinded us, and hallowing and hooting after us. O what enmity\nis in the heart of man against every thing that is good even when\nchildren? O how gracious has God been to me, that I have never been\ntaught to despise and treat any person ill, either on account of any\nnatural infirmities, or of the religion they profess; but from my\nearliest infancy have I been trained up in the nurture and admonition\nof the Lord: how will this enhance my condemnation, if I make not a\nright use of these privileges!\n\nFriday 28. Being Good-Friday, I spent more time than usual in reading\nand prayer, in which duty I found my soul very much blest and enlarged.\n\nWednesday, April 2. The Rev. Mr. _Wesley_ gave us his company to tea,\nand afterwards preached on _Romans viii. 33,\u00a034_. I found my mind very\nwandering. The next evening he preached again on _John v. 8,\u00a09_. Jesus\n_saith unto him, rise take up thy bed and walk_. I found a blessing\nthis evening though I sought it not as I ought. O what a good God is\nours!\n\nFriday 4. This day I was very light and trifling; but in the afternoon\nthe Lord was again pleased to stir me up, by the means of our maid, who\nthis day found the Lord in communicating with a sick woman. O my God,\nwhat a slow progress do I make? Others find Jesus, but alas! for me, I\nfind him not. I was also much blest in the evening while Mr. _Wesley_\nwas preaching on these words, _John xvii.\u00a03_. _This is eternal life_,\n&c.\n\nSaturday 5. I set apart this day, in order to seek the Lord by prayer\nand meditation; and although I did not find him, so as to enable me\nto rejoice in him, as a pardoning God, yet I found him enlarging my\nheart in prayer, enabling me to plead his promises, and to cry to him\nfor mercy, without which I clearly see I am undone for ever. \u201cI give\nup every plea beside, Lord I am damned, but Christ has died.\u201d Lord,\nthou hast said, I _came not to call the righteous, but sinners to\nrepentance_. I am then one thou camest to save. O save me for thy\nmercy\u2019s sake!\n\n \u201cNo need of thee the righteous have,\n Thou cam\u2019st the lost to seek and save.\u201d\n\nI found the word very sweet in the evening while Mr. _Wesley_ was\ninforcing the words, _Matthew ix.\u00a05_. _Whether is it easier to say,\nThy sins be forgiven thee? Or to say, Arise and walk?_\n\nSunday 6. This morning I found my desires very earnest for the blessing,\nwhile Mr. _Wesley_ was preaching on _Isaiah xxxv.\u00a08_. _And a highway\nshall be there, and a way_, &c. And also afterwards while he was\nadminstring the sacrament. In the evening I was again encouraged to\ncome to the Lord, while Mr. _Wesley_ was inviting us to _come and drink\nof the water of life freely_, but still I had not power to accept the\ninvitation. We afterwards had a comfortable love-feast.\n\nSunday 13. I arose pretty early and went to the preaching. I afterwards\nfound great sweetness, in meditating on the love of God to sinners, and\nhis willingness to receive them upon their sincere repentance, as also\nin private prayer.\n\nWednesday 16. All this day I was very melancholy, which was chiefly\noccasioned by recollecting the sorrowful scene I saw that day two-years;\nwhen I had the last sight of those whom I love as my own soul. O how\nmany unforeseen events have happened in that time! Some of them have\nbeen very trying to me, and made me repent leaving my native land: yet\nnow I see they were all working together for my good, and I trust I\nhave no cause to repent, seeing my soul has much prospered since I have\nbeen at this place, whereas I did not gain, but rather lost ground,\nwhile I was in _London_ and _Kendal_. How wisely does God order all\nthings for the benefit of his poor undeserving creatures: and how\nungrateful are we, not to render him the tribute of an heart and life\ndevoted to his service!\n\nFriday 18. Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ kept a watch-night and preached on these\nalarming words. _At midnight there was a cry made: Behold the\nbridegroom cometh, go ye out to meet him._ _Matthew xxv.\u00a06_. I found\nmy soul much blest under one of his prayers. O may I have oil in my\nlamp when the bridegroom comes that I may not be shut out with the\n_foolish virgins_, but enter with the wise into the joy of my Lord.\n\nSunday 20. This morning Mr. _R\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ preached on those comfortable words\nof our Lord\u2019s _Him that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out_.\n_John vi.\u00a037_. I found myself much encouraged to come to the Lord,\nespecially when he was inviting the young to come, and close in with\nJesus.\n\nTuesday 22. This day I found great backwardness to private duty, but\nwas enabled to break through and found the Lord as good as his word,\n_They that wait upon_ him _shall renew their strength_.\n\nWednesday 23. I found much sweetness and enlargement in private duty\nthis day, and was in a measure blest, while meeting my class in the\nevening. O how good is it to draw nigh to God, and yet how backward\nam I so to do!\n\nFriday 25. I found myself much grieved upon account of having given\nway to levity. O how prone am I to this evil! Lord, help me against\nit, or I fear it will sink me lower than the grave. I spent my evening\ncomfortably, and I trust profitably in reading the _book of martyrs_.\nO what did they go through for the sake of their Lord! While I cannot\ntake up the least cross without murmuring.\n\nSaturday 26. This day I found great enlargement in praying for my\nfriends and relations, as also for the whole world, and for my own\npoor soul. Lord, help me ever to continue herein.\n\n \u201cHelp me to believe, obey;\n Help me to repent and love;\n Help me to take the blessing given,\n Help me quite from hell to heaven.\u201d\n\nSunday 27. Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_ preached on _Matthew xi. 20,\u00a030_. _Take my yoke\nupon you_, &c. O what would I not give to be enabled so to do! But alas\nas yet I am like a bullock unaccustomed to the yoke. O Lord, help me\nthis day to take thy sweet yoke upon me, and learn of thee, for I am\ntruly convinced that till then, I shall never find rest to my poor soul.\nI have no objections to make, take me as I am, and let me be thine for\never.\n\n \u201cTake my body, spirit, soul,\n Only thou possess the whole.\u201d\n\nThursday 29. I went to five o\u2019clock preaching. As I went my heart\nwas raised to God, that he would please to bless his word to my soul;\nand indeed Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ gave a very profitable discourse on _Ephesians\nvi.\u00a010_. Lord, help me so to put on the whole armour of God, that I may\nbe able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand.\n\nWednesday 30. I found my heart much broken on account of sin this\nevening in meeting my class. Lord, give me a broken and contrite heart,\nfor such thou wilt not despise.\n\nThursday, May 1. Going a little earlier than usual to preaching, I took\nout my little bible, and found a peculiar sweetness in reading the lv.\nchapter of _Isaiah_.\n\nFriday 2. I found great sweetness in reading and prayer. O for a\nwatchful spirit to keep it.\n\nSaturday 3. I had a great seriousness and solemnity upon my mind this\nmorning, which continued all day, (blessed be God.)\n\nSunday 4. I was much cast down by hearing that my poor papa was in a\nbad state of health; but was comforted by this consideration, that if\nI made God my father and my friend, nothing but my own unfaithfulness\ncould ever separate me from him.\n\nMonday 5. I rose this morning with a desire to spend the day to his\nglory, and blessed be his name, he did enable me to keep a recollected\nspirit, and also to seek him in his appointed ways, in doing which I\nfound great sweetness.\n\nWednesday 7. I was disappointed going to preaching, which was a cross\nto me at first; but I was so blest while meeting my class, that the\nloss was abundantly made up; my heart was softened and melted for my\npast offences, and at the same time a comfortable hope sprung up, that\nthe Lord would have mercy even upon me.\n\nFriday 9, and Saturday 10. I can\u2019t say, that I found my soul so much\nblest those two days, as it had been the two preceding. What is the\ncause I know not, but whatever it is, I trust the Lord will discover it\nto me, and remove it. On Saturday evening I was greatly shocked at the\nmelancholy account of the death of two of my uncles; and Satan strongly\nsuggested that my dear Papa would soon follow. This hindered me from\nsleeping great part of the night. Every such alarming providence should\nloudly sound in our ears, _Be ye also ready, for at such an hour as ye\nthink not, the Son of man cometh_.\n\nSunday 11. I broke the matter to my cousin by degrees, thinking it\nwould shock her to tell it to her at once. But O how her cries and\nlamentations pierced my heart! I endeavoured to comfort her, but all\nin vain; all her cry was, if she did but know his soul was happy, then\nshe should be easy. At last she seemed to take some comfort in the\nconsideration that he had religious friends about him in his illness.\nSurely it is a grievous thing to lose a tender parent. O may I not\nby my sins, provoke God to lay the same affliction upon me. Alas! it\nwould be a heavy stroke. I know not how I should bear it; I fear I\nshould murmur against the hand that inflicted it, unless preserved\ntherefrom by the restraining grace of God. My mind was now far from\nthe comfortable frame it was in the last week; it was so confused,\nthat I could not for one quarter of an hour keep it stayed on God.\nBut notwithstanding this, I took up my cross, and used private prayer\nconstantly. Indeed I was often tempted to think, I had better let it\nalone, for I was only mocking God by drawing near to him with my lips,\nwhile my heart was far from him. If this was the case it was not with\nmy desire or approbation. The Lord knoweth, I would have prayed better\nif I could. I would fain have my lips, and heart, and life go together\nin his service; and therefore since he has put this desire into my\nheart, he will graciously pardon what has been amiss, and enable me to\ndo better for the future.\n\nThursday 22. This morning I went to my aunt _B\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_, where I spent\nthe day very agreeably. In the evening I was much blest, while my uncle\nwas preaching on _John i. 11,\u00a012_. _He came unto his own, but his own\nreceived him not: but as many as received him, to them gave he power\nto become the sons of God._ O would he now himself impart, that I may\nbecome the child of God.\n\nSunday 25. In the evening Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ made a sweet Discourse on _Acts\nxvi.\u00a030_. _Sirs, what must I do to be saved?_ Indeed I thought I had\npower to believe, I found the blessing nigh; but O my faithless heart\ndrew back and lost the precious pearl. Unbelief again prevailed and\nleft me helpless, but blessed be God, not a hopeless sinner. I still\nhave a hope, and I trust it is not the hope of an hypocrite.\n\nThursday 29. This day I was much beset by wandring thoughts, and to\nmy grief and shame, yielded but too much to them. How long shall vain\nthoughts, which are often the forerunners of vain words, lodge within\nme. O for power to resist and overcome!\n\nSaturday 31. I found great power this day over that evil, with which\nI have been so much beset, blessed be God.\n\nSunday, _June 1_. This morning my soul was in a measure blest while\nMr. _R\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_ was shewing how we had destroyed ourselves, from _Hosea\nxiii.\u00a09_. He had not time to shew us where our help lay: but blessed be\nGod, he has shewed this to me. May I seek for it where it only can be\nfound. In the evening I was stirred up to ask the blessing, and I trust\nwith some importunity.\n\nMonday 2. This morning my soul was exceedingly blest while Mrs.\n_L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ was speaking to me, encouraging me to come, and lay hold of the\nblessing, assuring me, that even now the Lord was willing to impart it.\nMy desires were also very strong in the afternoon; although I was in\ncompany, and the conversation not very edifying; (so gracious was the\nLord to me.)\n\nTuesday 3. I found my soul exceedingly blest this day, especially in\nthe evening: such hope and confidence I had that the Lord would reveal\nhimself that I had no doubt of it, and such a sweet calm was upon my\nspirit till I went to bed as I never experienced before. I was also\ngreatly encouraged by accidentally opening the bible upon these words,\n_Then shall we know if we follow on to know the_ Lord. Amen! Let it be\naccording to thy word, Lord Jesus.\n\nWednesday 4. I experienced a measure of the same confidence as the\nnight before. Lord continue it, and also increase it, so that I may\nnever doubt more.\n\nThursday 5. I was not altogether in such a sweet frame as the two\npreceding days; nevertheless my mind was stayed on God, and my desires\nearnest for the blessing, while my uncle was discoursing upon these\nwords, _Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish_. _Luke xiii.\u00a05._\n\nFriday 6. My mind was distracted with wandering thoughts, but the\ngracious Lord soon gathered them in again, and I experienced a sweet\ncalm upon my spirit, and liberty in prayer.\n\nSunday 8. I went to church expecting the Sacrament, but there being\nnone, we had a sermon on _Galatians vi.\u00a09_. It was a very pretty\ndiscourse, shewing what well-doing was; but nothing of a change of\nheart was mentioned. O, thought I, how many may go thus far, and perish\nat last. Lord, let me not be one of this number.\n\nMonday 9. This afternoon we set out for _Eaton_ to see Lord\n_Grosvenor_\u2019s gardens; they are the most elegant and pleasant I ever\nsaw. I do not find the sight of such things to draw my mind from God:\nbut am rather led to meditate on the vanity of all worldly enjoyments,\nand to desire to have substantial pleasures, even those which are at\nGod\u2019s right-hand. The rest of the week, my mind was in much confusion,\nby reason of removing; but still I have found power to be constant in\nprivate duty, and to resist all temptations to the contrary. By thus\ndoing I was enabled to keep a greater watch over my words, and thoughts,\nand to avoid my \u2666besetting evil, levity. O Lord, make me truly thankful.\n\n \u2666 \u201cbeseting\u201d replaced with \u201cbesetting\u201d\n\nMonday 16. I was much cast down, by receiving a letter from my dear\nmamma, containing a melancholy account of the situation of my dear\npapa\u2019s health: but in the midst of my anxiety, I found a great\nconfidence in God: so that most of my uneasiness was upon his account.\nLord, strengthen, comfort, and bless him for Jesus\u2019s sake. The two\nfollowing days my mind was much hurried by the confusion the house\nhas been in; nevertheless I have been constant in private duty, and\nhave generally found it good to draw nigh to God. O what a God have we\nto deal with, and yet I cannot find a heart to love him. Lord, soften\nthis obdurate heart, and give me an heart to love thee; for this thou\nknowest is all my desire.\n\nTuesday 24. All this week I have been in a very disagreeable frame,\nbeing neither in earnest for my soul, nor quite forgetful of it. I\nhave been constant in private duties, tho\u2019 I am often fearful that I\nam only drawing nigh to God with my lips; but on Saturday, my soul was\nmuch blest under Mr. _R\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_\u2019s preaching: his text was in _Romans viii.\n17,\u00a018_. _And if children then heirs_, &c. My desires were exceedingly\nearnest to be made a partaker of those glorious privileges of the sons\nof God. O Lord, when shall I be one of thy children?\n\nSunday 29. In the morning Mr. _R\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_\u2019s text was in _Romans viii.\u00a032_.\n_He that spared not his own son_, &c. O these encouraging, these heart\nreviving words! Why, O my soul art thou so backward to believe the\npromises of God? Surely he is not a man, that can deceive thee. O then\nbelieve the record true. Then, and not till then, shalt thou experience\nreal happiness.\n\nMonday, July 7. All this week my soul has been cold and dead, and\nI (to my shame and grief) have been too negligent in private duties.\nHow truly may it be said the way of sin is down hill? I was hindered\nfrom prayer one day at my usual hour, and almost every day afterwards,\nsomething happened just at that time to keep me from that duty. I\nobserve that if I neglect it one day, I am sure to do the same for\nseveral days running. Lord, help me to be watchful, seeing my subtle\nadversary is ever watching to betray me into sin, either of omission\nor commission.\n\nSunday 13. I found a small degree of life in private prayer, which\nwas the only duty I was quickened in this day. Lord help me out of\nthis stupid state! On Thursday evening my uncle preached on _Matthew\nxiii.\u00a046_. _Who when he had found one pearl of great price_, &c. O that\nthe Lord would enable me instantly to part with all, and purchase this\npearl! All this week my soul has been in the same lukewarm state, and\nyet generally quickened in private prayer, especially one evening I\nhad such a discovery of the love of God to sinners, that I was almost\nenabled to believe he died for me.\n\nSunday 20. This morning Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ gave us a sweet discourse on\n_2\u00a0Peter i.\u00a04_. _Whereby are given unto us exceeding great promises_,\n&c. I found my soul blest under it, and afterwards at the sacrament in\nSt. _John_\u2019s church, blessed be God.\n\nMonday 21. I was too neglectful of private duty this day, and therefore\n\u2019tis no wonder if my soul was dry and barren in other duties. While we\nwere at preaching in the evening, my dear friend Miss _D\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ arrived\nfrom _Ireland_. I was much rejoiced to see her, and she seemed to be so\nat seeing me. May we all at last meet round our Father\u2019s throne!\n\nFriday 25. In the afternoon we walked to _Crislington_; and went to see\nthe rector\u2019s garden, who is for ever altering it. After being at great\nexpence to have it done to his mind, still it does not please him. O\nhow restless is the mind of man! Ever seeking after rest, he cannot\nfind it nigh, nor ever will, till he finds it in Jesus.\n\nFriday, August 1. The state of my soul this week has been much as usual.\nO that the Lord would stir me up! That he would make me in earnest, and\nthen I should soon attain the prize. I shall one day perish by the hand\nof sin, unless a miracle of mercy interpose. Lord, save or I perish!\nSave, or I must inevitably fall a prey to the evil that lies in this\nrebellious heart.\n\nSunday 3. I found myself much encouraged while Mr. _G\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015k_ was\ndescribing the rest that remained to those who were seekers after God,\nthat I might include myself in that number; but I sometimes fear, even\nthis appellation does not belong to me. Lord, suffer me not to deceive\nmyself for thy mercy\u2019s sake.\n\nTuesday 5. My poor heart still continued dead; no life, no power in\ndrawing near to God. Still my soul is as a barren wilderness. Lord,\nwater me with the dew of thy grace, then the wilderness will become\na fruitful land, and the desert, springs of water.\n\nSunday 17. In retirement, both before and after preaching, I found my\nsoul greatly led out to pray for faith, for myself, and my dear parents,\nand a measure of confidence, that God would hear my prayer: but alas\nfor me, in the afternoon levity again prevailed, and I lost both the\nconfidence, and power to pray for it.\n\nSunday 17. Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015r_ preached on _Acts xxiv.\u00a016_. _Herein I exercise\nmyself, to have a conscience void of offence towards God, and towards\nman._ On his mentioning his going away, I could not forbear bursting\ninto tears; I am sure all the people (would they speak the truth\nimpartially) must acknowledge he has exercised himself to have a\nconscience void of offence.\n\n*Wednesday 20. In the evening Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015r_ gave us a sweet discourse,\non _Colossians iii.\u00a011_. _But Christ is all, and in all._ My concern at\nparting with him, stole away all the benefit I might have reaped from\nthe sermon. Alas! that I should be so foolish as to look more to the\nservant than to his Lord, and think because he is going away, I shall\nnever more be blest under preaching; as if God could not bless me, as\nwell by one as another. Lord, I beseech thee, to forgive this sin.\n\nThursday 21. This morning I arose to hear Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_ last discourse,\nwhich was very affecting, and drew tears from many eyes. I found much\ncause for lamentation, that I had not profited more by him, and a\ndetermined resolution to set out afresh in the strength of divine grace,\nthat I may not have the same complaint to make, when we part with the\nnext. Lord, strengthen this resolution.\n\nSunday 24. I was some part of this day employed in reading Mr.\n_Morgan\u2019s crucified Jesus_. O that I could copy after my afflicted,\nself-denying Master! He never sought to please himself; but alas for\nme, how seldom is it I seek to please any other! Lord, forgive me: let\nme learn to deny myself, take up my cross and follow thee.\n\nThursday 28. In the evening Mr. _J\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ who is the assistant preached\nhis first sermon on _1\u00a0Corinthians iii.\u00a022_. _All are yours._ I think\nhim a good preacher; but I cannot yet give up Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ for any other.\n\nFriday 29. Mr. _G\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015d_ preached on _1\u00a0Corinthians i.\u00a023_. _We preach\nChrist crucified._ It was a good sermon, but I thought so much of Mr.\n_M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_, that I was quite tired because it was not him. Lord forgive me\nmy too great attachment to the creature, and fix my heart more upon the\nCreator.\n\nSunday 31. This morning Mr. _G\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015d_ preached from _Hosea vi.\u00a01_. _Come\nlet us return to the Lord, &c._ He spoke exactly to the state I seemed\nto be in, and I was determined to set this day apart, to examine myself,\nand to seek the Lord in good earnest. But as soon as I came home, Satan\nprepared something to draw my mind off, and render me unfit for any\nduty, whether reading, praying, or any thing else. Lord, make me more\ncareful for the time to come, that I may not so easily let slip the\nthings which I have received.\n\nTuesday, September 2. My soul was in a measure blest in meeting class,\nand I found a resolution to set out afresh. Lord, let it not prove\nabortive as all others have done, but do thou bring it to good effect\nfor thy mercy\u2019s sake.\n\nWednesday 3. I think this day I found more solidity, and not so much\nlevity of spirit as I did the day before. I also found my soul in a\nmeasure quickened both in private prayer, and in meeting band, for\nwhich undeserved mercies, Lord make me truly thankful, and let me shew\nmy gratitude by endeavouring to retain, and improve them, that so I may\nhave more.\n\nFriday 12. In the evening at preaching, I found my soul in a small\ndegree quickened. Lord, continue even this spark, and blow it into a\nflame!\n\nMonday 15. I met our class to renew the tickets; but I missed Mr.\n_M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015r_\u2019s lively manner of examining and exhorting each one, according\nto their various states.\n\nSunday 21. I went to the sacrament at St. _John_\u2019s church, but all the\ntime I was there, I was so beset with a particular temptation, that I\nhad hard work to keep from yielding to it. In the evening Mr. _J\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015n_\npreached and met the society; but I sadly missed Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_\u2019s close\nand sweet applications and exhortations, which under God were exceeding\nprofitable to me. This week my poor unstable mind has been much tossed\nwith vain and wandring thoughts. O when shall my heart and treasure be\nlaid up in heaven! Then, and not till then, will my mind also be fixed,\nstedfastly fixed in that thrice happy place. I have also been dry and\ndead in every means, which indeed is no wonder, when foolish thoughts\nare given way to; they necessarily damp the work of God in the soul.\nLord, make me more watchful.\n\nSunday 28. I spent the day comfortably, and found a degree of sweetness\nin prayer. O for a thankful heart!\n\nThursday, October 10. This day being the quarterly meeting, we had\na number of strange preachers in town; and in the evening one Mr.\n_S\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015t_ preached. He is not a very connected preacher, but one of the\nmost lively and powerful, that I ever heard. I was more stirred up and\nquickened under this sermon, than I have been for months before. There\nseemed to be an awful solemnity, resting upon the whole congregation.\n\nMonday 26. In the evening it rained much; but I ventured out, and was\nwell paid for so doing, by Mr. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_\u2019s discourse upon _1\u00a0Corinthians\nvi.\u00a011_. _But ye are justified in the name of the_ Lord Jesus.\n\nSunday, November 2. I went to the sacrament at _Trinity_ church, but\nfound no particular blessing in that ordinance, or indeed any other; my\nmind being much exercised, as it had been great part of the last week,\nin which nothing seemed sweet or profitable to me, but private prayer.\n\nSunday 9. All this week my mind has been much diverted from God, by a\ncircumstance which befel me, not very pleasing to flesh and blood. Lord,\ngive me wisdom, grace, and prudence to guide me through the trials\nI am liable to meet with here: and O at last receive my poor soul to\nthe peaceful haven of everlasting rest; where all the storms of this\ntumultuous life are over, and all is quietness and assurance for ever!\n\n*Monday 17. Mr. _J\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015n_ dined with us this day; I think he is one of\nthe most agreeable men I know. On Thursday evening my uncle preached\nupon _Matthew xx.\u00a032_. _What will ye that I shall do unto you?_ My soul\nwas more blest under this discourse, than under any since Mr. _S\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015t_\npreached. In the application, he desired each to ask their own soul,\nwhat is my most prevailing desire? Riches, honour, or pleasure? But my\nheart rejected all these, and replied,\n\n \u201cNone but Christ to me be given,\n None by Christ in earth or heaven.\u201d\n\nSunday 23. I found my soul much quickened in private duty to-day. O how\ngood is it to draw nigh to God, and yet how loath am I to do it!\n\nSunday 30. In reading the scripture, and one of the volumes of the\nLibrary, I found a degree of enlargement, and also in private prayer,\ntho\u2019 I had felt a great backwardness to it.\n\nTuesday, December 2. After I was in bed, my mind was much employed in\nmeditating on death, and the vanity of all earthly things, occasioned\nby hearing that poor Miss _L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015y_ was extreamly ill, whom I had seen\nin perfect health the last _Friday_. O may I spend every moment of life\nin preparing for a never ending eternity!\n\nSunday 7. In none of the duties of the day, did I find any life; my\nsoul was as a barren wilderness unwatered with the dew of heaven. Lord,\nhow long! When shall I taste and see that the Lord is gracious, by his\ngiving even to me the knowledge of salvation by the remission of my\nsins? Monday evening Mr. _J\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015n_ preached on _Matthew ix.\u00a012_. _The\nwhole have no need of a physician, but they that be sick._ Lord, I am\nsick, sick of sin, and truly sick of self. Lord, heal me; be thou my\nphysician, and I shall need no other.\n\nSunday 14. Mr. _J\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015n_ preached this morning upon _Isaiah lv.\u00a01_.\n_Ho, every one that thirsteth_, &c. Lord, I do in some measure thirst.\nO give me to drink of this living water! *I was so affected when I came\nhome at hearing that poor Miss _L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015y_ was not likely to recover, that\nI could not read or pray as I desired; but I found many serious, and\nI trust profitable reflections. O may this providence be productive of\ngood to my soul, and to the souls of all her friends and relations, to\nwhom it will certainly be an affecting stroke, if it does please God\nto require her soul at this time. On Monday evening at four o\u2019clock,\nit pleased God to take to himself the soul of my dear Miss _L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015y_.\nAlthough I found the affection I had for her in her life-time, as\nstrong as ever, I could not shed a tear, when I first heard of her\ndeparture: I had such a sight of her in glory, that, instead of wishing\nher back, I almost rejoiced at her happy change, and longed for the\nhour to come, wherein I also shall be released and carried by the\nangels into _Abraham_\u2019s bosom, where I shall be eternally happy in\nthe enjoyment of his love, who lived and died for me, a poor miserable\nsinner. But afterwards I found nature recoil, and had the cruelty to\nthink, that could a wish restore her to her aged parents, particularly\nher poor distracted mother, I should be tempted to do it. But O blessed\nbe God, nothing, nothing can recall us, when once we are landed on the\nhappy shore. Lord, grant that whenever death calls me hence, I may be\nprepared to meet it. Let the king of terrors be changed into the prince\nof peace; let the sting of death be drawn, and O give me a victory over\nthe now terrible and victorious grave.\n\n*Thursday 18. This day I with my aunt, Mrs. _L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_, and Miss _H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_,\nwere invited to the funeral of Miss _L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015y_: the two former declined\ngoing, but Miss _H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ and I accepted the invitation; and with four\nother young women, were her bearers. O what an impression did this\nsolemn scene make on my now thoughtful mind, to see her, whom not three\nweeks ago, I had seen in all the bloom and vigour of youth, now cut\ndown, and her sweet agreeable tabernacle consigned to the silent grave!\nLord, thought I, how soon may this be my case; how soon may I also be\ncut down in the morning of my life, and my parents also be lamenting\nmy untimely end! And am I ready? Can I say with an assured confidence,\n_O death, where is thy sting; O grave, where is thy victory?_ Alas,\nalas! it is not so with me! The approach of this formidable foe makes\nme tremble! O suffer me not to rest in this state, but enable even me\nto look with triumph on the mouldering tomb!\n\nSunday 21. I did not go out in the morning, but spent the day very\ncomfortably, finding great sweetness in prayer, and much seriousness\nand solidity upon my mind all the day. The two following days also my\nmind was much busied about the things of eternity, and my own latter\nend.\n\nThursday 25. (Being _Christmas-day_.) In the evening my uncle preached\nwith much life and power, on _Luke ii.\u00a010_. _Behold I bring you\ngood tidings of great joy._ The enemy stirred up the mob to make\na disturbance while we were singing the last hymn; but in spite of\nthem, we concluded singing, and after waiting some minutes they were\ndispersed, and we returned home in peace.\n\n*Friday 26. This day and the next my soul was not in so sweet a frame\nas a few days before: it might be occasioned partly by a violent cold,\nwhich weighed down my body very much. O happy day when the soul shall\nbe released from its prison, and freed from its bodily-chain; when\nthe disembodied spirit shall be received with shouts of joy, into the\nparadise of God.\n\nSunday 28. This morning the family went to the house of God, but a\nviolent cold confined me at home; however, the Lord was present there\nalso, for my soul was greatly refreshed in private duty. Indeed all\nthe day I found great sweetness and comfort in my soul, though my cold\nunfitted me for any set waiting upon God.\n\nWednesday 31. This night I determined to sit up till I had begun\nthe New-Year, which I accordingly did, spending the time in reading,\nmeditation, and prayer, and I found it comfortable and profitable to\nwait upon God in the stillness of the night. O may the resolutions\nwhich I this night made, be brought to good effect!\n\nThursday, January 8, 1767. This day blessed be God my soul was much\nalive, and my desires and expectations quickened by hearing that Mrs.\n_M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015n_, a person in our class had found the peace of God. I found\nmuch attention and sweetness likewise under Mr. _R\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_ sermon in the\nevening.\n\nSaturday 10. Mr. _R\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_ preached upon _Isaiah xliii. 25,\u00a026_. _I,\neven I am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake._\nMy soul was in a waiting, expecting frame. Lord, how long shall it be\ne\u2019re thou satisfy my longing heart with thy love, the thing I desire\nabove all others. I can truly say,\n\n \u201cOf all thou hast in earth, or heaven,\n Let love alone be mine.\u201d\n\nSunday 11. We went to church, had a sermon on _Ecclesiastes ix.\u00a010_. It\nwas an exceeding pretty discourse, but not a word of Christ in it. The\nminister exhorted us to improve our time in works of piety, charity,\nand the duty of our respective callings, but never told us how we were\nto be enabled to do all these things, presuming, I suppose that his\nauditory needed no such information. Towards the latter end he allowed\nus a little innocent diversion, and concluded with saying that by a\ndiligent improvement of our time in all the duties he had recited,\nwe should recommend ourselves to God, and be accounted worthy to be\nadmitted into heaven. I found much \u2666thankfulness that I was better\ninstructed. I was at preaching in the following fortnight but twice:\nall this time I was sometimes in earnest, then too careless. Lord,\npardon what is past, and O let me for the future give all diligence to\nmake my calling and election sure.\n\n \u2666 \u201cthankness\u201d replaced with \u201cthankfulness\u201d per Errata\n\nSunday 25. I did not go out in the morning, but I spent the time very\ncomfortably, in reading the blessed word of God; and in the afternoon\nI read Mr. _Hervey\u2019s meditations_, which were also exceeding sweet and\nprofitable.\n\nSunday, February 1. I went to the sacrament this day at _Trinity_\nchurch. This being the place where the remains of my dear Miss _L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015y_\nwere deposited, it brought many serious reflections, but they did not\ndraw me off the duty, in which I was more immediately engaged. For\nthis week past I have at times found a measure of seriousness and\nenlargement in private duty. I scarcely know what state my soul has\nbeen in this fortnight past, not having had time to write. I fear I\nam falling into the former Laodicean spirit. Lord Jesus, quicken me;\nO save me for thy mercy\u2019s sake.\n\nSaturday 28. This being my birth-day, I would have spent in retirement,\nbut was prevented; however I spent two hours herein exceeding\ncomfortably. O may I spend each day and moment in the service of him,\nwho has so graciously preserved me to this time! Surely it is of the\nLord\u2019s mercies that I have not long since been consumed, because his\ntender compassions fail not.\n\nSunday, March 8. My heart was much drawn towards God this morning,\nboth before and at church. Friday evening a young stranger who appeared\nquite illiterate, agreeably surprised us with a connected sensible and\nprofitable discourse on, _Behold God is my salvation_. O when shall I\nexperimentally say these words? Lord, why not now?\n\nSunday 15. I spent the morning very comfortably in reading the\nscripture with Mr. _Wesley_\u2019s notes; in the afternoon Mr. _Hervey_\u2019s\nsweet meditations on the starry heavens. I found my soul in a serious\nthoughtful frame, till I was discomposed by a trifling incident.\n\nSunday 29. I found my soul much led out in prayer, even while I was\nreading, as I did during the latter end of the last week; blessed be\nGod for it.\n\nSunday, April 5. I was greatly distressed at church, and afterwards,\nupon account of my sins, and at times was even ready to believe that\nthe Lord would cast me off for ever. All I could say was,\n\n \u201cGuilty I stand before thy face,\n I feel on me thy wrath abide,\n \u2019Tis just the sentence should take place,\n \u2019Tis just\u2015\u2015but O thy son hath died.\u201d\n\nIn the evening we had a profitable and lively love-feast, at which my\npoor soul found some refreshment. O may it be daily fed with the bread\nof life!\n\n \u201cThis manna to my soul be given,\n Sent from the tree of life in heaven.\u201d\n\nFriday 17. This day being Good-Friday, we went to the sacrament at the\nCathedral, but in no means whether public or private, was my soul blest,\ntho\u2019 I found great attention to the sermon preached by Mr. _G\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015d_ in\nthe evening, upon the words with which our once dying, tho\u2019 now ever\nliving Saviour closed his suffering, painful life! _It is finished._\nJohn xix.\u00a030. Amazing truth!\n\n \u201c\u2019Twere bold to think it true,\n If not far bolder still to disbelieve.\u201d\n\nThat the author and possessor of life eternal, should himself become a\nprey to death! And for whom? For angels? No, when they left their first\nand blest estate, it was irretrievably lost. For his friends? No, but\nfor enemies, for rebels, for vile apostates, for ungrateful sinners!\nWell might the apostle cry out, \u201cO the length and breadth, the depth\nand height of this stupendous love!\u201d This day was the sad anniversary\non which I parted from the tenderest, best of parents, and took a long,\nif not a last farewel of my native land; whether I shall ever see that,\nor my dearest parents more, the Lord knoweth.\n\n \u201cBut O may we all meet on that peaceful shore,\n Where pain, and death, and parting are no more!\u201d\n\nSunday, May 3. For this fortnight my soul has been in general in a\nlifeless, inactive frame; and I have found little blessing in any means,\nexcept private prayer; in this I have been frequently quickened and\nrefreshed.\n\nSunday 24. Blessed be God, I found my soul refreshed in private prayer\nthis day, but I had hard work in the evening to keep my mind stayed on\nGod, and attentive to the sermon.\n\nTuesday 26. My soul was very cold and dead all day, but at the class\nmeeting, I found my desires greatly quickened; especially during the\nlast prayer. This lasted all the evening; O may it still continue. Lord,\nlet not my foolish heart rob me of the blessing.\n\nSunday, June 7. I went to the sacrament this morning at the _Cathedral_,\nbut found no particular blessing, tho\u2019 my heart was afterwards\nrefreshed, while waiting upon God in private duties.\n\nSunday 14. My soul was much blest in private prayer this morning, but\nthe rest of the day I was so weighed down with drowsiness that I could\nscarce read or pray with any satisfaction: however, my mind was in a\nserious frame most of the day.\n\nSunday 21. I went to the sacrament at _Werburgh_\u2019s church, and found my\nheart affected with a lively sense of God\u2019s love to my soul in sending\nhis Son to die for me. O that this his love might stir me up to love\nhim again, for altho\u2019 he is in himself altogether lovely, yet nothing\nbut a deep heart-felt conviction that Jesus loved me, and gave himself\nfor me, can induce us to love him again. But ah! I cannot, cannot love.\n\n \u201cThis is my shame, my grief, my hell,\n I do not love the bleeding Lamb;\n The Lamb that loved my soul so well,\n This is my grief, my hell, my shame.\u201d\n\nSunday 28. In private prayer this morning my soul was greatly blest,\nand I found sweet enlargement in praying for the blessing, both for\nmyself, and for my dearest parents; likewise I found liberty to pray\nfor all my relations and friends, for the church, and for all the world.\nBlessed be the Lord for this undeserved mercy. In the evening I was\nstirred up by Mr. _G\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015s_ discourse from _Hebrews ii.\u00a03_. _How shall\nwe escape, if we neglect so great salvation?_ Lord, how shall I escape?\nOnly by flying to the wounds of Jesus; that is the only city of refuge.\nO may I escape thither, as _Lot_ did to _Zoar_, e\u2019er the storm of\ndivine vengeance be poured on this guilty head.\n\n*Monday, July 6. My mind was much distressed this day by that fear\nwhich love alone casts out, (the fear of death.) What particularly\nbrought me to reflect upon it at this time, was a dream which Mrs.\n_L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015r_ had had concerning me; at first I prayed earnestly that the\nLord would spare my life, being excessively frightened at the thought\nof dying: but afterwards I began to consider, what if my request should\nbe granted in wrath, \u2666as when the _Israelites_ prayed for meat? What\nwould become of me then? Perhaps the Lord sees, if I live I shall\ndishonour him; be a scandal to my profession; a reproach to the people\namong whom I am; and a grief to my parents. Now if the Lord should\ntake me from the evil to come, should prevent me from doing, as well\nas suffering evil, by taking me to himself, what cause of complaint\nshould I have? Surely none, nay it would be matter of rejoicing to all\neternity: besides should none of these things happen, but were I sure\nof gliding thro\u2019 this world easily and pleasantly; would it not \u2660be\nbetter to reach the destined haven, without putting to sea at all; or\nat least with a very short, and as yet a pleasant passage! Did any ever\nthink it was too soon to go to heaven? Surely no. No such complaints\nwere ever made by one soul that got thither at all. But alas! I am\nunwilling to part with life, because I know not where I shall go. O!\n\n \u201cWho can tell me if this strife,\n In heaven or hell shall end?\u201d\n\n \u2666 \u201cas\u201d replaced with \u201cas when\u201d per Errata\n\n \u2660 \u201cbetter\u201d replaced with \u201cbe better\u201d per Errata\n\nLord shall my soul be carried by angels into _Abraham_\u2019s bosom, or\nhurried by fiends into endless torments! Lord \u2019tis true, I am a great\nsinner; but Jesus is an Almighty Saviour. I entirely renounce all\ndependence upon myself.\n\n \u201cThis all my hope, and all my plea,\n For me the Saviour died.\u201d\n\nYes, my dearest Jesus thou did\u2019st die for me: then I may be saved. Lord\n_I believe; help thou mine unbelief_. In the evening Mr. _H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015n_ gave\nan account of the life and death of Mr. _P\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015l G\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015d_, an eminent and\nuseful preacher; and then gave out these lines, in which I joined with\nmy whole heart:\n\n \u201cO may we thus our parting breath,\n Into the Saviour\u2019s hand resign:\n O Jesus, let me die his death,\n And let his latter end be mine.\u201d\n\nWe came home twenty minutes before ten, and I fell asleep with the same\nserious impressions on my spirit, which also lasted most part of the\nnext day, and for several days after.\n\nSunday, August 2. In the evening Mr. _F\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015l_ took his leave of us\nfrom these words in _Luke iv.\u00a042_. _And he said I must go and preach\nthe kingdom of God to other cities also: for therefore am I sent._ The\nnext evening Mr. _J\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015n_ took his, from _Romans viii.\u00a017_. _And if\nchildren, then heirs, heirs of God, and joint heirs with Christ._ He\nwas exceeding lively. I found concern in parting with them. O may I\nprofit more by the next!\n\n*Thursday 6. Hearing this day of a very melancholy affair, concerning\na person whom I knew only by sight: I was exceedingly stirred up to\nthankfulness, for being so situated, that it was almost impossible the\nlike should befal me: I am surrounded with tender and careful friends,\nwho continually watch over me in love: I am blest with parents, who by\nwords when present with them, and by letters now absent,\n\n \u201cWarn me to shun the world\u2019s delusive snares;\n Teach by their lives, and guard me by their prayers.\u201d\n\nAnd he has inclined my heart to listen to the instructions and advice,\nI daily receive from one or another. I went to our private meeting on\nFriday, and found my soul blest, and heartily joined in Mr. _B\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_\u2019s\nprayer for the poor unhappy creature to suffer the ensuing day. Also I\nwas greatly stirred up to pray for her, when in private at night.\n\nSaturday 15. About one o\u2019clock my aunt _B\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015r_ and little cousins,\narrived in _Chester_; I was extreamly glad to see them. O when will my\ndear parents come? Lord, thy time is best, only let me be resigned to\nthy will.\n\n \u201cSince none can doubt thy equal love,\n Unmeasurably kind,\n To thy unerring, gracious will\n Be every wish resign\u2019d.\u201d\n\nSunday 16. The ensuing week I was much indisposed, and did not go out\ntill the next Saturday sev\u2019night: during this time, my soul was kept\nin a calm reliance upon God, tho\u2019 at times I found deadness; which I\npartly imputed to my disorder (a severe cold.)\n\nSaturday, September 13. Mr. _P\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015n_ going to _Ireland_, gave a very\nprofitable discourse upon _John xvi.\u00a031_. _Do ye now believe?_ Indeed\nthis was a very comfortable day to my poor soul; which blessed be the\nLord, was much refreshed in all the means of grace, both at sacrament,\nprivate prayer, and the preaching. This evening Mr. _T\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015r_ arrived\nin _Chester_. O may his coming amongst us be productive of much good\nto this people, and to my poor soul!\n\nFriday 18. This was a fast-day kept to intreat the Lord to revive his\nwork in this land. Mr. _T\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015r_ and my uncle prayed alternately, and\nwith much power. O that it may be such a fast as the Lord approves\nof, and an acceptable day to him. On Saturday evening, Mr. _T\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015r_\npreached from _John xii.\u00a022_. _Sir, we would see Jesus._ Lord I would\nsee him too. O may it be now.\n\nMonday 21. Mr. _H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015n_, who had accompanied Lady _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ to town, with\nher and her brother, dined with us. She is the most affable lady I have\never seen, and dresses almost as plain \u2666as we do.\n\n \u2666 duplicate word \u201cas\u201d removed\n\nSunday, October 4. In the evening my soul was quickened while Mr.\n_T\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015r_ was preaching on the parable of the dry bones.\n\n*Tuesday, November 17. On this day were united, my uncle _F\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_, and\nmy truly dear and respected friend Mrs. _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015 L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_. With unspeakable\npleasure I embraced her, as a most dear loved relative. With the same\nsatisfaction she was received by those of my aunts, who reside in this\nplace, as their sister; and I doubt not will be by those who are now\nabsent, when they hear the surprising tidings. My heart\u2019s desire and\nprayer to God for them is, that they may be long blest with each other;\nthat this union may be a means of uniting them more closely to the\nblessed bridegroom of the church; and that finally, they and we may be\nreceived into the family of heaven, with a _Well-done good and faithful\nservants, enter ye into the joy of your Lord_.\n\nThursday 19. The committing a known sin, threw me into exquisite\ndistress, so that I hardly dared to go to prayer, and Satan making the\nbest of his opportunity sorely wounded me; yea, had slain me, had not\nthe sinner\u2019s friend stept in to rescue me, and given me hope. This hope\nwas confirmed in meeting my class on Tuesday. Blessed be his name for\nthis! But still this can\u2019t suffice, unless he give me his dear self\nwhich my soul truly longeth for.\n\nSunday 29. I spent the day profitable, and comfortably, thanks be to\nGod. Mr. _T\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015r_ preached in the evening on _Isaiah lv.\u00a01_. _Ho, every\none that thirsteth, &c._ O how sweet an invitation to the thirsty soul!\nLord, give me grace to accept it. Thursday evening my uncle preached on\n_Mark vii.\u00a024_. _But he could not be hid._ After sermon he informed us\nof Mr. _P\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015n_\u2019s being taken to rest on Sunday, November\u00a022, who about\ntwo months ago was standing in that pulpit, inviting sinners to come\nto Christ in the most earnest manner: he then dined with us, and after\ndinner sung a hymn very suitable, (as it has proved) for himself, who\nwas so soon to enter into the joy of his Lord. It was a funeral hymn,\nand begun with these lines,\n\n \u201cAway with our sorrow and fear,\n We soon shall recover our home,\n The city of saints shall appear,\n The day of eternity come.\n\n \u201cFrom earth we shall quickly remove,\n And mount to our native abode,\n The house of our Father above:\n The palace of angels and God.\u201d\n\n*My mind was much taken up all the evening, and the following day,\nwith the thought of death; which occasioned many serious reflections.\nI think if the Lord would make me meet for glory, I could (young as I\nam,) quit the world, and not leave a wish behind: but the Lord\u2019s will\nbe done!\n\nThursday, December 10. My uncle gave an exceeding comfortable and\nprofitable discourse from _Isaiah xl.\u00a01_. _Comfort ye, Comfort ye\nmy people, saith your God._ My soul was much refreshed, herein God\nfulfilled that promise, _Before they call, I will answer_, for I went\nwithout the least expectation of a blessing, and scarcely dared to pray\nfor one, knowing my great unworthiness. However the Lord met me, and\ngave fresh hopes and desires, for which may I bless his name, while I\nhave breath.\n\n*Sunday 13. In the evening Mr. _C\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015k_ preached a sermon on these\nawful words, _Revelation vi.\u00a017_. _For the great day of his wrath is\ncome, and who shall be able to stand?_ Who indeed but those who have\nwashed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb, who\nhave made the judge their friend! These and these only shall stand with\nboldness in that day. Lord, shall I be one of that number?\n\nFriday 25. I found a blessing at the Lord\u2019s table, where I solemnly\ndedicated myself to him, who gave himself for me. O may it be\nunreservedly and irrevocably! Lord, here is my heart; O take and seal\nit; seal it for thy courts above.\n\nSunday 27. Our house being in such confusion, as it has been for some\ndays past, by reason of the sickness which has been in it, my mind has\nnot been in that composed sweet frame as I could wish: but one blessing\nI have experienced, which is, I have been enabled to exercise patience,\nso as not to murmur and fret, tho\u2019 every thing has gone cross with me.\nNay thro\u2019 the mercy of God, I have rejoiced in it: and been thankful\nfor having an opportunity of chearfully bearing the cross; for all\nwhich I desire to praise my God.\n\nMonday, December 23. In the evening Mr. _T\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015r_ made a useful\ndiscourse on _Lamentations iii.\u00a022_. _It is of the Lord\u2019s mercies that\nwe are not consumed, because his compassions fail not._ He shewed the\nmany ways whereby we might have been consumed; and the many mercies we\nhave received from God. When I first went into the chapel, my mind was\nexceedingly disturbed by many evil tempers. But in singing this verse,\n\n \u201cFrom anger set our spirits free,\n It worketh not thy righteousness:\n In patience let us wait on thee,\n And quietly our souls possess:\u201d\n\nThe thought cross\u2019d my mind: shall I thus mock God; pray to him to\ncompose my mind, while I am yielding to these tempers? I resolved to\nstrive against them: thro\u2019 his strength I overcame them, and found a\nblessing tho\u2019 entirely unexpected.\n\n*Friday 29. I was confined to my bed, being much indisposed. O what a\nshort transition from time to eternity! I thought much of dying, but\nfelt no fear: not because I was now ready, but I firmly believed the\nLord would cut short his work in righteousness if he called me.\n\n[This illness, after a day or two, much increased, and appeared to be a\nputrid fever: but her mind continued stayed upon God. About a fortnight,\nafter she was taken, she expressed a full confidence in him, being\nwholly delivered from the fear of death. A few days after, her speech\nand hearing were taken away, by the violence of her distemper. But it\nwas easy to discern, that her understanding remained, tho\u2019 she could\nconverse with none but God. Her eyes and hands almost continually\nlifted up, shewed her heart was still with him. In her greatest agonies\nof pain, there was not the least mark of impatience: till on _January_\nthe 21st, 1768, about four o\u2019clock in the afternoon, she quietly\nresigned her spirit to God.]\n\n\n\n\n An Extract from the JOURNAL of\n ELIZABETH HARPER.\n\n\n To the READER.\n\n1. TO set the doctrine of Christian perfection too high, is the ready\nway to drive it out of the world. Let a man only describe it, as\nimplying a freedom from mistakes and human infirmities; and whoever\nknows there is no such freedom in this life, naturally concludes,\n\u201cThere is no perfection.\u201d Hence we should always carefully guard\nagainst this, by insisting, it is no more and no less, than giving\nGod all our heart: loving him with all our heart, and our neighbour\nas ourselves.\n\n2. This is well consistent with a thousand infirmities, which belong to\nevery soul while in the body. To place this in the clearest and fullest\nlight, I have published the following extract from the artless journal\nof a plain woman, wrote merely for her own use. I have no doubt, but\nGod had all her heart. But yet how many were her infirmities! And\nthese are the more apparent, because she was a person of no uncommon\nendowments; one that had just plain, natural understanding, without any\nadvantage of education, and who wrote down daily just what she felt,\nwith all possible artlessness and simplicity. The chief of these are,\nwandering thoughts (whether natural or preter-natural:) listlessness\nin private prayer (I believe, entirely owing to bodily disorder:) hurry\nin business (it seems, not apparent to others, though frequently felt\nby herself:) want of a steddy, invariable advertence to the presence\nof God: speaking too many words, more than were strictly necessary:\nspeaking through ignorance, a word not strictly true: speaking\nsometimes too quick, so as to have the appearance of anger: omission\nof things which had better be done. Perhaps one might mention likewise\nunder this head, such vehement temptations to anger, to impatience, to\nfretfulness, to immoderate sorrow, and to follow her own will, that at\ndivers times she escaped with the skin of her teeth, and scarce knew\nwhether she escaped or not. So particular a detail of these things,\nmay be of singular use to those who find the same temptations: and who\nmay be encouraged hereby, to _hold the beginning of their confidence\nstedfast unto the end_.\n\n3. But it may be objected, \u201cIf perfection means only that love which\nis consistent with all these infirmities, then how does it differ from\nwhat is experienced by every believer?\u201d I answer, 1. Many are delivered\nfrom these infirmities, in a far greater measure than she was. I judge\nher to have been a real witness of Christian perfection, but only in a\n_low degree_. 2.\u00a0Whom do you know that experiences even what she did,\nthat never-failing love of God and man, that uninterrupted calmness of\nmind, that invariable meekness, gentleness, humility? That continual\nhunger and thirst after righteousness after the entire image of God?\nAbove all, that absolute, unreserved dependence upon Christ, as the\nfountain of every good and perfect gift, of all holiness and happiness?\nDoes every believer experience this? I will be bold to say, not one\nin a thousand. I suppose not one upon earth, unless he has received\nanother gift, widely different from what he received when he was\njustified. At least I know no one in the three kingdoms, who comes up\nto this experience, (besides a few in their first love,) unless after\njustification he has found a second change wrought in a moment. However,\nconcerning that circumstance we need not dispute, whether it be wrought\ngradually or instantaneously. Only let the change be wrought. Only let\nour souls be renewed in the whole image of God. Only let all that mind\nbe in us, which was also in Christ Jesus: let him reign in our hearts\nwithout a rival; at all times and in all places. Let us be all devoted\nto him in soul and in body: and let all our thoughts, and words,\nand actions, be continually offered up to God, as holy sacrifices\nacceptable to God through Christ.\n\n4. A few more circumstances relating to this amiable woman, may not\nbe unacceptable to the reader. _Elizabeth_, the daughter of _William_\nand _Joan Tuck_, was born at _Penzance_, _December\u00a020, 1734_. She was\nbrought to _Redruth_, when about four years old, and as she grew up,\nlived as other harmless people did. _June\u00a030, 1755_, she was married to\none _Andrew Harper_, a shopkeeper of _Redruth_; and three or four years\nafter, she became weak and sickly. At the same time she grew distrest\nin her mind, which she strove to remove by various ways; but all to\nno purpose. In the latter end of the year 1763, a fever brought her to\nthe brink of eternity. She was greatly afraid to die: and hearing there\nwere some in the town, who had no fear of death, she intreated her\nhusband, without delay, to send for one of the preachers. Conversing\nwith him, she saw the way of conquering the fear of death. She soon\nrecovered her health, and from that time sought the Lord with her whole\nheart, till on _Easter-day_ (having joined the society before) as she\nwas receiving the Lord\u2019s supper, these words were strongly applied to\nher soul, _It is God that justifieth: who is he that condemneth?_ She\nwent home, called her husband, and said, \u201cNow all my sins are forgiven.\nI am not afraid to die now: for I love God, and I know he loves me.\u201d\n\n5. From this time she walked closely with God, and was hearty and\nzealous in his cause. There was nothing in her power, which she was not\nready to do for the servants or children of God. She was exceedingly\ntempted, after she believed God had cleansed her from inbred sin. Of\nthis she gives a large account in her journal: but she did not cast\naway her confidence. When she saw death approaching, she was not moved,\nbut calmly looked up to God. She exhorted her husband, and all near her,\nnot to love the world, or the things of the world. A little after she\nsaid, \u201c_Lord, thou knowest all things: thou knowest that I love thee._\nThou knowest, it hath been my only desire, to please thee: Come, Lord\nJesus! Come, and sanctify me throughout, spirit, soul and body! O come\nquickly.\u201d In a little time she cried, \u201cHe is come! He is come!\u201d And\npresently fell asleep.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n An EXTRACT from her\n JOURNAL.\n\nAUGUST 8, 1765. After breakfast, as I was at prayer, the Lord broke in\nupon my soul. O may he hasten the happy time, when I shall be filled\nwith his fulness, and assist me to believe to full salvation! O that he\nwould _make me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me_!\n\nFriday 9. Blessed be his name, he has kept me this day, amidst all the\nhurry of business. I long to get into the glorious liberty of his dear\nchildren. May the Lord increase my faith, and confirm my hope, for my\ndear Redeemer\u2019s sake!\n\nSaturday 10. I was with some who do not hold \u201csinless perfection,\u201d as\nthey call it, to be attainable here. Afterwards I found, the talking\nabout their opinion was not of use to me. It only damped my spirit. May\nthe Lord of his great goodness lead me _into all truth_!\n\nSunday 11. We were talking of Christian experience, which is useful\nin its place; but I fear, I talked too much. Lord, give me a tender\nconscience, \u201cthe slightest touch of sin to feel.\u201d\n\nMonday 12. To-day, glory be to his name, I have had power over my\nbesetting sin. I hope, it will not be long before I have an evidence,\nthat he has made an end of my inbred sin. May he ever keep me humble,\nand fill me with love, _more to be desired than gold, yea, than much\nfine gold_. *Afterward I was talking with a Christian friend concerning\nthis blessing; and we saw, that none can receive it, till they feel\nthe want of it first, and that then it must be received by simple faith\nalone. I said, \u201cSuppose I begin to live now, and believe from this\ntime?\u201d She said, \u201cThat is the right way.\u201d _Lord I do believe: help my\nunbelief_, and increase my faith more and more. When I was going to bed,\nI found great confidence in the Lord. May he increase it to the perfect\nday!\n\nTuesday 13. Glory be to God, this has been a day of marrow and fat\nthings to my soul. May he keep me low at his feet, and humble me in\nthe very dust before his glorious Majesty!\n\nWednesday 14. I waked with, _Now is the ax laid to the root of the\ntree_. May the Lord root up whatever is not of his own planting! Glory\nbe to his name for what he has done. I have not found any anger rise\nin me this day. But I was surprised at private prayer two or three\ntimes, with something striking me between the shoulders as with a dart.\nWhatever it is, may the Lord give me power over it, and take it from me\nin his own due time.\n\nThursday 15. I was much distrest for a clearer evidence, and cried to\nGod, to increase my faith. In reproving a person, I found something\nrise as quick as thought. But I looked to the Lord, and it was gone.\n\nFriday 16. Blessed be God, he has shewn me to-day my weakness and\nhelplessness more than ever. I am amazed to see the greatness of God,\nas well as his unbounded love in Christ Jesus, I see, that unless\nhe save me by free grace, I must perish for ever. This morning I can\nbelieve he has given me the blessing. Glory be to God for ever and ever!\n\nSaturday 17. Blessed be his name, that I desire nothing, but to _know_\nJesus Christ, _and him crucified_; and that I feel, he suffered and\ndied for _me_. May my heart be ever melted down into the profoundest\nhumility and self-abasement before his awful Majesty!\n\nTuesday 20. For two or three days I have been confined to my bed, but\nmy mind is stayed upon God: and I loath the very appearance of sin; I\nwould not deceive myself for the world. Lord, give me to try myself by\nthy word, weigh myself in the balance of the sanctuary!\n\nWednesday 21. I told one to-day, \u201cIf you die in the state you are in,\nyou will go to hell.\u201d I spoke it purely for the good of her soul. Yet\nthe minute I spoke, something shocked me, and I was afraid, it was too\nharsh. May the Lord pardon what was amiss in it, and enable me to speak\nin a more proper manner for the time to come!\n\nThursday 22. O what have I felt this day by anger! May the Lord speak\npeace anew to my soul, and fill me again with his love, and make an\nutter end of sin in me, for Jesus Christ\u2019s sake!\n\nFriday 23. I was greatly tempted with anger this day: but glory be to\nGod, it did not break out. May the Lord destroy it, root and branch,\nfor it is the trouble of my soul. May I never be at ease till he roots\nup this and every bitter root besides!\n\nSaturday 24. Glory be to God, it is still my desire to be cleansed from\nall sin. And is he not able and willing to do it now? May he enable me\nto believe, bless me with his love, and keep me ever in it!\n\nMonday 26. Blessed be God, I desire nothing but to be freed from every\nthing contrary to his love, and to be wholly dedicated to his service.\nThis day I strongly cried to God, to be delivered from all sin, and to\nhave his Spirit witness it to my spirit: and I could plead the promise\nfor it. And whatever sin he saves me from, may I give him all the glory!\n\nTuesday 27. Glory be to God, this has been a day of longing desire to\nbe filled with his full salvation; and I felt more pain for want of\nthis, than ever I did when under conviction, for want of pardon. I\nhave felt a very sore heart, to be cleansed from the in-being of sin;\nblessed be God for it. I believe, he is able and willing to do this:\nI believe, _His will is_ my _sanctification_. O that I may believe\nhe will do it now! The Lord enable me, to believe it from this time!\nAnd may I watch always, pray without ceasing, and in every thing give\nthanks! May my life be one continual looking-up to Jesus the captain of\nmy salvation!\n\nWednesday 28. My heart is still sore, because I cannot yet believe,\nthat the Lord has made an end of in-being sin. But I hope to see the\nhappy moment, and to have the divine evidence within me. May I be\ndetermined to wrestle for it in mighty prayer, and expect it every\nmoment!\n\nFriday 30. How shall I praise the Lord, for what he has done for my\nsoul? O the love of a dear Redeemer to sinful dust and ashes! Praise\nthe Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me praise his holy name.\n\nSunday, September 1. Lord, enable me to believe. _Help my unbelief!\nCleanse_ me _from all filthiness of flesh and spirit_, that I may\n_perfect holiness in the fear of God_.\n\nMonday 2. Glory be to God, tho\u2019 I am tempted; I do not now find any\nthing in me, to side with the temptation. If the Lord has cast out my\nenemy, may he keep him out for ever!\n\n*Tuesday 3. Glory be to God, that he has increased my faith.\nTemptations assault; but they have no place in me. Yet I was jealous\nover myself, lest I spoke too much, with some of our Christian friends.\nHow careful should we be, particularly among Christians! For then we\nare too apt to be most off our guard.\n\nWednesday 4. I find I am solemnly staid on God: and my one desire is,\nto _comprehend the length, and breadth, and depth, and height_ of that\n_love which passeth knowledge_. Yet the enemy presses sore at me with\ntemptations; but I have power from God to stand against them. O how\nshall I praise the Lord for his goodness? May silence speak his praise!\n\nSaturday 7. Glory be to God, he does increase my faith. But I have\nbeen much troubled with wandering thoughts. The Lord give me power to\novercome them all, and look every moment to my dear Redeemer!\n\n*Sunday 8. Glory be to God, that we have once more seen thy servant,\nMr. _John Wesley_ in the body. But this morning, being glad to see our\nfriends, I doubt, I was carried away with over-much joy. May the Lord\nkeep me on such occasions upon my watch-tower for the time to come!\n\nMonday 9. Blessed be God, I can still believe. Satan thrusts sore at me\nwith his fiery darts. But they have no point: they cannot enter my soul:\nthe Lord keeps me in the trying hour.\n\nThursday 12. I rose with new desires to seek the Lord, and I found him\nat the morning preaching. After dinner, some of our neighbours were\ntalking of one that had wronged them, and I thought it was better I\nshould be reading my bible. So I withdrew. Glory be to God who gave\nme light to see, and power to take the safer path. In the evening some\nwere pleading for a wilderness-state. I told them, that was not the\nLord\u2019s will concerning us: and I found freedom to tell them what he had\ndone for my soul. O may he keep me low at his feet, depending upon him\nevery moment for fresh supplies of grace!\n\nFriday 13. Thanks be to God, I am at peace with God and all men, and\nlove them all for Christ\u2019s sake. I see, I am myself all weakness: yet\n_I can do all things through Christ\u2019s strengthening me_. His mercies\nare new unto me every morning. O may he give me a thankful heart!\n\nSunday 15. I was much tempted with wandering thoughts at church, and to\nanger about the children: but, glory be to God, I perceived the enemy\nin his first approach, and looked for strength, and received it. May\nthe Lord give me a watchful, praying spirit, and fill my soul with\nhumble love!\n\nMonday 16. Was the quarterly meeting, and Mr. _W._ was there. I wanted\nto go; but continually another and another business interposed. I was\noften tempted to impatience; but I saw the temptation just as it came,\nand it fled away. At the love-feast, I stood up to speak: but I had\nonly spoke two or three words, when Mr. _Furz_ (I suppose not hearing\nme) concluded. I was tempted to be displeased; but it took no place,\nthe Lord giving me strength.\n\nTuesday 17. What a solemn morning was this! Dear Mr. _W._ preached\nhis farewel sermon. May the Lord graft it on my heart, and brighten my\nevidence more and more. I have had reasonings to-day, whether the work\nwas done: but glory be to God, I cannot doubt of it. I cannot doubt,\nbut he has cast out sin. May he keep it out for ever!\n\n*Wednesday 18. I am afraid, lest I should think something of myself.\nO may the Lord keep the foot of pride from me! It is of his free mercy\nthat I am out of hell, and that I am preserved to this hour. And I must\nstill perish, if he were extreme to mark my misdoings, and if he did\nnot wash my most holy things in his blood.\n\nThursday 19. Blessed be God, I have been stayed upon him this day, and\ndesiring to be filled with all his fulness. O for this spirit of prayer\nat all times, and in all places, to _set the Lord always before me_!\n\nSaturday 21. My whole desire, is to have every thought, word and\nwork, brought into the obedience of Christ, and to have my soul always\nascending to God, wherever I am, and whatever I am about. This evening\nhe was pleased to brighten my evidence. May he wash and keep me clean\nevery moment!\n\nWednesday 25. This has been a day of temptation and trial on every side;\nbut glory be to God, I could rejoice in the midst of it. May the Lord\nalways give me to see the difference between sin and temptation!\n\nThursday 26. I often feel a soreness of heart, as sore as if it had\nbeen cutting. May the Lord give me to know, whether it is from him, or\nfrom any thing I have done amiss! If it is, may he bring it to my mind,\nthat I may bring it to him and have it done away!\n\nSunday 29. I have found this a solemn day to my soul: especially at\nchurch in the morning, at the noon preaching, and in the afternoon,\nwhile three of us were conversing together on spiritual things. O may\nwe meet, where we shall cast our crowns before the Lamb, and praise him\nto all eternity!\n\nMonday 30. I know what the soreness of heart means. Truly _I am sick\nof love. Come into thy garden, my love, my dove, thou chiefest of\nten thousand!_ O what amazing love, that thou and thy Father should\ncondescend to dwell with dust and ashes! Thou God of love, make me\ntruly thankful for all thy benefits!\n\nThursday, October 3. This morning the body craved rest; but I forced\nmyself to rise. Indeed, my _delight is in the law of the_ Lord, _and\nin his law do I exercise myself day and night_. It was an happy day.\nBut toward evening I was not so lively. My body sunk under me. And the\nenemy of souls is ready at every turn. But, blessed be God, I was more\nthan conqueror.\n\nFriday 4. I was greatly blessed with the love of God. O how happy is\nit, to love him _with all our heart_? Yet in the afternoon, thro\u2019 hurry\nof business, I was much tempted to peevishness. But glory be to God, he\nsaved me from it. Let me die rather than offend him!\n\nSaturday 5. I went to bring home my little child from my\nmother-in-law\u2019s. On the road I called to see a neighbour, who asked\nfor my husband and mother. I said, without thinking, they gave their\nservice to her. But how was I surprised, as soon as the words were out\nof my mouth! I cried to God for pardon, yet continued in heaviness all\nthe day, and at night was almost afraid to go to sleep. In the morning,\nwhile several of us were at prayer, it pleased God to set me at liberty.\n\nTuesday 8. I had great freedom in prayer with my friends, before I came\naway. I had a solemn sense of God all the way home, admiring his wisdom\nand greatness and goodness in all his works. But I am afraid, when I\nsaid, \u201cPut the best cloth on my pillion, not the maid\u2019s,\u201d lest there\nshould be pride in it. If there was, Lord, take it all away, and save\nme from it for the time to come!\n\nFriday 11. I was much out of order in body, yet happy in soul. But\nat noon I spoke a word unadvisedly, which afflicted me much. The Lord\npardon me, and give me power to watch over my every thought, and word,\nand action!\n\nSaturday 12. This being the fair-day, was a time of much hurry:\nbut, blessed be God, I was kept in peace. And often I enjoy blessed\ncommunion with God, and can, as it were, grasp my Saviour with earnest\naffection. Indeed he is precious to my soul. He is all I desire in\nearth or heaven.\n\nSunday 13. Thinking of going to _Truro_, I cut a piece of oil-case, and\npinned on my bonnet, to keep off the rain. But it came to me soon after,\n\u201cHave not you been doing work on the Lord\u2019s-day?\u201d I was affrighted, and\ncried to God: and quickly his peace flowed back into my heart.\n\nTuesday 25. I was assaulted by a strong temptation to lightness. But,\nglory be to God, I was not overcome. Afterwards I was roughly accused,\nfor speaking a word that was not took well. If I sinned therein, may\nthe Lord humble me for it, and teach me to guard my words. May I live\nno longer, but to adorn the gospel of God my Saviour.\n\nFriday 18. I was tempted to set my heart on our garden. But I cried for\nhelp and was delivered. I hope to use both this, and every thing else,\nwith a single eye to the glory of God. Blessed be God, I have solid,\nsettled peace; and find my heart enlarged, to promote his glory as far\nas lies in my power. May he assist me, and keep me to the end!\n\nSaturday 19. Glory be to God, I see and feel my own weakness more and\nmore. My soul is greatly drawn out after God, for a larger measure of\ngrace. O may I be throughly\n\n \u201cWilling to receive,\n What thy goodness waits to give!\u201d\n\nTuesday 22. This has been a day of trial, even from my nearest friend.\nBut, glory be to God, I have been kept in peace; though without Christ\nI cannot stand a moment. I long to be nearer Christ, and to have a more\nawful sense of God\u2019s presence in my \u2666worldly business. Lord, take away\nthe spirit of forgetfulness from me, and let me set thee always before\nme.\n\n \u2666 \u201cwordly\u201d replaced with \u201cworldly\u201d\n\nFriday 25. I was waked this morning by the cries of my little child,\nwho was very ill. I asked the maid to get up, and light the fire. She\nwas unwilling, and spoke quick. I answered quick, \u201cI wonder you can\nlie by the child, and hear him cry so.\u201d Immediately I felt a danger of\nanger, and stopped short, glory be to God.\n\nSaturday 26. I kept my bed most part of the day, and was likewise heavy\nin spirit, and had hardly any power to pray. But in the evening I was\ngreatly comforted, in thinking how glorious the change would be, _when\nthis mortal_ would _put on immortality, and death be swallowed up in\nvictory_.\n\nMonday 28. My little boy continued exceeding ill: I was quite resigned\nconcerning him, only desiring it might please God, to ease his pain,\neither by life or by death. But I want more patience: I want a more\nfeeling sense of the sufferings of our Lord, which he endured for _me_,\nthough he knew no sin. And shall I, who deserve hell, complain of any\nthing?\n\nSaturday November 2. My child being very unruly, I had a struggle to\navoid anger in correcting her. May the Lord enable me, to keep my watch\nevery moment; otherwise I cannot but fall.\n\nMonday 4. This has been a blessed day of communion with God,\nparticularly in private prayer. And yet I feel sin and Satan always\nnear. But I find Christ nearer still.\n\nWednesday 6. Glory be to God, my whole desire is, to know more of\nmyself, and more of God: to see more of God in every thing, and to be\nfilled with a deeper awe of his constant presence.\n\nThursday 7. Blessed be the Lord for patience, under the unkind\ntreatment of my nearest and dearest friends. I have been this week\nmuch drawn out in prayer, for the souls of all people. But I longed\nmost of all for the prosperity of _Sion_, and that the Lord might ever\nreign supreme in mine own heart.\n\nTuesday 12. Some part of the day, I was dull and heavy; till I cried to\nthe Lord, and he quickened me. In the afternoon, when the maid spoke,\nI felt lightness flashing on me as quick as lightning. But the Lord\nlifted up his standard against it: and it went as quick as it came. May\nhe keep me from it as from the greatest of sins; for indeed there is no\nlittle sin in the sight of God.\n\nWednesday 13. This has been a day of strong prayer, and God has\nblessed me in a glorious manner. Yet the powers of darkness surrounded\nme in private prayer, so that sometimes I was almost afraid. But I\ncried to the Lord, and he refreshed my soul; and I could say with dear\nconfidence, _Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,\nI will fear no evil_.\n\nMonday 18. I spoke a word unawares, which I was afterwards afraid,\nwas not true. Then it came to me, \u201cWhere is your clean heart now?\u201d But\nimmediately I cried to God, \u201cLord, give me power to watch over my words,\nand always to think before I speak.\u201d\n\nWednesday 20. Blessed be God, he has kept me this day also, and\nrefreshed me with the showers of his grace. Yet the enemy questioned my\nevidence, and said, it was only justification which I experienced. But\nI know him to be a liar from the beginning. Afterwards, in the hurry of\nbusiness, he strove to sow peevishness in me: but I begged the Lord to\nkeep me from it, and he heard me.\n\nSaturday 23. I was heavy in soul, and had many profane words brought\nbefore me. Sometimes also it was suggested, \u201cThou wilt destroy thyself:\u201d\nat other times, \u201cThou hast committed the unpardonable sin.\u201d The Lord\nkeep me in the hour of temptation, and from the hour of temptation!\n\nMonday 25. This was a blessed day to my soul. My mind was solemnly\nstayed on God. All the clouds were dispersed, and the sun of\nrighteousness shone upon me again.\n\nTuesday 26. Our leader not coming, I was desired to lead the band. It\nwas a cross to me, for fear I should not discharge my duty. But the\nLord gave me a word to speak to each, and power to wrestle for them in\nprayer. Yet at night, I had much reasoning, whether I had spoken right;\nand then it was suggested, I had done well. The Lord give me power to\nflee from pride, in every kind and degree!\n\nThursday 28. Blessed be God, Christ was exceeding precious to me this\nmorning. O what love had I for Christ! The Lord fill me with love every\nmoment!\n\nSaturday 30. I find my short-comings daily, and am amazed at the\ngoodness of God. I was much distressed this evening, because, \u2666I\ndid not take up my cross, and give thanks after tea, though we had\nstrangers. The Lord pardon me for it, and make me bolder for the time\nto come!\n\n \u2666 \u201cdid\u201d replaced with \u201cI did\u201d per Errata\n\nTuesday, December 3. Blessed be God, he raised me up to hear his word.\nAnd it was spirit and life to my soul. O what has he done for me, a\nsinner? He has saved me from guilt and from in-bred corruption, and has\nfilled me with love. Now let _patience have its perfect work_!\n\nWednesday 4. Pride has presented itself to-day: but I looked unto God,\nand there was nothing in me to join with it: glory be to his name! I\nfound great love to my sisters, and to some in particular. Sometimes I\nthink, whether it is only a natural love: but I am soon assured, I love\nthem only for Christ\u2019s sake. Indeed my heart is inlarged toward all\nmankind; though particularly the people of God. But I want more faith\nand patience. I want to be more humble and meek. O may I be all like a\nlittle child!\n\n*Friday 6. I used abstinence; and mourned, that I could not deny myself\nmore. When I think, what my Lord suffered for _me_, what a little is it,\nto suffer the loss of an ordinary meal for him? O may it be _my meat\nand drink, to do his_ blessed _will_ on earth, as it is done in heaven!\n\nSaturday 7. I advised with some of my friends, about dressing meat\non Sunday. So I dressed meat to-night for our dinner to-morrow,\naccording to their advice, and resolved hereafter (whoever was pleased\nor displeased) to obey God rather than man. I had afterwards some sharp\nwords concerning it: but _a soft answer turned away wrath_.\n\nTuesday 10. We had sharp words again to-day, but, glory be to God, I\nhad patience. I did not make any reply, and found nothing but love in\nmy heart. May God give me the whole mind which was in my blessed Lord!\n\nThursday 12. Amidst the troubles and trials of the ungodly, I had the\nrefreshing springs of my Lord\u2019s love and grace. At night I was dull\nand sleepy before family-prayer: but then the Lord quickened my soul.\nI have been begging of him to-day more faith, more watchfulness, more\nhumility: more understanding in his word, more knowledge of Satan\u2019s\ndevices, and power to shun them at the first approach. And O may he\nwash my best performances in his precious blood! May I still take great\ndelight in the law of the Lord, and _keep his commandments with my\nwhole heart_!\n\n*Sunday 15. After I went to bed, I was much distrest, for cutting a\nribband to wear. I was never till now convinced, that it was prophaning\nthe Lord\u2019s-day: blessed be God for convincing now! O what trouble was\nI in for a quarter of an hour! But I cried to God, and he rose on my\nsoul again. May he abide therein, till time shall commence a glorious\neternity!\n\nTuesday 17. I had a difficult talk in the evening, being obliged to\nlead the band. O how insufficient am I for such a work! I did not think\nit was so great a thing before. The Lord pardon whatever I said amiss.\nThere seemed to be a cloud over us in prayer. If the cause was in _me_,\nthe Lord reveal it, and take it away, for Christ\u2019s sake!\n\nSunday 22. The enemy presented pride to me: but, blessed be God, I\nlooked to him, and it fled away. I hope, he will never be able any\nmore to sow this seed in my heart.\n\nMonday 23. Glory be to God, I have found more love to my dear Saviour\nto-day than ever I did. O what hungering and thirsting did I feel, to\ndo his will, as it is done in heaven?\n\nWednesday 25. This has been a blessed day to my soul; though I was\ngrieved for the sloth of some of our family, who would not rise to the\nearly preaching. The Lord stir them up to redouble their diligence. The\nenemy accused me to-day, of going with too much boldness to the Lord\u2019s\ntable. But I know it is only free grace that has enabled me so to do.\n\nFriday 27. This has been a day of trial: but blessed be God, I was\nkept in perfect peace. Yet I could not but feel heaviness for my dear\nfriends, to think of their precious, never-dying souls. The Lord give\nme a tender concern for them, and enable me to pray for them, and never\ncease.\n\n*Tuesday 31. I spoke an improper word, which threw me into great\nheaviness. But I cried to God, \u201cLord, thou knowest, I would not offend\nthee willingly: I would sooner put my hand in the fire.\u201d And he was\ngraciously pleased to bless me that instant. But I saw, while I was at\nprayer, that I had been talking about religion in too light a manner.\nThe Lord pardon me, and give more awe and reverence, for the time to\ncome!\n\nWednesday, January 1, 1766. I found an increase of love to God and his\npeople. In the evening the power of God was upon the congregation, in\na glorious manner. We _sat under the droppings of his sanctuary_, and\nrejoiced in him with joy unspeakable.\n\nThursday 2. Glory be to God, my heart was inlarged, to love him with\nevery faculty of my soul, with most ardent love to the children of God,\nand tender affection to all men.\n\nTuesday 7. My dear _M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ raged against me much. Lord lay not the sin\nto her charge! And say to the enemy, \u201cHitherto shalt thou go, and no\nfarther.\u201d I am much out of order in body, and do not find my spirit\nso lively as it was; perhaps through bodily weakness. But I can still\nrejoice in God, and love him with all my heart.\n\nThursday 9. I was tempted to peevishness this morning; but I prayed,\nand it found no place in me. I had likewise thoughts about my husband,\nbecause he did not come home so soon as I expected. But I looked to the\nLord, and was resigned to whatever he would please to lay upon me.\n\nSaturday 11. This has been a day of sore temptation: yet mine enemy\ngained no advantage over me. But I want to bear the cross more\nchearfully; for to-day I wept under it: though it was only, to think\none who professed religion, should act so contrary to it.\n\nSunday 12. The enemy was let loose \u2666upon me inwardly, as well as\noutwardly. He suggested, \u201cWhat will become of thee? Thou wilt make an\nend of thyself, and be cast away at last.\u201d I had scarce power to look\nto God, and thought it did not signify to strive any more. But, before\nI slept, he returned and healed my soul. May he give more liberty, love\nand power!\n\n \u2666 \u201cnpon\u201d replaced with \u201cupon\u201d\n\nSaturday 18. I have been much out of order for several days, and have\nnot rose to the morning preaching. If there is any sloth in me, the\nLord give me to see it; I am not sensible of it. And I hope the Lord\naccepts of the will, as the power is taken from me. In the evening, my\nbrother-in-law being with us, and my husband being unwilling to pray,\nI delayed praying till my brother was gone to bed. But it came to me\nafterward, \u201c_Who art thou that thou art afraid of a man that shall\ndie?_\u201d The Lord pardon me for it. I hope whether my husband prays or no,\nI shall not omit it for the time to come.\n\nMonday 27. Glory be to God for his unbounded mercies to such a rebel as\nme! What blessings has he given me this day? How happy have I been in\nhis love? May he _keep the door of my mouth_, that I may never more\nspeak unadvisedly with my lips! And above all, may he keep my heart,\nthat I may no more _reason_ against him.\n\nWednesday 29. Blessed be God, Christ has been exceeding precious to me\nto-day. O how my heart was enlarged to poor souls! If I could have my\nliberty, I would spend all the time in the service of God, and have\nnothing to do with the world. Yet I see my own helplessness more and\nmore, and that it is of pure love I am out of hell.\n\nFriday 31. To-day I had a solemn sense of God, while I was in my\nbusiness, and had much watchfulness over my words, saying continually\nin my heart, \u201c_The_ Lord _sees me_!\u201d Glory be to his name!\n\nMonday, February 3. Glory be to God this has been a solemn day to my\nsoul. In the evening my poor M\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015 raged greatly: but I was enabled to\nstand in the hour of trial.\n\nSunday 9. Blessed be God, my evidence was as clear as the shining of\nthe sun. Yet in the evening I was much tempted by the enemy, causing\nmany wicked oaths to pass before my mind. But in the midst of all I\ncould rejoice in God, knowing in whom I had believed.\n\nMonday 10. Blessed be God, I desire nothing, but to drink deeper and\ndeeper of his spirit. I see my evidence clear; but I see more and more\nof my own weakness, and long to live more to his glory. I am jealous\nover myself, because I do not rise in the morning as I used to do.\nSurely it is not because I shun the cross: for I do love him with all\nmy whole heart. May he deepen his work of grace in my soul, and stamp\nhis whole image upon my heart!\n\nFriday 21. Two men coming in, one of whom was in drink, as we were\ngoing to drink tea, I thought it would be more form than devotion, to\nask a blessing openly. So I shunned the cross. But I suffered for it\nafterward. The Lord be praised, that he did not enter into judgment\nwith me, but gave me time to draw near him through the Son of his love.\nMay he make me more fruitful for the future.\n\nSaturday 22. I was twice tempted to-day to anger in the shape of zeal.\nBut I saw the snare, blessed be God, and fled from it. In the evening\nI was much distressed with wandrings in the public service: all which\nI believe, proceeded from my omission yesterday. The Lord help me to\nwatch and pray more, lest I enter into temptation!\n\nMonday 25. At the love feast, I was in pain most of the time, longing\nto break through: and yet I could not declare what God had done for my\nsoul. The Lord pardon me for my omission! I believe he is deepening his\nwork in me. He does _sit upon_ me _as a refiner\u2019s fire_.\n\nThursday 27. Glory be to God, he discovers more and more of his love,\nto me the unworthiest of his creatures. Yet, I doubt, I was not so\nwatchful as I ought, some part of this day. And I fear, I lay in bed\ntoo long this morning. The Lord help me to use more violence to myself!\n\nMonday, March 3. Glory be to God, I enjoy perfect peace amidst the\nstorms of an ungrateful world. In trials from the world, and trials\nfrom them of my own houshold, he is my strong hold, to which I always\nresort. Yet I find the company of the world a great burden, when I am\nobliged to be with them in my business. I want power to reprove them\nmore. The Lord help me in this also!\n\nThursday 6. Glory be to God I am amazed when I think of his goodness\nand my unworthiness. How did he bless me this evening at the room?\nI found I was all light in the Lord. How pure has he made my heart\nthrough faith! It is all of grace, free grace. This was a day of trial:\nbut, blessed be God it was no trial to _me_, because the Lord took off\nthe burden. Only I was concerned for their souls. Lord, save them, for\nthy dear name sake!\n\nMonday 10. Glory be to God for the blessings of this day. O how did\nhe bless me this evening? I wept to see the goodness of God in Christ\nJesus toward me and all poor sinners. I find indeed a busy foe. But his\ngrace is sufficient for me. I have my evidence still clear. The Lord\ngive me to pray always: make me thankful, keep me humble, and keep me\nto the end!\n\nThursday 13. I was attacked with a light spirit to-day, which I dread\nand abhor. And all the company was assaulted with it at the same time:\nbut the Lord sent us help in the time of need.\n\nFriday 21. I rose to the preaching this morning, though my body\ncomplained. Still, in the midst of trials, my desire is, to know more\nof God and to live nearer to him. I had peace all this day, and power\nto look to God, in all the hurry of my business. Glory be to his holy\nname, for all is blessings, temporal and spiritual.\n\nSunday 23. I was much grieved at church, to hear people mocking God,\nby saying what they do not believe, and what they will flatly deny, as\nsoon as they are out of church. It made me doubt, whether I ought to go\nto church or not? But I considered, I am not to look to them: I am to\nlook to God only.\n\nMonday 31. Blessed be God, that I am out of hell, that I have hope of\nseeing him in glory, and that he gives me now to commune with him, even\nas a man with his friend. Yet I want to be more watchful over my words.\nI believe it is my privilege to speak no more words than are necessary,\nand to the glory of God. The Lord pardon me for speaking amiss to-day,\nand keep me every moment watching unto prayer!\n\nTuesday, April 1. This has been a day of blessed humiliation to my\nsoul, on account of my past life. I stand amazed at the goodness of God\ntoward me. Blessed be his name, for giving me this evenness of mind.\nBut I have need, to come out of myself more, and to rely more on Christ:\nthe Lord increase my faith, and enable me so to do!\n\nFriday 11. Blessed be God, for the peace I still enjoy amidst a world\nof business: But I want to sink down continually into the depths of\nhumble love. I have not to-day so much comfort as I often enjoy. But\nI can rely upon my God: and I can appeal to him, it is my one care, to\nplease him in all things.\n\nSunday 13. Glory be to God, for a peace that passeth all understanding.\nBut I have not felt so much of his quickning power to-day as in\ntime past. I have examined myself, and besought the Lord to shew me,\nif there was any evil in me. I do not find any; and it came to me,\n_Stand still, and see the salvation of God_. I have a solid peace: and\nthough I have not so much liveliness in duty as usual, yet I find more\nwatchfulness over my words and actions. But still how short am I of\nwhat I would be?\n\nSunday 20. Blessed be God, for giving me a resigned will, in the\nhour of trial. It has been expected these three days, that every\nmoment would be the last with my dear little boy. Yet he keeps my\nmind in perfect peace. But the enemy is very busy, accusing me of\nhard-heartedness, for not weeping more. However, I am kept in the fire\nand in the water. And the Lord prepare me for whatever I have to go\nthrough!\n\n*Friday 25. I am at present much fatigued in body, and very low in\nspirits. The Lord was pleased to take my dear little _George_ to\nhimself on Wednesday morning. He supported me in a wonderful manner:\nbut I have found the trial nearer to-day than ever. The Lord grant I\nmay not grieve his holy Spirit! And whatever thy purer eyes have seen\namiss in me already, cover with the mantle of forgiving love! May we\nhumble ourselves under thy mighty hand! May it be a means of pressing\nus closer to thee! And may we follow on, to meet our dear infants, in\nthe upper and better world!\n\nSaturday 26. Glory be to God, that I am still on praying ground. His\ngrace is still sufficient for me, though I find a trying world, and a\ntempting enemy: sometimes I feel my child very near. The Lord pardon me,\nif it is wrong! Give me more of the life and power of God in my soul,\nand keep me from a dead form of religion!\n\nSunday 27. Since last night, I have been in heaviness through\ntemptations against my husband. O Lord, be pleased to disperse the\ncloud and shine on thy own work! Besides, we have been exposed to-day,\nto the company of carnal friends. Lord, pardon our backwardness in\nreproving, and give us more courage for God, and make us thankful, that\nhe hath made us to differ and give me more of that fire of love in my\nheart!\n\nTuesday 29. Glory be to God, he returned to his temple this evening.\nThe meeting of the bands was a blessed means of grace to me. When\nour brethren and sisters spoke of the goodness of God, it was spirit\nand life to my soul. Yet I was myself backward to speak, and when I\nattempted it, was seized with trembling all over. But at last, blessed\nbe God, he opened my mouth, and then all my burden dropt off. Lord,\nhelp me always to tell of thy goodness, and keep me in thy laws, till\ngrace end in glory!\n\n*Thursday, May 1. I have kept my bed most of the day, being in much\npain. O how unfit are we at such a time, for so great a work as working\nout our salvation! Let none postpone their repentance to a sick-bed:\nit is work enough then, to struggle with sickness and pain. But how\npleasant is a sick-bed, when perfumed with the love of God, and when\nwe have a precious Christ in our bosom? Come life, come death, with my\ndear Jesus, and life or death is sweet.\n\nTuesday 6. Lord, I beg this one thing at thy hand, the salvation of\nmy dear mother! She is now under thy afflicting hand. Be pleased to\nsanctify her affliction: and let it be to the saving of her soul, for\nthy dear Son\u2019s sake.\n\nWednesday 14. Glory be to God, he has given me to-day a sight of myself\nand of my numberless infirmities. But he has not been extreme to mark\nwhat was done amiss: blessed be his name for Jesus Christ! O that I may\nhave more of the mind that was in him, more of a meek, quiet, teachable\nspirit. May I now begin! May I now set out with double diligence! May I\nrun, and not be weary; walk, and not faint!\n\nFriday 16. I had reasoning about going to church, whether it was\n_necessary_ to go so often? But when I brought it to the word of God,\nI saw, after we have done all, we are unprofitable servants. Lord let\nme resist him stedfast in the faith.\n\nThursday 22. Yesterday I was troubled concerning one of our brethren;\nbut resolved to tell no one what I heard, unless himself or his wife.\nThis afternoon they came to my house, and I told them all I had heard.\nThey told me just how the thing was, and I found it was a meer mistake.\nSo Satan was disappointed of his aim, and our love to each other\nconfirmed.\n\nSunday 25. Hearing of the distress of some of my neighbours, my heart\noverflowed with thankfulness, to think God had provided me and mine\nwith temporal blessings also. His care was over me in my youth likewise,\nnot leaving me to my own choice. But I praise him above all, for his\npardoning love, and for full redemption through the blood of Jesus.\n\nThursday 29. Glory be to God, I found an unspeakable blessing at the\nmorning preaching, and again in private prayer; but above all, at the\nmeeting of the select society. And, I think, so did every one present.\nI was at first unwilling to speak; but I knew, not to speak would be\ngrieving the Spirit of God. So I broke through, as did several others:\nand we were all so filled with consolation, that we could only say,\n\n \u201cEnlarge our heart, to make thee room.\u201d\n\nThursday, June 5. Glory be to God, that he hath given me a thankful\nheart, for his love toward me even in my early days! How did his kind\nhand preserve me, when I did not know him? How did it carry me through\nthe heedless steps of youth, keep me from the malice and intrigues\nof all my enemies, and at last bring me to his dear self, and to the\nknowledge of his love! And though the storms now rise high, yet blessed\nbe his name, all is calm within. Lord, be pleased to have pity upon\nSatan\u2019s instruments, and save their dear souls. I find nothing rises\nin my heart against them: but I am constrained to mourn for them:\nespecially for those who have known God, and do not live to his glory.\n\nTuesday 10. I find it a heavy burden to be in the company even of\nthose that are called civil people. But as I am called to take up this\ncross, may the Lord enable me to bear it. Lord, let me rely wholly on\nthee. I feel thou art all in all! Thou art my strength, as well as my\nrighteousness. Without thee I can do nothing.\n\nTuesday 17. I did not enjoy so large a measure of love as I have\nsometimes done. What is the reason I know not: the Lord pardon me for\nit, and give me to see that all my doings are as filthy rags in the\nsight of a pure God: and that I want the precious blood of my Redeemer\nto interpose for me every moment. I feel the same want of him that ever\nI did: I believe I am written on the palms of his hands. But still I\nwant more of the life and power of religion: I am hungry and thirsty\nafter this.\n\nWednesday 18. I was tempted this morning to resentment: but, glory be\nto God, it could not enter. Lord, search me and prove me, empty me of\nmyself and fill me all with God. For ever wash, and keep me clean, and\nlet Christ be all in all.\n\nWednesday 25. I found indifference about going to church. I begged of\nthe Lord to direct me, and immediately the reasonings disappeared. In\nthe afternoon I poured out my soul before him, and prayed till I could\nscarce speak. I long for a closer communion with God, and for more\nwisdom and understanding in his ways.\n\nTuesday, July 8. Glory be to God, I am still the monument of his free\nmercy. Amidst a world of business and hurry, I still enjoy peace, and\ncommune with God, as a man with his friend. I have not so much joy\nas in time past; but my faith is strong, and I enjoy a calm peace.\nAnd when temptation comes as a flood, his spirit lifts up a standard\nagainst it. Meeting in band at night, I was quite stript, and felt\nmy nothingness. Glory be to God, that I am out of hell, because his\ncompassions fail not.\n\n*Tuesday 22. Glory be to God, I am still assured that the Lord has\ngiven me a clean heart, and renewed a right spirit within me; and I\ncan have no doubt of it, though I am not so overflowed with joy in the\nmeans of grace as I have been. But I have a calmness and power which I\nnever had in so great degree, in the midst of the closest trials. Only\nI am grieved for sinners, and pray that the Lord would pluck them as\nbrands out of the burning.\n\nFriday 25. This evening I have been at the interment of an acquaintance.\nWhat nothings we are, and how soon turned to our mother earth? Should\nnot this thought cause us to live in love and peace with all men? And\nto live as expecting the messenger of death every moment?\n\nSaturday, August 2. I have been for several days much disordered in\nbody. In my illness I had hardly power to pray, or to do any thing. O\nmay I prize health more, and make full use of it, when the Lord sends\nit. Glory be to God, I had no fear of death, and no anxious care for my\nchildren. I only wanted more power to praise God. And will he not give\nthat and all things? _O cleanse me from my secret faults!_ And let no\nsin ever more prevail over me!\n\n*Wednesday 6. Blessed be thy name, I do not find any thing within to\nclose with temptations. Yesterday anger presented as quick as thought;\nbut it found no entrance. Yet shame covered me, for fear any that were\npresent might discern the appearance of it. And I begged the Lord to\nshew me, if there was any evil root left? As far as I know myself, I\ndo not find there is: I do firmly believe, he hath purified me from all\nsin. But I am big with the desire of living nearer God: O how dear was\nhe to me this night? Thou art altogether lovely: thou art fairer than\nthe sons of men.\n\nThursday 14. Glory be to God, there has been a cry in my dear mother\u2019s\nsoul all this day. Lord, increase it! Thou hast set her sins in array\nbefore her. May she never rest till she rests in thee!\n\nFriday 22. I went three or four miles this evening to the preaching: My\nmind was solemnly stayed on God; but I was not very lively: my husband\nbeing talking most of the way about worldly affairs. O Lord, direct him\nin all his ways, and let nothing hurt his precious soul.\n\nSaturday 30. I have been much disordered in body all this day; but,\nglory be to God, have enjoyed calmness of spirit. Yet I have been\ngrieved to see some of my family, so busy about the world, and so\nlittle concerned for their poor souls, but trifling away their precious\nmoments. Lord, let me redeem the time! Let me never rest in any thing\nI have attained: but still press on, till I know all that love of God\nthat passeth knowledge!\n\nThursday September 4. Blessed be God for the comfort I had in hearing\ndear Mr. _W._ at _Penryn_. I was tempted to impatience, both in the\nmorning, when my husband stayed long before he set out: and at noon,\nwhen I was disappointed of being in Mr. _W._\u2019s company. But I looked\nup, and felt nothing but calmness and quietness of spirit.\n\nTuesday 9. I waked between four and five, with praises in my mouth.\nGlory be to God, I find an inlarged heart, to run the ways of the Lord\nwith great delight. His love is sweeter than honey to my taste, and my\nwill is swallowed up in his.\n\nSunday 14. A cold almost disabled me from speaking, which gave me to\nsee the great blessing of speech. Lord, help me to use it more to thy\nglory! This afternoon, blessed be God, we had the happiness of having\ndear Mr. _W._\u2019s company. Lord imprint his exhortations deep on my\nheart! And may all the words he delivered be watered with the dew of\nthy heavenly grace!\n\nTuesday 16. Glory be to God, he has kept me in the hour of strong\ntemptation. The enemy bears me a tyrannous hatred, and stirs up my\nbosom friends against me. Lord, thou knowest they lay to my charge\nthings I know not. But thou art to me a place of broad rivers. And\n_these light afflictions will work out for_ me _an eternal weight of\nglory_.\n\nWednesday, October 1. Blessed be God, he keeps me in trials from those\nwho are nearest and dearest to me. What a powerful energy has love?\nIt keeps my soul in perfect peace, while all around me is storm and\ntempest.\n\nSaturday 25. I have the greatest reason to bless God of any creature:\nfor he gives me great hope, that my dear husband will not proceed on\nhis intended voyage. He seems at length to see the strength of the\nobjections against it. I wept over him last night, and reasoned with\nhim in much love, till one o\u2019clock in the morning. And, glory be to\nGod, whatever it was to _him_, it was a blessed means of grace to _me_.\n\nMonday, November 3. At night I was much frighted between sleeping and\nwaking, I believe, by the enemy. I was afraid I had offended my Lord,\nby not going to church yesterday in the afternoon. I besought the Lord\nto pardon me for the omission; and he soon spoke the answer to my heart.\n\nWednesday 5. Glory be to God for the blessings of this day, and for\ngiving me more patience and more watchfulness. Indeed I was tempted\nto anger against my husband, and afterwards to lightness. But help was\nat hand. O that I may be more thankful! Lord, may thy pure love always\nfill my soul: and do thou water me every moment!\n\nMonday 24. I was calm and serene all this day, and had power to\nrestrain my words. But in the evening I was much tempted, when one\ntold me, Mr. _Mason_ designed to make me leader of a band. I found it\nhard to leave my sisters, and harder still to undertake so important a\ncharge. When he gave me the paper the next day, I was closely exercised.\nAnd when I came to the band, it was a great mountain, and I was full\nof shame and confusion. But when I began to speak, I found a little\nfreedom, and, blessed be God, he helped my infirmity. Afterwards I\nfound the same power to pray, as if we had been together some time.\nLord, bless us together, and let me be always little, and base, and\nvile in my own eyes!\n\nFriday 28. Glory be to God, this has been a blessed day. My soul has\nbeen full of love to the people of God, my band in particular. And\nthe Lord gives me more light into myself, more freedom from wanderings\nand evil reasonings, and more power to check my own spirit. But O! the\nmighty void I saw in myself! I never saw it so before. This constrained\nme to wrestle with the Lord. And he did not send me empty away.\n\nMonday, December 1. Glory be to God, the Sun of Righteousness shone on\nmy soul all the day long. Whenever Satan was nigh, I looked to him, and\nwas instantly saved. He gave me a clear sight of the work of my soul,\nand a brighter evidence than ever, accompanied with the pure streams of\nhis love pouring down into my heart.\n\nFriday 5. Glory be to God, I found a tender conscience, and power\nto set the Lord always before me. And I can now enjoy my God in my\nbusiness, as well as in my duty. My heart is constantly stayed upon\nhim, and I long for more of that living principle within. O that thou\nwouldst fill me with heaven, with love, with God!\n\n*Saturday 6. I find my soul is, as a well of water, springing up into\neverlasting life. But I thirst for more. Blessed be God, he does keep\nmy soul in perfect peace, and in the midst of fire and water, give me\npatience, with an hope full of immortality. But I feel a great soreness\nof spirit, for those of my family. Lord, give them to know themselves,\nand direct them in all things! Take the cause into thine hands, and\nenable me, to stand still, and see the salvation of God.\n\nTuesday 12. Glory be to God, I enjoy peace and power, in the midst of\nmultitudes and hurry of business. My eye is still single toward the\nmark of my high calling, and my one desire, to live more to God.\n\nFriday 19. It was a cross to me to rise in the morning, but I was\nwell rewarded for taking it up. I was very lively all day; but in the\nafternoon was suddenly tempted to lightness; so were all of us who\nafterwards met in band; but the temptation soon fled away. My soul is\nalive to God, and only longs to fathom more of the depths of humble\nlove.\n\nMonday 22. My soul\u2019s desire this day has been, to sink down into the\ndepth of humility. I see my helplessness, and feel the want of my\nRedeemer\u2019s merits every moment. But how often does my own will present\nitself! Yet it prevails nothing. I want to be always as clay in the\nhands of the potter, and to be all moulded into love! As far as I know,\nI do love the Lord with all my heart. But I want to have all vain\nreasonings destroyed.\n\nSaturday, January 3, 1767. I was greatly blessed to-night, in a weeping\nstate, and mourned before the Lord for the sins of others. Yet at some\ntimes, quickness presented itself, but only as a flying cloud. I found\na great reverence to-night, while I said, Our Father. May this awful\nsense of his Majesty rest upon me, wheresoever I go!\n\nThursday 8. I was tempted to think lightly of my husband, as if he was\nalways asking, but not watching. I was much disordered in body, which\nweighed down my mind when I waited on the Lord in private. But, on\nreading the second chapter of _Zechariah_, my soul revived greatly: and\nI had a lively sense of his sparing mercy; but still more, in talking\nwith a dear friend. I could then see, what a sinner I had been in times\npast, in wishing for my own will; and could bless the Lord, that not\nmy will, but his, had taken place. O, may a due sense of the love and\nmercies of God be ever engraven on my heart!\n\nTuesday 13. Glory be to God for shewing me, I had done amiss, in\nreproving my husband before company, and for giving me to be humbled\non the account, and to acknowledge my fault. And blessed be God for\nthe Christian conversation we have had together this evening, wherein\nwe have seen, what advantage Satan had gained over us in time past. We\nhad power to speak to one another with all freedom, of the state of our\nsouls; and I trust this will be the beginning of happy days between us.\n\nSunday 18. Blessed be God, I have to-day found much life and light in\nmy soul at church. And I had a solemn time, in accompanying the relicks\nof sister _Harris_ to the grave. We fulfilled our promise, in singing\nher body to church, as we did her soul to glory. I was afterwards\ntempted both to lightness and to impatience; but I bless God, I remain\nin peace and love. My desire is, to know myself as I am known of God,\nand to live no longer than I live to him.\n\n*Friday 23. Glory be to God, though the enemy rages, I enjoy a calm\npeace in my soul. But this evening I found little power to pray. I\nbelieve it was owing to disorder of body. Yesterday I kept my bed all\nday. I am still much indisposed. But I was much delighted with the\namiableness of Christ. And I saw the great need we have of him, and\nshall have, when we stand naked before God. I saw the worth of Christ\nexceedingly, and loathed myself and all my own performances: yet being\npersuaded, that neither life, nor death, nor things present, nor things\nto come, should ever separate me from his love.\n\nTuesday, February 3. I have been confined to my bed by a fever, from\nSaturday till to-day. I found not much joy, but patience and peace, and\nsweet tranquility of mind: especially when sister _Pearce_ prayed with\nme. I found a longing desire to see some of my other sisters. But, when\none of them came, I could not speak to her at first, I was so overcome\nwith joy. The Lord blessed us in the afternoon also, when Mr. _Storey_\nprayed with us. Glory be to his holy name, for christian conversation;\nand for all the other helps we enjoy, to make our calling and election\nsure.\n\nMonday 23. All yesterday and to-day, I have been much disordered by\nthe cholic. At six this evening I bowed before God in prayer, and gave\nmyself up to him. I then resolved to try, whether I could not go to the\npreaching. I went, and was better after it than before. While I was in\nstrong pain, the enemy thrust sore at me: But I did not give place to\nhim for a moment. Blessed be God for a tender conscience! I find, if\never I speak a word unawares; if it is not right, I see it immediately,\nand am grieved that I was not more on my guard. Lord, help me to watch\nand pray every moment, that all my words may be to edification!\n\nMonday, March 2. Blessed be God, for the love I have felt yesterday\nand to-day, under the preaching of Mr. _Haim_. O may it sink deep in\nmy heart, and spring up into eternal life! I find Satan is continually\ntempting; but he has no success. I want to be more of a child-like\nspirit; to live more in Christ, and always near to God.\n\nThursday 5. My husband and maid both being sick, my body has been much\nexercised this week. But, glory be to God, I have enjoyed constant\npeace, and many blessed refreshings. Nor have I found one anxious\nthought concernings their living or dying.\n\nSunday 15. God was pleased this week to afflict my body with sickness.\nI mostly kept my bed. Sometimes I had doubts. Is it not, because I\ndo not speak more to my poor mother? Or because I have taken too much\nupon me, in being leader of a band? But these doubts did not trouble\nme so much as the close reflections I had from my husband. Twice I wept\nconcerning it; but then I thought, _the sorrow of the world worketh\ndeath_. I looked to the Lord, and he delivered me. And I said to him,\nShall I one day see thy face, without a veil between? And shall I\nstand at thy right hand, in the great day of accounts? And how clear an\nassurance of it did he give me! I find earnest desires to drink deeper\nof his Spirit, that I may be always the same, all of a-piece at all\ntimes and in all places, and may have a solemn awe resting upon me, in\nbusiness and company, especially among professors of religion.\n\nThursday 25. I was much grieved this evening at the stubbornness of\nmy child. Lord, bless the correction, and give her thy grace, whatever\nthou with-holdest from her! And help me to discharge my duty toward my\nchildren, in this and in all things.\n\nThursday, April 2. I saw more than ever the necessity of simply\nfollowing my blessed Lord: And the great need of grace rather than\ngifts; although gifts also are great blessings. Lord, on whomsoever\nthey are bestowed, may they beg thy aid, to use them singly to thy\nglory. I find an encreasing zeal for God and his people. I long to live\nmore to God, and to have less to do with the world; and am sometimes\ntempted against my husband, for incumbring himself so much with it. Yet\nI am thankful to God for these outward blessings: But my whole aim is,\nto be more devoted to God.\n\nWednesday 8. I want to have every thought brought into obedience to\nChrist: And to feel continually the awful sense of the presence of the\ngreat God! I have had a thankful and a melting heart, to think what\nblessed helps my children have in their tender years; and indeed, in\nlooking back on my own life, and on the blessed showers of grace, which\nGod has poured upon me, from time to time, in christian conversation.\nLord, give me a thankful heart, and fulfil in me all the good pleasure\nof thy will!\n\nMonday 20. Glory be to God, that I am out of hell, and that I still\nfind, God is a God of love. My desire is, to begin now; to live this\nmoment, and believe for the next. I have been for some time confined\nto my bed, and am still confined to my room. But all is well, while I\nam enabled, in every state, to be content. I have had a week of close\ntrials and temptations; but of deep consolations likewise. But I see\nI am still short in bearing all things, and in discerning the enemy\u2019s\nfirst approach. Yet glory be to thy great and holy name, for what I do\nenjoy. O help me to prize thy blessings more, and to believe and love\nto the end!\n\nSunday 26. In the morning, before I rose, wandering thoughts were\nthrown into my mind. I begged the Lord to give me power to drive them\nout; and he heard my prayer. He gave me likewise a thankful heart, to\nthink how richly he had provided for me, in temporals (while so many\nwere in pressing want) as well as in spirituals: I could not help\nweeping before the Lord, and asking, \u201cWhy me, or mine? Why hast thou\ngiven _me_ this composure of mind, more desirable than all this world?\nLord, give me to press after more inward solitude, and keep and water\nme every moment!\u201d\n\nSunday, May 3. Glory be to thy great and holy name, for all thy\nblessings and mercies: But above all, for my dear Jesus: I feel\nthe value of his blood and merits more than ever. I find myself all\nweakness and helplessness: his blood is all my plea. Through this I\nenjoy great peace of mind; although much indisposed in body. But I\nhave been in doubt what to do. I said, about a year before I found\npeace with God, that I would not eat any more flesh suppers, except\nI was with child. But, as my present disorder was thought to require\nit, I eat this evening a little of a calf\u2019s foot. Lord, keep me from\nscrupulous fears after it: Let not the enemy accuse me for it. Help me\nin this, and all things, to extol thy love and guardian care.\n\nMonday 25. Glory be to God for new desires to serve him: Lord, encrease\nthem every moment; and enable me to put in practice every desire,\nand every resolution, which is to thy glory! Let me never be weary of\nwell-doing; but endure to the end, that no man take my crown!\n\nSunday, June 14. To-day I was at the house of mourning, at sister\n_Pearce_\u2019s, whose child was near death. It was an happy time. While\nwe read the experience of some departed saints, the Lord showered down\nhis love upon us. After the boy died, I thought, Who can tell, what\na blessed convoy surrounded us, although unseen by mortal eyes? And\nI had strong faith, that, through the blood of the Lamb, I should one\nday meet the saints above. I found also great faith for the welfare\nof Zion, and hope that the Lord would soon build her up. In my late\nindisposition, I found little activity and little power to pray. And\nI found the enemy taking every occasion to tempt me: But there was\nnothing in me to side with the temptation. Glory be to God for pure\nlove! Glory be to Jesus Christ, my Lord! O continue to reign supreme\nLord over every motion of my soul!\n\nThursday 25. Blessed be God, I enjoy a steddy peace, and evenness of\nmind. But illness weighs down my body and soul, so that I am not active\nin the service either of God or man. I found my own spirit very near\nin reproving: But I looked to the Lord, and was saved. And I was kept\nin a great measure from reasoning. On the closest examination, I found\nnothing but love in my heart. But I long to have all that mind which\nwas in Christ Jesus my Lord!\n\nMonday, July 6. At night, after I was in bed, I found my mind wander\nafter distant things. I found it hard to fix my mind on the Lord\nonly; but, glory to him, the fountain is still open. I have been much\nbetter in body to-day, and have been able to pour out my soul to God,\nmore freely than for some time past. Indeed for some time I have had\nlittle life in prayer: But, blessed be God, he even then gave me power,\nwhich I had not, when I could rejoice to go to prayer, and found it\nsweet to my taste. He only knows, what is best for us. And when I\nwas tried to-day, he gave me a meek and quiet spirit. But I believe I\nspoke afterward more than was necessary; yet, blessed be God, without\ncondemnation.\n\nSaturday 11. At a funeral, I was much tempted to look at those who were\nstill in their sins, and to prefer myself before them. But presently\nit came, _Who maketh thee to differ?_ For a moment I sunk almost into\ndespair. But I thought on the love of God, and received comfort. So\nbusy is the enemy, first to lift us up, and then to cast us down.\n\nTuesday, August 4. Glory be to God, in the midst of trials, I was as\ncalm as if I was out of the body. In the evening, while I was earnest\nin private prayer, I felt as it were a dart shot through me. I started\na little, but still kept calling upon God, till I was more than\nconqueror.\n\nSaturday 8. This evening I was obliged to speak on behalf of the\ninjured. And I thought it my duty to speak sharply, though still in\nlove and meekness. I found love for God and his cause constrained me\nso to speak: For I hate every thing that would dishonour him.\n\nSunday, September 9. I was closely tried from a near quarter: But I was\nkept in peace. I wept to myself, to think of the sore bondage sin had\nbrought upon them who are under the power of it. It gave me to see the\nuncertainty of all things but the love of Christ.\n\nSunday 29. I was disturbed soon after midnight, and again a little\nbefore day. I did not wake any more, till almost six. I was grieved to\nbe disappointed of the preaching, and yet contented, seeing there was\nno will of my own in the omission of it. All this day I had a solemn\ntime. My soul enjoyed peace and tranquillity, and I found it good, to\nleave the things of time behind, and to wait simply upon God.\n\nThursday, October 1. When the select society met, I was much tired,\nand very heavy. But the Lord was pleased to bless others in a glorious\nmanner. Immediately it was suggested, \u201cThis is false fire: or why\nam not _I_ affected!\u201d I begged the Lord, to answer for himself. And,\nbefore we parted, I had the petition I asked of him, and was refreshed\nboth in soul and body.\n\nSaturday 3. Being much disordered in body, I was obliged to lie down.\nI dreamed I was exhorting some people of note, in an exceeding solemn\nmanner. And I was so happy in God, that I afterward felt the good\neffect of it, even upon my body. Yet, in the end, methought I was\ntempted to lightness. See how Satan besets us sleeping and waking!\n\nTuesday 6. I had strong desires to be filled with God, and I find faith\nthat I shall; that I shall be entirely devoted to God, and that every\nmoment. My heart is more enlarged in love to all mankind, particularly\nto my brethren; and I have power to cover their faults with love, and\nto pray for them. Blessed be God, that his work is spreading among\nus: More and more are brought to the knowledge of God: And many are\ngoing from house to house, to call upon God and tell of his goodness.\nIt is no wonder therefore that Satan rages: But I trust he will be\ndisappointed of his hope. The Lord make us faithful, and keep us every\nmoment watching unto prayer!\n\nSunday 18. Glory be to God, I find the fruits of the Spirit encreasing;\nparticularly by means of private prayer. Indeed the enemy thrusts sore\nat me therein, striving to make me afraid, till I sometimes cry out,\n\u201cShall I be afraid to thank and praise my God?\u201d He then presently flies,\nand immediately the Lord showers down his blessings upon me.\n\nThough I have been kept by sickness from the public means, this has\nbeen a sabbath of rest to my soul. I had a solemn, peaceable time in\nreading, and a glorious time in private prayer, between five and six.\nAnd in the evening, the Lord poured his grace on my heart, as the dew\nupon the tender herb. I never saw so much of his greatness before. Lord,\nfill me with this awful sense of thy majesty, and let me be kept every\nmoment in that silent heaven of love!\n\nSunday, November 1. I have kept my bed for some days, being much\ndisordered in body. But, glory be to God, he has many times refreshed\nmy soul with his love: particularly, when I have been favoured with\nthe company of his dear children. When they called upon him in prayer,\nhe was pleased to hear, and answer even while they were calling. In\ngeneral, I have found calm composure of spirit, a deliverance from my\nown will, patience and resignation to the will of God, and power in\nthe hour of temptation. But I want more strength of faith and love; for\nI find the enemy is always watching. And sometimes he comes very near,\nstriving to sow the evil seed again. But, glory be to God, he has saved\nme yet, though sometimes I have been scarcely saved: So that I see I\nmust live this moment to God, and watch and look to my dear Lord every\nmoment.\n\nMonday 2. When I waked, my husband soon began talking to me about\nworldly business. It was lawful, but I quickly found it was not\nexpedient: For I had not so much power to pray as usual. But, in the\nevening, blessed be God, I waited upon him in a sweet, calm peace, at\nthe preaching. Only I found a little reasoning, \u201cWhat if I should fall\nin labour?\u201d But it was quickly removed: And though my body failed a\nlittle, yet I was freer from wandrings than I ever was for a long time.\n\nThursday 5. The Lord does still bless me and keep me; but I come short\nof what I desire to be. In the morning I find strong desires to be\nwholly devoted to God in every thing. But in the evening, I find I have\nstill come short, though without condemnation and fear. Blessed be God,\nI am kept from inordinate sorrow for my dear friend\u2019s illness. Lord,\nprepare me for the same hour. And, if it be thy blessed will, rebuke\nthe disorder, and raise her up, for the good of her family, and of thy\npeople.\n\nSunday 8. The Lord was pleased to call her to himself. The day before\nshe seemed much better. But in the evening she fell worse again, and\nthis morning, about nine, departed. When word came of this, I was not\nshocked at first; but in a while I began to reason on what had passed\nbetween us the evening before. She then said, \u201cWhen death seemed nigh\nsome nights since, the enemy thrust sore at me, and said, This will be\nthy end: But I said, Not without God\u2019s permission: He can bring me down\nto the belly of hell, and bring me up again, as he did _Jonah_ out of\nthe whale\u2019s belly. But it is one thing to talk of death, and another\nto have it brought home to us.\u201d Then her husband, and children, and\nfriends came near, and sorrow seemed to overwhelm her. But she said,\n\u201cGod is able to bless and keep them, without me, if he is pleased to\ntake me. And if he is pleased to spare me, I can do nothing for them,\nwithout the Lord.\u201d When I reflected upon these things, not watching\nunto prayer, I was quickly encompassed with a flood of temptations:\nSo that I never remember to have passed such a night, since I knew the\ngoodness of God. I could not sleep till six in the morning. But, glory\nbe God, I had peace at the bottom, and continued striving with all my\nmight. About Monday noon I found ease, and at five in the evening, I\ncould wait upon the Lord without distraction. On Tuesday I had such a\nsweet and resigned will as I scarce ever had before. I was much taken\nup with the blessedness of heaven, and had no doubt but I should be\nthere; but had no will of my own to die or live, only as the Lord\nshould please, and not one reluctant thought concerning the leaving of\nmy friends or family. I lay quite passive in the hands of my dear Lord.\nO may he ever keep me so!\n\n_Mary Pearce_ was a woman of good sense, which, mixed with grace, was\nexceeding amiable. She had great light as to the spiritual life, could\nsee the state of our souls, and set them before us as clear as the\nsun. She was of a spirit that sympathized with every one, both in their\ntemporal and spiritual trials. Indeed her own life was a life of trials;\nwhich, she always said, was best for her, and no more than was needful\nto keep her from pride, and to break her stubborn will. But she bore\nall her trials with sweetness of temper, and never mentioned them\nbut to a near friend. She was a dutiful child, a tender parent, an\naffectionate wife, and a faithful friend. May I tread in her steps,\nand follow the example of her patience to the end!\n\nFriday, December 18. I am much burthened in body, and confined by\nreason of my burthen. Yet, blessed be God, I have patience to bear\nit, and tarry his leisure. I have been much tempted to an angry zeal,\nagainst some of my unconverted relations. But I saw the snare, and was\ndelivered. Sometimes it is a cross to go to private prayer: but I still\nhave peace and love. In meeting my band, I saw and felt my weakness\nvery much. Yet the Lord blessed us, while we called upon him. Lord,\nbless me in the approaching hour of trial. Bless what is formed in\nme, and, if it live in this world; may it be devoted to thy service.\nSanctify her sickness to my child, that is now under thy correcting\nhand. Prepare her for life or for death: and may I, and all my dear\nchildren meet at thy right-hand.\n\nSunday 27. I see more and more, that every thing I receive, is for the\nsake of my dear Lord, and that I always want his precious blood, to\nwash and keep me clean. Blessed be his name for faith in him. I find\nhis light discovers darkness more and more. It is a great thing to come\nempty to God. Lord, help me to come wholly out of myself, to come to\nthee, as at first I came, and to return to thee all thou givest me. And\nhelp me in the approaching trial, to glorify thy great and holy name,\neither by life, or by death. To me, to live be Christ, and to die be\ngain.\n\nWednesday 30. Though I was greatly burthened in body, I enjoyed\nmuch peace of mind. But I was desirous, that those who had so highly\ndishonoured God should be openly expelled from us. Lord, lay thy mighty\nhand upon them, and sink them into deep repentance, that they may cry\nmightily to God, that he may enable them to return to him, from whom\nthey have so deeply revolted.\n\nFriday, January 1, 1768. Glory be to God for his unbounded mercies\nto me, in the year that is past. Thanks be to God and the Lamb, that\nhe has given me to see the beginning of another year. Whatever time I\nlive, may I live more to his glory, than ever I have done heretofore!\n\nSaturday 2. This day has been a day of faith, and peace, and love:\nand my soul has been much drawn out in prayer. Now let me expect fresh\ntrials, after such a shower of blessings.\n\nSunday 3. Though I am still confined from the outward means, which\nare highly desirable, yet, blessed be God, I find him present with me,\nkeeping my soul in perfect peace. But I doubt I spoke more words to-day\nthan were to the glory of God. O let the blood of thy Son, Jesus Christ,\nstill cleanse me from all sin!\n\nSunday 10. Though much disordered in body, I enjoyed much peace and\nlove in my soul. I calmly expect the Lord to deliver me of the fruit of\nmy womb. But I do not find any will, but to glorify God; either by life\nor by death.\n\nSunday 17. Many times I have not power to speak: but, blessed be God, I\nfind much thankfulness for all his mercies. My desires are still strong\nfor God and his work, and I find an increase of peace and patience.\nIn meeting my band, and in family prayer, he blessed us in an uncommon\nmanner. But the more blessings I receive from him, the more I see and\nfeel of my own weakness.\n\n*Saturday 23. When the Lord opens my hand, to relieve the want of any\nof his poor creatures, I find still there is need to cry to him, that I\nmay give him all the glory. Blessed be his name, my own spirit is dying\ndaily. Yet I sometimes find it a cross to go to private prayer; but so\nmuch the more am I blest therein. And the Lord greatly blessed us in\nfamily prayer, when I earnestly called upon him, to come and destroy\ninbred sin out of the hearts of those who know his pardoning love.\n\nSunday 24. I had a longing desire to speak very plainly to my dear\nmother. But I could not; I could only pray with her, and read to her\nsome passages of scripture. But, blessed be God, he has answered my\nprayer, with regard to my family\u2019s keeping the Lord\u2019s day. Lord, enable\nthem always to keep a sabbath of rest, and to find rest in their own\nsouls!\n\nSunday 31. Glory, and thanks, and praise, be to God and the Lamb, for\nhis unbounded love to such an helpless worm! Blessed be his holy name,\nI enjoy peace, and love to God and all mankind. I have no desire to\nlive, unless to his glory: but, through the burden and pain of my body,\nI cannot put my desires in practice as I would: blessed be God, that\nhe takes the will for the deed. Lord, help me in my present condition,\nto glorify thee by patience: to be content to suffer as long as thy\ngoodness pleases, and to wait till thy good time is come. And let me\nregard neither pain, nor ease, but as it brings me nearer to my dear\nLord.\n\nFrom Tuesday to Friday I was quite confined to my bed. On Tuesday, I\nhad much liberty in meeting my band: but since that time, I have had\nlittle power, except at intervals. On Friday evening, it was strongly\nsuggested to me, \u201cThou wilt fail, when thy hour of trial comes.\u201d I\nimmediately told my husband: he prayed with me, and I found liberty.\nYesterday morning, the same temptation assaulted me strongly: but I\nspoke of it as soon as it came. And since that time, blessed be his\nname, I have felt it no more. Lord, help me! Lord, keep me every\nmoment! Keep me to the end, for my dear Lord\u2019s sake!\n\n\n\n\n A short ACCOUNT of\n ANN JOHNSON.\n By JOHN JOHNSON.\n\n\n1. SHE was born at _Lambeth_, October 17, 1717. Her mother died while\nshe was young. About sixteen, she married a seafaring man, who by his\nextravagance exposed her to many difficulties. Often in sailing from\nport to port, to prevent, if possible, his wasting his money when he\ncame from sea, she was in great danger, and then made many resolutions;\nbut they quickly died away.\n\n2. On February 14, 1747. Her husband brought her to _Dublin_. But\nshe was still the same: \u201cI do not remember, said she, that I had any\nthought, whether I had a soul or not, till I was about twenty-eight\nyears old.\u201d At that time she began to reflect with terror, on the\nimmortality of her soul. She saw and felt, that hell was her just\ndesert, and could find no way to escape it. She knew she was under the\nwrath of God, but knew not how to appease it. She went from church to\nchurch, and endeavoured to do whatever she was taught; but found all\nshe could do was nothing. Sometimes indeed her convictions subsided\nfor a time; but returned with double violence. The cry of her soul\ncontinually was, \u201cLord what must I do to be saved? Shew me the way\nwherein I should go!\u201d Thus she went on for several years.\n\n3. About fourteen years ago she heard Mr. _Thomas Walsh_ preach in the\nNew-room. She said, \u201cHe made my soul tremble exceedingly.\u201d Her fears\nwere rather increased than lessened. But the eyes of her understanding\nwere not opened, with regard to the true method of salvation.\nAfterwards she heard \u201cthat blessed man of God,\u201d (as she justly called\nhim) _Paul Greenwood_. She then saw, that _by grace we are saved\nthrough faith_, and at the same time, sin received a mortal wound. She\ndetermined, nothing should prevent her seeking the pearl of great price,\nthat precious faith. She had much opposition; but nothing stopped her\nsoul on full stretch for salvation. Such was her desire to hear the\nword, that frequently when she was locked into the room, up one pair of\nstairs, she got out at a window. She directly joined the society, and\ncounted all things loss, so she might win Christ.\n\n4. It was not long before it pleased God to remove the opposer out of\nthe way. She now frequently received much comfort: but that did not\nsatisfy. Nothing could give her lasting comfort, till she knew her sins\nwere blotted out. This she earnestly sought both in private and public,\nmissing no opportunity of hearing the preaching. And one Sunday morning,\nas Mr. _Deaves_ was giving out an hymn, God was _pleased to reveal his\nSon in_ her, and to enable her to say with a clear confidence, \u201cHe has\nloved _me_, and given himself for _me_.\u201d It was with much difficulty\nthat she refrained from crying out, and exhorting all to praise the\nLord. She now delighted to run the way of his commandments. Her heart\nwas enlarged. Both her heart and hands were open towards those that\nfeared God, and had her power been equal to her will, none of them\nshould have wanted any thing. For some months she walked as on the\nwings of the wind.\n\n \u201cJesus all the day long\n Was her joy and her song:\n O that all his salvation may see!\n He has lov\u2019d me, she cried,\n He hath suffer\u2019d and died\n To redeem such a rebel as me!\u201d\n\nThough her outward situation was disagreeable, being surrounded great\npart of the day, with those who constrained her to see and hear what\nher soul abhorred; yet his grace was sufficient for her, and she\nremained always rejoicing, and praising the God of her salvation.\n\n5. After some months, it was shewn her, that the seeds of sin were not\nyet rooted out of her heart. Yet she did not let go her confidence in\nGod, neither lose the power over her besetting sin, which was anger.\nAnd it was her principle, not to rest an hour, without a feeling sense\nof the love of God.\n\n6. On October the 9th, 1760, by the providence of God, she and I were\nmarried. She was truly an helpmate for ten years, three months, and two\ndays: during which time we could truly say, there never was any thing\nbut love and tenderness toward each other. There never was, that I\nremember, but once, any appearance of what is called a quarrel. And\nin a few hours she saw, it was not her business, to interfere with the\ndiscipline of the society.\n\n7. Although there was the most tender affection between us, yet\nso exceeding great was her love to souls, and her desire for their\nwelfare, that she was willing at all times for me to go to any part of\nthe kingdom, without ever saying, \u201cIf you _must_ go, stay a few days\nlonger.\u201d And if I was absent three or six months, nay, a whole year,\nwhich was once the case, she never complained. She could part with\nhusband, or any thing, to glorify him, who had done so much for her.\nThe last time I spoke of leaving her, she was ill. My friends then\nadvised me, not to go. I was inclined to follow their advice, as there\nappeared little hope of her recovery. But she insisted on my going\nwhere Providence called, saying, \u201cI never have hindered you yet. And if\nI should do it now, I believe it would be displeasing to God.\u201d I went,\nand after an absence of three months, returned just at the time, when\nshe was taken with that last illness, which prevented her going out any\nmore. And for my coming home just at that time, she praised God to her\nlatest hour.\n\n8. During the last ten years of her life, she had many and great\nconflicts. The sense of inbred sin, and of her having so many times\noffended God, after she had known his love, often lay heavy upon her\nmind, and pierced her with deep sorrow. The earnest desire of her soul\nwas, to be wholly given up to God. But she was tormented with that fear,\nlest she should not glorify God in life and in death: particularly,\nlest by any improper behaviour at her death, she should be a reproach\nto the gospel. Likewise anxious care about the world, sometimes\nexceedingly distressed her. She was tempted to fear, lest she should\nlive to be a burden to the society. Or, at least, till she could not\nbe helpful to others, as she knew, it was more blessed to give than to\nreceive. But thro\u2019 the mercy of God, none of the things which she had\nfeared came upon her.\n\n9. Above two years ago, the disorder which occasioned her death began\nto be violent. Yet she did not abate her diligence, to support herself\nand family, till July 1769. Her pains then so increased, that she had\nno ease night or day, only when she slept, which was seldom more than\nan hour or two. But notwithstanding this, she could not be prevailed\nupon to keep her room before Christmas. From that time she was in\nexquisite pain, as tho\u2019 her bowels were tearing asunder. She often said,\n_wearisome nights and days are appointed for me_. Yet in the sharpest\npain, she never _charged God foolishly_, or once said, he dealt hardly\nwith her.\n\n10. During this long confinement, she felt a keen conviction of her\npast unfaithfulness, together with a piercing sense of inbred sin.\nAnd on both these accounts, she was often crying out in deep distress,\n_God be merciful to me a sinner_. She steddily believed, it was the\nprivilege of God\u2019s people, always to feel the clear witness of his\nspirit. Accordingly she was always, either rejoicing in the Lord, or\ndeeply distressed for want of it. Even in the severest pain, she was\nnot satisfied with patience, unless she had joy in the Lord.\n\n11. She often would say, \u201cThe devil tells me, the peace I feel is only\nstupidity: that I have been an hypocrite all my life, and never was\nconverted. But I can with confidence answer, this is false. I never\ndesired to deceive either myself or others. I know the Lord did awaken\nmy soul, and convert me to himself. And I cannot accuse myself of\nlukewarmness in my duty since. I have seldom wilfully missed my class,\nor band, or a sermon. Yet the manner in which I often performed those\nduties, causes my soul to tremble. My body was present: but often, too\noften my mind was engaged in my business. Herein I must plead guilty\nbefore God, and he might justly have cast me out of his presence.\u201d\n\n12. All this time the hand of the Lord was underneath her, and did\nnot suffer her to sink in the deep waters. Yet she often complained,\n\u201cI cannot rejoice in pain,\u201d whereas St. _Paul_ says, _Rejoice in\ntribulation_: and that happy soul, _Nancy Rogers_ said, \u201cEvery pain is\na spring to my soul, to lift me up to heaven.\u201d I told her, \u201cWhen you,\nlike _Nancy_, are near your end, you may triumph over pain also. But\nshould it be otherwise, your eternal state does not depend on that.\u201d\nShe cried out, \u201cNay, but what the scriptures declare, and what others\nhave experienced, is for _me_.\u201d She did not fear being cast into hell:\nyet her distress, at times, was exceeding great. She was vehemently\nathirst for full salvation, and often broke out into deep lamentation.\n\u201cI am unlike the Lord! When shall I awake up after his full likeness!\u201d\nSometimes she seemed just ready to lay hold on the hope set before her.\nBut she was checked by a sense of her unprofitableness in the ways of\nGod: and would often break out, \u201cTrue Lord, true! I am unprofitable\nindeed.\u201d\n\n13. At some times she was afraid, lest she should live to expend all\nshe had, and leave me in distress. But about a month before her death,\nthese fears vanished away, and she was quite resigned to the will of\nGod, leaving it wholly to him to do what seemed him good, with her and\nall that she had. From this time she had no other care than that which\nrelated to her soul. She was now released from her severe pains, and\nher soul felt a solemn peace; tho\u2019 she was still frequently tempted to\nfear, lest she should deceive herself.\n\n14. Near three weeks after, I was reading in the fifteenth volume of\nthe Christian Library, that section in _Isaac Ambrose_\u2019s looking unto\nJesus, \u201cDesiring Jesus with respect to his death.\u201d The Lord now turned\nhis hand upon her, and caused her to feel his power. Her body seemed to\nbe forgotten; while her spirit rejoiced in God her Saviour, crying out,\n\u201cO the goodness of God, which directed that passage to be read this\nnight!\u201d Then she began to sing\n\n \u201cThou shepherd of Israel and mine,\n The joy and desire of my heart!\n For closer communion I pine;\n I long to reside where thou art.\n The pasture I languish to find,\n Where all who their shepherd obey,\n Are fed, on thy bosom reclin\u2019d,\n Are screen\u2019d from the heat of the day.\u201d\n\nFrom this time she did _rejoice evermore_; and yet longed to triumph\nmore. Her ambitious soul could not rest, till wholly swallowed up in\nGod.\n\n15. January 7. She desired to be taken out of bed. As soon as her\ncloaths were on, she expected to have gone to rest. But God was\npleased to keep her a little longer in the body, for the comfort of\nher surviving friends. As soon as she was a little revived, I asked,\n\u201cIf she could stay her soul upon the Lord?\u201d She said, \u201cYes, I can, tho\u2019\nI have not always that full assurance of faith.\u201d But the next morning,\nGod fulfilled the desire of her heart, and filled her with faith and\nlove. About ten she seemed just expiring: but she soon revived. I said,\n\u201cMy dear, can you rely on the Lord?\u201d She answered with triumph, \u201cI can;\nyes, I can. All is plain before me. There is nothing now in the way. O\nthe precious blood of God! O the precious blood of God! That precious\nblood cleanseth from all sin and from all stains.\u201d I asked, \u201cHas that\nblood cleansed _you_ from all stains?\u201d She said, \u201cYes, yes. It has\nwashed me, and it will still wash me.\u201d I said, \u201cFor sorrow you shall\nsoon have joy.\u201d She said, \u201cSorrow! I have had no sorrow. When I think\nof what my Lord suffered for me, mine is nothing.\u201d Indeed the exceeding\nhappiness she now enjoyed, made her forget all her former pains. She\nsaid, \u201cI shall be like him! I cannot tell what that is: but I shall be\nlike him.\u201d The convulsions then followed each other with little respite;\nbut in the intervals, she was still praising God.\n\n16. Wednesday 9. In the morning she was in great agonies, but said,\n\u201cLord, thou dost all things well! Now I have nothing to do but to\npraise: every breath shall be praise. I have just conquered death. O\nJesus, thou didst bring me into the world, and hast preferred me in the\nworld, and hast brought me thro\u2019 the world!\u201d I said, \u201cHe has brought\nyou safe to Jordan\u2019s bank.\u201d She said, \u201cO yes, he has, O that I may go\nfull sail into port! I have a blessed pilot.\u201d This day many persons\ncame to see her. One said, \u201cBlessed are the dead which die in the\nLord!\u201d She replied, \u201cSo saith the Spirit: for they rest from their\nlabours.\u201d A convulsion followed, after which she was light-headed:\nunless any one spoke to her of the Lord Jesus. Then for a time, her\nreason returned. She did not sleep the whole night, and her breath\nwas almost gone: yet she said, \u201cI do not feel much pain.\u201d Thursday\u00a010.\nEarly in the morning she was again composed, and said, \u201cI shall soon be\nwith him. I shall drink of the river that makes glad the city of God.\nHe has brought me out the white linen and put it upon me. I see Jesus!\nI see Jesus! He is worth more than all I have below.\u201d This day she\noften dozed; but as soon as awake, said, \u201cO precious Jesus!\u201d Thus she\nspent the day, and most part of the night, saying, \u201cI have often been\nweary of speaking of him: but now I can speak of him for ever.\u201d\n\n17. Friday 11. She knew all that came to see her, and spoke to several\nof them. About ten her daughter asked her blessing. She kissed her, and\nsaid, \u201cThe Lord bless you and give you grace to be dutiful.\u201d Soon after\none came, that was very dear to her. She would have spoke to her; but\nat first was not able. But after a short time she said, \u201cHer voice has\nbeen pleasant to me. Farewell. I shall soon be in heaven;\u201d These were\nthe last words I could understand; but she was sensible to the last.\nAbout twenty minutes before one, she fell asleep.\n\n \u201cThus may we all our parting breath\n Into the Saviour\u2019s hands resign!\n O Jesus let me die her death,\n And let her latter end be mine!\u201d\n\n\n\n\n A short ACCOUNT of\n ANN ROGERS.\n By JOHN JOHNSON.\n\n\n Saturday, _April 8, 1769_.\n\nI WENT to see _Ann Rogers_, a young woman who had been for several\nyears a member of the society in _Dublin_. Two or three years ago\nshe believed God had saved her from all sin, and ever since behaved\nin the most exemplary manner. \u201cMy body, she said, is exceeding weak:\nbut Christ is precious to my soul, and has not suffered me in all my\nweakness and pain to feel one murmuring thought.\u201d\n\nI enquired, how the work of God began in her soul? She said, \u201c_May_\nwas six years I came to live with Mrs. _Riggs_, where _Mary Feris_\nlived; at which time I had no notion of real, heart religion. But her\nbehaviour struck me, and not long after, I went with her on Sunday\nmorning to the _New-Room_. From that time I saw myself a vile, helpless\nsinner, of which I was convinced more and more; yet with strong hope,\nexpecting deliverance under every sermon I heard, and in every meeting\nfor prayer. But in about two months my hope grew weak, and I concluded\nGod did not hear my prayers. Then deep sorrow seized my heart, till\none night going to bed, I cried earnestly for mercy, and begged that if\nthere were any for me, I might wake time enough to attend the morning\npreaching. I awoke at the time. In that moment I was enabled to believe,\nthat God loved me. I rejoiced unspeakably; I was happy in his love, and\nhave never since doubted of his favour.\n\n\u201cThis joy continued for some months, but with an earnest hope of seeing\ngreater things than these: those words being frequently in my mouth,\nand almost continually in my mind,\n\n Wrestling I will not let thee go,\n Till I thy name, thy nature know!\n\nAnd one day as I was sitting in my room, the power of God came mightily\nupon me, and those words were applied to my heart, in a manner I cannot\nexpress, _Thou art all fair, my love: there is no spot in thee_. It\nis impossible to tell how my soul was filled with love: surely it was\nangel\u2019s food! I was called down to dinner, but could eat nothing: On\nthis one said, \u2018_Nancy_, have you got _the second blessing_?\u2019 I did\nnot know how to answer to this, or what name to call it by. But I said,\nI never was so happy in all my life: I am quite filled with love. And\nfrom that time I have continued, except some weeks in the beginning\nof last year, (when I was hurt by disputing about a third person)\n_rejoicing evermore, praying without ceasing_, and _in every thing\ngiving thanks_. My particular prayer was, that God would give me all\nthe grace which he had promised in his word.\u201d\n\nFrom the time that this disorder began, it was her constant prayer,\n\u201cLord, if I recover, let it be to thy glory; if not, thy will be done!\nOnly do not take me hence, till thou hast finished thy work in my soul.\u201d\nThis, she added, \u201cis my whole desire. And I must bear this testimony,\nthe Lord Jesus hath always, on his part, been faithful and gracious to\nme. And though, on my part, I have been much wanting, yet he hath borne\nwith me and mightily blessed my soul.\u201d\n\nHer mother told me, \u201cYesterday I thought she was expiring; she did\nnot appear like herself; till she broke out, \u2018The goodness of God has\nbeen so manifested to my soul, that I could not speak. Those words were\nspoke to my heart, _I have loved thee with an everlasting love_. And,\n_Thou shalt be mine, in that day, when I make up my jewels_. O! I have\nsweet foretastes of heaven! I would gladly go to him my soul loves.\u2019\u201d\n\nSunday 9. I saw her again. She was then so weak, she could hardly speak\nto be heard. But after I had spoke a few words of the love of Jesus,\nshe found strength and said, \u201cThe first Sunday in February last, at the\nsacrament, I did indeed eat his flesh and drink his blood. The glory\nof the Lord shone into my soul, and I felt so much of his love, it was\nalmost more than my feeble body could bear: it was a real foretaste\nof heaven.\u201d She said, \u201cThree nights ago I was in exquisite pain, such\nas I never felt before: but every pain was a spring to my soul, to\nlift me up to heaven. I could thank him for all, and methought I would\nnot recover for the whole world. Indeed the love of Jesus so ravishes\nmy soul that I would not have \u2666one pain less than he pleases.\u201d Then\ncorrecting herself she said, \u201cPain! It cannot be called pain: his\npresence makes it heaven to me!\u201d One said, \u201cHe has brought you through\nthe wilderness, within sight of the good land.\u201d She said, \u201cO yes! O\nyes! He has; and he will be with me through the valley; this I cannot\ndoubt.\u201d I then took my leave and saw her no more. What follows, I had\nfrom those that attended her.\n\n \u2666 \u201con\u201d replaced with \u201cone\u201d per Errata\n\nShe exhorted all that came, particularly those that sat up with her,\nto redeem the time. To one she said, \u201cO _Sally_, turn to God with your\nwhole heart: you have but little time:\u201d and to them all, \u201cMake haste!\nGet ready! You have no time to spare.\u201d\n\nAfterward Satan was permitted to thrust sore at her. Waking out of\nsleep, she began to reproach herself, for sleeping, saying, \u201cIf I had\nnot slept, it would not have been thus with me. I cannot doubt of the\nfavour of my Lord: neither can I fear his casting me into hell. But I\nam tempted to think, I shall have sore distress at the hour of death.\u201d\nThis lasted some hours; but in the evening she said, \u201cChrist is come,\nand Satan is gone.\u201d Nor was he suffered to trouble her any more. All\nthat followed was peace and love.\n\nYet she was exceedingly concerned for her mother, lest she should not\nfreely give her up to God. Her mother was asked, Whether she could or\nno? She answered, \u201cSince it is the will of God to take her, I do give\nher up freely.\u201d And this reply gave her entire satisfaction.\n\nThe day before she died, the thought of being for ever with the Lord,\nwas transporting to her soul. But she said to her mother, \u201cI charge you\nwhen I am dead, let none of the wicked come into the room. Let it be\nfilled with those that fear God; and while they are singing the praises\nof God below, I shall be singing them above.\u201d\n\nAbout three in the morning she said earnestly, \u201cO precious Christ! O\nprecious Christ!\u201d These were her last words: but she still expressed\nher happiness, sometimes by lifting her eyes towards heaven, and\nsometimes by looking pleasantly on those about her, till her sight\nfailed, and her spirit went up to God.\n\nSome years before she died, she now and then wrote down a little of her\nexperience. I believe these accounts, imperfect as they are, will be\nacceptable to the pious reader.\n\n\u201cApril 10, 1764. The Lord has blessed me in a wonderful manner. Glory\nand praise to his great name! O that thy praise may dwell on my heart!\nO my Lord, enable the unworthiest of thy servants, to give thee thanks\nfor thy unspeakable love! O that I could invite all to taste and see\nhow good thou art, how full of truth and grace! O thou unexhausted\nfountain of love, enable me every moment to cast myself upon thee, and\nto receive out of thy _fulness grace for grace_.\u201d\n\nI continued thus for five days, yet with many wanderings from my God:\nbut I had this cry in my heart, Dear Lord, deliver me from a heart so\nprone to wander from thee!\n\nTuesday, May 22. As I was at my work, these words came to my heart\nwith power, _I will take away the heart of stone, and will give thee\nan heart of flesh_. I was lost in wonder, yet found unbelief till those\nwords were spoke to my heart, _Ye are clean through the word I have\nspoken_. I found a change in myself from that moment, and could say,\nI love thee with every faculty of my soul. Truly I can say, that God\nis love! And that he delights to do his needy creatures good.\n\nSeptember 14, 1765. I had a greater desire than usual to retire from\nthe world: yea even from the converse of the holiest Christians, to\nwait upon God alone. I wanted to have a closer acquaintance with the\nblessed Jesus. Happy he that can go to God at any time, praying to him\nwith faith and fervency. My God, all my soul cries aloud for more of\nthy light and love! O my Lord, manifest thyself in me more fully! None\nliving has greater cause to love and serve thee.\n\nSunday 15. The sermon at church caused some heaviness; but I was\nrefreshed at the Lord\u2019s table. O Jesus, assist me to look through every\nmeans, to thee, the fountain of life and love!\n\nMonday 16. The sermon was as marrow and fatness to my soul. I did\ntruly _wait upon_ God. I have been happy this whole day: Jesus has been\nprecious to me. I found him in every means of grace: he is near me in\nevery time of need. I see much of my helplessness and weakness.\n\n Every moment, Lord, I want\n The merit of thy death.\n\nTuesday 17. I have found this day, most comfortable communion with\nJesus, and free access to the throne of grace. Yet I have been greatly\ntempted: but the Lord stood by me, and made a way for me to escape.\nI want to be all attention to his voice, and to be more dead to the\nthings of time and sense: let me have no will, O Jesus, but thine! Let\nthy will be done in me and by me!\n\nWednesday 18. This morning I was so stupid I could hardly pray: but\nthou art not extreme to mark what is amiss. All the day I was much\nhurried in business, and could not attend the public means of grace.\nBut in the evening he made up the want, giving me free access to him\nin prayer: and therein he graciously refreshed my poor drooping soul.\nO my God, let the fire of thy love burn up whatever is not agreeable\nto thee. And let such a sense of thy free, unmerited love rest on me,\nas may keep me ever low at thy bleeding feet!\n\nThursday 19. This whole day, though much employed in my business, the\nLord stood by me, and enabled me to look to him. In the evening he made\na way for me to hear his word, and I found it good to wait upon him. He\ndoes fulfil his word, _They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their\nstrength. They shall run and not be weary; shall walk and not faint._\n\nI daily see my unprofitableness. My short-comings are many; yet he\nfreely pardons: I see that my strength is perfect weakness; that if\nJesus left me a moment, I should fall. And we cannot be any otherwise\nsaved, than by a constant looking to him. O Jesus keep my eye fixed on\nthee, till I am looked into all thy lovely likeness.\n\nFriday 20. I found much of the goodness of the Lord. I want to love\nhim more, that I may serve him better. I do not love or praise him as\nI would: but he does _not despise the day of small things_.\n\nI find he visits me with his love in a particular manner, before any\nparticular trial. A trial I met with this evening caused heaviness for\na time: but I was comforted under the sermon. How numberless are thy\nthoughts of love to my soul! They are more than the sands on the sea\nshore.\n\nSaturday 21. I found my mind frequently wandering. O thou friend of\nsinners,\n\n Settle and fix my wav\u2019ring soul\n With all thy weight of love!\n\nI was variously tempted, and I reasoned with the temptation, which\nincreased it more and more, till Jesus shewed me, it was from an enemy,\nand graciously delivered me. O teach me wisdom to know his devices,\nand pardon my unfaithfulness! Strengthen my faith, confirm my hope, and\nperfect me in love.\n\nSunday 12. This has been a sabbath of rest to my soul. Glory be to thy\ngreat and glorious name, O thou fountain of love! What shall I do to\npraise thee for thy free grace to the most unfaithful of thy children?\nO what cause have I to esteem thy word? It is _sweeter than honey or\nthe honey-comb_. I am athirst for all that Christ has purchased for me.\nI long for more of his meek and lowly mind! The mind that beareth all\nthings: O that every thought may continually rise to thee!\n\nMonday 23. This has been an happy day to me, the most unworthy of thy\nchildren. I have had a constant sense of the presence of my Beloved,\ncomforting and refreshing my soul. _I sat under his shadow with great\ndelight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste._ Yet I see that my\nwants are many, and that there are heights and depths to be attained\nhere. I am truly ashamed before God of my own unprofitableness. Yet he\ngraciously passes by all my follies, without even upbraiding me. Yea,\nhe applies with power that comfortable promise, _I will betroth thee\nunto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in loving-kindness, and\nfaithfulness; and thou shalt know the Lord_. I know thee; but I long to\nknow thee more, O thou that art altogether lovely!\n\n Insatiate to this spring I fly:\n I drink, and yet am ever dry,\n Ah! who against such charms is proof?\n Ah! who that loves, can love enough!\n\nTuesday 24. I was closely assaulted by the enemy. He pursueth hard\nafter me: but when he _cometh in like a flood, Jesus lifts up a\nstandard against him_. He brought many heavy accusations against me.\nI durst not stay to reason with him for a moment. But I flew to Jesus\nas for my life, and cried to him to deliver me. And he did so, by\napplying that promise to my heart, _My grace is sufficient for thee_. I\nfind it is, even for me. The name of Jesus is a strong tower, where the\nrighteous may always resort. I spent great part of this day in visiting\nthe sick, and found it a blessing to me. How much _better is it, to\ngo to the house of mourning, than to the house of feasting_! How glad\nshould I be of more time to spend among thy afflicted followers? But in\nthis, as in every thing beside, _not mine will, but thine be done_.\n\nThursday 26. I find this day, thy love is better than life. Thy\nstrength is made perfect in my weakness. I long to be wholly given up\nto thee. I visited one of our sick friends, and my soul was refreshed\nwith her. To enjoy thy presence on a sick bed, is unspeakable happiness.\nThen nothing will do, but a real interest in a crucified Redeemer. It\nis only the blessed experience of this, which then gives true peace,\nfreedom from all anxious care, and resignation in pain. Our anchor is\ncast within the veil: our hope is full of immortality. O glorious hope\nof perfect bliss! And am I a partaker of this hope?\n\n O wondrous grace! O boundless love!\n\nFriday 27. O Jesus, what hast thou done for me? What shall I say\nunto thee? This I can say, that I love thee: and let it be with every\nfaculty of my soul! I do find _thy name as ointment poured forth_. Thou\n_leadest me in green pastures, by the still waters of comfort_.\n\n When nature fails, and day and night\n Divide thy works no more,\n My ever thankful soul, O Lord,\n Thy goodness shall adore.\n\nSaturday 28. This morning I had a trial, but Jesus stood by me, and\nkept my mind in peace. Visiting a friend in the evening, I was much\ncomforted. God was with us of a truth. O how full of love are thy\nthoughts towards me! All things shall work together for my good.\n\nMonday 30. This has been one of my best days. I think I never had\nbefore such a sense of the goodness of God to me, and my entire\ndependence on him. My soul has been upon the stretch for all the fruit\nof the Spirit. I never saw such beauty in humility, and felt such a\ndesire after it.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n The following paper bears no date.\n\n\u201cO Jesus, how richly hast thou provided for me here? Thou givest me\na large earnest of my inheritance. Thou dost give me to drink of that\nfountain of living water. O that it may be in me as _a well of water,\nspringing up into everlasting life_! O thou fairest among ten thousand,\nwhat hast thou done for such a worm as me! Thou hast purchased for me\nholiness and heaven; yea, heaven upon earth. Thou dost give thyself to\nme, and with thyself all things. Be astonished, O my soul, at the large\ninheritance which thy Jesus has purchased for thee! Behold the rivers\nof pleasure that flow at his right hand! And there thou shalt behold\nhis face without a veil:\n\n \u201cFar from a world of grief and sin,\n With God eternally shut in!\u201d\n\n\n\n\n A short Account of the Death of\n MARY LANGSON,\n Of _Taxall_, in CHESHIRE,\n Who died _January_ the 29th, 1769.\n\n\nWHEN _Mary Langson_ was about fourteen years of age, it pleased God to\nawaken her by the preaching of the gospel; and soon after she received\na clear sense of his pardoning love, in the enjoyment of which she\ncontinued, though not exempted from those trials and temptations which\nare common to believers.\u2015\u2015From her first hearing the preaching, she\nwas diligent in the use of all the means of grace, whether private, or\npublic: and though the preaching was seldom near, she attended at every\npossible opportunity.\n\nShe was constant at meeting her class; and those who were most\nacquainted with her, being of the same family, observed that she always\nexpressed the state of her soul, just as it was, and manifested such a\nspirit of sincerity in all her deportment, as convinced them that she\nwas an _Israelite indeed_, in whom was no guile.\n\nHer step-mother being rendered incapable of managing the affairs of\nthe house, the care of a young family in a great measure devolved on\nher, which, with the attendance needful for her helpless step-mother,\nnecessarily brought considerable exercises and trials, to one of such\ntender years; yet being inwardly strengthened for the performance of\nthese duties, she manifested as much tenderness towards her, as if she\nhad been her own mother; (an example too rarely seen in such cases)\nand was enabled to go through her constantly-trying circumstances\nwith unwearied patience. Although by these means she was deprived of\nproviding for herself such sort of apparel, and conveniences as those\nof her age usually expect, and may innocently enjoy.\n\n*Having been tried, and in some measure intangled in her affections,\nshe was sensible of a decline in her spiritual consolations, but\nthrough the mercy of God, this lasted not long; for she rested not till\nshe had recovered all she had lost; so that she was enabled to testify\nto a Christian friend, while she remained in health, \u201cI find my heart\nloose from every creature, and all created good, and wholly fixed on\nGod: this is the desire of my soul.\n\n \u201cO that I might walk with God,\n Jesus my companion be;\n Lead me to the blest abode,\n Thro\u2019 the fire, and thro\u2019 the sea:\n Then I shall no more complain,\n Never at my lot repine,\n Welcome toil, or grief, or pain,\n All is well, if Christ is mine.\u201d\n\nWhen the grace of God thus takes place in the heart, how little does\nevery thing we suffer for his sake appear! How empty is _all_ the world\ncalls _good_ and _great_, to a soul filled with divine love!\n\nFrom the following remarkable circumstances, it seems as if she had\nsome apprehensions of the near approach of death. She began to be more\nabundantly diligent in the use of every means of grace, for some weeks\nbefore her last sickness. It was also observed that though she had not\nbeen accustomed to pray at the class-meeting, yet being now exceedingly\nfervent in spirit, one evening at class, she broke out into earnest\nprayer; she appeared to enjoy much freedom, and great nearness to God,\nand was deeply affected with a sense of the _evil of sin_, and her own\n_weakness_, which occasioned her crying to God in such expressions as\nthese, \u201cO Lord! Rather let me die, than live to offend, or ever sin\nagainst thee!\u201d Indeed the vehement importunity with which she uttered\nthese petitions made her brethren suspect that something more than\ncommon would happen; for the power of God was unusually present.\n\nSoon after (on the 14th of January, 1769) she sickened for the\nsmall-pox. One then asked her, how she felt her soul: she said, \u201cMy\nevidence is clear, and life or death, the will of the Lord be done.\u201d\n\n*During her illness, she continued perfectly resigned to the will of\nGod. The Thursday after sickening, she became blind, when one of the\nsociety coming in, and discerning the distemper \u2666to be dangerous, sat\ndown and wept. As soon as she perceived it, she said, \u201c_Dolly!_ What\nare you doing? Are you weeping for me? Don\u2019t you know, that if God\ntakes me away, it is from much evil that is in the world? I have often\nlooked at your mother, and thought, O that I was but as near glory as\nher: (she being about fourscore) but now I think I am nearer glory than\nshe is, and shall be in possession of it before her!\u201d\n\n \u2666 duplicate word \u201cto\u201d removed\n\nWhen she was asked again how she found herself, she answered, \u201cGlory is\nevery moment open to my soul; there is nothing between me and eternal\nglory, but a few moments more of light affliction.\u201d\n\nAt night she called for her father, and said to him, Dear father, you\nhave had many trials and difficulties in the world, and you have many\nmore before you, but fear not, you are in the _way_, the _right_ way;\ncontinue in it, and God will bring you thro\u2019 all.\u201d\n\nOn Saturday the 21st, about eleven at night, she broke out in an extasy\nof joyful praise; speaking in the most delightful language for more\nthan an hour together, concerning Jesus and his kingdom. Some that were\npresent on being asked what she then said, answered, we heard words not\npossible for men to utter; and indeed but little of the conversation\ncould be retained by any of them, they were so overwhelmed with a sense\nof the presence of God.\n\nOnce she was observed to speak in the following manner, \u201cThere is never\na fiend left now: they are all banished; Jesus has conquered them all\nfor me!\u201d By which it seems, this was her triumph in the last combat she\nhad with Satan.\n\nShe then repeated and explained, in a most feeling and sensible manner,\nmany passages of scripture, especially Daniel vii. 9,\u00a010. \u201cI beheld\ntill the thrones were cast down, and the Ancient of Days did sit, whose\ngarment was white as snow, and the hair of his head like the pure wool;\nhis throne was as the fiery flame, and his wheels as burning fire. A\nfiery stream issued and came forth from before him; thousand thousands\nministered unto him, and ten thousand times ten thousand stood before\nhim: the judgment was set, and the books were opened,\u201d adding in the\nend, \u201cO lovely Jesus! Blessed Jesus! Adorable Jesus! Glory! Glory!\nGlory! Glory! To God in the highest! On earth peace; good-will towards\nmen.\u201d Thus Christ\u2019s coming in the clouds to judgment, was to her\ninfinitely desirable, and so abundantly was her soul ravished with the\n_prospect_, that she could not forbear rejoicing with joy unspeakable\nand full of glory.\n\n*While in health, she seemed at a loss to consent to the doom of the\nwicked, but now she said, \u201cO how willing is Christ to save all that\ncome to him? But they who will not come, shall be destroyed, and though\nI could not for a long time say _Amen_ to the sentence of _impenitent\nsinners_, yet now I can, seeing how willing God is to save all who will\naccept of his offered mercy.\u201d\n\nShe likewise repeated Revelation xiv. 1, 2,\u00a03, taking particular notice\nof those words, an hundred and forty-four thousand, in the first \u2666and\nthird verses: and said, \u201cA goodly company! And I shall be _one_, and\nall that have died in the Lord, and all the preachers whom I have loved,\n(mentioning some of them by name) and I shall see them there; and all\nthe _Methodists_, that are _such indeed_; _they_ shall be there.\u201d May\nwe be _Israelites indeed_, who are so called, and not rest in a name to\nlive while we are dead.\n\n \u2666 duplicate word \u201cand\u201d removed\n\nShe again cried out, O precious Jesus! My Beloved is mine, and I am\nhis! He is the _fairest_ of ten thousand, yea _altogether lovely_.\u00b9 O\nwhat glory do I see! And all for _me_! How does my soul burn with love\nto Jesus, who has provided it for me! I wonder that _that_ happiness\ncould have no higher title than heaven.\u201d\n\n \u00b9 Canticles v.\u00a016. These were the words she chose for the text\n of her funeral sermon.\n\nOn Monday the 23d, she called her father, and said, \u201cI am going.\u201d He\nasked _where_? She answered \u201cto heaven: adding, I am glad I do not\nleave _you_, in your sins, but that you are brought into the right way.\nOnly endure, and you will shortly follow me! Do not grieve for me; O\nresign me.\u201d He cried, \u201cI am a wretch, I cannot resign you;\u201d to which\nshe answered, \u201c_that_ is nature, I was a wretch too, but God has set\nme at liberty; do you pray to him, and he will give you more grace.\u201d\nHe complained \u201cI cannot pray, do you pray for me.\u201d She said, \u201cmy bowels\nyearn for you;\u201d and then lay quiet a little interceding for him and the\nfamily; after which she broke out, \u201cLord hasten thy work; do more now\nin my soul in a day, than thou wast wont to do in many days.\u201d She then\nrepeated Revelation xxii.\u00a01. and said, \u201cwell may they be called rivers,\nfor I see fountains upon fountains: O what rivers of pleasure are\nthere! How shall I swim in those _oceans_ of _love_ to all eternity!\nI am overcome with love! Oh if I were loose from this affliction how\nwould I sing!\u201d And calling on those who were present to sing, she gave\nout\n\n \u201cNo need of the sun in that day,\n Which never is followed by night,\n Where Jesus\u2019s beauties display,\n A pure, and a permanent light:\n The Lamb is their light and their sun,\n And lo! By reflection \u2666they shine,\n With Jesus ineffably one,\n And bright in effulgence divine.\u201d\n\n \u2666 \u201cthy\u201d replaced with \u201cthey\u201d per Errata\n\nTo her father she said, \u201cYou have many difficulties in the world, and I\nwill tell you what you must do; give your hands to the world, and your\nheart to God, and he will make a way for you.\u201d\n\n*She seemed to enjoy a happy foresight of the prosperity of the work of\nGod, when she said, \u201cYou may look for glorious times to come; for the\nLord has a great work to do on earth, before the church militant can\njoin the church triumphant.\u201d To some of the society who were present,\nshe said, \u201cGod has given you the _means_ of _grace_, in order to bring\nyou safe to glory; see that you do not slight or neglect any of them;\nuse them constantly, and look through them all to Jesus.\u201d\n\nAfterwards one asked, how she was? She answered, \u201cWeak in body, but\nhappy in soul: I long to be gone to heaven.\u201d Being told, you must be\nresigned, she answered, \u201cI am resigned, but would rather be with Jesus.\u201d\n\nSome who desired to serve the Lord, but were not heartily in earnest,\ncame to see her. One of these, she had invited some time before to\nthe class-meeting; and he had almost promised to come, but neglected.\nShe said to him, \u201cI thought you would have been at the meeting as you\nproposed; O how was my soul grieved that you did not come! Will you\ncome the next time? The _Methodist_ way is the _right_ way. It was a\nhappy turn that I was ever brought into it. O how good have I found it\nto _remember my Creator in the days of my youth_. Now I can say, though\nI walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,\nfor the Lord is with me, his rod and staff shall comfort me.\u201d She then\nencouraged them heartily to join with the people of God, and not to\nfear any reproach they might suffer on that account.\n\nWhen the disorder was at the height, she said, \u201cSome may think that I\nhave a _heavy_ affliction. _No_: I have none that I can spare. Oh! it\u2019s\na _happy_ affliction!\u201d\n\n*\u201cOthers, said she, may say of me, she was once _blooming_; how is she\n_altered_ now? But I was never so _beautiful_ in all my life; I am as\nthe King\u2019s daughter, all-glorious within: and my raiment is of wrought\ngold.\u201d\n\nA little before her departure, being visited by the wife of one of\nthe leaders, she asked how her husband did? Adding, \u201cHe has had many\nstruggles to help me forward in the ways of the Lord; but now he may\nrejoice in all his labours, for I am going safe to glory, and hope to\nmeet him there. O little children! Love one another.\u201d She also advised\nher, as she had many children, to take care what example she set before\nthem.\n\nAfterwards one asked whether she thought her present sickness would\nend in death, she answered, \u201cI cannot tell; but the will of the Lord be\ndone. Only this I know, that neither life nor death shall separate me\nfrom the love of Jesus, who has redeemed me from the foundation of the\nworld. If I die, as soon as you see me depart, sing _Happy soul, thy\ndays are ended_: and when you carry me to the grave, sing the same hymn.\nWhen you return let not your hearts be filled with grief, but praise\nGod, as I shall be rejoicing with him in glory.\u201d\n\n\n An HYMN,\n\n _Sung at the time of her departure_.\n\n 1. HAPPY soul, thy days are ended,\n All thy mourning days below:\n Go by angel-guards attended,\n To the sight of Jesus go.\n Hallelujah, Amen.\n\n 2. Waiting to receive thy Spirit,\n Lo the Saviour stands above,\n Shews the purchase of his merit,\n Reaches out the crown of love.\n\n 3. Struggle through thy latest passion,\n To thy dear Redeemer\u2019s breast,\n To his uttermost salvation,\n To thine everlasting rest.\n\n 4. For the joy he sets before thee\n Bear a momentary pain;\n Die, to live the life of glory,\n Suffer with thy Lord to reign.\n\n\n\n\n A short ACCOUNT of the DEATH of\n Mrs. HANNAH RICHARDSON.\n By Mr. CHARLES WESLEY.\n\n\n Bristol, _Saturday, April 19, 1741_.\n\nI WAS hastily called to one that was a dying. It was _Hannah\nRichardson_, a young woman who had long been a sincere mourner for\nChrist, a true _Hannah_, a woman of a sorrowful spirit. God had\nawakened and drawn her from her infancy, and she heartily laboured to\nestablish her own righteousness, seeking acceptance (as we did all)\n_not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law_.\n\nWhen it pleased God to send the gospel of his free grace to this city,\nshe gladly parted with her own righteousness, and submitted herself\nto the righteousness of God. She was a constant hearer of his word,\nbut received no benefit by it; no comfort, no peace, no life. Yet she\ncontinued waiting for several months, till it pleased our Lord, who\nsends by whom he will send, to make use of my ministry, and apply the\nword of reconciliation to her soul. Jesus gave her a token for good,\nand she went home to her house justified. She rejoiced in God her\nSaviour, and testified, _In him I have redemption, through his blood,\nthe forgiveness of my sins_.\n\nBut alas! the Comforter was _as a guest that tarrieth but a day_.\nShe soon gave place to the reasoning devil, who asked, _How can these\nthings be_? \u201cHow can you be justified, so vile a sinner as you? You\nonly deceive yourself! Hath God for Christ\u2019s sake forgiven you? He\nhath not surely forgiven you.\u201d By such suggestions he well-nigh tore\naway her shield. All the comfort of her faith, all her peace and joy\nin believing he did entirely spoil her of; God so permitting it, to\ntry her, and prove her, and shew her what was in her heart, that he\nmight do her good in her latter end. He hid his face from her, and\nshe was troubled. \u201cI will allure her, said God, and bring her into the\nwilderness.\u201d Here she long wandered out of the way, in a barren and dry\nland, where no water was. The poor and needy sought water, and there\nwas none, and her tongue failed for thirst. She could truly say with\nthe prophet, _Verily thou art a God that hidest thyself_. Or, with the\npatient man, _Behold, I go forward, but he is not there, and backward,\nbut I cannot perceive him; on the left hand, where he doth work, but I\ncannot behold him; he hideth himself on the right hand, \u2666that I cannot\nsee him_. Her bones were smitten asunder, as with a sword, while the\nenemy said unto her, \u201cWhere is now thy God? Where is now thy faith?\nThou art a thousand times worse than ever.\u201d\n\n \u2666 \u201cbut\u201d replaced with \u201cthat\u201d per Errata\n\nSo indeed she seemed to herself, when sin _appeared_ sin. God was\nnow uncovering her heart, and convincing her of original sin. The\n_old man of sin_ was more and more revealed, till at last she saw\nthat her _inward parts were very wickedness, and every imagination of\nthe thoughts of her heart only evil continually_. She had no power to\npray or praise, or so much as to think one good thought, and at the\nsame time was so torn and distracted with doubts and fears, that she\ndispaired even of life. That thought above all tormented her, \u201cWhat\nwould become of me, if I should die in this darkness? Without holiness\nno one shall see the Lord.\u201d At other times she had a faint persuasion,\nthat God would finish his work before he called her hence.\n\nShe durst not say she had faith, or any interest in Christ; and yet\nshe could not give it up. One little spark of hope lay as at the very\nbottom of her heart; which was Christ\u2019s hold of her. He would not quit\nhis purchase, or let her go.\n\nEven this was often a great trouble to her, that she could not fear\ndeath as formerly; (for this fear was entirely cast out the first\nmoment she was sensible of her justification). And, whenever she had\nthe least comfort or peace, she started back as it were, and feared\nto take hold of it, suspecting that she was falling asleep again, and\nresting without Christ. She went mourning all the day long, and refused\nto be comforted, because he was not.\n\nFor many days and months she walked on still in darkness, and had no\nlight, but _against hope believed in hope_; staggering oftentimes, but\nnot falling through unbelief. Still she bore up under her continual\nfears of being a castaway. She waited in a constant use of all the\nmeans of grace; never missed the communion, or hearing the word,\nthough all was torment to her, for she never found benefit; nothing\nshe said, affected her, there was none so wicked as her. I am a witness\nto her many complaints and wailings. Yet she persisted with a glorious\nobstinacy; and _followed on to know the Lord, walking in all his\ncommandments and ordinances blameless_. She went on steadily in the way\nof her duty, never intermitting it on account of her inward conflicts.\nNot slothful in business, but working almost continually with her own\nhands. Most strict was she, and unblameable in all her relative duties,\nand in all manner of conversation. Those who lived with her never\nheard a light and trifling word come out of her mouth. She did not sit\n_still_, till she should be pure in heart, but redeemed the time, and\nbought up every opportunity of doing good. To do good she never forgot,\nbut spoke to all, and warned all, both children and grown persons, as\nGod delivered them into her hands. She was exceeding tender-hearted\ntowards the sick, whether in body or soul. She could not _rejoice\nwith those that rejoiced_, but she _wept with those that wept_, and\nencouraged them to wait upon God, to be never weary of well-doing; for\nin the end said she, they would reap, if they fainted not.\n\n*See here a pattern of true mourning! A spectacle for men and angels! A\nsoul standing up under the intolerable weight of original sin! Troubled\non every side! perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted by sin, the\nworld, and the devil, but not forsaken; cast out, but not destroyed;\nwalking on as evenly under that load of darkness, as if she had been in\nthe broad light of God\u2019s countenance. Whosoever thou art that seekest\nChrist sorrowing, _go thou and do likewise_.\n\nIn this agony she continued, till it pleased God to visit her with her\nlast sickness. For the two or three first days, she could not be kept\nfrom the word, but was then constrained to take her bed. She had early\nnotice of her departure, and told one of her band, that she should not\nrecover. She had express\u2019d great earnestness to see me, but I could not\nvisit her \u2019till the Thursday following. I then found her, to her own\nsense and feeling, in utter despair. \u201cI am dying, (she cried) without\npardon, without a Saviour, without hope.\u201d I prayed in full assurance\nof faith, and then testified the love of Christ to her, a lost sinner;\ndeclaring to her, that he would fulfil in her the work of faith with\npower. \u201cMy soul for your\u2019s (I told her) if you depart hence, before\nyour eyes have seen his salvation. Yet a little while, and he that\nshall come will come, and will not tarry. The word of our God shall\nstand for ever. Every one that seeketh findeth. Fear not; behold, he\ncomes quickly; and one moment of his presence will make you abundant\namends for all the pain of absence.\u201d\n\nWhen I was gone, her sufferings rather increased, and Satan raged\nthe more. The lyon tore her as it were to pieces: she was in a mighty\nconflict, and said, \u201cNone knows what I have gone thro\u2019 in this sickness;\nmy enemy triumphs over me; it is the hour of darkness, it is more than\nI am able to bear.\u201d\n\n*_The captive exile hasteneth that she may be loosed, and that she\nshould not die in the pit, nor that her bread should fail._ This\ntrial was the severest of all. \u201cThe devil (she said) besets me sorely,\nI shall never hold out; I shall perish at last; but if I am lost I\nam content: tho\u2019 I go down to hell, let but Christ be with me, and I\nwill go without fear.\u201d Here she seemed to be strengthened to endure a\ngreater agony. She drank of the cup which her Lord drank of, and had\nfellowship in those sufferings, which made him cry out, _My_ God _my_\nGod, _why hast thou forsaken me_! To compleat her distress, the angel\nof death came! She was struck and changed on a sudden (so that one came\nand told me she was just a dying.) Then as man would judge, she let go\nher hold of God: And _the spirit failed before him, and the soul which\nhe had made_.\n\n*In this dreadful moment, this last extremity, this deepest distress\nthe human soul is capable of\u2015\u2015the Comforter came. The Lord, her Saviour,\ncame suddenly to his temple, _as lightening shineth from one end of the\nheaven unto the other, so was the coming of the Son of man_. He took\naway the veil from her heart, and revealed himself in her, in a manner\nthe world knoweth not of. She broke out, \u201cNow I know that Christ died\nfor me. He has washed me from all my sins in his precious blood. I have\neternal life abiding in me.\u201d\n\nSoon after she had found redemption, I called, and saw her in full\ntriumph of faith. O how unlike what she was at my last visit! _If\nany man is in Christ he is a new creature._ This is the work which\ndespisers _will not believe, tho\u2019 a man declare it unto them_. Her\nsoul was passed from death unto life, an hidden, everlasting life in\nGod. After we had prayed she witnessed a good confession. \u201cI believe\nin Jesus Christ; I feel the truth of these words of his, _I am the\nresurrection and the life_. I have no fear, no doubt, no trouble. Your\nwords were true: he has fulfilled his promise.\u201d\n\n*Never did I behold a soul so filled. Some of her words were, \u201cNow\nindeed he has made me amends for my waiting. Blessed be God, all my\npain is nothing; I have suffered nothing. I smell the sweet odour of\nthe name of Jesus. His smell is as the smell of _Lebanon_. Who is so\nsweet as my Beloved? My Beloved is mine, and I am his. I love Jesus\nChrist with all my heart. I desire to be dissolved and to be with\nChrist. But his will be done. I have no will of my own.\u201d While I was\nsaying, \u201cDoubt not, but be persuaded that neither life nor death, nor\nthings present nor things\u2015\u2015\u201d She interrupted me with \u201cNo, no, I cannot\ndoubt, altho\u2019 I did doubt. I cannot fear now; perfect love hath cast\nout fear. I have full redemption in the blood of Jesus.\u201d\n\n*To her sisters she had said before I came, \u201cHeaven is open! I see\nJesus Christ with all his angels and saints in white. And I am joined\nto them. I shall never be parted more. I see what I cannot utter or\nexpress! Cannot you see Jesus Christ? There, there he stands, ready to\nreceive you all. O do not doubt of the love of Jesus: look on me! If he\nhas taken me into his bosom, who needs despair? Fear not, fear not. He\nis loving unto every man: _I believe Christ died for all_.\u201d\n\nHer first words, after I left her, were, \u201cLiberty liberty! This is\nthe glorious liberty of the sons of God! I know it, I see it, I feel\nit. Believe, believe there is such a liberty! And he will give it you.\n_I am sanctified wholly, spirit, soul and body._\u201d\n\nShe had spent the time, while I was absent, in fervent prayer; and at\nmy third visit told me, \u201cI have whatsoever I ask. I have asked life for\nmy mother and sisters, and have obtained it.\u201d I took the opportunity,\nand put her upon praying for the peace of _Jerusalem_, for union, and\nfor the preachers of reprobation, that God might open their eyes; for\nmy brother, and for the lambs of this fold, that they might not be\nturned out of the way.\n\nThe fourth time I came to see her, they told me she had been in a\ngreat conflict; oftentimes repeating, \u201cI will wrestle with thee for\na blessing, I will not let thee go unless thou bless him. Bless that\nsoul! Give him the thing I ask.\u201d At last, she said, \u201cNow I am more than\nconqueror. I have the petitions I ask. Not one is unanswered.\u201d\n\nTo me, she said, \u201cI have power with God, and with man, and have\nprevailed.\u201d\n\nFrom expounding at the _Malt-room_, I returned the last time, and found\nher ready for the Bridegroom. Her every word was full of power, and\nlife, and love. It was the Spirit of her Father which spoke in her. She\nhad been wrestling again, and making intercession for the saints, and\nall mankind; particularly our own church and nation. Some of her words\nwere, \u201cThy judgments are abroad in the earth; O that the inhabitants of\nthis land may learn righteousness! Grant me, sweet Jesus, that they may\nrepent and live.\u201d She prayed fervently for the society, that they might\nabide in the word, keep close together, and be all of one heart and\nmind. There is a curse upon them, (said she) a curse of unthankfulness;\nbut I have prayed my dear Lord to remove it, and he will remove it.\u201d\n\nWhen one of her sisters came to see her, who was deeply mourning\nfor Christ, she laboured much to comfort her, bad her look at her,\nso miserable and hopeless an unbeliever lately; and assured her the\nComforter should quickly come. At the sight of her sister\u2019s tears, O\nhow sweetly did she lament over her! I never saw such sympathy! The\nspirit in her mourned like a turtle-dove, and made intercession with\ngroanings that cannot be uttered.\n\n*All the time of her sickness, she never once complained, or shewed\nthe least sensibility of pain, or that she had any body at all. When\none asked her if she did not feel her pains, being then in strong\nconvulsions, she answered, \u201cMy pain is great, but I do not feel it. It\ndoes not trouble me. I chuse it rather than ease; for my Lord chuses it.\nPain or ease, life or death, \u2019tis all one. The Spirit beareth witness\nwith my spirit, that I am a child of God: I have the earnest of mine\ninheritance in my heart. I have no will. I am made perfect in love.\u201d\n\nI asked, whether that peace which she tasted above a year ago, was the\nsame she now enjoyed? She answered, \u201cIt was of the same kind, in the\nlowest or first degree. It surely was justification.\u201d\n\nAfter I went, she said, \u201cThis day shall I be with him in paradise.\nWithin four and twenty hours I shall be with my Beloved.\u201d\n\n*She continued all night in the labour of love, making powerful\nsupplication for all men. About three on Sunday morning she said, \u201cIt\nis finished.\u201d All suffering even for others ceased from that moment,\nand she began the new song, which shall never end. Her whole employment\nnow was the same with theirs, to whom she was come, the innumerable\ncompany of angels, the church of the first-born. She sang to the\nharpers harps, without any intermission, till two in the afternoon;\neven while they were giving her cordials, she sang. Her hope was full\nof immortality, her looks of heaven, till with smiles of triumph she\nresigned her spirit into the hands of her dear Redeemer. Death wanted\nall its pomp and circumstances of horror. She went away without an\nagony, or sigh, or groan. She only rested; and sweetly fell asleep in\nthe arms of Jesus.\n\n\n\n\n A LETTER to the\n Rev. Mr. JOHN WESLEY.\n By a GENTLEWOMAN.\n\n\n _Laton-Stone_, November\u00a08, 1764.\n\nReverend and dear Sir,\n\nI HAVE never yet had an opportunity of fully laying before you, the\nreasons of my coming to reside at this place, and the nature of my\nemployment here, which I will now take the liberty to do.\n\nDuring my former abode among this people, they were often laid on my\nmind in prayer, and I was often greatly comforted, by an hope, that\nthey would one day hear and receive the gospel.\n\nRemoving from these parts in February, 1761, those thoughts were\ntaken from me, for a season: but after a year and an half, being\nprovidentially called to return hither, the same thoughts returned into\nmy mind. Yet I could not easily consent to leave _London_, till I had,\nwith my friend, laid it before the Lord; being fully persuaded, that if\nit was of God, he would make plain paths for our feet.\n\nSoon after, many outward providences confirmed us, in our belief, that\nit was God\u2019s appointment. His Spirit also shone clearer upon our souls,\nand convinced us, it was a cross which he called us to take up. One day\nin particular, when my friend and I were laying it before him in prayer,\nhe condescended to assure her, that he would _not send us a warfare at\nour own charges_. I thought, _let not my Lord be angry, and I will ask_\nyet one sign more. This was the settling of an affair, which seemed to\nman impossible. And it was settled within a few days. O God, who can\nstay thy hand?\n\nBut no sooner was my design mentioned to others, than it was vehemently\nopposed, one in particular charged me not to go, saying, \u201cIt was all\na scheme of the devil.\u201d Either that night, or the next, I dreamed\nI was at _Laton-Stone_, and a great number of all sorts of people\nabout me. I was prest in spirit to speak to them; but being pained\nat the appearance of many gay ones among them, I said, in the anguish\nof my soul, \u201cLord, what do I here among this people?\u201d Immediately I\nthought Jesus came down, and stood just before me. The brightness of\nhis presence so overcame me, that there was no strength left in me. He\nsaid, \u201cI will send you to a people, that are not a people; and I will\ngo with you: bring them unto me. I will lay my hand upon them, and heal\nthem: fear not; only believe.\u201d He then disappeared, leaving me quite\npenetrated with his presence and his words. After having wept some time,\nI thought I told the people what the Lord had said. About half seemed\nserious and attentive, and desirous of being separated from the rest. I\nthought I was to find them a place to meet in: in order to which, I was\nobliged to walk over a floor no thicker than a wafer: however, I went\nover, and not a splinter gave way under my feet. Soon after I awoke\nwith these words, \u201cThe mouth of the Lord hath spoken it.\u201d\n\nOur fears were now removed, and on March\u00a024, 1763, we came to this\nhouse, in obedience to what we believed the will of our heavenly Father.\nWe came, trusting in him; and, blessed be God, we have not trusted him\nin vain.\n\nFrom the first hour we found his presence with us, but did not see,\nfor what end we were come. We therefore _stood still to see_ his\n_salvation_. Mean time we determined, to live by rule in every thing:\nand in order to supply the want of the public means, from which we were\nin great measure cut off, we agreed to spend an hour every evening,\npart in reading to the family, and part in private prayers. The first\nbook we read was, \u201cThe Rebuke to Backsliders, and Spur to Loiterers.\u201d\nAnd glory be to God, our meeting has hitherto never been in vain.\n\nIn about a week, a poor woman whom I had formerly talked with, coming\nto ask charity, desired to know, if she might not come when we went\nto prayers? I told her, she might at seven in the evening. She did so,\nas did two or three more soon after. We then appointed them to come on\nThursday nights. In a little time they were increased to above twenty.\nWe now thought it best, to talk with them, and that as closely as\nwe could. Some were quickly offended and came no more. Some appeared\nconvinced of sin. These we desired to come to us on Tuesday nights;\nand the second time we met, two of them found peace with God.\n\nA little before this, we judged the time was come to have public\npreaching here. This was a close trial to _me_, such as few can\nconceive, unless they have been in the same situation. But I knew,\nwhosoever would not _forsake all_, could not be Christ\u2019s disciple:\nseeing he had said, _If any man love father or mother more than me,\nhe is not worthy of me_.\n\nWe then applied to you, and the next Sunday, May the 25th, Mr. _Murlin_\npreached the first sermon. This continued every other Sunday, though\nnot without considerable opposition. In November, Mr. _Morgan_ received\ntwenty-five into the society, and divided them into two classes. Ah\nLord! How many of these shall I meet at the resurrection of the just!\n\nBut a new scene now opened. The reasons on which I proceeded, I will\nlay before you as plainly as I can.\n\nFrom a child I have ever believed, God had appointed me for some work,\nin which I should be much blest, if I was faithful; but that if I took\nup with any thing less than I was called to, I should only be saved\nas by _fire_. Often have I panted after an outward, as well as inward\nconformity to the will of God; greatly desiring to live as the first\nChristians did, when _all that believed were of one soul_, and counted\nnot _any of the things they possessed_ their own. But I saw the time\nwas not yet come; yet I could not but believe, in your day something\nof this kind would be.\n\nWhen I was about seventeen, the Lord was pleased to shew me, that I was\nnot to build tabernacles here. For none of those ways I had cut out for\nmyself, were such as he had appointed for me. I cannot better describe\nwhat I then felt, than by transcribing part of a letter to a friend.\n\n\n\u201cThe Lord has been merciful above all I can ask or think. I found a\ngreater blessing the last time I was in town than ever.\u201d\u2015\u2015And within\nthis day or two, I see much more clearly the way in which I ought to\nwalk. The Lord seems to call me to much more activeness, so that I am\nsometimes ready to cry out, \u201cLord, what wouldst thou have me to do?\u201d\nThen I considered, Can I do more for the souls or bodies of those about\nme? But this does not seem to be the thing. *What I am now led to wish\nfor is, to serve those that are in Christ, both with soul and body. And\nas soon as the Lord has prepared me for his work, and set me at liberty,\nmy firm resolution is, by the grace of God, to be wholly given up to\nthe church. I plainly see, I have no more to do with the world, than to\nallow myself the bare necessaries of life. And tho\u2019 it has pleased God,\nI should not have my living to work for, that is no reason my hands\nshould be idle. I would be as those described by St. _Paul_, _to bring\nup children, to lodge strangers_, to be ready for the meanest offices,\nto _relieve the afflicted_, to _visit the fatherless and widows, and\ndiligently follow after every good work_.\u201d\n\n_Epping-Forest, May 23, 1757._\n\n\nI have ever since found the same impressions on my soul; and when we\ncame to this house, I felt a kind of rest I did not before, as if I was\nwhere God would have me to be. But one day reflecting, that we had more\nroom than we wanted, and thinking, whom I should take in to fill it,\nit was strongly imprest upon my mind, _He that believeth shall not make\nhaste_. Not long after the thought of _bringing up children_ returned.\nBut I was afraid of making haste; till it appeared from many reasons to\nbe the will of God, that we should take in one that offered. Soon after\nwe were induced to receive another, and presently two more. I now saw\nour family would be an increasing one; as we could not bring up even\nthese children properly, without a person whose constant business it\nshould be, to teach them during the school-hours. For it was impossible\nwe should do it long, while we were necessarily employed in so many\nother things. I knew this, and the other expences which must attend\nthe keeping six or seven children, would require an hundred a year\nmore than I had. But I remembered again, _The Lord liveth, and truly\nhitherto he hath helped us_.\n\n*Our method of educating our children is this. As our design is to\nfit them for good servants, we endeavour as early as possible, to\ninure them to labour, early-rising and cleanliness. We have now eleven.\nThree of these, (two of whom are eleven years old, the other, between\nnine and ten) rise at four. One lights the nursery fire, one mine,\nthe other, that below. At five, the rest of the family are called. And\nwhen the children are drest and have prayed, they go (in summer) in the\ngarden from six till half an hour after, while the bigger ones make the\nbeds, and clean the rooms. At half hour after six we all join in family\nprayer: at seven breakfast in the same room; two or three upon herb tea,\nthe rest upon milk-porridge. At eight, the bell rings for school, where\nthey continue till twelve; and then after a few minutes spent in prayer,\ncome to us. In winter, this is their hour for exercise, instead of the\nmorning and evening. In hot weather we read to them something they are\npleased with, or converse familiarly, so as (without seeming to aim at\nit) to instil into them principles of religion, at the same time giving\nthem some kind of employ, which is rather amusement than business:\nyet it just takes off the appearance of idleness. For, from the very\nbeginning, they have been carefully taught, never to do any thing, but\nwhat they could give God a reason for. On this account we never use\nthe term _play_, nor suffer any to give them those toys or play-things,\nwhich children are usually brought up to spend half their time in. And\nwhen some of these were privately given, they threw them aside without\nany bidding. Their recreation consists in diversifying their business,\nwhich is varied even during their school-hours. Only the very little\nones now and then run in the garden for a quarter of an hour; but still\nwith a degree of seriousness; and they know it is for their health. At\none we dine: at two school begins again, except on Saturdays. At five\nthey return to us. About six they sup. At half after six they begin\nto be washed, and at seven go to bed. Indeed in summer their supper is\nsooner, so that they have an hour with us in the garden. During this\ntime they are all employed, some in watering, others in fetching the\nwater, the rest in pumping. And work of this kind they are all very\nfond of.\n\n*But O! what a want of wisdom do I find! I see in them, what I cannot\nput in practice. I want the children not to be a moment from under\nthe _eye_ and the _attention_ of some judicious person: so that if the\neleven children were at work in so many different parts of the garden,\none might observe, that each works _diligently_. For sloth in temporals\nalways produces sloth in spirituals. Yet at the same time their work\nmust not be a _task_; for then it would not answer the end. Again,\ntheir thoughts all the day long will naturally tend to evil. And their\nwords will be trifling. To _bid_ them do otherwise, avails no more,\nthan to bid the blackamoor be white. And to reprove them continually,\nwould be a burden greater than they could bear. But if by little\nstories and hints, their minds could be insensibly drawn to better\nsubjects, they would be at length brought to remember, that God is\npresent, and is looking upon them every moment. When I consider this,\nand many more things, which I see afar off, but cannot bring to effect,\nI am constrained to say, \u201cO Lord! I am not yet _throughly furnished to\nevery good work_.\u201d\n\nSome may say, \u201cThis is worldly wisdom, not gospel simplicity. And after\nall you cannot change their hearts.\u201d Most certain. But hath not God\nsaid, _Train up a child in the way it should go_? Now I think true\nsimplicity is to obey God, and leave the consequence to him.\n\nAnd we have already reason to believe, our labour has not been in vain.\nThere are dawnings of grace in most of the children. Some of them God\nwas pleased to bless in a particular manner, on the 7th of last June.\nIn the evening, _Betty L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_, about ten years old, was much concerned\nfor one of the little ones, who had stole something. When \u2666they went to\nbed, not knowing they were overheard, thy began to converse freely; and\n_Betty L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ said, \u201cLet us go to prayer for _H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_\u2019s soul.\u201d She then\nprayed in a very affecting manner, afterwards one about eight, prayed,\npleading much for _H\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_, and added, \u201cLord, don\u2019t let us so think\nof her sin, as to forget our own. Lord don\u2019t let us laugh and trifle,\nand talk of foolish things when we come off our knees, but make us\nChristians.\u201d One of them then thanked God, for their \u201cgood corrections,\nand teaching,\u201d and said \u201cLord, if we are not Christians, we shall be\nmore punished than others.\u201d When they had done, _Nancy Tripp_ went\nin to undress them. She first went to prayer with them as usual, and\nthe spirit of conviction fell on _Betty L\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015_ in a very uncommon\nmanner. We came up and found her in an exceeding great agony: she\nwas the very picture of terror. The veins of her neck were as if they\nwould burst. She wrung her hands, and cried with a bitter cry, \u201cO my\nsins!\u201d I believe more than an hundred times. She then broke out into\nsuch a confession of her original sin, and heart sins, as was quite\nastonishing: adding, \u201cO! I have never done any thing for _thee_ in\nmy whole life. I have broke all thy laws, I have kept the devil\u2019s\ncommandments; I have kept none of thy commandments. May such a wretch\ncome to the Lord? Wilt thou receive me? Wilt thou pardon me? Wilt thou\nmake me a Christian? Tell me, Lord, shall I go to heaven or hell? Shall\nI go to heaven or hell, Lord? O tell me! Shall I go to heaven or hell?\nWilt thou make me a Christian? Wilt thou forgive me?\u201d She then paused\na little, and added, \u201cBut _wilt_ thou, Lord? Yes, he will, he will.\nBut wilt thou Lord? Yes, thou wilt, thou wilt.\u201d Mr. _Dornford_ then\ngave out an hymn. She now seemed quite calm: the horror which before\nappeared in her countenance was gone, and had left a sweet smile.\nHer attention seemed quite fixt. And after remaining some time with\nher eyes upward, she said, \u201cJesus is smiling upon me.\u201d She had at the\nsame time a sight of him as upon the cross, saying, \u201cI have pardoned\nall your sins; and if you pray, I will give you abundant love.\u201d After\nshe had sat silent a while, she broke out, \u201cO what a sweet Saviour he\nis! He has forgiven me all my sins\u2015\u2015All, all. Lord, thou wilt, thou\nhast forgiven me.\u2015\u2015O let them be perfectly forgiven! But shall I ever\nsin again, Lord? O don\u2019t let me sin again.\u201d Some time after, she said,\n\u201cO what a sweet Saviour thou art! What sweet love is thine! O for more\nsuch love, more such love as thine! But don\u2019t let me sin again! Fill me\nwith love, that I may never sin again!\u201d\n\n \u2666 \u201cthy\u201d replaced with \u201cthey\u201d per Errata\n\nThis scene was striking: but it was nothing to the change that followed.\nShe was of a far worse natural temper, then any of the children: but\nnow it might indeed be said, \u201cLove made her willing heart in swift\nobedience move.\u201d So great was the change both in will and understanding,\nas plainly declared the hand that wrought it.\n\nWe sometimes hope, several of them will chuse to be entirely devoted\nto God. If so, they may continue together when they grow up, each\nfollowing such an employment as she is fit for, and all throwing the\nproduce of their labour into a common stock, and may not God be pleased\nto call some young women, not brought up with us, who have a desire to\ndevote themselves wholly to God, to cast in their lot with us? Perhaps\nsome who do not want, may be glad to get out of the hurry of the world,\nat least for a season, that the tender flame may not be put out, nor\nany unhallowed fires mix with it. How much is something of this kind\nwanted? A place of refuge for the weak and unexperienced? How often do\nwe see those who are just setting out in the good way, either wholly\nturned aside, or at least persuaded to take up with a lower way, than\nthe Spirit of God at first pointed out?\n\nBut if ever this design be brought to perfection, it is God only that\nmust chuse the persons, and bring us together, as it is he only that\n_maketh men to be of one mind in an house_. And whosoever comes to us,\nmust desire to be conformed to their crucified head. We can promise\nthem only _poverty_, _labour_ and _sorrow_, the inward and outward\ncross. But when they embrace this with their whole hearts, they\nassuredly experience, that in poverty is riches, in labour ease, and\nin sorrow constant rejoicing.\n\nAll this is in the hand of my God, as also another thought I had,\nconcerning aged widows. But so exceeding great is his faithfulness,\nthat I know not how to despair of any thing. A few of the many\ninstances hereof, which we have received, you must give me leave to\nmention.\n\nI have been always led, since I had any work of God upon my soul,\nto walk by faith in outward things as well as inward. Hence I have\nfrequently, when an object of distress presented, gone beyond my income,\nbelieving God would make it up in the time of need. In this confidence,\nI received four or five more children, though I had nothing in hand,\nand more bedding and cloaths were to be bought immediately. For this we\nwanted two guineas directly. Some friends sending us word, they would\ncall on such a day; my friend prayed, that God would put it into their\nhearts to help us. They came, and one of them put two guineas into my\nhand. We praised the Lord, and received it as a token for good.\n\nSoon after we were advised to put up a poor box. I found great\nreluctance to it, which convinced me, it requires less grace in some\ncases, to _give_ than to _receive_. However, laying it before the\nLord in prayer, I saw it was his will, and consented. So on Tuesday,\nFebruary\u00a01, it was put up in the passage-room, with this inscription,\n\u201cFor the maintenance of a few poor orphans, that they may be brought up\nin the fear of the Lord.\u201d A few days after we took out 2s. 7d. but no\nmore for a great while. During this time we were much straitened, not\nhaving the nursery furnished, nor the necessaries for the children. It\nwas now strongly suggested, \u201cYou see you have done wrong, and God will\nnot help you any more.\u201d But having recourse to prayer, our faith was\nstrengthened.\n\nSoon after, the following thought was much imprest on my mind. If\nChrist was now upon earth, and in want of food and raiment, should\nI be afraid to give him mine, lest I should want it myself? Should I\nnot rather say, \u201cLet all I have be offered, for the necessities of my\nLord. He is well able to repay it, and if he is not, then let us want\ntogether.\u201d I saw the case with the children was the same, and that\n_what was done to one of these, was done to him_. A light broke in upon\nmy mind which quite satisfied me, and constrained me to say, \u201cLord, thy\nword is enough, thou hast said, _Love one another as I have loved_ you:\nlet their wants be mine, my substance theirs.\u201d\n\nWe were now not only in want of the things above-mentioned, but of\nmoney to keep the house. Just then a guinea was put into the box, and\nsoon after, another: in a few days one brought us thirty shillings,\nsaying, \u201cFear not: only believe.\u201d About the same time we received four\nguineas from another hand, which helped us through that quarter. To\navoid tediousness, I pass over many other helps which we received from\ntime to time; confining myself to those wherein the hand of the Lord is\nmore eminently to be observed.\n\n*Some time since, being obliged to pay a sum of money in a day\u2019s time,\nand having none in the house, nor any due, I attempted to borrow it of\na friend, but could not. I tried another, and was disappointed there\nalso. Not knowing what to do, I went up stairs and waited before the\nLord, telling him I would yet _trust_ him and _praise_ him. Opening the\nlast volume of sermons, I cast my eye on this sentence, \u201cChrist charges\nhimself with all our temporal affairs, when we charge ourselves with\nthose that relate to his glory.\u201d It was applied to my heart with such\na power, as I had very seldom felt. And such a sense of the immediate\npresence of God seized my soul as almost overwhelmed it. O what a\nfreedom of spirit did I feel! I could truly say,\n\n \u201cAll my care on thee is cast.\u201d\n\nIn the evening, a person desired to speak with me, and brought me a\nlittle above the sum.\n\n*In Spring we were again reduced to about one penny, and expected a\nbill of two or three pounds to be brought in every hour. We looked\nto the Lord, and found him again to be a present help. For while we\nwere consulting what to do, a basket came which one had sent us from\n_London_, with some provisions, and a little parcel, in which were four\npounds, three shillings and ninepence.\n\nIn August we had an hour of trial again. The children being increased\nto ten, we were in great want of linen; but how to procure it for\nthem we could not tell. I was unwilling to run farther in debt, having\nalready spent the two next quarters before they came in, nor was that\nenough to pay what was owing. And I had nothing in the house. So we\nagreed to lay it before the Lord together. While I was alone, it was\nviolently suggested, \u201cthere is so much of _self_ in all you do, that\nGod is rather dishonoured than glorified thereby.\u201d I said, \u201cLord, I am\nthe purchase of thy blood. I plead that only. And I believe thou wilt\nnot leave me, nor forsake me.\u201d Afterwards I felt much peace. Rising\nfrom my knees, I opened the bible on the following words. _Acquaint\nthyself now with him, and be at peace; thereby shall good come unto\nthee. Then\u2015\u2015the Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have\nplenty of silver\u2015\u2015thou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be\nestablished, and the light shall shine on thy ways._\n\nI felt my soul instantly strengthened. And every word was so opened and\napplied, that to this day it seems new whenever I read it: particularly\nthat promise, _Thou shall decree a thing, and it shall be established,\nand the light shall shine on thy ways_. Indeed the whole appeared more\nfull and strong than I have words to express.\n\nTwo or three days after we received five guineas; the same day three\nmore, and two from another hand. In a little while we received four\nmore, with a promise of the same yearly. O my God, who would not trust\nthee? Who would not take thee at thy word?\n\nPerhaps some will wonder, how one who has so great an income as I, can\never experience want. But _you_ know what I have. You know likewise,\nthat before I took any children, I every year spent more than my income,\ntrusting that God would supply what was lacking. Others may wonder at\nmy present _imprudent_ way of proceeding; but I _know in whom I have\nbelieved_. Indeed had I sought the praise of men, I should have taken\ncare of myself rather than of others. For I know, _so long as thou dost\nwell unto thyself, men will speak well of thee_. But we have chose the\ncross for our portion, and we cannot give it up.\n\nA few days since having paid the week\u2019s bill, my friend said, \u201cWe have\nbut a few shillings left.\u201d The Tuesday following I received two letters.\nOpening one of them I was a little surprised, to find a guinea inclosed,\nwith the following lines from one I had never conversed with.\n\n\n _November 5, 1764._\n\n\u201cMy dear child,\n\nWith much pleasure I heard your charitable design, which I pray God to\nbless and succeed. Be never discouraged, though divine wisdom should\nexercise you at times, even with many, great and alarming difficulties:\nfor this is frequently the way in which God leads his children, in\norder to improve their faith and patience. But even supposing he should\nnot succeed this affair, according to your present plan, yet he will\nnever fail to bless those, who sincerely endeavour to promote his\nhonour, the kingdom of the Lord Jesus, and the good of souls.\n\n\u201cI desire that you would accept of the inclosed, and that you would set\nme down as an annual contributor of the same sum. May the Lord Jesus\nChrist be with all of us: forget us not in your prayers. I am, with\nmuch respect and regard.\n\n Your very affectionate friend.\u201d\n\n\nThese lines were greatly blest to me, and I found much thankfulness.\nIn the other letter was another guinea inclosed, with these few words:\n\u201cI have felt your burden, and should be thankful you had more help. But\nperhaps it is rather the will of God concerning you, to give you day\nby day your daily bread. I pray him to be with you.\u201d The same night one\nbrought half a guinea from a person unknown, who desired to be set down\nas an annual contributor of two Guineas.\n\nWhen a yearly subscription was first proposed, I was averse to it,\nfearing it might give offence, till a very particular friend, mentioned\nit to a few of her acquaintance, unknown to us. Afterwards I was\nconvinced, it was of God. It now amounts to about fourteen pounds a\nyear.\n\nOur family at present consists of sixteen: eleven children, one teacher\nfor them, one servant, ourselves, and one lame with the palsy.\n\nWhen I look back to last Christmas, I am astonished at the\nloving-kindness of my God! What he hath done for us, and what he hath\nbrought us through, I can easier bless him for, than repeat! One thing\nmore I ask of him: And in this also he will hear me: that he would\nrestore sevenfold into the bosom of those he has made helpful to us,\neither by prayer, by word, or by deed. And if a cup of cold water is\nnot forgotten before him, surely not one of these shall lose their\nreward.\n\nO Sir, we have so many mercies, I know not how to leave off recounting\nthem. _Now_ I see that design of God, in joining sister _R._ and me\ntogether. It would have been impossible for me to have gone through\nmy present undertaking alone. I know I have neither grace for the\nspiritual, nor capacity for the temporal part. It is therefore in the\ngreatest tenderness, that our Lord has given her to us as a mother. I\ntrust, both this and every blessing, shall have the effect which God\ndesigned in it.\n\n I am,\n\n _M. B._\n\n\n\n\n An EXTRACT of\n LETTERS.\n By Mrs. L****.\n\n\n To the READER.\n\nTHE person who published these letters about twelve years ago, observes,\nthe writer of them, \u201cnever supposed they would be made public, but\nput down the sentiments of her heart, in the confidence of friendship.\nThis may excuse the inaccuracies some may find: besides they are not\nrecommended as patterns of polite, epistolary correspondence. Their\nmerit is of another kind. It consists neither in the fineness of\nthe language, nor in the elegance of the manner.\u201d\u2015\u2015I really think\nit does, as well as \u201cin the goodness of the sentiment.\u201d I am not\nashamed to recommend them, as \u201cpatterns of truly polite, epistolary\ncorrespondence:\u201d expressing the noblest sentiments in the most elegant\nmanner, in the purest, yea, and finest language. Yet undoubtedly even\nthe beauty of the language is nothing compared to the spirit which\nbreathes throughout. Happy they who both _taste_ her spirit and are\npartakers of it: who _walk in the light as he is the light_, and know\nthat _the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth from all sin_.\n\n J.\u00a0W.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n LETTERS\n\n To Mrs. ****.\n\nYOUR letter, my ever dear friend, has been a great blessing to me; that\nyou should write in the style you now do, filled me with such a sense\nof mine own unworthiness, and of the goodness of God to me, that it\nmelted my stony heart, and drew tears from mine eyes. Oh would the God\nI adore enable me to be of any help to you, how would my soul dilate in\nthankfulness? Blessed Redeemer, draw us both, and so will we run after\nthee. Oh Spirit of truth, descend on thine unworthy servants, and make\nus _fully_ sensible of the seal of our redemption! Convince us still\nmore deeply of our sins, and make us still more fully to know, that\nthey are washed away by the blood of Jesus. Thou knowest the burdens we\nlabour under, the dissipations of our thoughts, our wandrings in prayer,\nour spiritual sloth, and all the hardness of our hearts. Stir us up\nearnestly to seek after the things of God, and fix our inconstant minds.\nThou knowest that we desire (for this desire comes from thee) that the\nlove of the Father may abide in our hearts. We beg thine assistance\nthat we may eagerly seek after this love. Oh teach us the prayer of\nfaith, and enable us constantly and undauntedly to press forward toward\nthe mark of the prize of our high calling! Be thou our guide, be thou\nour comforter for ever and for ever. _Amen, Amen._\n\n*What a task have you laid upon me? I watch over you! I your guide!\nThis quite overcomes me. I cannot bear it. Oh, my love, there is no\none so much wants a guide and a director as I do. Sure this letter\nof your\u2019s was particularly designed by providence to humble me; but\nunworthy as I am, I will by the grace of God strive to do every thing\nyou desire of me: but then you must return the same to me, and take\nme into the number of those you watch over. Let us go hand in hand\nin these paths which lead to everlasting life. What shall I say to\nquicken your steps? It was said to me since I saw you, by Mr. **** \u201cI\nhope still to have a great deal more pleasure from you, by seeing you\n_press forward_.\u201d Think these words were addressed to you by the same\nperson. Oh what a blessing of God accompanies the words of one who is\nuniformly a Christian, of one who spends and is spent for the service\nof his master, of one who has no view but the glory of God and the\nsalvation of souls! Who would not strive earnestly to follow so bright\nan example? The very sight of such a person animates the soul in its\nwarfare. O what soul, which is the least alive to God, would not even\n_agonize_ to be perfectly renewed after the image of Christ? Is your\nheart, is my heart so dead, that this will not affect it?\u2015\u2015Alas, I\ngrieve for mine own\u2015\u2015may God give me to rejoice for your\u2019s.\n\nI have time for no more. May the blessing and influence of the\never-adorable Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, be continually\nwith your soul.\n\n _I am your ever-affectionate_, &c.\n \n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\nI THINK you are now through divine grace, strong enough to bear what\nI am going to say to you, that I have long seen a mixture of pride and\nvanity even in the best of your performances. But I could hardly allow\nmyself to believe it. What! have I often said, shall I judge so of her,\nwhom every body admires for her surprising modesty and humility? Is\nit not because she is more excellent than myself, and therefore I am\nseeking to find some fault in her? Then I have often prayed to God, not\nto suffer my soul to be deceived by any sinister views, and to perfect\nin you what was wanting. And this I trust he will do for us both, if\nwe keep the longing eye of our souls steadily fixed upon him. Oh for\nholiness of heart! Let us labour, my dear companion, for holiness, as\na dying sinner labours for life.\n\nI had yesterday a most delightful letter from Mr. ****. It sent me to\nmy knees so convinced of my black ingratitude to my heavenly Father,\nthat I could neither find words nor thoughts sufficient to express my\nunworthiness; yet at the same time my heart was full of thanksgiving,\nunder a sense of his unbounded mercies. O help me, my dear friend, to\nbe more and more thankful! Such advantages\u2015\u2015dearest Jesus, how justly\ngreat must be my condemnation, if I do not make suitable improvements.\nTake the latter part of Mr. ****\u2019s letter, apply it to yourself\nconstantly, every minute if possible. \u201cYou have need therefore to\nwatch and pray always, and then especially when you might seem to have\nleast need. You have reason to fear always: for your enemies are always\nwatching. But you have reason likewise to rejoice always, because he\nthat keepeth you never sleeps.\u201d\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\nI HAVE read your letter with tears, and earnest prayers to God for you,\nand for myself. We are both unworthy creatures; indeed, my love, we are\n_more_ unworthy than we can either express or conceive. O let us fly to\nthe blood of sprinkling. There and there alone can we find help.\n\nThanks be to God, that you have a clear view of your own heart. This\nis a most profitable prospect, though a most dreadful one. Think me not\ncruel, when I wish that the holy Spirit may _deeply_ wound your soul\nwith a sense of its corruptions. The deeper the conviction, the firmer\nthe peace that follows.\n\n*I hardly know how to believe you, when you tell me you are hurried\naway by desires after worldly happiness. Is it possible? Alas, my\nfriend, pardon the harshness of the expression, if the love of the\nworld is in your heart, you are only a _painted sepulchre_, beautiful\nindeed outwardly, but within\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015. My dear creature, I cannot bear to\nthink this\u2015\u2015a Christian to be hurried away with desires and endeavours\nafter worldly happiness! If St. _Paul_\u2019s character of a Christian is\nright, how far are you from being a Christian? \u201cYe are dead,\u201d says he,\n\u201cand your life is hid with Christ in God.\u201d\n\nMay not these violent ragings of pride, vanity, &c. you speak of, be\nsome of the last struggles of a dying enemy? When the strong man armed\nkeepeth his house, his goods are in peace. But when there is a stronger\ncomes upon him to overcome him, and to take from him that armour in\nwhich he trusted, no wonder the house is in a tumult. And this I hope\nis your present case. But beware, my dear soul, of thinking, that you\nnever should be otherwise. Limit not the grace of God. He has only to\nsay, _Peace, be still_, and immediately the winds and seas obey him.\n\u201cBut how to obtain this peace?\u201d Oh my dear friend, will you follow\nthe advice of the meanest and most unworthy of the servants of Christ?\nLook upon yourself as being only _now_ fully convinced of your guilt\nand dreadful condition. Look upon yourself as a _poor, lost, helpless,\nmiserable creature_. Set before your eyes your sins, with all their\naggravations; and when your soul is weighed down to the dust under\na sense of your own vileness, then throw yourself at the foot of the\ncross: there lie as a loathsome leper before the almighty healer:\nthere let your parched soul _gasp_ (with the utmost stretch of all your\nfaculties) after those life-giving streams which flowed from Christ\u2019s\nhands, his feet, his pierced side; and there keep the eye of your mind\nfixed, until the still small voice be heard in your soul\u2015\u2015\u201cBe of good\ncheer, thy sins are forgiven thee.\u201d\n\n * * * * *\n\n\nI WAS in hopes, my dear, that I had cause to think you had gained\nground; but if I was mistaken, am very sorry. God forbid however that\nyou should have gone back: I must not for my own ease believe that.\n*The reason for your not finding so much comfort as usual flowing from\nthe cross, is because you lay yourself too much out upon _outward_\nthings. I doubt not but your own will is indeed very powerful, and it\nwill ever be so, while you indulge yourself in castle-building. Let\nyour schemes be ever so good, they are (unless God had given you the\nmeans and power to perform them) merely the creatures of your own will;\nand I don\u2019t know any thing that self-will more delights in, than in\nthese imaginary good projects. Believe me, my dear soul, I speak from\nexperience. There is nothing more encourages self-will, pride, and\nevery temper we ought to subdue, than these schemes. For God\u2019s sake\nstrive to get the better of this folly. I know your temper is naturally\ninclined to it, and therefore you ought to be more particularly\nwatchful. Cannot you, my love, keep your thoughts fixed on the present\nmoment, in a constant dependance on the leadings of the Spirit of God,\nand only wishing that every succeeding moment may bring a new accession\nof grace to your soul, without fixing on the particular means, by which\nyou would have it come? When the will is in this total resignation to\nGod, it brings a peace to the soul, which cannot be described.\n\nI don\u2019t like your going to _Vauxhall_, I think you ought to try every\npossible means, to get off. Suppose you were to be sincere, and own it\nwas against your conscience. Pray God direct you what to do. If you are\nreally _forced_ to go, God will preserve your heart from the pollutions\nof the place. If this is the case, I think you will be in less danger\nof being hurt there, than in your visit to Mrs. ****: for in this visit\nyou will lie exposed to the worst enemy you have, that is, _yourself_.\nWith those good people, whom you love and admire, and who love and\nadmire you, you will without the most constant watchfulness, be\ncontinually falling into self-seeking and self-applause.\n\nI fear, my love, you will soon think me too plain in my speaking; but I\ncannot answer it to my conscience, since what has past between us, not\nto warn you of every thing which seems to me to prevent your progress\nin grace. Don\u2019t imagine though, that I wish you would not make this\nvisit to Mrs. ****; quite the contrary; but I wish you to keep the most\nconstant guard upon your own heart, that what should be for your health,\nbe not unto you an occasion of falling.\n\n _I am your ever sincere and affectionate_, &c.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n*I THANK God, that you now see the danger of wandring imaginations in\na clearer light; but I cannot guess what schemes a heart like yours\n(which I should hope was desirous of nothing but what immediately\ntended to increase in it the love \u2666of God) can pursue, which are not\nfor what we call doing good. Depend upon it, my dear, if you can by\nan act of your will waste a thought on any future view of happiness,\nthat regards only your situation in this world, you are yet far\nfrom the kingdom of God. To a soul, that has but the _lowest_ sense\nof the pardoning love of God, every thing that does not lead to a\ngreater sense of this love is insipid. Outward things, according to the\npresent circumstances we are in, ought to be attended to with prudence,\nthough not with anxiousness; but that soul which runs out after them\nin _future_, ought to _tremble_. My dear creature, are we not every\nmoment on the brink of eternity, and may plunge in the next, for ought\nwe know? What then have we to do, but every moment to grasp after new\ndegrees of grace, new power over sin, a still higher sense of the love\nof God shed abroad in our hearts? \u201cWithout holiness no man shall see\nthe Lord\u201d\u2015\u2015Alas! what is a life of sixty or seventy years (supposing we\ncould be certain of so many) to attain universal holiness? And shall we\nlose a moment? Outwardly we must a great many: but still our hearts may\nbe gaining ground in the steady pursuit of that end, for which we were\ncreated, and to which we have such glorious encouragements. What! shall\nChrist cry out to us in vain, \u201cGive me thy heart?\u201d Or shall we dare\nto divide that heart, which cost him so dear? O my friend, be jealous\nfor your redeeming God. Suffer not that soul, for which he shed his\nprecious blood, to stray one moment from him.\n\n \u2666 missing word \u201cof\u201d inserted\n\nI am sorry you found pleasure at _Vauxhall_. I could not have believed\nit, had you not told me so yourself. I see, my love, I have thought\nfar too highly of you. What a frightful distance is there still between\nyou, and a Christian! Could any one who had the mind which was in\nChrist have felt pleasure, where they saw God dishonoured, and their\nfellow-creatures running headlong to destruction? You had reason indeed\nto be ashamed, and thank God that you was so. The curiosity in regard\nto the astronomical instruments might distract your mind for a longer\ntime, but your taking delight in these did not shew such an excessive\ndepravity of heart, as the other: for astronomy is only _accidentally_\nmade a means of dishonouring God, and hurting the souls of men; but\n_Vauxhall_ is _necessarily_ so.\n\n _I am your ever affectionate_, &c.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n*I WRITE, my love, to you to thank you for the pleasure you gave me\nlast Thursday, and still to urge you more and more continually to press\nforwards. Young as you are, you may perhaps be very near the end of\nyour course, and the time given you to work in _may_, for ought you\nknow, be very nearly elapsed. That form of yours, which now delights\nthe eyes of your friend, and seems to promise a long continuance of\nhealth and vigour, may soon perhaps become defaced and loathsome meat\nfor crawlings worms, and that soul, that precious and immortal soul\nof yours, which is now far from loving its Creator as it ought to do,\nmay soon stand naked in the sight of that God, to whom it has been\nungrateful\u2015\u2015its day of probation past\u2015\u2015and its lot cast for a whole\neternity. Oh my friend, my dearest companion in my pilgrimage, I\nconjure you by all your heart holds dear, that you lose not a moment!\nOh may that God, who is love itself, so inflame your soul with a sense\nof his love, as may consume all its dross, and make it through Christ\nan acceptable sacrifice to himself! I think the last time I saw you I\nhad the satisfaction of observing less of _self-seeking_ in you, than\nI ever did before. Sure God will give me greatly to rejoice in you.\nFarewel. Whenever, my love, I think too well of you, fail not to tell\nme, and take shame to yourself for deceiving me.\n\n _I am your\u2019s_, &c.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\nI THANK you for your letters, and rejoice at a great part of the\naccount you give me. You have been very happy indeed; and it seems to\nme that God gave you this happiness as preparatory to the trials, which\nwere to ensue. And if you should after this goodness of God towards you,\ngrieve his holy Spirit, by suffering your heart to indulge any temper,\nwhich you know to be contrary to his will, what words would be strong\nenough to paint your black ingratitude? I will deal plainly with you. I\nthink you are now in a most dangerous situation. Every thing around you\nwill conspire to tempt you to the sin which most easily besets you, and\ntherefore you must not be _one moment_ off your guard. You must pray\nwithout ceasing, even in the fullest sense of the words and constantly\nstrive to have strongly painted in your imagination _Jesus Christ_, and\nhim _crucified_. There is nothing I think more tends to humble us, than\nthe consideration of the sufferings of Christ. When you find yourself\ngoing to say or do any thing with a view to praise, think, this temper,\nthis vanity of mine added to the weight of my Saviour\u2019s sufferings,\nand made more _bitter_ his cup of _bitterness_. Oh, if you had a soul\ncapable of feeling, if you have one spark of gratitude, can you think\nthis, and sin? Was you now standing on _Mount Calvary_ near the cross\nof the blessed Jesus (suppose the dreadful deed was but now performing)\nand you saw the Redeemer of the world just nailed to his cross, say,\nwould you help to drive the nails still deeper? Would you press the\nthorns closer to his sacred temples? Would you help to increase that\nload, which made him cry out, \u201cMy God, my God, why hast thou forsaken\nme?\u201d Does not your soul shudder at the thought? O my friend would you\nnot rather die, gladly die, for this your suffering Lord? Would you\nnot gladly be cut in ten thousand pieces to save him one pang? I know\nyou would. And will you not strive against that sin, which increased\nhis sufferings? Will you not strive, my love?\u2015\u2015Yes, sure you will.\nIs not every thing we can give up by far too small a return for what\nthe Redeemer has done for us? And shall we not give this little?\nAbove all shall we not give up what most of all separates us from him,\nour _self-love_, and _self-seeking_? Think my friend when any one is\nhinting to you, how extraordinary you are\u2015\u2015\u201cthis person is ignorantly\ndriving me from my Saviour.\u201d And if you should, which God forbid, find\nyourself tempted to indulge a vain complacency in their applause, think\nimmediately how their praise would be turned into contempt, did they\nknow your heart as it really is, and blush for thus deceiving them.\nRecollect some of the mean motives which perhaps have been the springs\nof some of your most admired words and actions, and let your soul\nwithin you be humbled to the dust. And my dear, I beg you will be\ncareful how you draw praise upon yourself by praising others. This is\nwhat I am very apt to fall into; and therefore I am the more sensible\nof its hurtfulness. And beware how you suffer yourself to attempt\nexplaining nice points of doctrine, unless it is evident there will\nbe good done by it, and then you may hope God will preserve you from\nthe pride, which generally accompanies this display of the capacity.\nMay you constantly walk in the light of God\u2019s countenance, and go on\nconquering, and to conquer!\n\n * * * * *\n\n\nI AM glad, my dear friend, that your visit to **** has been of such\nbenefit to you; and I pray God to continue it to your soul, and not to\nsuffer these impressions to wear off. Temptations doubtless will attend\nevery situation we are in; but the soul that rests secure in the love\nof God will easily conquer them. I wish you may find more and more\nbenefit from the church prayers: they are for human compositions very\nexcellent, and I belief the best form of prayers that ever was put\ntogether. I cannot reproach you for that which God has pardoned, but\nyou certainly ought now to be more watchful, that you fall not again;\nfor then great indeed would be your condemnation. The danger which\nmay accrue to you by going to Miss **** will I find be known to you\nby experience only. She is certainly a good creature herself, and I\nlove her, but there is a spirit \u2666haunts her absolutely contrary to the\nspirit I am seeking after. She is not capable, my dear, of watching\nyour words with any ill design. Her only view is to find out your\nerrors. And if possible cure you of them. I doubt not but if you could\nconverse with her alone, and keep clear of disputes, she might be of\ngreat use to you, and I hope God will bless this and every other means\nto the good of your soul. The most excellent people in the world will\nbe of little avail, unless his Spirit assists, and with this there is\nnothing so weak or mean, but what may tend to increase his love in our\nhearts. *For my own part, silence and solitude seem at present best for\nme, and I am more hurt by some religious people, whom I converse with,\nthan by the people of the world. Indeed there is scarce any, who does\nnot in some measure hurt me, except Mr. ****. Numberless are the snares\nthat lie in our way to the heavenly kingdom. \u2019Tis truly a warfare, and\na very difficult one, but the crown that awaits us at the end, is well\nworth the striving for, even unto blood. Besides the encouragements and\ncomforts we find in the way are glorious: sure I am that _Alexander_\nnever found such joy in all his conquests, as the soul that presses\nafter the footsteps of Christ does in one conquest over self-will.\nThere is more delight in suffering for God, than in reigning with\nthe world. To clasp the cross of Christ close to the heart is more\nhappiness than angels can give; and what inexpressible satisfaction\nis it to a soul, whose every faculty loves its Redeemer, to cry out,\n\n Give me to feel thine agonies,\n One drop of thy sad cup afford;\n I fain with thee would sympathize,\n And share the sufferings of my Lord.\n\n \u2666 \u201chaunts\u201d replaced with \u201chaunts her\u201d per Errata\n\n*Oh God of unspeakable mercy, unbounded love, how little is all we can\ndo or suffer for thee! Oh that we might not have a thought, nor even\na pulse beat, but for our God! What is all that earth or heaven itself\ncan give in comparison of thee? Oh uncreated beauty, how does every\nother excellence fade away at thy presence! How does a taste of thy\nlove make every other love insipid! And a ray of thy light darken the\nbrightest of created Beings! Oh when, when shall our souls be wholly\nswallowed up in thee! When shall we know thee even also as we are\nknown! Thou knowest the desire of our hearts. Thou seest how our souls\nstretch, and pant after thee, even to fainting! Oh give us to drink of\nthe waters of life, even in this our pilgrimage, until we come to drink\nfreely of them from that river, which proceedeth out of the throne of\nGod, and of the Lamb for ever and ever. _Amen_, Lord Jesus.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My beloved friend_,\n\nI HAVE been admiring the goodness of God to you, in ordering your\nbeing at _L****_ at a time, when it must, instead of being hurtful, be\nprofitable to your soul. The attending the sick bed of a dear relation\nin danger of death, is a most glorious time for exercising a number\nof Christian graces. Such a scene as this keeps the mind in a most\nproper temper, humble, recollected, serious; and in your particular\ncircumstances, this illness of **** has freed you from most of the\nsnares you apprehended. How does every thing work together for good\nto those who love God! And how ungrateful is that heart, which does\nnot strive more and more to love him in deed and in truth! What, my\nlove, are the inward temptations you complain of, and what are those\nunaccountable scruples? The best thing you can do is not to argue about\nthem in your own mind, but immediately fly to prayer; and if you cannot\npray, only wish earnestly to pray. *\u2019Tis right, that you should think\nyourself the vilest creature breathing, and I am every day more and\nmore convinced, that every soul which really loves God must necessarily\nin its own particular think the same: and in whatever proportion the\nlove of God increases in the soul, in the same proportion will the\nsense of its own vileness and helplessness increase, till at last it\nis in a manner annihilated before God. This is a point which the wisdom\nof the world cannot understand, and which no scheme of doctrine can\nteach the heart; but when we truly know Jesus Christ crucified, then\nwe can truly cry out, What! _to me_ such love? to the vilest and most\nungrateful of all creatures? O whence such love to me?\n\nI grieve for the sin you fell into. Had the temper of your mind been\nreally charitable, you certainly could not lightly have spoken evil\nof any one. Nothing is more contrary to the true spirit of the gospel,\nthan this want of universal love. And yet there is nothing so common\neven among those who in most other respects are unblameable. How ought\nwe every moment to watch! Oh when shall we indeed be renewed after the\nimage of Christ! _Adieu._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\nWHAT, my dear companion, can I write so animating as your present\ncircumstances? God seems, I think, in a most peculiar manner to watch\nover your soul for good. What interesting, what heart-affecting scenes\nhave you gone through? The account I had of your **** death, has made\nme see the goodness of God to you in the strongest light, and I am\nready to shudder, when I think that it is possible, even after all this,\nthat you should again be ungrateful. Oh watch every moment! Think what\nhorrors and agonies you must feel, if you should now suffer your heart\nto turn aside from this tender and merciful God! The circumstances you\nare now in are like five talents given to your care. Remember \u2666you are\nto gain with them five talents more, or expect to hear these dreadful\nwords\u2015\u2015_Thou slothful and wicked servant_. Your heavenly Father seems\nto be making a plain way before your face. I see you in a light almost\n_prophetical_. I rejoice, and yet I tremble. You seem pointed out, I\nthink, as an instrument in the hands of God for the conversion of Miss\n****; but here you will be in danger from your old enemies, pride, and\nlove of teaching, and above all that self-setting-up which you have\nfound so difficult to overcome. O my dear love, fail not every hour\nof the day to pray particularly for humility. I trust you are not in\ndanger from any increase of fortune. No surely. The heart of my beloved\nfriend cannot be so mean and low, as to pride itself in dross and\ndirt. Perhaps you will find some difficulties in regard to the tempers\nof your ****; how necessary will it be for you in this case to place\nconstantly before your eyes the meekness and lowliness of the Lamb of\nGod? And fear not, you will in all these things be more than conqueror\nthrough him, who has loved you.\n\n \u2666 \u201cyour\u201d replaced with \u201cyou\u201d\n\n * * * * *\n\n\nI PITY you, my dear friend; I saw yesterday that your head was full,\nand your heart not so warm towards God as it sometimes is. Oh when\nshall we be free from these distractions? Or rather when shall our love\nto our Redeemer be so intense, that our hearts may be constantly fixed\non him, and we (as it were) walk through the fire without being burnt?\n*I remember having sometimes said to you the beginning of last summer,\n\u201cThere is more a vast deal in faith than we all imagine;\u201d and though,\nthanks to the free grace of God, we both know more of faith now,\nthan we did at that time, yet I may still repeat the saying, and may\ncontinue to repeat it, till our eyes are fully opened in eternity. \u201cAll\nthings are possible to him that believeth,\u201d said the God of truth; and\nwhy then do not you and I conquer all sin? Because _we do not believe_.\nThe unbounded riches of the grace of God in Christ Jesus are hardly\nmore astonishing, than the perverseness of that soul, which will not\nfully trust in them. Christ stands ever ready to save to the uttermost,\nif we will but believe, that he can, and will do it; and we draw back\nand shrink from his redeeming hand. We suffer the dark clouds of our\nfallen nature to obscure the glorious light of the promises of God.\nAnd though our heads may be fully convinced of their truth, and we may\nhave some desires of attaining them, yet there is in the centre of our\nsouls an hidden root of unbelief, which just as we are going to lay\nhold on the prize, whispers\u2015\u2015\u201cHow can these things be?\u201d and then we\nsink. I have heard it observed of the eagle, that she holds her young\nones full against the bright beams of the mid day sun: if they behold\nit stedfastly, she nourishes them, but if they turn away their heads\nor shut their eyes, she dashes them to the ground. There is something\nvery striking in this. A nominal believer, who makes a profession\nof holiness, has all the outward marks of a true believer, as these\ndastard eagles have of the others; but he cannot look stedfastly at\nthe glorious beams of the Sun of Righteousness: and how dreadful is the\nconsequence? Oh my love, how ought we to watch and pray! How careful\nought we to be not to lose sight for one moment of our immaterial sun,\nlest the eye of our minds should by that means contract a dimness and\nweakness, which might render us incapable of stedfastly beholding him,\nwhen he shall appear in all the fulness of his glory. May the God of\nmercy preserve you in all temptations, and be your portion in time and\nin eternity.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\nI PRAISE God with my whole heart for your happiness and strength, and\nI pray him to increase it every moment. O may that blessed peace never\nleave your soul: it is eternal life begun, and ten thousands laid in\nthe balance with this peace would be all lighter than vanity. It is a\nglorious sign, that in outward troubles, or inward temptations, you can\nleave the means of your deliverance intirely to God, without suffering\nyour imagination to run out after the manner in which you probably may\nbe delivered. O that we could always venture ourselves upon the mercies\nof our God! Then would he indeed work wonders for us\u2015\u2015wonders which we\nnow can scarce believe, though the God of truth himself declares them\nunto us. And this God will surely keep you in the dangers to which\nyou are going to be exposed, if you will be watchful to keep the eye\nof your mind constantly turned towards him, and wait and hang upon\nhim, as a little child on its fond parent, drawing all your help, all\nyour comfort from him, and him alone. If you have but little outward\nretirement, shut more closely the door of your heart, and there in\nits inmost recesses commune with your God, and Redeemer, there be\ncontinually crying unto him\u2015\u2015Lord thou knowest all things, thou\nknowest that I love thee; thou knowest, O life and joy of my soul,\nthat I desire nothing but to do thy perfect will, and to be conformed\nto the likeness of thy sufferings, as well as to the likeness of thy\nresurrection. Oh crucify in me the whole body of sin! Give me an humble,\na mortified, and child-like spirit, and in thine own good time perfect\nthe work thou hast begun in my soul.\n\nAs to examples which are not good, I hope I may say, that all the\neffect they can have upon my beloved friend (in her present happy state\nof mind) will be to drive her nearer to her God, and in that nearness\nwhat comfort does the believing soul find?\n\n What tho\u2019 earth and hell engage\n To shake that soul with fear;\n Calmly it defies the rage\n Of persecution near.\n\n Suffering faith shall brighter grow,\n As gold when in the furnace tried:\n Only Jesus will we know,\n And Jesus crucified.\n\nYes, my love, let those who stile themselves our best friends\njoin with the world in calling us _mopes_ and _enthusiasts_. Still\nstedfastly fixed on the rock which cannot be moved, we will endure,\nnay joyfully take up the reproach for his sake, who hid not his blessed\nface from shame and spitting for our sakes, to make us (accursed and\nlost creatures) heirs of eternal glory. Oh that his strength may but\naccompany us, and the light of his countenance continually abide with\nus; and then we shall not fail to go on conquering and to conquer.\n_Amen._\n\nFor God\u2019s sake avoid disputes of all kinds. I was delighted the last\ntime you was with me, to observe that you was greatly altered for the\nbetter in this respect. Think not that I will omit to pray for you, and\nfail not to pray for me. Oh my friend, soon will time be swallowed up\nin eternity.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\nI READILY believe you, my dear friend, that you have not brought back\nthe same heart you carried with you: for I thought I discovered the\ntwo last times I saw you, a falling off from the grace you had, and\nthe happy state of mind you had been in; but for God\u2019s sake strive\nto recover yourself before you are sunk lower. Think how dreadful\nyour case will be, if you should so grieve the Spirit of God, as to\ncause him to depart from you. I know your heart to be ungrateful and\ndeceitful, and you yourself know full well how much it is so; but fear\nnot to search into its most hidden corruptions. Was it ten times more\nvile and polluted than it is, the blood of Jesus is all-sufficient to\ncleanse it. And my dear soul, let me intreat of you earnestly to seek\nafter a clear and constant sense of the pardoning love of God. This\nonly can enable you to trample all temptations under your feet: believe\nme, unless you really walk in the light of his countenance, you never\ncan conquer all the powers and works of darkness. Oh seek the peace\nwhich passes all understanding. You have need enough of it, I am sure,\nconsidering the many snares you walk in. I really fear you do not\ndiligently seek after God: \u2019tis very certain they that seek shall find;\nand therefore that the Redeemer is not fully manifested in your soul is\nentirely owing to your sloth and negligence. How is it possible for you\nto keep your ground against temptations which are continually striking\nupon your senses, unless you have _in_ you the substance of things\nhoped for, the evidence of things not seen? When our understandings\nare clear in gospel doctrines, we are too apt to imagine our hearts\nare so. My dear friend, for God\u2019s sake deceive not yourself. Oh suffer\nnot your soul to rest, till you can say with full assurance of faith,\n\u201cMy sins are forgiven.\u201d Depend upon it this is the first step in true\nChristianity. Oh cry to God every moment from the bottom of your heart,\nand he will do more for you, than you can either ask or think. I am a\nwitness of his free and boundless mercy. For some days past I have been\nin the wilderness, my soul weary, faint, and desolate; no rejoicing in\nGod; not one ray from the Sun of Righteousness: but this morning, this\nblessed morning, my Beloved returned to my soul, and I rejoiced with\njoy unspeakable, and could say with the fullest assurance, \u201cMy sins are\ndone away\u2015\u2015Christ is mine\u2015\u2015God the Father is my reconciled Father\u2015\u2015God\nthe Holy Ghost is my comforter and guide.\u201d *Oh my friend, my heart is\nnow so overwhelmed I can scarce write. I could repeat a thousand and\na thousand times over\u2015\u2015_Christ is mine_. My soul is ready to spring\nout of its prison, and I could at this moment face death in all its\nhorrible prospects to go to my Redeemer. Oh death, where is thy sting?\nO grave, where is thy victory? My dear love, you know not what you\nlose by your negligence. O seek, strive, agonize; could you suffer the\nutmost tortures in body or mind, they would be all as nothing to gain\none moment of this sweetness: and Oh pray for me, that I may not by\nsinning grieve the blessed Comforter, and lose my present peace. God\nbe with you my dear friend. God bless you both now and for ever.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear friend_,\n\nI MOURN for you, and may you mourn too from your very inmost soul, till\nGod himself gives you the true comfort. Oh thou dear backslider, what\nshall I say? How shall I find words strong enough to make a lasting\nimpression on a heart so inconstant, so slothful, and careless? Oh\nthat the Spirit of God would assist my weak endeavours, and point my\notherwise unavailing words! You own you do not strive earnestly: alas I\ntoo plainly see you do not. But the blessed Comforter strives with you,\nand still you resist and grieve him. How irksome is it to me always to\nwrite the same thing? My dear soul, for God\u2019s sake be more in earnest.\nHow can you talk of sloth and carelessness, when you are standing on\nthe brink of a precipice? Can you promise yourself another day? And are\nyou fit to die in the state you are now in? Nay, are you not afraid to\ndie? Oh if the Lord should say of you, as of the barren fig-tree, \u201cCut\nit down, why cumbereth it the ground,\u201d how would you be overwhelmed\nwith dread and confusion? For you who know so well what are the\nglorious promises of the gospel, to suffer your thoughts to run upon\nworldly things is inexcusable. It seems strange, that you should think\nyou love Christ more than you did, when you was in a better state;\nhowever above all things hold fast, and strive to increase this love,\nbut then at the same time take care that you hate sin in the same\nproportion, and that you strive against it with the utmost earnestness:\nfor to talk of loving Christ, and at the same time to give way to sloth,\ncarelessness, and worldly-mindedness, is an abominable mockery. If\nyou are encompassed with ten thousand temptations never fear, so your\nown heart consent not to them. Your blessed Master will surely help\nyou, if you can but trust him: and never give way, to that _seeming_\nimpossibility of praying. Though perhaps you cannot pray with comfort,\nor with any kind of connection, yet if you be ever so distracted you\nmay surely cry, Lord, have mercy upon me\u2015\u2015Jesus, pity me. Or even\nsupposing you could not do this from your heart, ask yourself whether\nyou do not desire to pray; and if you do, thank God for that desire,\nand the next thought will be prayer. Could you not make the increase of\nyour family profitable, by joining at stated times of the day in some\nact of devotion? If it were but for one quarter of an hour at a time,\nthere would doubtless be a blessing attending it. Suppose you were\nto sing an hymn together, or by turns pray, either from some form of\nprayer, or what would be better, extempore. You ought rather to be\nsilent, and be thought a mope, than to join in trifling discourse.\nConsider, my love, you are to set an example to your young friends; and\nfear not but God will deliver you from this bondage into the glorious\nliberty of his children. The feeble trust you now have is the work of\nhis blessed Spirit, and he will increase it into an holy confidence.\nLet not therefore your comfort sicken, but trust in that Jesus, who\ndied that you might live; to whose all-merciful bosom I commit you,\n\n _And am your affectionate Friend_, &c.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\nI HOPE your present circumstances do not prevent your constant watching\nover your own heart, and pressing forward in the way of holiness. In\nthe midst of all these prospects death may come! And are you fit to\ndie? We cannot too often ask ourselves this question. We cannot be\ntoo serious. There is only a moment between us and eternity. May the\nLord Jesus so prepare us, that at whatever hour he calls we may be\nready, our lamps trimmed, and we ourselves as those who wait for the\nbridegroom. Adieu, my dear. May the Almighty preserve you from all evil.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\nOF what service, my dear love, can any thing I say be of to you? I\nhave tried all means in my power to keep your mind more steady but\nin vain. If God has at any time so blessed my letters, that they have\nmade any impression on you it has gone off in two or three days: and\nwhen you have had those great benefits indeed of conversing with living\nChristians, though for a time you have been raised and lively, yet\nyou have soon sunk into your former sloth and carelessness. There must\ncertainly be some hidden corruption in your heart, which causes this\ninconstancy. I often study you as I would a book, but you are in truth\none of the most puzzling books I ever met with. I often rejoice to see\nin you (as I think) an increase of grace, and a decrease of that pride\nand selfishness, which under an appearance of humility you once had to\na great degree. The last time you was with me, I thought you greatly\nadvanced; and now you are fallen again into pride and selfishness. The\nLord Jesus raise you up. Indeed, my dear soul, you grieve and wound me.\nYou bring sorrow in my heart, and tears in my eyes: nay and sometimes\nyour letters tempt me to impatience; but then I immediately recollect\nmy own continual backslidings, and the long-suffering of God towards\nme, and can I be impatient with my friend? If your want of retirement\nis not owing to yourself, never lay your coldness upon that: for was\nyour heart sincere, God would strengthen you at all times to look up\nto him. But if as you say, you trifled away your time, and indulged an\nunwillingness to prayer, no wonder God with-held that portion of his\ngrace he would otherwise have given you. Depend upon it, whenever you\nfind an unwillingness to pray, that of all times is the most proper\nfor you to pray in; therefore never say on such an occasion, \u201cI will go\nread some good book, or do some good work, which may perhaps bring my\nmind into a better frame for prayer.\u201d No, do not so foolishly; but go,\nand prostrate yourself before God with all your unwillingness; and he\nwill soon give you both the will and the power to praise him. _Amen._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\nIT is impossible for me to judge rightly, till I know more of your\naffair, and then I doubt not, but God, if we ask in sincerity, will\ndirect us both to agree in our sentiments, as to what will be most\nconducive to your eternal welfare. However thus much I can say, be\nnot unequally yoked with an unbeliever. To marry a man in hopes of\nmaking him a Christian, will be leading yourself into temptation. The\nadvantages you speak of may doubtless be great blessings to you, if\nyou are very certain you can enjoy them. You ought to be very explicit\nwith the person, whoever he is, both with regard to your sentiments and\nhis own heart. You cannot imagine the continual snares you will walk\nin, if you are joined to one, who is not joined to Christ; especially\nif you have any fondness for him. As in a married state there are more\nallurements to draw the mind from God than in a single one, so (if\nthe companion be a Christian) there are also advantages in it, which\nperhaps may almost make the balance even. But how dreadful will it be,\nif he who should be your help, prove to you an occasion of falling?\nAbove all things, my dear, try the sincerity of your own heart. Examine\nwell whether you can accept this offer with a single eye to the glory\nof God, and the good of your own soul; and fear not, if you ask counsel\nof God in faith nothing wavering, that he will give you freedom of mind,\neither to accept or refuse as will be most profitable for you.\n\nI do not wonder that your soul is at present distracted with\nworldly thoughts. An affair of this kind always occasions a thousand\ndistractions, especially where it is in suspense. I fear your increase\nof company does not at all add to your spiritual happiness. The Lord\nJesus bless you: I pity you. What need have we of continual assistance\nfrom above? How do we walk as on burning coals? O let us strive for\nthat state of mind, in which we can say, nothing gives me pain but what\nis contrary to the will of God, and tends to draw my soul from him;\nand nothing gives me pleasure, but as it is agreeable to his will, and\ntends to draw my soul nearer to him. _Amen._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear Soul_,\n\nI AM glad to write to you once more under the name of ****, and I hope\nGod will give me strength to say all I wish at this important juncture.\nImportant it is indeed to you; and the nearer the time approaches,\nthe more I feel for you. Alas, you are now plunging into difficulties,\nwhich you can have no notion of until you experience them. You will\nhave need of more than double watchfulness. Oh cry earnestly to God for\ngrace and strength to keep your soul from sinking under the delusive\narguments, which your three grand enemies, the world, the flesh, and\nthe devil will be continually attacking you with in your new state of\nlife. You know, my love, in all our intercourse, I have not failed to\nset before you the disadvantages and distractions you must necessarily\nmeet with in a married life. This I thought it my duty to do, though\nyour intentions in regard to marriage were always founded upon\nChristian motives. Had I found you inclined to dedicate yourself\nmore particularly to God in a single state, I should doubtless have\nencouraged that inclination; but as this was not the case, and I did\nnot dare absolutely to dissuade any one from marrying, I have therefore\nonly strove to guard you against the evils attending that condition,\nand pray God grant you may find them overbalanced by the good. The\nfirst evil, which people are apt to fall into when they marry, is an\nextreme selfishness: this I have seen most flagrant instances of, but\nthen the people were not Christians. Oh my friend, remember you have\ntaken upon you the sacred name of Christian. The next thing which our\nsex in particular is very subject to, is a pretty indolence of soul,\nand a kind of hugging themselves as though they were become people of\nvast consequence; and then all they say or do, and every thing which\nbelongs to them, is of importance. You will think perhaps there is\nno danger of your falling into any thing so low and silly as this;\nbut do not think so, for without extreme watchfulness it will steal\nimperceptibly upon you, and if you once grow important, the flood-gates\nof worldly-mindedness will be set open, and your faith, your love,\nand peace, will be borne away by the impetuous torrent. The Lord Jesus\nbless you and keep you, and grant that in all the changes of this\nmortal life, your heart may there be fixed where true joys are to be\nfound.\n\n _Your ever-affectionate_\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\nI KNOW not how to assume to myself the character you mention, and yet\nI dare not neglect to do any thing, which you tell me may be of benefit\nto your soul. I know God can convey blessings by the meanest instrument,\nand relying wholly on his power and goodness, I enter again into this\ncorrespondence. You complain that I have not lately been so watchful\nover you as usual: In writing I certainly have not, and you know the\nreason; but as to speaking, if I have there failed, it is entirely\nowing to my being so apt to think highly of you. I fear in this I may\nhave dealt with you as with my own heart\u2015\u2015judged too favourably of\nboth. May God give me a clearer insight both into you and into myself.\n\n*I doubt not but your present condition contributes greatly to your\nbeing more in earnest, and you have need to lay up all the strength\nyou can against what may be a time of trial indeed. I am glad you\nfound such a blessing on Sunday. I doubt not but the greater degree of\nlight and joy you have, the more you will be assaulted by temptations,\nand these perhaps not only of a strange, but also of an impertinent\nand ridiculous kind. The devil will sometimes play the buffoon: but I\nhave found the best way of dealing with these temptations was not to\ncombat them, but to let them pass through the mind, as you would let a\ntroublesome croud of people pass by your door without regarding them.\n\n*The speaking evil of your neighbour before you are aware, though it\nhas not all the blackness of premeditated evil speaking, yet it is a\nsure sign, that you have not that spirit of love, without which the\nhighest attainments are but as sounding brass, and as a tinkling cymbal.\nI often am sorry to see how much this divine temper is wanting amongst\nreligious people. For my own part, I stand self-condemned in this,\nthough it is a sin, which I have even a natural aversion to; and I\nfear there are but few hearts in which this root of bitterness does not\ngrow almost imperceptibly. However, the Captain of our salvation can\ngive us to tread even this enemy under our feet. Let us therefore go\non, nothing discouraged, trusting in his help, and following his steps,\nuntil we apprehend, that for which we are apprehended of this divine\nleader.\n\n _Your ever affectionate and faithful_, &c.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\n*MR. _V._ has desired me to meet Dr. **** at his house; but though\nI honour the character of that worthy man, yet I rather _fear_, than\n_desire_ to do this. I really now dread the being set up as something\nto be thought well of. I see such a depth of pride and self-love in\nmy own heart, that I dread any thing, which can give the least food\nto these hellish tempers. I am well satisfied, that there can be no\nperfect peace, no perfect love, till these be done away. Was not the\nblessed Jesus _meek_ and _lowly_ of heart? Was not he despised and\nrejected? And we? Oh, my dear love, tremble for yourself and for me.\nWe are esteemed, admired, and sought after. Do we not, think you, tread\nupon burning coals? How dangerous, how difficult to act for the glory\nof God, without sacrificing something to self? And this self is all\nthat separates from God\u2015\u2015this self is all that keeps the blessings\nboth of time and eternity from our souls. Oh let us learn, and know and\nfeel, that we are nothing, and that God is all in all. Certain it is\nthat unless we die with Christ, we cannot rise to his life. Unless we\nare crucified with him here, we cannot reign with him hereafter. Let\nus then nail our corrupt nature to his cross, and continually mortify\nevery temper that is contrary to his perfect will. Suffer we must;\nbut the love of God will make all sufferings sweet, and his grace will\nenable us to conquer all difficulties. I rejoice at the victory, which\nyou tell me has been given you over (I suppose) some reigning sin. Is\nnot this encouragement to press forward? If you would preserve constant\npeace and recollection, look more into your own heart, and lay not out\nyourself too much upon others. I have seen so much of the ill effects\nof this, that I dread it both for you and myself. Watch continually.\n\n _Your ever affectionate_, &c.\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\nYOUR letter, my dear life, has given me great pleasure. This is indeed,\nas it ought to be. And Oh by no means suffer this anxious desire after\nGod, this thirst after holiness to abate; only let it be mixed with\nthat kind of resignation, which implies a willingness to suffer, so you\nmay be kept from sin. The pain you speak of I rejoice in. Oh my love,\nthis is right; and may you more and more be conformed to Jesus Christ,\nand him crucified. A soul thus pained, thus longing, thus struggling\nfor salvation, and at the same time lying low at the foot of the\ncross, and crying, \u201cLord thy will be done,\u201d is an object in which the\nholy angels rejoice, nay on which God himself looks down well pleased.\nTo such a soul every gospel blessing is near at hand. The Sun of\nRighteousness is on the point of rising in it with healing in his wings;\nthe eternal Comforter is ready to witness with it, that it is born of\nGod, and to fill it with that peace, which passeth all understanding.\nThe blessed and adorable Trinity is ready to raise it from its fallen\nstate, and to perfect the new creation. What encouraging prospects!\nOnly let not this happy pain be taken from you by any comfort the world\ncan give, but hold it dear to your heart, as light to your eyes, till\nGod himself change it to joy unspeakable.\n\n*I have long thought that to wish for any thing, but the salvation of\nour own souls and that of others is wrong: because in nothing else can\nwe be sure that our wishes are agreeable to the will of God. I do not\nknow how to believe, that you could wish for more riches; and if the\nbeing pleased with the thoughts of gain proceeded only from this motive,\nthat you thought God was putting it more in your power to relieve the\nnecessities of others, I would not dare to condemn you: but it is so\ndifficult to take any satisfaction of this kind without some mixture of\nworldly-mindedness, that we cannot be too careful in this respect; nay\nwe ought rather to fear lest we should not be found faithful stewards\nof the talents put into our hands, as knowing, that both in spiritual\nand temporal blessings, \u201cTo whom much is given, of them shall much be\nrequired.\u201d\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\nIF it should please God to make any thing I write of benefit to your\nsoul, I should greatly rejoice, but without that my words will avail\nnothing. And really the account you give of yourself at present is so\nstrange, that I know not how to speak to you, or whether harshness or\nlove is most necessary. This I know, that my own soul is greatly pained\nfor you, but I dare not flatter you, \u201cIf any man hath not the Spirit\nof Christ, he is none of his;\u201d and doubtless to take a pleasure in\nexposing the faults of others is a temper as distant from the Spirit of\nChrist, as hell is from heaven. *Believe me, my dear life, if the love\nof God reigned in your heart, you would rather cover than expose the\nfaults even of the vilest of men. And when obliged for their own good,\nor the warning of others, to speak to the disadvantage of any one,\nyou would do it with _fear_ and _caution_, at the same time looking\nup to God, lest any bitterness should mix, either with your thoughts\nor words. _God is love_, and infinite streams of love are perpetually\nflowing from him through all created nature. His acts of judgment as\nwell as mercy are only acts of love, and designed either to remove\nor to lessen the evils occasioned by the fall of angels and of man;\nand the soul which is born of God will as necessarily partake of this\ndivine principle of universal love, as the child you now carry within\nyou partakes of your corrupt nature. You have great reason then to\ntremble, while this temper has any footing in your soul. Don\u2019t sit\ndown contented, because you have intervals of recollection, but wrestle\nmightily with God in fervent prayer, until he speak peace to your\nsoul, and his love be shed abroad in your heart, before which this\nevil disposition will fly as a mist before the morning sun. You greatly\naffect me by what you say in regard to the expected hour of danger;\nbut fear not. No creature on earth can be more unworthy than I am; and\nthe God of mercy protected me, and gave me strength, and courage, and\ncalmness; and I doubt not but he will shew the same mercy to you: nay\nI have a strong confidence he will in your hour of extremity give you\na clearer sense of his pardoning love, than you have yet experienced.\nFear not, only believe, \u201cAll things are possible to him that believeth.\u201d\n\nIt has pleased God within these few days to give me a severe trial, and\neternal glory be to his name, I have stood it, crying only, _Lord, thy\nwill be done_. My little boy was taken on Saturday evening with strong\nconvulsions, and between that time and Sunday evening, had I believe,\nfull forty fits. He is now much better. God is ever merciful: he brings\nto the borders of the grave, and raises up again. O how good it is to\nsuffer? How glorious to have grace triumph over nature? How sweet to\nlay low at the foot of the cross, and bless God for every thing which\nmore conforms us to the suffering Jesus? Be watchful, and earnest.\n_Adieu._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\n*WHERE the consideration of the prophecies is a means of stirring any\none up to greater diligence, or making them sit looser to the things\nof this world, and seek more earnestly after the things of God, they\ncannot consider them too attentively. Every soul should carefully\nobserve that way, in which God particularly leads it, and punctually\nfollow every means which it finds by experience brings it nearer to God.\nSome are awakened and brought low by meditating on the severe judgments\nof God; others are melted down by reflecting on his mercies. Some are\nemployed usefully to themselves, and it may be to others, by accurately\nconsidering the several amazing dispensations of God in the whole\nscheme of our redemption. Others by a more simple and general view of\nGod, as infinite wisdom and infinite love, rest calmly on his will,\nand though in a lower and less shining way, pursue the same end, viz.\nsalvation by the blood of the Lamb from the power as well as from the\nguilt of sin, and union with the pure fountain of all happiness. All\nthese ways are good in themselves, and are made so to every soul, which\nin _them_ follows the leadings of the Spirit of God. But I may make\nthat, which is good in itself, evil to me, by using it _only because_\nanother thinks it right, and not because I find it the means which most\nunites my soul to Christ; and therefore we ought never to blame any one\nfor not being affected by that which affects us.\n\n\u2019Tis very certain that the judgments of God are now abroad in the earth,\nand that some of the signs of the last times plainly appear; this\n(whether the calculation in the letter be right or wrong) is obvious\nto every one, and calls aloud for seriousness and watchfulness. Happy\nare those who shall stand unmoved in the time of temptation. Happy are\nthose who when all nature is agonizing around them can fly to the only\nrock of refuge, and there find shelter from the storm, and shadow from\nthe heat. But above all happy are those, who shall have the glory of\nsuffering for their Redeemer, of sealing their testimony with their\nblood, or in the midst of the fire shouting for joy, and blessing God\nfor a martyr\u2019s crown. These, these are glorious prospects, and weak as\nwe are, should God honour us with a trial like this, he would also give\nus strength to be more than conquerors. In the mean time let us not be\nweary or faint in our minds, but manfully fight till we obtain complete\nvictory over our evil hearts; and then shall we stand with humble\nconfidence even before our judge, and though all nature was dissolved,\nwe should remain unshaken, and be wholly swallowed up in joy full of\nglory. Amen, Lord Jesus.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\n*I THANK you for your last letter, and I bless God, that you was\nnot offended at mine. This bearing of plain-dealing is a comfortable\nproof to me of your sincerity. If temptations increase, God will\ngive a proportionable increase of strength. There wants nothing but\nfaithfulness on your part to the grace already given. I know not the\nparticulars of your sufferings, but I know it is good to suffer. It\nis a discipline all must go through, who make any tolerable advance\nin the school of Christ. I could wish you to seek more after religion,\nthan comfort. Constant and heart-felt resignation is a bulwark against\nevery trial, and a foundation for solid peace, and joy transcendently\npure. The whole state of a soul made perfect in love stands in that one\npetition, _Thy will be done_: and if we could but preserve that temper\nwhich these words describe, I know not what could hurt us. Suppose\nnow when I first wake in a morning I should lift up my heart, \u201cLord\nI bless thee for this new day which thou hast given me. In this day I\nshall have fresh manifestations of thy will concerning me, either in\ncomforts or in sufferings. Lord, I am thy creature, deal with me as it\nshall please thee: only leave me not to myself, but let thy grace be\nsufficient for me, and thy strength be made perfect in my weakness.\u201d\nWhen settled in this frame of mind, suppose my trials to begin. I\nam tempted by the perverseness and evil tempers of my own family to\nimpatience, to anger; but I immediately recollect myself, \u201cLord it is\nthy will I should bear this; pardon their perverseness, and give me\nto be thankful for every opportunity of self-denial and forbearance.\u201d\nWell! now another, and more difficult trial appears. I am to behave\nto people, whom I know to be my bitter enemies, whom I know to be\ncontinually seeking occasions of evil against me, as if they were my\ndear friends. Here every faculty of the soul is alarmed, and nature\nshrinks back affrighted. But what does grace say? \u201cLord I thank thee\nfor this glorious trial! What a blessing is it I should be permitted to\ndrink of the same cup my Saviour drank of! Oh bless these mine enemies;\nfill their hearts with thy love; let thy will be perfected both in them\nand me.\u201d This temptation is conquered, but another and a more trying\none immediately succeeds. I am treated unkindly by people I love, and\nwho are really my friends. Here my heart is wounded, it sinks, it is\nready to faint; but recovering itself it rests upon God, and says,\n\u201cLord, even in this, thy will be done, and let the sufferings of Christ\nbe perfected in me, that I may be also a partaker of his glory.\u201d In\nthis manner one might instance in all kinds of affliction, and find\ncomfort and strength in each.\n\nI know not how to think so meanly of you, as to imagine your heart in\ndanger of being drawn away by the world. But I know I am always apt\nto set you in too high a light, and it may be so, in this case; this\none thing however I am sure of, that we are fighting for eternity, and\nthis against innumerable enemies, dangerous ones without, but far more\ndangerous ones within. If the Lord himself was not on our side, how\ncould we maintain our ground one moment. To his almighty protection I\ncommend you and yours, and am\n\n _Your ever-affectionate_, &c.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To the Rev. Mr. ****.\n\n_Dear Sir_,\n\nI AM much obliged to you for your kind concern on my account. My\nillness I believe is rather troublesome than dangerous, a disorder in\nmy stomach, which has been attended with a slight fever. I was ill,\nwhen you and Mr. **** were to see me though I did not complain, and\nI looked upon it as a particular blessing: for had my spirits been in\ntheir full flow, an event so much wished, would have too much elated\nme: but my disorder served to keep the balance of my mind even. I see\nthe goodness of God to me in every thing, and therefore sickness or\nhealth, life or death are equally welcome to me, as coming from the\nsame gracious hand. Nature, its true, shrinks at suffering, but grace\ntriumphs in resignation, and is thankful for the dispensation of the\npresent moment, without wishing or willing in regard to the future. But\nI hope to learn some lessons of this kind from you next Sunday. Till\nthen farewell, and may the fulness of every gospel blessing rest upon\nyour soul.\n\n _Your\u2019s_, &c.\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_Dear Sir_,\n\nTHE judgments of God upon _Lisbon_ are dreadful indeed. I know not what\nheart can be hard enough to hear of them without concern. What but the\namazing mercy of a long-suffering God can prevent _London_ from feeling\nthe same dreadful blow! And if God should arise to shake terribly our\nland, what great reason will those persons have to be thankful, whom\nGod has drawn from all worldly schemes of happiness, and fixed their\nhearts on a basis, which can never be shaken, though the earth be moved,\nand the mountains cast into the midst of the sea? I have been much\ncomforted in respect of the miseries of others by this scripture\u2015\u2015_When\nthe judgments of God are abroad in the earth, the inhabitants thereof\nwill learn righteousness_. If such a blessed end is produced by these\nsevere acts of justice, have we not reason even in the midst of terror\nto admire and adore? The whole universe appears to me to be in the\nhand of God, as a grain of dust in the balance; and I, a creature more\ninsignificant, more worthless, and sinful than can be conceived, am\namong the rest in this almighty hand, and _all is safe_. My heart is\nby nature painfully tender, and yet in the midst of feeling, either\nfor myself or others, there is a secret satisfaction in my inmost\nsoul, that God is glorified in every act of his providence, whether of\njudgment or mercy; and I hardly know how to form any other prayer than\n_Thy will be done_.\n\nI fear I shall not see you on Thursday;\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015but wherever you are, may\nthe God of all consolation be your light and your shield, and bring you\nsafe to that city, which has eternal foundations.\n\n _I am your ever-obliged friend and servant_, &c.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n*BY what you said to Mr. **** when he had the pleasure of hearing you,\nI imagine you think my illness is owing to a cause of which I am by no\nmeans certain; however the bare probability of such a charge would not\nbe without my immediately reflecting on the dangers and temptations\nthat would attend it. A soul, that is really desirous of attaining\nthe _pure_ love of God, is exceedingly jealous of any thing that has\na possibility of drawing it from its centre of happiness, and looks\nupon any event which has this possible tendency (let the world term\nit blessing or misfortune) with a tender, anxious fear, which none\ncan understand but those who have felt it. This was my case, and my\nimagination would sometimes paint a thousand instances which _might_\ndraw my soul down to earth. And this fear (though it never made me\nwish any thing but what was the will of God) would bring the tears to\nmy eyes, and cause an uneasiness, which doubtless proceeded from want\nof faith. But that God whose mercies are renewed every morning, soon\ndelivered me from those fears, and calm peace, perfect resignation and\nwatchfulness succeeded. And for this fortnight past, though I have been\nin continual uncertainty, whether I should continue in the condition I\nam thought to be in or not, my mind by the all-sufficient grace of God\nhas been so equally kept, that I have not had the least wish or choice\nof my own, but have been equally pleased with whatever seemed to be the\nleadings of Providence concerning me. And you cannot think, what a work\nof annihilation this uncertainty has been the means of carrying on in\nmy soul, which I see plainly in the nature of things could not so well\nhave been effected by any other. I never can be enough thankful for\nthe unspeakable mercies of God to so unworthy a creature. My will has\nbeen brought into deadness, which I, even a _few months_ ago, should\nhave thought almost impossible; and I see, and have some foretastes of\nthat state which is called the pure and disinterested love of God, in\na manner I cannot express.\n\nI should be very glad to see you when your affairs will permit, for\nI have not had one help from without since I saw you last; nor have I\nhad _many_ of those joys and comforts from within which have sometimes\nbeen indulged me. And indeed my animal frame would have been too weak\nto have borne them, unless God had in a particular manner supported\nit: for every faculty of my soul has been weighed down by continual\nsickness. I have not only been incapable of any outward application,\nbut also of intense thinking or fervent prayer. But in the midst of\nthis _my_ weakness, the strength of God has more abundantly been made\nmanifest, that I might be abased even to the dust, and his free grace\nexalted; so that I well understand what St. _Paul_ meant, when he said,\n_Therefore will I glory in weakness, in distresses, that the power\nof Christ may rest upon me_.\u2015\u2015But I must finish this already too long\nletter. Farewell! May the dew of heaven continually refresh you!\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n _January 19, 1756._\n\n_Dear Sir_,\n\nI AM much obliged to you for your letter, from which I have learnt\na very useful lesson, viz. Never to fancy that the particular\ncircumstances of others would be more advantageous to me than my own.\nYou are ready almost to envy _me_ my _many_ hours of retirement; when\nat the same time, I am continually complaining that I have so _few_,\nand often crying out, when _shall_ I have a _whole day_ to myself?\nAnd then I frequently think, were I a man and in the ministry, my\ntime would then be _all_ spent for God; but _now_, what an inundation\nof trifling flows in upon me, which \u2019tis impossible for me to avoid,\nwithout altogether going out of the world.\n\nI enter upon the subject, on which you bid me write with fear and\ntrembling. My abilities are really far from being equal to it: for\nalthough I know many Christians, who would immediately cry out, that\nit needed not one moment\u2019s consideration, I dare not do so; for I now\nreally _feel_ the weight of it upon my soul. *\u2019Tis a most alarming\ntruth, that a minister may speak with the tongue of men and of angels,\nand that the power of God may so accompany his words as to make them\nthe means of converting thousands; and yet for want of duly searching\ninto his own heart, he may suffer it to be overgrown with poisonous\nweeds, with tempers and inclinations, which if unsubdued, will\nabsolutely shut _him out_ from the kingdom of glory, to which he is\nleading others. How easy for a man who is continually setting forth the\nglorious truths of the gospel, and inforcing holiness of heart and life,\nto imagine (for want of constant self-examination) that _he himself\nis_ what he preaches? This is a most dangerous snare; and therefore how\nabsolutely necessary is that retirement which affords opportunity for\na diligent search into the recesses of the heart, and gives the soul\nleisure to wait in awful silence before God, where, free from every\nobject of sense, and from the workings of imagination, it may with all\nits faculties prostrate before the eternal Trinity, and feel itself\nto be nothing, and God to be _all in all_? But then it may be asked,\nshall not a man who with singleness of heart, spends and is spent for\nthe service of God, be so kept by divine grace, that his soul shall\nsuffer no loss by the want of retirement? Doubtless. Where _sincerity_\nand _singleness_ of heart are preserved, that soul shall be defended\nas with a shield. But this I take to be the grand temptation of every\nminister of the gospel; he sets out perhaps (though this is not always\nthe case) with a single view to the glory of God and the salvation of\nsouls. The power of God accompanies his words, the hearts of the people\nfall under him. His reputation daily increases, till at last he becomes\npopular. He sees himself surrounded by a croud of people, who for the\nmost part hear him as an angel of God, their thirsty souls gasping\nafter the truths he utters. An innocent and an _holy_ joy fills his\nheart; \u201cHere are souls that may be won to Christ, and that _by me_!\nLord, what amazing love, that I who am the least of all thy servants\nshould be thus blest!\u201d\u2015\u2015So far all is well, all is happy: but the\nsubtil enemy of mankind so strongly impresses this, _by me_, that a\nself-complacency, separate from the glory of God, arises in his heart,\nand this, if not immediately quelled, leads him to the brink of a\nprecipice. God still, for the sake of others, continues his usefulness;\nbut every conversion which he is the means of making, is fresh food for\nhis self-love; and by degrees he becomes so dead to the love of God,\nthat he preaches even the purest doctrines of the gospel, with the same\nspirit, with which a lawyer pleads at the bar. But on the contrary,\nthat _blessed servant_ of Christ who stedfastly pursues the narrow\npath, who conquers every rising of self-love in its first appearance,\nand constantly refers all the good he does or speaks to the author and\ngiver of all good, _he_ shall be kept in all his ways, and blest in all\nhis works. And though his soul may pant for retirement, as thinking he\nshould there enjoy nearer communion with God, and make higher advances\nin the divine life, this _may not_ perhaps be immediately permitted\nhim: but in order that his future crown may be the brighter, _God may\nmake_ his present usefulness a _sure sign_ to _him_, that he ought\nto continue his constant labours for others, though it should be with\nmuch temptation, fear, and trembling. However this is very certain,\nthat God to a servant _thus sincere_, will point out a plain path,\neither by _inward leadings_ which cannot be mistaken, or _outward\nprovidences_.\u2015\u2015Adieu! Pardon the weakness of this; let me see you the\nfirst time you have to spare, and believe me\n\n _Your ever obliged and affectionate servant_,\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_Dear Sir_,\n\nWHATEVER the Spirit of God makes useful to my heart, either from\nscripture or from spiritual authors, I thankfully receive, and give him\nthe glory: but I well know there is but one great touch-stone, by which\nall doctrines are to be tried; and therefore I hope your kind fears\nfor me, lest I should not enough esteem the written word of God, are\nneedless. I am so far from setting any human writer on a footing with\nthis, that I scarcely _read_ them at all, _i.\u00a0e._ in comparison of\nmy bible. I _look_ over some few, but this is very different from the\nmanner of reading you recommend, and which I strive by the grace of\nGod to practise; nay, it would be the greatest slavery to me you can\nconceive, if I were obliged to read many religious books: however I\nreturn you the sincerest thanks for your care, and beg you will _in\nall_ things watch over me with a \u201cgodly jealousy.\u201d\u2015\u2015But my dear friend,\ncould you imagine that I enquired after the _state_ of your _mind_\naccording to the _common acceptation_ of the word? I only desired to\nknow what spiritual blessings you had both from without and within,\nthat I might share them with you. And this I was emboldened to do by\nthe sweet account you had given in your former letter, of the blessings\nyou enjoyed at _Bristol_. The Lord refresh your soul continually with\nthe rich streams of his redeeming love, and may his everlasting arms\nbe beneath you! I know your present state, of hanging as it were in\nsuspence between the visible and invisible world, is a dispensation big\nwith divine love. And was I to pray for you that prayer which my soul\nmost loves, it would _be_, \u201cthat you _should_ lie in the hand of God\nas an instrument, without choice, till the will of God was perfected\nin you.\u201d This would be the prayer of pure love and enlightened faith;\nbut if I descended to the tenderness of friendship, I should ask your\nspeedy recovery. If it should be given me to see you again in this\nworld of vanity and woe, I shall be thankful, and perhaps it may be so:\nbut I know not\u2015\u2015_something_ seems to whisper me that the thread both\nof your life and mine is nearly spun. For my part, I have within these\nfew days had a sweet call to eternity, by a sudden and violent disorder\nin my stomach and bowels (called according to the fashionable phrase\na _nervous_ cholick) which seems to have set me a good way forwards\non my journey. Happy pain! Kind messenger! O my friend, I have nothing\nbut mercies to tell you of. So supported! Such wonderous grace! Such\nboundless love! _I_ all sin and misery: the _Saviour_ all tenderness\nand mercy: the _probable_ approach of death delightful: no sting\nremaining. No clog upon my chariot-wheels. Mercies too from without\nwhich I had never before experienced in a time of sickness. The Rev.\nMr. **** praying and singing by my bed, with such power of faith and\nlove, such unction from above! Does this hurry the spirits? Does this\nendanger? How far from it? I protest not only my soul rejoiced, but\neven my body grew better as he prayed. Do not fail to thank God on my\nbehalf, and pray for me that I may not be ungrateful to such amazing\nmercy. May the Lord Jesus preserve you, sweeten every pain, and make\nyou rejoice continually with joy unspeakable and full of glory.\n\n _Your ever-affectionate and obliged friend_,\n\n ****\n\n_June 7, 1756_.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n _June 15, 1756._\n\n_Dear Sir_,\n\nYOUR very kind letter has pained me extremely, but I hope it has been\nmade a means of humbling my soul before God. How little do I deserve\nthat you should write to me in this manner? Alas you do not know me; I\nam less than the least of all the mercies of God; do not, I beseech you,\nthink so highly of me; it really makes me ashamed of myself. Oh that\nI could be lower than the dust! Oh that I could shrink into nothing\nat the presence of my God! The way too in which you speak of yourself,\nputs me in a strange dilemma, I dare not pay religious compliments, and\nyet how shall I write to you, as if I believed you? How much greater\nhas your cross of sickness been than mine? So long, so lingering,\nsuch inconveniences as it lays you under. But yet this is certainly\n_no_ excuse for a soul, _taught_ of _God_, as _your\u2019s is_, to wish\nits removal. *Did you _indeed wish_ for any thing but sanctification?\nSurely, my dear friend, you wrong yourself; it cannot be. Oh remember\nthe glorious path you have often pointed out to me, of perfect\nresignation! I have considered you as a pattern to me, _particularly_\nin _this_. I must not think that _you_ have any \u201creluctance to bear the\ncross;\u201d it would wound my heart too much. Do I not know, that you love\nGod above all things? Do not I know the sincere desires of your soul\nafter holiness? And is there any way in the spiritual life, which so\nimmediately leads to holiness, as _willing suffering_? Happy are those\nto whom God gives the grace of _doing_ much for him, for his cause,\nfor his people; but _ten times_ more blessed are they who _suffer_\nwith Christ. Is there a joy absolutely pure? It is that of suffering.\nOh did we but know the health, the peace, the life that is at the\nbottom of every bitter cup; with what alacrity should we drink it?\nWith what thankfulness, nay, with tears of joy, should we cry, Lord,\nwhat unbounded mercy, what astonishing grace is this, to a worm like\nme; that I should be led in this _most excellent_ way; that I should\nbe made to tread in those footsteps which are _most eminently_ thine?\nDearest Saviour, sweet is thy cross, sweet is thy thorny crown; thy\nstripes, thy wounds, thy pain, _more_ delightful than beds of roses.\nLet other souls glory in mount _Tabor_; _my_ joy shall be to stay\nwith _thee_ on mount _Calvary_, that I may be made conformable to\nthy death. Such would be the language of a soul truly sensible of the\ngreat benefit of suffering, and embracing, with sweet complacency, the\ncross, which thus united it with its Redeemer. May this be the language\nof your soul and mine; then shall we be found unshaken in the fiery\ntrial, and come out as gold purified seven times. But after all, what\nsuffering have I had in this illness? It can scarce be called suffering,\nwhen God sensibly supports. The suffering is when _he_ leaves the\nsoul (as it were alone) in pain or in affliction, to struggle with\nthe powers of darkness, which at such a time eagerly beset it. _This\nI have sometimes known_, and _this_ is _suffering indeed_.\u2015\u2015I have the\nsame confidence in God for my dear Mr. ****, that you have. Was I to be\nremoved, I doubt not but it would be made a means of good to his soul;\nbut it seems at present to be the will of God that I should continue\nsome time longer. My inward weakness is not so great, and my pain,\nthough pretty constant, is so slight, that it is scarce worth the\nmentioning. I thank God that your health is returning, and trust we\nshall meet again on this side the river; but in the mean time pray\nearnestly for _me_. I fear ease more than pain. Farewell! May you and\nI constantly join in this prayer, \u201cThy will be done in us, and by us,\nin time and in eternity!\u201d\n\n _Your ever-obliged and affectionate friend_,\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n _July 1, 1756._\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\nI RECEIVED your letter with much thankfulness, for I began to be very\nuneasy at not hearing from you in so long a time. And you have for\nthese two days lain with such a weight on my spirit, that I know not\nhow to account for it. I well know the manner in which the praise you\nbestowed was meant. But you know not how I dread self-complacency.\nAnd therefore though I often find that praise humbles me, yet it gives\nme a pain I know not how to express. I have indeed often heard you\nspeak those words you mention, but they never affected me till now.\nAnd did you speak them \u201cin the bitterness of your soul?\u201d\u2015\u2015Call me no\nmore your friend! I am not worthy the name. How often have I heard\nthem with unconcern, looking on them only as words of course, a kind\nof common-place humility. Will you forgive me? I promise you for the\nfuture I will pay more attention to every thing you say. I will not,\nby the grace of God, be so indolent and so faithless in the things\nwhich concern you as I have been. I know I am apt to think too highly\nof those I love, and I hate to be disturbed in the thought. You cannot\nimagine how ingenious I am in casting these burdens from me: a latent\nfear of displeasing, and a false humility, furnish me with arguments.\n\u201cWhy would I pretend to speak so and so, to people so much more\nadvanced in grace than myself?\u201d Not considering that God can work by\nthe weakest and most unworthy. But cannot I pray for you? Oh my friend,\nif ever I _have_ been wanting in ardent prayers for you, I hope never\nto be so again. That communion of spirit which I have with you in the\nlife of Christ, shall I trust add wings to my prayers on your behalf,\nand gain new degrees of strength to my own soul.\n\n*Your last letter is a comfortable earnest to me, that I shall at least\nhave one companion in the way which God has sent me to walk in, _the\nway of the cross, the inward crucifixion_, as you so justly call it;\n(thanks be to God for this refreshment to my spirit!) Many speak of\nthis, and because St. _Paul_ mentions the being crucified with Christ,\nthey preach about and about it; but I see plainly that you not only\n_speak_ but _feel_.\u2015\u2015And _do_ you know _so much_ of the _bitterness_ of\nthe creature? The Lord be praised! May you daily know it more and more!\nI am sure this experience will only make the hidden manna the sweeter.\nAnd I am equally sure, that those bitter draughts are absolutely\nnecessary to every soul that would _wholly_ give itself up to God. \u2019Tis\neasy to talk of the will being perfectly resigned, swallowed up in the\nwill of God, &c. And while this only floats as a notion in the brain,\nno great sufferings will attend it. But when the soul really feels\nwhat this implies, that it is a being cut off from the creature, then\nit knows indeed what it is to suffer; then it fights as it were in\nthe midst of the fire. Every thought must be brought into obedience\nto Christ; and God effects this in the soul as it is able to bear\nit: first one trial comes, then another. One strikes at love of the\ncreature, another at self-love, a third at spiritual pride. And the\nfight continues till Christ has brought down all his enemies, and led\ncaptivity captive. And to attain this state of glorious liberty, who\nwould not rejoice to suffer? What a coward must he be, who would fly\nfrom a field of battle, where to die is to conquer? Oh what blessed\nencouragements has a Christian to fight manfully! Let us not be weary\nor faint in our minds. We have not yet resisted unto blood, striving\nagainst sin; but let us not fail to do it. Have we not a captain who\ntreads all the powers of death and hell under his feet? Is he not\nJehovah, mighty to save? And has he not promised that he will save even\nto the _uttermost_? The way we have to travel is indeed long, and there\nare lions in it. But what of that! Jesus the deliverer is with us, and\nnothing shall hurt us.\n\n Through Jesus we can all things do,\n\nall things suffer, all things conquer, and what would we more? Farewel!\nMay the peace of God be with you, and make your soul to rest on him.\n\n _Your ever obliged and affectionate\n Friend and Servant_,\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To Miss ****.\n\n _Wednesday Night, February 13, 1754._\n\nA COLD has been the means of preventing me from spending the evening\nin the trifling manner which you, my dear friend, have been forced\nto do; though I cannot but hope that your mind, in the midst of all\nthis noise and nonsense, has been enabled to keep itself in a state of\nrecollection; and that you are still more fully convinced that _all_,\nthe _world_ calls pleasure and gaiety, is mere vanity and vexation\nof spirit.\u2015\u2015I thank you for your letter; it has given me great\nsatisfaction, and fresh cause to praise God on your account: I rejoice\nin your joy, and may our gracious and kind Redeemer increase and\nestablish your joy and peace in believing! You have indeed the utmost\nreason to be thankful, that such a work of mercy has been begun in\nyour soul; and fear not but that blessed spirit who has convinced you\nof sin, and led you to look to the only means of deliverance, will\nperfect the work he has begun! What a happy sign, that you can already\nlay hold _on_, and _apply_ the promises to yourself? O continue instant\nin prayer, for still greater degrees of faith; and shun as you would\nthe most deadly poison, every _action_, _word_, and _thought_, which\nis contrary to the Spirit of God! And always reflect with the most\nthankful heart on the love of Christ to your soul. Think that our\nmerciful Saviour is more ready to hear than we to pray. Think with what\njoy the father received the returning prodigal, and be assured that\n_you_ and I, and every returning _sinner_, will be received with the\nsame joy, cloathed with the same glorious robes, and admitted to sit\ndown at the same _feast_, even the marriage-supper of the Lamb!\n\n _I am, with the utmost tenderness,\n Your ever-affectionate and faithful Friend_,\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n _Wednesday Night, March 20, 1754._\n\n*_My dear Friend_,\n\nI AM rejoiced, and bless God that your mind was in so happy a state,\nwhile your body was in the midst of folly and confusion. You observe\nvery justly, that those diversions are _absolutely_ unfit for _one_\nwho is seeking _salvation_. Nothing indeed can be more contrary to\nthe _spirit_ of the _gospel_, than what the _world_ calls _polite_\namusements. What can be more absurd than for one who desires to be\na _Christian_, who desires the _mind_ which was in _Christ_, who\ndesires that _justification_ by _faith_, which alone can produce in\nthe _heart true_ humility and meekness, deadness to the world, constant\nresignation to God, and fervent desire to do his will: than for such a\nperson (_in all the_ extravagance and glare of dress) to be _swimming_\nor _skipping_ about a room, and wishing to draw the attention and\nadmiration of the most vile and profligate part of the human species?\nWhat absurdity for such a person as this to sit in that house, which is\nas much devoted to the devil as the church is to God, for three hours\ntogether, to hear obscenities, at which a virtuous Heathen would have\nblushed?\u2015\u2015If you ask twenty of the people who do these things, whether\nthey are Christians, nineteen of them will answer, they are Christians\n_to be sure_! What do you think of them? Or if they are not now quite\nso good as they ought to be, they hope to be better by and by! But\ncan a soul which _truly_ seeks after salvation do these things? No\ncertainly. And when the Spirit of God has wrought in a soul this\nhatred of the vanities it used to delight in, it has reason to rejoice\n_indeed_. What greater mark of the love of God to us, than his having\nthus drawn us to delight in himself? If we love a friend, we desire and\nstrive that this friend may return our love, and joy and delight in us:\nand, amazing condescension! will the Creator of all things visible and\ninvisible, the _God_ who called _angels_ and _archangels_ into _being_,\nthus deal with us _poor sinful_ worms? What heart can withstand such\nlove? What heart but must at this thought sink into the dust, and lose\nitself in wonder, joy, and adoration? I have time for no more. _Adieu._\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\nBLESSED _are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted! Blessed\nare they who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be\nfilled._ These are the words of the God of truth: and can you then,\nmy dear friend, be discouraged because you are now mourning after this\nGod, who only hides himself from you, that you may _more earnestly_\nseek him?\u2015\u2015Heaviness may endure for a night, but _joy_ cometh in the\n_morning_. There certainly is no heaviness like this heaviness: when a\nsoul has been sensible (though in the _least_ degree) of the influences\nof the sun of righteousness, and finds his all-cheering beams\nwithdrawn, how _painful_, how _heavy_ is the darkness! This is indeed\n_darkness_ that may be _felt_: but when the joy returns, what peace!\nWhat happiness! Look, my dear, on the material sun, observe how all the\ncreation around you is _brightened_ and _gladdened_ when he shines; and\nbe assured, that on your earnest seeking after Christ, he will in like\nmanner shine again on _your_ soul, and make it _glad_ with the _light_\nof his countenance.\n\n _Your ever affectionate_\n\n ****\n\n_Wednesday Night, April 1754._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n _July 19, 1754._\n\nI AM very glad, my dear, that your mind is in so happy a state, and\nthat you seem to have so true a sense of the _littleness_ of _all_\nthe world calls _great_ and desirable. The love of _God_, and the love\nof the _world_ are directly opposite to each other. And therefore St.\n_John_ says, _If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not\nin him_: this is a sure rule to try ourselves by. We may talk well,\nand act well in some outward things; nay, perhaps be zealous for the\ngenuine doctrines of the gospel: Yet all this while, if the love of\nthe world remains in our hearts, we may be very certain we are no\nChristians.\u2015\u2015I fear you have not much opportunity of being alone, but\nsee from your letter you make good use of that you have. However God\nis both able and willing to preserve (either alone or in company) the\nsoul which constantly looks towards him. I was afraid your being at\n**** might hurt you, but thank God, I had no cause for fear. You seem I\nthink rather to advance than go back. Give God the glory! For whatever\nof good is in you, is all from his free and boundless mercy. And cease\nnot constantly to fight, in the strength of your Redeemer, against\nevery sin, and fear not but he will set you free, take off the heavy\nburden you complain of, and cloath you with _his perfect righteousness_.\n_Adieu._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n*YOU tell me, my dear, that your present dark state of mind is owing\nto your thoughts dwelling so much on worldly objects. But carry your\nsincerity yet a little further, and tell me if it is not some _one\nparticular object_ on which your thoughts are fixed, and which rivals\nyour Creator in your heart? I much fear this is the case: and if so,\nyou will find it very difficult to conquer, but let not any difficulty\ndiscourage you from striving to \u201cpluck out this right eye, and cast it\nfrom you.\u201d The grace of God is sufficient for you, his strength is made\nperfect in your weakness. And you may depend upon it, that as soon as\never you have given up your idol, the sun of righteousness will again\narise in your soul with healing in his wings; the God of mercy will\nagain be known by you, as your reconciled Father in Christ; and the\nblessed Spirit will lead, and guide, and fill you with that peace which\npasses all understanding; and you will walk in all the ordinances of\nthe Lord rejoicing.\n\n _I am your ever affectionate and faithful friend_,\n\n ****\n\nTuesday Morning, _August 12, 1754_.\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear friend_,\n\nYOUR last letter gave me great pleasure: I sincerely rejoice in the\nhappiness of your soul, as in that of my own, and I hope God will\nstrengthen you more and more by his grace, so that you may forsake\nevery thing for him. Above all, sacrifice your own will: let this\nconstantly be the language of your heart, \u201cLord, not my will, but\nthine be done.\u201d Strive not only to be content, but to rejoice in every\nthing that mortifies your corrupt nature. Hourly reflect, that you are\na fallen creature, sent into this world for no other end than to be\nrestored to that nature which our first father lost, and so be made fit\nfor the kingdom of heaven. Remember, that Christ died for you, that you\nmight live wholly to him; and the more you do this, the more you will\ncertainly have of that peace which passeth all understanding.\n\n _I am your ever affectionate friend_,\n\n ****\n\n_September 16, 1755._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear friend_,\n\nI HAVE read Mr. _B._\u2019s letter, and think it exceedingly pretty;\nthe stile is easy and flowing, the language soft and affecting,\nthe sentiments he expresses, in regard to his friend and yourself,\nvery beautiful. But what is all this to the purpose? Or how can this\nconvince you, that you ought to give up those means of grace which you\nhave found so extremely beneficial to your soul, in order to make a\nproper wife for Mr. _C._? \u2019Tis true, there are several assertions in\nMr. _B._\u2019s letter, designed to shew the reasonableness of your making\nthe promise; but asserting and proving are two things. Whatever has\nthe appearance of argument in this letter may, I imagine, be reduced\nto these heads: _1st._ That it is absolutely wrong for any member of\nthe church of _England_ to attend the meetings of separatists. _2dly._\nThat in the church of _England_, a soul may find every thing necessary\nfor its attaining the highest degrees of faith and holiness. _3dly._\nThat Mr. _W._ is a separatist: and _4thly._ That your having any\nacquaintance with him, will hurt Mr. _C._ both in his temporal interest,\nand in his character as a minister.\u2015\u2015The opinion I had conceived of\nMr. _B._ was very high, I imagined him actuated by that spirit of\n_universal love_, which is the first and ruling principle of every\nsoul that is born of God; and I make no doubt but this is his _real_\ncharacter: however (in this affair) he may _seem_ to incline to a\n_partial selfish_ orthodoxy. *Could the church of _England_ be proved\nto be the _only church_ of _Christ_, there might be some reason for\nthe cry of schism, which we hear so much of: but what is she, more\nthan one of the most unexceptionable of those many divisions into which\nthe universal church is broken? And therefore a separation from her,\nthough causeless, or from mistaken motives, cannot properly be called\nmaking a schism in the _church_ of _Christ_. For my part (but I speak\nit with submission to Mr. _B._\u2019s judgment) I apprehend, that the only\n_real_ and dangerous schism is the want of that spirit of love, which\nmakes us rejoice in whatever is good and excellent in people of all\ndenominations, and ready to believe good even of those who most differ\nfrom _us_ in ceremonies and opinion. And why a person of this spirit\n(suppose one in communion with the church of _England_) may not be\nallowed sometimes to hear a minister among the _Presbyterians_, or any\nother sect, if they find this minister\u2019s preaching blest to their souls,\nI cannot imagine. What St. _Paul_ says in regard to giving offence to\nweak brethren, is often quoted to prove what it has nothing to do with;\nfor St. _Paul_ surely does not mean, that he neglected those things\nwhich were profitable to _his soul_, for fear of giving offence to\nthe weak; but that he refrained from outward things (such as making\ndifference in meats, &c.) which he, as strong in faith, knew to be\nwholly indifferent, lest his example should tempt those who were weak\nto do things by which their consciences might be wounded.\u2015\u2015As to Mr.\n_B._\u2019s second argument, _in one sense_ of it, I heartily agree with\nhim: the homilies, the articles, and liturgy of the church of _England_,\ndoubtless contain all the doctrines necessary to faith and holiness.\nBut, alas, how little are these doctrines regarded either in preaching\nor practice, by the generality of her ministers! Let any one who has\nthe least degree of seriousness, look round the churches of _London_.\nWill he not see the people for the most part repeating an excellent set\nof prayers, just as a parrot repeats a song; and the minister giving\nforth doctrines from the pulpit, as directly contrary to these prayers\nas darkness is to light? This is so plain a matter of fact, that\nit cannot be contradicted; and it is _as_ notorious, that whenever\nany minister in the church of _England_ begins to preach her _real_\ndoctrines, and live up to her precepts, he is immediately called a\n_Methodist_. This name is given to him as a reproach. But as it comes\nupon him for speaking the truth, it is in fact a glory. Ever since\nChrist was upon the earth, _real_ Christians have had a nick-name: but\nsurely no one who is sincerely bent to follow him can regard this: I\ndoubt not but Mr. _B._ himself is called a _Methodist_. But I now come\nto Mr. _B._\u2019s third argument, that most dreadful charge laid against Mr.\n_W._ that _he is a separatist_. This charge has been repeated over and\nover again, but has never yet been clearly proved. If four walls, with\na steeple and bells, was the church of _England_, Mr. _W._ might with\nsome shadow of reason be said to have separated from it, because he\nseldom preaches in these places: but _this_ is no fault of his, for he\nwill gladly preach in any of them, when their respective ministers will\nlet him. And he was never denied preaching in what is called a church,\ntill he strongly insisted on _that doctrine_ for which the martyrs\nof the reformation laid down their lives, and which is the very\nfundamental doctrine of the church of _England_, _justification by\nfaith_. Any one who would read Mr. _W._\u2019s _Appeals_ with a sincere and\nimpartial spirit, would I believe be fully convinced, that this charge\nagainst him could not stand.\u2015\u2015As to the hurt your being acquainted with\nMr. _W._ might do to Mr. _C._ in his temporal interest, it depends\nentirely upon himself. If he preaches to his people _smooth_ things,\nand prophesies _deceits_; if he joins with them in their _innocent\namusements_, which _lull_ souls asleep, and keeps them in an utter\nignorance of their _fall_ and their _redemption_, till they awake in\na miserable eternity: go _you_ where you will, not a dog will move\nits tongue against him, nor will the generosity of his parishioners be\nin the least abated towards him; and all they say of him will _only_\nbe, _poor man_! what pity that such a good-natured good sort of a man\nshould have such a sad wife. But do I think Mr. _C._ will act in this\nmanner? _No_, certainly I _do not_. I verily believe, from what you\nyourself have said of him, that he intends to prove himself a true\nminister of Christ, that he will _boldly_ and _earnestly_ call sinners\nto repentance, and that his life and conversation will be wholly\nagreeable to his preaching. And if this is the case, though you were\nnever to see Mr. _W._ again, Mr. _C._ would be called a _Methodist_,\nthe greatest part of his parishioners would cry out against him, and in\nall probability their generosity towards him would greatly decrease. So\nthat consider the affair in what light you will, your being acquainted\nwith Mr. _W._ cannot materially hurt Mr. _C._ And as to the objection\nof this acquaintance casting a reproach on your husband\u2019s ministry,\n\u2019tis quite _needless_; for it is not to be supposed, if Mr. _C._ be the\nman you can approve of for a husband, that you will leave his church\nwhen he himself preaches, to go after any other minister whatever.\nAnd whatever you may do at this time at proper opportunities, will I\ndoubt not be so guided by _Christian_ prudence, that he, as a good and\npious man, cannot reasonably object to it. But at present you and Mr.\n_C._ know very little of each other, and he certainly had no right\nto propose such terms as these to you, till he had given you frequent\nopportunities of judging, whether his heart and sentiments were such\nas you could entirely approve of. For my part, by the little I can\njudge in this affair, I believe him to be a good and a sincere man, and\nI heartily wish him happy, and _that with you_, if it can be brought\nabout without your doing any thing to wound your conscience. In the\nmean time, whether this affair is ever concluded upon or not, frequent\nconversing together in the spirit of Christianity, may be a blessing to\nboth. And how is it possible for you to give a direct answer to a man,\ntill you are in some measure acquainted with him, and can judge of his\ntemper and dispositions? I was quite delighted with the softness and\naffection for you with which your pappa mentioned this affair to me\nlast night. If you say any thing of my writing to you, give my respects\nto him and your mamma, with love to Miss _B._ and believe me\n\n _Your faithful_,\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To Mr. ****.\n\n_My dear ****_,\n\nJOIN with me in praising the free grace and mercy of God, which has so\nwonderfully displayed it self in your soul! I don\u2019t know whether your\nletter most astonished or delighted me; but this I am sure of, that I\ndon\u2019t know how enough to express my thankfulness to God in your behalf.\nThe means so weak too! Nothing but a book put into your hands, which\nthousands might have read without regarding it. No examples of vital\nreligion, no one to urge or encourage you to seek redemption! But\nthe Almighty can indeed work by the weakest means, and the poorest\ninstruments; nothing is too hard for the Lord: and Oh may he perfect\nthe work he has begun!\u2015\u2015Oh gracious and ever-blessed Redeemer, continue\nthy mercy to this brother of my soul; convince him more and more of\nthe dreadful state he is in by nature, and the absolute necessity\nof justification by faith alone! Oh justify him freely; grant him\nredemption through thy blood, the forgiveness of sins: Fill him with\nall peace and joy in believing, and give him to go on in thy strength,\ntill he arrives at that fulness of faith here, and in the end to thy\neternal glory hereafter, which thou hast purchased for those who love\nthee! _Amen, Amen._\n\nI rejoice in your desiring to receive the sacrament. The only\npreparation required of us is repentance, faith, and love\u2015\u2015love to\nGod and all mankind. I have wrote out a little catalogue of books\nwhich I make my constant study, and which I hope will be yours; always\nremembring, that the Bible is to be esteemed by us infinitely beyond\nany human compositions. Other books I shall occasionally recommend\nto you, as they benefit my own mind, or are proper for the state of\nyours.\u2015\u2015As to forms of prayer in private, you have no occasion for them.\nPray from your own heart. There is no need of elegance of expression,\nto make a prayer acceptable to God. The desire of the heart is its\nprayer; and that once sincerely turned to God, will certainly receive\nan answer of peace. When you first awake, strive to fix your mind\nimmediately on God: let the first book you open be the _New Testament_.\nThere read, not several chapters, but just so much as you find will\nbe food sufficient for present meditation. If the first verse you read\nparticularly affects you, don\u2019t read further, but close the book, and\nlet that verse have its full effect on your mind. When you fall on your\nknees before the Almighty, recollect the dangers and temptations you\nare most likely to fall into that day, and particularly pray to be kept\nby the grace of God in each of them. Earnestly pray for power over the\nsin which most easily besets you. But above all things, strive in your\nmorning and evening prayers to gain the most lively sense of your own\nnothingness, nay to feel that you are even worse than nothing, that\nyou are by your fallen nature sold under sin, and deserving nothing at\nthe hand of God but eternal punishment. And when your mind is deeply\nimpressed with this consideration, then look to the Lamb of God, who\ntaketh away the sins of the world. There see the power by which your\nfallen nature may be restored: there see the blood by which you are\ncleansed from all sin: there see the full redemption purchased for\nyou, and strain every faculty of your soul eagerly to lay hold on this\nredemption: and be assured that the eternal Spirit of God will assist\nyou in these your prayers. The Spirit itself, says St. _Paul_, maketh\nintercession for us.\u2015\u2015In the course of the ensuing day, and in all\noccurrences, strive to keep your heart in a state of prayer, always\nready to be lifted up to God; and this, even in the hurry of business,\nmay be done, and no one be sensible of it except yourself. And be sure,\nmy dear, never to omit making use of any opportunity of doing good\nwhich falls in your way, either to the bodies or souls of your fellow\ncreatures.\u2015\u2015At night follow the same rule as in the morning; only\nexamining, before you beg the protection of God for the night, every\naction of the past day: what good you have done, what left undone, what\nfaults you have been guilty of, what mercies you have received, and\naccordingly address yourself to the father of mercy.\n\nI have time to say no more at present. Continue to write to me, and\nfail not to pray for\n\n _Your ever-affectionate_\n\n ****\n\n_December 22, 1753._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n _January 7, 1754._\n\nI RETURN my dearest **** thanks for his last letter; the satisfaction\nwhich it and the conversation we had together on Saturday gave me, is\ninexpressible. Oh may you, by the assisting grace of God, continue in\nthe happy way you are now in, and still press forward to higher degrees\nof faith and love. But, my dear, you must not think too highly of\nme; I am one of the most unworthy objects of the free mercy of God. I\nstand more, perhaps, in need of your prayers than you of mine; you must\n_too_ pray for me, and we must both strive to strengthen each other.\nI should be glad to know whether you, last night, notwithstanding\nthe disagreeable manner of the preacher, received any comfort and\nsatisfaction from what he said: I own I did; his words (under all these\ndisadvantages) raised and strengthened _me_ in a remarkable manner.\nI wish it had been the same with you all; but your expectations were\nso highly raised by the name of ****, that an angel would hardly have\nsatisfied them: and thus shall we be always disappointed, if we look\nmore at man than God. The most famous preacher, let his eloquence, his\nmanner, his doctrine, be ever so near perfection, can never make the\nsoul taste the words of salvation, unless the Spirit of God accompanies\nand inforces his preaching. And the same blessed Spirit can make the\nwords of the meanest, the most despicable preacher of the gospel,\neffectual to awaken, to convince, and to comfort. But in order to our\nreaping these benefits, we must hear with _singleness_ of intention;\nnot seeking to have our outward ears and eyes delighted, but desiring\nthe _sincere_ milk of the word, to nourish and strengthen our souls.\nWould it not be the highest madness to throw away the _water_ of life,\nbecause it was brought to us in an earthen vessel? _Solomon_ says,\n\u201cTo the _hungry soul_ every bitter thing is _sweet_.\u201d So to the soul\nwhich really _hungers_ and _thirsts_ after _Christ_, the sound of\nthe _gospel_ of _peace_, (let the voice which proclaims it be _harsh_\nor _soft_) will be _sweet indeed_. Oh may you and I, my dear ****,\nalways find it so to _us_! May that blessed Redeemer in whom we have\n_peace_, be dearer to us than _light_, than _life_, than any thing we\ncan form to our imagination either _here_ or _hereafter_! In dangers,\nin difficulties, in temptations, may we still look to him as our\ndefence, our deliverer, our strength. He is _all_ in _all_ throughout\nthe oracles of God, both in the _Old_ and _New Testament_: may he be\n_all_ in _all_ to our _souls_; may we walk by his light, conquer by\nhis _strength_, and in the end be joyful partakers of that everlasting\nfelicity which he has prepared for those that love _him_. This is the\nconstant wish and prayer of,\n\n _Your affectionate_\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n _Saturday the 17th._\n\nI RECEIVED my dearest ****\u2019s long letter, and have more and more reason\nto be thankful to God on your account. Oh how my soul exults in your\nhappiness, in your increase in faith, and love to _Christ_!\u2015\u2015Your\nconversation with the captain delights me; no doubt but he rejoiced\nover you\u2015\u2015there _you_ see the true christian spirit. The advice he gave\nyou is excellent: Oh may we be both enabled to follow it! Those who\nforsake all _for_ Christ, will certainly find all _in_ Christ.\u2015\u2015As to\n****, I would advise you to try first, to raise in him a _desire_ to\nreceive the sacrament, before you persuade him _to receive_ it; and be\nearnest at the throne of grace on his behalf. All probable means are\nto be made use of, but it is the _Spirit_ of God alone can convince of\nsin.\u2015\u2015I have been lately a good deal affected with the death of a lady\nin this neighbourhood, who led what is called an innocent life. Mr.\n**** attended her, and all his endeavours to convince her were in vain:\nher answers were, \u201cThough she had not made such a shew of religion as\n_some others_, yet she had _done_ her duty.\u201d This is the most fatal\ndelusion of all; this blindness is the most dreadful state in which a\nsoul can launch into eternity! Can you and I be ever enough thankful to\nthat God who has opened our eyes, to see the things which make for our\npeace? Was our whole life to be one continued act of praise, it would\nbe nothing in comparison to the blessings we have received; nay, even\nthe eternity, which we shall spend in continual _praise_, is not enough\n_fully_ to express all we owe to our _redeeming God\u2015\u2015Redemption_,\nhow much is comprehended in this word! And how sweet does it sound\nto a soul sensible of its wants! May that pathetic prayer my dear\n**** has made for me be heard; then shall I experience that _fulness_\nof redemption for which I long! Then shall I indeed be intirely dead\nto the world and sin, and live only to Christ. All this unspeakable\nhappiness, I as sincerely wish to the brother of my soul as to myself;\n\n _And am his truly affectionate_,\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n _Sunday Afternoon, March 10, 1754._\n\n_My dear ****_,\n\nLAST night after you were gone, I read your letter, and thought of what\nyou had told me with the greatest satisfaction. What reason have you to\nbe thankful, that God should at so early a time of your life convince\nyou of _sin_, and give you to _know_, that you have redemption through\nChrist! How might you have plunged into all the follies and vices of\nyouth, and laid up a large stock for future and bitter repentance,\nhad not the free and unbounded grace of God displayed its power in\nyour soul! Oh continue earnestly to seek still more and more of the\n_fulness_ of Christ. Think not because you have had a sense of the\n_pardoning love_ of God, that you are to _rest here_: no, still seek\nfor fresh evidences of his love to your soul; press forward with\nunwearied diligence towards the mark of the _high calling_ of God in\nChrist Jesus; seek and _strive_ to gain the _abiding witness_ of the\n_Spirit_; strive for that perfect renewal of heart by which you may\nsay, \u201c\u2019Tis no more I that live, but Christ liveth _in me_.\u201d\u2015\u2015You tell\nme you was assaulted, some days after you had this dear sense of the\nmercies of God in Christ Jesus, with doubts and fears. Whenever you are\nattacked in this manner again, argue thus with yourself:\u2015\u2015\u201cThis peace\nand joy which I felt, this sense of forgiveness _seemed_ to me to be\nthe work of God upon my soul: but was it really so? Might not a warm\nimagination deceive me, or might not the great enemy of souls transform\nhimself into an angel of light, in order to lull me into a fatal\nsecurity? But have I not an infallible rule to judge by, whether this\nwork was of God? What were the fruits it produced? Did I upon this grow\nmore careless and remiss? Was my mind puffed up with spiritual pride?\nDid I allow myself liberties which before I was afraid to take?\u2015\u2015Or\ndid I, on the contrary, watch still more diligently against the most\ndistant approaches of sin? Did I find increasing power over sins of the\nheart, as well as outward sin? Did I find in me a _still_ deeper sense\nof my own nothingness and the all-sufficiency of my Redeemer, and a\nlarge increase of the love of God and all mankind? If these were the\nhappy fruits of this evidence, I have no cause to doubt this work _was\ncertainly_ of God.\u201d\n\nIn this manner, my dear, if you will examine yourself, begging the\nassistance of the blessed Spirit, to enable you to search every winding\nand turning of your heart, you can never be deceived, and will always\nbe able by the shield of faith to repel all the fiery darts of the\ndevil. I thank you for your affectionate prayer for me (may God return\nall those blessings double on your own head) and am,\n\n _Your ever-affectionate friend_,\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\nI DID not expect to see my dear **** on Saturday, for the weather was\nso extremely bad, that I thought you would make the best of your way\nto ****. I have read your letter with great pleasure, and hope you will\ncontinue thus diligently to examine the state of your own mind: and\nthat on every examination you will find an increase of that \u201ctreasure\nwhich never faileth.\u201d\u2015\u2015I rejoice that you have been happy enough to\nsuffer reproach for the sake of Christ, and more especially for the\ngrace given you to _suffer joyfully_. You may depend upon it that there\nis the same real distinction between Christians and the world now,\nthat there was when our blessed Master said, \u201cBecause ye are not of\nthe world, therefore the world hateth you.\u201d And how ought our hearts to\nexult with praise and thanksgiving, when we can say _we_ are _not_ of\nthe _world_! What unspeakable happiness will it be for us to be found\n(when our Redeemer comes to judgment) among those who were not ashamed\nof him in this \u201cadulterous and perverse generation!\u201d Is any thing too\nmuch to suffer, when animated by the hopes of having these glorious\nwords addressed to us, \u201cCome ye blessed!\u201d\n\nI am now with my poor aunt ****, who is in great affliction for the\nloss of poor Mrs. _C._ See my dear ****, *how little all that is\nesteemed in this world avails, when God is pleased to lay his hand upon\nus! Here was youth, beauty, riches, friends; but how, as in a moment,\nwas the possessor of all these cut off! And by a dreadful disease,\nbrought to be the companion of loathsome worms! Alas, how is that sweet\nsmile, which once sat upon her countenance, now changed to ghastliness!\nHow are her fine features and delicate complexion now become even\nhorrible to behold! Oh that some proud beauty would here stop, and\nconsider what she herself must one day assuredly be! And Oh that this\nthought might strike me still with deeper seriousness, that she who was\nmy friend and confidant, even from my earliest youth; she whom I loved\nwith _more_ than a _sister_\u2019s tenderness; is now\u2015\u2015alas, where is now\nher precious soul? Dearest Redeemer, thy grace is all-sufficient, and\nthy mercies infinite! Is it not now rejoicing with thee? Were not all\nthose helps afforded her by thy boundless love, which, even to the last,\nher ill-judging friends denied her? O had I but seen her rejoicing in\nthe love of God, and filled with the prospects of a blessed eternity,\nhow would my soul have joyed in her departure! How would my heart have\ndilated itself with the glorious thought, that my friend was delivered\nfrom the gilded snares that surrounded her, and gone to sure and\nunbounded happiness! And even now I cannot doubt the mercies of my God;\nsurely we shall meet again, and join in eternal praises to the great\nauthor of our salvation!\n\n _I am, with all affection, your faithful friend_,\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dearest ****_,\n\nI AM obliged to you for your letter, though the first side of it\nfrighted me extreamly. I have been so accustomed to see you strong\nin faith, and rejoicing in God, that the very mention of weak faith\nalarmed me. But thanks be to God, who has not suffered you to be\ntempted above what you were able to bear, but has with the temptation\nalso made a way for you to escape: and I hope this trial will be a\nmeans of making you still more watchful. You have need to watch and\npray always, and more especially at those times, when your enemies\nseem to be at peace with you. When we are blessed with the light\nof God\u2019s countenance, and have power over the sin which most easily\nbesets us, we are very apt to be off our guard; and by being secure,\nwe lay ourselves open to danger from that grand tempter, who is always\nwatching over us for evil. And if we take not care to keep the loving\neye of our mind constantly fixed on that God who is always watching\nover us for good, we must fall. Here all our strength lies: but God\nwill not give us this strength, unless we carefully and continually\nseek it: therefore, now the free grace of God has again raised you up,\nbe doubly careful in every thought, word, and action, and be assured\nthat your merciful Redeemer will be ever ready to hear you when you\ncall upon him. That his love may daily abound in your heart more and\nmore, is the sincere prayer of,\n\n _Your affectionate_,\n\n ****\n\n_July 12, 1754._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n _Monday, August 5, 1754._\n\n_My dear ****_,\n\nYOU are indeed a great stranger; sure you might contrive to call,\nthough it were but for half an hour.\u2015\u2015I am glad you heard Mr. ****; for\nto _hear him_ and to _profit_, to a _sincere_ soul is the same thing. I\nthank God too, that you are in so happy a state of mind, and your soul\nso charmingly alive to God; that you seem so much in love with holiness,\nand so eagerly pressing after it in all its branches: depend upon it,\nfor every degree of holiness you gain here, you will also gain a new\ndegree of happiness both _here_ and _hereafter_. The nearer the soul is\nto the image of Christ, the more it will love him, and the more it will\nbe loved by him, and by the Father through him: and this love is the\nhighest felicity both of saints and angels. Imperfect (in degree) as\nit is here below, the soul that tastes it, would not change it for all\nthat earth or heaven could give. And what then must it be above in the\nkingdom of eternal glory! Where the soul, delivered from this earthly\nclog, will have no hindrances or obstructions to the pure love of God,\nbut will be wholly swallowed up in it.\n\nYour **** gave me an account of your yesterday\u2019s conversation: I\ncongratulate you that you can so boldly and judiciously too, speak for\nthe truth. I pray God to increase you in every good word and work, and\nam,\n\n _Your ever-affectionate Friend_,\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear ****_,\n\nI RETURN you many thanks for your letter. Just before I received it\nI was thinking of you, and to tell you the truth, with some fear,\n(occasioned by your long absence) either that you were grown cold to me,\nor, what was infinitely worse, were grown cold to the ways of God. But\nyour letter dispelled all my fears, and I rejoice and give thanks to\nour heavenly Father for his great and manifold mercies to your soul!\u2015\u2015I\nwish I could have seen you often in your last illness, but that you\nknow was impossible: however, the small time I was with you gave me the\nutmost satisfaction, and I cannot be enough sensible of the goodness of\nmy God, that I (weak and unworthy as I am) should be made an instrument\nof such increase of comfort to you. Had you then died, you would\ndoubtless now be singing praises to God and the Lamb; but as you are\nsuffered to continue longer upon earth, it is to this end, that you\nshould approve yourself a faithful servant to God, in the midst of\nthis crooked and perverse generation, that you should shine as a light\nin the world, and by spending yourself in the service of God here,\nincrease your capacity of happiness hereafter. God is merciful to\nyou in a peculiar manner. To be kept as you are, when so much engaged\nin business, and with so few opportunities of attending the means of\ngrace, calls for the utmost gratitude; therefore let no occasion pass\nof shewing your love to that Redeemer, who has thus saved you from sin\nand the love of the world. All you can do, is by far too small a return\nfor such unbounded goodness. Your present state of mind is a glorious\nand happy one indeed; but suffer not yourself to be off your watch for\none moment, for Satan is always watching to hurt a soul that is thus\nhappily escaped from his snare. But your certain help lies in Christ;\nkeep therefore the eye of the mind fixed upon him, and you will still\ngo on conquering, and to conquer.\n\n _I am, your ever-affectionate friend_,\n\n ****\n\n_Sunday, December 8, 1754._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear ****_,\n\nI AM delighted with the rules you have laid down for your conduct: you\nmust constantly look up to God for grace and strength faithfully to\npractise them. I rejoice in your love to your Redeemer; and be assured,\nthe longer you live, the more you will be convinced, that this is your\nonly sure refuge and lasting happiness. *In regard to your going so\noften to ****, take the following advice; shun, as you would poison,\nevery thing that you find a means of making you less alive to God. Life\nis short. We have a great work to do, and God only knows how few of\nthose hours, which are ever on the wing, may be given us to do it in.\nTherefore lose not a moment! Remember a Christian cannot stand still;\nhe must go either forwards or backwards; and if you have not made\nsome advances toward heaven since the clock struck last, you have gone\nback towards the contrary road. Keep this constantly in your mind,\nparticularly in your visits.\u2015\u2015May the peace and love of God be ever\nwith you, and fail not to remember at the throne \u2666of grace,\n\n _Your ever-affectionate friend_,\n\n ****\n\n_November 27, 1755._\n\n \u2666 duplicate word \u201cof\u201d removed\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To Miss ****.\n\n _Sunday Morning._\n\n_My dear Friend_,\n\nI HAVE just time enough to wish that your soul may this day prosper,\nand that God may be found by you in all his ordinances. Oh that his\nlove may be more and more shed abroad in your heart! And this it\ncertainly will be, if you walk closely with him, and suffer not your\nimagination to lead you from your only true happiness. Oh strive\ncontinually after a constant recollection, and communion with God.\u2015\u2015I\nknow the unprofitable manner in which you will be employed this\nafternoon; but this need not hinder your heart from being with your\nSaviour; he will support and comfort you.\u2015\u2015Take care that you run not\ninto making observations, either on the persons, manners, or dress of\nyour visitors: four young ladies in a house together, are in the utmost\ndanger from this sin: and depend upon it, it is as contrary to\nChristian love as lying or stealing. _Adieu._\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n_My dear friend_,\n\nI HAVE been thinking, since I saw you, of all the snares to which you\nare going to be exposed, and I sincerely pray that God may protect you\nin every danger, and hold up your goings in _his paths_. But in order\nto gain this gracious protection, you must take the greatest care that\nyou do nothing to grieve his blessed Spirit, and cause him to depart\nfrom you. And this any sinful compliance will certainly do: therefore\nwhen you are desired to do any thing unbecoming a christian, fear not\n(young as you are) to bear your testimony for God against an evil world.\nBut do it in the spirit of meekness; and if by this means you draw\nupon yourself the appellations of whimsical, obstinate, and ridiculous,\nlook upon the reproach as matter of rejoicing, and as adding a greater\nlustre to the crown you will hereafter receive. There is one temptation,\nwhich at your age is peculiarly dangerous, and that is a desire of\nbeing thought handsome. You must be ever on your watch against this;\nfor it will raise a thousand tempers in your soul, as contrary to the\nmind which was in Christ as darkness is to light. There is nothing\nwhich is a greater counter-poise to this desire, than bringing the\nmind to be contented, nay even to rejoice that another should outshine\nus. Let Miss _F_ be the means by which you acquire a conquest over\nthis first born of female pride: set yourself every day to take delight\nin her beauty; to wish for its embellishment, and to be most pleased\nwhen she appears to the greatest advantage.\u2015\u2015If when you read this you\ncolour, and cry, \u201cDear! what can she mean? this is vastly odd!\u201d\u2015\u2015depend\nupon it there is something in your heart which makes the advice I\nhave given highly necessary; and fail not, as you prize your peace\nof mind and increase of grace, to put it in practice. We should enjoy\nmuch more of the light of God\u2019s countenance, and of that peace which\npasseth all understanding, if we would attend to, and watch against,\nthose occasions of falling, which from their commonness we are apt to\ncall _little_.\u2015\u2015A soul is often cast into heaviness for hours, by an\nunguarded word.\u2015\u2015You will not, my love, be angry with me that I deal\nthus freely with you: I watch over your soul in tender love; and though\nsensible of my own unworthiness, either to advise or persuade; though\nsensible of my own great and manifold sins and imperfections, I cannot\ndesist from guarding you against all that may hinder your being made\nperfect in the love of God. I am,\n\n _Your ever-affectionate_,\n\n ****\n\n_November 30, 1754._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\nI THANK you, my love, for writing to me, and rejoice that you are happy:\nGod never fails to hear those that call upon him, and is gracious above\nall that we can either ask or think. As to my illness, it is extremely\ntroublesome, but I believe not dangerous: and I must continue to bear\nit for a good while longer, without attempting to remove it, because my\napothecary himself knows not what to make of it: *however, I am just as\nI ought to be; I delight to do and to suffer the will of God, and his\nmercies are sweet to my soul. I am in that happy state of resignation,\nthat I have not a wish, but for an increase of grace and holiness.\nSunday my soul longed after the sacrament, and the tears came in my\neyes, because I could not go to church. But are the flowing streams\nof redeeming love confined to place or time? I found indeed they were\nnot; for my soul was at home sweetly replenished with every blessing I\ncould have hoped for at the altar. How much are those to be pitied who\nknow not the love of God! How much are those to be pitied who set their\nhearts on any thing in this infant-state of existence! How poor, how\nlow, how trifling is every thing, that does not look towards eternity!\nI have such an experimental sense of the nothingness of all worldly\nthings, that they seem no more to me than dancing puppets; and I am\nsometimes ready to affront my brother and Mr. ****, by smiling at the\nimportant air with which they talk of their _business_, as they call\nit.\u2015\u2015I think there is very little probability that I shall be fit to\ncome to the wedding. Pray God keep your sister\u2019s heart in this time of\ndanger and distraction, and bless you both with the blessings of his\nchildren.\n\n ****\n\n_January 7, 1755._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To the Rev. Mr. ****.\n\n_Reverend Sir_,\n\nYOUR character for candour and piety takes from me all fear that you\nshould be offended at the address of a person unknown, _even_ though\nthis address is designed to point out something amiss in you; which\nit is absolutely necessary (for the good of your own soul, and for the\neternal welfare of those who hear you) that you should amend.\u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015You\n_believe_!\u2015\u2015You _feel_ the power, and live the _life_ of _faith_!\u2015\u2015Oh\nwhy will you not strive that others may be partakers of like happiness\nwith you?\u2015\u2015I know your general manner of preaching: I myself have heard\nyou; and while my ear has been delighted with your affecting delivery,\nyour elegant language, and well-turned periods, my heart has _bled_\nto think that _such talents_ should be so miserably perverted: _bled_\nfor _you_, and for those _poor souls_, whom this way of preaching\nlulls into a fatal _security_. Pardon my freedom of speech; pardon my\nboldness towards you; but you yourself will acknowledge, that where the\nfoundation is unsound, the building must fall; and no true foundation\ncan be laid except Jesus Christ. Your own experience must tell you,\nthat a divine power can alone change the heart; that all outward\nregularity of behaviour, all rounds and forms of devotion, and all\nmoral duties, without this change are, utterly unavailing, and only\nlike beautifying the outside of a sepulchre, which within is full of\ndead mens bones and of all uncleanness. _You_ are sensible _too_, that\nfaith in a dying Redeemer is the only means given us by which this\nchange of heart can be effected. To what purpose then is it to tell\n_poor, lost, undone_ man, of the _dignity_ of his _rational_ nature,\nand the beauty of _virtue_?\u2015\u2015Dear sir, for the sake of that God whom\nyou love and _adore_, _away_ with these _shadows_, and substitute in\ntheir place realities. How would it delight the heart of several of\nyour friends (who greatly love and esteem you, and who wish well to\nthe gospel of Christ) to see you, with all the force of eloquence,\nlabouring to convince your hearers of the _sin_ of their _nature_,\ntheir condemnation in the sight of God, and their utter incapacity to\nhelp _themselves_; and then proclaiming to them, \u201cBehold the _Lamb_ of\n_God_, who taketh away the _sins_ of the world!\u201d\n\nI am sensible of the difficulties you will have to encounter, in thus\nchanging your manner of preaching: but though the battle be hard to\nfight, great will be the glory of the victory. \u2019Tis true, your enemies\nare strong and powerful; the devil, the world, all the wicked, and\nall the self righteous will be joined together against you: but look\nup with an eye of faith, and see how many more are for you. Think of\nthe holy angels rejoicing over every sinner converted by your means;\nthink that the Captain of your salvation, your God and Redeemer, will\nbe ever near to help, to strengthen and comfort you! And consider\nwhat unutterable joy your soul will feel, when at that period of time\nwhich is the most delightful to the true Christian, you can with firm\nconfidence cry out with St. _Paul_, \u201cI have fought a good fight, I have\nfinished my course, I have kept the faith; henceforth is laid up for me\na crown of righteousness.\u201d\n\n _I am, (though your unknown and unworthy)\n Your truly affectionate friend._\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To Mr. G****.\n\nI AM much obliged to you for your letter to me; and if it will increase\nyour joy to know that I love my Saviour more than _health_, or _light_,\nor _life_, be assured that I do; and that I should think myself the\nmost ungrateful and vile of all creatures if I did not. It is my\nconstant and earnest desire every day, nay every hour, to increase in\nthe knowledge and love of God, and to be saved not only from the guilt,\nbut also from the power of sin. I know that the grace of God through\nChrist is sufficient for me; I know that the blood of Christ cleanseth\nfrom all sin; and I know (blessed be God for giving me that knowledge)\nthat I _have_ redemption through his blood, even the _forgiveness_ of\nmy sins. Think now, what a wretch I should be, if I did not love this\nRedeemer, and if I did not wish above all things to be conformed to\nhis image?\u2015\u2015And in consequence of my thus loving God because he first\nloved me, I love every creature which God has made, and every soul of\nman, without any regard had to sects, names, or parties. The _Moravian_\nchurch, though I am certain at this time it is over-run with _dreadful\nerrors_, I love, pity, and pray for. Oh may the God of love and\nunbounded mercy, convince and restore it!\u2015\u2015I thank you for the glorious\nadvice you give me, of \u201cliving very near the cross:\u201d _there_ is life\nindeed! Life freely given, to every soul that seeks it. And that you\nand I may ever partake of this life, is the hearty wish of, your\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n To the Rev. Mr. ****.\n\n _November 30, 1755._\n\n_Dear Sir_,\n\nI AM much obliged to you for your apostolical letter, and for the truly\nchristian joy you express for my baby\u2019s happiness. That I have felt all\nthat the greatest sensibility of temper is capable of feeling on such\nan occasion, is certain: but here has been my great comfort, that, in\nevery thing which concerned the child, I have had neither will nor wish\nof my own. He was peculiarly dedicated to God, even before he was born:\nand _since_, he has been daily, nay almost hourly offered up; and that\nnot in word only, but in truth: and as it has pleased God to accept him\nas a sacrifice, rather than as a servant, I have nothing to say, but\n\u201cthy will be done!\u201d If I could have seen you, or any of my Christian\nfriends at this time, when all the finest springs of human nature were\non the rack, it would have been a great satisfaction; but it pleased\nGod to with-hold all creature comfort from me; and though his own arm\nsustained me, it was in a manner not sensibly perceived by my soul: *so\nthat I had the great blessing of bearing something of the _cross_. And\nthis I look upon to be a particular blessing to me, because I have been\nso wholly led by love, that before this, I knew but very little of what\nit was to _suffer_ the will of God. In short, every dispensation of my\nheavenly Father towards me, is nothing but mercy and unbounded goodness.\nI _see_ and I _adore_.\u2015\u2015The Lord Jesus bless and preserve you in body,\nsoul, and spirit. Fail not to pray for,\n\n _Your obliged and affectionate_,\n\n ****\n\n * * * * *\n\n\n _Monday, December 22, 1755._\n\n_Dear Sir_,\n\nI SEE with delight, that you _are set up_ as a mark, for every one\nof the _devil_\u2019s tools to shoot _at_: and _he_ certainly wounds the\ndeepest by those, who, while they are working for him, imagine they are\ndoing God service, and acting with _Christian prudence_. How often is\n_that wisdom_ which comes from _beneath_, taken for that which comes\nfrom _above_! And _fear_ of man, _secret_ desire of preferment, and\nbeing _ashamed_ of the _cross_ of _Christ_, dignified with the title\nof true _discretion_, and caution not to give offence!\u2015\u2015\u2019Tis hard,\nindeed, to be wounded in the house of your friends; nothing, perhaps,\nis more painful to nature; but if they have called the master of the\nhouse _Beelzebub_, how much more those of his houshold!\u2015\u2015Those servants\nof Christ who are designed by him for _eminent usefulness_, must\nof necessity have the largest share of tribulation; for the highest\nplace of honour under our _king_, is that of the sharpest sufferings. I\nshould not wonder if the tongues and pens of all your brethren (except\ntwo or three) were employed against _you_; and I am so far from being\nsorry (on your account) for Mr. _L._\u2019s preaching against you, that I\nlook upon it as a _precious_ and _blessed mark_, and a _seal_ to the\ntruth of your ministry.\u2015\u2015Happy parting, indeed, with the world! And\nhappy parting with every comfort in it, if nearer union with God is\nthe consequence! Oh cease not to pray for me, that all things may thus\nwork together for my good!\u2015\u2015This poor dream of life will soon be at an\nend; and _then_, if those who have only given a cup of cold water for\nthe sake of Christ, shall not lose their reward, what an exceeding and\neternal weight of glory attends those happy souls who constantly labour,\nand patiently suffer for him!\n\n _I am, your obliged and faithful Friend and Servant_,\n\n ****\n\n\n\n\n The End of the THIRTEENTH VOLUME.\n\n\n\n\n ERRATA, Volume XIII.\n\n\n Page 5, line _ultima_, replace whe_nce_\n\n Page 15, line 20, replace frequent_ly_\n\n Page 17, line 21, replace _not long_ before\n\n Page 24, line 3, delete _of_\n\n Page 28, line 3, replace serv_ing_\n\n Page 28, line 17, replace _of_ sin\n\n Page 32, line 10, replace more _hurt_\n\n Page 32, line 11, replace and _to_\n\n Page 39, line 2, replace ta_sk_\n\n Page 54, line 24, replace _w_here\n\n Page 114, line _ultima_, replace thank_ful_ness\n\n Page 120, line 11, replace as _when_\n\n Page 120, line 24, replace _be_ better\n\n Page 148, line 15, replace _I_ did\n\n Page 202, line 15, replace on_e_\n\n Page 219, line 4, replace th_ey_\n\n Page 225, line 3, replace _that_\n\n Page 243, line 10, replace th_ey_\n\n Page 269, line 10, replace haunts _her_","title":"The works of the Rev. John Wesley, Vol. 13 (of 32)","tradition":"scripture-revelation","translated_text":null,"word_count":87238}